Atsuko Okatsuka

Summary

Podcast Summary: "You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes" – Atsuko Okatsuka

Date: January 4, 2023
Host: Pete Holmes
Guest: Atsuko Okatsuka
Theme: Embracing Secret Weirdness, Comedy, Empathy, Family, and Identity

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Episode Overview

In this lively and heartfelt episode, Pete Holmes sits down with comedian Atsuko Okatsuka for a conversation packed with laughs, vulnerability, and deep insight. The duo explores what makes them "weird," discusses the life of a comedian, navigates personal histories (especially around family and mental health), and dives into broader topics like relationships, survivor’s guilt, and identity. Throughout, the conversation flows naturally from light banter to profound moments, maintaining their signature warmth and openness.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Comedy Mindset & Performing Energy

(Timestamps: 06:00–21:40)

• Raw Energy & Stage Presence: Both talk about how their moods affect performance, with Atsuko emphasizing owning whatever energy she brings ("Sometimes I'll just be more deadpan… I gotta roll with it." – Atsuko, 19:06).
• Comedians and Fitness Instructors: Pete likens comics to fitness leaders, both guiding people into feeling better:
  "If you get someone sweating and dancing for 45 minutes, I’d put that up against laughing really hard." (12:07)
• The Challenge of Self-Expectations: Pete discusses the internal battle comparing shows to past performances:
  "Every joke I do, even if it does exactly as well… I’m pencil, like, same as last one? Better? Worse?... That’s not always great." (20:49)

2. Personal Quirks & ‘Weird’ Admissions

(Timestamps: 25:37–41:09)

• Music Indifference: Both admit to not being "music people," leading into a discussion on taste, identity, and how people can feel "othered" by cultural norms. "I envy the music people so hard… I just can’t find that in me so easily." – Pete (23:13 & 29:29) "I usually drive in silence… people are like, what? And I don’t have the words to describe why." – Atsuko (29:47)
• On Not Blending In: Atsuko reflects on efforts to fit in (bleaching her hair to look more Anglo), only to stand out more:
  "It did the opposite because it highlighted my face even more… it was like orange… I just stood out even more." (36:25)
• Physicality in Comedy: Atsuko describes deploying her full body on stage, stemming from dance and Japanese theater influences for greater comedic impact.
  "I like to, like, use all of my body to perform, even when I'm just… I make sure to talk from my stomach, diaphragm…" (40:26)

3. Intimate Relationships & Transparency

(Timestamps: 32:20–35:12; 49:00–52:00)

• Marriage & Being Fully Seen: Atsuko celebrates having a husband who she wants to share everything with, but Pete raises the question of codependency:
  "Is it [the need for constant companionship] a need? Or is it him or is it somebody?" (33:10) "I want him to see everything. I love being married. I love having a best friend." – Atsuko (32:48)
• Finding the ‘Right Person’: Both laugh about the improbability of finding a partner who not only matches in humor, attraction, and worldview, but also shares unique life experiences, like both having mothers with schizophrenia.

4. Family, Mental Health, and Empathy

(Timestamps: 48:00–74:30)

• Shared Experience: Parents with Schizophrenia:
  "It was such a freak situation… both moms." (49:06)
• How Trauma Shapes Empathy and Career:
  Atsuko connects her mother’s suffering to her outlook:
  "There's a chunk of my day where I'm just writing jokes… Oh my god, I get to have fun... I always know... in the back of my head... my mom doesn't get to do any of this." (70:52)
• Survivor's Guilt in Comedy: Both discuss feeling guilty for their ‘special’ lives compared to family or peers:
  "You'll see people in your family, other comedians… if you're not struggling in every element of your life, you're in a special place." (75:28)
• On Caretaking and Cultural Expectations: Atsuko wrestles with the coming responsibility of caring for her mother, blending Western independence with cultural/familial obligation.

5. Mental Illness, Reality, and Perspective

(Timestamps: 96:38–103:43)

• Schizophrenia: Daily Realities: Atsuko explains her mother’s dependence, symptoms, and her strength despite the illness. "She… hears voices all day… they say negative things… she's communicating, just not with us." (95:48, 97:00, 97:33)
• Everyone’s Got Voices: Pete points out everyone has inner narratives, some just aren’t as loud or external:
  "It's not that strange… an exaggeration of what's already happening." (100:57)

6. Religion, Meaning, and Death

(Timestamps: 106:00–120:30)

• Raised Religious, Now Ambivalent: Both discuss outgrowing fundamentalist upbringings and grappling with existential questions. "I don't go to church… I don’t know if I'm an atheist, I just don't think about him, what's that called?" – Atsuko (113:29)
• Afterlife & Annihilation: Open discussion on comfort with "nothingness" after death.
  "The idea of going into nothing… I would love that to be nothing." – Atsuko (116:39) "Why can't you be part of the undulating, self-replicating energy of everything?" – Pete (116:20)
• Unity vs. Ego: Pete muses that our aversion to merging with everything (the ultimate unity) is maybe our final challenge as humans.

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Comedy’s Role
  "Comedy shows rally up the troops… You're rallying up, you know, it's like a battle cry: 'Hey, we're all weirdos, aren't we?'"
  – Atsuko (14:18)

• On Survivor’s Guilt
  "I always know… my mom doesn't get to do any of this… That's why I have this general sadness because I'm like, oh gosh, I get to have so much fun…"
  – Atsuko (70:52)

• On Empathy Gained Through Trauma
  "It’s almost like a superpower. It made you like these empathetic superheroes."
  – Pete (72:25)

• On Sharing Vulnerabilities in Marriage
  "Is it him or is it someone? That's the dangerous question."
  – Pete (33:31)

• On ‘Schizophrenia Actually’
  "It’s significant that these are voices from her village in Taiwan... super ego shaming."
  – Pete (100:52)

• On Comedy as Healing
  "What we're doing here? Yeah, we're merging. We love merging, remembering the oneness."
  – Pete (120:54)

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Noteworthy Segments & Timestamps

• Opening Stories About Lateness in Hollywood: 06:00–09:30
• Comedians As Leaders: 11:44–15:01
• Vulnerability in Relationships: 32:20–35:12
• The Impact of Having Parents with Schizophrenia: 48:00–74:30
• Insights on Cultural Norms Around Elder Care: 86:05–94:50
• Living With a Parent With Schizophrenia: 95:03–98:03
• On the Afterlife and Meaning: 116:20–118:47
• Hardest Laughter Story (Cobra Kai / Applebee’s Moment): 122:28–125:54

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Episode Highlights

• Unfiltered talk on being 'weird', embracing difference, and being open about vulnerabilities
• Deep dive into the realities of living with family members with mental illness, and the empathy it fosters
• Honest conversation about survivor guilt, caretaking, balancing cultural expectations, and the limits of optimism
• Light, recurring banter about music indifference, Japanese theater, and Atsuko's unique comedy/dance stagecraft
• Reflections on faith, the afterlife, ego, and meaning—delivered with humor and philosophical curiosity

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Tone & Language Notes

The tone is equal parts playful and sincere, shifting effortlessly between quick riffs, comedic tangents, and deeply personal reflection. Both Pete and Atsuko are warm, self-effacing, and candid, not shying away from heavier topics while maintaining levity throughout with bits and running jokes (most notably about Lil Jon, "shots", and their shared "weirdness").

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Closing & Sign-Off

Catchphrase:
"Keep it crispy." – Atsuko

The episode ends on a genuinely warm note, with Pete expressing how glad he was to share this conversation and Atsuko embracing the spirit of the show—both celebrating the unique, healing power of comedy and connection through honest conversation.

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This summary captures the major themes, transitions, and spirit of this rich, personal, and funny episode—making it accessible and engaging for anyone who missed the show or wants to revisit its highlights.

Transcript

[A]

You made it with.

[B]

You made it weird.

[A]

You made it with. Oh, yeah, you made it with. Yes, you did. You made it weird with Pete Holmes. What's happening, weirdos? Happy, happy new year. Happy 2023. What a great way for us to start off the year with an incredible, fun, delightful conversation with the incredible, funny and delightful all Otsuko Okotka. Atsuko is amazing. She currently has a special which is awesome. It's. It's called the Intruder. It is on hbo Max. You gotta check it out. She is one of the most unique, interesting and funny people I've met and talked to and had the pleasure of watching live in recent memory. And I'm so glad that she sat down to make it weird. If you guys are stand up, if you guys are standup comedy fans and you'd like to see me do standup comedy, why not come to a show, to a live show? The next Largo is go to largo-la.com. there's always a Largo show happening. The next one, I believe. Yep. Is on January 10th. There'll be one in February as well. Just go to largo-la.com if you'd like to come to that. If you don't live in the Los Angeles area and you'd like to see me, I am going to be next in San Francisco on January 12, followed by Portland, Seattle, Atlanta, Charlotte and Washington D.C. we are going to be adding a bunch more tour dates. I love this new hour. I'm loving taking it on the road. Always means so much if weirdos are there. Links to all of those are@pete holmes.com super simple, super easy. Also, we only have one Pete's pick here, up top. And it's one of my absolute favorites. If you're watching the video, I'm pointing to it right, right now is the Apollo Neuro. And if you're like me, the holidays can be stressful. I'm one of those people that gets a little bit overwhelmed with all of the people, all the presents, all the planning, all the parties. And I have been swearing and leaning on my Apollo Neuro even more than I normally do. For those of you that don't know it's not a watch, people often think it's a watch. Val wears hers on her ankle. I wear mine on the inside of my wrist. Apollo Neuro is a piece of wearable tech that, that delivers soothing, gentle vibrations that are interpreted by your nervous system basically as a hug. It's basically touch therapy that you wear. You barely notice it. In fact, you can set it so low that you definitely won't notice it, but your nervous system responds, basically, if I can feel this, I must be safe. And it is like wearing a hug. It's like wearing something that can energize you. Often in the late afternoon after I pick Leela up from school, I am dragging, but I don't want to drink coffee because I stay stays in my system and makes it impossible to sleep. Energy and wake up is a setting on the Apollo that I don't talk about a lot. I usually just mention that it's great for during workouts, which it is, but it's also great when you're just craving espresso. But maybe you don't want to drink more coffee. You put it on energy and wake up and you start to feel it getting into your body, getting into your heartbeat and adrenalizing you. It is incredible and an incredible tool for parents and also just people that need to avoid that mid afternoon crash. Similarly, for the holidays, we had a lot of people over. I had it rocking on social and open. I had it on clear and focused when I was doing this podcast. Rebuild and Recover is awesome for after workouts or just stressful situations like for me after everybody leaves the party, put on Rebuild and Recover. Feel more safe, more in control because of this wearable hug for my nervous system. Relax and unwind is awesome for during flights or or at night when you're watching a movie and you just want to kind of pre, pre, pre get ready for bed really helps start lulling your nervous system into that feeling of security that is awesome for deep restful sleep. And also when I get in bed, I put it on Sleep and Renew, which as I always mention, is a real game changer. Not only does it help you fall asleep, but if you get up in the middle of the night, you can just push the buttons on the Apollo and it'll rerun the program. So if you're having a hard time like I do sometimes, 3 3am you wake up, you start thinking about the next day, you start getting all distracted. Just hit the Apollo. It's got you. It's gonna literally lull you back to sleep. Tell your body in a language it can understand. You're safe, everything's okay, let's go to sleep. Or you're safe, everything's okay. Let's create some energy or you're safe, everything's okay, let's meditate. There's also a meditation setting which I absolutely love. I always mention it's not woo Woo. This is not sold in crystal shops. It was developed by a neuroscientist and a board certified psychiatrist who have been studying the impacts of chronic stress for nearly 15 years. And Apollo's effects on stress, sleep, cognitive performance and recovery have been proven in multiple clinical trials and real world studies. And I'm saying for me and Val, we've had them now for years. I will turn around if I've I recently I told this last time I drove away from the house, realized I didn't have my Apollo. I was 10 minutes away. I turn back, it's that good. It's 30 minutes. Good. I'll go back and get it because it's that important to my day. So give it a try. It's a great way to show your support of this podcast and it's a great gift you can give yourself and your nervous system. For 10% off, go to ApolloNeuro.com weird. That's a P O L-L-O-N-E-U-R-O.com weird. You'll get 10% off and show your support of the show, which means so very much. All right, everybody, this is Atsuko. Enjoy. Make sure to check out her special the Intruder and hope to see you out there on the road. Get into it. Do you want a magic mic? It. Okay. I'm gonna offer a magic mind. Here's why. Let's start with your hair. I'm just gonna put this here.

[B]

Oh, cool.

[A]

Hi.

[B]

Hi.

[A]

How do you feel? Because you. We're running a little late. Are you okay? Do you need a second to like acclimate?

[B]

Oh, you know, this kind of raw energy is what I honestly ran on all my life.

[A]

Can I be real?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I love it. Like, I'm always looking like, like with stand up. I'm always looking for a way in.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And now you have this. You were only 10 minutes late. Which by the way, is that even late.

[B]

Hey. But you know, in this town, I feel like that's finished a lot of careers. Or it could. No, no, you're right.

[A]

It depends if they already hate.

[B]

Yeah, right.

[A]

People always.

[B]

No, people always wait for, you know. Yeah. The star. And not that I'm the star, but I'm just saying that's never been. If the crew was late, maybe you're fired.

[A]

I actually I've heard some stories about people who really come late. Like four or five, six hours on. Yeah, the late. You say that when they're dead. James Gandolfini would sometimes come late. Like Season six Sopranos.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, biggest. Biggest, biggest show in the world.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So he would. Understandably. What I mean is, I love the guy. I'm not trying to talk shit. He would show up late on a Monday because he was off being James Gandolfini.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the story I heard is that he would just hand people, like, Tony Soprano. He'd just hand them, like, $400, like, everybody on the crew. He'd just have his assistant give him a brick of cash to be like, sorry. He'd go around, sorry, sorry, sorry, sorry. And then everybody was like. And here I am. I didn't even get the money. And I'm spreading good pr.

[B]

Wow. Yeah. The money part, I hadn't heard.

[A]

Yeah, you've heard the other part.

[B]

Just being late.

[A]

You did?

[B]

Yeah, but the. Yeah. Like, isn't. I think the rock is notorious for being late.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Two shoots. Yeah. Like three hours.

[A]

Between a rock and a late place. That was nothing.

[B]

No, no, no.

[A]

That was nothing. We're just warming up. Let's go. I want you to know.

[B]

Breezed past that.

[A]

What do you mean, between a rock and a late place?

[B]

I thought you just said that. Yeah, yeah. Y. Between a rock and a lake place.

[A]

Look, it's the one to beat. Like, we like to say.

[B]

No. Yeah. Gosh, I'm so not a puns person. I love. I love pun.

[A]

I just replaced a word in a thing.

[B]

Yeah, it's not.

[A]

It's. It's below a pun when you make.

[B]

A colloquialism up or something like that.

[A]

That's what it is.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I can do that.

[A]

Say what you're gonna say.

[B]

No, the. Between. Mariah Carey showed up to her own show three hours late, just like, two days ago.

[A]

You mean to perform? To sing song.

[B]

To perform.

[A]

Were you there?

[B]

No, no, no. But friends of mine were, and they.

[A]

Were like, Are these friends you that love Mariah Carey secretly?

[B]

Are they.

[A]

What?

[B]

Oh, me?

[A]

Are these friends you?

[B]

I mean, don't we all love her?

[A]

No.

[B]

Yeah. You don't. Yeah, she's. I think about her.

[A]

I don't like it.

[B]

This is the season to think about her. It's every December.

[A]

Can I say that's part of it? Is there a performer that I believe less when they say, all I want for Christmas is you?

[B]

Yeah, you're right.

[A]

If Dolly Parton it, I'd be like, maybe.

[B]

But think of all the people hearing this song. If Dolly Parton.

[A]

Not even Dolly. She's too huge.

[B]

Yeah. Because. Yeah. By now you're like, oh, you're just, you know, do you even. Do you even feel the words? Do you even. Do even. But think about all the people hearing it for the first time.

[A]

Yes. Or seeing it in the movie Love.

[B]

Actually for the first time. Because that's a movie I don't really like to go back and watch again.

[A]

It doesn't age perfectly.

[B]

I'm like, oh, it was fine. I don't even. I just remember, like, the cards. Hey.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

I love you.

[A]

Which even. That doesn't age well. Yeah, well, he kisses his best friend's girlfriend. His best friend's wife, which I think in Britain, they're just like, it's just a homeless Christmas kiss. Like, it's different. It really is just a little peck. And he's like, all right, that's it. So, like, that's not cool.

[B]

Uhhuh. Cheating.

[A]

I also find that things.

[B]

So not today, right?

[A]

I don't mean because everybody's open and stuff, or do you just mean.

[B]

No, I mean, I thought you said it doesn't age well, as in 2022.

[A]

No, I agree.

[B]

Gone. Done.

[A]

I also think psychologically it's significant that she's dating a black guy and a white man is kind of going, like, I'm not trying to.

[B]

Yeah, I've always said love actually forward in their thinking.

[A]

No, I'm saying the opposite. I'm saying she's married a black guy, but there's, like, this white guy going like, what about me?

[B]

See, now you reminded me about all the. Yeah, I just. I just remember the cards. I don't remember. I just.

[A]

Well, Mary doesn't want to. I don't want to say. She makes me watch it every year, but.

[B]

Okay, okay.

[A]

I watch it every year.

[B]

You do.

[A]

And I'm not saying anyone was consciously racist or even, like, hateful. I'm just saying, like, it's interesting.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Like, if I'm the therapist of the movie Love. Actually, I would say if this is your dream, if the movie is the dream you're telling me about, I'd be like, it's kind of interesting that, like, the only black dude in the movie is kind of a. It's not a full cuckold, but it's like a guy that. Behind his back is this love story brewing that we're all kind of like.

[B]

Oh, yeah, no, totally different.

[A]

If you flop it around, different combinations would feel different, is all I'm saying.

[B]

No, for real. Yeah, that's true. That's true. That's good to point out. Yeah.

[A]

Is it? Or am I just Whitesplaining.

[B]

No, I. No, you remind me of the movie. So I'm like, yeah, that is.

[A]

I am love. Actually splaining.

[B]

I'll do that all day without actually explaining.

[A]

I'll take you through.

[B]

So that's what you watch every year.

[A]

Valerie, who loves you, by the way.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I love you. I'm just saying she's taken your dance classes, so she has a whole other level of appreciation for you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yes. I mean, like a spiritual bond and is. So I've seen you dance on stage a little bit, but she's like, you know, mirrored your moves and stuff, and she is completely in awe of you.

[B]

People have a different connection to fitness instructors than comedians.

[A]

That is true. There's something like a.

[B]

Like, fitness instructors, leaders, you know, Sherpas.

[A]

That's what I was gonna say.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You lead them over a mountain, they don't think they can get through. And on the other side, they're. I'm gonna say something crazy. I think they feel better than people that went to a comedy show even. Maybe. Like, if you get someone dancing and sweating real hard for 45 minutes.

[B]

Sure, sure, sure. Yeah.

[A]

I'd put that up against laughing really hard. I bet it's the same.

[B]

Yeah. I'm starting to. You know, fitness instructor is going down for me, and comedy is really, like. I was starting to think comedians. I take it back. Comedians are leaders, too.

[A]

Of course we are.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah. I think that we.

[A]

I don't mean to. Maybe I just realized we are recording this, and I'm like, maybe I should be more.

[B]

More about.

[A]

More ashamed? No, more ashamed to say we're leaders. But you're literally a leader. You're leading a group in a certain direction. That's. That's. What.

[B]

Have you seen your comments in dms? You know, hey, you brought me out of dark times. Come on.

[A]

That's lovely.

[B]

Right? Like, through the pandemic, it was. And then I found you, or you said this one thing, right?

[A]

Yeah, yeah. The plan. Demic. But yeah, the.

[B]

The plan.

[A]

I like to try and get the guests to say plandemic during the pandemic. You really help me.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. When they said, you know. Yeah. And fitness instructors get that, too, but it's. It's a little different. You know, it's about. It's about self. Like, I don't know. Maybe it's similar. Either way, I'm glad I.

[A]

Somebody in a power position, meaning they're in front. I don't mean they're actually more powerful than anybody, but they've been elected to go in front, and they're going to go like this. Of all of the many ways it's kind of what we're doing right now. Of all the many things you could think about, you could be stagnant, you could be still, you could be serious. You could be silly. I'll be the thing you can model. Because we all go through life mirroring and modeling and reflecting what's in front of us. So you go like, hey, I'll be something pleasant for you to reflect. I'll be a different thought system. I'll be a different set of movements, and at the end of it, we'll all be better. That's like the promise or the pledge is like, if you follow me for a class or a comedy show, at the end, we'll feel better, I promise. And that's what, for me, makes it so offensive when I'm not doing well is because I'm like, I know this sounds like insanity, but I'm like, don't you know this is for us? It's not just for me to be like, I'm Captain Big Shit.

[B]

I made them laugh.

[A]

But. But a hostile crowd does feel like you're trying to, like, steal from them. When really what I'm trying to do is get us all to hold hands and dance around the Maypole.

[B]

Yeah. Comedy shows rallying up the troops. I don't. You know, I don't. Every. Every time I go to comedy shows, I always use war terms because that's all I know. I guess. But, yeah, you're rallying up, you know, it's like a battle cry. Like, hey, we're all weirdos, aren't we? And then they go like, oh, my God, I am. You think that way. I think that way, too. I feel so wild thinking that way.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

That's.

[A]

It's a. I'm less alone.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And you're great.

[B]

Less alone. You're very good at being less alone. Yeah. And, you know, just your.

[A]

Your physicality and what you're saying and just everything about you seems to be celebrating your meanness. And that makes me feel. By osmosis, I'm like, wait, And I'm Pete. That's Otsuko. I'm Pete. Cool.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She can be that. I'll be this.

[B]

Right.

[A]

We can all be each other. It really is kind of like a Dr. Seuss story, hopefully.

[B]

Yes. Yeah.

[A]

And then there's a lot of vibes. Yeah, you do have Seuss vibes.

[B]

I think I'm like Seuss and Lil John Vibes.

[A]

You know, Little John from Outkast.

[B]

Lil John is. He's the hype man. That was like. Yeah, come on. You know in all the songs, right?

[A]

In Outcast.

[B]

No, no, no, no.

[A]

Why do I keep saying Outcast? I keep insisting Little John.

[B]

It's okay. I was trying. I was trying to be like, rush it over, but.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, but I really shined a big spotlight on that. I don't know. Little John, he's like a Flavor Flav for this generation.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, even.

[A]

Oh, come on. You just decided to let me off the hook.

[B]

Well, I'm trying to think of the. Did Flavor Flav, Because I don't know his work as much besides, like, how he looked.

[A]

Yeah, he's growing up. He's now Flavor Flav now that he's in his 60s. Please.

[B]

Flavors.

[A]

Flavor. Flavor PhD.

[B]

Did he. Did he, like, have songs or is Flavor Flav? Yeah, he was more energy.

[A]

He was the hype man. Kind of like the little person that was in Kid Rock. Remember him?

[B]

Oh, wow. I don't. I always knew him as a singular artist, so.

[A]

Well, there was Kid Rock, and then there was. There's. There's a joke to be made here. Let's. Let's let it go by. There was a smaller person on stage with the rock. Not the late one.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Kid Rock.

[B]

Kid Rock.

[A]

The rock was that kid.

[B]

Kid Rock. Like, so there's a smaller person. What did he go by if he. I don't know, is already Kid Rock.

[A]

But he passed. I'm gonna let us know for the riff. I'd want to know. We're going into a riff zone. You gotta know.

[B]

It's good.

[A]

Who's with us?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So he was kind of the Flavor Flav to Kid Rock. Flavor Flav did have one song that I'm aware of called Cold Lamp, and. And it was just about how he loved to relax. Like, he loved to be lamping.

[B]

That's cool.

[A]

And if you want to be cool to me.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Not to anyone else.

[B]

I should.

[A]

Listen, if I call you one day and you're like, what are you up to? You go, just lamping. Nobody says it. Hey, just keeping it cool. Just cold lamping.

[B]

I'll start lamping. I mean, you want to be cool to me. Not everyone else, but just me when I call you and I go, how you feeling? How you feeling, Pete?

[A]

You're going to go, yeah, Because I'm like Little John.

[B]

Yeah. Because that's my Flavor Flav.

[A]

I understand.

[B]

And we're actually friends online.

[A]

You and Lil Jon.

[B]

Me and Lil Jon.

[A]

Okay. That's a. That's a big chasm. You just jumped. Because the word online is. Is. Is like the other side of the Grand Canyon. You're like, we're friends online. Oh, he's on the other side of the Grand Canyon.

[B]

Well, because we haven't met in person yet, but he was. He was even gonna open my HBO special.

[A]

Oh, really?

[B]

Just be like, yeah, everybody, come on. On your feet now. You know.

[A]

But he didn't.

[B]

He. He couldn't make it in time to New York from Vegas, where he has a residency DJing these days.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

And. Yeah. To make it in time for the taping. But anyway.

[A]

But you.

[B]

So you got into the.

[A]

Talk each other. You talk to one another.

[B]

We talk.

[A]

What you were about to say. Sorry.

[B]

Support each other. No. Yeah. How did I get into the hype person energy?

[A]

But tell me, tell me.

[B]

Oh, that's my energy on stage. Hyping people up a little bit.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

Right. That's what it is.

[A]

You're like a Flavor Flav.

[B]

I'm. Yeah. Or a little junk. Yes. Yeah. I'm your Flavor Flav. Flavor Flav and Dr. Seuss.

[A]

I don't think there's any shame in acknowledging that. That's certainly what I'm trying to do. What sucks, though? Not to. This isn't a leading question. What sucks? Sometimes my opener now, these days is I go, I'm in a funny mood. Which is great, because sometimes I'm not. And you still have to do the job. And what sucks is when I'm trying to get a crowd into my energy, and I realize there's actually some static in my energy, Meaning maybe I'm a little stressed today. Maybe I'm a little underslept, underfed. Whatever it may be. I'm actually, like, swirling them up into me, and I'm like, wait, I'm not. I'm not. I don't want to say clean, but I'm not running as smoothly as I'd like to.

[B]

I see what you mean.

[A]

And then I realize I'm a hype man, but I'm not being as Pete Holmes as I'd like to be. Does that ever happen to you?

[B]

Yeah, for sure. But then you just sort of rest in the opposite energy.

[A]

You just own it.

[B]

Yes. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sometimes I'll just like me more, be more. I'm like, this is a more dead pan show.

[A]

I love that.

[B]

I just gotta. But it's still the same silliness. It's still the, you know, Cuz the.

[A]

Words themselves will help you. They'll carry you into the.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. The jokes themselves will still be the jokes. It's just like a more dead pan. What they're gonna laugh about is the more. Just like that aspect, the silliness, the actual jokes.

[A]

Right.

[B]

You know, they won't get the full like dynamic aspect of it, but that's fine.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I love hearing you say that. Because there are certain shows. Val will be in the audience, for example, and I'll be like, I just couldn't find myself in the way that I want to. And she was like, no one noticed. Like.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And I just need. That's the best thing a partner can do is just go. Like, everyone was loving it. Like, sometimes I'm just battling this idea of how it's. In fact, I'm often battling an idea of how it's supposed to be.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Instead of surrendering to what it is.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And not just on stage.

[B]

I know my life. And you're really battling your past performances.

[A]

You're only seeing the past.

[B]

Yeah. And you. So you. So it's like, it's. That's still a challenge for me. You have to like erase even the show you just did an hour ago.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And try to like be right there and then. Or else it's. Yeah. You're. You're comparing yourself to a former you.

[A]

Is like that no one can find you.

[B]

You're going to just get upset while you're on st. That's right. I feel like that joke landed differently last time.

[A]

Well, you're bringing up why I hate to do two shows in the same night. I hate it. Because it's not. Because I could tell you, oh, my voice gets sore, my body sore or whatever it is. Or I get confused. Have I done this joke? It's not even that. It's just that every joke I do.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Even if it does exactly as well, I'm still going like the pencil. Like, same as last one. Better than last one. Worse than the whole way through. And that is not always.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But it takes all this conscious effort.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So sometimes I'll disrupt and I'll. I won't do my opener. I'll play that game. You ever play this game? Like, try not to open for, like do your opening joke for as long as you can and just like around.

[B]

Oh, interesting play.

[A]

Or be a silly billy.

[B]

Oh, yes, yes, yes, yes. For sure. For sure. Because you're just like, I don't want to do the. Hit these things right now. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You just fuck it because. Yeah.

[A]

You start to feel like a. A door to door salesman. Nothing wrong with a door to door salesman, but.

[B]

Yeah, but that raw energy is like why we got into it, right? Like that fun. Keeping it fun for us is so important.

[A]

Totally.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which is funny because the raw energy that you're talking about is so like talking about you coming late, coming in.

[B]

A little wild hair. Different hair than usual.

[A]

Different dhtu.

[B]

It's freeing.

[A]

It is freeing to be like.

[B]

Oh, it's not a precise bowl cut.

[A]

Right.

[B]

No mistake. Seen anywhere to like. Oh, is there flyaways? I don't give a. You know, that's. Oh, by the way, that's how little John would say it.

[A]

I don't give a. I don't give a. I'm gonna say that. He's not the only one that would say that.

[B]

No, for sure.

[A]

I've heard lots of people just throwing that around.

[B]

For sure. I'm obsessed. Obviously. Like, I think about him way too much, but especially. I don't know why I keep referring.

[A]

To obsessed with a hype man. Who is he? The hype man for everybody? Just life.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He's life's hype man.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know this too.

[B]

Do you know the song that goes, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shots, everybody. That's him too.

[A]

Okay, so he's amazing.

[B]

We listen to different songs. I know we do.

[A]

I don't listen to anything is my problem. I listen to like dry lectures about God. I'm like in my car just going good, Profound.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, shot, everybody. Yeah.

[B]

It's got a constantly.

[A]

I made it back street boys.

[B]

Yes, I was. Yes. I can't.

[A]

Don't, don't.

[B]

I won't do it.

[A]

Don't get derailed by me.

[B]

Yeah, I won't, I won't. I just. I love. I love music.

[A]

Tell me everything.

[B]

No, so.

[A]

Because I really think there are music people and then there are non music people. And I. I'm saying this the most honest thing I can say.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I envy. Yeah, we can talk about that.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

I envy the music people so hard.

[B]

People who are like really into music. I'm not like that.

[A]

I don't. Okay.

[B]

Yeah. Tell me where you are in the gradation. I like music because, you know, most of all of us do.

[A]

We do.

[B]

But I'm not. I don't have records being like, oh, you. Oh, you like audio file. No, no, no.

[A]

But you love it.

[B]

Yeah. I listen to like two types of music. That's it.

[A]

What Are they Little John?

[B]

Yeah, Little John.

[A]

Hip hop.

[B]

Hip hop. And.

[A]

But that would be like modern hip hop. You're not listening to old school.

[B]

Yeah. And some might even say.

[A]

Okay, so we had that talk.

[B]

Are you sponsored?

[A]

Well, they are sponsored, but it's because I love them.

[B]

Oh, cool.

[A]

So it started with love, and then they sponsor and my friend developed it. But we had that talk. Look at you. You know, that's called playing ball right there. I love that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Magic mind.

[B]

Yeah. It's. Yes. And I'm very. Yes. And hype energy.

[A]

Yeah. I believe it.

[B]

Do more, stress less.

[A]

But let me tell.

[B]

You were saying. Yeah.

[A]

As you hold it up like a commercial. I love it. We were. Remember we were upstairs at the improv and we had to talk about what we do before shows.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Well, this is. This is what I do before shows because it's. It. It has adaptogens to smooth out stress, but a little bit of caffeine and a little bit of nootropic to help you think. I guarantee that's awesome. You're gonna love it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Drink it.

[B]

I'm gonna drink it.

[A]

Don't drink it because I'm telling you to. Because a lot of people just put it down.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Oh, no. I am so curious. I was like, oh, I'm a little thirsty. What's this? You know, and that's how you got me.

[A]

It's really a thirst quenching. Well, there's also water on the ground.

[B]

Yeah. Oh. Oh, wow. This is truly. This is truly tasty. And. Oh, my God. And it really. It did hit. It kind of hit.

[A]

Because this is truly tasting to camera. People that are just listening to this are like, what is happening? While she's literally, like, mugging out to.

[B]

The camera, I'm tasting a drink that.

[A]

Well, just shoot it. It's like a shot. You don't have to.

[B]

No. Can I take the tiny sips? I wanted. I want it to last. And so that would be awesome. I'm a baby, Pete. I'm Dr. Seuss.

[A]

Yes. Strong eyes, clear eyes. Can't lose.

[B]

Yeah, that's right. That's me.

[A]

Like a baby.

[B]

Oh, thank you for remembering. He quoted something I quoted that I said before.

[A]

I quoted the past. I'm only seeing the past. So we were saying, though, we're on a lot of things. We're on music.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, yeah, yeah. Where are you on music?

[A]

Staying in the present. Do you have any opinions about yourself that you just don't like? This is one of them. Meaning I'm at peace with it.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But like, I'm married. You're married. It's one of the things that I see. Val see when you talk about the vulnerability of a relationship, because I'm like, I'm gonna let you in. I let a lot of people in with the podcast, but she sees it. It's different from hearing someone talk about it. But what it is is the opinion that I don't necessarily like about myself, but I've made my peace with is that I'm just not a music person. I don't throw it on and go like, are you fucking kidding me? I'm like, it all pretty much sounds the same to me.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Then what. What is that? Oh, because you found the ones that don't aren't that way for you, you mean.

[B]

What do you mean? Like, I.

[A]

Tell me.

[B]

So I don't most like anything with guitar.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Oh, yeah. It's like that.

[A]

It's a guitar song.

[B]

I put it in the same category.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

It's a guitar song. If it's like hip hop dance song, I might know a little bit more about. Yeah, but I'm not like, turn dance on. I'm not like, at a party being like, oh, you don't know good music. Like, I think that tends to be, you know, what audio files, you know, can be a little controlling. Sorry. And. But you're saying music just kind of. You're not. You don't have, like, playlists. Pete's playlist for Monday, Tuesday.

[A]

I'll tell you this. Is it okay if you put. Okay, so I love movies. Film. I'm gonna say I love film. Film.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is so. I don't like photography either. I don't just go around and look at photography.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

It's not like, I don't get it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But film is photography and acting and comedy and drama and music. So I'm watching White Lotus and I'll go, jesus, fuck. This music is incredible.

[B]

Right?

[A]

But it's part of the experience. When I go to a concert, everyone's heard me say this before, and they're just playing music. I'm like, it would be great if anything else was happening. Like, I'm just. I feel like an idiot just sitting there being like, do, do, do, do, do, do, do. Which is why people are getting fucked up. Like, they love drugs, they don't love music, they love drugs. They love getting drunk outside.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But just sitting there and being like, yeah. That doesn't mean I haven't had some great concerts.

[B]

I have for sure.

[A]

But even my favorite bands, I'm like, you know. Yeah, I'd rather hear this song in a great movie. Then I'd really have something feels like part of the pizza. It's not the full pizza.

[B]

Yes, that's right.

[A]

So these are like crust people. Or you could say they're cheese people. They just love cheese. I'm like, I love cheese when it's on bread with tomato sauce.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And that's a movie. Or that's life.

[B]

Then there's great performers who know entertainers. I think there's like, artists and then there's entertainers. Some are both.

[A]

I hear you.

[B]

And entertainers who get that about people. And so they're a musician, but they'll make sure to have multi dimensional aspects to their show.

[A]

Agree.

[B]

So there's the Flaming Lips.

[A]

Yes, The Flaming Lips are coming out in a giant ball and, like rolling over the audience and that sort of stuff. Spectacle.

[B]

Spectacle. Yeah. Or maybe even like a video that they've made. Or there's projections and it's part of. They interact with it.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Or something. Well, there's a story arc.

[A]

The national put out one of their. The Nationals, my favorite band, they put out one of their. Their albums with a short film that had all the. And it was a. A dancer. I looked you. Because you're a dancer who is pretending to be a baby and then pretending to be a toddler. And it had the music going through it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then all the way through her death. And you're watching it and you're just like. Like, just absolutely devastated. I was like, that's what I'm talking about.

[B]

Yes. Yes.

[A]

But like, I. I love that album. I'll play it in the car. I play it constantly in the car. And I like it, but, like, I love it, but I see other people loving it just on its own. The crust people.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

People just love crust. And I envy it because I'm like, these people are bringing their own internal cheese and tomato sauce into it and I can't be bothered. I'm not that available. I can't find that in me so easily. I'll also say one last thing, and I really only want to hear from you. Is that, like.

[B]

No, this is interesting to me because I usually drive in silence and people are like, what? And I don't have the words to describe what I'm feeling. And maybe this is it about music.

[A]

If I'm not listening to a lecture or something like that. I love to drive in silence. And I also love to drive to instrumental. I listen to a lot of instrumental post rock. Kind of like stuff that's just sound that.

[B]

Just white noise.

[A]

It's better than white noise. It's beautiful music, but it doesn't. I don't really see. I don't like. Shot, shot, shot, shot, shot. It's like, why are you imposing your experience on me? Why is it Saturday night, 3am in Vegas in my car? Because it's 11am and I'm trying to think about what I would say to my dad in, like, a moment of honesty or whatever it may be.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Or I'm trying to think. Nothing.

[B]

Right. Right. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Just trying to be still.

[B]

What else? Sometimes I do need to get out of. I. I'm like, oh, I do like to think. And I'm always. I'm such a workaholic, I think. And so that's why Silence. Driving in silence. Doesn't matter because I'm usually, like, writing a joke or something. Yeah. Writing a joke.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

I never have thoughts about what to write to my dad or something because that's too sad for me. So if I get into those feelings, that's when. Shot, shot, shot, shot, shots.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

There's a general sad. A general sadness constantly around me.

[A]

I think I understand.

[B]

Yeah. So I'm always trying right away.

[A]

Yeah. Pushing, keeping.

[B]

Run away.

[A]

I completely understand.

[B]

That's why I listen to wild music or, like, beautiful dance hall music. Island sounds. But, you know, the national, it'll be like it. Yeah, it can be. Unless I'm. Me and my husband are in the car and going, I remember that one song by the national was great. We'll put it on and we'll have fun singing it. I wanna hurry home to you. And I'll be like, okay, that was a sad time. Yeah. Slow show. And I'll have to turn it off. But, yeah, it's.

[A]

It's. Tell me about the sadness. Only because I love it. If you don't like talking about it, let's not.

[B]

Yeah, no, no, no.

[A]

I like. I'm looking to come down is a big part. You're looking to go up always, and I'm looking to go down almost always.

[B]

So you wake up, like, feel good.

[A]

Like, I do wake up, feel good.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Old Homes is running. Like, we were talking about Mike Birbiglia. Like to drink Mike. I'm too. Coffee, Pete. Like, I wake up to coffee and I'm already going. So, like, that's why I like Radiohead. Like, I want to, like, lower frequencies, like, get. Get grounded, get Earth, not Black Eyed Peas, but tell me what it. What?

[B]

Yeah, you know. You know songs.

[A]

I do not know songs. I just remember the band from People My Time three. Yeah, exactly. Two questions. We're gonna get into that sadness because it's interesting, but is there anything that, as a married person. Because I told you I don't love that Val sees that I am not into music. Is there anything that sharing your life with somebody, you're like, get out of here. You're seeing this weird thing about me.

[B]

No, I want him to see everything.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I love being married. I love having a best friend, you know, I want him to know everything. Like, I'll update him when I'm on the toilet, you know.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

Because I just need him to know what I'm thinking. And I don't know if I don't have a therapist, but. And I think other people would probably be like, hey, that's not healthy.

[A]

Right.

[B]

What I'm saying, you know, Val and.

[A]

I talk about this all the time. We're aware of codependency. Like, I hear that. I guess the question a therapist might ask is, what would it feel like if he wasn't there? You know, it's nice to have him there, but is it, like, a need? Does it become a thing where, like. And is it him or is it somebody? Oh, that's the dangerous question.

[B]

No, for sure. Yeah.

[A]

We don't even know that. Got too real for me.

[B]

Yeah. Where I was like, oh, wow.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, have you always been that way in your other relationships?

[B]

Where I always.

[A]

Where it's like, let's share everything.

[B]

Oh, gosh, no, I guess not. Yeah. I wasn't like that.

[A]

Okay. And so you found a special person.

[B]

Yeah, it is him. And I love doing everything with him. And. Yeah. But I am like, hey, Otsuko, you know, you gotta do some things on your own. You can go to some shows by yourself.

[A]

You know, you're not a solo person.

[B]

Yeah. I go, like, he even comes to a lot of almost all my shows, even just spots around town and, you know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I want to let him live, too, but he's like, I also enjoy this. So.

[A]

Right.

[B]

What are we to do? We're obsessed with each other. And so there isn't. There isn't anything that, like, he sees that I can think of that I.

[A]

Feel bad about because I'm like, yeah, no, that's beautiful. And don't misunderstand me. I don't actually have shame, but there's part of me that's kind of like yeah, this is odd. I watch the whole planet being like. I don't even. I can't even do an impression of it. But they're like, have you heard the new Bieber song? I don't even know what they're saying. And I'm in the corner going like, who fucking cares? And Val has to. She sees it. So is there anything that you're like, I know the world is like this, but look, you're my. You're my partner, and you're going to see I don't like this. Or I really like this. Yeah, anything like that.

[B]

Gosh.

[A]

I guess what I'm asking. It's much simpler. What's weird about you?

[B]

Right, Right, right. Yeah. Gosh. I mean, you know, I've been. I've always tried to be so normal all my life. So is that facts, huh? Yeah. Don't we all want to be so normal?

[A]

Yeah, but you're a funky, chunky monkey.

[B]

I know.

[A]

I don't understand. You're a funky junkie.

[B]

I'm green eggs and ham.

[A]

You are green eggs and ham.

[B]

Oh, yeah. You're strange.

[A]

When I say strange. You understand this podcast is a celebration of weirdness.

[B]

Yes, I do. And that's what I love.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I don't understand. I don't see a. Did you used to not be the way you are right now? Because you look like you just went on safari hunting hats, like you just got out of the wind.

[B]

Blew in.

[A]

Jerry.

[B]

I got a cute perm out of it. Yeah, exactly.

[A]

But haven't you always been not blending in with the group?

[B]

Yeah, that's true. But I thought that sometimes, you know, there were time phases where I was like, I'll bleach my hair and I.

[A]

Will wear bleach to fit in.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

Not bleach. To not fit in.

[B]

Oh, to fit in. Yeah.

[A]

To look more Anglo Saxon.

[B]

Yes. Yeah.

[A]

Really? And then it sounds kind of sad.

[B]

It was kind of sad. It's kind of opposite. It did the opposite because it highlighted my face even more, so I look. It was like, look at this Asian face even more so. It did the opposite. And it was. I couldn't bleach it blond enough, so it was like orange. So I just stood out even more, which is very.

[A]

To me, that's Japanese punk rock right there. Like, you bleach the hair, but it comes out orange. That looks cool to me.

[B]

Oh, now you're gonna.

[A]

You're gonna have your suspenders around your knees.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And kind of like a leopard. Because I. I grew up loving punk. So, like the Japanese punk scene that.

[B]

It's funny, if people were into Japanese punk when, you know, I was trying to fit in in 2006, that would have been cool.

[A]

Yeah, I would have thought you were cool.

[B]

Oh, thanks. Yeah.

[A]

Let's go back in time and you could meet a young boy in a rayon shirt and acid wash jeans with.

[B]

Wet hands who'd be like, hey, I see. See you. I know what you're trying to do. And I'm like, thanks. Like, it wasn't an accident.

[A]

Get out of here, man boobs. That's what you would have said. No, I'm just kidding.

[B]

No, not at all. I wanted everyone to feel a part of something and. Yeah.

[A]

And so you were trying to fit in with. With. Where was it a predominantly white school is. Am I hearing you right?

[B]

No, it's. It was pretty diverse, but the. The white. The swimmers were the jocks, and they happened to be white. And so it was just like, whoa, like, they're so cool. And that's where all the money was put into. I feel like whoever the jocks are is where the school puts money into the most. So it's not. It's not always football, right? Always cheerleading. I think that's a misconception.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, some schools, it's lacrosse, like the D.C. high schools, lacrosse is where they put the money for sure. So it's like the rich people are able to.

[A]

I was just going to say, well, swimming.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

The reason why a lot of people from the inner city are good at basketball is because there are basketball hoops in the inner city. Not a lot of pools. Not a lot of the crossfields.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

Not a lot of golf courses. You know what I mean? So you're right. There's a status.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Or not status. We attribute status to it, but there's money associated to this.

[B]

Right, right. And those are not being the cool people.

[A]

My school was the same way. I don't remember being in awe of the swim team, but it was like. They're like. It is sort of magical. Like you spend like a third of your day in water.

[B]

I know, I know. Yeah.

[A]

It's like a mythical creature.

[B]

I know. They float. They're very sure of themselves and they.

[A]

Yes. And they're all wearing swimsuits and not feeling weird about it. Yeah, of course they were. But in my high school, I just assumed they were like. Cause in the yearbook, there's a photo. There's a group photo of them all in their swimsuits. And I'M like, I'd rather die.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'd rather die.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In fact, give me a one piece. I'd like the COVID.

[B]

Yeah. You're like, okay. Self assurance.

[A]

Exactly. And where'd that come from?

[B]

Yeah. And so I've never been asked, like, what makes me weird. I. So many things.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I talk like this and like.

[A]

Like I have a weird cadence where. Cadence.

[B]

I have a weird cadence which makes me more of a, I think, physical performer. You. It's, you know, when I'm audio only, you can still tell everything. I mean, and my jokes and stuff. But I think watching me live does complete the performance because I do rely on both to.

[A]

You're a movie of the theater.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When I. Meaning it's not perfect as a record unless you like to imagine. Like, imagine what she's doing that made that funny. Just the sound.

[B]

The. If you're able to do the, you know, adding of the ketchup and stuff that you were talking about.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

Right. Or the marinara sauce and. Yeah, right.

[A]

Some schools just made pizza with ketchup.

[B]

For sure.

[A]

Terrible, terrible schools. Well, when I. When you and I did Largo together, you were telling me that, like, you're cold.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Tell me that again.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I tell reheat that anecdote for. For the show. No, I just thought it was so interesting because I was talking about how you're funnier because of how you move and so many of us forget to move.

[B]

Right, right. And you don't need to move, but even if you're a deadpan performer. And then I said, I like to, like, use all of my body to perform, even when I'm just. Yeah. From my toes. I put energy from my toes all the way to my ankles, all the way up my legs and all the way up my back. I make sure to talk from my stomach, diaphragm. And then all of that gives me enough energy. And I was saying, I don't know if it's because I have borderline anemia or what poor circulation. My acupuncturist says, you know, that. To always keep my feet warm. But all of it helps me even not just stand while I'm performing, but just gives me the full potential, you know, so it's there if I need it.

[A]

You're like, plugged in at your feet.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it goes all the way up.

[B]

Even if I decide my performance isn't so quote, unquote physical, if it's just gonna mostly be in the eyes. Right. That's how I'M gonna deliver most of my punchlines or something. I still need that full energy potential, like an anchor. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Who taught you this? Where did you learn this?

[B]

I don't.

[A]

Did you run into a magical rabbit in the forest?

[B]

I know it sounds like me.

[A]

Let's go to the clear waters of movement.

[B]

It sounds very like I'm starting a cult or something.

[A]

No. And I'm signing up because I'm like, maybe I should be tapped into my. Into my body, like embodied.

[B]

I want to say it's some. It's rooted in theater a little bit. This Japanese theater. One of my roommates a few years ago was like a teacher. And I forget Shimizu method maybe where he always talked about feet a lot. And then what.

[A]

There's a joke to make. Let's just keep going. Let's just keep going. He was always talking about feet.

[B]

He was into me.

[A]

He kept saying, can I have pictures? Your fave. I think he was just like a.

[B]

He loved the culture, he loved Japan. But he was, you know, his name was Cameron.

[A]

Nothing weird about this dude at all.

[B]

I think he just wanted to hook up with me. But, you know, it really hit me. I. I took what I took away from it was, you know, you can.

[A]

Learn from someone who has a crush on you.

[B]

Yeah, totally.

[A]

Yeah, they're very attentive.

[B]

Yes, they are.

[A]

Okay, so this guy taught you a lot about.

[B]

He would always. And then he would show me his training and it would be. It would start with a lot of stomping and a lot walking on tippy toes. So a lot of feet stuff. You know what I mean?

[A]

Yes, I do.

[B]

And then. And then he would also have to perform lines while he's doing this. And I was watching as you know, really there was just. It was very energetic and I was like, I wonder how that would be. Like if I try to translate into stand up comedy.

[A]

I don't know if it's really interesting.

[B]

Yeah. School.

[A]

You have. Go ahead.

[B]

And I'm also a dancer, so I know that all of that I think is. That's part of the somewhere. Some of where that knowledge comes from too.

[A]

Yes. Yeah, that's great.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm not surprised that it informed one, informed the other that. Do you watch most standups or. That's a leading question. Do you ever go like, why aren't these people moving more? Cuz sometimes we're just heads on. On stands and the stand is a body.

[B]

Like, yeah, that's a. That. But you know, you got to do you. That's Your. You. You move around a little bit.

[A]

I move a little bit?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I moved more once I moved to la and the stages are bigger in New York. You're literally like standing on a cocktail table. You're like, yeah, you can't move here.

[B]

Cuz it's flooding too.

[A]

And it's also flooding.

[B]

You had to find higher ground. I. I saw Mike. We were talking about Mike earlier. Mike did do that at one of the shows in like a city winery in New York or something where it did start flooding.

[A]

Really?

[B]

And yeah, there was a leak in the ceiling or something. And so he was literally standing on the picture you painted. I literally saw a New York comedian do is saying, huh.

[A]

I don't know why, but Mike is in. In his core. A comedian that should be standing on a table as the room floods.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Like, it just feels right to me.

[B]

He's accident prone and he would tell you the same.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

He's always. I've seen him just fall and trip on nothing so many times. Just touring with him. I don't understand.

[A]

I didn't know you toured with him.

[B]

Yeah, I toured with him while I was on my own tour. So we. I would go back and forth.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Like double the cities. And it was really fun. And that's how we got really close as friends. But yeah, he was. He was always tripping.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

And falling. He. I'd seen him fall backwards and a whole painting like fall and like strange.

[A]

Like a priceless work of ours falls.

[B]

Yeah. Picasso.

[A]

About your Picasso.

[B]

That's a great impression. Oh my God. You really, truly embodied him.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Because he's very physical.

[B]

He is very physical like that.

[A]

He's like a c. He's like.

[B]

He is actually very physical. But like, it's so wild because his delivery is also so calm.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know, when it comes to stand up. And then.

[A]

So I think I think about him all the time and how I could be more physical. I just think about him all the time as like a standard. I'm like, maybe the next special I do, I'll try and do it as well as Mike does it. I actually, I prefer. I would say this to. Mike is one of my dearest friends. We talk. He's the only friend I have that we talk at least once a week. And I was talking to him yesterday and I would have said this to him. I do prefer my slapdash style. It's not as predictable and it's not as beautiful. And there's a reason why it's not on Broadway. It's not consistent in that same way. And I love what Mike is doing, but it's a conscious choice. That sounds like I could do it, but I'm not even trying to do it his way because I'd rather be a blubbering guy. That's just like, I don't know. I riff here for five years.

[B]

That's what you're known for.

[A]

No, I agree.

[B]

That's so you.

[A]

Yeah, that's what I want to do. So even when I'm saying, like, oh, maybe I could tighten the laces and not that Mike's tight, but like. But be a beautiful precious stone that, you know, Tom Hanks comes and whenever I talk to him, he's like telling me the amazing people that are there.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Cause you refined it. I'm over here being like. Or you can go in the corner of this bar and watch me eat peanuts.

[B]

It's very different. It's very different styles and it's very different, you know, stand up comedy. The way you do it. The way I. I do it.

[A]

Yeah. Where do you fall? It seems like you fall closer to me, but you also. I could see you doing.

[B]

I like arcs and so I try to reach one. You know, we all.

[A]

With the intruder and the story of the. Yeah, there's a through line.

[B]

Yeah. But we all do. Even if it's like, you know, when you come up with an hour, it's a. It's coming from the same person.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So it'll always have an arc.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

It'll just be whatever, you know, what is it called? Order.

[A]

Order.

[B]

Put the jokes in.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

Always makes sense.

[A]

See, I. I'm more of that get out of your own way. Meaning if I tell you my dream last night, I don't have to analyze it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

By virtue of it being my dream, you'll be like, I think Pete's mom was Santa Claus. You know, like you'd be able to impose your own meaning on it. And so it's like a little bit.

[B]

I don't know why that made me laugh.

[A]

Because it's my mom being sandwiched. Yeah.

[B]

I love that image. Okay, now I'm back.

[A]

Don't you have. I remember talking to your husband. I want to talk more about your husband and I want to talk more about what makes you weird. But don't you have mom stuff?

[B]

Uh huh. Yes, mom stuff. Like mom issues.

[A]

What's your mom. Yeah, mom issues. What's going on there? Is this something you talk about?

[B]

Yes. Yeah. My mom has schizophrenia and. Yes.

[A]

Doesn't your Husband's mom also have schizophrenia.

[B]

Right, Right. I mean, yeah. We're twins. We're best friends. We. It was very important that. That was a thing in our significant other.

[A]

No, but, like, okay, can I say wouldn't. Is it something you didn't know you wanted, but now that you have it, you're like, of course I would want someone who knows what it's like to have someone in their family that has to get schizophrenia. Specifically, a mother.

[B]

For sure.

[A]

Tell me.

[B]

Sure. Yeah. It's such a. It was such a freak situation because I don't know how many people even. What's the percentage of people that have that? And then what's the percentage of people that, you know, have that in common?

[A]

Right.

[B]

Mom. Mom. Both moms.

[A]

How did you guys meet?

[B]

And then also you. You're attracted to each other.

[A]

Right. Val and I talk about that all the time. It's like, what. It. Because you have best friend, happy marriage. Me too. Best friend, happy marriage. What are the chances that the person who psychologically, spiritually.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Emotionally matches me? Absolutely perfect. And if we're being real and we laugh about this all the time, the reason we got together was hubba, hubba.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I was like, hubba, hubba. Like, what a dingus. It's like the universe was like, this is what he needs. Pour it in this and give it this and these big boobies and listen. All that sort of stuff. And I'm like, oh, boy, oh, boy, oh, boy. And then it's like, psych.

[B]

And it's.

[A]

We just gave you your partner. Yes.

[B]

That's. It's.

[A]

When does that happen?

[B]

It's so wild.

[A]

When does that happen? Never.

[B]

Yeah. So you go, no, I know. I think about it all the time.

[A]

Yeah. We talk about it all the time, too.

[B]

And so, yeah, we. But, you know, the commonality of both of us having moms with schizophrenia, we didn't realize till, like, our third date with each other. And so we were already having fun. It was like the hubba, hubba. Oh, my gosh, you're so hot. And. Oh, wow. Like, we really banter well together. And, you know, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh, laugh. And, you know, these are all important. Right? People who have the same values, the same way of looking at the world and how they treat people. Right?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

It's like. It's. That's why I'm like, you did a dinner date. When people are like, yeah, we just had dinner. It's like. It's so hard to tell. Just someone being like, my favorite color is Blue. And oh, blue is warmest color. Speaking of, you know, like, I don't know how dates go.

[A]

I mean, you love sexy, sexy, sexy movies. Blue is the warmest color. I don't know.

[B]

I don't know how dinner dates go.

[A]

I understand what you're saying.

[B]

It just feels like you don't get to see them out and about in the world. That's so important. It's just like. Well, we met on a film shoot, so I got to see how he treats the crew and stuff like that, you know, and at work I just feel like that shows the whole person more than. Hey, you know, watching them struggle to cut steak in a dimly lit restaurant, which is, I feel like most dates.

[A]

And the force sitting across from each other. My friend Oren, when I was dating, when I was single, he was like, don't go to dinner. Stop going to dinner. It's too much pressure.

[B]

It is.

[A]

You're sitting across from them stiffly. I talk about it in my act. I go like, how many brothers? It's same energy you're talking about.

[B]

It's. Cause it's like zoom.

[A]

It is like zoom.

[B]

You're a front facing person. Suddenly it's a. But we're a dynamic person with profiles and backs and. Yes, you know.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Yeah. It's like.

[A]

So you met him in the, in the real world. This is a movie you were in.

[B]

I was helping my friend produce a film and he was acting in. And so we met and so it was cool because it's like there's work and all kinds of people there. I got to see his talent.

[A]

Can I also say. Yeah, go ahead. At the same time. Don't you dare let me interrupt you. At the same time. Yeah, you were saying at the same time.

[B]

Oh, at the same time. No, no, no time. Yeah, like the hubba hubba or whatever.

[A]

Yes, yes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

See, I'm glad we got that hubba hubba.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

I think a lot of our friends, wardrobe people, hair, makeup people, these are some of our closest friends. And there's a lot of flirting. I'm talking about appropriate flirting. I'm not even. This has never been my style. I've never been like a. Let me tell you, like, that's not my thing. Cigarette martini. It's 6am hey, how's it going? But there is a lot of relationships that form on set. And I think, see if you follow me here, not, not intellectually, but if you agree with me, there's just a lot of creative energy. There's a lot of energy moving Around.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Meaning. And I'm not trying to be crass here, but like, there's something about creation that is sexual. Or you could say sex is creative. Meaning. I see why the lines get blurred. We're all on set, we're all making something. And there's something about literally birthing a project, birthing a performance, birthing a moment. And we're all pointing to the same. There's something. It's not just sex, it's love. It's not just sex, it's love.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Sex is an aspect of it, but it's creativity, it's agreement. There's something about being in an environment where everyone's agreeing to do the same thing. You're all flying under the same banner. And in that beautiful, safe avatar village space, people fall in love.

[B]

That's so true. That's why. Yes. That's why God made Adam and Eve naked, you know, because he was in that energy. Right, sure. It's the creative energy. Everything's falling in place.

[A]

That's right. A naked person is more like a true. You know what I mean? Because a tree is naked.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I put pants on my trees.

[B]

You do?

[A]

Yeah. When you come to my house, all the trees have pants on. Because I'm not a pervert. Oh, I'm glad I put shirts on the girl ones. The guy ones can be McConaughey. They're topless shirts on the girl ones. The girl ones can be.

[B]

Because you want to be respectful.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Or at least a bra.

[B]

Uh huh. Yeah.

[A]

Some of my trees have bras.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That is creativity, sexuality, love. What? We often just classify those as is like those positive, life giving, life force emotions. And we don't have a lot of places where we're like that. Your shows are that way too. Of course he wants to come. Of course that I love. Val comes. You see this, like this alchemy. It's like there's a. The whole audience comes in like a swarm of bees. And you're a bee too. And you get it all going in a circle and the bees are so happy and you're one of them and you just go around in a circle together. That feels like the solar system. I know I sound insane, but the whole thing is just this sexy, sexy swirl.

[B]

Very exciting.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And gosh. Yeah. Why don't more shows end in an orgy or mass marriage? Mass marriage.

[A]

A mass marriage. Now stand up and turn to your left. And someone's like, why did he stay to my right? My whole life is ruined. I fell in love with the person on my. Right now. I'm marrying this guy. Yeah, Yeah. I think any transference of energy can have a life affirming quality. And those are places where people. People's hearts open.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Because life is being affirmed and creativity is life affirming. So I'm not surprised. Tell me how you met.

[B]

Yes. Yes. How we met. And then we saw more of the real world.

[A]

Who asked who out?

[B]

We just. I think. Oh, I. I did. I. I messaged him and just was full, like, boobs out.

[A]

You did not.

[B]

I sent him a picture. I.

[A]

You did not.

[B]

That he didn't ask for.

[A]

You need to tell me everything. That's true.

[B]

I was like that. Yeah.

[A]

You did not.

[B]

Yeah, I just was like, hey, yeah, just like a picture of me without my. My shirt on.

[A]

Like a tree.

[B]

Unlike your trees.

[A]

Unlike my trees. So. But you did ask him out.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Fun.

[B]

Yeah. Yes.

[A]

And you went out while the production was still going. Because I just want to file this with hr so just real quick.

[B]

No, yeah, it was still happening. Yeah, yeah. And then we did. We went out and then, you know, it was. It was fun again. Oh, I think we just like, immediately, I don't know, started hooking up or something. We weren't. We weren't, like, looking for a husband and wife.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You know.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So we were just trying to have fun. It was chasing fun feelings.

[A]

Chasing fun feelings. Your new book.

[B]

Yeah. Yes.

[A]

Val and I started casually. It was like. It was like a casual thing. And then it was very evident right away that we were like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Hibbly.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, wow. Okay. And was it like that in the past with other relationships?

[A]

What? That. That you. You just meet somebody and be looking for fun feelings and then end up dating them? Yeah, I suppose, but not like with Val. I'm not just trying to make it extra special, but that night, like, I remember. Yeah. It was very. We were very close right away.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

The first night we met, for example, we were going out to drinks. We held hands.

[B]

Oh, isn't that cute? Yeah. That is very out of here.

[A]

We're just holding hands. And we held. Oh, no, no. We held hands this way as a joke. Not as a joke.

[B]

I'm sorry. Okay.

[A]

You are very funny. Because it's not for those just listening. Not intertwined.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Just like this. Like, you. Like, I hold my hand with my daughter like a child.

[B]

Oh, yes. Or when you've won something. No, no, that's not true. Like.

[A]

Like a handshake?

[B]

Yes. Like.

[A]

Is that what you mean?

[B]

Yeah, it's More like a handshake.

[A]

It's like. It's like a graduation handshake.

[B]

Wow, that's amazing that you remember that. I'm sure you commented on that.

[A]

She brings it up. She goes, remember when we met? You held my hand like this. I'm like, will you leave it alone? Okay, so you started hooking up, and then when did you have your. Oh. Feeling not oh, but like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Hoo, boy. I think this is my special person.

[B]

Oh, yeah. I think I had a third date. Third date was when we were.

[A]

Oh, this is where Mom. Mom came in.

[B]

Yeah. Mom came in. Yeah. We found out that you were saying, sorry, sorry, sorry. Oh, no, no. So I was over at his place, and then we. We're about to have sex again.

[A]

And then for the second time that day.

[B]

No, Pete, I'm sorry.

[A]

I thought that's what you were saying.

[B]

Oh, no, sorry. Like, for the.

[A]

Just again, in total.

[B]

In general. Right? Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, I feel sorry.

[B]

Oh, I'm so shy. Sorry. If I'm showing any aggression, it's because I'm very insecure. But it's like I'm reading from my diary or something.

[A]

I thought that's what you were saying. We were in between bouts of sex.

[B]

Yeah, I know. I'm just, like, showing off here. No, I wouldn't say like that. Like, oh, you know. Yo, we all day. Shot, Shut shot.

[A]

Shot, shot, everybody. I know that song. Little John. It is Little John.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

It's like a hype man. He's like a flavor. Flavor. He's a residency in Vegas. Hey, he's great.

[B]

This is how you're gonna. This is gonna be your alibi.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

One day.

[A]

What?

[B]

I have to pretend you have enough information about Lil John that if you needed to be in. In Vegas, it could be one of the things you were at.

[A]

It's true. You always, if you're gonna be a dishonest person, have an in residency show in Vegas in your back pocket. Cause you can always be like, I was at Penn and Teller. And yes, you could have been. It's a good alibi. Yeah, I was at David Copperfield. That alibi has worked for 15 years. That was a viable alibi. Okay, so you were about to do it.

[B]

Yeah. And then he took a phone call from his mother, which was wild. And I'd never seen anyone do that before. You know, not that I'm like, the hottest person in the world, but I'm also like, hey. I'm like, I'm here.

[A]

Can I say something weird?

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

You know There's a movie where this happens.

[B]

Which movie?

[A]

Love actually.

[B]

Oh, my God. Again. Please repaint Love actually for me.

[A]

That's what this is. This is a Rewatch Love actually podcast.

[B]

You're reminding me again. I only remember the cards.

[A]

Yes, Laura, Is it Laura Linney. Laura Linney has a schizophrenic brother.

[B]

What?

[A]

And she's about to have sex with the love of her life that she's been obsessed with. And they're about to do it. And her phone rings.

[B]

Whoa.

[A]

And she answers it because it's her schizophrenic brother fucking. What's happening, Hots.

[B]

Oh, my gosh. That's so wild.

[A]

That's crazy.

[B]

And then. Does she get to have.

[A]

No finish. It's ruining her life.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

That's the whole plot. In fact, I'm pretty sure I've seen it every year. I should know.

[B]

Know.

[A]

I'm pretty sure. They don't get together. It's one of the sad ones.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Right? It's one of the. They don't get together because she can't. He keeps. It's very movie schizophrenia.

[B]

Meaning.

[A]

I'd love to hear what it's actually like, but in the movie, it's very like, schizophrenia, actually.

[B]

So dumb.

[A]

You.

[B]

Please don't.

[A]

You've won.

[B]

All your comments are gonna. No.

[A]

You just want a pee video? Yay.

[B]

I always wanted to. And when I. Oh, I want to shake the hands like you held your wife's hand.

[A]

There it is. Surprisingly cold. I think I'm dead. No, I'm very cold.

[B]

Oh, my gosh. You need to use your toes.

[A]

I know. Please. Your acupuncturist would be like, could you just light yourself on fire? Yeah.

[B]

Like, warm your toes. Yeah, I know.

[A]

I'm very Chilly Willy. So schizophrenia, actually. Oh. But he's like, my nurses are trying to kill me. There's a. I think there's a sniper on the roof.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

And he occasionally tries to hit her. It's a very sad part of the movie.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Does that. So he answered his mom.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because it was love, actually.

[B]

But he talked to. Wow. That's amazing. Yes. He talked to her for, like, an hour. Yeah. Like, comforting her in ways.

[A]

And you're just on, like, a really circular bed just waiting for him to come back.

[B]

Yeah, I was baking. I was. Or I was being cooked. Like a microwave. Yeah. Just spinning, basking. And a weird UV light that surrounded his room.

[A]

Is this how you found out? Were you listening? And like, this sounds like when I talk to my Mom.

[B]

Yes. Yeah, yeah. And I was like, oh, this is so interesting. Yeah. I wonder. Well, she was distressed from something, you know, I couldn't hear her voice, so I didn't know, but I was like. And then he started singing to her, and I was like, huh. I've done that. Like, shots.

[A]

Shots.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Thank you. This calms me.

[B]

So hey Jude. Shot, Shot. Cha, cha.

[A]

Was it really hey Jude?

[B]

I think. Where does he sing to her? I think it was hey Jude. Yeah. The Beatles. It's. It's actually a. For listeners out there who are experiencing. Hey Jude is actually a very soothing song for folks with, you know, at least schizophrenia. It works for my mom, too.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Take with food and don't operate heavy machinery while listening to hey Jude.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

It's medicine.

[B]

I don't know what it is, because then it just goes into na, na, na, na, na, na. I don't know. It's just like a really.

[A]

I'm calmer having just remembered it.

[B]

I think there's like a. What is it? Om. Quality to it.

[A]

I agree.

[B]

Does that make sense?

[A]

The frequency, and that's what the Beatles are all about. It's like when you realize that George Harrison song just has Hare Krishna in the background. And we're all like, why is. But you don't. Because you're just like, this is a great song. And they're literally chanting Hare Krishna in the background.

[B]

Yes, yes.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

But it calms you.

[A]

Yeah. So, by the way, you have to pitch this as a movie. This is an incredible movie.

[B]

The sex. Just the sex part.

[A]

Just the sex part. Yeah. Like a hardcore adult film.

[B]

No, no.

[A]

I mean, this scene is incredible. You meet the love of your life, then you're about to do it. There's a great scene. He takes a phone call for an.

[B]

Hour, and you're slowly together.

[A]

Of course, most of the movie is the phone call. And that's. The whole budget is paying Paul McCartney for. Hey, Jim. Dude, that's the full budget.

[B]

That would be awesome.

[A]

But, like, watching you realize, like, oh, my God, this guy also has a schizophrenic parent.

[B]

Right.

[A]

How did you feel? What did. What was going through your mind?

[B]

Yeah, it was kind of. It's cool. It's like I saw his childhood, you know, it's like I immediately knew how he grew up, too. And when I told him that that was my mother's situation, I feel like he felt the same way. Wow. And I was like, oh. Everything clicked. Like, of course we're making each Other laugh and we put levity first and we care about other people's feelings and, you know, are compassionate and, you know, even remembering, like, when we went out to eat, like, him being bugged when someone was being shitty to a waiter, and I'm like, yeah, like, you know, the human condition, you know, it's just like, it just made sense, even just though we've only had like two dates before that. Wow. I was like, oh, yeah, it's clicking. Because we were raised the same.

[A]

A hypersensitivity. It's almost like being that sensitive was a survival necessity.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, let's.

[A]

Let's talk more about this. We're in a right sweet zone. Speaking of magic mind, we're gonna go to the mid rolls and we'll be back in two minutes. And I want to keep talking about your husband and. And we'll get into some of this. The reality of. Of parents with schizophrenia. Yeah, very interesting. Okay, we'll be right back. Pardon the interruption, weirdos. For the water that Atsuko and I are drinking, go to nirvanawatersciences.com and you can use promo code P20 for 20% off. It is incredible. Muscle recovery. Like body building, body recovery water. Our sponsors today are Better Help. Today's show is brought to us by our friends at Better Help. When you're at your best, you can do great things. For those of you that have listened to this podcast for a long time, you know that talk therapy has literally changed and perhaps even saved my life. Certainly saved the correction, the course correction that I needed to live the best life that I could possibly live. And I'm a huge, huge believer in talk therapy. But sometimes your life bogs you down. You may feel overwhelmed or you're not showing up in the way that you want to, but talk therapy is here to help. As I always say, it is greater than the sum of its parts. It seems like you're just talking to somebody, but when that somebody is a trained, licensed professional and they know how to guide and to nudge and to get you going deeper into better and better and more meaningful discoveries, it is a game changer and literally a life changer. And BetterHelp is here to make it so, so, so much easier. So if you're thinking of giving therapy a try, BetterHelp is a great option. It's convenient, flexible, affordable, and entirely online. Just fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist and switch. You can even switch therapists if you don't feel the vibe. Switch at no additional charge. At any time so you can feel more empowered, more balanced and get everything sort of sorted and in its proper place, enabling you to have the 2023 that you want, that give yourself that best foot forward by cleaning things up internally, which is where most things are happening. And do it with some help. If you want to live a more empowered life, therapy can help get you there. Visit betterhelp.com weirdo today to get 10% off your first month. That's better. H E L p.com weirdo show your support of the show. Show yourself some love, show your brain some support, show your emotions some support and watch your work, your relationships, everything just in general flourish. That's what it did for me. And better help us here to make it so easy. No, no traffic, no weird waiting rooms, nothing awkward. Just you and a therapist are so close. Thanks to BetterHelp. Go to betterhelp.com weirdo for 10% off your first month also. We are brought to us by our friends Rocket Money, formerly known as True Bill. If your New Year's goals are to manage your budget better and to save money, you seriously need Rocket Money. It's the best way to hack your finances in the New year. Rocket Money, like I said, formerly known as True Bill, is a personal finance app that finds and cancels your unwanted subscriptions, monitors your spending, and helps you lower your bills all in one place. I'm one of those people that I get a little paranoid. I get freaked out knowing, and it's facts, knowing that there are things that I signed up for, subscribe for that I'm not using. Just these tiny sometimes they're small, sometimes they're big. But let me tell you, they add up these benign sort of splinter cell subscriptions that are somewhere deep in your finances that if you knew about them, you would get rid of them. But you don't know about them. And that's where Rocket Money is here to help. Over 80% of people have subscriptions they forgot about. 80%. That's like that streaming service that you don't watch, that you bought just to watch one show on. I know which one it was for me. And that free trial that they tricked you into that automatically recurs every 30 days, but you're not even using it. Rocket Money will go in as your advocate, quickly and easily identify the subscriptions for you so you can stop paying for the ones you don't want. Rocket Money makes canceling subscriptions as easy as a click of a button. Simply find the subscription that you're like what the Heck is that that you don't recognize? Click cancel and Rocket Money will cancel it for you. No more long hold times with customer service or being tricked into staying on for some reason or tedious emailing back and forth. Companies typically aren't very responsive when you're trying to kick their butt to the curb, but Rocket Money takes care of that for you. Over 3 million people have used Rocket Money, saving the average person up to $720 a year. See, this is what I mean. It adds up. 720 bucks a year is the average savings with Rocket Money. So stop throwing your money away, cancel unwanted subscriptions, and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com weird. That's rocketmoney.com weird. Rocketmoney.com weird. That one had three times. I'm gonna say it four times just to rocketmoney.com weird. All right, enjoy the rest of this wonderful chat with Atsuko. Get back into it. And we're literally right back. Hey, so don't let that take us off the rails here. This is very interesting. So when you are. You were raised by your grandma, though, but when you have someone with schizophrenia in your life, not being attuned to other people's needs isn't really an option for you. Is that right? Is that what you're saying?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Because you're just like. And that's where the general sadness for me comes from. Because I just. Whatever I'm doing, I get to be on stage. I get to, you know, spend every day. There's a chunk of my day where I'm just writing jokes for me to tell. This is my job, my career. Oh, my God. I get to have fun. And I'm touring and I'm meeting fans and I make fun videos with my husband. You know, at the end of the day, I always know there's in the back of my head that my mom doesn't get to do any of this, you know, and she's just, just in her room cooped up without friends, you know, hearing voices all day, get seizures three to four times a week, you know, and so she feels like a freak and she's lost all her teeth. And, you know, like, that's why I have this general sadness, because I'm like, oh, gosh, I get to like, have so much fun, you know, and. And so just always knowing that my mom was always suffering, even as a kid and stuff that, that made me.

[A]

Put, you know, it informed your gratitude, is that. That it sounds like you're More grateful because, you know, so extremely.

[B]

Right.

[A]

How it could have gone the other way.

[B]

Yeah, I'm very grateful. And also, I just like. Yeah, I. I really love people, you know, and I. I really want to meet people where they are and see them. And my husband's like that, too. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

And you think that comes from the sensitivity that was sort of. I don't want to say imposed on you, but given to you. You're in the situation, almost like a superpower. It made you like these empathetic superheroes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is that true? Don't let me put words.

[B]

No, I think so. I think so. I mean, I would love to say I was born. I was born with it.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But, you know, I can't help but think it. It's. It's from that seeing my mom, seeing my grandma also raise three. You know, I didn't see her raise three kids on her own, but she did.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then she raised me too, you know, and she still takes care after my mom, and I'm the next in line to do it, but. And all of that, I'm so grateful for because I. I didn't have to be the caretaker. My grandma, at 87, is still taking care of her daughter.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

You know what I mean? So that I don't have to yet.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Gosh. Like, yeah.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

I always feel a little guilty. Yeah. So I'm always like, shots.

[A]

Oh, no.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

Yeah, I do. I do. But guilty that. That you have it so good and your mom has it so bad. Is that.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Yes. Yeah. A little guilty about that, for sure. Because I go, you know, I get to needle jokes. You know what I mean?

[A]

Well, it's funny because that's true. There's. We're talking about survivor's guilt, sort of.

[B]

Oh, sure.

[A]

There's survivor's guilt for everybody. Meaning I. I was just talking to somebody where it was Birbiglia.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

I was like, isn't it funny?

[B]

We. I talked to him yesterday, too. I bet he was making the rounds.

[A]

No, I called him.

[B]

Oh, you did? Yeah. Oh, interesting.

[A]

There we go.

[B]

Oh, wow. Yeah.

[A]

Okay. Yeah. I wish he'd call me.

[B]

Me. Yeah.

[A]

Camera jk. We call each other. We were. It doesn't matter. But I, I. I'm actually proud that I have a friend. Not just that it's a famous friend, but men do so poorly with friends. A lot of men. A lot of women, too. But, like, I just never saw my dad be like, God, I love Jimmy. Like, it's just never Happened.

[B]

I know we have a once a week call where we check in on each other.

[A]

That would make me cry. What you're saying would make me cry. If my dad was like, I just, I don't know what I would do if I didn't have the touchstone of Jimmy. He just knows me. It's important to have somebody outside of your marriage, Peter. Like, I would, I would die. I want to model that. Not just model it to my daughter, but just do it for my fucking self. But we were talking about survivor's guilt. So here we are, two guys. We don't have unhealthy or unwell parents. But you still go. Isn't it strange that you can be flying at such a high altitude and rarefied air, special life meaning. Like you're saying we noodle with jokes, we get to perform. It's, it's, it's a joy.

[B]

Right?

[A]

And yet you'll go like, there is a price which you'll happily pay. But you go, like, you see people in your family, you see other comedians, you see, sometimes you. I'll just be in a, a Waffle House in Grand Rapids, Michigan. And I'm just like, Michael Face. Like, my face not. I'm the king of the world and I'm a. It doesn't. You don't have to be a fancy boy, but if you're not struggling in every element of your life, you're in a special place. So I'm not talking about celebrity here. I'm just saying, like, if you're not. If everything in your life isn't a fucking hassle.

[B]

Yeah, you have.

[A]

You're a magical boy. Or girl.

[B]

Yes. Yeah. You have what you need.

[A]

You have what you need.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which is insane. That, that's special. Yeah, I know in America, that's like America, the greatest country. And I'm like, most people are like, Jesus, like, I can barely keep this together. And I'm like you. I don't put on shot, shot shots, but I'll watch some Frasier at night. Cause I'm just like, you need that. The weight of everything. And by the way, of course there are people that are listening that are going through this and they're like, oh, boo hoo, Pete, you have to know about me. That's not what I'm saying. I'm saying we're all carrying this burden. Nobody gets off even. I can't speak for the multi billionaires. But I'm just saying, like, we feel it because it's what's happening.

[B]

Right? Right.

[A]

And we See it. And we see each other's fragility. It reflects our own. I don't care if you have a hundred million dollars. You are in this moment, very vulnerable. Everybody is very, very vulnerable.

[B]

Oh, yeah. And girl, I believe it. Yeah. And all. Every comedian has a point in their life where someone you came up with maybe goes, hey, it's me.

[A]

Right?

[B]

You know, and you go, wow, I still get to do it. You know?

[A]

That's right.

[B]

Yeah. That happened to me at Albertsons. Hey, it's me. Oh, my God.

[A]

Yes, we right? Survivors.

[B]

I don't do it anymore. I don't do stand up anymore. My mom fell on a stroke and I had to go and take care of her. That's what she told me.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But I'm so proud of you, she said, you know, and I was like, like, God, like, I still get to do it, you know, I'm just here picking up Mac and cheese. She. She's, you know, she's working there.

[A]

Right, right, right.

[B]

She's like, I couldn't do it, you know, I. I had to be there for my mom and. But I'm happy, you know, I, you know, I work here and I found the love of my life, you know, but it's just like. Right. Like you're like, oh, God. Like, you know. Right. I'm sure people have been like, pete, hey, remember?

[A]

Sure. And then I flick a lit cigarette and I tell my driver to. To floor it because I'm talking to the regulars. I'm talking to some normies back here. Jeeves. His name isn't Jeeves, but everyone who works for me, I call them Jeeves.

[B]

Oh, amazing.

[A]

Male, female, doesn't matter.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Hey, fucking Jeeves. Lady Jeeves. Get that bra higher on that tree. You think it's boobs are up there. It's up here. Dress my trees, Jeeves.

[B]

Oh, my God. Don't ever have the window rolled down when some riff raff comes up on our car ever again.

[A]

Never. And I don't even have one windows, they're cameras that point out. And I have an HDTV that I can roll up or down, but it plays outside.

[B]

That's the only thing playing all the time.

[A]

And sometimes to other places I go, I wish I was in Paris. Boom. You're in Paris.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, that's cool. That's unwell.

[A]

It's tricky because Jeeves on the windshield, he's looking at Paris too. So we've killed a lot of people. He's just running over lots of people in la, but we thought we were.

[B]

In Paris, you know, it's wild. Some people would hear this and be like, that's my dream. That's like, that's where I want to be, Pete. That's. That's exactly what I want. A driver. I want it to be Jeeves. I want it to be like, we kill people. We don't give a fuck.

[A]

That's really.

[B]

Some people out of this whole episode, that's what they're gonna take away.

[A]

They'll go, like, I didn't know that that's what I wanted.

[B]

That's me.

[A]

I watched that video of young Elon Musk on Instagram, and he was just getting delivery of a million dollar car. I thought it was a deep fake. Cause he just looked like Ralph Wiggum, but with. With Elon Musk's face.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

He really looked like this bad blazer and his hair looked terrible. And I was like, that's a deep fake. It wasn't a deep fake. It was him. He was like, wow. Like three weeks ago I was sleeping in my car and now I have a million dollar car. And I was going like, and you fucking aren't happy. Like, I can tell watching this video. Like, you're like, here it is. I can't believe it's super cool car. When we talk about this all the time on the pod. But it's like I talk about it all the time. Having your dreams come true and having your needs met isn't the key to happiness. But I want everyone to find that out for themselves. I want their dreams to come true. I want them to have the things that they need. Of course. But there aren't any good examples of an Elon Musk or whoever that just goes like. And you know, the emptiness came with me in the car. I got in the car, drove around. Is this even his voice? I drove around and I just.

[B]

I'm buying it.

[A]

Yeah, I buy it too. Because he's so not loved. Like, no one cares. Like, if he was a beloved figure.

[B]

I think he would be like, whoa.

[A]

But the rise and grind community doesn't like what this impression right now. But like, there's not a lot. We don't even have to get into that. It's that. That's my sadness is I get really sad when I see people that like, even with every privilege are still just kind of like hungry ghosts is what they're called in Buddhism.

[B]

You know, he could be happy and that's just. He's not able to emotion as well.

[A]

Well, who the am I, you know, that's absolutely true.

[B]

Maybe that was. That was like. That's the most excited I sound.

[A]

This is the most excited I.

[B]

You know. You sound a little. A little Icelandic.

[A]

I go up to Iceland twice a month to buy my cigarettes.

[B]

I love all your impressions. You have such range.

[A]

Don't you do this. Don't you do.

[B]

I can only do Icelandic. Icelandic. I think every. Everyone has an Icelandic. Wait, you know, it's like Dr.

[A]

Evil.

[B]

Yeah, everybody has Icelandic. That's how I do it. Icelanders hate it. And if it is the only thing I have.

[A]

How did you.

[B]

The one thing.

[A]

How did you find your Iceland?

[B]

I think you just tighten your. The back of your throat. I don't know. Maybe it's. It's close to Japanese a little bit.

[A]

Do you speak Japanese?

[B]

I do, yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Conversational. Yeah, I've lost a lot of the ability.

[A]

You mean like your poetic Japanese?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You used to have some poetry in you.

[B]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yes. The poetic Japanese is gone. I talk very, like, just succinct, you know, very second grade level. Just like, give me this, give me that. I'm like a Russian.

[A]

But I was just like, man, kind of a Japanese stereotype that people would just be like, clear to the point. It's also German. It's also Russian. You're right. But there are certain cultures where it's not rude to just be like, please eat this.

[B]

Yes, eat this. Please eat this.

[A]

Now, I know that's broken English, but I'm just saying, like, even in Japanese, it sounds very like, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's not. Well, correct me if I'm wrong, but it's not as flowery as we're like, hey, y', all, we're gonna have ourselves a blooming onion. Same restaurant in Japan. It's like, I don't want to do the impression, but I actually really do. But I don't want to get in trouble. But it's like, you know, it's tight way. It's a little tighter. Is that right?

[B]

It's true. It's so true. I never even thought about that. I never thought what you just did with the. Hey, y'. All. Booming onion.

[A]

It's very musical.

[B]

That was flower flow. Flowery.

[A]

It's musical.

[B]

It is.

[A]

Westerners sing their words, which is why when everybody sings, they sound Western. Bono is like, oh, geez, I love playing Bono. Then he's like, where the streets have no name? Like, where's it go? Interesting, because we're all singing.

[B]

I didn't not know that. I always wondered, like, Australians and people like that. I don't understand until they're singing it. Wow.

[A]

It goes away. Cuz we're singing all the time.

[B]

I thought it's because they all have the ability to talk like in an American English normal.

[A]

Talk the right way, I'll talk correctly.

[B]

Talk the right way. I didn't know. I thought they always had the ability. But you know, we have a hard time trying to sound like Australians and. And British people.

[A]

Yes, of course. It feels like an affection, an affectation to us, like we're adding something. Val. What is the word for them?

[B]

It's taking it away.

[A]

Right to. Val told. Val's very good at helping me realize where I'm being short sighted, ethnocentric or something. It's the assumption that your culture is the baseline.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And I, I caught myself doing. I had a bit. I was in Australia and I was like, you guys realize you're talking wrong. Like you're talking wrong like now. N O is nigh you. That's wrong.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Like, and. And she. And they liked it because I think they're laughing at me basically in that moment.

[B]

But they also know you're being like, you know, it's tongue in cheek.

[A]

I'm saying the thing I'm not supposed to say.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

But because I'm saying that there's actually kind of something loving about that. Like, look at this dumb thought.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So you're. Tell me a little bit more about the bond of the moms and the sadness we got into survivor's guilt. And also I don't know why I'm like, you're gonna. It's like a foregone conclusion that you'll take care of your mom.

[B]

Oh, you mean like I have to do it?

[A]

I don't. Yes, that is kind of what I'm saying. Cause if you were my partner, I would be going like, are you sure? And it's not out of uncaring for your mother.

[B]

Right, Right.

[A]

You have to have these conversations that there isn't there. Well, I guess here's the question. Are you the best person to take care of your mother?

[B]

I'm not. Oh my God.

[A]

Like I'm question where we both know the answer.

[B]

We're all worried. We're all worried. My mom included, like, her, everyone. My husband's like, you know, you can hire people. I. I will. I will of course hire people. That's why I'm working so hard.

[A]

So I. Yeah. Rise and grind. So I could get that Elon Musk Instagram He. My million dollar car.

[B]

I want my million dollar car. And my.

[A]

But you wouldn't buy the million dollar car because you're like, a million dollars will cover very good care for your mom.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And then you can visit. And would she be mad at you if you hired a person to take care of her?

[B]

Yes, for sure.

[A]

Like, she'd, like, yell at you when you show up. She'd be like, well, who do you care? You pawned me off to Charles over here.

[B]

I don't know what would happen. I'm afraid. I'm afraid more of the depression that she'd get sad. She'll get sad.

[A]

So she wants you to take care of her.

[B]

She would rather be with family. Of course. I would, too. I get it.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So we have an ideal situation.

[A]

Really.

[B]

If I were a pain in the butt, I would still be like, I want to be around family. Yeah, I've been in a pain. Yeah, I am a pain in the butt.

[A]

See, my thought would be like, I'm going to drag someone down. It might as well be someone I made. You know what I mean? Like, it's like, this is going to be awful. It might as well be somebody that I own. This is a difficult conversation to have.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm really trying to. No, I don't have. I don't have it figured out. I don't even know the right questions.

[B]

No. I mean, depends on why. You had a kid, right? Yeah. Some people had a kid so that they could take care of them.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

When they're older.

[A]

Is that. This is. I don't want to be ignorant, but is that more of an Eastern thing, do you think?

[B]

I wonder. Yeah. Like, oh, yeah, my mom's from Lithuania.

[A]

That's definitely going on a little bit.

[B]

Yeah. Right. So they. They kind of hope, like, hey, you're gonna take care of me. Or like, you know.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Or either.

[A]

It's like, till the fields. Lithuania was like, these.

[B]

These.

[A]

These little shits will till the fields with us.

[B]

Till the fields.

[A]

They'll sit on the grain, Keep it warm.

[B]

Sorry. Yeah. I had never heard that term before.

[A]

Till the fields.

[B]

I was like, what is that? It's like, mow the lawn, and by.

[A]

The time you need them, they're old enough to. To shepherd you to your grave.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That's what they hope. And then. And then you can procreate and. And then bring. Continue the name, too. Right.

[A]

So it's very modern. Two things that are very modern. Atheism. That's not shots fired. It's a very modern Phenomena that there is no God. Most of recorded time, it was just a foregone conclusion that you would have some belief system. Whether that's right or wrong, it doesn't matter. I'm just stating a fact. 2. Also very modern phenomenon. I am a incredibly 2022 person that would say, I don't expect my daughter to take care of me. That's new.

[B]

Yes, that is new. Very, very new.

[A]

And if she tried to, I would say, unless I was desperate and absolutely there was nobody to help. But I would be like, I would rather Charles than you, or, I'm gonna.

[B]

Charles Schwab.

[A]

Let's hope Charles Schwab takes care of me. Wink, wink, wink. Morgan Stanley. Be real.

[B]

I'm just kidding.

[A]

But, like, I. It would. And let's spin this back to you, but if. If my daughter were taking care of me, sure, there would be some comfort to that, but I think it would be eclipsed by the fact that I'd be like, you shouldn't be doing this.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

Like, I. I want you to live. Live a good life. Like, and. This is a tough conversation.

[B]

Yeah. No, no, but that's true. Like, that's. That is a modern way of thinking and where we always needed to put a reason behind why we do something.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And maybe you don't like to.

[A]

Like, what do you mean by that?

[B]

Oh, like, I'm having a kid because. Because, of course, the right winter is coming. Winter is coming. Yes.

[A]

Yeah. These fields aren't gonna till themselves, that sort of thing.

[B]

And I think more and more, you don't need a reason to have a kid.

[A]

But I'm having a daughter, so she'll have. I'm literally. Val and I are sun and water, and she's a plant. That's it. We're just trying to have her. My mom guilts me with this all the time. Like, she's like, why don't you come home for Christmas? And I'll be like, well, Christmas is about Leila, and we don't want to be traveling. And just being honest, like, I don't feel good as I'm telling her something I know she doesn't want to hear.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

But she's like, wait till you. Because she's guil. She'll stop herself. But she'll be like, wait till you see when Leela's older. And she. And I'll go, like, if Leela tells me I want to spend Christmas with my family, because that makes me happy.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Nothing would make me happier. I'm not saying that I Wouldn't be like, a little rejected or whatever it is.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

But, like, I want her to be happy more than I want myself to be happy. And like, that. That's tricky. And maybe she's calling bullshit on that. She would say, you'll see. That's not how it works. You're actually. You're going to be miserable.

[B]

You'll be pissed. Pissed.

[A]

Yeah. You'll be pissed.

[B]

Yeah, I know. Yeah, I know. I would be already hearing this. I'd be like, oh, no. I'd be so sad.

[A]

So you. It. How does that inform your. Because right now, today, as it stands.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You're. You have to take over.

[B]

Huh? Yeah.

[A]

You do that. What's your attitude towards doing that? That's water.

[B]

Okay, thank you.

[A]

Has a little bit of orange in it.

[B]

I'm gonna drink something because my. My stomach is growling and I was like, oh, that's gonna be so loud.

[A]

Oh, that's.

[B]

Maybe if I.

[A]

Can I get you a snack?

[B]

No, no, no. I think. No, Nobody wants.

[A]

Chewing.

[B]

Yeah, nobody wants to hear that.

[A]

We're almost done. We're almost done. Here, let me open it for you.

[B]

Thank you. Okay. Yeah.

[A]

You feel going into that.

[B]

Yeah, no, I. I'm. I'm. I'm such a blind optimist. I think it's. I can totally do it. And I have already an ideal situation that I've told my husband that I've convinced him to also think he agrees. You know? You know what I mean?

[A]

Because you inceptioned him.

[B]

Yeah. I've said it enough where I'm like, it'll be good. It's gonna be so fun, right? Like, for her to live in the guest house behind us. And we. We can only. You know, I've said it like that, where I'm like, you only have to sit here, like, once a week. I'll. I'll go over there and, you know, it'll be so fun, right? Like, I literally talk like that, like a psychopath and.

[A]

But that's what you're doing to yourself.

[B]

Yeah, that's true. I probably need to let him hear.

[A]

The voice that you have going on.

[B]

Oh, my God, Pete, I never thought of that.

[A]

This is why you drive quietly in the car. Because you're going like, she'll be in the cat. It'll be good. I'll see her, like, once or twice because. And I'm not even making fun of you. I'm just saying these overwhelming situations.

[B]

That's so true. I'd never thought of that.

[A]

And then marriage is often. And I Do this with Val. You start to. To see the scripts that you're running yourself, and now you have to say them out loud to another person because we need to be a unified front.

[B]

Wow. Oh, my gosh. Crazy. I, I, yeah. I need to see a therapist. I, I didn't know I was unwell. I thought I was just like, I don't. This was an optimist, being an optimist.

[A]

I don't think you're unwell. Well, you are dealing with something that needs to be dealt with. I'm over here. The issue of whether or not I go home for Christmas is not even an issue.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's like a. It's an election issue.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Yeah. It's something I do for entertainment, and even my mom does it for entertainment. Even the feeling of, like, I wish. Is that the movie she gets to watch? And my feeling of like, am I a bad son? That's the movie I get to watch. But, like, we're not dealing with life and death and medical dependency, right?

[B]

That's true. Yeah.

[A]

So, yeah. But I am still gonna be like, is it a cliche that you go to la, you get an HBO special, you do your different. You do your quibi.

[B]

Go ahead.

[A]

Have your go.

[B]

I knew those fighting words are gonna be brought up.

[A]

Take your shots. I didn't even know about it until I researched you for the first.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

But quibi, it's just such a funny word anyway.

[B]

It is.

[A]

It is kind of a cliche, especially if you're an immigrant. Is that the correct term? I never know when it's emigrant, emigrated or immigrated.

[B]

Yeah. Did they used to say with an e in the beginning?

[A]

I still hear it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You listen to npr, and they're like, they emigrated. And I'm like, sorry, Ira. What does that mean?

[B]

Sorry, Ira.

[A]

What did that mean? Yeah, they immigrated, but they were on ecstasy. Everybody get on board with that Rev, it's fine. But anyway, so you're especially an immigrant. You. There's more heat on you coming to not just the west, but the West, West, Louisiana, Hollywood. Your train comes in, you get success, you get some money. Is the eye roll even greater if you were to hire Charles, one of my staff members, Jeeves. One of my Jeeves. One of my many disposable Jeeves.

[B]

I would be honored if one of your stuff.

[A]

Oh, I can expend a. That's the whole pleasure of having a flock of Jeeves. I'll just Dick Cheney one of them in the face. No, it's too dark. Too dark. They don't die. It's a duck show.

[B]

They're like minions.

[A]

Yeah, they're minions. Yes, exactly.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So you have your Jeeves and you say, jeeves, take care of my mother. Everyone in the west would be like, of course. But is it safe to say that a lot of people would look at you cross? Probably you feel more heat because of the cliche. Ness of like. Yeah, someone comes to the west and becomes westernized.

[B]

Yeah, probably a little bit. But I also. It's. It's not even that. That so much. It's. It's me wanting to do it because I. Maybe I don't want to feel the guilt. Maybe I'm, you know, because I, I. That general sadness will get greater if I knew that I put her somewhere else.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Or something. And what about. Sorry, yeah, no, go ahead.

[A]

Jeeves that lives in your back house.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So it's still at your house, but you got a Jeeves back there?

[B]

Yes, that's what I mean.

[A]

Can we just fix it?

[B]

Yes. So the ideal situation, there's a guest house. My mom's there. There's a Jeeves there.

[A]

There's a Jeeves there.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So as we're family, it's not like I call you to do Largo, and you're like, I can't. I. I'm completely. I'm a full time caregiver.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

That's kind of what I thought you were saying.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

If I'm being honest, that you were going to be a full time caregiver. Caregiver. Oh, you were like, fade away.

[B]

Oh, no, no, no. I. No, no, no. That would be too. Too much much. Yeah, I would be. I. Yeah, I would.

[A]

So there'll be a Jeeves.

[B]

There will be a Jeeves. Yes.

[A]

A blend.

[B]

Yes. A blend.

[A]

What, a 5050 modernism. Yes.

[B]

2022 girl. That's what I am.

[A]

How's mom gonna take that? Fine.

[B]

She'll be great. Yeah. Because then we can still have. Do the dinners. We could do breakfast together.

[A]

What is it like?

[B]

Like.

[A]

Whoa. What? It was just my pen. What is it like hanging out with your mom?

[B]

It's. It's a. It's a lot. It's probably like kind of like a kid, you know, just like needs, but maybe more like a. Oh, gosh. Maybe more like an infant. Like a lot of needs.

[A]

And then what are the needs?

[B]

Oh, I'm thirsty. I'm hungry. I'm just saying, I. This is. Is this how babies are?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I. I don't hang out with babies because I don't have one.

[A]

But is she dependent? Because physically, is she incapable of.

[B]

Of. She. She is capable of, like, doing things, but she's just, I think just with like, you know, she just lays down a lot because the. She's just always. Her medication makes her so sleepy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So she is a little, like, not a vegetable, but she, you know, she's dependent. She's dependent. Yeah, yeah. She. She lays down a lot. She does. She can't stand for too long, so she likes to ask for things. You know, she needs things. She sometimes can't make it to the restroom in time, so she wears diapers, papers, stuff like that. And so. Yeah. And then. But then she. When she does talk, when she gets to talking. She loves the arts. She's actually very, very smart, well versed in the arts. She loves art history. She knows how she. She knows better than my grandma how jokes work and stuff.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Just because she watches a lot of tv, so she'll watch variety shows with comedians on it, and she knows, you know, she knows how jokes should be.

[A]

Are these, like, windows of clarity or like, it. Does it come and go? I really just don't know anything about this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So is she usually lucid or is it like. What's that?

[B]

Schizophrenia, actually. Yeah, we're getting into schizophrenia.

[A]

Exactly.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. So are there pockets of lucidity or is it always just kind of like in an hour? Is it like, oh, she was clear for an hour. Was it more like she was clear for 10 minutes and then she was unclear for whatever. Whatever the term is.

[B]

Yeah. It really depends on when the voices start coming in.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Does she know who the voices are?

[B]

Yes, it's like seven people from her village back in Taiwan, you know, but. And they say very negative things all day. All day.

[A]

No good voice.

[B]

No good voice. It's all about how she's failed as a person. And so. So it's just a lot. And so that's when she'll not be able to communicate because, you know, she's trying to fight them off.

[A]

Right. And so I'm not trying to be funny. She is communicating. She's communicating.

[B]

No, it's very true.

[A]

In her reality. Yeah, that's what's happening.

[B]

Yes. She's. She is actually constantly.

[A]

Constantly communicating.

[B]

Communicating. And constantly has, I guess, some people around her. Yes. In a weird way. Yeah.

[A]

Oh, that's interesting.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Because there is. Is that is true to her. I know that. I hope that's.

[B]

It's true.

[A]

Too disturbing. But it's like her mind Would be making that very real to her.

[B]

Yeah. I wish the voices were. Yeah.

[A]

Kind.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, totally.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But that's like a movie version, right?

[A]

That's A Beautiful Mind.

[B]

Yes. Yeah. Is that how that movie goes? I never watched it, but I was.

[A]

Like this math problem.

[B]

So he's like mathematician.

[A]

Yeah, he's brilliant. They're actually in the way as well.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

They end up being mean. And in fact, I don't know too many nice voice stories, but it's interesting. As tempting as it may be to other. Your mom isn't. Eckhart Tolle has this great point where he's like, you see someone walking on the street, a homeless, unhoused person. Both homeless and unhoused, to please everybody.

[B]

Yes. Thank you. No, no, no. I see what you did. Yeah. I see what you did. You started.

[A]

I say it both ways.

[B]

You say it both ways.

[A]

Because I don't want to alienate the people that don't want to say, I'm house.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

So I say both.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

But you see somebody that does not have a home that is walking around and they are yelling to themselves. And Eckhart Tolle is like, what's the difference? They're just doing out loud what we're all doing.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Which is. Which is true. Like, so as much as I'd like to scapegoat your mother and be like, I don't have voice. Of course I do. They're not audible in the way. This is. I. I think this is a very interesting subject.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I can hear a voice in my head.

[B]

Oh, you can?

[A]

It's my thoughts, so.

[B]

Oh, yeah, Right.

[A]

I'm thirsty. I should drink something. My stomach is grumbling.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You heard those?

[B]

Yes, yes.

[A]

That's normal.

[B]

Right? That's.

[A]

Or maybe that's what I'm saying. Basic reality is an exercise in. I don't want to say insanity because. Because of what we're talking about. But like, you could say magic or you could say strangeness.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Why? Like, I can hear a voice that says right now as we're talking again, it's not really a voice because I'm not taking the time to articulate it, but it goes like. I bet we're about at a minute, an hour and 40 minutes. So we'll round, you know, like, while we're talking. That's normal. I used to have a bit about this. I was like, it's crazy to hear voices in your head, but it's not crazy to hear songs in your head. So the Rule in our society is if you hear a voice that's crazy, unless it's singing. If it's Sting singing Fields of Gold, you're not crazy. And that. To me, I think schizophrenia can be this harsh mirror that we're all living in a reality of our own making that we interpret. That's completely normal to us. But if you were in my brain, I know this is very basic, like stoner thoughts. But you wouldn't know. To ward off the occasional, you know, my mom floats by or my dad floats by.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Different voice. It's. It's significant that these are voices from her village in Taiwan where she grew up. These super ego shaming.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know, thoughts. We all have that.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

So I'm just trying to say.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, it's not that strange.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's just. It's an exaggeration of what's already happening.

[B]

I think so too. All the time. Yeah.

[A]

We're at 90.

[B]

Yeah. And sometimes. Because it's an exaggeration. Oh, nice.

[A]

Because 130. So it's 10 minutes.

[B]

Oh, you were close.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But you have to. We're constantly having multiple thoughts at the same time while we're always multitasking.

[A]

Of course.

[B]

And I always say, gosh, be careful, you know, because it is like. But back to really quick. Her. It's her. It's just an exaggeration of how we all kind of move about in the world and think every day because of that. When she, like when she has. Sometimes she's been. I feel like a future teller. I feel like my mom has like psychic ability sometimes.

[A]

Look, I'm this kind of person. But I'm not surprised if she's. If her reality is getting blurred. And I don't want to perpetuate some stereotype. If there's a stereotype that unwell people are magical. I don't. I don't want to do.

[B]

No, no. But because she's able to tap into that's. She spends so much time with just her thoughts.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That she's able to. She's trying to. She's. She's warned me about things that I'm like. I didn't see it because I was so busy with my own ego and walking around trying to make friends. I cared about. About what other people were thinking about me while she didn't. You know, and so she was able to know the truth. I mean, it's just little things, like dumb things that you'd be like. Oh, no. Literally. She's like the church. They're all hypocrites. And as a 10 year old, I was. I became such a Jesus freak because, you know, when you. They get immigrants very easily because they're like, do you want friends or not?

[A]

And do you want to belong?

[B]

Come to church.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So then I was like, yeah, I want friends. And then was lunch too. It was free every Sunday.

[A]

And everybody. You're right in my sweet spot. And everyone has to accept you and be nice to you, right? Ideally, yes. You see this a lot.

[B]

Yeah. So I went. My grandma, me, cuz my uncle, who we were living in his garage of. He was going to church. So we all went together. My mom would refuse to go. She. And. And then every week she'd be like, you know, there's just, you know, they're. They're people still. Okay. Like, don't get too into them. You know, there's still people. So it's like, maybe the beliefs are good, but, you know. Yeah. Treat people kind. But are they actually doing that?

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

You know? And I was like, oh, they are though. They are, though. And then, you know, I started seeing things that she woke you up to and she never even set foot on the church. She just knew because she just knows how people are anything but. I was a kid, so I. My mind was blown. I was like, how'd you know? I saw them turn away a homophobic, homeless, unhoused person who wanted. Who wanted free lunch, right? Yeah. How'd you know? She's like, because they're people. It's called the people. So they're gonna.

[A]

Anything else any other time. She saw.

[B]

I think she knew. She knew Covid was gonna hit the states too.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. Wow. Pretty fast. But she also just watches a lot of like Asian news, so she just saw like the first cases with her. But she was like, she's like, it'll probably. We'll probably lock down by March. And I was like, no, I have comedy shows, mom. I'm going to do shows like all of March.

[A]

Hilarious.

[B]

She's like, probably like first week of March, we'll all be locked down. All of the states.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Oh, mom, you're wild. What are you talking about? We got good doctors and stuff, scientists and stuff, right? They said it's just gonna be a month. She's like, it's gonna be a while. She was right.

[A]

She was right.

[B]

Just because she's just with her thoughts and she watches patterns.

[A]

Right. You know, that's interesting.

[B]

She's not trying to do comedy shows.

[A]

Well, she doesn't have a narrative that she is deeply invested in maintaining.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

As you and I do.

[B]

She's not the center of her universe.

[A]

Right. You literally have a tour schedule. It's insanity that you and I both have tour schedules, because we're predicting where we'll be in the future, you know?

[B]

I know.

[A]

Which is why I'll be there on, like. I know again, it's totally normal. But I'm like, after this, I'm to going, I don't know that.

[B]

No, I know. I always get spooked. I'm like, oh, yeah, August 12th, I'm gonna be there.

[A]

But we also love it.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Because then you're. You've basically made yourself. God. You're like, I will be. Not. Not in a big way. In a little way.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And not even in a bad way. I'm just saying it's this comforting thing to be like. You love being on the phone, being like, I have a flight. I'm on a flight to Philly.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

A soothsayer.

[B]

You're like, future.

[A]

You don't know that. You don't know anything. We might be. And that's. That's what Covid was. Obviously, I don't have to say this, but I will, just to make sure everyone knows that I know. Huge tragedy. What a. What a devastating loss for humanity. A horrible thing. And there's this, like, lesson of, like, we'll all be the people that had that happen, and there'll be just a little bit more glimmer in our eye when we're like, you don't know what's going to happen.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You don't know what's going to happen. Like, I thought it was going to be in Cleveland. Cleveland. And it got. Everything got locked down, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

No Cleveland. So you were a Jesus freak.

[B]

I was a Jesus freak. I went to Jesus camp. I signed up on my own. Even when my own youth group was like, when we're not going this year, I'll be like, okay, I'll go on my own. Wild person. Yeah. To Jesus Camp. And I went.

[A]

Val went to Jesus Camp.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Where we watched that movie where they're holding up the call.

[B]

Jesus Camp.

[A]

Camp. That it was.

[B]

I think it's.

[A]

They.

[B]

They get straight to the point, you know, they do.

[A]

It's a documentary about Jesus camp called Jesus Camp.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That movie was difficult to watch.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Because you do see so much earnest desire for a connection to a higher power into purpose and to community.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And all of these other things are stapled to it. Like, everyone you Know is going to hell. Reproductive rights. If that's. If that's. That's a thing. That's. That's definitely coming up. Homosexuality, all these things that you didn't ask for.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I'm projecting onto you. I was like, I want a loving God. I want. I'm afraid of dying. I'd like that to be taken care of. I'd like some community. All this stuff. And then you get all that. And that's there with the pizza and the youth group. And then slowly, like you. You just start. And it's a tragedy.

[B]

Because that part didn't have to be a part of it. Yeah.

[A]

But it. It ends up becoming a part of it. I'm trying to write a bit about this where I was like, wow.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We don't want mercy. We. We hate mercy. We don't want a God that loves everybody. We want a God that loves us and hates everybody else just like us.

[B]

Yeah, it's so true.

[A]

So tell me your experience before I keep going and on and on and on.

[B]

No, it's so true stuff. I mean, I was so entrenched. Entrenched. What is it entranced by entranced or entranced?

[A]

Entrenched.

[B]

Entrenched. Entrenched. Entrance.

[A]

Everyone who's entrenched is entranced.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Not everyone who's entranced is entrenched.

[B]

Is that right?

[A]

Yeah. Very few people are entrenched.

[B]

Oh, there's so many words on this in this session alone.

[A]

This is your therapy session. Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. No, no. And we are on a couch.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I. Christians love outdoor activities.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

So there's a lot of that. So it was just like. Like, oh, this is actual camp. You know, it was really. It was easy to get lost in that. We're playing capture the flag.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We're playing tag. We're painting murals and stuff. And then. And then it gets really intense. The. You know, the main game that we were supposed to play that weekend was at night in the forest because. So the camp happened in the forest of, like, Big Bear or something. So it was really dark, and you're supposed to put on backpacks with Bibles in it and cross from one end of the forest.

[A]

Cross.

[B]

I'm 14. Yeah. Cross from one end of the forest.

[A]

In this camp, we only cross.

[B]

We only cross. No zigzags.

[A]

We never carry over.

[B]

No.

[A]

Yeah, no zigzags. Everyone move in a lowercase T pattern.

[B]

No zigzags. That's for other. For non believers.

[A]

For the Zen Buddhists.

[B]

And so they were like. Like, there's going to be. The camp counselors are going to be. Because they then they told this story about how like, you know, in China missionaries are going to prison being for being caught trying to spread the word of the Lord. And with. They're getting caught with their Bibles and their backpacks when they're trying to cross the river to get to China or whatever. So that's the experience you all are going to feel tonight.

[A]

And can I. That's the experience you're all going to feel tonight.

[B]

Yeah. So suddenly it always becomes scary, right? It's like Christian camp, camp capture the flag tag murals.

[A]

And you became Chinese people smuggling bibles across a river.

[B]

Yes. So yes, immediately we were all cosplaying.

[A]

You know, cross playing.

[B]

Cross play. We were cross playing. We were all playing. Yeah. Chinese.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And yeah. So it was this.

[A]

And what happened if you got caught?

[B]

If you got caught, they ask you one question. Do you believe in Jesus? If you say yes, you get fake killed, shot or whatever and then put into. And then you go to heaven. But for the holding spaces were like these sheds until in the end we can count who all said yes and end up.

[A]

Who's saying no?

[B]

People. No, I don't believe in Jesus. The people, the kids who want to actually win the game and continue living and finish.

[A]

So if you say no, they leave you alone.

[B]

They leave you alone. Yeah. They leave you alone and they go, yeah, okay, keep walking. And then you end up at the end of the forest where you know you have not been caught, but you've walked with the guilt that you said no, you don't believe in Jesus. And everyone knows because I'm just curious. That's a wild game.

[A]

Who doesn't see the switcheroo coming? Coming.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

The whole camp is dedicated to believing in Jesus. They're like, so if you say no, you get to win the game. Everyone sees that. Like, psych. You're the loser.

[B]

Like, it's true.

[A]

You can't. Yes.

[B]

But you know when you're in a game of like pretty much tag.

[A]

I get it.

[B]

Hide and seek and tag. You're like, I want to win.

[A]

Like, do you love your mother? No, I won. Yeah, exactly.

[B]

Yeah. You're like a 12 year old.

[A]

So what did you say?

[B]

I said, yeah. Yes, like a loser. Yeah. And I got fake shot. And I, I remember, I remember even being like shooting you.

[A]

This is terrible.

[B]

It's so frightening. I'm like so young. Pretty young.

[A]

You were saying, you remember?

[B]

I remember when they fake shot me, I even like, I Was so moved that I said yes and that I did something good, you know. And so I remember even when they fake shot me going, oh, like, like I did the physical movement of getting shot and fell backwards like a loser. Like, and then, and then they go, okay, so now you're going to get up. They're like, okay. And they tap me. Hey, so you're going to get up and walk to the shed. So that's where you'll be held. I was like, okay, thank you. It like turned back into like instructions.

[A]

Oh my God.

[B]

So anyway, so that's. Yeah, it's the scary stuff that they feed you to with the games and.

[A]

Well, that's. There was that doc Hell house too, which is that make a haunted house. That was hell. It's funny how we will use Christian gospel to just do what everyone else is doing. Like, we want to play a murder game. Yes, we want to play murder. Sneaky.

[B]

It's so lame.

[A]

And we want to have a lamest. No, it's very lame. It's like we have this annoying guy, Jesus who's just telling us to love each other and be kind and to, you know, all that sort of good stuff. But we still want to like, can I shoot this 14 year old in the head? And can we make a haunted house? Like it's like having your cake and eating it too. It's like we're, we're about love and light and forgiveness, but also like go in this haunted house under the guise that it'll scare you into believing in my loving system. Like, is that how you attract people with fear? And is that. Is it. Would you like to go anywhere that fear brought you? That's a good question to ask. No, I'm here with fear.

[B]

It's like Christian rap or something. It is where it's like, oh, see, we still throw down beats, right?

[A]

You know, shots, shots, shots. Cross, cross, cross, cross, cross, cross. Everybody, everybody. What do you. Where are you at now?

[B]

I don't go to church. Yeah, I don't go to church and I don't, I don't know if I'm an atheist. I just don't think about him. What's that? What's that called?

[A]

You are. That's a bitch bit. I don't know if I'm an atheist. I just don't think about him. What's that called? That's a bit. That's ready to go. That's funny.

[B]

Today it's like you were saying, you were saying somebody that you'd never think about too Me, Flavor Flav. Oh, maybe it's flavorful. You know, it's just like, I just. Yeah, I don't. I don't think about him when I.

[A]

Put it on the shelf.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Oh, I didn't mean to put him on a shelf. No, I didn't meet yet like an elf on a shelf. But it's Jesus. Jesus.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So you're just kind of like taking it. Sounds like a much needed break. I feel like you put in your time getting headshots.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, I got tired. I was like, oh, man, I was a soldier for God.

[A]

But do you have any inkling just today we're both alive, we're both on a planet.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We both know it's not forever that I don't mean fear like afterlife. I just mean like, what, what do you have any inkling on, like, what's going on here? Is it meaningless? Is it meaningful? Is it.

[B]

Yeah, I think we're all trying our best and then so that is meaningful, you know, we're all trying our best being in a place that we don't really ask for, you know, and being in bodies we didn't really ask for. And so we're all trying our best, considering.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that's again, sort of the optimistic view I have, but I don't really think about where we go after at all.

[A]

Do you think this there's something. Do you think you are your body lights out dead when you get shot smuggling Bibles?

[B]

I think so too.

[A]

You think it's over? Dead over?

[B]

I mean, I think that, yes. Yeah, yeah. And you do too, didn't you? I feel like you had a bit about being atheist and I do comedians or like, like atheists.

[A]

And that's like the cigarette of beliefs.

[B]

That's right, yes. Yeah.

[A]

Like the motorcycle of beliefs.

[B]

Like to have nothing.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

Nothing.

[A]

But the new one that I'm trying to get going that I just can't make that funny is like the reason why death is frightening to. In a materialist, not necessarily an atheist, but atheist, materialist perspective is that when you die, you go into nothing. And that doesn't mean empty space, that means the void. You can't even imagine it. Nothing but the same materialist worldview would tell you that the universe erupted from nothing. So why are we so sure that it's the end? If all of the energy goes into the void and the void is the breeding ground for everything, why can't you be the part of this undulating, self replicating and recycling energy that everything Else is including your awareness and maybe even including your separate. I'm not meaning, even if you don't believe in God, there's hope in that. You believe the world came out of nothing. And then when you die, you go into nothing, which is at the end. Except when it's the beginning, you understand it's nothing. Except when it's everything and it became everything for no reason. So for all you know, you die, you go into nothing. What a great place to be. It's the birthplace of infinite potential.

[B]

I agree. I don't say that with sadness at all. I would love that to be nothing. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I'm totally into it. I'm not like, oh, I need a place to be for. Not that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

People are going to be like, oh, God, you think we're such losers. No, it's just. It sounds wild to me. Sometimes I want to continue living forever and ever and sing and sing and stuff.

[A]

Well, the idea of going, go ahead, that's.

[B]

That's wild. It's like, no, we deserve rest. It's okay.

[A]

I. The idea of going into. Again, words fail us here. But an afterlife, something that isn't being in these physical bodies, but that. What I. What you and I were raised in places like Jesus camp, was that I, Pete, would know that I was in heaven and God was over there and I'm singing to him that to me, I. I just think we need to, as Father Greg Boyle would say, wrong God. Like, that's just the wrong, like, whoops, wrong God. Because one of the faults that I can have with any religion that perpetuates the idea that you are a separated ego, that when it dies, that ego is judged and is either rewarded or punished, is so ego affirming and so separateness affirming that whenever I look at spirituality and mysticism at its deeper levels, it's always pointing at it's one, it's one thing, or it's no thing. And that's where we go. So I don't think you and I are going to be going, like, remember on the podcast, like, we're dead. Remember on the podcast when we talked about this? Isn't this weird? And I don't think, because that's duality, I don't even think I'll be like, I'm jizzing, because that feeling is based in duality. Jizzing is defined by the feeling of not jizzing. Why do I have to be pick jizzing? But you know what I'm saying?

[B]

Wow, that's interesting. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

So Thomas Merton says, I don't know much about heaven, but there won't be much of you there. So when we think about it in ego terms, even being sent to hell is an ego trip. The President of the universe hated me. What's more special than that? He couldn't fucking stand me. He wanted to punish me. He was shaking his fist at me. That's an ego trip.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

That's just affirming your separateness when really. And now we're in the.

[B]

You must do better with trolls than me. They're thinking about me, so that's nice.

[A]

Well, I would say all of that, and I use the term lightly, but victimness, being like, this fucker posted that comment on this fuck you is another ego trip. To be like, I'm innocent and he is guilty. And it's a way of scapegoating my own guilt. Guilt. Oh, I would say it could be the guilt that came from separating from God. This guilt that I shouldn't even be here, that we're supposed to be what we're like you. You know, so we do like being victims to a certain extent. I mean, all of us.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And we love being angry.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And we love being right.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And we love projecting all of our evil onto everyone else. And. And we were even. I was even doing that earlier with Elon Musk. I'm like, oh, he has a million dollar car. Yeah. Pete, you have a $400 toilet seat. Like, eat shit. You know what I'm saying? Like, we can't stop doing it.

[B]

Right. Right.

[A]

Because we either love being innocent or we love being guilty.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But it doesn't. Or the bad one.

[B]

Oh.

[A]

I was driving here and I saw somebody on their back windshield, it said unholy. And I was like, yeah, we'll take it either way. All we want is to exist and to know we exist and to know it's not our fault. So either we'll be guilty or we'll be innocent. But one thing we can't tolerate is being no thing, being nothing, being one with everything. And that's mercy and that's heaven. And that actually sounds like hell to us. Would rather be here farting and punching and occasionally jizzing and eating. Because the idea of merging into God's or the oneness of everything, we don't have to call it God. That actually sounds like hell to us. I think that's one of the problems we're here to overcome.

[B]

Wow. Yeah. You really. I'm so glad you don't listen to Music in your car. Like you. Because this is. This is what you think about. This is, like, really important stuff. This is, like, important to think about. I'm so glad you're not like everybody.

[A]

That is so funny. But what are we doing here? Yeah, we're merging. We love merging. Remembering the oneness. That's why I'm asking you questions about what it felt like and the motivation, how you feel about your mother. Unifying feels so good. A comedy show is spiritual. It's this unifying thing. And that troll is separating all these things that we hate. Are these separations, these rude awakenings from. We could be having a better dream, Right?

[B]

No, it's true.

[A]

The end.

[B]

Wow. Amazing. Do I ring a bell? No. I don't know. Hey, Jude. I feel like you sing a song. Nah, nah, nah, nah. Right?

[A]

I feel like, here's what we do.

[B]

Very dangerous. You can like talking like that. If there were three, like, one more person, Boom. That's how a cult starts. Like, for real.

[A]

That's why we only have Katie. There are some podcasts where there are people manning the cameras and stuff. We don't do that.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Because next thing you know, we're wearing sashes.

[B]

Yeah. Because I'll be like, we want to be something, not no thing. And that's like, Also. Yeah. No, it's so fun.

[A]

You're really fun. Okay. This is what we do. Because this happens. Most episodes, they'll be like this. Well, what do we do now? We just. We do these questions. Can you tell me, first of all, do you feel satisfied? Is there anything else you wanted to say about that?

[B]

No, I feel great.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Can you tell me a time in your life that you laughed really, really, really, really, really, really, really hard? And it doesn't have to be a good story.

[B]

Yeah. I also. I really love this show called Cobra Kai.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

And I don't know if you've seen it, but it's like, season three. I love it for many reasons.

[A]

You know, I've never heard anyone love it.

[B]

Really?

[A]

People love it.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

I don't mean it like that, Katie.

[B]

Dup.

[A]

That's perfect.

[B]

I say, people, I like it.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. But is it a kitschy love or, like, you just like what they're doing? I receive it.

[B]

Yeah. They're so committed. They. They. They are so sincere about that storytelling. So even if it's cheesy, the stakes are high for them.

[A]

But when you watch it, you're not watching it, like, ironically silly or something.

[B]

Oh, no, I never.

[A]

You Just love Cobra Kai. I'm only saying it because it's called Cobra Kai. That's really all I like. It's a Karate Kid spin off.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that's why I was assuming maybe it was corny, but I don't know anything about it.

[B]

No, it is corny, but because they. The actors believe it.

[A]

They're in it.

[B]

They're in it. The. The Karate in the Valley, like the All Valley tournament. That's like, very important. I know it sounds so silly and. It is silly.

[A]

No, no, it is silly. It's all in All Valley Karate Tournament.

[B]

But that. That's such a big deal to them, and that's why I love it. And Johnny Lawrence, who is a character in Karate Kid, he was the main antagonist. I love that he has a comeback, you know, and he gets to, you know, I think.

[A]

Is he a bad guy still?

[B]

He's. He's sort of. He's like a bad guy, but his true self is good and. But he's not so smart, you know, He. He likes beer. And I bought this painting because I thought I'm supposed to look. Make it look nice to impress this girl. He's like that. And I love this. And he's trying to connect with the son of his girlfriend, you know, and he loves. He wants to be his father figure. So he's telling him, genuine, sincerely, I want. I wanted to take you somewhere nice. And I'm not gonna crush this because the delivery is so good. It's the way he says this. He says, I wanted to take you somewhere nice. Marie Callenders, Applebee's, Olive Garden, stuff like that. And it kills me. It kills me. And I. I've rewatched it. It for like, so many times. And he's sincere about it. He sits him down to tell him this. And he really means it. And it kills me. Yes, I wanted to take you somewhere nice. Marie Calendar's, Applebees, Olive Garden, stuff like that.

[A]

That is a great answer.

[B]

Yeah. So that's. That's what makes.

[A]

Do you love it? Because it's kind of. It's heartwarming, too.

[B]

It's heartwarming.

[A]

It's both. It's funny, but it's also so it's funny that it's not funny. And he means it and it's beautiful. See, this is you. It's like you have all this beauty and all this empathy in you that even you're funny. Like so many people on the show. It's like I saw someone fall face first in a Fountain. And you're like, I saw a dad trying to connect with his son. His example of somewhere Nice was Olive Garden. And that's still pretty funny.

[B]

Yeah. Yes. And he sincerely meant it.

[A]

Yes. And he really meant it.

[B]

And stuff like that. It's like, etc.

[A]

Stuff like that.

[B]

Like he, you know. And stuff like that is really what killed me.

[A]

I can't believe etc made it. It's killing it. The first one that said, et cetera.

[B]

Yeah. You know.

[A]

Etc.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Was that something we'll all say for the rest of recorded.

[B]

Yeah. And then some other dork was like, we need something different for people. They're like, at all.

[A]

At all.

[B]

At all. It's for people. Dude.

[A]

I never even got that. Etc. And at all. Yeah, you're right.

[B]

For all. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. At all. Oh, God. And writ large comes to mind for some reason. This is grammar. It's not grammar, but you understand. Atsuko. This was awesome.

[B]

This was awesome.

[A]

Did you enjoy?

[B]

I did. Thank you so much for having me.

[A]

I'm glad you. Were you kidding?

[B]

Thank you for the drinks.

[A]

Yes, of course.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Yeah. Oh, Nirvana Water. That's also a sponsor.

[B]

Yeah. Nirvana Water is so tasty.

[A]

It's so delicious. And it prevents muscle loss and I think it speeds up your metabolism. It says it on the side. Read it there.

[B]

I'm just kidding.

[A]

You don't have to read it.

[B]

It does. That's. That's why. That's why I'm starving. I'm just losing weight so quick. I'm just losing weight. Yeah.

[A]

You're sitting here, you're wasting away. And that's what that water was designed for. People that waste away. Thank you very much. We end with the guest saying the catchphrase, which is keep it crispy. It's just how we sign off. If you would say keep it crispy and then we'll be done.

[B]

Let's do it. Keep it crispy.

[A]

You do have a special way of talking. Like sometimes people do super cuts. Of all the keep it crispies, we'll all know that was you. Well done.