Podcast Summary: You Are Not Broken

Episode 340: A New Position on Sex

Release Date: October 19, 2025
Host: Dr. Kelly Casperson
Guest: Dr. Julianna Hauser
Topic: Dr. Hauser’s new book, holistic sexuality, and redefining sexual confidence, pleasure, and authenticity in midlife

Episode Overview

In this episode, Dr. Kelly Casperson welcomes sex therapist and educator Dr. Julianna Hauser to discuss her forthcoming book, A New Position: A Guide to Greater Sexual Confidence, Pleasure and Authenticity. The conversation dives deep into the concept of holistic sexuality, the process of unlearning societal sexual scripts, and discovering personal sexual identity and confidence—especially for women in midlife. Together, they shatter myths about sex being solely about acts, explore body compassion, arousal, and the transformative, empowering impact of true self-knowledge in sexuality.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Why This Book? Democratizing Sexual Confidence

• Motivation: Dr. Hauser notes that sexual education and empowerment shouldn't be exclusive—her book is a vehicle to make wisdom from decades of clinical and group work accessible to everyone.
  • “I wanted to make it accessible for everybody. We are not being given this level of information about who we are as sexual beings...I think it is a huge reason why we have such a negative sexual culture.” (01:18-01:40)
• Unlearning is First: Dr. Casperson emphasizes the necessity of "unlearning" damaging cultural narratives before true growth and sexual confidence can begin.
  • “Part of learning good sex is unlearning the shit that got you where you are.” (01:50-02:04)

Redefining Sexuality: Not Just Sex Acts

• Holistic Sexuality: Hauser introduces her model of sexuality with nine interconnected pillars—sex acts are only one small component.
  • “Everything we've been taught about sex is about sex acts, and that's one of the nine things I consider part of holistic sexuality.” (03:45-05:59)
• Necessity vs. Luxury: Sexuality is reframed as a core part of human experience, not just an extra or a duty.
  • “You have to believe that sexuality is a necessity and not a luxury.” (02:14-02:26)

Agency, Boundaries & Self-Knowledge

• Learning Your Yes and No: The process is about empowering women to recognize and honor their authentic desires and boundaries, often for the first time.
  • “Sometimes people find they say no more often. They say no to things that really are no for them, and yes to things that feel right.” (03:45-05:59)
• Authenticity Over Performance: Rejecting externally imposed expectations leads to real transformation.
  • “I want everyone to figure out who they are as a sexual being on their own terms, not what society has said.” (05:59)

Midlife Barriers & Societal Conditioning

• Women and Self-Care: Both speakers discuss how cultural conditioning teaches women to ignore their needs, including sexual needs.
• Body Image and Compassion: Body disparagement is called out, and body compassion is celebrated as transformative.
  • “The most transformative thing you can do with your relationship with your body is to embrace body compassion.” (08:28)

Permission to Explore — Embracing “Fuck It” Energy

• Shedding Dogma for True Freedom: Reinventing one’s sexual journey often involves rejecting outdated rules and embracing a bit of rebellion.
  • “There is a certain level of like, fuck it that comes with going on this journey...a strong amount of badassery.” (08:42-09:26)

Real-Life Outcomes: Beyond Chandelier Sex

• It’s About Communication & Connection: Many who start this journey find that the biggest rewards are deeper communication, more meaningful connection, and less resentment—not necessarily wild sexual exploits.
  • “The difference is, I know how to talk to my husband now and I’m not afraid to have that conversation...it gets to be what we want because we finally talked about what we want, and it's not what everyone else said.” (10:05-13:01)

Sexual Confidence Changes Everything

• Spillover Effects: Confident sexuality correlates with life confidence, body positivity, and work satisfaction.
  • “A woman who has put time into who she is as a sexual being...it makes an enormous difference...It’s who she becomes when she’s having the right sex.” (14:49-16:01)
• Transformation and Risk: Sometimes, true sexual growth leads to big life changes—including ending or transforming relationships.
  • “Betty Dodson ... would often start her workshops saying... half of you are going to end your relationships after you leave this workshop. That can be romantic, sexual, even work and friendships.” (16:25-17:24)

The Viagra Paradox and Gender Disparities

• Medicalization Without Communication: Dr. Casperson and Dr. Hauser critique how meds like Viagra entered the market without accompanying education around communication or women’s sexual needs.
  • “We just gave people super dicks with no communication skills...We will never understand the destruction.” (17:24-18:19)
• Therapy Inequity: Requirements for therapy before women access low-desire treatments but not for men’s pills is called out as a double standard.
  • “Some insurance companies are requiring therapy first [for women]...we’re not okay with that because it's not required for Viagra.” (20:04)

Body Image, Labia Surgery & Genital Dysmorphia

• Chasing Unreal Looks: The hosts lament the rise in cosmetic labiaplasty and emphasize that pleasure isn’t found in conforming to a manufactured aesthetic.
• Real Patient Stories: Powerful recounting of how a single offhand comment about someone’s vulva can cause decades of avoidance and shame.
  • “One statement from one person has changed up to the point that they now have such a negative reaction to their [body]…” (26:01-29:11)
• Healing Through Knowledge and Embracing Pleasure: Both encourage women to learn about, touch, and enjoy their own bodies.
  • “Embrace your vulva. Look at it, know it, embrace it, and work with it.” (29:49)

Rethinking Arousal: Living in the Arousal Room

• Arousal as the Main Event: Casperson challenges linear sex models and proposes savoring the “arousal room”—the pleasurable build-up that often gets rushed or skipped.
  • “The sexperts...prioritize time. They explore, they see what their body can do...We are completely ignoring the most beautiful part—the arousal timeframe.” (31:03-32:08)
• Normalizing Fantasies & What Arouses You: Dr. Hauser reassures listeners about the huge range of what is arousing, encouraging self-acceptance and curiosity.
  • “I have yet to come across something that isn’t common because I ask people...It’s also really sobering to me to hear how afraid people are of what arousing them means about them.” (33:03)
• Arousal as Contentment & Energy: Staying in arousal brings a unique happiness or contentment, essential for vitality and health.
  • “There is a humming, there's an energy force in that arousal state that you really can harness for confidence, relationships, overall wellness.” (34:54)

Techniques & Resources for Arousal

• Yum is Enough: Arousal doesn’t have to lead to orgasm—it's valuable in and of itself.
• Resources: Hauser promises to share recommended readings/authors (e.g., Kath and Jesse; Barbara Carrellas’s Urban Tantra) for cultivating sensuality and arousal skills. (35:24-36:25)
• Sensuality as a Pillar: Connecting to senses is the foundation and accessible entry point for everyone.
  • “If you start there, it’s really a journey of embodiment. You get to redefine what arousal means.” (36:25-38:40)

The Power and Risk of True Connection

• Connection is a Later Pillar: Authentic connection—sexual, romantic, or platonic—can be radically transformative and is often weaponized or suppressed by shame and societal rules.
  • “Connection...is often really a powerhouse of what sexuality should mean, and also where it has been weaponized most.” (41:17-41:49)
• Purpose and Authenticity: Knowing oneself fully allows for deep, satisfying connection—loneliness often comes from lack of authenticity, not lack of company.
  • “People can live a long time in pain, but people can’t live a long time without purpose. Almost every definition of purpose involves connection.” (41:50-44:49)
  • “When you show up in the truth of who you are and somebody wants you, you’re like, that’s right.” (44:49)
• The Real Need: To Be Seen for Who You Are: Sexual or personal attraction based on authenticity is far more satisfying than attraction based only on appearance.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Part of learning good sex is unlearning the shit that got you where you are.”
  — Dr. Kelly Casperson (01:50)

• “I want everyone to figure out who they are as a sexual being on their own terms, not what society has said.”
  — Dr. Julianna Hauser (05:59)

• “If you are breathing, you’re sexual. We’ve just been taught the wrong definition.”
  — Dr. Julianna Hauser (07:48)

• “We just gave people super dicks with no communication skills.”
  — Dr. Kelly Casperson (17:24)

• “There is a certain level of badassery that goes into this journey.”
  — Dr. Kelly Casperson (09:26)

• “Loneliness isn’t just a lack of friends...it's a lack of authenticity.”
  — Paraphrased from the connection segment (41:50-45:42)

• “When you show up in the truth of who you are and somebody wants you, you’re like, that’s right.”
  — Dr. Julianna Hauser (44:49)

Noteworthy Sections & Timestamps

• [01:18] — Why Dr. Hauser wrote the book & the need for accessible, holistic sexual education
• [03:45] — The misunderstanding of “sex” as only acts, and introduction of holistic sexuality
• [08:28] — Body compassion as transformative for sexual self-image and pleasure
• [13:01] — Real-life story of transformation: Communication replaces sexual resentment
• [16:25] — Betty Dodson's workshops: How sexual confidence can alter relationships
• [17:24] — The Viagra paradox and why communication trumps mere medication
• [26:01] — Story of how an offhand comment can cause decades-long sexual avoidance
• [29:49] — “Embrace your vulva”—acceptance and self-knowledge as antidote to shame
• [31:03] — Rethinking arousal as the main event, not a stop on the way to orgasm
• [41:17] — The pillar of connection: why authentic connection is central and often challenging
• [44:49] — The power of being wanted for your authentic self, not your appearance

Conclusion & Resources

Dr. Hauser's book, A New Position, releases September 23rd and provides an in-depth guide to the nine pillars of holistic sexuality. The conversation challenges listeners to reframe intimacy as a holistic process involving curiosity, self-compassion, agency, and authentic connection. Both Dr. Casperson and Dr. Hauser stress that this journey is about much more than sex acts—it’s about becoming your truest self, feeling empowered, and embracing pleasure at every stage of life.

Find Dr. Julianna Hauser: DrJuliana.com
Find Dr. Kelly Casperson: KellyCaspersonMD.com

Recommended books and further resources (mentioned in episode—see show notes on podcast’s website for full list):

• Urban Tantra by Barbara Carrellas
• The Clitoral Truth by Rebecca Chalker
• Kath and Jesse’s books on female arousal

Final reflection:
This episode joyfully unpacks the complex, empowering, and deeply personal process of owning your sexuality at any age, banishing shame, and embracing not just a new “position”—but a whole new relationship with yourself.