Wanda Sykes is looking for higher stakes

Summary

Wild Card with Rachel Martin – Episode: "Wanda Sykes is Looking for Higher Stakes"

Overview In this captivating episode of Wild Card with Rachel Martin, acclaimed comedian Wanda Sykes joins host Rachel Martin for an intimate and revealing conversation. Unlike traditional interview formats, Wild Card employs a unique deck of cards to guide the dialogue, encouraging guests to delve into life’s most profound questions. Recognized as one of The New York Times' Top 10 Podcasts of 2024, this episode offers listeners an engaging blend of humor, vulnerability, and insightful reflections from one of comedy’s brightest stars.

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1. Breaking the Ice: Setting the Stage

The episode kicks off with Rachel Martin warmly welcoming Wanda Sykes, praising her for her fearless approach to comedy and her ability to tackle life’s taboos with humor and grace. Wanda reciprocates the warm welcome, setting a relaxed and friendly tone for the conversation.

Notable Quote:

• Rachel Martin [02:06]: "When I watch her on stage taking up space, saying all the taboos out loud and having the best time doing it, I think she makes everyone else watching feel a little bolder themselves."

2. Family and Games: Balancing Comedy with Parenthood

Rachel navigates the conversation towards Wanda’s personal life, particularly her role as a mother and her love for games. Wanda shares delightful anecdotes about her family dynamics, highlighting the playful tension between her and her wife’s differing interests in games.

Notable Quotes:

• Wanda Sykes [03:20]: "I love playing games and card games, board games. My wife is not into it. Only if we're playing a game in French."
• Wanda Sykes [03:39]: "Je ne padu, I think."

3. Childhood Memories: Freedom and Adventure

Delving into Wanda’s childhood, the conversation explores her early sense of freedom through adventurous activities like riding bikes and exploring unfinished housing developments. Wanda recounts the exhilaration and underlying fears of those formative experiences, illustrating how they shaped her resilient and bold personality.

Notable Quotes:

• Wanda Sykes [04:31]: "We would get on our bikes and ride through the areas that were still under construction and just roam through the homes, and we kind of, like, play this, like, play hide and seek a little bit."
• Rachel Martin [05:59]: "It's funny how when I just thinking about that, the idea of scooting right up against what's safe does have a relationship with freedom."

4. Sacred Spaces: Bowling Alleys as Extraordinary Places

Wanda reflects on the significance of bowling alleys in her life, tracing back to childhood weekends with her father and evolving into cherished social spots with friends and family. She highlights how these ordinary places transform into extraordinary settings for building connections and creating lasting memories.

Notable Quotes:

• Wanda Sykes [07:20]: "Bowling alleys seem to do that for me. They become magical places where real conversations happen."
• Rachel Martin [08:45]: "There's something lovely about the conversations that can happen in bowling alleys, too."

5. The Turn to Higher Stakes: Wanda’s New Tour

The conversation shifts to Wanda’s new tour, "Please and Thank You," where she expresses her passion for performing live and staying connected with her audience. Wanda emphasizes the importance of maintaining her comedic edge and the adrenaline rush that comes with live performances, viewing touring as a vital part of her creative process.

Notable Quotes:

• Wanda Sykes [11:20]: "I still love it. I still love it. And you know, it's when I'm filming and I come off of a project, I definitely want to just hit the road because that's where I feel connected and funny again."
• Wanda Sykes [13:33]: "I need higher stakes, you know, and so to say, hey, I'm on tour and what are you doing Saturday night? How about pay for this ticket and throw some pants on and come see me."

6. Career Milestones: The “Imma Be Me” Special

Wanda identifies the release of her "Imma Be Me" special as a pivotal moment in her career. This milestone marked her embracing her authentic self on stage, discussing personal topics openly, and addressing societal issues with newfound confidence and liberation.

Notable Quotes:

• Wanda Sykes [16:54]: "After the Imma Be Me special... I was very open, talking about, you know, being out, and it was very liberating for me."
• Rachel Martin [17:12]: "That moment, at that special where I felt that... It was like elevated. I felt like I moved up and the comedy was stronger."

7. Personal Growth: Navigating Faith and Doubt

Wanda delves into her spiritual journey, sharing her relationship with faith and how it has influenced her resilience. She candidly discusses moments of doubt, particularly during her battle with breast cancer, and how her faith provided her with strength and perspective during challenging times.

Notable Quotes:

• Wanda Sykes [30:38]: "Doubted God? I would say I've been sometimes like distance, felt distance."
• Wanda Sykes [25:22]: "But it was scary. That shit was scary. Woo. That scared the shit out of me."

8. Modeling for Her Children: Challenges and Reflections

The discussion turns to Wanda’s role as a parent, particularly the challenges of modeling healthy behaviors for her teenage children. She reflects on navigating the balance between showcasing her authentic self and protecting her children from the more controversial aspects of her public persona.

Notable Quotes:

• Wanda Sykes [21:16]: "Probably the drinking. Yeah. We have wine at dinner... it's so good."
• Rachel Martin [22:04]: "When you see yourself through your kid's eyes... You're like, I don't know if this is what I want them to see."

9. Memory Time Machine: A Cherished First Date

In the episode’s final segment, Wanda shares a heartfelt memory of her first date with her wife, Alex. This poignant moment underscores the deep connection and love that have been pivotal in Wanda’s personal happiness and stability.

Notable Quotes:

• Wanda Sykes [37:29]: "We met at the ferry in Sayville. We went to this restaurant... I got a smooch."
• Wanda Sykes [38:07]: "We set out on the porch at this restaurant... it was really special."

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Conclusion This episode of Wild Card masterfully blends humor with heartfelt storytelling, providing listeners with a multifaceted view of Wanda Sykes—from her adventurous childhood and nurturing family life to her steadfast faith and triumphant career milestones. Wanda’s openness and wit create a compelling narrative that resonates deeply, offering both laughter and profound insights into the human experience.

For those who enjoyed this episode, Rachel Martin recommends tuning into her conversation with comedian Taylor Tomlinson, further exploring the nuanced interplay of humor and sincerity in stand-up comedy.

Production Credits:

• Produced by: Lee Hale
• Assisted by: Romel Wood and Summer Thomant
• Edited by: Dave Blanchard
• Mastered by: Patrick Murray
• Executive Producer: Yolanda Sangweni
• Theme Music: Ramtin Arablouei

Stay Connected: Listeners are encouraged to reach out to Wild Card through wildcardnpr.org for feedback and engagement. The episode wraps up with an invitation to subscribe and support the show, ensuring more enriching conversations in future episodes.

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Note: Advertisements and sponsor messages present in the transcript have been intentionally omitted to maintain focus on the core content of the episode.

Transcript

[Unknown Advertiser]

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[Rachel Martin]

Show, you may have heard that President Trump has issued an executive order that's trying to block all federal funding to npr. Millions of people, people like you, depend on the NPR network as a vital source of news and entertainment and information and connection. We are proud to be here for you. And now, more than ever, we need you to be here for us. It is time to join the movement to defend public media. Visit donate.NPR.org and if you already support us through NPR or another means, thank you so much. Your support means everything to us. Now more than ever, you help make NPR shows freely available to everyone. We are proud to do this work for you and with you. Just a heads up. Like most of my interviews with comedians, today's episode has a little bit of swearing. When did it feel like the career you wanted was in reach?

[Wanda Sykes]

I'm gonna say after the Imma Be Me special. The comedy was I was very open, talking about, you know, being out, and it was very liberating for me.

[Rachel Martin]

I'm Rachel Martin, and this is Wildcard, the game where cards control the conversation. Each week, my guest answers questions about their life, questions pulled from a deck of cards. They're allowed to skip one question and to flip one question back on me. My guest this week is comedian Wanda Sykes.

[Wanda Sykes]

There's so much going on that I know people. Yeah. They need to hear what I have to say. Or, I mean, I know that sounds like very like, self absorbed, but you know what? Yeah, they do.

[Rachel Martin]

I think comedians are the first to admit that they're just built differently than the rest of us. Because standing on a stage in front of hundreds of strangers and baring their souls through jokes requires a ton of courage. But then when you look at Wanda Sykes career, you realize that the courage doesn't just show up on stage. She had to conjure it at every step along the way. Quitting her stable government job to pursue comedy took guts. So did getting divorced and coming out publicly, surviving breast cancer, all of it takes guts. And when I watch her on stage taking up space, saying all the taboos out loud and having the best time doing it, I think she makes everyone else watching feel a little bolder themselves. Wanda is getting on stage again for her new tour. It's called Please and thank you. It is my great pleasure to welcome Wanda Sykes to Wild Card. Hi, lady.

[Wanda Sykes]

Well, hello, Rachel. Thank you. That was a. That was probably one of the best intros ever.

[Rachel Martin]

I meant it. I meant it. So this is like a card game? Conversation game? Is this something. I mean, you're married. You and your wife have two kids who I think are teenagers now.

[Wanda Sykes]

Yes. 16.

[Rachel Martin]

Are you a gaming family, or they over you by this point?

[Wanda Sykes]

I love playing games and card games, board games. My wife is not into it. Only if we're playing a game in French. If we're playing a game in French, like a card game, then. Oh, then she. She. She wants to play.

[Rachel Martin]

We should say she is French. That's her first language.

[Wanda Sykes]

Yeah.

[Rachel Martin]

Well, that's one she's not just trying to, like.

[Wanda Sykes]

Yes. Messing. You.

[Rachel Martin]

Yeah. Okay. This is not going to be that hard. I'm, like, sitting here trying to figure out how to say that in French, but I can't remember because my high school French was not that awesome.

[Wanda Sykes]

Je ne padu, I think.

[Rachel Martin]

Je ne padu. Yeah. Je ne padure. Right?

[Wanda Sykes]

That's. I'm not hard. C' est n' est pas.

[Rachel Martin]

C' est ne' est padure. C' est ne' est pas. C' est facile. C' est facile.

[Wanda Sykes]

One.

[Rachel Martin]

Okay, let's do it. Let's do it. First three memories. Round skipped. You're feeling punchy. You can't skip.

[Wanda Sykes]

All right, all right.

[Rachel Martin]

Okay.

[Wanda Sykes]

1, 2, 3. 2, 2.

[Rachel Martin]

What activity gave you a sense of freedom as a kid?

[Wanda Sykes]

Hmm? What activity? When we first moved to Maryland, our. It was, you know, housing development, and it wasn't quite finished, and we would just go off and, like, take our. Get on our bikes and ride through the areas that were still under construction and just roam through the homes, and we kind of, like, play this, like, play hide and seek a little bit. And I just remember, like, you know, have my bike, and I'm sitting in this house that's, you know, under construction, and no one else is in there, and it just felt like your own, you know, like your own place, and your parents had no idea, you know, where you were.

[Rachel Martin]

A little dangerous, right? Yeah.

[Wanda Sykes]

Yeah, exactly. A little dangerous. And, you know, there was a few, you know, every now and then a construction crew would come through, and you're like, oh, I got to get, you know, got to get out of there. So. But, yeah, that was. That was. Man, I was living on the edge. That was freedom.

[Rachel Martin]

How old do you think? How old were you?

[Wanda Sykes]

I was going into the third grade. So what? That's eight, right? Yeah, eight or nine. Yeah.

[Rachel Martin]

It's funny how when I just thinking about that, the idea of scooting right up against what's safe does have a relationship with freedom. It's like you sort of gotta push beyond what feels like the natural contours of the rules, of what's gonna keep you on the straight and narrow. You get a little further out, and then you're like, oh, I like this.

[Wanda Sykes]

Yes.

[Rachel Martin]

This feels like. This feels like something I'm maybe not supposed to do. And that feels good.

[Wanda Sykes]

Yeah. But then again, I remember being terrified because if. Like, if my brother didn't. If they couldn't find me, you know, because the whole thing was the hide and seek. So.

[Rachel Martin]

Yeah.

[Wanda Sykes]

So there's a point where you're like, oh, I am so winning. They can't find me. Then it's like, wait a minute. Are they still out there?

[Rachel Martin]

Right? Are they still looking for me?

[Wanda Sykes]

Are they still looking for me? And then you kind of like, give up and go out like, here I am, here I am. Yeah.

[Rachel Martin]

Oh, yeah. You don't want to be the last one standing. You still want people to care.

[Wanda Sykes]

Yeah.

[Rachel Martin]

Okay, three more. One, two or three. Still in memories.

[Wanda Sykes]

Let's go one.

[Rachel Martin]

What's an ordinary place that feels extraordinary because of what happened there?

[Wanda Sykes]

An ordinary place.

[Rachel Martin]

Yeah.

[Wanda Sykes]

You know what? Bowling alleys seem to do that for me.

[Rachel Martin]

Oh, I love that answer. Tell me why.

[Wanda Sykes]

Yeah, bowling alley. Not any one particular bowling alley, but bowling alleys I remember from a kid because my father, he had a side hustle, and he would clean the lanes at the bowling alley on the military base. So we would go with him Saturday mornings while he was cleaning, you know, the lanes, we would get to bowl. So, yeah, I fell in love with bowling then. And then as I got older, bowling with friends was always a good time. They would just drop us off at the bowling alley and we would just, you know, blow a Saturday. And then when, you know, as college or adult age, I should say, boy, drinking and bowling is a lot of fun. That's so much fun. And I still enjoy doing it. I've had birthday parties, bowling alleys. Actually, my 60th was a bowling party.

[Rachel Martin]

I love it.

[Wanda Sykes]

Yeah. In Philly. It was great.

[Rachel Martin]

There's something lovely about the conversations that can happen in bowling alleys, too. It's like one of those things.

[Wanda Sykes]

Yeah.

[Rachel Martin]

It's like. Because there's not the pressure. It's not like, let's go for a walk and talk or like, let's go sit down and have coffee and like discuss this thing. You're just doing this thing. It's super fun. It can be as competitive as you want, right? And while you're doing it, all of a sudden something can happen and there's like a little conversational alchemy and you're bowling and all of a sudden you're in like a deep, interesting place with a person, right?

[Wanda Sykes]

Absolutely. Yeah. Then there's this, like you said, the competitive, you know, that kicks in and it's like, like, oh, wait a minute, you're trying to win. You're lulling me into this conversation right now. You're trying to win.

[Rachel Martin]

Ah, that's what we're doing. I didn't know that's.

[Wanda Sykes]

Let me focus. Let me. Now I gotta get my focus back.

[Rachel Martin]

Foreign.

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[Rachel Martin]

We'Re going to push back from the game because I want to talk about your tour. Congratulations.

[Wanda Sykes]

Thank you.

[Rachel Martin]

I feel like that's in order every time. I mean this is old hat for you now, but it's still a big deal when you get the material together and you decide that you're going to pack your bags and live this tour life for a bit. Did you you just get the hankering every few years or how does it Come to you. Someone tells you, wanda, you're due, you need to get out there. What, what's the impetus?

[Wanda Sykes]

I still love it. Yeah, I still love it. And you know, it's when I'm filming and I come off of a project, I definitely want to just hit the road because that's where I feel connected and funny again. And also I get nervous that if I don't do it for a while, am I, you know, am I going to lose it?

[Rachel Martin]

Yeah.

[Wanda Sykes]

And also it's like there's so much going on, especially in our country right now, that I know people want it. They, yeah, they need to hear what I have to, what I have to say. Or they're wondering what does Wanda. I mean, I know that sounds like very like self absorbed and you know, like, oh, really, Wanda? People really need to hear what you have to say. But you know what? Yeah, they do. And I think they do.

[Rachel Martin]

Well, you spend a lot of time. I spent a long time. You've got, you've built an audience over decades.

[Wanda Sykes]

Yeah, it's my audience, basically. I want to stay connected with them. I've, I've worked hard at, you know, developing this audience and they stick with me. They've been there for five specials, whatever. So, yeah, I love getting out on the road and talking to the people.

[Rachel Martin]

You said earlier that you need to get on tour to remind yourself that you're funny. Does it start to. I mean, I saw you walked in, you were talking to our crew, you made a joke, you're a funny lady, you can't help yourself, you're just funny. But does doesn't feel like that to you in your regular day to day or you need the adrenaline and the ecstatic feeling that comes from being on stage being funny.

[Wanda Sykes]

Yeah, I think I need higher stakes, you know, and so to say, hey, I'm on tour and what are you doing Saturday night? How about pay for this ticket and throw some pants on and you know, that's all I need, just pants and come, come, come see me. Yeah. So I have to show up and make sure you walk out of there going, man, glad I did this. This was fun.

[Rachel Martin]

Yeah, yeah. It's sort of like hide and seek when you're a little like, it's a little riskier. You need something with the. Yeah. Higher stakes, something a little unsafe. And the live audience is so unsafe.

[Wanda Sykes]

Right?

[Rachel Martin]

Yeah.

[Wanda Sykes]

Right.

[Rachel Martin]

Comedians draw from friends and family in their personal life. That's not a new thing. But you do too. But your kids are now, you know, like we said they're teenagers.

[Wanda Sykes]

Yeah.

[Rachel Martin]

Are they cool with it or do you. Now do you need their buy in for certain jokes or do you stay away from things that are gonna implicate them in some.

[Wanda Sykes]

I am cautious when it comes to them.

[Rachel Martin]

Yeah.

[Wanda Sykes]

You know, because it is their life and they should, and, and they really shouldn't be fodder for, for my material, you know, but they are, they are a, a part of my life. They're a huge part of my life and they take up a lot of my time. So I feel like some things I can talk about because, you know, I didn't have time to go experience something else because I'm busy running around.

[Rachel Martin]

That's right.

[Wanda Sykes]

It's your fault. It's your fault. I don't have time to read a paper.

[Rachel Martin]

There's no other creative will to do.

[Wanda Sykes]

I didn't have time to screen or scroll or whatever we do now with how we read. I didn't have time to do that. I was busy with doing some of your crap. So I want to talk about it, but I am, I am like I said, very particular as far as, like, what I, you know, what I talk, what I say about them because they are aware and they have asked, you know, look, we don't get to watch your specials, but some of our friends, their parents let them watch. So can you like, not talk about us or.

[Rachel Martin]

So they can't watch them, huh? Your specialist.

[Wanda Sykes]

Well, they, they can now. Now I think they just choose not to.

[Rachel Martin]

It must be said. Your wife must be a very, very good sport.

[Wanda Sykes]

Oh, she loves it. She's like, after every show, I come home. Did you talk about me tonight? How did I.

[Rachel Martin]

We're moving to round two.

[Wanda Sykes]

All right, insights.

[Rachel Martin]

This round is called. Okay, 1, 2 or 3?

[Wanda Sykes]

3.

[Rachel Martin]

3. When did it feel like the career you wanted was in reach?

[Wanda Sykes]

Hmm. I'm gonna say after the imma be me special.

[Rachel Martin]

Hmm.

[Wanda Sykes]

So that was 2009.

[Rachel Martin]

Okay.

[Wanda Sykes]

Yeah. Cause the kids were born.

[Rachel Martin]

And why did that feel pivotal? What changed after that?

[Wanda Sykes]

It was like elevated. You know, I felt like I moved up and the comedy was stronger. I was very open, talking about, you know, being out and been married and kids. But I also talked about, you know, what was happening in politics and all. So it, to me, it just, it felt, it was very liberating for me to, to, you know, to just be that open on stage.

[Rachel Martin]

Be yourself.

[Wanda Sykes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Rachel Martin]

So that you'd been doing this a long time by that point? Couple decades. So it's a couple decades of not really feeling like you'd made it, right?

[Wanda Sykes]

Well, not. I shouldn't say, like, I, you know, had made it, because I think I. Yeah, I had. That's a different question.

[Rachel Martin]

You're right. It's a different question.

[Wanda Sykes]

Yeah. I had a teaser feeling like you're making it and the career you wanted, right? This was the career I wanted. Yeah.

[Rachel Martin]

Yeah. So you had been super successful in this one, Right. By any other measure, other people, I'm sure we're looking at that, like, Wanda's got her on show, and she did specials and blah, blah. And you were on all these. You know, you were on all the popular funny shows at the time, guest appearances. But it is different to get what you want. Like, the career that you wanted, sounds like, was to be able to be your whole self on stage, and that wasn't. And talk about what you wanted to, no matter who was gonna piss off. And there's an element of vulnerability in that, too. And you gotta be at a certain point, a certain age, to not give a damn what people think. Was that part of it, too?

[Wanda Sykes]

That totally it. Yeah, that's it. And that, hey, if there's not another TV show, you know, your own show, sitcom or whatever that comes along, I'm okay with it because I like where I am right now on this stage. And if I just continue to tour and do this, I'm fortunate. I'm happy, you know, So. I think so. It was at that. That moment, at that special where I felt that.

[Rachel Martin]

And it was after, according to what I've read. You tell me if I'm wrong. You were living your life. You were living your life as a gay woman. You just didn't feel the need to make some big pronouncement about it. But the year you've identified 2009 in that special, that was, like, not that long after you did come out publicly.

[Wanda Sykes]

Right.

[Rachel Martin]

So was there any part of you that had wished maybe you had kind of ripped that band aid off earlier in terms of, like, some big public acknowledgment?

[Wanda Sykes]

No. I believe things happen in time when they're supposed to happen. I probably wasn't ready, you know, I probably. Some. Probably wasn't ready to handle if whatever backlash would, you know, that would have happened. But when I did, it was when I was ready.

[Rachel Martin]

Yeah.

[Wanda Sykes]

Yeah.

[Rachel Martin]

Okay. Thank you for that. Three more cards. No problem.

[Wanda Sykes]

Okay.

[Rachel Martin]

One, two or three?

[Wanda Sykes]

Let's go with one.

[Rachel Martin]

One. What's something you think of very differently today than you did 10 years ago?

[Wanda Sykes]

Oh. Hmm. Wow.

[Rachel Martin]

You can skip it or Flip it.

[Wanda Sykes]

Let's skip it.

[Rachel Martin]

Let's skip it. Okay. What do you find most difficult to model for the children in your life?

[Wanda Sykes]

Probably the drinking. Yeah.

[Rachel Martin]

Wow.

[Wanda Sykes]

I would say drinking. Yeah. You know, we. We have wine at dinner. Well, not my kids. My wife and I will have, you know, wine at dinner. But it's so good.

[Rachel Martin]

I know. You know, she's French, probably has great taste in wine.

[Wanda Sykes]

Yep. Yep. So it's the. So it's. It's that, you know, the conscious choice of, you know, we'll just have water tonight for dinner. We won't. We don't need to, you know, It's a big deal. Yeah.

[Rachel Martin]

I recently stopped drinking in large part because of that.

[Wanda Sykes]

Yeah.

[Rachel Martin]

Because when you see yourself through your kid's eyes, when they start to be like, these sentient beings or, like, you know, middle schoolers who are now tracking everything you're doing, Right. You're like, I don't know if this is what I want them to see.

[Wanda Sykes]

Yeah.

[Rachel Martin]

But it's hard because you're like, oh, it's just a glass or two of wine every night.

[Wanda Sykes]

I know. Or like, I have friends over and we're playing games or whatever and drinking, and my kids are around.

[Rachel Martin]

Yeah.

[Wanda Sykes]

I mean, you can hear the. You know, when you're getting a little louder and a little slur. Yeah. You hear it? It's so funny.

[Rachel Martin]

You think you're so mad.

[Wanda Sykes]

More funny. Yeah. So you. Yeah. So you have to. I got. I gotta go. Okay. Whoops. Now it's time to pull back. So. Yeah.

[Rachel Martin]

Yeah, I hear that. I hear that in a very real way. Thank you. And I. I'm just.

[Wanda Sykes]

Did your parents drink?

[Rachel Martin]

So they didn't.

[Wanda Sykes]

Okay.

[Rachel Martin]

They were super religious and.

[Wanda Sykes]

See, my parents, they did, and I can't remember. Yeah.

[Rachel Martin]

So what did.

[Wanda Sykes]

I felt as a kid?

[Rachel Martin]

Really?

[Wanda Sykes]

Yeah. I mean, they weren't like, you know, alcoholics.

[Rachel Martin]

No, I know.

[Wanda Sykes]

Yeah. Yeah. But you, you know. Yeah.

[Rachel Martin]

You pick up on things.

[Wanda Sykes]

As a kid. You. You know, you feel sometimes a little. I don't want to say, like, unsafe, like. Or are they gonna be okay? You know, especially, you know, the getting home, you know, like, oh, boy, they went out to a party. Are they gonna be okay? Are they gonna come home? You know, it was that type of thing.

[Rachel Martin]

Yeah. And just. That's a part of recognizing that your parents are also just people. Right. They're not these perfect beings, but they're people with vulnerabilities. My mom came home after a party. She never drank. She drank at this party, and she clearly had too many margaritas and she came into my bed to tuck me in and it was so weird. I definitely have a core memory of that. She was not track. Her words were slurring and I was like, what's going on here? So, yeah, those little children are watching everything we do.

[Wanda Sykes]

Exactly. But yeah, but my, yeah, again, like I said, my, it was never a problem. My parents.

[Rachel Martin]

I understand totally. I totally understand.

[Wanda Sykes]

But you, but as a kid, you just, you, like I said, you clock all of that. You do.

[Rachel Martin]

Yeah. They're watching. Okay, three more cards. Last one in this round. One, Two or three.

[Wanda Sykes]

Let's go, let's go. One, one.

[Rachel Martin]

How big of a role does fear have in your life?

[Wanda Sykes]

Not a huge role. Not a huge. Fear is not a, A big deal for me for the most part. I don't, you know, I don't live in fear or think about fear and when I do, I think about God and I think about, you know, scriptures, you know, tells us, you know, be anxious for nothing. And so, yeah, I try to live by that.

[Rachel Martin]

Is that always the case for you? Because it, I mean, I started this with an intro about conjuring courage to do what you've done at several steps in life.

[Wanda Sykes]

Yeah, I think as my faith, you know, gets stronger than that, that that helps, you know, like, I really believe that, hey, if something happens, I'll, I'll be okay and I'll get through it, you know, and that's through my faith. Like if I have to go through something, it's because I'm, I need to learn something or, or someone needs to see someone go through something to help them or. But yeah, I always feel like I'm gonna come out okay on the other side of it. This is something we just gotta go through sometimes. But so I don't, I don't look at it as, you know, like, ooh, I don't want to do it or fear.

[Rachel Martin]

Breast cancer. Was that scary?

[Wanda Sykes]

That shit was scary. Woo. That scared the shit out of me. No, off.

[Rachel Martin]

I mean, it is scary. It is scary.

[Wanda Sykes]

It is, it is. It is. And at the time, you know, I. So many friends who had either gone through it or were going through it and some didn't make it, you know.

[Rachel Martin]

Yeah.

[Wanda Sykes]

So again, I, I just, you know, just clasp onto that. Wow. I was so fortunate that it was detected at such an early stage and that I was going to be okay.

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[Rachel Martin]

Now we're moving to the beliefs round, which I feel like we've already sort of touched on. So I'm anxious for your answers to these questions. 1, 2 or 3?

[Wanda Sykes]

3.

[Rachel Martin]

What's the most religious thing about you?

[Wanda Sykes]

The most religious thing about me? I tithe. You know, I try to.

[Rachel Martin]

You tithe?

[Wanda Sykes]

I try. Yeah.

[Rachel Martin]

So does everyone know what that means to tithe? To give a certain percentage of what you make to, to a church or to mission work?

[Wanda Sykes]

Just give. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And our church, the whole church, like does a fast and I participate in that. We just did. We did a 40 day fast.

[Rachel Martin]

So when you're, when you're picking a church, what are you going for?

[Wanda Sykes]

I go, I look at the work that they're doing. Are they giving back to the community? Are they nurturing? Is the message in line of what, you know, the teachings of Jesus and what's in the Bible and are they has to be open. They have to, you know, pretty much, you know what God said, love everybody. And you're, you know, who's your neighbor? We're all, you know, everybody's your neighbor. And yeah. And of course it has to, they, I have to feel welcome. I have to feel safe there. And I do.

[Rachel Martin]

Have you ever doubted God?

[Wanda Sykes]

Doubted God? I would say I've been sometimes like distance, felt distance. And like I guess the doubt is like, wait a minute, why is this happening? I don't Understand this. Are you really going to let us go through this? Is this. What is the plan, man? You know, what is lesson here? Yeah, it's like. It's like, oh, boy, I can't wait to see how you get out of this one. You know, it's. It's more that. It's more of that, like, oh, boy, you are in a pickle right now, guy. What you gonna do about this? Yeah, how you gonna turn this one around, you know?

[Rachel Martin]

And does he. Most of the time, in your experience?

[Wanda Sykes]

Most of the time, yeah. Yeah. Mm. But yeah, yeah, it. I love it. I love having that belief and just to be able to have those type of conversations and, you know, like.

[Rachel Martin]

And you're convinced there's someone on the other end listening.

[Wanda Sykes]

Oh, God, yes. Yes, absolutely. Yeah, I can feel it sometimes. Yeah.

[Rachel Martin]

Like I told you, my parents were really religious. I was raised with. With the church and have kind of held it lightly. And then when I had kids, I was like, okay, well, now I gotta make a choice. Am I or not? Like, am I give them. Do I give them the religious foundation that I was brought up with? And then it's up to them to do with it what they will. They can reject it, they can keep it, whatever. Or do I not do that? Because that's not where I'm at anymore Because I found myself sort of falling away from that belief system and we ended up in the second. In the second option. And so I feel. I still feel a lot of ambivalence over it.

[Wanda Sykes]

Yeah. See, that's the thing. I, like what my regret is that I didn't do that for my kids. And I feel like I kind of, like shortchanged them because, you know, my. My parents gave that to me, and I know how much I rely on it. And so, I mean, I talked to them about God and. But, you know, we. I didn't raise them in the church. Yeah. You know, and, you know, I like. We say grace before dinner, you know, and I do a little, you know, a little extra in there, slip some stuff in on them during the grace. You know, I know they got an exam. I asked, you know, God, help them out with that and all stuff and get them to focus. So I slip stuff in. But yeah, so I, you know, we'll see.

[Rachel Martin]

Yeah, it's.

[Wanda Sykes]

But I do. I do feel bad that I didn't give them that. I even. I still talk to God about that. Like, what am I gonna do here? Yeah.

[Rachel Martin]

Yeah. Well, they. They will carve their own way. Right? They will Carve their own way.

[Wanda Sykes]

Right.

[Rachel Martin]

And things that you think aren't seeping in, just. Just like with the drinking. And the drinking's the negative stuff, but on the positive stuff, they've. You have modeled that. You have modeled what it means to be a person of faith. And that is navigated. It has helped you navigate how you walk through the world. They will see that too. Okay, next Three. That was a long one. Okay, three more. One, two, or three?

[Wanda Sykes]

Two, two.

[Rachel Martin]

When do you feel connected to the people you've lost?

[Wanda Sykes]

Ooh, when do I feel connected to people I've lost? It was. It was weird, man. Like, my grandmother, my mother's mother. It was out of the blue. I was just actually talking with my friend Liz, and I think we had just got back from a wedding, and I was sitting at a bar, we were having a. A glass of wine, and out of nowhere, I just got this sense of. And it was like. I was like, what is happening? And I just start sobbing. And I looked at Liz, and Liz is like, what is happening? I was like, my grandmother loves me, and she's like, what? And I'm like, I just. I just felt her. It was weird. It was. It was. It was like she just, you know, needed to let me know that, like, hey. Because I always wondered, like, what I'm doing now, and whole family thing, like, how she would feel. And I just. It was just answered, but it was. I wasn't, you know, out of the blue. Out of the blue. So I always go back to that moment.

[Rachel Martin]

How long ago, after she died did that happen?

[Wanda Sykes]

Oh, we're talking, geez, maybe 30 years. Yeah, 25. 30 years. Yeah.

[Rachel Martin]

Isn't that amazing?

[Wanda Sykes]

Yeah. I was like, that's a long trip. Took you that long to get here? Grandma. God could give you an express pass or something. But that little, you know. But no, it was. It was the best.

[Rachel Martin]

Maybe it came when you needed it. Yeah, it came when you needed it.

[Wanda Sykes]

I think so. Yeah. Probably. Probably. And then there's places. Fire island, Cherry Grove. 1. Like, my good friend, like, Lynn Lewis lost her breast cancer. And so whenever we're out, we're out there. There's a. You know, we're sitting on the beach. There's always something, you know.

[Rachel Martin]

Yeah.

[Wanda Sykes]

If it's a song or a breeze or something, just that place is just really. Just something magical about it. Yeah.

[Rachel Martin]

Yeah. We end the show the same way every time with a trip in our memory time machine. You get to pick one moment that you would go back to. It is not a moment you would change anything about can be any time in your life. It is just a moment you would like to sit in and linger in a little longer.

[Wanda Sykes]

Oh.

[Rachel Martin]

What moment do you choose?

[Wanda Sykes]

Hmm. So I think about my dog, Riley, but I'm trying what which moment, though? But I still miss that guy. You know what? I'm gonna go with my first date, like, real date with Alex.

[Rachel Martin]

That's your wife?

[Wanda Sykes]

Yeah.

[Rachel Martin]

Where'd you go?

[Wanda Sykes]

She met me at the ferry in Sayville. We went to this restaurant.

[Rachel Martin]

Where's Sayville? Forgive me.

[Wanda Sykes]

Where's Sable, New York? Sable, New York. Yeah, that's where you take the ferry to go to Fire Island.

[Rachel Martin]

Oh, yeah.

[Wanda Sykes]

Cherry Grove. Yeah. So, and we, yeah, we set out on the, on the, on the porch or whatever at this restaurant. And it was, it was empty. It was no one there. And yeah, we just had a really nice little, you know, some little snacks and a drink and just talked and it was. Yeah, it was really. It was really special. I'll just say that little smooch in there. I got a smooch. Yeah.

[Rachel Martin]

Wanda Sykes, very funny lady. She has a new tour and you should go see her on it. It is called please and thank you, Wanda. Thank you so much.

[Wanda Sykes]

Thank you. That was fun.

[Rachel Martin]

If you had fun with this conversation, you might want to check out my episode with another comedian, Taylor Tomlinson. She and Wanda are from different generations of. Of comedy, but they both have this ability to interweave sincerity and humor into almost everything they say. Check it out. This episode was produced by Lee Hale with help from Romel Wood and Summer Thomant. It was edited by Dave Blanchard and mastered by Patrick Murray. Wildcard's executive producer is Yolanda Sangweni. Our theme music is by Ramtin Arablouei. You can reach out to [e-mail] we love it when you do. We'll shuffle the deck and be back with more next week. Talk to you then.

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