Best of WTP – How to Fight For Your Marriage

Summary

With The Perrys – Best of WTP: How to Fight For Your Marriage

Date: July 27, 2026
Hosts: Jackie Hill Perry & Preston Perry
Guests: Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian & Melody Fabian

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Episode Overview

In this deeply engaging and candid episode, Jackie and Preston Perry revisit one of the most impactful conversations from the "With the Perrys" podcast: how to actively fight for your marriage. Joined by their longtime mentors, CD and Melody Fabian, the group explores the spiritual, emotional, and practical realities of maintaining a healthy, God-centered marriage. Through personal stories, humor, and scriptural insights, they dig into challenges like communication barriers, spiritual warfare, self-sacrifice, overcoming infidelity, coping mechanisms, and protecting your marriage against distraction and division.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Reality vs. the Expectation of Marriage

• Initial Misconceptions: Jackie admits that before getting married she was "very ignorant" and imagined marriage as an endless string of domestic bliss and intimacy, only to realize its complexity.
  • “I was very ignorant. I thought it looked like you cooking for me every day, us having a whole bunch of babies, and... sex. A whole lot.” – Jackie (01:05)
• Mentorship’s Role: The Perrys express gratitude for mentors like the Fabians, who have modeled healthy marriage and shared practical wisdom about parenting, boundaries, and communication.

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2. Communication: The Lifeline of Marriage

(Timestamps: 04:43–10:23)

• Common Issues: CD outlines major married-life struggles: “communication problems…understanding what conflict is and how to overcome those conflicts…. sex, parenting, finances, old relationships and distractions.” (04:43)

• Distraction as a Threat: The rise of social media, symbolized by CD's joke about "Jerome" (Melody’s phone), is framing modern distractions.

  • “One day I told her I was jealous... I'm jealous about Jerome... Jerome, the phone.” – CD (05:57)

• ‘Listening with Your Face’: Melody emphasizes the need for undivided attention:

  • “You gotta listen with your face.” – Melody (06:47)

• Rules & Rituals: The Fabians consciously put devices away at the dinner table and agree on phone etiquette during dates to foster connection.

• Levels of Communication: True oneness comes with transparency—"Not just what you think, not just what you feel, who you are." (08:33)

• Fixing vs. Listening: Both couples share how being “fixers” or “internal processors” can clash—and how learning to pause and listen is vital.

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3. Building Emotional Safety & Transparency

(Timestamps: 10:23–13:44)

• Boundaries and Balance: Melody advocates for discretion about what and when to share, and for healthy processing with trusted friends, not unchecked venting.
  • “There’s some things you just talk with your girlfriend or your sister in Christ... But bigger things, you got to be able to bring stuff up.” – Melody (11:18)
• Dating After Kids: They warn against losing intimacy and communication, sharing stories of couples who become functional partners but stop connecting emotionally.

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4. Keeping Connection: Rhythms & ‘Love Tanks’

(Timestamps: 14:34–18:53)

• Learning from Healthy Couples: If you’ve only known dysfunction, expose yourself to healthy marriages for new models.
• Friendship & Play: The Fabians balance work and leisure by checking in:
  • “We do a thing like, how’s your love tank?... Do you feel loved by me in this season?” – Melody (15:55)
• Filling Each Other’s Tanks: Understanding your spouse's love language is practical spiritual work—serving them in their preferred way increases mutual energy and connection.

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5. The Necessity and Power of Self-Sacrifice

(Timestamps: 18:53–21:14)

• Self-Denial as Biblically Essential: The hosts reflect on Ephesians 5, emphasizing sacrificial love within marriage, powered by the Holy Spirit.
• Cycle of Fuel: Self-sacrifice by one spouse releases the other to reciprocate—“When I meet my wife, where she's at, it gives her the fuel to pour back on me. And then we got this beautiful cycle going on.” – CD (20:05)

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6. How Marital Work Reveals What's in the Heart

(Timestamps: 21:14–27:16)

• Quenching the Spirit: Bitterness, pride, and lack of humility block spiritual growth and connection.

  • “You gotta keep short accounts in your marriage.” – Melody (23:53)

• Practical Humility: Both couples share how gentle, respectful communication gradually revealed their own heart issues, not just their spouse's flaws.

• Sanctification Equals Marriage Growth: Ongoing work is necessary—sanctification is as much about marriage as personal holiness.

• Memorable Quote: “We wanna say what we mean, mean what we say, but not say it mean.” – CD (27:25)

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7. Conflict as an Invitation to Greater Intimacy

(Timestamps: 27:34–31:46)

• Reframing Conflict:
  • “Conflict in your marriage doesn’t mean anything’s wrong. It just means you’re married.” – CD (28:36)
• Healthy Confrontation: Communication skills are vital. Couples who learn to resolve even deep issues (like infidelity) can discover deeper love and restoration.

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8. Real Stories: Spiritual Warfare, Infidelity, and Coping

(Timestamps: 31:46-66:58)

• Practical Restoration Steps: Melody shares a tangible story of walking through a tough season—how prayer, space, and revisiting the truth led to breakthrough. She emphasizes that restoration after severe hurt (like infidelity) will take time and humility from both spouses.
• Notable Story: The couple who survived infidelity describes how repentance, forgiveness, and serving the offender were God’s means to deep healing and lasting legacy (59:08–64:51).

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9. The Spiritual Battle for Marriage

(Timestamps: 48:34–70:35)

• Why Satan Hates Marriage: The enemy hates marriage because it images Christ and the Church, and is key to spiritual legacy and authority.
  • “Marriage is the institution that God created for man and woman to find companionship and love and intimacy and connection with him...which reveals his love for us.” – CD (50:05)
• Identifying Spiritual Warfare: The group explores how Satan’s tactics include division, distraction, and planting lies (even in dreams), and how to fight back with prayer, truth, confession, and accountability.

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10. Boundaries & Accountability in Practice

(Timestamps: 66:58–85:17)

• Intrusive Thoughts: Melody and Jackie share about resisting irrational, destructive thoughts (e.g., “leave your spouse”). They expose the lies and the slippery slope that can follow, underlining the need to "hold every thought captive."
• Guardrails Against Temptation: Melody’s story of the “Lust of the Eyes” internet guy is a showcase in real-life boundaries, immediate confession, and accountability.
  • “He always, even when I was 16 and 20, he always say, can I get a hug?…I was like, no. And I went like, tapped his shoulder like, get out the house.” – Melody (82:58)
• Why Discernment Matters: The importance of recognizing traps quickly, enlisting accountability, and not entertaining flirtation or fantasy.

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Memorable Quotes

• “You gotta listen with your face.” – Melody (06:47)
• “Communication is the device that God has given us to find oneness.” – CD (08:33)
• “We wanna say what we mean, mean what we say, but not say it mean.” – CD (27:25)
• “Conflict is an invitation and an opportunity for greater intimacy.” – CD (28:17)
• “The enemy hates marriage for all those reasons. And that’s why it’s worth protecting.” – CD (51:57)
• “Triggers are actually opportunities. Like, I need you to see that you're still hurt...So heal me.” – Jackie (74:38)
• “If you feed that (temptation), it will grow. It will grow. And the enemy has plans to fulfill it.” – Melody (79:00)
• “Expose it, confess it, and pray. But also look for any open doors that might be lingering.” – CD (57:34)

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Useful Timestamps

• Communication Challenges & Distraction: 04:43–07:34
• Levels of Communication & Emotional Safety: 07:43–10:23
• Marriage Rhythms & Love Tanks: 14:34–18:53
• Spiritual Warfare & Marriage: 48:34–70:35
• Boundaries, Infidelity, and Restoration: 58:56–66:58
• Strategies for Avoiding Temptation: 77:59–84:18

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Summary of Practical Takeaways

• Regular Communication: Make time for face-to-face connection; check in on your spouse’s “love tank.”
• Set Boundaries: No phones at dinner, limited distractions during dates, ongoing accountability for temptation.
• Conflict as Growth: View conflict as an opportunity to deepen intimacy if handled with humility and good communication.
• Fight Spiritual Battles Together: Recognize spiritual warfare, expose lies, confess openly, and pray together immediately.
• Healing from Deep Wounds: Restoration after infidelity or trauma is slow and requires continual forgiveness, humility, and sometimes serving the one who wounded you.
• Guard Your Imagination: Be vigilant about what you read and watch, as innocent escapes can become footholds for the enemy.
• Model Spiritual Maturity: Spiritual maturity isn’t perfection, it’s a willingness to keep turning to God, confessing, reconnecting, and growing together.
• Legacy Matters: The work you do to protect your marriage can impact generations—sometimes in ways you’ll never see.

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This episode is a vital listen for anyone desiring a marriage that not only survives but thrives—including those navigating hard seasons or spiritual attack. The Perrys and Fabians provide wit, honesty, and a healthy dose of hope grounded in practical faith.

Transcript

[Melody Fabian]

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[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

with the Sam's Club app, you're technically in the club no matter where you are? Like, this is a club. This is also a club. And this is sh.

[Jackie]

A club. My bad.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Come join us. Sam's Club.

[Host / Interviewer]

Before you got married to me, when you were engaged, all the things. What did you think marriage would look like? Like when you imagined it?

[Jackie]

Huh? That's a good question. Gonna be honest?

[Host / Interviewer]

That's the.

[Jackie]

That's very ignorant.

[Host / Interviewer]

That's usually the goal.

[Jackie]

I was very ignorant. I just looked. I thought it looked like you cooking for me every day, you know, us having a whole bunch of babies. Bunch and, oh, you know, I don't know, sex. I didn't want to take it there now that you took it there, you know.

[Host / Interviewer]

So speaking of marriage, I was being

[Jackie]

in the sheets a lot.

[Host / Interviewer]

Speaking of marriage.

[Jackie]

A whole lot.

[Host / Interviewer]

Speaking. Speaking of men, I was in the

[Jackie]

sheets, like a whole, whole lot.

[Host / Interviewer]

How about under the comforter? Not the sheets, huh? Cause when you do it, you're naked. So you're kind of cold a little bit sometimes. Sometimes.

[Jackie]

Sometimes.

[Host / Interviewer]

Anyway, because it's about to go far. Joining us today is Mr. CD I was going to call you your whole name, Fabian. And one of my mentors since 2012, Melody Fabian.

[Melody Fabian]

Clap it up. Yay.

[Jackie]

The Fabians.

[Host / Interviewer]

So Melody. Melody is the person who has kept. Helped keep me in my right mind, who has helped me to love this man and love my children and to love y', all, quite frankly.

[Jackie]

Thank you, Melody.

[Host / Interviewer]

Just thank you, Melody, for all of your wisdom that you bestowed on me since I was 22, sitting in your living room.

[Jackie]

And not only that, you know, bustelo.

[Host / Interviewer]

Bustelo, that poisonous caffeine. She gave me some bustelo from off the stove one time and I went to work. I said, my belly is possessed. Like, I have never had the boo boo. I've never had to boo boo that

[Jackie]

bad a ride in my belly.

[Melody Fabian]

Said, I'm done.

[Host / Interviewer]

I don't want no Puerto Rican coffee ever. Give me the white people coffee.

[Jackie]

Not only that, I don't know. We need to talk to. I've been talking about a lot of discipleship and mentorship. And, you know, we have. Me and Jackie both have disciples and mentors, you know, that disciple us individually, but we have married couples who walk with us. And I look at you guys as a couple, who we glean to. We look to. You guys have helped us. You guys have prayed with us and prayed for us, and so I'm so grateful. The other day, you know, somebody was asking me, how are your kids so respectful? And I was like, why you say that? And he was like, every time you talk, talking to a grownup, one of them comes behind you, and they touch you on your arm, and they don't even interrupt you. They just wait until you. Until you respond to them. And I said, yeah, they put their hand on my arm, and they know that's how they get my attention, but they are not supposed to interrupt me. And I remember, you know, when I had my first child, I mean, I was talking to you. My daughter was like, two, three. And she was like, daddy, Daddy, Dadd. And you pulled me to the side, and you said, this is what we do to our children. You know, she has to put our hand on my arm, and she does not interrupt until, you know. And I took that from you, sir. And so all my kids do it now.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Come on.

[Host / Interviewer]

Praise the Lord.

[Jackie]

All my kids do it now. You know, and so you guys have just taught us so much through the years, and so I'm just so grateful for you guys.

[Melody Fabian]

We love you guys so much.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

It's awesome. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for having us.

[Host / Interviewer]

So we'll jump straight into it. You both have kind of counseled couples in relationships and dating and marriage for. For a minute and a hot minute recently, probably the last two years. Y' all work with, like, family life at their marriage. What's it called?

[Melody Fabian]

Weekend to Remember.

[Host / Interviewer]

Okay.

[Melody Fabian]

We speak at their conferences.

[Host / Interviewer]

And usually. How many people are there?

[Melody Fabian]

700 to, like, a.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

It'll range to about 500 to maybe

[Melody Fabian]

2,000, 2,000, something like that.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Over a thousand.

[Melody Fabian]

Yeah. They have a good show.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

It depends on the venue.

[Host / Interviewer]

So in y' all experience, what would you say, when you think about just the amount of couples you met with, the questions that are asked, the things that you have to speak to. What would you say are some of the pressing needs that you see in people's marriages that we could talk through to today?

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Well, I think we hear a lot about just communication problems in general. Couples are having a difficulty understanding what conflict is and how to overcome those conflicts. The major conflicts we see has a lot to do with sex, parenting, finances. Also, like, old relationships and distractions.

[Melody Fabian]

I think that's been the bigger biggest thing in this age, too, is this is a lot of distractions. Facebook, social media, feeling like they're bidding for attention.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Right.

[Melody Fabian]

They're constantly bidding for attention.

[Host / Interviewer]

And would you say that that's unique

[Melody Fabian]

and it's increased more. Yeah.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Now I think it's increased a lot. Technology in general. And so it's packaged in the context of lack of connection and recognizing. So we have a joke, even between us, that we share openly, which kind of helps open for them as well. I used to get upset with Melody, how often she'd be on her phone. And so one day I told her I was jealous, and she was like, what you jealous about? I said, I'm jealous about Jerome.

[Melody Fabian]

And I'm like, who's Jerome? He named my phone.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

I said, jerome, the phone. And she was just like, I know. You just didn't name my phone.

[Melody Fabian]

No, you can't name my phone.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

And I'm telling you, like, late at night, she's on Jerome, and we go out to dinner, and she's on Jerome. And we're driving around, she's on Jerome. And I'm like, yo, you need to get off Jerome. Can you not say it that way? Don't say it that way.

[Host / Interviewer]

Why is that the name?

[Melody Fabian]

I don't know.

[Host / Interviewer]

Apple.

[Melody Fabian]

Why not?

[Host / Interviewer]

Now you do be on your phone.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

It's a little convicted. Because Jackie, she don't. She don't. She don't even, like, like, verbalize, but she. Jackie fussed with her eyes.

[Host / Interviewer]

Okay.

[Jackie]

And her body posture. So it's just like.

[Host / Interviewer]

No, I'll just stop talking. Yeah, I'm not going to talk to your ear. Like, I want to talk to your face.

[Melody Fabian]

Yes, that's good.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Say it.

[Jackie]

Sorry.

[Host / Interviewer]

It's okay.

[Jackie]

I really like your face.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

I tell my wife, I don't want to talk to your forehead.

[Melody Fabian]

I don't want to say we. And we teach this. You got to listen with your face. Come on. You got to listen with your face. And so we had to come in agreement, like, I wanna take a picture of the event we're at. We're on a date. I wanna take a picture of the food or whatever. He lets me have that moment, and I put it away.

[Host / Interviewer]

That's right.

[Melody Fabian]

And that's the agreement we have.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

And at home, we don't have the phones at the dinner table, if we wanna play a little dining music. Cause we do that sometimes in my house and we put it over to the side.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

You know, it's funny. It's like we like facetime on phones and stuff like that because there's something special about having face. And unfortunately, we can have facetime with the phone more than with each other. So we gotta learn how to do that.

[Host / Interviewer]

What is the threat to unhealthy communication in a marriage? Why is that a problem if people are distracted and not communicating well?

[Melody Fabian]

Because then you really don't know what your spouse is feeling. And so then there's assumptions, and then there's. The enemy brings in his assumptions, you know? And so communication is so important. Like, you have to build safety in your marriage to be able to share with one another.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Yeah, Openly.

[Melody Fabian]

I talk to marriages. They're seven years in, and they feel like, yeah, I just can't. I can't go there. I can't go. And I'm like, what? Why can't you go there? Like, this is your best friend. This is your partner in life. This is your spouse. Why do you feel that there are areas you just can't talk about? And so building that safety is so important. And there were times where we were trying to get to hard places. There was something that my husband said, I have to learn to bear the weight of what you're sharing.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Well, real quick, before I say that, I just want to communicate that in a way, the issue is oneness. Distraction is an issue because the way that we find oneness in our marriage relationships is through communication. Communication is the device that God has given us to find oneness. The sharing of. Of words reveals our hearts. So when we cannot reveal our hearts because we don't know how to communicate, and we don't know how to communicate well, then seven years into a marriage, you still feel like you can't go to greater depths of communication because you haven't been practicing it. So you don't feel that level of oneness. And there are various levels of communication that correspond to levels of oneness. So there was a time where Melody and I were at one of these weekend to remembers. We were just watching and listening, and they went through those levels of communication. And the ultimate one is transparency, where you're revealing who you are, not just what you think, not just what you feel, who you are. Like how you actually bring yourself fully to a topic or a situation or even to the marriage. And I had said to her, I was like, I don't feel like you're very transparent with me. And she thought about it for a couple days and came back to me. And she goes, you know, I think sometimes I too, am hesitant to reveal that level of transparency with you because I'm slower to process than you are. And I think that sometimes you jump in and wanna fix something I'm trying to communicate to you. So then I stop talking. And that was real convicting. Cause I had to learn how to just shut up and list.

[Jackie]

That's good. That's actually one of my. You know, I'm a fixer. And when I first got married, it was very hard for me to be with somebody who was an internal processor. Because the way I resolve conflict or the way I come to a conclusion is I have to verbalize it. And so when somebody offend me, I'm not gonna sit on for a day. I gotta talk about it right now to even process. And she's different, you know, in that way. And so God had to convict me in the same way. So that's crazy. I wanna ask though, is there. Is there a limit, though? Like, should there ever be a limit in which what we share, when we share. Is it too much to share at times in a marriage? Because for sometimes I could assume that for some people, fear might be a factor of offense. And so what is the balance in that?

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

It's good.

[Melody Fabian]

Yeah, I'll share something. I feel like there's what you're sharing and then how often you're sharing. If you're like, every day, like, I got another lie. I want to tell you what I believe. I got another thought. I'm fighting. You know, there's some things you just talk with your girlfriend or your sister in Christ, like the females, female to female. Yeah, I don't have no girlfriend.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

I like how you talk.

[Melody Fabian]

I'm like, that's like that. The same sex. Your friend, godly friend, she only.

[Jackie]

No men out there. Oh, see, she said, I can talk to my girlfriend.

[Melody Fabian]

Baby, no. You know, you're going to talk to your godly friend who is going to encourage you where you're like, man, I'm just processing this. So you could process with somebody.

[Jackie]

Yeah, right.

[Melody Fabian]

But bigger things, I feel like you got to be able to bring stuff up. Struggles even. I feel like there's. Couples are like, no, you're never sure what you're struggling with with your spouse. And it's like, what? Yeah, like, how. How are they supposed to pray for you? How are they supposed to. They're anointed to. To be your spouse, so they have to pray for you. They have to fight for you. So we were ministering to a couple. They're older and they just stopped dating. They weren't even dating while they had children. The children are older and they still don't date. And I said, why?

[Host / Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Melody Fabian]

And they said, because it feels weird. Like we just got used to working side by side, but we don't talk, you know?

[Jackie]

Really?

[Melody Fabian]

And so how does that work exactly? So it's just like.

[Host / Interviewer]

I can see it, though, ministry partners. You're used to existing, you know, paying the bills together, raising the children together, even going to church together, doing all the things together, but not actually being together and being intimate.

[Melody Fabian]

Yes.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Or becoming one.

[Jackie]

I mean, speaking of coming one, I mean, you probably don't. I don't know. I don't want to talk about that. Do they become one? Because this is like. It's kind of like, what do they do? Schedule sex? But Wednesday we gonna have sex? Is that fine with you, honey?

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

And that's not necessarily bad. That's not necessarily bad to schedule sex if you're. Because another way of looking at it is that you're saying, I'm reserving this time as special and not else can break it. But that on a side note, though, but. But we all know that you can have sex but not be intimately close. Right. So that can happen in marriage, too. So again, like I said, I believe that God has given. Right. Jesus is the word. Why are words so important? Why does the enemy bring us lies? But the Lord says that the truth will set us free.

[Host / Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

And that gets communicated by words or communication.

[Jackie]

That's good.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Yeah. So your thought there with regard to how that couple wasn't really building. They stopped going deeper because there are greater levels, as I mentioned, and we just tend to kind of stop and we don't realize we can go deeper.

[Host / Interviewer]

How does someone even discern with. How do I say this? I think you can get in a rhythm sometimes with your spouse where you don't even realize that the rhythm is actually dysfunctional.

[Melody Fabian]

Sure.

[Host / Interviewer]

Right. And so you don't even realize that. I'm not being transparent. Like, you're not even discerning where. So are there some. Like. Are there some rhythms you actually set in place to give you clarity on where y' all are in y' all relationship so that you can address these kinds of issues.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Yeah.

[Host / Interviewer]

I hope that makes sense.

[Melody Fabian]

Yes. I feel like. And I know this is not for everybody, but you have to be around a healthy couple to know what's healthy sometimes. Cause it's like you don't even know. You grew up with dysfunction. So that's all you know. And then your friends are all dysfunctional, and so we're all dysfunctional.

[Jackie]

You know what I'm saying?

[Melody Fabian]

But sometimes when you're around a healthy couple, you're like, when the last time we went on a date, you know, like, we don't even have a date night, right? Like, we have a date night, we have a family night. You know, there's just things of ways to connect together. Even we had a conversation recently where I can go into work mode. I know how to work. And he loves leisure and time and fun, where he's like, my man. Come on, come on. And we know Jackie, right? I could work and he could play, right? And you would think, why would God partner us together, right? Because we could really frustrate each other. Or we're better together.

[Jackie]

Balance one another and balance one another.

[Melody Fabian]

I would be a workaholic without him, and he'd just be playing all the time without me, right? And so we have to be. So he recently was like, babe, we gotta keep building our friendship, right? So you have to have checks and balances with each other. We do a thing like, how's your love tank? You know, just checking in. How's your love tank?

[Host / Interviewer]

It's on E. Explain that.

[Melody Fabian]

Do you feel loved by me in this season?

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Well, in that very conversation. So we had learned that early on in our marriage. And so, along with Gary Chapman's idea of the five love languages, there's this concept of the love tank. How do you feel your heart is in your connection, your deep sense of oneness with one another. And for practical purposes, you can use the love languages or whatever. And we would say to one another, like, how's your love tank? And she would say, like, it's about midway, or I'm spilling over right now, or I'm pretty low. And that was an ins, you know, like, that would let me know I need to show my wife love in a way that makes sense to her. So even the way we receive and give love have languages. That's why he used that phrase. So my wife, she feels filled when I serve her and when I bless her with gifts, that just communicates. I don't typically communicate love in that manner. I will often shower with words and hold and touch. So now we're learning how to fill her tank with the things that make sense to her and vice versa to me. So when we had that conversation, I told her, my love tank is low. And she was like, why? Because we were doing ministry and we were getting things ready for the next season and making these plans, and she was pulling up the calendar and let's do this and let's do that. She was in her happy zone. And I'm like, yo, we need to go and just go for a walk and hold hands and talk. We need to shoot. I'm like, the more romantic one. Or we could do something fun, like go shoot some hoops and have some fun.

[Host / Interviewer]

I saw that y' all was out there playing basketball at like 10pm or something.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

Yes.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

And that filled my tank. And then it. And then she doesn't even realize, oh, she needs to slow down a little bit. She needs to, like, have fun a little bit.

[Jackie]

Because I. Because I think. You know what? I think couples have to understand that, you know, when you feel somebody else tank, it gives them the energy to kind of feel yours. Exactly. You know, because I love one another and to love one another, because I think a lot of. For me, you know, I know with me, like, I don't like doing ministry. I don't like doing work. I don't like doing things.

[Host / Interviewer]

I like doing ministry when.

[Jackie]

When. At times I don't. I'm gonna be honest. When I don't feel fed in other places because God, because I had to. I had to just come to the. To. To the terms. Has wired me. I'm a relational person. And so that kind of fuels me, you know what I'm saying? And kind of feeds me in a way, you know what I mean? And so, like, I think I feed off relationships. This is kind of how God has wired me. And so not that I hate doing ministry. I just do it better when I feel like all the relationships.

[Host / Interviewer]

Collaborative. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

I'm similar.

[Host / Interviewer]

I think the. I think the hard part about what everyone is saying is really the hard part, which is, like, the difficulty of marriage oftentimes is that the fact that a healthy marriage requires self sacrifice. Yes, it requires it. And so let me read something. In Ephesians 5, Paul says to the churches, therefore, be imitators of God as beloved children and walk in love, as Christ loved us and gave himself up for us. A fragrant offering and sacrifice to God. It's from that place that he ends up getting to the fact that wives are to submit to their husbands and husbands are to love their wives. But he hasn't deviated from his original point, which is to give yourself up as a wife and as a husband, I guess, speak to the power of the Spirit and how we need him in our ability to love our spouse as well. Cause sometimes, this is why I'm saying it, sometimes I don't wanna do that stuff because I don't wanna do it right. So it's like I need a power outside of myself to give me some grace to love you as best I can.

[Jackie]

Oh, yeah. Oh, well, you've been doing good, baby.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Check this out. Later on in that verse, he talks about that to love your spouse as you love your own body, and there is a reciprocal aspect of doing the thing that you don't like, knowing that the end result or the long term blessing is a return on your investment, so to speak. And I typically like to start with men. Women can do the same. But I like to say, gentlemen, let's initiate the work into our wives as our own bodies, whatever makes sense to them. And as my wife pointed out, it gives you the fuel, right, to then return that. When I meet my wife, where she's at, it gives her the fuel to pour back on me. And then we got this beautiful cycle going on. The enemy wants to interrupt that. The Lord wants to fuel that. So Lord gives us the Holy Spirit to. To fuel that. It says in Ephesians 5, 17, right, that we are to be filled with the Spirit singing psalms and hymns and spiritual psalms to one another. It says later on in chapter five,

[Host / Interviewer]

that husband, walk through the Bible.

[Jackie]

Come on, walk us through it.

[Host / Interviewer]

Come on, Claude. Daniel.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Amen. It says to. To water your spouse with the word of God. Come on, right? So when I. When I wake up, my wife tells me this. When she sees me up in the morning doing my devotion, sitting at the table, and she comes in and she can tell I've been there for a hot minute. Like for all intents and purposes, it turns her on.

[Melody Fabian]

Look at my man reading a word.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

And I often have a word for her. So I've sought the Lord. The Lord has spoken to me by his spirit through the Word. I translate that word and speak it over her. She gets filled. I also am filled to do the other, other things. Like, I get more channeled energy for work through the Holy Spirit in our ministry. Let me say it this way, man. This is so powerful. When my wife tries to energize me and encourage me to get the work done, and you might experience this, it doesn't come energizing for me. It feels more like a nag. And she's not trying to nag me. She's like, hey, what are we doing next? But it feels like A nag. Because God didn't intend for us to get the fueling for our work from our wives. We get the fueling from our work from our master. It's our master who delegates responsibilities to us.

[Melody Fabian]

That's good.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

If I have face time with the master. Work is related to worship, right? Romans 5. Right. Offer our bodies as a living sacrifice. Which is your reasonable act of service? Service or your spiritual worship? When I spend facetime with the Lord, he fills me the energy and the desire and to get motivated. So then I say, hey, babe. So now she's the administrator. She's got, like, you, Jackie. She's ready to always keep moving. She gets turned on again when I say. And I'm using these terms, but it's like.

[Host / Interviewer]

It's true.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Like, she gets excited when I say, babe, pull out the calendar. What are we doing this week? What's going. She goes, oh. And then she gets into it.

[Jackie]

She gets, what we doing?

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

What we doing for?

[Melody Fabian]

Huh?

[Jackie]

We working.

[Melody Fabian]

What we doing? We working.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Now we need the Holy Spirit who. Who energizes us. We get directions from heaven, and then we turn that into times of devotions, worship and singing, planning and preparing.

[Host / Interviewer]

And are there specific ways that husbands and wives can quench the spirit in their relationship?

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Oh, yeah.

[Host / Interviewer]

How?

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Oh, yeah.

[Melody Fabian]

Well, I think bitterness is a big thing. You have to keep short accounts in your marriage. Because if you start last month and a year ago and you're, like, building cases that, oh, my goodness, like, you have to keep short counts. So we try to. Babe, why are you saying it? Like, right in the moment, he'll be like, da, da. I'm like, what's that energy? Can you say that again, honey? You know, and he'll be like, can I? You know, and. But we built to that place. Okay, I'll say something. He's like, I don't like that you're telling me what to do, you know? But he learned to say it with a very low tone because he's Haitian and he's. I don't like you talking like that, you know? And I'm like, why are you yelling? You know?

[Host / Interviewer]

And then now.

[Melody Fabian]

Now we're arguing about that, right? And so I'm like, can you say it a little lower, please? You know? So he's like, I feel like you're telling me what to do. And I'm like, how can I say it in a way that you feel respected? And he will literally teach me what he wants. And I think that we sometimes romanticize marriage so much that we Think you're just supposed to know what to say. You're supposed to know what I want. You should know. Be mine now. And we had. That's something you gotta eliminate from your marriage. We shouldn't even be past it. We should be past this by now. We shouldn't be arguing about this anymore. We shouldn't. Conversations are gonna come back up again.

[Jackie]

Cause what I hear you guys saying is, you know, like, you had to work, but that work takes a lot of humility.

[Melody Fabian]

Yes.

[Jackie]

Cause for me, I mean, I did not like. I didn't like that Jackie tried to correct me. And I didn't like the way that she. I didn't like the way she did. But then, you know, when she started to kind of fix her tone at times, I still didn't like it. I was. Stop correcting me.

[Host / Interviewer]

You know, that's a hard issue at that point. Right?

[Jackie]

It's a hard issue.

[Host / Interviewer]

Which is cool, though, because when I think when one spouse kind of does a behavior, but in the power of the spirit, then it actually then reveals your own lack. Right. So with me approaching you about the correction in a tone that was still respectful then, you were able to see that one of the bigger issues wasn't necessarily my tone, but your own heart.

[Jackie]

Yeah, absolutely. Yeah, that's true.

[Host / Interviewer]

It eliminates excuses when you love.

[Jackie]

Well, I kind of responded to the kids in a way. One of our children in a way that I probably could have been a little softer. And I came upstairs and she just said, preston, you can't do it like that, sweetie. You gotta do it like this. And I said, do it like what? Do it like what? I said this.

[Host / Interviewer]

No, you paused.

[Melody Fabian]

You looked at the sky.

[Host / Interviewer]

No, that's what I did. And I said, what is that face?

[Jackie]

I said, no, I said. I said, I looked at the sky. She said, what is that face? And I said, I'm trying to remember what I said. And I'm checking my.

[Host / Interviewer]

I'm checking my own heart.

[Jackie]

But the way she. He came to me was so respectful. It was so gentle. And I had to re. Examine myself. And I said, you know what? You're right. I'm gonna do better, you know, and that. It took us a while to get to that. To that place.

[Melody Fabian]

Yeah.

[Jackie]

Year two, year three. And so, like, I like what you just said it. You should never stop working. Like, if our sanctification is a process, so is our marriage. It's a continual process.

[Melody Fabian]

We're 14 years in and we're still having, like, hey, hey, hey. You know, we. It's a. You can check me and I can check you and I love you. But we're gonna say it in a way that we can receive it.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Yeah. We wanna say what we mean, but don't say it. And mean what we say, but not say it mean.

[Jackie]

I like that.

[Host / Interviewer]

That's a good T shirt.

[Jackie]

A rapper.

[Host / Interviewer]

Put that on the coffee. I would imagine, though, that because of the worldly influence that we've all kind of ingested, it influences the way we even understand marriage. And so I would imagine that to some degree, when people feel like they're working too hard, they think that that's evidence of divorce.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Yes.

[Host / Interviewer]

Right. Like, it shouldn't be this difficult. I don't feel in love with you. Like, sex shouldn't be this hard. How do you speak to people who feel like. Because it's not easy, then that means that they're actually not compatible.

[Melody Fabian]

Right? Well, you have a saying, babe, that conflict brings intimacy.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

I say that conflict is an invitation and an opportunity for greater intimacy. We also say that having conflict in your marriage doesn't mean something's wrong. It just means that you're married. But you gotta think about this.

[Jackie]

Yeah, say that again.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Conflict in your marriage doesn't mean that anything is wrong. It just means that you're married. And you have to understand it in this way. You're bringing two people, two different people, right? From opposite sexes, from different backgrounds, with different traditions, with different love languages and things that bother them and upbringings and styles, and you're asking them to come and live under the same roof, I mean, and, like, do life together. Their views on parenting could be different. Their views with finances could be different. Their communication styles could be different. And you gotta learn all this. So what is conflict, then? Conflict is a point of misconnection. Right? And so because of the misconnection or the wrong connection, we're. We're frustrated and we angry you. Legally, we can't say drinking Storm makes you smarter and more focused. But with zero sugar, 200 milligrams of caffeine and immunity support, you're smarter and more focused for drinking Storm. Storm. Good energy in, good energy out. Energy for life.

[Melody Fabian]

Hey, it's Ryan Reynolds here for Mint Mobile. Now, I was looking for fun ways

[Jackie]

to tell you that Mint's offer of

[Melody Fabian]

unlimited Premium Wireless for 15amonth is back.

[Jackie]

So I thought it would be fun

[Melody Fabian]

if we made $15 bills, but it turns out that's very illegal.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

So there goes my big idea for the commercial.

[Jackie]

Give it a [e-mail] Switch upfront payment

[Melody Fabian]

of 45 for 3 months, $90 for 6 months or 180 for a 12 month plan. Required 15 per month equivalent taxes and fees. Extra initial plan term only greater than 50 gigabytes. Me slow when network is busy.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

See terms sended me or you didn't meet my expectation. That's conflict. If you view conflict from that viewpoint, ho. This is an opportunity now for us to find the right way to connect. And finding that convergence creates space for deeper connection. So now conflict is an invitation for greater intimacy. The problem is we don't have the right communication skills for healthy confrontation. If communication is the vehicle that God has given us for greater oneness, then we need to learn how to communicate well.

[Jackie]

That's good.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

And if we can learn to communicate well, then we can have healthy confrontation. And if we can have healthy confrontation, then we can resolve conflict and walk away from that conflict with greater oneness than ever before. Some of the most amazing marital stories I know are from people who have come from the worst seasons of their lives, right? Like even as bad as infidelity. But because they did the work to learn how to communicate well, face that conflict and have healthy confrontation, years later, they literally say that they love each other more, Their sex life is increased, their stability is high. It has impacted their children in beautiful ways.

[Jackie]

Wow.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

And on and on it goes. Because God is the God of restoration and redemption.

[Jackie]

Make up sex on Fleet.

[Melody Fabian]

Amen.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Hey, they be teaching us stuff. A particular couple that we know. Yeah. So.

[Jackie]

Really?

[Melody Fabian]

Yes, yes.

[Jackie]

Some call me.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

But it comes by way of that deeper restoration and work, huh?

[Jackie]

I mean, come on.

[Melody Fabian]

It's real. And, you know, like, I like to be. What does this look like on Monday? Right? Because these are lofty thoughts. And it's like, okay, how does that look, though? So, like this season where we're in Florida, he's in school, it's hard. Like, we're in a hard. We're in the messy middle towards our goals. And he was being critical, you know, he was being very critical. And he didn't even realize how critical he had been. And there's the things that kill. Marriage is being critical. Self defense, contempt. What's the. What's the last one? Stonewalling and stonewalling. Okay, okay. That's John Gottman. But he was being so critical. And I was like, I'm gonna be crit. Go back. You know that. But then I was like, but that's not Godly, Right? You know, and so I had to go to God. God I need the right perspective. And the Lord said, call him up to who he is in me. Come on, call him up to who

[Host / Interviewer]

he is in me.

[Melody Fabian]

And I'm like, how do I do that, Lord? You know, and it. And then through. And he kept saying, could we talk? Could we talk? He want to fix it. I know you're upset. What did I do? What did I. And I was like, I. I'm not ready. And that is even good for the spouse, to give your spouse time, because we know spouses are blocking doors. No, you're not leaving until we deal with this. And it's like, that is not the way to deal with it. No. So he gave me space and I got into the Word. I had to get into the word, bear with one another, love one another. And I said, I'm not gonna get out of this passage till I feel it. And it took a whole day. Cause I was angry and I was like, bear with love. No, no, Holy Spirit, you got to do it in me, Lord. And so, you know, that's while I'm doing the dishes, while I'm taking care of my toddler. I got a toddler and a teenager. Right. It's not like you're just away in two hours in your room, you know? And then I said, God, create a space where I could share this with my spouse. And so one evening, he took a shower. I took a shower in bed. I was like, I'm ready to talk, you know? And he's. And this is like two days later, he's like, yeah, okay.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Had to wait two days. Yes.

[Melody Fabian]

And we recommend you, you solve things within the week.

[Host / Interviewer]

Okay.

[Melody Fabian]

Not. No months. Yeah, within the week.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

And you know, the scripture does say to not go to bed angry. Right. Don't let the sun go down on your anger. She. She had stopped being angry, but she wasn't yet ready to resolve.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

And I love what she said that she repeated. Right. She meditated, she chewed, masticated on that word. Because sometimes your heart gets so hard, you can't plant this. You can't just put the seed on top of it. Jesus's parable alludes to this idea that the enemy can just come take it away or it's not going to grow good. So what do you got to do? You got to break up the ground.

[Melody Fabian]

Yeah.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

And that's what she was doing. She was breaking up that ground, putting that word, putting that word into. Until it got to the place to where she saw that it was going to.

[Jackie]

Cuz I think it's. I think It's a difference between you, you know, going away and you not allowing the Lord to, to. To work on your heart and you just sitting with your own thoughts.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

That's religiosity.

[Jackie]

Yeah, just sitting with your own.

[Host / Interviewer]

It's a form of meditation still.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Host / Interviewer]

Because you're, you're meditating on how you feel what they did. And so it's actually solidifying the hardness versus if you're meditating on his law day and night, then that kind of massages your heart.

[Jackie]

And I had to realize that, you know, the Lord kind of revealed to me early on in my marriage that I had become more like a Pharisee to Jackie than Jesus. And I remember, you know, calling out her stuff and wanting to talk immediately. And the Lord had to show me was like, even when you truly believe that your wife knows me, that she's coming to me, you still kind of feel like your words are sufficient, that if she comes to you, you can fix it, but you're not her God. Right. And so like, I had to learn that. I was like, man, even if like the, the best thing for our marriage at times is for me to let her go off with her king and then for us to come, to come back or whatever. And so, yeah, I just had to learn it in my marriage.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Healthy boundaries. So we talked about. I want you to finish the story, but like, we talk about communication skills. We, we. We mentioned communication styles. Right. I had already talked about communication level stages like the depth, the end of transparency. But then there's also communication boundaries there. You need to create space for people to meet with the king, to process rightly, you know, and when we don't give people that space, it can, it can blow it up. Yeah, it can cause that just to get things worse. And it's selfish when we don't want to give people space because what we really want is to feel better ourselves. We want to alleviate the pressure. What my wife mentioned earlier that I said that like, I've had to learn stand up, to stand up under the weight.

[Host / Interviewer]

Right.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Because in First Peter 3:7, it talks about husbands, live with your wives in an understanding manner. It's like, oh, snap, we can understand women. Yes, we can. But it's a process. And the Lord should showed me to flip over that word, understand and learn how to stand up under the weight of the convictions or the needs or the space and what emotions that does to me or that patience I have to exercise and yield to and listen to the Holy Spirit to. During her time of space and Then finally, we got a chance to talk real quick.

[Jackie]

Before you finish your story, I heard you say something about a week. Look, what is the. What is the boundary? Like, what is the limit? Should there be a limit? Yeah, like, because we possibly give somebody too much space, you know, that's possible, too.

[Melody Fabian]

We. For us, we don't go past a

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

week, but it depends on what the issue is. I had deeply. I remember what happened, and I had offended her. I said something pretty. There was a barrage of things that I had said in the car, and it struck her bad and I knew it and I wanted to quickly resolve it, but I was like, I need to give her this space. That's that particular issue. We usually would just fix something within the day.

[Melody Fabian]

Within the day. Yeah, we try within the day, but when it's a heavy thing, this one's

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

gonna need a bit.

[Melody Fabian]

You may need a couple days, but you gotta let them know, hey, I need to talk to you about something.

[Jackie]

It's about communicating.

[Melody Fabian]

It's communicating.

[Host / Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Melody Fabian]

Yeah.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

And she communicated, I need some time. Right. And the next day, I need some more time. But she communicated. There's been times where I've been upset. And I said to her, I love you, you, but I need some space. I'm going to go for a walk. I'll be back in a couple of hours or in 20 minutes or whatever it might be. Now, let's say it's a harder offense, like infidelity that could take years to overcome.

[Melody Fabian]

Yeah.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

So as you're dealing with other issues, you know, you're still kind of working on that main issue, and the boundary needs to be extended.

[Jackie]

That's good. That's good.

[Host / Interviewer]

So, Melody, how did you call him up?

[Melody Fabian]

So that evening I said, and actually I texted you that week, and you had given me kind of a prophetic word, like, I feel like you guys need to discover each other again. So I held onto that. And then I said, listen, I don't think you've realized this, but you've been very critical with me and what you said in the car. Da, da, da, da, da. We said we would never do that. Right. And you are a kind man and you are usually kind with me, but you have been harsh with me lately. And he was like. I saw, you know, like. Because that's who he is, right? In Christ, that's who he is. And so he was like, I'm sorry, Bab. I. I'm sorry, honey. And my apology language, because that's another thing, is a plan of action. I don't want to just hear you're sorry. I need to know what you going to work on. We are very.

[Host / Interviewer]

I get it.

[Jackie]

You sorry, but my sorry, my sorry.

[Host / Interviewer]

I appreciate it, but what we.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Sorry is often good enough for me.

[Melody Fabian]

Yes, he wants sincere, sincere apology, you know, so he said sorry. He took it in, and then he was like, I will not do this, I will not do that. And when I find myself being critical, I'mma pause. I'm going to, you know, like, his plan of action. And then I said, you know, I was talking with Jackie, and she said that we probably need to discover each other more. And it was cool because it unlocked something. And he was like, I think I'm angry. And I'm like, about what? Right? So criticism's up here, but there's an underlying anger in his belly, right? And I said, about what? And he's like, I just feel like what you want is this. And. And if I'm going to do ministry, we can't do this. And it was all these assumptions and thoughts, and I'm like, I don't even feel that way. And he was like, you don't. You know? So it was like a discovery again of what I think you're thinking, what I think you're doing. I'm assuming what you really feel. You know, all these things that has to. Communication, communication. Even simple things. Like, we had an anniversary. And again, my love, language is gifts. And there was a series of, like. I felt like he was missing it. And I'm like, just call my best friends. They know what I like. And he's like, no, I'm gonna get it. I'm gonna get it right One year, you know, so this was that year he's gonna do it. And he booked us a place for our anniversary.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

And we came, Lake Geneva. And I'm like, it's Lake Geneva, okay. It'd be great back up to Chicago.

[Melody Fabian]

And he didn't read the reviews, okay?

[Host / Interviewer]

He didn't go to Yelp.

[Melody Fabian]

He didn't go to Yelp.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

I didn't know nothing about that back then.

[Host / Interviewer]

That's all right.

[Melody Fabian]

So we get there, and it was like a place you take your kids, like a little vacation, you know what I'm saying?

[Host / Interviewer]

Had that feel, old country buffet, you.

[Melody Fabian]

You know? And I was like, oh, Lord. And you know, they had crackers and cheese on the thing. And I'm like, they ain't got no strawberries here, you know? And immediately now the enemy comes. You see, he don't plan for you. He didn't Even read the reviews for you.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

The enemy knows how to attack you directly in the areas that mean.

[Jackie]

Because the thing is, he probably put his heart and his shoulder. He probably worked really hard all of his beatings.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Watch. What? What happened? She's getting attacked with the enemy with

[Melody Fabian]

these words as soon as I walk in through the door, right? He don't plan for you. I feel I'm sinking. My heart hurting.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

You should see her face from the outside.

[Host / Interviewer]

He's like, oh, you saw it?

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Oh, I saw it. She goes so far as to remove herself and excuse herself to the bathroom. It was almost as if the enemy was, like, right on her shoulder. She went to the bathroom, and he kind of just slithered his way over to me, and immediately I just heard, look, look. She don't appreciate nothing you do.

[Host / Interviewer]

Wow.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Nothing you do is ever good enough. You will never get it right. She is so demanding and high class. And you go out of your way to do this and high maintenance and. And, like, for real. I heard this going hard.

[Melody Fabian]

And then I text one of my friend, my besties, pray for us. We just got here, and I feel already defeated. Just got here. She's like, that's the devil. I'm gonna pray right now. Be gracious. You know, he's learning, okay, I don't

[Jackie]

want to be in this kiddie pool.

[Host / Interviewer]

So he.

[Melody Fabian]

So I come out and I see him sinking, and I'm like, oh, this is both of us now. And I sat next to him. He's kind of quiet. And I said, the enemy's at work right now. Like, right away I said it. He's like, yeah, I feel that. And I said, I want to expose a lie. I know it's not true, but I want to expose a lie. He's like, okay, I feel like you don't plan for me. He's like, but I did. I said, I know she didn't read the reviews, and that's just a learning lesson, but it doesn't mean you don't love me. And I feel like the enemy's saying, he doesn't love you. That's good, because you're not worth it, right? He's like, I want to expose a lie too. I feel like nothing I do is good enough for you. And I'm like, that's a lie too, you know? And so we. He said, let's pray. And so we prayed, like, God, we expose these lies, we will have a good anniversary.

[Jackie]

And he's kitty pool, talking about this pool.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

We didn't even go to the Pool. We went to see the sight. Yeah, we want to go.

[Melody Fabian]

We will have a good time. We will, you know, and like, we, we will make the best of this. And we, you know, the enemy won't come against us. We will, you know, we will get better. We will love each other. He's like, I will listen to your best friends, you know, and we just like. And then I will say, seventh year. It was so beautiful. He had a beautiful.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Well, so let me say that, right? So what happened is I, I, I'm learning Melody's love languages and apology. Apology languages as well. So we. And the, the scheme of the enemy was to not get us to confess those lies.

[Host / Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

The intention of the en. To get us in our minds and in our heads filled with his lying words and not the words of truth.

[Jackie]

That's good.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

The words of truth, either from God or one another. Both. Set you free.

[Melody Fabian]

Yes.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Right. Because God is all about the truth, so the truth originates in him. The principle of talking to one another is oneness. The principle of confessing to one another is oneness. That's God's principle. Enemy didn't want that. We faced spiritual warfare by confessing the truth, even though it may have hurt or we missed each other's expectations. And then we prayed, because prayer then invites Christ back into the center. And we had his power and his strength and his spirit to lead us to go and have a good time. But now I had to learn. The funny thing is, later on, I went to open up the shades and stuff, and we found someone's underwear.

[Melody Fabian]

Oh, God.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Under it was. It was quite nasty. And then I started laughing like, I. Surely it was that place that we were at. Like, they didn't clean it up properly. So I really should have listened to the reviews because it would have shown me that it was not that great, very well maintained and taken care of. But it was like a little something for me to laugh at, but also to see the magnitude of my lack of review and stuff.

[Jackie]

It was like God was saying, look, CD she right.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

You see? Exactly.

[Jackie]

Look at each raw. Humble yourself.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

So the fun. I was like, you know what? I ain't gonna try to save a buck. I'm gonna make sure I do the reviews. I'm gonna talk to her friends. I'm gonna go all out. So I went and found this nice spot. I went in advance. I checked it out. I looked behind the blinds. Someone's sock was there. I was like, oh. I was about to say something, but I had already decorated the bed with flowers. And everything. I just took care of it. It was a very nice place still. And then when I brought her in, in, she cried, and I was like,

[Jackie]

this is the next year.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

That's the following year.

[Jackie]

Oh, that's good.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

That's been the following. Well, yeah, that's good.

[Jackie]

That's. That's so encouraging because I. I think it just shows you the beauty of what a marriage can be when there's two spiritually mature people who are willing to do the work.

[Melody Fabian]

Yes.

[Jackie]

Right.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Because.

[Jackie]

Because what? That is because, you know, like, I

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

would say, spiritually maturing.

[Jackie]

Yeah, maturing.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

You don't have to be mature. Sure. Just have to listen to where God has you.

[Jackie]

That's good. That's good. Yeah. Because I think it's so encouraging that you guys dealt with it immediately. Immediately, you know, that. That you took it to the Lord immediately, you know, because, you know, when you're new in Christ or even when you're, you know, you're not working, it's like you can go to your. Your. Your emotions and just sit with that for so long, but you took it to Jesus, and that's why the Lord was able to deal with it, because you bothered. And so. That's good. That's really good.

[Host / Interviewer]

I'm wondering what y' all would think about this statement. This statement. Statement. Does the devil love marriage?

[Melody Fabian]

He hates marriage.

[Host / Interviewer]

Explain.

[Melody Fabian]

Because it comes against the image of God, the bride and his church. It's his image. It's his relationship. And so he hates it. He hates what it represents, and he hates what it looks like to others. It's a witness to others. Even unbelievers.

[Host / Interviewer]

Love. Love.

[Melody Fabian]

Why are love stories still so.

[Host / Interviewer]

Right?

[Melody Fabian]

Why Hallmark is so famous, you know what I'm saying? Because he created that. It's an image of his love. And you have a great example of, like, why the enemy comes so hard against marriage.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Yeah. I was pondering the idea of sex and marriage and why it gets attacked so much. Check this out. God the enemy hates God. We are the imagers of God on the earth. The idea of imaging is that not only do we represent him in form, but we also represent him in authority. Our mandate in Genesis is to spread the glory of God through reproduction across the face of the earth. The enemy does not want to see his enemy represented in authority over the face of the earth. What's the avenue for that? Sex. What protects the.

[Melody Fabian]

That?

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Marriage. Marriage is the institution that God created for man and woman to find companionship and love and intimacy and connection with him with. With one another, which reveals his love for us. God calls Israel his bride. He kept referring to Jerusalem as his wife, his people, his body. The church is also represented as the bride of Christ. He's coming back for his bride. Adam, you know, when he saw Eve. This is bone of my bone and flesh of my flesh.

[Jackie]

Right.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

She shall be called woman because she's came forth from the man. When Jesus the bridegroom hung on the cross, he was stabbed on the right side. And the blood and the water flow. What does John say? This is the witness. The spirit, the blood and the water. The witness of who? The Christ. By whom? The church, his bride. When Eve came forth from Adam, it was a prophecy that the church was going to come forth from Christ. We literally represent the most precious thing to God. So he hates the image of God. He hates the reproduction of the image of God. He hates the institution that comes from that. And so that's what he wants to pervert. He wants to pervert and destroy. Be your own person out there in the world, sleeping around and everything. It's all good. It's all good. Get married now. It's a ball and shame. What's represented in tv. They don't have no sex no more. They're broken. They make fun of the men. The woman is always upset and frustrated. All these images. He, the enemy hates marriage. And he hates marriage for all those reasons. And that's why it's worth protecting.

[Host / Interviewer]

I asked that because I think we have a conception of just spiritual warfare as it relates to ministry, as it relates to our mind, as it relates to our heart. But a lot of times we don't see that some of the tension in the marriage is actually some kind of spiritual opposition. And so just not being like. Because I remember when we came to that conclusion probably recently, it was like,

[Melody Fabian]

I think the devil be throwing a

[Host / Interviewer]

lot of arrows at us. So I'm over here thinking I'm fighting you, when I'm actually not fighting against flesh and blood.

[Jackie]

No.

[Host / Interviewer]

You know what I'm saying? Like, you ain't actually my wrestle. My wrestle with somebody else.

[Jackie]

I had a series of dreams a couple of years ago that just started, like, coming out of nowhere of Jackie cheating on me.

[Host / Interviewer]

Oh, that was for a year?

[Jackie]

Yeah. Yeah. It was like.

[Host / Interviewer]

That was a nightmare. Pun intended.

[Jackie]

Oh, my goodness. And I'm like, this is crazy. And I. And I remember waking up feeling angry at her. And I would, like, literally feel angry at her throughout the day.

[Host / Interviewer]

No, you had. Cause it was a really long. It was a long season of him planting these seeds in your mind through dreams. Through dreams that I would step out on you. And I remember. I think it got on my nerves in general, but it really got on my nerves because when I had Sage, I was in the room with Sage, and I had just delivered her. You went to sleep because I've been in labor all day. And he gave you one of those dreams, and you woke up questioning me about if I. While I have a brand new baby in my arms. Right?

[Melody Fabian]

Come on.

[Host / Interviewer]

And I. And I'm like, Preston, like, I guess at my. I was getting frustrated because it's like, you should know me enough now to know that I love Jesus, I love you, I love our family. I want to be faithful, like.

[Jackie]

And it wasn't until. Yeah, yeah, it was.

[Host / Interviewer]

My whole vagina done been ripped in two because I got a baby.

[Jackie]

And I just remember feeling when she told. When she. When I saw the frustration on her face, I just remember feeling so convicted. And I remember feeling so Just like. Like, oh, man. Like, God, like, how did I get here? I was like, I'm not even like, an insecure dude. And one. Jackie don't even like people like that. So it's like, for her to even cheat on me, it's just so out.

[Host / Interviewer]

Like, it's just, you know, I have to really go out of my way.

[Jackie]

And it wasn't until I had an event in Chicago, I was like, lord, help me. And it wasn't until I had an event in Chicago. I'm pretty sure he won't mind me talking about this. Had an event in Chicago, and the rapper KB was there, the Christian rapper KB was there. And I opened up to him and I was like, bro, I'm going through a lot. And he said, I had an attack like that for two years.

[Melody Fabian]

Wow.

[Jackie]

And I was like, really? And he, like, walked me through it. And we just talked in the car, just driving one, me and KB and he just prayed. Prayed with me. And I remember, like, feeling like something kind of broke there. But it didn't go away. It didn't go away completely away. But it was just like the Lord had to really help me out of that season. And that's when I came. I walked away, like, feeling like, wow, the devil hates my marriage.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Yes.

[Jackie]

Like, we. Because we had been working at that point, and it was like, like, you know, I'm not struggling with this no more. You're not doing, you know, you're respecting me more, yada, yada, yada. So now I gotta plant dreams. So it's affect how you.

[Host / Interviewer]

How you think, how you think.

[Jackie]

It's just like, wow, like, you didn't do none of this with my girlfriends.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Right? Right.

[Jackie]

You was just like, just be.

[Host / Interviewer]

You know, keep going.

[Jackie]

That's all.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

That's good. So I hear you talking about how you overcame that by sharing it with the broken brother. Getting prayer. Yeah, but we know that it's spiritual warfare. See, earlier we were talking about, like, you know, Jerome, the phone, and things like that. We're talking about the distraction. See, Satan has strategies to divide marriages, to divide people, because, you know, a house divided cannot stand, a kingdom divided cannot stand. Right. So the enemy attacks the very thing he hates by implanting concepts and ideas in our minds to draw division. That's another strategy. One is distraction, another is division. The same way that we face it is fighting for the oneness with the distractions. You got to put the phone away with the divisions. And then when you put the phone away and you look at one another, you speak to one another, you go into those deeper levels of oneness. The same thing with divisions. We have to call out those divisions. So Melody and I, we had something similar happen. For a season of time. I was having. Having dreams where someone was trying to seduce me. One of the times Melody was with you, Jackie, at one of the glory events that same night that you guys were out there serving and working, I woke up in the middle of the night from an enticing dream and can feel the spirit herself standing over me in the bed or by my bed. And I had to get up and rebuke it in the name of Jesus and then begin to pray. And then I told Melody right away that next day or whatever, and these are happening because you guys are a power couple doing ministry together. Let me tell you something. I believe in this generation. I'm going to submit this as a prophetic insight. I believe in this generation and that to come, God is raising. Raising up prophetic ministry couples because it reveals the heart of God, the bride and the bridegroom by his spirit working together. What does it say in Revelation? The spirit and the bride say, come. Come on, somebody. It says, the spirit of who? Jesus Christ. The spirit of our Father, the spirit of our husband and the bride say, come. Come into the body of Christ. Come and avoid the judgment that Jesus Christ is coming to set everything straight. And in that same way, the two of you are saying, come. Melody and I are saying, come. And when we choose to operate together, what did Jesus say? He will build his church and the gates of Hell will not resist it. Gates are stationary. The church is going out against. When you go and you visit these different cities. And when she's gone and you're covering her, when you're gone, you're covering him. And we'd go through the same thing. He's like, oh, where's all this coming from? Let's get to the source. Let's attack their marriage. And there's things that you can do to strengthen that, expose it, confess it, and pray. But also look for any open doors that might be lingering. But I'll just pause for now.

[Jackie]

That's good.

[Melody Fabian]

Yeah.

[Host / Interviewer]

I'm wondering. My question went away, but I am wondering, how do couples who have dealt with infidelity work through that?

[Melody Fabian]

We have. We have a very close. One of my best friends work through infidelity. And it's. First it was, do you forgive? That's the first one. Do you forgive? And she said, said, I do forgive. Second question is, do you want to work it out? Because you can forgive and be like, peace, I can't live with you anymore. And she was like, I don't know, I want to. But he was sort of in a, like, I don't know sense. And God had to get him. And it's a cool, beautiful story. They're writing a book. But he basically was playing softball at a game, and God broke his leg. Like his leg got broken. And he's in the hospital and he knew it got broken. Like he fumbled over a kid. And the doctor's like, it looked like somebody hit you with a bat like that. And he's in the doctor's, you know, hospital. He's just hearing beep, beep. And the Lord said, stop running for me.

[Jackie]

Wow.

[Melody Fabian]

Stop running for me. And he knew he was in sin and he said, I repent, you know, and he repented. And so he said, I want to work this out. Forgive me. But now she had to take care of him. Oo wee.

[Host / Interviewer]

You gotta take care of the Negro. Unless he's not a nick.

[Melody Fabian]

No, he's not. But you know, you know, sound like

[Jackie]

a Tyler Perry movie.

[Host / Interviewer]

Ninja, Ninja cheated on you.

[Melody Fabian]

But here was the funny thing. She said, lord in prayer, God, break his leg like a lamb and put him over your shoulders. Oh. She said that she had prayed that prayer.

[Host / Interviewer]

She didn't know the Lord was going

[Melody Fabian]

to answer specifically, specifically.

[Jackie]

So now he's like, which one, daughter?

[Host / Interviewer]

Okay, left or the right?

[Melody Fabian]

So now she calls me, I gotta take care of him. When I want to kick him, I want to kick him.

[Host / Interviewer]

In the leg.

[Melody Fabian]

I want to kick him in the bad leg. Melody and I don't kick him. Let's pray. You know, like, we were literally. Literally like that. You know, she'd be in the car with him, she'd be fine. And all of a sudden she's like, no, she was driving. She's like, get out the car. Get out of the car. And he's like, what? And he's like, limping with the crutches.

[Host / Interviewer]

Oh, she put him out the car.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Well, she put him up the car, out the car.

[Melody Fabian]

She driving. And she's like, God's like, go get your man. She come.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

She see him in the rearview mirror hobbling.

[Melody Fabian]

He's like, babe, what is going on? She's like, this making me crazy now. I want to pause there. Adultery does make you crazy. It was. We were never meant to. To break covenant.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

God says he's a jealous God.

[Melody Fabian]

It makes you irrational. It will make you want to kill somebody.

[Host / Interviewer]

It will.

[Melody Fabian]

You like, I can't think right. So it was constant warfare that they had to keep praying, keep pressing, have accountability and keep forgiving. Because forgiveness comes in waves, and it's a process. And so when it would come again, she'd be like, but why did you. You know? And he'd be like, babe, I'm so sorry. He didn't go, I already said I'm sorry five times.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Right.

[Melody Fabian]

I say it as long as much as you need me to say it.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

See, Melody earlier said. Said that the first question was, will you be willing to forgive? And then she's describing the process of restoration there. Do you want to be restored from the offending spouse? I think the first question is, will you repent? Will you repent? So will you forgive? Will you repent? Then the question together is, are you working to restore. Both have to walk in humility. Humility the entire time our friend walked in humility, ready to serve her in the capacity that he could because he's physically needing her service, which further humbled him.

[Melody Fabian]

Yes, it did.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

God is so amazing in how he does things. She is being broken by having to serve the one who deeply offended her, which worked her forgiveness deep. See, why would God do that? God did that so that he could work. Work the forgiveness in her heart deep by expressing it in work my God. Then for him, it made him realize the beauty he has in this woman, the love she has for God.

[Host / Interviewer]

Wow.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

That she's willing to work out her forgiveness by serving him. What did I step out? What did I do that helped me him Stay humble. It kept him low. These are God principles. He resists the proud, but he lifts up the humble.

[Melody Fabian]

Hallelujah.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

He's like, I got to teach you both humility. That's good. And I know how to do it in the way that will affect you the most. He's someone who had prided himself on being able to do things for himself and take care of himself. And I'mma go out there and I'mma do it. She had prided herself as someone who can be taken care of. And I'm a prince. I'm not saying that necessarily was always going through their mind, but I can imagine. Imagine as conversation I've had with him. These are dispositions. So now he's being humbled by having to be taken care of, and she's being humbled by having to take care of. And this is what I meant by boundaries. Before, these were conversations that they had to endure for years. This was not gonna just get fixed. It would take time.

[Melody Fabian]

And I think what's coming to my heart to share is they have kids who are married now, and they have such a beautiful legacy. And she took a picture recently and sent it to me, and I just see all her kids. The only one, that's two that are not married yet, but they love the Lord in their singleness. And I want to say that, too. Like, I know they're singles watching. Like, so am I nothing without marriage? No. God has a plan and a purpose for you. Like, I see.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

And it may not be marriage, and

[Melody Fabian]

it may not be like, he's got the. The. The singles, the married and the grandkids. And I see this picture and I. I said, limari, like, look at your legacy. If you and Tony said, no know, in that moment, wow, where would your kids be right now?

[Jackie]

Wow.

[Melody Fabian]

Would they even be serving the Lord right now?

[Host / Interviewer]

And.

[Melody Fabian]

And they're all serving the Lord right now, and they're all building their family, and they all know what happened, and

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

that's what the enemy was after.

[Jackie]

Legacy.

[Melody Fabian]

Legacy.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

That's what the enemy is after. We cannot see what we will leave behind. Do you know, most people don't ever get to see the wealth of impact until they die.

[Jackie]

They never see it.

[Melody Fabian]

Maybe in glory.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Maybe in glory, but. But they don't get to see it. Most of the people who have had the most profound impact in this world will never see that. They have to do it by faith.

[Melody Fabian]

It is by faith.

[Jackie]

That's so good.

[Melody Fabian]

I think sometimes when we're thinking of our warfare, I have to think of my legacy. I have to know there's an enemy. It's not my spouse. He hates my marriage. We gotta fight. And this is for my kids, you know, like, you have to. And it's for the world. Right. So this year or this season, we were in Florida. I had got. We got hit crazy with new attacks that we ain't never had before.

[Host / Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Melody Fabian]

In one moment, I remember feeling the enemy literally say, you should leave.

[Host / Interviewer]

Leave cd.

[Melody Fabian]

Yeah. I've never had that thought. And what I was upset about wasn't even that big. I was like that vote stop, you know, Like, I reject that thought. Right. Hold every thought captive.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Yeah.

[Melody Fabian]

But it was. But like, don't you wish you could just do you. And he was like. But he was like strong. And it was like, I feel like there's a demonic presence in my room right now while I'm praying.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

It was leave. Not just me, but. And the kids. It was like, let me go.

[Host / Interviewer]

Even the cops, which isn't even your character.

[Melody Fabian]

No, but I felt it. Like, I was like, ugh, get in the car.

[Jackie]

I've had those moments.

[Melody Fabian]

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[Host / Interviewer]

Well, not that I'm exposing the lie that you're not coming for me by saying that you had those moments.

[Jackie]

Thank you. Look at you doing the work.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Go ahead.

[Jackie]

I've had random moments. Like irrational thoughts.

[Melody Fabian]

Yes, yes. Intruding, irrational. But it was like. But just imagine it. Just like, just imagine what it would be like. Like you could just do you. You ain't got to cook, you ain't got to clean. You got to take care of nobody. It's just all about you. You travel. And I'm like, what is this? But that's the trap right there. Just imagine.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Come on.

[Host / Interviewer]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Melody Fabian]

If you allow that door to the devil. And now you're like, man, I'll go to. I'll go on vacation. I'll do this.

[Jackie]

And the thing is, we probably be miserable. Miserable.

[Melody Fabian]

Yes, yes. And who knows what a time.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

But the trap was to get her to imagine.

[Melody Fabian]

Because then it's a seed. Yeah, but you don't got the fine print of what the devil has for you. And what STD you gonna get if you sleep around?

[Host / Interviewer]

And what.

[Melody Fabian]

What. What disease you gonna get?

[Host / Interviewer]

And what.

[Melody Fabian]

What the devil's gonna do to your kids because you just open a door to your house. Right? And so I was like, what is this? And I felt the Lord say, you need to resist this evil spirit. And I said, I resist. Resist these thoughts right now. And I resist the devil right now. You will not have my house and you will not take me out of my post, because that's what it is. Get out your post.

[Jackie]

Talk heavy Melody.

[Host / Interviewer]

Leave your position.

[Melody Fabian]

Leave your position.

[Host / Interviewer]

Why?

[Melody Fabian]

Why? Because once I leave and I'm in sin and doing my thing, I lose a wonderful husband, my kids don't want to be around me, and now I feel so far from God. You should leave God too.

[Jackie]

See?

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

You see how that goes? And now I'll expose some lies, too. I've had similar thoughts. Not so much just to up and go, but wishing. Not wishing. Wondering if life looked different and having to resist going down that lane as well. Because there is something about daydreaming away from what God has given the reality. The reality of things, things that can ensnare us.

[Host / Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Because what happens is. And I think this is what happens with a lot of marriages, too.

[Melody Fabian]

Y.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

But it gets fleshed out by imagining what could have been, what would have been with the old Facebook boyfriend or girlfriend. And then what happens is that little open door gets swung wide open over periods of time until we actually go. And I've seen this happen in marriages where they have left. And then the next step is walk away from your spouse. Walk away from your heavenly spouse. And apostasy is interestingly linked to adultery, because idolatry is spiritual adultery. If you want to remain happy in adultery or walking away from your spouse, you have to let go of God.

[Host / Interviewer]

That's good.

[Jackie]

Wow.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

You cannot live in peace if you walk away from your spouse. So all of the marriages that I've seen fall apart. And then sometime later, I get this Facebook feed or this Instagram post, I ain't following Jesus no more.

[Jackie]

Well, you have to walk away from God or you have to hold on to a false.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

A false gospel.

[Jackie]

You cannot worship him in spirit and in truth.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Right.

[Jackie]

You have to worship. You have to worship this idea that you made up about to live comfortable. And you're not really comfortable. You just cope with it.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

You know you're lying to yourself.

[Jackie]

You know you're lying to yourself. You're lying to the people around you. And that's deep.

[Host / Interviewer]

I Think what I'm enjoying about this conversation is that even a couple minutes ago I was thinking about the imagination and how we can sometimes ruin it, but practically. So you have men who use their imagination while watching pornography as an away to escape. You have people who are addicted to video games as in a way to escape, but then you also have women who read erotic books as a way to escape. And so, like, we have these. These devices or this literature or these means by which we can, like, we can put ourself in another world, which actually makes us discontent in the position that God has actually placed us in.

[Melody Fabian]

That's good, you know. Sure.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

So another interesting thing about those, that they are sometimes coping mechanisms. So the way that we sometimes view. View pornography or drug addiction or alcoholism. Notice I package those things together because for some people, there are wounds they've never tended to. Yeah, those wounds creep up at the present, the marriages, hits a hard place. It's hard for them to process or to alleviate the pain of the memory, the wound, the present circumstances. And they go to their coping mechanism. So they go to smoke a blunt, or they drink some alcohol, or they get high, or they play the video game, or they watch pornography, or they eat a bunch of food, they go shopping. All of these things are coping mechanisms. So it's interesting because I'm now just thinking about how you brought that up in the context of imaginations and the enemy trying to, like, get a foothold into. Through spiritual warfare. Warfare. But sometimes it could be remnants of old spiritual warfare that just never got dealt with.

[Jackie]

Yeah. Because I said it in one of the podcasts, the difference between your wife or your spouse wounding you and you or your spouse triggering old wounds in you that you never dealt with. And so I think it's a difference, but also too, for me, I just have to be completely honest. When I fell into my pornography addiction in my marriage, it was. It was all of those things. It was me not coping with a lot, not dealing with a lot of past trauma, but also God had to tear down a lot of what I thought about, what I thought marriage should be. And he had to address my pride. Because I think one thing that led me to pornography was when my wife rejected me. And I vicariously lived through me not getting rejected through pornography, like I can watch a man not being rejected. And I vicariously lived through that experience, you know, but it was perversion at its finest. Right. It was not true intimacy, it was not true oneness. Right. But it appealed to my pride, my ego. And God was like this is not just merely a lust thing. This is a deep pride issue. Right? You are with the image bearer that happens to be my daughter. And you can't, you can't deal with her saying no to you.

[Host / Interviewer]

And low key, the kindness of God in all of this is that he creates these scenarios where there's some level of tension or conflict as a way to expose what we need to deal with. And so I started to see that triggers are actually opportunities. Like, I need you to see that you're still hurt. I need you to see that you're still bitter. I need you to see that what happened to you when you was nine and they talked about you is showing up and how you deal with your spouse. Right? And so it's like sometimes instead of ignoring the trigger, pay attention to the trigger and bring them to the Lord and say, you know what? I didn't know this was still here. So heal me. Right? Like, there are opportunities for healing.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

What you're bringing out is those coping mechanisms are getting in the way with how God wants to really heal you.

[Melody Fabian]

Yes.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

And Matthew 11:28 says, come to me, all you who are weary and heavy burdened. Right. Take my yoke upon you and I will give you rest. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light. And it's interesting, he's just asking for an exchange of yoke. The burden you're carrying, the way that you're living your life, trudging the ground through this yoke, it's bearing you down. This coping mechanism is actually destroying you. Right. And I can confess as well. I've talked to my wife about this because I have a certain level of, of like, angst with pornography, because I used to wrestle with pornography as well. I could feel the enemy trying to lure me back into pornography. It's funny, you said you had these dreams coming out of nowhere, and I saw that, I felt like the Lord was showing me the enemy. Like, create new ways to see if he can get you to stumble. So it seems like I've never struggled with this before. And it was like, here's a thought, leave your family. But why? Because it's just these random.

[Host / Interviewer]

You gotta try something.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

I gotta try something new. But he'll also go back to old tactics. And this is our ministry when we talked about purity and walking in holiness for the love of God and all these kind of things, I've put that away from me for years, for years and years and years and years. And we've talked a lot about it. And all of a Sudden it was like, lure me back in, but he knows he wasn't gonna just jump me back in. So it was, like, through social media and thirst traps. And then I couldn't do this. And so then it was like. You mentioned how girls read the erotica.

[Melody Fabian]

Well, I started reading, please your spouse better. Right now. You're, like, going into articles.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

It went into to, like, stories, to erotica. And then the holy spirit whispered to me one day, and he's like, bro, this is still pornography.

[Melody Fabian]

It's literary.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

This is literature. This is pornography. Like, written porn. Like, that's what pornography actually means. We can see things on video, too. And so I had to confess it. And she's the one who straight up said, this is pornography. The Lord whispered and convicted me about it. I told her, and she said, babe, that's pornography.

[Jackie]

Wow.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

And it hit.

[Melody Fabian]

He was like, I was reading.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Like, I was about to argue, no,

[Melody Fabian]

I'm reading an article, right, about us. And I said, but it went from

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

there to actual erotica. And she was like, that's pornography, you know?

[Host / Interviewer]

Melody, can you speak to that? When it comes to women, just the things that they read or watch that entertain this kind of marital ideal that they would prefer.

[Melody Fabian]

I literally won't watch shows about adultery where they're, like, liking it, getting away with it. Like, I'll read. What is this show about? Right. I will not watch. It was like an old Stella got her groove back, and she's, like, messing with a little young man, you know, because adultery runs in my family, and I'm breaking it in my bloodline. Right. I'm not even gonna watch that kind of. Of stuff, but there's an appeal there. Yeah, it's like a little tickle. Like, don't you want to watch this? Right? So we have to be aware, like, I'm not watching this. This is. Doesn't glorify the Lord, and it may appeal to a struggle in your family and your bloodline. You have to guard what you're reading, what you're watching. Little things. Like we. We have Vid angel, where you literally could delete all the swear words and parts in a movie. You know, like, you got to do what you got to do, because this culture is getting darker and darker.

[Host / Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

People are like, we just don't watch certain shows either. Whether it's Vid angel or not.

[Melody Fabian]

We're like, we just can't watch this, you know, because it's appealing to your flesh, you know? And so if you feed that, it will grow. It will grow. And the enemy has plans to fulfill it. I remember one year there was a. I don't remember what year it was, but I was like, hey, babe, my husband text me, the Internet guy's coming to fix the Internet. I'm like, oh, okay, cool. I'm praying. I'm getting with the Lord. I'm by myself at the house. I open the. He comes, I open the door. I'm like, man, I know this guy. Like, I'm like, I know this guy, you know? And he's like, hey, I'm here to fix your. I'm like, okay, cool. And he's like, melody. And I'm like, what's your name again? He's like, oh. He says his name and I'm like, oh, my. Like, I used to like him when I was 16 and he tried to come for me when I was 20 something, but I was like, no. And I'm like, he's my Internet guy. Like, what the devil? I'm not. Like, that's so random. There ain't nothing random about this at all. But that's. Cause you gotta have a battlefield mindset.

[Host / Interviewer]

That's good.

[Melody Fabian]

But people are like, la, la, la, this is so interesting. Or you've been fantasizing on cheating on your man and now you're like, ooh, wouldn't this be spicy? This is how the enemy. I'm already like, this is a trap from the devil. Like, I already, bro. He walking up the stairs and I'm already like, I gotta text my husband. I gotta take my accountability. Like, I'm already strategizing. Okay? But even the way he walked in had a little swag to it. He like closed the door real soft. He's like looking to see who's in the house. And I.

[Host / Interviewer]

And I was like, what he think about to happen? You know what I'm saying?

[Melody Fabian]

And I was like, there's the Internet box. Da, da, da. Like, I'm trying to be real, you know? He's like, so how you been? I'm like, I'm great. I'm married. Right away, right? Right away, you know? I'm like, yeah, we made the news. You know, we didn't kiss till our wedding day. I'm trying to, like, just talk about our story. He's like, oh, wow, I'm married too. I'm like, oh, that's great. That is great.

[Jackie]

Right?

[Melody Fabian]

So he's doing his thing. I go to the kitchen, I'm texting my two accountability. Because I've share this story about this guy to singles and we call him. The lust of the eyes. And so I said, the lust of the eyes is in my house. And they're like, what the devil? You know, they're like, we praying, you know. And then I go to text cd. But I know he was teaching and I was like, I don't want to mess with him right now. He's teaching. And I felt the enemy go tell him later. And I was like, no, I. Cause there's room to change your mind. I was like, hey, babe, you know that story looks to the eyes. He's our AT&T guy. That's crazy. I'm just sudden, you know, I'm good. I'm just putting it out there.

[Jackie]

That's good. That's how you fight the enemy.

[Melody Fabian]

Yes. Put it out there.

[Jackie]

Yeah. Nothing. Nothing to grow.

[Melody Fabian]

And then I open the back door. Cuz I said, if this mug try something, I'm running out the house. I'mma run.

[Jackie]

Quick confession.

[Host / Interviewer]

Let our finish though, cuz it's, it's. It's giving.

[Melody Fabian]

You got to run.

[Host / Interviewer]

It's giving. Joseph.

[Melody Fabian]

Yeah. Joseph run. Okay, so I got the door.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

He will always provide a way out.

[Jackie]

Yeah.

[Melody Fabian]

And so people will go, it don't take all that. Yes, it does though.

[Host / Interviewer]

Yes it does.

[Melody Fabian]

How these big men of God falling? How are these women of God? You're like, how did. Like this, this little moment. And so he's taking care of everything. He's about to go. I'm like, okay, good. Everything's good. He's like, so are you happy?

[Host / Interviewer]

No.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Yeah.

[Host / Interviewer]

I'm acting like I ain't heard the story, but I come on, are you happy?

[Jackie]

He needs somebody to put paws on him.

[Melody Fabian]

And right there is where people get trapped.

[Host / Interviewer]

Yes.

[Melody Fabian]

Why are you having a convers? Had a conversation with the devil.

[Host / Interviewer]

Yeah.

[Melody Fabian]

You don't have conversation.

[Jackie]

He need a two piece and a biscuit.

[Melody Fabian]

And so I was like, I'm very happy. And I opened the door. I was not about to go, are you happy?

[Host / Interviewer]

It's none of my business whether you're happy or not.

[Melody Fabian]

I'm not. I'm not having a conversation with you. Open the door. He always, even when I was 16 and 20, he always say, can I get a hug? You know, he goes, can I get a hug? I said, no. And I went like, tapped his shoulder like, get out the house. Get out the house. Told your family. I said hi. I said, okay, bye. You know, Cause he knows my family. He left. I was like, the devil was at my door.

[Host / Interviewer]

Wow.

[Melody Fabian]

I locked the door, I called my besties they're like, that's crazy. CD gets home, he's like, wait, what happened?

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Well, I called after I saw the message, after I finished my class, and then I came home. And that was interesting because she told me the situation, and it had stemmed from. So this is. What's this strategy? Right. It had stemmed from Melody wrestling with happiness in that season. So the question came, are you happy? And I wanted to ask the question, are you happy? You know, let's talk about this. Because there's a seed of lie in the question.

[Melody Fabian]

Yep.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

And we, we, we. And she affirmed, no, I'm happy. I'm this. And then the other. She affirmed it. And the funny thing is, we were having trouble with AT&T. That's the AT&T, like, Internet that I had. So I went ahead and I canceled AT and T. And then y' all got Xfinity. Now we got Xfinity.

[Jackie]

That's hilarious.

[Host / Interviewer]

He ain't never coming back.

[Jackie]

He ain't never coming back.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Yeah, he ain't never coming back.

[Melody Fabian]

He got.

[Jackie]

He don't have to change jobs to come back.

[Melody Fabian]

Yeah. He's like, I'm. I work in Florida now. No, you don't.

[Host / Interviewer]

Not if you come back.

[Jackie]

Get a fire stick.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

But I love Melody's story because she used discernment and she faced it. She didn't listen to. There were multiple demonic prompts throughout there. Should I text him or not? And then she reached out to her accountability partners and all this. And then the other. Look at past. This has been a person of temptation multiple times in the past. We have talked about this in our talks with young people and singles before. The Enemy would love to cause her to stumble and fall. And she said that this was an issue in her own bloodline. There's so many different aspects to that story there that we can highlight, but she discerned.

[Jackie]

That's good.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

This is spiritual warfare.

[Host / Interviewer]

That's right.

[Jackie]

Real good, man. Thank you, guys. Man, this has been such a fruitful conversation. It's always good to catch up with you guys. I'm looking forward to our time later on over dinner, man. But thank you, guys. Man.

[Host / Interviewer]

Let the people know how they can find y', all, how they can. All the platforms. Y' all got YouTube.

[Melody Fabian]

Yeah. So we are starting a podcast called Hanging with the Fabians. So look for us on YouTube and then just go to cd and melody dot com. Cd and melody dot com. I am the melody to his cd.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

That's right.

[Host / Interviewer]

And cd, like. Like.

[Melody Fabian]

Like cd, that disc.

[Host / Interviewer]

Because some of y' all don't know what that is.

[Melody Fabian]

Yeah, the little round.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

That's actually the way I got my name.

[Host / Interviewer]

What you mean?

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

So my name is Claude Daniel. Cd. But it's spelled in one word. Claude Daniel.

[Melody Fabian]

Claude Daniel.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

I'm Haitian, and I was beatboxing in junior high, and they thought that it sounded real fresh. So they were like, hey, yo, this sounds like a radio. He's like a cassette. And they're like, no, no, no. What's that new thing? Cause I'm old. What's that new thing? It's a cd. He sounds like a cd. A cd. And it was like a week and a half later or so, they were like, hey, cd. Claude Daniel, cd. So I actually got it from being.

[Host / Interviewer]

I never heard that CD.

[Melody Fabian]

So, yes.

[Jackie]

CD.

[Melody Fabian]

And melody.com.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

yeah.

[Melody Fabian]

And whether you want coaching with us or you want us to speak at an event for.

[Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian]

Yeah, we provide pre and postmarital coaching.

[Melody Fabian]

Yeah.

[Host / Interviewer]

With the Paries. It's probably produced by the Perrys with support from Amanda reed and Channing McBride. Video recording and audio production by Matthew Baxter and Xavier Fairley. Edited by the team at Tread Lively. Artwork by hob thank you for listening. Now go with God.

[Melody Fabian]

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