With The Perrys: Discipling Kids in a Sexually Broken World

Guests: Laurie and Matt Krieg
Episode date: October 20, 2025

Episode Overview

In this episode of With The Perrys, hosts Jackie Hill Perry and Preston Perry sit down with Laurie and Matt Krieg, co-authors of Raising Wise Kids in a Sexually Broken World: A Gospel Centered Approach. They discuss what it means to disciple children in today’s sex-saturated culture, the pitfalls of purity culture, and practical gospel-centered ways to approach conversations about sexuality, gender, shame, and belonging. Drawing from their own experiences as parents and as professionals (Lori as a ministry leader and Matt as a therapist), the Kriegs offer insight, encouragement, and hands-on strategies for Christian parents and churches.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Gospel as the Foundation for Sexual Discipleship

• Laurie and Matt emphasize that children's approach to sexuality must start with the big-picture gospel: God created everything good, sin distorted it, and Jesus redeems and restores (16:19; 16:34).

  "The gospel is a theology of yes and of flourishing..." – Lori Krieg (16:19)

• Laurie contrasts this with purity culture, which often focused narrowly on rules without cultivating a proper understanding of the gospel and human flourishing (13:15; 15:46).

2. Critique and Consequences of Purity Culture

• Purity culture, as described by the Kriegs, centered on "don't do this, do that," promising a blessed life if rules were obeyed; it placed undue responsibility, particularly on women, for others’ sexual purity and often fueled shame (08:37).

  “Purity culture was really...based on don't do this. Do this, if you're good...you're gonna have an awesome marriage with perfect sex and perfect everything.” – Lori Krieg (08:37)

• Both men and women felt the effects, but in different ways—women were made responsible for men’s lust, while men were sometimes treated as unable to control themselves (08:05; 10:59).

3. Moving from Shame and Fear to Flourishing and Grace

• The Kriegs stress the need to avoid fear and shame in sexual discipleship. According to neuroscience and biblical wisdom, fear and shame shut down learning and openness.

  "Our brains literally cannot process data when we're living in fear and shame...the gospel does not begin within the beginning, sin distorted everything—it begins within the beginning, God created it good." – Lori Krieg (15:46)

• The message is that God provides pathways for restoration, not just condemnation (15:46; 16:19).

4. Practical Tools for Parenting

Early and Proactive Conversations

• Laurie and Matt encourage parents to become their children’s “anchoring bias”—the first and most formative voices on sex and the body (30:26).

  "Anchoring bias…it means the first place that we hear something is going to be the gold standard to which we compare everything else." – Lori Krieg (30:40)

• Open, honest talks about pornography should begin well before adolescence, as average first exposure is as young as 8 (28:48; 29:02).

Responding to Exposure

• First exposures to sexual content or pornography should be viewed as trauma, not as an opportunity for punishment; kids need gospel-centered, compassionate responses (36:46).

  "We don't discipline trauma because a child's brain cannot ever prepare themselves for what they see on that screen." – Lori Krieg (36:46)

• After repeated or willfully disobedient behaviors, loving boundaries with ongoing grace are recommended; but the first response should always focus on union, understanding, and safety (37:40).

5. Simplifying Big Theological Ideas for Kids

• The Kriegs share how they communicate gospel truths and conversations about sexuality to kids at different developmental stages:
  • With young children, they use simple language and draw on daily feelings of need or lack (22:12–24:09).
  • Discussions are framed through belonging, union, and need, always pointing back to Jesus as the one who fulfills our ultimate needs (24:09; 25:41).

6. Casting Vision for Both Marriage and Singleness

• The Kriegs are intentional about offering children a robust gospel vision for both marriage and singleness, not idolizing marriage as the only path to fulfillment (45:31; 46:37).

  "Marriage and singleness are the modes we live out the mission to advance God's kingdom." – Lori Krieg (47:19)

• Their family “mission statement”: The mission of God is to push back the darkness and usher in the light (45:53).

7. Addressing Gender, Identity, and Belonging

• They highlight that a key part of many gender struggles is a lack of belonging with one’s biological sex group. Instead of reinforcing narrow stereotypes, parents should affirm, "I love your version of boy/girl." (66:57)

  "All of them [kids wrestling with gender] have a story of not feeling like they belong with their biological sex group." – Lori Krieg (65:17)

• Both Kriegs emphasize affirming children in their unique expressions of gender, rooted in biology but not limited to social stereotypes (67:06–67:23).

8. Navigating LGBT Imagery and Questions in Culture

• Instead of ignoring or panicking over exposure to LGBT-related imagery or ads, use these moments as opportunities to calmly and simply articulate God’s design and heart—to give language, not loaded reactions (59:12–63:12).

  "We as parents need to help to bring that unformulated experience into the left brain. Give language. That's good. Now that's gonna calm them down." – Lori Krieg (59:22)

9. Modeling Discipleship as Imperfect Parents

• For parents who feel disqualified due to past sexual mistakes or family brokenness, the Kriegs urge confession, honesty, repentance, and faith in new beginnings (“face it and bring it to Jesus,” 56:09).

  "There's nothing so gloriously uncomfortable as accepting the love and grace of Jesus." – Lori Krieg (56:59)

• Your repentance and transparency, not your perfection, is what your children need modeled (57:41; 57:47).

10. Building Family Rhythms of Faith

• The Kriegs share how they cultivate spiritual habits, like reading short devotionals or scripture around breakfast, inviting even small children into prayer, gratitude, and learning to articulate what they’re hearing from God (41:03–42:48).

  “It's just that early exposure, that rhythm… Even Matt and I say what we heard in it.” – Lori Krieg (42:05)

Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On Gospel and Wisdom:

  "The gospel is a theology of yes and of flourishing. It actually wakes up our brain to be able to receive the beauty of God's design for sex…" – Lori Krieg (16:19)

• On Shame and Healing:

  "Our brains literally cannot process data when we're living in fear and shame..." – Lori Krieg (15:46)

• On First Conversations about Porn:

  "I want to be their anchoring bias... The first place that we hear something is going to be the gold standard to which we compare everything else." – Lori Krieg (30:40)

• On Belonging and Gender:

  "All dads are supposed to be nurturing and I'm going to say all the time we say this: I love your version of boy." – Lori Krieg (66:57)

• On Parental Imperfection:

  "We don't, we, none of us need perfect parents. No, none of us need self-righteous parents either. We need parents that know what it's like to mess up, acknowledge it, confess and move forward so that they have a model of how to do that too." – Preston Perry (57:47)

Notable Timestamps

• Why this book, and why now? – [05:20]
• What is/was purity culture? – [07:31]
• The pitfalls of purity culture – [08:37]
• How do you communicate the gospel to children of different ages? – [22:12]
• Talking to kids proactively about pornography – [29:02]; [30:26]
• Responding to first exposure to porn – [36:46]
• Cultivating a vision for singleness – [45:31]
• Navigating age-appropriate discipline, grace, and union – [35:44], [38:07]
• LGBT visuals and curiosity in the culture – [59:12]
• Gender, stereotypes, and belonging – [65:17]; [66:57]
• Encouragement for parents with broken pasts – [56:09]; [57:41]
• Modeling daily devotional habits as a family – [41:03]; [42:05]

Practical Parenting Insights (Quick Reference)

• Start talking early and often: Don’t delay conversations about sexuality and gender; be the “anchoring bias” for your children.
• Lead with grace, not fear: Children in shame or fear mode can’t learn; communicate God’s original “yes” over mere lists of "no."
• Respond to exposure as trauma, not as willful rebellion: Especially the first time, children need comfort and compassion, not punishment.
• Give kids gospel and wisdom: Equip them to understand not just rules, but why God’s vision is good.
• Model confession and repentance: Kids need to see how Christians handle mistakes, not just hear about “perfect” standards.
• Break down stereotypes: Celebrate unique expressions of masculinity and femininity, rooted in God-given biology.
• Don't outsource discipleship: Use family worship, prayer, and honest dialogue; everyday rhythms matter more than curriculum.
• Create community: Don’t disciple kids in isolation; resource yourself and others, support each other, and pray together.
• Stay attuned to the Spirit: Pray for wisdom, expect guidance, and be open to God’s promptings in parenting moments.

Resource Mentioned

• Book: Raising Wise Kids in a Sexually Broken World: A Gospel Centered Approach by Laurie & Matt Krieg
• Video Course: Raising Kids – Christian Sexuality (for parents of children 12 and under)
• Devotionals: “Thoughts to Make Your Heart Sing” (used in their own family)

Closing Prayer Highlights

• Laurie prays for weary, worried parents to have courage, to feel God lifting the burden, and for children to experience gospel-centered discipleship that points not just to rules, but to flourishing in Jesus (78:16).

This episode is packed with wisdom, candor, and hope for parents, caregivers, and church leaders who want to shepherd children in sexual and gender wholeness, rooting them deeply in the gospel and the love of Christ.