Why Won't You Date Me? with Nicole Byer

Episode: "A Cathartic Year End Rant" (w/ Mike Mitchell)
Date: December 19, 2025
Host: Nicole Byer
Guest: Mike Mitchell

Overview

In this year-end, holiday-themed episode, Nicole Byer welcomes comedian, actor, and Doughboys co-host Mike Mitchell for a wide-ranging, cathartic conversation. Dressed playfully as Santa and an elf, Nicole and Mitch dive deep into the messy realities of dating, body image, health journeys with weight-loss medications, Hollywood frustrations, and the quirks of work and family during the holidays. The episode is a candid, hilarious, and often personal rant that explores everything from the indignities of snoring and hotel bathroom etiquette to sharp critiques of the entertainment industry and the transformation of their own bodies and minds.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Holiday Vibes, Costumes, and Santa Discourse

• The episode opens with Nicole and Mitch wearing elf and Santa costumes (visuals mentioned for the YouTube version).
• Playful riff on the "hot Santa" trend in commercials, which both find sacrilegious; Santa, say both, should be plump and jolly, not buff.
  • Quote (Nicole, 5:51): "Give me the Tim Allen Santa...he gets fat. He, it happens. And I love it so much."
  • Quote (Mitch, 6:15): "Santa's fat. He's jolly and plump. Yes, merry old elf."
• Nicole shares how being "too jolly" (a euphemism for fat) led to her being fired as a hostess at a NYC restaurant.

2. Body Image, Weight Loss, and Medication Journeys

• Both candidly discuss their experiences on GLP-1 weight-loss drugs (Nicole: Manjaro; Mitch: Zepbound).
  • Both have lost significant weight but still struggle with food behaviors, muscle loss, and anxiety over possible regain.
  • Nicole confesses to eating Whoppers and fries nightly, purely because the medication allows calorie deficits, not because it’s healthy.
  • Quote (Nicole, 21:59): "So forever I have to, like, track calories, because I actually don't understand what I'm eating, and I'll just mindlessly eat, and I have to work out. And I'm like, I don't want it."
• Sad and darkly comic experiences: Nicole and Mitch both recount being fired for their weight, or experiencing health issues like sleep apnea due to their size.
  • Nicole describes how snoring and sleep apnea affected her dating life, and how its improvement after weight loss was "annoying because I didn't mind being bigger."
• Mitch describes his long COVID struggle, compounded by weight and resulting depression/anxiety, which prompted him to focus on personal health.
  • Quote (Mitch, 15:04): "For four months, I thought I was going to kill myself...It was really, really, really bad. And then it's so much anxiety, vertigo, like, where you couldn't walk."
• Strongly defend use of weight-loss drugs against public shaming from fitness personalities and media talking heads.
  • Quote (Mitch, 25:21): "Bill Maher can fucking suck my Santa's dick. He's a fucking asshole."
  • Quote (Nicole, 24:33): "I would tell a diabetic not to take insulin?"
• Discussion of loose skin, post-weight loss, and the option of surgical removal—with the resounding conclusion that people should do what makes them happy.

3. Sex, Dating, and Medication Side Effects

• Lexapro kills Mitch’s sex drive; Wellbutrin helps restore it somewhat, but his libido, and confidence, remain in flux.
  • Quote (Mitch, 17:12): "All that sexual desire went away. Goodbye. So...I also just had no libido. There was no sex drive. And so that was, like, almost helpful in a way."
• Nicole jokes about body changes: "I lost weight. My pussy's huge. People are like, whoa, look at that moose knuckle." (45:09)
• The transparency about bodily functions (notably, shitting while dating) is both played for laughs and positioned as vital to healthy relationships.
  • Quote (Nicole, 40:13): "Sir, I be shitting. And I have these little matches that are incense... when I be shitting, you're gonna smell jasmine and maybe a little shit. But, like, I be shitting."
• Nicole and Mitch swap stories of embarrassing dates (see Timestamps).

4. Frustration With Hollywood and the Streaming Era

• Both vent at length about the deterioration of the entertainment business, with particular ire at streaming platforms for depressing actor pay, eliminating residuals, fostering shorter seasons, and disrupting what made television special.
  • Quote (Nicole, 51:16): "Quotes don't matter anymore...now they go, ah, we're gonna pay you $7, because we don't know."
  • Quote (Mitch, 52:11): "I made under $80,000 for all three seasons of a show... It’s so crazy."
• Nicole makes an impassioned plea for California tax breaks to film in LA and laments the death of the career character actor.
  • Quote (Nicole, 49:32): "Bring back character actors. Fat Santas need to be around."
• Both side-eye “millionaires doing commercials” and question why big stars take ad money that could go to working actors.
  • Quote (Mitch, 10:11): "I think they should be slightly shamed..."

5. Cultural Gripes & Personal Rants

• Rant against "slop culture": bad streaming content, endless seasons, lack of originality, e.g., Stranger Things.
  • Quote (Mitch, 55:22): "If you love Stranger Things, I think you're dumb. If you're a huge fan of Stranger Things, you're stupid. I'm sorry. You need to be shamed."
• Romanticize movies in theaters as the ultimate date, and criticize Hollywood for the decline of the shared cinematic experience.
• Nicole argues for being weird and zany again in pop culture, versus formulaic, backstory-heavy new media.

6. Personal Anecdotes: Family, Health, Work, Shame, and Growing Up

• Mitch tells stories about working as a garbage man and the brutal realities of the job, including rats, dead animals, and hazardous waste (72:10).
• Comic riffing about gaining weight after loss, and the emotional cycle of wardrobe purging and possible regain.
• Both acknowledge years of body/weight trauma from the entertainment industry, family, and society, and what it means to feel comfortable, if not always confident, in their own skin.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (With Timestamps)

• "I got fired from Elmo for being too jolly...Fat 911 that place." — Nicole & Mitch (7:05)
• "You know what causes cancer? Being a big fatty." — Mitch's doctor, quoted by Mitch (22:47)
• "Leave something for the rest of us." — Nicole on millionaire actors in commercials (9:53)
• "Let that lady sleep." — Nicole, referencing Passengers, calling out Chris Pratt’s character (12:51)
• "I be shitting." — Nicole (40:13)
• "I'm not even lying to you. My snore...my mom and sister thought I was dying so many times." — Mitch (29:19)
• "I still had to, like, work out. I still had to do all that. It was still hard with help." — Nicole (32:43)
• Calling out Bill Maher and Jillian Michaels for criticizing weight-loss drugs (25:21).
• Nicole: "My pussy's huge. People are like, whoa, look at that moose knuckle." (45:09)
• On dating aftermath: "She just asked me to go back to my place and have sex. And I was like, oh, I'm on a date with her right now." — Mitch (75:53)
• "I think we need to bring back character actors...fat Santas need to be around." — Nicole (49:32)
• "If you love Stranger Things, I think you're dumb." — Mitch (55:22)
• "So you're a food critic. If a date makes you a holiday meal and it's objectively bad, would you fake it for love or let them know?" — Nicole (84:12)

Important Timestamps

• 01:09 Worst date stories intro — Mitch's awkward date and being ditched at a bar.
• 13:22–21:59 Mitch's long COVID story, weight loss, medications, libido, and self-care.
• 25:21 Rant: Public shaming of GLP-1 and weight loss drugs.
• 29:00–31:00 Nicole and Mitch on sleep apnea and snoring horror stories, dating implications.
• 32:31–34:28 Defending weight loss drugs, surgical skin removal, and doing what makes you happy.
• 51:16–54:25 Rant on actor pay, streaming gigs, residuals dying, and Hollywood frustration.
• 55:22 Stranger Things "dumb" rant; killing "slop" culture.
• 72:10 Garbage man stories, the realities of city sanitation work.
• 75:07–76:53 Bad date stories: public bathroom emergencies, being ditched, awkward encounters.
• 78:08 What Mitch is seeking in a partner — must love movies, desire for connection.
• 84:12 Food critic conundrum: Would Mitch fake liking a partner's bad cooking?
• 93:11 Camels, weight limits, and public "fat shaming" on vacation.

Episode Tone & Style

The episode is raucously funny, unfiltered, and at times deeply heartfelt. Nicole and Mitch toggle between raunchy jokes (“I hope my stocking is stuffed with dicks,” Nicole, 89:25), sincere emotional confessions, Hollywood industry insider ranting, and a spirit of solidarity for anyone struggling with body image or health. The language is candid, irreverent, and supportive—matching the podcast’s overall tone of radical honesty about love, dating, and self-acceptance.

Key Takeaways for New Listeners

• This episode is a cathartic, honest year-end conversation between two comedians who are both hilarious and deeply candid about the difficulties of dating, existing in bigger bodies, and surviving in a precarious entertainment industry.
• It's as much a conversation about radical self-acceptance, survival, and friendship as it is about dating or sex—underscored by constant humor, good-natured roasting, and mutual support.
• Listeners will find comfort and laughter in the hosts’ willingness to vent about personal and industry hardships, and to find the humor in everything—even hotel poop emergencies, awkward sex side effects, or a city’s garbage pile.
• The spirit of the episode: It’s okay to laugh at yourself, embrace messiness, and be open about what isn’t perfect in life, love, and work—because everyone is just trying their best, and sometimes you just need to rant.