Podcast Summary: Worklife with Adam Grant – "The Emotions You’ve Felt But Never Named" featuring John Koenig

Introduction

In the episode titled "The Emotions You’ve Felt But Never Named," organizational psychologist Adam Grant delves into the intricate world of human emotions with John Koenig, the creative mind behind the Dictionary of Obscure Sorrows. Koenig’s work involves inventing new words to describe complex human emotions that previously lacked precise terminology, enriching our emotional vocabulary and deepening our understanding of the human experience.

Meet John Koenig and His Work

Adam Grant opens the conversation by expressing his admiration for Koenig’s ability to articulate nuanced emotions. Koenig explains that without specific labels, certain feelings remain nebulous, likening them to "clouds in darkness in your head" (01:53).

The Concept of Sonder

A significant portion of the discussion revolves around the term sonder, arguably Koenig’s most popular creation. Grant recounts how he first encountered sonder through a student named Morgan, highlighting its widespread recognition.

• Definition and Essence of Sonder
  Koenig defines sonder as "the awareness that every random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own, and you are just an extra in their epic story that's taking place all around you" (02:53). He elaborates on the profound realization of the countless untold stories surrounding us, evoking both awe and a sense of sorrow for the vastness of human experience.

• Emotional Duality of Sonder
  While Grant perceives sonder as a source of joy, Koenig initially saw it similarly but acknowledges its sorrowful undertones. This duality sparks a deeper exploration of how recognizing others' complexities can foster compassion but also overwhelm us with the enormity of unseen narratives.

Naming Emotions: The Power and Purpose

Grant commends Koenig’s talent for encapsulating emotions that resonate universally yet remain unnamed. Koenig shares that his journey began with playful invention during his time at an international school in Geneva, where exposure to diverse languages inspired him to create words that add "grain to your emotional language" (11:14).

• Philosophical Underpinnings
  The discussion touches on the philosophical aspects of naming emotions, with Koenig emphasizing that his work aims to be value-neutral. He reframes sadness not as an emotion to be avoided but as a form of "fullness" derived from meaningful experiences (13:34).

Exploring Other Obscure Emotions

Koenig introduces several other invented words, each encapsulating unique emotional states:

• Swersa (15:17)
  Described as "a feeling of quiet amazement that you exist at all," swersa expresses gratitude for one's existence despite the innumerable odds faced throughout evolutionary history.

• Liberosis (22:33)
  Defined as "the desire to care less about things," liberosis captures the yearning to detach from overwhelming responsibilities and stresses, aligning with the concept of achieving a state of flow.

• Justing (24:31)
  Representing "the habit of telling yourself that just one tweak could solve all of your problems," Justing critiques the self-help culture's tendency to oversimplify solutions to complex issues.

• Daevu (25:34)
  The awareness that "this moment will become a memory that you're gonna look back on," encouraging mindfulness by reminding us to focus on the present while acknowledging its future significance.

• Apriese (26:10)
  The feeling of loss from never having the chance to meet someone before they died, highlighting the poignant regrets of missed connections.

• Tyris (34:59)
  "The bitter seed awareness that all things must end," reflecting on the transient nature of existence and the beauty found in impermanence.

The Evolution of the Dictionary

Koenig discusses the iterative process of developing his dictionary, likening it to "raindrops on a window" where individual definitions gradually coalesce into broader themes (21:40). This evolution underscores the organic growth of his work, mirroring his personal development over the decade-long project.

Impact on Human Understanding and Relationships

Grant and Koenig explore how these newly coined emotions can enhance empathy and compassion. Recognizing the complexity of others through words like sonder serves as an antidote to binary biases that oversimplify human behavior (07:04). However, they also acknowledge the potential emotional burden of constantly recognizing such depth, debating the balance between understanding and emotional overwhelm.

Practical Applications and Reflections

The conversation delves into the practical aspects of adopting these emotional terms:

• Balancing Analysis and Experience
  Koenig reflects on his tendency to overanalyze emotions, advocating for a balance where one can experience emotions without incessant dissecting (18:06). This mirrors Grant’s distinction between productive reflection and unproductive rumination.

• Living with Koenig’s Words
  In a lightning round, Grant and Koenig discuss which invented words to embrace or avoid. Koenig mentions Malotype as detrimental because it represents individuals who remind you of your flaws, advising against such influences (28:40). Conversely, he praises Ambedo, "a mysterious trance of emotional clarity," as an ideal state to strive for, encapsulating moments of profound presence (29:04).

Final Thoughts and Closing

As the episode wraps up, Grant and Koenig reflect on the mutual benefits of their dialogue. Koenig appreciates the thoughtful engagement with his work, while Grant underscores the value of redefining and expanding our emotional lexicon to foster a more empathetic and connected society (35:51).

Conclusion

This episode of Worklife with Adam Grant offers a profound exploration of human emotions through John Koenig's innovative vocabulary. By naming the previously unnamed, Koenig not only provides tools for better emotional articulation but also encourages deeper empathy and understanding in our interactions. The conversation bridges psychology, linguistics, and philosophy, presenting listeners with a richer framework to navigate the complexities of their inner and outer worlds.

Notable Quotes

• "If you have a word, you can just put a little handle on it somehow through some mysterious magic process of language in the brain, and then you can share it with people." — John Koenig (01:53)

• "Sonder is the awareness that every random passerby is living a life as vivid and complex as your own." — John Koenig (02:53)

• "Naming these emotions communicates empathy for being a human being and how overwhelming and confusing it is." — John Koenig (14:23)

• "If you feel something that's a kind of joy, even if you're weeping, it's a subset of joy." — John Koenig (13:42)

• "Liberosis is about relaxing your grip on your life and holding it loosely and playfully." — John Koenig (22:39)

• "Ambedo is a period of calm emotional clarity where reality is happening regardless of our distractions." — John Koenig (29:04)

• "Tyris is the bitter seed awareness that all things must end." — John Koenig (34:59)

Timestamps

• [01:06] John Koenig discusses his wish regarding intimacy.
• [01:18] Adam Grant introduces the podcast and John Koenig.
• [02:53] Definition of sonder.
• [07:04] Discussion on compassion and binary bias.
• [11:14] Koenig explains how he started inventing words.
• [13:34] Koenig on redefining sadness.
• [15:17] Introduction of swersa.
• [22:33] Introduction of liberosis.
• [24:31] Introduction of Justing.
• [25:34] Introduction of Daevu.
• [26:10] Introduction of apriese.
• [34:59] Introduction of Tyris.
• [21:40] Koenig compares the evolution of his dictionary to raindrops.
• [28:40] Lightning round: Worst word to live by — Malotype.
• [29:04] Lightning round: Best word to capture a good life — Ambedo.
• [35:51] Closing remarks on the impact of Koenig’s work.