A (2:24)

The set.

B (2:25)

Yeah. I know that sounds douche, but really,

A (2:33)

I mean, you did spend a lot of time on them.

B (2:35)

50 years on them. So it really was a place that defined how I operate in the world, how I treat people, how I learned to be professional, how I learned to do what I do by watching and being and osmosis and so, yeah, I mean, it really was that place for me.

A (3:03)

How old were you the first time you worked on a set?

B (3:09)

It's weird because I started so young, but I really like when I started doing episodics when I was doing family ties and all that stuff. Those are the memories that I have. And that's before Married With Children and before I did this other show called Washington. So young teenagers, like 13, 12, 12. Charles in charge. I was 12, I think. But I had been doing it for a long time before that. I just don't have memory of it. They're in my, they're in my diary somewhere.

A (3:45)

Did the set feel like a safe place to you?

B (3:47)

Absolutely. 100%. A lot safer than the place that I grew up in, you know, but at the time, you know, given that, that, that cancer that was in our life there for a while when he was gone, you know.

A (4:01)

This is your mom's partner.

B (4:03)

Yeah, it was just the two of us. And you know, she was pretty great. I have to say, Nancy, Pretty is a pretty great lady. So it was good. It's just I felt like. I felt really like a family, you know, at onset. Yeah.

A (4:22)

Yeah. Okay, moving on. Next three in memories. Three. One, two or three? Three. What's something your parents taught you to love.

B (4:39)

I mean, oddly for such a self deprecating person that I am and you know, been dealing with my own issues with self love. Like my mom really taught me to really have that, have power. Let's just call it that, like have worth, knowing my worth. And I think that was a huge. That's a huge thing for me.

A (5:06)

But you didn't answer. She taught me to love myself. Why did that not feel like the right word?

B (5:11)

It didn't feel like the right word because I don't, you know, there's. That's a hard one. But I do have worth and I know that I'm important. And so that's something that she really nailed into me, that I'm important.

A (5:29)

How did your mom do that? Because she was. You write in the book a lot about how your mom was struggling with her own sense of self. Her own power was diminished by people in her life, especially that partner who was abusive. Her first husband, your dad, your biological dad who abandoned you.

B (5:49)

I hate that word, abandon. We're gonna, I'm sorry, strike it from the record. No, but I wish I'd. It wasn't in the book because it brought up some feelings for some people that I know and I can't, I don't like saying that because I mean, yes, he left her when I was three months old. Yes, that did happen. But I saw him intermittently my whole life. So I understand. So I have to be very clear

A (6:16)

and you had a relationship with him?

B (6:18)

Yes. I mean, I had, he was, he would take me on the. Every other weekend and I. And we'd go camping and we'd do things. So he was in my life, let's say that. Okay. So I feel like abandon makes it look like we never heard from him again. And I don't want that. Anyway, sorry, what was the question again?

A (6:39)

How did your mom teach you self power when she was struggling with it herself?

B (6:48)

Because she could see that I, I, I, I struggled with that, you know, as I was the little girl who went into the party, who stood in the corner and all when all the other kids were playing and laughing and knowing who they were, and I didn't know how to join them. So she would see that it would break her heart. So she just kind of gave me this thing of like, you know, they need you more than you need them. And that was something that was like a big thing for me. And that's not a bitchy thing to say. Then it also came into my work too, like with auditions, like, just remember when you're going in there, they need you more than you need them. And that gave me power and worth.

A (7:33)

Yeah. And you're a parent of a daughter.

B (7:36)

Yes, I am.

A (7:40)

And you have all that history to share with her, and does it make you revisit your own relationship with your mom? And thank God she did what she could. And ultimately parenting is just like releasing. Like, you do what you can and then it's just. You release her out into the world.

B (7:55)

Yeah. And, you know, Sadie knows a lot about what happened to me. You know, we've talked about it and stuff, because I want her to know. And I really try to nail this in, in the book as well, but I nail it in in my life is that I want her to know I get it. Like, whatever it is, I've probably gone through it. You're not alone. You have me always come to me first. Like, come to me first. You know, you're gonna go to other people and get all sorts of opinions from people that know nothing about what you're talking about, kiddo. But if you come to me, you've got me. No judgment. No trying. Well, I was gonna say no. Trying to fix. I'm always trying to fix. Because we can't help ourselves. You know, we wanna put a bandaid on that scratch and.

A (8:54)

Yeah. How old is she?

B (8:56)

She's 15.

A (8:58)

Yeah.

B (9:00)

So we're in a stage right now. You know, it's an age. That's all I'M going to say 15 is an age.

A (9:10)

Okay, last one in this round. One, two or three.

B (9:13)

I'll do one.

A (9:14)

What period of your life do you often daydream about?

B (9:20)

Dancing?

A (9:22)

Yeah, say more. People may not know this about you.

B (9:28)

Dance, my love. It's my first love and I started dancing at three years old and became, you know, it's all I wanted to do. I wanted to be a professional dancer. I wanted to dance on Broadway. My mom used to take me to New York all the time because I had. My grandparents were in New Jersey and I was seeing stuff like the original casts of Ain't Misbehavin and the Wiz and everything. Like all these incredible people. That was before they changed the age to 15. I was so lucky. Cause I was probably like six or seven. A chorus line, you know, which is a six year old. Probably shouldn't be seeing it, but I, you know, but, but I also shouldn't have been seeing all that jazz. And I saw all that jazz a million times. I don't know how we had all that jazz at home a million times to watch. But that's one of my favorite movies of all time. And that was my dream. And then I became an actress so that kind of went on hold. But not ever in my life. I would leave set and go to dance class until 11 o' clock at night no matter what.

A (10:48)

What did it feel like in your body when you say that's what you daydream about? Can you, can you conjure what it felt like in your body to inhabit it that way?

B (10:58)

Well, once I found these teachers that were doing lyrical, which was I was about 15, I guess. And you know, before that we were, you know, you just did jazz, you know, not jazz hands. I never did a jazz hand in my life. I love that. Like non dancers think that's what we just run around doing. But I found this man named Doug Caldwell, God rest his beautiful soul. He was teaching this class with music that was just like filled you, like filled your whole heart. Like it could either be completely devastating or completely uplifting. And you just closed your eyes and you felt it tingle through your fingertips. Like everything. And it was, we called it church. Like all the dancers in class were like, oh yeah, I'm glad you came to church tonight. Because we just felt like we would be transformed in those two and a half hours. Completely transformed. And so to me, dancing because I'm a disabled person, I can't dance ever again. And breaks my heart, you know. And you know, I did get to do My Broadway. I did get to do My Sweet Charity. My Bob Fosse. I did. And that story through Selena is so

A (12:18)

beautiful and also horrific. It's so horrific. Oh, my God. I had no idea. I mean, just for context, it's a long story made very short and not giving it its due. But you worked very hard to get this part on Broadway and in this dream role in Sweet Charity, and you broke your damn foot.

B (12:43)

Yeah, I broke my damn foot.

A (12:46)

And you were out for a while, and then you just did it through pain.

B (12:52)

Yep, I did it through pain, and it sucked, but I had to.

A (12:57)

You got nominated for a Tony.

B (12:58)

Yes, ma', am, I did.

A (13:00)

That is very cool. That is still like, an incredible thing because that, like you said, like, dance is your heart. Dance is who you are.

B (13:10)

There's nothing like it. I mean, I had to perform also at the Tonys, and I was broken. That foot was broken. And I remember at the beginning of the. The number, I come downstage and I look like an insane person. But it's because I said to myself, take this all in. Look around where you are at Radio City Music Hall. Take every bit of it in, every person, every mezzanine, everything. Like, take it all in. I look nuts. I just thought I'd tell you that.

A (13:54)

No, but I love that you were aware that you could be in the moment and separate from it and that it was important enough to give yourself freedom to be separate for a second, to acknowledge what was going on.

B (14:06)

Yeah, I mean, I had to. If I just let this moment go, I didn't know if I'd ever be back there again.

C (14:26)

This message comes from Betterment. You know, when you sell a stock or any investing asset and start to feel the dread of getting a surprise tax bill? Betterment's tax impact preview tool shows you the estimated tax impact of the sale so you can make informed tax smart investing decisions. Get started today@betterment.com investing involves risk performance not guaranteed. Betterment is not a tax advisor, nor should any information herein be considered tax advice. Please consult a qualified tax professional.

A (15:01)

Okay, so let's pull back from the game. We're going to talk about your book. Do you need a break?

B (15:07)

No.

A (15:07)

Congratulations. How do you feel about having all this stuff out in the world?

B (15:12)

I mean, it's there now. Nothing I can do about it now. Right before it was about to come out, I was. I was tripping a little bit, but it's like I'm beholden to no one. And for me to just, you know, I'm getting A lot of feedback from people going, you're helping my sister. You helped, you know, so and so. And like, that's. That's the stuff you love. I didn't write it for that reason. You know, I wrote it completely just to get this shit out of me.

A (15:45)

How did you arrive at that point? Because, as you say in the book, you were a very private person and for a lot of good reasons, like you had to. You erected this boundary that separated you, your personal life, which was very chaotic. Very. From this public Persona, this, like, super successful, young, beautiful, ambitious woman. And that boundary existed for a reason, for self preservation. How did it come to be that you decided to take it down?

B (16:15)

Well, okay, so I was an agent at my agency at CAA named Cindy. She actually approached and said, do you want to write a book? I mean, you've got in time now, basically. And I said, yeah, I do. I've always wanted to put this stuff down. I need to get it out.

A (16:35)

Yeah.

B (16:37)

You know, metaphorically and literally. These journals were locked in a box. And, you know, because you.

A (16:46)

You excavated journals you'd kept since you

B (16:48)

were a very small girl, 10 years old, till I was 36 or 37, I think. And I knew I had to go back there. I knew I need to let them out. And because it's stuff that there are things that, yes, I've told my friends that were pretty horrific, and my things that my friends had seen, and they always go, they always would say, you should write this shit down, man. And I was like, one day, when I'm ready, I don't have the time, and I'm not ready. And right now I'm ready.

A (17:27)

Yeah. Was there hope that there would be in your retelling of a lot of the abuse that you suffered, that there would be some accountability that would come from, in some cases, naming people in others not.

B (17:43)

Well, those who are named are no longer with us. So I didn't feel like there'd be any accountability there. And the names that I don't mention. No, of course not. And you gotta be real careful with that stuff,

A (17:59)

but there's catharsis in there for you, at least.

B (18:01)

Yeah. I think by naming the man that was with my mom, which I think is gonna shock a lot of people that he worked with and stuff, and I don't care. I've been so angry with that person for my whole life. And he's been praised and lauded by the people in his industry for so long, and I just. And I was the little girl that was always around Everybody. I was the little girl in the wings at the concerts. And I kind of want them to know what he was doing. Yeah.

A (18:45)

How was your mom with you writing all this?

B (18:49)

Freaked out.

A (18:51)

Yeah. Imagine.

B (18:52)

And I had to say, mom, listen, you're gonna read it. And at the beginning, you're not gonna like the things that I'm saying. But I hope you realize that it is a love letter to you as well. And she was like. It took her a really long time. Cause I had advanced copies, you know, long ago. And she wouldn't read it. Wouldn't read it, wouldn't read it. And now she is. And she's like. She's blown away, and she loves it.

A (19:18)

Before we end this part, can I ask you about Dead to Me? Because I loved this show.

B (19:22)

Of course. Of course. I loved it, too.

A (19:24)

You did this with Linda Cardellini. This, to me, was one of the most authentic representations of female friendship I had seen on screen. I just loved that relationship. I wept at the end of that show.

B (19:37)

Well, first of all, I have to give props to Liz Feldman, because this was all her.

A (19:40)

The showrunner.

B (19:41)

You know, she didn't waver from her ideas. We couldn't even get through that stupid scene.

A (19:47)

The last scene is you and Linda Cardellini. You're, like, in bed. You're, like, on this vacation. You always dreamed about going to the beach. And you're just in your friend zone, snuggling. And you have to. The two of you are saying goodbye to each other. And in real life, the two of you are saying goodbye to each other.

B (20:07)

It was the last scene we ever shot.

A (20:08)

Yeah.

B (20:09)

And Liz knew that it was not gonna be an easy night for us and that the crew was gonna cry and that we were gonna cry. And so she made sure that no matter what the schedule was, that that is the last thing we do. And we were crying so hard, Rachel, that she would have to keep coming in, going. Guys, pull it back, Pull it back. And Linda and I were.

A (20:37)

Do some acting. Hold it together and do some acting.

B (20:39)

Linda and I were just like, we can't, because I love her. So what you're seeing is literally Linda and Christina sobbing their eyes out. Like, Jen and Judy were gone in that particular moment. And she had held me up so much that season, that girl. Literally and figuratively. And. But also, you know, the sadness of, like, there's this thing about my life, like, something good happens to me and then something bad happens all at the same time. And I hate that. And I really get scared. I get scared now, because this was the job I'd been waiting for my whole career. This was what I had envisioned for myself. I wanted to be free. I wanted to go somewhere I could just be all the things. And Jen was all the things. You know, she was rageful and she was funny and she was poignant and she was pissed off and she was sad and, you know,

A (21:50)

vulnerable.

B (21:51)

Like, all the things you don't get that you just don't.

A (21:57)

But also, Christina, it is more pronounced in your life to have the good and the bad living so closely in proximity in your life. But it is ever thus. It is ever thus. But we have to live in both places. And you just have to do it in a really profound way to live in pain and joy simultaneously all the time.

B (22:18)

Yeah, I'd say there's probably more pain than there is joy these days, unfortunately. But, you know, I have this other thing going on that is pretty sucky.

A (22:32)

But

B (22:35)

I have Bravo. I have my Apple TV remote.

A (22:40)

Andy Cohen is like your dude.

B (22:43)

He is my dude. I just did watch what Happens on Last Monday. Like, we're buds and we love each other, but I don't think he knows how fancy my Apple TV remote is. This is a glow in the dark rubber, and I have a fidget on the back of it that says breathe, which is made of sandpaper. So I sit there and I scratch at it all day. These are the things that people don't know how. My Glamorous life.

A (23:09)

They're Glamorous life. Round two, this is Insights. Christina.

B (23:15)

I gotcha. I'm hearing you.

A (23:17)

Okay, 1, 2 or 3?

B (23:19)

1.

A (23:22)

What has age taught you about love?

B (23:31)

That's dumb. What has age taught you about love? Rachel? Turning it on ya. You don't think I remember what you said I could do? I'm doing it right now.

A (23:43)

I've learned a thing or two, Christina, in my old age.

B (23:47)

What? What?

A (23:50)

That it is far from perfect. In fact, the most interesting loves are flawed.

B (23:58)

And.

A (23:59)

And that in and of itself is a worthy thing. And I used. When I was young, I looked for things that were bright and shiny and people who were bright and shiny. And it kept me from people who were better suited to me. I guess I'm talking explicitly about my husband now. I was interested in people who were the center of attention. And it wasn't until I was older. I mean, I didn't meet him until I was 35. And I had to have lived more life before I could identify him as a beautiful person who was not just a beautiful soul, but the Beautiful soul that was a good match for me to partner with. And it just took me a very long time to figure that. Some people figure it out early and it took me a minute to figure it out. And so. Yeah. And I keep learning that. Yeah.

B (24:58)

Good answer.

A (25:00)

Thanks, man.

B (25:04)

You expecting me to answer my version of it?

A (25:06)

I still have to answer it.

B (25:08)

I have one love in my life and that's my daughter.

A (25:11)

Yeah. Yeah.

B (25:14)

So to me, that's all I would. I'd do anything and everything for her. So I. That's what I know in my life. I didn't really think of love because I really never loved anybody. I don't think. I really didn't.

A (25:35)

Your mom?

B (25:36)

Well, my mom, yeah. But it was like. I get mad. I'm talking about in a place of a person that in my eyes can do no wrong, even when I know they're doing wrong. Yeah.

A (25:48)

Unconditional or whatever that is.

B (25:50)

There you go. There's that.

A (25:51)

Unconditional. Yeah. But it means. I get it. I mean, I feel that for my kids too.

B (25:56)

Yeah. So that's. That's all I know now, you know, and that's what I've learned. That that exists. All the other stuff is, you know, handing me a rose and me swooning. That's not. That's. That'll never happen for me.

A (26:13)

Right.

B (26:14)

So for me, I get her. I get that love. And that her love towards me when she shows it is like it's giving me that rose. It's like I get so lifted up when she comes in in the morning, when she goes to leave for school, when I can't drive her because I'm doing stuff like this and she just hugs me or she'll come and crawl into the bed for a minute and it's always just a minute. But it's the best minute of my life,

A (26:47)

man. She's 15 and she'll give you a minute of snuggling. I think you're doing something.

B (26:50)

Oh, yeah, we do. Oh, sometimes she'll give me a lot more than that. No, I. A lot of the parents that I know are like, wait, what I said, yeah. She gets under the covers and we'll watch a movie and she'll hold my hand in the car while we're singing and stuff like that. Yeah, I got a pretty swell relationship. She also hates me at the same time.

A (27:14)

But she's a normal 15 year old.

B (27:17)

Yep.

A (27:19)

Okay.

B (27:21)

Three, three.

A (27:22)

One, two, three, three.

B (27:23)

That's the one I've been staring at.

A (27:25)

What's something you thought about yourself that you had to unlearn.

B (27:29)

Hmm. Honestly, I don't know, because it's, like, I was gonna say, like, resilience, but I've always had that. I always knew that something was gonna be better on the other side and that I was gonna make it through no matter what. As bleak and as dire as things had gotten in my life, there was always this sense of, like, it's gonna be okay. I think, you know, my anorexia that I dealt with for so long was something that I had to unlearn, and I had to kind of go, food is awesome. Food's awesome. And who cares? And who cares? And now, you know, I have this stomach condition, which I'm really honest about and which they can't figure out. It's been, like, four years now, and I can't freaking eat the stuff that I want to eat. And I want to eat it so badly. Like, I want escargot, you guys. I want it so bad. That's what you want. I really want escargot right now. And it's the only.

A (28:44)

Why can't you eat it? The bug?

B (28:45)

It's the only living creature that I will eat.

A (28:48)

That you crave?

B (28:52)

Yeah. It's the way they prepare it in France. It's like, you've got to have it that way. And then the bread, and then you dip it into the stuff, like. Right. It's just like, a mushroom. Anyway, I love that. I love truffle pasta. I love caviar. I'm so weak. Like, I really have, like, a bougie taste. But I.

A (29:13)

Like.

B (29:13)

The other day, I was talking to my friend who comes and takes care of me on the weekends. I'm like, I want a veggie dog so bad. Like, I want it so badly right now, and I can't eat it, and it pisses me off.

A (29:28)

Is this connected to Ms. Or no?

B (29:31)

I mean, I think it is, because it all started when I got Ms. Or when my symptoms got worse. So I don't know, but it sucks because I freaking love food. And then I'll be like, you know, I felt pretty good for the last few days, and I'll eat something that I love and end up in the er.

A (29:52)

It's.

B (29:52)

It's like, the dumbest thing.

A (29:56)

Which is why you love Bravo, because no one has told you yet that Bravo's bad for you, and so you can keep mainlining that bad for you.

B (30:02)

Don't even talk about that.

A (30:04)

No, I mean, a doctor hasn't told you, like, the escargot the escargot is bad for you. You can't have it. Bravo is fine for your health and so you should keep absorbing it. That's what I'm saying.

B (30:15)

Good for your self esteem, Rachel. And don't you dare talk about my Andy like that.

A (30:21)

I would never.

B (30:23)

It's gotten me through the worst of my times, so that is for sure.

A (30:30)

Take the happiness wherever we get it. 1, 2, or 3?

B (30:33)

2.

A (30:36)

When do you feel most free?

B (30:39)

When I'm watching Bravo.

A (30:44)

I get that.

B (30:45)

Honestly, I love it. I sit here, I come up with my impressions. I'm not making fun. They are literally impressions. I work on them to show no.

A (30:56)

1 Housewives. Which show are we talking about?

B (30:59)

I watch every single show on Bravo. Every single one that they have. From the Shahs of Sunset now to the Valley Persian style to Southern charm, to Southern hospitality, to Vanderpump rules.

A (31:13)

Okay, where is the liberation? Where's the freedom?

B (31:17)

But literally, because I'm performing, I get to sit here and perform to myself. These women like the way they talk, the way their mouths move.

A (31:27)

Ah, yeah. When you do the impressions.

B (31:29)

When I do my impressions.

A (31:30)

When you, like, superimpose yourself into those situations.

B (31:33)

Yeah, I could totally do, like. I'm really sad that Andy didn't have me do like one of the scenes because he does that for people. He asks, like, you know, some of the biggest actors in the world to reenact a scene. And I'm so sad he didn't have me reenact a scene because I've got them all down.

A (31:52)

That seems like a real missed opportunity.

B (31:55)

I'll go back. He knows we talked about me going back, like, at least once a week.

C (32:12)

Support for this podcast and the following message come from Strawberry Me. If you could go back and talk to your younger self, would you tell yourself that you have a job that truly makes you happy? Many people are stuck in jobs they've outgrown or never really wanted. A career coach from Strawberry Me can help you move on to something you actually love. Benefit from having a dedicated coach in your Corner, and get 50% off your first coaching session at Strawberry Me. NPR.

A (32:45)

Okay, last round. One, two or three beliefs?

B (32:50)

1.

A (32:52)

Who or what is your moral compass? Jesus.

B (32:59)

I don't think anybody is. You know what I mean? I just don't. You know, I love it. If all of us were moral, I, you know, I think this. Is this gonna sound weird myself?

A (33:15)

Nope.

B (33:16)

Like, I'm pretty moral. I mean, I can be rude, you know, and I can make do impressions, not make fun of do impressions. But morality is a huge one to me. You know, I find that morality and manners, big ones for me.

A (33:40)

Why manners? A lot of people didn't have manners.

B (33:42)

People don't have manners. Like always say please and thank you. Eat correctly with your knife and fork. Please don't stab it and be gross and talk with your mouth full.

A (33:59)

Okay, next one. 1, 2 or 3?

B (34:03)

3.

A (34:05)

How often do you think about death?

B (34:08)

Every day. Because it's looming. I mean, it's looms for all of us. But for people who have a disease like this, you never know, you know, I mean, I'm. I bought my plots already, okay? I bought them.

A (34:26)

You bought. You bought your plots? Plots, plural.

B (34:29)

Yes. There's gonna be three of us there. But I did and I, my friend and I are gonna go take a picnic there. It's really pretty where it is. I'm not gonna say where.

A (34:40)

I think it's a lovely thing. No, no, no, I don't want you to say where it is.

B (34:42)

Oh, that's right. I forgot I have to pick my tree out because they're gonna going to plant a tree there because it's really sunny and I want my visitors to not, you know, be sweating. Anyway, I like, I've been thinking about this particular area of this particular place for so long and I finally was like, is this available? They're like, yes, it is. I was like, oh my God. Buying it now. Just buy it now. That way nobody has to deal with it.

A (35:13)

Do you think a part of you lingers around afterwards? Do you have any thoughts on that?

B (35:19)

Well, I mean, I talk about it in the book. There's a lingerer. We had a lingerer here for a while. He hasn't been around for a minute.

A (35:26)

But there's a friend of yours who died who then you think came back and was hanging out his spiritual.

B (35:34)

No, no, I know, I know. And I never really thought of it too deeply, you know, in that extent. But oh no, this person was here and a lot and very like made this, made his presence very known. I don't know how it works, man, but I know that because I have this woman who's a doctor that comes to see me and she, she does not. She's not woo woo, she's in scrubs, you know, and she said, you know, it's so weird, every time I come into this room, I just keep hearing, to thine own self be true, to thine own self be true. And this person tattooed that on their chest two days before they died. So I knew that she could feel him and I was already feeling him. So I know I sound like cuckoo bird, but I swear to God that dude was here. Now, is he. Him here in that place? Is it a vibration? I don't know, but no, he was here. He was talking to me, making me sing certain songs and do weird things. Yeah.

A (37:01)

Do you think that is particular to him or is there. Did that. Does that make thinking about dying more comfortable?

B (37:10)

No, I'm very not comfortable because I'm going to hurt my kid. My kid's going to be hurt. So I get really scared about that. I think it's. Now I'm really afraid of it because of her. I can't. I don't know. I can't even talk about, like, I don't know what her life's gonna be like. And you don't know when it's gonna be. Could be, like, anytime.

A (37:38)

Yeah. Okay.

B (37:41)

Get the behind me, Satan.

A (37:43)

Okay, last one.

B (37:45)

Two.

A (37:47)

Two. What's an experience you wish you could give to every person?

B (37:57)

Being a mom, really? So many women that don't get to be. I think it's such an incredible job, such an incredible experience to be a mom. You learn so much. You've got to be strong, you've got to be soft. You've got to be all the things, and you've got to teach and you've got to be taught. You know, it's Ecclesiastes, basically. You know,

A (38:31)

Did not have that on my bingo card.

B (38:33)

I didn't know I was Ecclesiastes. I'm not even quoting Ecclesiastes. I'm just making up my own Ecclesiastes.

A (38:42)

Right. For every time there is a season.

B (38:44)

Yes.

A (38:48)

Did you always want to be a parent? Like, did you know that about yourself?

B (38:51)

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You did? Yeah, yeah. Kids are like everything to me. I've always been like a person that I loved being around children.

A (39:06)

The gift. It has given me many gifts, but I loved that it has forced me out of myself. If you've lived a life, especially because I was an older mom, I became a mom when, you know, I was pregnant. 38 and 40. That's a lot of life. It's a lot of time to be self absorbed. And it was like, such a gift to just kind of, I mean, lose myself in a good way. When I say lose myself, like, just decenter myself.

B (39:38)

It ain't about you anymore, right?

A (39:40)

It so isn't at all.

B (39:43)

No, you can forget about yourself. That's just. I loved. I loved that I didn't like this whole everything here didn't matter anymore.

A (39:53)

Yeah.

B (39:53)

Because she mattered. That was all that mattered to me, was that, you know, she kept breathing. Think about that. We, you know, the first part of their lives, we just want to make sure they're still breathing. And that's a huge. That's a huge responsibility, but it's a big responsibility I would take on over and over and over again.

A (40:19)

We end the show the same way every time.

B (40:21)

Okay.

A (40:22)

We call it a trip in our memory time machine. In the memory time machine, you go back and you revisit one moment from your past. It's not a moment you would change one thing about. It's just a moment you'd like to linger in a little bit longer.

B (40:34)

Longer.

A (40:35)

Which moment do you choose?

B (40:38)

Being on stage.

A (40:40)

Which one?

B (40:41)

Being in Sweet Charity.

A (40:43)

Yeah.

B (40:44)

Yeah. Regardless of everything that had happened and what was going on off stage, being on it, that was glory.

A (41:06)

Christina Applegate. Her memoir is called you with the Sad Eyes. It is a wonderful book. Thank you very much for writing it and thank you for talking with me.

B (41:17)

Thank you for having me, Rachel.

A (41:26)

If you like this episode, go back and listen or watch our episode with Jeanette McCurdy from earlier this year. She's another former child star who battled some of the same demons that Christina did, including an eating disorder. And it is so impressive to see how she has managed to build the life that she wants after an undeniably difficult childhood. This episode was produced by Summer Tamad and edited by Dave Blanchard. It was mastered by Josephine Nyonai. Wildcard's executive producer is Yolanda Sanguine, and our theme music is by Ramtin Arabui. You can reach out to us@wildcardnpr.org we're gonna shuffle the deck and be back with more next week. Talk to you then.

C (42:11)

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A (42:52)

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