Why That Worked – Presented by StoryBrand.ai
Episode #23: Dadville—The New Rules of Being a Great Dad
Release Date: June 9, 2025

Introduction

In Episode #23 of Why That Worked presented by StoryBrand.ai, hosts Donald Miller and Kyle Reed engage in a profound conversation with special guests Dave Barnes and John McLaughlin, the hosts of the popular podcast Dadville. This episode delves into the evolving dynamics of fatherhood, challenging traditional perceptions and exploring the new rules of being a great dad.

Transition from Business Messaging to Parental Messaging

Donald Miller introduces the theme of the episode by highlighting a shift from business-centric messaging to personal messaging within the context of parenting.

Donald Miller [02:52]: "It's a messaging podcast, so we usually talk about, like, why Airbnb's new messaging works and that sort of thing. I thought, man, it'd be really fun to take a little bit of a left turn and talk about messaging as a dad."

Traditional Family Roles and Cultural Narratives

Dave Barnes and John McLaughlin discuss the ingrained cultural narratives that often depict fathers as aloof or less involved compared to mothers. They critique societal expectations that lower the bar for fatherly involvement, leading to a lack of motivation for dads to engage deeply in parenting.

Dave Barnes [06:20]: "That was when my girls were young... If you take one step back, I'm doing nothing. I'm just pushing my kids up the street, and this woman is walking past me and she says, you are such a great dad."

Donald Miller [05:28]: "It's a message that sells. It's a narrative that sells sitcoms."

Personal Experiences and Anecdotes

The guests share personal stories that illustrate the disparity in appreciation between fathers and mothers. Dave recounts being unexpectedly praised for minimal parental involvement, contrasting it with the unappreciated efforts of mothers.

Dave Barnes [07:00]: "If you take anything, like, take one step back, I'm Doing nothing... My first reaction was not like, huh, that's funny. I'm not doing it. I walked past, I was like, I am a great kid."

Intentional Messaging and Family Vision

Donald emphasizes the importance of intentional communication within the family. He discusses setting a clear vision and establishing rules that foster a supportive and respectful household.

Donald Miller [15:07]: "I went into this situation and said, here's the vision for our family. Our home is gonna be a place of hospitality... Dad never raises his voice, period."

Vulnerability and Apologies in Parenting

A significant portion of the conversation centers around the role of vulnerability and the power of apologies in building trust with children. Dave and John advocate for openly acknowledging mistakes to model humility and foster secure relationships.

Donald Miller [27:56]: "That's a conversation we will have to have. And I hope that she realizes... that she deserved better."

John McLaughlin [31:24]: "I learned that I moved to defensiveness really quick because I can find all the reasons why I did the thing I did or I'm justified in it."

Building Healthy Relationships with Children

The guests explore strategies for nurturing healthy relationships with their children by being self-aware and accepting their own flaws. They emphasize the importance of children feeling safe to express their feelings and intuitions.

John McLaughlin [32:43]: "There is nothing that my daughters could do where they would affect my love. That's the one top thing I want."

Dave Barnes [30:02]: "And I laughed so hard. A friend of mine had just had his third kid last year... it's just so much of a lot of things."

Communicating Unconditional Love and Positive Messages

Unconditional love emerges as a fundamental message the fathers wish to impart to their children. Dave highlights the universality of this message across diverse backgrounds and beliefs.

Dave Barnes [33:40]: "There is nothing that my daughters could do where they would affect my love. That's the one top thing I want."

Overcoming Masculine Norms in Parenting

Both Dave and John reflect on overcoming traditional masculine norms that discourage emotional expression. They discuss the challenges and rewards of embracing vulnerability to strengthen familial bonds.

John McLaughlin [37:00]: "I grew up in a way where that kind of talk wasn't expressed that way, that wasn't a verbalized thing."

Dave Barnes [35:35]: "I want to thank both of you guys for being out there and leading. Not just this conversation, but leading as an inspiration to all of us."

Reflections on Upbringing and Improving Parenting Practices

Donald shares insights from his upbringing, contrasting it with his current approach to fatherhood. He emphasizes the importance of emotional provision and apologizing to children to foster a secure and loving environment.

Donald Miller [29:27]: "I just think something really powerful. The other day, my daughter literally said to me, and you guys will identify with this."

Final Thoughts

The episode concludes with the hosts expressing gratitude to Dave and John for their valuable contributions. They encourage listeners to tune into Dadville for more insights and highlight the importance of clear and intentional messaging in both business and parenting.

Donald Miller [44:46]: "It's great messages that we deliver as a dad. I want to thank both of you guys for being out there and leading."

Key Takeaways

1. Intentional Communication: Fathers should adopt clear and intentional messaging within the family to build strong, respectful relationships.

2. Vulnerability Matters: Openly acknowledging mistakes and expressing apologies fosters trust and emotional security in children.

3. Unconditional Love: Consistently conveying unconditional love provides a stable and supportive foundation for children.

4. Challenging Cultural Norms: Breaking away from traditional masculine norms allows fathers to engage more deeply and emotionally with their families.

5. Personal Growth: Fathers must engage in self-awareness and continual personal growth to effectively lead and support their families.

Notable Quotes with Timestamps

• Dave Barnes [06:20]: "If you take one step back, I'm doing nothing. I'm just pushing my kids up the street..."

• Donald Miller [05:28]: "It's a message that sells. It's a narrative that sells sitcoms."

• John McLaughlin [31:24]: "I learned that I moved to defensiveness really quick..."

• Dave Barnes [33:40]: "There is nothing that my daughters could do where they would affect my love."

Conclusion

This episode of Why That Worked offers insightful perspectives on modern fatherhood, emphasizing the significance of clear communication, emotional vulnerability, and intentional parenting. Dave Barnes and John McLaughlin provide relatable anecdotes and actionable advice, inspiring fathers to redefine their roles and build healthier, more fulfilling relationships with their children.