You Are Not So Smart — Episode 310: Align Your Mind (with Britt Frank)

Release Date: March 31, 2025
Host: David McRaney
Guest: Britt Frank, licensed neuropsychotherapist and author of Align Your Mind

Episode Overview

In this compelling episode, David McRaney hosts Britt Frank—therapist, trauma specialist, and author of the new book Align Your Mind. The discussion dives deep into the concept of "parts work," a framework for understanding the multiplicity within our minds, drawn from Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy. Together, they examine why our minds often feel divided, how conflicting impulses can be understood (rather than battled), and the actionable methods for turning inner chaos into cooperation. The episode is a practical, science-informed, and highly relatable exploration of psychological self-alignment, parts work, and shadow work.

Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. What Is "Parts Work"?

[02:35–07:38]

• Definition & Origins: "Parts work" is an umbrella term for therapeutic models (notably Internal Family Systems, or IFS) that conceptualize the mind as made up of many sub-parts, each with its own motives and roles.
• Explanation by Host:

  “If you've ever had an argument with yourself... if you’ve ever wondered why you keep doing things you know you should not do... that’s really the origin of parts work.” —David McRaney [05:55]

• Historical Context:
  Many traditions, from Walt Whitman (“I am large, I contain multitudes”) to AI theorist Marvin Minsky, have described minds as societies or systems, not monoliths.
• Therapeutic Philosophy:
  Using this framework, instead of trying to silence or exile unwanted thoughts, we learn to get “departments” (or “families”) within us to cooperate.

2. The Power of Metaphor, Language, and Models

[07:38–16:50]

• Models like parts work rely on useful metaphors, not literal descriptions.

  “When we discuss your psychological shadow or your inner critic, we are not literally discussing a shadow in your hypothalamus or a standalone entity wearing a hat living in your medulla oblongata.” —David McRaney [12:54]

• Britt Frank and David emphasize the value in shared therapeutic language for navigating complex internal experiences, even if the language is imprecise.

3. Introducing Britt Frank & Her Perspective

[21:20–22:29]

• Britt’s Credentials:
  Over 12,000 hours in the therapist’s chair; approaches therapy with both personal and professional experience.
• Central Claim:

  "Parts work as a way of life... does unlock a whole bunch of stuff that things [like positive thinking or affirmations] don’t seem to get to. If I was stuck on an island with one tool left in my toolbox, psychologically speaking, it would be this one." —Britt Frank [22:29]

4. How the Mind Is Understood in Parts Work

[25:35–27:57]

• Frank’s Definition:
  The mind is “the thing inside us that talks, that has opinions... if you can talk to yourself, and we all do it, we think to ourselves, we talk to ourselves. Parts work simply suggests making it a conversation, a dialogue instead of a monologue.” —Britt Frank [27:57]
• Self-Dialogue:
  The phenomenon of arguing with oneself is evidence of distinct internal parts; language like "part of me knows X" is profound and meaningful.
  • Not all people have an inner monologue; the framework is most useful for those who do.

5. The Four Main Types of "Parts"

[34:37–41:58]

Britt Frank simplifies the traditional IFS parts into:

• Protectors: Try to prevent pain/harm (anticipate, control, manage anxieties).
• Reactors: Respond to current pain/harm, often through 'bad' habits (e.g., drinking after a hard day).
• Story Keepers: Assign meaning to events; generate the stories and beliefs that shape emotions.

  “Feelings are the product of your story keeper taking a thing and assigning a meaning to it.” —Britt Frank [39:57]

• Weirdos: Parts that drive idiosyncratic, quirky behaviors; things we do when no one's watching (e.g., odd eating habits, private rituals).
  • These are often shameful only when exposed to others, but every person contains them.

6. Alignment: What It Really Means

[45:46–47:14]

• Definition:
  Alignment isn’t merging all parts into one; it’s getting them to cooperate, like instruments in an orchestra.

  “The idea of alignment is that you don’t have to, nor can you even if you wanted to, get rid of your parts. But you can, like an orchestra if you have a conductor, get it to a place where you’re making music instead of noise.” —Britt Frank [46:59]

• Real-Life Application:
  The absence of alignment can explain why people who ‘should’ feel happy or successful often don’t.

  “I feel like I’m in someone else’s life. Something is not clicking... Are your choices in the external making sense with what you actually value?” —Britt Frank [47:14]

7. Shadow Work Demystified

[53:13–54:15]

• What is the "Shadow"?

  “A psychological shadow simply put, is anything about yourself that you are not connected with... including your power, your strength, your creativity.” —Britt Frank [53:13]

• Why It Matters:
  Shadow work is not just about confronting negative traits; it’s about recognizing any parts of yourself blocked from awareness—including positive aspects.
  • Celebrity worship often reflects shadowing of positive qualities.

8. How Shadows (and Blockages) Form

[54:52–56:01]

• The fear of social death (ostracism, shame) is biologically hardwired and creates internal blockages.
• “Good” and “bad” beliefs or behaviors are largely inherited from families, culture, traumatic events, or social survival strategies—we can (and should!) challenge their origins.

9. The Practical Framework: Regulate, Excavate, Activate

[59:43–67:40]

Step 1: Regulate

• Ensure you’re not in fight/flight/freeze—emotional regulation is necessary before any deep psychological work.

  “You cannot do any type of good work if you are not emotionally regulated.” —Britt Frank [60:07]

Step 2: Excavate

• Investigate what’s really going on; become a "private detective" for your own motivations (e.g., track what you admire, what makes you jealous, what you find shameful).
  • Remove morality (“good/bad”) from self-inquiry to avoid shutting down curiosity.

  “If I go inside and I find a really jealous, catty, gossipy 16 year old—great... The I is not the parts.” —Britt Frank [62:37]

Step 3: Activate

• Take tiny, “micro-yes” actions that are so small they don’t trip internal resistance mechanisms.

  “A micro yes is so small that you actually feel like an idiot doing it. If you don’t feel silly doing it, it’s not small enough.” —Britt Frank [65:21]

• Build momentum via incremental changes—“muscles don’t grow if you don’t rip them apart, and brains don’t grow if you don’t challenge them.”

10. The Inner Critic as Ally

[67:40–69:41]

• Reframing the Inner Critic:
  “What if we started with the assumption that the inner critic was, in fact, an ally? ...I’m not saying it’s a skillful ally... but if I can start with the assumption that the critic is an ally, then I go, okay, decoded. What is that part afraid of? Oh, that part’s afraid of rejection.” —Britt Frank [68:07]

• Often, the voice of the inner critic is not a hateful parent or teacher, but a terrified, protective younger part.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “Problems that remain unsolvable are questions asked the wrong way.” —Britt Frank quoting Alan Watts [29:32]
• “You cannot get rid of parts of your own mind. You can’t amputate consciousness like you can a physical body part.” —Britt Frank [31:42]
• “Doing the same thing over and over isn’t a sign of insanity, it’s a sign of pain. Addiction is what happens when our desire to avoid pain outweighs our capacity to endure it.” —Britt Frank [65:07]
• “If you look to the outside world, it does seem like someone needs to be in charge of a system for the system to operate efficiently. Alignment is the same idea taken inside.” —Britt Frank [46:59]
• “Which part of me is it that thinks I suck? Because it's not all of it.” —Britt Frank [50:31]
• “Triggers are maps to all of the good stuff... If you never get triggered, how are you supposed to know who’s in there, who might need your attention?” —Britt Frank [63:01]

Timestamps for Major Segments

• [01:36] — Why we turn to psychology podcasts: Seeking a sense-making nugget
• [05:55] — Parts work origins: Self-conflict and self-sabotage
• [21:20] — Britt Frank’s introduction & experience
• [25:35] — Defining “the mind” in therapy
• [34:37] — The four main types of parts (Protectors, Reactors, Story Keepers, Weirdos)
• [45:46] — Defining and achieving "alignment"
• [53:13] — Demystifying shadow work
• [59:43] — The practical process: Regulate, Excavate, Activate
• [67:40] — Inner critic as ally
• [70:42] — Where to find Britt Frank and her work

Conclusion

This episode delivers both a fascinating model of how our minds function in “parts” and actionable advice for working with inner conflict, self-criticism, and emotional blockages. Britt Frank underscores that transformation doesn’t come from battling or exiling parts of ourselves, but from understanding, aligning, and gently activating them with practical steps. Shadow work, regulation, and micro-steps form a system for making meaningful change.

Find Britt Frank:

• Instagram: @BrittFrank
• Website: brittfrank.com
• Book: Align Your Mind – available wherever books are sold

Highly recommended for anyone interested in self-inquiry, mental health, or simply feeling "stuck." This conversation brings deep psychological concepts down to earth in a compassionate, science-forward, and humorous way.