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- [00:00]
A
This is a real good story about Bronx and his dad, Ryan, Real United Airlines customers. We were returning home and one of.
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B
The flight attendants asked Bronx if he.
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A
Wanted to see the flight deck and meet Kath and Andrew. I got to sit in the driver's seat. I grew up in an aviation family, and seeing Bronx kind of reminded me of myself when I was that age. That's Andrew, a real United pilot. These small interactions can shape a kid's future. It felt like I was the captain.
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B
Allowing my son to see the flight deck will stick with us forever.
- [00:28]
A
That's how good leads the way. Welcome to the you are not broken podcast. I'm your host, Dr. Kelly Casperson, a board certified urologist, thought leader, and conversation starter on midlife living, hormones, and sexuality. Enjoy the show. Hey, everybody. I couldn't get enough of Susan Bratton, so I had her back. And, like, it's not lost on me that as I'm like kind of showing up on time or late to this podcast, I'm like, susan, I'm coming.
- [01:00]
B
The more innuendos, the better, Kelly.
- [01:02]
A
I know, right? So welcome back.
- [01:04]
B
I feel so good being back. We had such a good time on the first episode. Oh, my God, I already was in love with you. But then actually getting to be in your virtual presence was just so great. We had so much fun. We nerded out.
- [01:20]
A
We totally nerded out. You need to come back. So we've got a lot on the agenda for this hour. Everybody go check out the last episode I did with Susan to get caught up to now or join us in the middle of this amazing conversation. You know what? Everybody, like, always, like, does a long interview and then breaks it into two parts. I'm like, no, no, no. We literally have two hours of stuff to talk about.
- [01:37]
B
And we could talk for more hours than that.
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A
Probably true. Okay, so let's do we. I wanted to start with defining what a yoni massage is.
- [01:45]
B
So for those of you who haven't been to the first segment, yoni is a four letter word, but it's a really good one. Not as good as the original four letter word cause that's very cathartic. But it's extremely cathartic to have Y massages. Yoni. Y, O, N, I. It's a Sanskrit word that comes from tantric lovemaking and it means the portal. But what I like about it is, is it's the word for the female urogenital system. And I like that it's comprehensive because I don't like to talk about my vagina like, that feels so.
- [02:21]
A
Yeah, like my inner. My inner labial massage.
- [02:23]
B
Right, Exactly. And I don't necessarily want to just talk about the vulva, which is the outside. I want the whole kit and Cabo Poodle. And I like that it has somewhat of a reverential and spiritual orientation toward it, because when you are getting a yoni massage and you are able to stay in your body and you realize that sex is a mindfulness practice, and you keep bringing yourself back to sensation, and your partner is lovingly learning all of the nooks and the crannies and the folds of your beautiful hanging gardens, and they are giving you all of their loving attention, and you are receiving it, and all the blood starts to flow in, and all the parts start to plump up with engorgement, with genital hemodynamics. That dirty, dirty word. I love my love language. Blood flow. Exactly. When it gets all plumped up and you've got all that surface area, and now everything that's touched feels so good because it's sending way more signals to your big brain, which is really your biggest sex organ. That is an incredible experience for any. Any yoni owner. A yoner. And that's really going for. We're going for a yoner. We're going for the lady boner.
- [03:42]
A
Yeah. Yeah.
- [03:43]
B
And the lady boner isn't just the tip and the shaft of the clitoral structure. It's the crora, the little arms, the Vista vestibular bulbs, the little legs. It's the clitoral body. It's the urethral sponge, which people call a G spot and is more like a big pool noodle, a big tube of spongy tissue. The perineal sponge at the bottom of the vaginal canal. Our beautiful vaginal caverns are wrapped in luscious erectile tissue, and it deserves the full 20 minutes or so that it needs to get to its full capacity. So we feel good.
- [04:21]
A
Totally. What percentage of women that you talk to understand that women have erectile tissue?
- [04:26]
B
Very, very small number. But it is growing, thanks to people like you and I. So people are learning. Women are beginning to realize. I say if I took all the erectile tissue out of your husband's penis and put it in my hand and then took it all out of your yoni and put it on the other hand, it would weigh exactly the same. Close enough. You know, in the grand scheme of things. Like, we have so tissue, but it's in all these nooks and crannies. So it takes a moment. I Liken it to an English muffin, where for your man, he's like, ba doink. He looks at your boobs and he's got an erection. If he's healthy, which is great. But for you, you get that English muffin out, you cut it in half, you stick it in the toaster, it pops up. It's not done. It's not toasty. It's still pale and wan. And you pop it down again. Now it pops. You got that hard butter out of the refrigerator. You stick it between the two sides, and then you just let it melt into all those nooks and crannies. And after a minute or two, now we're talking about a really good English muffin. And that's how we work.
- [05:34]
A
That's how we work. How do you help women who are embarrassed or self conscious about their nooks.
- [05:39]
B
And crannies the more that you learn how to do these things? When you lie down the first time and you butterfly your legs open, you say to your partner, this is vulnerable for me. I've been looking at myself in the mirror. And, you know, I remember one time my husband said to me, I want you to look at yourself in the mirror because I want to tell you how beautiful what I see is. This was decades ago when I was still so shy and I wasn't even looking at my own genital structures. And when he did that, I realized, oh, it is pretty. I see why he likes it. And then I started feeling more comfortable. And then I said, I have now I don't have even know how many oni pictures of myself I have. And it's interesting because over the years, I feel like as I've aged and as I've had more and more pleasuring and comfort with myself, that my yonis become even more beautiful and luscious. It doesn't look worse. It looks more beautiful to me.
- [06:41]
A
Yeah, totally. Go back to our first episode to figure out why the heck Susan is Susan at this point. Cause it's a great origin story. I love it. But if you, Susan, what would you say to you of however old you were? 23, 28. Like back when the sex was shitty and you didn't understand yonis, like, what would you tell her about, like, what the journey was gonna be?
- [07:03]
B
Yeah. So I would say, you know, I was very, very lucky because my husband and I were committed to discovering our sensuality, our sexuality, helping me cross the gasm chasm. Close Dr. Laurie Mint's orgasm gap. And we just went through a series of experiences, Experiences we started with yoni massage and we started with expanded orgasm practice. And then I learned about female ejaculation and G spot de armoring and G spot pleasuring. And I wanted to have that experience. And so it was kind of like ticking things off our list one by one by one until I had lots of orgasms from lots of different ways and I had more confidence and my body image issues started to diminish and the arc became one of sexual empowerment and confidence and skill from a place of lack of knowledge, which was. Which created fear and uncertainty and distress. And there were many times when it was uncomfortable. But I was with my loving partner and we were in it together. And that's what I have found in helping and helping couples for decades have better sex. My brand is better lover. So this is what I'm all about, is teaching passionate lovemaking techniques and bedroom communication skills. And when you just begin as beginners together, it really keeps sex hot and getting even better together. So that's the journey. The journey is that sex never ends. There's always something more and more. There's so many things you can learn and they're really pleasurable and joyful. The first time you try something, it's not necessarily going to be like, oh my God, that was amazing. You just have to believe and trust that it is and it's there for you and your body can learn these things. All of sex are learned. Good sex are a series of learned skills and communication strategies.
- [09:08]
A
Yeah, I love that. I think so many people just feel like they should be entitled to a good sex life or like, well, I don't have it, so I'm never going to have it. They don't think it's like kind of learning a language of like, I didn't know Italian either. And then you just like learn it. And then you can read poetry in Italian at some point. But you have to start. For anybody who's curious, I don't actually know how to speak Italian, but. But I would think that's what it's like.
- [09:31]
B
I would say that most people think that there's something wrong with them, that they can't do it. They don't understand that we're not naturally massively multi orgasmic. Some people can do this, some people can do that. People find a pathway to orgasm and then they kind of stick with that. And that's extremely limiting. And so that's why I like to talk about organic activation, orgasmic activation and orgasmic cross training. Because when people go, oh, okay, then there are those Group of people who are like, okay, so tell me more about that G spot activation, that female ejaculation, that P spot orgasm, whatever it might be.
- [10:12]
A
What's orgasmic activation?
- [10:14]
B
So there was a study done of 41 women where a nurse practitioner touched them on their breasts and nipples and on their clitoral shaft and tip their labial structures and inside the intro, on the introidal sphincter and then inside, so on the vaginal opening and then inside the vagina. And they had to say what they felt. And they felt all different things. But when I read the verbatims, I realized I read every single verbatim and I'm like, oh, okay, this is four categories here. They felt pain, they felt shame, they felt numb, or they felt pleasure. And approximately 50% of women felt some sort of pleasure from being touched in the vaginal area. Approximately. Only 40% of the respondents felt pleasure being touched on the clitoral structure, which I thought was so interesting. I thought it would have been the other way around. But I think that when you are constantly and generally these were women in relationships with men, so they were having intercourse because people think what sex is is intercourse and everything else is foreplay, which is really old fashioned thinking. And I want to move beyond that. For people that you need what we call foreplay, that's sexual. That's what activates all this blood flow, which is what makes it feel good. I think that they were generally just penetrated and so they associated that with, okay, not shameful pleasure, but other places maybe weren't yet activated. And the way that you activate the genital systems and your breasts and nipples and your throat and mouth and lips and tongue, all these what we would call erogenous zones, Locations that are orgasmic. And there are many of them you have in your nervous system. You have a lot of different types of cells. You've got mechanorecept receptors that generally are things like corpuscles and nerve endings and all these funny little parts that send different types of signals to your brain. Some can feel stretching, some can feel surface touch, some can feel deep pressure, some can feel vibratory sensations. And when you're combining all these different sensations, your brain is getting the data that says, oh, oh, now I can feel. That's not numb anymore. Now I'm, you know, with. With loving touch.
- [12:41]
A
Yep. So basically you've got a symphony in your pelvis. We've mostly just been playing like a trumpet and not all the other instruments that correlates with the data. Barry Commissary, who Showed that multiple nerve pathways to the brain. Well, the more nerve pathways you have activated at once, the more intense the orgasmic experience is. This show is sponsored by MIDI Health. When we experience perimenopause, menopause and midlife issues, we feel unheard, dismissed and unserved by the traditional healthcare industry. And here's the powerful it's time for a change. It's time for miti. MITI is not just a healthcare provider. It's a women's telehealth clinic. Founded and supported by world class leaders in women's health. MIDI is leading the way by providing expertise personalized insurance covered virtual health care for women in midlife, empowering us to thrive and experience our second act with vitality and confidence. Ready to feel your best and write your second act script? Visit join midi.com today to book your personalized insurance covered virtual visit that's joinmitty.com midi the Care Women deserve. Now back to the show.
- [13:52]
B
Bingo. So that's the idea. You plump up the surface area with blood flow, which takes about 20 minutes for the average vulva owner. Then when it's plump, you stimulate it with lots of different sensation. And then all those little core puzzles and nerve endings and mechanoreceptors do their job to tell your brain, oh, this feels really good. I think I could have an orgasm from this. And then all of a sudden you start having orgasms.
- [14:20]
A
I think one of the big issues is a lot of people think, oh, women take longer. Like it's a put down, like we're dysfunctional, like we should operate like the man. I think there's a like internalized judgment in like, why are our bodies so difficult and slow and why do they take longer? Do you get that too? Like, people are like not making it like a wonderful thing. And side note, why are we rushing pleasure, right?
- [14:46]
B
We're rushing pleasure because we've been used to seeing images of pornography and television and movies where he rips her pants off. You know, he pulls her shirt off and he pulls her pants down and he plunges inside her. And she's supposed to be like, oh, oh my. And that's not reality. That's. That's the patriarchal male orientation toward sex is that they want to just get that thing in there. And so that's what we see. And so we don't. So we think there's something wrong with us. And it doesn't matter how long. I've had 20 different kinds of orgasms and how orgasmically activated I am when my butt Hits that bed, My mind is still going 3 million miles an hour on 3 million different things. My husband's already, like, locked in, ready to go. And we know that it's just gonna take me what it's gonna take me, and we don't think anything of it. And we do the. What I call the heavy lifting together to get mommy going. And yoni massage is the way to do it.
- [15:48]
A
Yeah. I mean, I think the other thing is just the way the body responds to safety is, like, it takes a while to feel safe. And this is part of the safety process of I feel safe enough and present enough that I can actually let the orgasm happen. Because it's ultimately a very vulnerable position to be in. Your frontal lobe's turned off. You're not paying attention to anything around you. Right. It is a vulnerable state to be in. And the body does need to be safe. And that does take a little bit of time.
- [16:17]
B
Yes. I'd like to show you some toys that I brought, and I don't even really think they're toys. I think they're tools. I want to just show you very quickly. I'm going to slide through a bunch of them because what I want you to notice about this is how each one. One of them is designed in a slightly different way to activate different areas of the yoni in different ways. And then later, I want to show you how to activate the male body, the penis, prostate, testicle situation. I brought very interesting things to show you.
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A
Perfect. We'll do our best for the audio only, people.
- [16:52]
B
Yes. I will describe things as I go. So I'm just going to show you a couple of different types of things. And one of the things I'll tell you is that I put links to everything I'm talking about@drive Desire.com. so if you're like, what was that thing that did the sucking or the licking or the poking or the pushing or the. I promise you it will be there. I promise, promise, promise it will be there. So let's go through them very quickly. The two that I showed you in the initial conversation that we did. Part one, let's call it part one, was a combination of two different vulva vibrators. The queen, which uses a pulse plate that's really good at that deep vibration that goes deep into those erectile tissue bundles and gets the blood coming in there. This one, the enhance, is a air stimulator with vibrator so you can get that little lady boner poppin while you vibrate all the labial and mons Tissue. Then there's always the good old little bullet. Bullets are a great thing to have because they're small, they're low profile, and they can really get to a pinpoint location on the clitoral structure. Typically on a clitoral glans, the head, the tip of the clit, you're going to either like the stimulation slightly off to the left side or slightly off to the right side. 80% of women, it's considered, and I think this was Barry Commissary that actually came up with this, that 80% of women generally have more sensations slightly off the left side. For me personally, mine is more to the right side. And so you can really get a nice sensation there. Another type of thing that I like for women who. This is the legato. For women who don't want anything inside their vaginal cavern at the time, there's labial and clitoral vibration. It's kind of like a circle, like a donut, that goes right on the labial structures and the labia. I gotta tell you, when you get those labia activated, oh, my God. Like when my husband's giving me a yoni massage, sometimes all he'll do is take his very well oiled finger and he'll just rub the very edge of my inner labia from the top to the bottom and then pick his hand up and do the other side and right to the top and the bottom. And that alone will give me orgasms. It's as sensitive now from all of the work that we've done years to get all of my tissue online and sensually connected. It's as pleasurable as being touched on the clitoris, being touched in the G area, or intercourse. All of these things make me orgasm. So do not underestimate the pleasure benefits of labia. Another thing that I really like is something that can, and this is crescendo. This is made for women who have vulvodynia, vaginismus issues like that, where it has these little ears that touch the clitoral shaft and glands. And then you can adjust it to wrap around right down the vestibule and right up inside you so that you're getting the entire vestibule, the clitoral structure, the vestibule, the introidal sphincter and the G spot. So it's. And it's adjustable.
- [20:33]
A
The bendable ones and adjustable ones are nice because one size does not fit all. And sometimes it's too rigid. If you're like, here, this is just the one shape you get. Hope it fits I think that the other nice thing about that one is it has. I think it charges on, like a plate, which is kind of nice because, like I said on our first one, you hate cords. I hate when all my cords look the exact same. So I like them to all be a little bit different. But there is, like a ton of different vibration options for that one, which some people love and some people don't love. Dude, give me four options and I'm a happy camper. Give me 18 and it overwhelms me.
- [21:09]
B
One of the things that I love is that most of these toys are app driven and you can do things like listen to erotica on the app while you have that on you, and it will stimulate you to the story.
- [21:26]
A
No way. What app does that?
- [21:29]
B
Satisfier's app does that.
- [21:30]
A
Satisfyer's app does that.
- [21:32]
B
Yeah. Another one that I really like is ones that go with music. You can just have the stimulation to your favorite songs.
- [21:42]
A
Your favorite song.
- [21:43]
B
Yes. You can Spotify. You can load your Spotify up in it. I think it is. I think it might be the Lovevents or the Kiru app that does that. And then the other one that I love are, of course, and Mystery Vibe, the one that I've been talking about with the crescendo and the legato.
- [22:00]
A
We like Mystery Vibe. I've had the CEO on episodes ago, but a long time ago.
- [22:05]
B
Yes. Sue me as a dog.
- [22:06]
A
Really talked about the science of vibration and how the pelvic structures are incredibly tuned to vibration. And they're actually working on a product. I don't know if it's out right now. That vibrates the lower abdomen to help with period cramps.
- [22:18]
B
That sounds great. It's not out that I'm aware of. And then this one I really like because it has a soft tip. This is called the curve. And when you're doing G spot x exploration, it's very nice. This is very nice to go inside you. And also you can always. This is another one that I really like. This one's called the Pearl 3 from Kiru. And what I love about this one is that it has G spot vibration plus whole shaft vibration. And both of these are really great intravaginally. And they can very well activate all of the tissue, not just the lining of the vagina, but beyond that, the other side. It's like if I were to give you a massage and just rub your.
- [23:00]
A
Skin, like a deep tissue massage kind of, but not in a. Not in a painful way. It's just like it gets pleasurable.
- [23:06]
B
Yes. Well said. You're good with analogies.
- [23:10]
A
It ain't no English muffin.
- [23:12]
B
It ain't no English muffin, baby. That one makes you. That one makes you salivated so good. Hello. And then I love this and I love to use it in con, in condom, in combination, which is I love to put this inside my vagina, the pearl three with the G spot stimulation. And then I like to put this wand, which is super powerful but very light, the pro one on my clitoris. Both of these are Kiru.
- [23:40]
A
Okay. Can you spell Kiru?
- [23:41]
B
Yeah. It's all@drivedesire.com, but it's K I I R O O.
- [23:46]
A
Okay. See, I'm glad I asked. That was not intuitive.
- [23:49]
B
That's why I put them all at Drive Desire, because everybody's like, how do I find them? And what I love is the combination of the internal filling, vibration sensation with the external labial, mons, clitoral pleasuring. Now you're really getting things going, right? So I like that. And then of course we talked, I think on the last show, did we talk about the lioness, the quantified orgasm.
- [24:16]
A
Oh, that's the one that measures your.
- [24:19]
B
Duration, intensity, contractions, and the style of the orgasm that you had. So you have volcanoes, avalanches and ocean waves. And ultimately you'll start with one kind, but over time, this is literally like an O ring, right? Like an aura ring. It's like an orgasm, but it's a rabbit. And I like that because it's stimulating internal and external. So you're getting double sensation and you're able to see how your orgasm was that day. And you'll notice through your cycles with your, if you're T or what have you, your orgasmic intensity and contractions will differ and you can begin to cross train and try to have the different kinds of sensations and orgasms with a toy like this. So these are just some examples of things that I think are very, very fun. And then I can't. I would be remiss not to also talk about the nipple vibration.
- [25:16]
A
Please talk about the nipple vibration. October is menopause awareness month month, and I couldn't be more excited to join colleagues at the Menopause Society meeting in Orlando this month. It's an incredible time to connect, learn and share new insights with one another. Conversations at this annual meeting reinforce that menopause is a complex, multifaceted transition and much more than just hot flashes. For example, one of the most common and disruptive concerns women share is vaginal dryness While vaginal estrogen is the gold standard for treating vaginal dryness, lasting comfort can take more than one solution. That's where Via by Solve Wellness comes in. VIA is a non hormonal hyaluronic acid based vaginal moisturizer that can be used alongside local estrogen or on its own for those who want an alternative. It helps restore moisture, soothe delicate tissues and support daily comfort. To learn more about Via Vaginal Moisturizer by Solve Wellness, visit viaforher.com that's V I A the letter4her.com where new customers get 20% off their first purchase for an additional $5 off Via use coupon code drkelly5 that's D R K E L L Y 5 Solve Wellness will also be at the Menopause Society meeting this year where providers can learn more about via or you can request patient education materials and samples by visiting hcp.solvewellness.com I love this.
- [26:44]
B
It's called Gemini. And you wear this little necklace and then you can put these on your nipples and you can set them hands free. And you can stimulate your nipples while you're stimulating your vulvovaginal system, your yoni, because your mouth and lips and tongue and throat and the tip of your nose and your breasts and your nipples are in concert. They're in a, they're in a pleasure system with the yoni. And so when you're kissing and you're playing with your breasts and you're playing with all the tissue in your genital structures, you're just getting all of that activated. Even better. You're getting better lubrication, you're having better orgasms. And this is just, just fun. It's fun and it's nice for people.
- [27:38]
A
Who can't see me. I'm like shaking my head as you're showing how these. Because I'm like, how do you not have an orgasm in 27.2 seconds with those nipple clamps?
- [27:47]
B
You have to take your time. You have to start low. You can't start on level 11, Kelly. You have to start low. Here's one more product that I want to show you because this one's really fun too. This one has straps, but you can take these off and you can take this out and you wear this. This is like a little harness that you wear. And this is a clitoral vibrator. You can put a little silicone pad on here and you can actually attach this to your mons and this little point is vibrating. And this ring can go on your partner's penis. This is for intercourse play. This is called the Luxus. And this is not like, this doesn't do anything for him. It's just a ring he puts on his penis at the base of the shaft. But it's a proximity sensor. So when you're making love and this is stimulating your clitoris and he's going in and out, as he gets closer, the vibe gets stronger. And as he pulls out, the vibe goes down. And what this does, Kelly, is it stimulates it toggles the sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system. So when you're going like this, you're going, oh, I like that. And then when he's pulling back out, you're like, oh, I want more. And he goes, okay, here's more. Oh, I want more. Here's some more. Oh, give me more. Oh, here's more. Like, this is like the best orgasms from this thing.
- [29:12]
A
I can't. I didn't know all of these things existed.
- [29:15]
B
This is what I love to do. As you can tell, I need my own QVC show. So this is so funny because you can also wear this in your panties. And your husband can take the remote control and he can take you out and he can can wine and dine you at dinner and give you orgasms to get you ready for when he takes you home and makes love to you. Because we can have our pumps primed and primed and primed. We can come until we need to go to sleep. We have just a massive ability to have orgasms.
- [29:43]
A
Let's. I want to jump on there before we go to the male centric toys. Multiple orgasms. What are your tips for people? I think a lot of people, they're worried, like, if I have an orgasm at dinner, I'm not going to have anything left of me to have an orgasm after dinner. How do you start teaching multiple orgasms? What are the top tips for that?
- [30:01]
B
Yeah, Well, I would say number one is the yoni massage is really a good way to do it because once you get that blood flow in, all that tissue plumped up, almost anything you do is going to feel good. And think about orgasms this way. There's the old Masters and Johnson refractory orgasm, which is I'm going up, up, up, up, and then I have my orgasm and I fall off the cliff. But that's really the male orgasm. And that's what women have been led to believe is how we orgasm. That's why they get kind of one and done, because in a way, it's Just a limiting belief more than reality of their physiology. And when they realize, no, no, you can have multiple orgasms, which most women realize that, okay, maybe I can have multiple orgasms. Most women begin to drive their clitoral structures too hard, too fast, too soon, too strong to get that one done, because they've performance anxiety around coming. And so learning how to slow down and build sensation and wait for arousal and wait for turn on, and then you start having orgasms. And you can have little kind of climaxes and you can begin to stack them. You can have more of them. The next thing you want to do is you want to think about, okay, now I'm having a couple of little sneezy orgasms. Oh, now the sneezes are getting better because I'm getting more blood flow. Oh, now they're getting stronger and I'm getting better. Having a few more. Okay, now what I want to do is I want to learn how to stay in the orgasm. So you're going to want to think about that as an extended orgasm. So now you take that moment of climax and you just keep getting that sensation, delivering that stroke or that vibration that feels really good. And you get into that moment of climax and you stay there.
- [31:52]
A
You just start kind of like you're like in a climax reflex.
- [31:57]
B
Yes, yes, yes, you are in the moment of climax. But the time now lasts longer. Now you calm in that climax longer. Okay, now you've done that. That's good. Now what you want to do is you want. Now you've got repeated extended orgasms. Now you want expanded orgasms. And expanded orgasms are where you start to stack them and they get longer and more intense as you have them. But what is required for that is something called peaking. Peaking is very similar to what I was talking about with the harness and penis ring vibrator, where when he's getting close to you, he's delivering sensation. When he pulls back, the sensation resides, so it draws you toward it. So when you deliver, deliver, deliver, deliver, deliver, pause, deliver, deliver, deliver, deliver, pause. Your body reaches for it and that makes it more intense. So these are just little things to think about. I recommend for people to do two steps. One is begin your yoni massage practice. And you can do it yourself with these tools.
- [33:19]
A
You don't.
- [33:20]
B
You don't need a partner to do this with you. This is you getting all that tissue around the vulva, practically gelatinous. And then it's activating the internal vaginal canal and the G area. Now you're really getting things going now you can begin to ride the moment of sensation. Then you can can turn up the vibration or whatever sensation you're liking, the tapping, the thumping, the nipple, the whatever. And you can turn it up and you can come even harder. And that's really good. But then you can learn the expanded orgasm practice, which is a little tiny clitoral stroking technique that allows you and your partner to go into an alembic connection of ecstatic bliss where you are, are in that moment of climax for very long times. That's the kind of orgasm that is like connecting with God or source or Gaia or consciousness. And I've had that practice for two decades with my partner, and I've taught thousands and thousands of couples how to do that with my Expand Her Orgasm Tonight program. So that's a very, very cool thing that really builds orgasmic capacity.
- [34:40]
A
Love it. I think people are gonna have to listen to this a couple of times to get, get all that in. Dude, that's, that's amazing. Can we move on to the men?
- [34:47]
B
Yeah.
- [34:48]
A
Okay. So we wanted to talk about things we had wanted to talk about. We wanted to talk about how to have pleasure without an erection. Because 40% of men will start having issues with erectile dysfunction by age 40. And a lot of people stop being intimate because the erection goes away.
- [35:02]
B
Yes, exactly. That's nuts. So the very first thing to do is, and I'm gonna speak to the women here, if you're a man listening, get your wife to listen to this if you have one. If not, let's, let's, you know, whatever it is, whatever you need to do to normalize self care down there, let's just call it that. This is a vacuum erection device. This is a two cylinder vacuum erection device called the Whopper. This is the one I recommend above all available. They sell through urologists, but it's available@pumpswork.com, it's also at Drive Desire. What I like about this is that pumping a couple of times a week will begin to stimulate new tissue growth. It will bring blood carrying capacity back to the penis and it will allow nerves to grow that have retracted due to capillary and vascular retraction.
- [35:51]
A
So it's like going to the gym for your penis.
- [35:53]
B
It is. And you can move beyond reparation or regenerative therapy using a pump for reversing basically atrophy. If pumping alone does not get you where you need to go. And by the way, you always want to take nitric oxide boosters. You're low in nitric Oxide, especially if you don't eat any vegetables or you use antibacterial mouthwash or you take acid blockers or proton pump inhibitors. All of this degrades your nitric oxide. So nitric oxide booster, citrulline. The study shows citrulline based is better. I like food derived supplementation. So I like this flow nitric oxide booster, that's like ground zero. Get your urologist to give you your low dose cialis to get your nighttime erections going again. There is absolutely nothing wrong with that.
- [36:39]
A
And there's data that is, it's dementia preventing because of blood flow. That's, that's new.
- [36:45]
B
It's fantastic. Blood flow, blood flow. And I like these stamina gummies from nude because they're full of nitric oxide producing materials as well as libido botanicals. And I like plants, I think plants help a lot. Then you want to, if, if the pump doesn't reverse the atrophy then you want to get gains wave. Gainswave is the. They run this little wand on your penis and your perineal area and the base of your shaft. And it's acoustic wave and it uses a technique that allows it to kind of break up the plaque in the penile artery and it stimulates new tissue growth faster. You get six treatments and with within six months you will see so much more function. Some men with diabetes or significant atherosclerosis require a series of six treatments, sometimes double, sometimes triple. But 90% of men get full erectile function back with a combination of the nighttime PDE5 inhibitors, the nitric oxide supplementation, the vacuum erection device and the gains wave. So while you're remediating, here are some things that you can do. You can use a sex toy, a tool like the Mystery vibe tenuto or tenudo 2. This is a dual vibrating penis ring that traps the blood in. So you can pump, you can pull the constriction ring off and put it on the base and you should be hard enough for penetration. Or you can put the Tenuto on and that keeps you hard enough for penetration. Never constrict your penis more than 30 minutes. And this is the small mini version where it's not giving you any perineal pleasure. But it's very good for men in the small to medium sized penile girth who want and need constriction for penetration. Or you can use something pretty simple like one of these little devices which is, which is called a lasso, a little lasso. So you can adjust it for tightness this has a vibrator on it for your partner. Or you can use. I like this little. My hixal device. This is a penis ring that doesn't constrict the corpus spongiosum, which is that tube that's like the Lady G spot. It's the tube that your urine and your ejaculate come out and down your penis. And it has this little soft thing and this little space on the bottom where it's not going to compact the tissue. Because I've seen a lot of guys who've strapped cockro springs on so tight to maintain enough erectile because they have venous leak. They strap it on so tight. I know you've seen this a million times where they've crushed the erectile tissue sponge. And that's really hard to bring that back. But a lot of it can be brought back through the penis pump with the big cylinder where you're getting the scrotum and the penis in here. This pulls on the suspensory ligament. Get. It's the lengthening. But it also really helps with that compressed tissue at the base. So that's a nice thing too. So these are nice. But one thing that I would be remiss to discuss is encouraging your man to use prostate massage tools. I have three that I like and I've got a really fun surprise at the end as well. But prostate tools are very, very important for our men's erectile health. We're living longer. Men have terrible high incidence of prostate cancer, prostatitis, bph, urinary issues. And prostate massagers are really nice for bringing blood flow to the prostate area. And with blood flow come healing and growth factors. You're getting things moving. The more sedentary we are. I think this over time, lack of ejaculation and being sedentary, not getting your blood flowing is. It's exacerbating prostate issues for men. This one is Mystery Vibes product. Product. It's the tiniest one. This is for guys that are like, I'm afraid to stick something up my button. Then I say, well, I actually like the plex, but I really love the vice too from Aneros. And they're like, oh, I could never put that in. I'm like, dude, how big are your poos? Like, seriously, my poos can be bigger than this thing. So I know your poos are bigger than this thing. You can definitely get this up your butt. And when you do and you've got your nice. I like my husband to put this in and give me the remote control. Where is that remote? I may never find it here on my sofa with all my things. But he gives me the remote and he gives me a yoni massage. And instead of me going, oh God, that feels so good. Don't stop. You know, or he does something really good and I have a great orgasm, I just press the vibrator and it changes the pattern. And that's feedback for him where I could just lie there and have orgasms. And he's getting prostate stimulation, which I know is good for him. And I'm rewarding him with the little judges from the remote control. And I just feel like all is right with the world because my man is getting a fun time while he's giving me one. And it's good for his health, which I love.
- [42:12]
A
Was he game to be like, oh, okay, well, we've learned more about you. Let's learn more about me. Or like my. I'm thinking about the couple where like she's trying to figure out how to get a yoning massage started in the first place, right? And so I would say like butt play, prostate massage. For some people it's gonna be like so advanced and their partner's like so against it. But so my question is in the traditional sense where people are starting, that people who are successful in trying these non Hollywood PG13 things. How do people get there? Conversation. This episode is sponsored in part by Quince. Cooler days call for layers that last. And Quince is my go to for quality essentials that feel cozy, look refined, and won't blow your buddy budget. Quince has really become a one stop shop. I got a down comforter for my bed and a new puffy jacket with a really large hood for the new coming fall weather. Because Quince partners directly with top tier ethical factories and cuts out the middlemen, they deliver luxury quality pieces at half the price of similar brands. Find your fall staples at quince. Go to quince.com notbroken for free shipping on your order and 365 day return returns. Now available in Canada too. That's Q-U-I-N c e.com notbroken to get free shipping and 365 day returns. Quince.com not broken.
- [43:38]
B
Drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip, drip. You just have to stay present and have conversations. And here's the thing, you're hearing me talk about this and you're not dying. Are you dying? No.
- [43:50]
A
I always say, I'm like, people think they're gonna die, but they don't die.
- [43:53]
B
You're not gonna die. You're gonna have a conversation about your husband's asshole. Okay?
- [43:58]
A
What I say, I'm like, you think you're gonna die, but you don't die.
- [44:01]
B
Exactly. So how do you do it? Drip, drip, drip. More, more, more. You get more, more and more comfortable. And then you. And it is health. It is health care down there. It is. We listen. Our husbands aren't gonna take care of themselves. You know, they're not. So we gotta make them do this shit so that they are healthy and they live long enough to keep having sex with us forever.
- [44:23]
A
Right? Yeah. That's the truth. What about perineal vibration for men?
- [44:28]
B
Fantastic. This is perineal and prostate vibration at the same time. The scenarios. And that's one of the things I love about it and why it's my top recommendation. And I also just like a simple little remote control. Sometimes I don't want an Apple app. I don't always want to have my phone on during lovemaking. And so I love a dumb little handheld one button to push thing. And that's what I like about that too. Last thing, and this is what you're going to get your husband for Christmas is this is the healthy sock.
- [44:59]
A
I'm going to get this large package at my house in the beginning of December. It's going to be like with love from Susan.
- [45:05]
B
Exactly. And what I love about this is.
- [45:07]
A
Okay, so just for the, for the people who aren't seeing, this looks like a. It looks like an old school 1950s vacuum cleaner that you pull around on wheels with like a tube that goes to something that looks like a hair dryer.
- [45:21]
B
And it's literally going to suck your husband's dick for you. First of all, it's going to get you off the hook, which will be nice. Second thing is sucking feels so good to men. And there's lots of like strokers and things like that. That. Yep.
- [45:38]
A
I think those are becoming more normalized.
- [45:39]
B
Well, and everybody's coming out with one right now. And they're pretty much just all strokers are friction. And friction is okay, but it's not as good as suction and it's not as good as suction for two reasons. Number one, suction feels better than friction. Like if you said to the guy, would you rather a device that would suck you or rub you? You 110% suck. The other thing is that sucking brings blood flow friction. You're only getting the blood flow of your own body's capacity. And remember what we're trying to do is we're trying to improve blood carrying capacity of the penis.
- [46:21]
A
It all comes down to blood flow, people. It all comes down to blood flow. This is good because I'm a urologist and I can say without a doubt, do not put your penis in a household vacuum. You buy something that was made for the job.
- [46:34]
B
Exactly. And this is what's so nice about it is that this, when you put your penis in here, it does. It'll do real deep long strokes that kind of suck the whole base. Or it'll do shallow strokes. You can alternate them.
- [46:50]
A
Can you put a soft penis in there? Like say somebody has permanent erectile dysfunction?
- [46:54]
B
This is the other beautiful thing is that those friction devices, those stroker devices guys will hurt themselves, even the automated ones. Like those automated stroker devices, if you get that on a slightly not hard penis and you crack that tunica albuginea, you're really gonna bend your penis permanently. And it could turn into peyronis. They're dangerous. I don't like them so much. The suction, you can get your soft penis in here and it never has to get hard. And it will feel delicious. And it's hands free. So you can literally sit at your desk or in your easy chair with this on your table beside your easy chair and this little cord on your penis sucking your penis. You can watch tv, you can scroll social media, you can play a game, you can do your email and you can just enjoy, enjoy the pleasurable suction. And then you can ejaculate when you want. It's expensive. It's I think $900.
- [48:05]
A
Why is it so big?
- [48:06]
B
To get the level of precision of the sensation. This is a very quality product. There's no other suction device like it. And I just don't, I can't recommend anything else. And in the grand scheme of things, for many people, $900amortized over years of.
- [48:25]
A
Pleasure for a good sex life. I know it is a no. It is a no brainer. I agree. Go back to the man with a permanent erectile dysfunction because of surgery or diabetes, whatever it might be. Can he experience orgasm with that suction device?
- [48:40]
B
A hundred percent. That. And this, I want to show you this as well. This is called the pulse duo. And this is the last one I have to show you. They created this product so that it uses that same pulse plate technology I was telling you about on the queen for yoni massage. That's where it came from. They invented this for men with intractable erectile dysfunction who were never going to maintain an erection again. And this little plate right here, can you hear it? It's a such a smooth motor. And this, you lay the penis in here and. And it stimulates the frenulum, which is the. Generally it is the most sensual, erotic part of the penis, which is the glands, the head, but on the underneath part is basically what it is. And this is remote control vibrator and it can be used as a bit of a stroker as well. But what I love about this is that it's actually dual purpose. This ridge here is for the vestibule of the female body so she can ride on this. You can use it for Yoni massage. He can put his penis in this and she can get on top of him. He's getting stimulated with a flat, a flaccid penis. She's getting stimulated on her clitoris. I've got it wrong way. On her clitoris and on her vestibule between her labia, which tickles her introidal sphincter, her opening to her vagina, her labia, her clitoris. And she can, he can play with her boobs, he can make out with her, he can tell her how beautiful she is, how sexy she is, how amazing she is. They can love on each other and they can have mutual orgasms together. And so I really love. This is Hot Octopus.
- [50:39]
A
Hot Octopus, yes.
- [50:41]
B
They are one of my favorite brands because their products are so intelligent. And it has a remote. So once he's got his penis in there and she's enjoying the pleasuring of this, she can have control over the sensation and vibration that is happening to her. Yoni, now you're close again without an erection.
- [51:03]
A
I think that's brilliant.
- [51:04]
B
And he can use his little healthy suck and he can lay there while you've got your, you know, your Yoni massagers and your lady wands and all those things and you can mutually masturbate.
- [51:17]
A
And kiss and you say, thank God for technology so we didn't have to get a divorce. So I want to talk about STIs and midlife people having sex and, and needing to test for infections and what's coming down the pipeline for home testing. Please share the information because just because you can't get pregnant doesn't mean you can't get an infection.
- [51:42]
B
Oh God. You do not want to get an sti. Just getting HSV has long term. That's herpes has long term downstream effects. You don't want to give it and you want to get it. If you don't know you have it, you want to know you have it so you can abstain if you have an outbreak. Outbreak. It's skin to skin, contact transferred. Condoms are security theater. Like, you think that you're safe because you have a condom. Oh, hell no, you do not. And it can give you trigeminal neuralgia, it can give you neuropathies of all kinds. I've got a terrible neuropathy in my lower back. I'm getting over because my boyfriend cheated on me when I was in my 20s and gave me HSV2 genital herpes. I've struggled with it my whole life and now I basically have shingles of and the nerves of my lower back. It is a misery. And it is one of the things that accelerates your propensity to have Alzheimer's disease. So even just herpes is bad. But now, like mycoplasma genitalium, there are resistant strains out there. So you can't just test and go, oh, I got mycoplasma genitalia. I'll just take whatever doxycycline. Now you've gotta get a second test that says, okay, what strain is it? What is it? Is it one of the resistant ones? Because you got to get the right antibiotics, so just don't freaking get it. Same with syphilis, same with gonorrhea. There are resistant strains out there now, so it's very, very important. I just recently wrote a book now, I'm the chief advocacy officer of a company called Prodx Health. And I wrote a book that we've just launched that is@full paneltest.com where I teach you how to have the safe sex talk, when to have the safe sex talk, what to say, frequency of testing, gestation periods of STIs. Some of them show up within eight to 10 days to two weeks. Some of them, you don't see that you have them for up to 90 days. You could have a test right after you had unsafe sex thinking you had a condom. You got something, you know, thinking you were safe with a condom. No, you got something, you have the test. But you could have gotten more than one thing and it will go undetected because you need to test 30 days and 90 days out from unprotected sex. And I don't even know what the hell unprotected sex.
- [54:10]
A
Well, I think what they call it now is safer sex with. With a statement that there is no 100% safe sex except for sex with yourself off.
- [54:17]
B
You need to test before you have oral or intercourse. You can. It's pretty safe to use hands. So let's just say you meet somebody and you're like, oh, I would really like to have sex with this person. Awesome. I want you to relieve me. I want you to. But what I want you to do is say before we can have any mouth to mouth or mouth to genital contact. We can play. You can give me as many orgasms as you want. Hey, have you ever heard of yoni massage? You know, like, how about a lick massage? We can do all that stuff. We can get naked. We have lots of orgasms. However you want to test before you do that. And so I love that you can now keep a Test at home. 2. Keep 2. So you can both test. You mail it back, it goes FedEx Priority. You get test results that you can read on your phone. They use the latest testing equipment. Most of the stuff, stuff that Quest and LabCorp are using is ancient. And I don't want crappy STI tests. I just don't want to get anything ever because I am trying to minimize my viral and bacterial loads whenever possible. And I'm trying to keep my gut microbiome super healthy.
- [55:32]
A
That reminds me of a meme. It's like, is he worth disrupting your vaginal microbiome over?
- [55:38]
B
Exactly. And what I love. Have you seen these Tasso blood collectors?
- [55:42]
A
Yes. The future is now, my friend.
- [55:45]
B
The future's now. So you know how you used to have to make an appointment and go in and get a blood draw? And by the way, men particularly are fearful of blood draws. It makes them woozy. I think it's a genetic thing.
- [55:55]
A
These are like modern day leeches, basically for people who can't see them. They're kind of like a little suction cup. And you put them on your arm and then they pull the blood through your arm. Seriously, it's like leech. It's like modern leech technology, budgie. Doesn't hurt at all. And you don't have to go to like. It's going to revolutionize. Once they like get enough to figure out how to do all labs with it, it's going to revolutionize blood draws. It's going to be freaking awesome.
- [56:19]
B
Yeah, you just attach the little vial, it fills up the vial, you undo it, you screw on the lid, you pop it in the mail, you pop it in the box, you send it back.
- [56:27]
A
What's that kit called?
- [56:28]
B
This is called full panel test dot com.
- [56:31]
A
Full panel test dot com.
- [56:32]
B
Yep.
- [56:33]
A
That's awesome. The other thing that I think is revolutionized, not revolution. It's good updated science to have on STIs is we used to say BV was a female thing. You couldn't get it from your partner, blah blah blah. We don't think that anymore. Now we think yes, men can absolutely transmit bv. When you have bv, get your, get your partner treated. That is a basically a revolutionary 180 of what women were told about BV, that it wasn't an STI, you couldn't transfer it between partners. And now we're like, oh yeah, you totally can't can. There's new data on that. So just an update for people on bv. Think your lashes have hit their limit? Discover limitless length and full volume with.
- [57:13]
B
Maybelline's Sky High mascara.
- [57:15]
A
The Flex Tower Brush bends to volumize and extend every single lash from root to tip and the lightweight bamboo infused formula makes lashes feel weightless. Now in eight bold shades so you can take your lashes to new heights every day. Visit maybelline.com to shop Skyhigh Mascara Now.
- [57:33]
B
I want to say one more thing about the test as well and that is that when most people test, they test for syphilis, chlamydia, gonorrhea and HIV 1 and 2. That's what they test for, but that's not enough to test for. This is a 10 test. One little tasso and a little swab either at the tip of the penis and inside the vagina depending and then it tests for chlamydia, genitalia, trichinomiasis, gardnerella, gonorrhea, Hep C, syphilis, HIV 1 and 2, mycoplasma, genitalia which people call M Gen now and HSV 1 and 2 which are very important to me as well.
- [58:12]
A
Game changer. I want to invest in this company.
- [58:15]
B
I know and the guy who runs it is a doll and he is an infectious disease Stanford trained unbelievable human being. They do the test kits for the adult industry who test every two weeks. They are clia cert and pass certified. So this is what the adult industry uses which is gold standard because they are the most careful and cautious. So really, really, really important to just get up to speed on frequent test every six months if you're sexually active with more than one person. Very, very important and always test before mouth or genital contact.
- [58:52]
A
Very good message and I'm so glad we covered that. Let's talk about the role in the aging human any gender. The role of hormones in desire, blood flow, intimacy. Give us your soapbox on hormones and sex.
- [59:06]
B
Well, I'm a giant proponent of hormone replacement therapy. I've been doing it for decades. Started with progesterone, added on estrogens, biased estriol and estradiol. And I love testosterone. I put the testosterone directly on my clitoral structures. It keeps them nice.
- [59:23]
A
Compounded testosterone for clitoris, not the systemic gel that can sting.
- [59:28]
B
No, I don't like the gel. It smells. It's shitty to put it on your skin. It's just shitty. It's like, remember in the last. Were we talking in the last episode about the way that I look at sexual lubricants as like ultra processed food?
- [59:44]
A
Yeah, I love that.
- [59:45]
B
Yeah. So it's the same with the testosterone gel. It's like, why did you take this simple little molecule stool and add all this crap chemical junk to it and now expect that I'm going to rub this all over my skin. Like, I like clean beauty. I like clean hormones. I like everything to be as clean as possible. I'm trying to lower my endocrine disruption capacity burden. Yes, burden. Exactly. Thank you.
- [60:11]
A
This is the question that. It's not a fair question and we already talked about the permission to ask this question. If you had to give up one of your hormones or only whatever, or only keep one of your hormones however you want to, what would you do?
- [60:25]
B
Well, the problem is that the progesterone and the estrogen balance each other out. So they're kind of yin and yen. And that's difficult. I would want them both. And I love them for sleep and I love them because estrogen's a ma. Is. That's our master hormone and it's right running so many functions. But I guess that for me, because Susan Bratton is a badass bitch person and I'm. And I love to be like strong and confident and capable. And I just got back from the gym and I'm.
- [61:02]
A
I know for people who can't see, Susan has muscles I got.
- [61:06]
B
And I'm 63 years old and I'm trying to lift my body weight of 160 by my 64 pounds, I ate.
- [61:14]
A
140 grams of protein yesterday.
- [61:15]
B
Yesterday. That's good.
- [61:18]
A
I didn't die.
- [61:20]
B
I love it. So I think if I had to choose because my sexuality and my sex span, which is lengthening my health span and it's building muscle and it's making my libido strong, I might choose testosterone if I had to. And I think what I like about it is this. But the best of all those things isn't even any of those things. It's the confidence. It gives me balls.
- [61:49]
A
You know how many women have started businesses after starting on testosterone?
- [61:52]
B
Exactly. And I like my voice better. I like my deep voice. I like to be commanding. I'm taking up, I'm taking up all the space, Kel. All the space.
- [62:03]
A
I love it. That was a very good answer to a very unfortunate question.
- [62:10]
B
It's hypothetical because you'd have to pry it out of the I cold dead hands.
- [62:13]
A
Nobody's coming. Nobody's coming over to actually prove the experiment. I would also like, and I don't know the right age, but I would like men to get screened for testosterone at like, age 50, maybe age 45.
- [62:25]
B
You know why? Because they're all sitting on their asses. And one. Now I hear from men constantly because of the penis pumping thing, because I am really the queen of peen. Like, I've helped almost 20,000 men successfully pump, and I've had over, over 50,000 copies of my pumping guide downloaded. So I touch a lot of people with penis pumping. I'm a very trusted resource and I talk to a lot of young men in their 20s. And like, I just asked a guy, a guy just DM'd me today, and he was like, I'm not, I'm not seeing the gains from the pump. I bought the one that you, you told me, and I'm not seeing the gains. And I'm like, okay, how old are you? And he said, 26. And I was like, do you eat vegetables? And he, he goes, no, I don't eat any vegetables. And I go, okay, and how are you pumping? He goes, well, I'm pumping every day for like over a half an hour. And I'm like, this is what men do. If you tell them what to do, they're like, nah, I'm going to do more. I can take it. I can pump to a level 11. I can do it every day. I don't need to do it every other day. I can do it. It's like, dude, you know how when you build a muscle, you don't do arm day two days in a row? You need recovery so the tissue can build. You're not seeing any gains. Eat some vegetables and pump every other day and give yourself recovery and follow the rules. And he's like, well, can I ask you for my questions? I'm like, no, read my book. Don't ask me any more questions until they're intelligent. Right?
- [63:43]
A
You're clearly not following any directions. So let's start there. There is just a new thing that showed men on GLP1s are getting larger penis sizes.
- [63:52]
B
Is that because they can see them again? Is that because their little, their little fat pad is shrinking?
- [63:58]
A
Yeah, I mean, so they think it's two things. Number one, GLPs don't actually make you have a big penis, but GLPs do two things. GLPs help you lose weight. And when you remove the fat pad, you're. I always tell guys your penis is the exact same length. You just got bigger around it. And so because the penis is attached to the pubic bone through the suspensory ligament, it doesn't extend out with the belly. Right. So you lose the weight, so the penis appears bigger. And then number two is men who are overweight on GLP1s lose the weight and they increase their testosterone because they're not converting it with the adipose tissue. So increased testosterone, increased blood flow, likely increase in the smooth muscle. So again, appearance is looking bigger. But the GLP1 in and of itself doesn't make a bigger penis. But I thought that was a nice deep dive and like some good sex ed on that.
- [64:48]
B
I like that. Thank you for bringing that up. GLP1s have been amazing for people. I'm so happy for everyone who's. Who needed them.
- [64:54]
A
I think it's going to be the game changer. It's completely changing a lot of things about America. It's exciting. Access needs to get a little bit better, but, but it will, you know, it's, it's still from a mass standpoint, it's still very new. I know they've been around since 05, but like from a mass population standpoint, still pretty new. All right, wrapping it up. We covered a lot. We covered yoni, massage, multiple orgasms, all the good toys, erectile dysfunction, pumping, STIs, the. All the hormones that are to going good. What else would you want my listeners to know?
- [65:25]
B
If there was one thing I could leave you with that I think is important is we've talked a lot about the mechanics and the physiologic potential of our bodies. But I think it was really what you asked me earlier, Kelly, about. Well, how do you start talking about this stuff? And one of my most popular books I ever wrote was I've written 34 books and programs. Yeah, my epitaph is going to be. She had a lot to say.
- [65:52]
A
She just didn't stop. It's a big topic, Susan.
- [65:56]
B
It's a vast landscape. It really is. And one of my most popular books was a book called Sexual Soulmates. The Six essentials for Connected Sex. And the reason that I think it's such a precious little, little tome is that after helping literally millions of people over decades learn how to have passionate lovemaking, the thing that I realized is that what sits at the base of it all, what holds it all up, is bedroom communication. I can teach you all the techniques in the world and they are useless if you can't use these lips to say what these lips need you to say. And I'm pointing down to my genitals. And the sexual soulmate pact is one of the six essentials. And I pulled it out and I turned it into a little PDF that you can download as at Sexual Soulmate Pact, like an agreement P a c t sexualsoulmatepact.com and what it will do is you can print it out and read it and then you can give it to your partner. And what's nice about it is that you can give it to your partner and give him the steps in a very easy way. Men don't want meandering information. They want to know what the strategy and steps are. And basically I won't go into it all here because you can just download it, but what it does is it teaches you how to know what you want. Because for so many people, they say, especially female bodied people, they say, I don't know what I want, I just know what I'm getting, ain't it? And so this teaches you how to use your enteroception, listening to your body. And then it teaches you a structured, safe communication system with your partner to be able to begin to voice what you really want and for your partner to love hearing you ask for it. Because they realize that they didn't do anything wrong. They don't emotionally collapse, they don't argue with you, they don't push back, they don't act like they're butt hurt, which is what so many men do because they don't want to be wrong, they don't want to screw up, they want to do the right thing. And when they think they're not doing the right thing, they get all like. And so this is kind of a ninja technique that it doesn't exactly make him think it's their idea, which is like the penultimate way to manage men. Love, you guys know? Yeah, but, but what it does is it helps him take it in in a way where he's like, I'm winning, this is helping me win. And that's what they want. And so I think the sexual soulmate pact is the Place to start, like, woo. This was a lot of territory we covered. But now what I've at least I hope told you is, hey, you've got all this stuff, fun stuff to play with. Start anywhere you want, whatever calls to you, any little thing that moves you forward. But without being able to talk about things, you're going to kind of stall out. And so that's what I want to leave everyone with.
- [69:08]
A
With That's Beautiful is one of your books. And if it's not, will you write it or direct us to one? I need a book for a resource for men to have sex with erectile dysfunction.
- [69:19]
B
Yeah, well, I have a book called the get hard book. It's@gethardbook.com and it explains a lot of how it works and what to do. And for many men it's not necessarily things like venous leak or physical issues or atrophy. For many men. And it's performance anxiety as well that creates erectile. And there's a lot of good kind of stay in the moment, stay hard techniques. And one of the things that I think is most important for men is we don't need you to enter the bedroom with a raging erection and maintain it the whole time. I want to normalize. Getting hard, going soft. Getting hard, going soft, getting hard, going soft. And stop this rushing to intercourse that serves serving no. 1. Slow down. Get in your heart, get in your, in your connection with your lover and just bring some vulnerability and bring some ease and grace and show your pleasure and just stop putting yourself under so much pressure.
- [70:25]
A
Yeah, well, yeah, society gave guys a number with that one.
- [70:29]
B
We did. It's not fair to them.
- [70:30]
A
It's really not fair to them. Thank you so much. Oh, I have one final question. How many website domains do you own?
- [70:37]
B
Oh my God. I have the world's best collection of cute and sassy domain names. I think it's over a hundred because I've written so many books and I have so many programs and I have so many free gifts that I, I own well over a hundred. Really? I have squirt your heart out. I have revive her drive. I have, you know, like just fun, just fun, fun things. They're so cute. I always enjoy them.
- [71:01]
A
I think I'm on like my fifth. That I'm like, oh my God, I have so many. But now you're making me, you know, you're making me feel like I'm not overly excessive.
- [71:08]
B
Well, and I think the ending is my favorite domain is better. Lover.com Number one. That's where my newsletter is. So if you sign up for my newsletter and you have any questions for me, you can reply to any email I send you. I'll personally get it and respond and feel free to reach out to me. I. I do enjoy everyone's loving notes and questions. They make me help you better. So there you go. Betterlover.com that's kind of the main. The main place.
- [71:34]
A
I love it. Thank you so much for round two. This was a. Can we be on stage at some point together?
- [71:39]
B
God, could we not? Oh, it would be so good. We would have such a good time. How tall are you?
- [71:45]
A
Five. Five.
- [71:46]
B
Ah, that's going to be even better because I'm like six.
- [71:49]
A
Five.
- [71:49]
B
Not really, but I'm six feet tall and six. So just the sheer physicalness of the two of us would be so fun to look at. I. I just love that. It's so cute. You are a little spitfire, Kelly. Yes. Let's do some stages together. That sounds fun. Well, I have. I love to do comedy, so I'm like you. I'd rather do a comedy routine about sex than anything else. Like the education is fun, but I love to laugh it up.
- [72:18]
A
Yep.
- [72:19]
B
Same more soon.
- [72:21]
A
All right, my love, thanks for joining us.
- [72:23]
B
Thank you.
- [72:24]
A
Thank you for listening to this week's episode of you Are Not Broken. If you want to dig deeper with me, sign up for my adult sex Education Masterclass where you learn adult things like communication skills, anatomy lessons and desire types, and how to talk to your doctor about sexual health concerns. If you want the Adult Sex Education Masterclass for free, join my monthly membership for more in depth depth, exclusive content, more time with yours truly. A private podcast, coaching and educational empowerment and you can watch my interviews live and get them immediately without advertising. Head over to www.kellycaspersonmd.com for the membership and adult sex ed masterclass members. Get the master class for free. This podcast is presented solely for educational, entertainment and informational purpose purposes only. I am a doctor, but not your doctor in this format and all of my platforms and guests, including on this podcast are not giving individual medical advice or practicing medicine. See and consult with your own care team for your individual needs and concerns. This podcast is not intended as a substitute for the care and advice of a physician, therapist or other qualified professional. This podcast does not constitute the practice of medicine. Listen, in case you were curious about that and no doctor patient relationship is formed, but I still love you. Using the information on this podcast or any of my platforms is at your own risk. Until next time, remember you are not broken.