What’s on your work wish list? A conference or training? A higher performance rating or salary or job title? Feedback from someone you respect? A project you’d like to lead? Clearer communication from your boss? Or maybe an extension on a deadline?

These are the sorts of things that Amy Gallo and four listeners asked for (and mostly got) when they did Alison Fragale’s “nos challenge” from our episode “To Get What You Want, Be Both Assertive and Warm.” These were the rules: ask different colleagues for something they have the power to give you and that you’d value having. Keep track of the requests and responses until you’ve gotten 10 nos. Also keep track of the yeses and how each response made you feel.

In doing the challenge, they tested their assumptions about people’s willingness to meet their wants and needs. They also crossed off lots of items on their wish lists, learned to fear rejection less, and gained status. Now, your turn?

Guest expert:

Alison Fragale is a professor of organizational behavior at the University of North Carolina’s business school. She’s the author of the book Likeable Badass: How Women Get the Success They Deserve.

Resources:

“All the Help We Can Get,” from Women at Work
“3 Negotiation Myths Still Harming Women’s Careers,” by Kathryn Valentine and Hannah Riley Bowles
“How to Get the Help You Need,” by Heidi Grant
“Ask for What You Need at Work,” by Deborah Grayson Riegel
“Saying No at Work: Our Favorite Reads,” by Rakshitha Arni Ravishankar
Act Like a Leader, Think Like a Leader, by Herminia Ibarra

Email us: womenatwork@hbr.org

We’re Asking for (and Getting) What We Want