Padma Lakshmi says she wouldn’t go back to her 20s

Summary

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Wild Card with Rachel Martin

Episode: Padma Lakshmi says she wouldn’t go back to her 20s

Date: November 6, 2025
Host: Rachel Martin (NPR)
Guest: Padma Lakshmi

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Episode Overview

In this episode of Wild Card, Rachel Martin sits down with renowned author, TV host, and food advocate Padma Lakshmi for an intimate, card-guided conversation. They explore Padma's experiences with aging, identity, and cooking, as well as deep reflections on grief, spirituality, and self-acceptance. Throughout, Padma’s stories illuminate the complexities of immigrant life, womanhood, and parenting, making for a vulnerable and rich listen.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Joy—and Surprise—of Getting Older

• Padma opens the conversation reflecting on aging
  • [00:41] "How happy it makes me. I was terrified of becoming 30, and then I was terrified of becoming 40, and now I'm 55, and I have to tell you, I feel great. I am the happiest I've ever been. I wouldn't trade and go back to my 20s for all the money in the world." – Padma Lakshmi
  • Padma discusses how, contrary to societal expectations, happiness and self-acceptance have deepened with age.
• Notable insight: Self-worth is now rooted in her accomplishments and sense of self, rather than appearance.

2. Immigration, Identity, and Belonging

• Navigating identity as an immigrant in America
  • [01:17] “I think every immigrant in this country, no matter where they're from, I think we're all trying to navigate that path, that integration, where we feel at home in our lives.” – Padma Lakshmi
  • Padma describes feeling "othered" in America in adulthood, despite the country’s diversity, compared to relative acceptance in parts of Europe.

3. Childhood Memories and Culinary Roots

• Grandmother’s influence and the safety of her childhood home in Chennai
  • [05:53] “My grandmother's house. ... Every summer...I loved it there...And those first lessons in the kitchen were not only about cooking but also about life.” – Padma Lakshmi
  • Cooking was not only about food, but also a way of understanding timing, patience, and the rhythm of life.
  • [06:39] On spices and cooking: “She ground all her spices...she just had the touch. In Tamil, there is a saying, avloda kaika ravasnaya, which means her hand has an aroma.”
• Poignant reflection on her grandmother’s passing
  • [08:58] “She died during COVID unfortunately, and I was able to somehow swing a visa and run to her bedside...she waited for me.” – Padma Lakshmi

4. Turning Points: Integrating Two Worlds

• A significant moment of cultural and personal integration
  • [10:34] The housewarming/office blessing ceremony with a priest from the Ganesh temple.
  • For the first time, Padma felt "my American side and my Indian side were completely reconciled and at ease with each other."

5. Food, Community, and America’s Diversity

• On her new book, Padma's All American Tales
  • [14:59] “It was very important to me that the writing be just as strong [as the recipes]...I wanted to give the reader a snapshot of what it means to be American in our many faces, and not just what you see on primetime, network and cable television.”
  • Discussion of the importance of profiling diverse Americans and honoring the contributions and stories of immigrants.
• Experience with indigenous cuisine and lessons from Twyla Casador
  • [16:37] “I had one of the most moving days of my life at the San Carlos reservation in Arizona...we foraged for every single thing we ate.”
  • [17:23] “...I got a real education not only on food and eating naturally from your environment, but also about how resourceful and knowledgeable these first nations are about how to live in harmony with the land.”

6. On Fear and Vulnerabilities

• Padma’s irrational fears—a surprisingly long list
  • [19:55] “…Which one would you like to start with? I still look under my bed before I go to bed at night…I also have an irrational fear of running on the treadmill…terrified I’m gonna slip and fall…”
• Shared vulnerabilities with Rachel
  • Stories of both falling on or near treadmills and general anxieties as adults.

7. Beauty, Modeling and Acceptance

• Modeling, self-worth and unlearning perfectionism
  • [23:38] “When you are a model...so much of what you do is tied to your physical self...it's very hard to compartmentalize...and that takes a lot of fortitude—fortitude that you really don't have at the time.”
• On her arm scar becoming pivotal to her career
  • [27:02] “I have a very large scar on my right arm...[Helmut Newton] shot me because of my scar. And then overnight, my career took off...it was a great lesson very early in my 20s that showed me that our standards of beauty are arbitrary.”
• Body confidence in her 50s
  • [28:44] “I feel better now. I mean, I would have killed to do Sports Illustrated when I was actually a model, but I'm glad it happened in my 50s because I appreciate it more…”

8. Grief and Spiritual Presence

• Profound story of loss, her daughter, and a sense of the divine
  • [31:38] “Have you ever experienced a divine power?”
  • [33:00] Padma recounts the morning of her lover’s passing, and her daughter Krishna as a toddler announcing “Poppy’s here” and saying, “He says, hello. I’m fine. Goodbye.”
  • [33:35] “For the first three years after Teddy died, I would still talk to him out loud...I could feel him...Is that wishful feeling? I just know that for me, it's a blessing and a positive, steadying feeling. And I’ll take it.”

9. Can People Truly Change?

• Thoughtful, conflicted response
  • [35:24] “I've seen people change. I have, and I've seen, surprisingly, people completely not change. ... Maybe it's painful to change, but there's always pain when there's growth. There's no growth without some destruction.”
  • [36:11] “I like to think that I'm the latter. You know, I don't want to stay the same. I don't. That's unnatural. Something either atrophies or grows.”

10. The Memory Machine: Nostalgia for Childhood Motherhood

• If she could relive one moment
  • [37:31] “I really miss my daughter as her younger self...gosh, she was so juicy when she was 5 and 4...Those bedtimes, those bath times, her singing in the bath...”
  • [38:24] Song lyric shared between Padma and her daughter:
    • "I love you mommy. Oh yes I do. I love you, mommy that much is true..."

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Memorable Quotes (with Timestamps)

• “I wouldn’t trade and go back to my 20s for all the money in the world.” – Padma Lakshmi [00:41]
• “Every immigrant in this country...we're all trying to navigate that path, that integration, where we feel at home in our lives.” – Padma Lakshmi [01:17]
• “She used cooking as a way to teach me about life, saying, just like life, everything has its time, everything has its moment. You don't want to rush anything and you don't want to wait too long.” – Padma Lakshmi on her grandmother [06:24]
• “…For the first time, I felt like my American side and my Indian side were completely reconciled and at ease with each other.” – Padma Lakshmi [11:00]
• “It's really difficult...when you are a model and an actor...so much of what you do is tied to your physical self.” – Padma Lakshmi [25:38]
• “Our standards of beauty are arbitrary.” – Padma Lakshmi [27:18]
• “There's always pain when there's growth. There's no growth without some destruction.” – Padma Lakshmi [35:24]
• “I really miss my daughter as her younger self...she was so juicy when she was 5 and 4...Those bedtimes, those bath times, her singing in the bath...” – Padma Lakshmi [37:31]
• “I don't feel guilty when I take any pleasure, but what is my guilty pleasure is having five hours to put my feet up on a Saturday and just read.” – Padma Lakshmi [29:47]

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Segment Timestamps for Reference

• Aging & happiness: [00:41], [23:34], [23:38]
• Immigrant experiences: [01:17], [12:08]
• Childhood & grandmother: [05:45]–[08:58]
• Religious & cultural integration: [10:34]
• Cookbook & American diversity: [14:14]–[19:44]
• Fears & vulnerabilities: [19:48]–[23:19]
• Beauty & acceptance: [23:31]–[29:45]
• Spiritual experiences & grief: [31:38]–[34:46]
• Change & growth: [35:19]–[36:49]
• Favorite memory as a mother: [37:01]–[40:11]

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Tone & Atmosphere

Padma and Rachel maintain a candid, warm, and humorous tone, openly sharing vulnerabilities, joys, and deep insights. The conversation flows naturally, combining playful moments (fears about treadmills and mandolins) with emotional honesty (grief, motherhood, fitting in). The overall spirit is one of connection, wisdom, and mutual curiosity.

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Conclusion

This Wild Card episode offers listeners an enriching glimpse into Padma Lakshmi’s layered identity and personal evolution. Through card-prompted questions, she unreels stories of overcoming and embracing difference, settling into her authentic self with age, and finding magic in both the kitchen and human connection. With memorable anecdotes and heartfelt reflections, Padma’s conversation provides comfort, encouragement, and a “grounding reminder of our shared humanity.”

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Transcript

[Announcer]

This message comes from the Council for Interior Design Qualification. Safety matters. That's why NCIDQ certified interior designers meet rigorous standards to protect health, safety, and welfare. Learn [e-mail] NPR hey, it's Rachel.

[Rachel Martin]

Just wanted to let you know that if you want to watch this episode with Padma Lakshmi or any of our past episodes, you can do that on our brand new YouTube page, find us PRWildcard. And while you're there, be sure to like and subscribe. It really helps the show. Of course, if you'd rather listen, then we've got that episode for you right now. What have you found surprising about getting older?

[Padma Lakshmi]

How happy it makes me. I was terrified of becoming 30, and then I was terrified of becoming 40, and now I'm 55, and I have to tell you, I feel great. I am the happiest I've ever been. I wouldn't trade and go back to my 20s for all the money in the world.

[Rachel Martin]

I'm Rachel Martin, and this is Wild Card, the show where cards control the conversation. Each week, my guest answers questions about their life, questions pulled from a deck of cards. They're allowed to skip one question and to flip one back on me. My guest this week is Padma Lakshmi.

[Padma Lakshmi]

I think every immigrant in this country, no matter where they're from, I think we're all trying to navigate that path, that integration, where we feel at home in our lives.

[Rachel Martin]

I absolutely love watching Padma Lakshmi as a judge on Top Chef for so many years because she was just so enthusiastic about eating new things. There is an inherent curiosity about Padma. She wants to know all the secrets to a stellar dish, but she also wants to know the story behind the person who made it for her. Food is how we connect and how we celebrate the cultural diversity that is America. She's published a new cookbook called Padma's All American Tales Travels and Recipes from Taste the Nation and beyond. Padma, I am so happy that you're welcome to a wildcard.

[Padma Lakshmi]

Hi. Thank you so much.

[Rachel Martin]

Okay, let's do it. So the first round is memories. Three cards. One, two, or three?

[Padma Lakshmi]

I'll pick one.

[Rachel Martin]

One. What was your most intimidating move?

[Padma Lakshmi]

I mean, all of my moves, I have to say, have been ones that I've been excited about and sort of had a lot of wonder about. Starting from when I came to the US at from India, I flew as an unaccompanied minor. But after college, I was scouted and I went to Europe to model. I had a lot of college loans to pay off, so that helped. And when I was in my late 20s. I decided to move back to America shortly, like a year before my first cookbook was published. And I was very much a fish out of water all over again. And I had experienced this wonderful openness in Europe actually, interestingly enough, where, you know, most people in many of those countries were Italian from Italy or French from France. But in America, where we have more diversity, I felt much more othered than I did when I lived in those European countries. And I knew that because I often went back and forth and I was worried about it and it took me a bit of time to find my way.

[Rachel Martin]

But when you were making this particular move, like you said, you were in your, what, late 20s?

[Padma Lakshmi]

Yeah, I was 28.

[Rachel Martin]

Yeah, 27.

[Padma Lakshmi]

28, yeah.

[Rachel Martin]

And you already had a career going for you. Like you said, it was right before or after your first cookbook was coming out?

[Padma Lakshmi]

It's right before, yeah, right before.

[Rachel Martin]

So you were going home to good and exciting things.

[Padma Lakshmi]

Yes.

[Rachel Martin]

But it was still more intimidating for you even than when you came as a child, as an unaccompanied minor, to meet your mom in America.

[Padma Lakshmi]

Yes, because when I was coming here, I was a child full of wonder and I was coming to meet my mother. My mother had come from India two years prior to make a new life for us here in New York. And I stayed back with my grandparents. So maybe it was the reunification with my mother that was pulling me toward America with excitement or. My grandfather also was quite a lover of America and American culture. He had traveled extensively as a hydro engineer through America, working with the Indian government, teaching the American how to do certain things in their waterworks and stuff. So he loved baseball, he loved coffee and donuts, he knew all this stuff. And he made me memorize all the state capitals and states in alphabetical order of America, which is probably something I couldn't do today. So I felt very primed. America seemed very exciting to me, and it was. And of course, as a four year old, you're very protected, so. So I had a child's view of America and I landed in New York, which is one of the most diverse cities in the world. And so I had a wonderful time. And it wasn't until I was older, you know, sort of late elementary school, middle school, that I started understanding that a lot of Americans didn't necessarily see me as the same as them. Even though, you know, I lived in the same neighborhood, I went to the same school, I had the same homework and all of that. Watching the same TV shows.

[Rachel Martin]

Yeah, okay, 1, 2, or 3?

[Padma Lakshmi]

2.

[Rachel Martin]

2. Where would you go when you wanted to feel safe as a kid?

[Padma Lakshmi]

My grandmother's house. Every summer I was a latchkey kid in New York. My mom was a single mother. And every summer, right after school let out in June, I was sent back to India for three months. And I loved it there. My grandparents were retired. We lived in a seaside town in Chennai with my uncle and aunt and all my cousins in the same house. There were eight or ten of us in a two bedroom flat. And I remember being very happy, not really having a lot of toys, but playing with these wooden dishes, which in Tamil are called chopp and, you know, just plague cooking. It's really interesting. If I look back now, it's no surprise.

[Rachel Martin]

Started early.

[Padma Lakshmi]

Yeah. And those first lessons in the kitchen were not only about cooking, but also about life. And, you know, she used cooking as a way to teach me about life and saying, you know, everything, just like life, everything has its time, everything has its moment. You don't want to rush anything and you don't want to wait too long. You know, there's a time for every vegetable to get dropped into the. The curry, you know, so you want to make sure you add your potatoes long enough, early enough so they have time to cook. You want to make sure, you know, you don't add the cilantro too early because it'll just all the flavor will cook out. And, you know, I learned so much at my grandmother's elbow. I learned all about spices. I don't think I would have been able to write the spice Encyclopedia if I hadn't had that very early education from her. She ground all her spices, which is very common in middle class Indian homes, but she just had the touch. In Tamil, there is a saying, avloda kaika ravasnaya, which means her hand has an aroma. So that everything you touch or that person touches becomes something that smells good, is aromatic and delicious. And, you know, my touches of her.

[Rachel Martin]

Flavor, I love that.

[Padma Lakshmi]

Yes, exactly.

[Rachel Martin]

What did the kitchen look like, Padma?

[Padma Lakshmi]

It was very small. It was very humble, very small. You know, she cooked for those eight to 10 people with two burners. And we had a big gas tank underneath that got hooked up once a month that supplied the gas. We did not have any sponges she washed or other people washed the dishes with some mature coconut fibers like the beard of the brown coconut. Wow. But I didn't really see until I came to America. And in my grandmother's house, I didn't see sponges until the late 80s because she well, she hated those sponges because she didn't think they were clean.

[Rachel Martin]

Right. Well, they're sort of not really, when you think about it.

[Padma Lakshmi]

And now we're learning that those old ways are much better for the environment and better for our bodies. You know, these sponges with microplastics and stuff. So my grandmother knew, even if she didn't know the reason. Yeah.

[Rachel Martin]

Do you still have her in your life?

[Padma Lakshmi]

I don't. You know, she died during COVID unfortunately, and I was able to somehow swing a visa and run to her bedside at the hospital. And she died eight hours after I saw her. So she waited for me. And, you know, she lived a really long, beautiful life. She was 89 years old. She came from a sibling family of 16 siblings, and she was one of the oldest. So she took care of a lot of people over the course of her life, and I think it taught her patience. My grandmother was not a cuddly person. She was a nice person and a kind person, but she wasn't very warm or cuddly. But I really loved her, you know, and she was very matter of fact. And I remember asking her once, you know, pati, are you. Are you happy? And she would answer by saying, you know, for her, happiness wasn't a thing to be, it was a verb. You know, that if she had finished all the things on her mental list for that day when she went to sleep, she went to sleep happy because she had gotten done everything. And she was just a very practical, pragmatic woman. And I think I learned so much from her that had nothing to do with cooking, but also everything to do with cooking. Yeah.

[Rachel Martin]

Oh, I love that portrait of her. Last one in this round. 1. 2 or 3?

[Announcer]

3. 3.

[Rachel Martin]

When have you felt like you turned a page in your life?

[Padma Lakshmi]

You know, there was a moment when I, you know, I lived in the East Village in New York City at the time, and I had an apartment on the fifth floor and the sixth floor apartment, which was a little bit bigger and sunnier and had a roof deck opened up, and I was looking for an office space, and so I rented it out. And, you know, I'm a pretty secular person, but just to hedge my bets, I called the priests from the Ganesh temple in Queens, and I had them come out and do a blessing, you know, sort of like a housewarming, but an office warming. I had my showroom there at that time.

[Rachel Martin]

You should just say who Ganesh is. Ganesh is.

[Padma Lakshmi]

Ganesh is Hindu God and Hindu deity.

[Rachel Martin]

And Ganesh removes obstacles or removes.

[Announcer]

Yes.

[Padma Lakshmi]

He's the remover of obstacles. That's right. And he's also a very gluttonous deity. Like, he loves modak and different dumplings and things like that. Yeah, he's my guy, so he's kind of jolly as well. So, you know, they came to do a puja or a ritual offering and bless the office. And, you know, in that moment, and I had invited my cousin and my nephews to come. And also my makeup artist, Michelle was there, my employees were there. And, you know, it was really a special, sweet little ceremony. And for the first time, I felt like my American side and my Indian side were completely reconciled and at ease with each other.

[Rachel Martin]

You were seeking an integration.

[Padma Lakshmi]

Yeah. And I think every immigrant in this country, no matter where they're from or whether they're even just, you know, descendants of immigrants second or third generation, I think we're all trying to navigate that path, that integration where we feel at home in our lives, even though there are lives, you know, at home in our bodies, in our lives, in our country.

[Rachel Martin]

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[Rachel Martin]

We're gonna step back from the game and talk about your new cookbook, which this is not a thing I do, Padma. I'm not really a cook person anyway, so. And cookbooks kind of intimidate me. But I got this book and I read the Whole dang thing. Because it was a beautiful experience to just sit with the book. I mean, the photos are gorgeous.

[Padma Lakshmi]

The.

[Rachel Martin]

Your writing is beautiful. The recipes look amazing. I have to try some, and I do feel motivated to try them, but I experienced the whole book, and I left feeling very uplifted.

[Padma Lakshmi]

Oh, good.

[Rachel Martin]

You have done this before. You have, as we've mentioned, you've written cookbooks before. What is different about this project for you?

[Padma Lakshmi]

You know, just because the book has great recipes doesn't always mean a cookbook has great writing. And it was very important to me that the writing be just as strong. And so, you know, that's why throughout the book, between every chapter, you have these profiles of people that I meet on the road. I spent the last five years of my professional life before I started really getting into the writing of this book, traveling eight months out of the year on the road for both Top Chef and Taste the Nation. And it really gave me an education, road by road, community by community, about what America is like. And so the people that are profiled in the book really moved me for different reasons, and that's why they're in there. And I sort of. I wanted to give the reader a snapshot of what it means to be American in our many faces, and not just what you see on primetime, network and cable television. You know, if you just watched network TV, you would think that we were a 94% white Caucasian population, or as I like to call them, European Americans, you know, Western European Americans, maybe. But rather than white people.

[Rachel Martin]

Right. Because we're all immigrants. We're all immigrants, you know, all of us.

[Padma Lakshmi]

Unless you are.

[Rachel Martin]

Except if you're native. And you did spend time with a beautiful woman who you profile in the book.

[Padma Lakshmi]

I profiled Twyla Casador in the book. And I had one of the most moving days of my life at the San Carlos reservation in Arizona. And we were in the desert, and if you had dropped me there alone, I would have starved and froze within a day and a half. But, you know, with her guidance, we foraged. For every single thing we ate that day, we've done an open fire. We baked bread in the ashes of the fire that cooked the gloscho or, you know, desert pack rat that we ate. There's an adaptation of that recipe using chicken thighs.

[Rachel Martin]

I noticed that.

[Padma Lakshmi]

Well, it's very hard, you know, to get desert psychological. Yeah. Also. Not to mention. Exactly. And it's a wonderful recipe, which is really easy to make, and you can probably buy all the ingredients at a very good Supermarket, you know, it's got sumac, it's got agave, it's got, you know, chili tapin, which is the only chili that is indigenous to North America. It's very easy to make. I use scallions instead of wild onions that we foraged in the desert. And I got a real education not only on food and eating naturally from your environment, but also about how resourceful and knowledgeable these first nations are about how to live in harmony with the land. And I think that indigenous people all over the world, but specifically in this country, have a lot to teach us about how to go back to those ways, much in the way my grandmother does in her own kitchen. Yeah.

[Rachel Martin]

And all of this just getting back to the basics of how we make food in its simplest way. I mean, she got two burners, she got the coconut threaded sponge for cleaning. It's just keep it detailed but simple.

[Padma Lakshmi]

Yeah. I mean, there's sacredness to everything if it's done with care and intention. We're such a fast culture now. We just breeze over everything to get to the next thing. And I hope that this book inspires people not only to slow down and cook, but also to get to know their neighbors. You know, we're so, you know, we're at a very tenuous and difficult time in our country. And what I wanted to do with the book was really provide an antidote to everything you see with ice, everything you see happening regarding immigration and the vilification of immigrants and all of that. Because, honestly, what actually makes this country great is our plethora of generations upon generations of immigrants who built their life here and in turn built America to be exactly what it is and what it will always be, which is an amalgamation of the best of all the cultures that have come here and settled.

[Rachel Martin]

We're going back to the game. Round two insights. 1. 2 or 3?

[Padma Lakshmi]

3.

[Rachel Martin]

3. What's an irrational fear you cannot shake?

[Padma Lakshmi]

I have so many. Which one would you like to start with? Yes.

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

I don't know.

[Padma Lakshmi]

I still look under my bed before I go to bed at night and I walk around my house and I check all the doors, even the sliding glass ones that I've not opened because it's winter. I also have an irrational fear of running on the treadmill, so I will only walk on a steep incline because I'm terrified I'm gonna slip and fall. And I can picture myself hitting mouth on the bar and all my teeth breaking and my mouth bloody and just tumbling. And one time when I was laugh.

[Rachel Martin]

I also share this fear.

[Padma Lakshmi]

Yes. And one time when I was 27, I'll never forget it. It was at Gold's Gym in Hollywood. I did fall on the treadmill. Cause my trainer always was encouraging me to run and the hem of my sweats got caught in the. And I got dragged. Oh, no. I mean, it was more, you know, embarrassing than any. And I'm kind of klutzy in general. So when I fall, I'm actually glad because I somehow statistically feel that my turn has passed for the next six or eight weeks. So. Yeah.

[Rachel Martin]

Oh my God. Can I just tell you, I never fell on the treadmill, but I have a treadmill related fall story in that like a year ago I joined this new gym with my husband and we showed up at this exercise like circuit training class and it was so hard. And by the end of the last thing we had to do was race each other. And I am super competitive and I was trying to race my husband who's like insanely fit. And so our last thing we're racing and I'm running and I'm like laying it all out. I'm trying so hard. And I ran into and through a treadmill like it was right in front. At the end of the finish line of this race, I just fell, I tripped and went right through it and slid my face on the.

[Padma Lakshmi]

Oh my God, it was awful. I guess that's not as bad. Cause it's only you who are propelling yourself forward rather.

[Rachel Martin]

I don't know, it's treadmill related. And so now I have a really hard time on treadmills in general.

[Padma Lakshmi]

Yeah. I mean, I'm afraid of the ocean. I'm afraid of waves. Even though I've always grown up near the ocean. Like in Madras, in Chennai. Oh, it's so deep.

[Rachel Martin]

Who knows what's under there.

[Padma Lakshmi]

Exactly. Well, it's also the waves. I'm not scared in Sardinia. Cause it's flat and see through, you know. But the Indian Ocean. Yes. The Atlantic. Yes. The Pacific. Absolutely.

[Rachel Martin]

I think we've established that both of us have some fears.

[Padma Lakshmi]

Yes. Afraid of the dark.

[Rachel Martin]

Afraid of, you know, afraid of the dark. I mean, there I also afraid of.

[Padma Lakshmi]

The French metal mandolin. I only use the Japanese plastic.

[Rachel Martin]

Well, that thing will kill you. That French mandolin will kill you. You'll lose your finger right there.

[Padma Lakshmi]

I'm a chainmail glove, but it's just so big. Like I'm like Michael Jackson or I'm like Excalibur, shall we say, with this metal chain mail glove that I use.

[Rachel Martin]

So you don't hurt yourself using the mandolin. Everyone knows that. This is the little kitchen instrument that you use to make potatoes, really thin sliced vegetables. And it's like a frigging guillotine. I mean, it's so sharp, you could.

[Padma Lakshmi]

Do a lot of things. Yeah, same thing with a meat slicer. Nuh. I'll make my guy at the market do it, you know.

[Rachel Martin]

So now I'm very afraid, just in general. Gonna take a second. We're all gonna be fine. Okay, last question in this round. 1. 2 or 3?

[Padma Lakshmi]

3.

[Rachel Martin]

What have you found surprising about getting older?

[Padma Lakshmi]

How happy it makes me.

[Rachel Martin]

Oh, please say more.

[Padma Lakshmi]

Yeah, I mean, you know, listen, I started modeling after college and modeling was great for me because I would have never had the resources as a young person to travel as extensively as I did because of my work as a model. And it's what gave me this education in food. You know, I didn't go to culinary school. I certainly was never working the line at a restaurant. I did work in restaurants, but nothing, you know, Chef. Yeah. But, you know, I. Because I was modeling and because I started after college, I was always, you know, I was terrified of becoming 30 and then I was terrified of becoming 40. And now I'm 55 and I have to tell you, I feel great. I am the happiest I've ever been. Obviously, physically, I'm not what I was 30 years ago when I was 25. I wouldn't change, I wouldn't trade and. And go back to my 20s for all the money in the world. I really wouldn't. And I was so hard on myself about every little thing or every, you know, imperfection. I love the way I look. I love the way I feel. I feel confident both physically and mentally. I know that I'm gonna be okay. I know that I will always survive, no matter what. I'll have my ups and downs, you know.

[Rachel Martin]

Can I ask you about what it is like, though, as a woman who has lived in the spotlight for a long time and to have started so young in modeling, to have your self worth so wrapped up in things that you do not control? You know, you're born into your body. You're born with those cheekbones and the.

[Padma Lakshmi]

Color of your skin and the color of your skin.

[Rachel Martin]

And these things are not changeable. And I imagine that that is hard. To live for years associating your value with how someone else perceives your external beauty.

[Padma Lakshmi]

It's really difficult. It really is. And when you are a model and an actor or any kind of performer, so much of what you do is tied to your physical self. And for most of us, most of our self worth, especially if we haven't had families yet, comes from what we do for a living. And it's very hard to compartmentalize or be very strict with your emotions and say, this is not about me, this is about what I look like. And that takes a lot of fortitude. Fortitude that you really don't have at the time. Most young women are modeling. I was lucky. I started modeling actually not as young as most girls. I started after my bachelor's degree. I studied theater and American lit in college. And so I only started modeling in my last semester when I was studying abroad in Spain. And so I graduated and had a bachelor's degree before I really got into modeling. And I think that helped me. And it wasn't that, you know, there were a couple of people that asked me to model when I was in high school or after high school. And I remember my mother saying, you know, if you're pretty at 17, you'll be just more beautiful at 21. I really think you should go to college first. And she was right. You know, I. But I also started modeling before retouching and everything. And I have a very large scar on my right arm.

[Rachel Martin]

Which you found a lot of.

[Padma Lakshmi]

Car accident. Yeah. And, you know, I had to learn self acceptance at a very early age. And it was because I had a scar in my arm. And eventually I was discovered by Helmut Newton, who shot me because of my scar. And then overnight, my career took off.

[Rachel Martin]

Because he thought your scar was interesting. He thought. He thought that it made you an interesting model.

[Padma Lakshmi]

Exactly. And that's why he used me. And it was a great lesson very early in my 20s that showed me that our standards of beauty are arbitrary. And I was the same person two weeks ago that I was after Helm that shot me. But of course, my agent milked that and told everybody about it. So all of a sudden, I went from having zero fashion shows and only fitting jobs that were paid by the hour by designers for their atelier the week before Fashion week, to booking eight shows the first season and then 15 shows the next season, and then going from Milan to Paris to New York. And those same people who had only put me in long sleeves were now saying, oh, no, put her in short sleeves. Because under the makeup, you know, they do the same makeup and hair for everybody. They wanted to show this gar because Helmut thought it was cool. So it took, you know, in a way, it took somebody else deciding that this thing on my arm was suddenly beautiful. Yeah. And so I wouldn't recommend it.

[Rachel Martin]

But Padma, I did see you on. I mean, there was a Sports Illustrated thing you did not that long ago. You were in a hot bikini as a. I mean, were you 50 at that point?

[Padma Lakshmi]

Yeah, yeah, I was. It was just two years ago.

[Rachel Martin]

So you're still feeling very much in your.

[Padma Lakshmi]

I feel better now. Yeah. I mean, you know, I would have killed to do Sports Illustrated when I was actually a model, but I'm glad it happened in my 50s because I appreciate it more and I enjoyed it more and I didn't take it so seriously. I found out and I shot three weeks later. So I hardly slimmed down. But I did get in shape. You know, obviously I'm vain, so I did everything I could. I got lymphatic massages and I worked out a lot. So I'm a late bloomer, I guess, which is fine by me.

[Rachel Martin]

No one's knocking on my door for a Sports Illustrated podcast.

[Padma Lakshmi]

Now that I see what you look like, you have nothing to worry about. But I mean, it is true, though. Like, I think the reason I feel so good now in my 50s is because I don't derive my self worth from the way I look. Yeah. You know, I will still make a living as a writer. I will still make a living as a producer because I look forward when I don't have to sit in makeup and hair for two hours. I mean, I love my team, but like, I can literally.

[Rachel Martin]

You got things to do.

[Padma Lakshmi]

Yeah. I would be writing or I would be reading. You know that to me, people always say, what's your guilty pleasure? I'm like, I don't feel guilty when I take any pleasure, but what is my guilty pleasure is having five hours to put my feet up on a Saturday and just read.

[Rachel Martin]

Just read. Yeah.

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[Rachel Martin]

Last round. Beliefs 1, 2 or 3?

[Padma Lakshmi]

1.

[Rachel Martin]

Have you ever experienced a divine power?

[Padma Lakshmi]

Yes. Yes. Oh, I love the way you said that. My child was an infant and I had a lover who I cared very deeply for pass from brain cancer. Oh, I'm so sorry. And the early the morning that he died, they called me at four in the morning. My phone was charging in the kitchen and I took the phone and I remember not going back to the bedroom where my daughter and I slept. I remember just collapsing on the couch and I didn't want to enter the room. I just. I wanted her to still sleep in a world that contained her. Poppy. And so I didn't tell her, you know, she's just very small. She was just under two. And a few hours went by. My assistant came, my housekeeper showed up. My makeup artist, Michelle, who I would work out with, came to pick me up for the gym, not knowing. And Krishna was strapped to her high chair by the table. And we were all sort of bustling around. And she said, poppy's here. And I said, what? And she said, poppy's here? And I said, where? She said, right here. And I said, can you see him? She said, yes. I said, can you give him a kiss? And she sort of leaned forward and puckered up. And I said, is he saying anything? And she said, he says, hello, I'm fine. Goodbye. And it was literally within eight hours of his passing. And it gave me chills. And I'm so glad that, you know, there were three other people in the room who heard this because all of us froze.

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

Wow.

[Padma Lakshmi]

Yeah. You know, I mean, I happen to.

[Rachel Martin]

Believe that after someone dies, there's another space, you know?

[Padma Lakshmi]

Yeah.

[Rachel Martin]

For a while.

[Padma Lakshmi]

Yeah, I do too. At the same time, you know, for the first three years after Teddy died, I would still talk to him out loud, you know, after a while. I didn't do it. Cause it would unnerve Krishna, you know, but I could feel him. Like I would feel something, some presence. And, you know, again, see above, given how scared I am of anything and scary movies especially, or any kind of the occult or, you know, that kind of stuff, I don't play with Ouija board. I don't, you know, like, I'm not looking to invite any of. I felt. I do feel a presence. I always feel it sitting on the side of my bed. Or I can feel when it comes in and then when it leaves and it doesn't happen anymore. But I don't know, you know. Is that wishful feeling? Rather. I don't want to say it's wishful thinking because it's not like an intellectual thought, certainly, or fully formed concrete thought, but it's a feeling. And I don't know if that is divine or not. I just know that for me, it's a blessing and a positive, steadying feeling. And I'll take it.

[Rachel Martin]

Thank you. Yeah, right. Thank you for sharing that. That's beautiful.

[Padma Lakshmi]

I know. I feel kind of. I hope people don't think I'm a crazy person, but it did happen, and I did have three or four other witnesses in the room who heard Krishna say it. So.

[Rachel Martin]

No, I mean, it always feels validating when someone is there. When someone else is there. Right. It's not just right. Yeah, but that's a beautiful story. Okay, last three cards. One, Two, Three.

[Padma Lakshmi]

One.

[Rachel Martin]

One. Do you think people can really change?

[Padma Lakshmi]

Hmm. I've seen people change. I have, and I've seen, surprisingly, people completely not change. Their judgment doesn't improve or, you know, they're still a little tone deaf or arrogant or have a weird chip missing about being able to stand in someone else's shoes. You know, not that they're a bad person, but they're a little bit arrogant, so they put their foot in their mouth or, you know. You know, maybe it's painful to change, but there's always pain when there's growth. There's no growth without some destruction.

[Rachel Martin]

You paused a long time before you answered that question.

[Padma Lakshmi]

I did, because you really stumped me. And I feel both those things very much. I literally know people close to me who I'm surprised haven't changed more because of their own life experience. At least seen from my vantage point. And then I've seen other people who are so different. And I like to think that I'm the latter. You know, I don't want to stay the same. I don't. That's unnatural. Something either atrophies or grows. You know, anything that even stays still will decay.

[Rachel Martin]

Yeah. We end the show the same way every time with a trip in our memory time machine.

[Padma Lakshmi]

Okay.

[Rachel Martin]

In the memory time machine, you pick one moment from your past to revisit. It's Not a moment you would change anything about. It's just a moment you'd like to linger in a little longer. Which moment do you choose?

[Padma Lakshmi]

Oh, wow, this is a hard question. I feel like this is. This is like that show. This is your life. You know, you see every aspect of your life, see what comes by.

[Rachel Martin]

It doesn't have to define your whole life. It's just what comes to the fore in this particular moment.

[Padma Lakshmi]

I really miss my daughter as her younger self. I like seeing every stage of her development and, you know, there's conversations I have with her that are extraordinary and she teaches me so much as children do. And she's a teenager and she's 15 now, but gosh, she was so juicy when she was 5 and 4. She was just so. You wanted to bite her, like, you know, I can so viscerally feel her plump little body and her cheeks and, you know, her curly ringlets that are just so soft. I can smell that mustela baby bath Mustela that I used to use on her. And you know, we used to have these rituals where we did bath time together and we'd take a bath together again because I was a single. And so, you know, I would just like. I used to make her sing. Like if she was in the bath and I had to go answer the door or something, I would make her sing so I could run and, you know, turn off the stove or let somebody in. Because as long as I could hear her. Hear her voice, obviously. Yeah, yep, totally. And I used to. Sometimes I used to just sit in the other room and make her sing and not come back because she had this sweet, wonderful voice. I mean, she still sings. She's a singer and a songwriter and she's a performer, so. And those times, those bedtimes, those bath times, her singing in the bath and you know, we had a song that she would sing like, I love you mommy. Oh yes, I do. I love you, mommy that much is true. I love you, Mommy. I do. Oh please Mommy, say you love me too. I don't even know where we learned that song, but we always sang it to each other. And she would sing it and then I would sing back to her from the other room. I love you, Krishna. You know, and it was through this call and repeat. So those moments, I wish I could just have one weekend of gosh, you know, I'd pay really high figures for that. But you know, that's not possible. I have my photo albums, that's about all. Some videos of her singing. You know, I think you should go right home and let it go to.

[Rachel Martin]

The other room and make her sing that song to you immediately.

[Padma Lakshmi]

That's true. I send. Yeah, she does sing in her room now. It's just, you know, Charlie XCX and. Yeah, yeah. No, it's not. It's not.

[Rachel Martin]

Padma Lakshmi, this has been so fun. Thank you so much for doing it.

[Padma Lakshmi]

My pleasure. I'm so glad to finally put up face to this voice that's been so much a part of my mornings.

[Rachel Martin]

It was really, really lovely to get to do this with you. Padma's new book is called Padma's All American Tales, Travels and Recipes from Taste the Nation and Beyond. Thank you so much, Padma.

[Padma Lakshmi]

Thank you.

[Rachel Martin]

If you like this episode, I'd recommend going back and checking out my conversation with Terry Crew. He has also hosted a TV competition show, America's Got Talent, and when he's hosting this show, it's clear he's just curious about people the same way that Padma is. He's got this knack for just lifting every contestant up, and I love him for that. He was absolutely delightful to talk to and I think you're really gonna love listening. This episode was produced by Summer Tamad and edited by Dave Blanchard. It was mastered by Gilly Moon and Jimmy Keighley. Wildcard's executive producer is Yolanda Sangweni, and our theme music is by Ramtin Arablouei. We'll shuffle the deck and be back with more next week. Talk to you then.

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