Millions Hide Money, Accounts From Spouses

Summary

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WSJ Your Money Briefing

Episode Title: Millions Hide Money, Accounts From Spouses
Date: January 25, 2019
Host: J.R. Whalen (The Wall Street Journal)
Guest: Ted Rossman (CreditCards.com Analyst)

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Episode Overview

This episode explores the sensitive and surprisingly widespread phenomenon of "financial infidelity"—where individuals hide money, bank accounts, or credit cards from their spouse or live-in partner. With new survey data revealing just how common this practice is, host J.R. Whalen and guest Ted Rossman discuss the underlying causes, emotional impact, and why open financial communication is essential for healthy relationships. The episode also touches briefly on generational differences and offers practical advice for detecting and addressing hidden finances in relationships.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Stunning Prevalence of Financial Secrecy

• Statistic: 29 million Americans are hiding a checking, savings, or credit card account from their significant other.
  • [02:22] Interviewer introduces a CreditCards.com survey showing the scale of the issue.

2. Financial Infidelity vs Romantic Infidelity

• Public Perception: More than half of survey respondents view financial infidelity as equal to or worse than romantic infidelity.
  • [02:45] J.R. Whalen: “More than half of those surveyed view financial infidelity as worse than romantic infidelity.”
  • [02:49] Ted Rossman: “We found that 20% of people think that financial cheating is outright worse than physical cheating. And then 35% think they're about the same... These are big numbers.”

3. Underlying Causes and Relationship Impact

• Shame, Fear, and Embarrassment:
  • Many hide accounts out of embarrassment over spending habits, past financial mistakes, or fear of their partner’s reaction.
  • [03:19] Ted Rossman: “The biggest reason why people hide accounts is that they're ashamed of something... Or they're ashamed of some debt they've incurred in the past... Sometimes people find it easier to hide it than to be upfront about it.”
• Erosion of Trust:
  • Discovering hidden accounts can undermine trust far deeper than the actual financial impact.
  • [03:45] Ted Rossman: “If your secret does get out, it really undermines trust... What other secrets does he or she have? And that's really not a path you want to go down.”

4. The Broader Fragility of Household Finances

• Savings Shortfalls:
  • Many Americans have dangerously low savings, exacerbating the risks of hidden accounts.
  • [04:49] Ted Rossman: “The Fed has numbers that 40% of Americans could not afford a $400 emergency expense. It's not even that big of an emergency... So with that many people close to the edge, I think it underscores the importance of being up front about your accounts.”
• Hidden Savings—Not Necessarily Good:
  • Even discovering a hidden stash of savings may indicate a lack of shared goals and missed opportunities for greater financial security.

5. Generational Gaps in Financial Secrecy

• Millennials Most Likely:
  • 28% of Millennials are hiding accounts, compared to 15% of people aged 38 and older.
  • [05:36] Ted Rossman: “Millennials are the most likely to be hiding accounts. 28% of millennials are doing so, versus only 15% of people who are age 38 and older.”
• Possible Explanations:
  • Higher rates of parental divorce lead some Millennials to keep a "freedom fund."
  • Less life experience and relationship duration contribute to the tendency.

6. Changing Behavior and Detecting Secrecy

• Five Million Came Clean:
  • [07:05] Interviewer: “Some folks came to their senses. Five million people used to hide money from their significant other, and now they don't.”
• How Secrets Are Discovered:
  • Many confessions happen when evidence (like mail) is found.
  • [07:17] Ted Rossman: “Maybe something came in the mail and the other person found it. That's the one that I hear about a lot that makes people come clean.”
• Warning Signs:
  • Sudden vigilance over the mail or changes in spending habits are red flags.
  • [07:33] Ted Rossman: “Look for somebody who all of a sudden is guarding the mailbox like a hawk and really never used to care about it... these are all reasons to dig a little bit deeper.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• Ted Rossman on the Relational Impact:
  • [03:45] “If your secret does get out, it really undermines trust... The other person's going to start to think, 'Well, what else don't I know?'”
• On Americans' Financial Precarity:
  • [04:49] “The Fed has numbers that 40% of Americans could not afford a $400 emergency expense. It's not even that big of an emergency.”
• On Millennials Hiding Money:
  • [05:36] “Millennials are the most likely to be hiding accounts. 28% of millennials are doing so, versus only 15% of people who are age 38 and older.”
• Advice for Listeners:
  • [07:33] “If you tend to notice something out of the ordinary with their wardrobe, their spending habits, their checking the mail habits, these are all reasons to dig a little bit deeper.”

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Important Timestamps

• [02:22] — Survey results: 29 million Americans hiding accounts
• [02:49] — 55% think financial infidelity is as bad or worse than physical infidelity
• [03:19] — Causes of hiding money: shame, fear, embarrassment
• [04:49] — Impact of low savings on transparency
• [05:36] — Millennials most likely to hide money
• [07:05] — Five million Americans stopped hiding money
• [07:33] — Warning signs and advice for listeners

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Episode Takeaways

• Financial infidelity is surprisingly common and potentially more damaging to relationships than romantic cheating.
• Lack of honest communication, shame, and past baggage are primary drivers.
• Millennials, influenced by higher divorce rates among parents and less experience, are most at risk.
• Transparent communications and shared financial planning are crucial to household financial health and trust.
• Watch out for subtle warning signs if you suspect your partner may be hiding finances.

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For those navigating relationships and money, open dialogue about finances is not just sensible—it’s essential.

Transcript

[Small Business Owner]

Access to affordable credit helps me pay my employees, but I don't really need it.

[Advocate for Durbin Marshall Bill]

Inflation is killing me, but who cares? Big retailers are making record profits. That's why we support the Durbin Marshall credit card bill.

[Small Business Owner]

See banks and credit unions help small businesses make payroll. This bill would cut the vital resources

[Advocate for Durbin Marshall Bill]

they need while increasing megastore profits. They deserve it, don't they?

[Electronic Payments Coalition Representative]

Tell Congress stop the Durbin Marshall money grab for corporate megastores paid for by the Electronic Payments Coalition.

[J.R. Whalen]

With your Money briefing. I'm J.R. whalen at the Wall Street Journal in New York. You wouldn't hide money from your spouse or live in partner, right? Right. Well, statistically, you just might be. We'll break down the numbers in a moment. First, these money and market stories you should know new federal and state laws are directing banks to take more active role in addressing frauds and scams that target older customers.

[Advocate for Durbin Marshall Bill]

And.

[J.R. Whalen]

And the banks have turned up a substantial amount of financial abuse. US banks reported a record 24,454 suspected cases of fraud to the Treasury Department against the elderly last year. That's a 12% jump over the year before. And the problem isn't likely going away. An average of 10,000Americans turn 65 a day. That's a pace expected to continue through 2030. Now, to try to stem the problem as best they can, the banks are ramping up training programs for employees on how to detect, stopping and report issues without violating a customer's privacy. And the most expensive home ever sold in the US Goes to billionaire Ken Griffin. The Wall Street Journal Real Estate Bureau reports the hedge fund manager closed on a New York City penthouse for roughly $238 million. The 24,000 square foot apartment is in a yet to be completed high rise overlooking Central Park. Griffin first signed a contract to buy the unit in 2015, and closings only recently commenced now that the building is nearing completion. His purchase, by the way, breaks the previous record set in 2014 when hedge fund manager Barry Rosenstein paid $137 million for a home in the Hamptons. Does the phrase for richer or poorer

[Interviewer]

include hiding money from your spouse or partner? Well, it turns out that 29 million Americans are hiding a checking, savings or credit card account from their significant other.

[J.R. Whalen]

That's the result of a survey by

[Interviewer]

CreditCards.com and analyst Ted Rossman is here in our studio to discuss. So, Ted, this could be a make or break incident for a marriage.

[J.R. Whalen]

More than half of those surveyed view

[Interviewer]

financial infidelity as worse than romantic infidelity.

[Ted Rossman]

Financial Infidelity is a big deal. So just to break that down a little bit further, we found that 20% of people think that financial cheating is outright worse than physical cheating. And then 35% think they're about the same. So that's where we got added together. 55% think that financial infidelity is at least as bad, if not worse than physical infidelity. These are big numbers.

[Interviewer]

And this is probably the product of people, married or otherwise, not having honest conversations about money.

[Ted Rossman]

Communication is so important here when you're talking about big life decisions with your spouse or partner. I think the biggest reason why people hide accounts is that they're ashamed of something. They're either ashamed of the way they spend their money, or they think you're going to react in a negative way. Or they're ashamed of some debt they've incurred in the past or a blemish on their credit score, some skeleton in their financial closet. I think sometimes people find it easier to hide it than to be upfront about it. And that's a bad idea, because if your secret does get out, it really undermines trust. You know, you think about if you're married to somebody for years and all of a sudden you learn about some financial account that you didn't know was there, that's going to undermine trust in a far greater way. The other person's going to start to think, well, what else don't I know? I thought I knew this person. And what other secrets does he or she have? And that's really not a path you want to go down.

[Interviewer]

We should point out that there probably are other reasons besides being ashamed and feeling that you're not a good money manager, that you're hiding money from your spouse. That's not this kind of show. Well, you tackle that on another show. But you make a good point about how people just might be embarrassed to show that the money has dwindled or they haven't invested properly, or they feel they can't manage it properly. But, you know, this is something that really should be on the top of people's minds, especially when you consider that Americans have dangerously low amounts of savings. Talking and planning can go a long way.

[Ted Rossman]

We find that the government shutdown, I think, is a good example of this, where people miss one or two paychecks and it's a catastrophe. And the Fed has numbers that 40% of Americans could not afford. A $400 emergency expense. It's not even that big of an emergency. You could easily have a home or car repair or Medical bill. That's way more than that. So with that many people close to the edge, I think it underscores the importance of being up front about your accounts. I mean, it's obvious how impactful a secret debt would be. Credit card rates are at their highest point ever, 17.5%. But secret savings is no picnic either. Sometimes people say to me that I'd love it if my spouse had an extra $5,000 lying around. I'd be careful what you wish for there, because there's the trust factor, but there's also the opportunity cost of that money. Probably could have been put to much better use if you work together on it. You could have saved more for retirement, you could have saved more for your kids college. You could have paid down debt. You've got to be on the same page about these things. Millennials are the most likely to be hiding accounts. 28% of millennials are doing so, versus only 15% of people who are age 38 and older. And I think we can come up with a few theories on that. One that I have is that millennials are more likely to have divorced parents than people from older generations. And I really do think that that has had a lasting effect where millennials might say, well, I remember what happened when mom and dad broke up, and I'm just going to squirrel away a little money as my freedom fund, if you will. If the relationship doesn't work out, it's not a good idea because, one, it's assuming the worst. But also, you're not working together with your partner on your shared financial goals and building trust. And these are all reasons why I think you should avoid that. I also think millennials, just by nature of being younger, they don't have as much life experience. They're not as far down the path either in the relationship or in the career. So I think those are some other reasons why they may get off on the wrong footing with these secret accounts.

[Interviewer]

And there was some good news that came out of your survey. I guess some folks came to their senses. Five million people used to hide money from their significant other, and now they don't.

[Ted Rossman]

Yeah, I'd love to know how many of those people came clean about it versus how many were outed by some sort of discovery. Maybe something came in the mail and the other person found it. That's the one that I hear about a lot that makes people come clean about financial infidelity. I would say that if you're worried that the other person might be hiding something, look for suspicious signs. Look for somebody who all of a sudden is guarding the mailbox like a hawk and really never used to care about it or, you know, if you tend to notice something out of the ordinary with their wardrobe, their spending habits, their checking the mail habits, these are all reasons to dig a little bit deeper.

[Interviewer]

All right. Good advice from CreditCards.com analyst Ted Rossman, who's here with us in our studio. Ted, thanks for coming in.

[Ted Rossman]

Thanks for having me.

[J.R. Whalen]

And that's your money briefing.

[Interviewer]

I'm JR Whalen in New York for

[J.R. Whalen]

the Wall Street Journal.

[Small Business Owner]

Access to affordable credit helps me pay my employees, but I don't really need it.

[Advocate for Durbin Marshall Bill]

Inflation is killing me, but who cares? Big retailers are making record profits. That's why we support the Durbin Marshall credit card bill.

[Small Business Owner]

See, banks and credit unions help small businesses make payroll. This bill would cut the vital resources

[Advocate for Durbin Marshall Bill]

they need while increasing megastore profits. They deserve it, don't they?

[Electronic Payments Coalition Representative]

Tell Congress, stop the Durbin Marshall money grab for corporate megastores paid for by the Electronic Payments Coalition.