Michelle Buteau thought she was too happy for stand-up

Summary

Wild Card with Rachel Martin: Michelle Buteau Thought She Was Too Happy for Stand-Up

Release Date: January 2, 2025

Introduction

In this captivating episode of Wild Card with Rachel Martin, host Rachel Martin delves into an unfiltered and deeply personal conversation with comedian and actress Michelle Buteau. Breaking away from traditional interview formats, the show employs a unique deck of cards to explore life's most profound questions, allowing guests like Michelle to reveal facets of their lives rarely discussed in mainstream media. This episode, titled "Michelle Buteau Thought She Was Too Happy for Stand-Up," offers listeners an intimate look into Michelle's journey, struggles, triumphs, and the philosophy that has shaped her career and personal life.

Early Life and Teenage Experiences

Michelle begins by reflecting on her teenage years, highlighting the dichotomy of being both mature and innocent. At [00:23], she shares:

"Just being a woman in this world, wanting anything for yourself. We need to think that we are being our most selfish and we are like literally asking for the bare minimum."

This sentiment underscores Michelle's early realization of self-care and the societal pressures women face. She recounts her intense first love during her teenage years, illustrating her deep capacity for vulnerability and commitment. At [02:32], she describes:

"What happened when I was 17 and I gave my years to him. I feel like I'm aging backwards almost when I'm just like, girls just wanna have fun."

Michelle's narrative reveals the pain and growth that stemmed from her first heartbreak, emphasizing her ability to turn personal adversity into resilience and humor.

Career Transition: From TV News to Stand-Up Comedy

Michelle's career trajectory is both inspiring and relatable. Initially a TV news producer, she found solace and fulfillment in performing stand-up comedy, a stark contrast to her high-stress day job. At [00:57], she admits:

"Comedy is sort of a self-serving career, so every time I leave the house, I feel bad. I'm like, I'm so sorry. I'm gonna go live my dream. But then I come back like fulfilled."

This internal conflict between professional responsibilities and personal passions is a central theme in Michelle's journey. Her decision to pursue comedy full-time after six years of balancing both worlds is a testament to her dedication and authenticity.

Overcoming Body Image and Societal Expectations

A significant portion of the conversation addresses Michelle's battles with body image and societal expectations. When asked about advice she wisely ignored, Michelle passionately responds at [05:58]:

"Lose weight. Shut up. People that tell you to lose weight are never a doctor. They never look happy."

Her forthright rejection of harmful societal standards serves as a powerful message on self-acceptance and the importance of representation. Michelle emphasizes the necessity of diversity in media, stating at [07:03]:

"If you see it, you believe you can actually be it. Because you're like, oh, there it is, and here I am."

This advocacy for authentic representation highlights Michelle's commitment to fostering a more inclusive and accepting environment both in her personal life and within the entertainment industry.

Personal Life and Motherhood

Michelle's role as a mother to five-year-old twins brings a grounded and relatable dimension to her persona. She candidly discusses the challenges and joys of balancing motherhood with a demanding career. At [21:16], she reflects:

"The mom guilt is real."

Her honesty about the struggles of achieving work-life balance resonates with many listeners, showcasing her vulnerability and strength.

Philosophy on Happiness and Selfishness

A recurring theme in Michelle's dialogue is the reclamation of selfishness as a positive trait. At [20:20], she articulates:

"We need to think that we are being our most selfish and we are like literally asking for the bare minimum."

Michelle redefines selfishness, presenting it as essential for personal well-being and fulfillment. This perspective encourages listeners to prioritize their happiness without guilt, challenging conventional notions of selflessness.

Spiritual Beliefs and Legacy

The conversation also touches on Michelle's spiritual beliefs and her views on legacy. When asked if any part of us will live on after we die, Michelle muses at [27:45]:

"We still can. We can do all of that. Repeat a joke or a story, a dance move. We could still live on."

Her belief in the enduring impact of cultural and familial traditions underscores her appreciation for heritage and the importance of passing down meaningful practices to future generations.

Making History and Breaking Stereotypes

Michelle's recent achievement of recording a comedy special at Radio City Music Hall as the first woman to do so highlights her role as a trailblazer. She humbly reflects at [12:43]:

"We are way more ready than we think we are. You just are."

This moment signifies not only personal triumph but also a step forward for women in comedy, breaking longstanding barriers and setting a precedent for future generations.

Closing Reflections and Memorable Moments

In the final segment, Michelle chooses to reminisce about the night she met her husband, a moment she considers unchangeable and cherished. At [32:55], she shares:

"I wish I could live there a little bit longer, but, you know, we've had a beautiful life, so there's a lot of other moments too."

This reflection encapsulates Michelle's gratitude and contentment with her life's journey, blending humor with heartfelt emotion.

Conclusion

Michelle Buteau's episode on Wild Card with Rachel Martin offers a multifaceted exploration of a comedian's life beyond the stage. From her early experiences and career shifts to her battles with societal expectations and her profound insights on happiness and legacy, Michelle imparts valuable lessons on resilience, self-acceptance, and the importance of living authentically. Her candidness, humor, and unwavering positivity make this episode not only engaging but also deeply inspirational for listeners navigating their own life challenges.

Notable Quotes:

• Michelle Buteau [00:23]: "Just being a woman in this world, wanting anything for yourself..."
• Michelle Buteau [05:58]: "Lose weight. Shut up. People that tell you to lose weight are never a doctor."
• Michelle Buteau [07:03]: "If you see it, you believe you can actually be it."
• Michelle Buteau [20:20]: "We need to think that we are being our most selfish and we are like literally asking for the bare minimum."
• Michelle Buteau [27:45]: "We still can. We can do all of that. Repeat a joke or a story, a dance move. We could still live on."

About the Podcast:

NPR's Wild Card with Rachel Martin has been lauded as a top 10 podcast of 2024 by The New York Times. The show distinguishes itself by eschewing conventional interview formats in favor of a card-based conversation that prompts guests to address life's biggest questions in unexpected ways. This approach allows for authentic and enlightening discussions, making each episode a unique listening experience.

Support and Further Listening:

Listeners who enjoyed this episode are encouraged to subscribe to Wild Card+ for access to bonus content and an ad-free experience. Additionally, for more inspiring conversations, check out Rachel Martin's conversation with actress Kathryn Hahn, which delves into themes of empowerment and career evolution.

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This summary is based on the transcript provided and aims to encapsulate the essence of Michelle Buteau’s appearance on Wild Card with Rachel Martin. For the full experience, listeners are encouraged to tune into the episode directly.

Transcript

[Rachel Martin]

Support for this podcast and the following message come from Dignity Memorial. When your celebration of life is prepaid today, your family is protected. Tomorrow, planning ahead is truly one of the best gifts you can give your family. For additional information, visit dignitymemorial.com Heads up. This episode contains a little cursing and a lot of sex talk. When has selfishness served you well?

[Michelle Buteau]

Oh my goodness. Just being a, being a woman in this world, wanting anything for yourself. We need to think that we are being our most selfish and we are like literally asking for the bare minimum.

[Rachel Martin]

I'm Rachel Martin and this is Wildcard, the show where cards control the conversation. Each week my guest answers questions about their life pulled from a deck of cards. They're allowed to skip one and to flip one question back on me. My guest this week is Michelle Buteau.

[Michelle Buteau]

Comedy is sort of a self serving career, so every time I leave the house, I feel bad. I'm like, I'm so sorry. I'm gonna go live my dream. But then I come back like fulfilled.

[Rachel Martin]

A stressed out TV news producer walks off her night shift and into a bar where she tells jokes and lots of people laugh. So many people laugh that after six years of leading this double life, she thinks maybe it's time to give the comedy thing a real shot. And she does. And it works. The end of the story isn't a punchline. It's the place Michelle Buteau finds herself right now in this moment on top of the world of pretty damn close, I should say. She's also a mom to five year old twins who for sure bring her crashing back down to earth on the regular. But like, in a good way, when you see Michelle perform, she gives off a beautiful blended vibe of oh my God, I can't believe I'm here. And also, of course I am here. That comedic combination has kept her quite busy. In the last year she starred in the movie Babes and the TV show based on her memoir Survival of the Thickest was renewed for a second season. Her brand new Netflix comedy special is called A Beautoful Mind at Radio City Music Hall. Michelle Butel, welcome to Wild Card.

[Michelle Buteau]

What a beautiful introduction. I mean, it's like you're an emotional accountant and you just read the receipts and ooh, baby, baby, it's a wild world. Those twins ground me like, yeah, like, like nothing I ever knew.

[Rachel Martin]

Are you ready to play a game?

[Michelle Buteau]

I think so.

[Rachel Martin]

Okay, round one. Three cards in front of you, Michelle. One, two or three?

[Michelle Buteau]

Let's do, let's meet. I'm gonna meet you in the middle. The middle one.

[Rachel Martin]

So, number two, what do you admire about your teenage self?

[Michelle Buteau]

Oh, my goodness. I think, to be honest, what I really admire about my teenage self is like, how grown, but also like, I was grown, but I was also very innocent and pure at the same time. My high school sweetheart was this guy from Afghanistan that just moved like in eighth grade. He's my high school sweetheart. I wanted to. I was so religious. I wanted to wait till I was married to have sex. I. I wanted to convert to Islam so I could marry him to have sex. But, like, I also, like, took this. Like, I took his family. I took everything on very seriously. So I was like, very grown, but also like, innocent at the same time. He ended up having sex with who I thought was my best friend, this white girl with a bubble butt. And then I just. Then I just went into like Anita Baker. I went into Stevie Wonder. I was like a middle aged woman by the time I was 17. I'm like, love. I've heard of it. And so I feel like I lived a life, you know what I mean? I was like, too much. Never too much. Never too much. Like, I was a go. I was like, cal, gone. Come and take it, girl. So that's like, there was never like a light and fun moment.

[Rachel Martin]

What piece of that is like what you hold up with reverence or admiration that you were just like, in it?

[Michelle Buteau]

I was in it. I was living it. I was not scared to live life. I was like, you know, the thing about loving someone, someone else besides yourself, being vulnerable is that you are open to being hurt. To be in love also means, you know what it is to experience pain. And so I'm really glad that I had that moment when I was 17 and I given my, like, I gave years to him. I feel like I'm aging backwards almost when I'm just like, girls just wanna have fun. You know, like, I ate the ice cream first. That's what I really appreciate about myself.

[Rachel Martin]

Where's that guy? Where's that guy? Do you know?

[Michelle Buteau]

You know what? He Facebooked me years ago when I was married. And he's like, hey, I. I believe in karma. My life has not been the same. My wife cheated on me and left me with our two kids. And I really feel like I need you to forgive me for my life to be better. Whoa, whoa. Yeah.

[Rachel Martin]

So he wasn't like, hey, what's going on with you in your life? Like, he wasn't coming on to you. He just needed this closure for whatever.

[Michelle Buteau]

Had happened, like, years later.

[Jen Chavez]

Wow.

[Michelle Buteau]

And you know what? I did.

[Rachel Martin]

I hope you forgave him. I don't know.

[Michelle Buteau]

I never got back to him, and, you know, he saw it, said, seen at the bottom of that, and I'll never come back to you.

[Rachel Martin]

Oh, my God. Was that just question one? Okay, we're moving along. Bum, bum, bum. Three new cards. One, two, or three?

[Michelle Buteau]

Okay, I'm gonna go for three.

[Rachel Martin]

Three.

[Michelle Buteau]

It's a lucky number.

[Rachel Martin]

What's a piece of advice you were smart to ignore?

[Michelle Buteau]

Oh, my God. Lose weight. Shut up. People that tell you to lose weight are never a doctor. They never look happy. It doesn't look like they enjoy good food and. Or have sex or had an orgasm without, like, a mirror. Stop. Like, what are you talking about? What are you talking about? Lose weight, people won't like you, love you, or you can get a job. Shut up. Not only am I gonna keep my weight, I might gain some weight. Okay? I'm gonna gain some weight, and I'm gonna create jobs, and I'm not gonna give you one of them. I'm just gonna show you what it looks like to love my body, my double chin, my extra rolls, okay? Did someone say, my buckets of thighs sauce on the side? You can't afford it. So sorry, people. Is it cat?

[Rachel Martin]

Is that the word, Sue? I don't know. I'm into it. I'm here for the ride, girl. Someone said to you the words. Because there's lots of ways to put that forward. You know, passive, like. But did someone say the words to you? You will be more successful if you lose weight.

[Michelle Buteau]

Not only have people said those words to me. Wow. Let's say family members at dinner parties, don't eat that. You're gonna get fat, and no one's gonna marry you. College professor. When I told him I wanted to be a journalist, an entertainment reporter, he said, you're just simply too fat to be on camera. Casting directors, quite honestly, culture and society. Cause if I don't see myself, then you're saying that something's wrong with me. And that's why diversity matters. It's not just a hashtag. If you see it, you believe you can actually be it. Because you're like, oh, there it is, and here I am. But if it's never there, then how do you know that you can even knock on the door to say, I'm here. So that's why it matters.

[Rachel Martin]

But, like, did you come out that way because you're saying, even your family told you this? So was there a moment when you made the choice to be like, I'm not gonna listen to this. Cause that's hard.

[Michelle Buteau]

I mean, I think I played the game for a long while, but like, didn't like, truly believe it. Do you know what I mean? Like, I played like, okay, I'll listen to you.

[Rachel Martin]

Yeah.

[Michelle Buteau]

You know, because I have to. And I. And you know, I believe them in terms of like, well, I don't see me. So maybe I'll just like, do my own thing and be happy over here. But like, I never believe them in like, I have to, you know, starve myself, you know. And the thing that really, you know, the straw that broke the camel toe, as I like to say, is my wedding. Because all my friends are like, you gotta. You gotta diet, you gotta exercise. You gotta diet. That's what you do. And I was like, why? And they're like, you just gotta do it. And I did it and I lost a lot of weight and I was like, this doesn't feel good. And I miss turkey bacon. And my dress was too big and kept falling off of me during my father daughter dance and my. All the dancing. And then I literally had like some tequila and a potato and blacked out for the rest of my wedding. I'm like, why had I been pre gaming already? Found a man that's gonna love me no matter what. What am I doing? And that's when I was just like, no, I'm not listening to you guys anymore. And I just kind of slow. It wasn't like I woke up one day like in a Rebel Wilson movie. I'm just like, you know what? No more. That was a really good movie. I don't remember the name of it, but I had a cameo. The point is.

[Rachel Martin]

Your mind is just.

[Michelle Buteau]

It's hard to sleep.

[Jen Chavez]

This message comes from Schwab. At Schwab, how you invest is your choice, not theirs. That's why when it comes to managing your wealth, Schwab gives you more choices. You can invest and trade on your own. Plus get advice and more comprehensive wealth solutions to help meet your unique needs. With award winning service, low costs and transparent advice, you can manage your wealth your way at Schwab. Visit schwab.com to learn more. This message comes from NPR sponsor Leesa. Good sleep should come naturally. And with the new natural hybrid mattress, it can. A collaboration between Leesa and West Elm, the natural hybrid is expertly crafted from natural latex, natural wool and certified safe foams. Elevate your sleep sanctuary and support a greener tomorrow. Plus, every purchase helps fuel Lisa's work with shelters and those in need. Visit leesa.com to learn more. That's leesa.com this message comes from Carvana. Discover your car's worth with Carvana Value Tracker. Stay up to date when your car's value changes. Always know your car's worth with Carvana Value Tracker.

[Rachel Martin]

Evergreen trees are Pacific Northwest icons in journalism. An evergreen story isn't tied to one news cycle. It goes deep and helps you understand the world. The Evergreen is also a podcast from OPB about the Northwest. I'm Jen Chavez. Listen to the Evergreen podcast from OPB every Monday, part of the NPR network. Okay, before we get to round two, I want to talk about your new special on Netflix. Congratulations. This is a huge. Yeah, and this is hard to believe, but you are the first woman to record a comedy special there in that esteemed venue, right?

[Michelle Buteau]

Yeah. You know, at a certain point when you're making history, you're just like, really, really like you. It doesn't even feel like you can celebrate it that hard. Cause you're like, it should have happened. But I feel like that happens with everybody making history is that we've just sort of like, let BS happen for way too long. And so. And the comedians out there know this. You get two shows. You know, you get a late show and an early show, and then you get to edit those two shows together and get the best of the best. Well, you know, Radio City Music hall is a little over 6,000 seats. And so I did not have the bandwidth to do two shows. So I was like, I do the one show and I tape it like it's a live show. And I. The great thing about this is also the scary thing. And that's also like the same thing with, like, anything. It's like, we are way more ready than we think we are. You know, you just are. And I do love that people prepare and over prepare. But you've been preparing your whole life doing standup for, like, over 20 years. I've been doing standup when Taylor Swift was wearing her hair curly. That's how long I've been doing standup. Okay.

[Rachel Martin]

That really places it for me. That really is a marker. Do you know what I mean?

[Michelle Buteau]

Yeah. I'm like, let's go. It is scary, but that's what made it fun. And we need to take chances on ourselves and we need to create our own platforms when given the opportunity and also give ourselves license and opportunities. So I'm like, let's go. What am I gonna wear?

[Rachel Martin]

An amazing suit with really great Shoulder pads. You looked amazing. Thank you so much. Okay, so there's this old trope of the stand up comic. Like a cynical, usually like white guy and a little misanthropic, perhaps equal parts self loathing and egocentric. Magically. Yours is not that. It's like the opposite of that. And that is a very intentional choice. I mean, yours is joy. Can you talk about how you. How you made that choice?

[Michelle Buteau]

I mean, I think, you know, I had like, co workers when I first started standup. Tell me like, you should do stand up. And I'm like, I should not. Because I would go to shows and everybody was like, so unhappy and they didn't have sex and they had no money and they were always high or they couldn't get laid. And I was like, I love money. I like being happy. I like good food. I like sex. Maybe this is not for me. Maybe I'm too happy for this. But I was like, you know what? After sitting through shows, I want. I want someone to feel like they are, like, also living life. I want to be inspired. And so I'm just like, there's all different types of music and there'll be different types of comedy.

[Rachel Martin]

Yeah. You know, I talked to Alana Glaser for a recent episode. Your friend and co star from Babes. So good. She said to me that the two of you talked about stand up as an affliction, though.

[Michelle Buteau]

Yeah.

[Rachel Martin]

What about it feels like an affliction, which is not necessarily a positive word.

[Michelle Buteau]

It's not, but it's like once, you know, once you name the thing, then it's easier to. To deal with it and make it a superpower. So I have anxiety. I found out later in life that I'm dyslexic. But it's a superpower because now I can read your script, make it my own. Everyone's like, she's so natural and off the cuff. I'm like, yeah. Cause I cannot read what you wrote, so I'm just gonna do it my way. And people are like, oh, man. I'm just like, yeah, call me the big titty. Ryan Seacrest. That's who it is. I don't know. But like, yeah, when we talk about standup, it is an affliction, you know, when people, especially younger comedians, are like, how do I make money at stand up? I'm like, ooh, you're doing it for the wrong reasons. You should not be doing this for money. You do it cause you love it. And there's something that, like, drives you to that Stage in that microphone. Every time, whether you've bombed, you gotta get back up there and see if you could do it. Whether you are testing a new joke and you get chuckles. You want to get back up there and make it a belly laugh and then, like, an applause break. And what do you want to say that hasn't been said, like, by you and, like, other people? And so, like, there's this, like, this affliction thing that, like, you just. You have to keep going back for more. And that's the exciting part about it, too. It's just, like, you know, instead of looking at what's wrong with us, like, you should be thinking, like, damn, how do I make this into a superpower period?

[Rachel Martin]

Okay, we're moving on. We're back in the game. Get back in it. Okay, Shaq, round two. Three new cards.

[Michelle Buteau]

One, two or three? I'm gonna go one this time.

[Rachel Martin]

I don't think I've asked anyone this question before.

[Michelle Buteau]

Oh, boy.

[Rachel Martin]

What's the biggest risk you've ever taken?

[Michelle Buteau]

Definitely getting married.

[Rachel Martin]

Whoa.

[Michelle Buteau]

That's crazy. That's insane. I don't.

[Rachel Martin]

Just the whole thing of it. Yeah.

[Michelle Buteau]

Yes. Like, I don't know you. But more than having a baby, well, that was really crazy, too, because we did IVF for five years, and I had a lot of losses, and then we had to go down the surrogacy route. Yeah. So that was pretty insane. But, like, also, like, it was just one of those things where it was, like, one of the hardest moments of my life and the most lonely because I had no one to talked, like, I didn't know it. Like, everybody was either deep in ivf, didn't want to have kids at all, or just got pregnant naturally. And so I didn't. And everybody was, like, full of advice that was useless. And so I just really wanted somebody to say, I'm sorry you're going through this, and, like, just give me a hug. And even, like, when my kids were born, I was like, I just kept praying, like, I hope I walk away with two heartbeats. Like, I hope I. And so, like, that was absolutely crazy. But if I have to think about, like, the person, my partner, my man that I'm, like, on this journey with where, like, anything can happen in life. And so it feels like the floor is, like, gone under your feet, or you're just tumbling or you're, like, at the top of, like, a roller coaster in life. You're like, how do I. I just want to go to the part where I get down and, like, know I'm okay. You know, to, like, have a person to do that with is fucking special. Uh, oh, you can bleep me fucking special. And so just to. I met my husband out of a one night stand to be like, I don't know, you seem pretty. Pretty great. Like, you know, I just, you know, I just kind of followed my instinct and I was like, I don't really know you, but all I want to know is I just. The only thing I know is that I want to keep seeing you tomorrow and tomorrow. And he was in Amsterdam, I was in New York. We had no money. We would, like, get miles or, like, go fund me's and like, try to see each other. And I was like, I think I want my face to be in your face for a very long time. And that's all I knew. And there was, like, no red flags for me to be like, mm, mm. You know, if there were no red.

[Rachel Martin]

Flags, what felt risky about it?

[Michelle Buteau]

Because what if there is a red flag later?

[Rachel Martin]

Yeah.

[Michelle Buteau]

Yeah. What if the other. You're waiting for the other shoe to drop when you're in a relationship, you know, sometimes you're just like, is this gonna be really good? To be honest, like, what if he's cheat on youth?

[Rachel Martin]

Yes.

[Michelle Buteau]

I was gonna say, what if he.

[Rachel Martin]

Cheats on her with big?

[Michelle Buteau]

Because there was a long line of cheating. And that's why I put cheating in the first episode of Survival of the Thickest, because I was like, oh, I really know what it's like to kind of like rebuild your life from this horrible moment. But what happens when you. I saw this quote on Instagram. I'm sorry, everybody, but here we are. Okay, good. The quote is, the tools that you needed to thrive. The tools that you need to survive will not be the ones you need to thrive. So you have to also learn how to be happy. Stop picking the scab, you know? And so I was like, oh, this is. Sometimes look at my husband. I'm like, this is really crazy. I can't believe we're still doing this. It's been 16 years. I'm like, okay, you know, it's crazy. That was. What? Like, I didn't even know that you could, like, still want to have sex with somebody past, like, five minutes. Do you know what I mean? I was like, what? You could still want to have sex with that person, like, a decade later. That's great. Like, people trade in cars faster. I don't know.

[Rachel Martin]

Okay, last one in this round. One, two, three.

[Michelle Buteau]

Oh, my God. I'm gonna go Number two. I'm sorry, no, wait. Number three. Number three.

[Rachel Martin]

Oh my God.

[Michelle Buteau]

Okay, this is a good number.

[Rachel Martin]

Damn it. I want to ask both of them. Okay, fine, you pick three.

[Michelle Buteau]

Ask both. I'll be. I'll make it quick.

[Rachel Martin]

Okay. When has selfishness served you well?

[Michelle Buteau]

Oh my goodness. Just being a, being a woman in this world, wanting anything for yourself. We need to think that we are being our most selfish and we are like literally asking for the bare minimum. So like all the time, you know when people are like, what do you want to do? I'm like, make money. I want to make a lot of money. I want to make a lot of money. I want to like, take care of myself. I don't want to work. I want F you money. I want my kids to like understand how hard it is is to like make money, but like appreciate it, like and, and be okay. Like, what are you talking about? Yeah, Selfish. Very selfish. Women and children first. I don't know. Also like, comedy is sort of a self serving career. So every time I leave the house, I feel bad. I'm like, I'm so sorry. I'm gonna go live my dream. But then I come back, like fulfilled.

[Rachel Martin]

Yeah, yeah.

[Michelle Buteau]

The mom guilt is real.

[Rachel Martin]

Yeah. No, but don't you also wish that for your kids?

[Michelle Buteau]

Like, I think it's 5,000 few people.

[Rachel Martin]

That get to do a thing. Work is work. Most people just gotta go and you gotta do it and you come home to your family and you have a life outside it. To have a job that you love is a special thing. And it is. Yeah, yeah, I get that.

[Michelle Buteau]

Yes. And if you can uplift people at the same time. Girl, what you doing? Go pack that bag.

[Rachel Martin]

Yeah, you gave me the right to ask you this other one, so I'm going to first. No, it's good. What's your shortcut to a good cry?

[Michelle Buteau]

It doesn't take much.

[Rachel Martin]

You don't need a shortcut.

[Michelle Buteau]

I don't need a shortcut?

[Rachel Martin]

Yeah.

[Michelle Buteau]

Like, you know when I get into politics with people and they're like, take the emotion out of it, I'm like, if you're not emotional, then you are also part of the problem. Yeah, everything. I mean, like, when I think about my friend Peppermint, who was a beautiful black trans woman in my show, and every time she gets, she like, I've seen her give a speech, she's like, you know, statistically I'm in my 40s, right. And I'm not even supposed to be alive. As a black trans woman, that makes me feel horrible. You know, there's so many things that will, like, get me there, but I'm just like, yeah, I think more people need to feel their feelings. We get caught up in the technology and the day to day and what we're gonna wear and who we're gonna be, and it's just like, have you ever just sat in a room and thought about all the shit that your families had to go through so you could be here?

[Jen Chavez]

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[Michelle Buteau]

We'Re.

[Rachel Martin]

Going to round three. This is the last round. All right, here we go. There's three more red cards.

[Michelle Buteau]

Oh, my God. Skittle. It's so interesting. The rainbow people have that reaction. Okay, okay. I don't want to. We're gonna do three. I don't want to disrespect three. Let's go. Three.

[Rachel Martin]

One, two, three, three.

[Michelle Buteau]

Yep.

[Rachel Martin]

What's a place you consider sacred?

[Michelle Buteau]

Oh, my goodness. I mean, what, like my home? My home. Yeah. My heart, my mind. Get out of here. If you want to disturb my peace, you have to go. You just have to go. And even if we're blood related. Bye. Bye. I have too many important like, my kids are so amazing and I work so hard to have them like I can't be worried about you, and I have to be good for them.

[Rachel Martin]

How do you keep that in your home? Like, do you actually do.

[Michelle Buteau]

I'm a defender. Yeah. And comedy helps in what way? It's sugar with the medicine, you know. Yeah. I'm gonna tell you how I feel about what you're doing and that I can't do it, but, you know, maybe later I can. And I might, you know, either start with a joke or end with something funny so, you know, you don't feel as bad. And maybe I don't feel as bad either, but you gotta go. Can't do it.

[Rachel Martin]

Can you tell me about your house? Like, do you have a particular ritual with your family that keeps it feeling.

[Michelle Buteau]

Yeah.

[Rachel Martin]

Sacred.

[Michelle Buteau]

I mean, you know, I really pride myself on being the funhouse, which is great because I grew up in a very Caribbean household where it's like, a lot of parties and families and dancing, and so I love that. And so we make it a point to have people over, like, once a month or something, but. And a lot of people, you know, like 40 to 80 people, because, you know. Yeah, we. We have a beautiful community. And now people are sort of, like, you know, in relationships and have kids and dogs, and so we, you know, my husband and I were sort of, like, community organizer, and so we have parties. But, you know, it's also nice to have, like, a friend over for dinner once in a while. But for the most part, like, we have dinner together every night as a family, and that alone is a dance. Yeah, we work really hard for all those plates to make it to the table. If it's for seven minutes or 30 minutes, we're doing it, you know, and it isn't always, like, romantic. We don't go around the table and be like, what was your thorn in your. Like, we don't do all that, you know, it's just like, can you just eat your broccoli and tell me what happened at the playground?

[Rachel Martin]

Kid eats their broccoli. I think that is sacred. I think that's a sacred same.

[Michelle Buteau]

Exactly, Exactly.

[Rachel Martin]

Okay, three more cards. One, two, three.

[Michelle Buteau]

Oh, number two.

[Rachel Martin]

Do you think there's any part of us that will live on after we die?

[Michelle Buteau]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, of course. I mean, I host this barbecue show on Netflix called Barbecue Showdown. And what I really love about people from all walks of life that come in with recipes outside of, like, just in their brain, it's always like, a grandma, a great grandma. You know, it's. It is passing. It's what the ancestors wanted Right. They're passing down culture and recipes and. Yeah. And it's up to us to, you know, song, to still celebrate them and keep doing them and alive. And so whatever that is, it's like, yeah, we still can. We can do all of that. Repeat a joke or a story, a dance move. It's like, yeah, we can do that. We could still live on.

[Rachel Martin]

You were raised, like, in a church. Very, very churchy.

[Michelle Buteau]

Yeah, very churchy.

[Rachel Martin]

And how are you still churchy?

[Michelle Buteau]

No.

[Rachel Martin]

Do you think there's a God?

[Michelle Buteau]

I do think there's a God.

[Rachel Martin]

You do?

[Michelle Buteau]

I don't. I do. I do think there's a God, There's a higher power. There's. There's something. There's a vibration, there's something. I don't think that all these things in the world have happened without, like, some sort of. Like there's some sort of higher power. I have no idea who or what. But. Yeah. Because I feel it. I feel it sometimes I feel like I'm flying. I feel like I'm flying. You know, it's like. It's. It's. It's fun and it's good and it's powerful, but I couldn't tell you what it is. Couldn't tell you what it is. And. And I'm just like, we need to update the Bible. What are we doing? We update our phones and Similac more than we update the Bible. We're just gonna believe these motherfuckers from back then? Come on now. That's crazy. That's crazy. That's such a game of telephone. That's not nice.

[Rachel Martin]

Do you still hold that there? In that Catholic tradition, there's an afterlife. Like, the thing that lives on after we die is you in heaven. That's the Christian belief. Is that something that resonates with you or.

[Michelle Buteau]

No, I do think something happens, but I have no idea what. I don't know what. You know, I do believe in energy and spirits. There are too many coincidences for me not to think that someone's trying to tell me something sometimes. Yeah. But. Yeah, I'm not gonna. Yeah, I don't, like, really subscribe to the whole. You know, there's three levels, like a heaven in purgatory, in the hell. Like, I don't know. I don't know about all that, but that's just me. And here's the thing, too. I want people to be happy and I want them to be full. So whatever you believe, I'm with you on that. The minute you start saying we shouldn't do something and someone shouldn't live their life and it makes them happy or they shouldn't exist, then we gotta talk or not talk at all.

[Rachel Martin]

Yeah, I get it. Okay, we're at our last question. Michelle.

[Michelle Buteau]

Oh, my God.

[Rachel Martin]

You answered all of them. You still have a skip and a flip. You don't have to use them. I'm just reminding you. Especially in the last one. Okay. One, two, or three?

[Michelle Buteau]

I don't know. That's so hard. I'll give one a little love. Okay.

[Rachel Martin]

What feels unreachable to you?

[Michelle Buteau]

What feels unreachable? Nothing. Nothing. I mean, like, even in the deepest, darkest moment of, do I have a life threatening disease? Can I beat it? You fight. You fight and you really try to make a miracle happen. So I feel like, unreachable. That is a word that people will tell you to make it easy for them, but you dig deep and do whatever the fuck you have to do to make whatever the fuck needs to happen happen.

[Rachel Martin]

We end the show the same way every time, Tripp. And our memory time machine. You pick one moment from your past that you would not change anything about. You just want to linger there a little longer.

[Michelle Buteau]

Oh, my God.

[Rachel Martin]

What moment do you choose?

[Michelle Buteau]

I think the night I met my husband, you know, it was the end of the night. It was my last stop. I was already on a bad date, and I was like, forget this guy. It was a place called Bembe in Brooklyn, which is like a free joint. I don't know if it's free anymore, but it was free back in the day. And you go and dance and you pay cash only overpriced guava drinks or whatever, and have some dudes with, like, accents spin you around and be like, what country are you from? And sure enough met some white boy with a strange name who spun me and stepped on my feet. And I remember, like, it being dark, and he had a really cute hat on, and he kind of was giving like a ghetto Bruce Willis with, like, a booty. I was like, what is this? I'm so confused. I am so. It was like Andre Agassi. I was like, I don't. You have blue eyes and dimples. You smell like a pack of cigarettes. But I still like it. Very confusing. I remember, like, the smell and, like, the feeling. But I wish I just, like, could remember, like, the songs and, like, the dances and, like, yeah, I wish I could live there a little bit longer, but, you know, we've had a beautiful life, so there's a lot of other moments too.

[Rachel Martin]

Michelle Buteau. Her new Netflix comedy special is called A Beautoeful Mind at Radio City Music Hall. Michelle, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. If you liked this episode, and I hope you did, check out my conversation with Kathryn Hahn. She told me at this point, point in her life and career, she feels more powerful than ever, which is very much the vibe that we got from Michelle. Talking with both of them was genuinely inspiring and just a completely good time. This episode was produced by Lee Hale and edited by Dave Blanchard. It was mastered by Robert Rodriguez. Wildcard's executive producer is Beth Donovan. Our theme music is by Ramtin Arablouei. Reach out to us if you would [e-mail] we'll shuffle the deck and we will be back with more next week. Talk to you then.

[Jen Chavez]

Support for this podcast and the following message come from arm ARM CEO Renee Haas discusses leadership and the role of AI in national security with the head of Palantir's defense business, Mike Gallagher in the latest episode of Tech Unheard, available on all podcast platforms.

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