Podcast Summary: "You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes" – Atsuko Okatsuka
Date: January 4, 2023
Host: Pete Holmes
Guest: Atsuko Okatsuka
Theme: Embracing Secret Weirdness, Comedy, Empathy, Family, and Identity
Episode Overview
In this lively and heartfelt episode, Pete Holmes sits down with comedian Atsuko Okatsuka for a conversation packed with laughs, vulnerability, and deep insight. The duo explores what makes them "weird," discusses the life of a comedian, navigates personal histories (especially around family and mental health), and dives into broader topics like relationships, survivor’s guilt, and identity. Throughout, the conversation flows naturally from light banter to profound moments, maintaining their signature warmth and openness.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. The Comedy Mindset & Performing Energy
(Timestamps: 06:00–21:40)
- Raw Energy & Stage Presence: Both talk about how their moods affect performance, with Atsuko emphasizing owning whatever energy she brings ("Sometimes I'll just be more deadpan… I gotta roll with it." – Atsuko, 19:06).
- Comedians and Fitness Instructors: Pete likens comics to fitness leaders, both guiding people into feeling better:
"If you get someone sweating and dancing for 45 minutes, I’d put that up against laughing really hard." (12:07) - The Challenge of Self-Expectations: Pete discusses the internal battle comparing shows to past performances:
"Every joke I do, even if it does exactly as well… I’m pencil, like, same as last one? Better? Worse?... That’s not always great." (20:49)
2. Personal Quirks & ‘Weird’ Admissions
(Timestamps: 25:37–41:09)
- Music Indifference: Both admit to not being "music people," leading into a discussion on taste, identity, and how people can feel "othered" by cultural norms. "I envy the music people so hard… I just can’t find that in me so easily." – Pete (23:13 & 29:29) "I usually drive in silence… people are like, what? And I don’t have the words to describe why." – Atsuko (29:47)
- On Not Blending In: Atsuko reflects on efforts to fit in (bleaching her hair to look more Anglo), only to stand out more:
"It did the opposite because it highlighted my face even more… it was like orange… I just stood out even more." (36:25) - Physicality in Comedy: Atsuko describes deploying her full body on stage, stemming from dance and Japanese theater influences for greater comedic impact.
"I like to, like, use all of my body to perform, even when I'm just… I make sure to talk from my stomach, diaphragm…" (40:26)
3. Intimate Relationships & Transparency
(Timestamps: 32:20–35:12; 49:00–52:00)
- Marriage & Being Fully Seen: Atsuko celebrates having a husband who she wants to share everything with, but Pete raises the question of codependency:
"Is it [the need for constant companionship] a need? Or is it him or is it somebody?" (33:10) "I want him to see everything. I love being married. I love having a best friend." – Atsuko (32:48) - Finding the ‘Right Person’: Both laugh about the improbability of finding a partner who not only matches in humor, attraction, and worldview, but also shares unique life experiences, like both having mothers with schizophrenia.
4. Family, Mental Health, and Empathy
(Timestamps: 48:00–74:30)
- Shared Experience: Parents with Schizophrenia:
"It was such a freak situation… both moms." (49:06) - How Trauma Shapes Empathy and Career:
Atsuko connects her mother’s suffering to her outlook:
"There's a chunk of my day where I'm just writing jokes… Oh my god, I get to have fun... I always know... in the back of my head... my mom doesn't get to do any of this." (70:52) - Survivor's Guilt in Comedy: Both discuss feeling guilty for their ‘special’ lives compared to family or peers:
"You'll see people in your family, other comedians… if you're not struggling in every element of your life, you're in a special place." (75:28) - On Caretaking and Cultural Expectations: Atsuko wrestles with the coming responsibility of caring for her mother, blending Western independence with cultural/familial obligation.
5. Mental Illness, Reality, and Perspective
(Timestamps: 96:38–103:43)
- Schizophrenia: Daily Realities: Atsuko explains her mother’s dependence, symptoms, and her strength despite the illness. "She… hears voices all day… they say negative things… she's communicating, just not with us." (95:48, 97:00, 97:33)
- Everyone’s Got Voices: Pete points out everyone has inner narratives, some just aren’t as loud or external:
"It's not that strange… an exaggeration of what's already happening." (100:57)
6. Religion, Meaning, and Death
(Timestamps: 106:00–120:30)
- Raised Religious, Now Ambivalent: Both discuss outgrowing fundamentalist upbringings and grappling with existential questions. "I don't go to church… I don’t know if I'm an atheist, I just don't think about him, what's that called?" – Atsuko (113:29)
- Afterlife & Annihilation: Open discussion on comfort with "nothingness" after death.
"The idea of going into nothing… I would love that to be nothing." – Atsuko (116:39) "Why can't you be part of the undulating, self-replicating energy of everything?" – Pete (116:20) - Unity vs. Ego: Pete muses that our aversion to merging with everything (the ultimate unity) is maybe our final challenge as humans.
Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments
-
On Comedy’s Role
"Comedy shows rally up the troops… You're rallying up, you know, it's like a battle cry: 'Hey, we're all weirdos, aren't we?'"
– Atsuko (14:18) -
On Survivor’s Guilt
"I always know… my mom doesn't get to do any of this… That's why I have this general sadness because I'm like, oh gosh, I get to have so much fun…"
– Atsuko (70:52) -
On Empathy Gained Through Trauma
"It’s almost like a superpower. It made you like these empathetic superheroes."
– Pete (72:25) -
On Sharing Vulnerabilities in Marriage
"Is it him or is it someone? That's the dangerous question."
– Pete (33:31) -
On ‘Schizophrenia Actually’
"It’s significant that these are voices from her village in Taiwan... super ego shaming."
– Pete (100:52) -
On Comedy as Healing
"What we're doing here? Yeah, we're merging. We love merging, remembering the oneness."
– Pete (120:54)
Noteworthy Segments & Timestamps
- Opening Stories About Lateness in Hollywood: 06:00–09:30
- Comedians As Leaders: 11:44–15:01
- Vulnerability in Relationships: 32:20–35:12
- The Impact of Having Parents with Schizophrenia: 48:00–74:30
- Insights on Cultural Norms Around Elder Care: 86:05–94:50
- Living With a Parent With Schizophrenia: 95:03–98:03
- On the Afterlife and Meaning: 116:20–118:47
- Hardest Laughter Story (Cobra Kai / Applebee’s Moment): 122:28–125:54
Episode Highlights
- Unfiltered talk on being 'weird', embracing difference, and being open about vulnerabilities
- Deep dive into the realities of living with family members with mental illness, and the empathy it fosters
- Honest conversation about survivor guilt, caretaking, balancing cultural expectations, and the limits of optimism
- Light, recurring banter about music indifference, Japanese theater, and Atsuko's unique comedy/dance stagecraft
- Reflections on faith, the afterlife, ego, and meaning—delivered with humor and philosophical curiosity
Tone & Language Notes
The tone is equal parts playful and sincere, shifting effortlessly between quick riffs, comedic tangents, and deeply personal reflection. Both Pete and Atsuko are warm, self-effacing, and candid, not shying away from heavier topics while maintaining levity throughout with bits and running jokes (most notably about Lil Jon, "shots", and their shared "weirdness").
Closing & Sign-Off
Catchphrase:
"Keep it crispy." – Atsuko
The episode ends on a genuinely warm note, with Pete expressing how glad he was to share this conversation and Atsuko embracing the spirit of the show—both celebrating the unique, healing power of comedy and connection through honest conversation.
This summary captures the major themes, transitions, and spirit of this rich, personal, and funny episode—making it accessible and engaging for anyone who missed the show or wants to revisit its highlights.