← Women & ADHD
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- [00:00]
Sponsor/Ad Voice
This podcast is sponsored by Talkspace. You know when you're really stressed or not feeling so great about your life or about yourself, talking to someone who understands can really help. But who is that person? How do you find them? Where do you even start? Talkspace. Talkspace makes it easy to get the support you need. With Talkspace, you can go online, answer a few questions about your preferences, and be matched with a therapist. And because you'll meet your therapist online, you don't have to take time off work or arrange childcare. You, you'll meet on your schedule wherever you feel most at ease. If you're depressed, stressed, struggling with a relationship, or if you want some counseling for you and your partner or just need a little extra one on one support, Talkspace is here for you. Plus, Talkspace works with most major insurers and most insured members have a zero dollar copay. No insurance, no problem. Now get $80 off of your first month with promo code SPACE80 when you go to talkspace.com, match with a licensed therapist today at talkspace.com save $80 with code SPACE80@Talkspace.
- [01:01]
Katie Weber
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- [01:03]
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Katie Weber
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Katie Weber
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- [01:25]
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- [01:31]
Unami Maguenzi
I was always just like this person, bubbly, talkative, you know, no rush, life is good, you know, let's just over share, let's enjoy life. But underneath that there was this sense of I feel like I'm not moving, I'm not progressing. I have all these goals, I have these things I want to achieve. There's this bigness that I see, but I don't see the evidence of it.
- [01:58]
Katie Weber
Hello and welcome to the Women and ADHD podc. I'm your host, Katie Weber. I was diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 45 and it completely turned my world upside down. I've been looking back at so much of my life, school, jobs, my relationships, all of it with this new lens and it has been nothing short of overwhelming. I quickly discovered I was not the only woman to have this experience. And now I interview other women who, like me, discovered in adulthood they have ADHD and are finally feeling like they understand who they are and how to best lean into their strengths, both professionally and personally. Well, hello and welcome back. Before we begin, I would love to share with you this review from a listener named Langen Hoven on the Apple Podcast platform in Australia. It's entitled Awesome. I was recently diagnosed with ADHD at the age of 48. To say it has been overwhelming is putting it lightly. I am therefore so incredibly happy that I found this podcast. To have the opportunity to listen to the stories of other women that I can actually relate to is mind blowing. I always assumed everyone sees the world like I do, but they don't. To then find a tribe of other women whom I can relate to is so comforting. You know, Langenhoven, I couldn't agree more and I chose this review to share in today's episode because not only is my guest Australian, but she's also originally from Africa. And it never ceases to amaze me how we can all be from completely different areas of the planet and still relate so deeply to each other's experiences. It truly is mind blowing. So that said, despite whatever this year may hold for us, good or bad, I just want to thank all of you for being a part of this community and I'm so glad you're here. So let's get started with today's brand new episode. Here we are at episode 194 in which I interview Unami Maguenzi. Unami is a clinical psychologist, a pastor, a wife, and the mother of four children, three teenagers and a five year old. She is originally from Botswana in Southern Africa and now lives with her family in Perth, Western Australia. Unami shares how her children's diagnoses prompted her own self reflection, especially when it came to her struggles with focus and organization and even sensory sensitivities. She was diagnosed recently at the age of 44. We also talk about some of the nuanced cultural perspectives surrounding ADHD and how those views have shaped Unami's journey to self acceptance. I know you're going to love this conversation. So without further ado, here is my interview with Unami. All right, let's get started. How long ago were you diagnosed?
- [04:38]
Unami Maguenzi
Actually, I was. The diagnosis was completed last week.
- [04:43]
Katie Weber
Oh, so there's the self diagnosis and then there's the official diagnosis?
- [04:49]
Unami Maguenzi
No, there's. Yeah, but what happened was I was diagnosed by a psychologist. I went to a psychology practice and I was diagnosed. But in Australia you have to see a psychiatrist to confirm the diagnosis. So I only got that diagram the completion of that this last week since April.
- [05:07]
Katie Weber
Wow. Awesome. And so what was happening in your own life? Because I will talk about your kids a little bit later, but I want to hear from you what was happening. What were some of the things that you started to relate to around ADHD where you started to think, hey, maybe I should look into this?
- [05:24]
Unami Maguenzi
Well, I suppose the fact that, you know, I've always compared myself. I've got four kids, but there's two that I always compared myself to. I thought they were very similar to me, so there was that. But when they were diagnosed last year, the ADHD post that we took them to said to me, you do realize the fact that two of your kids have ADHD means one of you has it. And I was absolutely convinced it was my husband. And I went home and I said, it's you. And he's like, no, it's you. And we asked the kids, the kids said, of course it's you, Mom. And, you know, I was like, what's going on? So I started thinking, okay, maybe I need to look into this, you know? So I stopped and started to reflect, and I realized, okay, I am the one who loses my keys all the time with having to pay or dishonor fees and all these things. Like, I started to actually reflect on it, and I thought, maybe it's time I go and actually get myself access. So I did.
- [06:26]
Katie Weber
Were there any other things that you really related to other than losing your keys?
- [06:31]
Unami Maguenzi
Oh, yeah, there's lots. There's lots. I mean, after listening to, you know, ADHD podcasts, yours included, I kind of started to pick up a few things. So, for one, I've always found it overwhelming to just do basic tasks, like, just things like cooking, things like going to the shops and doing shopping. Following up on my youngest child, she's five, and doing, like, a whole school assignments, all those things that parents are meant to do. I never knew what was due when, like, I had information, but I was always surprised. Oh, it's book week. Okay. Oh, we're supposed to bring this. So there was always, you know, moments like that and just also the inability to focus. A few years ago, I was working in a group practice, and I used to put a sticky note on my laptop, and I'll say to my colleagues, I need the sticky note to focus. And they would say things like, yeah, yeah, it's because you've got adhd. And I say, yeah, I've got adhd. And we'll joke around, you know, about the whole thing. And then when I did get diagnosed and I told them I'd left that practice by then. When I told them, they were like, yeah, of course we told you. I said, but I thought we were all joking. They said, no, we, we were not joking. We were serious. So that, that was really interesting. Yeah. Just over the years, I've always kind of had to moments where I felt like something just didn't quite thick for me. I always felt slower than other people. Like, I was very capable. I was doing all these things, you know, professionally, and I was a parent, but I just couldn't get on top of things. Also, we had a bit of conflict with my husband because he was always thinking, what's going on? Why is the house a mess? I'm like, I don't know, I cleaned, I'm working on it. What would happen is I would start something in one room and then I'll leave it to go and check out another room. And I get there, I see something else that needs to be done and I'll start that. And before you know it, I've started three different projects in three different rooms. And then I look at the time, I think, oh, it's time to go pick up the kids. So you have all these things that I have done and yeah, so that was frustrating. But the biggest, I think, challenge was always finances. I could never work out why I was getting so many dishonor fees, the honor fees, because I was forgetting to pay bills and I try and set up direct debits and then I'll do this. But I was still struggling even then, because then I'll forget something, then I'll have to transfer money from this account to that account. And it just didn't make sense to me why all of that was happening, because I was thinking switched on. So why am I not able to get on top of finances and all of that. And in terms of other things, I always called myself a lazy eater. Like, I could just survive on bread and slice of toast and tea. Like, why the thought of having to just prepare, but I had to discipline myself to actually prepare a meal. But yeah, things like that that other people, I think would just take for granted. Yeah. So I started thinking about all those things.
- [09:47]
Katie Weber
Yeah, you know. Well, it's interesting when you talk about sort of joking about it, because I feel like I had a similar experience with my therapist. She would talk about it, she would say, like, I, you know, you should look into it, I think you have adhd. And I would say, yeah, maybe, like, it didn't really, like land with me in a way that it did after Covid and lockdown, when, you know, when I really. I think it was that connection between some of these behaviors that were very common. You know, I had all. Everything you talked about, I shared, right. The bounce checks, not understanding how I forgot things, you know, forgetting all the things with school. But like always realizing that with every one of those behaviors came that shame, right? That terrible feeling of like, what's wrong with me? And how much that I never made that connection, that maybe all of that was adhd and that's why I was ending up in this depressed state all the time. Because I would often. And I've talked about this on the podcast too, that feeling of like, why am I so depressed? I have a great life, I have great kids, I have a great family, I have a wonderful husband, a supportive husband. Like, why, why am I insisting on being depressed? And it was so. I think it was like that realization that there's such self blame. You know, it's always about like the me problem versus. Oh, you mean there's a name for this? There's. This is a. This is a, you know, a neurological issue. It's so enlightening, you know, it's. And that's why it's such a relief when we get that diagnosis.
- [11:15]
Unami Maguenzi
Exactly. And I think for me, the thing that stood out the most was just the fact that I've got so many unfinished projects. I get a lot of ideas. I get all these brilliant ideas. I think they're brilliant. And then I go on a mission. I'm like, this is it. I'm going to do this and it's going to change the world and it's going to do all sorts of things. And then before long something else pops up that's very exciting to do. So I leave that one and I go start another one. And so I started to observe that. Actually, I've done that for many years. I've got a few online courses that are waiting for me to attend to just things. I've got, I've got books unfinished. It took me five years to write a 30 page book. Like, that's how bad it got. And I'm currently working on one that I was supposed to finish last September. I don't know when I'll finish it. It's just, it's ridiculous when you think about it. Like, I'm thinking, okay, when I start the project, I can predict that this should take six months or maybe a year. But five years later, I'm still writing the same Book. So after the diagnosis, I started being more aware of, you know, the things I said. I'm very careful now. I don't just say anything. I don't just tell people. This is, you know, what I'm gonna do. Another thing was multiple handbags. I got so many handbags now. Some people are into shoes. But the interesting thing about my handbags is that it's the same version of the handbag or backpacks. I think I once had, like, four or three or four black backpacks, because the one I bought previously just didn't quite do it. But at the time when I bought it, I thought, this is it. This is. This is the bag that's going to solve all my problems. And then next time I see another one, I'm like, I think actually this one works better because that one that I bought doesn't have this particular pocket, which I need for that particular thing. Yeah. So I started realizing that I've got all these bags. And what's funny is one of my daughters, she's not. She has. We haven't taken her for an assessment yet. She's got, like, seven versions of the same lip gloss. Like, it's the same lip gloss, seven or multiple perfumes. I'm thinking, I recognize this behavior. It's me, right?
- [13:44]
Katie Weber
That's really interesting, that idea of, like, always searching for the right fit, because that is so relatable in terms of a lot of things. Right. I have the same thing with purses. And yet there's. You know, I was. When you were talking, I had the. There's this wallet that I bought when I was very young, and I love, love it. It was the perfect wallet. It was great. And I remember one year for Christmas, my husband bought me a new wallet. And I got. I got so mad at him. I was yelling at him because I was like, what makes you think I. I need, like, I like. It's not like I like wallets. I just want this wallet. And he couldn't understand why I was so upset with him. But I think it was that feeling of, like, how important it is to get that right fit. But I was also thinking about how I lose important cards because I'm constantly moving things. You know, I'll lose, like. I'll lose, like, important bus passes or credit cards and. Or id, because I'm moving it always from one wallet and handbag to another.
- [14:44]
Unami Maguenzi
I ended up on Interpol last year because I lost our passport. And then I found. I found them. Then I forgot to report that I found them. I Showed up at the airport. Oh, this is just crazy. I set up at the airport in South Africa to come back to Australia, and they're like, do you have another passport? And I said, no, this is one is fairly new. I don't have any. They're like, did you ever lose your passport? I said, yeah, I lost it in December, but I found it. Did you tell anyone that you found it? I was like, no, I didn't. And they're like, well, you're on the Interpol list. You can't travel. I was like, no way. So I had to go back to Botswana, which is where I'm from, and the rest of the family went to Australia, while my five year old and I flew back to Botswana because I lost the passport. Then we, we got it all sorted out eventually, and then when we came back the next morning, we were leaving to go to Australia. But that evening, the night before, I'm packing everything and I'm like, we're in the passport. This is second time around. Mine and my 5 year old and I can't handle the passport. And all I could think about was my husband and how stressful it had been for him for me to tell him, where's the passport? Found them, got back, you know, so I'm thinking, how do I tell them I've lost the passport again? So I called the Uber driver, you know, that had brought us through with saying, the next morning, I'm leaving a few hours later, and I called him and he said, okay, I'll check just to chill at McDonald's. I'll check where, you know, whether they're in the car. So he calls me back and he says, yep, they're here in the seat in the Uber. And he brought them to me. Luckily, it was the same. We tend to hire the same Uber driver. So that was really helpful. So he came and he brought the passports. And, you know, I'd love to say the problem was solved, but. Because, yeah, we got to the passport and we're like, yeah, we're here, ready to go. They're like, have you got another passport? I'm like, this is not happening again. I was like, no, I don't have another passport. And they're like, you're on an intercom. I said, I just had this experience a week ago and I went back to Botswana and I'm back again and everybody's getting ready to go on board and I'm sitting here thinking, this is. This is not happening. Oh, Anyway, eventually, eventually they were able to sort it out. They contacted a few people. It just looked like somebody had not done their bit to kind of say, yep, you can release, you know, take care of the thing. So, yeah, that's it. But that's my life. There's always stuff like that happening, you know, so. Yes. So that's just. I think it's crazy.
- [17:42]
Katie Weber
Oh, I hear you. Now, you had mentioned in our correspondence about being from Botswana, how was ADHD viewed in Southern Africa? How is it, Is it something that you've talked about with your extended family?
- [17:57]
Unami Maguenzi
No, that's the thing. I came to Australia when I was 18, going on 19, so I've spent most of my adult life here. I do go back home often and I'm in contact with family, but we don't really talk much about adhd. Although I have to say there is probably about two family members that I've got adhd, but it's always been spoken about just in the background. It's not really something that, you know, was ever a thing like me being diagnosed has been the shock of my life. And I've only told my mom and my aunt and maybe a few, two cousins, so probably about four people know about it and my brother. So it's actually not something. This is. This is. Yeah, yeah, this is the biggest.
- [18:41]
Katie Weber
This is your coming out story.
- [18:43]
Unami Maguenzi
Exactly. This is it. So, yeah, nobody. Yeah, my family doesn't really know. They don't really talk about it. I don't think people necessarily. Yeah, people understand a lot of, you know, different things that people deal with, but ADHD is not one of those things that ever been spoken about. It's all new. I think we know about. It exists, but it's all new. Certainly my understanding of it since being diagnosed has really changed, even as a professional.
- [19:13]
Katie Weber
Well, having interviewed women from so many different countries, it feels like ADHD is a product of Western Protestant work ethic and capitalism in the way that it's a much different, more difficult for a neurodivergent brain to exist in Western cultures. Right. Because of the demands and the classroom environments. And you know, that it feels like there are cultures and countries where if you are neurodivergent and you have adhd, it's not necessarily labeled as a disorder. Right. It's not pathologized. And so I wonder, you know, given your background too, as a psychologist, like, do you, you know, what are your thoughts about this pathologization of these behaviors, you know, or these kind of thought patterns?
- [20:00]
Unami Maguenzi
Yeah, I certainly think, you know, my view of ADHD has changed since being diagnosed because my experience of it was always through, you know, clients that would come through and it was usually young kids, you know, that I've got adhd and it was not necessarily for me to assess them because that's not my specialty, because maybe just to work with them, you know, help them, whether it's anxiety or whatever other cognitive that may have been there. So it was never really a specialty of mine. But after the diagnosis, I really went into it. I had to focus on everything you can think of, YouTube, podcasts, books, the whole lot, you know, and I came to understand that, okay, it's definitely different brain, different way of thinking that, that set well with me more than the idea that, you know, there's something wrong with you. But from a cultural perspective, I think just with anything mental health, the culture generally doesn't highlight that, you know, there's something wrong with you. I think some, some do, but I think there's always this sense of it's community. You know, collectivist societies tend to just kind of embrace things more than individualistics. So 5. But of course there are different things in families. So in my family there was, I mean, we've had different mental health issues. So something like ADHD wouldn't necessarily be the negative as such. I think it would be more. Okay, so this is different. Okay, this is, this is another thing, maybe a different thing to work with, deal with. So I think, I feel like it's a bit more of an engraving such that if you say to people, I've got adhd, that oh, okay, and then they move on. People don't dwell on it.
- [21:57]
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Unami Maguenzi
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- [22:26]
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- [23:51]
Katie Weber
I feel like very hopeful for the next generation, our children who talk about their mental health in a much more open way. Right. So it's like I have adhd and you're like, oh, that's nice. I'm left handed. Like it's just one of those things that's offhand, there's no stigma there.
- [24:06]
Unami Maguenzi
Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's interesting. Like thinking back to your question about what things made me think about adhd. Time blindness is such a big thing for me. Like even before I was going to just getting ready for this interview, I was thinking, I need to go to the shops now. Before the diagnosis, I would have gone to the shops and I would have shown, been in front of this laptop two minutes before and in panic mode and thinking, oh my goodness, where's this? But now that I'm aware I don't do things like that, I actually stop and say, think about this. You don't actually have the time to do this. So I'm always that person who shows up like five minutes before something starts. My husband sometimes says to me, didn't you wake up at 5:00am? Yeah. So how is it that you were late in dropping the kids? I'm like, hey, you know, stuff happens. I, I don't know, something happened there. You know, I could never explain it. You know, when my kids were young, I had the same problem. I'd wake up early, hours, it didn't matter what time I woke up, I was still late to the point that I remember driving up to one of my kids schools and parking the car and I was celebrating and the kids were like, mom, what's going on? I was so excited. What's going on? And I was giving myself a. Like, it was such. This is a funny thing for them to watch me just being excited that I actually got them to school on time before the bell went, you know, So I used to excite, experience that because I've got like three teenagers and then I've got a five year old. So, you know, there's them back there and then there's this little one. And I'm noticing, oh, I'm having the same issues as I did back then. But back then I always blames the kids. I was like, it's the kids, they go under the bed when they're supposed to be putting their clothes on. And you know, but now I'm like, okay, maybe it's not just the kids. There must be something else going on there. I'm that person, parent who, like a few weeks ago, for a whole week, I was that parent who was, you know, parents were holding the gate open for me as I ran through the door. The bell had gone, ran through the gate, like, you know, so it was just a funny picture in my head that, oh my gosh, I am that parent, you know, who is. Everybody's feeling sorry for her because she's just like. And my, my five year old will say to me, mom, we're not late. I'm like, I know, today we're not late. You know, she gets excited with me and losing the car. She, she's like, mom, you're always losing the car. Yeah, I know. She's like, you're forgettable. Like, yes, I'm forgettable.
- [26:56]
Katie Weber
Oh, kids gotta love their honesty. But you know, one of the things that I love about the honesty with children is that there is no judgment sometimes, right when they're that young. And so it can be a real opportunity to reframe a lot of this stuff, right? It's like we're the ones who bring the judgment into that. And so how, like, that's one of the things I've noticed since my diagnosis is just how I talk about myself to my children has changed dramatically because it's like, I know, because both my kids have been diagnosed with ADHD since me. I had a sort of similar experience where I had my son was cut from the same cloth. I was like, if I have it, you definitely have it. But my daughter was not like me at all. And it wasn't until I was interviewing women and realizing oh, this is also what ADHD looks like. So both of them have been diagnosed, but they're both very, very different. But I think one of the things is, I feel like my role now as their mom is to uplift adh, to really talk about the strengths and to really have a sense of humor about the deficits. And. And it's hard sometimes, right, because you're just like, oh, it's. It could be tight. Like when you were talking about picking them up late. I did do that all the time. Because I'm like, the worst thing for me is if I have five minutes to spare. Because if I have five minutes to spare, I think I can do anything. And so there's been so many times where I'm like, I've got five minutes. I'm gonna just, like, sweep and mop the kitchen floor. I'm like, that doesn't take five minutes. But, like, I don't know what everything in my mind takes five minutes. I've gotten into terrible so many times with that.
- [28:32]
Unami Maguenzi
Yeah, exactly. It's so funny. The thing that surprised me, though, about myself was this idea that I actually have sensory issues. I. I never thought I had. I didn't know about sensory issues anything, but I started to look back at. But I used to wonder why when I go to bed, I had have to have pillows on my head. Like, I had to have pillows on my head and only my nose would stick out so I could breathe. Have this pillows. And I don't like loud noise. And, you know, my husband likes to play his music loud. And I'm like, this is too much. And I used to think it was because I was a therapist, and I would say to him, I was like, in my work, it's very quiet and gentle. This is too much. That's why I can't stand the loud noise. And he would think I'm just, you know, spoiling his life and, you know, spoiling his vibe with the, you know, not allowing him to have this loud music. So there's always that, you know, bit of tension around that. But also just things like, I can't drink cold water. I just cannot. I've always struggled with water. It has to be hot water, not warm, not warm, hot water. Otherwise I just can't do it, you know? And yes, certain music just offends me. Like, it offends my. My senses. I just can't. So there's just a few things that, you know, ah, okay. Maybe that's what it is. It sends me issues, you know, that's so funny.
- [29:54]
Katie Weber
I never thought about that. But I apologize to anybody out there who loves iced coffee, but I do not understand how anyone can drink iced coffee. It's the most disgusting thing in my mind. I love. And it's. Coffee is hot. But anyway.
- [30:09]
Unami Maguenzi
Yeah, yeah, well.
- [30:11]
Katie Weber
And I think also with parenting too, like you said, like, when your kids are little, it's just chaos. And so I didn't know if this was just normal parenting. Right. Like I did. I the same. I never would have said I had sensory issues, but I think for. For me, it was the noise and the. And the movements and all of the chaos of young kids that I would suddenly go from being okay to yelling at them and not knowing where that rage came from. And that was a huge light bulb moment for me, too, was that, oh, this is a sensory thing. This is not. I'm a horrible mom thing.
- [30:48]
Unami Maguenzi
Yeah, yeah, exactly. And I noticed that in myself, like mornings getting ready for. Yeah. The school run and Sunday. Sunday mornings are the worst. It's getting better. But Sunday mornings with church. Oh, my goodness. Like, if there's going to be any arguments in our house, it's Sunday morning, you know, because it's like you're trying to get people. First of all, you gotta wake people up who should be waking themselves up. And then, you know, you gotta go wake them up again and again, and then you're trying to get yourself ready, and it's just chaos. And you're thinking, and, you know, in my role, you know, I've got to go and do, let's say some, not all the time, but I have to do the preaching. So on a Sunday when I'm supposed to be doing the preaching, you obviously have to prepare. You have to be in a certain headspace, so you don't. You don't need any conflict around you. So I try to communicate to the family that, guys, just for today, just for this one, let's just don't fight, kids. Just everybody get along. No, it does not happen. It's just as chaotic as. Anyhow, I have to just breathe through it all. But, yeah, I find it quite overwhelming and I just have to remove myself sometimes. And. Yeah, it's just funny.
- [31:56]
Katie Weber
Yeah, those are those moments where I feel like knowledge is power. Right. Because now you're sort of like, okay, so what I need is. I need that time. I need that. You know, I had a client once, go call it joints, right? Where it's like these joints between transitioning from one environment to another where you need that centering. You need that exhale. You don't get that a lot when your kids are young. And so it's like, where can I intentionally bring those moments of exhale back into my life?
- [32:25]
Unami Maguenzi
Hid in the car. I don't know how old my kids were, but I just went and hid the. The floor of the car. And all I could hear was the kids say at the back of the house. And I was just lying flat in the car, not moving. I was like, okay, that must have been overwhelmed. Like, why else would a grown woman go and hide from her five or four year old kids?
- [32:52]
Katie Weber
No, but we talk about that all the time. Of waiting in the car before you go. Go into the house. Right. Is another joint. Right. And I think a lot of us who are neurodivergent have that moment of like, I just got. Let me just take a minute, take a beat before I go in. And I used to think like, am I a terrible mom? Because I'm not always running to go see my children all the time and I'm desperate. But it's like taking that moment of just like, okay, I just need that calm, that moment to myself to recharge whatever it is.
- [33:24]
Unami Maguenzi
Yeah.
- [33:24]
Katie Weber
You know, it's funny because when I was a kid, we would go to church every morning and it was the same. And I never thought about this, but we would, you know, we would have those moments of like, everybody in the car is fighting. And we would get to the parking lot of the church and we'd be like, okay, everybody smile. And I would always, as a, as a kid, I would be like, this is so hypocritical. What are we doing? This is awful. But really now, like, as you were talking about it, I had this realization, this moment where I was like, no, these were my parents just giving themselves that moment. Right. That joint. It wasn't necessarily hypocrisy because everybody is all, you know, all families fight. But it was like these moments that they needed to center themselves. And as a child, I was thinking like, this is we're living a lie. But no, I appreciate your perspective because I feel like I just reframed that whole childhood experience for me.
- [34:20]
Unami Maguenzi
Yeah, I don't know. This is so many things. There's a sadness, I think, about adhd, like, there's some really good things. But for me, when I think about, now that I'm aware of it, I'm finding that I'm also aware of the impact. Just this decision paralysis is such a big thing for me. Like my list, my to do list, just Never. And every day I'm adding to it. Every day I'm thinking, I'm going, I'm, you know, making some progress. And I am, but I'm not as. I'm not making as much progress as I would like to. So you'd have like 20 tasks in front of you and you think, I don't even know where to start. Okay, that's it. I'm gonna go watch my favorite show. That's, that's literally what happens. I sit there and I'm thinking, I've got three hours. Three hours later I come out and I've done 20 minutes worth of work because I went to do something and then something else popped up and I thought, that's really important, I should attend to that. And then I moved from that. I used to think for a while, because I wasn't aware of the adc, I just used to think, you know, I'm just busy. People would say to me, you're doing so much. It didn't feel like so much to me. I'd be like, because I've got all the multiple roles, right. So they're like, you're doing so much, you know, you need to cut down. I was like, yeah, there's nothing to cut. Like I, I would like to cut, but I can't see where to cut. It felt like everything I was doing had to be done, but I just could never get on top of it, you know, never could. And the paperwork is the worst. Like, oh my goodness, like even now, the number of emails I'm yet to respond to, you know, I'll be like, okay, I'll get back to that one. And I'll get back to that. I'm constantly reorganizing my calendar, trying to find where to fit things in. And it's like, I don't even know what it is. It's almost like I create an extra hour for myself in the day and make myself have a 35 hour day, you know? Yeah. So just that decision paralysis and this inability to get on top of things and just feeling like, you know, and the rejection sensitivity as well. I didn't know I had that. I always, I've always been a sensitive person, but that didn't have a name for that part of it. So that's been interesting to observe as well. I've always interesting thing at the moment. The church with union sees on relationships and the message. I did the message and it was on people pleasing. So that was really interesting because, you know, when I, I think that's Talk about myself, you know, the storyteller. And yeah, shared a bit about the people pleasing tendencies. And it's been interesting being able to look at it from the ad perspective, you know, that need to make sure you speak so you haven't hurt people's feelings and the impact of all of.
- [37:15]
Katie Weber
That, that was one of those things that I started to look at, especially with my daughter because I think she falls much more into that category of the, you know, the, the raised as a girl, female who has perfectionism, anxiety, people pleasing. Right. And when I started to look at those as trauma responses, really just, you know, that hyper vigilance, that feeling like I need to control how people see me. Right. That a lot of us have that feeling of I'm tricking people or you know, if there's some way that I can, you know, make people like me, like develop our sense of worth from how we serve others and how complicated all of that is. But once I started seeing that, realizing that this was much more complicated qualities that so many of us experience. So when you're talking about being more aware of the impact of some of these behaviors that you might have just dismissed before, but really seeing that deep seated, that's what I think of. And even with rsd, I always joke that everybody remembers where they were the first time they heard about rejection, sets of dysphoria. Because it hits you like a punch in the gut in terms of just how much you didn't realize you were struggling. Right.
- [38:30]
Unami Maguenzi
In some ways the interesting thing for me actually I recently worked with a health coach and the reason I stopped working with him was he was brilliant. He was so good. I stopped working with him because the way he works is that every day he checks on me, which is really good. Like every day. Voice notes, text message, like it's really, really. But it came to a point where I actually had a conversation with him where I said, I think I would like us to reduce, reduce it so that we don't do it every day. Because I could tell that I was starting to put pressure on myself to make sure I was being a good student. And I told him that, you know, he's very good understanding of all of that. Said, yeah, I'm sensing that that's what's going on here with me and I'm struggling. Not that he was putting pressure on me, but I was putting pressure on. But it doesn't mean too much. As in it didn't matter what he said. It didn't matter that he was like, no, don't Worry about it. It's not about that. It's not. Still, I felt the pressure. So I was like, okay, I need. I need to kind of maybe step back from this process and see how it goes. So that was an interesting experience for me because I didn't think I was like that. I thought I would be like, okay, I'm getting a coach. I'm gonna do it. And I did end up saying to him, you know what? I've realized that I wasn't ready for coaching in that context anymore. I realized I wasn't ready. Like, I've got all these goals. I know what to do, I want to do it, but whole thing requires that you be in a specific headspace and ready to go. And I was finding. I was just sabotaging myself, like, sabotage. I mean, I've struggled with obesity. We've got obesity on my father's side of the family, so I've struggled with weight issues all my life. And so the ADHD thing has also made me think about that as well. Like, okay, what. What of my eating behaviors are linked to, you know, the impulsivity and the dopamine fix and all. So that's been another interesting thing for me. Yeah.
- [40:38]
Katie Weber
Well, and not only that, but, you know, eating beyond fullness, like, just not being in charge, you know, not being connected to our hunger and fullness cues because of interoception, which was a term I had never heard before until I was diagnosed with ADHD and started realizing, you know, that idea of how we. We just a lot of the time are not paying attention to our body's cues. Right. And, you know, we bump into things. I don't know, I have to go to the bathroom until I'm bursting. You know, I don't know. I have a headache until my husband asks me what's wrong. You look like you're really struggling. And I was like, oh, yeah, I guess I have a headache. You know, like, all those moments where it's like, we don't pay attention. We're so in our heads that we don't pay attention. And so it makes sense that it's like, I don't know I'm hungry until I'm sitting starving. And then if I'm starving, I'm like, you, I'm a lazy eater. I'm eating peanut butter with a spoon or eating an entire bag of chips or something. You know, like, the food stuff was mind blowing to me because, like, you know, I worked with binge eaters too, so it was a lot, you know, And I had been through diet culture. I was a former Weight Watchers leader. So as a yo yo dieter my whole life. And really that was mind blowing to think about how ADHD influences not only that, that feeling of not knowing our hunger and fullness cues, but also that like you were saying, like wanting to be the good student, right? Wanting to be perfect at everything, wanting to know exactly how much point something is and calories and weighing and being exact and then burning yourself out and then saying, oh, screw it, I'm gonna, I'm gonna eat the whole freezer. You know, all of those moments.
- [42:08]
Unami Maguenzi
Yeah, yeah.
- [42:11]
Katie Weber
During the early days of my diagnosis, as I was deep into hyperfocus ADHD research myself mode, I kept searching for some kind of all in one everything you ever needed to know about ADHD in Women Handbook that I could reference and keep at my fingertips. But I never really found anything that suited me. That's why I've taken everything I've learned about ADHD in women and adults who are socialized as girls, and I've gathered it into a concise, easy to access, self guided and self paced course so you can feel like you've got everything you need at your fingertips. It's called hey, it's adhd and it has everything you need to start loving your brain and living a more fulfilling, gratifying life. I built this course to be helpful wherever you are on your ADHD journey. I am so excited to finally be able to offer this course and I truly hope this will help you develop a deeper understanding of your ADHD brain and how to embrace it as you build yourself a toolkit for your own life. So head over to women and ADHD.com and click on the hey, it's ADHD course tab for more information and to get started.
- [43:14]
Unami Maguenzi
Funny when you talk about bumping into things because, oh my goodness. So at the moment the psychiatrist has given me the diagnosis, but they can't prescribe stimulants to me yet because they want me to see a neurologist. And the reason they want me to see a neurologist is because when they were assessing me, I mentioned that I had so many falls over the years, most of them unexplained. That's what I say. I said they're unexplained. My husband was giving me a hard time about that. He's like. Because he's, he's keen on me getting the medication, so he was a bit disappointed that they put a pause on it. And he's like, why did you tell Them the falls were unexplained. What fall is unexplained? Like, did you not trip or something? He's like, so did you just find yourself on the floor? I'm like, yeah, exactly. That's it. I find myself on the floor. I mean, if you trace it, you could probably find. But I. I really can't explain it in a way that makes sense to me. I just find I fall. So the. Yeah, the psychiatrist was like, maybe you should say neurologist so they can check, you know, there's something else going on because we don't want to give you stimulant and it's gonna, you know, cause seizures or anything like that. Yeah, so that was funny.
- [44:33]
Katie Weber
Unexplained bruises I think is absolutely part of adhd. And like this just happened to me recently where I'm back in school and our. Both of my classes this semester are tiny little desks with the attached little desk on the chair. Right? Or tiny little chairs with this attached desk. And I had this huge bruise on my thigh, in the front of my thigh. And I had no, no idea where it came from. And my husband was like, that's awful. Like, it was really big. He was like, where did you get that bruise? I was like, I have no idea. And then I went back to class the next week and realized what I had been doing was every time I sat in my chair and got out of the chair, I was hitting the desk over and over and over again with the same spot of my leg. And I was like, oh, yeah, that makes sense. Okay, that's where it's from. But it's like those moments where I'm like, no idea. And I was doing it over and over and over again.
- [45:21]
Unami Maguenzi
Yeah, it's everywhere. It's.
- [45:23]
Katie Weber
It really is. I mean, that's what I think is so mind blowing about this diagnosis. In adulthood. It's every, like it's in every part of your life.
- [45:32]
Unami Maguenzi
It is. And, and you know, like, I think I've had to really practice self compassion, just reflecting on some things. Like for example, you know, my husband does more so like he's an accountant, so usually he does the money side of things. Thank goodness, because when I try and do it, I just mess it up. But he puts his money in our account so I could sort out his fees and everything. And I then forgot that I'd set up some direct debits around the same time. So somehow he put the money in that house and whoever needed to take their money took their money. So I Forgot about these. The following year, which was this year, we get an email from the school about the fees. So my husband calls me. He's like, what's going on? What's this email about fees? I thought I'd put money in your account for that. And I had this moment where I'm like, I think there's an explanation for this, but I don't even know what it is, where to start, or whether to bother, because you might just not get it. And, you know, you get many. I've had many moments like that where I'm like, I can't even. I don't want to bother explaining because I don't think it's gonna make sense to the person I'm trying to explain. It's gonna seem like I'm making an excuse. So that's been kind of like the really challenging part where I've had to say, you know what? Just. Just be compassionate to yourself. This is bigger than you. This is. You know, ADHD is a big thing. It's the small things that people don't actually appreciate, and you can't really explain it to people unless, you know, person.
- [47:14]
Katie Weber
Understands it, unless you're talking to somebody else with adhd. And then it's like, yeah, right, exactly.
- [47:22]
Unami Maguenzi
They get it. Yeah.
- [47:24]
Katie Weber
Oh, my goodness. Yeah. Yeah. How long have you been married?
- [47:28]
Unami Maguenzi
It's 20 years this year.
- [47:30]
Katie Weber
Oh, congratulations.
- [47:32]
Unami Maguenzi
Thank you. Yeah. And my husband, actually, after the diagnosis, he said to me, wow, it's like, so many things make sense now. Like, he was right. He was actually like, oh, my goodness. And he even said to me the other. That I don't know what we're talking about. He's like, look, stop focusing. Because I think I must have been asking him about why he's not saying something about something. He's like, I'm still processing this ABC diagnosis as well. Right. Because he's looking back at things. Bills he's had to pay, tax, office accounts he's had to clear, and all the stuff that has just like, his reaction way back then was like, what's going on? Like, you know, why are we not able to move forward? You know, thank goodness he's an accountant, and he was able to make sure that we were sorted that side of things. But if you. If you had left it all up to me. Yeah. It would have been disastrous. Not because I'm. Because I was always trying to explain to you, I'm not careless with money. It's just something I can't explain. Something that happens. And once I learned about Executive, you know, dysfunction. I was like, yeah, okay, that, that makes sense. You know, my brain is not able to do. Put something together.
- [48:47]
Katie Weber
Yeah. Oh, my goodness. So. Well, I think that's why I asked, because I was like, if somebody's been with you that long, because my husband and I were about to celebrate 21 years and it's like the same, you know, I'm like, he's been with me this long. Nothing is a surprise to him. Right. But also realizing that it is like there's this partnership that you're going through in terms of understanding. You know, this was such a, this was such a profound identity shift for me that obviously our relationship has shifted in a lot of ways. And it is, you know, I appreciate that he has had to listen to me go on and on and on about my adhd. But it's like you're developing this language, right? Like you said, you're both processing this, this awareness, but this person knows you more than any, you know, better than anyone else. And so I think, you know, it's nice to have that, to be able to explain a lot of these behaviors.
- [49:39]
Unami Maguenzi
Like you said, he made me laugh because he one day, he doesn't like it when I use what he. He called it psychology terms. I just think it's normal conversation. But he says I say these things. And one day I said, so we were having one of our family meetings and I said, look, guys, we are, we are an ABC household. He react, he's like, what do you mean when I don't say things like that? I was like, the kids have it, I have it. Like, it was just too much for him. Like, I had to back off a bit, okay? He's not ready for me to. I was embracing it, like, you know, and the funny thing is, my husband and I, he's an introvert, I'm an extrovert. And this over sharing thing, I never knew that that's what it was. I just thought, oh, that's just my personality, you know, like, I'll talk to everyone and I'll tell them everything. Like, I'm just an open book. And my husband was the exact opposite. And he interesting to tell everybody everything about your whole life. And I was thinking, why, why don't you tell anybody everything about your whole life? Like, it didn't make sense to me that people had private lives that just, you know, so.
- [50:55]
Katie Weber
Oh, my goodness, I feel like we have the exact same marriage now. I want to just ask you too about, you know, you're talking about self compassion because A lot of this is, you know, a lot of this is reframing for. For ourselves. But also, you know, you're a woman of color who is a psychologist. You have, you know, four children who are also of color who are going to be dealing with neurodivergence. How do you talk to them about advocating for themselves in school, in community, in society? Because, you know, it is statistically there is a lot more pressure, as you know, on people of color when it comes to, I don't know what even is the word behaving right in. In society. And how do. How are you advocating. How are you talking about that with them in terms of advocating for themselves?
- [51:42]
Unami Maguenzi
Yeah, look, our kids are interesting in that, Number one, our household is really loud. Everyone in the house is loud, and they've got their own opinion from the oldest to the youngest, right? And everybody thinks they're the funniest person in the house. Like, it's just one of those household. So our kids are quite vocal, generally speaking, anyway. They. They have. They have their own opinions, and they'll express them. You know, we'll go backwards and forth. The interesting thing with our household is that my husband and I always. They are from Africa. Our kids were all born in Australia, so they're actually between cultures. So they come home and, yeah, we. We do the African thing. We, you know, we're African. We do things African way. They go to school, things are done the Australian way. So it's. It's just really interesting to just try and navigate that. So when it comes to conversations about, you know, advocating for themselves, it's never really kind of been a conversation we've had in a big way, just because from. Since the kids were young, we've kind of always had these family meetings that we quite change over the years. But once a week we have a family meeting. And in that family meeting, people get to voice their opinions. You know, people get to talk about, you know, what's going on in their lives, and they try and express them. Some days have been better than others in terms of the conversations, but it kind of has created this environment where people can just talk about what is going on. So the Adhu thing has just come kind of become this. Just another thing that we talk about, not necessarily something out there that we focus on. It's just been kind of like, oh, so we've got ADHD in the household, so we just kind of treat it like any other things, other. Any other new thing to talk about. So, because they were all born here, I feel like they're more Australian than African, although they, they, they identify with both, but more so with the applicant. So they, they want to be seen as African. But in terms of how they are, they are very much from our perspective, Australian children. So sometimes they struggle. They're like, what are we? Are we African? Are we Australian? I'm like, you're African Australian. So that's what we say to them. That's what I think to them. So I think, yeah, there isn't anything that I can look at and say, okay, this has been a big, big problem that we need to actually go and exclusively advocate with this because of the fact that they're from a different culture. There's been those issues maybe in terms of them feeling like, okay, they're a minority or issues to do that and people not being able to have their hair a certain way and just small things that come up. Friends or people just saying every now and then some racist remarks, things like that. But the ADHD thing hasn't come up as an issue as such. So my 14 year old and my 19 year old son are the ones who have the diagnosis. So they're both on medication. But I think she adjusted easier than my son. And what I mean is he started to take the medication, but he hasn't started being consistent with it. But that, I feel like that's part of the ad, even being not being consistent. Whereas with my daughter, she's been good with that. But I have to remind her. But of course I forget. So, so that's been tricky as well. So I set an alarm to remind her. Just.
- [55:33]
Katie Weber
Yeah, I do the same. I do the same with my teenage daughter. I have to, you know, especially when it comes to remembering forms to sign. And mom, I told you three times, I'm like, did you? Anyway, yeah, but you know, one of the things that is so frustrating is, is you know that when a white boy is misbehaving in class, the teacher will say, oh, he probably has adhd, let him get help. Right? But if it's, if it is a child, a girl or a child of color, like they are sent to the principal's office, right? It's not, you know, there's, there's these expectations of children because of a lot of the, just misunderstanding around ADHD that hopefully we are thankfully, with podcasts and books and TikTok and everything else, we're, we're breaking through a lot of those barriers, but feel like there's just this added pressure that we don't talk about to, to be a Good kid, right? And it's heightened. It's unfortunate.
- [56:36]
Unami Maguenzi
Yeah, yeah. I'm thinking back to when, when I was younger, I was always an underperformer. As in, like, I always felt like there was more to me. It was just always a thought that there's more to me, but I'm not displaying them all. I feel like there's more, but I am not. I'm just slow. I always felt slow, slow in action. I was the one who would fight just simple things. I remember even at university when I first came to Australia, I was like, how come I didn't know that everybody was buying a computer? Like, small things like that. I was like, the government was, you know, because we were government sponsored and the government had sorted out so that we could buy computers what they were doing for us. But I didn't like information like that. It's something small. And I was like, why am I the last one to find out? It always felt like I was, you know, the last one to find things out. And looking at my kids, if the two that I said are very similar, the ones that have been diagnosed, they're both very similar personalities, is. And they're always very laid back about life. And. And that's how I've always been rush, you know, but now I recognize maybe this, the adhd, like, maybe even though there's the hyperactive side of it. But I was always just like this person, bubbly, talkative, you know, no, rush. Life is good. You know, let's just overshare, let's enjoy life. But underneath that, there was this sense of I feel like I'm not moving, I'm not progressing. I have all these goals, I have these things I want to achieve. Is this bigness that I see, but I don't see the evidence of it. And because of the fact that I'm moving from one thing to another, start, pause, starting something else. Pause. You pause, pause, pause, pause. And then at the end, I'm like, I've run out of time.
- [58:34]
Katie Weber
Oh, my goodness. That was so eloquent too. I feel like I just deeply related to that. But one of the things I feel like I have to tell myself when it comes to all of the unfinished projects is that it's not finishing the project that is important to me. It's learning about the stuff that is important to me. Right? It's the learning and not the finishing. And that's okay, right? Like, there's not, you know, it would be nice to have a finished product, but for me, I got what, what I wanted out of it, and I moved on. And that. That's how I've kind of reframed it for me.
- [59:04]
Unami Maguenzi
And, you know, but that's my problem. I never got what I wanted from it, because what I. What I wanted from it was the final. The final, like, the things that I wasn't finishing with things. Because my ideas, I'm. I'm always thinking, okay, I'm gonna do this online course, and then I'm gonna sell it, and I want to make money from it. I never made the money because I never finish. I get the idea I started, but I don't finish it, and then I come up with another one. That's the problem. So when it comes to just, you know, I guess being an entrepreneur can put it like that. It's like, what are these ideas of, I could do this, I could do this, I could do this. And sometimes I have these conversations in my head. I'm like, oh, if people just knew these projects and how good they could be, it's all good in here implementing it. It's like. And I said to someone the other day, I was like, I've come to the realization that with the ideas that I had in my head, I actually need 20 people. That's the only way.
- [60:05]
Katie Weber
Coaching. This is why coaching is so wonderful for adhd. As long as they don't text you every single day. Finding that right balance. But, yeah, right. It's like having that. Having that thought partner, having that person who helps you get from A to B and all the steps in between. Oh, my goodness. I feel like we are living weirdly parallel lives, as I often do when I'm talking to women with adhd. So I really appreciate you sharing your story. I probably. I've got so many more questions. I feel like we go on for. For many more hours. But I'm curious. Do you. Would you. If you could magically rename ADHD to something else, would you give it another name?
- [60:49]
Unami Maguenzi
I thought about that question over and over, and the student in me was trying to come up with the perfect answer, and I put it, and I was sad. So I came up with all sorts of things, but finally I came up with dysregulated attention and unsettled brain activity. And I call it Da uba.
- [61:15]
Katie Weber
I love it.
- [61:16]
Unami Maguenzi
Dysregulated attention. Dysregulated attention and unsettled brain activity.
- [61:22]
Katie Weber
Unsettled brain activity. I like that because it's not pathologized. Right. And so it's getting rid of the disorder part, but Also talks about the, the unsettled brain is something I definitely would relate to because that's the other thing. I don't have one either. I always ask people because I don't have one, but I'm like, what would I have connected to.
- [61:40]
Unami Maguenzi
To.
- [61:40]
Katie Weber
Right. Because I never connected to that idea of ADHD before because I had this image of this little boy, and so I never connected to it. So I'm like, what would I have connected to as an adult? And I really like that. Dysregulated attention, unsettled brain.
- [61:56]
Unami Maguenzi
Yeah. Activity.
- [61:59]
Katie Weber
Activity. Right. Yeah.
- [62:01]
Unami Maguenzi
You know what? This, this wouldn't work as a, as a, as a name, but I think really, if I had to think about it, I would say they should have called it it's not your fault.
- [62:11]
Katie Weber
Oh, that's perfect.
- [62:14]
Unami Maguenzi
I know, right?
- [62:16]
Katie Weber
There you go. Yeah, I think that might be my favorite.
- [62:23]
Unami Maguenzi
Yeah. There's so much that happens that, like, you're saying the shame and just that feeling of, oh, my goodness, like, what am I missing? What's. Where's. There's all these gaps. But yeah, it's not my fault. And that's what I found for myself. Like, the diagnosis has brought this sense of, oh my goodness, it's okay to be me redefining what. What me is, and it's okay to be me, and it's not my fault. Like, there's a reason. There's a reason why I did that or I didn't do that and I can laugh about it, you know? Yeah.
- [62:56]
Katie Weber
I love that.
- [62:58]
Unami Maguenzi
That.
- [62:58]
Katie Weber
Yeah, let's call it that. I think we. I think we should I n Y f the new name. It's not your fault.
- [63:05]
Unami Maguenzi
It's not your fault. Oh, gosh.
- [63:10]
Katie Weber
So. Gosh. You know. So you are not only a pastor, but you also are a psychologist and a coach. Right. You. So where can people find you if they want to work with you? Are you taking clients right now?
- [63:22]
Unami Maguenzi
Yeah. So I have a website. It's called HopeLives Live. So that's one way. I have an online Etsy store that's. It's called Hope Lives Treasures as it sells like digital products. And that's where I'm going to put my online courses that I'm currently working on. Yes. So my business is called Hope Lives Creations and it's three pronged. It's really more about doing the clinical side of things, coaching for business, Christian women in business, and then the ebooks, the digital product side of things. I'm very passionate about two subjects and one is helping women just Use their God given gifts and you know, just kind of rising up from wherever they are, bringing them up so that they can share themselves, share their gifts, but helping them. And that's where the, the Christian women side of it comes in. And then I'm, I'm passionate about, so the online is about, it's all shedding the shame and keeping it off. Journey through your challenges. And it's just really about all the time. We're talking about shedding way down, but I'm like, no, let's shed the thing first because once you do that, everything else will fall into place. So that's like my big project that I'm really excited about.
- [65:03]
Katie Weber
Oh, why am I not surprised that you have five businesses? Right? I always, I always like to joke, we don't have hobbies, we have side businesses. Oh, that's wonderful. Shedding the shame. I love it. And yeah, it really speaks to, I think, a lot of that weight, like you said, that we carry as women, as mothers and as women with ADHD especially. So beautiful. Well, I will have that in the show notes. Thank you so much, unami, for sharing your story. And, and I guess everybody knows now, right?
- [65:39]
Unami Maguenzi
It's out there. It's up there.
- [65:42]
Katie Weber
This is it. It's out there. But I, I, I don't call it oversharing anymore because I feel like there's, you know, there's no such thing as oversharing, you know, as far as I'm concerned.
- [65:52]
Unami Maguenzi
Exactly. Right. Yeah.
- [65:54]
Katie Weber
But I think, you know, your vulnerability, the way you articulate some of these stories, I think a lot of listeners are really going to relate and it's been a real pleasure meeting you and hearing your story. So thank you so much.
- [66:07]
Unami Maguenzi
No, thank you. I really appreciate you taking the time and, you know, just. Yeah, it's great. I love conversation, I love questions, I love being asked questions, I love to talk. So great combination. So I really appreciate you. Thank you.
- [66:22]
Katie Weber
I had, in being in school, I had one of my professors, because I'm in school to be a therapist. And so one of my professors said, you know, I'm really nosy. That's why I like being a therapist, because I'm so nosy. And I was like, I felt so validated. I was like, oh, are we allowed to say that? Okay. Because that's exactly why I have my podcast. It's why I was a journalist, it's why I want to be a therapist. I'm just nosy.
- [66:46]
Unami Maguenzi
Yeah. Actually a funny thing that I, I know we gotta go, but the funny Thing that's happened professionally for me is ever since my diagnosis, I've been able to identify more women who are my clients who are, who actually already like I just doing the screening, like, I'm a lot more aware and so I'm doing more screening for that. And I'm like, oh my goodness, I'm seeing it. And even some of the clients that I've connected differently with or they've always felt like there's just something about them. They all have agencies. Yeah. So that's, that's been interesting.
- [67:22]
Katie Weber
I noticed that too. I've said, you know, and I've even said this to my professors too. I'm like, there is a, there is a frustration there that when, when clients come where if you're seeing their frustration in that they have a desire but they're not able to follow through, that's not depression, that's frustration. And that is inherent in adhd. Right. It's not a lack of desire, it's an overwhelming desire, but the inability to follow through. And I'm like, if that is, like, that should be that red flag. Right. If you're seeing that level of frustration, the what's wrong with me? That's such a key indicator of adhd. And I, yeah, you see it. I see it everywhere now and in my curriculum and my case studies and every. I'm like, oh my goodness, it's everywhere. But yeah, right. It's, it's that frustration. Yeah. Oh my goodness. Oh, okay. Well, I was like, okay, we're going to start on another hour long conversation. Go down this road.
- [68:16]
Unami Maguenzi
I know, exactly like, yeah, there's a whole thing. Well, thank you again.
- [68:21]
Katie Weber
It's been, it's been so lovely to meet you and yeah, I really appreciate it.
- [68:25]
Unami Maguenzi
Thank you and love your podcast. It's so beautiful. I love the way you interview and just give women opportunity to just share their hearts. It's so free. So thank you.
- [68:34]
Katie Weber
Oh, thank you. There you have it. Thank you for listening and I really hope you enjoyed this episode of the Women and ADHD podcast. If you'd like to find out more about me and my coaching programs, head over to womenandadhd.com if you're a woman who was diagnosed with ADHD and you'd like to apply to be a guest on this podcast, visit womeninadhd.com podcastguest and you can find that link in the episode show notes. Also, you know, we ADHDers crave feedback and I would really appreciate hearing from you, the listener. Please take a moment to leave me a review on Apple Podcasts or Audible, and if that feels like too much and I totally get it, please just take a few seconds right now to give me a five star rating or share this episode on your own social media to help reach more women who maybe have yet to discover and lean into this gift of neurodivergency and they may be struggling and they don't even know why. I'll see you next time when I interview another amazing woman who discovered she's not lazy or crazy or broken, but she has ADHD and she's now on the path to understanding her neurodivergent mind and finally using this gift to her advantage. Take care till then. If you're a custodial supervisor at a.
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Katie Weber
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