If We Ran a Hardware Store

Summary

Podcast Summary: You Betcha Radio — "If We Ran a Hardware Store"

Date: December 29, 2025
Host: Myles, the You Betcha Guy
Guests/Co-hosts: Ryan, Tyler, Jerrod

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Episode Overview

In true comedic and quintessentially Midwest style, the gang at You Betcha Radio imagines what it would be like to open their own hardware store. The conversation takes the form of a high-energy, improv-filled planning meeting—complete with wild pitches, nostalgic family memories, cousin shenanigans, mock rivalries, and the not-so-serious business of Midwest branding.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. The Hardware Store Family "Business"

• Opening Bit: The episode kicks off with Myles in charge of the "initial meeting" to open the store, welcoming Jerrod, who’s been “hired” as their marketing guy ([00:06]).
• Jokes About Nepotism/Familial Ties: The guys riff on convoluted family connections, inventing quirky cousin names like “Cousin Nonetheless.”
  • “And that's actually their last name on that side of family is Nonetheless.” — Ryan ([01:44])
  • "So we're first cousin and he's cousin nonetheless.” — Myles ([01:58])
• Legacy and Nostalgia: The group reminisces about their fictional (and possibly real) step-grandfather’s hardware store in Aberdeen, SD, next to Storybook Land; this sets the stage for their branding brainstorm ([02:10]-[02:26]).

2. Branding Brainstorm and Marketing Antics

• Jared’s Pitch: Jared unveils his creative marketing persona, “Jared’s Wild Ride Marketing” (with an “L” as a 1 for style points) ([00:43], [02:48]).
• Nostalgic Tie-ins: The team jokes about incorporating Storybook Land and Wizard of Oz themes into the store’s branding.
  • "So the main attraction at Storybook Land was Wizard of Oz, as we all know. So I'm thinking yellow brick, the whole floor." — Jared ([03:51], [03:59])
  • Emerald green everything else, for a modern touch.

3. Midwestern Rivalry & Escalating Shenanigans

• Fake Betrayal Angle: Tyler threatens to start a rival hardware store across the street, taking the parody up a notch ([04:11], [04:33]).
• Escalation: Tyler ups the ante, declaring plans to partner his hardware store with a strip club—a nod to small-town oddities ([05:26]).
  • "I'm going to take my dueling hardware store and combine with another dueling business in town. The strip club." — Tyler ([05:26])
• Legal and Family Drama: The hosts riff on NDAs, fake names, and burning Christmas stockings, poking fun at how family and business can get tangled ([05:52]-[06:40]).

4. The Big "Twist": All an Elaborate Ruse

• Revealed Plan: Once Tyler “leaves,” the group drops the act—admitting the pitch was a ploy to get rid of dead weight, and they’re actually going forward with the cousins-only concept and basic branding ([07:03]-[08:13]).
  • “Our plan worked to perfection. He's going to run that other thing into the ground. We're gonna get all the business.” — Myles ([07:03])
  • “We're probably just gonna call it Jared, Miles, and Ryan’s Hardware, right?” — Myles ([07:42])
  • “People call us Jammer.” — Ryan ([07:50])

5. The Ultimate Midwest Hardware Store Recipe

• Characteristics They Want:
  • Simple name and logo (Times New Roman font!) ([07:44]-[07:50])
  • Outstanding customer service ([07:54])
  • “Great selection” ([08:00])
  • “12% rebate” and “popcorn—very salty so we’ll sell more drinks” — Nods to familiar local perks ([08:01]-[08:09])

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Marketing:
  “Jared’s Wild Ride Marketing. Which one? We love, did we not, guys?” — Myles ([00:45])
• On Family:
  “You wouldn’t get it. You got to be really [cousins].” — Tyler ([01:24]) “Their last name on that side of family is Nonetheless.” — Ryan ([01:44])
• On Rivals:
  “I'm going to take my dueling hardware store and combine with another dueling business in town. The strip club.” — Tyler ([05:26])
• On the “Plan”:
  “Our plan worked to perfection. He's going to run that other thing into the ground. We're gonna get all the business.” — Myles ([07:03])
• On Branding:
  “We're probably just gonna call it Jared, Miles, and Ryan's Hardware, right? JMR. People call us Jammer.” — Ryan and Myles ([07:42]-[07:53])
• Midwest Touches:
  “Popcorn. Very salty though. And we'll sell more drinks.” — Jared ([08:06])

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Timestamped Guide to Key Segments

• [00:00-01:23] – Introductions, cousin banter, hiring and family tree jokes
• [01:24-02:28] – Aberdeen hardware store legacy, and setting the nostalgic tone
• [02:48-04:10] – Jared’s marketing pitch: Storybook Land, Wizard of Oz theme, and retail branding jokes
• [04:11-05:40] – Tyler's mock betrayal, hardware store/strip club rivalry escalation
• [06:07-06:47] – Legal and family drama, Tyler's exit
• [07:03-08:13] – Reveal: all a setup; team settles on Jammer Hardware, key features listed
• [08:15-end] – Wrap-up jokes, cloak-and-dagger reveal, final recap

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Tone & Style

The entire discussion is packed with dry humor, Midwest references, roasts, over-the-top family drama, and inside jokes. The affectionate ribbing, exaggerated cousin drama, and classic “Nice” or “Cool” one-liners create a playful, relaxed vibe throughout.

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Perfect for Listeners Who:

• Enjoy comedic roleplaying and improv among friends
• Appreciate Midwest small-town nostalgia and humor
• Like podcasts where “business talk” is really just an excuse for goofing around

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If you missed it, fear not—this summary has all the cousin drama, salty popcorn, and Jammer-branding hijinks you need!

Transcript

[A]

Miles is in charge. Create your own home improvement store.

[B]

Jared, welcome to our initial meeting to open up the hardware store.

[A]

I'm excited. I've been waiting for this day a long time.

[B]

Yeah, well, it's kind of weird you've been waiting for this day for a long time because I just called you last week and told you we wanted to hire you to do the marketing for this store.

[A]

I split my days into, like, three days.

[B]

You're right.

[A]

Yeah.

[C]

You.

[B]

You've been kicking everyone's butt. Yeah. So I'm so happy that we hired you. What was the name of your marketing agency again?

[A]

Jared's Wild Ride Marketing.

[B]

Jared's Wild Ride Marketing. Which one? We love, did we not, guys?

[D]

We did.

[A]

And then also one.

[C]

Nice.

[D]

Nice.

[B]

Dude.

[C]

That's marketing 101 right there.

[B]

That's marketing. LOL. Yeah. So, first of all, we love. We appreciate you meeting with us. We Just a little backstory about us. We are all cousins.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And my mom's the oldest. Jer or R. And. Wow. We're cousins. This is. It's like a family thing.

[A]

You guys have cousin.

[D]

Yeah. You wouldn't get it. You got to be really.

[B]

Tyler's dad is my mom's brother. So. And then my.

[C]

And then my stepmom is your mom's half brother's husband.

[B]

Correct.

[C]

But white.

[D]

Cousin nonetheless.

[B]

Cousin nonetheless.

[C]

I'm a cousin.

[B]

And that's actually their last name on that side of family is Nonetheless.

[D]

Yep. That's. That's what we call him. Cousin Nonetheless.

[C]

Nonetheless.

[D]

When people are talking about me and Miles, we have to make sure that they know Ryan is cousin nonetheless.

[C]

Yeah. NTL for sure.

[B]

So we're first cousin and he's cousin nonetheless. And our. Our. I don't. Our mutual grandfather.

[C]

Yeah.

[B]

Are you in on this? Grandfather.

[D]

Step grandfather.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Step grandfather. He actually owned a hardware store in Aberdeen, South Dakota, and kind of wanted to bring back his legacy.

[A]

Okay. It was right by Storybook Land. I remember that.

[C]

Yeah. A lot of roosters around there.

[B]

Aberdeen. And we kind of want to bring back that same vibe, but also we want to be able to succeed in 2026, so we thought we'd bring you in. What was your. Jared's House of Pain? What was it again? Jared's Wild Ride. And the.

[C]

The L is a one, because he's number one at marketing.

[B]

Jared's Wild Ride Marketing Services Agency. We need help with a name and kind of overall vibe and branding, so we'd love to hear you. You said you've been looking forward to this for a Long time. And so I'm guessing you have an elaborate pitch prepared.

[A]

I do.

[B]

So we'd love to see your PowerPoint and hear your pitch.

[A]

Okay, so your. Your grandpa's correct. Was near Aberdeen. The old hardware store.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Pat. Pat P. Pap.

[D]

Yeah. His name was Hank.

[A]

Yeah. So I. I loved that he had the Storybook Land theme in his hardware store.

[B]

Did he? Yeah.

[C]

So.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

No. No Diddy.

[C]

That's why we hired.

[D]

That's a good. I'm so glad he thought of that.

[B]

So smart. We actually were going to do a little Diddy theme. We're going to do a Little Diddy about Jack and Diane.

[D]

Yeah. Yeah. You know them two. Two American kids.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Little Diddy about Jack and Diane.

[D]

They had a cousin nonetheless, too, I heard.

[A]

So the main attraction.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So the main attraction at Storybook Land was Wizard of Oz, as we all know.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

So I'm thinking yellow brick, the whole floor.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And we're gonna modernize it with a wicked theme.

[B]

Oh. So yellow floor, maybe emerald. Everything else.

[A]

Everything else.

[D]

Okay.

[B]

Yep. Actually, not too bad.

[C]

No, I don't mind.

[D]

You know what? I think I'm out. I think I'm gonna start my own hardware store right across the street. And we can have dueling hardware stores.

[B]

Me and cousin nonetheless. Cannot tell if you are joking, I'm serious. Or if this is. Because if this is true, we're gonna need Jared to step out because we got some stuff to talk about.

[D]

I think. I think I'm starting my own hardware store.

[B]

Okay. Well, what's it gonna be?

[D]

Whatever you do, I'm just gonna do the opposite. So I'm just waiting to hear, Mr. Jared.

[B]

You're gonna do a green road with yellow walls.

[D]

No, I think what's opposite colors I will do.

[C]

We're not here to help you because.

[A]

Yeah.

[D]

You. Yeah.

[B]

Your dad and you. You guys are pieces of. You've been. You've been mooching off of us and Grandpa for how long? I thought I'd bring you along, but here we are. So. You know what? Fine, Grandpa, let's hear. Let's hear what hardware store you're going to do because I was smart enough to hire Jared's house. Fun Wild, right?

[C]

The L's a one.

[B]

And so there we go. And now you.

[A]

All right.

[B]

Have you been. Have you been planning this the whole time or what's going on? Are you. What's going on?

[D]

I've been thinking about it ever since we got gifted the hardware store that you guys are just this emerald and golden road Thing. It's just grandpa's rolling over his grave and so I am going to take my dueling hardware store and combine with another dueling business in town. The strip club.

[B]

Oh, it's kind of a good idea.

[C]

Yeah. But the best part about is he's got a 10 year non compete and he signed every NDA we have. Yeah.

[B]

Oh yeah. So yeah.

[D]

Do you think I used a fake name on all those documents?

[B]

Oh really? Let me look. I'm gonna pull the documents. He bend over. Goddess.

[D]

Gotcha. Nonetheless, that's what we're gonna be making.

[C]

Him do though here soon is bending over.

[B]

So are you. You're go. Yeah, I've got sayonara. Yep.

[D]

I'm stepping out of them.

[C]

Thank God we didn't let Jared's wild ride getting too deep into the pitch because now we still have secrets in our back pocket.

[B]

All right.

[D]

I did get the diddy thing though. So thanks for that. I'll keep that out of my strip club hardware store.

[B]

All right, so see you later, Tyler.

[D]

Bye, guys.

[B]

Don't even think about coming to Christmas, okay? I'm gonna burn your stocking.

[A]

All right.

[C]

Yeah. And you're not getting your check from grandpa.

[D]

Yeah, I already got it. How do you think I bought funded my hardware strip club?

[B]

All right, goodbye. So that was the I pre. I. Tyler's gone now. Okay. He's out mute. Tyler, he's gone. All right, folks, let's go.

[D]

Hey.

[C]

We just.

[B]

Our plan worked to perfection.

[C]

I just turned the fat.

[B]

Our plan worked to perfection. He's going to run that other thing into the ground. We're gonna get all the business and.

[C]

We have a strip club.

[B]

Great fake pitch. The whole Jared's. Jared's World of outlaws.

[D]

What was it?

[C]

World of Outlaws.

[B]

What was it? Hey, the world. The. The ride thing. That was money. Where'd you come up with the storybook landing? That was great. Yeah. All right, so we're probably just gonna call it Jared Miles and Ryan's Hardware, right?

[A]

Yeah. J, M R. Yeah.

[B]

And we're just gonna just like have a pretty basic logo. Times New Roman maybe on the outside.

[C]

People call us Jammer.

[A]

For sure. Yeah. Go to jammers.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then what do you guys think? It's just like great customer service.

[C]

Easy.

[B]

Great selection.

[A]

12 rebate.

[B]

12 rebate.

[A]

And.

[B]

Popcorn.

[A]

Very salty though. And we'll sell more drinks.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Cool.

[C]

Cool.

[B]

All right, let's break ground.

[A]

Yep.

[C]

Now we got a strip club.

[B]

That's what I would do. Organize the. I guess. I guess it's not A. I guess it wasn't a coup. It was kind of a trimming of the fat.

[C]

Yeah.

[A]

Hulk and dagger.

[B]

Yeah. A little cloak and daggy.

[C]

Well, cnd.

[B]

I learned that one from Chuck Rhodes from Billions. He was something. He would have done. Made it seem like we were shocked that you were leaving, but in reality, we wanted you to leave.

[D]

Oh, I'm back. Yeah, I was gonna say. I can't talk yet. I love that Jared just got adopted. I wasn't a marketing guy.

[B]

No, he's. He's other. He's. He's his other cousin.

[D]

His secret cousin.

[B]

So.

[A]

Yeah, I like that.

[B]

I was very quick on your feature to come up with the wizard of Oz theme.

[A]

Well, their storybook. Landon Aberdeen.

[B]

Yeah, no, I just try to give him props. He's just like. Yeah, I didn't mean that you came up with the wizard of Oz. I just met, you know, the yellow floors and emerald look. You know, it's a great vibe, great pitch. It was really. It's. He thought the whole thing was real.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Guys, if you want more, you bet your radio, you gotta check out our Patreon. You gotta go to patreon.com you betsradio or look us up on the app. And we have hundreds of hours of other episodes on there that you can't get unless you're signed up. So you got to check us out on Patreon. You bet your radio, baby.