Billy Gardell

You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

Guest: Billy Gardell

Date: November 19, 2025

Episode Overview

In this deeply heartfelt and hilarious episode, Pete Holmes welcomes stand-up comic and actor Billy Gardell (Mike & Molly, Bob Hearts Abishola) for a rich conversation about comedy, mentorship, family, vulnerability, healing old wounds, and what it means to build a good life. With trademark warmth and Pittsburgh candor, Gardell shares wisdom gleaned from showbiz, struggles with addiction, parenthood, generational trauma, and the journey towards self-acceptance. Expect big laughs, surprising emotion, honest talk about sobriety, and a masterclass in what truly matters—service, connection, and kindness.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Pittsburgh Roots, Comedy, and Authenticity

Pittsburgh’s unique mix: Billy explains, “It’s the perfect Mason Dixon line for the east coast and the Midwest because we have sarcasm, but it’s not cruel. And so I kind of like that kind of humor.” (07:28)
On working-class values: “It’s that rust belt thing… look out for your neighbor, work hard, put the project first, not yourself. That’s Pittsburgh, Philly, Chicago, Cleveland, Buffalo…” (09:05)
Comedy’s role: Both agree that authenticity is key to great stand-up. Gardell says, “To young comics...Be kind. Not a lot of that going on.” (09:42)

Addiction, Sobriety, and Parenting with Vulnerability

Billy on not drinking: “I haven’t drank in about 17 years. My wife put that in a suggestion box...it’s the best thing I ever did. For me. And I have talks with my son about that all the time.” (10:10)
Advice to kids: “The most powerful word in your vocabulary is no.” (11:30)
Generational growth: “I think this generation’s a little smarter than we were… They have all the freak outs we had in adolescence...and then you add social media, politics, the environment. These kids are terrified.” (13:35)

The Importance of Mentorship and Kindness

Mentors matter: “Find a mentor you can trust… Laughter knows its place. It’s at the procession of the problem. So once you talk through something, then you can laugh at it.” (17:35)
Choosing your circle: “You’re gonna be the five people you hang out with. Be careful what you hang around… You hang around loyalty, kindness, someone you can be vulnerable around…you grow.” (15:51)

Vulnerability and Nonviolent Communication

Male vulnerability: Pete: “Men need people they can be vulnerable with, not perform for. I’ll sit down with a guy and say, ‘What are you scared of?’” (17:20)
On honest connection: Gardell: “All the great standups are guys that can reveal a truth and how they got through it…” (16:36)
Nonviolent communication: Pete explains the method: “Instead of guessing, you ask them, ‘Is that the issue? What is the feeling, and what was the need that wasn’t being met?’” (19:15)

Healing Old Wounds & Creative Outlets

Trains as therapy: Billy recounts building a model train set with his son to “refix that hole” left by a destroyed childhood train. “I like. It’s therapeutic.” (15:09)
The healing power of art: “I found the drama department in high school...it was the first group of kids on campus not locked into a thing...I was home.” (24:57)
Guidance from his dad: “My dad wanted to be an artist...his thing was, just apply your work ethic to it…put your time and study the films that you want to…From that, you find your own voice.” (26:13)

Humility, Service, and Redefining Success

Post-TV humility: On returning to stand-up: “I had to remember how to suck when I came back. I took three years off…” (35:34)
The ‘rocket ship’ sitcom: On Mike and Molly: “Everybody was 40 when we hit…no one wandering around like ‘I’m gonna need a velvet hat with green M&M’s.’…We got insurance, good parking, coffee’s free. Nobody screw this up.” (36:05)
Finding fulfillment: “At the beginning of my career, it was look at me, look at me, I needed validation. But the best thing is service…That’s where you find peace.” (40:00)

Social Media, Addiction, and Raising Kids

On the internet’s toxicity: “I wade out into the internet like an old guy at a pool. Like, ‘That’s cold. I’m going back.’ …I root for the younger generation—these kids are terrified.” (12:36)
Social media as dopamine: “They don’t call you customers, they call you users. Same thing dealers do.” (37:11)
Setting structure: “I tried to build routines for my son…there has to be some structure away from that thing [the phone].” (37:15)

Family, Repair, and the Second Conversation

Modeling repair for kids: Pete shares a moment where he apologized for losing his cool, and Billy responds: “My son and I developed this thing called the second conversation…what I said was right, the way I said it was wrong…That’s more powerful to a child than anything.” (55:04)
On fear and love in parenthood: “When you have a child that is the biggest cocktail of fear and love that you’re ever going to experience…But what you have to look through that fear at, is the gift that I get to love something so unconditionally.” (57:32)
Job isn't identity: “My treasures at my house. My wife and kid are at my house…When you have something more important than your job, your job doesn’t define you.” (58:03)

Recovery, Food, and Self-Love

Food addiction: “Some people don’t understand: food addiction is as dangerous as any other addiction. If you suffer with that one, it’s a secretive thing, it’s ugly.” (64:07)
Learning self-compassion: “She said, treat yourself with 15% of the love you have for your son. That unlocked me. I was like, I can get healthy.” (65:40)
Feelings aren’t facts: “Feelings aren’t facts. They’re time periods. That’s all they are. And this too, shall pass.” (66:38)

On AI, Technology, and Remaining Human

Don’t outsource your life: “I don’t want AI to tell me what kind of shirt I like or music I like. I want to go discover those things…The point was not the result, the point was finding out what I like.” (71:03)
Courage to change: “The real richness of life is going, ‘help.’ Getting help. Helping yourself…” (72:06)

Spirituality and Mentorship

God, faith, and welcoming mystery: “My God is just unconditional love…there’s this thing that might appear if sought, in different ways to different people, the way they need it to appear to them. That gives me peace.” (91:31)
On Richard Rohr’s 'Breathing Under Water': “That book made me go, if this works for someone to go to Mass…that’s none of my business.” (92:39)
Learning from wisdom figures: “When you find a great mentor and you feel it’s safe to learn, there’s nothing better on Earth.” (99:03)

The Value of Individuality in Comedy and Life

Your own noise: “We all have the same notes…It’s how you play your note. That gave me the freedom to go, I could just talk like me.” (87:09)
Finding your audience: “If you’re being yourself, you’ll have supply and demand covered. You’re gonna find your audience.” (88:44)
Conan’s triangle metaphor: “If you keep doing the same thing, someone will go, what is that? Let’s go check that out.” (89:15)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Billy Gardell: “You want a superpower? Be kind.” (09:42)
On male vulnerability:
Pete Holmes: “Men need people...that they can not perform for and be vulnerable to. I’ll sit down with a guy and say, 'What are you scared of?'” (17:20)
On raising resilient kids:
Gardell: “Your child will watch you more than listen to you. They watch our habits, our reactions; that is the most powerful thing.” (53:26)
On sobriety & career:
“When you have low self worth, no matter what you do, you think you either don’t deserve it and so subconsciously you try to destroy it. You don’t pay attention to it…you numb it out with booze or gambling or food…And at some point, you have to surrender and go, I need to ask for help.” (47:02)
The two wolves inside:
“The Cherokee sentence…which one wins? The one you feed. So what you’re feeding your eyes, your ears and your heart is everything about what you’re going to become.” (48:32)
Simple wisdom:
“If you’re feeling lost, feed the dog.” (Matt McCarthy, relayed by Billy, 48:30)
Mercy:
Pete Holmes: “Forgiveness acknowledges that something bad happened. But mercy…that’s Jedi level …that’s your robe.” (82:01)
Billy’s 29 books for his son:
“I bought him 29 books that changed my life…one day when I’m gone, those are going to be with you forever…Either way, I’m right there on your shelf.” (51:23)
On true fulfillment:
“Service…immediately lowers your blood pressure. You immediately feel dignity, empathy…To me, that’s a version of God.” (40:26)
On spiritual seekers:
Pete: “Wizards are real. They walk amongst us and they go like Frodo.” (100:34)
On forgiveness:
Gardell: “Forgiveness is for us. It’s not for them…It astounds me that it works every time. Even when I think there’s no way this can work. It does.” (81:44)

Key Segment Timestamps

[06:31] – Pete and Billy dive in, riffing on comedy mics and performance style
[09:40] – Kindness as the ultimate rebellion in comedy
[10:10] – Billy discusses his sobriety and parenting philosophy
[13:35] – Navigating technology, adolescence, and the internet as a Gen X parent
[15:09] – Healing father wounds via model trains and family legacy
[17:20] – Male vulnerability and why men need spaces to be real
[19:15] – Nonviolent communication: sharing experience versus opinion
[24:57] – Drama club as safe haven for misfits; the origins of performance
[35:34] – Returning to stand-up post-sitcom, and the humility it brings
[40:00] – Finding peace through service, not validation
[48:32] – The “two wolves” parable and self-mastery
[55:04] – Repairing with children: the “second conversation”
[64:07] – The hidden nature of food addiction and healing through self-love
[66:38] – Feelings aren’t facts—they pass
[71:03] – Real growth comes from not letting AI, tech, or commerce define you
[82:01] – On forgiveness, mercy, and living with an open heart
[91:31] – What “God” means to Billy, the nature of faith, and spiritual seeking
[99:03] – The gift of mentorship, learning from wisdom figures in life
[100:34] – Pete on “wizards” and real-life, everyday magic

Final Thoughts

This episode resonates with humor, kindness, and authenticity—a masterclass in breaking cycles, living present, and reclaiming a sense of wholeness no matter what life throws your way. Billy Gardell and Pete Holmes create a safe space to talk about real transformation, the hard work of recovery and self-betterment, and raising the next generation with love and vulnerability. You'll laugh, you may cry, and—most importantly—you'll be reminded of the healing, connective power of comedy, service, and being unashamedly yourself.

Pete’s Sign-Off:
“Everything we’ve been talking about today is crispy.”
Billy’s Parting Words:
“Keep it crispy.”

“Your child will watch you more than listen to you. That’s the goal.” — Billy Gardell, [53:26]

You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

Guest: Billy Gardell

Date: November 19, 2025

Episode Overview

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Pittsburgh Roots, Comedy, and Authenticity

Pittsburgh’s unique mix: Billy explains, “It’s the perfect Mason Dixon line for the east coast and the Midwest because we have sarcasm, but it’s not cruel. And so I kind of like that kind of humor.” (07:28)
On working-class values: “It’s that rust belt thing… look out for your neighbor, work hard, put the project first, not yourself. That’s Pittsburgh, Philly, Chicago, Cleveland, Buffalo…” (09:05)
Comedy’s role: Both agree that authenticity is key to great stand-up. Gardell says, “To young comics...Be kind. Not a lot of that going on.” (09:42)

Addiction, Sobriety, and Parenting with Vulnerability

Billy on not drinking: “I haven’t drank in about 17 years. My wife put that in a suggestion box...it’s the best thing I ever did. For me. And I have talks with my son about that all the time.” (10:10)
Advice to kids: “The most powerful word in your vocabulary is no.” (11:30)
Generational growth: “I think this generation’s a little smarter than we were… They have all the freak outs we had in adolescence...and then you add social media, politics, the environment. These kids are terrified.” (13:35)

The Importance of Mentorship and Kindness

Mentors matter: “Find a mentor you can trust… Laughter knows its place. It’s at the procession of the problem. So once you talk through something, then you can laugh at it.” (17:35)
Choosing your circle: “You’re gonna be the five people you hang out with. Be careful what you hang around… You hang around loyalty, kindness, someone you can be vulnerable around…you grow.” (15:51)

Vulnerability and Nonviolent Communication

Male vulnerability: Pete: “Men need people they can be vulnerable with, not perform for. I’ll sit down with a guy and say, ‘What are you scared of?’” (17:20)
On honest connection: Gardell: “All the great standups are guys that can reveal a truth and how they got through it…” (16:36)
Nonviolent communication: Pete explains the method: “Instead of guessing, you ask them, ‘Is that the issue? What is the feeling, and what was the need that wasn’t being met?’” (19:15)

Healing Old Wounds & Creative Outlets

Trains as therapy: Billy recounts building a model train set with his son to “refix that hole” left by a destroyed childhood train. “I like. It’s therapeutic.” (15:09)
The healing power of art: “I found the drama department in high school...it was the first group of kids on campus not locked into a thing...I was home.” (24:57)
Guidance from his dad: “My dad wanted to be an artist...his thing was, just apply your work ethic to it…put your time and study the films that you want to…From that, you find your own voice.” (26:13)

Humility, Service, and Redefining Success

Post-TV humility: On returning to stand-up: “I had to remember how to suck when I came back. I took three years off…” (35:34)
The ‘rocket ship’ sitcom: On Mike and Molly: “Everybody was 40 when we hit…no one wandering around like ‘I’m gonna need a velvet hat with green M&M’s.’…We got insurance, good parking, coffee’s free. Nobody screw this up.” (36:05)
Finding fulfillment: “At the beginning of my career, it was look at me, look at me, I needed validation. But the best thing is service…That’s where you find peace.” (40:00)

Social Media, Addiction, and Raising Kids

On the internet’s toxicity: “I wade out into the internet like an old guy at a pool. Like, ‘That’s cold. I’m going back.’ …I root for the younger generation—these kids are terrified.” (12:36)
Social media as dopamine: “They don’t call you customers, they call you users. Same thing dealers do.” (37:11)
Setting structure: “I tried to build routines for my son…there has to be some structure away from that thing [the phone].” (37:15)

Family, Repair, and the Second Conversation

Modeling repair for kids: Pete shares a moment where he apologized for losing his cool, and Billy responds: “My son and I developed this thing called the second conversation…what I said was right, the way I said it was wrong…That’s more powerful to a child than anything.” (55:04)
On fear and love in parenthood: “When you have a child that is the biggest cocktail of fear and love that you’re ever going to experience…But what you have to look through that fear at, is the gift that I get to love something so unconditionally.” (57:32)
Job isn't identity: “My treasures at my house. My wife and kid are at my house…When you have something more important than your job, your job doesn’t define you.” (58:03)

Recovery, Food, and Self-Love

Food addiction: “Some people don’t understand: food addiction is as dangerous as any other addiction. If you suffer with that one, it’s a secretive thing, it’s ugly.” (64:07)
Learning self-compassion: “She said, treat yourself with 15% of the love you have for your son. That unlocked me. I was like, I can get healthy.” (65:40)
Feelings aren’t facts: “Feelings aren’t facts. They’re time periods. That’s all they are. And this too, shall pass.” (66:38)

On AI, Technology, and Remaining Human

Don’t outsource your life: “I don’t want AI to tell me what kind of shirt I like or music I like. I want to go discover those things…The point was not the result, the point was finding out what I like.” (71:03)
Courage to change: “The real richness of life is going, ‘help.’ Getting help. Helping yourself…” (72:06)

Spirituality and Mentorship

God, faith, and welcoming mystery: “My God is just unconditional love…there’s this thing that might appear if sought, in different ways to different people, the way they need it to appear to them. That gives me peace.” (91:31)
On Richard Rohr’s 'Breathing Under Water': “That book made me go, if this works for someone to go to Mass…that’s none of my business.” (92:39)
Learning from wisdom figures: “When you find a great mentor and you feel it’s safe to learn, there’s nothing better on Earth.” (99:03)

The Value of Individuality in Comedy and Life

Your own noise: “We all have the same notes…It’s how you play your note. That gave me the freedom to go, I could just talk like me.” (87:09)
Finding your audience: “If you’re being yourself, you’ll have supply and demand covered. You’re gonna find your audience.” (88:44)
Conan’s triangle metaphor: “If you keep doing the same thing, someone will go, what is that? Let’s go check that out.” (89:15)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Billy Gardell: “You want a superpower? Be kind.” (09:42)
On male vulnerability:
Pete Holmes: “Men need people...that they can not perform for and be vulnerable to. I’ll sit down with a guy and say, 'What are you scared of?'” (17:20)
On raising resilient kids:
Gardell: “Your child will watch you more than listen to you. They watch our habits, our reactions; that is the most powerful thing.” (53:26)
On sobriety & career:
“When you have low self worth, no matter what you do, you think you either don’t deserve it and so subconsciously you try to destroy it. You don’t pay attention to it…you numb it out with booze or gambling or food…And at some point, you have to surrender and go, I need to ask for help.” (47:02)
The two wolves inside:
“The Cherokee sentence…which one wins? The one you feed. So what you’re feeding your eyes, your ears and your heart is everything about what you’re going to become.” (48:32)
Simple wisdom:
“If you’re feeling lost, feed the dog.” (Matt McCarthy, relayed by Billy, 48:30)
Mercy:
Pete Holmes: “Forgiveness acknowledges that something bad happened. But mercy…that’s Jedi level …that’s your robe.” (82:01)
Billy’s 29 books for his son:
“I bought him 29 books that changed my life…one day when I’m gone, those are going to be with you forever…Either way, I’m right there on your shelf.” (51:23)
On true fulfillment:
“Service…immediately lowers your blood pressure. You immediately feel dignity, empathy…To me, that’s a version of God.” (40:26)
On spiritual seekers:
Pete: “Wizards are real. They walk amongst us and they go like Frodo.” (100:34)
On forgiveness:
Gardell: “Forgiveness is for us. It’s not for them…It astounds me that it works every time. Even when I think there’s no way this can work. It does.” (81:44)

Key Segment Timestamps

[06:31] – Pete and Billy dive in, riffing on comedy mics and performance style
[09:40] – Kindness as the ultimate rebellion in comedy
[10:10] – Billy discusses his sobriety and parenting philosophy
[13:35] – Navigating technology, adolescence, and the internet as a Gen X parent
[15:09] – Healing father wounds via model trains and family legacy
[17:20] – Male vulnerability and why men need spaces to be real
[19:15] – Nonviolent communication: sharing experience versus opinion
[24:57] – Drama club as safe haven for misfits; the origins of performance
[35:34] – Returning to stand-up post-sitcom, and the humility it brings
[40:00] – Finding peace through service, not validation
[48:32] – The “two wolves” parable and self-mastery
[55:04] – Repairing with children: the “second conversation”
[64:07] – The hidden nature of food addiction and healing through self-love
[66:38] – Feelings aren’t facts—they pass
[71:03] – Real growth comes from not letting AI, tech, or commerce define you
[82:01] – On forgiveness, mercy, and living with an open heart
[91:31] – What “God” means to Billy, the nature of faith, and spiritual seeking
[99:03] – The gift of mentorship, learning from wisdom figures in life
[100:34] – Pete on “wizards” and real-life, everyday magic

Final Thoughts

Pete’s Sign-Off:
“Everything we’ve been talking about today is crispy.”
Billy’s Parting Words:
“Keep it crispy.”

“Your child will watch you more than listen to you. That’s the goal.” — Billy Gardell, [53:26]

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Summary

You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

Guest: Billy Gardell

Episode Overview

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Pittsburgh Roots, Comedy, and Authenticity

Addiction, Sobriety, and Parenting with Vulnerability

The Importance of Mentorship and Kindness

Vulnerability and Nonviolent Communication

Healing Old Wounds & Creative Outlets

Humility, Service, and Redefining Success

Social Media, Addiction, and Raising Kids

Family, Repair, and the Second Conversation

Recovery, Food, and Self-Love

On AI, Technology, and Remaining Human

Spirituality and Mentorship

The Value of Individuality in Comedy and Life

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Key Segment Timestamps

Final Thoughts

Summary

You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

Guest: Billy Gardell

Episode Overview

Key Discussion Points & Insights

Pittsburgh Roots, Comedy, and Authenticity

Addiction, Sobriety, and Parenting with Vulnerability

The Importance of Mentorship and Kindness

Vulnerability and Nonviolent Communication

Healing Old Wounds & Creative Outlets

Humility, Service, and Redefining Success

Social Media, Addiction, and Raising Kids

Family, Repair, and the Second Conversation

Recovery, Food, and Self-Love

On AI, Technology, and Remaining Human

Spirituality and Mentorship

The Value of Individuality in Comedy and Life

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

Key Segment Timestamps

Final Thoughts