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- [00:01]
A
Welcome to youo Are Not Broken, the podcast that challenges everything we've been taught about midlife hormones and sexuality. I'm Dr. Kelly Casperson, board certified urologist, author and a leading voice in women's sexual and hormone health. Enjoy the show.
- [00:14]
B
Hey, everybody. We've got a big surprise today and I'm so excited to bring back my friend Lara Pack, who is the CEO founder of Elixir Play in Australia. We met in Sydney. Welcome back.
- [00:26]
C
Thank you so much. It's good to be back. Super exciting for this.
- [00:29]
B
And we're going to talk about vibrators today because we have a very exciting announcement. But I want to encourage people to go Back to episode 346, which is Dr. Dubinskaya. Dubinskaya. Where we talk about the science and the papers and the published research on vibrators to help with blood flow, arousal. And even looking pre. Prelim data is looking like it helps genital urinary syndrome and menopause and lichen sclerosis, likely through a blood flow mechanism. So go check that one out. And also go check out episode 312 where Lara and I chat for the first time about vibrators. So if you need, if you're like, this is awesome and I just need all the data on vibrators and also if you go back a lot, a lot like previous years on my podcast, I have other vibrator episodes. So this is not the first nor will it be our last in talking about vibrators today. Laura, welcome.
- [01:19]
C
Thank you so much. Thank you.
- [01:21]
B
You want to break the news?
- [01:22]
C
No, I'm going to let you do it.
- [01:24]
B
You're going to let me break the news?
- [01:25]
C
I'm going to let you break the news.
- [01:27]
B
So I am collaborating with Laura on my very first vibrator. Not my first vibrator, but my first authorized vibrator creation vibrator.
- [01:38]
C
The best designed vibrator.
- [01:40]
B
My first designed vibrator. Thank you. So it is called the Explorer and it is. This podcast is coming out on the 8th of February. The vibrator is going to be released American Valentine's Day. Does Australia have the same valentine? Do you guys have a Valentine's Day? We do.
- [01:57]
C
We do.
- [01:57]
B
Is Valentine's Day worldwide?
- [01:59]
C
It is worldwide. So we know this. It's Valentine.
- [02:02]
B
Okay. Valentine's day worldwide, like 13th, 14th, so the weekend after. So we're going to do preorder pre order links that you can find in the show notes here and check out Elixir play. Com if you don't want to go to the pre order link. And you just want to go to elixirplay.com because this pre orders are up now. They will be shipping in February for the vibrator release Valentine's Day weekend worldwide. It is called the Explorer. I'm so excited about it because it's an external only. Nothing's penetrating. And I'm like, so stoked about that.
- [02:36]
C
It's amazing. What's your design? I remember when we first started discussing it, and I think it's really important that your first vibrator that you've done is actually an external only. So it's amazing.
- [02:47]
B
I love it. It's so badass. So my story, like, I would tell a story about how we met and then you can change it.
- [02:53]
C
Okay.
- [02:53]
B
Rachel Rubin introduced us over email because I was coming to Sydney. So I was speaking at Sydney Opera House, March 1, 2025, which seems like a literal eon ago and is not quite even a year ago, pretty much. And so she, she was like, laura's amazing. You gotta meet her. And I'm like, I'm not scheduling anything because I'm gonna be in Sydney and probably won't be feeling well because time zones and blah. So, like, I, like put you off for a while in my, in my storytelling world. And then like, you were like, okay, but what about Thursday? Or what about like, blah, blah, blah? Like, you were super open time I had available. And how I recall it, I was like, if you can go for a walk at like 4pm on Thursday, like, let's go for a walk if you can meet me at the hotel. And you were like, yes, let's do it. And then I was like, lara's amazing. Is your story any different?
- [03:39]
C
Well, but I mean, I don't know that I would call myself amazing. But no safe story. I mean, listen, you're you and you're amazing and I've idolized you and looked up to you for so long because you're a true advocate in the sense of the word. And you really. You teach people. You take the time to teach and educate. Not just, hey, here's a product you like. Here's the science behind it, which I really value as a human and then in the business. But I remember that. And actually it was so good because I feel like there's something also less scary about going for a walk with someone than let's sit down. And at that stage, we didn't even know we were going to do a product or anything. We were just like. It was like the high. Like, do we want to Be friends. That's easier to do over a walk.
- [04:20]
B
Totally. For any. Because, like, for midlife women in general, like, finding new friends is hard. Like, walk. Walk with people. Walking and coffee.
- [04:27]
C
Yeah, absolutely.
- [04:29]
B
That's my advice. So then we. So you're. You told me about your company and why you started it, and. And share with us why you did that, and then we'll talk about how we got to play DOH in hotel lobbies.
- [04:41]
C
We've had a fun journey. Yeah. So I started the brand. I had vaginismus, had really painful sex, and I wanted to. Eventually was told to use vibrators for blood flow predominantly and to try to relax the muscles. And I decided in that moment that I couldn't find any brands on the market that resonated with me, and I wanted to create a brand from scratch that I had the control over, that I could use an education platform and also design the products myself and know the full quality control from start to finish. So designed the products, you know, made plenty of mistakes along the way, Learned a lot of things, but really, really stand by, you know, what I do, how the products are created. But then doing this with you is amazing because there's only so much that I understand about our bodies and the science behind it. So it's been quite an incredible process to partner with you on how do we actually understand the anatomy and what people need, what particularly what women need. But in partnerships or alone or all these things, it's been a really incredible journey. I love it. Yes. Started with Plato in a hotel, sort of.
- [05:44]
B
Plato. I remember what hotel we were at. It seemed like we were at the.
- [05:47]
C
W. It was the W. So pretty. I remember sitting there and being like, oh, this is a really nice hotel.
- [05:52]
B
And then. Yeah. So, like, we went up to the bar, and Laura brought, like, modeling clay. And I was like. I mean, because I. This was not, like, something. I was like, oh, let me think about it. I was like, yeah, I want to. And I'd, like, said no to other people, like, about collaborating with them. Some people just wanted my ideas, and then we're gonna go do their thing. And I'm like, you get smarter the longer you're in this. I'm like, I'm not just gonna give you my idea. Like, I'm gonna, like, do the pro. I want to do the product with somebody. And so, like, I'd, like said no, and was kind of on the journey of, like, hey, it would be cool to do a vibrator someday. So I kind of knew what I wanted to do. And I knew that I wanted. I mean, I see as a urologist, I see so many people with genital urinary syndrome of menopause. There's no data that I've seen on this, but they say the average woman takes seven or eight years before she sees a urologist for bladder leakage and. Or anybody for bladder leakage. And I bet you the date is the same for sex. Maybe it's moved up a couple of years. But, like, I see so many women where it's like, it's been five years, it's been eight years. Like, this isn't like a. It's been two week. It hurt two weeks ago. So I'm coming into the doctor, like, that's where I would love to see the needle moved. But, like, it's been so long that they. It's so painful or like, inconceivable for them to put something inside their vagina that, like, we really just have to start with, like, blood flow, pleasure getting back in our body. And I'm saying that, like, that's like, simple and easy, but you. It's like the Monopoly game. You, like, can't pass go. You can't get to park place if you, like, don't work on just like, arousal and that it feels good. And that just ties into, like, women not experiencing as much pleasure with heterosexual sex as the men do. Like, that is well documented for anybody who's new here. Right. And to really bring in blood flow. Blood flow, blood flow. Because we skip over the female arousal. We go straight from, like, desire to, ah, I did an orgasm. And we completely ignore the arousal blood flow component, which you can't really. It's very hard to have an orgasm without blood flow. Like, think of a erect penis, right? Harder to have an orgasm if the penis isn't turned on. So it's just like, so excited. So I took the modeling clay and I'm like, I would. I would make it vibrate on the labia majora and. And I would make it. I would make it so that people can put it on their clitoral body, like up on the clitoris and just have vibration there and just feel it. And I knew, like, you'd already have. You have four products before the Explorer. Yeah, yeah. So it's like, you know, high quality silicone, you know, good motors and factories. Like, we weren't starting, like, completely from scratch. You brought a lot of, like, trial and error already to this product. And so because I'm like, I don't want hard plastic I don't want a weak motor, you know, I don't want anything that's going to break down because Lord knows I love using silicone lube with silicone toys. And like, you need, you need a good quality silicone for that. And so like, to do a collab was a no brainer. Cause I'm like, you bring like a functioning company with high quality vibrators and I bring the like years and years of talking to women about issues with sex and pain, with penetration and no arousal ever attempted and like genital urinary syndrome of menopause and people being afraid of lube and like bring all of that stuff to be like, I want an external vibrator where like, you can just feel that this is what arousal is, this is what orgasm is. So I'll let you chat for a little bit while I'm unboxing. And it will show and tell. We'll show and tell. For the people who can watch this on video.
- [09:20]
C
Show and tell. I think that's really true. And I think the things that we thought about was like, how does it feel to hold? Right? So we, we, we kind of narrowed down. All right, this is the anatomical area want to focus on and then you've got to think about, but how is it used, right? And what angle are you holding it and how does it sit in your hand and feel comfortable? Because you essentially want it as an extension of your own body, right? So the idea is that you are exploring your own body. That's why we came up with the Explorer also, because when you see it, you'll understand why we've named it that. But the idea then was about really thinking through the design. And so we spent a lot of time kind of molding it, playing with it. I think we did quite a few video chats where like I'd hold it and we had an anatomical model of the clitoris and we'd be working out. Okay, well that's great, and it's great when it works anatomically, but then how does it feel as well? So again, you gotta think about all these things because we're talking to people, and particularly to women that haven't necessarily engaged with their bodies in a really long time and might have not felt so safe to do so. And so we want to make this a really soft landing, if that makes sense, into kind of working your way up to using a vibrator and exploring your own body. So we, we spent a ton of time doing that, going backwards and forwards. We had a lot of models made that we could really work it through. So when you see this final product, I guess what we're both trying to get at is there's a lot of thought into every single detail around this, both from an anatomical but also from a human perspective of what, what does this feel like and how do you use it. That I don't know for you. But for me, I'm, I'm so proud of that because we really spent a ton of time, this has been a year in the making to get it right.
- [11:02]
B
Yeah, totally. I mean I remember it was, there was a lot of back and forth about. So we kind of have a divot in on one side. So one side is a little divot in the middle of it. And the goal of that is to put that over the clitoris. But you can't have the divot too deep because then it's not going to touch the clitoris. Right. Because the other stuff's going to sit on it like a plate. But then the divots too deep, you're not going experience any vibration on the clitoris. So it's like how, how deep should that be? No, let's make that more shallow. Let's make that more shallow. And then the other side, if you flip it around, has a little bit of a ridge, like a very gradual, there's no sharp corners, like a very gradual rise of a ridge in the middle of it. And so you can turn that and actually have that sit in and vibrate on the labia minora. So just sitting right at the entrance of the vulva, labia minora. And it's like so thoughtful that we did that. I'm like, so you can use this at any angle. I just have to, I have to.
- [11:53]
C
Unpack it because now I think you should undone it.
- [11:55]
A
This show is sponsored by MIDI Health. When we experience perimenopause, menopause and midlife issues, we feel unheard, dismissed and unserved by the traditional healthcare industry. And here's the powerful truth. It's time for a change. It's time for midi. MIDI is not just a healthcare provider. It's a woman's telehealth clinic. Founded and supported by world class leaders in women's health. MIDI is leading the way by providing expert personalized insurance covered virtual health care for women in midlife. Empowering us to thrive and experience our second act with vitality and confidence. Ready to feel your best and write your second act script? Visit join MIDI.com today to book your personalized insurance covered virtual visit. That's joinmitty.com MIDI the Care Women deserve. Now back to the show.
- [12:46]
B
Okay, so here's the box for people. For people who are on audio, just go to the website Elixir Play, you can see it. But for people, if YouTube allows this, which they should because it's education, this is the box for the Explorer. And it's a nice little beautifully packaged box. And on the inside of it, thank you so much for purchasing the Explorer. And then it sits in this beautiful box and you can see it's a beautiful, beautiful. I think this is indigo.
- [13:09]
C
Let's see if it is indigo. And you remember, it's indigo became. That's what everyone voted for when you asked.
- [13:13]
B
We had you guys vote for people who are new to me. We had you guys vote. So follow me on Instagram for fun things. So it's really palm size. If you think like, I think of like, you know, what's one serving of protein and they're like palm size serving of like chicken and fish. It's like this is literally, literally palm sized. So again, extension of your hand and your body, you can hold it and it's palm size. And well, you can see one side has this nice ridge which can sit inside the vulva to vibrate on the labia minora. Amazing. And this, the top, I would say, I would call this the top. So the top of. It's a little bit more of an acute angle. I won't say sharp, but an acute angles for direct, direct vibration on the clitoris. I think that is fan. Absolutely fantastic. And then a little wider base on the bottom. But you can also flip it around and have the more pointed stuff be on the perineum. So be at the 6 o' clock spot, which needs a lot of blood flow. There's a lot of thinning there and a lot of pain there for a lot of people. Put your vaginal estrogen at that six o' clock spot. It notoriously gets dry and irritated as we lose our hormones. And then you can see on the other side, it's got this, this nice kind of divot to go over the clitoral body. Just on the tops, just on your mons pubis, kind of sit over the clitoral body and have vibration. And it's a nice strong motor, which.
- [14:33]
C
Which I like because the strong, without being like. I think I spoke about this on the last one that, you know, we don't want lawnmowers, right? We don't want it to lawnmowers.
- [14:43]
B
No, it's not. It's Very quiet.
- [14:44]
C
That's the quiet. But it's. It's strong. Yeah.
- [14:48]
B
Yeah. I think people don't understand, like, how incredibly responsive the pelvic nerves are to vibration. And, like, thank you to all of the neuroscientists who have researched that before us. Like, just kind of validating. What? Like, we're like, oh, vibrators work? We're like, yeah. Because those nerves are actually incredibly tuned to vibratory sensation, which is like the neuroscience nerd in me. Coming through. Anything else you want to say about the size. The size of it?
- [15:11]
C
I mean, I just think. I mean, I'm so excited to launch it so we can get feedback. And we do want feedback on it. We really, you know, we've tested it with lots of people feeling it, touching it, and holding it. The silicon's like, I've got one here, too. It's just so soft. Like, it's actually really hard to explain because. Yeah. But it just. It just sits so comfortably. It's a really beautifully designed product. And I think, you know, what we want to really work on is helping people understand that using vibrators is good for your sexual health. Like, it's really good for your sexual health. It's good for blood flow. It's good for arousal. And this is not offensive. This does not look like a penis. This does not in any way interfere with a partner. This is about using to explore your own body with or without your partner.
- [15:57]
B
Yeah. You could leave this on your nightstand and have somebody walk into the bedroom and not be. Not be worried that this is actually even a vibrator. Like, people wouldn't. People wouldn't know.
- [16:08]
C
Yeah, not at all.
- [16:09]
B
That's my. Unless you. Unless they have one, then they'd be like, touche.
- [16:13]
C
Exactly.
- [16:14]
B
I love it. I mean, to me, I'm like, we don't. We don't make fun of men for using Viagra. Right. It's like a tool for sexual health. And it's like, vibrators are a tool for sexual. Sexual health.
- [16:25]
C
Yeah, that's what it is. When I feel like recently there's definitely been more talk about it, but this is one of the things, right, Is that, you know, you're a medical professional, you've studied this and know that this is right. This is not just an influencer saying, use a vibrator that I love. Right. There's actual medical science behind it. We lose our hormones, you know, we're experiencing pain where our blood flow has been, you know, depleted. And we know there's some data There'll be more data coming out, hopefully soon. But we know that the nerve endings, over time, just don't respond the same way. But to your point, they do respond to vibration, so there's actual medical reasons to use this. This is not just two people deciding, oh, you know, we want to make vibrators and do things. There was proper thought behind it and anatomy. And to your point, I think, you know, by stimulating these specific areas, that's what's more likely to increase arousal, blood flow, flow, all of those things. So that's why, you know, I can tell people, when I was having those conversations with you, you were so adamant that this is. This is the anatomy that I want to work with. And then the product was designed. It wasn't. You didn't sit there with the, you know, clay and play DOH and be like, I'm just randomly. You were very specific about. This is what people are coming to me with. This is what I want to focus on. So.
- [17:40]
B
And I think, you know, so many people are. And you know this already because this is a lot of your customers of, like, it's my first vibrator, right? Like, what do I do? It's my first vibrator. And it's like, you want to. Nothing on the Internet prepares people for, like, try this first, do this first. Like. And so I really thought, like, because eventually I would like to have a range. I would like to have, like, a beginner vibrator, an intermediate, you know, all comers vibrator, pun intended. And then, like, the advanced vibrator of, like, hey, if you know what you're doing, this one's for you, right? And to really be, like, the first one has to be the beginner. It has to be approachable for everybody. It needs to be comfortable for everything. I mean, this thing would feel excellent on a penis as well, and a perineum and a scrotum. Like, it just feels. Feels really good on a breast and a nipple. Like, it. It can go on all body parts for all people. And it's really not intimidating. Again, it doesn't look like a vibrator in the traditional sense. It doesn't look phallic. And it. It's. It's very, like, not. When you see a phallic vibrator, you're like, the goal is to put it in the vagina, right? And this is like, there's no real goal except for experiencing blood flow, experiencing being in your body, experiencing what arousal might be, because I guarantee you, a lot of people don't know like, that's what arousal is. A lot of people rush, rush things too. It's like, no, no, just, just. We're just going to chill out and let a vibrator be on your body for a little bit and just like learn to tolerate that and be curious about that and see what feels good and see what's too much and like, it's a learning experience. And I really wanted an approachable beginner vibrator. There is a company on the market that shall not be named, and they're kind of positioning themselves as the midlife vibrator. And it's a effing huge phallic, pointy at the end, hard plastic and incredibly expensive, multiple hundreds of dollars. And I'm like, this is literally the most wrong thing for this group of women that could be created for every single reason that I just pointed out. And it's like to be so thoughtful in who we're trying to help. And I would say even for like, you know, moms who are like, what's the first vibrator to get my younger daughter? If you have a young person who hasn't had penis and vagina intimacy, like, this is approachable for them. We don't have to put anything on the inside. So it's really like beginner simple, all comers. And the other thing I really like about it is how it's so soft on the outside but more firm on the inside, which is really kind of what body parts are. Right? Like that is what a finger is. That is what mouths are. That is what a penis is. It's like it's body parts are soft on the outside with firmer on the inside. And we like, literally, to your point of, this is an extension of one's body. It's designed that way.
- [20:19]
C
I totally agree. And I think, you know, don't get me wrong, I think people who aren't beginners can use it too. Right? Like it's not about, oh yeah, just the one, but it is.
- [20:28]
B
I'm just as happy with this as a beginner is.
- [20:32]
C
Same here.
- [20:33]
B
Enough said. And it's not my. This is not in my first dozen of vibrators. Enough said. That's all I will share with people. But yes, to your. To your point.
- [20:43]
C
But so excited and so excited to get it out there and get feedback and hear. You know, the best part of what I do is getting people messaging saying how much it's transformed their lives. And so it's just about giving it a go. Right? The hardest part, excuse the pun, is taking the initiative to just give it a try. And doing that because I haven't had anyone be like, oh, I really regret purchasing this vibrator. Or they certainly don't email me about it. But I do get a ton of emails of, you know, I went from not enjoying sex at all to now being able to enjoy. I went from experiencing pain to not experience pain. Or now I actually have arousal and, you know, I can feel things that I haven't felt for 20, 30 years. So that's the goal.
- [21:26]
B
There's something to, you know, in stepping back to what desire is like, you can't desire mushy, smelly chicken. You can't desire hitting your thumb with a hammer. Like, you can't. You're not. The way dopamine works in the brain is, if it's boring, if it doesn't involve orgasm, if it doesn't involve pleasure, you're not going to desire it. And there's something about sex feeling effing good that makes you want to do it again. Right. And so, you know, I think so many, especially women, beat themselves up about not having desire for something that isn't pleasurable in the first place. And so it's like, you got to back up. And anybody who treats women with low desire, you kind of have to back up and ask that question. Because the male centric view is fix the desire first. Because obviously sex is good.
- [22:08]
C
Yeah.
- [22:08]
B
And I think women who are in this space and in this industry and in this healthcare, we understand, no, the sex not. Is not always good. So don't think that fixing desire is going to lead to good sex.
- [22:19]
C
Right.
- [22:19]
B
And oftentimes you kind of have to flip that and be like, you must create something worth desiring.
- [22:24]
C
Yeah, that's so true.
- [22:25]
B
Before we go, we got amazing Q&As from people on Instagram because I posted in my stories that were. I was going to do a podcast about vibrators, and they're great questions. So we're going to get to it. But before we get to it, I really want to address for a second the role of consent and safety in pleasurable, wonderful sex. Do you want to start. Start on that one?
- [22:44]
C
Yeah. Well, I think, look, it's a huge part of why I started this. And it's a. It's a pillar of what, you know, the business stands for, what I stand for as a human. But I think one of the big things is we talk a lot about consent, and that makes a lot of sense with a new partner. But that actually also applies in a Relationship as well. And this idea that just because you're in a relationship, there's assumed consent is not a thing.
- [23:08]
B
Or assumed safety.
- [23:09]
C
Or assumed safety. So I think, you know, when I started doing this, one of the key reasons why a lot of people experience pain is because the prevalence of sexual assault is so high, something like 20%, which is insane.
- [23:23]
B
Well, that's. That's reported. I mean, just double.
- [23:27]
C
So it's probably even higher than that. Absolutely. And, you know, that's a huge reason often, why then sex becomes not pleasurable because your body's not dumb. Like, hang on a second. This was not good. I don't want to do this again. And so whether you think about it or not, it. In it. It. It does out of its own goodness, it shuts down. And sometimes that's really hard to come back from. So I just think it's really important to take a minute to understand that we are all about consent in all forms. In every relationship, whether you're meeting someone for the first time or you've been in a relationship for 10, 20 years, you have to want and acknowledge and be engaged in the process of saying yes and being part of it. And if you're not, then you need to go and speak to someone, or not need to, but you should go and speak to someone and get, you know, get some support on that. There are lots of places that you can get support. But it's really important that we all acknowledge that this is not. There's no such thing as assumed consent in any situation. And we both feel very much that we want to acknowledge that and be part of that, because we do promote that. You can use this with your partner, but use it with your partner if that's what you want to do, not because someone's forcing you to do it.
- [24:34]
B
I love that. And I think the other thing people think of when they think of safety is like, do I feel safe with my partner? And you're like, yeah, of course. We live in a house together, and I've known him for 20 years and blah, blah, blah. But I think what a lot of people don't think about, which I think is very pertinent to the current shitstorm of the world as we know it, is, do I feel safe in this world and do I feel safe as a woman in this world? Do I feel safe as a woman who's watching what men are doing to women in this world? Right. And I think we must talk about that, because even if I'm like, I'm perfectly safe with My partner. I know I'm safe, and I know that I am loved, and I know that that's all good. My body has feeling what I've been watching, what I've been reading, you know, what's going on on social media. And there's a level of safety as a woman with sex that, frankly, I think we do not talk about enough. And thank God for podcasts so we can actually talk about this. Not on platforms where they don't even let us say our body parts in vulva. But I really just want to acknowledge that for everybody. Of, even if you feel safe with your partner, you might not feel safe in the world as a woman, knowing the harm that has been done to women in their bodies. And I. I would just want to acknowledge that for everybody.
- [25:45]
C
Yeah. Thank you. It's so true.
- [25:47]
B
So true. And I think part of what you. What is clearly what you're doing with your company and what I'm doing with. With my adv and, you know, my clinic and the books is like, I hate the word reclaiming, because sometimes you just want to say claiming, but it's like, sex should be for women. It should be for everybody. It should be in a wonderful pleasure loving. Like, it's such a weapon, and it's also such joy. And it's massively complex. And we're adults, and we can handle complex things, but sometimes we just need to put a little acknowledgement to that and some words to that to be like, why. Why make sex toys in a world that uses sex as a weapon against women?
- [26:25]
C
Right.
- [26:25]
B
Because sex is for you when done lovingly and supportively and consensually and prioritizing you and your body and the amazing things that your body can do to feel pleasure. And I just think that it sometimes looks like a dichotomy. Yes, right. Or a polarization, because everything is shut down in return. Like, you know, you can't say certain words on your website because then your website gets blocked.
- [26:49]
C
Right. Like, and I think there's this idea that it's sexualized. Right. But it's not that it's sexualized. It's empowering. There's actually a really big difference, but through different lenses, it looks like different things. So the lens that we're coming at is we're creating a tool and a device that supports you on your journey for you to enjoy sex. But what the world might see that as is you're into this kinky, sexualized world. Oh, this person wants to get into crazy sex and all these things. And that's not what we're about. So it seems kind of raw that we're bringing a new product in at a time when the world is really confronting and there's all these things going on. But actually it's the. It's the opposite of that. Right. It's so that you can find a safe, secure way to be able to enjoy sex again in your own comfort. I love that.
- [27:36]
B
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- [28:04]
A
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B
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- [28:44]
C
Yes.
- [28:44]
B
Okay. These questions. Yeah, we're going to rapid fire it. Can vibrators do any long term damage?
- [28:50]
C
I don't know. I haven't seen any research that's done that. But I'm not actually sure. Have you seen.
- [28:56]
B
Yeah, the one I quote often is ishwish at Long Beach. I think it was like two years ago. Now they actually some researchers looked at what type of vibration causes nerve damage and they had to like basically go to jackhammer oper because that's a hell of a vibration that can over time cause nerve damage. But even a jackhammer, like doesn't. People are like jackhammer operators for life. And so people argue like, well, that's hands and this is genitals. But they basically compared the level of, you know, velocity or however you measure intensity of like jackhammers versus vibrators and like, no, basically no. If you use them as they're not advised, if you stick them up places that you cannot retrieve them.
- [29:37]
C
Yeah, different story, different story in on that.
- [29:40]
B
Yeah, we're not talking about that. We're just talking about like, does a vibrator made in a. In a factory that makes vibrators? So these are all like very standardized motor settings and stuff. Like. No, they should not cause long term damage. Ideas on incorporating conversations about vibrators in our medical practice.
- [29:57]
C
That's a good. I mean, I've got ideas, but you're the medical. No, you go.
- [30:00]
B
Because you just created a. You just created a handout. So especially for the people who ask this, like, where can they get this?
- [30:05]
C
I did. I think it's about. So I think they're different things, right? When you're walking into, let's say a sex store, you're going in with the intention to buy something like that. And so the conversation's really about which one suits you. Think in a medical practice, the conversation needs to go back to what is the problem we're trying to address? And is the problem arousal or is the problem Desire is the problem. Penetration is the problem pain. And so for me, this is part of a suite of tools that should be offered in the same way that we talk about hormones, right, which should always be a good starting point, and lubrication, which should always be a good starting point. But it seems to stop there. And then we don't actually think about devices. So the way I see it is it should just be in addition to. And an extension of all the other things that we're talking about that are tools to support women.
- [30:49]
B
I love it. I would add, it's very hard to talk about sex, especially with a stranger, if you don't like, if you're in. And I'm talking from a clinician standpoint now, if this person's brand new and you've got 10 minutes, don't be like, just use a vibrator.
- [31:03]
C
Yeah. Next with wine.
- [31:05]
B
No. Yeah, a bottle of wine, vibrator, new boyfriend. Like it's. It comes across as very dismissive. And so to me I'm like, you have to have resources to send people to. So I would say my book, you are not broken. The podcast, you are not broken. Safe websites like Elixir Play. Because if you just say like, go on Amazon to get a vibrator, like, that is shit for shit and a race to a bottom on shit quality shit on Amazon and vibrators, right? So that's what I think about, like a curated place. I have a place in my town that's a curated sex store women owned. And so that's a nice reference. So refer People. So it's more like have places to refer people to and judge. Judge the audience in the room. Right. Like, you don't know if this person's a sexual abuse survivor. You don't know if they have untreated gsm. And again, if you haven't done a pelvic exam and you don't know, and you, heaven forbid, recommend this thing that's being marketed for midlife women that's multiple hundreds of dollars, hard plastic, pointy at the end and massive. Like, that's the wrong vibrator.
- [32:09]
C
Yeah, Right.
- [32:10]
B
And so to me, I'm like, yes, absolutely. Incorporated. And you can fall back on the fact that there are scientific papers published. Literally, there's one called is it time to incorporate vibrators into medical practice?
- [32:21]
C
Exactly.
- [32:21]
B
I think that's Alexandra Dubinsky. Dubinskaya again. Sorry, I'm killing your last name. But so it's like, this is published data, published research that it helps arise arousal. It'd be like asking, like, is Viagra. Like, should I talk about Viagra in my medical practice? Obviously you should.
- [32:37]
C
Right.
- [32:38]
B
Because it helps man's sexual health. Like, obviously, we should talk about vibrators in women and vaginal estrogen. Always vaginal estrogen and always lube. So like you said, it's not just use vibrators. It's like, let's talk about sex. What issues do we have? Because otherwise it can be very dismissive to be like, just go. Just go get a vibrator. Right. It's not. It's not good. Heard about a new product that was a stimulator versus what's the difference? And do you know that brand or name?
- [33:03]
C
I don't know.
- [33:04]
B
I don't either. What would you say the difference between a stimulator and a vibrator is? I think vibration.
- [33:08]
C
If I think of a stimulator, I think of, like, medical devices that specifically kind of like, I don't know, target an area and then. But I mean, I don't know. I don't know. Without knowing the brand, it would be hard to know.
- [33:20]
B
That's what I'm like, is it a website that's just saying stimulation instead of vibration? Like, vibration is one type of stimulator. Because I would also then think, like the clitoral air pulse devices or suction devices, they also stimulate, but they don't always vibrate.
- [33:33]
C
Yes.
- [33:34]
B
So to me, I'm like, I think those are kind of interchangeable. And if somebody was like, selling their product is like a stimulator. It's not a vibrator I'd be like, are we just using different words for kind of the same thing? That's my thought.
- [33:44]
C
I would think the same.
- [33:46]
B
Hypochlorous acid, good for cleaning vibrators.
- [33:51]
C
Can't say I have ever heard of that in my life. So I'm going to go with no because.
- [33:55]
B
Right. Because it has acid in the word.
- [33:57]
C
I mean. Well, yeah. And we just don't know what materials. I mean, honestly, a little bit of soap and water will do. Like, it's not rocket science. I mean, they come with a bag. Keep it in the bag, and then it doesn't get dirty. Rinse it before you use it. Rinse it off, you use it. You know, people that are trying to sell you really expensive toy cleaners, Some toys maybe need that. These ones haven't. You know, if you. If you can use them, great. Just clean them. That's the bottom line. Find a way to clean them. I love it.
- [34:21]
B
Yeah. I don't think you need anything specifically.
- [34:23]
C
No. And just be careful with materials. Right. If we haven't tested them, you don't know. So you don't want to. You know, sometimes there's like microscopic changes that happen that aren't visible to the naked eye, but you don't want to ruin the materials.
- [34:33]
B
Okay, so gentle, Like a gentle hand cleanser.
- [34:36]
C
Yeah.
- [34:36]
B
Okay, perfect. Are there any CBD lubes that you would recommend?
- [34:40]
C
We don't have that here, so I don't know.
- [34:43]
B
You don't have cbd?
- [34:44]
C
I don't think so. I'm not sure. I don't know. Do you know of any good ones?
- [34:48]
B
AORIA is a company that I have no affiliation with, but they've been doing some good work. And I do. They do give me samples to hand out in my clinic. And they're kind of like the CBD Natural kind of brand. To me, they seem very high quality. CBD can help, I think, with blood flow, relaxation. So it's kind of popular. Certainly not necessary by any means. CBD being different than thc, both coming from the hemp plant. THC being the psychoactive one. Harder to get, or you have to get in a. Like a marijuana store to do things like that. But yeah, I wouldn't say that's necessary. But play around like, again, you know, everybody's like, what's the one lube? What's the one vibrator? And you're like, okay, for Tuesday. But like, you know, it's the whole, like. Especially if you maybe have the same partner for 20 years, like, you gotta Switch it up a little bit somehow. And sometimes you just want to try a different lube or a different vibrant.
- [35:42]
C
Yeah, 100%.
- [35:45]
B
Can you use elixir Play and the Explorer vibrators with oil based lube or will it degrade the silicone?
- [35:51]
C
So we haven't done an official test with it. I'm actually trying to find, find somebody test it. I haven't heard any negative feedback from oil based lubes on the current products, but I can't specifically. So I can't like 100% say yes, you go for your life. Right. Because we haven't tested it in an actual testing facility. It's actually really hard to find testing facilities that will like, you can test a lube.
- [36:14]
B
Like do. Why don't you just take a, why don't you just take a bottle of oil based lube, put the Explorer in it for 24 hours.
- [36:21]
C
Yeah. Get a microscope and check it.
- [36:22]
A
Yeah.
- [36:26]
C
Yeah. Full testing. I can't definitively say but you know, people are welcome to do what they do.
- [36:31]
B
Well, I think the rule like the rule of like wash it afterwards is going to take off a lot, you know, a lot of issues. Like I always like, you know, the Internet's like, don't use silicone lube with silicone toys. And I'm like it. If it's a good high quality silicone, like it. I just, I hate water based lubes personally. Yeah, they're sticky and they're cold and I, that doesn't, that's not a turn on. So I'm always the one who like I literally in one of my books, I'm like it, life's too short. Silicone lube with silicone toys. And my friend Jen at the, at Wink Wink boutique in my town who's actually been on my podcast multiple times, old episodes looking at toys and lube and all that stuff she did, she took a high quality silicone toy and put it in a vat of silicone lube overnight and then took it out and she's like, yeah, it's fine. So the, if it's a poorer quality product, like a cheap plastic like an Amazon product or a cheap silicone product that might show more issues with it, but high quality and what, I mean, what do I say when a high quality. I think a high quality vibrator is going to be over a hundred dollars. I just, I think to get a high quality motor and to get high quality silicone, you're looking at over a hundred dollars. Yeah, I don't think it should be $380 or more. This thing is not being paid to do your taxes like, but I think a high affordable.
- [37:45]
C
But at the same time, the reality is the costs are higher. You can absolutely make a really cheap vibrator. I know that. I've seen them. But at the end of the day, then you're compromising on something. It's the same as the design of this. Right. There's always a compromise in something. We don't compromise on quality. Like that's just the reality.
- [38:02]
B
I agree. And that's my benchmark. And it's been $100 for a while. I could probably upgrade due to current inflationary pressures.
- [38:10]
C
Inflation is a tough game.
- [38:12]
B
I was like, it's over a hundred dollars, but it's certainly less than 300.
- [38:15]
C
Yeah.
- [38:16]
B
Is there a specific type of vibrator that you recommend?
- [38:19]
C
Well, again, it depends on, for what, what you're trying to use. Right. So I mean, I actually have a quiz on the website that I asked some questions that I can help people with. Going to be putting out more resources to support people based on the feedback that we get. But you know, for example, if you're looking for, if you prefer external stimulation, which 70% of women do, then the Explorer is going to be amazing. If you specifically want penetration, there are other products that do that. If you want dual stimulation, then you need to go with a different product. So there's, you know, it really does depend on what it is you're looking for. And I think that's why it's really important to look at a range and, you know, ask the questions in that. Because a lot of companies will be like, this is the best vibrator and there is no such thing as the single best vibrator because there is a single best vibrator for the specific reason that you want a vibrator for full stop. So don't, don't believe the hype and stuff. And that's coming from someone who actually makes and sells vibrators. There is no such thing as the best.
- [39:16]
B
I love that. She usually do incorporate that into your marketing.
- [39:18]
C
I should incorporate that into my marketing.
- [39:20]
B
There is no such thing as one specific goodbye. And that's why I like the like beginner friendly.
- [39:25]
C
Yes.
- [39:25]
B
Right. And so it's not intimidating. And you're like, you get to the point where you're like, download the app and have it. Like there's, it's a lot, especially with like privacy and personal person, like safety is like, I don't want something that can connect to the Internet.
- [39:40]
C
Exactly. Frankly. Frankly, I want someone seeing your. The patterns that you're using.
- [39:44]
B
Yeah. Or like you hand somebody your phone for some reason and they open your vibrator app like you do you. But to me, I'm like, especially for beginners, that could be very intimidating things, for sure. Can you get a urinary tract infection from them?
- [39:58]
C
I don't know.
- [39:59]
B
Sure. You can get a UTI from anything. I'm sure you could get, says the urologist.
- [40:03]
C
I mean, I guess if you don't clean it for sure, but I'm not sure outside of that.
- [40:07]
B
If you don't clean it, if you go. If you go to the back end of the front end. Right. So never, never put anything in or near the anus and then put it back up near the urethra without cleaning things or using separate toys. I think a lot of women, their microbiome is thrown off just because they aren't on hormones or they're both postmenopause, not on hormones that can cause it. It's just like the microbiome gets a little bit, you know, lubricious with sex. And so it's like, do you have it? I always think, if you're getting UTIs from vibrators or if you're getting UTIs from sex, or if you're getting UTIs from your partner, number one, the urologist is always like, Is it actually a UTI? Is this actually bacterial? Or does it feel like a uti? Because the pelvis can't tell you, like, this is an infection versus this is inflammation, irritation, tears, burning with peeing from friction. Like, there's so many things that feel the same because our body wasn't designed to tell us, hey, this is a bacteria, or this is genital urinary syndrome of menopause. So I think a lot of women get treated with antibiotics for things that aren't bacterial. So a good urologist or urogynecologist is always going to suss that out. If you go in and you're like, it's, you know, X, Y, and z is causing UTIs is the first thing. We are always like, is it actually a UTI or is it something else? What's the exam show? Are you on hormones? Are you an age where you should be considering hormones to have your microbiome be balanced? Because a healthy microbiome prevents urinary tract infections? People don't know that. If we're talking over anybody's head, if you're. If we're talking over anybody's head, I have, like, over 300 other podcasts that you can go listen to that'll catch you up. But for the most part, I think most people are staying with us pretty good. All right, let's see if there's any more questions from the Internet. If I use mine often, can I become desensitized?
- [41:48]
C
That's an interesting one. So again, I don't know. Have you seen data on. I haven't seen data and I think so I can only talk about this on an emotional level. Right. I haven't seen the data. I think that it's easy to become dependent on. I love this feeling. So I'm going to have this feeling. Right. And vibration is not what any human body can do. Right. So it's at a level that isn't. Isn't possible for, you know, when you talk about external in particular. Right. It's just different. Does that mean it's better or worse? Well, that's an individual thing. So I have heard people that get to a point of they just want that feeling. Do they? Are they not able to orgasm without it? I'm not sure that I can comment on that specifically. I haven't heard that. But I think there are people that just prefer the feeling of using a vibrator more so as well as I haven't necessarily heard instead. So I've not heard someone say to me, well, I only ever want to use a vibrator for life. So I'm never going to be in a relationship with a human again because I love my environment. I. I can't say that I've had that.
- [42:45]
B
They don't replace humans.
- [42:46]
C
They don't replace humans and they don't replace human connection. So I think that that's really important and that's why we spend a lot of time like this should not be an ego threat to any partner because it's. It's not supposed to be. Instead of it's supposed to be as well as. So that you can both enjoy the moment and most.
- [43:02]
B
Yeah. And when I hear that I. I've yet to hear a lesbian say. I've yet to hear a same sex sex couple be like, I'm really intimidated by somebody using a vibrator. Right. It tends to be in this conversation. It tends to be the woman is afraid or worried or concerned. Pick your verb that the man might be intimidated. Demasculinized, X, Y and Z. And I'm usually like, have you asked them? Because what we do a lot of times is we assume without checking the actual facts.
- [43:29]
C
Yeah.
- [43:29]
B
And. And so I would say the first thing first is communicate. And I use I words. I'm worried that you might be intimidated by this. I'm concerned that you might think that, you know, I, I don't need you or I don't love you or blah, blah. So always I questions when we ask like in, you know, possibly vulnerable questions, the average human, and I would say the majority of humans, want their partner to experience pleasure because they know if you like it, you might want to do it again, right? So not wanting to use a vibrator because I'm concerned about X, Y and Z kind of flies in the face of most partners wanting you to like it so that, number one, you want to do it again. But number two, stereotypically men love seeing their partner have pleasure. And women, we need to get that through women's heads. You like, ask the male partner, do you like watching your partner have pleasure? And they're like, yes, that is a massive turn on. So again, it's adult sex ed that we never got of like here, here. Women are worried when really it's like, it's all good. It's all good, like for the most part. And if it's not all good, that is a conversation to have instead of a reason to not use a vibrator or explore or like, this is personal growth. This is a conversation that needs to be had. I would say going back to the desensitized. So the data I've seen is no again, it kind of leads into the nerve damage question of like, no, you will not become desensitized. That said, as we age, we often need more stimulation for pleasure.
- [44:53]
C
Right?
- [44:54]
B
Like the wind can blow and give a penis an erection when they're 16, right? Like wind blowing doesn't tend to do that to a 60 year old man. So I'm just, that's one example. So you tend to need more as you age. That doesn't mean that vibrator is desensitizing you. And the other thing is lots of technology in our life helps us get jobs done better or easier. I'm not addicted to my electric toothbrush. I'm not desensitized because I use a computer. I'm not ruined because I like to drive to the grocery store instead of walk and carry things back.
- [45:22]
C
Right?
- [45:22]
B
So it's this like almost, it gets kind of into this technology shaming of like technology is designed to improve things and make your life better. And we don't tell people that like, oh no, you're just desensitized to walking now, because you prefer driving your car right. Of like there. There's a level of orgasm that technology designed to orgasm can provide that like human body parts can't. That doesn't mean that's bad or not good or, you know, all the things just like car. A car can get you to Wisconsin way faster than walking. That doesn't mean the car's the problem.
- [45:52]
C
Yeah. 100.
- [45:53]
B
So I just like to compare vibrators to other technology and be like, what are we shaming here?
- [45:58]
C
Yeah, what are we.
- [45:59]
B
What are we shaming? The sex? Yes. Okay. Can you get toxic shock syndrome from having one inserted for too long, like hours?
- [46:06]
C
Absolutely no idea.
- [46:07]
B
Laura's like, kelly, I did not know the. The level of questioning this was going to happen. So toxic. For people who don't know, toxic shock syndrome is a. From a bacteria. I forget. It's a bass strap, maybe. I forget. But it's a type of bacteria that develops in old tampons that were like super absorbent tampons and people were leaving these tampons. This is like when I was a kid and they're. These labels are still on tampons. So they made tampons so effing absorbent and so effing effective that you could just like keep them in for like a day or two. But the problem with that is it would house bacteria and the like, the byproduct of this bacteria created something called toxic shock syndrome. And you could actually get very sick. It's like bacteria buildup. So I would say I'm not certain why vibrators are staying in for a long time. I know that they're not tampons, but certainly if anything was in for a long time, you would worry about a biofilm building up on it. So to me, I'm like, I'm not sure. Most vibrators are designed to stay inside a vagina for a long period of time. So normal use, I would say, is very safe on that. Which one do you recommend for your husband to use on you?
- [47:13]
C
Not you.
- [47:13]
B
Not you personally, Laura, don't give us anything.
- [47:15]
C
Yeah, no, no, I understand. I get the question again. I think it depends on what you're looking for, right? Do you want it to penetrate or not penetrate? You know, depending on that. If you're going for non penetration. Oh, amazing. We have the solution for you here if you want penetration. The explorer. Sorry, for those of you that weren't following along, I did just hold it up and move it. So sorry. But yeah, I think it depends if you're Looking for that. Again, if you're looking for jewel, then you want the more rabbit style, which would be like on my products, like an amethyst, right. Or an emerald, if you want something slimmer. So I think you've really got to think about what do you like, right? So not. Not what is he wanting to see? What do you like? What will you enjoy? And then what will you feel safe for them to use? So, for example, back in the day, actually, some sex workers said to me that they didn't want. I think we spoke about this last time, like, they didn't want long internal vibrators because when someone uses it on you, they don't know your limits, right? So they might push it deeper than what you would naturally do. So there's just things to consider for what, what do you feel comfortable with? What are you trying to achieve, and then kind of go from there. But the way to turn that question around is what do you want your partner to use on you? Not what do you want them to use on you?
- [48:24]
B
Power move. I love that. A lot of people, I want to normalize sex with erectile dysfunction, right? And so we might want a more phallic thing that penetrates, or we might want to use the penis. And so then maybe we want some just external stimulation to have a value add instead of a replacement, right? So again, I think it goes back to like, what are the goals? What do we want? And. And remember just for people neurologically how orgasms work. The more nerves stimulated that go to the pleasure center in the brain, the more intense the orgasm is experienced. So the more you have like butt, breasts, vulva, clitoris, internal vagina, earlobe, right? Like, the more. The more superhighways are going to the spaceship for the orgasm, the more easy, intense, whatever words you want to use. So versus, I mean, so many people are just put something in the vagina and expect an orgasm to happen. And it's like, that's hardly even using a road, let alone a highway, let alone multiple highways to get to Valhalla. And so the vibe. What my point is, is the vibrator is like a value add because it's going to be able to target another superhighway. So we might still want to be with our partner and have penetrative intercourse, but put this on our breast or put this on the clitoris or put this, you know, somewhere else where you're stimulating more nerve endings towards the pleasure center. And that, my friends, is science.
- [49:46]
C
Love it.
- [49:46]
B
Mic drop, Mic drop. Okay, let's see. If the. Which one should I buy my daughter as her first?
- [49:52]
C
Oh, that's really tough as well. I mean, I think you alluded to it a bit as well. I, you know, I do think the Explorer is a really beautiful intro product. I think, again, it depends. Look, when you're buying something for someone else, this is where consent matters. Right. So, you know, just dropping a vibrator on your daughter without having a conversation or if that's your relationship, great. But for most people, you want to have a conversation so they actually talking about what are you trying to achieve. Right. So is it. Have they had penetration before? Because they haven't had penetration before. I wouldn't recommend using a penetrative vibrator. Are you looking for external orgasm and things like that? So again, it's really hard to answer any questions around which one should I buy in this situation? Because there's probably a bit more conversation and always happy to have a chat. And, you know, you can reach out, you can DM us, you can, you know, on the website there's a chat function which comes to myself or one of my colleagues that can talk to you about it. I think, you know, probably for younger audiences, you want to go with something that more external, basic. And, you know, Kelly designed this with that in mind, so.
- [50:52]
B
Yep. Blood flow first.
- [50:54]
C
Sorry.
- [50:54]
B
But to me, I'm like, I want her to understand her pleasure, her arousal, her body. And that sex isn't just putting something in a vagina. And so I think the Explorer is really nice for that to be like, hey, why don't you. We learn how to have an orgasm without putting anything in our vagina first. Yeah, like, let's just experience that and then you can always move up from there. So that, that's how I would think about it. Recommendations for affordable vibrators.
- [51:18]
C
I mean, I guess it depends on affordable. I mean, I think what, you know, mine start at 99 and they go up depending on that. I think often, not always, there's a. There's a relatively direct correlation with quality and price. To a point. And then there's like. To your point, there's like people that really take advantage of that. So, you know, once you're getting into the multiple hundreds of dollars mark for a vibrator, maybe sometimes, look, sometimes people do have technology in it that they've paid for specifically that, you know, it cost a ton to develop tech that's inside it. So, you know, maybe. But outside of that, for just a regular vibrator, I just think it's important, you know, you see ones at supermarkets and you see things. And you and I. So I survive a real issue with cheap quality vibrators because you've just taken the initiative to actually transform this, this hugely important part of yourself. And then you use a shitty vibrator that breaks or cracks or doesn't work or is loud or is obnoxious or all these things and you.
- [52:16]
B
Or it's hard and cold.
- [52:17]
C
Yeah. And I mean, it's just not designed for our bodies, right? Like, our bodies are soft. They're not designed to have a rigid. Especially, you know, in our vulval areas. They're not designed to have rigid. So I think, you know, you know, if. If these products are too expensive for you, by all means look at other brands. But just take into consideration that, you know, how are the materials, what quality controls are done. You know, there's a lot of things to think about.
- [52:41]
B
I mean, and I would add, I would support what I said earlier of a price point. You're looking at a hundred bucks plus for a quality one because you buy a shitty one and you don't like it and your sex life is no better. Well, you just wasted money. And if you buy a shitty one and it breaks, you wasted money. And if you buy a shitty one and it hurts you, you've wasted money.
- [52:59]
C
Right.
- [52:59]
B
So look at it as, like, again, what are you. Yeah, what are you worthy of? Like, good God, this is your orgasm. Like, I. I'm as frugal as the next lady. I don't think things should be ridiculous. Like, do it right, honey. How to store them discreetly.
- [53:14]
C
So they come with bags. So I always put them. They're like silk bags, you know, depending on the vibrator. Something like the Explorer is pretty discreet on its own, but I think putting it in a little bag is great if you don't want it, you know, my bag say elixir play. Not that anyone necessarily knows what that means, but you could just have any bag, you know, put it in your purse, like, but just put it somewhere where it's sealed to some extent. That's not just sitting with dust collecting on it.
- [53:38]
B
Yes. Or. I mean, we've seen these things. My dog, you know, not my dog personally, but people. People will write in and they'll be like, my dog got my vibrator. It's like, dude, you've spent some money on that. Like, it's. It's not a chew toy. Keep it. Keep those things. Separate thoughts on new suction toys. AIDS versus more traditional vibrations.
- [53:56]
C
Look, you and I Spoke. I personally am not as much of a fan of suction because I think there's something in vibration that itself is supportive of women, particularly as they get older, particularly as they've had pain suction. For me, one of the challenges is whichever area it is that suctioning, that's the area that it suctions and it doesn't give you that overall kind of experience. So if it's that spot, great. But when you move it, it's relatively noisy and can be somewhat painful. So I personally am not a fan. I know lots of people that really do enjoy it, and that's great. And if you have a great experience with it, amazing, right? Like, not here to shame anyone into what they enjoy, just on, you know, a fundamental level of what I've looked at in research and seen. The actual vibration is what creates the arousal and blood flow from what I've seen, which, you know, may not be someone's experience.
- [54:46]
B
Love it. I would add that they are phenomenal. I'm talking about like the air pulse suction devices. Phenomenal. But they are one trick ponies, like. And what I mean by that is, like, sex is something to be enjoyed. If you want a light switch with an orgasm, my God, these things do the job. And I've talked to multiple people about this. They're like, I actually kind of want to enjoy sex for a while. Whereas, like this thing, you put this thing on, boom, orgasm, and you're like, oh, my God, my body just had an orgasm. But, like, you weren't even like into the game that much, right? So, like, it's amazing technology at stimulating orgasm. But it might not feel often like the best. But then for some people, they're having sex, they've got their vibrator, they got their partner, everything's going well, and you just kind of want to finish. Or you're like, hey, let's just. Let's, you know, if you're overstimulated or what, or you're under whatever you need if to like to finish. These things could be phenomenal. So to me, I'm like, again, going back to the. Like, maybe don't just have one. One type. Right. So I think there is. But I would, I would say my opinion is the suction, air pulse devices should not be your first vibrator.
- [55:47]
C
Yeah, that's fair. I agree with that.
- [55:49]
B
I think that's. I think that's an advanced level. That's a. More of a master's degree.
- [55:55]
C
That's the future. She's. She's prepping you for what the product's going to be like.
- [55:59]
B
Right.
- [55:59]
C
A few years from now.
- [56:00]
B
Totally. What is a safe, trusted brand? No obvious packaging. I'm not sure what that means. And healthy ingredients, no toxins.
- [56:08]
C
I think when you're choosing brands, you want to make sure there's no phthalates in it. I think that you want to check that they've had different checks on them. So like, you know, I say body safe. It's, it's been through a number of different things. It uses medical grade silicon. You can do food grade silicon. There's different things like that. So I think that's really important. You know, discreet packaging. I don't know. So people ask that for me. Like it gets packaged in a warehouse in a mailer bag and then it comes out to you. So it doesn't come out with a giant truck that gets delivered that says.
- [56:38]
B
The truck is like vibrator delivery only.
- [56:41]
C
Yeah. With a giant dildo on the front of it. No, don't do that. But you know, at some point it's going to say, you know, who sent it. So it depends if you consider that discreet or not. Right. We all have our own things, but for the most part they're pretty significant. Again, I can't speak for other brands with how they send it. That's how I do it. But I think you really want to look at what level silicon they've used and you know, have they checked things that like back in the day, Phyllites were used by everyone. They're. They're generally not now, but has been tested to not.
- [57:11]
B
I love that. And I think that goes again to the price that you're going to pay. The higher brands are going to care a lot more about quality than, than just trying to race the race to the bottom to get the $12 vibrator. Might not be something you want to put near or around or in the vagina.
- [57:27]
C
Yeah, for sure.
- [57:28]
B
I would, I mean, I would answer that question with saying elixir play. I've tried all your products, they're all fantastic.
- [57:33]
C
Thank you. Me too. I'm a big fan.
- [57:37]
B
Well, that's good.
- [57:39]
C
In fairness. In fairness, in my house, we always joke about it, there's probably no draw that's, that's safe from not finding vibrators in it because I have samples everywhere and different things. Like why did I just open the kitchen drawer and find myself? I was like on the phone. And then, you know, the cleaners come and you want to hide it or someone and so that it's a treasure trove of, you know, experiences in the house. But that's.
- [58:02]
B
I mean, I get. I get that people want to be discreet, and I respect it. And I would just caution of, like, sex. Normalizing sex. Keeping it private. Yes, but normalizing sex.
- [58:13]
C
Yeah. Right.
- [58:13]
B
And understanding. It's not black and white and it's not all or none. But, like, that's. I don't need to say anything else. Keep it private. This is your private life. But normalize. That adult can enjoy pleasurable sex. And that's not something to be shamed about. I did. I did a new thing this year. Well, in 2025, I actually curated or culled or got rid of. Like, I. Like, I have so many vibrators because, you know, I like to see what's new on the market, and maybe I was developing one and wanted to, like, try other things out and blah, blah. So I finally got. I was like, I never. Will I ever use this effing thing. I'm going to get rid of it.
- [58:47]
C
So I did have a giant vibrator cull.
- [58:50]
B
I did the giant 2025 vibrator cull.
- [58:53]
C
Fantastic. You Marie Kondoed it.
- [58:56]
B
You get to the point. Yeah. You get to the point where you're like, am I ever gonna use this thing? No. Get rid of it. And now everybody's like, which ones did you get away? I'm like, that will not be. We'll not know.
- [59:05]
C
Yep. Well, now you're gonna have a thousand people saying to you, now you gotta. You gotta share this.
- [59:10]
B
They're like, which ones? Which ones did you throw away? I'm like, okay, that's personal information. But I'm very excited to have the explorer now, like, truthfully, this, like, manifest this. This needs to win good. Good Housekeeping. If they do such a thing. Oprah Daily Menopause Awards.
- [59:24]
C
Like, we're putting it out there into the universe that we feel like this.
- [59:28]
B
Is the design, this is award winning. We just have to see which award's gonna happen first.
- [59:33]
C
Okay.
- [59:34]
B
Because it's so. It's. It's so thoughtful. Yeah. Like, needed the solution for the problem that we see every single day.
- [59:42]
C
Yeah. Couldn't have said that better.
- [59:44]
B
I love it. Okay, so this is gonna be releasing on February 8th. Then Laura and I are gonna be in Long beach for April. The Ishwish International Society for the Study of Women's Sexual Health annual conference, Valentine's Day weekend. And we are doing a release party that is invite only because it's small and it's intimate. But it's going to be a lot of the sex educators, urologists, people in the sex med space. So follow us on social media to see us all. Do a big release party for this and get your pre orders in now at Elixir Play and we will put a link in the show notes. Anything else you wanted to say, Laura?
- [60:19]
C
No, I'm super excited and thank you for doing this. I can't wait to hear how many women honestly get help because of the work that you put into this. So super excited to be partnering with you on it and so excited to start getting feedback from people of how they're enjoying it and transforming.
- [60:34]
B
I'm getting. I'm getting very excited. Like the, the fact that it came. So Laura sent it to me. One final story. Laura sent it to me, like, express ship, like, and Laura's in Australia and I live on the west coast of America. So she sent it express so I could get it before we go to Ishwish. And so they didn't deliver it because I didn't sign it. And I was texting her and I'm like, oh, my God. Does every American have to sign from their postal service guy when their vibrator comes? Like, we can't have this. This is ridiculous, people.
- [61:00]
C
The answer is no. The answer is no.
- [61:01]
B
The answer is no. So the. So the mailman came to my house and I had signed my name. And he's like, just so you know, if it's sent express from a different country, you have to sign for it, excluding Canada. And so I was like, okay, that's why I had to sign for it, because we express shipped it to make sure I could get one. Yeah, well, they're actually.
- [61:19]
C
So for everyone's information, they're actually in the US they're at a warehouse in the US you will not have that problem. But it was quite funny because we're like, I was waiting for you to have it because I was like, I wanted. I want you to see the final thing and unbox it and everything. And it was just.
- [61:33]
B
It was a big. It was a big, like, where is it? Why is it under lockdown? It was like a very expensive computer being delivered. Like, we had to be here. Mailman actually texted me, I don't like this. And then, like, I like. Then I'm like, he's a stranger. I love that.
- [61:46]
C
We've just discussed this after. Is it discreet? Well, the mailman will text you and let me know that your vibrator has arrived. Make sure you're home.
- [61:54]
B
Like, it was so laughable. Like the level of security for this vibrator. Right? And but I'm like, I'm not going to tell the mailman what he just needed me to get a signature on that came all the way from us.
- [62:04]
C
One day. One day you'll be sitting with the mailbox to be like, I'm just going to tell you. Remember that signature. Let me show you what happened.
- [62:11]
B
Copious amount of vibrators being delivered to my house. So funny. All right everybody, for those who are going to be at ISH and support this and are going to tell your patients about it, thank you so much to anybody who's completely new to the vibrator scene. You made it through an hour long podcast on Vibrator. So much. Much congratulations to you and to any partner who is supporting their partner and using a vibrator. I love you. I see you. Thank you for making them feel safe. Thank you for prioritizing their pleasure and I love you for being here.
- [62:38]
C
Totally agree. Thank you so much.
- [62:41]
B
Thanks Lara. Talk to you soon.
- [62:43]
A
If you found this episode funny, helpful, insightful, please take a moment to follow Ray and share the youe Are Not Broken podcast with someone who might need this conversation too. That support is how this information reaches more people and thank you. For courses, books and my monthly membership and the Casperson clinic information, visit KellyCaspersonMD.com this podcast and all content from Dr. Kelly Casperson is intended for educational and informational purposes only and this is not a substitute for individual medical coaching or psychological advice, diagnosis or treatment. Always seek the guidance of your qualified healthcare professional with any questions you may have regarding your health. Never disregard or delay medical advice because of something you've heard on this or other podcasts. Thanks for being here. And remember, you are not broken.