Valerie Bertinelli

Summary

Work in Progress with Sophia Bush
Episode: Valerie Bertinelli (March 4, 2026)

---

Episode Overview

This episode features a deeply personal and inspiring conversation between host Sophia Bush and her guest, actress, author, and cooking show host Valerie Bertinelli. With nearly five decades in the public eye, Bertinelli discusses stepping out from societal expectations, facing personal and public challenges, and embracing vulnerability as a path to healing and self-acceptance. The conversation journeys through the power of self-compassion, breaking cycles of shame, the harms and hopes of fame, and the creation of genuine community — all centered around Valerie’s new memoir, Getting Naked, and her digital platform, “Valerie’s Place.”

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

On Identity, Fame, and Rejection

• Navigating Fame & Legacy
  • Sophia welcomes Valerie as an “icon” and discusses the pressure of living up to both public and personal expectations. Valerie humbly counters, seeing herself as a “scrapper” who’s “just been around a long time.”
    • (Sophia: “You're doing the thing... someone will talk to me about fame ...and I'm like, yeah, but I'm not Jennifer Aniston. And someone will go, yeah, but you're my Rachel Green...so are you.” – 06:19)
  • Valerie reflects on overcoming industry rejection and learning to see closed doors as a form of “protection.”
    • (Valerie: “Every time a door gets slammed...I'm like, okay, that wasn’t right for me.” – 07:12)

Healing the Inner Child and Alchemizing Shame

• Connecting With Her Younger Self

  • Valerie shares how her current work is about “doing everything for that little girl,” finding and protecting her inner child after a life marked by emotional and sexual harm.
    • (Valerie: “I'm doing everything for that little girl because she was strong and she got through a lot of shit. And I'm able to do what I'm doing because now I'm somebody that could have protected her.” – 09:23)

• Transforming Shame

  • Valerie and Sophia unpack how internalized shame, especially for women, can become a self-fulfilling burden. Valerie shares how honesty and vulnerability about her shame have become sources of compassion rather than pain.
    • (Valerie: “If I can harness that shame and alchemize it, it can become compassion...” – 11:55)
    • (Sophia: “The scales of shame are so overweighted for women in particular… so many choices I made I didn’t even know were rooted in a desire for approval...” – 13:32)

Authenticity, Boundaries, and Public Scrutiny

• Permission to Be Imperfect

  • Valerie discusses the process of shedding the “good girl” persona, embracing tears, anger, and boundaries without apology.
    • (Valerie: “It’s okay to cry... Those feelings are information. When you use that information...you can dig back and go, oh, this is where it started.” – 18:09)

• Discussing Abuse and Vulnerability

  • Valerie opens up about being a survivor of sexual abuse and learning to speak about it without shame, despite societal pressures to remain silent.
    • (Valerie: “It's taken me 10 years... that I can now say ‘sexual abuse’ without... like going like this. Like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was sexually abused.” – 19:12)

• Dealing With Judgment in the Public Eye

  • Valerie highlights the courage required to share her struggles publicly, even knowing it will invite judgment:
    • (Sophia: “Why put this depth out there for more judgment? Is it actually kind of a freedom song for yourself?” – 16:52;
      Valerie: “Yes. And I know I’ll reach somebody...if it helps somebody, fabulous.” – 17:00)

Patriarchy, Privilege, and Societal Change

• Examining Patriarchy and Power

  • Both reflect on how patriarchal norms have harmed both women and men, leading to cycles of suppression, mental health crises, and inequality.
    • (Valerie: “We talk about patriarchy like it’s some sort of esoteric thing, but it truly is something that is suffocating for women… It's terrible for men. Men are the ones that committed suicide at the highest rates...” – 26:04)

• Wealth, Idolatry & The Myth of Billionaires

  • Valerie critiques the reverence for billionaire hoarders and questions their unwillingness to share their fortunes:
    • (Valerie: “You don’t make a billion dollars, you take a billion dollars.” – 29:42)
    • (Sophia describes “the idolatry of billionaires is PR because you don’t make a billion dollars, you take a billion dollars.” – 29:42)

Motherhood, Community, and “Valerie’s Place”

• Mothering as Mission

  • Valerie describes mothering her son as her greatest pride and how caretaking has shaped her, while also expressing her desire to receive care — learning to let others “pour into” her.
    • (Valerie: “Once I became a mother...That was it. This is what I was born to do.” – 36:12)
    • (Sophia: “You pour into everyone else and you have to let us pour into you...” – 38:52)

• Food, Love, and Cultural Connection

  • Valerie recounts her deep connection to food and family as a primary language of love and acceptance.
    • (Valerie: “Food was a way for you to love people?... Absolutely.” – 46:39)
    • (Valerie: “My mom...became an amazing Italian cook when she’s Scottish, Irish, and English, because they didn’t accept her. She learned how to cook to get love.” – 47:07)

• Valerie’s Place Platform

  • Valerie discusses her digital community, Valerie’s Place, which includes cooking shows, book clubs, community forums, and a focus on emotional healing and authenticity. She teases future plans for a podcast Getting Naked and expanding mental health resources like EMDR.
    • (Valerie: “I love cooking for people...I have a book group...I also do want to start a podcast called Getting Naked and just really get naked about our emotions.” – 49:35 / 50:59)

Healing Modalities & Emotional Tools

• EMDR and Emotional Health

  • Both women praise the impact of EMDR therapy for trauma, helping detach shame and pain from identity.
    • (Valerie: “EMDR was one of the things that so helped me...It immediately helped me dig in by putting aside some of the really heavy emotions and feelings...” – 51:40)
    • (Sophia: “I finally, after all these years, can say I was sexually abused and move on. You can state it... it doesn’t have to spin your body into trauma that’s actually someone else’s fault.” – 52:49)

• Shadow Work & Boundaries

  • They use analogies about “passengers in the vehicle” (Sophia) and “tools in a toolbox” (Valerie) to describe integrating, rather than suppressing, one’s more difficult emotions or “shadow” parts.
    • (Valerie: “The shadow isn’t necessarily something bad. It's just our bravest part.” – 53:40)
    • (Sophia: “That’s just a passenger in the vehicle. I’m the driver.” – 54:31)

Social Change, Compassion & Finding Peace

• Compassion Amidst Division

  • Valerie and Sophia discuss the difficulty of holding compassion for those manipulated by disinformation without enabling harm.
    • (Valerie: “There’s that part about having compassion for people...so under the spell of whatever’s happening... I try not to judge too harshly...” – 59:14)

• Personal Work in Progress

  • Valerie identifies “equanimity” — emotional evenness and peace — as her work in progress, striving to find calm in chaos and encourage others to do the same.
    • (Valerie: “I want peace. I just want...to find peace in the chaos, which is equanimity, and I want to share it...” – 62:39)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Valerie Bertinelli:

  • “I like growing into someone that could have protected her [my younger self] and is now protecting her and now trying to really find her and give her her voice.” (09:41)
  • “If I can harness that shame and alchemize it, it can become compassion for me and for anybody else in the world.” (11:55)
  • “The only way they can use shame as a weapon to hurt me is if I allow it.” (33:39)
  • “I'm not ashamed anymore because you deserved it.” (56:28)
  • “I want peace. I just want to find peace in the chaos, which is equanimity, and I want to share it.” (62:39)

• Sophia Bush:

  • “The scales of shame are so overweighted for women in particular...” (13:32)
  • “You pour into everyone else and you have to let us pour into you.” (38:52)
  • “That’s just a passenger in the vehicle. I’m the driver.” (54:31)
  • “Building community that’s honest and vulnerable and tells the truth, that's how I think we change the world.” (57:17)
  • “You don’t make a billion dollars, you take a billion dollars.” (29:42)

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 06:07 – Valerie’s take on the “icon” label and surviving the industry
• 09:23 – Connecting with and healing her inner child
• 11:55–14:32 – On shame, self-loathing, and alchemizing pain into self-compassion
• 16:09 – Why now is the right time for her to “get naked” and share the unvarnished truth
• 18:09/19:12 – Shame around body image and emotional health; speaking about sexual abuse
• 26:04–28:33 – Discussing patriarchy, privilege, and the impact on both women and men
• 29:42 – The myth of self-made billionaires and structural inequality
• 36:12 – The deep joy and lessons of motherhood
• 38:52 – On allowing others to “pour in” and the importance of reciprocal support
• 46:39–47:39 – Food as love, legacy, acceptance, and cultural language
• 49:35–51:34 – Valerie’s Place digital platform: features and philosophy
• 51:40–53:02 – The healing power of EMDR therapy
• 53:40–54:59 – Embracing “shadow” self and managing boundaries
• 56:28 – On no longer feeling shame for standing up for herself
• 57:17 – Community as a means for change
• 62:39 – Valerie’s current “work in progress”: pursuing equanimity

---

Conclusion

This rich, vulnerable conversation goes far beyond celebrity memoir. It’s a masterclass in inner work, resilience, authenticity, and healing. Valerie Bertinelli reveals the strength it takes to dismantle shame, the power of truth-telling, and the ways we can show up for ourselves and each other. “Getting Naked” isn’t just Valerie’s story — it’s an invitation for us all to experience radical self-acceptance, community, and peace, even amid chaos.

---

Valerie Bertinelli’s memoir “Getting Naked: The Quiet Work of Becoming Perfectly Imperfect” is out March 10th, and her platform “Valerie’s Place” is now available as an app.

Transcript

[Sophia Bush]

This is an iHeart podcast guaranteed human

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

Xolair Omalizumab is proven to significantly reduce allergic reactions if a food allergy accident happens. Xolair 150mg is a prescription medication used to treat food allergy in people 1 year of age and older. To reduce allergic reactions due to accidental exposure to one or more foods while taking Xolair, you should continue to avoid all foods to which you are allergic. Don't use if you're allergic to Xolair. Xolair may cause a severe life threatening allergic reaction called anaphylaxis. Tell your doctor if you ever had anaphylaxis. Get help right away if you have trouble breathing or if you have swelling of your throat or tongue. Xolair should not be used for the emergency treatment of allergic reactions including anaphylaxis. Xolair is for maintenance use to reduce allergic reactions including anaphylaxis while avoiding food allergens. Serious side effects such as cancer, fever, muscle aches and rash, parasitic infection or heart and circulation problems have been reported. Please see xolair.com for full prescribing information. Ask an allergist about Xolair this is an advertisement for Zollaire paid for by Genentech and Novartis.

[Sophia Bush]

Tell me if I'm alone here Whip Smarties, but shopping used to feel more fun before all the algorithm fed blah and the endless sea of blah, blah and dupes. But I have a confession. I have found that fun feeling again on ebay. It's not mindless scrolling, it's a fashion pursuit. And when you score that rare Adidas Collab or the Dior Saddlebag you have been manifesting. Ooh, it's a rush. There's always more to discover. Ebay has millions of pre loved finds from hundreds of brands backed by ebay. Authenticity Guarantee Ebay Things People Love Ryan

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

Reynolds here from IT Mobile. I don't know if you knew this, but anyone can get the same Premium Wireless for $15 a month plan that I've been enjoying. It's not celebrities so do like I did and have one of your assistant's assistants switch you to Mint Mobile today. I'm told it's super easy to do.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

@mintmobile.com Switch upfront payment of $45 for 3 month plan equivalent to $15 per month required intro rate first 3 months only then full price plan options available, taxes and fees, extra fee full [e-mail] there's a difference between liking a house and actually getting it. Redfin is built to make up that difference and close the gap between finding and owning the home for you. Redfin Agen close twice as many deals as other agents, so when you find a home you love, you're not a step behind when it comes to making an offer. That means less watching great homes disappear and more focus on the one you'll call home. Redfin helps turn saved listings into real addresses. Get [e-mail] own the dream.

[Sophia Bush]

Hi, everyone. It's Sophia. Welcome to Work in Progress. Welcome back to Work in Progress, friends. Today we are joined by a woman who is the definition of a trailblazer. Someone that inspires me so much in my industry and beyond because she's a truly honest, vulnerable, beautiful person. And she's having the kinds of conversations with us that I think we need more of. We're joined today by none other than Valerie Vertinelli. She has been famous for almost 50 years, but in this phase of her life, she's not just stepping into another spotlight. She's actually stepping out from behind everything that she used to hide, everything that she used to perform. We watched her grow up on One Day at a Time. She was that effortlessly lovable girl next door. We've seen her be married to a rock star. We've seen her have an EMP of cooking shows. We've watched her picture perfect life. But many of us didn't know how quickly that type of life in the public eye can shape a person and can turn you into a good little performer who is everything that everyone else expects you to be before you've decided who you are. I know that Valerie's not the only woman in my industry who feels that way. I know I feel that way. And I also know that so many women in so many different walks of life do, too. In this chapter that feels rebellious and raw, she's chosen to do something different. She's written us a book called Getting Naked. She is launching a community platform, and through both of these things, she's peeling back the layers to sit in her truth and to give us all permission to do the same. Let's dive in with Val. I'm so happy you're here.

[Radhi Devlukia]

Thank you.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

I'm happy to be here. Now let's change the world, Sofia.

[Sophia Bush]

Let's do it. Valerie, do people call you Valerie or do people call you Val? Like, what? Do you like Val?

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Bert? Valerie.

[Sophia Bush]

Oh, people call you Bert?

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Yeah.

[Sophia Bush]

Oh, that's cute.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Since, like, high school or junior high. Yeah.

[Sophia Bush]

I have such an affection for boys. Names that are given to Girls. So I love that.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Yeah.

[Sophia Bush]

Oh, how cute.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

I like being called Bert.

[Sophia Bush]

Okay, well, actually, this is interesting because you're talking about high school, but I always like to ask people, especially someone like you. I mean, you are. You are an icon. The length of your career, the amount

[Valerie Bertinelli]

of things you've done. Scrapper, I only stick around. I mean, it's like, I don't feel like icon is not like Betty White was an icon, but I've just been around a long time.

[Sophia Bush]

Here's the thing. You're doing the thing that I often do, which is someone will talk to me about fame or relative fame, and I'm like, yeah, but I'm not Jennifer Aniston. And someone will go, yeah, but you're my Rachel Green. Yes. Betty White is undoubtedly was. Is. I say is because will forevermore be an icon. But know that for me, so are you.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Wow.

[Sophia Bush]

Like, you're not an icon to you, but you are. For me and so many women, and especially in my early 40s, the way I look at the women who've blazed trails in our industry, now that I

[Valerie Bertinelli]

know what it takes, there's some amazing

[Sophia Bush]

women out there, but holy shit, you've done. You've done so many things. You've been so creative. You've managed to do it with a smile and. Yeah, you're iconic. You're iconic.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Closed door. And I'm like, where's the window? What window can I open? What door can I open? You know, every time a door gets slammed in my face, I'm like, okay, that wasn't right for me. I get that.

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

Next.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

You know, I get that. Ariana Grande. Thank you.

[Radhi Devlukia]

Next.

[Sophia Bush]

Thank you.

[Radhi Devlukia]

Next.

[Sophia Bush]

It is really interesting, isn't it, when the notion of rejection is protection? Actually, when you actually embody it and you know it to be true, it's almost kind of relieving. When you look back at what didn't work so you can figure out what did.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

It is. It is. Some things aren't right for us.

[Sophia Bush]

Yes.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Some things aren't meant for us. There's hundreds of parts I wanted that weren't right for me. And the woman that got it, she was perfect for it. So I don't. Like. It would change the whole movie. It would change the whole series. It was like, nope, not right for me. But something else was.

[Sophia Bush]

Yes. I love that.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Yeah.

[Sophia Bush]

When you think about.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

How did you put it? Because I love that.

[Sophia Bush]

Rejection is protection. Yes.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Yeah.

[Sophia Bush]

I mean, truly. And it really can be. And I just. I don't know. I think there's something to getting comfortable in your own skin. I think for me, the way I cherish my intergenerational community of female friends, women who I can ask advice of, women that I can give advice to. It's like, we're so lucky. But I'm really curious for somebody like you who's been in the public eye for so long, I, I want to know a little bit about before. You know, you're in this amazing place, you've got this book coming out. You're. You're, you're in a real kind of chrysalis moment. If you got to look back at your life, at yourself, pre. All the things 8 or 9 years old. Like, if you could hang out with little Val for the afternoon, do you think you would see traits that you're clear on in yourself, in her? Do you think she would recognize things about who you've become in you?

[Valerie Bertinelli]

That's such an interesting way to put it because I'm doing everything for that little girl because she was strong and she got through a lot of shit. And I'm able to do what I'm doing because now I'm somebody that could have protected her.

[Sophia Bush]

Yeah.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

And I like growing into someone that could have protected her and is now protecting her and now trying to really find her and give her her voice. What she always wanted to do, what she always wanted to say, what she never wanted to be responsible for. So that's. I want to make her proud of me.

[Sophia Bush]

Do you think that instinct, wanting to make that little girl proud of you is also. Because if she gets to be proud of you. Oh my God, I'm getting so emotional because you're misty eyed and now I want to cry. Do you think that.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Cause we have.

[Sophia Bush]

If you make her proud of you. Yes. But if you make her proud of you, she has hope for what's ahead.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Well, then she feels safe.

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

Yeah.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Then you know, I've always wanted to make her safe because she wasn't safe ever. She wasn't safe if she had her own feelings. She wasn't safe sexually. She wasn't safe in her own body. She wasn't safe feeling positive about herself. She wasn't safe having an ego, which is a very healthy thing to have. So I think I just want her to feel safe because when she feels safe, I feel safe. And it feels weird talking about her in like a third person. But she is me and I am her. But there is a distinction between that little girl and the woman I am now. And although I feel like a little girl A lot. I have temper tantrums, especially with what's going on in the world. But that's okay too. Like finding all of the things that I would normally have felt shame about or shame for. Now I just look at like, oh, that's just another facet of what made me strong. And if I can harness that shame and alchemize it, it can become compassion for me and for anybody else in the world. Because shame does something to us that we first of all never owned, but we thought was ours. And then we might have done shameful behaviors, then became shame on top of shame that wasn't originally ours. And then we feel like we are just a bad person and we have the self loathing. And I'm speaking for myself, that self loathing was something I knew I need to take care of or I was never gonna be able to feel grounded and support myself and support myself in whatever situation I may find myself in. Like, I. I was really honest and vulnerable with someone about my shame and where it came from. And later on, they were able to use that as a weapon and hurt me in anger. And I thought, wait, that's not right. This isn't. I just opened myself up to you and now you can do this to me? So it's my response. I can't change someone else's behavior, but it's my responsibility to then look at that shame and figure out what it is that makes me. Then pile on top of it or make friends with it, and then in fact, alchemize it to compassion and use it in a way that, like, you can say anything you want about me now. You can say anything negative, positive. It doesn't change who I am. I now know who I am. And I wish that for every woman and man. I wish that for my son. I wish that for everyone to be so strongly rooted in who they are that no one else can hurt them.

[Sophia Bush]

Yeah, that's.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

It starts with us.

[Sophia Bush]

It does. But I think it's particularly. And you touched on something so important, it matters for everyone.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Everyone.

[Sophia Bush]

And we can't possibly ignore that. It's the sort of weight. The scales of shame are so overweighted for women in particular. And, you know, I. I am looking back at my own life reflecting on how so many choices I made I didn't even know were rooted in a desire for approval, to prove that I was good enough to. To finally earn enough love that I would stop feeling afraid that my immediate reaction to anything happening around me would be to feel ashamed I had not that.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

And that in fact, will make you feel safe.

[Sophia Bush]

Yes.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

By. By overperforming, by people pleasing, that by doing that, all of a sudden we feel safe. But that's never way to get to safety. No, no.

[Sophia Bush]

And. And I. I can look back and go, well, you know, the early aughts were a pretty tough time to get on tv. You know, this was a weird time for women. Look at the way we treated young girls like Britney Spears and everyone in the sort of circle. And then I look at you and I go, you survived it for longer than us. How? Like things like I had a lot

[Valerie Bertinelli]

of moments where I was just a puddle on the floor for sure, and didn't believe in myself. And I mean, it's just. It happens as a human being. But I think that's what we're here for. We're here to learn, and we're here to learn and become grounded in ourselves. And the human experience is specifically so to teach us about love. And if we take all of those lessons, it all goes back to love easily. When you feel safe, you can easily feel love. And you can then go and feel vulnerable and you can be authentic and you can be all those things that we strive to be. I would love to be the most authentic person I could be. I don't know when or if I'll ever get there, but I can strive for it. I don't know what the end goal is, but it's to feel safe, I guess, in all of those feelings.

[Sophia Bush]

Yeah. When you think about the decades that your public career has spanned, the demands to be a good girl and a good performer, you know, the shifts we've all been in the trenches together in. In the last 10 to 15 years.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

The judgment, all of it.

[Sophia Bush]

Why did this moment feel like time to sort of break that proverbial fourth wall, to write this book, to say, let's get naked. Let's really talk about it. Because I'm hearing you say things I need to be reminded of that I'm working on reminding myself of. And I know there are voices out there that are gonna say, oh, how hard have these two famous chicks had?

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Oh, cry.

[Sophia Bush]

We all don't know.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

And. But I get it also. And I get it because we live very privileged lives.

[Sophia Bush]

It's both.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Yes. So I absolutely understand it. And I don't, like, go ahead and judge. You can. Sure.

[Sophia Bush]

So why put this depth out there for more judgment? Is it actually kind of a freedom song for yourself?

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Yes. And I know I'll reach somebody. I'll reach the person that doesn't judge, and I'll reach the person that feels judged, and I'll reach the person who wants to remind themselves. I'm hoping I started off writing the book because I wanted it to be a little reminder that you could keep in your purse and go, okay, I'm gonna read Louise Hay's quote right now because I'm gonna feel better if I read this and then my own quotes. All my journaling that I've done all through the years, and I wanted to help somebody and expand on that and do meditation exercises. And then I thought, well, if I'm going to do that and if really going to dig deep so that I can give proper education, I've got to really be upfront with why I think I know what I'm talking about. And I've been through what I've been through. And it's a personal experience. And I don't judge anybody for the way that they choose to heal or go through any process they need to go through. This is for me. I like to verbal vomit in a book and put it out there, and if it helps somebody, fabulous.

[Sophia Bush]

Yeah. And how did you pick the title?

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Because it's. I've always had this shame about my body and. Which is stupid, because it all started with, you know, comments here and there through men most of the time, some women, about my body, which I never even noticed until people started talking about it. And I've also been ashamed of my emotional health, for lack of a better way of putting it, because I think I'm always supposed to be strong and I'm supposed to be the happy one, and I'm supposed to, you know, make people happy. And I can't cry in front of people. That would be horrible because I'll make them feel bad, and I don't want to make them feel bad. And it got to a point where it's like, well, but you have a lot to cry about. You know, you've had a lot of sadness in your life, and it's okay to cry, and it's okay. Those feelings are information. So when you use that information to figure out where that core started, you can dig back and go, oh, this is where it started. So let me see if I can work on that and then make friends with that. And I won't be so ashamed of that anymore.

[Sophia Bush]

Yeah.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

And then no one else can hurt me. And I specifically won't hurt me anymore. So it's like. It's just a process. It's taken me 10 years of just Talking about my sexual abuse that I. I can now say sexual abuse without, like going like this.

[Sophia Bush]

Yes.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I was sexually abused. Yes.

[Radhi Devlukia]

What?

[Sophia Bush]

Isn't it so crazy? It's so weird to feel. To feel shame about things that have been done to us.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Yeah.

[Sophia Bush]

I'm like, why don't you go ask the doers?

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Yeah.

[Radhi Devlukia]

Yeah.

[Sophia Bush]

Why do we have to.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Right?

[Sophia Bush]

Why do I carry that rehash. Talk about feel ashamed. It's so.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

And we see it huge in public right now. Like the victims aren't being listened to and they're not even talking about the perpetrators. Like, they're just laughing about it, some people. And just like sloughing it off. And women are part of it too.

[Sophia Bush]

I know.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Women are. Are you kidding me?

[Sophia Bush]

Makes me crazy.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Calm down, Valerie. It's okay.

[Sophia Bush]

You're doing great. No, it makes me crazy. And now for our sponsors.

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

Xolair Omalizumab is proven to significantly reduce allergic reactions if a food allergy accident happens. Xolair, 150 milligrams is a prescription medication used to treat food allergy in people 1 year of age and older to reduce allergic reactions due to accidental exposure to one or more foods. While taking Xolair, you should continue to avoid all foods to which you are allergic. Don't use if you are allergic to Xolair. Xolair may cause a severe life threatening allergic reaction called anaphylaxis. Tell your doctor if you have ever had anaphylaxis. Anaphylaxis. Get help right away if you have trouble breathing or if you have swelling of your throat or tongue. Xolair should not be used for the emergency treatment of allergic reactions including anaphylaxis. Xolair is for maintenance use to reduce allergic reactions including anaphylaxis, while avoiding food allergens. Serious side effects such as cancer, fever, muscle aches and rash, parasitic infection, or heart and circulation problems have been reported. Please see xolair.com for full prescribing information. Ask an allergist about Xolair. This is an advertisement for Xolair, paid for by Genentech and Novartis.

[Sophia Bush]

Tell me if I'm alone here. Whip Smarties. But shopping used to feel more fun before all the algorithm fed blah and the endless sea of dupes. But I have a confession. I have found that fun feeling again on ebay. Because on ebay it's not just shopping, it's a full on fashion pursuit. And when you find the thing that adrenaline hit is real. Like when you score that rare Adidas collab that's lived on your mood board. The Dior saddlebag you ripped out of a magazine in 2007 and never got over. Or something like The Cecile Bonson XGT2160s that sold out in five seconds. Yeah, those. It's about the thrill of finding pieces that feel like me. And I want you to find pieces that feel like you. There's always more to discover. Ebay has millions of pre loved finds from hundreds of brands backed by ebay. Authenticity guarantee eBay things people love this

[Radhi Devlukia]

is Radhi Deblookia from a really good Cry Most wellness routines fail somewhere between day one motivation and where did I put that powder? That's where Groons comes in. Groons packs over 20 vitamins and minerals, greens and prebiotics into a snack pack of tiny delicious gummies. No powders, no pills. Just a simple way to support gut health, beauty, energy, immunity, recovery and cognition. Plus, the ingredients in Groons are backed by over 35,000 research publications. It's a convenient, comprehensive formula designed for real life. Get up to 52% off with code CRYUNSCO. That's code CRY R U N S

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

CO Ryan Reynolds here from Mint Mobile with a message for everyone paying Big wireless way too much. Please, for the love of everything good in this world, stop with Mint. You can get premium wireless for just $15 a month. Of course, if you enjoy overpaying. No judgments. But that's weird. Okay, one judgment anyway, give it a try. @mintmobile.com Switch upfront payment of $45 for

[Valerie Bertinelli]

3 month plan equivalent to $15 per

[Sophia Bush]

month required intro rate first 3 months

[Valerie Bertinelli]

only, then full price plan options available, taxes and fees extra.

[Sophia Bush]

See full terms@mint mobile.com when we first sat down, you asked sort of how I'm processing the whole thing and I just said oh no, I'm filled with rage. Just on fire with it.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Yeah, I wonder why I wake up and my heart hurts. Yeah, it's like don't open your phone because it's going to hurt more.

[Sophia Bush]

But in the strangest way there is also doing my own getting naked, my own processing shame, unlearning things I've learned. And that I think as lucky as we are to do what we do, I do think the inverse. They say scientifically every action has an equal and opposite reaction. I think the equal and opposite reaction to the privilege is the denial of humanity because you're so privileged. How dare you be sad, upset, frustrated, whatever. And for me, one of the things I've worked on to kind of reintegrate, recalibrate, is to find what. What the kernel of goodness, a gift for me or someone else could come out of the worst thing. Like, what will it teach you? What will it illuminate for you? Even if it's a hard lesson, what's the lesson? And there is something about watching millions of files that tell the truth, thousands of women's stories telling the truth the way they're being ignored, manipulated, manipulated, laughed at, even by other women. And it has unlocked some little chamber in me that goes, oh, it's not. There's nothing I could have done to be believed better. We just are not nice to women. And it isn't just me, and I hate it, but the tiniest seedling of. I don't want to call it goodness, but the one positive waking a lot of us up. Yes. Is to really see, to have the thing I've heard that my brain knows, to feel it in my body. And, God, it really is so true. And this is for all of us.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

We talk about patriarchy like it's some sort of esoteric thing, but it truly is something that is suffocating for women. And I say this as a woman who adores men. I love men. I loved my first husband. I love my son. I love my brothers. I loved my father. I love men.

[Sophia Bush]

Yeah.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

But there's some really shitty men out there.

[Sophia Bush]

Yeah.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

That are in power and that do really shitty things well.

[Sophia Bush]

And that. And the shitty side of men is the patriarchy, not the men themselves.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Yes.

[Sophia Bush]

Because patriarchy.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

There's a few. Well, yeah, I mean, that are doing.

[Sophia Bush]

You're the ones in the fire, and

[Valerie Bertinelli]

they have patriarchy protecting them.

[Sophia Bush]

Yes, but that's it. It's the good men, because I feel the same. I have some of the best men in my life. I've also encountered some of the worst ones, but I have some of the best men in my life. And what I find to be a tragedy of patriarchy is that not only is it so terrible and violent toward us, it's terrible for men. Men are the ones that committed suicide at the highest rates in our country. Men are having a mental health crisis

[Valerie Bertinelli]

that aren't living up to standards that the dude bros want to live up to and be. Yeah.

[Sophia Bush]

Oh, yeah. There's a few.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

How do we change it, Sophia?

[Sophia Bush]

Well, there's a few of the bad ones.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Frustrated, because I want to change this. Like, I want to wake people up.

[Sophia Bush]

But part of the way I think it changes is by Showing up as our full selves, having conversations like this one, by, by people writing books like the book you've written, you are building community for people to see and experience themselves, their lives and the people around them differently. And that, that for me is like the greatest part of the privilege of a public career.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Yes.

[Sophia Bush]

Is that you can I have a

[Valerie Bertinelli]

bigger audience to be able to offer what I have to give to them. And I it like, I think of some, like when talking about privilege and I think of some of the privilege some of these billionaires have and how just the oddness of the way business works in this country. You know, a guy who takes his dad's money can buy Tesla and have nothing to do with the actual brilliance of what that car is invented.

[Sophia Bush]

Nothing.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

He invented zero.

[Sophia Bush]

Yeah.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

He took his daddy's money and he bought a company. And then I think it was PayPal or something to begin with. Whatever. The man has no talent. And somehow people are in awe of someone who has so much money he doesn't think it's okay to spread it around. They're like this trickle down thing or what? I mean, and he's not the only billionaire out there that is making huge horrific movements in this country that are hurting people and could actually help people. It's so frustrating. I mean, this is the business that we're in. You think of all the people that are making the money and then you think of all the people that make the content, that there's like all of the grips, all of the drivers, all of the. And you can even go through car companies, all of the car companies, all of the guys working on the line, the women working on the line, all of the people driving and delivering packages. But none of these people are making the amount of money that a few tiny people at the top are making.

[Sophia Bush]

And what frustrates me is we've these

[Valerie Bertinelli]

few tiny people at the top wouldn't have the money that they have. It wasn't. If it wasn't for other people making, doing the stuff for them.

[Sophia Bush]

And that's what's interesting. We know about story and we know about pr. The idolatry of billionaires is PR because you don't make a billion dollars, you take a billion dollars.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Yeah. You know my dad, there's always exceptions.

[Sophia Bush]

Sure.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Taylor Swift does with her money is extraordinary.

[Sophia Bush]

Sure.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

What Mackenzie Bezos is doing with her money is extraordina.

[Sophia Bush]

She's just the coolest.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

I mean, just please. So I can't expect everyone to be like Mackenzie Bezos and Taylor Swift and Melinda Gates. I can't expect everyone to be like that, but they're really doing good things with their money. And why is that so hard? You'll never miss that. Like, you'll never spend it.

[Sophia Bush]

No.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Why not?

[Sophia Bush]

Like, why not?

[Valerie Bertinelli]

What is missing in you that you don't want to help someone? I don't understand what's, like, what's missing in your personality or in your heart or in your brain that you don't feel it's necessary to help lift somebody else up?

[Sophia Bush]

Well, it's like, who's the. Who's the National Geographic scientist that talked about this a few years ago that said if we were studying chimps and one chimp was hoarding all the bananas and not letting any of the other chimps eat, we would be like, oh, he's. That chimp is mentally ill. Something is wrong. Something is wrong with that animal. That's not how these animals behave in community.

[Radhi Devlukia]

Right.

[Sophia Bush]

But with humans, we're like putting them on a pedestal on a Forbes list.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Yeah. And like. Yeah.

[Sophia Bush]

Oh, it's so crazy. I'm really curious about this, though, because, you know, to your point, we're talking about success gone crazy. We're talking about privilege or even ingenuity morphing into, I think, almost an addiction.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

That's a good way to put it.

[Sophia Bush]

You, as we mentioned earlier, you've also been around some trailblazers, some incredibly successful people. Like, I think about, as you said, you know, you loved, still love your first husband. And I think that's such a beautiful thing when two people move past a phase together but maintain the love in a different way. But it's like, I also think about that, like, you were married to Eddie Van Halen, like, in the era of real rock stars, and that must have been its own crazy kind of thing to see, you know?

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Well, it was crazy in a personal way because the frustration of wanting him to get well, you know, and not me not being mature enough to know how to deal with that. And because I know at this, knowing what I know now about trauma and how it affects people, and I would be much more compassionate with Ed and his journey that he needed to take.

[Sophia Bush]

Right.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

So I'm incredibly grateful for where we ended up the last year of his life, but I'm kicking myself that I wish I had learned what I know now earlier, so I could have been a better friend to him, at least. If I couldn't have been a good partner, because that was over, I could have been a better friend. And I was the best friend I could be near the end of his life.

[Radhi Devlukia]

But

[Valerie Bertinelli]

it's so frustrating to know what I know now and not be able to help someone I love so much.

[Sophia Bush]

I understand that. Yeah. Wishing you had the tools sooner, but also having compassion that you can't learn a lesson until you learn it.

[Radhi Devlukia]

Yeah.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

I mean, for you.

[Sophia Bush]

True for him.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

There are still hard lessons I learned in 2024. Hardest year of my life, even after everything I've been through. So I learned the deepest, strongest life changing lessons in 2024 that I knew that I wasn't going to keep taking behavior that I knew was not tolerable, and yet I tolerated it. I was going to stop tolerating bad behavior.

[Sophia Bush]

How did you have the aha moment to do that?

[Valerie Bertinelli]

When someone, like we spoke about earlier, when someone used my shame as a weapon to hurt me, I thought there's the only way they can use shame as a weapon to hurt me is if I allow it. So I need to figure out my shame, figure out where it comes from, what I can do with it, and how I can make friends with it and how I can honor it and then alchemize that into compassion for myself. And now they can't. Like, someone can literally for months write shitty things about me and I'll be like, isn't that interesting? What that says about that person doesn't change who I am. I'm still me and I know what my values are. But isn't that a shame that they're not there yet without trying to judge? Because I can't judge another human being. I have to judge myself first. But it does help me go, yeah, that doesn't change who I am. That's not me. So I don't feel like I have to defend myself anymore. Which is a big relief because I felt like I constantly had to defend myself. And. No, you don't understand. It's a lie. It's a lie.

[Sophia Bush]

Okay, so it's a lie that's not true. And it's making me crazy.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Yeah, but so what? Okay, so people are always gonna lie about you.

[Sophia Bush]

Yeah.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

So what? Doesn't change who you are.

[Sophia Bush]

Oh, but it's so hard because especially as a performer, you. We're like, we're little emotional givers.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

I know. But I trust what I want is

[Sophia Bush]

people to like me.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Yes. And the people who surround me and the people that I love and enjoy in my life, they do love me. They love. So why do I care what a stranger or someone I used to know thinks about me?

[Sophia Bush]

Yeah, you're right. Oh, but it's so hard.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

It's so hard. But I needed to drop to my knees, get shoved on my ass to finally realize, oh, it doesn't matter because they can't hurt me anymore.

[Sophia Bush]

It's such a powerful lesson. It reminds me of what we were talking about earlier. What I hear you saying is that the things you know have really sunk into your body and you can feel them.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

I can.

[Sophia Bush]

It's crazy. I know what it. I know what that sort of mentorship means to me as a woman in my 40s. And then I think about you talking about your son, and then I think about you talking about your community. And you wrote this book for yourself, but you also wrote this book for all these other people. It's. It's a real gift of all sorts of mothering.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Oh, thank you. It's like my favorite. Once I became a mother, that was it. I knew.

[Sophia Bush]

Oh, yeah.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Because I've been taking care of everybody my whole life, since the day I was born. So once I became a mother, then it's. I get it now. Now I get it. This is what I was born to do, not just to my son. And that's been the greatest, like, joy of my life is mothering this amazing now almost 35 year old man that I'm so proud of. Like, I'm like, I love knowing this human being, like, and I don't take credit for him being as amazing as he is. Like, he's his own person, he's his own talent. He's his own good, kind, decent human being. Because of him, I'm just lucky to be able to be there and watch it.

[Sophia Bush]

I love that. I love that.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

But I do like mothering people. I do like taking care of people. But sometimes I be taken care of too. I know. And I haven't found that. And it'd be nice.

[Sophia Bush]

Yeah.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

And then a part of me is like, no, no, no, no, I don't need, I don't need your help. I'm good, I'm good. But then there's a small part of me is just like, God, it sure would be nice to not have to take care of everybody. But I don't anymore. I don't feel like I do. I feel like I just, like I can just be me now. And when I want to take care of somebody, when I. Then it's. I don't. I'm not doing it because I want them to like me. I'm doing it because I want to do it. And I want to do because you

[Sophia Bush]

love to do it.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Yeah.

[Sophia Bush]

Because you love to love people.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Yes.

[Sophia Bush]

That's been a big adjustment for me, too, was having to get honest with myself about. Yes. I have those instincts. I've been mothering everyone since I was a kid. And if I do it as an identity or a proving mechanism, it's like it's getting out of the range of healthy. And I think I hear you talking about your own version of a thing I'm working on, which is figuring out how to pull it back into something really beautiful that is affirming and enriching rather than draining. And then it all shifts and.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Yes. And when you have the right people around you, they understand that, like, you're not going to be giving all the time. Sometimes you need to take. And taking isn't a bad thing. Although it's still. I'm still finding that healthy balance because I don't like to take. It's uncomfortable for me, and I.

[Sophia Bush]

Can I offer you something?

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Yes.

[Sophia Bush]

So I struggle with it, too, because taking has a negative connotation, especially, I think, for women. Even though give and take is such a normal phrase, you would think the thing that really was the aha for me was actually one of the wonderful men in my life, one of my best friends, Sean, I love you so much. Said to me years ago, he said, you pour into everyone else and you have to let us pour into you. I don't know why shifting the language made me feel permission, because I shut down when I hear I need to learn to take. But I feel lucky when I think I have to let the people I pour into pour into me, too.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Because they love you so much. They want to. They want to do what you're doing for them.

[Sophia Bush]

Because it's loving.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it makes them feel loved when they can give love. Because I know how I feel.

[Sophia Bush]

Yes.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

So why am I not gonna allow people in my life that I love to do that for me?

[Sophia Bush]

Yes.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

I think I don't wanna be a bother. I don't wanna. You know.

[Sophia Bush]

Mm. Do you think that's where your. I don't wanna call it a side hustle, even though that's, like, the phrase that all the kids are using. But, like, you, you went out and carved a whole path in the food world. And I think of food as love. I think of that as a way to pour people.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

That's how I first met you. Yes. At a food event. I know.

[Radhi Devlukia]

Yeah.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

And.

[Sophia Bush]

Well, yes. For the friends at home. I love that I just said I know to you. We're telling you guys, not us. Sorry, I forget sometimes people are listening. And now a word from our sponsors that I really enjoy and I think you will too.

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

Xolair Omalizumab is proven to significantly reduce allergic reactions if a food allergy accident happens. Xolair 150mg is a prescription medication used to treat food allergy in people 1 year of age and older to reduce allergic reactions due to accidental exposure to one or more foods while taking Xolair, you should continue to avoid all foods to which you are allergic. Don't use if you are allergic to Xolair. Xolair may cause a severe life threatening allergic reaction called anaphylaxis. Tell your doctor if you have ever had anaphylaxis. Get help right away if you have trouble breathing or if you have swelling of your throat or tongue. Xolair should not be used for the emergency treatment of allergic reactions including anaphylaxis. Xolair is for maintenance use to reduce allergic reactions including anaphylaxis while avoiding food allergens. Serious side effects such as cancer, fever, muscle aches and rash, parasitic infection, or heart and circulation problems have been reported. Please see xolair.com for full prescribing information. Ask an allergist about Xolair this is an advertisement for Xolair paid for by Genentech and Novartis.

[Sophia Bush]

Tell me if I'm alone here. Whip Smarties but shopping used to feel more fun before all the algorithm fed blah and the endless sea of dupes. But I have a confession. I have found that fun feeling again on ebay. Because on ebay it's not just shopping, it's a full on fashion pursuit. And when you find the thing that adrenaline hit is real. Like when you score that rare Adidas collab that's lived on your mood board. The Dior saddlebag you ripped out of a magazine in 2007 and never got over. Or something like The Cecile Bonson XGT2160s that sold out in five seconds. Yeah, those. It's about the thrill of finding pieces that feel like me. And I want you to find pieces that feel like you. There's always more to discover. Ebay has millions of pre loved finds from hundreds of brands backed by ebay. Authenticity guarantee eBay things people love this

[Radhi Devlukia]

is Radhi Devlukia from a really good cry. Most wellness routines fail somewhere between day one motivation and where did I put that powder? That's where Groons comes in. Groons packs over 20 vitamins and minerals, greens and prebiotics into a snack pack of tiny, delicious gummies. No powders, no pills. Just a simple way to support gut health, beauty, energy, immunity, recovery and cognition. Plus, the ingredients in Groons are backed by over 35,000 research publications. It's a convenient, comprehensive formula designed for real life. Get up to 52% off with code Cry at Grunes Co. That's Code Cry.

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

This is Matt Rogers from Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. This is Bowen Yang from Las Culturistas with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. What if your WI fi was more than just WI fi? What if your WI fi made everything in your whole house just work together better? Well, Xfinity WI Fi pretty much does exactly that. It's powered by their best, most elite, high performing tech. Allow us to paint a very realistic example. Everyone in your house, everyone is on their devices at the exact same time. Gaming, working, swiping. Right? Because of course they are. And the finale of your favorite show of all time of the week is on at the exact same moment. Well, you can boost the WI fi to your device with Xfinity.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

And have you ever asked yourself, what

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

if my WI fi could keep watch over my kids for me? Well, probably not, because that's a weird thing to ask yourself. But Xfinity WI fi has parenting skills, even if you sometimes forget yours. Xfinity's like, don't worry, I'll monitor the WI fi. It's completely proactive, fixing issues before they even happen. Bottom line, Xfinity is smart and reliable. You deserve the peace of mind of having WI fi that's got your back. Xfinity. Imagine that.

[Sophia Bush]

This segment is brought to you by ebay. I've always believed that the spaces we create shape the way we connect. Lighting, especially for me.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Ooh.

[Sophia Bush]

So important because it sets the tone before anyone even sits down in the room they've walked into. It tells people whether they can exhale, linger, or feel at home. Lately, I have found myself searching ebay for vintage lighting. Oh my gosh, you guys. European sconces, cool vintage light fixtures, lamps that feel like they've already held a lot of life. To me, these are the kind of unique pieces that aren't just objects. They have personalities. They create a space that feels lived in. And they set the mood for meaningful conversations, shared meals, and quiet moments with the people that I love. Plus, the journey to get there is like its own treasure hunt, if you follow me. You know, I love a treasure hunt around the world, whether it's a cool night market or a flea market somewhere. But I Gotta be honest, eBay is like the greatest treasure hunt in the world, because you don't have to sift through everything. You search for what you're looking for, and you get to go down a rabbit hole that's been tailored just for you. A real dream come true. Finding special items like the sconces or lamps I've been looking for on ebay and giving them a second life. That is what my dreams are made of. And that's what I love about ebay. It's where you can find pieces that speak to a special part of you and who you are making space for. Visit eBay.com to shop your favorite finds. EBAY Things people love. You had all this big stardom and then said, I'm also gonna do food. And I feel like you were kind of a trailblazer in that world.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

I think I'm just a little crazy.

[Sophia Bush]

I love it. You're my kind of crazy. I'm a little crazy too. Do you think that food was a way for you to love people?

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Oh, absolutely. That's how I learned about love. I mean, like, I remember being five or six years old and sitting downstairs in my Aunt Adeline's basement and watching my noni make cappelletti and making, you know, oma cappelletti, ambrodo, some of my favorite soup. Making gnocchi. Really? Yeah. So good.

[Sophia Bush]

So good.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Making gnki, making bread and just watching, like, her. She's got beautiful hands. She had beautiful hands. And just the way she used them. Like an artist.

[Sophia Bush]

Yeah.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

And my mom using cooking to be accepted, like, becoming an amazing Italian cook when she's Scottish, Irish, and English, because they didn't accept her. Like, they did not want my dad marrying my mother. So she learned how to cook to get love.

[Sophia Bush]

Yeah.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

And it's like, that's a version of love for me, of course.

[Sophia Bush]

Well, it's also like learning the language. It's love. It's a way to honor people. It's a way to show respect to people.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

It's a way to mother them.

[Sophia Bush]

Yes.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

It's a way to take care of them.

[Sophia Bush]

Yes.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Yeah. I've always. Yeah.

[Sophia Bush]

I love.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

So I've always loved food. I've always loved recipes. I've always loved cooking from a very young age. So it just seemed natural to then just do it on tv.

[Sophia Bush]

Yeah.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

I don't know what I was thinking, but it worked.

[Sophia Bush]

I love that. I, I, I wish I had a little more of of that thing you do, which is you don't just do what you love at home. You. You take it out into the world. I think you do that kind of.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Yes, you do.

[Sophia Bush]

But it's funny because, you know, my. My partner said this to me. We'd known each other for so many years, but she pointed out to me, she was like, you were always the first person I called when I had, like, a question about a cause or something needed to happen. You have all this other really cool that you do and your actual knowledge. Very funny. But, like, you seem just like this very serious political commentator in the world. And I was like, do I? I'm also, like, kind of a dork. And I do love to cook for people. And I. I'm like, at the flea market every Sunday, you know, treasure hunting for trinkets. And it's funny to realize when you have a version of a public life that people might only know a little sliver of you for sure. And so I really.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

And you have a very full life.

[Sophia Bush]

I do.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

And you enjoy things that you enjoy, and sharing that with people, all of a sudden, you start to develop a community because, like. Oh, I like that, too.

[Sophia Bush]

Well, you remind me to share more.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Yeah, yeah.

[Sophia Bush]

And I want to do that. And I'm curious about how you're doing. I mean, you've built a new digital platform, right? I love that it's called Valerie's Place. Cause I feel like it could be like, oh, let's go to Valerie's Place.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Exactly.

[Sophia Bush]

That's like a fun. It's any place with your community. And I know cooking is a big part of it. I know you're cooking, you know, on live streams with fans. What else is happening there? What does it mean to invite people into your digital house?

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Well, I love cooking for people. So I've got three different shows where I cook meals for one, which are nice, small, little things that make it. I just want you to. I want to show you how easy it is to cook in the kitchen. It's just so darn easy, and people make it more complicated than it needs to be, and it's not super easy. I'm also cooking with my culinary producer, Sophie, who she helps me do my cookbooks. She was the culinary producer on my show when I was on Food Network, so I brought her in, and we have all of my old Food Network shows on my platform, and you can go to those, and you can find a recipe that you want through ingredient. Whatever you want to do. Find the show that you want to Watch. And then I'm also taking recipes from that show and reheating them with Sophie so we're showing a new way to cook them. Different things that I've learned through the years. And then there's just a good old straight itk in the kitchen with Valerie cooking now Val's cooking. So we've got all the cooking you want. I have a book group that I want to start because I've been in a book group for almost 30 years with my girlfriends, really? And I love it. I love a good book. I love how it can take you away. And I also like books that I'm not crazy about because that usually ends up being the book that we have the greatest conversation about for some reason. We've always. If we've all agreed this book wasn't the greatest, I wasn't. And I never. Not because of the author. I know how hard it is, so I don't ever put the author down. But there's some books that just don't resonate with me and sometimes that happens with this and we have these great conversations. So I want to do that with my community on Valerie's Place. And I know there's a lot of people. I follow people on booktok. I love finding out new books, so I want to do that. And I also do want to start a podcast called Getting Naked and just really get naked about our emotions. I want to have therapists on and people that I've worked with. And EMDR was one of the things that so helped me.

[Sophia Bush]

Me too.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Oh, it's so amazing. I want to make it more readily available to people.

[Sophia Bush]

Yes.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

It's so amazing. It immediately comes. Calmed me. It immediately helped me dig in by putting aside some of the really heavy emotions and feelings that were blocking me from getting to it.

[Sophia Bush]

Yes.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

It's amazing just the way that it's

[Sophia Bush]

able to distract your brain just in

[Valerie Bertinelli]

a calm and center. Yes, it's crazy.

[Sophia Bush]

It's almost like.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Which way did you like it? I liked holding the.

[Sophia Bush]

Holding the. Yeah, me too.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

I can't necessarily do.

[Sophia Bush]

No, the eye movement makes me a little dizzy. But the sounds and the little paddles. Because what I found is it. It's almost like when you know you're noodling on something, you're writing and you have. It comes to you when you're on a walk. Just having. Having your motor skills engaged by something opens your brain in a different way. And you said it in the. In the strangest way. It takes the. Oh, that's the thing that really hurts. I don't want to push on it. Your brain that's normally keying into the hurt is focusing on a thing over here. And then you can just.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

It's phenomenal.

[Sophia Bush]

Work on it.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Right.

[Sophia Bush]

It's how you get to a point. You know, you said it earlier when you said, I finally, after all these years, can say I was sexually abused and move on. You can state it.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Right.

[Sophia Bush]

I finally amended.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

It's just a fact. It's not something that brings me shame anymore.

[Sophia Bush]

It doesn't have to spin your body into trauma that's actually someone else's fault. You don't need to continue to carry it. And I can likewise now talk about experiences in my life. Like I'm talking about the weather.

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

Yeah.

[Sophia Bush]

And I. I realize it's kind of startling for people who haven't had those experiences. They go, this is really horrible. And I go, oh, yeah. But I. I've done the work on it.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Yeah.

[Sophia Bush]

So the horrible's not in my body anymore. It's where it belongs.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

And I.

[Sophia Bush]

I have just been able to add this to the bullet list of my story. And that, for me, is a good thing.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Right? It is, because it becomes about the trauma or whatever has shaped us then, as opposed to it being ashamed of the shape it's made us. We are just that shape. But we're so many shapes. There's so many facets to a human being. This is what's so fun about having the human experience, is that I can be jealous, but I also can be so happy for someone. I can be angry, but I can also be, like, relieved that I don't have to take that on. There's so many things about our full personality that, as opposed to hiding what people call the shadow, parts of us just bring that shadow up and go, girl. Thanks for getting me through that, but sit down now. Let me go do this. This way. You know, the shadow isn't necessarily something bad. It's just our bravest part.

[Sophia Bush]

Yeah. The analogy I've been using with my wonderful therapist is that's just a passenger in the vehicle. I'm the driver.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Right.

[Sophia Bush]

The passenger. All the passengers, they all get to be in the car. But I have to be careful about who I allow to drive.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Right. Don't touch the radio right now.

[Sophia Bush]

Yeah.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

That's up to me, you know? Or get your ass in the backseat because I don't want your shotgun right now. Exactly. You know, yeah. Absolutely. That's a great analogy.

[Sophia Bush]

It's nice. I like that because it reminds me that all Parts of me, like you said, even the shadows are worthy, but they don't have to. They don't have to be riding shotgun, and they don't get to drive.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Right. Like, all those tools. I talk about them like tools in a toolbox. Like, I don't need to bring this tool out anymore. That tool can go underneath. We don't need to worry about that. We don't need to bring it out. Just go, oh, that's interesting. No, that's not gonna work in this situation. Let's not put our wal up right now, shall we? Let's. Let's get curious instead.

[Sophia Bush]

Yeah.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Because I. I love that wall in my toolbox. That wall has come in super handy in a lot of times, and now I don't. There's still good times for me to put a wall up. If I'm in public and someone can be a little aggressive, that wall can go right up. And I can. I can be rude. I can be cold as ice. And I'm not ashamed of her anymore. I used to get, like, pummeled. Like, oh, you're such. You're so cold. I'm like. Like, don't hurt me, then.

[Sophia Bush]

You know, I'm actually just matching your energy.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Yes. Right? Yeah. Yeah. I don't mind being cold as ice anymore because that's probably something that I put up as a defense mechanism because of the way you're behaving towards me.

[Sophia Bush]

Yes.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Yes.

[Sophia Bush]

And that's something I no longer internalize. I got a great phrase from a friend. She said, people meet the version of me they deserve. And I went, oh. Because some people will tell you, oh, Sophia Bush is the kindest person I have ever met. And some people will be like, she's a bitch. And I'm like, you got the version you deserve.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Yep. Absolutely. And I'm not ashamed of that bitch either. I am not ashamed anymore because you deserved it.

[Sophia Bush]

Absolutely. I'm also, like, when I'm a bitch, I'm the one you want in your corner.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

That's so true. I will fight to the death for you.

[Sophia Bush]

Yes, yes, yes.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Absolutely.

[Sophia Bush]

I'm so excited. I can't wait to be part of Valerie's place so I can, like, be in the crew and see all the other ladies.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

It's a fun place to hang.

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

Yeah.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

That's a corner.

[Sophia Bush]

That's a corner I want to be in. I'm just excited for you. I'm excited for all of it. I'm excited for the folks at home to get to read getting naked. I'm excited that they have this place that they can go and be so many parts of themselves in your world. I. It really harkens back to what we were talking about at the top of the hour. I really think building community and building community that's honest and vulnerable and tells the truth, that's how I think we change the world.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Yes, it is. Absolutely. And this is part of that too, where people come here and can be vulnerable and can speak their truth and talk about what's going on in the world and talk about it without being ashamed to talk about it, without being worried that somebody crazy is gonna. I don't know. Yes. Sorry. I'm just. You know what? I don't wanna get angry anymore. I wanna find solutions. And I'm so used to waking up angry at what's going on in the world. And I feel like anger is appropriate for what's happening, but now I need to funnel it and I need to figure out a way to make the change that all of us. I know all of us, even the ones in the cult, I know they want this change. They just don't recognize it because they've been manipulated. And the gaslighting is crazy and the projection is crazy, and I feel bad for them.

[Sophia Bush]

I think it's something that women like us who've been through the things we've been through can identify. And I do think there is a. I don't wanna call it a requirement, but it's kind of a badge of honor to be a canary in a coal mine in moments like this, where you go, I know what this is. And I understand that my telling you what this is may anger you, but I care more about protecting you than how you feel about me. And that. That's the thing I really respect in our communities.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

And I see you're okay with that. And I think that we all need to be okay. Like, I see some people. This is where social media is really good, even though the algorithms can be messed up. But I see some people out there, like, there's a couple, a brother and a sister that are talking to their MAGA parents. And they do. I apologize that I don't know their names right now because they just started. Yes, yes. They started coming up on my feed. And my heart goes out to these siblings because their parents are in a cult and they're like, they're trying so hard and they're still there for them, which is really commendable. Really commendable. But I think if more of us. There's that part about having compassion for people that don't see things the same way that you do. And then there's part of having compassion for people that are so under the spell of whatever's happening. And so I try not to judge too harshly because I know they've been manipulated. I know that they're in the middle of gaslighting. I see it happening. And so I don't want to judge them too harshly, but I also don't want them to cause any more pain.

[Sophia Bush]

Yeah.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

So it's like.

[Sophia Bush]

It's a tightrope walk.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

It is.

[Sophia Bush]

It's a tightrope walk. Because some people. And I can say this because they're literally marching, carrying the flags. Some people these days are just Nazis. I'm not interested in having compassion for those people.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Nope.

[Sophia Bush]

I'm like, we fought a world war about this. No.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

But what the hell was the war fought for?

[Sophia Bush]

Yeah. To your point, though, people who have been, you know, manipulated, lied to, used as pawns for the powerful. Those are people who I hope we can call back in.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

And you've done it literally in your own life. And I think that. I think more and more people are slowly seeing the light. And I think the more compassion we have for the people that are slowly seeing the light, I think it's never too late. It's never too late to go, oh, my God. And you don't even have to say you were wrong. You don't even have to say that. If it's too hard to say you were wrong. Maybe you weren't wrong, but you were lied to. And I just. If you can acknowledge that that's compassionate.

[Sophia Bush]

My brain immediately was like, I want them to say they were wrong.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

I just want them to change.

[Sophia Bush]

That's a little something I'm gonna have to work on in therapy. You know, I'm really curious because, yes, we're in this big global moment, and you're also in a big personal moment. You know, it's macro to micro to, like, right here. And you're building this community for us and for you, selfishly.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

For me. Yeah.

[Sophia Bush]

I love it. I love it. I think some of the best things are for others, which then give you the ultimate selfish reward. But I'm curious as you kind of look out and it could be fixing the insanity. It could be something just for you. What feels like your work in progress right now. Because I'm looking at you going, God, you've really checked a lot of things off the list.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

I'm getting closer to equanimity. I really am getting so Much closer to that because there's that line of not taking in what's going on in the world. So to heart, to where my heart hurts in the morning. And there's also that knowing that I am grounded and I can just do what I need to do in my

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

own

[Valerie Bertinelli]

bubble, for lack of a better term. I want peace. I just want. I want to find peace in the chaos, which is equanimity, and I want to share it. I want others to figure out how that shows up in their own life. Like, make it a word that people use more. Make it. You know, peace has been given that, you know, hey, you know, so much. But it means a lot. Like, we, we all want this. We all want to be heard. We all want calm. We all want grace in our lives. We all want to be understood, we want to be seen. But we really just want peace and emotional safety. That's all we really, really want. I think maybe it's just me personally.

[Sophia Bush]

I like that though. That's a big. That's a nice, big goal to be working on.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

It doesn't seem big, but when you look at. But when I open my eyes and look around the world, I'm like, oh,

[Sophia Bush]

God, I think it's pretty big. I really do. Oh, Valerie, thank you. Thank you. I am. I'm just so excited for all our friends at home getting naked. The Quiet Work of Becoming Perfectly imperfect is out March 10th. And like, you're so cool. Valerie's Place is available on the App Store and Google Play. You made an app?

[Valerie Bertinelli]

I made an app.

[Sophia Bush]

I'm obsessed.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Well, I had a lot of help. I did not do it myself.

[Sophia Bush]

I love it.

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

Xolair omalizumab is proven to significantly reduce allergic reactions if a food allergy accident happens. Xolair 150mg is a prescription medication used to treat food allergy in people 1 year of age and older. To reduce allergic reactions due to accidental exposure to one or more foods while taking Xolair, you should continue to avoid all foods to which you are allergic. Don't use if you are allergic to Xolair. Xolair may cause a severe life threatening allergic reaction called anaphylaxis. Tell your doctor if you have ever had anaphylaxis. Get help right away if you have trouble breathing or if you have swelling of your throat or tongue. Xolair should not be used for the emergency treatment of allergic reactions including anaphylaxis. Xolair is for maintenance use to reduce allergic reactions including anaphylaxis. While avoiding food allergies. Serious side effects such as cancer, fever, muscle aches and rash, parasitic infection, or heart and circulation problems have been reported. Please see xolair.com for full prescribing information. Ask an allergist about Xolair. This is an advertisement for Xolair paid for by Genentech and Novartis. Everyone deserves to be connected. That's why T Mobile and US Cellular are joining forces. Switch to T Mobile and save up to 20% versus Verizon by getting built in benefits they leave out. Check the math@t mobile.com switch and now T mobile is in US cellular stores. Savings versus Comparable Verizon plans plus the

[Valerie Bertinelli]

cost of optional benefits.

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

Plan features and taxes and fees vary. Savings with three plus lines include third line free via monthly bill credits.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Credit stop if you cancel any lines.

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

Qualifying credit required.

[Radhi Devlukia]

This is Radhi Deblokia from A really Good Cry Most wellness routines fail somewhere between day one motivation and where did I put that powder? That's where Groons comes in. Groons packs over 20 vitamins and minerals, greens and prebiotics into a snack pack of tiny, delicious gummies. No powders, no pills, just a simple way to support gut health, beauty, energy, immunity, recovery and cognition. Plus, the ingredients in Groons are backed by over 35,000 research publications. It's a convenient, comprehensive formula designed for real life. Get up to 52% off with Code Cry at Groons co. That's Code Cry.

[Sophia Bush]

I'm U.S. transportation Secretary Sean Duffy. We all get distracted when we drive, whether it's from our phones or kids

[Valerie Bertinelli]

in the backseat bickering.

[Sophia Bush]

But how we handle these distractions can

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

be a matter of life or death.

[Valerie Bertinelli]

Before you get on the road for

[Sponsor/Advertisement Voice]

your next road trip, please put your

[Valerie Bertinelli]

phones on silent and take a mental

[Sophia Bush]

note to focus on driving. Paid for by NHTSA this is an iHeart podcast. Guaranteed human.