Earthquake

Summary

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You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes – Earthquake (December 3, 2025)

Episode Overview

In this vibrant and honest conversation, Pete Holmes hosts legendary comedian Earthquake to discuss comedy, the journey behind the jokes, and the human stories that underpin them. The duo explores Earthquake's unique comedic process, career milestones, the influence of confidence and mentorship, the transformative power of love, and broader reflections on life, faith, politics, and personal peace. The conversation is laced with Earthquake’s signature blend of directness and warmth, candid storytelling, and the “special sauce” that makes him a master of the craft.

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1. Earthquake’s Journey to Comedy

Origin Story & Stage Name (10:34 – 15:07)

• Earthquake recounts how his foray into comedy was unplanned—motivated by a dare from a date rather than a lifelong dream. His stage name "Earthquake" was chosen to maintain anonymity in case comedy didn't work out.

  • Quote: “That’s the only reason I changed my name to Earthquake. In case this don’t work out, I don’t want to fuck up my good name.” – Earthquake (14:11)

• He started in the military, performing at bases through "Tops and Blue," where he realized he wasn’t initially a natural, but evolved his style over time.

Finding His Voice (17:26 – 31:02)

• Earthquake attributes the development of his confident, authentic stage persona to a pivotal encounter with Steve Harvey, who encouraged him to lean into his natural style rather than conventional joke-writing.
  • Quote: “You don’t have to write your joke. Yours come out naturally. That’s what makes you great. The authenticity.” – Steve Harvey, as recounted by Earthquake (30:40)
• Before embracing this freedom, Earthquake tried mimicking others' processes, but “the special sauce” turned out to be just being himself.

On Persistence and Purpose (18:03 – 20:17)

• Earthquake admits that comedy as a life purpose dawned on him only about 10-15 years ago, saying, “Ain’t nothing else come. So I guess this is it on God. Life, you understand?” (18:45)
• He relished the economic freedom comedy gave him and didn’t view stardom as the ultimate goal, showing a pragmatic attitude toward the work.

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2. Work Ethic, Performing Sick, and the Realities of Stand-up

The “Flu Game” Special (04:21 – 06:38)

• Earthquake describes filming his latest Netflix special while ill, likening it to Michael Jordan’s famous NBA “flu game.”
  • Quote: “I call that my flu game... I had a 110-degree temperature and sinus infection...but when it’s game time, you have to perform.” – Earthquake (04:21)
• Both comics reflect on the grind of live performance: You show up no matter how you feel, echoing the world of pro fighters and athletes.

Improvisation and Artistic Integrity (09:06 – 09:28)

• Pete and Earthquake discuss the shift back toward more improvisation, allowing the show to reflect the truth and mood of the artist in the moment.

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3. Comedy as Connection: Artistry and Currency

Valuing Laughter (09:46 – 10:24)

• Earthquake draws comparisons between buying luxury goods and “purchasing” a genuine laugh at a show, questioning how much a person truly values laughter.

Building Trust with the Audience (10:28 – 10:52)

• Both recall the early anxiety of having to “introduce” themselves and prove their identity to crowds, contrasted with the freedom that comes once the crowd knows you.

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4. The Business of Comedy: Stories from the Club

Steve Harvey: Lessons in Promotion (22:11 – 27:17)

• Earthquake shares how Steve Harvey transformed his struggling club by leveraging local radio, providing donuts to deejays, and understanding performers’ value.
  • Quote: “Steve Harvey don’t do shows for 50 people—give them their money back.” – Earthquake (26:00)
• The discussion highlights the business acumen required to survive in comedy, from selling out shows to hustling fried chicken from grocery stores for the club menu.

Club Struggles and Community (27:50 – 28:48)

• Stories of running a club on a shoestring and finding support underscore the grassroots nature of stand-up’s business side.

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5. The Craft: From Truth to Exaggeration

Earthquake’s Style and “These Ain’t Jokes” (29:17 – 44:13)

• Earthquake explains his comedic style: starting with truth, then expanding into exaggeration while keeping it feeling real.
  • Quote: “It’s the truth, and then you just elaborate it to a lie...It’s based on truth.” – Earthquake (43:56)
• Pete praises Earthquake’s ability to strip away artifice, citing the impact of just “saying it” and then building the routine through riffing and escalation.
  • Quote: "That's the process: say it, top of the hill, now we're riding down the hill." – Earthquake (43:49)

Authenticity vs. Annoyance (40:01 – 41:32)

• Earthquake discusses his value of getting to the point—“I never wanted to be that guy that talked too much...you never want to be the dude that dries a woman up.” (40:01)

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6. On Confidence, Sensitivity, and Resilience

Constructing Confidence, Protecting Sensitivity (53:01 – 61:05)

• Earthquake and Pete bond over the necessity of external validation—especially from loved ones—and the vulnerability that lies beneath a confident performer’s exterior.
  • Quote: “Ain’t nothing like the reefer of your love of your woman. That makes you undefeated, bro.” – Earthquake (53:05)
• Both admit to being sensitive to rejection and hostile comments, using humor and bravado as protection.

Mentorship & Community (33:02 – 35:10)

• Earthquake’s relationship with Steve Harvey comes full circle—moving from receiving kindness as a stranger to gaining personalized mentorship.

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7. Life, Marriage, and the Power of Love

Finding Love and Partnership (49:01 – 52:08)

• Earthquake shares that he recently married, describing the relationship as life-changing and fortifying.
  • Quote: "That reassurance from a woman who truly loves you...makes you undefeated." – Earthquake (50:10)
• Both comedians reflect on the irreplaceable nature of life partners who support and accept every facet of one’s “weirdness.”

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8. Reflections on Faith, Legacy, and Peace

Spirits, God, and Religion (65:19 – 70:59)

• Earthquake comments on his Christian faith, but is critical of those who weaponize religion to harm others, drawing a line between true spirituality and its abuse.
  • Quote: “God ain’t do nothing to me, it was the people, the false prophet who represented it.” – Earthquake (69:52)

Peace of Mind and Quality of Life (82:50 – 85:28)

• Earthquake’s closing life advice prioritizes peace and self-protection:
  • Quote: “Anybody that’s not enhancing your peace, you need to bless them with your disappearance.” – Earthquake (83:27)
• He emphasizes the irreplaceable value of “quality of life” over all else.

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9. Political Views and Social Commentary

Politics, Identity, and Party Lines (71:12 – 76:43)

• Earthquake traces his evolution from being a Black Republican (drawn to Reagan-era economic policies) to leaving the party as it became inhospitable to anti-racist values.
  • Quote: “I don’t think the Republican Party is racist, but they don’t have no problem with racist.” – Earthquake (76:20)

Commentary on American Culture (77:59 – 82:08)

• Earthquake wryly observes the cultural void if Black Americans were “sent back,” joking that American vibe would be “boring.”
• He riffs on the ever-complaining, joyless spirit of some American political movements.
  • Quote: “Make America Angry Every Day! That’s what it is.” – Earthquake (81:48)

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Memorable Moments & Notable Quotes

• “I call that my flu game...but when it’s game time, you have to perform.” (04:21)
• “You don’t have to write your joke. Yours come out naturally.” (Steve Harvey via Earthquake, 30:40)
• “These ain’t jokes. It’s based on truth, then I just expanded it.” (43:56)
• “Anybody that’s not enhancing your peace, you need to bless them with your disappearance.” (83:27)
• “Ain’t nothing like the reefer of your love of your woman. That makes you undefeated, bro.” (53:05)
• “I don’t think the Republican Party is racist, but they don’t have no problem with racist.” (76:20)
• “Make America Angry Every Day! That’s what it is.” (81:48)

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Key Timestamps

• 04:21 – Earthquake’s “flu game” standup special
• 10:34 – Early days and adopting the name “Earthquake”
• 14:22 – Military days and transition to comedy
• 22:11 – Steve Harvey’s business lessons, radio hustle
• 29:17 – On the “special sauce” and authenticity in comedy
• 49:01 – Earthquake discusses the impact of his new marriage
• 65:19 – Reflections on faith, God, and religion
• 71:12 – Personal politics, party shifts, and social commentary
• 82:50 – Final life advice: “Bless them with your disappearance”

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Tone & Atmosphere

The episode brims with unfiltered candor, camaraderie, and plenty of comic insight. Earthquake and Pete’s banter is affectionate, sharp, and deeply rooted in personal stories—ranging from the mechanics of comedy to weightier themes of race, faith, vulnerability, and the quest for contentment. Earthquake’s storytelling is matter-of-fact yet profound, filled with playful bravado and the underlying wisdom that comes from a life well-lived, both on and off stage.

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Conclusion

This episode spotlights Earthquake as both a force of comedy and a sage observer of life. His takeaways extend beyond wit: embrace your authenticity, protect your peace, and invest in real connections—both on stage and off. The “special sauce” isn’t just in the punchline, but in how one lives.

Transcript

[Earthquake]

Lemonade. You made it weird with Pete Holmes.

[Pete Holmes]

What's happening, weirdos? I am thrilled that Earth. I'm thrilled you're here, and I'm thrilled that Earthquake is here. Earthquake is a legend in comedy. I've been a fan of his for many years. His new special joke Telling business is available now on Netflix. I watched the whole thing. I laughed the entire time. He's incredible and surprising. I mean, I knew he was funny, but he's got a lot to share and it's actually very, very sweet at moments as well, which I was delighted, delighted that we got there. Such a fun conversation. So glad you're here. Thank you for tuning in. Go to PeteHomes.com for my tour dates. We have December 5th is the next one here in Los Angeles at Largo. That's my monthly show at Largo, always the highlight of my month. Followed by Milwaukee, Brea, San Francisco, North Carolina, South Carolina, Miami, Michigan, Irvine, Texas, just added Milwaukee, Wisconsin and Denver, Colorado. All of those are available on peteholmes.com. this hour that I'm doing right now is my favorite that I've ever done. So I hope you can be there. And thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you to all the weirdos that packed the house in New York and in New Jersey and in all the shows that we've been doing. It's just been so good to see you out there on the road, and I hope you can make it to a show. In the meantime, enjoy the one, the only, the legend Earthquake. Get into it.

[Earthquake]

It's morning in New York. Hey, everybody. I'm Mandy Patinkin. And I'm Kathryn Grody. And we have a new podcast.

[Pete Holmes]

It's called don't listen to us.

[Earthquake]

Many of you have asked for our advice. Tell me, what is wrong with you people. Don't listen to us.

[Pete Holmes]

Our take it or leave it advice.

[Earthquake]

Show is out every Wednesday, premiering October 15th.

[Pete Holmes]

A Lemonada Media original. Is your assistant Gen Z? Because we were laughing because listen to this text she sent. Hi, Pete. This is Alexis, Comedian Earthquake Assistant. I'm like, I'm being scammed. You're not coming. Who says comedian Earthquake assistant? If you tell me she's from South America or something up here. Get the mic.

[Earthquake]

Get the mic. She's, she's, she defines her. Everybody that works for me in my life have to define who they are. She's my assistant for comedian Earthquake.

[Pete Holmes]

So you told her that's your type?

[Earthquake]

No, I sent that energy out. You know, everybody got to identify themselves. So Many people faking the phone.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, honestly, you know, there's so many scams going around. When I saw this is Alexis comedian, earthquake assistant, I was like, oh, it's not real. Because I'm excited you're here. Sometimes we do get scammed. Remember when Bill Maher reached out and was like, bill Maher wants to do the podcast. And, like, I don't know Bill. And I'm kind of the opposite of Bill.

[Earthquake]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

In a lot of ways. Not a lot of ways, but in some ways. So I was like, why would he want to do it? It's people fishing. They want to get on your zoom. They want you to share your screen, and then they can get your bank account.

[Earthquake]

Yeah, don't do it. Bank account. I got so many alerts on that move. If even if you just open the. Dude, the. The app, I get alert, you're in the trouble.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, that was one of my favorite bits on the special. I don't want to ruin it, but you said a side piece isn't a good. You're not even. We're both gonna it. Up you go. It's not a good, like, healthcare. It's not a good companion. They're not a good emergency contact.

[Earthquake]

Side chick is a terrible caregiver.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what it is. Caregiver.

[Earthquake]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

She still has your credit card and. Yeah. And you just get all the. I mean, the whole special is great.

[Earthquake]

Thank you.

[Pete Holmes]

I watched the last one as well. Obviously, I'm a fan. But the new one is fantastic.

[Earthquake]

Thank you.

[Pete Holmes]

And it went by like a glass of water.

[Earthquake]

I call that my flu game because I. I had 110. What degree temperature and sinus affection and.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. When you filmed it.

[Earthquake]

Yes. That's why you see my voice. We was.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I just thought you were working a lot. I noticed your voice.

[Earthquake]

No, no, that. Well, that was. No, I was. No, it was my voice. I lost my voice. I lost what. The whole thing off. But, you know, when you. It's. It's game time. You have to perform. You can't go to Jordan. You can't go to Netflix. Say, hey, let's reschedule this. Yeah, maybe, like, didn't Jordan have the flu game? Yeah, that's Utah. Yeah, I think he played in Utah. What? He needed Scotty to hold him. So that's my flu game. And I saw. I have a love listening to it. See, I'm proud of myself that I made it through it. You should roll comics. Sometimes you hit the place and you see us, we. We get paid. What People don't understand about our profession is we get paid by the day. You know, January 13th ain't coming back again. We need that money. The 13th, 14th day. January 14th. That money. That day is for sale, too. And whatever money I. For that need to be paid.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Earthquake]

I mean, for the bills or whatever.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

That being said.

[Pete Holmes]

But it was the adrenaline kick in. No, you were suffering.

[Earthquake]

Yes, but I. I just went. I. I can't because. Just lean into the material.

[Pete Holmes]

Really.

[Earthquake]

You know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

You'd worked it enough.

[Earthquake]

Yeah, it was a new. I'm just lean into the material. This is. I look at what we do. Is this the version of you that day?

[Pete Holmes]

That's good.

[Earthquake]

You understand what I'm saying?

[Pete Holmes]

I say something similar. I go, whatever happens is the show.

[Earthquake]

That's the show.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's.

[Earthquake]

That's that day.

[Pete Holmes]

If I'm in a bad mood, if I'm grumpy, I'm sick or I'm sad, it's like, this is it.

[Earthquake]

Yeah, it is.

[Pete Holmes]

You're the show.

[Earthquake]

I'm the show.

[Pete Holmes]

You're the show.

[Earthquake]

This is the version of me. You'll see me on January 13th. Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Earthquake]

And we happen to be filming.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Earthquake]

So, you know, some days, you. Because it's, you know, we. We're live comedians. We do live entertainment.

[Pete Holmes]

And it's human and.

[Earthquake]

Human.

[Pete Holmes]

It's human, but there's something human about like, I can't stop it. This is when we're filming it.

[Earthquake]

We gotta do it. Well, I needed the money, and you need the money. Yeah, it's like a fighter. That's why I got friends that's fighting. I said, how do you. What would you do if you woke up the day of the fight and for some reason you just ain't feel like fighting today? You know what I mean? You a fighter. You just. The day I just don't feel like whooping somebody.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right out of my.

[Earthquake]

You know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

I say that all the time. I go to crowds. I go. Do boxers sleep well the night before their fights? Yes. I'm gonna get punched in the face tomorrow night.

[Earthquake]

Yeah. Good night. Good night.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm fine.

[Earthquake]

And if you say today, I just don't feel like getting hit in the face.

[Pete Holmes]

And, you know, they have some days where they're feeling.

[Earthquake]

And it just happened to fight. They have to fight, fight. It happened to fall on fight night.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Earthquake]

You know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Earthquake]

You just ain't got. You're like. Just like A singer. Don't feel like somebody singing today. But she's a singer.

[Pete Holmes]

See, you know. Okay. So I just did. I tried a bit. I don't think I'll ever do it again. But I was like, you know, I. I was hanging out with my family, and I had the show tonight.

[Earthquake]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, and I'm a little bit quicker with them because I'm tense. I go, I'm not nervous.

[Earthquake]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm tense. Like a boxer is tense.

[Earthquake]

You're getting show ready.

[Pete Holmes]

Show ready. You're just like. You feel like your muscles are literally a little tight and you're getting ready for this thing that your body doesn't understand what you're doing.

[Earthquake]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I go, a fight between a tense guy and a nervous guy. Tense guy wins.

[Earthquake]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

That's the difference.

[Earthquake]

Yeah. Because he's scared.

[Pete Holmes]

Right? So it's not bad to be tense. No, but it doesn't. It's not free. So do you wake up some days and you're like, I just don't feel like fighting. Because you're a fighter. You're going up.

[Earthquake]

No, I'm murder. It's. It's. It's days I work, wake up today and I'm like, okay, I want to hear these jokes. And these jokes might not resonate with my crowd at that particular time, but.

[Pete Holmes]

They'Re the ones you want to hear.

[Earthquake]

This is what I want to hear. I don't want to hear this. I already got prepared for you that I know will kill you.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

I want to talk about this. Yeah. You know what I mean? But you have a financial obligation to the people because they paid it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. You want to.

[Earthquake]

That. You have to. They came for a certain standard, so you'd be like, all right, let me give it to you. Because you might not, you know, you ain't falling through with it like it is.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. Right.

[Earthquake]

Or you'll give them some of that and then go say the. You really want to talk about.

[Pete Holmes]

Just like a musician.

[Earthquake]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like, you gotta play.

[Earthquake]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You.

[Earthquake]

I know you came to see my cream, but I want to jam this song.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Earthquake]

I want to just jam tonight.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I've been trying to do lately? I did it the first 10 years of my career. I'd always improvise for at least 10 minutes up top. Just kind of grab ass.

[Earthquake]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Then I got really interested in, like. No, you start strong and go and get them going. And now I'm trying to go back to, like, a middle. Like, if I want to improvise Stretch it out a little bit. It seems like the modern crowd wants that even more.

[Earthquake]

To be honest with you, I think we earned it. Tell me you understand it's documented. I'm funny. I mean, with all due respect, you understand. You understand it's document, so follow the flow. It's an art form.

[Pete Holmes]

That's it.

[Earthquake]

Come with me. I tell you, it's going to be entertainment.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Earthquake]

And it's going to be funny money. And then at the end of the day, you have to be honest with them. How much do you value a laugh?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

How much Just on a merchandise? Economical. Just on quality of life. You pay such much money for a good bottle of wine.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

You pay so much for a good meal. How much do you financially buy you? Yeah. A good laugh.

[Pete Holmes]

A good laugh.

[Earthquake]

And whatever it is, I bet you I get you there.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's right.

[Earthquake]

Now, I might not get to you all in your face throwing and go back and back, but at the end of the day, you will laugh.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

Yeah. So then you got your money's worth.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Earthquake]

The you talking about.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Earthquake]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Do you remember when you were growing up, I think about this all the time. And you had to introduce yourself.

[Earthquake]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a drag.

[Earthquake]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And it's 10 years of that at least. You have to be like, I'm Earthquake. This is why they call me Earthquake. Like, you had to or for me, I had to be like, this is why I look like this. Or this is this, this, this. And I love that you can just go up with people who know you and start. As opposed to that first. What was that like for you?

[Earthquake]

No, I love the anonymity to be properly honest with you. That's why my name is Earthquake. Because I didn't have no epiphany of being no comedian. I just tried this shit. And one day, and no better goddamn decision that came along. It was never like, oh, I want to be a comedian. I just seen a motherfucker do it. Because this chick. We was watching a comedy, some comedy special. And I'll never say who the comedian was, but we watching the special and this. I'm over her house and we're just having a date and sitting, watching tv. She put the damn DVD in and she was laughing all hard and. And I was like, if you want to them, just say you want to.

[Pete Holmes]

The day you. He didn't like. You were threatening.

[Earthquake]

Yeah. No, no. I was like, it wasn't that funny.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, I know.

[Earthquake]

Oh, Lord.

[Pete Holmes]

It was that kind of love.

[Earthquake]

She all underneath the table like, come on, now. Funny, but it ain't all that funny. You just say you want to the man. You just say you want to him. You know what I'm saying? I'm trying to be your friend. You know what I'm saying? You can tell me this, but don't sit over this mother. So she. She's like, well, you do it if you think it easy. I said, I don't think it's easy. And I'm not saying that's. That's not funny, but that is not the funniest I have ever heard.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

To get this kind of reaction, you get. You over here like this. The funniest you ever.

[Pete Holmes]

Can't believe you'd say that about Martin.

[Earthquake]

Never that. Never that, Marty. Ma, my brother. Never that.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I'm kidding. I just thought it was funny to guess. So then what you saw, I have a similar thing. Like, I watched, you know, I think we all did. You watched it and you go, like, something kind of tunes into it, and you got interested in how they were doing it, or you just thought you could do it.

[Earthquake]

No, I was in the military at the time. So I found out they had Tops and Blues. And I was like, well, anything to get out of work. They used to call me Skate Strowman, because if it's a way to get out of work, he'll do it like honor God. Burying retired servicemen that died. Did that. And sniper work, you know, shoot the M16, anything from. Other than loading them goddamn missiles. So anyway, I heard it was Tops and Blues, where you just go around military bases and just perform. And you, as a comedian, you do, like, the MC for the whole show.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

And they have a competition for everybody at the basis to compete for the goddamn mc. And it was called Tops and Blue. And they do a whole show around the world and just go to all the bases. I was like, oh, man, let me try that. So I. I entered the contest.

[Pete Holmes]

Did you write before you entered or you wrote?

[Earthquake]

No, I just. I just wrote the down and tried it and kept going. And then I won and went to my knot as Mana, North Dakota. And I lost there. Oh, yeah. But, you know, so funny, I forgot her name. One of the professionals from Hollywood was the judge. As one of the judges to pick who would go, because it was that big. And later on, I met her when I became a comedian and say, do you remember me? She was like, yeah, but you had an earthquake. I said, no, I was Nathaniel Stroman. That's the only reason I changed my name to Earthquake Case, this don't work out. I don't want to up my good name.

[Pete Holmes]

That's so funny. So that my talk show. I had a talk show very briefly called the Pete Holmes show, and my friend Mike Birbiglia was like, don't do it. Because then the headlines pete Holmes canceled. If the show gets canceled. So you were protecting yourself against that?

[Earthquake]

You're like, no, I was protecting myself from criticism of my family because they would have said, do you know this got out of the military to try to be Richard Pryor? You know what I'm saying?

[Pete Holmes]

So you. You were more thoughtful.

[Earthquake]

Yeah. So if the didn't work out and they were like, they go, earthquake, you suck. I'm like, my name ain't Earthquake. My name.

[Pete Holmes]

So your name is an alibi, basically.

[Earthquake]

Yeah, yeah. Anonymity just being covered, and it just blew up.

[Pete Holmes]

What did you do at that show? I don't want to reveal too many secrets or anything, but, like, your style is just a funny guy. That's what it feels like. Obviously, I'm like, he's got it. He's working this stuff. He's writing it out. He's got it. But the first time you did it, I believe that you might have just gone up and we're like, I'm just going to talk about things I know I'm funny about. Or did you have an outline or did you write jokes out?

[Earthquake]

Oh, you mean for the first time when you.

[Pete Holmes]

When you. That first thing.

[Earthquake]

No, what I did was I. I wrote stuff like in the bathroom. This is. I remember one of the joke was, because, see, in the military, you is. You is beyond clean. You can't. You can't cuss. You can't make no racial jokes.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Probably can't disparage the military.

[Earthquake]

Can't disperse the military. Yeah, you can't. No racial jokes. None of that Bob Hope type.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Earthquake]

You know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Earthquake]

You had to come and my family. That's what I wrote. The joke I just went off of, like, my family. My family's so numb. My mother did this and that, but my family. I had about. About five minutes, about two and a half minute on one liners like that, and a couple stuff like being in the military, saying I was a bad soldier, you know, and, you know. And did it have the rhythm?

[Pete Holmes]

Did it have the flavor that you would.

[Earthquake]

No, player. No, no.

[Pete Holmes]

You weren't saying. These aren't jokes.

[Earthquake]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

Imagine if you're first.

[Earthquake]

No, you figured it out. Well, that mean I'm LeBron. Drawn came out the wound. That's right. Look at the baby. Yes, he can't walk, but he can dunk. That baby can dunk and can't walk.

[Pete Holmes]

Baby was delivered mid360.

[Earthquake]

He come out that behind the back. Got my umbilical cord off. Let it go. You're holding me back. This the only thing gonna stay on top of me. Once you cut this off, ain't nobody gonna be able to take me. Yeah. That's the only that can hold me. This.

[Pete Holmes]

That's it.

[Earthquake]

God damn it. Other than I'm free. Yeah. So that.

[Pete Holmes]

That came later.

[Earthquake]

Yeah. I mean, it came out to kicking it with Steve Harvey. He gave me the clue, the. The sauce on it, the confidence off of it. But yeah, man, it was. I really didn't come to the conclusion this is what I supposed to do. Probably about 10 or 15 years ago.

[Pete Holmes]

Really?

[Earthquake]

Yeah, man. Because it was just. I was just. I knew I was going to do something. I didn't know what I was going to do.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Earthquake]

You know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

When did about damn time come out?

[Earthquake]

About damn time came out early mid-90s.

[Pete Holmes]

So that. So you did about damn time and you were still like, what am I gonna do?

[Earthquake]

Well, nothing better came along. I mean, you just don't leave no bad bitch tell another come. Even if you don't like this bad bitch. She's still a bad. And she. She. You just. You don't le for some show, for some mo unless you got some more. Yeah, ain't nothing better came along. Yeah. You know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

But I mean, you murdered it. I mean, that didn't change your life.

[Earthquake]

I mean, it changed my life. It gave me to be lazy. I only had to work an hour a day.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

You understand the comfortability of it. And it gave me access to different things, but actually my purpose and that type of thing.

[Pete Holmes]

So what clicked 15 years ago? What's the difference?

[Earthquake]

Ain't else come. So I guess I'm just like. I guess this is it on God life, you understand?

[Pete Holmes]

I'm expecting you to be like, well, I realized that connecting people was my life's purpose and a gift. And you're like, nothing else came like.

[Earthquake]

I guess this one, this it. Huh.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, why so many people I think would want to be a. A legend murdering comedian, but you seem like you were just kind of. What were you waiting to happen that didn't happen?

[Earthquake]

Nothing. I mean, you just. You just make the. I'm a person that make the best Decision that day I don't worry can't do with yesterday that's why I'm bad. We're remembering what happened before I live today and pray for tomorrow I just really. I know it might sound cliche, but I really do so. God, I follow the universe, whatever tells me this is what is a comfortable of comfortability of. And I did this on here. Like, Chris Tucker is a good friend of mine, but. And he was like, come on, let's go to la. I'm like that. I just got here in Atlanta. You go here, you lived all your life. You can be in movies and tv. I had no desire that. I'm working an hour making good money and I get one day of what I'm working in. And what I. On that stage, I was getting that one show. The money I was getting being in the military for a whole month, loading missiles and playing war and all that. So I was. Man, I hit the gold mine. But I didn't look at any bigger than that.

[Pete Holmes]

Like the long game.

[Earthquake]

Yeah. No, I. First of all, I didn't even know it was a truly occupation to the point, you know, we had to pay Steve. And I said, God damn. You make this kind of money in a comedy club? Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

You mean at your club?

[Earthquake]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

So you open your club and Steve Harvey came.

[Earthquake]

Yeah, he was the first big act I had. And you were like, he got $72,000 in 92. And I was like, God, 72. 72. See, I've been 92.

[Pete Holmes]

I've been listening to you all morning. So I have you in my head. I'm like, check so big.

[Earthquake]

It's heavy. Yes. I was like. I was like. I was. You get that kind of money?

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Earthquake]

You. I never knew.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

Coming from it. Even though I own my club, my partner handled all that.

[Pete Holmes]

And so you saw the potential then.

[Earthquake]

No, I saw what it was. It wasn't even. I, like, I keep that. 72. 72. That's what.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

That's close to 300, 000amonth. Yeah, yeah, 300. 300, man.

[Pete Holmes]

And isn't Steve. Steve's a good businessman. I mean.

[Earthquake]

Oh.

[Pete Holmes]

Famous.

[Earthquake]

Steve is one of the best businessmen I ever.

[Pete Holmes]

And did he. Did you talk to him about this?

[Earthquake]

Oh, yeah. I mean, I told him when we were signing the check to him. So you don't open my eyes. Just this kind of goddamn money. Yeah. Wow. Because I had only been in Atlanta a year And a half, two years, I was doing coconuts.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

50 there. Yeah, 150 for the goddamn headliner and all the rooms was in the the bar area, the Holiday Inn.

[Pete Holmes]

What did Steve do different? Like if Chris Tucker goes to la, what did Steve do?

[Earthquake]

Steve knew how to use that microphone of terrestrial radio as what we use now as social media. Steve got on the radio, true story. We I booked him and he came to the club and it was a Wednesday. He came in for Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday came in was only 50 people in the goddamn audience on Wednesday, on Wednesday for Steve Harsher. Steve looked in there and said give them all that, give them their money back. I said what the you mean? He says only 50 people in there. I said that's packed cuz we ain't never had that many, you know what I'm saying? With a comedy store at 2:30 on a Monday the morning also it's a Wednesday. Yeah, it's a Wednesday. Plus I had the comedy act theater telling all black comics don't come to my club cuz I'm with a white man. There's a white club, ain't no black. And we in Atlanta with Martin Luther King overlooking with civil rights. So I'm over this. Who sold out the whole neighborhood cuz I, you know, you know you said.

[Pete Holmes]

Give them their money back.

[Earthquake]

Yeah, you gave them the money back. He said come pick me up tomorrow morning at 5 o' clock in the morning going to the radio station, pick him up. He stop at Dunkin Donuts, get two dozen of goddamn two dozen of donuts, coffee and some oranges. So what's this for? He said you gotta get this to the goddamn or the on air personality because they're gonna be threatened by us of our appearance. So what you mean? He said you'll see. So we're getting there. He feeds them all and giving all the they happy. It was Mike and Curl in the morning.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't mean to interrupt but was he booked on the show or are you just dropping in?

[Earthquake]

No, he just called him up and.

[Pete Holmes]

He, but he, they said you can come on.

[Earthquake]

Yeah, okay, come on.

[Pete Holmes]

But he's still gonna give him donuts.

[Earthquake]

To be like hey, yes, they the whole thing about that they threaten it because they knew they didn't have no sense of humor. They're not funny, right. You know, say one thing about still.

[Pete Holmes]

Say this about DJs is like no, well they don't.

[Earthquake]

They got a monitored voice. They told good. Even at 4 o' clock in the morning we have traffic on 4, right? But a comedian because see when you're in terrestrial radio, your job as even as a DJ is to play that music, keep them on so they can listen to them commercial to bring on another song.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Right. Different skill.

[Earthquake]

Different skill. The comedian can make him laugh through all the way through and start putting different bits in there on it.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Earthquake]

Ain't got no sense of humor. They just didn't.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Earthquake]

You know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

It might be different now, but they still don't.

[Earthquake]

I mean, I like that I'm trying.

[Pete Holmes]

To protect my future radio appearances. I just. I mean, even starting when I started, people were like, just know DJs don't like comedians because they're funnier than them.

[Earthquake]

Yeah. And some of them embrace it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

Some of this. The businessman. I'm like, they listening to me. You gone.

[Pete Holmes]

The good one.

[Earthquake]

I'm just. I'm here every. They take it. Entertain them.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a day.

[Earthquake]

It's a guy's got bets. But them insecure motherfucker. I see it.

[Pete Holmes]

He's trying to catch it.

[Earthquake]

Thank you for coming in early.

[Pete Holmes]

Earthquake.

[Earthquake]

And you done drove 25 minutes. This could give you two minutes. Yeah, that's it.

[Pete Holmes]

Thank you.

[Earthquake]

We got two shows tonight, two on Friday, two on Saturday, one on Sunday. Make sure you get the 10. We're gonna be back here with Lizzie with the dog act of the day. The out of here.

[Pete Holmes]

We have a dog that can say Pringles.

[Earthquake]

Yeah. We're gonna do the dog act today. And you sitting there to put your best on.

[Pete Holmes]

So Steve knows this.

[Earthquake]

Yeah. So he brings in the donuts. He gets in the donuts. They let him stay for the whole time. He. After he got off the radio. We sold out. 6 o' clock show, 8 o' clock show. 10 o' clock show, midnight. 4 shows on Friday, show for 4 shows on Saturday, 4 shows on Sunday. 72, $000 with a canceled. Wednesday with a canceled. And he said the coolest ever. Steve Harvey don't do shows for 50 people. Give them their money back. I said, this motherfucker's pack. Wow. I ain't giving their money back. I performed for. We couldn't afford to get back 50. This would be closed. I didn't know.

[Pete Holmes]

He.

[Earthquake]

Didn'T know. I lose the club giving back 50. God. Yes. They money back. We got 300 seats, but this 50 going to keep the lights on. We got that guy. Yeah. We going to get that money back.

[Pete Holmes]

Steve leaves the new Ladies and gentlemen Earth.

[Earthquake]

Greg said he was sick. Come back, come back. But y' all ain't getting no refund.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Earthquake]

No, we needed that $50. We had to buy the chicken and goddamn liquor for the weekend. When the real people come, we needed that money.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Wednesday pays for.

[Earthquake]

We ain't had no goddamn working capital. We was running to the liquor store. Every time we out, go down and get some more up there, we can hear no stockpile or no storage.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, there's no surplus.

[Earthquake]

There ain't no surplus. Got one bottle. When we sell that out, we gonna get another one. No. Liquor cabinet wings were coming straight from the goddamn grocery store. That's right. Yeah. Fry them up. Yeah. We sell them. We take the money from them to buy some more.

[Pete Holmes]

Why does it say Ralph's them?

[Earthquake]

That's Ralph. They wouldn't need nothing but Ralph's goddamn fried chicken that they could have did. We just did it for you with.

[Pete Holmes]

A show and then. Sorry.

[Earthquake]

Yeah, but. And we didn't have our kitchen yet because we couldn't afford to build. Build it out. So we was frying out like crock pots.

[Pete Holmes]

No way.

[Earthquake]

Yeah, man. Hoping that the health inspector didn't come in and catch us. Wow. Shout out to Gary Abdul.

[Pete Holmes]

Is that your health inspector?

[Earthquake]

No, no, he was my partner.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, okay.

[Earthquake]

Yeah. Gary Abdul.

[Pete Holmes]

We didn't know a crock pot could get that hot.

[Earthquake]

We had about seven of them in there. We did. We had about seven of the. In there. Dropping fries. Two of them was there for just for the shrimp. Yeah. The other four was over there, but for chicken.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Earthquake]

And cheese sticks them over. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Earthquake]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So you were hustling, and then you see Steve and you said he gave you the. The. When did the special sauce talk happen with Steve? Because when I listen to when I think of you, I think, these ain't jokes. That's what I think. And there really is, like a power to it. It's like you're reminding us this is real. This is my life. This is how I feel. And it becomes this like, you know, it's like a chorus or something. It's a touchstone throughout your actual. And it really is a special sauce. So tell me about that.

[Earthquake]

Well, the special sauce was confident that I supposed to be doing this. Like I said, it was no epiphany.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Earthquake]

I ain't want to lose the job of it, but I didn't have aspiration of being what I am today. Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

[Pete Holmes]

You didn't see it yet.

[Earthquake]

Well, didn't see it because I wasn't looking for it. I was. What if I could just maintain what I got right now, right. This Sweet.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

You know what I'm saying? I mean, right. You talking about making 15. But anyway.

[Pete Holmes]

But it's short money, right?

[Earthquake]

No, it was long then. From where I came from, I just.

[Pete Holmes]

Meant, like, game plan. You were making good money. But it wasn't.

[Earthquake]

It was. It's better than the military. Military money. All right. And I. People was looking at me like I was rich in the military.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Earthquake]

That type of thing.

[Pete Holmes]

Wait, so help me understand you. You felt like you had made it, and you did by a certain.

[Earthquake]

Made it economically.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah. And by a certain standard, you had.

[Earthquake]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And then you see Stephen and he tells you, or he showed you there was another path, a bigger. A bigger road.

[Earthquake]

No, he gave me the confidence of. One time, I was writing a joke, Just writing it. That's a student, you know, and he said, what you doing? So I'm writing this joke down. He just grabbed a paper, said, you don't have to write your joke. Yours come out naturally. Loud come out. That's what makes you great. The authentic of wig. Come.

[Pete Holmes]

Does he mean everybody? Are you specific?

[Earthquake]

He said me.

[Pete Holmes]

He saw.

[Earthquake]

Yeah. What you do. No, that. What gave me the confidence. Right. Because I was struggling writing them. You know what I mean? Because I was thinking up there, thinking about what's funny. Well, working on a set, you know, you. You have comedians. No disrespect.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

You know, they have a set. They have to work it. You want it to be here to be. Yeah. It's like a preacher.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

That you get. You're going through your sermon, and once you take from the text. From it, you just elaborate on it.

[Pete Holmes]

Absolutely. Yeah.

[Earthquake]

And I'm not trying to have the same.

[Pete Holmes]

You feel the spirit.

[Earthquake]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You feel the spirit. Feel the crowd.

[Earthquake]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Those are the best moments.

[Earthquake]

Yeah. And you just go with it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

That's just my style. And everybody have their individual. So I was trying to do mine.

[Pete Holmes]

That way, and Steve was like, you don't need that.

[Earthquake]

No. He said, that ain't your calling. And it. It changed my whole career, whole life.

[Pete Holmes]

Just with that, how quickly were you able? Because that's like channeling yourself. You know what I mean? It's like surfing on your own ocean, but you can't do it right away. Or could you do it right away?

[Earthquake]

I did it right then.

[Pete Holmes]

Really.

[Earthquake]

I was. I. I was doing it already, but when I had big shows, I felt that I had to do it that way or I wasn't doing it. Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Earthquake]

See what I'm saying?

[Pete Holmes]

I get it.

[Earthquake]

It's like, you know, when it's that way. And that's why he was able to see it.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Earthquake]

Because I was about to do something at his club and I wanted to make sure. Right, I'm gonna do this right here. Then I'm do the little man joke and. Okay, say the little man joke. When he walked in today. Little man sit there. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

No, but when jumping forward, when you just did this special, did you always open with Portland? Did you always open with. I'm trying to remember the first.

[Earthquake]

Yeah. Once I get what I'm about to take. Yeah. Once I put it together, I formulate it together. And then once I get a rhythm on it, then I say, here it is. Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

So it's like improvising, then refining.

[Earthquake]

Yeah. I mean. Yeah. Improvising until you find it and elaborate on it. It's like a lie, a true lie that just expands.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes, yes.

[Earthquake]

And that's what my jokes are. It comes from truth. And then I just expanded. I didn't be fighting one person. It was 15.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Earthquake]

Then a drug going motherfucker down the street. Then I choked the other people. Right, right, right, right, right. And that's the whole way off of it. And then once you get to that point, you know exactly what you're doing.

[Pete Holmes]

Right, right, right. So what gave you. It's hard to talk about confidence. But Steve believing in you is probably part of it.

[Earthquake]

Oh, it was huge about it. I mean, he was one of the funniest. Not the funniest person I've seen. And so I was good.

[Pete Holmes]

And he was like, I. I see.

[Earthquake]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. I came in, man. I mean, I was still in the military. I knocked on his door while he was performing at the Punchline in Mobile, Alabama. And I knocked on the hotel room. He came out with a knife. I said, ain't nobody trying to rob you. I want to ask you about this comedy game.

[Pete Holmes]

Came to the door with a. Yeah.

[Earthquake]

He had a little more fishing night. Yeah. A little efficient.

[Pete Holmes]

Number one answer on the board.

[Earthquake]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

What do you answer the door with?

[Earthquake]

Whatever you can find. And he sat down and talked to me.

[Pete Holmes]

He did?

[Earthquake]

Yes, he talked.

[Pete Holmes]

Didn't know you.

[Earthquake]

Didn't know me.

[Pete Holmes]

Didn't know you. How'd you find his room?

[Earthquake]

Because it was easy. He was performing at the club. And then I called to the club and said we had a delivery for him. And they say he had the hotel and you.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God.

[Earthquake]

And I went on there with the friends. Hey, I'm looking for Mr. Steve Harvey. Was different back then. It's not easy. And he wasn't no fancy hotel. You open the door, he in the parking lot.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a motel.

[Earthquake]

Yeah, it's a hotel. But you're one. Open the door. You are. You can see your car. You can lock.

[Pete Holmes]

You can make sure it's locked from.

[Earthquake]

The room out the window right there. Burnt. It's right. It's right there. You open the door, you see your car. Three steps after you close the door, you in your front. Yeah. Of your room.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what makes the 8 so super.

[Earthquake]

Yeah, that's fun.

[Pete Holmes]

So he let you in.

[Earthquake]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And you sat down and he gave you advice.

[Earthquake]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And do you remember anything he said?

[Earthquake]

Yeah, he was like, tried out, you know, in the military. Man, anything I can do to help you and stuff. Like he.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Earthquake]

I mean, I don't think he thought he'll see me again.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

But he did give me that advice.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Earthquake]

Wow. And then later on we became friends and he gave me my other piece of advice with the confident.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Earthquake]

Do it that way.

[Pete Holmes]

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[Earthquake]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And can you talk about that? It's like, why are you tiptoeing around what you feel, what you think, what you say? Like, you just say it. You trim all the fat away and you just. You make it these declarative statements.

[Earthquake]

Speaking of Bill Burr, I love him to death. Yeah. We're doing a TV show together.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

For Fox, and.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, you guys are in it.

[Earthquake]

No, he's producing it. That's my. My sitcom.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Earthquake]

And I'm so endeavored to him.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

Because he does do it the way. I'm just a fan of the art form.

[Pete Holmes]

No, he's the best. He produced my Netflix special. I wouldn't have had a Netflix special. He. He produced it.

[Earthquake]

He did. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Earthquake]

But what makes me two things on it. Yeah. I never want to be the guy that just talked too much. You know what I mean? You ever been at a party or something and just keep talking without making a poem?

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Earthquake]

I. I never wanted to drive you crazy. I never want to be the. That people say you're annoying.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

Get on the nerve.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Earthquake]

So that's why I get to the point real quick.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, dude.

[Earthquake]

I'll be direct with it.

[Pete Holmes]

My dad, I didn't know this until I was raising my daughter. He was like, it's a value. Don't be a dud. That's what my dad would say. Yeah, he would say. What did he say? Well, he used to say, tighter than two coats of paint. That's if somebody was cheap.

[Earthquake]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

But if you were boring. My dad was, like, almost not cruel, but he did not like it. He was like, you can't be an ordinary basic bitch. It fucking sucks. Say something. I learned that from my dad. And you definitely got it.

[Earthquake]

Yeah. You never want to be the dude that dry a woman up.

[Pete Holmes]

High tide. Suddenly there's just seagulls and shells everywhere.

[Earthquake]

I am dry. Cause of the shit you talking to me. You dried me up.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, Comedy. Being surprised, like, kicking in the door. You know what I mean?

[Earthquake]

You know what I mean? You want to be that mother that you interrupt. I just could never. Just Don't. Never. I just don't want to be an annoying person. Yes, that a chick. Like, just. That'll hurt my feelings.

[Pete Holmes]

Saying too much but not saying anything.

[Earthquake]

No, just annoying. Just talking and it's not connecting.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Earthquake]

So that's it.

[Pete Holmes]

It's funny listening to you. Your comedy really feels like. I feel like I could draw it. It goes up. You say something, and then there's like a trickle down. It's like a roll. You're really like a master of a role. You'll say something. I told Katie that you're in my head because I've been listening to you for the past couple days. Just getting ready. You know what I mean? Enjoying it. But I knew you were coming on, and I. I was gonna text Mulaney because I know Mulaney loves.

[Earthquake]

Yes. Tell Melaney thank you, too. Well, I love him.

[Pete Holmes]

He's the best. I texted him and it came out green. And, you know, he's always changing his number. And I just heard you go text him a lany, but it comes out green. You just texted Steve Mulaney. You know what I mean? But, like, that's what you do. It's like, you say the thing like, I like, you don't have his number anymore. There it is. And then it's like you just texted Steve, but now you're on the roll, like, you know what I mean?

[Earthquake]

You ain't make the cut. He ain't the motherfucker that he said to make sure you got the new number.

[Pete Holmes]

I didn't make the math.

[Earthquake]

Has tax. He just. You got to let the Lord give you the number again. Y' all gotta run into each other. That's right.

[Pete Holmes]

You want to talk to.

[Earthquake]

You want to talk to each other? Yeah. Change my number. I meant to give it to you. Here you go. Now you got to catch him. See, I don't want to be that. I always want to be the person is when you change. Let me get quick. My numbers. You understand what I'm saying? So you don't want to be. Make the cut. You ain't make the cut if you.

[Pete Holmes]

Want to see them.

[Earthquake]

Yeah, but go out and see him. He listen. There's certain people. He made sure they got the new number.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Earthquake]

And you ain't one of them.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right. See, that's it. That's an earthquake bit. Say it. You didn't get the number, then the role. Right? Like, I don't want to dissect the joke and ruin it. I'm just saying like, you seem really good at going, like, first step. Fucking say it.

[Earthquake]

Right?

[Pete Holmes]

Mulaney didn't give you his new number. Then you go, now we're on the roll, Right. Your bits are like, we're at the top of the hill. He didn't give you the new number. Now we're going down the hill. Now come up green. Right? Like, now. Details. Now you're texting Steve Mulaney, Right. Or whatever it is. I'm not saying that's good enough to be in your act. I'm just saying that's the flavor that you infected me with.

[Earthquake]

That's the process.

[Pete Holmes]

That's the process. Say it. Top of the hill. Now we're riding down the hill. Does that feel. Because you do it? Does that. Is that what it feels like?

[Earthquake]

It is. It's the truth, and then you just elaborate it to a lie. You know what I mean? It's just. That's what it is. You. It's based on truth.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Earthquake]

But you had his number, and now is. He changed it.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Earthquake]

And he didn't get it to you. Right? Right. Right. Because you ain't that important. You didn't make the cut.

[Pete Holmes]

You didn't make the cut. That's right. That's right. But then it starts getting more and more absurd.

[Earthquake]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, you tell that story on the new special without ruining it, about being in a CVS and some 15 kids. Rush it. I'm not trying to ruin anything, but I'm listening to it. I'm like, this probably didn't happen.

[Earthquake]

It happened.

[Pete Holmes]

It happened as you said it.

[Earthquake]

Yeah. They said, hey, what's up, Earthquake? I said, man, don't say my name.

[Pete Holmes]

That happened.

[Earthquake]

Yeah. All these cameras in, they think I'm stealing.

[Pete Holmes]

I was.

[Earthquake]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what took me out of it? I was like, why is Earthquake in a cvs?

[Earthquake]

People say that all the time, man. I was just in the airport. The brother was like, hey, what's up, Quake? And I'm like, hey, I'm going to the bathroom. This motherfucker's like, oh. You act like you don't want to be seen. I said, nah, man, I got a piss. This. What you doing in this bathroom? Nah. I flew in a Beverly Hill bathroom and goddamn Charlotte, North Carolina, airport on a commuter plane trying to get to Greensboro. They just. It's just we don't in here. You know, we will pee. Pee. Yeah. And if it's a bad bathroom, why you in here?

[Pete Holmes]

So you were in the CVS.

[Earthquake]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

The moment 15 kids.

[Earthquake]

Yeah. They smashed and grabbed they came in.

[Pete Holmes]

See, I didn't even know that was a thing. But I'm gonna say hordes of children are just robbing the whole store.

[Earthquake]

Oh, they used to.

[Pete Holmes]

They used to.

[Earthquake]

Yeah. But they snatched grab and went in there and took everything. Cvs. Damn Gucci. Yeah. Cvs. Come on.

[Pete Holmes]

Hinging on the principle. You can't stop us all.

[Earthquake]

Can't stop us all. And by the time you got employees that you paying enough, I mean, not enough money. That. That ain't my right.

[Pete Holmes]

Now it's just a police report.

[Earthquake]

Now it's just a police report.

[Pete Holmes]

And you put the toilet paper up.

[Earthquake]

And he rang it up, and it rang me up.

[Pete Holmes]

So I look with respect, you know? So we both love Dave Chappelle.

[Earthquake]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Chappelle tells stories that aren't true.

[Earthquake]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I mean? I'm. That's not right. Nobody thinks they're true. The baby comes out and goes, hey, you know, nobody thought that was real. No, I know that. That's killing him. Softly change that.

[Earthquake]

Click, click, click, click.

[Pete Holmes]

That changed my life.

[Earthquake]

Click, click, click. Locked on. Baby, you need to go in the house.

[Pete Holmes]

Go in the house.

[Earthquake]

But I still don't trust you. Click, click, clicking. Hilarious. Genius.

[Pete Holmes]

He doesn't mind telling a story that you know isn't real.

[Earthquake]

Well, I think he might have seen a baby out and then it got.

[Pete Holmes]

It went down.

[Earthquake]

All the way down the hill after that. Because in a bad neighborhood for people.

[Pete Holmes]

That don't know there's a woman, a prostitute, sex worker on the street, and the baby comes out of her baby. That's how he ends. Especially like, hey, man. Right, right. So no one thinks that happened, but.

[Earthquake]

He'S started from the truth.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what I thought you were doing with that story. It's like, I heard this happen, but you're half real.

[Earthquake]

Yes. And I needed some toilet paper.

[Pete Holmes]

So how does it. Sorry to talk so much about your premise, your process, but you think of some. You say something funny to me.

[Earthquake]

Right, Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Is that how it works? You're just talking to your friends right in your phone?

[Earthquake]

Long as I keep my environment in a good mood off of it.

[Pete Holmes]

It.

[Earthquake]

I just pick stuff up and then I say, this is what I want to talk about. I know it's funny when it leaves my mouth. So now I just elaborate on it, like an hour. That's what the club.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what you think?

[Earthquake]

That's what club work is for. For me to work it out. And you take the premise and just elaborate on it more and more. Me like, okay, that's funny. That's why I tape all my shows. Every show I've ever been on, I got a tape of it.

[Pete Holmes]

And do you listen to them?

[Earthquake]

I supposed to, but yeah. Just have been disciplined. I'm terrible at listening and I don't like hearing myself.

[Pete Holmes]

Me neither. I don't think there's anything more uncomfortable.

[Earthquake]

You know what I mean? And just listening, I suppose. But also, to be quite honest with you, I wanted to keep it. If I ever lose this gift, I can go back and, and just remember the I said before.

[Pete Holmes]

Before you lost it. I think about that all the time. I think about this with this podcast. Being an old man and listening. I want to listen to when I talk to Earthquake. Yeah, just.

[Earthquake]

And then remembering who you are and.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Earthquake]

And make another show out of it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

Yeah. That's all.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah. So you're not. You work out of the clubs. Do you go up a lot?

[Earthquake]

Only when I work on the weekends. Yeah, I, I, I write as I work.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But you're not, you don't go up every night or. Nah, I'm. See, that's my hope for you, is I hope you're not just constantly performing.

[Earthquake]

Oh, no, I got a wife now.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, really?

[Earthquake]

Yeah. I can't go out every night. I lose her.

[Pete Holmes]

So the woman that you talk about in the special, you married?

[Earthquake]

Yes. My baby.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Earthquake]

She changed my life. She's dead.

[Pete Holmes]

Nice.

[Earthquake]

Yeah. We just got married. I think we've been married about four months.

[Pete Holmes]

No way.

[Earthquake]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Congratulations.

[Earthquake]

Thank you.

[Pete Holmes]

It's funny because, I mean, some of your most famous bits are kind of not for marriage.

[Earthquake]

Yeah. I mean, I wasn't for it.

[Pete Holmes]

Bill Burr too, by the way. I didn't think Bill had some classics. And then he got married.

[Earthquake]

I, I never thought this would happen for me.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

And so it did.

[Pete Holmes]

What's the difference?

[Earthquake]

She's right. She loves me. She believes in me. She. We can coexist without doing anything at all. Just be just being we. We. You know, I enjoy her, I adore her. And she's so loving and she believes in her man. You know what I mean? Not the product or the result that comes from her man. Just. And that reassurance from a woman who truly loved you and you love her, it makes you undefeated.

[Pete Holmes]

That's it.

[Earthquake]

It makes yo. If your woman is, is good, you good. When you have a woman that will, you know, no matter just being with you is, you know, See, it fulfills her being with you for who you are. Just being with you, you know, seeing the best for you. That lovingness is not an independent contract in the world can fulfill that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, you're reminding me. I feel the same way about my wife. And I remember we moved into a. A nice house and I remember saying like, what? What if things dry up and I can't pay for this house? And she's like, baby, we lived in an apartment for years and we were so happy.

[Earthquake]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

That's it. Right. Doesn't that sound like it?

[Earthquake]

Rather live in a one bedroom apartment with a woman I love and then a 10 million mansion with a chick I can't stand.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yep.

[Earthquake]

And it's no comparison. I know it sounds cliche and all that, but it's nothing close to yes. A love of a woman.

[Pete Holmes]

Somebody who loves. Can I tell you another one with my wife, what's annoying about me? Me she thinks is funny.

[Earthquake]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

We go to a party and I'm nervous and I keep saying twat for some reason, like to be weird. She thinks that's funny. She's like, that's my guy. She knows it's weird, but she's like, that's my guy.

[Earthquake]

And that's the beautiful part. That's it. That's mine.

[Pete Holmes]

That's mine.

[Earthquake]

That's mine.

[Pete Holmes]

And she's in for all of it.

[Earthquake]

All of it.

[Pete Holmes]

All of it.

[Earthquake]

And it ain't a burden.

[Pete Holmes]

No, it's effortless.

[Earthquake]

It's effortless.

[Pete Holmes]

It's effortless. I don't see her going, yeah, but he's a good dad.

[Earthquake]

Yeah. No, she gotta sit there. He a good dad in this.

[Pete Holmes]

No, rationalizing it. I don't need anybody rationalizing why they love me. I love her. She just naturally loves you.

[Earthquake]

And. And it's effortlessly. And you don't have to put on no pretend.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Earthquake]

Nothing, you know, nothing.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Earthquake]

You just yourself of a comfortability.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Earthquake]

That is somebody.

[Pete Holmes]

You can be more yourself with them when you're alone.

[Earthquake]

Exactly. Yeah, exactly. Especially what we do. As soon as you walk through that door.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

Out this door.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

You belong to the public. Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Earthquake]

What's up?

[Pete Holmes]

We'll talk about morning radio. It's like, come and do it. Do what you do. Do what we want you to do.

[Earthquake]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And she doesn't have any of that.

[Earthquake]

None of that. No, she is.

[Pete Holmes]

But I bet she thinks you're funny. Let me guess something. I bet she thinks you're funny in a way that you're not funny on stage. I bet she even finds ways to enjoy you when you're not being the kind of guy you are on stage.

[Earthquake]

She's no, but she knows transaction. I'm that. That all the way around. That's me on stage. Home. That's just me.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

So. And she's the one that gave me confidence. Like, Steve is not. This is what you should be doing.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

You are that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

And, you know, and I'm like, all right.

[Pete Holmes]

It sounds like you're like, me. I need. I need refills on confidence.

[Earthquake]

Of course. Ain't nothing like the reefer of your love of your woman.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Earthquake]

That makes you undefeated, bro. I personally, I. That's just. I feel can't beat no man.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

You don't want a woman, man.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

The love of your woman, when it gets bad, that reassures. I mean, it's like a corner man in boxing.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Earthquake]

That what you need to do, champ.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

You slipping with the left, Come back with the right. Remember what we learned in. In goddamn training camp now, right? Once you go out there, do this right there.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Because confidence is a delicate thing.

[Earthquake]

Very.

[Pete Holmes]

I'll tell you a story. So I walked into the improv. My friend Moshe was performing. This is a Hollywood Improv, 20, 15 years ago. So they didn't know me very well, but I thought they did. And I walked in. I just walked into the showroom. He's just performing. I'm just gonna watch, you know, acting kind of like I belonged, because I felt like I did. Somebody came up and was like, what are you doing? Who are you? What are you doing here? And I got so small. I'm embarrassed, but I got so small, I left. I didn't even watch him perform. I couldn't handle it. So I'm both guys. I'm the guy that will walk in the club and be like, they know me here. I crush here. They know me. And then this one guy is like.

[Earthquake]

Who the fuck are you?

[Pete Holmes]

Don't do that. He said. And I was like, where's your ticket, please? Exactly. I gotta go home. I gotta go home. This podcast is brought to you by Squarespace. You know, Squarespace, the all in one platform that makes it ridiculously easy to get your ideas out into the world. If you've ever had that. I should finally make a site for this thing. Moment. Squarespace is the place to actually do it. I've been playing around with it myself. They comped me for a full year, which is dangerous, because now I'm like, should I launch a passion. Passion project? Maybe mugs, Maybe a fan page for the Wonderful films of Neil Breen. The answer is yes, and thanks to Squarespace, it is stupidly easy. My favorite thing is how simple they make offering services. You can get set up a page for sessions, events, consultations, whatever you got. And people can book you, pay you, and even get automated emails all in one place. It feels ridiculously professional and yet still easy enough for a goofus like me. And if you're not a designer, hi. They're cutting edge technology. Their design tools do all the heavy lifting. You can even start with blueprint AI. You tell it what you want to do and it builds you a custom great looking site in light, I don't know, 90 seconds and then you just drag and drop stuff around until it feels like you. So head to squarespace.com weird for a free trial and when you're ready to launch, use offer code weird to save 10% off your first purchase of a website or domain. That's squarespace.com weird promo code weird for 10% off. Know that one friend you got that's like, yeah, I'd get a bidet but I, I don't need one. Wake up. I thought I didn't need a bidet and then I got a tushy. And let me tell you, it is an absolute game changer. I'm serious. If you had poop on your hand, would you just wipe it with paper and call it a day? No. You want to power wash that like leaves off your driveway. I installed mine in about 10 minutes, no plumbing degree required, and it instantly made my bathroom feel like a spa that also cares about my butt's feelings. The clean way better than toilet paper. Smoother, fresher, and honestly, it's like a little life upgrade I didn't know I needed. It's sleek, it's easy to use, and it fits perfectly with my bathroom vibe. This is everyday luxury for your, you know, your gravy spout. Can we say that that's disgusting? Listen, the A hole is only a naughty word if you're still wiping with paper. Give the gift of daily dignity this holiday season with Tushy, the bidet that uses nothing but fresh water to keep things pristine while saving you 80% on toilet paper. Your future self will thank you and so will your plumbing. For a limited time, get 10% off your first bidet [e-mail] with promo code weirdo. That's 10% [e-mail] code weirdo. Hello, I'm James Corden and on my new show, this Life of Mine, I Sit down each week with some of the most fascinating people on planet Earth. From Dr. Dre to Julianne Moore to David Beckham to Cynthia Erivo to Martin Scorsese to Jeremy Ren, Jenna to Denzel Washington to Kim Kardashian, we talk about the people, places, possessions, music, and memories that made them who they are. These are intimate conversations full of stories that you've never heard before. This Life of Mine premieres October 21st. Wherever you get your podcasts.

[Earthquake]

Do you know when you actually is certified in the. Certified in the comedy club that you made it.

[Pete Holmes]

How's that?

[Earthquake]

When you walk in the club and they offer you a drink of food and come and comp everything.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Earthquake]

When the manager comes in and, hey, how you doing? Can I get you a drink? You want anything to eat?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Earthquake]

You want to go out? You want to go out? No, I'm just here to check the show. I His thing on him. Look at the ways you give him out there and just. Just cupped in.

[Pete Holmes]

I love it.

[Earthquake]

That's when you know you made it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

If you go on that, they said no, they ain't getting, you know, drink, bro. Move to the side, bro. I can't go to the green room, pay for parking.

[Pete Holmes]

I've been kicked out of green rooms, too. When I this again 20 years ago, but I was just too early. Trying to do stuff like that.

[Earthquake]

I don't go anywhere unless I'm invited.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, that's how you save yourself from embarrassment like that.

[Earthquake]

No, because 99 other people let you in this. That one that treated you like that hurts my feelings.

[Pete Holmes]

That's me, too.

[Earthquake]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

We're saying the same thing. I'm saying I can be extremely, like, intense, unbelievably confident, and then like, something like that on the wrong day, wrong guy, wrong moment. And I'm like, wow, I thought I had it. I thought I was cast, you know, like, done. But it turns out I'm still.

[Earthquake]

It hurts the feelings of me giving him the opportunity to do it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

To me. But him doing it in doesn't affect me because I talk to him. I'd be like, yeah, that's cool. You might not know who I am, but I know who you are. You're gonna be this doorman every day. I'm gonna go around the world and come back. You're gonna be right back at this door when I get back here, you're a grown man watching the door, and you have the nerve to be mean to me. You know what I'm saying? I'M gonna go around the world, come back, you gonna be running here still at this door.

[Pete Holmes]

Walmart.

[Earthquake]

I don't say that to him. I said in my mind.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, did you watch the Eddie documentary? Eddie Murphy. Remember when he said the best artist is the most sensitive?

[Earthquake]

Oh, I am very.

[Pete Holmes]

I. I felt that. Not to say I'm like Eddie Murphy, but I related to that.

[Earthquake]

No, it hurts. It hurts. Yeah, still hurts. That's you. And she'll tell you ain't what you say to him, it's how you say it to him. And when you say it to him, you just can't say anything.

[Pete Holmes]

Really.

[Earthquake]

No, it'll.

[Pete Holmes]

Because it'll hurt your feelings or it'll bug you.

[Earthquake]

Well, feelings would have been my. And then I reevaluate why I put myself in this position to allow you to say that to me.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

See, my presence is my. Is my. Is my currency.

[Pete Holmes]

But wouldn't. Okay, so it sounds like. Also like me developing the superpower was to protect the sensitive part.

[Earthquake]

Of course. Right, of course.

[Pete Holmes]

It's just too much. So we get big and we get loud and we get funny.

[Earthquake]

It's like Eminem in this movie.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. Self deprecation.

[Earthquake]

Thank you. Yeah. About ourselves.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. I'll say it first.

[Earthquake]

And now you ain't got it.

[Pete Holmes]

Right, right?

[Earthquake]

You're a fat kid. Yeah, I'm a fat. Now what, bro? Fat dude over here. Fat dude over here, bro. Now. Now let's talk about your ass.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right. That's right.

[Earthquake]

Why.

[Pete Holmes]

Why was that scene so meaningful? It's so much like comedy. He's like, I'm gonna go first and I'm gonna say all the things on my shirt.

[Earthquake]

Yeah. I'm the white dude. Yeah. Yeah. Now you. I mean, spaghetti. Spaghetti on my chest. Yeah, It's. That's how it's always been. So I put. I very. I particularly. I protect my space.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. And were you bullied as a kid for being so.

[Earthquake]

No, because you entitled to your opinion, but you got to deal with the consequences when I don't agree with it. Punching your mouth.

[Pete Holmes]

That's how it was.

[Earthquake]

Because who in the you to tell me what I'm not?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

I ain't put on this earth to live up to your expectations. Who. I mean, the arrogance of you. You to be able to say this. What you need to do, and this. That, man.

[Pete Holmes]

You mean a bully.

[Earthquake]

Bully.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

That's what taught you that?

[Pete Holmes]

Like, where did you get four brothers?

[Earthquake]

We never with bullies. Yeah, we.

[Pete Holmes]

We.

[Earthquake]

We hate bullets. We despise. Billies. We. You know what I mean, with somebody your size, right. That.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

Bullies never with nobody. Excise.

[Pete Holmes]

Isn't that weird?

[Earthquake]

Yeah, because once you hit them in their mouth.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

Then you. You set them back. Back.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Earthquake]

You know, I remember Holyfield said that. He said. Y' all keep on saying, what Mike. When Mike hit me, what are they gonna do when I hit his ass? And I like, oh, that's confidence. No, that's talking about. Yeah, he hasn't been hit.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. Right.

[Earthquake]

Oh, y' all afraid to be hit by him. That you covering up that you ain't even throwing back. You're in the defense mode.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

You're trying to survive.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Earthquake]

I. I'm hit his ass as hard as he hit me. And it's a mentality, and that's the mentality I always have. Like you. You. I don't care how big you are, you can't do no weights on that chin. That chin. I just need to get to that goddamn chin because it's sensitive. That's all I need to get under that, get in that goddamn and big. Get tired quick, quick. You just can't let them grab you slow. You can't let them grab you. Can't let you hit with one of them hay makers, knock your ass out. But other than that, man, your first two, two and a half minutes, you got the ass. And the first thing you want to do is hit them to the body because they are they swinging like this. All this be open, right? Just bow. Hit that slip under.

[Pete Holmes]

And everybody goes for the face like a movie.

[Earthquake]

Oh, everybody go for the face. They go for the face. That body be opening like a POW.

[Pete Holmes]

You're 10 years old working the body.

[Earthquake]

You hitting that. Ah, that pizza. Yeah, for lunch. Come out of that real quick. Like he ain't used to getting hit in the body. Yeah, hit that boy. That was my favorite. Bam. Bam. Hit him to the body and come back with that right on the chin. I got about seven knockouts on that combination. If I hit you with that combination and you don't drop, I'd be saying, break this fight up. Break this. This took my best one that just stick back like I say, listen. We don't supposed to be fighting. What a school monitor at around this mother.

[Pete Holmes]

Let's talk reason.

[Earthquake]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Slow down.

[Earthquake]

This is black on black crime, brother.

[Pete Holmes]

This is what they want.

[Earthquake]

This is what they want. They laughing at us, for Christ's sake, man. I know. Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

After the combo doesn't work, you're very Reasonable?

[Earthquake]

Oh, I'm very reasonable. I want to sit down and we can study together, walk home together. We could jump some other. But if I hit you with that AC Deuce in you still there?

[Pete Holmes]

The earthquake combo.

[Earthquake]

No, we. Listen. We best of friends. You won't have no problem out of me at all? No. Nothing out of me. Fantastic.

[Pete Holmes]

Let's you. We're almost out of here. I want to respect your time. Let me ask you some stuff. Maybe you haven't been asked. Have you ever almost died? You're like, bro, I don't want to talk about.

[Earthquake]

No, no, no.

[Pete Holmes]

Really?

[Earthquake]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

Ever see a ghost?

[Earthquake]

No. Do you believe in ghosts? Spirits? Not ghosts.

[Pete Holmes]

Spirits, not ghosts, but same thing.

[Earthquake]

No spirits. For me it would be the afterlife. A message from God. Yeah, that type. Ghosts.

[Pete Holmes]

Like somebody.

[Earthquake]

Yeah. Somebody haunting you and.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, not so much. No. You know, it's funny because a lot of guys touring around you end up staying in some hotel.

[Earthquake]

You know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

And they're like, there's a hotel.

[Earthquake]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Tell me some story.

[Earthquake]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

No ufo, no psychic. You ever go to a psychic?

[Earthquake]

Knew something I with them. You do? I mean, just to be for joke purposes. I don't believe in no psychic.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, really?

[Earthquake]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

You never had your mind blown by a psychic? You seem like. I mean, like it would be so fun to have you on a show. You know, they do those TV shows on Bravo. Some amazing psychic.

[Earthquake]

Where's the limitation of your power?

[Pete Holmes]

Like, where's it at?

[Earthquake]

Yeah. Cuz, give me them six donuts that Mega Dog. You know what I'm saying? So you don't do that. So what is your expertise? Do you talk to somebody that knew me?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

And that's passed. And they coming back to tell me. And if they knew all the. Right. Why they dead? You're so smart.

[Pete Holmes]

Why are you dead if you're a psychic?

[Earthquake]

You couldn't push.

[Pete Holmes]

Give me the lottery?

[Earthquake]

I mean, wouldn't you push your date back?

[Pete Holmes]

Oh my God.

[Earthquake]

I mean, wouldn't you? I mean, you know what I mean? I'm a psychic. This Thursday I'm gonna stay in the house. Yep.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. I remember. With all respect, whenever, like a tragedy happens, people are like, where. Where were the psychics? Yeah. Yeah, that's. That's. That's a valid criticism.

[Earthquake]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. All right, well, I thought we were going to hit on one of those.

[Earthquake]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, don't make me go to your pants. You don't want to. You're a grown man. You don't.

[Earthquake]

No, we're not going to Talk about that? No.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, tell me about the afterlife then. You don't think when you die, it's over? What do you feel about that?

[Earthquake]

Heaven.

[Pete Holmes]

Heaven?

[Earthquake]

Yes. My Lord and Savior, Jesus. Yes. Okay. But I don't get caught in. You know that. No. I believe there's God and everybody. No, I don't get caught in the denomination thing. I used to say that joke all the time. I never understood why people who believe in God fight over his bio.

[Pete Holmes]

Over his what?

[Earthquake]

Bio.

[Pete Holmes]

His bio. Yes. Yeah.

[Earthquake]

Everybody believes there's only one God.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, right.

[Earthquake]

Why would you fight over his biography? Yo.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

Might be Jesus to you.

[Pete Holmes]

Are you saying. I mean, what Buddha and Muhammad was.

[Earthquake]

In Jesus to then it's still. We all agree there's only one God. We that Greek mythology, the God of sun.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

We all believe it's only one God.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Wow. And we're talking about the same one.

[Earthquake]

It is. Only if it's only one. We are all talking about the one.

[Pete Holmes]

Right?

[Earthquake]

That one.

[Pete Holmes]

They found it there and it sounded like this.

[Earthquake]

Whoever he is to you, if he's Muhammad, is he Buddha? We all agree as one. Why y' all fighting over his bio?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

He's Jesus to me. He's Muhammad to you.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Earthquake]

He's Buddha to you. Yeah. I can understand if it was seven gods, which one is yours? Right? It was only one.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Earthquake]

So.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Earthquake]

Y' all arguing over there. Just bio.

[Pete Holmes]

Right? Right. But the one that speaks to you is Jesus.

[Earthquake]

Exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

Is that how you're raised?

[Earthquake]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Huh.

[Earthquake]

They brought us over here.

[Pete Holmes]

Say what?

[Earthquake]

The Christians, you mean? Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's a powerful rebranding. Because there are a lot of black Christians and slavery was back. Is this what you're saying? Are we saying the same thing right now? Imagine the people that sort of used it to misappropriate slavery.

[Earthquake]

Oh, yeah. Then it prayed on Sunday, hung on Monday, bro. Deprive of equal rights on Tuesday. Wednesday, Thursday. Had free labor on Friday.

[Pete Holmes]

Yikes.

[Earthquake]

You understand.

[Pete Holmes]

Too real. Too real quick. But you see past that misuse of it, and you see something beautiful.

[Earthquake]

Well, I speak about the same thing I feel about Christiana, feel about my country.

[Pete Holmes]

Complicated.

[Earthquake]

No. United States ain't never did shit to me. It was the people who was running it. Country ain't do to me.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Earthquake]

God ain't do nothing to me. It was the people, the false prophet who represented. Right. Even if it was the person who presented it to me.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

You understand it came from a. A bad source or whatever, but you don't represent My God, right? Cuz my God would never do the things that you're doing, right? You're a hypocrite. You know what I mean? So you. I. I'll be losing if I allow you for me to think that you are that God. So no. So no. My God has never done nothing. Christianity, my faith has never done nothing to me some people who represent that faith that had the power and use the religion as a weapon to do to me and my people have. But not my God. Just like I love my car. I say just like my country. I say I my country is just like my apartment. I love the out my country. I just can't stand the landlord. Who's running this, right? Well yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Who's interpreting it?

[Earthquake]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

What does it mean? Yeah, yeah.

[Earthquake]

Who's the distributor of it?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

Who it represents.

[Pete Holmes]

I've been talking a lot about like when did we like being a Democrat left person. We lost the flag. The right and the Republicans got the flag. When did we lose the flag?

[Earthquake]

I was a Republican. Republican.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh really?

[Earthquake]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Tell me.

[Earthquake]

Until it was hijacked, you know, I mean now I'm an independent, but I was a Reaganite. Oh really? When I was in the military he gave me a raise and stuff like that and sold me with that paper.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, yeah, yeah. Fiscally conservative.

[Earthquake]

Fiscally conservative. And also most black people are believe in God, believe in less government. Police, leave us alone. You know and you know believed in that you your personal responsibility. So we was at. It's just that Republican just like Christian had up representing representatives of the Republican party. And so I was, it was me and Cheryl Underwood. We was the only two black, black Republicans on the black circuit.

[Pete Holmes]

Really?

[Earthquake]

Yeah. On time. Joining everything. We used to debate all, all the Democrats and the reason why I'm not a Democrat is we're all beautiful flawed people. Democrats just feel you pose government pose to fix everything. And what I'm saying is like if you got a big forehead and that person for some reason lost their self esteem because they got a big forehead, a Democrat be like we got to get a program together to help big forehead people. Republicans say no, he's a flawed big forehead but he still God's children. So he's gonna have to find a way to survive on this great earth as a big forehead. And it ain't the government's responsibility to help his big forehead ass.

[Pete Holmes]

Here's a hat, here's a hat.

[Earthquake]

Here's a.

[Pete Holmes]

He has access to bandanas just like the rest of us.

[Earthquake]

The rest of it you never heard of bangs? You ain't never heard of bangs? Yeah, exactly. God damn it. Put a scarf on. Fuck wrong with you?

[Pete Holmes]

No, I understand that. It's interesting to me.

[Earthquake]

Obama.

[Pete Holmes]

You didn't. I mean, I feel like black has to trump Republican.

[Earthquake]

Well, it did. Got some pussy doing the obesity. Because when you won, they was giving up that pussy. Boy, I'm telling you. Stop it. It was. We got a black president. I know. With. Oh, no. Yeah. It was beautiful.

[Pete Holmes]

So you were with Obama.

[Earthquake]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, you.

[Earthquake]

He was.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't want to say you had.

[Earthquake]

To be, but that was huge. Other than being a brother. Take the color out. He was the most qualified person for it. Yeah, he was. I mean, and it still is. So policies you can argue with. We're doing this or doing that. But as qualified that to be the President of the United States.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that was the line you said. That was a little. Not in a bad way. I was like, that's too real. When you said there's no such thing as an unqualified white candidate.

[Earthquake]

It's not white man. I mean, we speak unqualified white man. Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Meaning Trump.

[Earthquake]

Meaning his payment was qualification.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

His pigmentation is his qualification.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Earthquake]

And it speaks for itself.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Earthquake]

This man became President of the United States with no previous government experience.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. That's.

[Earthquake]

I mean. I mean nothing in politics, there's only one person. Not a woman. Yep. Not a black man. Not no ethnic group at all. Only man that can come and have the head. The best job. The leader of the free world. Lead over the nuclear codes. The military making decision with no fucking experience.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Except I hosted the Apprentice and lost.

[Earthquake]

A casino in Atlanta. I mean, Atlantic City. Atlantic City.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

And become President of the United States.

[Pete Holmes]

Right, Right.

[Earthquake]

Never was the class president.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Earthquake]

How are you gonna be president about military? Never made no sacrifice place other than his own. You can't fight. You. You. I bet anybody you can't bring one that said that. That man. Somebody said, you know, he helped me when I was down. I mean, something noble would have had nothing to do with the compensation of money. I'm talking about something, character, nothing. Yeah. Served when it was his turn to go to Vietnam. Bone spurs.

[Pete Holmes]

Bone spurts.

[Earthquake]

Bone spurs.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes, yes.

[Earthquake]

That's the soccer. He wouldn't even sacrifice to fight for this country. Cuz. Bone spurs.

[Pete Holmes]

Sounds like something from the Bible. And the boy came down with bone spurs.

[Earthquake]

So I'm just saying. Yeah. It's a beautiful thing.

[Pete Holmes]

But you bailed on that. I mean, that You. That's when you were like, I'm not aligned with the party right now.

[Earthquake]

No, I wasn't aligned with the party because I don't think my Republican Party is racist. But they have no problem with racist. You know what I'm saying? I don't think the Republican Party is racist, but they don't have no problem with racist.

[Pete Holmes]

They're not anti racist.

[Earthquake]

True.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Earthquake]

Not anti racist.

[Pete Holmes]

And it says a lot.

[Earthquake]

And that you. I can't support that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. When you said in the. When you're talking about ice and then you're like, black people are next, is that a real feeling? Is that a real.

[Earthquake]

Well, yeah, we filled it off there. But I mean, the dignity. If they could find a way to reverse the 14th Amendment and get our ass up out of here. I wrote them. I wrote a movie about that. What if and it's called what if what is when they signed the proclamation that for us to be able to be free.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

Some Southern senator said, well, you know, morally, we was wrong bringing them over here. Morally, we did them wrong. And we did kidnap him. Let's take him back.

[Pete Holmes]

Which is what. What Liberia was right. I mean, didn't. Didn't they try to do that when slavery.

[Earthquake]

Oh, no, I'm not deep in it, but.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, let me whitesplain this to you.

[Earthquake]

I'm just kidding.

[Pete Holmes]

I think there was a brief effort.

[Earthquake]

I'm kidding.

[Pete Holmes]

But I think there was an effort and it just didn't take. It didn't work. I believe. Can you google that, Katie?

[Earthquake]

But just what if they say. And. And those who want to come back, you can come back.

[Pete Holmes]

Right? This is funny. You wrote this and.

[Earthquake]

Yeah, and he said. And he would say, why are you doing that, Pete? Because that of a linger that would. That will release over the more obligation of what we did to him because we took them back. And now while they're back over here, there. They chose to come back.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. And what the movie wasn't all black people leave. It's. Yeah.

[Earthquake]

And it showed that this would have been a boring ass country.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's why.

[Earthquake]

Look, you understand no music.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's what I'm saying.

[Earthquake]

People that came back didn't help out was corny ass, like Clarence Thomas type. It was terrible. And Africa was popping. Well, you.

[Pete Holmes]

You tell me, because I, I am just like the last person to comment on this. But I'm like, it seems like blackness, black culture is America. I know. There's so much hate and there's murder and it's awful. Don't get me wrong, but I'm like, you can't take black history out of America.

[Earthquake]

Tell me, even you for Trump or against Trump or the maga, don't nobody want to live with them? Ain't no fun over there. They winning and they still angry. They got everything. Everything is in their name. They image.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

And they still angry. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, they the most unhappiest in the world. Nobody want to hang with no angry. What is it today? God damn it, what's today? What? Who said what and what you want to cut off now? What? What? What? What? Who made you mad now?

[Pete Holmes]

I've seen the braids.

[Earthquake]

They're not just in the bathroom. Was it tv? Is it a late night talk show? Is the Mexican with a good car?

[Pete Holmes]

What.

[Earthquake]

What is it today? God damn.

[Pete Holmes]

They're not.

[Earthquake]

Can y' all have one good motherfucking day? Just everybody have a good time. Time it. Don't pay attention to nobody. Listen, can we get one happy country song with a happy ass doll with a happy fat ass wife with a good ass Trailer smelling good. Can we get one happy day with you? Y' all about the angriest in the world.

[Pete Holmes]

I've seen the parades. They're not very joyful.

[Earthquake]

I mean, ain't joyful.

[Pete Holmes]

Not one sparkler.

[Earthquake]

Always complain, no confidence. No confetti, no nothing.

[Pete Holmes]

Revving engines and glares.

[Earthquake]

Just one. They never happen. Everything. They got the Senate. They got the. They got the hats. They got the hats. Stormed the motherfucking Capitol. Got off commit crimes. Beat cops ass. Said they broke it on theyself.

[Pete Holmes]

One let loose.

[Earthquake]

Party. One let loose. God damn. You winning.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

Yeah. God damn.

[Pete Holmes]

It's funny. You can measure a revolution or a group by how they celebrate.

[Earthquake]

Yeah, they celebrate. Took health care.

[Pete Holmes]

Got just. Yes.

[Earthquake]

What?

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Earthquake]

First I thought it was about the eggs. Eggs still hiding.

[Pete Holmes]

Eggs got you down. Eggs still got you.

[Earthquake]

You don't hear about the eggs no more. Thought about the goddamn egg. Just wake up in the morning. What could offend me today? And nobody having a party. Old footloose ass party. I mean, no dancing, no happiness.

[Pete Holmes]

You're. You're saying something very true here.

[Earthquake]

No, it's the truth. They just complain angry.

[Pete Holmes]

When comes the smiles?

[Earthquake]

When comes.

[Pete Holmes]

Where are the smiles?

[Earthquake]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Where are the smiles?

[Earthquake]

Nobody want to hang it with this. Don't nobody want to live in that type of country. Make a. Make America angry every day. That's what it is. Make America angry every motherfucker every day. We gonna start some shit.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes. How about you get some shrimp and some crock pots.

[Earthquake]

Yeah, fry it up, baby.

[Pete Holmes]

I just found out today that works, so do it it, do it. Oh, man, you are the. You're the greatest. Let me see if I have anything. Oh, let me just ask in, because you're a valuable guest because you're a legend and you're in your 60s. You've been around. Can you give us some advice, life advice, just to close us out? I feel like a lot of people that have been around and know stuff don't get asked. What do you got to share? Enough, Enough. So if something comes to mind.

[Earthquake]

Quality of life, yo.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Earthquake]

I know it sounds crusade cliche, but you. You got. You never know when it's gonna be your turn. You never know when obstacles gonna come, so don't take it for granted. Remember, your presence is the gift, is the blessing. Excuse me. Anybody that's not enhancing your peace, you need to bless them with your. With your disappearance.

[Pete Holmes]

Anybody that's not increasing your peace, you need to bless them with your disappearance.

[Earthquake]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

That was hot.

[Earthquake]

Bless them which. Your disappearance. And tell them, for the sake of the argument, whatever went wrong, you was right. I was wrong.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right. You can have it.

[Earthquake]

And we'll never have this problem again.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Earthquake]

Because I'll never be around your ass again.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm blessing you.

[Earthquake]

I'm blessing.

[Pete Holmes]

With my disappearance.

[Earthquake]

With my disappearance.

[Pete Holmes]

Abracadabra.

[Earthquake]

Abracadabra.

[Pete Holmes]

Moonwalk away.

[Earthquake]

That's it.

[Pete Holmes]

That's good. Bill Burr has a great line where he goes, if I'm having a fake argument with someone in my head, they're not there. I'm just driving and I'm fighting with them. He goes, goes, they're done. They're done. You're out. Because he's also realizing. He's like, it's life's. Life's too short. Life's too precious. What am I doing?

[Earthquake]

Well, my quality of my time is too precious now, and I'm. I'm blessed enough to have peace.

[Pete Holmes]

That's it.

[Earthquake]

And now I have. I've never been so peaceful in my life right now, and I protect it. And it's non negotiable. No matter what your title is. To me, it's non negotiable. And once I even sense it, I'm blessing you with my disappearance. And it's gonna be quick to.

[Pete Holmes]

That's in the new special. I love it. Bless you with my disappearance is so, so good. And that was in the Eddie documentary as well, where he goes, pray, for peace of mind.

[Earthquake]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

I think people are praying for the wrong stuff. Aiming, hoping he is calm. I don't know him, but he seems like he found his heart. You know what I mean?

[Earthquake]

He's the goat. The goat, the goat.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's what you want, is how you feel right now, is how you feel about your life, meaning right now. So let's be peaceful now.

[Earthquake]

And once you find it protected with all you got, that's what right.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. I love. Well, you did it. You did it.

[Earthquake]

My man.

[Pete Holmes]

Thank you so much. You're a legend. We end with the guest saying, keep it crispy. We'll plug everything up top.

[Earthquake]

Okay?

[Pete Holmes]

So you say, keep it crispy.

[Earthquake]

If you're down, yes. What's up? This your boy earthquake. And you know what you got to do. Keep it crispy, my man. Are you team Batman or spider man? Is the ultimate dish Pizza or tacos? Smash.

[Pete Holmes]

Boom.

[Earthquake]

Best will help settle those debates. Debates and so many more.

[Pete Holmes]

Every episode, we take two cool things.

[Earthquake]

Smash them together, and we see which one is best. Debaters use facts, jokes, stories, and more to argue for their side.

[Pete Holmes]

And it's all judged by a teenager because who is better at judging than a teen.

[Earthquake]

It's fun.

[Pete Holmes]

It's weirdly informative.

[Earthquake]

It's smashboom Best. Get it Wherever you get your podcasts.