WORK Net/Net: Control Is An Illusion - Work with Erika Ayers Badan

Episode Overview

Main Theme:
In this episode of "WORK Net/Net," titled "Control Is An Illusion," host Erika Ayers Badan explores the nature of worry, control, and trusting oneself through uncertainty. Using wisdom gleaned from social media, personal anecdotes, and business leadership experience, Erika delivers engaging commentary on why humans crave control, the futility of excessive worrying, and the empowering alternative: trusting the process.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

The Origin of Worry and the Illusion of Control

Inspirational Quote:
Erika references a Tao Meditations post about controlling worry.
- Story: A young man asks a monk how to stop worrying; the monk explains that worry comes from the mind’s desire for control over the uncontrollable.
- Insight: “Your mind wants to control. It's trying to control something it can't control. And it is trying to protect you from the future. It's trying to protect you from being powerless and from imagined dangers of the future.” (01:00)
Reflection:
Erika highlights, “The reality is that you can never see the future, right? Like, it's an illusion. Control. You can never control everything. You don't control much of anything if being honest, besides your own actions.” (02:10)
Core Takeaway:
Worry is your mind’s misguided attempt to protect you by controlling an uncertain future. Recognizing you can't control everything, but can rely on your past resilience, is freeing.

Trusting the Process

Erika credits Sam Hinkie—“the Trust the Process guy”—with popularizing this phrase.
- Quote: “Trust the Process is a great fucking quote.” (03:50)
Personal Admission:
Erika admits to wrestling with worry herself, “I say this as a total hypocrite. Like, last night, I'm lying in bed at like three in the morning, just like, worrying, worrying, worrying.” (04:20)
Pragmatic Approach:
It’s normal to run through scenarios, but the only productive stance is to “be ready for any one of four scenarios that are gonna happen. And you have to trust that when the scenario hits you, you do the right thing.” (05:10)

Gaining Perspective from Others

Example:
Erika recounts a clarifying conversation with a new board member who helped her see simplicity in a complex problem.
- Memorable Analogy: Compares it to “The Lion King” and the Rafiki-Simba moment—sometimes you need someone to jolt you out of your rut.
- Quote: “…like, you moron. Like, it was kind of like… Rafiki. When Mufasa—Is it—No, Simba, I guess Simba. When Simba is, like, worried about stuff and Mufasa just bangs him on the head with the stick. …I had, like a you dummy moment this morning.” (06:00)
Lesson:
“Sometimes you just have to talk to someone who's a little bit removed from your situation to get better perspective on your situation.” (06:20)

The Futility of Control & Embracing Uncertainty

Advice from Erika’s Dad:
“The best control is no control. Like, the more you let that go and the more you believe in yourself that you can meet the moment and find the solution… The better off you're going to be.” (07:00)
Business Leadership:
Erika illustrates how only those inside a company know its challenges and solutions. Outsiders’ opinions lack the necessary context:
- Quote: “Nobody understands your situation. No one understands the situation of a company unless they've been in it… People are always gonna have an opinion about how you tackle your shit… But the reality is they're not in your shoes.” (08:30)
Celebrating Problem-Solving:
“In this case of this company, like, hey, we've solved a thousand problems. There's 2,000 problems that we haven't solved. And I'm so proud of the thousand we did solve.” (09:10)

Worry as an Affliction and Self-Care

Universal Struggle:
“Worry is so natural and everybody worries, and it's natural to worry. But worry is an affliction. And the more you let yourself be victim to worry, the more it's gonna hurt you. Worry does not actually help you. It only hurts you.” (10:10)
Actionable Self-Care:
Inspired by a Peloton class with Emma Lovewell, Erika encourages, “Do whatever makes you a happier, nicer person… if working out makes you less worried than work out… if being with friends and feeling connected to other people makes you less anxious, do that.” (11:00)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Control:
“You don't control much of anything if being honest, besides your own actions.” (02:10)
On Perspective:
“Sometimes you just have to talk to someone who's a little bit removed from your situation to get better perspective.” (06:20)
On Worry:
“Worry does not actually help you. It only hurts you.” (10:15)
On Problem-Solving:
“Problems are everywhere. What a luxury to be able to have the opportunity to solve so many problems and to tackle so many different things and be encountered with so many challenges every day. Like, what a great life would be so boring without that.” (10:45)
Belief in Yourself:
“Trust yourself that no matter what it is you're going to encounter or who you encounter it with… you will be able to solve it. And you'll be able to solve it in your own way, on your own time, in your own style.” (12:00)

Key Takeaways (Net Net)

(12:10)
Erika closes with three succinct lessons:

Problems are omnipresent, but also an opportunity: Life would be boring without challenges to solve.
Worry is natural, but ultimately harmful: It’s an affliction, not a solution.
Trust the process and yourself: Regardless of the outcome, believe you’ll make it through, even if imperfectly.

Timestamps for Key Segments

[00:40] — Discussion of Tao Meditations’ wisdom on worry and control
[03:50] — Sam Hinkie and “Trust the Process”
[06:00] — Lion King/Rafiki analogy; importance of outside perspective
[07:00] — "The best control is no control" & personal reflection
[09:10] — Business leadership and pride in solved problems
[10:10] — Worry as affliction and self-care advice from Emma Lovewell
[12:10] — Three key takeaways

Summary

In her signature candid and relatable style, Erika Ayers Badan deconstructs the universal illusion of control and invites listeners to reframe their worry as an opportunity for growth, trusting themselves to meet the moments that matter. Filled with personal stories, pop culture references, and actionable advice, this episode delivers a fresh perspective for anyone struggling with anxiety, leadership doubts, or the pressure of being in control.

Transcript

A (0:00)

Welcome back to net Net. This is work. And in Net Net we talk about something we find in the news or something we find in social and what it means to us. This is a quote I found, which is I found it on Instagram from Tao Meditations. So if you are looking for meditations to follow on Instagram, you can follow someone called Tao Meditations. But the net net of it is Trust the Process. So the whole scenario is that a young man asked a monk how to stop worrying. And the monk's response was that the reason we worry so much is that you want control. Your mind wants to control. It's trying to control something it can't control. And it is trying to protect you from the future. It's trying to protect you from being powerless and from imagined dangers of the future. So the worry bug is basically your mind trying to exert control over something that it can't control. And the reality is that you can never see the future, right? Like it's an illusion. Control. You can never control everything. You don't control much of anything if being honest, besides your own actions. And there's a great quote that says you'll never see the future for what it will actually bring. The best we can do is to imagine worrying. Is your mind causing itself pain? And that there is really one thing that you can do to get rid of this pain that you are causing yourself, this affliction you are giving yourself, which is trust and trusting the process, which is trusting that you can meet the problems of the future, that you can solve the problems of the future. The reason you can solve problems in the future is because you've solved problems in the past. And I always think, this is a really good piece. I met the guy who said Trust the Process. He's like a Philly investor guy. I forget who he is. I actually liked. I met him through the chairman group. I sat next to him once at dinner and I was like, Trust the Process is a great fucking quote. Sam Hinkey. Sam Hinke's the Trust the Process guy. But I think the reason Trust the Process is important is I think we get like all spun up around the axle about worrying about stuff. And I say this as a total hypocrite. Like, last night, I'm lying in bed at like three in the morning, just like, worrying, worrying, worrying. Like, the reality is sometimes it takes a little bit of a jolt or a shot in the arm or perspective from talking to someone who's wiser than yourself to be like, oh, yeah, yeah. Like, no, Shit, we're. You know, this is gonna happen. This is gonna happen, or this is gonna happen. And there's no point in worrying about the scenarios. You just need to be ready for any one of four scenarios that are gonna happen. And you have to trust that when the scenario hits you, you do the right thing. I think the other piece of this. I spoke to a woman this morning who is joining our board. And sometimes you just have to talk to someone who's a little bit removed from your situation to get better perspective on your situation. So I was, like, kind of explaining to her the situation I'm in and what I'm dealing with and what I feel about it and what I'm worried about. And she was like, kind of like, you moron. Like, it was kind of like, you know, in the Lion King, the. Like, Rafiki. When Mufasa. Is it. No, Simba, I guess Simba. When Simba is, like, worried about stuff and, like, Mufasa just bangs him on the head with the stick. And he's like, you dummy. Like, this is what it's like. I had, like a you dummy moment this morning. But she basically was like, all right. It's, like, super obvious, like, this has to happen, and if this doesn't happen, then nothing can happen. And I was like, oh, yeah, you're right. Like, why am I worried about this? Like, it has to happen, or if it doesn't happen, then this other thing is going to happen. So I think it's great to just remember that you as a human are always looking for control. It is an affliction. The more you can control wanting control. Like my dad would say, the best control is no control. Like, the more you let that go and the more you believe in yourself that you can meet the moment and find the solution. And you may not get it right, and it may not be perfect. The better off you're going to be. I had a conversation with someone last night who basically was like. Was one of the most. It was a bizarre conversation, but the person was basically like, what the fuck have you been doing? And I was like, God, that's been a while since someone asked me a question in that tone of voice. And the reality is, nobody understands your situation. No one understands the situation of a company unless they've been in it. No one could possibly have the amount of perspective or insight that you have about your situation. And the reality is that, you know, in this case of this company, like, hey, we've solved a thousand problems. There's 2,000 problems that we haven't solved. And I'm so proud of the thousand we did solve. I have a lot of ideas for the other 2000, but my point of it is like, problems are everywhere. We're always going to encounter problems. People are always gonna have an opinion about how you tackle your shit and what you do about it or don't do about it, or how you do it or how you don't do it, or how you should have done it. But the reality is they're not in your shoes and they're not stepping through things the way are with the information you have at the time. And if you just believe in yourself that you can make it through to that next place and take that next baby step to solve and, you know, to live the next day and to make it to the next fight, the better off you'll be. All right, so my net net on this is problems are everywhere. What a luxury to be able to have the opportunity to solve so many problems and to tackle so many different things and be encountered with so many challenges every day. Like, what a great life would be so boring without that. The second is that worry is so natural and everybody worries, and it's natural to worry. But worry is an affliction. And the more you let yourself be victim to worry, the more it's gonna hurt you. Worry does not actually help you. It only hurts you. I took a peloton class yesterday morning with Emma Lovewell. I love Emma Lovewell. And then I was reading something somewhere I forget, but that essentially, like Emma Lovewell was saying, and this article was reinforcing that. Like, do whatever makes you a happier, nicer person this holiday season. Like, that was the theme of the Emma Lovewell peloton ride. But if working out makes you less worried than work out, you know, if being with friends and feeling connected to other people makes you less anxious, do that. Like, find the things that you can do for yourself that work for you, that make you feel less worried or less fixated on your worries. And then the last piece is trust the process. Trust yourself that no matter what it is you're going to encounter or who you encounter it with or what exactly it looks like, that you will be able to solve it. And you'll be able to solve it in your own way, on your own time, in your own style. And it won't be perfect and you won't get it right. But you know what? The time after that, you will get it right. And just believing in that will make a huge difference. So those are my three takeaways. Thank you for listening to Net. Net. This is the work podcast. You can find us on Substack. You can find us on YouTube. You can find us wherever. Really? People are talking about work and we'll see you back.