With The Perrys

Episode: Part 1 – Dating Discipleship 101 with Melody and CD Fabian

Release Date: November 3, 2025
Host(s): Preston Perry & Jackie Hill Perry
Guests: Melody & Claude Daniel (CD) Fabian

Overview

This episode dives deep into a foundational yet neglected topic: dating discipleship. The Perrys and their longtime friends, the Fabians, explore what it means to pursue dating in a way that honors God, with real examples, practical advice, and biblical principles. The conversation challenges modern cultural norms, addresses wounds from past experiences, and offers guidance to those navigating singleness, relationships, and the pursuit of marriage.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. What Is “Dating Discipleship” and Why Does It Matter?

• Dating Discipleship Defined:

  • The Fabians coined the term to address a generation of dating couples who “don’t know what to do” as they pursue godly relationships.
  • Melody: “We're teaching on how to date, how to pursue marriage in a godly way, because we don't have a lot of examples of that. There's just been such a shift of people just not knowing what to do. Like, literally not knowing what to do.” (01:59)

• Why the Gap?

  • Modern confusion traces to shifts post-purity culture; many backlash against shame-based teachings, but haven't replaced them with biblical wisdom or practical models.
  • CD: “Maybe we didn't get those type of teachings... These are not things we teach as universal, or the way to do it. I think maybe what happened with purity culture, there were these binary presentations: you're pure, or you're impure...But our stories are about preservation and redemption.” (03:13)

2. The Fabians’ Story: Preservation and Redemption (03:34 – 06:34)

• Melody and CD share their unique backgrounds:
  • Melody was celibate for seven years as a vow to God; CD, after a wild college life, had a life-changing salvation experience and started over.
• Their decision not to kiss until marriage was highly publicized and controversial.
  • CD: “You would think it would come from the one who hadn’t even had sex yet, but it actually came from the one who had to start all over.” (05:13)
• They emphasize personal conviction versus universal rule—what God led them to may not be mandated for everyone.

3. Intentionality in Pursuit and Boundaries (07:19 – 10:55)

• Learning from Wise Mentors:
  • Both Perrys have long-standing relationships with the Fabians and credit them for practical, challenging wisdom in their own marriage journeys.
  • Jackie: “You were reigning in the female and...human tendency to just move too fast in your mind and heart before reality has dictated how you should think.” (07:36)
• “Don't claim what hasn’t been declared.”
  • Don’t call someone your husband/wife before intentions are made concrete.
  • CD: “Leadership means you go forward. Leadership means that you initiate. Leadership means that you kind of cultivate. And so intentionality is part of that leadership...” (10:02)

4. Initiation, Submission, and Accountability (16:06 – 19:58)

• Who Taught You How to Lead?
  • CD credits elders and pastoral figures for imparting wisdom and holding him accountable—sometimes with tough love or “curfews.”
  • CD: “Submission is also a process of humility. And so he was the first person I ever saw who married his wife, and they didn't kiss...the Holy Spirit said, you're going to do the same thing.” (18:21)
• Submission isn’t just for women:
  • Men must also submit to wise, godly leadership and accountability.

5. Navigating Too Many Voices: Choosing Mentors in the Social Media Age (20:59 – 23:39)

• Confusing Landscape:
  • With “red pill,” “blue pill,” and “passport brother” ideologies rampant online, young men struggle to discern true manhood.
  • CD’s advice: Listen to the Holy Spirit and stay rooted in local, in-person Christian community.
  • CD: “Community sharpens, community humbles, community equips. And so if you're not in a Christian church community...you can’t…We were in Covid, we watched church on TV. Go back to church.” (22:43)

6. Modern Dating Problems Among Christians (26:29 – 35:44)

• Cultural Drift Toward Transactional Relationships:
  • The rise of “sugar daddy” arrangements, Christians dating or living together for financial convenience, and rationalizing risky behavior.
  • Melody: “Obedience is inconvenient...There’s grief in obedience. It hurts. It’s painful.” (31:00)
  • CD: “A contract is transactional, a covenant is transformational...Covenant is selfless. Contract is selfish.” (35:01 – 35:30)
• Boundaries & Physical Purity:
  • Melody and CD provide honest, practical frameworks (e.g., exit the house if left alone; arousal is the boundary, not simply technical rules).
  • Quote:
    • Melody: “People are trusting themselves and they're falling.” (31:58)
    • Melody: “If ever I'm doing something causing arousal, we need a signal...I’ll just give you a little punch.” (34:02–34:37)

7. Biblical Grounding: Standards Are in Scripture (37:27 – 42:48)

• Not Just “Extra-Biblical” Rules:
  • Key texts: Ephesians 5, Romans 14:16, Song of Solomon (“Don’t awaken love before its time”).
  • CD: “But among you, there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality…” (Ephesians 5:3 quoted at 40:05)
  • On Integrity: “Who you are in private will come out in public. I'm not talking about perfection, but are you going through a perfection process?” (41:25)

8. Restoration for the Fallen: What If You Already Crossed the Line? (43:03 – 48:58)

• When Conviction Fades:
  • Jackie describes losing conviction about physical boundaries and calling CD for help (43:05–43:28)
• Repent, Cut Off, Confess, Run:
  • Melody: “Yes, repent...cut off. The Bible says if your right hand causes you to sin, cut it off...The battle’s still in here [the mind and flesh]...Now that comes to confession. The Bible says in James to confess your sins...if we don’t, we start to justify.” (44:18–46:05)
  • Scripture for Hope:
    • “If you keep yourself pure, you will be a special utensil for honorable use…pursue righteousness, flee youthful lusts.” (47:10–47:39)

9. Men Should Pursue, Women Should Present (48:10 – 54:09)

• Presentation and Pursuit:
  • CD: “Men should pursue and women should present. That's very old school, but I believe it to be true.” (48:10)
  • Presentation is both spiritual & aesthetic; “Who you are on the inside comes out on the outside.”
• Practical Example:
  • Even if a woman isn’t broadly “smiley,” she may show warmth to someone she feels safe with (Preston’s experience with Jackie).
  • “I saw your smile all the time…You supported me…That’s why you became my friend.” (52:15–53:23)

10. Pain, Trauma, and Healing in Relational Dynamics (54:47 – 64:18)

• Pain Filters How We Respond in Relationships:
  • Trauma, family history, abuse, and past wounds shape how individuals present themselves.
  • CD: “We see relationships, we see would-be potential guys and gals…but we don’t realize that we’re constantly presenting that pain.” (54:48–55:20)
  • Both men and women may need to pursue counseling and intentional healing work.
• How to Heal:
  • Awareness, becoming honest about pain, seeking the “point of infraction,” forgiving, and working through healing—in community and with God.
  • CD: “When you cry, you may need to let that cry out...then begin to just forgive and release...I want to live in this tension of healing but not perfection. ...If you’re in process and you’re having progression, the Holy Spirit and your community will start to bear witness—it’s time.” (61:05–64:18)

Notable Quotes & Moments

• Melody, on wisdom in youth: “However old you are, if you're 25, 26, 27, 28, 29, you're not excused from walking in wisdom just because you're young.” (16:06)
• CD, on obedience: “Obedience is inconvenient. And...there's grief in obedience. It hurts. It's painful.” (31:02)
• Melody, on boundaries: “People say, what, you thought you and CD would have sex? We probably would have, yes. Because we loved each other and desired each other. And sex is good.” (31:58)
• CD, on integrity: “Integrity means that I am the same person by myself as I am in public. Who you are in private will come out in public.” (41:25)
• Melody, on restoration: “Yes, repent. Repentance is turning around. And so now what do I got to cut off? ... If you keep yourself pure, you will be a special utensil for honorable use.” (44:18, 46:30)
• CD, on healing: “You don’t need to be perfect by the time it’s time to tie the knot. But if you’re in process and having progression, the Holy Spirit … will start to bear witness.” (64:14)
• Melody, on accountability: “Better to have one good, faithful friend than none. Or five that are being rebellious.” (45:44)

Timestamps for Key Segments

| Segment | Timestamp (MM:SS) | |----------------------------------------------------------|----------------------| | Establishing "dating discipleship" as a necessity | 01:42 – 02:38 | | Reflections on purity culture and personal testimony | 03:32 – 06:34 | | The importance of intentionality and not rushing labels | 07:36 – 10:55 | | Learning initiation and submission as leadership | 16:06 – 19:58 | | Navigating voices, mentorship in the digital age | 20:59 – 23:39 | | Cultural confusion: cohabitation, sugar daddies, etc. | 26:29 – 35:44 | | Setting boundaries: arousal, honesty, exits | 31:50 – 35:44 | | Biblical standards for purity and integrity | 37:27 – 42:48 | | Restoration after crossing boundaries | 43:03 – 48:58 | | Presentation, pursuit, and the role of trauma | 48:10 – 54:47 | | Healing individually and as community | 54:47 – 64:18 |

Tone

• Warm, Honest, and Candid: The conversation feels like trusted friends sharing hard-won wisdom, with both humor and gravity.
• Biblically Rooted, Compassionate, and Practical: The guests and hosts consistently bring real-life stories and scriptural principles to bear on modern issues.

Summary

This episode lays a vital, often missing, foundation for Christian singles seeking direction in relationships: dating requires discipleship, intentionality, boundaries, accountability, and healing. The Fabians and the Perrys offer a blend of personal testimony, practical counsel, and biblical grounding—encouraging listeners to reject passivity, pursue godliness, and trust God not only with purity, but with pain and restoration. Part 2 will continue exploring these crucial themes.