Podcast Summary: Worklife with Adam Grant – Episode: The Voices in Your Head with Ethan Kross

Release Date: March 11, 2025

In this enlightening episode of Worklife with Adam Grant, organizational psychologist Adam Grant engages in a deep conversation with Ethan Kross, a renowned psychologist and neuroscientist from the University of Michigan. Together, they explore the intricate dynamics of our inner voices, emotion regulation, and the concept of the "monkey mind." Drawing from Ethan's expertise and his bestselling books Chatter and Shift, the discussion unveils practical strategies to harness our internal dialogues for a better work and personal life.

Understanding the Inner Voice and Subvocalization

The episode kicks off with Adam Grant introducing Ethan Kross and delving into the concept of the inner voice. Grant shares his personal intrigue and confusion about the phenomenon:

Adam Grant [04:22]: "Can you make sense of this? For me, I cannot even begin to wrap my mind around why you would hear words that are written on a page."

Ethan Kross elucidates the mechanics behind subvocalization—the silent articulation of words while reading—and its role in comprehension:

Ethan Kross [05:11]: "There are two primary paths to reading. One is you see the word and then you instantly decode its meaning... sometimes we do sound outwards, so we subvocalize them."

They discuss individual differences in processing written language, highlighting that while some rely heavily on an inner voice, others decode meaning visually without auditory reinforcement.

The "Monkey Mind" and Its Implications

Grant brings up the term "monkey mind," a metaphor often used to describe a restless, unsettled mind:

Adam Grant [13:21]: "When I hear that term, what do you think about?"

Ethan explains that the "monkey mind" refers to the incessant chatter of thoughts, often leading to anxiety and distraction. He emphasizes that understanding this concept is crucial for effective emotion regulation.

Emotion Regulation: Beyond Controlling Feelings

A significant portion of the conversation revolves around emotion regulation—the ability to manage and respond to emotional experiences constructively. Adam Grant challenges the common misconception that emotions are beyond our control:

Ethan Kross [18:38]: "There are no one size fits all solutions when it comes to managing our emotional lives."

They explore various strategies, such as temporal distancing—mentally traveling to the past or future to gain perspective—and self-distancing—addressing oneself in the second or third person to reduce emotional intensity.

Grant shares his method of distancing by contemplating global issues to put personal worries into perspective:

Adam Grant [31:05]: "Thousands of innocent people are dying in wars... In the context of things that matter, this is really trivial."

Ethan concurs, adding that different individuals find unique anchors that help them regulate emotions effectively. He underscores the importance of not projecting one's strategies onto others, recognizing the diversity in coping mechanisms.

Challenging Conventional Wisdom: The Power of Strategic Avoidance

The discussion challenges the traditional advice of always confronting emotions head-on. Instead, Ethan introduces the concept of strategic avoidance, where temporarily diverting attention from distressing emotions can lead to better long-term coping:

Adam Grant [22:42]: "Stop telling people to suppress their emotions. That's a recipe for denial and like PTSD."

Ethan Kross [22:44]: "Using strategic avoidance can help you immerse yourself in something engaging and return with a more constructive mindset."

They highlight research indicating that venting emotions can sometimes amplify them rather than alleviate, advocating for a balanced approach that includes both emotional expression and cognitive reframing.

Practical Techniques for Managing Inner Dialogue

Ethan shares actionable techniques to manage the inner voice and regulate emotions:

1. Self-Talk in Third Person:

   Ethan Kross [34:19]: "You have to break out of that first person point of view and address yourself as someone else."

   This method involves speaking to oneself as an external advisor, which can reduce emotional reactivity and provide clarity.

2. Music as an Emotional Tool:

   Ethan Kross [34:27]: "Listening to music can change the trajectory of your emotional response."

   Creating playlists tailored to different emotional states can serve as effective nudges towards desired feelings.

3. Naming the Inner Critic:

   Ethan Kross [36:34]: "Some therapists name the inner critic to create distance."

   Assigning a persona to negative internal voices can diminish their threatening nature and facilitate emotional distancing.

Conclusion: Embracing Emotional Flexibility

The episode wraps up with Adam Grant and Ethan Kross emphasizing the importance of emotional flexibility and personalized strategies in managing inner dialogues. They advocate for a multifaceted approach, recognizing that what works for one person may not work for another. The key takeaway is that while emotions are automatic, our responses to them are within our control, and with the right tools, we can navigate our emotional landscapes more effectively.

Adam Grant [41:53]: "Emotion regulation is not about controlling what you feel. It's about choosing how you respond."

Key Quotes:

• Adam Grant [09:13]: "Me too."
• Ethan Kross [16:47]: "There's so much good that can come from mental time travel if you do it in the right way for neutralizing your emotional experiences."
• Adam Grant [30:13]: "It's amazing how often yesterday's burdens become lighter today."
• Ethan Kross [34:19]: "You have to give yourself advice like you would someone else."

This episode serves as a compelling guide for anyone looking to understand and improve their relationship with their inner voice, offering scientifically-backed insights and practical strategies to foster emotional well-being.