You Betcha Radio – Episode #358: “Myles’ Life Is About to Change Forever 🎙”

December 31, 2025

Overview

In this comedy- and nostalgia-filled final episode of the year, Myles (“the You Betcha Guy”) and the crew—Ryan, Tyler, and Jerrod—gather to reflect on the most “Midwest” of topics: New Year's resolutions, home upgrades, Midwest life changes, and how getting older makes you appreciate new beds more than new video games.

The gang debates the intricacies of sticking to (or extending) resolutions, discusses Myles’ pending life upgrade with a fancy new mattress (and how it compares to past mattress mistakes), shares some quirky Midwest neighborly stories, gets way too passionate about bedding, and closes with an extended improv scenario about planning the New Year’s Eve Ball Drop. Along the way, they also sprinkle in “Would You Rather” questions and morbidly hilarious takes on millennial gravestones and death rituals.

Key Discussion Points

1. New Year's Resolutions and the Rubik’s Cube Saga

[00:22–07:13]

• Myles’ 2025 resolution: Solve a Rubik’s Cube without learning the algorithm from YouTube.
• Progress: “I got the first layer done. I can do that lickety split.”
  – Myles, [06:25]
• Debate over extension: The group haggles over possible deadline extensions ranging from Myles’ requested 60 days down to the group’s 10–20 day offer.
• Midwestern negotiation: They compare Myles’ quest to inventing the atomic bomb (“Did they invent it in one year?” [01:35]) and joke about how New Year's contracts require “grace” and flexibility.
• Final verdict: The group suspends the resolution until next week, when Myles promises to bring in his progress for inspection before getting an 18-day extension. If more is needed, further debate will ensue.

2. Big Life Change: The Great Mattress Upgrade

[07:27–22:32]

• Lesson learned: “Do not fucking buy a bed in a box. They're great right away, and three years later you're just sleeping in a crater.”
  – Myles, [08:11]
• Midwest relatability: Stories about stretching the life of a mattress, sleeping in “V formations,” and using tricks like the “penny test.”
• Shopping experience:
  • Firmness is key (recommendation from a chiropractor).
  • Discovery of “zero gravity” adjustable beds (“So I press the zero gravity button and—holy—I'm sitting there like a NASA test pilot.” [13:19]).
  • Split King vs. King Mattress debate: “How much time do we spend in the middle of the bed? 30 seconds, a couple times a week, maybe.” [18:00]
  • Extras include vibration modes and 15-year warranties (“It's like a knee replacement for your bed.” [21:02])
• Realization:
  • “I only got three mattresses left in my life, including this one. 45 years of madness.”
    – Myles, [21:34]
• Generational purchase: Joke about putting adjustable mattresses in wills and planning for future widowhood.
• Sheets logistics: The perils of split mattresses and fitted sheets.
• Midwest giddiness: Myles is so excited for the delivery that it inspires neighborly good deeds (“I was feeling like Mother Teresa that day” [30:07]).

3. Midwest Betting, Prize Picks & Lessons Learned

[14:33–17:12]

• Friendly ribbing and competition with daily fantasy sports picks.
• Myles starts “fading” Tyler and Ryan’s bets and turns a profit.
  • “It feels pretty good to not have a heart.”
    – Myles, [16:04]
• Emphasizes that betting with your head beats betting with your heart.

4. The Importance of Bedding & “Getting Old”

[24:45–32:46]

• Tyler’s bougie $200 pillow Christmas gift leads to an “aging gracefully” bit. (“Three years ago, I'd have been stoked over a video game, and now I'm skipping out on family Christmas so I can go put my head on a pillow.” – Tyler, [29:00])
• The gang explores side-sleeping vs. back-sleeping wisdom, weird pillow designs, and couples’ “sex pillows.”
• Realization that as you age, priorities shift from parties to getting the best night’s sleep.

5. Morbid Midwest: Millennial Tombstones & Death Rituals

[35:24–47:57]

• Millennial headstones: The group riffs about future gravestone inscriptions, predicting emojis, Instagram bios, and “kept it 100” laser carvings.
  • “Our Instagram bios are just today's headstone sayings, you know.”
    – Myles, [36:18]
• Burial logistics:
  • Societal problems of limited grave space lead to jokes about vertical burials, Tetris cemeteries, and cremation.
  • “I want to die the way I live: in zero G’s.”
    – Myles, [48:48]
• Wants for afterlife: Myles jokes about being launched into space, buried in a Comfort King mattress, or combined caskets for couples.
• Performative grief: Tyler shares personal feelings on visiting his mother’s grave, finding it more “performative” than meaningful.
  • “If I ever miss my mom, I don't feel like I should talk to a stone because she's not a stone.”
    – Tyler, [42:18]
• Consensus: Most want cremation “wherever’s cheapest,” and nobody wants to be a burden or have people visit their grave out of obligation.

6. Would You Rather: Midwest Money Math

[48:48–53:07]:

• $500,000 up front vs. $1,000 per mile (under 12 min):
  • “You could quit and that's your job. Run five miles in the morning. It's a great day.” – Tyler, [50:01]
  • The group overwhelmingly picks the per-mile option, quickly calculating financial gains and referencing family members who would clean up with this deal.
• $50 per yawn vs. $0.01 per blink:
  • The math is clear: Blinking wins, as you make much more just by existing (“14,000 blinks a day—$140, easy”).
  • Myles: “Imagine how little I'm going to yawn in about two days. Never again.” [52:54]

7. Improv: The New Year's Eve Ball Drop Midwest Takeover

[54:03–71:16]

• Premise: The crew imagines being put in charge of the Times Square NYE Ball Drop.
• Core values brainstormed: “Balls, happiness makes the world go around, pop, lock, and drop it, and make it so good that they can't leave to go to the bathroom” [56:11].
• Gag gifts galore: Plan to switch the “ball drop” to a mass “ball gag drop” for silence and unity (“We'll hand out ball gags to everyone in Times Square” – Myles, [59:27]).
• Dealing with New Year's Eve logistics: Debate solutions for people pooping in the square, suggest moving to Central Park, running diaper sponsorships (“They just been watching where they step” – Ryan, [62:11]).
• Host pitches: Bring It On cast, Michael Strahan as the omnipresent TV host.
• Champagne dunk tanks & “dunking” celebrities: Kevin Hart, LeBron James, and the business opportunity in “I dunked LeBron!” T-shirts.
• Sponsorship ideas: Depends, Planet Fitness (“They're only busy in January” – Tyler, [65:17]), Lunk Alarm, New Year’s Eve subscription boxes.
• The value of “dropping”: Nicki Minaj, Snoop Dogg, Martha Stewart (deep frying pans as a countdown), Tony Hawk (rooftop drop-in), and more.
• Dick Clark wisdom: Ongoing bit about getting pre-recorded messages from Dick Clark for moral guidance.
• The “next year” ethos: “It says right there under Dick's photo: Next year is always the best year.” – [75:54]

8. Bonus: Midwest Hardware Store War Improv

[83:06–92:31]

• Role play: The guys imagine hiring Jerrod’s faux-marketing agency for a new hardware store founded by cousins.
• Duelling hardware store concept: A split emerges—Tyler starts a competing hardware/strip club after signing fake NDA paperwork as “bend over goddess nonetheless.”
• Typical Midwest family drama: Mock arguments about cousin status, grandfather’s legacy, and reliance on marketing agencies with names like “Jared’s Wild Ride Marketing.”
• Resolution: The original crew “trims the fat,” jokes about plain branding, and plans to “break ground.”

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote | |-----------|---------|---------------------------------------------------| | 01:35 | Myles | “Inventing the atomic bomb and solving a Rubik’s Cube are very closely related.” | | 08:11 | Myles | “Do not fucking buy a bed in a box. They're great right away, three years later you’re sleeping in a crater.” | | 13:19 | Myles | “[Zero gravity mattress pitch]—I can't go back to sleeping flat.” | | 21:34 | Myles | “I only got three mattresses left in my life, including this one.” | | 29:00 | Tyler | “Three years ago, I'd have been stoked over a video game, now I'm skipping out on family Christmas so I can go put my head on a pillow.” | | 36:18 | Myles | “Our Instagram bios are just today's headstone sayings.” | | 48:48 | Myles | “I want to die the way I live: in zero G’s.” | | 50:01 | Tyler | “You could quit and that's your job. Run five miles in the morning—it’s a great day.” | | 59:27 | Myles | “We'll hand out ball gags to everyone in Times Square.” | | 62:11 | Ryan | “They just been watching where they step.” (on dealing with New York’s NYE mess) | | 75:54 | Myles | “It says right there underneath Dick's photo. Next year is always the best year.” |

Timestamps for Important Segments

• 00:22–07:13 Rubik’s Cube Resolution Debates
• 07:27–22:32 Myles Buys A Mattress, Discovers “Zero Gravity”
• 14:33–17:12 Betting Recap & Prize Picks Segment
• 24:45–32:46 Big Pillow Energy—The Importance of Sleep for Aging Midwesterners
• 35:24–47:57 Millennial Headstones, Death, and Cremation
• 48:48–53:07 “Would You Rather” Midwest Edition
• 54:03–71:16 NYE Ball Drop: Midwest-ification & Madness
• 83:06–92:31 Midwest Hardware Store Improv

Tone & Style

The episode is loose, highly improvisational, and filled with authentic Midwest humor. The crew’s chemistry is strong, and listeners are treated to a mix of heartfelt stories (particularly around family and death), observational comedy, and rapid-fire riffs on modern life, aging, and nostalgia.

They aren’t afraid to get a bit weird or darkly funny, but always land in a place that feels familiar and relatable for “Midwest” types—and anyone who’s ever thought too hard about their mattress.

Summary for New Listeners:
Even if you’ve never solved a Rubik’s Cube, bought a $3,000 mattress, or planned a New Year’s Eve ball drop, you’ll appreciate the authenticity and heart here. Myles and the gang prove that as life changes—from video games to vertical burials—Midwest values (and Midwest humor) always endure. And next year? “Next year is always the best year.”