Transcript
Pete Holmes (0:00)
You made it with.
Christian Dugay (0:01)
You made it with. You made it with. Oh, yeah, you made it with. Yes, you made it weird. You made it weird with Pete Holmes.
Pete Holmes (0:15)
What's happening, weirdos? I am thrilled to bring Christian Dugay onto this show. If you've been listening to this podcast over the past. Past hot pee on that one. Over the past four months, I've been talking incessantly about my favorite podcast, Valley Heat. Not only is Valley Heat my favorite podcast, I think it's the best thing of 2025. I think it started in 2024, but it's so good it's already won 2025. Every single person I've turned onto this podcast has written me a handwritten thank you note. That's an exaggeration, but it is. I'm kind of talking like Valley Heat. It's an exag. Everyone, my brother in law Derek, obviously, Val, my friend Sam. Everybody I send it to is like, thank you. It's pure hilarious, silly. I'm going to play you a clip because that's the best way to know it. We're going to play a little three minute clip here of the Valley Heat podcast and it'll give you a taste and I think that will inform how you appreciate some of our conversations. But Christian is incredible. Apart from Valley Heat, we get into that. But there is a lot of Valley Heat talk. So I want you to familiarize yourself. What am I, your professor? That's. That's a Valley Heat style joke. Anyway, familiarize yourself with the show. So, Katie, Joe, here's a little taste of Valley Heat.
Christian Dugay (1:42)
My optometrist Dean, who is mad at me for using the car wash across the street, upsold my 15 year old son Phil on transition lenses. I don't know if you know what transition lenses are. They're those lenses that are supposed to get darker when you go outside in the sun, but they don't get real dark, they just get kind of dark and you can still see the person's eyes behind them. And no matter what the person wearing them tries to do, they always look like they're trying to spy on you from the bushes. So yesterday I walk in his bedroom and he's wearing these transition lenses that make him look like he was fired from a library somewhere for licking books or something. You know, these things just make him look super suspicious. No one should put a 15 year old kid in transition lenses. I mean, you talk about sailing someone's fate. Give a kid a chance before you turn him into a hitchhiker with mug shots. All over the country. You know, it reminds me of when parents name their kids after some jazz trumpet player or something from the 50s or 60s. You hear them at a park, you know, calling to their kids and the kids name something like Gillespie or something. That kid doesn't deserve that. You named your kid Dizzy Gillespie? Paul Simon, Garfunkel Peterson? Yeah, that's his grandfather's name. I mean, you can't let your kid find his own identity. I mean, we get it. You can have one of those really expensive analog stereos and you like jazz vinyl, but come on, no one wants to grow up named Cat Stevens Coltrane. And no one wants to look back at their yearbook picture from high school and see a guy in a pair of transition lenses. You know, you see that and you go, I guess your parents weren't looking out for you, were they? Let's just let our kids create their own personality. And let's not put them in transition lenses. And let's not name them Guns N Roses. They deserve better than either of those things. And I know why Dean did this. I don't know if you remember, but my neighbor across the street, Gary Janthony, installed a drive through car wash in his driveway and then turned his backyard into a Chicago style pizzeria and then converted the garage into an 80s style arcade. And it made a lot of people in the neighborhood really angry. But Gary asked me to drive through the car wash to show everybody that it was okay to go through the car wash. So I did it a one time favor. But Dean was so mad at me. And then Nick, my other neighbor, ran into the car wash and was screaming at me and he got burned with hot wax and sprained his shoulder on one of those brushes in those car washes. It like twisted his arm. So there's a bunch of people in the neighborhood who are mad at me for going through that car wash. And Dean is one of them. And I think my son had an appointment with him. And Dean thought this was an opportunity to get back at me and upsold them on these lenses. I walk into my son's room the other day and he's sitting at his desk looking like a guy waiting to meet his parole officer in these glasses. So I recorded it. Let me just play it for you. Hey, are those your new glasses? Are they still dark? They're a little dark. I don't.