Transcript
Marc Maron (0:00)
Lock the gate. All right, let's do this. How are you? What the fuckers? What the fuck, buddies? What the fuck, Nicks? What's happening? I'm Marc Maron. This is my podcast. Welcome to it. I'm sitting here in my studio amongst random garbage. Detritus of my life. A life's worth of detritus. I'm sorry, I. I just. I've only been home a few days, and I've been through a lot over the last couple years, kind of burning into. Into that special that I taped on Saturday. And now right. Right away, that it just picks up like, all right, what. What are we going to do for the marketing? What are we going to do for the ads? What do you like? What? What? Let's look at some pictures. What are we doing? Still coming down, man. But, you know, I. I don't. I'm making some progress, folks, and it's progress in a mental health kind of way, I think. You know, as I've talked to you about it, I've been on that busporin for a bit, and I can't really tell if it works. I can kind of tell because something's happening. Like, I can. I can see the zone of my anxiety and Is somewhere in between who I am and the things I do to make myself crazy. Okay. Some of those things are, you know, legit. There's no reason not to feel anxiety about certain things if they should cause anxiety. But there's. There is reason to. To perhaps not make it your life's work, which my life, it kind of is, on some level, part of it. But I. I'm. I think the beast born is giving me a little space within who I really am now. And what you. You know, what I've become and whatever journey I've been on and the things I've overcome to make me who I am and the part of my brain that's just sort of like, nope, you're not him. And, hey, how come we haven't done anything today to feel shitty about ourselves? We don't have to. I can still beat the shit out of you for no reason. You want to get hypercritical about? How about your special? You remember that one line that you don't think went that well, even though they got two shows of it from nine different cameras? And maybe if you have to do adr, you can do it, but that doesn't matter because you fucked it up. You fucked it up. You fuck. All right, let's move through. Let's move through that one. Let's let that go. But, you know, it's always right there for you. There are some things that I shouldn't feel anxious about that I do. Food, my looks. It's just there is. What I'm realizing is that there's a whole world of my brain that is constructed a certain way because of things that happened when I was younger that just wants to, you know, generate detritus. Just garbage, you know, just kind of psychic detritus that just stacks up. And then I'm like, how do I even clean this? How do we get rid of this? I've got a neural pathway full of psychic detritus in all types of forms and shapes, memories, moments, patterns. So I guess what I'm saying is it's kind of working. I went to the shrink, made him get out of his house. Not going to do zoom for things that don't that, you know, where human interaction is possible. And I made him sit across from me, and he gave me this sort of anxiety test, you know, and compared it to, I guess, the first time I was there. And he said I'm about 30% better. He'd like 50. So I don't know. And I also think that I'm getting some side effects, but I'm not obsessed with them because I don't know if there are side effects from. From the medicine or just side effects for the fact that my life has been fucking stressful for the last year or so. Every day, three jobs, always thinking, never a free moment, you know, but. But I just. I wanted to explore with you that zone between, like, you gotta be grateful, give yourself credit for what you've overcome and who you are today. Like, there's a lot of things like that I'm not anxious about. I wasn't anxious about the special. I wasn't anxious about the material. I was a little, you know, you know, on the fence about my shirt, and I was hoping my hair would work out all right. But in terms of feeling fear going into it, zero. Zero anxiety. But then I realized that that is who I am now, that I no longer have those fears. But my brain was sort of like, yeah, but we're pretty used to, you know, kind of making it difficult for you and. And having fears, you know, in general. So I'm glad that you're not fearing the thing you've worked on for two years and that you're ready to go, but let's do. Let's do these other ones. There's all kinds of dread we can muster up. And I know I've talked about this before, but I think that if anything is working, it's that the medicine is giving me a little more space between who I am, where my brain's at now in terms of I'm okay, you know, I'm doing good work. I'm, you know, I've learned a lot of just all the stuff that represents, you know, the whole person, but I still got this fucking garbage factory in my head. A goddamn detritus generator. You. Yeah, psychic detritus generator. Right. Huh. Today on the show, I'm talking to Carol Leifer. She's been on the show a while back, and I like her a lot. She was on like back in 2011, so it's been a long time. That was episode 203. But she's a stand up of the generation of Seinfeld and Larry David and, you know, little, you know, younger than Richard Lewis, but from that crew. She just recently won an Emmy for her writing on the show Hacks. And she's got a new book out called how to Write a Funny Speech. How to Write a funny speech. That's helpful for you people, I guess. You know, I don't know if it's still number one, but it used to be the biggest fear people have is public speaking, but now it seems like not enough people are afraid of it. I guess public speaking, when you do it alone in a room with your phone and you're speaking into it, is different than actually getting out there amongst the people. Putting it on the fucking line, man, where you can't fucking do another take. Delete it. Do another take. Delete it. Do another take, man. You got one shot at this fucker. Maybe two. Yeah, I'm talking about my special which should be out in July. I think the date is July 26th. Also that show I did with Owen Wilson. Stick that. That trailer's getting around. I guess that's premiering on June 4th. I think I should be more on top of these things. I should promote myself more. At least the things I'm involved with. Right. The bad guys is coming. But anyways, fear of public speaking, not enough of that going around. I think some, maybe some people should just turn it off, shut it down. All right. You know, I know you're charismatically engaging and whatever it is you do for 30 seconds at a time, but are you adding anything or are you just some. Some content detritus? Yeah. Is that it? So, look, it's time to take home security seriously, okay? I. 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So now that I'm opening up this space in between who I am currently and all the things that have made me who I am, that I've worked hard cognitively to manifest and the detritus mill in my mind and in that zone where I have this space, you know, it's time to figure out what do I enjoy that isn't immediate gratification? What do I enjoy? What things would you like to be doing, Mark? Would you like to sit down and read more books? I don't think so. Would you like to maybe take in more films and art? Only if it's good and it's well referred, you know, thoroughly vetted by people I respect who can, you know, tell me that it's great. Would you like to travel more? I don't know. I don't love it. You know, pitch me some places. This is the other part of my brain, by the way. Would you like to buy some other things, like a new car? Why? Why? Why? Just because I can. Would you like to get better at guitar? Yes, but I never seem to do it. I don't. I, you know, I practice and I play, but it's still within my comfort zone. And sometimes I add new notes from new scales I learned, but I guess that's progress. Would you like to do more music in your life, maybe with other people? Yes, yes, I would. But then you have to make plans and arrange things. Would you like to get rid of some of the books and pieces of, you know, things that you've collected over many years, either on purpose or not, and get rid of them. God damn it. Yes, I would. God damn it. But would that bring you joy? Maybe. Maybe some relief. But I've got to get beyond relief and into the joy thing. And I'm back home and I'm just doing stuff. I'm cooking. I'm trying to isolate. What do you like to do? I get up and I drink a lot of coffee. That guy John from Lantern Coffee, Grand Rapids, Michigan, sent me some coffee and some chocolates. Fuck, dude, that shit is so good. I don't even know if you can get it online. Lantern Coffee. Nice of them to send it because it's weird, because when you have an experience on the road and you're like, is this really the best I've had? Is this really amazing coffee? And you mention it on your podcast, and then the guy sends you some and you're like, God damn it, it is. But anyways, so I do the coffee. I do. I have several options of nicotine right now, which I could probably get off of. And then I exercise. But I like cooking. I started cooking. I like to have a full fridge of things. I cook so I can have things to eat all week. Because then. But what about. How about that? Maybe you should enjoy more food out. Why? I cook better at home. There's a lot of ways. Maybe you should spend more time with other people. But I do kind of well. And do what? I got to figure it out, because I, like, I just made some Indian food yesterday from scratch, and I just. I'm going to make some more. I look forward to it. But is that immediate gratification? Because, like, I take time making things and I eat it, like, really fast. Look, if I can widen that zone between who I am and the psychic garbage manufacturing plant in my head, maybe I can, you know, kind of stop, slow the plant down, you know, go through the garbage a little bit and then figure out some things I like to do. The problem is, it's just like, is this it? Is this it? And you know what? It kind of is. Even if you say, like, is this it? And I'm like, I'm not going to do it this way. I'm going to do it another way. Eventually you're going to hit, is this it? You know, when. When does that sentence. When does it. When is that question answered? Is this it? Yes. And it's amazing. Is this it? I hope so. Wow. So good. Because as soon as, like, you know, you do that. So good. And Then like a couple days later you're like, ah, it's okay. And you're just. Then you're back to. Is this it? God damn it. Just standing on a pile of fucking psychic detritus. Psychic detritus dump. I'm all right, though, the good part. I think that the part of me that, you know, feels proud of himself, feels like he's doing good work, enjoys things. He's going to win, man. He's. I'm rooting for him. I'm rooting for him. Ooh, I found this. This coconut yogurt. Look, I'm a plant based motherfucker right now who no longer says vegan because of annoying vegans, but Coco June coconut yogurt. Holy fuck. I was doing Coco yo for a while because, like, I like yogurt, but you want to get that probiotic stuff because, you know it's supposed to be the answer to everything. Is this. It is a probiotic. It is. Then, yes, it is. But this Cocoa June stuff is fucking great. Isn't it exciting when you find something you love to fucking just stick in your fucking mouth and eat it? Isn't it the best thing when you're like, man, I'm just gonna keep eating this until I don't like it anymore? It's great. See, I know joy. It's finding something that you just want to fucking shove into your mouth and keep eating until you're just like, you're beyond full, you're beyond happy, and you're just sort of in a world of fuck. How's that for an ad for a coconut yogurt? Eat until you're in a world of fucking Cocoa June yogurt. It's very good, though. It's hard to do the non dairy stuff and they just fucking nail it. Okay, look, Carol Leifer is here. Her new book that she co authored with Rick Mitchell is called how to Write a Funny Speech for a Wedding, Bar Mitzvah graduation and every other event you didn't want to go to in the first place. It's available now wherever you get books. And this is me and Carol talking. So Kathy Ladman is opening for me.