Podcast Summary: You Are Not Broken

Episode 339: Getting Better at Sex - Part Two
Host: Dr. Kelly Casperson, MD
Guest: Susan Bratton
Release Date: October 12, 2025

Overview

This lively, informative, and empowering episode continues Dr. Kelly Casperson’s conversation with Susan Bratton – renowned sex educator and “better lover” expert. The conversation focuses on debunking myths about female pleasure, practical anatomy education, the role of sexual “tools and toys,” navigating intimacy challenges in midlife, and how open communication transforms sexual and relationship satisfaction. With humor, candid anecdotes, and practical resource recommendations, the episode is a treasure trove for anyone looking to improve their intimate life at any stage.

Main Discussion Themes & Key Insights

1. Redefining Female Pleasure: Understanding Anatomy & Yoni Massage

[01:39 – 07:03]

• Yoni Massage Defined:

  • "Yoni is a Sanskrit word...it means the portal. It's the word for the female urogenital system." (Susan, 01:45)
  • The yoni encompasses all external and internal female genitalia, promoting a holistic, reverential view of female anatomy.

• Pleasure as a Mindfulness Practice:

  • Staying in the body, focusing on sensation, and seeing sex as mindful attention is revolutionary for many women.
  • "Sex is a mindfulness practice…your partner is lovingly learning all of the nooks and the crannies and the folds of your beautiful hanging gardens…” (Susan, 02:23)

• Female Erectile Tissue:

  • Many women don’t realize they have as much erectile tissue as men—it’s just distributed differently.
  • "If I took all the erectile tissue out of your husband's penis and...out of your yoni and put it on the other hand, it would weigh exactly the same." (Susan, 04:25)

• The “English Muffin” Analogy:

  • Female arousal is compared to an English muffin: it takes time, warmth, and patience for all the nooks and crannies to fully absorb pleasure.

2. Body Image, Vulnerability, & Sexual Self-Discovery

[05:33 – 09:30]

• Addressing Embarrassment:

  • Many women struggle with shame or discomfort about their genitals; embracing gentle exploration and positive mirror work can be transformative.
  • “I feel like as I've aged and as I've had more and more pleasuring... my yoni’s become even more beautiful..." (Susan, 06:40)

• Growth Through Experience:

  • Susan describes her evolution from sexual insecurity to empowerment through learning, trying new things, and ongoing communication with her partner.

• Sexual Skills Are Learned:

  • "All of sex is learned…Good sex are a series of learned skills and communication strategies." (Susan, 09:08)

3. Breaking Orgasm Myths & Pathways to More Pleasure

[10:14 – 14:20]

• Genital Sensation Activation:

  • Discusses a study showing that pleasure, numbness, pain, and shame are common feelings when different areas are touched—highlighting the need for exploration and patience.
  • Only about 40% of women felt pleasure from clitoral touch; more felt pleasure from vaginal touch, debunking stereotypes.

• “Orgasmic Cross-Training”:

  • Exploring various methods and locations can awaken new pleasure pathways, enhancing sexual experience.

• Multiple Nerve Pathways:

  • Engaging more areas increases orgasmic intensity.

4. Maximizing Blood Flow and the Practice of Taking Time

[13:52 – 16:17]

• 20-Minute Rule:

  • "Plump up the surface area with blood flow, which takes about 20 minutes for the average vulva owner..." (Susan, 13:52)
  • Rushing pleasure shortchanges the experience for women.
  • The “patriarchal” model—rushing to penetration as seen in media—is both unrealistic and unsatisfying.

• Safety and Vulnerability:

  • A sense of safety and presence is required for authentic desire and orgasm.

5. Sexual Tools, Toys, & “Tools” for Both Genders

[16:17 – 34:47]

• Yoni Massage Devices:

  • Susan demoed and explained a variety of tools for external and internal stimulation, each designed for different erogenous zones and individual preferences (Queen, Enhance, pearl 3, Mystery Vibe, etc.).
  • "Do not underestimate the pleasure benefits of labia.” (Susan, 19:54)
  • Notable: App-connected toys that respond to erotica or music (Satisfyer, Kiru, Mystery Vibe).

• Nipple Stimulation:

  • Hands-free, adjustable products (like Gemini) further enhance pleasure by engaging additional pathways.

• Partner Play – Synchronized Stimulation:

  • Toys like Luxus allow for dynamic feedback during intercourse—amplifying arousal when partners approach and recede.
  • "As he gets closer, the vibe gets stronger. As he pulls out, it goes down…” (Susan, 27:46)

6. Multiple & Extended Orgasms: Skills & Tips

[29:43 – 34:47]

• Moving Beyond “One and Done”:

  • "The Masters and Johnson orgasm is really the male orgasm. That’s why women get one and done—it’s a limiting belief." (Susan, 30:00)
  • Women can experience “sneezy orgasms,” then stronger ones as arousal builds.

• Extended and Expanded Orgasms:

  • Use peaking—build, pause, repeat—to stack orgasms and extend climax duration.
  • Home “yoni massage practice” is recommended even for solo exploration.

7. Pleasure Without Erection: Intimacy for Men in Midlife

[34:47 – 51:17]

• Empowering Men With ED:

  • At least 40% of men experience erectile dysfunction by 40.
  • Vacuum erection devices, supplements (nitric oxide boosters), and specialized toys maintain pleasure and promote vascular health.
  • "Pumping a couple times a week...will bring blood carrying capacity back..." (Susan, 35:50)

• Prostate Vibration & Health:

  • Prostate massage is both medicinal and pleasurable, increasing blood flow and potentially preventing BPH or prostatitis.

• Mutual Play Without Penetration:

  • Innovative devices (Pulse Duo, Hot Octopus, Healthy Suck) offer hands-free stimulation or suction for men who cannot achieve traditional erections.
  • "The suction, you can get your soft penis in here and it never has to get hard. And it will feel delicious." (Susan, 46:53)

8. STIs & Safe Midlife Sexuality: The Evolving Landscape

[51:17 – 58:51]

• Importance of Testing and New Technologies:
  • There are rising, treatment-resistant STIs.
  • Fullpaneltest.com offers discreet, comprehensive, home testing for multiple infections, revolutionizing sexual safety.
  • "I wrote a book...that is at fullpaneltest.com where I teach you how to have the safe sex talk..." (Susan, 51:41)
  • New evidence: BV is transmissible and can be passed from male partners.

9. Hormones, Aging, and Intimacy

[58:51 – 62:13]

• Hormone Replacement Therapy (HRT):

  • Estrogen, progesterone, and testosterone are vital for healthspan and sexspan.
  • Susan prefers compounded, “clean” hormones over commercial gels.
  • "It’s the confidence. It gives me balls." (Susan, 61:48)
  • Testosterone especially praised for boosting libido and strength.

• Men & Testosterone:

  • Advocates for men to get tested starting at age 45–50, especially as obesity and sedentary lifestyles impair natural testosterone.

• Bonus: GLP1 Medications

  • Weight loss can “reveal” more penile length and boost testosterone, affecting sexual health.

10. The Non-Negotiable: Communication in the Bedroom

[65:25 – 70:25]

• Sexual Soulmate Pact:

  • "I can teach you all the techniques but they are useless if you can't use these lips to say what these lips need you to say." (Susan, 65:52)
  • Susan offers a downloadable tool (sexualsoulmatepact.com) for couples—teaching how to know, voice, and receive desires without shame or defensiveness.
  • “So many people say: ‘I don't know what I want, I just know what I'm getting ain't it.’” (Susan, 66:44)

• Resource for Men with ED:

  • "Get Hard Book"—covers the intersection between physical and psychological contributors to erection concerns.

Notable Quotes

• On Female Anatomy & Blood Flow:
  "All of our beautiful vaginal caverns are wrapped in luscious erectile tissue, and it deserves the full 20 minutes or so to get to its full capacity." (Susan, 04:20)

• On Sexual Learning:
  "Good sex are a series of learned skills and communication strategies." (Susan, 09:08)

• On STIs:
  "Condoms are security theater. Like, you think that you’re safe because you have a condom. Oh, hell no, you do not.” (Susan, 51:41)

• On Hormones and Confidence:
  "If I had to choose because my sexuality and my sex span...I might choose testosterone if I had to. The best isn’t even any of those, it’s the confidence. It gives me balls." (Susan, 61:48)

• On Conversations in Sex:
  "You're hearing me talk about this and you're not dying. Are you dying? No." (Susan, 43:49)

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Yoni Massage & Anatomy – 01:39–07:03
• Body Image & Self-Love – 05:33–07:03
• Skill-Building in Sex – 07:03–09:08
• Orgasm Myths & Pathways – 10:14–14:20
• Sex Toys & Tools – 16:17–28:00
• Multiple Orgasms – 29:43–34:47
• Men’s Intimacy & Pleasure Without Erection – 34:47–51:17
• STIs & Home Testing – 51:17–58:51
• Hormones and Desire – 58:51–62:13
• Communicating Needs (“Sexual Soulmate Pact”) – 65:25–70:25
• Men, Erectile Concerns, and Slowing Down – 69:18–70:25

Resources Mentioned

• Sex Toys, Tools, and Apps Directory: DriveDesire.com
• Sexual Soulmate Communication Tool: SexualSoulmatePact.com
• Full STI Home Testing: FullPanelTest.com
• Guide for Men with ED: GetHardBook.com
• Susan Bratton's newsletter and resources: BetterLover.com

Final Takeaway

The journey to better sex is about curiosity, playfulness, and communication—not just technique or anatomy. With science-backed tools, patience, and honest conversations, anyone at any age can rediscover or ignite their sexual joy and connection.

"Start anywhere you want, whatever calls to you, any little thing that moves you forward. But without being able to talk about things, you're going to kind of stall out." (Susan, 68:34)