Women & ADHD Podcast — Episode 192

Charlotte Hastings: Addiction, Attachment & Cooking as Therapy

Host: Katy Weber
Guest: Charlotte Hastings
Date: November 4, 2024

Episode Overview

This episode dives deep into Charlotte Hastings’ unique blend of experiences as a psychodynamic counselor, nutrition and cookery instructor, and former educator for neurodivergent youth. Host Katy Weber and Charlotte examine the powerful connections between ADHD, addiction, attachment, trauma, and the therapeutic potential of food and cooking. Their conversation is a moving exploration of self-acceptance, family dynamics, and reclaiming connection—with ourselves and each other—through simple, meaningful rituals in the kitchen.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Charlotte’s Journey to Self-Discovery & ADHD

• Working with Neurodivergent Youth Pre-Diagnosis
  • Charlotte describes how she "accidentally" became a teacher, bonding most with neurodivergent students—especially those with ADHD—before recognizing her own neurodiversity.

    “I was incredibly bad at it actually… [but] the pastoral side of it I really enjoyed and I was always drawn to… ADHD students.” – Charlotte (04:51)

  • She found herself deeply at home in these creative, flexible environments:

    “I just found myself, as I say, very at home without any idea at that point why.” – Charlotte (06:50)

• Feeling of Belonging
  • Both Charlotte and Katie connect on the ineffable relief of feeling "at home" among other neurodivergent people.

    “It's like unbuttoning a too tight pair of pants… this exhale where we really just connect on a level that feels tremendous.” – Katie (07:16)

  • Charlotte reflects on finding, for the first time, a sense of belonging and watching students blossom when their differences were accepted:

    “To see them arrive with their shame… and to see them just gradually blossom… there were ways of actually really developing the incredible gifts and skills that these young people had.” – Charlotte (08:10)

2. Addiction, Attachment, and the ADHD Experience

• Addiction as Attachment Disorder
  • Charlotte shares her history of depression and addiction, her studies into attachment theory, and the pivotal discovery of Gabor Maté’s work:

    “I typed in ‘addiction as an attachment disorder’… and up came Gabor Maté, and he basically told my story. And the relief in that moment…” – Charlotte (12:21)

  • She relates how family trauma, her father’s addiction, and her mother’s absence shaped her experience of “attention deficit”—not just as a focus issue, but as a lack of loving attention from caregivers.

    “I can see now… the environment that I was in really triggered it…” – Charlotte (14:28)

• Intentionally Choosing Not to Pursue Clinical Diagnosis
  • Charlotte made a conscious choice not to seek a formal ADHD diagnosis, fearing the medications due to her addictive tendencies:

    “I knew that if I went down the diagnosis route, I'd have a very easy route to be given medication. And I knew that for me that would be really dangerous because I just don't have an off switch.” – Charlotte (16:12)

• Exploring the Relationship Between Trauma and ADHD
  • The conversation covers complex questions about where trauma ends and neurodivergence begins.

    “How do we distinguish between a neurodivergent brain and just the trauma of life…?” – Katie (18:46)

  • Charlotte reflects that for human beings, nature and nurture are inextricable, especially in the crucial early years.

3. The Kitchen as a Healing Space: Kitchen Therapy

• Winnicott’s Concept of “Indwelling”
  • Charlotte introduces Donald Winnicott’s concept—the notion that early feeding is about the quality of attention and presence, not just nutrition.

    “Winnicott describes the baby when the psyche is being introduced to the soma and that… is where my work begins.” – Charlotte (23:09)

  • She notes the deep importance of “the maternal gaze” during feeding, and the lifelong role of food in connection, love, and attachment.
  • The early feeding relationship links our bodies (“the gut,” “the first brain”) with our emotions and mind, forming the template for later self-care.
• Food, Play, and Connection
  • Cooking and eating can restore lost feelings of play, wonder, connection, and creativity—particularly important for those with ADHD or trauma histories.

    “You see any animal, they learn how to be who they are through playing and making food… Feeding people… is essentially a communication.” – Charlotte (28:14)

• Modern Barriers and Binge Eating
  • Katie discusses binge eating as a form of self-soothing in isolation, linking restriction, shame, and disconnection from community:

    “It's very rarely done when other people [are] around, right? It's always done in isolation in a sense of shame…” – Katie (31:45)

  • Both agree that in neurodivergent lives, connection—especially through food—can be powerful medicine.

4. Practical Wisdom: Cooking Rituals for Neurodivergent Families

• Cooking as a Shared Ritual vs. a Chore
  • Charlotte advocates reframing meal prep: involving everyone, focusing on play rather than outcomes, and letting go of perfection.

    "It's the simple things… giving kids something where they can break it up and feel tactile… what humans need is to feel alongside one another." – Charlotte (00:30 & 57:57)

  • She shares how using Sarah Collins’ Wonderbag (a slow-cooker-like system) offered a more relaxed, self-parenting approach to dinner.
• Encouraging Agency, Flexibility, and Play in the Kitchen
  • Mistakes and messes are reframed as “where we do best”—embracing ADHD strengths of creativity and resilience.

    “One of your questions is what's your favorite thing about ADHD?… [It’s] the amount of mistakes I make… I'm so used to making mistakes and to things going wrong and forgetting stuff, I've actually got… a way of managing that.” – Charlotte (43:31)

  • Family connection can happen at any stage: shopping, prep, eating, or cleaning up.

5. The Five A’s of Kitchen Therapy

[49:45] Charlotte details the “Five A’s,” her framework for therapeutic cooking:

1. Alignment: Connecting desire (gut), delight (heart), and reward (brain)—feeling “on board” with oneself in the kitchen.
2. Awareness: Recognizing and understanding one’s own emotional state—catching resentment, for example, before it festers.
3. Appreciation: Gratitude for self, the ingredients, and the process.
4. Attention: Intentionally putting caring presence into the act of cooking (the “maternal gaze” applied to self).
5. Action: The physical act of preparing food, which provides tangible, creative accomplishment and sustenance. > “It is the effort and the imagination and the connections that have gone into creating that. That is what I really need that is going to sustain me.” – Charlotte (53:53)

• These five A’s serve as a self-parenting and creative model for those seeking healing and joy around food and self-nourishment.

6. Cooking Alone: Connection and Small Rituals Matter

• For neurodivergent people living alone or struggling with self-care, the answer is not grand efforts but small, meaningful rituals and seeking connection—even virtually or by mindfully relating to ingredients.

  “It's not these great big efforts… It's the simple things… giving kids something where they can break it up and feel tactile with it and feel alongside you.” – Charlotte (00:30 & 57:57)

7. Final Takeaways: Embracing Ourselves Through Food

• Cooking can be a powerful space for acceptance, connection, and creativity—helping individuals reparent themselves, heal old wounds, and claim a sense of belonging.

  “It is the place where I have found myself… [Feeding ourselves] is really important. It's essential and it's very powerful and meaningful.” – Charlotte (59:55)

• Both agree that accepting imperfection, inviting creativity, and seeking connection, in any small way, is restorative for neurodivergent minds.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Belonging:

  “I had never felt that I belonged anywhere. It was an amazing job for all sorts of reasons… I just thought I was extremely special and different, actually, and was holding a lot of shame through that.” – Charlotte (08:10)

• On Trauma, ADHD, and Self-Soothing:

  “There’s been a deficit of attention in the early attachment situation and all of the behaviors then from school of pretty much never being able to pay attention, but then driving everybody mad. Because when something interested me, I was… quite brilliant at times…” – Charlotte (14:26)

• On Five A's of Kitchen Therapy:

  “I'm aligned in this task. Every part of me is being rewarded and on board with it.” – Charlotte (49:45)

• On Embracing Mistakes:

  “If I can do it, I really feel like it's there… it's kind of connecting with those skills that we have of managing our chaos—and actually, it's kind of where we do best.” – Charlotte (43:31)

• On Cooking in Community:

  “What humans need is to feel alongside one another. They don't want to be told what to do. None of us do, really. We want to be helped and enabled, but we want to be alongside each other as equals.” – Charlotte (00:30/57:57)

Important Timestamps

• 04:51–12:21 — Charlotte’s background, teaching neurodivergent students before self-recognition of ADHD; sense of belonging; shame; nontraditional teaching
• 12:21–19:16 — Addiction, Gabor Maté, attachment theory, choosing not to pursue diagnosis, overlap of trauma with ADHD
• 23:09–31:45 — Concept of ‘indwelling’ and the maternal gaze; social and emotional roots of eating; food as love and play; early attachment's lasting effects
• 31:45–38:00 — Binge eating, isolation and shame; restoring meal times as connection and self-care
• 39:02–45:21 — Practical strategies for exhausted parents and families; Wonderbag; making cooking collaborative and playful, not perfectionist
• 49:45–54:03 — The Five A’s of Kitchen Therapy
• 57:50–59:55 — Cooking alone; finding small rituals, connection, and self-kindness in solitude
• 59:55–63:55 — Cooking as self-acceptance and self-reparenting; info on Charlotte’s book and community projects

Resources & Further Information

• Charlotte’s Book: Kitchen: How to Become a Conscious Cook — A cookbook and psychotherapeutic adventure
• Website: therapykitchen.co.uk
• Community Project: Kitchen Sessions CIC (non-profit therapeutic cooking community, in development)

Closing Thoughts

Charlotte’s approach illuminates how healing around ADHD, addiction, and attachment is possible in everyday life. By reframing eating and cooking as opportunity for play, connection, and self-compassion—rooted not in rigid rules but gentle curiosity—women and families can nourish not just their bodies but their sense of belonging and joy.

“How we eat is how we live.” – (61:14)

(End of Summary)