Loading summary
Transcript204 lines
- [00:01]
State Farm Announcer
This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Listening to this podcast, Smart move. Being financially savvy. Smart move. Another smart move. Having State Farm help you create a competitive price when you choose to bundle home and auto bundling. Just another way to save with a personal price plan like a good neighbor, State Farm is there. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state.
- [00:34]
Podcast Host Intro
Welcome to the you are not broken podcast.
- [00:37]
Dr. Kelly Casperson
I'm your host, Dr. Kelly Casperson, a board certified urologist, thought leader and conversation starter on midlife living, hormones and sexuality.
- [00:47]
Kelly Casperson
Enjoy the show, everybody. Welcome back to the you're not broken podcast. I've got my new friend Dr. Mindy Peltz on today because she has got a book that is going to go big coming out called Age like a Girl. How menopause rewires your brain for mental clarity, increased confidence and renewed energy. Welcome to the podcast.
- [01:04]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
Oh, thank you. I'm so excited to be here and.
- [01:06]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
To have this conversation with you.
- [01:08]
Kelly Casperson
I think we really need to talk about mindset in midlife because I've been describing it as a reckoning because I want to respect the people that when the hormones go down, your body is cracked in half and it is awful and lives end over it. And I want to respect that because I never want to be like it's this moment of opportunity and meanwhile it's really bad shit for a lot of people, but it's like it truly is. So I call it a reckoning that in midlife, like you start, and I think a lot of it is you start realizing there's not a infinite amount of years left and that's part of it. What do you describe it as far as like women cracking open and sometimes launching to version 2.0, which is way better than 1.0.
- [01:55]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
Oh my God, so much better. You know, it's interesting, one of the pieces of expert's opinion that I brought in the book that really hit me in the gut was Carol Gilligan's work. And Carol Gilligan was a feminist psychologist back in the 1980s, and she looked at teenagers, which was you and I in the 80s, and saw how the influence of a culture manipulated, let's just put it that way, manipulated our brain. And this is the way she wrote a book called In a Different Voice. And this is the way that I like to explain it is that when she asked a boy and a girl at a certain period of like 8, 9 years old what they wanted let's say she asked him, what do you want to eat? The boy will tell you exactly what he wants to eat. The girl will tell you exactly what she wants to eat. At 11, she asks that same question. The boy still tells you exactly what he wants to eat. And the girl hesitates for a moment and by the time she hits 13, the boy will tell you exactly what he wants to eat. And the woman turned to Carol Gilligan and say, I don't know, what are you going to eat? And so there is something that happens to us at puberty where our brains start to get hijacked by. And I'm just going to call it, I don't know another way to call it, but it's a patriarchal conditioning. A society that teaches us as young girls that you behave this way, you look this way, and you will be.
- [03:20]
Kelly Casperson
Loved and don't be wrong and make sure you're trying to be perfect and don't piss anybody off, even if you didn't mean to piss em off. It's your fault if they got pissed off. You're now responsible for everybody's feelings around you, whether they're in the room or in Ohio watching your YouTube.
- [03:37]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
That's right.
- [03:39]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
I think you have an opinion about that. I feel like what's coming next to.
- [03:46]
Kelly Casperson
All the lovely people in Ohio, I made that up for dramatic representation.
- [03:49]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
I feel like you're gonna say the handle name of the.
- [03:53]
Kelly Casperson
Oh no, I made that up.
- [03:54]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
The follower in Ohio who like lash out at you. Do you have some things we need to talk about? Because I'm here for it if you need to.
- [04:01]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
So. But here's the interesting thing and what I really thought a lot about the beauty of menopause and the journey of menopause. And I'm not trying to make it sound Pollyannish, but I think what happens to us is if our hormones come in and we become well behaved members of our society, as our hormones change, I think we start to wake up and we're like, yeah, we don't want to play this game anymore. This is exhausting. I don't want to do things for you so that you will turn around and tell me that I'm worthy or tell me that I'm loved. I just want to love myself and I want to be congruent with myself. And I think that's the reckoning, that's the moment. And I think if we could liberate all women into that experience, it would be a very different culture that we are experiencing. And it's Changing for the better.
- [04:48]
Kelly Casperson
Do you think our society can handle it?
- [04:50]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
Oh, this is such a good question.
- [04:51]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
Okay, I'm gonna say here's why. We are in a critical time in human history where misogyny is trying to take a hold. And I truly believe that the reason it's trying to take a hold is what is called an extinction bubble. Before something completely falls away from a culture, it rears its ugly head. And that's the only thing that can give me peace of mind here in America right now is that the last little amounts of misogyny is trying to expand and take over all of our. And I think women are pissed and I think it's the post menopausal women that are going to lead us out of this moment. And this is why this book is so important. What you do is so important. Like we need to get women to finally stand up and speak their truth and be who they really want to be and stop adapting to everybody because the culture is trying to get women adapting again.
- [05:46]
Kelly Casperson
I love it. Somebody, a friend sent me this today. I think it's timely for our conversation started. A female patient on female dose testosterone. She works with men in sports related industry. She's doing better at work. She doesn't cower anymore. She's behaving less in a way of accommodating their egos. So here, here we are bringing back just the hormones that have declined over age because I think this is a complex topic. It's not like we don't want women to have hormones. We're just not giving you the societal bullshit and maybe the really high hormones that played a part in people pleasing in your when you were 28. So she said this woman's now behaving in less of a way that's accommodating their ego and she's actually doing better at work for it. I replied, is this the real reason why they don't want women to have testosterone? Yeah.
- [06:34]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
I mean it's not to anybody's advantage if women wake up. It's not to the culture's the way we're living right now. It's not to the culture's advantage. And you have studied, you know, the human body for a long period of time and I'm just gonna flat out say that the way that the female body and brain has been, is created is makes us the superior sex in my opinion.
- [06:54]
Kelly Casperson
Dude, we're Ferraris. And I say this, I say this on stage. We are Ferraris working in a healthcare system that's a Honda garage I love that. We love Hondas. Excellent cup holders, great mileage, wonderful resale value. Not Ferraris can't make life. Ferraris need Ferrari garages, not Honda garages. And I think that's what the women are like. They're waking up to be like, we created life, motherfuckers. Where's the thank you? Where's the you're welcome? Where's the love and support for that? Because if that goes away, we're toast.
- [07:27]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
Yeah. And by the way, you're in this world because of a woman. That's the only reason why you were even born. The analogy I use all the time is that a woman's body is like a sophisticated violin, and a man's body is like a kazoo.
- [07:43]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
That's the way I. I mean, like.
- [07:45]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
I don't know another way. Like, you have to tune. You have to take good care of violin kazoo. You just stick it in your mouth and it blows one note.
- [07:52]
Kelly Casperson
Yeah. And I think all bodies, going back to just all bodies, all bodies, we can run them pretty ragged in our 20s and get away with it. And now we get into our 50s, our 40s and 50s, they're like, but I always used to just go, go, go, go, go. And now I just can't anymore. But they want to keep doing the abuse that they were giving them. And the body now is like, hey, I'm gonna start having chronic neck pain, you motherfucker. You need to not beat on me incessantly. Like, I think there's this kindness of, like, people are pissed that their body just can't handle what it could handle in the 20s. And I'm like, our bodies could handle a lot in our 20s, for sure.
- [08:31]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
We were probably in our 20s, the most manipulated by the culture at any other age. I mean, maybe in our teenage years. And some of the things that I see in my community and that I see with my patients was that we wake up in menopause. We wake up and we're like, wait a second. I don't wanna do that for you. I don't wanna keep pleasing you. I wanna do things differently. And I'd be very curious your opinion on this. I've been thinking a lot about the menopausal rage, and I think it's part of it. Like, yes, we can say it's hormones and, yes, get on hrt. But can we talk about why you're raging? Can we talk about why you're irritable? Because perhaps you woke up and you decided, you know what? I'm tired of playing this game, this game as a woman in this culture has become exhausting. And we make a decision to do it different, which is the beautiful part of this journey.
- [09:25]
Kelly Casperson
I love that I have a story of that. So I was on my book tour and I was doing an hour long chit chat about testosterone because that's a hot topic. And this woman's like, does testosterone make you angry? And I said, too high doses of any hormone can throw people off, so check your dose, see what's blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, but testosterone makes you more of who you are. And you see this in any gender. A man is more loving, he's a better father with his testosterone up. A woman's more kind, she's more functional at work, she's more angry, right? So I'm like, it's possible, if it's not too high of a dose, it's possible that you have legitimate reasons to be angry. And then she said, I hate my husband. We're in a horrific relationship. I have a lot of guilt and like, bitterness towards him and I hate my job I live in. I work in a toxic environment environment. It's not getting any better. And I'm like, sounds like you woke up.
- [10:19]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
That's exactly it.
- [10:20]
Kelly Casperson
Because here we are blaming testosterone for anger. And I'm like, what if it's making you more of who you are and like, actually able to, like, respond to an environment instead of sitting back here with no energy because you don't have any hormones?
- [10:35]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
To me, I feel like the experience is like somebody took your glasses off, cleaned them up a little bit, and then you put them back on. You're like, whoa. And I will tell you that there were two statistics that led me to write this book. Because I've been thinking about this for over a decade and this book wasn't even. I mean, I wrote fast like a girl and eat like a girl, and I was just focused on that. And this book was just brewing in my mind because of these two statistics that are quite well known now. 45 to 65 is the most common decade for a woman to commit to suicide. And then after 40, 70% of divorces are initiated by women. That is a woman waking up, but the suicide is the one where the woman wakes up and doesn't know what to do. And this is why the work you're doing, books like I'm putting out, we need to bring this to the surface so women can understand themselves. Because when you've lived in a culture that has taught you, you are lovable. When you are a size 2 and the number on the scale is a certain number and you're doing everything everybody else. And one day you don't care what the number on the scale is, and you don't want to work your ass off to be a size 2 and you're tired of doing everything for everybody else, all of a sudden you start to realize that your worth and love came outside of you and that now you're going to have to learn to love yourself and you're going to have to learn to find worth within yourself. And that transition's not easy. And that's where I think we really need to bring this conversation forward to the culture.
- [12:10]
Kelly Casperson
I think that's absolutely it. And that's like the practice. The practice of loving yourself. It's a practice like, you know, there's no there there. And I'm insanely curious of how do you get a woman to advocate? How do you get a woman to wake up? I saw a woman in her mid-70s today. She's choosing some hormones. Not everybody's agreeing with her on that, but she has her why. But I see her back and I have to talk her off the ledge of like, this person said this, and this person said this, and this person said this. And I say, what do you want? What do you want? Because we're spending our entire life checking all the data points.
- [12:51]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
Well, so I think first, just having the awareness that the irritability you're feeling in your life might be a sign that the things in your life aren't a good fit anymore. So we first have to go there. Like, for me, I would say in the last couple years, I started to identify. Anytime I was depressed, it was cause I was doing something that I didn't want to do. So when depression would show up, instead of me being like, oh, you know, maybe I need to take an antidepressant, or maybe I need to. I would go, what are you doing that you're out of congruency with yourself, Mindy, right now? What is it that you need to do after fast, like a girl came out in the world. And you know what this is like when a book comes out and you're flying places and you're on a thousand different interviews.
- [13:38]
Kelly Casperson
It'll wear you out.
- [13:39]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
Oh, it'll tear you down.
- [13:41]
Kelly Casperson
Personally, it took my muscle away from me. I'm a little upset about it.
- [13:43]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
Oh, yeah, yeah. Well, you can grow that back.
- [13:45]
Kelly Casperson
I can grow that quick. Faster, faster this time because I know how to do it. But yeah, yeah. It's harsh on your physiology.
- [13:51]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
Yeah. So I had had a total burnout moment about a year, year and a half ago. And my therapist said to me, well, Mindy, what do you want? How do you want to create your life? Your kids are out of the house. I closed my clinic because I wanted to write books and educate from a different level. So I had plenty of time, money, I had everything I could do to create my own life.
- [14:14]
Kelly Casperson
And then people are like, why aren't you happy? You should be happy.
- [14:17]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
That's right.
- [14:18]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
Well, I wasn't happy because I wasn't creating the life that I wanted. So to answer your question, I think what we have to do is. And what I did is every single day I'd wake up and I would say, okay, I'd look at my calendar and I'd be like, is this what I want to do? And if it wasn't what I wanted to do, I got it off my calendar.
- [14:37]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
You could ask my staff a couple of times.
- [14:39]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
They were like, what, you're canceling that meeting? I'm like, yeah, let's go there.
- [14:42]
Kelly Casperson
Do you think your journey was easier? We can decide what easier means because you are an eight. I mean, so eights for people who don't know the Enneagram, learn about it. It'll change your life. But eights tend to have a lot of energy. Eights tend to be kind of visionaries. Eight women have it very hard in our society because we're too much, we're too loud, we're too oppositional. We're like, let's have a conflict about something. It's energy, it's fun. Let's figure it out. So eights are, I think, are challenged in our society that would love us to be twos.
- [15:17]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
No, no, sorry to the twos out there.
- [15:19]
Kelly Casperson
So to me, in the eights are like, we think people should just stand up and advocate and ask for what they want. But we don't realize not everybod nobody thinks like us. But yeah, bring in the Enneagram and your Enneagram and how you think that awakening is easier with an 8.
- [15:35]
Podcast Host Intro
The holidays are almost here, and if you still have names on your list, don't panic. Uncommon Goods makes holiday shopping stress free and joyful. With thousands of one of a kind gifts you can't find anywhere else, you'll discover presents that feel meaningful and personal. Never rushed or last minute. Uncommon Goods looks for products that are high quality, unique, and often handmade or made in the U.S. many are crafted by independent artists and small businesses. Every purchase is a chance to choose something remarkable and feel good about where your money goes. And with every purchase you make at Uncommon Goods, they give back $1 to a non profit partner of your choice. They've donated more than $3.1 million to date. So don't wait. Make this holiday the year you give something truly unforgettable. To get 15% off your next gift, go to UncommonGoods.com notbroken that's UncommonGoods.com notbroken for 15% off. Don't miss out on this limited time offer Uncommon Goods. We're all out of the ordinary.
- [16:47]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
Yeah. So the Enneagram's really interesting to get to know yourself. If you haven't studied the Enneagram, I highly recommend people take a test. Understand your number. My parents have been Enneagram teachers since I was in my 20s.
- [16:59]
Kelly Casperson
Phenomenal. That's so cool you speak an Enneagram. He's a seven. He's an undeveloped four.
- [17:06]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
Oh, yeah, you got it. It's almost like you were sitting at my family bar for dinner. Oh, and we love eights. In my family, we're very used to eights.
- [17:15]
Kelly Casperson
My two brothers are an eight, my dad's an eight.
- [17:18]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
Oh, yeah.
- [17:18]
Kelly Casperson
My mom thinks she's an eight. We're not sure. Lots of political argument, post dinner discussions because we get energy and love from, like, discussion, Right? And then you're like, not everybody's family does that.
- [17:30]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
Oh, yeah.
- [17:30]
Kelly Casperson
Okay. So you guys talked Enneagram.
- [17:32]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
Yeah, we talked Enneagram. And everybody we would meet, we would.
- [17:35]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
You know, what number do you think they are?
- [17:37]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
And it was always done that way. So I learned a lot about how people. The thing about the Enneagram that's so cool is that it helps you understand the filter in which people might be presenting information. And. And with eights, and this ties into, like, how do we get women to stand up for ourselves? They should probably follow more eights, because eights will tell you the truth. And that's what I love about eights. You never have to guess where you sit. And a two won't do that. A two is a helper. And then they become passive aggressive and they get frustrated because you didn't acknowledge all the help that they were very freely giving you. And so one of the things that we can use as a model for AIDS is truth telling and standing up for what you believe in. So this is the first time I saw you, Kelly, I was like, ooh, I like this woman. She's like, saying it like it Is.
- [18:34]
Kelly Casperson
I think that's where a lot of your success comes from. And my success, especially on social media, because there's a lot of bullshit and there's a lot of, like, bullshit, for lack of better words. And like, people really, like, like, just, just tell me the facts. Just tell it to me directly. There's a level of success that I, with us being like that just feels really right to me.
- [18:54]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
Right. Well, because we're in a moment where, in history where the truth needs to come out and women have been oppressed for so long and we're scared. You know, to your point about the 70 year old this morning, I have compassion for women that are like, so scared to come out and finally stand up for themselves. And this is what I think we all can bring to the menopause conversation. Everybody's bringing a different slant, but at the core, if you start to look at what everybody's saying, it's the same thing where this is a pivotal moment, and one of those pivotal moments is you finally get to stand up for yourself. And what I want to say to people who may not be eights is that once you do that in the beginning, it's a little terrifying. You can feel a little bit like, oh, my God, let everybody down. And then you get over that. And once you get over that, what happens is you're liberated. You're liberated. I mean, look at this Melanie Sanders, who started a Do not care club and then millions of women followed behind her and they're like, oh, yeah, I.
- [19:59]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
Forgot to tell you all, I don't care either. That is an eight movement right there.
- [20:04]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
I think what we fear is actually the thing that will free us. And we've got to step into that and stop fearing disappointing people. And who cares if you're a size 2? And who cares if your hair stands up straight at the top? And who cares?
- [20:22]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
Like, I got curly hair and like, by the end of the day, it's.
- [20:25]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
Like a bird's nest on my head. And like, who cares anymore? The what should. Who should be the most important person in your life as you move through menopause is you and what you think. I have some amazing friends, and one of them said something to me about a year and a half ago when I was just in a stuck spot. She said to me, mindy, you know what's so interesting about you is that I'm watching you and you're so scared of disappointing everybody else, but you have no problem disappointing yourself.
- [20:58]
Kelly Casperson
Ooh, good friend. You have to be very safe to say that out loud?
- [21:02]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
Yeah.
- [21:02]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
She's a seven with an eight wing.
- [21:04]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
I felt like she lovingly slapped me across the face. And I made a decision at that point. That depression and anxiety and rage and irritability and insomnia, that all of that showed up when I was out of congruency with myself. When we look at autoimmune problems, when we look at all the conditions that women have, there is this root of out of congruency with your own truth, and that should be opened up and taught at this pivotal moment in history.
- [21:38]
Kelly Casperson
I love that 100%. One of my practices, and I want to hear what you did. One of my practices was like, what does Kelly like? Does she like short hair? Does she like long hair? Does she want a hand tattoo? Does she not want a hand tattoo? Does she want lots of different colored reading glasses? Does she not. It was literally this binary. Like, does she like iced coffee? Does she like hot coffee? Does she like a bunch of different tennis shoes? Does she ever want to wear heels again? I mean, it sounds like a crazy thing to do when you're in your mid-40s, but, my God, it's fun. Like, do I like hand tattoos? I don't know. I think about that some more, but it's like, who are you? Who is she? What is she like? I don't know where I learned that. I just started being like. I started loving Kelly. Like, oh, my God, Kelly loves podcasting, right? Like. Like, it's like, who? What does Kelly like? Almost like, you're taking care of this life, which you are.
- [22:30]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
You know, what you're doing is you're taking care of your younger self. I called the book Age Like a Girl, because, like, a girl is the brand. But the more I've been out talking about it, the more we're having conversations, like, and I'm like, when we age and we go through this menopausal experience, we have an opportunity to go back and look at what we liked as a young child. I'll give you two examples that I'm doing. So when I was in this, I grew up in Malibu. I was blessed to grow up on the beach. And when I was in the seventh grade, one of the dads that our family was really close with said to me, hey, Mindy, you want me to teach you how to surf? And I was like, yeah, I wanna know how to surf. I was a super tomboy. And so we go out to surf. And I kid you not, the first person I see is this kid, and I can tell you his Name. His name was Chris o', Keefe, and he was this cutie patootie boy that I liked. And he turned to me and he said, mindy, what are you doing out here? Girls don't surf. This is in the late 70s, early 80s. And so my brain was like, oh, shit, I can't surf. I'm a girl. And so, fast forward to three months ago by a series of random events. I moved to Santa Cruz, California, which the culture here is all surfing. And one of my closest friends lives four doors down. She's 52 years old, and she's a surfer. And she says, do you want to go surf? And I'm like, yeah, actually, I do. And so I got back in the water, and it was one of those pivotal moments of taking back something that had been taken away from me because the culture said girls shouldn't do that. And now every day, I'm surfing.
- [24:10]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
I even entered a woman's surfing contest last week.
- [24:13]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
I'm a total novice. I love it.
- [24:15]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
I suck at it.
- [24:17]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
But it's mine, and I'm doing it on my terms. So I think one of the things you can do is you can go back and ask what was taken away from you because you were not supposed to do it. Yeah, I'll tell you my other really.
- [24:31]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
Fun thing that I did.
- [24:32]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
So I turned 56 about three weeks ago, and the house we live in has a really steep driveway. And so I turned to my husband. I'm like, you know what I want to do on my 56th birthday? And he's like, what? I'm like, I'm going to get a Big Wheel, and I'm going to go.
- [24:49]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
Down our driveway, and I wanted to.
- [24:52]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
Spin out in the bottom. Remember how when we were kids, we had Big Wheels, and we went down the driveway and we just spun out and. And he started to go into. You might mark the driveway. I don't think Big Wheels can handle adults. You might want to put a helmet on. And I was like, fuck you.
- [25:08]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
On my 56th birthday, I am ordering a Big Wheel, and I am going down our driveway, and I'm spinning out, and I did it, and I had so much fun.
- [25:18]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
And I think that's what we're talking about, is that if you actually step in and you start to ask yourself, what did I turn away from? That I really. Parts of me that I really, really liked when I was younger, but decided they weren't necessary or they weren't going to be applauded, or they were irresponsible as I Got older. What aging does for us is it gives us an opportunity to go back and grab those and say, wait a second. I do love going into the water every day. I am very playful at heart. I love laughing as much as I can laugh in a day, then that's a good day. And I feel like I've become the woman that my 8 year old, my 9 year old wanted to play with and wanted to save her from responsibility. And to me, that's the beauty of aging.
- [26:12]
Kelly Casperson
I love it, I think. And it's that full circle because people are like, oh, in midlife you get to this new place and people be like, yeah, the new place, which is the circling back to the childhood place. So joyous and so beautiful and so less threatening of like, you're gonna go to a new place, you don't know what it is. I'm like, no, no, you do. It's called the six year old not giving a fuck. Where's the joy? What's fun? When do you need to nap? What do you want to say? I don't like that. I don't like that. Right. Like, but kids, kids are like, I don't like that. And it's like you do lose that as an adult and then you can, you can get it back. Like, what are you doing that you don't like? And to understand. And I think this is where western medicine is in the dark ages right now of like, it affects your health, it affects your health to not be in alignment. And I think I just read Martha Beck's the Way the Integrity. I think basically it's about being in alignment. And that's what you're talking about is like being in alignment with yourself. And we can give you tips and tricks, but like ultimately the woman needs to figure out how to be in alignment with herself.
- [27:21]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
Yeah. And I think to what your story was interesting because when I hit a real breaking point, my therapist said to me, what do you want? And I realized for about a month that I could not answer that because you know what? Nobody had asked me that. Nobody. I'm a second child. I was a good steward of doing all the right things and a playing by the rules. And nobody said, what do you want? They said, here's what you should do. And so I really started. Every single day I would wake up and I would say, what do I want to do? And 10, 20 times a day I would go to eat and I would be like, what do I want to eat? I wouldn't say, oh, I wonder what my husband Wants to eat. I'm like, no, wait, what do I want to eat? Kids were out of the house and I was like, wait a second, I don't need to eat dinner at 7 and 8 o'clock at night anymore. We're not waiting for soccer practice to be over. I actually want to eat at five o'. Clock. And then I started like, then you start unwinding that. What time do you want to get up? What do you want to. I started looking at like all of my clothes. I'm like, do I actually want to wear these clothes? To your point, I will never put a heel on. All the heels are gone. I've completely shifted to sneakers. I have about, you know, 20 different styles of sneakers. And that is what I'm wearing from this point until I decide to change.
- [28:39]
LinkedIn Ads Announcer
Does it ever feel like you're a marketing professional just speaking into the void? But with LinkedIn ads, you can know you're reaching the right decision makers, a network of 130 million of them. In fact, you can even target buyers by job title, industry, company seniority, skills and. Did I say job title? See how you can avoid the void and reach the right buyers with LinkedIn ads. Spend $250 on your first campaign and get a free $250 credit for the next one. Get started at LinkedIn.com campaign terms and conditions apply.
- [29:09]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
And I just unwound every single part from how I look to how I act, to all the lifestyle tools like the gym. I don't like the gym. I don't want to go work out inside. And I was like, why am I, why do I have a trainer? And I'm like, every time I go to the gym, I'm just exhausted. I don't want to be under the lights. I want to be outside in nature. So I think if you actually start to ask yourself these questions, the inquiry, the self inquiry will eventually give you the right answer. And I just want to point out it took me a month before an answer came and I really struggled. It's like, I don't know, I mean, I don't want to eat at 7 o', clock, but my husband likes eating at 7 o'. Clock. Okay, well, maybe we eat at separate times. Oh, wait a second, could we do that? Like, you really have to start unwinding all the different thoughts that the patriarch has put infected into you. And that is the beauty of this moment. This is what we're given. I think it's our get out of jail free card. If you actually use that as like this is my moment to finally do this fucking life that I get to live on my terms. And that is something we should all be excited about.
- [30:28]
Dr. Kelly Casperson
Agree?
- [30:28]
Kelly Casperson
Yeah. I mean, like, the numbers don't lie. We're at a billion postmenopausal women now. We've got 80 million women over the age of 40 in America. The wave is happening. I think we're very early. I mean, we're not early. I think we just haven't been paying attention. Like, there's books written in 1984 about the health discrepancies in the healthcare system between men and women's bodies. This is old news. The numbers are finally so big. We're like, dude, we're gonna do 40 years post menopause now, if we're lucky. Let's have that be the goal, right? And it's like, there's so many of us now. This is the beginning of the new world.
- [31:07]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
Thank you. This is what I've been saying on every podcast.
- [31:10]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
I'm like, we have a billion women. What would happen? Think this through.
- [31:16]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
I'm sure you've thought about this.
- [31:18]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
What would happen if a billion women spoke up and told their truth? I actually really feel that the misogyny and the desire to go back to suppressing women, all of that would end. If every woman, as she went through menopause, decided to finally commit to her own authenticity and to learn how to stand up for herself, we could change the way that the world is thinking right now. We are that powerful, which is why we need to come together and support everybody in finding their unique voice. I tell my following all the time. I don't want you to think like me. I want you to think like you. I want you to find the path that works right for you. This is not when you're 16 and you did what the popular girl did. This is you at 56, 66, where you are being given an opportunity to not sit back and be the quiet one in the corner, but actually to stand up and actually tell the world what you think. And I think we would change. Like, I'm just gonna go political because I'm a little irate right now, as every woman in America should be. And if they're not, I'm concerned. But when we looked at the way the political lens went over the last year, I went to so many people, many of them who were in my health world, and I was like, hey, there are a lot of issues here, but the most scary one is what's happening to women's rights. You know, they don't wanna let us vote. They're gonna take away.
- [33:05]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
We just started being able to write.
- [33:06]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
Our own checks, which is hysterical. Like, in our lifetime, that that just started happening and they're gonna take that away. And all the people I talked to that were in the opposition of my point of view were like, that would never happen. And here we are. What's the first thing that happened? When Trump went into office that very first week, he shut down Jill Biden's passion and motivation to help us fund women's research. So that went away. You know the second thing that went away? Every single speck of reproductive health was wiped out off of the federal websites.
- [33:43]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
In fact, I don't know about you.
- [33:44]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
But I'm like, I hope one of my books get banned.
- [33:47]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
I wanna write a book that gets banned.
- [33:49]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
What can I do to upset him that much?
- [33:51]
Kelly Casperson
If my book isn't bad, I'm not trying hard enough.
- [33:53]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
Yeah, exactly.
- [33:55]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
But my point is that there has never been a more important time. And I'm sorry if people are offended by the politics, but we're now at a point where the political situation is a woman's situation and women are losing power. And if we don't stand up for our power and stand up for our rights and stand up for what we believe in, then we will be going back in time to a place where it'll be near impossible to stand up for ourselves. So that billion women, come on, come on, girls, we gotta do it. Like, we gotta stand up and finally speak our truth, because otherwise our truth will be taken from us once again.
- [34:32]
Kelly Casperson
I've been getting feisty on stages now because women are like, what can we do? What can we do? And they're like, thank you. Or they'll say, which is very nice. They'll say, thank you so much for advocating. Thank you so much for blah, blah, blah. And I'm like, you guys, the world's not going to change because I showed up. The world's going to change because we all show, like, one person can't do this. Don't put this on one person that's not kind to sit back and be like, thank God Kelly's handling the things. And it's like, they don't even know that, like, calling the senator makes a difference and writing a letter makes a difference. And like, it makes a difference. Difference. I'm here to tell you what I've been able to do. Australia and trying to get testosterone, a female dose testosterone covered by the government. Australia has 30 million humans and they had 30,000 signatures on that petition in, like, two weeks. America has a petition now. We've had this petition out for two years now to petition the FDA to take the incorrect warning labels off of hormones our body naturally makes because it does not cause dementia, it does not cause blood clots. Two years it's been out. We have 20,000 signatures, and we have 10 times the population. And so I got feisty with them because I'm like, americans are sitting on your ass. You're not doing anything. And then you're here, like, what can we do? I'm like, just do something. And I got spicy with them because I'm like, the Australians have a tenth of our population, and they kicked our ass on advocacy.
- [36:00]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
You bring up such a good point. And let's go back to the question you asked me is, do you think we can change that? And when I hear that story, my brain thinks, because we haven't been taught to stand up for ourselves. It's interesting, because my mom was the typical 50s mom, you know, Like, I used to call her June Cleaver. Like, she would be like, you'd come home and she'd be like, hey, how was your day? Let me cook you something.
- [36:26]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
You know, it was very.
- [36:27]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
But so she had a very traditional way about her. But you know what she would always tell me? Because it was just my sister and I, she would always say, you're a girl, You're a woman. You have an opinion. You need to speak it. And she would constantly dribble that into my brain. And I think a lot of women didn't get that message. We got the message, stay quiet. Don't speak out, or you're gonna really upset people. So at the core of what we're talking about here is bravery, is courage to finally speak up. At some point, we're gonna need to do that before all of our rights are taken away and there's a billion of us. And from the research I've seen, and from Lisa Moscone, who has brought forward the brain changes that happen to women through this process. If you dive into it, you will see that your brain's actually built more for leadership. You were meant to move into more, a place of leadership. So do it. Either lead yourself, lead your community, go into your church, and become a leader. But if we could start to use that as the guiding light for women. You're going through an experience that is a neurochemical shift that is going to help you see parts of you that you have turned away from, and you get to bring Those back, and you get to not be scared to stand up for the things you believe in. We need you to speak now. If we could get that message across, we could change what's going on in America right now. I absolutely know it.
- [37:56]
Kelly Casperson
I love it. And I think. I mean, we now, as a society, are living to 80, 76 to 82. Pick a number longer than we've ever lived as a large group. Again, the numbers aren't going away, but women for the first time are being like, maybe frailty is not the inevitable demise. Maybe that's an option if I don't do X, Y and Z. And so the boom. So it's all these generations, right? So the Gen X is looking at the frail moms being like, is there another option? And then the millennials are saying, why would we suffer first? All the millennials are like, damn straight. Why don't we suffer first? You guys are suffering. We're paying attention. Why suffer? And so there's this wave happening which is the millennials of, like, we're paying attention. Why would we suffer first? And the healthcare system which is saying, come back when you're sick enough. Come back when you're suffering enough. And it's like, there's this certain level of, like, empowerment that can't happen if you physically don't feel well. So it's like, we gotta get people in to be taken care of. Because when you feel like ass, you can't write the letter and think big and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But we've got this big wave of the millennials who are like, we'd like to just stay healthy. And the healthcare system that says, you're not sick enough yet. We don't need to see you.
- [39:16]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
That is so beautiful. I mean, what do you feel like the healthcare system is shifting at all? Yeah.
- [39:23]
Kelly Casperson
Because those two waves are happening now, and the millennials are not going to lose.
- [39:28]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
I never cheered on a millennial so much before then. This is exciting.
- [39:32]
Kelly Casperson
Yeah, yeah. The millennials are like, we're not going to lose this. So I think the healthcare system is going to change. That's where we're seeing the longevity medicine, the prevention medicine, the online clinics. If you can't get in this way, go. Go this way to find some healthcare. Because we're like, if your maximum rate of bone loss is in the two years before your period ends, which nobody knows when their period's gonna end, that's a future date. Right? Like, why wait for your bones to get weak before we prevent it? So I think the Medicine changes very slowly, but the millennials are huge. The millennials are paying attention and they don't want to suffer. And I think they're going to help this cause of this awakening and this change of blah, blah. Because right now we've got so many sick middle aged women. And so it's like, what if we can get them through this transition with a buffer and some kindness and some hormones? So we're like, you're not super sick. We got to get you unsick. So now you can change the world is like, let's just keep you feisty.
- [40:28]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
You have a really good point there. Because I've been really thinking a lot about the 70 and 80 year olds.
- [40:34]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
And my sweet mom, who's 86, when I told her about Age Like a.
- [40:38]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
Girl and how it was this women's empowerment book, she says to me, oh, that might actually be a book I'd read of yours. I was like, okay, again, I think.
- [40:47]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
That was a backhanded compliment. Thanks, mom.
- [40:51]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
And then, same thing for me when I get on stages. I love when a 38 year old comes up to me and says, I can't wait to go through menopause. I'm like, great, let's start to look at it through a different lens. But the interesting part is one of the editors for Age Like a Girl was actually one of the editors for Fast Like A Girl is in her mid-60s, and she was telling me that she and her friends are very upset because the hormone replacement therapy conversation was not happening for them.
- [41:24]
Kelly Casperson
Yeah, the boomers are pissed.
- [41:25]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
Yeah, the boomers. The boomers are. And it was like, wow. It was interesting just to see that each generation is having its own experience around this one topic called menopause, and to understand that what's coming is going to end up changing. Like you said, the millennials is going to change the trajectory of how we look at this moment. But when we look behind and see who came before us, I have a lot more compassion for the 60, 70 and 80 year olds than I ever did because they suffered in silence and they were gaslit in their doctor's office. And I think that one of the things that I love in the research that I did for Age Like a Girl is that we have a really cool moment to be able to cross generations. The 60, 70, 80 year olds. Have we leaned into their wisdom? Have we asked them what it was like to go through this experience without any tools, without any conversation? That would be compassion for sure. And then at the same time, we need to turn around and look at the generations below us and redefine, which I think we're doing, but really redefine what it means to be a woman and really show them that being a woman is powerful. It's not a curse, it is a blessing. When you understand this process, this massive hormonal shift, when you understand it, then you can move through it in your authenticity and your power. And to your point that we've got the poor Gen Xers that are, like.
- [43:06]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
Coming sliding into menopause and they're, like, banged up and exhausted and they're struggling.
- [43:14]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
And so it's really interesting to me that it's our generation that's changing this, but it's also our generation that potentially was hurt the most by this moment.
- [43:26]
Meredith (Jo Malone London Announcer)
It's a wishbone kitchen in Jo Malone, London. Holiday ginger biscuit is back. You guys, I have my brand new holiday scent. It literally smells like a fresh baked ginger cookie. I mean, who wouldn't want this? Notes of ginger, rosemary, roasted hazelnut and vanilla. The kind of gift that's as fun to give as it is to receive. I am so excited because they now have it available in a travel spray. Fits right in your bag. Shop Ginger biscuit only at Sephora. Happy holidays from Meredith in Jo Malone, London.
- [43:56]
Kelly Casperson
Yeah, 100%. Isn't it so beautiful? Respect to the boomers, gratitude to the Gen X. Like, Gen X has moved perimenopause and menopause forward more fast than I've ever seen.
- [44:09]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
Right.
- [44:10]
Kelly Casperson
Like, the last four years. Oh, my God, it's been a couple of decades. And, like, how much progress we've made in that, it's been phenomenal. And the millennials, God bless them, they're like. Because we all thought they were like, I. I wrote my first book, I put a menopause chapter in it, and I almost didn't want to put it in there because I didn't want them to not read it. Right. And now they're like, when does this happen? What's the first sign of perimenopause? We're paying attention. Like, like, they are showing up in a way that I don't think any of the older generations thought they were going to for, like, oh, they don't want to pay attention to this. Like, we didn't want to pay attention to it. And they're like, you guys are suffering. We're going to not suffer.
- [44:46]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
We don't want to be you. Really? What they're saying is, you're a hot mess. We don't want to be you.
- [44:52]
Kelly Casperson
Yeah. Yeah, totally. But before we wrap it up, let's talk about the men. So I know you write in your book, how do we bring them along?
- [44:59]
Dr. Kelly Casperson
There's.
- [45:00]
Kelly Casperson
Not to oversimplify it, but there's several groups. Like, there's the group that's like, I want to help. I don't know how to help. Let me help. I can't experience this, but I understand that if my testicles went missing, Ben would be dramatic. So thanks for the analogy.
- [45:14]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
Right.
- [45:15]
Kelly Casperson
And then there's the other group that's like, stop talking about yourself. Why do you think you're so special? And this is a bully. I don't really believe, like, it's Santa Claus. Like, midlife hormone changes are Santa Claus. This is not a belief system. This is basic physiology. Right? But a lot of, like, blowing off the women. Like, don't you know that hot flashes are mind over matter? Like, a lot of dismissal from a group that, you know what your testicles if. And that's what I say. If a man lives long enough, the testicles do decline. They're on the outside. They can actually see them getting smaller. Right. So they do have a more physical reality to it. I'm like. I'm like, one of the biggest problems is we can't see the ovaries getting smaller, but they are. How many women say, I got an ultrasound when I was 68, and they can't find my ovaries? It's like, because your ovaries are teeny. You just didn't see them getting small. So how do we bring in the men? What's the advice when people are partnered with men, bosses who are men? What's your takeaway for all hands on deck?
- [46:12]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
First, I just want to point out there's a lot of really good men out there, and they are wanting to support women and especially the women they love through this. One of the most common things that I get when I speak live is women come up to me and they're like, how do I help my husband understand this? So what I did in Age like a girl is I actually wrote an appendix to men. So it's actually written to men. And my feeling is that my hope is that a woman will take the book and give it to their husband or their brother or their son and show like, this is what I'm going through. So that was the attempt there. Now I want to tell you that.
- [46:50]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
What I did with my man, because.
- [46:52]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
He has been incredible in this journey, and we had to change the way that we talk to each other. As I went through menopause and my preferences changed, I literally went to him and said, I'm changing, I'm changing. I know I didn't care about that before, but I care about it now. And at first that was a little difficult. You know, my daughter went off to college first and then I was left home with my son and my husband. And this was deep into my menopause years in my late 40s. And I just kept saying to them, hey, I can't do it this way anymore. I need to do it. Like a great thing is the kitchen. My son is a chef and he loves to just cook amazing dinners that he serves at 10 o' clock at night. And then the kitchen is a mess. And then I wake up the next morning to the messy kitchen.
- [47:42]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
And so I literally sat him down.
- [47:43]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
And I was like, look, I love you, but there's so much chaos going on in my brain that when I wake up in the morning and I wake up to a dirty kitchen, it just is like putting gasoline on a fire that is already there. So I need, out of love for me, I need you to clean this up. So I wake up to a clean kitchen. So having new discussions like that, I think if you're with men that care, they're gonna understand. And if we can start to talk like, I know I'm changing, I know I did this before and I don't wanna do this anymore. It's not personal, I'm just doing it different now, then that's a better discussion then lashing out and saying, you're not hearing me getting mad because getting more irritable at them. They're not mind readers. You need to invite them in to your process. And that is what honestly has saved my marriage. We have a discussion that we say now where we're in marriage 3.0. And so I always say, in marriage 3.0, I don't do that anymore, I do it this way. And so together we have created something new for not just the marriage, but we have allowed the new version of me to come into the marriage in a really positive way. So what do we do about the men? We don't shame them, we don't yell at them. We invite them into the process in a loving way and the right men will join us.
- [49:17]
Kelly Casperson
I love that. Yeah, I think, I mean, I always think if you look at the old data, I mean, first of all, we only lived to 47. Like the healthiest land owning men lived to 47. They didn't even die in childbirth, right so, like, if you look at all the way it used to be, we didn't have 80 years as a society. We didn't have marriages that lasted 40, 50 years. The average marriage back in this was Europe.
- [49:40]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
Right.
- [49:41]
Kelly Casperson
Average marriage was seven years before somebody died.
- [49:44]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
Oh, my God.
- [49:46]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
The other thing is, can we go.
- [49:47]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
Back to what marriage was created for? It was because a woman wasn't working.
- [49:52]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
It was like a transaction.
- [49:54]
Kelly Casperson
Totally. So for people to be like, well, I don't want to change. Change is inevitable, by the way. And redefining, like, what's this relationship? Why do we want to be here? How can we, like, like, why wouldn't we need to have that conversation when we're. We're operating on a marriage scale that is blowing seven years out of the water?
- [50:15]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
Yeah. You know, Esther Perel has a really good statement that we've used as a guiding light, and that's that in our adult years, we will fall in love with two to three people. And for some of us, that will be with different people, and for others of us, it'll be with the same person. And we use that all the time in our marriage. I'm like, remember, I'm a new person. In fact, in the book I talk a lot about butterflying yourself, the butterfly has become my new, like, statement that I've changed. I've gone into the chrysalis. I dissolved what didn't work for me, and I came out a new person. And so the other day, my husband and I were getting plants at the nursery, and there was this butterfly cap. It had just a little butterfly on the baseball cap. And I put it on, and I said, I know it's really confusing, all the changes I've been making. So here's what I'm gonna do. Every time I put the butterfly hat on, just know you're talking to the newest version of me.
- [51:11]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
And so we just got laughing about that. But it really, like.
- [51:14]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
It's literally like being playful in the change, not shameful or blamey. It's like, yes, I'm supposed to change now. I'm in my 50s. I've played by those societal rules. I don't want to play by the societal rules. My husband and I met when we were 21. I'm not that 21 year old. And so being able to have healthy discussions about that, I think will invite more men in. And I'm a feminist to the core. But one of the problems about the feminist movement is that back in the day, it had a lot of anger and it had a Lot of blame. And this is a different version of feminism. This is women standing in their truth and then turning around to their men in their life and inviting them into their own metamorphosis. And I think if we do that, we'll save marriages, we'll save lives, and you're gonna see more men wanting to come in and cheer us on through this.
- [52:09]
Kelly Casperson
This totally. And I mean, I think to circle back to the start of this podcast is like, you becoming the most you that you can be. Like, the us you that you can ever view, you know, is like, there is something so attractive to that and magnetic to that of, like, embracing the unis and kind of this, like, I want you to be here also. Right. Like, me. Me changing doesn't mean I don't want you here. But there's, like. There's something so, for lack of a better word, sexy about you being the USU and people being like, yeah, game on. Like, this is fun.
- [52:46]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
Yeah.
- [52:47]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
You know, I was just thinking. Cause I know you talk about sex a lot on your podcast.
- [52:51]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
I was thinking to myself, yeah, I mean, you'll dress up to have some fantasy sexual life.
- [52:56]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
Why don't you. Why don't you just change who you are? And then you don't need, you know, if you're. If you're one of those. If that's the way you slant when you have sex, and then you don't.
- [53:04]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
Need to dress up. Your husband's having sex with a new.
- [53:07]
Meredith (Jo Malone London Announcer)
Person, and your husband doesn't need to.
- [53:08]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
Go have an affair, and you don't.
- [53:10]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
Need to go have an affair because you're.
- [53:11]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
You're a new person.
- [53:13]
Kelly Casperson
I think this. I mean, to. To bring in sex at the end because it's fun. But, like, in sex, often in a heterosexual relationship, we're like, what do you want, woman? What do you want? Now, that's a very hard question to answer when you've been having sex for somebody else your whole life. Or sex according to Hollywood or sex according to sex ed. Women don't know what they want, but it's not just sex, right? Like, if you don't know what you want, what hair do you want? What type of workouts do you like? It's like going back to the beginning of this conversation of, like, becoming. Figuring out what you want. Sex is part of that. And a lot of women don't know what they want because they've never been asked that. Twenty years ago, you becoming the best version of you as a sexual human being trickles out into everything else because you have to figure out what you want.
- [53:59]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
Yeah. You know what that reminds me of? Surely you saw the movie. It's either hello or goodbye. Leo Grand.
- [54:06]
Kelly Casperson
Oh, so good.
- [54:08]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
I mean, that typifies what women go through and just how we become such. So masterful at self sacrifice. And I think it's the bedroom and the sexual appetite of women. And the way women show up in the bedroom is just a small little sliver of her whole life. Like, so many women don't say what they want, and that's also. They don't say what they want in other parts of their relationship. And one of my favorite quotes from Julie Gottman is that resentment in a marriage builds when you say yes when you really wanted to say no. And that's another thing that I've used with my husband is over and over again, I will say, I know I used to do that. And you know, what happened is I would say yes to you and then I would resent you. And so now I'm just gonna say no so that I stick with my truth. But you know what? The benefit is for you. I won't resent you.
- [55:11]
Kelly Casperson
Yeah. And when it's a yes, it's a hell yes. Because those yeses are authentic yeses now.
- [55:16]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
Yeah.
- [55:16]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
I mean, I said it to my kids just the other day.
- [55:19]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
My daughter called. She's getting married, buying a house, she's an adult, and she got sick. And so she called me, wanting my advice, which all of a sudden became me going to the UPS store to.
- [55:32]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
Send her a bunch of things that will make her feel better.
- [55:35]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
And I was laughing to myself. I'm like, why am I doing this? I don't want to spend my whole day doing this for her anymore. She's 25 years old. Her fiance's at home. He can go get this stuff for her. So I literally called her back and I said, you know what, babe? It turns out I don't have enough time to get to the UPS store. I'm sure Dean can go get that stuff for you. And it was like I did that. I walked away and I was like, look at me.
- [56:02]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
That felt empowering.
- [56:04]
Kelly Casperson
Yes. Because when you do it in the future or whatever it is, it's because you really, really want to. Resentment's horrific for libido. Like, public service announcement for anybody who wants to hear that. Resentment's awful for libido. You when you saying, you know, depression, anxiety, not sleeping, there's something that you're not in integrity with yourself. I think that's part I don't think that's all of low libido, but I think that's part of women with low libido. What's going on in your life that's out of integrity with you thriving and seeking out and having pleasure and, like, all of that. So sometimes I'm like, low libido is a. Use it as a tool.
- [56:42]
State Farm Announcer
Right.
- [56:42]
Kelly Casperson
In the same way that you use feeling. Blah. If I was more in alignment, if I knew more what brought me pleasure was prioritizing that in my life, would this be different?
- [56:53]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
You hit the nail on the head with all the symptoms is we can look at the physiological piece. Like, I was thinking about low libido. You and I talked about this on my podcast. Like, rubbing more testosterone cream on you when you're resentful at your partner isn't necessarily gonna increase. Just like, if your diet's horrible and you're totally stressed out and you're miserable in your life, putting an estrogen patch on isn't gonna be the end all, be all. And so there needs to be, like, a complex opening to this conversation that these symptoms aren't just loss of hormones. And thank God we're opening up the HRT discussion. But now your job, what you get to do is see why the rage and the resentment and the depression and the anxiety and the las of libido, like, what's at the root of that? I think that will hopefully be the next wave of menopausal conversation that women start to step into.
- [57:53]
American Express Announcer
Experience a membership that backs what you're building with American Express Business Platinum. Enjoy complimentary access to the the American Express Global Lounge collection and a welcome offer of 200,000 points after you spend $20,000 on purchases on the card within your first three months of membership. American Express Business Platinum. There's nothing like it. Terms apply. Learn more@AmericanExpress.com Business Platinum.
- [58:22]
Kelly Casperson
I think so. I mean, I think. I think hormones have been suppressed or held back from women for so long that we've got to catch up up with that access. But we all, like, we're Americans, we like quick fixes. What if you just up my dose and you're like, no, you gotta do the effing work, Clean up the diet, prioritize the sleep, get some fresh air, right? Like, that's. It's not this, like, quick fix that a lot of people want to make it of. Like, yes, it does quick fix some things, but it doesn't quick fix you out of integrity with your life and realizing, like, whose life have you been Living. And do you wanna do something about that?
- [58:57]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
I got chills on that one. And I think that's at the root.
- [59:03]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
Of why I suffered through writing another book. Because let me tell you, it's horrible.
- [59:09]
Kelly Casperson
People.
- [59:10]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
For people who haven't written books, it's horrible. And then you gotta go out and market the book. I always say it's like taking your soul and opening it up and allowing.
- [59:22]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
The world to critique it.
- [59:23]
Kelly Casperson
Oh, yeah. Like, do you like My baby Is my baby world person in Ohio on YouTube? Is this okay for you?
- [59:32]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
That's it, exactly.
- [59:33]
Kelly Casperson
But it helps people. Like, books help people profoundly.
- [59:38]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
And I'm always happy once people finds me in public and recognizes me and is like, you changed my life. I'm like, oh, good. Because when I wrote that book.
- [59:46]
Kelly Casperson
Thank God.
- [59:48]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
Thank God, something good came from it. But, yeah, I mean, it. It's the most arduous process that I've ever been through. And I keep writing them. Not sure why, but I think it's.
- [60:01]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
Because here's what I've finally come to on books, and especially in this whole menopause area, is that we should look at them as openings to a conversation that we all get to now step into and decide what's right for us. And what I see happening in the Zeitgeist right now is so many women that are like, wait a second. Like, it's almost like, is it safe to come out now? Can I come out now?
- [60:27]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
Can I really speak what I want to say?
- [60:29]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
And I think, I hope from this conversation that women are hearing, yeah, Like, Kelly and I are like, yes, please.
- [60:38]
Kelly Casperson
We're the Eights. The Eights will lead. Well, I think our society has given such a narrow window of what being a woman is, that if you can we make a lot of money on you trying to fit in this narrow window of what a woman is like. I truly think we are blowing that open to be like. And a woman can be 80, and a woman can be 20, and a woman can be 50, and she can be a mom and she can have a job and she can like to play the violin, and she can like to not wear high heels. We're blowing open the definition and saying we want everybody on board. Because we were realizing. And that's the awakening. We were realizing this is a really narrow sidewalk we've all been put on, and we're not in integrity with it. If you say the definition of a woman is all these things, there's room for everybody.
- [61:27]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
Yeah. Oh, my God. That is so well said. I tell A little bit of this in the book. But when I was a kid, I was a total tomboy. I was just really good at every sport I did. And I'm, as a 56 year old, I'm really appreciative of this. I always say I was born in my body. Like I wasn't on the outside, and yet my 50s mom was like, okay, when you're ready to stop wearing the OP shorts, do you remember OP shorts? And you want to put on the Shamenda furs.
- [62:00]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
I'm ready.
- [62:01]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
I'm ready to show you how to be feminine. And I love what you just, just said, is that now fast forward to where we are and feminine has really taken on a whole new definition. And in my definition, I feel like feminine is power. It is rooted. It is standing up for yourself. That is the new version of a female. And it can be all the things you just said.
- [62:29]
Kelly Casperson
I love it and I hope this is an invitation for people who are listening to be like you. Being the you est you is the best thing for this world. Listen to the women who've gone through it.
- [62:39]
Dr. Kelly Casperson
Right.
- [62:40]
Kelly Casperson
And for the women who've gone through it, encouraging them to continue to share your stories. Because women need to hear other women's stories because then it becomes possible and it's a beautiful thing.
- [62:51]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
Exactly.
- [62:52]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
I'm sure you've heard the quote, don't ask what the world needs, ask what lights you up. Because what the world needs is more people who are lit up. The world doesn't need women who are going invisible and staying quiet as they age. The world right now needs women to stand in their rooted power and speak their truth. That is what we need.
- [63:14]
Kelly Casperson
Totally and by God, advocate more than the Australians. They're kicking our butt, you guys. They're doing a very good job. We can take a playbook page from them. Thank you so much for joining me today.
- [63:26]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
Thank you, Kelly, for having me. I love chatting with you again.
- [63:30]
Kelly Casperson
I know, it's so fun. I'll come to California again.
- [63:32]
Dr. Kelly Casperson
It'll be good.
- [63:33]
Kelly Casperson
Can people find your book tour on your website? Where would you like them to go to see where you're all gonna be?
- [63:39]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
You can go to agelikeagirlbook.com there's all kinds of bonuses there and fun things. I'm kind of everywhere. I always tell people YouTube is my passion project. And I'm gonna say this because I've aged like a girl. We'll see. If I do a book tour. I may or may not do a book tour because that might not be in my own personal best interest.
- [64:02]
Guest or Co-host (possibly a friend or colleague)
So stay tuned.
- [64:03]
Kelly Casperson
I love that. Thank you so much for joining us today.
- [64:06]
Dr. Mindy Peltz
Thank you.
- [64:07]
Dr. Kelly Casperson
Thank you for listening to this week's episode of youf Are Not Broken. If you want to dig deeper with me, sign up for my Adult Sex Education Masterclass where you learn adult things like communication skills, anatomy lessons and desire types, and how to talk to your doctor about sexual health concerns. If you want the Adult Sex Education Masterclass for free, join my monthly membership for more in depth exclusive content, more time with yours truly. A private podcast, coaching and educational empowerment and you can watch my interviews live and get them immediately without advertising. Head over to www.kellycaspersonmd.com for the membership and adult Sex Ed Masterclass members. Get the Master class for free. This podcast is presented solely for educational, entertainment and informational purposes. I am a doctor but not your doctor in this format and all of my platforms and guests including on this podcast are not giving individual medical advice or practicing medicine. See in Consult with your own care team for your individual needs and concerns. This podcast is not intended as a substitute for the care and advice of a physician, therapist or other qualified professional. This podcast does not constitute the practice of medicine, in case you were curious about that and no doctor patient relationship is formed. But I still love you. Using the information on this podcast or any of my platforms is at your own risk. Until next time. Remember you are not broken.