Annie Lederman

Summary

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You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

Guest: Annie Lederman
Date: May 21, 2025

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Episode Overview

In this lively and revealing episode, comedian Annie Lederman joins Pete Holmes for a classic "You Made It Weird" deep dive. True to the show's format—focused on uncovering "secret weirdness"—they roam through Annie's upbringing, family dynamics, comedy journey, psychedelic adventures, and philosophy on life, all interspersed with laughter, earnest storytelling, and sharp, self-aware humor. The tone is playful, candid, and occasionally profound, with both hosts riffing, oversharing, and peeling back layers of vulnerability.

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Key Discussion Points and Insights

1. Family, Upbringing, and Comedy Roots

• Quaker Background & Early Education:
  Annie and Pete discover their shared Quaker roots, and swap stories of Quaker schools and silent meetings. Both attribute some of their comedic instincts to the enforced silent reflection and open community structure.
  Quote (Annie, 20:41):
  “Being a Quaker made me a comedian. Just because of Quaker meeting — you’re supposed to stand up if you’re moved. I spoke every meeting.”

• Parental Dynamics and Sibling Rivalry:
  Annie describes her "team fun" relationship with her dad (relatable, mischievous, supportive) and a more competitive one with her mother, including a wild anecdote about her mom joining her childhood swim team, and familial in-jokes about "team responsibility."
  Quote (Annie, 40:15):
  “My dad and I call ourselves team fun. And my mom and my brother are team responsibility… and my twin brother’s a floater.”

• Rebel High School Years:
  Lederman recounts her rebellious teenage phase—getting her nipples pierced at 14, fighting school dress codes, and dodging parental concern with boundary-pushing behavior.
  Quote (Annie, 11:45):
  “I would wear shirts without a… and they changed the dress code at my school because of you—‘You can’t have a visible nipple.’”

2. Stand-Up Comedy: Approach and Process

• Natural Crowd Work:
  Pete gushes over Annie’s stand-up special, noting her uniquely "effortless," hyper-receptive style that blurs the line between crowd work and crafted material. Annie emphasizes her ADD-driven need to interact with the room.
  Quote (Annie, 26:40):
  “I have ADD so I can’t, like, not… if something falls, it’s like, I can’t [ignore it].”

• On Writing & Performance Rituals:
  Both discuss the mechanics of writing—Pete’s detailed transcription and refinement process versus Annie’s more spontaneous connection-seeking. Annie shares her "Parrot App" pre-show affirmation practice.
  Quote (Annie, 64:49):
  “It records you giving yourself subliminal messages... So I’ll just be like, ‘Shine your light on the audience.’”

• Comedy Industry Reflections:
  The evolving pressure from the "algorithm economy," anxiety about burning material online, and the tension between crowd work trends and more traditional joke writing.

3. Psychedelics, Spirituality, and Therapy

• Ayahuasca, Mushrooms, Breathwork:
  Annie discusses her experiences with ayahuasca starting in 2019, the supportive presence of her gay shaman, and how plant medicine guided her through family trauma and provided insights into forgiveness and self-acceptance. Pete compares with his own recent mushroom trip, describing merging with the "creator God."
  Quote (Annie, 69:21):
  “I’ve done a lot of ayahuasca, and I always… also love her [my mom] and I need her… want to release anger… but it’s not—I don’t need to punish them.”

• Self-Work and Inner Transformation:
  Extensive discussion on therapy mindsets, self-hypnosis, setting boundaries, and the balance between acceptance and change. Annie details working with a hypnotist and the journey from self-loathing and addiction to genuine self-love.
  Quote (Annie, 99:33):
  “I just did so much work on myself. I just always... try to take my own inventory, see what I can do… I know I can’t control the outside world.”

• Comedic Shadow Work:
  They riff on embracing the "shadow" side, compassion for one’s own weirdness, and channeling darkness into laughter.
  Quote (Pete, 17:22):
  “The closer someone is to a… light, like a candle, the bigger their shadow. This is what happens when somebody falls… [they’re] not trying to look like they’re all together. And as a result, they have a very short shadow.”

4. Relationships, Gender, and Literal “Weirdness”

• Marriage, Engagement, and Comedy Couples:
  Annie talks about her engagement to Todd ("Steady Eddie"), why she avoids wedding planning, and lessons learned from dating comedians.
  Quote (Annie, 32:11):
  “Can we just call each other husband and wife and just be that—so I don’t have to deal with that? I’m not like, feminine like that.”

• Sexuality and Wild Meet & Greets:
  Much laughter about signing fans’ "bat-winged" balls at meet and greets, the strange energy at places like Skank Fest, and the "pierced hole" subculture.
  Quote (Annie, 74:59):
  “My diddle boys—come to me. My diddle boys! …I do sign their balls. Let me sign—yeah. I’ve signed so many.”

• Body Image, Ozempic, and Aging:
  They talk weight, hormones, Ozempic trends, navigating aging in comedy ("I have to be on the road... there’s no me taking like nine months"), and how society pressures women about fertility timelines.

5. Philosophy, Meaning of Life, and “Weird” Wisdom

• Life’s Purpose, Death, and the Afterlife:
  In the closing stretch, Annie offers her spiritual worldview shaped by psychedelic insight—life as an exercise in surrender, trusting everything’s as it should be, and the belief in a loving, continuous consciousness.
  Quote (Annie, 106:43):
  “I think it’s an exercise in learning to surrender… just trust that everything will be fine… in the end, it’s dick jokes.”

• Ultimate Reality and Ego:
  They meditate on the nature of self, quoting non-dual teachers, and joke about the paradox of being everything/nothing.
  Quote (Pete, 108:49):
  “Wisdom tells me I am nothing. Love tells me I am everything. In between the two, my life flows.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Annie’s Comedy Persona:
  Pete (06:12): “There’s a calm, effortless talent about you… that's what I’m picking up on.”

• Sharp Family Humor:
  Annie (35:43): “It’s me on stage, my dad’s in the front row cracking up. No one else is laughing. Everyone else is, like, bored. And my dad’s like [losing it]—and it’s the best.”

• Ayahuasca Parental Forgiveness:
  Annie (69:21): “I always try to see it from her perspective… wanting to get even with them, or let them, like, feel and understand—I don’t think they have the capacity to truly feel that… I just love her and I need her.”

• On Signing Fans’ Bodies:
  Annie (75:05): “I do sign their balls… the wives are usually the ones pushing them to do it. It’s usually like a woman being like, do it.”

• On “Team Fun” and Family Camping:
  Annie (40:15): “Team fun! And my twin brother’s a floater. He can be both.”

• On Psychedelic Sex with Zeus (yes, this episode goes there):
  Annie (82:09): “It was Zeus… there was lightning bolts shooting everywhere… And I knew he was everyone… with Zeus, you know you’re pregnant.”

• On Letting Go:
  Annie (107:08): “Everything’s happening exactly how it’s supposed to happen at the perfect time… just telling dick jokes—in the end, it’s dick jokes.”

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• [06:04] – Pete compliments Annie’s "effortless" comedic coolness.
• [11:04] – Annie’s rebellious adolescence and nipple-piercing/dress code battle.
• [20:41] – Quaker upbringing and speaking in silent meetings.
• [26:40] – How ADD shapes Annie’s standup and crowd work.
• [40:15] – "Team Fun" vs. "Team Responsibility" in Annie’s family.
• [54:01] – Family resemblance to Busy Phillips's Freaks and Geeks character.
• [69:21] – Ayahuasca journeys and forgiveness around parental trauma.
• [74:59] – Signing fans’ balls at meet and greets ("bat wingers").
• [82:09] – Breathwork, visions of having sex with Zeus, and cosmic pregnancy.
• [99:33] – Annie describes moving from self-hatred/addiction to self-love.
• [106:43] – Closing "meaning of life" reflections.
• [108:49] – The duality of everything and nothing.
• [115:05] – Afterlife beliefs: Consciousness cycles, loving light.
• [117:12] – Malcolm Gladwell, beef-tallow fries, and the power of nostalgia.

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Final Thoughts

This episode is a testament to the "weirdness" that Pete Holmes’s show celebrates. Annie Lederman proves endlessly game for both confessional storytelling and raw riffing, effortlessly swapping between childhood trauma, comedy shop talk, wild anecdotes (from Quaker school to ayahuasca ceremonies in Costa Rica), and an oddly comforting cosmic optimism. The episode is peppered with irreverent wisdom, sharp commentary on gender and comedy, and genuine warmth—offering listeners both laughs and plenty to ponder.

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Where to Find Annie Lederman

• Instagram: @annielederman
• Podcast: AnnieWood (drops Thursdays on YouTube)
• Tour Dates: annielederman.com

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“Keep it crispy.”

— Annie Lederman ([123:44])

Transcript

[A]

You made it with. You made it with. You made it with. Oh yeah, you made it weird.

[B]

Yes, you made it weird with Pete Holmes. What's happening, weirdos? This is Annie Letterman, who is such a funny, funny person and a wonderful and hilarious stand up comedian. She has her own podcast which is called the Annie Wood Podcast. Check that out for sure. She's also on the touring. You gotta go to Annie Letterman.com and check that out. She's also in Grand Theft Auto 5, which I think is incredibly cool. But most importantly, she's just a very dynamic and hilarious talent that I'm so excited has joined us on the show today and I'm so glad you guys are here. Not much to plug up top. Go to Pete Holmes.com for my tour dates. May 24th at Largo. I'm happy to say sold out. Thank you everybody for that. That's so exciting. The next date on the calendar is Nashville. So excited. That's May 30 through June 1 for Nashville, followed by Irvine, California, San Jose, California, Houston, Texas, Royal Oak, Michigan, Washington, D.C. boston, Massachusetts, Portsmouth, New Hampshire. New Hampshire. I could say Portsmouth, but not New Hampshire. That's weird. Spokane, Washington, St. Louis, Missouri, Cleveland, Homestead, Pennsylvania and Atlantic City, New Jersey. And as I've been saying every single week, New York City will be around there as well. And that will all be on peteholmes.com take us to all of those. I'm. I'm saying with no hyperbole. This is my favorite hour I think that I've ever written. It's called the Pete Here now tour. I really, really hope you can be there and that you enjoy it if you do make it out. And in the meantime, enjoy this wonderful chat with the incomparable Annie Letterman. Get into it. You and me is like the way that.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

Oh no. What I did.

[A]

Are you kidding me? You ruined the whole gu.

[B]

I did.

[A]

But I think your magic mind is.

[B]

Like under the mine's empty.

[A]

Oh, you already drank it.

[B]

I already drank it.

[A]

I know. I have a sleep too.

[B]

They make sleep ones.

[A]

Yeah, they have sleepy ones, which is annoying cuz I want this one.

[B]

They don't make sleep ones.

[A]

No, they have sleep ones. They're purple.

[B]

Magic mine.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Made sleep one.

[A]

Oh, see, you got the money from them, but I got the intel.

[B]

I'm only dear friends with the CEO.

[A]

Oh, is that true?

[B]

Yeah, so I'm surprised. He just emailed me yesterday that they're making like new. This sounds like an ad. Really? Is it melatonin though?

[A]

I don't know what it is. I just take. I don't read. Reading's not my thing. And I'm also like 41, where I'm like, I'm sort of getting to that point where I have to be like, blink when I look at things.

[B]

It's when it happens.

[A]

Nightmare.

[B]

I went to the eye doctor when I was around your age. I'm 45. I went to the doctor.

[A]

Teach me your wisdom, Elder.

[B]

Well, honestly, you are older than me.

[A]

In comedy, though, so I look, I.

[B]

Think I. I'm not going to do that. I'm not going to give you any advice.

[A]

You're like, no, I didn't ask for advice, but I did.

[B]

You said wisdom.

[A]

I.

[B]

Wisdom has an advice flavored.

[A]

Well, I. It was me, like, rolling over. I was rolling over, like, oh, advice. I was kidding. But. But, But I was rolling. That was me rolling over. I pet my belly.

[B]

I see. Well, I actually, I'll get back to eyesight. I was listening to you have a half hour thing on YouTube.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I don't know if that's like a favorite of yours, but I was like, so blown away. I. I really think you're incredibly talented.

[A]

Oh, I love this. Did you.

[B]

I told Katie. I was like, I'm going to kiss her butt a little. And I was like, I want you to know it's completely real.

[A]

Oh, I seek your approval. This is amazing.

[B]

You have it right off the bat.

[A]

Well, did you?

[B]

Sometimes I forget I'll do the whole podcast. I'm like, I didn't say a nice thing to them. So we're going to get it out of the way right away.

[A]

I know. Cuz I'm trying to learn to be a better interviewer. Cuz I'm such a ADD interrupter and.

[B]

Me too.

[A]

And I think I get a weird side of people that maybe other people don't get.

[B]

At least you pinball them into a strange place.

[A]

Yeah. I'm like, I don't know why we're talking about this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But did you. Did you like my response when you asked me to do the podcast? Do you remember what it was?

[B]

I think you said, you've been waiting for me.

[A]

He goes, yeah. He goes. He goes, would you mind podcast. I've been. And I went, I've been waiting 15 years for this.

[B]

Yes, I did like that. Well, I will say, and maybe this is a good place to start. You're so cool. What I mean by that, to be more specific in my language, is there's an effortless and calm quality to You.

[A]

I don't know what that means. Your language.

[B]

I don't those words. You don't. You don't know the word effortless.

[A]

Oh, effortless. Oh, my God. I thought you said something different. I'm smart, yet I'm smart. Uneducated smart, yet.

[B]

You're welcome. You're so welcome.

[A]

I love that bumping leg.

[B]

Sorry.

[A]

We're coming for you. David Tell and Jeff Ross, did they do it? They do bumping mics.

[B]

Oh, that's together.

[A]

And then when they do a good one, they bump.

[B]

Oh, I didn't know that.

[A]

That's funny.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I don't want to be Jeff. I want to be a towel, though. But I think you want to be a Tell, too, probably.

[B]

Yeah, I'll be a towel.

[A]

Between those two or two hotels.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Between those two. A towel. Looks like Dave. Dave. Jeff Ross got his shit together.

[A]

Yeah, buddy. But that's crazy.

[B]

You're looking. I know.

[A]

Jeff totally has a together way more than a tell.

[B]

I know. Looks.

[A]

City.

[B]

New York City. You shouldn't be traveling in tunnels. I'm. I'm old. I. When I was in my 20s, I loved new York. But when I see my friends that live in New York, there's a quality to their skin and the depth of their eyes that I'm like. You travel by tunnel, don't you?

[A]

Yeah. I can't even imagine going into. Well, they start pushing people in the subways.

[B]

Pete, what do you mean there Put.

[A]

There just be random. And I always thought that when I'd be on the subway, I'm like, why is no one pushing me in front of the.

[B]

Wait, they're. They're house of cards in people.

[A]

People are house of cards in. By the way, Kevin Spacey, I'm on your side. Just kidding. For you.

[B]

Zoe Barnes. I'm on your side.

[A]

I love. Which one? Zoe Barnes.

[B]

Zoe Barnes is who he. Spoiler.

[A]

Oh, who he killed.

[B]

It's a spoiler. But if you haven't seen House of Cards, that ship has sailed.

[A]

Yeah, guys, it's over.

[B]

It's over.

[A]

That train has run the bitch over.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. The train has left the station, and Zoe Barnes is under its carriage.

[A]

She'. Crunch.

[B]

Let's get back to the compliment. But there is an effortless. So effortless. I want to. I want to enunciate effortless. So when I say cool, I really mean there's a calm, effortless talent about you that I have to imagine. When I asked you to do the podcast, for example, that's what I'm picking Up on. And I wonder if people are like. Are people kind of like I'm prickly?

[A]

I don't mean to be.

[B]

No, no. Not that you're prickly, but do they treat you like. I mean, I could see, like, I asked you in a way that was in. In, you know, in line with my belief that you're cool. So I'm like, other people. I'm just like, hey, do my podcast.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do people treat you with white gloves on?

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Are they afraid of you? Maybe a little.

[A]

Yeah. Which I guess I'm fine with because then they meet me and then it's. It's not that. So then you could. You can.

[B]

Yeah, absolutely. If you're a little nice.

[A]

You don't want them to be like, you're so nice, and then they meet you. Like, that girl's a. Yeah, totally.

[B]

Absolute mo.

[A]

So anyway, I learned that from the Ellen dance. You don't want to dance.

[B]

Oh, the Ellen just don't dance if you don't dance. Do you know the story of when she didn't dance?

[A]

No.

[B]

She told her producers, I'm not dancing. And it was the first. She had danced 700 shows in a row. She's like, I'm not dancing. And she didn't.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

And the crowd went nuts.

[A]

They lost their minds.

[B]

And you know what she did?

[A]

What?

[B]

Play that beat. She danced.

[A]

She said, let's dance. Well, of course you can.

[B]

It was going to be like she.

[A]

Made her brand dancing.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Don't.

[A]

You can't unbrand.

[B]

I've said it many times. Pick your Persona wisely. And that one looks exhausting.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No wonder you're being a bit prickly off stage. You had to dance. You were. You were acting like an Easter colored skittle all day.

[A]

Think about her day. Think about her morning. Right. Like, you come in because you had a talk show. It's a lot of work.

[B]

Yes, it is. And I barely did. Meaning my. If you took my number of episodes that I did away from Ellen, she wouldn't have noticed. You know what I mean? These people are doing thousands.

[A]

Yeah. It's like. It's crazy. It's a lot of work.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

And you are the star of the show, so everyone is looking to you for all the answers and stuff. I can beat you. I had a talk show for four episodes, four eps. I don't want to brag, guys. It was on the E. Network with Julian McCullough.

[B]

Wait, he was the host?

[A]

We were co. Host.

[B]

Co hosts.

[A]

Oh, you Assumed the man would be the. And the girl would be the hole.

[B]

Well, you said the hole. You. The hole.

[A]

That's what they call it in, like.

[B]

Radio host in the hole.

[A]

They call the girl the hole on radio. Isn't that funny?

[B]

Is that a reference to the regime? No.

[A]

They're like, oh, the hole.

[B]

They're casting, like, we need a hole.

[A]

Yeah, we need the hole.

[B]

I don't endorse that. I'm. I'm. Yes. Handing it because it's my nature, but I'm not. No, no, again, you can.

[A]

You can exceed expectations if they think you're just a hole.

[B]

I hate every time you say it.

[A]

I like to be called a pit. I like to be called a pit.

[B]

A pit.

[A]

An endless pit.

[B]

An endless. A trench.

[A]

A trench. Oh, my God.

[B]

I hate all of this, but I'm bound by my role, as I was. I must. Yes. And so I was like, you want to be a trench.

[A]

A trench.

[B]

So, you know, I did. I was sexist once. You said Julian. I was like, well, was he the host?

[A]

But who has. Has.

[B]

Who. What talk show has two hosts? I guess I'm confused.

[A]

Well, the one that only gets four episodes.

[B]

Yeah, that's right. So we blame McCullough. No, I blame camera.

[A]

I blame.

[B]

We blame you. Julian.

[A]

Julian.

[B]

He's so funny.

[A]

No, I know. I saw him in Vegas recently. I haven't. Yeah, I haven't seen. We're not in the same. I very rarely see him. I mean, I saw him in Vegas, actually, twice. That's so funny. I've seen him. I haven't seen him in eight years, and both times we're in Vegas. One was at Skank Fest when Doug Stanhope was fighting Yamanika Sanders.

[B]

My face also goes like. Don't. Don't say skank.

[A]

No, it's.

[B]

I know it's what it's called.

[A]

You actually don't.

[B]

I know it's what it's called.

[A]

Skank Fest is.

[B]

I believe it.

[A]

I bet it's a whole festival.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. No, I. The whole discount. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I. I'm sure there's some sort of holes getting free at Skank Fest.

[A]

I feel like it's because I hate.

[B]

Every part of this.

[A]

The. The fans at Skank Fest. The female fans at Skank Fest would be pierced Holes, I'm guessing Pierce holes.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

A lot of clit.

[B]

Rings of mystery Help you find it.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Look for the knocker. You have three knockers.

[A]

You have to be able to help these people.

[B]

They don't know, but then there's a piercing through it. I have to imagine.

[A]

I can't.

[B]

If there's already a piece of metal through it. What's a little.

[A]

It's.

[B]

What are you gonna do?

[A]

But then I feel like, okay, so the. The whole. The. The holes. The. The places I. The groups I ran with in high school, like, I had my nipples pierced. I was, like, into piercings. But the girl that had the vag piercing.

[B]

Yeah, hardcore.

[A]

Always would end up showing her vagina at a party. And I just never wanted to be. Show your vagina girl.

[B]

Boob girl shows their boobs too. I remember I showed my boobs.

[A]

I was flashing in, and there's something.

[B]

About a braless woman with nipple piercings. You're, like, looking at the Iron Giant. Something's going on. You're like, something's off somehow. I can see your nipples and, like.

[A]

And there's three of them.

[B]

It's, like, uncomfortable. Yeah. You had them in high school.

[A]

Yeah. And then the. I would wear shirts without a. And they changed the dress code at my school.

[B]

Because of you.

[A]

You can't have a visible nipple.

[B]

Is that what the Kelly Clarkson song Because of you is about?

[A]

It's not about her estranged father.

[B]

Why did one. Yeah, hilarious. Why did no one. I'm just going to say it how it came. Why did no one stop you from doing that?

[A]

Oh, I don't know. I went. I went to South Street Tattoo. There was this big. This big woman named sue worked there. People actually do know her. She's, like, kind of, like, famous in Philly. At South Street Tattoo. At South Street Tattoo, But I don't think it exists anymore. So that's why I just spill her name everywhere.

[B]

It's fine.

[A]

But I don't even think I had a fake id and as she was putting the needle.

[B]

How old were you?

[A]

14.

[B]

This is on behalf of everyone who knew you. Yeah. I can't help but make that face. Yeah, 14.

[A]

I know. It's disgusting.

[B]

I got a lot to say, and none of it's all right. It's not bits. It's just rough.

[A]

I just. My parents were loose, man. They just.

[B]

Oh, and they didn't mind?

[A]

No. Well, I told them after.

[B]

Yeah, you got it. Forgiveness, permission.

[A]

When I was in a fight.

[B]

You flashed them my nipple. You were like, oh, yeah.

[A]

I would flash my parents. It wouldn't. I'm like, whatever. These are your boobs too. You guys made these. Look at your work, what you did. I had to take them back. That was me taking back the night. I was taking my power Back by getting them pierced.

[B]

Is that was. Was that the motivation?

[A]

My friends and I were like this. I could get our nipples pierced. We were like juvenile delinquents. So we just did whatever we wanted.

[B]

Like the movie 16. Did you see that?

[A]

Was it 13, you mean?

[B]

Oh, 13. It was 13.

[A]

I like how you're like, you're such a guy or, like, I don't want to sound like a. Yeah, yeah.

[B]

I didn't see 13. I. I saw it on a plane, so it was called 18. They upset. They made it. Was it like that? Smoking siggies and getting nips pierced?

[A]

Yeah. And fighting with your mom and like a real heart.

[B]

Were you close with your mom when you were little? Can I make you. How can I make you more comfortable?

[A]

Sorry, it's my pants.

[B]

Do you need.

[A]

Don't.

[B]

Do you need several pillows?

[A]

It was me. It was me.

[B]

Are you sure?

[A]

I'm very comfy. The pants, I mean, these are like. And they're getting torn to the point where I have to actually shave my legs when I wear them. And it's so annoying.

[B]

If I. Yeah. If I was roasting you, I'd say you're sort of a Juggalo from the waist.

[A]

No, I do like to dress a little. Janko is. But the. I mean, just keep tearing.

[B]

Janko.

[A]

Remember Jankos?

[B]

Wait, I think I do. I think I'm this close to remembering Jankos.

[A]

The biggest pants.

[B]

Yeah. Big, big pants.

[A]

Like, really big.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I had a boyfriend.

[B]

Who can I say in defense of the Juggalos, I actually find the Juggalo ladies to be attracting. Yeah. I like them.

[A]

I don't really remember what they look like.

[B]

Full of fago. Full of fago. They look like they take down a plate of wings, but in the best way. I'm not on them. I'm like, these girls look like a fun time.

[A]

I wonder if you have a Juggalo fan base.

[B]

I think I've been asked to do the gathering.

[A]

Oh.

[B]

So, yeah. Which is, you know, it's not quite a skank fest vibe, but it's adjacent.

[A]

It seems very skank festy.

[B]

Yeah. That's what I mean is it's like.

[A]

Let'S get be shocked with how fun skank fest is.

[B]

I'm not gonna be. Do you know Joe derosa is one of my best friends?

[A]

I do love Joe.

[B]

I love Joe so much. I. I love a good roll in the mud. I know. I don't know what to say.

[A]

Joe. My favorite thing to do to Joe is when he's like, he's so. He loves food so much. Like when he. A bite of something just. I slapped a hot dog out of his hand once and it was like the joy of my life. I just smacked it. He was so excited. Letterman onto the ground. That was the onions.

[B]

And now they're out of onions.

[A]

Do you remember that is.

[B]

You did that.

[A]

Bullying Derosa is heaven.

[B]

That's the funniest thing I've ever heard.

[A]

You're allowed to slap food out of D. Rosa's hand.

[B]

My favorite derosa. And I've told him this and we've talked about on the pod is like, we would be in a situation where there was like a lady that's clearly into him and like, I would. I guess that makes me his wingman. And it'd be like, let's go to a diner. And I'm like, joe, we're not going to a diner. Your apartment is right there. Like, go and have sex with me. Go do this. Like, this is clearly a nice thing.

[A]

And then he'd call me in the morning and be like, oh, I should have gotten with this girl. And oh, do you think I have aids? I'm always like, joe, I don't think you have aids, but at this point I want you to have aids. Because I'm tired of this. I want this to end. I'm tired of these calls.

[B]

I should have got the nachos.

[A]

Oh, I just. Yeah, I should have just eaten.

[B]

He's choosing between regrets at any moment. Like, what? What do you want?

[A]

I know I'm like Joe, but I like a.

[B]

Why? Why Skank fest fat fun? Just cuz it's absolutely.

[A]

Did you say fat accidentally? Why is gang fest fat?

[B]

Why is gang fest so fat but with a pH? You're not wrong in a janco kind of way.

[A]

It's very jango.

[B]

It's sticks and jankas.

[A]

It's just. There's something about the legion of Skank fans. I think it's the same thing I was saying where it's like, you think they're going to be something and then they're. They're actually very sweet. It's like a. Because all the. Everyone's kind of mixed in and that's usually not the most fun. Like sometimes you're like, okay, there's too many, like fans here or whatever. But they're just. It's just like a good group.

[B]

Oh, you mean the performers and the fans are ready?

[A]

Yeah, everyone's kind of like mixed together, but everyone's respectful. Cool. The shows Are not. I mean, you're basically. I always say my tagline for. For the festival is they. They go do acid, do ketamine, do mushrooms, do comedy. I'm like, one of these does not belong. I mean, the comedy is horrific for me. I'm always like, I'm too hot. Like, you guys gave me so much acid.

[B]

Wait, that what it is?

[A]

Oh, it's just like. It's summer camp.

[B]

It's.

[A]

It's a drug. Summer camp.

[B]

Not my summer camp. I went to a Quaker summer camp.

[A]

I did, too.

[B]

I knew you did.

[A]

I went to Quaker school. I grew up Quaker.

[B]

Let's finish Skank Fest real fast.

[A]

And landmark. We have a connection.

[B]

I had one. I don't know what landmark is. Let me. You don't clear my throat. Remember that. I want to say that there's an expression. This is so me. But the closer someone is to a. A light, like a candle, the bigger their shadow. This is what happens when somebody, like, falls that seems so right together, like. Like a classic would be like a mega pastor is found with pornography ring that he's running from. So it's like, yeah, the closer to light, the bigger the shadow. So the Skank Fest, you say they're sweet. I believe it. And I'm not trying to kiss their butt. I'm not. I don't have an offer from Skankfest. I'm just saying I believe it. If you're dwelling. This is why I love Joe and why I love people that will talk about anything and joke about anything. They're doing shadow work. I'm not trying to be me. They're. They're kind of like a good distance from the Kindle. They're not trying to look like they're all together. And as a result, they have a very short shadow.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So I'm not surprised you get them all together.

[A]

Exactly what you mean. Yeah.

[B]

And fill them up with drugs, and it's fine.

[A]

Well, it feels fun.

[B]

It's called Skankfest, for fuck's sake.

[A]

It's very transparent.

[B]

That's what I mean.

[A]

But, like, if we're.

[B]

If we are in the business of forgiving ourselves for being animals, for being selfish, for being narcissists, for being horny, for being hungry, for being greedy. All of these energies are in every single human in some measure. And if you have someone that's like, I'm going to Skank Fest.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think it's why we love, like, Captain Jack Sparrow. We love scoundrels. We love people that are like. And we Distrust. Who's the villain in the movie? It's probably the guy with the tennis sweater.

[A]

It's Amber Heard.

[B]

It's. I don't know. I wish I could.

[A]

Yes, I know all of the.

[B]

What is Amber Heard.

[A]

No, I'm just kidding. Should just. Her and Johnny Depp got in a legal battle.

[B]

Oh. Oh, no. That's the ref.

[A]

It's okay.

[B]

Yeah, I don't know that stuff.

[A]

I'm tapped in.

[B]

Yeah. He pooped on her bed. Or she pooped on her.

[A]

There was some pooping.

[B]

There's pooping.

[A]

There was pooping.

[B]

Pink ey.

[A]

I know Pink ey.

[B]

Pink guy was on our way and we were talking about Pink Ey.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So tell me what you were about to say. We're. Oh, Quaker school.

[A]

Quaker school.

[B]

I went to Quaker camp.

[A]

You went to Quaker camp?

[B]

Friends camp, it was called.

[A]

Did you have fun?

[B]

I loved it. I think it's when I knew I was going to be a comedian because we were so bored. I'm going to put this back to you. But we were so bored, all we could do was entertain each other. So I was like, I'm putting on a comedy show and everyone's Quaker. So they're so sweet.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And they're like, this child has an authentic voice. And they like. That's what Quakers are about. They respect children. Yeah.

[A]

They're not like. There's no, like, diddly vibes or anything. And you call. When I went to Quaker school, and I'm assuming yours was like this, too, you call the teachers by the first name.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Which is normally a sign that.

[B]

Of disrespect. Whatever, Steve.

[A]

Well, it's. Or I always think it's like a. Like it's shady because it's like adults being like, we're like kids, too.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

But it's not. It's not.

[B]

It's like a DEA move.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're like, saying, what up? I'm just Scott.

[A]

Yeah. Where's the weed? Yeah, exactly.

[B]

I called my teacher by their first name, and it had a profound impact on my honestly believing in myself, believing that I was valid. And I say this all the time, but I'm saying it to see what it makes you think of. In seventh grade, I was like, I want to teach a class. I loved this one computer program. I made games with it. I was like, I want to teach everyone how to do it. And they gave me an elective slot. They let me do it. Changed my life.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you think that. And going into a network and pitching a show Is really that different? It's not. It's like, I belong to be. You ever go into a lobby? I'm sure I know you do. You go into the lobby of HBO or something, and there's a waterfall with HBO hovering in front of it. Well, now it says Max, but you know what I mean.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's all intimidating. It's all to be like, you don't belong.

[A]

Yes. You.

[B]

I taught. I thought I taught HyperCard in seventh grade. You know what I mean? Strutting in with pimp shoes on HBO1.

[A]

Where's the HBO1 now, do you think. Is that in, like, a garage or is that in someone's house?

[B]

Like, where is that HBO waterfall?

[A]

Yeah, they changed it.

[B]

I wanna. I wanna think an executive has it as his bed frame.

[A]

Yeah. No, hold on to the O. It's the only way he's gonna make someone wet. No, but I. Pete, I think that being a Quaker made me a comedian. Just because of Quaker meeting. When you're sitting in silence and then you're supposed to, like, stand up if you're moved. I spoke every meeting.

[B]

God, you open mic.

[A]

Did I open mic, Dad? I did my thoughts.

[B]

It's supposed to be just to give everyone a little more context. It's supposed to be 99.9 silent. Maybe if someone is so filled with the spirit, they can stand up and.

[A]

Be like, well, God wanted me to do stand up.

[B]

Did you do jokes?

[A]

No, but, I mean. No, but I learned how to.

[B]

Couldn't help being funny.

[A]

I like to get reactions. It wasn't like I was just speaking. And because you know, people, when you. When you stand up in Quaker meeting, people kind of stay quiet. They don't really react.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I like to see if I could get a little.

[B]

I'm dead.

[A]

I was made this way by the Lord.

[B]

Lady Gaga. It's so true. And I relate so hard. I didn't do that because we didn't do shares in our silent meetings. But there's nothing funnier than a room full of, like, children.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We're in second grade and we would do 20 minutes of silence.

[A]

It's so hard.

[B]

Whatever you say before or after or during.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is going to be the funniest thing in the world.

[A]

Well, it's also, like. It was, like, hard to sit that still when you were a kid. That was like, I would wear. On days that we had meeting, I would wear. I had this shirt that was a. It was a telephone, and then it had like, an actual, like, curly spiraling thing on it. So I would. Yeah. And I would just go like that. And then I would set my alarm to go off, but if you sit on it, you couldn't hear it. So I would have like that to think about. I had to have little tasks because I would lose my mind.

[B]

Okay. Two silent meeting stories. You just made me think of. Look at how happy I am. I haven't thought of them in so long. One, we started really young. Second grade. I would put my hands down my pants and feel my butt.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I just wanted to squish my ass. You're so bored.

[A]

And that's not a pink eye conjunctive junk.

[B]

It's a callback to something they didn't see. I know we were talking about. But anyway, I would squeeze my own butt and just kind of loved squeezing it. The other one was I'm in silent meeting and I'm like, I'll never forget this. I was like, why does it smell like dog shit? And I looked down and sometimes you get dog shitted on the side.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like sometimes it's on the bottom. So you look at the bottom, you're like, there's no dog shit. But then later it was like I got creamed on the side and I was just rocking. Silent meeting with straight dog shit.

[A]

It's the worst one.

[B]

There's a song. I was the thing. It was me. But before I knew it was me, I was like, who is.

[A]

Who is this? You're like, I'm just over grabbing my ass. You're smelling your hands like, is it me?

[B]

Hi. Yeah, that's part. That's probably. I went in to see if it was me and then I stayed for the squeeze. And then I came out and was like, what did that smell? It was me. How quickly you turn from how dare you to we need to be understanding.

[A]

Listen, there's a light in everyone. Even if they had on their foot. I think the side shit too, if I'm thinking about it, is probably you stepped in it, right? And then you kind of walked on grass and all. You kind of handled the bottom part.

[B]

Yeah. Grass is like a paintbrush for dog.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. That. That was my first revelation when I got a dog. Is he all over this neighborhood? And I'm like, sometimes you can't get it all and you're just kind of painting the grass brown.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I only did the joke once cuz it got groans and I don't.

[A]

Yeah, no, cuz you are. It is weird when you're. You. You squeeze into the. Yeah. You have to. I just Pull like a chunk of grass.

[B]

I'll do that, too. But you're still. Let me just say this. It's grosser than you think out there. Yeah, it's grosser than you think.

[A]

Nasty.

[B]

And in New York City, the stories you tell yourself in New York City, I would be like, oh, the sidewalk's rusty. That's what I would tell myself. Nah, dude, it's shit.

[A]

No, this trash is all recycled and cleaned. Yep, just piles of trash.

[B]

New York City should just come out and be like, we haven't been recycling. They should just say it. What are you nuts? We live on a little island. Well, does anyone recycle in a dystopia?

[A]

Is it really, like, I feel like you put your recycling in and I think it goes nowhere.

[B]

No, I've been doing a bit about that where it starts like this. I want to tell you the opening line, not the bit. I just go, the things my wife thinks you can recycle, which I think is so funny, because really, she'll put, like, Styrofoam in there. Just like, dream on. Well, you want dream on.

[A]

Yeah, it's her. Like, it's her. Like, it's hopeful. It's her. Her vision board of her vision bag.

[B]

Exactly. I'm like, what do you think they're doing crafts? They're making coolers on the other side.

[A]

Is there not a way to just smush it back together and make it into something?

[B]

Styrofoam.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Styrofoam is absolutely unrecyclable. It is the worst thing for the planet. It is done.

[A]

Well, I mean, it's not the worst thing. You have to care.

[B]

Well, yeah, I suppose, but shouldn't you care? I mean, we're gonna put micro bots in your clogged arteries, and you're gonna live to, like, 150.

[A]

I'm excited about it. I keep seeing. Instagram keeps teasing me that there's. There's some new pill that's going to make dogs last longer, live longer.

[B]

Is this where you've gone with your child rearing? You've given up?

[A]

How long can my dog now you're.

[B]

Gonna have, like, a zombie dog.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That's like one eye that's, like, falling out of the socket. And you're like, this is Toodles. And we're like, annie, please euthanize your dog.

[A]

I did have, like, a little baby thing for him at one point, like, where his legs were out. And it was very funny, like, with the let, you know, like, how the babies have their legs Up. I had it where there's legs, and he's got long legs and it. And it was. And he's skinny, so from behind, you can't see it. So then I would flip around and I would act like an upset mother.

[B]

I can't handle this. So in the special that I watched, which was so brilliant, I really was in awe of how effortlessly you were doing. I wouldn't even call it crowd work. I would talk. I would say it was like, hyper receptivity to what's happening. Like, you're just there. And then you'd weave in a bit. The fucking special starts with a bit. You see a guy has a photograph and you. And he wants you to sign it. And that leads you into this whole. Forgive me, but I'm like, that's a bit. Yeah, but you did a bit. Like. I didn't think you were riffing because it had a beginning, middle and end. I was like, that's amazing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There's no more tense moment in stand up than how are you gonna start? And you. You're literally like.

[A]

I know. Sometimes I come out and I'm like, it. What's going on, guys?

[B]

The best. I'm telling you, it's the best.

[A]

I have add, so I can't. Like, not. Someone was like, do you do crowd? I'm like, I couldn't not do crowd. Like, I don't. If something falls, it's like, I can't.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know if that's a character flaw or something. That's good, but.

[B]

No, I think it's wonderful. What were we talking about just before this? Because I was gonna. Time.

[A]

We were talking.

[B]

Yeah, okay. In that special, you talk about breeding, and I'm. I have no preference. But you're kind of like. You sound like you're thinking about.

[A]

Oh, yeah, I'm considering.

[B]

And are you still.

[A]

I got frozen embryos. I got them on ice.

[B]

Oh, nice. But not Scotch on the embryo.

[A]

Scotch.

[B]

You want to Scotch on the embryos?

[A]

Well, I was thinking, with the price of it, I got lots. Our eggs are similar price now.

[B]

Omg.

[A]

Now you guys have also spent money on eggs. Not just me.

[B]

Nice. Yeah, you gotta freeze eggs. You just gotta freeze regular eggs.

[A]

I know. It's so crazy.

[B]

I just had my eggs frozen. Not my embryos.

[A]

Yeah. I just have to keep.

[B]

Just gotta keep some eggs.

[A]

Well, last night I was at the Comedy Store and the numbers were light, like, in the original room. And I was like, we're competing with, like, basically breakfast. Like, people are like, I'd like to have eggs. I'm not gonna come to this comedy show.

[B]

Skip the omelette. Go to the comments.

[A]

Yeah. It's like, do you want. Do you want to be a vegan and come.

[B]

Basic needs. Veganism's on the rise. Meaning just people aren't eating.

[A]

People are. It's like.

[B]

It's like the nicest way to put it. People are going vegan. No, People need food.

[A]

I know. Their hair's falling out. It's incredible. They're losing so much weight.

[B]

You're not on the Zemps.

[A]

I was on the Zumps for a.

[B]

Little bit, and then it was awesome. What do you mean?

[A]

I got on it, I got off it. I lost my. My Covid weight. My egg freezing weight.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I just got back again.

[B]

Weight freezing eggs.

[A]

I did. Yeah.

[B]

Why?

[A]

I think just my hormones were off, so my body was just not.

[B]

Can I just say I saw an insta Post. Insta post. One of my fucking undercover.

[A]

I love it.

[B]

You guys want to get faded? And this is kind of an undercover cup. This is the look.

[A]

Like, I'm look. I'm look at my.

[B]

It would have to say, you guys like to get high.

[A]

You just have a spray that smells like weed.

[B]

That's hilarious. And I'm leaning on a van that says FBI. Like, that's the one thing I forgot. What was I saying? Boy, I'm scattered today. I don't know.

[A]

I bring it out on people.

[B]

Do you? Yeah, I think it's happening. Well, we have child rearing, but then embryos. But then, like, we were talking about you.

[A]

Eggs.

[B]

Okay, then let's just go back to babies. Would you still have a baby?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Did you know that when they say your risk doubles, there's a great. Adam ruins everything about this. And I love telling. Because you're in your 40s, they're like, oh, you got to have a kid before you're. Let's say 38.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because after 38, your risk doubles of whatever.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he's like. He looked at the science, and he was like, yeah, it goes from 0.001 to 0.002%. And he's like. Like, I'm not saying it's still doubling, but it's like you need to look at the. The numbers.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And there's a lot of, like. There's crone shaming. There's like older woman. Like, I don't have to tell you. I'm. I don't want to Pete Splain here. I'm just saying we have such a disdain for, like, unused women. This is in quotes for people not watching the video that were even. That were like, well, you better have a baby before you're 35, you trollop. You know what I mean?

[A]

It's like, I better not.

[B]

Jesus. Yeah.

[A]

Save that child. If I had a kid under 35.

[B]

Hilarious. But now you.

[A]

Yeah, I think so. There's. There's some things that I'm like. I would like to get like a. In a different. A little bit in a different spot, but I'm fine. I said, at 44. I'll cut myself off. I'll give. I'll donate the. The eggs to my friend Josh Potter, who has one blind eye. And Powder Potter.

[B]

Powder would be a better name for a blind guy.

[A]

Is really funny.

[B]

Oh, powder with the one powder eye.

[A]

You know, it is very milky. He has a milky eye.

[B]

I knew without you.

[A]

He has a milky ass.

[B]

Him John Powder now.

[A]

John Powder.

[B]

John Powder. He can move some things with his mind.

[A]

But I. I keep thinking the embryos could fix his eyes so he can have them if I don't. Oh, yeah.

[B]

Have it in like a hard boiled egg thing like they have in Britain. Just put them and then you can see. Yeah, I could see that. So you're. You're open to it?

[A]

Yeah, I'm open to it. I just want to. I. It's like I. I'm renting an apart. I just don't want to.

[B]

You want to get to a better cruising altitude.

[A]

I want to be in a cruising altitude.

[B]

You're making me realize that as a dude. You know what I mean?

[A]

Well, I have to be on the road. I have to work. There's no me taking, like, nine months. Not that people take nine.

[B]

Oh, I see what you're saying.

[A]

I also, like, would have to keep work.

[B]

Like, you'd have to Ali Wong it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I think she did it for financial reasons. I'm an idiot. That poor girl. She had to keep doing specials even when she was pregnant.

[A]

Started a lot of maybe. I'm. I'm filming a special in a couple weeks. Maybe I should come out with, like, a fake. I have a fake pregnancy belly.

[B]

No one will know.

[A]

Is that funny?

[B]

That's what Ali did.

[A]

Just take it out. Ali has no kids. Do you know that? No children.

[B]

That's a bit. I had someone in my family accuse Gary Gomen of faking depression.

[A]

Oh, no. Depression.

[B]

Yeah. They were like, is he really? And I was like, yeah, yeah. I've been with Gary when he's, like, in it and it's like, you think people want an HBO special that badly? Hold on to the O.

[A]

And then you're like fan bases. All just really depressed people. Like, do you think he wanted just like the most sad. They're too depressed to buy tickets.

[B]

Exactly.

[A]

They're bedrotting.

[B]

He could have orchestrated that a little bit better. And where are you with dating? It's just interesting to me. You're married.

[A]

Aged, engaged.

[B]

Gauge.

[A]

Basically married.

[B]

What does that mean?

[A]

Oh, like, I don't feel like.

[B]

To the powder guy.

[A]

No, no, no, not to the powder. No. I'm. My fiance's name is Todd, but I just don't want to plan a wedding. So I'm just like. Can we just call each other husband and wife and just be that?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I don't have to deal with that. Seems so. I'm not like, feminine like that. I never was like, imagined my wedding or.

[B]

Yeah, I'm with it. You can get a. My wife, the advice she gives people the most is. I know it sounds kind of crazy, but you. It's money well spent to get a plan.

[A]

A planner.

[B]

If you have a budget. Anyway, skip the ice one and get a planner. Same price. Yeah, do the planner.

[A]

What if we just got an ice one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Ceremony and had no wedding and then.

[B]

Just had a nice one just chipping off.

[A]

What a funny thing to buy something that's going to melt.

[B]

Kyle Kanad had a great bit about, like, weddings and like sick people in the hospital. You just give them things. Flowers, balloons and ice sculptures.

[A]

Don't forget.

[B]

It's all just impermanent things. But that's what makes them precious. We like them because they're like, these flowers are here today.

[A]

Well, I just. I have. I have a coffee shop that sells flowers near me and I. So I always get flowers and.

[B]

Do you own it or. Julian McCullough?

[A]

Well, I. I attend it. Okay. I. I'm.

[B]

It did sound like you're.

[A]

I did, yes. Well, you know, people assume things go with it. But I. So I'll get flowers. But then they just like. I will let them just be so rotten for so long. I will just leave them there for just so long.

[B]

And they're just dry flowers.

[A]

And you don't remember. Well, they also sell the dry flowers. Just. I have a bunch of those. But we're moving, so everything like that.

[B]

Is going in the train and what does he do?

[A]

He's an editor.

[B]

I was just worried. I worried he was a comedian and a story. No, I was just worried he was a comedian. That's not true. Moshe and Natasha, wonderful comedian couple. It's not always, but I was interested if you were dating a comedian.

[A]

No, I have dated comedians, and I learned that lesson.

[B]

What was that lesson?

[A]

It's just. It's too.

[B]

Too much tuna.

[A]

It's too much tuna. It's too much tuna. Thank you. Thank you. Yeah. It's like, imagine if Nick Kroll and John Mulaney were a couple.

[B]

Yeah. That would be far too much.

[A]

Too much. It would be too much tuna.

[B]

That's the ultimate too much tuna prank is that you're now married to this person. So you. Is it. Would you call him a Steady Eddie?

[A]

He's the best. He's. He's wonderful. Securely attached guys from New Jersey. I'm from Philly. I love his family. His mother's Laotian and so funny. She's been here since she was 11. She has the thickest accent. I'm always like, how do you not. How. How is your English at this? Bad. She's so funny. That sounds like my favorite thing.

[B]

Work on this.

[A]

She's so funny.

[B]

So take me from nipple piercing. Wayward youth.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Let's call it what it is.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Wayward. Wayward youth to discovering comedy. And I know there's some other stuff, like there's alcohol and stuff, but I'm wondering, when did comedy come into the picture?

[A]

Okay, so I. My dad's really funny. So I was always my whole aim in life. Make my dad laugh.

[B]

No way.

[A]

Make my dad laugh. Mindy Tucker has this picture of me when I used to run a show in Brooklyn when I was, like, I don't know, maybe a couple years into comedy. And she. It's me on stage, and it's like a packed room. So she's from behind. It's me on stage. My dad's in the front row cracking up. No one else is laughing. Everyone else is, like, bored. And my dad's like. And it's the best.

[B]

Do you have it framed?

[A]

I hope I do need to get it framed. I do need to get it framed.

[B]

What's happening?

[A]

I know. And I think about it every day. It's the best. You need to have that frame today. It's number one. It's so cute.

[B]

That's amazing.

[A]

But that's so.

[B]

So he was funny growing up.

[A]

So funny.

[B]

And it made it. It. It seemed important to be funny growing.

[A]

And he's like a bad boy. My dad's like. My dad and I will, like, overeat together, be like, do you want to go get to the grocery store and get something bad. You know, like my dad and I are like, bad together. It's going to be bad. Look like a cake. And, and he's really like, he, he. My dad's Mensa and he was, he went to RPI and then he, he went to Wharton and stuff. He's very smart. But he was so, like such a, A, like bad kid student. But he was so good at tests that he always got through. So he kind of gave me the gift of being able to get away with by being funny and charming and pulling it out in the end. So that is.

[B]

Makes me realize it as I'm dating my daughter that I have a real. And I got it from my father too. But I'm really noticing that I'm like social intelligence.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Is the undervalued intelligence. And it's sort of everything because I'm.

[A]

Not, I'm smart, but I'm not educ. I mean my high school, I, I, I skipped eighth grade just because they let me. And, and then I did like two years in high school, but my high school, they didn't, we didn't really have schoolwork. It was kind of just. They just had us hanging out.

[B]

And then Pearson Nips.

[A]

I was really not. It wasn't. It. And then I went to the College of Santa Fe, which went out of business. And it took me eight years to get my undergrad because I was just like, I don't want to read. I'm now at 41. Like, I'm ready to learn. I want to like Happy Gilmore, by the way, or Billy Madison. Which one is it? Billy Madison.

[B]

It doesn't matter.

[A]

When does he go back to school?

[B]

I'm pretty sure Sandler interchanges those.

[A]

I would crush in third grade. Right now. I would be the smartest third grader.

[B]

It would be the best. That's the Mitch Hedberg joke. I wish I could play Little League now. He doesn't say now in the setup. I'd like to play Little League as a grown up. They'd back up now. And I'm like, oh, my God, what a great job. So, so. Okay. Great. You. You were figuring out social intelligence.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And how to get out of things.

[A]

So that was kind of my currency was like, I knew how to like.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

How to work a room a little bit. And, and it was just fun. It's what I like to do. And then so. And so my dad was really funny. My mom is a really good artist. So she gave me the ability to draw well and paint well and Stuff, so. But my mom was a little bit more competitive with me, so she.

[B]

Pardon me.

[A]

She was just kind of competitive. I don't know. She just was very like.

[B]

I love that you said it.

[A]

She was. She joined team. I mean, this. Joined my swim team. I love my mom, but you need.

[B]

To back it up.

[A]

She joined my swim team. On the children's swim team.

[B]

Your mom did not join your swim team.

[A]

I will find a picture.

[B]

Thank you for pitching your quirky 90s.

[A]

I will send you.

[B]

But your mom did not join your swim.

[A]

She joined your swimming. Good.

[B]

You were good at swimming. I read that on your Wikipedia. And then your mom was like, oh, hell no.

[A]

Yeah, my mom. My mom was like, this looks fun. And they had. So they had different categories that were like, you could do. It was like 8 and under, 10 and under, 14 and under. And then it was unlimited, which was 15 plus. But that was supposed to be like 15 plus, 8 to 18, basically. But my mom was like, it doesn't say that loophole.

[B]

But you think she joined it to compete against you as a grown up?

[A]

Looking back at my mom and seeing her as a full person.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, it's still psychotic. It's so crazy. They're children. You're raising kids. That is in front of kids in swimsuits. Unless you have to be.

[B]

Oh, can't be in the water.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

With glistening ass.

[A]

I think she. I think she.

[B]

No, get out of there.

[A]

I think she just was like, time wise. I'll just be at practice while they're at practice or something so I can get my exercise in. I don't know what it is, but it was very weird. There's just a swim team picture where my mom's in it. She's in the picture with us.

[B]

And that you bring to the pitch for your movie about the mom that's competitive with your daughter. But you. This is a leading question, but let's just deal with it. You clearly had your dad's number. Did there get. Did you get like a reverse kind of Oedipal thing? Like a. You know, like you and dad are eating cakes on the slide and clearly love each other a lot. Was mom trying to like dethrone you? Mom, I'm gonna get back in the cake circle.

[A]

Mom was in the cake circle. But my dad and I call ourselves team fun. And then my. My. My mom and my brother are team responsibility. And we're always like, team responsibility is so annoying. And then I have a twin brother who's like a floater. He can Be both. Both.

[B]

He floated between.

[A]

He floated between me and my dad and my mom and my older brother.

[B]

Nice. That's a good.

[A]

I, like, he was unimpressed with us. My brother's so funny. He, like, he just. He. He, like, gave us the least attention. All of us are, like, pretty close. And then my. My twin brother will just kind of, like, not call us or talk to us for a while, and then he always ends up getting, like, the most presents at Christmas and stuff. Like, we're all, like, so starved for him. We're like, like, has anyone talked to Max? Like, when he. He called me the other day, and I was like, oh, my God. My twin brother just called me, and I pick up. It's a style. I was like, I just stayed on. I listened to him wrestle around a little.

[B]

Oh, just a little slice of his life.

[A]

But he's just. He's sports autistic. He just only cares about sports. So if I. I. There was a time in college where I watched Sports center every day, and I studied, and I was like, I'm gonna win my brother. I'm gonna win him. And I would. Impressed him a little bit. He was proud of me. And then I just went, I don't have time. Have time for this. I don't have time for this.

[B]

Yeah, I understand. It's not paying out.

[A]

Yeah. I go, he. I read Greg Barrett's book. I. I go, he's just not that into you Just let it go.

[B]

Let it go, Max. The celebrity of the family.

[A]

We are obsessed with him. Yeah, but he works at. Com. Or he works at. Sorry, NBC Sports in Boston. So he got his dream job, and I got my dream job. And then my older brother's in sales, but he's. He's like this incredible father and husband, so he is living that dream job of his. And I was thinking. But we're all hams. Like, when. When I go to Philly, my. I have to give my older brother five minutes because he will heckle me if I don't. And I have to let him do, like, jokes about anal with his wife. And. And inside.

[B]

You mean when he's in the audience, you have.

[A]

Yes. He brings a.

[B]

What is this family that keeps trying to lap you?

[A]

It's crazy. Well, my mom got banned from the shows for a while. What? Because she threw a present on stage. I had to open it during a Christmas show. And this was before I was like, a. A experienced headliner, and I didn't know how to handle it. And nobody. The audience didn't like me yet. And then I had this whole interaction with my mom that was a nightmare.

[B]

Was it a nightmare?

[A]

Okay, so I'm. I'm new to headlining. I'm on stage. I'm in the middle of, like, introducing who I am through jokes to these people and a. My mom throws a wrapped present onto the stage. So now I'm having to turn my back, reach down and grab something. Completely have no power over the room at this point. No control over the room. Then I, I'm like, I guess I have to open this, right? And then it's. It's like this shape. What is it? So then the backstory, how long this story takes is what I had to do on stage, which is what I had to explain on stage. So. So then I open it and it's. It's a. Basically like a mannequin arm that's got little cuts in it because my mom had an ebay drop off store. Do you understand how I have to explain this on stage? And the audience is not my fans. They don'. Me.

[B]

Everybody hates every second.

[A]

They're like, what the is?

[B]

Why do we pay money for this? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

So then. So she had gotten a bunch of stuff from nursing school, and these were, these were arms that nurses used to learn how to sew stitches. So they had these, like, fake cuts.

[B]

Okay, was. Did she think she was helping, like, riff about this?

[A]

Well, when I got in the fight with her afterwards, where I was like, I don't know if I can ever speak to you again. But it also was a day where I was like, like, I was like, I really need time to. I'm really trying to figure out my, my set list. And it's. This is very important. It's very important for me.

[B]

No, I couldn't be empathizing more. And it was actual pain. I hate every second.

[A]

And it was like, I. And she was like, you're going to be fine. You know, I'm like, you lied. I wasn't going to be fine. You knew I wasn't going to be fine. But when I was in the argument, what I do love about my mom is when we do talk about things, she does eventually have sort of an epiphany. And so she went, I guess now that you're saying it, because I went, what did you think was gonna happen?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

If there had been a laugh, where was it gonna be directed? And she was like, I do see that. Where it would have been me getting the attention and me getting.

[B]

Yeah, it was her swimming underneath. You to get in front of you.

[A]

Instead of helping me. Instead of helping me grabbing my ankles to pull forward.

[B]

But that's like some serious. I like this.

[A]

This.

[B]

We need this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I think that's a dynamic at play in some families. Certainly. My leading question was, like, my alliance with my mom was so tight.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

The opening line of the movie, it's a great Noah Bomback movie. It's. It's. It's not a chill watch. It's not like, about which one. It's called the Squid and the Whale.

[A]

Oh, I love that movie.

[B]

Squid and the Whale. So opening line of Squid and the Whale.

[A]

I thought you were going to talk, say, a marriage story where it's a story about when Scarlett Johansson cut her and then her husband broke up with her.

[B]

You were so good.

[A]

I always thought that was funny. If that was the premise. She cut her hair and he was like, oh, I don't think you're hot anymore.

[B]

This isn't working. This isn't. This is working.

[A]

It's such a wife move to just cut your hair after the wedding. Gotcha. Gotcha.

[B]

You say that in your comedy story set. You go. Has, like a buzzed head. And you know that's a secure relationship. And I laughed so hard and I was like, it's one of those moments where I was like, oh, the audience doesn't understand yet. You mean, like, that's such a bold. Basically what you just said, like, you hooked him with your hair.

[A]

That's so funny.

[B]

Like ScarJo in Marriage Story. But the opening line, it's over. Black of Squid and the Whale is me and mom versus you and dad.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So, like, the way that families can split and be teams and be competitive with each other. But you. I mean, you might. Who cares? This isn't the. Pete tells you what your movie idea is, but I would love a movie for you where you're competing a mommy.

[A]

Yeah. Where it's like. Like the.

[B]

What are they your frenemies, basically.

[A]

Yeah, I know, because I love her so much.

[B]

No, you definitely love her.

[A]

There's this Zach Brian.

[B]

I'm in the pitch already. No, they love each other.

[A]

There's this Zach Brian song. Do you ever listen to Zach Brian? Who. He's a country singer.

[B]

The I watched the Brian cut of the Justice League is that if you.

[A]

Listen to this man's songs, there will be a lyric to one of them that makes you go, really? Yeah. Have you ever seen the clip of the. There's like a young comic. I don't know what level of comedy he was at. But he was on stage and he was like, oh, what do you do? And this guy's like, I direct movies. Like, oh yeah. And it was Zack Snyder, love. So embarrassing.

[B]

And the guy posted it. That's how hungry we are.

[A]

Starved.

[B]

Gotta post it. Like, that's gonna go viral. Yeah. As you. As a, as a turd.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

I went to, to a. A movie screening last night and I brag and I was. No, but this is where I'm like, zero brag. But they want. No, they invited me so I would post. They invite you so you can post on your social media and stuff, you know.

[B]

Oh my God, that's why I get invited.

[A]

Yes. They want you to like tell people and talk about on your podcast how good it was. But the movie was absolutely incredible. Cuz I've been to them where it's not good and you have to be like. And then they do like a Q and A afterwards and you're like, you want to go. You have to pee, but. And you don't want to be rude.

[B]

What movie was it? Was it.

[A]

It was Death of a Unicorn. It was excellent.

[B]

Oh, I got invited to that.

[A]

It was excellent.

[B]

We're not giving anybody any free.

[A]

But I mean, me talking to these people at the afterparty.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, they were looking at me like. I mean, I went up to Jennifer, I gotta go. But you're amazing. And she's like, who are you?

[B]

Who do you go? Who's it?

[A]

Jenna Ortega.

[B]

Jenna Ortega. Oh, yeah. Yeah. She's a huge, huge star. Yeah. I really am out of it.

[A]

Yeah. But there are certain people. I'm like, how did you let me this close to this person?

[B]

Yeah. Facts.

[A]

I'm a clown. I'm not supposed to. These people aren't supposed to.

[B]

Yeah. Don't let the goons near the royalty. For sure. I went to an after party. It was at Mattitou. You look a lot like Scarlett Johansson, which I didn't notice really until you said it. But now I'm like, how did I not? Yeah, because I went to a. It was at Madame Tussaudsau's and there's a wax sculpture of her. You should go stand next to me.

[A]

I should melt the boobs off and be like, it's me.

[B]

You have a lighter.

[A]

Well, she has a twin brother and I have a twin brother, and they look alike, which is crazy creepy. And I've never met her, obviously. I was friends with Colin Jost back in the day. I haven't seen him in years, but.

[B]

Get on that Jost.

[A]

Is that nuts?

[B]

I feel like you could. She could go to the bathroom and you could come back as long as you had a napkin. I'm just kidding. I'm just. Yes. Handing your boob thing. But you could just sit down and if he was.

[A]

If you napkin in and have it, like, fruit up.

[B]

Yeah. Or a lobster bib. Wait for them to be having lobster. And if he's thinking about monologue jokes, you could resume the meal.

[A]

He is doing the show. That is so.

[B]

Wait, was he in love with you when you knew him?

[A]

No, I don't think he's.

[B]

He never once was like, well, we, like, hung out.

[A]

We, like. We hung out in Montreal and. But we never, like, hooked up or anything. But I was like. Afterwards, I was like, I wonder if he was, like, in. Once he married h. I was like, ew. Is he, like, into me? I never thought he was.

[B]

He can't be aroused by power and talent.

[A]

I know. Like, he married my face. No. But, no, I love Colin, and I love Colin's brother, Casey Jost. I worked on. I don't know. Oh, my God. My God, is this kid hilarious.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. He's so funny.

[B]

Oh, super fun. I am thrilled to introduce everybody to our newest Pete's Pick, which is Kenobody. There was a study that found between 1987 and 2004, men's testosterone levels were dropping about 1% per year. And that trend suggests that by today, testosterone levels are about 30 to 40% lower than what our grandfathers had in, like, the 80s. I didn't care. Care who cared? When I went to the doctor, they told me my testosterone was normal to normal low. I didn't even know that was a problem. But I started supplementing my testosterone testosterone support with Keno Bodies Mojo. And the difference has been night and day. People even notice it in the tone of my voice when I talk to them on the phone. They're like, what is different? I tell them, I've been taking Mojo. It's been incredible. I've noticed a huge difference. I'm feeling motivated. I'm feeling driven. I'm feeling creative. It's easier to write. It's easier to get things done. I'm setting goals. I'm not putting things off. When I have something that I need to do, I just do it. And my workouts are easier and longer. I'm talking about twice as long. And it's not because I'm, like, willing to do it. It's because I find the reserve of this driving force, this mojo. That is because my testosterone is being supported. It. I didn't know it was a problem and now I can't stop telling every single friend that I have. Also, when you're increasing your testosterone, you're increasing your blood flow. And yes, that does help you in all the ways you might imagine hard. Wink at the camera. Wink, wink. Mojo is the solution giving your body the vitamins and minerals it needs to produce testosterone. Testosterone naturally, including lowering your cortisol, which is a stress hormone which makes your body feel safe enough enough to do the work that it needs to do to produce testosterone. I love Mojo. I subscribed immediately. I noticed a difference after just seven days. It was awesome. I also love shred. I love nitro. I stack that with the mojo. And I also love Keno octane which is their all natural pre workout. I like the strawberry margarita flavor. Gives you clean euphoric energy. Focus. There's no crash and none of that itchy cracked out feeling. Just energy to burn before you start your workout out. You can get 20% off. I can't say this enough. This isn't just. Copy that. I'm reading. I'm telling you about my experience with this product. Kino Mojo has been a game changer and there is no going back. I absolutely love it. Go to Kinobody K I N O B O-Y.com use promo code WEIRD and you'll get 20% off your first order. That's Kinobody.com promo code WEIRD. Okay, where were we? You're about to find comedy but your mom is stealing your thunder.

[A]

Right, but so she never thinks anything's fun. Like my dad and I went to. We were like. When I was in my early 20s, I moved back home, I broke my foot and I was like, I need my parents to walk my dog for me.

[B]

That's what ended your swimming career?

[A]

Well, that was a different like foot.

[B]

Breaking foot is not doing this foot likes to crunch. I bet. Yeah. Now that you're 40.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

I bet you can hear that foot. It's like walking on a bag of sunshine.

[A]

I don't feel. The only thing that's making me feel old is my eyes. Eyesight.

[B]

Well, that's where we started.

[A]

Cuz nothing else is feeling.

[B]

I gotta tell you, it's so normal. That's all I gotta say.

[A]

I feel like I look very. I feel very. You're doing great, Juicy.

[B]

It's very normal. I went to the doctor and it was for something unrelated. It honestly it was Because I felt pressure behind my eye and I was like, I'm.

[A]

I got it.

[B]

I hated it. And they were like, you don't have any. And I was like. And then it goes away. Cuz somebody tells you you don't have it and you're like, all right. But then while he was there, he was like, I'll see you in a year. And I go, what? He goes, you're 42. And he's like, I'll see you in a year. Like, what do you mean? He goes, everybody's eyesight just plummets at 43.

[A]

But does Lasik help with that?

[B]

I think Lasik helps with that.

[A]

Does it?

[B]

I mean, I'm not gonna do it.

[A]

I watch. I got it for my fiance for a present so I can own him.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Look at me.

[A]

I bought you. Look at me. Clearly, I bought you.

[B]

Sight.

[A]

You can't. I bought him a sound sense.

[B]

Did you spit in the mud and rub it on his eyes? If you get that reference I gave him?

[A]

Really?

[B]

Grew up religious.

[A]

No, I didn't get that, but I. What? I thought we were doing a pink eye joke.

[B]

No, but Jesus in the New Testament spits in mud and rubs it on a blind guy's eyes. That's really.

[A]

And it works.

[B]

I mean, that's the story.

[A]

It helps him.

[B]

It heals his blindness.

[A]

Yeah. Oh my God. In the story, I'm like, that's what my bullies were doing to me when I was a kid.

[B]

They were trying to heal you.

[A]

Healing me?

[B]

Yeah. Your bully Jesus.

[A]

No, the bullies never got to bully me.

[B]

Did you get bullied?

[A]

I bullied the bullies.

[B]

You were a bully. Bully. Your dad was rewarding you with a full.

[A]

Well, I just felt very protective of people. Oh, I felt very protective. And I knew. I was like, I, like, have the balls, so I'll do it.

[B]

Wait, you're kind of like in. I'm blanking on her name. She did this podcast. God damn it. And I think she sounds famous. She is famous. She was on Freaks and Geeks. She was.

[A]

Oh, Linda Cardellini.

[B]

No, the other one.

[A]

Busy Phillips.

[B]

Busy Phillips.

[A]

Busy Phillips.

[B]

So you kind of have that energy.

[A]

Oh, I related to that character.

[B]

The tough girl with the cool dad.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Some issues though.

[A]

Did he get grabby?

[B]

No, no, not with the dad, but I, I, she kind of had the Nelson Munt's house. Like the screen door?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

No. What's the screen door?

[B]

Well, Nelson Munt's on the Simpsons is the bully.

[A]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Yeah, okay.

[A]

Okay. I thought you were telling me a syndrome.

[B]

Month syndrome. It's where you think everything that's tragic is funny. Well, yeah, we both have full months.

[A]

Oh, it's the best part of being a comedian.

[B]

We're suffering from months. Oh, I wouldn't say we're suffering from it.

[A]

I have the. I'm happy with my months. I wake up with months every morning. I go, I'm so grateful I have months. Someone like commented on one of my podcasts and was like, was. It was like a compliment. But they were, they were saying like, oh, you know, this is such a fun, silly thing. And there's so much like darkness going on in the world. It makes me feel like we're going to pull through. I hope we all have taken care of our months. I go, of course we're going to pull through. And so like, yeah. That we're going to laugh.

[B]

Yeah, of course we're going to laugh.

[A]

If someone paints a swastika on my Tesla, I will laugh so hard. I don't want you to, but I will cry laughing if you do. Oh my God, I will cry laughing.

[B]

I. I will die. I also drive a Tesla and I parked it. I was going into a vegan restaurant to pick up my food and somebody, this guy, he walked up, he looked like Ramda. So he looked just like this guy. So immediately I like this guy guy. He looked like 80s 90s Ram Dass mustache.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he's coming up to me and he, and he just goes, nice car. And I've had so many fake conversations with this guy. Cuz in the moment I went, yeah, I know it's paid for. I don't know what to do. And he's like, still, still. I was like, I. I really don't know what. It's just a car at this point. And I'm so non confrontational. I kept talking with him until I thought we were free friends.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like I wouldn't let it go.

[A]

Yes. No.

[B]

And at the end we were friends. He was, I was like, I understand. But then, since then I've been like, we need to be a little more. I understand where he's coming from.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We also have to understand this is my car. I get it. I'm also trying to raise a family and have a job and have a life.

[A]

Like, I have to take the one good thing this man's done. Can we take the one good thing this man's done? And by the way, when he hiled, when he put that hand on up the prices Went down. Okay, so he was both being rude to the Jews and very helpful to us, too. So he was doing both. But my friend who's Israeli, just got one. I was like, see? She's like, they're so cheap. I was like, I know. I know. You got us.

[B]

You can actually help me with all of that. Was so funny. But if I sold it, someone else would just be driving it.

[A]

But you know what I'm saying.

[B]

I just lost a car, Annie. Now I gotta go look for a new car. Am I supposed to get rid of it?

[A]

It's such a good car. It's such a good car.

[B]

I.

[A]

It's such a.

[B]

It's also not just a car. It's a car. And I installed a thing in my house to charge.

[A]

It's not. It's not.

[B]

Chill It d. It's not chill to sell it.

[A]

When you're on your phone at a red light, when you're texting and driving on a red light, it dings and goes, stop texting. Drive.

[B]

Well, it also just lets you know. Maybe you were just thinking.

[A]

I wasn't. I was either playing a slot machine game or I was doing something. I tried out my fiance drive. Because I'm like, I'm unsafe.

[B]

Yeah, you feel unsafe?

[A]

I'm not good.

[B]

I was like, ADD is not great for driving.

[A]

Well, you want to know why I was a few minutes late?

[B]

Tell me.

[A]

I was pulling out of my. My garage, and I, like, just was a little too close to the side that my tire, like, touched the edge. And I was like, I have to be realistic right now that I don't know which direction to turn this tire to get out of this. I just had to be. My relationship, my spatial relationship.

[B]

Me and space, not friends.

[A]

We're frenemies. We're not there yet, and so we're acquaintances. So I had to go wake my fiance up. I go, get up, Todd. I really need your help. And he had to get dressed and.

[B]

Come just to know which way to.

[A]

I just would crunch there's. The thing is I just. I've done it before. Yeah. I've whipped out of the thing.

[B]

I get it.

[A]

And I just. I'm like, I don't want to do it again. And so he came and he fixed it for me. But I'm like, you know what I just needed. I used my man.

[B]

What's his name?

[A]

Todd.

[B]

Right, Right, Todd.

[A]

I needed my man's.

[B]

I feel like you found the right.

[A]

Guy, you know, he's the best. I love him.

[B]

If he's Getting up to help you rotate.

[A]

Oh, he does. He does 90 and I do 10 is the rule. He does 90% of everything. And I do.

[B]

Like an agent. Yeah, he's your life agent.

[A]

Except.

[B]

Or you're his life. No.

[A]

Yeah, he would be the.

[B]

I would be the agent. You're the agent.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. Okay, so your mom is competitive. Your dad's giving you cake.

[A]

So then. Yeah. So I choose. But my dad always makes me laugh. Right. And we always laugh and he gives me all this attention. So. So I could have gone because I went. I technically went to a school that I was going to possibly major in Arden, but my mom just didn't give me enough.

[B]

But she's an artist.

[A]

She is an artist, but she didn't really, like. She went to art school and she just has the talent, but she didn't really, like, follow competition.

[B]

So you're trying to go to art school and she's like kind of lukewarm on it.

[A]

She just didn't care.

[B]

This is classic.

[A]

I would show her, like, I don't.

[B]

Even know this one, but she's most obvious. She's like, it's fine.

[A]

But then she'll be like. She'll be like, you know what? I was meditating and I realized, like, I think my ego gets in the way of like, she's. So she becomes self aware and it's.

[B]

She can change and grow. It's beautiful.

[A]

I love it. My parents are so cute.

[B]

It's all in the repair.

[A]

Yeah. But also it's like, fine. It's funny. She joined the swim team. It's hilarious. I look back on it. I think it's so funny. There were things that, like, she said to me when I was a kid where I was like, that was so mean that now as an adult, I'm like, that is hilarious. Like what she said to me. I. She would drop us off at the mall and me and my friends found like the makeup samples at. At Body Works, I think it was called. And we. So I had like, came back into the car with eyeliner on. I must have been 12 or 13. And she goes, you look like a tart. I go, what's a tart? She goes, a prostitute. And in my head I'm like, that is the funniest thing that's so funny.

[B]

To tell you British with it. You look like a.

[A]

Well, my mom has this incredible vocabulary. My mom was like, she. My mom was adopted, but. She was adopted. What does that mean?

[B]

She had a moment to reconsider, but she went for it.

[A]

No, she's like.

[B]

It means prostitute.

[A]

But I learned.

[B]

You're like, what does that mean? Someone who gets paid to have sex.

[A]

But she. I had this friend that was like, having sex when she was like 13. Like, she was like, having sex in the boiler room and stuff in the middle school. And my mom was like, I don't like her. She's porking her boyfriend for. Her and her boyfriend are porking. My mom would have these, like, little words that are so funny.

[B]

Well, it's hard to have those chats.

[A]

It's hilarious.

[B]

You got to. You got to lighten it up with pork work. They're boning, they're boinking.

[A]

Well, we used to get in trouble because my mom would tell us everything and then we'd go into school and, like, repeat it. My mom told us that. What was it? Oh, there were. Do you remember the song? It was by Dead Eye Dick. They were one hit wonder. And it was like. It was Mary Mo. She's a vegetarian. She don't eat meat, but she sure like the bone. Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.

[B]

That's familiar.

[A]

Okay. So we were obsessed with the song. We listened to the radio. We must have been in fourth or fifth grade. And my mom was like, you know what the bone means?

[B]

No, she didn't.

[A]

She explained boners to us through that song. And then so we went in and kids would be singing and we're be like, you're actually talking about boners. So then the teachers like, what are you guys doing? And we're like, our mom told us.

[B]

My mom is sort of similar to.

[A]

That, which I appreciate.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. My mom is still very frank. Just to relate like my mom. It's not frank.

[A]

I like the word frank.

[B]

Yeah, she's frank Frank. Yeah, I sometimes. Yeah, she's got a. A real. No nonsense quality.

[A]

I'm more D voice, honey reference. Oh, Franken.

[B]

D. Don't watch it.

[A]

You don't. You would love it.

[B]

Every time I've seen it, I loved it. I. I get.

[A]

It's hard to watch.

[B]

I get overwhelmed.

[A]

Do you watch comedy?

[B]

I don't watch a lot.

[A]

I don't really watch comedy either. There's something like.

[B]

All those guys are my favorites. Glenn Howerton, I think is incredible. Charlie Day. These are the ones that have done the ones that have done the podcast.

[A]

You're like, the ones I like are the ones that have done the podcast. The other ones can suck it.

[B]

I'll watch the episodes, like the standout episodes for those guys to prep for the podcast. And I love it.

[A]

My fiance watch stuff. Like, my fiance would be like, you have to watch this. He puts music on for me. He's very good at kind of curating things.

[B]

Val is good at that too. But, like, with comedy, she's gentle. It's just. I don't think this is a exclusively for comedians. But, like, I watch. It's not a passive watch for me.

[A]

It's not passive at all. It's so much work.

[B]

I'm, like, predicting it. I'm. I'm judging it. And that can be really fun. If I'm, like, very well rested. I just had some coffee. You know what I mean? I can really watch an always sunny.

[A]

No, but it does feel like I wanna have, like, a notebook, for sure.

[B]

It's like listening to other people's standup. Like, I loved listening to yours on the way in. But that's when I'll do it. I'll listen to it on the way into Interview doing other things. And if I listen to it when I'm not, it'll drive me crazy. It'll make me want to perform, and that's okay. That's what the compulsion looks like. In fact, I want to put this to you. How do you get yourself ready to perform? I'm gonna load it with how I do it. If I watch any of the show, like, if I watch the person before me, I'll be going crazy.

[A]

I don't watch a thing, but I know.

[B]

But if I want to get myself amped up. Yeah, I'll watch a little bit. Because I'm like. I have that thing where I'm like, I want to do it. I want to be up there.

[A]

I. I usually don't watch the openers, which is rude, I guess, in a way, but it's more just. I'm trying to get myself, like, centered.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And present. So I'm like, in a green room.

[B]

Literally, like, probably listening to this is a Nanny.

[A]

If you're. Keep going though, it's Letterman. But I am a natural born leader, so people say.

[B]

I'm sorry.

[A]

It's okay, everyone.

[B]

I actually knew it was letter.

[A]

I don't care.

[B]

Shush. Keep me on the hook.

[A]

Katie. Katie Holmes. I think her name's Katie. Are you related?

[B]

I knew it was Letterman. Yeah, because when you were talking about your talk show, I almost had Late Night with Annie. Letterman.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

People, let's not change the subject. You. You. You're in the green room and you're zoning in.

[A]

This is so. Thank you so much. That was very helpful. If you could just do that to.

[B]

Me throughout my whole day, but I'm feeling scary.

[A]

If you could just.

[B]

All day. She. She doesn't need to tell you about her high school. She wants a cortado.

[A]

Like, speaking of cortado, there was this court.

[B]

Yeah, no, I get it.

[A]

If I.

[B]

If every guest could have add, I would love it.

[A]

It's fun.

[B]

It's my favorite thing.

[A]

It's fun so much.

[B]

You're doing a wonderful job and you're a wonderful guest. I do want to know about your pre show routine.

[A]

Okay. So, yeah, so it's very much. Much like meditating or. I have. I have this app called the parrot app, which I was just listening to on the way in, where you. It records. You can record yourself, like, giving yourself subliminal messages, and it just repeats it over and over again so you can listen to it all night and stuff. So I'll just be like, shine your light on the audience. Like, I'll have, like, things that I want to project and does it just.

[B]

Play your voice or.

[A]

It plays my voice.

[B]

Voice with music?

[A]

No, but I could put music on in the background while I record. It's just like a simple app. I was thinking, though, if I'm listening to it going into the Comedy Store and it's on the Bluetooth, and then I give my car to the. How embarrassing that is. Like, you're a.

[B]

Shine your life.

[A]

Shine your light.

[B]

You are a gift. Your mom will not throw a gift onto the stage. You're safe. Mom's not here. Swim. You're the swimmer.

[A]

You can swim. You can.

[B]

You deserve. Take up space in the lane.

[A]

But listen, I think being a mom's probably so hard. It's like you're. You gotta give your. My mom was like. She's younger than my dad, so she was like the cute little thing. Yeah, she was the artist and stuff. And then I came out, like, just like this kind of vibrant little girl. And, yeah. Was good at all the things she was good at. It's got to be a little bit like, okay, I feel like you're at.

[B]

The beginning of a journey of discovery with your mom.

[A]

So I try to show her grace because. Because she's, like, the best. She's awesome.

[B]

No, what's fun about this journey is you're going to end in the exact same place. And maybe that means you've already been on it because you can have the moment where you're like, wow, that must have been hard. And there were things, like, as good. Well, we talk about parents stuff all the time. They did as good as they could and it wasn't enough. It's hard to hold both.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's hard to. Even me saying that makes me uncomfortable.

[A]

I know. No, I get mad at them and then, and then I go, I like forgive them. Then I go, well, they didn't really apologize.

[B]

Hilarious.

[A]

They put me in some pretty dangerous situations.

[B]

Really? Like what?

[A]

Well, they're just Quakers. So they would just like see the good and people and. And it turned into almost like a. Almost seemed like almost a low self esteem or a sort of like guilt that they have good things and stuff. So they would feel bad for people that everyone else had instincts to stay away from. And then they would just kind of send me over there.

[B]

Yeah. What do you mean?

[A]

Like, oh, we had like boy babysitters. Like we would find like our, our guy baby s were like steal my parents porns. They'd be like, I remember we would come in and my babysitter had a zipper. I'm like, mom, you're literally like begging, begging. But they. Yeah, I just had some like traumatizing events that my parents dropped me off. I. I was always dropped off by my parents to my worst experiences.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah, it was just like, they just didn't. And I think they're just going on their own life. Like they didn't have like crazy experiences. So they just did it.

[B]

But this is the real. Go ahead.

[A]

No, I'm just saying. But it was, it was wild. But I learned to take care of myself, be a comedian.

[B]

I know. But that's heavy.

[A]

Yeah. But it's okay.

[B]

Yeah. What would, what would it feel like if it wasn't okay? I'm just kidding. I really try to be kidding. I'm just kidding. It is okay. I, I mean, are you open? You were. You did suffer sexual assault. Was that your parents dropped you off to that had.

[A]

Oh yeah. They. They had like my. I was like staying at a room in my teacher's house. It's like, who does that? My mom. But you know what? I found out later on, my mom goes, there's always like, you always get that missing piece where you go, okay, this was the logic. So she goes, every. That's what kids did. They stayed at their teacher's house. And I'm like, no, they didn't, Mom. My mom went to a boarding school. She calls me like, like five years ago. She goes, it was an all girls boarding school. She goes, oh my God, this thing just came out where all of these girls in my class, the cool Girls that got to go stay over at the. This male teacher would invite them over, then I'll go hang out. It turns out he was molesting them. She goes, I always. I never got invited.

[B]

So she was, like, just gone. I can't handle this. So your mom.

[A]

So she was jealous that she wasn't invited to those parties and stuff. So she always wanted me. I guess she was like, oh, you should be able to do. I want to keep you. So it's actually sweet.

[B]

That's incredibly compassionate. And I'm not saying wrong.

[A]

No, I mean, I like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know. I've done a lot of ayahuasca, and I always.

[B]

So you see it from her perspective kind of thing.

[A]

Yeah. And then. And then I just, like, also love her and I need her, and I don't. It's like, it doesn't. It doesn't to be. Not that I don't want to be angry. I want to release anger and stuff. I don't want to pretend that there is no anger, but. But it's not. I don't need to punish them. They're very old. They're very sweet. They do a lot of work on themselves. It's like this sort of, like, wanting to get even with them or let them, like, feel and understand. I don't think that they have the. The capacity to truly feel that. I think that would really hurt them to, like, if they really felt it. And, you know, maybe, who knows? My mom will do iOS with me or something sometime, but she'll do it better.

[B]

Better than you.

[A]

Oh, my God. Imagine she shows up in a swimsuit with a bathing cap on.

[B]

By the way, that's in the movie for sure.

[A]

She's, like, sharing. She's, like, interrupting me.

[B]

Actually, I saw that same demon.

[A]

Oh, my God, that's so weird.

[B]

Tell me, when did you first do ayahuasca?

[A]

I did it in, like, 2019, I think was the first time.

[B]

Oh, wow. So do you think you brought all that on us?

[A]

Yes. Yes. I wished the pandemic. I wanted you guys to see that life is both equally really gorgeous and hideous.

[B]

That's right. That's right. So 2019. Did you deal with other comics? No, Solo.

[A]

I did it. Yeah. I met. I met my shaman at the Comedy Store. He was in the audience.

[B]

That's a very funny phrase.

[A]

Isn't that crazy, what you just said? Well, I liked it. If I was making up a story, I would say, I met him at a Wendy's. I love him. He's from Arkansas. No, he.

[B]

And what was it like?

[A]

But it was great. It was really cool. Give me a lot of answers that seemed so obvious afterwards.

[B]

You're like, oh, yeah, Ayahuasca. For all the psychedelics I've done, ayahuasca is not one that I've felt called to do yet, I suppose. Meaning I suppose I'm still open to it, but it seems like the one that's like, we're gonna work on your stuff.

[A]

Oh, it's hard. Yeah.

[B]

And I'm like, it's not that I'm afraid of it. It's like my. It's funny. You could call it spiritual bypassing, but there's. There's a healthy way to spiritually bypass. I don't want to get caught not just unpacking my family.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I could get really stuck in the.

[A]

I've had to do that before. I've had to really, like, make a choice to not go to certain areas.

[B]

That's where I'm at. Yeah, I. I do do. Where.

[A]

But she'll let you do that. Like, she'll, like, let you mother Ayahuasca.

[B]

Oh, she.

[A]

You can kind of have. I mean, she'll give you what you need, but. And sometimes it'll take you to the place you don't want to go. But I've. I've kind of, like, set boundaries. But she almost told me because I've done it a bunch of times. But she came to me once and was like. Like, stop. Like, with the People magazine in her head. Stop being gossipy. And I was dealing with, like, work relationships that were so. It's such a shallow relationship. It's not that big a deal. It's like, it was just a job. It wasn't. And so I kept dealing with that, and there was just, like, this lower layer that I wasn't getting to. So I had to be like, I'm not gonna. Like, I'm not gonna work on my relationship with these people.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That I am no longer working with. You know, I can't, like, keep going back to that.

[B]

So she took the note. You were like, I'd like to move on from this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's funny. I know it's not the same, but I just did mushrooms a of couple weeks ago. It was incredible. And anytime I was just having this love affair with what I would call creator God. So I believe there's the God that's one with everything. And then the first level of manifestation, we could call, like, a creator God. And I was just, like, merging with it and, like, flirting with it and writing it. Symphonies and poems and just like, it was absolutely.

[A]

I'm always like, let's write together.

[B]

Let's write together.

[A]

Together.

[B]

Then it runs away. But, like, what. What brought it to mind? Oh, whenever Pete came up. I know I sound crazy referring to myself in the third person, but whenever any Pete stuff came up, I was like. She would be like, let's not.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was like, let's.

[A]

She wanted you to play. Because mushrooms, to me, I feel very. Because I think mushrooms are like shadow work a lot of the time. And I'm. I'm really like.

[B]

Like skankfist sometimes.

[A]

Yeah. It's very shadow. It works best.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I feel like I. I have been really, like, resistant to mushrooms. Like, I would rather do ayahuasca than mushrooms.

[B]

Oh, interesting.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Why?

[A]

I don't know. I think with. Well, with. With ayahuasca, I've only done it with my one shaman. I feel very, like, safe. Loved. I actually think I'm the funniest I've ever been in ayahuasca ceremonies. And there's probably two people that are like, no, but there's 20 that. I like it. But I have, like, a really cute relationship with my. With my shaman. He's gay. I have. No, no. More like spiritual leaders of mine are allowed to be straight men.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I've been leaned in on too many times for kids.

[B]

Is that true?

[A]

Oh, my God. Everything always turns. That's why all cults end up getting bad.

[B]

You know, I say that it's always sex or guns.

[A]

It's. Oh, guns.

[B]

That's so funny.

[A]

It's got to be both often.

[B]

And sometimes money, but it's usually sex.

[A]

But money's, like, sometimes. Yeah, money's like, whatever. They can always justify money, which I needed the private job.

[B]

But the guns protect. Protect the sex.

[A]

Right.

[B]

The guns are to stop the government from stopping.

[A]

They always. It's always the third episode. I'm always in on every cult. Like, every time I watch a cult. Third. Third episode, I go.

[B]

I'm the guy that's going like. But like, I.

[A]

What.

[B]

What one was it? It was called. It doesn't matter. They're all called the same thing. But it was a gay guy and. But he was giving people, like, a. Like a revelatory experience. Like, without drugs. There was, like, a transition.

[A]

The surrender and.

[B]

Yeah. So there'd be a ceremony, and he would give these people this, like, dissociative, like, out of body. But will this thing so in the hippie world. They'd call that like a shakti, like a power. Right. And I'm always like, more about that. Like, I understand that he ends up having sex with all the men. And it's horrible.

[A]

I like when it's the men getting I. I know. That's so mean.

[B]

Turns the tables.

[A]

I do like when you guys have to deal with it too, and it's horrible.

[B]

I understand.

[A]

I think, because I think there's another layer for men too. When they get. If they're straight and they get sexually assaulted, but then they're like, questioning their sexuality and stuff.

[B]

Right, Right.

[A]

So there's another layer too.

[B]

But I. I think. Am I right in what you're saying is like.

[A]

But sometimes, like, might.

[B]

It's horrible and it might increase understanding in some sort of way.

[A]

Yeah, totally.

[B]

Because it is usually women that are getting completely.

[A]

But I don't know. My meet and greets are pretty people love to tell me their. Their stories. And there's a lot of guys. I'm always like, okay, that got us all. My diddle boys. Come to me. My diddle boys.

[B]

The diddle boys.

[A]

I love the little boys. My diddle crew.

[B]

And are these the people? You sign their balls?

[A]

I do sign their balls. Yeah. Let me sign. Yeah. I've signed so many.

[B]

Where does the wiener go when you're saying, like, hold.

[A]

I tell them I don't want to see the wieners. So they. They just pull. They just pull their balls usually out.

[B]

Of their pants and they do bat.

[A]

And then they have to bat wing it. And then.

[B]

Sorry to steal your punchline, but that's a funny term.

[A]

No, it's fine.

[B]

Bat wing it.

[A]

Bat wing it.

[B]

Because you want to write your full name and frank.

[A]

But so they, they. The wives are usually the ones pushing them to do it. It's usually like a woman being like, do it.

[B]

I wouldn't want Sharpie ink on.

[A]

Nobody should want this. I'm dominating.

[B]

You're Keith Ranieri, basically.

[A]

Yeah, exactly.

[B]

You should brand them. I should fucking brand your should brand people.

[A]

But it's kind of a social experiment. I can't believe people do it. And I say to them, I go, I can't believe you're letting me do this.

[B]

You can make an Al look like a mountainscape and then in the mirror. I know that's a dark joke, but, like, it's a little nexium.

[A]

Best ones are dark.

[B]

I know. Closer to the light. Bigger the shadow.

[A]

I know I had to do shadow work. I've been being called to it. But I think all my mommy issues are very shadowy. Yeah.

[B]

I feel it. I. I don't want you to feel judged. I'm like, I want to feel judged. I recognize. That's why I was like, I think you're at the beginning of a journey. You could take that as condescending, or you could take it as solidarity, Feel.

[A]

Like I'm at the end of it, not imagine you could be. I figured it all out. I'm done.

[B]

That's what the mushrooms told me. No, no. The mushrooms.

[A]

Well, they'll tell you when you've done. You need a break or whatever, too. Right.

[B]

Well, I've talked about. I talked about this on the. We made it weird. But the mushrooms were like, my theology and my understanding of reality, or whatever you want to call it, can be very dry. And I like how dry it is. It's about unitive consciousness, whatever. And the mushrooms were like, just put that down for a second. Be silly. And it was just us. It was like, every once in a while, Val would come over, and she had five faces.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There's, like, purple and blue, and I'm.

[A]

Just like, did you feel like a polygamist? I felt, look at all my wives.

[B]

I. Because she had five faces.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

These are my wives. Well, it's funny that you say that, because the feeling. And Val knows this. She's not a jealous person. She's allowed. She allowed me to date the universe, but I really was like, yeah, I bang Zeus. The number of Hindu deities I saw. And I'm not even that familiar with Hindu.

[A]

No. Isn't it weird when someone comes to you and you're like, this has to be something.

[B]

This is something.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I'm not. I don't have them hanging up. I have one. But, like, I don't have a lot of Hindu deities up on the.

[A]

Who is it?

[B]

I got Hanuman.

[A]

You should have Hanuman up there. Like, shirtless.

[B]

Hanuman looks great.

[A]

I want, like, a rip. I want, like, a team. A tiger beat a monkey be. I wanna.

[B]

Yeah, but I saw so many Krishna and, like, Kali. I. I know I'm naming them, but I couldn't draw them, and there they were. I was like, this is so weird. A trip for real.

[A]

I'm excited when you get called to do ayahuasca. It's gonna be cool.

[B]

So many people have invited me to do it, and for some reason, ready.

[A]

Or not, it's like, whenever you do it, you'll do it or not do it.

[B]

I'm gonna ask you. It was Alex Gray the psychedelic painter said that ayahuasca is like white water rafting, that you're like, from one reality to the next. And I was like, my favorite psychedelic is ketamine. Have you done. Oh, are we at Skankfest right now? What's happening? Busy Phillips.

[A]

Ketamine. I love ketamine. When Matthew Perry died of my favorite drug, I was so sad. I was like, not mine.

[B]

Matthew Perry died of drowning on your favorite drug, right?

[A]

Oh, my God. And he was getting like, IVs, like, at his house. Else.

[B]

I'm not trying to put down Matthew Barry. I'm saying don't do any drugs.

[A]

He put himself down.

[B]

Yeah, don't do it.

[A]

No, no. You can't do it on hot tub. No. That was my defense to my. Come on, guys.

[B]

Don't smoke weed. And I mean, you can smoke.

[A]

Well, definitely smoke weed.

[B]

You can definitely smoke weed.

[A]

A little pizza.

[B]

A little pizza. Float it on the water, get that chlorine flavor in there.

[A]

I love a little soggy, soggy, soggy piece. My mom comes by in a bathing cup, steals my pizza.

[B]

She eats it just back under the water. But you see what I'm saying? Like, if one is whitewater rafting and like an eight headed creature wants to tell me that my mother did the best she could, and one of them is like, this is you and you are love and everything is us. I take the latter.

[A]

Oh, no, it does that.

[B]

Which one?

[A]

The same thing is love and amazing and. No, it's very. Oh, you're saying with ketamine.

[B]

Yes, I'm saying ketamine. In my experience.

[A]

Have you. You done San Pedro?

[B]

Oh, is that another one?

[A]

That's. I think it's mescaline. I'm pretty sure it's. I haven't done cactus, but. So the way that my shaman does his weekends is you. You. You show up first night, you do breath work.

[B]

Oh, nice. I always do breath work before.

[A]

I love breath work.

[B]

I don't know why I went before.

[A]

What podcast.

[B]

I mean, if I had time before, before my ego.

[A]

No, breath work changes my life. Life. And my ego does not. Fights it so hard. It changes my life. It's so good. You could do like a five minute breath work and my day would be. My ego goes.

[B]

Do you use other ship?

[A]

What's that?

[B]

It's just an other ship. I like it. But you can pick the length. You can pick.

[A]

Oh, I love that.

[B]

I really love it. I. So I just did a retreat two weeks ago. A lot of free time during this retreat. And I was doing. I was ripping breath work.

[A]

Oh, my God, it's incredible. You can't believe.

[B]

And I'm the only one. There were like three, four of us, like close friends on this retreat. And I'd be like, let's do the hour one. And everyone's like, let's do 10 minutes.

[A]

Oh, my God. We have to do a really long one. And you're like, I don't know. And then at the end you're like.

[B]

Holy, I have one. Well, I can explain it to you, but it has good music. But like, it's basically just without any pausing. It's like a stomach chest.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you do that for an hour. Bye. It's the best. It's the best.

[A]

No, during breathwork, I shot up into this like crystal, like Superman's house. Superman's house. 100. And I bang Zeus on top of this like huge throne in the top of the sky.

[B]

Because I had breathwork.

[A]

What's breath work?

[B]

It was. I want to go.

[A]

It was holotropic. This. I did a retreat with my shaman and in Costa Rica. So we were there for two weeks.

[B]

What was the breath work like and what was the duration?

[A]

It was.

[B]

I think it was.

[A]

Yeah, I think that one was like a two hour one. We were doing. The whole theme of the weekend was sort of stepping into a new self. So we were doing a lot of things where we would like, physically, like, step into a new thing. And then we tried all it was to get trained as a breathwork instructor. Which I don't. That's not an interest of mine. But. But I just went to it anyway. So he was teaching us like different types, but I don't retain information that way. No, I just. That's what came to me was this. I pulled the Zeus card. I did pull the Zeus card. Yeah.

[B]

But I wanted you to say it. I'm not going to say that's what came on me.

[A]

It came all over me. No, but yeah, I had to come out to my fiance and tell him I cheated on him.

[B]

How do you know it was Zeus and not like classic otg? It was God.

[A]

It was Zeus.

[B]

Did he have lightning bolts?

[A]

He had lightning bolts. There was lightning bolts shooting everywhere.

[B]

That's Zeus.

[A]

It was hot. And he was. And I knew he was everyone. I was like, I know he's everyone, but I'm surrendering to it. I'm just going to be one of these.

[B]

Yeah. And with Zeus, you know you're pregnant.

[A]

I'm pregnant.

[B]

If you read any of those stories, I'm pregnant.

[A]

I, Tracy Morgan.

[B]

I got everybody pregnant. He's getting. Yeah, you definitely have some divine crabs that don't show up in humans.

[A]

Oh, my God. And I am a cancer crab. Tabs. Pretty good connection there.

[B]

Okay. Okay. So how vivid was that hallucination?

[A]

It was vivid.

[B]

I've never done breathwork. It was a point of fucking crazy vision.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And what was the move? Was it the same move for a long time or was it a bunch of different?

[A]

It might have been. We just did so many in that week, so I'm trying to remember which one it was.

[B]

So gay for Zeus.

[A]

No, I like. Okay, you're like, please, I've got to bang this guy. It might have been the like. Like, stomach chest out over and over, but I think it was the. I think it was like the duration. There was one two where we had someone just like. Like, this sounds molesty, but it wasn't rubbing us.

[B]

Ready with the parents? Drop off.

[A]

Drop off. Yeah.

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

It was. It was ruby and weird, but. But it was fine. But it was like. To be there, like, I support holding space for the other person.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I don't know if that was the touchy one. I don't think it was. Sometimes I don't think I was having a commie one when they were touching me.

[B]

A cummy gummy bears. Oh, my God. That's gonna be someone's closer. We just put it out into the universe. Someone's terrible closer.

[A]

Mine tonight. See me at the Comedy Store.

[B]

Are you at the store tonight?

[A]

Am I at the store tonight? Yes, I am at the store.

[B]

I just found out my name's on the wall and I didn't know.

[A]

Yeah, you should come.

[B]

I was waiting for someone.

[A]

So fun.

[B]

No, I'm always at the store.

[A]

I never see you. You gotta come do my show. My show's over there.

[B]

Seven o' clock show.

[A]

Dude, my.

[B]

That's an old.

[A]

You wanna know what my show is?

[B]

7 o' clock Tuesday. That's when Homesy's here.

[A]

What's the lineup that I invited you to be on? It was Marcelo from snl. Who's the funniest, cutest boy in the whole world? He's so funny.

[B]

He's so. I'm a little Zeus for him.

[A]

He's a bab.

[B]

He's a total babe.

[A]

He's so cute. I love talking about girls.

[B]

I love, like, he's slumber party energy.

[A]

He's the best. He'll tell you how your butt.

[B]

He's the cutest yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Love, Marcelo, Tim, Dylan.

[B]

We both just.

[A]

Bobby.

[B]

No flirting with Tim. We're both like, also Tim.

[A]

No, no, no. Tim's my sugared. I love.

[B]

I think Tim is hilarious.

[A]

He actually told me to say hi to you.

[B]

He did not. We've never met.

[A]

Yes, we've never met. Yeah.

[B]

Tell him to do the pod.

[A]

He would love to do your pod.

[B]

Will you? There's a clip. I can't say what it is because I don't want to get in trouble. It's like your dad. It's a very naughty.

[A]

About my dad's penis.

[B]

Your dad's a huge dick.

[A]

Can I say it was. It's the opposite.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

Well, here's the thing. Okay. I'm shooting a special. No, wait. Can I just tell you. Can I tell you what's going on in my. I'm shooting a special.

[B]

No, no, go ahead. You're shooting yourself special.

[A]

I'm shooting a special, and my YouTube guy put out so much of my material before my special. That's not a special. That's posted. I'm shooting a special. I'm like, you're telling me all these things and I'm going, that's out. That's out. Oh, God.

[B]

Wait, he's clipping the special.

[A]

They're clipping my set. Yeah. So I'm like, a little.

[B]

The set, not the. Yeah, but it's gonna be.

[A]

All these things are gonna be in my special. So I'm like. I'm having anxiety about the fact that so much of my material is out.

[B]

I wouldn't worry about it. Big picture, you're totally fine. Small picture, little ego. Use your mom's language. Picture. Yeah, Tell them to maybe take those down, make those private.

[A]

Yeah. After.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I'm probably just gonna release it on YouTube anyway.

[B]

That's what I'm. Well, I.

[A]

It's just weird.

[B]

I think you're okay, but I would.

[A]

Say make them, but it's a nightmare when you're, like, telling me my jokes. I'm about to shoot, and for two.

[B]

Weeks I'm going, I'm upset. I'm upset on your behalf.

[A]

I know. I'm like, guys, I do so much crowd work. Just post the crowd work.

[B]

Well, they should also.

[A]

I'm like, I am one of the people that I was ruining comedy. I really am. I'm like, I love a heckler. I really am one of the people.

[B]

Yeah. No, you will find plenty of clips of me yelling about how crowd work sucks.

[A]

Oh, I've seen them. I like them. And I completely.

[B]

Yeah, you agree? I feel like agree. I knew it.

[A]

And there's no.

[B]

You're very good, though.

[A]

There's no part of me that if I could not, I would not.

[B]

Yeah, but you need to.

[A]

And I. I made comedy for connection. I love, like. I love the exchange, but I want.

[B]

People to be what they are. That's why. So I'm saying Tim Dillon has this very kind of inappropriate joke.

[A]

Oh, Tim's joke?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, I thought you're talking about my joke about my dad's name. Okay, so Tim's dad having big.

[B]

No, it's not about Tim's dad's dick. It's a. It's a different thing, but it's a rant that he goes on, and it's not. It's not politically correct or whatever. And I just find his performance to be immaculate. I find. I think he's hilarious.

[A]

Oh, I know what you're talking. I know which bit you're talking about.

[B]

I don't know if you do, because that doesn't narrow it down. He goes on a lot of incorrect rants. But anyway, Tim is that I want things to be what they are. Tim is that you are someone who should talk to the crowd. What I don't like is my people who aren't crowd work people feeling forced. I really feel bad for them that they're forced to say, where are you from? Because you're so trained to be disengaged unless I'm talking directly to you. I actually feel bad for them. It's not just crowd for the audience.

[A]

Or for other comics.

[B]

For everybody, but mostly for the comic.

[A]

But yeah.

[B]

And then the, you know, the audiences, it is training them to talk more, which.

[A]

Oh, I'm in a nightmare situation sometimes. I mean, you get that late drunk crowd and you get that one. And I never want to kick people out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But then the whole show is about them. Oh, I had the best thing. I had two guys.

[B]

I'm like your mom. I got into this to be about me.

[A]

I know. Well, you're. I think you're like. Not that I don't write, but do you sit down and write?

[B]

I don't sit down. Do you? No, I sit down and refine. Sorry to be.

[A]

Okay. How do you do? No, no, I love it.

[B]

I listen to the audio, I transcribe it.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I have a document where every word is.

[A]

Oh, I love that.

[B]

And I. I read it before I go on stage. And then I never try to say it like that, but you just have.

[A]

It as, like, A reference.

[B]

The best.

[A]

That's great.

[B]

I think Louie might do the same kind of thing.

[A]

That's great.

[B]

So I never sit down and go, like, the things might. I might write down a line.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But I know how I feel about recycling and my wife, and I'm going to talk about it. Then I listen to it, and then I go, oh, there's the punches. And then sometimes to can kind of go back on what I said. Sometimes when I'm refining, I'll go, what the am I doing? There's this whole area that I didn't. And then it does come out in a chair.

[A]

It's so interesting because I think the generation of comedy, because I. I'm like. I think you're, like, one class or two classes that you started, like, one or two classes ahead of me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then. But now it's so different because we always taught economy of words. Like, keep it, like. Like, tight.

[B]

Keep it.

[A]

And then now I feel like there's a lot of people that are, like, going on these, like, rambles that land so hard.

[B]

Oh, interesting.

[A]

Like, I'm like, oh, there's this whole other type of comedy. Like, Theo. Like, I'm like, what the is he talking about? And then he lands it. So. But the.

[B]

And Theo's being Thea. That's what I like, so hard.

[A]

Yeah, I know. It's so funny. It's his own thing.

[B]

Yeah, it's his own thing. That's. That's why I'm like, long rambles. Keep it tight. What? Transcribe it or just communicate it.

[A]

It.

[B]

I just want people to do what feels right to them. Just like a romantic relationship. You're like, oh, this is my person. This is my style. It should feel, like, true. What I don't like is when people do anything because they feel like they're supposed to. I'm like, you should know what you are, and you should tell them what you are. Don't ask them.

[A]

Yeah. I always think about, like, with the algorithm and everything that you. You do feel like art for myself, like, pressure to do a certain thing or whatever. But it's so. It so takes away from my creative time that I want to be, like, making stuff. So that's actually.

[B]

Oh, sorry.

[A]

But even, like, captions and stuff, I'm like, I don't want to, like, break up, so I have my manager doing that and stuff. But then I'm also like, I'm. I'm losing. Like, there's. It's not fully me on there now, too, so.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Because you're because someone else is like posting and writing the cat. You know what I mean?

[B]

Oh, I see what you're saying. You don't approve your clip clips. This is the most inside baseball chat ever. No, it's. But I think it's interesting.

[A]

I mean, I said my shaman so many times. It's pretty inside baseball and a lot.

[B]

Of people referred to ayahuasca in the third person and we're all doing fine. You know what I mean? It's okay. But I. I think who cares? This is a little bit of advice. I still approve every clip that goes through. They text it to me. So most of the time, if you see me looking at my phone at the airport, probably watching a clip of myself to just thumbs up and it. But oftentimes I'm like, you cut right before the punchline. And by the way, Jake, who runs my page is amazing. But we're like learning how to go like. No, it's actually hard. Yeah, it's hard after that line. That is the funny part. But that would prevent bits that you're about to film going on your social media. Yeah, who cares?

[A]

I know. And then it's like, just throw it all. It's very. It's very weird because I think I. I'm just going to be at the LAA Comedy Store where you did that other one.

[B]

I've never been there. Is it nice?

[A]

It's the best. You would love it.

[B]

And they do weekends? Yeah, like full. Like really?

[A]

Yeah. Well, it's awesome.

[B]

How far is it from here?

[A]

I think La Jolla is like three hours, maybe two. I have no. I'm driven. It's San Diego.

[B]

Oh, it's farther for me. It doesn't matter. I'll do it.

[A]

No, you'll love it. It's so fun.

[B]

I believe it.

[A]

It's a small room, so you have to do a bunch of shows probably.

[B]

But I'm at the place now where I have this new hour and I'm really excited about it. And really what that means is I have 45 and then I have this wandering 15.

[A]

Yeah. What's going to happen?

[B]

It's actually one of my favorite times in comedy is when you have most of it, but you need the cement between the bricks. So you're still kind of open micing it, but when you're doing it, you know the next bit is great and it's kind of my favorite time. My ego is just gonna be like, so bookers reach out to me. That's so dumb. They can always reach out to me. But I'm saying yes to more shows because I'm like, yeah, how's this feel? Yeah, I'm excited.

[A]

Well, I think it's really fun to go into all these weird places. Like, I'll do any crazy room.

[B]

Really.

[A]

I'm doing, like, a. A stag party at a country club for a bunch of.

[B]

This is where they get a male stripper. Is that a stag party I'm in?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

What? You're in a cake?

[A]

I'm. It's. No, I. I'm gonna be doing. I don't know what I'm doing. I don't know. I'm gonna be, like, roasting these guys. These.

[B]

Wait a second.

[A]

Party.

[B]

These, like, men.

[A]

It's all these golfers at a country club.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

They're like. They lean a little bit, right? I go, okay. It's gonna be fun.

[B]

Oh, my God. Really?

[A]

I'm like, okay. I can. I can get my Megan Kelly on.

[B]

You know who's like, that is John Oliver. There's certain comedians. I haven't talked to John in decades, but I'm just like. Like, when I knew him, he was like, the weirder, the better.

[A]

I like to just.

[B]

I want to go, well, you learn, too.

[A]

You learn about people, different areas of the world. And I did. I did a show at a frat party at USC that was really fun.

[B]

I don't like any of this for you.

[A]

Well, I'm just like. I want to just see what I can do. I want to see what my skill set is or. And. But I feel like all my audiences are so split. It's like, half of my audience is, like, actually trans, and then the other half is, like, transphobic. And I'm like, I have to find a way to make everyone. It's, like, the craziest job.

[B]

Do you have a big trans following?

[A]

I have, like, yeah, I have a pretty lgbt.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, I think. I don't know. I just think, like, you're, like, an outspoken woman, and people.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But, I mean, I've had. I had, like, a trans man stand up and tell me he didn't like one of my jokes. And then he. After we talk, it was actually really cool. It was like, a cool conversation because I'm always like, if my jokes are landing away. And then he was explaining to me, and then it turned out that that wasn't. He was like, I don't like them laughing at what you're saying. And I was like, okay. And then we were like. We were talking about it. I Was going to post it, and then Trump won, and I went, not gonna. I'm gonna leave everyone alone. I'm gonna leave everyone alone.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. I'll take a beat here.

[A]

I'm gonna have everyone just relax.

[B]

And I was on stage in Sal, and somebody yelled out, the gays love you. And I was like, I didn't know. I wanted that real bad. I loved it.

[A]

They're like, no, I love, like, I love a, A lesbian couple in the front row. Give it to me.

[B]

Oh, yeah, me too.

[A]

I just like to te. Like, play and tease and call out things.

[B]

Well, I, I don't want to generalize, but I, I, I, I find that the gays do. It's actually kind of against the stereotype, the uptight lesbian. Right. I'm like, not in my experience.

[A]

My, I think I attract the right, I think I, my, my. There's just, like, I vibrationally bring the right people to my shows, no matter what happens.

[B]

And lesbian is, like, number seven on the list of what they are.

[A]

Number 69.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

No, no, but it's very. Well, you just see, like, a couple in the front, and I'm like, are you guys friends or a couple? You know, you try to figure it out.

[B]

I've guessed. I've guessed wrong a bunch.

[A]

Oh, it's so funny. When they're siblings or something. It's always funny.

[B]

Or when they're buddies. And I go, is this your son? And I'm like. And they're like, oh, they're like, so embarrassing. And you're like, one of them just aged poorly.

[A]

Yeah. And then like, oh, I'm like, but who's older?

[B]

I appreciated that on that special I watched, too, is you're very fearless, and you were saying things that, like, I don't know. It's like, you're a good example of, like, how you say it, like, is so clear. It's like, it's comedy. It's not malicious. But you can be wicked. Like, wicked for fun.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And people love wicked for fun.

[A]

Well, you do.

[B]

I was. You know what I mean? Like, psychedelics understand the different ingredients that human beings.

[A]

Like, when I do ketamine, I Sometimes I get to the edge of a joke. Like, I go to the end of the universe. Like, I'll be like. And I get to the end, and I just so see the tension and release. Tension and release. And I get to the edge of a joke, and it's like, that's what I like to do. Just get to the very edge.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And finding the Line.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And that's why everything we're saying probably in 10 years, years will be. I'm not saying it'll be wrong, but it'll be like. Well, that's where the edge was there. You know what I mean?

[A]

I'm gonna be chilling. Nothing's gonna happen to me in this future that's gonna keep me from going to the edge. I don't think so. I. I feel like I could. I could run prison guards. I could.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[B]

Sure. Oh, I didn't mean you'd be taken down.

[A]

No, but I. But I. But who knows what. Yeah. I don't know how things are gonna progress is very weird. It's a weird time. Is that I did not predict this. I did not predict this. Well, I did predict this, but not.

[B]

Are these weird times.

[A]

I'm just kidding. Weird times.

[B]

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[A]

I quit drinking in 2009 and January 2009 and I never think about it. I don't really notice until people are completely blacked out that they're drunk. I don't even see it. It's like not in my awareness.

[B]

I stopped, who cares? But I stopped. And then when I'm with people who are drunk, I find it really annoying.

[A]

Well, when they get drunk drunk, I just feel so good about my decision.

[B]

Actually, that is one of the revelations is you're like, oh wow, you're coming off so much worse than you know you are.

[A]

But I also.

[B]

Luckily nobody really knows.

[A]

I don't think any. I don't really hang out with people that drink the way I drank because I just drank. Like, let's get as. Like I wanted to black out every day. I was very frat boy.

[B]

You were like, you weren't doing it to relax or how have fun. You just hated yourself.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

And how are you with that?

[A]

Hating myself.

[B]

Like, is there some. It seems like there's some self love now.

[A]

Oh my God. Yeah, I flipped it.

[B]

You did?

[A]

Yeah. I feel great.

[B]

And how you do that.

[A]

I just did so much work on myself. I just always, whenever there's like conflict or something, I really try to take my own inventory, see what I can do. Like, I know I can't control the outside world.

[B]

I can really only control looking for Your own.

[A]

Yeah, I just. What's my. Yeah. What's my response? Responsibility in this. What's something I can work on? And then I think I. I went overboard, and I would kind of take on too much stuff and allow a little bit of that Quaker still in me. Allowing people to kind of treat me when go. No, no, there's good. And it's not. You know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I think it's just always sort of trying to balance between just Acceptance, Allowance. Exactly. And I just a lot of. Of. I've just done a lot of. Yeah, a lot of work. I do hypnosis, stuff like that.

[B]

Self hypnosis, or I do a little.

[A]

Self hypnosis, but I have a hypnotist.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What's her name?

[A]

Mary Lou Rodriguez.

[B]

It's not my hip.

[A]

She rules. But, I mean, you do all this stuff, too, so it's like.

[B]

I do. Yeah. And I swear by. I love it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I notice I actually haven't shared this on the podcast, but I. I have some PTSD symptoms, and I don't know if I have the full disorder, but certainly.

[A]

Is it from your show, from crashing, not getting a fourth season? How many seasons you get? 3. Right.

[B]

I wanted you to get. I was like, where is it get Was three seasons.

[A]

Yeah, see, I got it. See, I even got two.

[B]

You nailed it. You nailed it. I was sitting in that chair when they called me, I swear to God.

[A]

Were you ready for it or did.

[B]

You want to keep going?

[A]

Shows sometimes shouldn't be that long. You can just make a perfect thing.

[B]

I'm not just saying this. If it had gone for. That would have been about me and me having a job. Not really the story.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Because he was about to start doing well, and that was my joke. I was like, it's called crashing, not flourishing. Yeah, he's about to start. And we broke the fourth season. We're like, well, he'll get a talk show. And I was like, this is weird. Yeah, this is gonna be weird. Like it. I love that it. Sorry, but you did ask. No, no, I love that it ends where he's just happy that he's in the comedy scene.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That was his goal. And that's where he gets. By the end of the third season.

[A]

Do you remember when I auditioned for it? You had us all in. It was actually really funny.

[B]

Get all of us in.

[A]

No, you had every female comedian in.

[B]

I believe I did. For Ally.

[A]

No. Yeah. Yeah, for Ally. And. And then you gave it to Jamie Lee, who was written by and for so thanks for making us all come in, you scumbag, but. Oh, no, it's fine. We all got our little outfits on. We practiced the lines. That's fine. No, but we actually had a funny interaction because I know.

[B]

You have to let me respond.

[A]

No, go ahead. No, you can respond.

[B]

I will respond, but you're going to tell me the funny interaction. But, yes, it was. It was based on Jamie and knowing Jamie and written for Jamie. And then I was like, I want to give it to Jamie. And it wasn't me that said, let's have audition.

[A]

Let's audition literally every female comedian that was not. Look, it was fun. It was like a good lot. It was a good, like, living room. It was fun, for sure.

[B]

And people did wonderfully. And so many people, even though you.

[A]

Don'T even remember some of them, they were so good. No, we had a funny interaction. I'm excited to tell you.

[B]

I can't wait to hear it. I do. What? This is the. I'm not saying you think this, but a lot of times people think that if it's your show, you're the one that's.

[A]

No, totally.

[B]

Let's cat. I was like, this is Jamie. And then as. As randomly as it was declined when I first mentioned it one day, they were like, it's Jamie. And I was like.

[A]

You'Re like, wow, this was a lot of time. Yes, I know. There's.

[B]

So I had a friend, Jamie, also thought she didn't get it, so she went. She thought she had it because I, I.

[A]

And they make her audition for the part.

[B]

They made her audition. They were like, I don't know about this. And then she spent months in the office watching everyone else come in to audition for her part. And she. She was a trooper. Like, stiff upper lip. Just kept doing her job. And then there was another time when another friend of mine was close to getting it. She was also stiff upper lips. And then randomly, I get the call. They're like, you can. It's Jamie. And I was like, this is. This is crazy. The dynamics. The dynamics of it. So everybody did beautiful.

[A]

They wanted them to be thirsty for it.

[B]

Yeah, well, Jamie, I. I don't think she was really happy.

[A]

Oh, it was great.

[B]

Yeah, it was a very sweet.

[A]

It was perfect, too. It was like.

[B]

And she was great at it, of course. I mean, yeah, it was perfect. It was perfect for her. So anyway, what was our. What was our moment?

[A]

Okay, so I come in and. This is before I'm doing the work. Work. This is before I come in. I'm like, probably in a leather jacket. You know, I come in and we're. We're like, improvising about relationships or something, and I. I kind of was going, well, yeah, I know. Like, I don't, like, respect my boyfriend, who's a loser or whatever. And you're like, what? I remember you just, like, having such a normal reaction to what I was saying, but it was like what I thought reality was was like, oh, no, no. You, like, hate your boyfriends. You think they're losers. And that's how it works. Like, you hate them and they move in and you hate them and they suck. And they're not funny. And they're not funny, though. And you were just like, huh? And I was like, oh. It was like one of these ones. I was like, oh, is that like, not, like, relatable to just. I thought you dates people you don't love. Yeah, yeah. And then you're friends with people you love.

[B]

I mean. Yeah.

[A]

And you have, like, your friendships are the best. And then at home is where you. You just this. But I roll your eyes.

[B]

That's not. Obviously that was not points against you, because that is deeply hilarious.

[A]

No, but I just remember you looking at me like, what? Yeah, maybe that is. But I remember I sent in my audition tape I was at. My friend has this, like, beautiful house in the Burbank Hills, and she has, like, this hot tub. And she's like, let's do your audition in the hot tub. And so I sent it in from the hot tub. My tape.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

That's great. With, like, the mountains behind me.

[B]

That's fantastic.

[A]

I was like, I don't need this gig, but if you want to give it to me, it's fine.

[B]

That's great.

[A]

It was funny.

[B]

I actually do recall parts of your audition and. And little flashes of lots of my friends that came in.

[A]

Yeah. No, was. I think Julia Rossi was before me.

[B]

It was great.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I mean, Phoebe Robinson was great. I. I can't name check everybody, but.

[A]

Like, it was cute, though. It was like. It was like a fun. I was running into a lot of.

[B]

My friends, of course. And then just one last time, it wasn't me going, who shall I pick? These tapes were shown to other people.

[A]

Oh, no, I understand. Yeah. You don't have say in it.

[B]

I mean, at all. You'll see when you're doing your mom.

[A]

Competition, when I'm casting my mom, I just cast them in really, like, disgusting.

[B]

I just a. Everyone always says, Susan Sarandon, we can't do. I know. I love it, but we can't. We gotta leave Susan alone.

[A]

Alone.

[B]

Leave Susan alone. I will say there was a time during crashing where I couldn't get somebody something. And then later, and they kind of didn't believe me, and they were upset, and then later, they couldn't cast somebody in something they were doing. And it was one of the best friendship moments of my life. They were like. It did come back around. It was really sweet, and they were really sweet, and I wasn't like. I was like, see, it's.

[A]

It's.

[B]

Oh, this is a beautiful, healing moment. All right, in our final moments here, I don't want to take your entire day. Although I'm loving talking with you. Meaning of life. I mean, you've met Mother. Ayahuasca. I'm curious, what is your framework for what this all is?

[A]

I think it's an exercise in learning to surrender and to, like, you know, you need to have, like, struggle and stuff to learn things, to grow muscle, to get strong. But I think it's in the end to just, like, it's all. Like, it's all good. Like, it's really all fine. And I think the thing that gets me out of any of my anxiety is always, like, everything's happening exactly how it's supposed to happen at the perfect time.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And if you just trust that, everything will be fine. I can't get caught up in these, like, these things. But I had to learn that. So I think. Yeah. Yeah. I think it's about, like, you know, I don't know, just telling dick jokes. Just. It's. In the end, it's dick jokes.

[B]

Well, it's funny what you're saying without really saying it. It's like, don't take it too seriously. It is kind of about dick jokes, meaning everybody doing their thing. This thing, whatever this thing is, loves playing every game.

[A]

But also, don't you have that thing where you're like, oh, God, everyone's a projection of myself too. So then you're like, okay, did I make you sit there? Did I. You know, like, so there's also. I don't know. I have a lot of thoughts about.

[B]

It, but I do think ultimate reality is. Is close to paranoia. But that's when we bring our ego into that understanding. Like, your ego. That's why when you go into, like, a Chinese Zen garden or something, there are those dragons out front, and those are to say your ego can't come in.

[A]

Oh, I didn't know that.

[B]

You need to be devoured. So when you're going into that place, whether it's. We were talking about sacred medicines or whatever, but also just when you spelunk into your essence.

[A]

Love.

[B]

Spelunk Gummy bears.

[A]

Love gummy bears. And spelunk.

[B]

Spelunk into your essence. If you bring. If you bring Annie with you. That is paranoia. It has to be both. It's like, this is all me, and this also isn't me.

[A]

I know. It's interesting to be like, who am I? Who am I? Who am I? Oh, my God. I'm nothing and everything. Oops.

[B]

Yeah, that's right. That's written on my bathroom mirror. It says, wisdom tells me I am nothing. Love tells me I am everything. In between the two, my life flows.

[A]

Mine says, you bitch.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I wrote that.

[B]

I broke in.

[A]

It's in lipstick.

[B]

Yeah. I thought it would have more effect if I kind of betrayed your Sephora while I was threatening you. Such a dark twist. Yeah, I love that. And I love what you said. That it's all fine again. I was on this retreat. It was a Rupert Spiro retreat. I love him so much and so many of the questions. The subtext is, are we okay? And then somebody was telling me that there's another non dual teacher named Adyashanti who said, everything is fine, and it's way more fine than you could even imagine. And when you go into those, however, you experience some sort of God consciousness or unitive consciousness. This. That is always the message. When I. I know ketamine, people might roll their eyes and say, ketamine isn't a religious experience. I'm like, oh, my God.

[A]

Ketamine is absolutely the most beautiful in the world.

[B]

It also depends on, like, what you're mixing with it. I don't mean chemically. I mean what you're bringing to it. It can become a vehicle into something very, very profound. And when I'm on it, I'm always going like, you can trust it. You can trust it. Like, over and over. Because that's my question.

[A]

Well, sometimes I'm like, did I die? And it's okay if I did.

[B]

That's. And imagine feeling that. Yeah, I don't think. Well, I won't say who it was. A friend of mine did mushrooms recently. It's one of my more spiritually mature friends. And he was like. He was like, I thought I would never come back. And I was fine with it. Yeah, I was like, that is. To me, that's like that. Dying before you die, you can have this experience in a lot of different ways. Is Different. Different experiences in your life. Spiritual experiences, chemical experiences, whatever it might be. But there are these things, these little gifts that you go like. Yeah. It was never Annie. It was never really Annie. What. What. What you really are can't be threatened. And that's what these things can show you.

[A]

I know. And it is weird that you could just. Like I could just move somewhere and have it completely different life. If I want. I could just create a whole new. If I really wanted to. I could program myself into being.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Something completely different.

[B]

Which is exactly the point that you've just summarized it from where I'm sitting very well. It's like spirituality is interested in that which can't be reprogrammed. So what part of what is me would be the same?

[A]

Right.

[B]

Even if you did move to Sedona.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Become a pet psychic. You'd still.

[A]

How did you know that was the plan?

[B]

You know, essentially, you'd be exactly this.

[A]

I want to read their. I want to have their come in. I'll put in a nurse.

[B]

Like, I read tea leaves.

[A]

But yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So weird.

[B]

I've never done it.

[A]

I did it at a part this. A friend of mine throws these like, sex parties. But they're not. There's like. There's one room where maybe one blow job's happening, but they have a lot of performance.

[B]

There's boobs out performance slowly getting back into the game. There's a blowjob room.

[A]

But it's like. It's. There's just like, you know, one slot that. That likes to suck the. In the room.

[B]

But she's a vegetarian.

[A]

But she's a vegetarian. But she's sure eats meat. But so. Yeah, but. So she had like this weird. But there's a VR scent area. And she's just like a little artist girl that likes to wear short shorts. So. And then. And then they had tea readings and it was really weird. It was cool. And this guy wrote me a poem. And from the tea leaves home guys.

[B]

They got the typewriter.

[A]

I know. And you're like, super fun. It's cute.

[B]

We have a lot in common.

[A]

Yeah, I know. I gotta. I wanna. I've been kind of taking a pause on spirituality.

[B]

Great.

[A]

I got fatigued and then I started watching true crime again and vaping. It's like the opposite of breath work is watching true crime and vaping.

[B]

Vapes.

[A]

Vapes.

[B]

I wrote vapes. If you still vape.

[A]

I vape.

[B]

And don't vape you with nicotine. Like, it's not just like the flavor and you didn't.

[A]

I've heard from someone that you chewed. Do you chew the nicotine things?

[B]

Toothpicks?

[A]

Yeah, those roll did.

[B]

And then nicotine gum. Then I went real hard. I was chewing, like, two pieces. This is like, not a big brag, but, like, two pieces of the 6 milligram gum.

[A]

That's so cool. I know.

[B]

It's not.

[A]

This is so crazy. You're gonna have to check that before you go into the Chinese garden. What are you doing? Say. What did you call it?

[B]

Yeah, but I'm off nicotine. I don't think it's benign. I used to. I used to be the guy that would go on and on about how it's benign, that it's just like, coffee. And I'm like, it's like coffee that if you quit coffee, you want to murder. So it's not as chill as some of the. And like, Peter Atia, like those. Those brain scientists that are like, nicotine's a great nootropic. Just do 8 milligrams. I'm like, you're not an addict.

[A]

Yeah. You don't just.

[B]

You don't understand.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

People like me, and maybe people like you. It's like, that's the best part of nicotine, is you can do it forever.

[A]

Do you know what I love about vaping is it's such a bad thing. It's like my dad, like, bad.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then, like, there's some sort of.

[B]

My daughter's gonna be like, let's go be cookies.

[A]

Well, my dad picked me up from the airport once, and we were driving back to their house, and he goes. He's like, mom and I have been fasting. Intermittent fasting. I'm like, oh, my God. That's incredible. Yeah, I've been doing. Eating really clean, and then there's, like, a beat, and he's like, chinese. I go, yeah, let's get Chinese food.

[B]

Being a dad of a daughter, I'm just like. I'm loving. I could listen to these stories.

[A]

Well, I know that when they pass away, when I'm overeating, I'm gonna be like, my parents are with me. Like, I'm gonna feel like they're like, with me.

[B]

You feel. You're not moving the cookie to your mouth. Dad.

[A]

Dad, it's you. No, he'd be taking it. He'd be trying to eat it himself.

[B]

And then you're. Mom. You hear. You hear the snap of a swim, Cap. Mom.

[A]

Snap of a swim.

[B]

She's trying to be.

[A]

That's why I need ketamine. Because the snap of a swim cap, I lose my mind.

[B]

Do you know. Final question. Well, do you think when we die, it's over? I know you're taking a break from.

[A]

No, no, no. Not that I'm taking a break. I'm just not. I'm not on my right now. Not that I'm taking a break, but I understand. But I'm rearing back into it. I do believe that we are like energy, and I think we just get to do it again and again and again in different ways. I don't know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I don't. That's just what I feel like. I feel like we, like, wait our turn up here and then we get to come back.

[B]

I like that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

If you're interested, I would phrase that as we're all consciousness.

[A]

Yeah. We're all like a. Yeah.

[B]

Energy. I'm with you. It's just for fun.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Energy Always seems like you're Zeus dream.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that. It is sort of like that. It's this alive light. Right. But the most alive light, even in darkness, is consciousness.

[A]

Yeah. I think it's just this overwhelming, like, I think everyone that dies, no matter what they did in their life, I think you just get this like, beautiful, gorgeous, loving light. You just become the light.

[B]

Yeah. Emergency.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Love it. Well, the final question is, do you know the time you laughed the hardest in your life?

[A]

I think in this podcast, that is the funny. You gotta ask that question.

[B]

What was the.

[A]

What's the funniest thing I've said?

[B]

I remember watching somebody's assistant listening to their. That person's podcast and writing down bits, and I was like, that's a bridge too far. Wow. I would never.

[A]

Do you think that we're doing that, though, to do go to do clips?

[B]

This was way before, way before that. And it was just kind of a sad man listening to a podcast for areas that might be bets for them.

[A]

Oh, my God. I like that.

[B]

I mean, it's good business.

[A]

But then I don't. I never want people to be like, oh, she. Like, sometimes you talk about the topics and stuff, but I always like to be like, this is a bed or whatever.

[B]

Yeah. And I. I've had some great bits come from things you say on a.

[A]

Podcast that I say.

[B]

I know things you and I take them. Not going to use it.

[A]

This is fine. I heard it on a podcast. I heard it on a podcast. I could write a. I could write a joke about this American life. Why can't I write one about.

[B]

Oh, well, you have to say I was listening to a podcast.

[A]

No, I learned this thing that calamari's buttholes or whatever. Do you remember that? This American life. Do you remember that?

[B]

Prove that it's not. Cuz they deep fried large intestine of a pig. And it was like, this is nothing.

[A]

This doesn't look like. I like the idea.

[B]

I'm actually. I think the punchline was it's exactly like color. I think it was the one you didn't want.

[A]

Yeah, I feel like I remember it being a dark feeling. I didn't feel light at the end.

[B]

What about the Malcolm Gladwell? He has that great podcast. I forget what it's called. It doesn't matter. You could just type in Malcolm Gladwell.

[A]

I know, it's like guys just give it a Google.

[B]

But he. McDonald's used to fry their fries and beef tallow. Do you know the story? And then there was this billionaire or maybe a millionaire that like got a heart attack and his doctor was like, it's because you're eating too many saturated fat fats. So he took out full paged ads in the New York Times every day for a week. It's like millions of dollars of advertising. Full page listing the corporations that use high, high, high fat in their frying. And McDonald's was on them, put so much pressure on them that they changed to I think canola oil. So it's a lower fat. It's still garbage. And canola oil has its own issues, but you know, they got off the hook. But then everyone vaguely remembers, if you're my age, when McDonald's fries stopped being as good as delicious and it's because they used to be beef tallow. It's like fucking hardcore. So Malcolm Gladwell fried McDonald's french fries in beef tallow. And they ate them and they were like on the verge of tears. They were like, this is the fries from my childhood.

[A]

People are using beef tallow. Girls are using their face now.

[B]

I believe that's true. And you can get beef tallow fries in a lot of places.

[A]

That's so crazy.

[B]

Tallow.

[A]

Tallow.

[B]

Not to be tallow, but I love the beef tallow. I wouldn't, I don't want it tallow. I think, why bring death into this? It's a french fry.

[A]

Yeah. Killed the potato in a way.

[B]

Facts haven't.

[A]

You killed the. We all gotta die.

[B]

What can you eat that isn't me? Yeah, it's true. But what can you eat that isn't me? That didn't scream.

[A]

Yeah, that's What? I. But the lobster. They scream, but they taste good.

[B]

That's Steve.

[A]

My fiance watches.

[B]

That's not screaming. But, I mean, you could scream. It would scream. If that makes you.

[A]

My fiance watches a guy that has a pet lobster. He watches a YouTube channel, and I'm like, I can't. Yeah, Learn the lobster. I can't.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Grow to love the lobster.

[B]

That was an old SNL sketch.

[A]

It's crazy.

[B]

They're like, this is Larry and they're like, as soon as you name it. And that's the bib. Scarlett Johansson. Colin Joe's snl.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

And you wake up.

[A]

Marriage story. You. I. I dump Todd and I start marrying. I marry Scarlett Johansson.

[B]

You wake up and you. You did ayahuasca. You just had the most boring trip. It's not a podcast.

[A]

No. You know, it feels like an ayahuasca trip. Colin's show, it's pop culture Jeopardy. I'm like, I watch every episode.

[B]

Colin Jo.

[A]

He hosts pop culture Jeopardy.

[B]

That's great.

[A]

A Jeopardy. That I can understand.

[B]

Colin Schist, his new chest is.

[A]

He's the show. He's the showst of the show.

[B]

That's very funny. Colin won big points for me, not that he needed to. When he called his book a punchable face.

[A]

And I was like, yeah, that's so funny. Because it is. You didn't even realize. I'm like, oh, now you do realize. Your face is so punchable.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. When you're that handsome, I need. I need something.

[A]

Yeah, you need Harvard and handsome.

[B]

Harvard and handsome and, like, very good at it.

[A]

And cool.

[B]

He's very good at cool to hang with.

[A]

Good hang.

[B]

Really?

[A]

Yeah. Nice guy. Cool guy.

[B]

Put us in touch. Oh, who else? Owen. Tim Dillon.

[A]

Dill the dill boy. Dill master Tim Dill. He's the best. Never.

[B]

I. He's one of those guys that, because I've never met him or known him, I'm like, probably doesn't like me. Like a little remnant. Like a little. You know, it's like. Just hasn't cooked. I like to think I'm pretty fully cooked, but every once in a while I'll catch that negative thought being like. Yeah. Because Tim Dillon doesn't like it. Dude.

[A]

I know the inferiority power dynamics thing. I know it's hard. It's such a weird thing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To navigate.

[B]

But I don't like. And especially when. When it's being divided into, like, Austin comics. Comics that say the R word, Comics that don't. And I'm like, What? Like with the Tesla thing, the spray painting. It's like they're getting us to eat ourselves. It's like there's an issue and we're each other up.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And that's how I feel about. Like, I don't want there to be a line in the sand between me and Shane Gillows. I think Shane Gillis is hilarious. I think Tim is hilarious. Like, I don't like that. It's like, well, Tony's cliff is here and I'm over here. It's like I got into this to hang out with.

[A]

I hang out with comedians. Yes.

[B]

Mormons and everything. Everything Comedians.

[A]

I'm in this for the green room. Okay. I'm trying to cultivate a hang over here.

[B]

The green room and comedy license.

[A]

And also being. Yeah. Just like the exchange. Fun, fun, fun on stage.

[B]

I thought you were making. Oh, I was doing very dirty. I was like, I want to. Yes. And this. But I don't.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

I don't like this. I don't like that. Something shifted in the dynamic in these final moments.

[A]

I know I should have come in and alpha. Deal. I should not have come and said this would have been a different podcast. Look at me now. Hour two. I'm ready to alpha.

[B]

That's what I mean.

[A]

I should have fatigued you guys. I up. I want to apologize for this podcast. Part two is going to be different. He. I'm going to be sitting there. I'm just going to make him switch seats with me just to see. I actually prefer to sit there.

[B]

The cuck couch. That's where I sit.

[A]

Oh, God. Can you say I'm gonna. I want you to sit over there.

[B]

That's where we used to sit.

[A]

Only your voice. There's no camera on you.

[B]

The disembodied and the snap of a swim cap. Annie Leaderman.

[A]

Pete.

[B]

Pete House. Annie Letterman. You're so funny. You're so talented. Wish you the best in your marriage. Ooh, aura ring. Just got one.

[A]

My ordering. By the way. I have ADD. I has not been charged in 6 months.

[B]

Hilarious. It's just shitty, right? You just have an expensive ring.

[A]

I have a really expensive ring.

[B]

Well, thank you so much. What should people do to see you go?

[A]

Go to Instagram to follow me. And then it's just Annie Letterman. And then I, I. My podcast, Annie Wood is every Thursday. I'd love to have you on sometime.

[B]

What?

[A]

Annie Wood.

[B]

Annie Wood.

[A]

Annie Wood. Love to have you on some time. That's Every Thursday on YouTube. And then.

[B]

Is it live?

[A]

No.

[B]

Oh, no, it drops.

[A]

But that would be fun to do it live. I've thought of it. And then Annie. Letterman.com shows for my tour dates.

[B]

Fun.

[A]

And I'm always on the road. Come see me. I love it. I do very fun meet and greets where everyone wants to leave. Balls. Everyone goes, we're done. Assign your balls. It's fun.

[B]

Sign your balls. Bat wing it.

[A]

Bring your penis.

[B]

Bring your penis. Stay for the show.

[A]

Penis and vagina. Sorry. I always have that song stick in my head.

[B]

Would you say keep it crispy?

[A]

Keep it crispy.

[B]

There it was. I love you in Match Point.

[A]

Thank you.