Finesse Mitchell

Summary

Podcast Summary: You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes – Finesse Mitchell (May 15, 2024)

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Episode Overview

In this episode, Pete Holmes welcomes comedian, writer, and SNL alum Finesse Mitchell for a vibrant, hilarious, and insightful discussion. The conversation bounces between comedy process, the realities of show business, authenticity on stage, relationships, race in comedy, evolving careers, and memorable personal stories. Both comedians candidly share stories from their personal and professional lives, reflecting on what it means to "keep it weird" and real—on and off stage.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Comedy Process & Authenticity

• Authentic Styles:

  • Both Pete and Finesse explore how their comedic styles evolved. Pete admires Finesse's improvisational flow, likening it to a black preacher’s cadence ("You sound like a black preacher to me." – Pete, [11:16]).
  • Finesse affirms his stand-up is never exactly the same and credits coming up in diverse Miami comedy rooms for his versatility ([19:03]).

• Influences and Finding Your Voice:

  • The guys discuss how performers (comedians, singers, actors) "pick a voice" – from JB Smoove’s onstage persona to Ryan Gosling’s adopted accent ([06:15]).
  • “Everybody in show business is faking a voice, and so are regular people, too.” – Pete ([06:31]).

• Comedy as Flow State:

  • Pete draws a parallel between stand-up and charismatic black preaching: "You knew this dude was in a flow. And that’s what I feel like you’re doing." ([13:23]).

• Advice to Comics:

  • Both discourage comics from radically altering their act for different rooms; authenticity and confidence are what truly work, especially in "black rooms" ([16:24], [24:12]).
  • "Just do the shit that you know is funny... instead of improvising, because... you gonna crash and burn." – Finesse ([24:12]).

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2. Navigating Race & Representation in Comedy

• Performing in Diverse Rooms:

  • Finesse describes learning to “make white people laugh” as his father advised, entering white-dominated spaces and adjusting his act for broader appeal while retaining authenticity ([19:03]).

• N-word Onstage & Audience Perceptions:

  • Finesse urges black comics to consider how mainstream audiences perceive the use of the N-word and the responsibility that comes with it ([21:20]).

• Audience Expectations:

  • “Black rooms” demand the real you. "We love real shit." – Finesse ([18:33]).
  • Pete notes the pressure on white comics in black rooms to change their act, but Finesse says: "We want to laugh at the jokes that made you funny." ([23:09]).

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3. Career Realities: Specials, Industry, and Self-Doubt

• On Comedy Specials:

  • Finesse talks candidly about his one-show Netflix special and the paralysis and insecurity when editing stand-up ("I was just nervous about, I can't believe you did it. I really can't." – Pete, [29:30]).
  • Both comics agree that “Who cares?” is a freeing attitude when considering how and when to release material, referencing other comics like Dan Soder and Orny Adams releasing specials on YouTube ([38:11]).

• Industry Machine & The 'Stock' of Comedians:

  • Touring and contract realities are discussed, emphasizing the intense, sometimes addictive nature of being in-demand and the financial structures motivating high-profile comics ([68:38]).
  • Finesse likens agents and decision-makers to day traders picking stocks: "You're a day trader... bring me the best stock to bet on." ([73:53]).

• Showbiz Myths:

  • The trope that "life isn't fair or there's some evil backroom deal" is dissected as a comforting narrative, but Finesse insists talent and industry mechanisms are behind success far more often ([65:37]).

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4. SNL Experiences & Lessons

• Getting SNL and Looking Back:

  • Finesse shares the path to SNL, his audition (a seven-character "black people at Crouching Tiger" bit), expectations, and later regrets about not working harder when he was young and more into clubbing ([94:17]).

• Show's Evolution:

  • The show’s changing approaches to black cast members are discussed. Finesse references Tracy Morgan's wisdom: "With each black person that walked through that door... the show adjusts." ([97:06]).

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5. Marriage, Relationships, and Family Life

• On Second Marriages:

  • Both comics find humor in the self-awareness that comes after divorce and remarriage: "You ever get into your second marriage and start saying shit like, well, maybe it is me?" – Finesse ([78:11]).

• Finding Balance:

  • Finesse describes setting up his sanctuary at home (“the hotel room”), and both stress the necessity of partners supporting one another’s creative pursuits ([09:00], [79:36]).

• The Golden Rule & Team Marriage:

  • A recurring theme is supporting each other’s "thing" and practicing loving acceptance: "That's the golden rule. That's loving somebody how you want to be loved—very, very spiritual." – Pete ([101:08], [88:00]).

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6. Society & Current Events

• Politics – Ageism & Representation:
  • Lively discussion about Biden, Trump, Kamala Harris, and the hidden biases behind voter fears of having "the first black woman president."
  • "With Hillary, you found out how sexist we were. With Biden, we’re finding out how ageist we are." – Pete ([39:48]).

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7. Comedy Now: Edginess, Standards, & Chappelle

• Say It Era:

  • The guys reflect on how current comedy encourages more directness and less subtlety, unlike the 80s.
  • Finesse notices backlash from a new generation of "comedy watchers" startled by edgier material ([50:30]).

• On Chappelle, Legacy, and Audience Ownership:

  • Pete and Finesse analyze the latest Chappelle specials, the expectation that brilliant comics deliver brilliance every time, and how the audience feels a sense of ownership—like Star Wars fans over the franchise ([57:54]).
  • "It's almost like they become a publicly traded stock. Like, we all have some say." – Pete ([58:12]).

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8. Memorable Quotes & Moments

• On being real:
  “Don't be afraid of you.” – Finesse ([23:45])

• On black rooms:
  “We love real shit.” – Finesse ([18:33])

• On childhood church mischief:
  "One day, my brother was sleep... He thought he had a machine gun. He goes..." – Finesse ([110:31])

• On partners catching comedic gold:
  "My wife comes to my set, she'll have in her phone everything I said... On the drive home, she'll say, 'this one really hit.'" ([100:38])

• On authenticity in comedy:
  “Say it. And what does Bill do best? He says it.” – Pete ([49:13])

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9. Personal Stories & Lighthearted Anecdotes

• "Suck Better" Joke Bit:
  An extended riff on a stand-up bit’s naming—Finesse meant "Suck High," but Pete argues "Suck Better" is funnier, even suggesting it as a T-shirt ([27:25]).
• Kevin Spacey Flirts with Finesse:
  "I like the cut of your jib." Finesse didn't know what that meant, and a friend later explained Spacey was hitting on him ([108:43]).
• Daughter’s Croissant Antic:
  Finesse recounts how his young daughter gave him the tiniest corner of her croissant when he asked for one, a moment of hilarious kid logic ([113:29]).

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Marriage and Wedding Rings: 01:36–04:05
• Comedy Influences / Showbiz Voices: 04:42–06:39
• Stand-up Flow and Black Preaching: 11:04–13:23
• Authenticity in Black Rooms: 16:24–18:45
• On Editing Specials & Releasing Content: 28:42–38:11
• Industry Machine & Comedy as Stock: 68:34–74:54
• SNL, Club Life & Regrets: 91:22–96:08
• Politics, Ageism & Representation: 39:22–42:22
• Chappelle & Comedy Legacy: 53:03–58:12
• Fatherhood & Family Antics: 110:31–115:13
• Golden Rule in Marriage: 100:38–101:08

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Tone and Style

The tone throughout is playful, candid, and honest—full of friendly ribbing, mutual admiration, and deep respect for the craft and struggles of stand-up comedy. Both Pete and Finesse bring warmth and openness, unafraid to share moments of insecurity, lessons from failures, and genuine appreciation for each other's work.

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Notable Episode Takeaways

• Authenticity kills on stage; realness transcends audience demographics.
• Industry realities are complex—success is shaped by talent, timing, business, and luck.
• Comedy is deeply influenced by personal history, community, and family support.
• Supportive relationships—romantic or platonic—are crucial for creative fulfillment.
• Legacy comics (e.g., Chappelle) become communal property, stirring both love and critique.

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Memorable Closing

The episode wraps with Morgan Freeman and Donald Trump impressions, good-natured jokes about social media, and a sincere plea for listeners to support the podcast with ratings and reviews—and always, always:
"Keep it crispy."

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(End of summary)

Transcript

[A]

You made it weird. You made it weird. You made it with. Oh, yeah, you made it weird. Yes, you did. You made it weird with Pete Holmes.

[B]

What's happening, weirdos? This is Finesse Mitchell, who I find to be delightful and wildly talented. He has incredible comedy albums and specials out. You also may know him from Saturday Night Live, on which he was hilarious. And he's delightful here and hilarious here. Um, I listened to his record on the way down, and I was just so blown away with his talent and how improvisational and in the moment he is. And in this conversation, he is just that. And I'm so glad you guys are here. Not much to say up top. Go to PeteHomes.com for tickets to my tour. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you to everybody who came out to the Netflix is a Joke fest here in Los Angeles on May 4th. See, I'm still so used to promoting it. All that detail comes right back to me. But it was an awesome show, and it was just so moving to me that so many people came out. So I want to say thank you again to everybody that came to that. Largo-la.com if you are in the LA area and you want to see me do my show at Largo. Pete Holmes living at Largo and Chicago and Pennsylvania and Texas, all in PeteHomes.com go and check that out. And that's it, guys. Let's get into it. Let's enjoy it.

[A]

Let's be.

[B]

Let's be here together. Get into it. You find out what cologne that guy wears?

[A]

You know, I got out of the car. Use that.

[B]

We'll just reuse this.

[A]

I got out of the car. I went back in the little side pocket just now, and I was like, gotta have to smell good. And now I'm ready to knock on the door.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

I forgot my wedding ring so I could at least smell good.

[B]

I also. I lost my wedding ring. You know what happened? Actually, I lost enough weight that my wedding ring doesn't fit.

[A]

Good for you.

[B]

And then now I buy these bullshit wedding rings.

[A]

That's what I do.

[B]

Really? My wedding ring.

[A]

That's what I do.

[B]

Use them all the time.

[A]

That's what I do.

[B]

Great to lose a wedding ring and not care, bro.

[A]

I'm like. I get these little black bands that I see. They're not plastic, but they're just. They look like, I don't know, like, three for 30, say, $38. Like the ones that just hang on the little nail sticking out of a board when you're walking past a little jewelry card on. On the side of a outdoor plaza. Yeah, because the one that. The one that she got me, it was this David Yurman silvery black diamond thing. And. And when you perform in it, it's distracting. It's distracting. Yeah, I actually.

[B]

It's like a flex.

[A]

Yeah, you keep going.

[B]

Like, to be here.

[A]

There you go, ladies. My wife wants everyone to know I'm married. And we. Yeah, yeah, Actually.

[B]

Actually from South America.

[A]

No.

[B]

Because I've never heard any female involvement in the ring except in South America.

[A]

You know what? When we were looking at. And she was pointing, I said, well, about that one. And so my finger did gravitate toward the one that we got.

[B]

But it's. It's.

[A]

But then on the. But on. In a. In a nightclub, in the Improv's Funny Bones, that light hits it. You can actually see those little sparkles. And. Or it just fairy dust and. Or it just says, I'm married. Married. And that's the last thing I want. I mean, where's my camera? I don't mean it like that. That's you, but that's you. You found out. That's the last thing uncovered. I'm trying to be funny. I'm not trying to say I'm married, man.

[B]

You want, like, Ray Romano married. You know what I mean? Like plain gold. You can complain. You look, like, newly married.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Very excited.

[A]

And I'm a decade in 10 years. Once you're a decade. Well, I say decade. Me and JB Smoothsayed say decade. Cause it sounds like, what's a decade?

[B]

That's my jb.

[A]

My. Let me tell you something.

[B]

Okay? You can have this bit. Are you ready?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

JB's move is so great. I wish he was on other shows. Shows I don't understand. Like, I'm watching the West Wing.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

I never watched the West Wing, but I don't understand politics. So I'm like, I wish there was a JB guy, because he's like, us. He represents someone who doesn't know what's going on.

[A]

Right.

[B]

They're like, we need to have a caucus.

[A]

And he's like, what's the caucus? Right?

[B]

What is filibustering?

[A]

Oh, you mean a group of people getting together to block that shit? Oh, that what we need. Because some of this can't get through. It goes the Senate Congress, you know, like, that's what I need. Yes.

[B]

I would be like, thank you.

[A]

Now, can I tell you a regular person secret?

[B]

Please. Let's tell JB Smooth stories this is.

[A]

The JB Smooth secret. I've known him for, I don't know, 20 years now, but no one knows this. When no one is watching, he goes, so, finesse, how's your day going? And I'm like, I know it.

[B]

That is. You go, how are you today?

[A]

How are you today? Finesse? I'm like, you, mother.

[B]

You know this story. I don't even know whose story this is, but Michael Jackson, somebody said they were like, I'm gonna change it. I'm gonna tell you how I think of it. It's not how I was told. They're sitting in a screening room, like a dark, quiet room. Michael comes in. Michael Jackson doesn't know he's in there, and then hears him go.

[A]

And then he's like, oh, is somebody in here? Hey. Hey.

[B]

I know I'm not the first to.

[A]

Say that, but, like, you know, I believe it.

[B]

You know why I believe it? Cuz I watched it happen to my voice, My comedian voice.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

There was a. You can find old clips of me on YouTube. Not that you'd want to, but you could. Where I'm like, is that a Midwestern accent? What am I doing? I was playing with. Because, like, for lack of a better way to say, like, kind of, like effeminate was kind of funny. Like, not effeminate, but a little flamboyant, I guess I would say it's funny to be like, get the, like. I don't know how to say it. Yeah, I was playing with those levels. And you see, And I'm gonna put this back to you. Ryan Gosling sounds like Marlon Brando in 1972. He sounds like he's from the Bronx or something.

[A]

Dude's Canadian. Right?

[B]

He picked that voice.

[A]

Right?

[B]

So if JB's doing it, Michael's doing it. And. And one last thing. You listen to, like, Billie Eilish, you listen to Phoebe, you listen to any singer, they pick that sound. Yeah, everybody sounds like this when they sing. Everybody sounds real stupid.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And they're like. They, like, played with it. Everybody in show business is faking a voice, and so are regular people, too.

[A]

I saw Chris. Chris.

[B]

Tucker.

[A]

No, not Chris Tucker. I saw Adele is dating LeBron's agent, Chris. I don't even know if his name is Chris. Katie's on it, but Paul. There's a Paul in this, man. Rich. Rich Paul. Rich Chris Paul. I'm getting. I'm getting. I'm getting Chris Paul mixed up. But I know they're the same height pretty much. But yeah, she was so she's dating Rich Paul. And I ran into both of them and I was like, what up, Rich? He's like, what's up? I was like, damn. She's like, what up my. I was like, oh, wait, she didn't say that. Just trying to get a sound bite. No, there's the clip.

[B]

New record for clip.

[A]

New record. Under 10 minute clip.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Said, no wonder you getting these Grammys.

[B]

You know, finesse. Got a sub 10 clip at the potties this year. They're gonna. And the shortest sit down to clip. Social clip moment. Finesse.

[A]

Can I say I'm jealous. I want one of these little back house. I want a back house where, you know, I can tell your wife doesn't come in here much.

[B]

No, this is my. You know, isn't that interesting. I used to think it was so dumb that men had their area. And now I have a wife and a daughter. So I love it. I wanted a daughter, but I am outnumbered by women. And not that she's a woman. She's a kid. Kids are pretty much the same. But I'm outnumbered. And the stuff I want to do, I got my garage. I got a little sauna in the garage. My daughter came in. She wouldn't go down last night. She comes in, I'm in the sauna, and I'm just watching Mission Impossible. And she's like, what is this? And I'm like, this. This is what daddy does. Daddy needs a motorcycle and guns. I need it.

[A]

How old is she?

[B]

She's five and a half.

[A]

Yeah. Okay. Yeah.

[B]

I wasn't naked for any of you wondering. Although, who cares? She wouldn't have cared.

[A]

She probably wouldn't have cared.

[B]

She didn't care. Not yet.

[A]

My. My daughter's just turned five. Oh, okay. Yeah, she just turned five.

[B]

Just one daughter.

[A]

Two.

[B]

Two daughters.

[A]

The other one is nine.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

But, yeah, we have this extra bedroom. We really lucked out in a house in West Hills. So there's an extra bedroom. And I decorated it all nice. And we call it the hotel. That's where you go. Yep. They're always like, daddy's in the hotel.

[B]

Can you please. Will you please make a door that opens with like a black credit card especially and you only. You're the only one that has it.

[A]

I'm going to have a key code on that door.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To just. But they don't like hanging out in there. And they know it's where I watch TV and write or whatever. But it is.

[B]

Did you put it. How hotelly is it?

[A]

On the inside, it has the very skinny nightstand. It has the lamp. It has the very clean full size bed, nicely made, just like you make it on YouTube and stuff. And. And then it has the chair that nobody would buy unless it was in a hotel.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

It has that little sitting chair. And that's it. That's the only thing. And it has the flat screen.

[B]

Little desk.

[A]

There's no little desk. All right, so it's get you. Yes.

[B]

Thank you for doing the podcast. Little shitty desk. It has plugs in it, though. Plugs up top.

[A]

I have the outlet with the plugs and the. It folds out, you know.

[B]

You know, everybody. Everybody needs it.

[A]

Not just men.

[B]

Everybody needs their space.

[A]

My wife's space is the rest of the house. My space is that laugh so hard.

[B]

Listen to your record. When. Because, you know, I'm very happily married. And I was laughing when you were like, I forget the setup. You're really, really good at stand up, man.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

I just want to say thank you. You're like, not just a natural, but your process is natural.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

So I'm trying to think of how to do the joke, but I don't know how you did the joke. You know what I'm saying?

[A]

And I don't know how I do the joke.

[B]

I can tell you don't know how you did the joke.

[A]

Everybody who watches me says, you get up there and you start talking. I've seen you so many times. Finesse.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You get up there and you start talking, and then you lead them into a joke. So the setup is never the same. The out is never the same, but the laughter is always boom.

[B]

And I'm sure you get this constantly, so. Forgive me, but you sound like a black preacher to me.

[A]

I do?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You've never got. You don't get that? No.

[B]

See, I went to church. Not every Sunday, but I used to. You know, Mattapan is a part of Boston. Doesn't matter. It's a very black area.

[A]

Okay. And we were outside of Austin, Texas.

[B]

Boston. Boston, Massachusetts. Yeah.

[A]

Hang out in Boston.

[B]

No, I know. Why would you know that? You know Mattapan? No, we don't all know each other's towns.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Instead of we don't all know each.

[A]

Other, but Ben Affleck robbed a bank that I know about in the movie was called the Town.

[B]

I'm obsessed with the town.

[A]

And he fell in love with a bank teller.

[B]

Well, that's in. That's in Cambridge.

[A]

That was in Cambridge. Yeah. That's not near Patapan. What you Call it.

[B]

Oh, that's Charleston. Charlestown.

[A]

Oh, Charlestown. Charlestown. Anyway, that's as close as I got to Boston. I think we did a Shaq all star comedy jam in Boston.

[B]

All right. You didn't do it in Mattapan. I was looking for black cred. I. I want. The only reason I asked if you knew it is I wanted you to.

[A]

Be like, you know what I mean?

[B]

It's a little. It's like Oakland.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You know what I'm saying? It's like, oh, okay, okay. Like, I want. That's all I was going for. I threw out a Hail Mary so you could be like, click, click. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Well, you. You would say that. It's a roll them up, lock them up.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Sort of situation. I don't know what it's like now, but back then, I felt very cool that I went to church in Mattapan sometimes.

[A]

Oh, okay.

[B]

And specifically, I mean, you open your record by being like, be good to me. You know, like, it sounds like an invocation. It sounds like a preacher getting ready. You're talking about the word. You're talking about. You're bringing it in. And it's really wonderful. But in the same way, let me bring this back to your stand up. A black preacher. Like, the one that I had at the shirt was the same thing. It's like, where. Not to make fun of white preachers, but my pastor would be like, hello. You know, like, just like, now I'm doing Comic View. But it'd be like, good morning.

[A]

Right. Good morning, Jesus.

[B]

It would be like that.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It'd be real. It was the one time. Comic view was 100.

[A]

Right, right.

[B]

White preachers do be like. Because, you know, so you could watch him at the 10am you could watch him or the 9am and watch him again at the 11am Same sermon.

[A]

Same sermon.

[B]

You got the sense. Not just the sense. You knew this dude was in a flow. And that's what I feel like you're doing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then it comes out a little bit vocally. And I was curious if you went to church, if that rubbed off on.

[A]

You, but sort of like what Obama did to start winning elections, which was go to black churches, get that charismatic swag in your delivery. Because what you were doing before that Ivy League shit wasn't resonating and connecting with your districts. And so, yeah. You know, when. And like you said, the difference between a black preacher and a, you know, or a white comic, or even when I see comics with notes, I'm like, I always Want to. I'm that comic that's in the. In the comedy club. Like, give me notes, you know? Well, you. A lot of people don't like me that when I do that. But do you really do it? Oh, yeah, if I grab it, man. I grabbed Neil Brennan's book and you should have seen he already don't like to be touched. But you should have seen his face. Face. I thought he was about to stab me. And he looked up, he was like, oh, finesse. Don't do that.

[B]

Do not do that. Don't do that.

[A]

But yeah, a black preacher's delivery or my standup. Yeah, that's the same. Because, well, since I'm driving in, I'll get on stage. And the first thing I said, I was driving down the 405, wondering, was this whole 15 minute set worth it? You know what I mean? And then I'm gonna go in.

[B]

Please, can I?

[A]

Please, please?

[B]

I'm in. I'm. I love that so much. Just bring a little.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Let's hook before at the beginning. Let's hook before into this. Sometimes I like to say I found. If it's going bad, if the crowd sucks. I'm like, I found parking for this. You know what I mean? Like, just something that's kind of like a defensive line, but something about anything that happened. It's one of the things I loved about living in New York was something would happen on the way to the show.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Without a doubt.

[A]

Now, I like your stand up because not only does it feel genuinely authentic and passionate to you, but it's funny and it's not forced and you come across like, I don't give a If you don't like it because this makes sense to me. And, and, and I'm going to connect with the people that's like, it makes sense to me too. But, you know, they're the people that's like, you know what I mean? And you're like, you guys. Yeah, you. Her.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And when you tell these jokes in your delivery and the payoff, I'm just like, you know what? I'm a P. Hum fan. Because you feel it, you see it.

[B]

Thanks, man.

[A]

And it's great. It's a great stand up.

[B]

I really appreciate it. You know, I. I really love that. But isn't that it? And I heard that in your, in your record as well is like an ownership of who you are. And like, I don't mean to make this all black stuff, but like, I feel like, what black rooms we're talking about coming up I'm not saying you came up.

[A]

Did you come up Black rooms? Yes.

[B]

Okay. Black rooms. People were like, what's the secret? And it seemed to me they were authenticity. They wanted it to be real. They didn't want you to be fake. So you. You're saying about me, at least I'm being who I am. Right.

[A]

Telling. I was telling a guy named Jack. I just worked with him and I pray to God that's his name. It's either Jack or Jason, but it was my first time working with him. And at the Pittsburgh Improv. It's from Australia. Very funny guy. But he had this bit where, you know, it's a fish out of water bit, but he's like, I'm so happy to be in America. You know, I was fat and poor in Australia, and over here I'm just poor because, you know.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then he gets to the middle of his act and he says, you know, I had my first conversation with a black woman the other day. And I'm like, okay, where's this going? And then he goes, yeah, we were at a Taco Bell. And I'm like, okay, yeah, she was working a Taco Bell. I'm like, yeah, okay, this is. This is. You better bring this back around. Oh, no, real quick.

[B]

But that's not the joke.

[A]

No, the joke is that the joke is a great payoff, and I'm not going to tell this joke. Yeah, yeah, but the. The joke is a great payoff. And I. And I. When he came off stage, I said, you know, you didn't talk to your first black woman and you didn't have your conversation with your first black woman. Yeah, just say I had a conversation with a black woman.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Because nobody black is going to believe you've never talked to a black woman or even just say excuse or that you're talking to. Or you're trying to treat her like that's. That's an alien.

[B]

Right? Well, that. That's what.

[A]

That's. Yeah. And that's how you making it.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I met a black woman. I said, man, those jokes are so long gone. 20 years ago. Don't even. Right up.

[B]

Right. Would you agree, though, that, like, it's something Bill Bur used to say? He did a lot of black rooms. He was like, I'm a crossover. And he was like. But he said what it was, was he would be himself.

[A]

Right. And he's not a crossover.

[B]

Right. I agree.

[A]

He's real.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

We love real shit.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Say it. Even if. Even if Bill was like, I'm a fucking skin hat. We'd be like, we see it.

[B]

I just prefer the white race, right? What can I say? Look at what we've done.

[A]

Went to the barber, they put a guard on the clipper.

[B]

I said, take the guard off.

[A]

Just save it.

[B]

Listen to my views.

[A]

Take the guard off. Yes. Don't kill me. Meet my wife.

[B]

And then you're like the skillful reveal.

[A]

Of the black wife. Deadhom soon. But circling back. I thought about it. No, I started in Miami. Miami, Florida. I did black rooms, but the mainstream rooms, the improvs and everything. Cubans, Jewish, Jamaicans, blacks, whites, Haitians, everybody was in those rooms. And I think that helped me so that when I did move back to Atlanta and there was the Uptown Comedy club, which was the black club, and then the punchline out there on Roswell Road, I was like, you know what? I want to learn to make white people laugh. And my father would always say, make white people laugh. Make white people laugh. You know how to make black people laugh. You've been making this house laugh all your life. Make white people laugh.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

And so then when I started going out to the punchline and I was actually getting up more at the punchline because it was kind of blocking at the black clubs about who's going to get on stage, I said, you know what, Let me tell these mainstream jokes about Home Depot and hurricanes, right? And da da da da. Instead of telling the black struggle.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know, and that's what I always try.

[B]

You noticed that you dissected the difference.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

Nobody pulled. I mean, no one would have.

[A]

My father. Yeah, my father said, if you learn to make. He said, you know who Bob Hope is? Yeah, I think so. So he would make everybody laugh in the military. Just go there, base to base to base, making military people laugh. And all of a sudden it became a big TV thing. And now annual. Now it's twice a year now it's almost every quarter. You see Bob Hope doing a show from. From a military base. He said, make, Make America laugh because you know how to make black people laugh. And that way when I did go to a room and I saw a diverse crowd or all white crowd, I'm gonna punch them in a jaw either way. And I'm not gonna call them the N word because that's the one thing I do not like that black comics do is that we will go into a mainstream room and we won't switch nothing up because we think it's about us and we think they there to see us. But they're also. They are there to see you, but they're there to see a show. And the show you're giving them is that you're saying, this is. This is me. But you mean when you. When you say the N word, but when white people look at it, they don't look at it like, that's your point of view. They say, that's how they all talk.

[B]

Oh, interesting.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

There's like a. It's not fair, and you didn't ask for it, but there's a little bit of a representation.

[A]

You're representing absolutely your people. Because, you know, you hear white. You have your white comics all the time say, y' all just say the N word. And even though I wouldn't say it, I say, stop, we're gonna have a conversation. Don't tell me you don't say it. Cause I know you say it. There's too many songs out there with the damn N word in the top 10. So I know you say it.

[B]

Dude, I used to have a bit where I go, is there anything weirder than asking for that Jay Z Kanye song, asking Alexa to play it?

[A]

Right, right.

[B]

They go, alexa, play Paris, Paris. Play Paris, Paris. Kanye and Jay Z are in Paris.

[A]

Play Nicaraguans in Paris. You pray she picks it up. You meet niggas in Paris.

[B]

That I'm pretty sure, volume up. If you say it, she'll say, now, playing N words in Paris.

[A]

She won't say it. She won't say it.

[B]

And the tag was, I knew Alexa was white. Wouldn't it be. It would be like Adele.

[A]

Whoa. Right?

[B]

Yeah. All right, so. But what do they say? They say, I don't say it, but they say that.

[A]

They say, I don't say it, but the fact that comics literally see it. And here's the thing I said, and I will always tell black comics who ask, because I said, man, I see so many white comics come to a black room thinking they Gary Owen. And you're not Gary Owen because Gary Owen was actually born black. It'll be revealed later in life. No, no. But he's a master at his craft. But I see too many white comics getting nervous or just hear jam at the end of a comedy night or mo better at the beginning of a comedy night and think they gotta switch up their whole act.

[B]

Yeah, yeah.

[A]

But no, we want to laugh at the jokes that made you funny.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Not the jokes. You thinking about walking to the stage, that you're gonna connect. You're going to fail every time.

[B]

But would you tell me I'm ready to be wrong. It seems like it reminds me of hip hop. Two things in black culture, hip hop and black comedy. Let's say confidence seems to be like a huge thing. Even if you're going to be mopey and low energy. I'm not saying everybody has to be out there going, Kevin Hart big. But you gotta. Would you say that the audiences are a little bit more like, bring some sort of energy. Bring some sort of.

[A]

Yeah, bring you.

[B]

Bring you. And don't be afraid of you.

[A]

Yeah. When. When you get up there in front of a black audience and I don't care if it's a thug orders. Let me tell you something. Black comics are scared of thug audiences. So we know you're terrified. We already know you guys are shitting on yourself. Bubble guts. You're thinking of this hip hop lyric that you about to bust out in the opener.

[B]

Play this so I can rap along to it and get some repl.

[A]

Poor. You know, you come out to the rap music and then you be like, thank you, dj. You look at the crowd and everybody's like, you know what I mean? Just do the shit that you know is funny.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Instead of improvising, because you're gonna, you're gonna. You. It's an 8 out of 10 chance you gonna crash and burn. And what I used to do in most white rooms is tell my jokes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And they're laughing.

[B]

No. Only chip in the cookie. No, that. By the way, anybody wondering nine out of 10 comics, when I was on the road, if it was one black guy, you say, I'm the only chip in the cookie.

[A]

I got a dope one. I got a dope one. And I cannot lie. Sometimes I will go into a room in three seconds, four seconds into the show. I can just sit there and the biggest joke is not saying anything. You're just doing this and people just start laughing.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

You ain't gotta say it. And then I say, well, I don't know how this gonna go. I' ma heard this up. I can tell none of my people got the email. Boom.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And then I go into my bit.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

But you know, Very good. Once you find those bits, you know, I. I go into a conservative audience. You know what I mean? I can look, I can tell. Well, guys, I hope no one's disappointed about the show I'm about to do. Because if you're expecting a really urban, super street comic, that's not me. I just gave my life to Jesus Christ. But then he gave it right. Background check. I was like, damn, I can't get a credit card or Christ, you know what I mean?

[B]

Credit card or Christ. See, this is just good. And this is, you know, it's so funny how the brain wants to go like, is that black comedy? Were you following your advice? Are you figuring out how to make white people laugh or is that just funny? And that's a compliment. I'm like, I'm not going like, oh.

[A]

You figured out just funny. Bill Burch is funny, you know?

[B]

Well, that's what I'm hearing. When I listened to you, what felt black to me was I was like, the delivery, the cadence, the material was not whatever.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Which, by the way, we're coming in, you have this joke. We got to talk about this. I thought that was so funny on your album. I thought it was great. And I actually want to. I think I can make you feel. Feel good about it maybe. You have a joke called suck better. And you're just talking about like a real housewife on Orange county is so rich. She says. She says real shit. And she goes, if you're gonna suck a dick, make sure it's attached to a billionaire. And you go off on them, right? And then you're like, that's good advice. And then it leads to this whole tear. We're not gonna do it. I'm just saying that's good advice. I might tell my daughter that kind of thing. Yeah.

[A]

Cuz you're gonna suck one, you might as well. Even if you find out you don't like them, you gonna suck at least two to find out.

[B]

So at least suck a dick attached to a boat is what he is.

[A]

At least suck. Suck a dick. Suck boat dick. Suck boat dick dudes out there.

[B]

And then you went Range Rover. And then you're like, Ford F150. Cuz you're gonna have to move at least twice in your life. You're gonna need a friend with a truck. It was great. But you kept saying suck better. And I actually paused. I'm driving. I was listening to it on the drive down and I saw the track was called Suck better. And you told me on the way in that you meant to say the.

[A]

Joke is suck high.

[B]

Suck high.

[A]

The Joe has. The joke has been suck high. Like aim two years. Like aim high.

[B]

I'm gonna say, okay, look, you know, I'm gonna say this. I think suck better is better. Well, because suck means do badly better. So it's kind of funny. Like suck better, but it's like high.

[A]

I don't know that Sounds like that preacher delivery. Yeah, stop setting your sights down here. Suck high. Yeah, Suck high. And I'm telling you, when those people be like, here you are, It's a T shirt, bro. Here you are.

[B]

I think suck better is a T shirt though, because also suck better just looks like it's less conspicuous. Suck better.

[A]

What does that mean, suck high? You have no clue what that means. It sounds like a weed thing, but you see. Yeah, but that's my point. Suck better because it's in.

[B]

It's in the record. You should like, you should be glad that she thinks you're not wrong, but that the one that you recorded is the way.

[A]

Now we need a black woman in here.

[B]

Well, I think there's a Taco Bell.

[A]

Go get La Fonda from the drive thru. We're going to see who's right now. No, we.

[B]

Well, yeah, even, even.

[A]

Even. That's. That. That special is called the Spirit told me to tell you shout out to Brian Folk Weiss, Comedy Dynamics, doing a special for me. But it was a one. It was a one show special and.

[B]

You did a one.

[A]

Just one.

[B]

I am so impressed.

[A]

1. It was a Thursday night. They were like, it was a Thursday in la, in Glendale. Go out there, Finesse. I had my opener and I forgot to tell them to dim the lights on the crowd. I'm staring at everybody staring back at me and I'm just like, okay, finesse. Don't this up. But what I did say, you don't.

[B]

Seem nervous at all.

[A]

At least an hour and 15 minutes since you don't have two shows.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So if you got to cut something out, you'll have something.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Wiggle room. And so I wasn't even smart enough to go back out and say, hey, guys, we're gonna. After the show, we're gonna do this one thing where I just did. I didn't do any of that. Yeah, it was just that part of the show I was nervous about. I was just nervous about.

[B]

I can't believe you did it. I really can't.

[A]

Nothing to edit from. Nothing. Just. No, I know I'm going to go from minute seven to minute 18, but nothing to go from show one to show two.

[B]

You don't. I really feel. I don't know why I'm complimenting my compliment, but there's only so many of us that will know exactly what you did. And I listened to it today and I was like, it does not feel like a guy who's, you know, playing with scared money.

[A]

You're, like going for it Let me tell you something, my friend. There's one in the chamber called slightly offensive. I shot it almost two years ago thinking that, okay, Netflix, this, that, that. First, it took me about five or six months to get to it, to start editing it, to start the editing process. And then I just wanted to, you know, be meticulous with it, because now I did have two shows. And then I was just like, all right, oh, I'm going to call Lorne Michaels and tell him to call Netflix. You know? But everything took so long that before another. Before I knew it, a whole year went by, then a year and a half went by, and now I'm just like, what can I do with this special? Because I'm talking about COVID for 17 minutes on the back of the special, and I'm just like. And everybody's like, just put on YouTube. Put on YouTube. But comics, sometimes we get in our way. Sometimes we say, I don't like the way my collar was sticking out.

[B]

You need someone. You need someone else.

[A]

It's these young cats. Yes. It's these young influencers that look at you like, just put it out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

People don't care.

[B]

Yeah, no, it's true.

[A]

They don't care. Finesse.

[B]

I put it on a special just to encourage you. Not that you need it, but my Comedy Central special. Nice try. The devil is on Comedy Central. They put it on YouTube.

[A]

They asked.

[B]

That was nice. I was like, can we split the ad revenue? No, no, no. Which is fine.

[A]

What ad revenue?

[B]

No, no, we're asking. Just kind of like a. Do you mind if I put this ham in your trunk? Going to put it down. It's a heavy ham.

[A]

Is our special.

[B]

Please don't misunderstand. Can we put our special on YouTube? And this is just a courtesy, honestly, I get it. I was like, look, more people are going to see it. Thank you. Please put on YouTube. Yeah, you know what I asked? I said, can I put on my YouTube as well? That's actually. I didn't say, can we split the ad revenue? Okay, so I can't put on mine as well. And they said, no, that's fine. But the thing is, it goes on YouTube. This is a special. You know, I don't do topical stuff. But it's old. You know, I look different. It's all this stuff. Different kind of voice. Proud of it.

[A]

Different voice.

[B]

You know, I hadn't found my voice completely yet, and it did great. So I'm just saying, like, who cares?

[A]

Who cares?

[B]

Nobody knows when anything comes out.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Crashing came out in whatever 10 years ago. People are like. They just found it. They're like, is there a new season coming?

[A]

Right.

[B]

Nobody knows. No one knows anything. So, yeah, put on YouTube. Also, what your story made me think of is like, I'm 40. I'm turning 45 this month, and I'm just like, I'm really getting to a point in my office, who do people tell you look like John Ritter?

[A]

John.

[B]

Black people say I look like John Ritter. You want to know what white people say?

[A]

What do they say?

[B]

Val Kilmer. It does break down by race, though.

[A]

I do see that too. But I see Val Kilmer, who didn't make it to the Air Force Academy.

[B]

Hilarious. Val Kilmer. If he couldn't do a pull up.

[A]

Yeah. If he couldn't play volleyball.

[B]

Yeah. Val Kilmer. And everyone's like, put your shirt on, put your shirt on. No one can focus. Put your jiggly shirt on.

[A]

You're gonna put you on the fence in Guantana. Guantanamo Bay. Who ordered the code Red?

[B]

Oh, my God. Yes.

[A]

But. Oh, well, I did a movie with his son. Who?

[B]

Val Kilmer's son?

[A]

No, Jason Ritter.

[B]

Oh, John Ritter's son.

[A]

Yeah. And so that. That look and his moves, because I was a huge.

[B]

I'm a huge John Ritter fan, too.

[A]

Three's Company fan. And. And you just looked at me and I was like, I got it.

[B]

Yeah, but why do I sound like him?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Sound like I got it. Because my skull is the.

[A]

As soon as you said. I was trying to find my voice, and I'm like, you know who you sound like?

[B]

You sound.

[A]

Yeah. You know who you look like?

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I do know who I look like.

[A]

Black people. Go Google Three's Company. All right.

[B]

Or Bad Santa. I. I feel like everybody loves Bad Santa.

[A]

Yeah, Bad Santa.

[B]

Everybody. I'm trying to. What's a movie that can bring all the people together? Everybody together?

[A]

I don't know. New Jackson.

[B]

Oh, you need people. So in my office, I now write down my team. I don't mean my employees. I mean, like, who are the people I trust? No, no, no. That's what I'm saying. I don't mean employees. Katie's on it. Okay, write down Katie Levine. She shows up for me. She's. She's a great person. Chris Thayer. He opened for me for years. Will you watch my special?

[A]

Will you.

[B]

Will you Time Code? You needed somebody else, right? Like, you, Like. Look, I'm not. It's not advice. It's. It's solidarity. You film a special, you can't go and watch it. You can't be the first one to put a cut together. Someone else has to do that, and then you can watch it maybe.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You know what I mean?

[A]

I 1000% disagree.

[B]

You don't agree?

[A]

I do not agree.

[B]

Oh, no. Then you do your pass. I'm talking about your first cut, okay? You. You hesitated how many months?

[A]

Yeah, that's because you don't want to.

[B]

Look at that raw footage.

[A]

I don't want to look at it.

[B]

Because I am right there with you. All my specials, frame by frame, cut by cut. It's me in the edit, but, like, I get that paralysis I'm talking about. You are a. You know what Chris Rock said about, like, taking a comedian and giving him a TV show? You know this line. He goes, it's like taking a waiter, the best waiter in the restaurant, giving him a restaurant. So it's the same thing. You're amazing at stand up. Why should you also be incredible at being like, all right, Monday, 8am let's be in that edit bay.

[A]

Right?

[B]

It's not our skill.

[A]

Right?

[B]

It's not our skill.

[A]

I, I, I, for one, love editing. I don't know why it took me so long. I just. I just knew that that great. That night was so great. It felt so magical. I was so proud of myself. And I think when I saw, like, the first 10 minutes, I was just like, oh, my God, look at all the sweat. I'm sweating. I'm not putting this shit out. I'm not putting this shit out, dude.

[B]

Then when I was too vulnerable and I.

[A]

A couple of months later, I watched show two, no sweat, the entire show. So then I was like, what the was going on? It was like, nervous energy, bro. He was just probably just like, all work, jacked up and on. On the first show, I'm like, all right. So when I found my color corrector, dude, you know, we're sitting up there editing back and forth, and he does all the Netflix specials, and he's like, it's pretty good. Like, I don't laugh a lot. I've seen everybody. It's pretty good. I said, thank you. He said, want me to fix that sweat? I said, what do you mean? He said, I can get rid of that. I was like, how? He said, I can get rid of the sweat. It's gonna cost you a little bit more, but I can get rid of the sweat. I was like, get rid of the sweat?

[B]

Like, digitally?

[A]

Yes. He put these little pixel things on your face. It tracks you, and it Just totally removed the sweat. And it was just like. It just looked like makeup. It just looked like. You couldn't even tell. And I was just like, holy shit, dude. I probably sat on this shit for another three, four months. Just was like, oh, man, I was looking too sweaty. Whoa. Meanwhile, there are other comedians, from Martin Lawrence to everybody special. Drenched.

[B]

Drenched wearing leather. Dude. Louis drenched has a sweat stain on his belly. One of his best specials. And you're like, does he have a stain? You realize it's getting bigger as the show goes. Cause his stomach is sweating.

[A]

Sweating. Yeah, that's. And. And. And, I mean, that's pretty. Everybody's like, yo, man, you're putting in work, dog. People expect you to sweat. And I was just like, no. But now it's like, okay, it. Putting this out. Putting it on YouTube. Probably put it out May 1st on YouTube. And we just gonna run with it, because the next one is all in my head, and I'm ready to go do that one. And the next one is going to be about 30 minutes this hour. What the am I stressing about?

[B]

Why did we make these things?

[A]

Why do we make them?

[B]

We made it up. Did you just see Dan Soder? No. Dan soder put on YouTube. Great special. It's called on the Road. I laughed the whole time. Okay, when does that happen, right? You know, you're a comic. You put it on. You're like, I love Dan, but I'm like, I just want to see how he opens.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I just want to watch how he opens. I love how comics open. I'm obsessed with it. Just 40 minutes later, no break. No break. And I was alone, too. I mean, all these are compliments.

[A]

Alone.

[B]

Not even really in the mood. Laugh the whole time. My point is 40 minutes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know why?

[A]

Who cares?

[B]

Because who cares? That's why.

[A]

Who cares.

[B]

Who cares is why Goodbye is.

[A]

Surrounded myself with influencers and people under 30 that was like, who gives a. Where's the next one? You got to feed the beast. They didn't care about that actual thing because it was already great and it was already forwarding it, but they were like, and what are you putting out tomorrow?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm like, oh, I get it. You guys care about the art.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, it's us. It's our ego that. You ever watch a special at the end, you pause it just to see how long it was.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

You go like, did they do it? And honestly, not recently. Not with Dan. But, you know, maybe 10 years ago, someone puts out a special it's like 50 minutes. I'm like. Couldn't quite do it.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. Is it technically an hour long special?

[B]

Is it.

[A]

Are you. Do you want us to count the credits?

[B]

Yeah. You did a new hour counting credit.

[A]

Yes. Yeah, yeah. Oh, that intro you had where you went to your mom's house and everybody was holding hands at the dinner table. Yeah. Was seven minutes long, buddy.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sort ate into the hour.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I just did an hour on Netflix.

[A]

Did you? Yeah. You did a hot 40 care less. You know, it's a different time. It's a different. Can't wait to talk about Trump. No.

[B]

You mean when he's in office.

[A]

Yeah, when he's in. He gets back in office. Yeah. I know what America's doing.

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

I mean, Trump would be out of there, bro. He would be out of there. I mean, what do you mean he'd.

[B]

Be out of there?

[A]

He, he, he wouldn't even be considered a serious candidate. But I thought about, are we really. Are we really so against age? Are we such, like an ageless community.

[B]

Where we're like, you know, with Hillary, you found out how sexist we were.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

With Biden, we're finding out how ages we are. And we are.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like, we really are.

[A]

Caveat. If he dies, if he croaks, if he actually acts his age, guess who's president? The first black woman president.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We didn't want Hillary in there, so I'll be damned if we want Kamala in there.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that's what I realized. Oh, no wonder there's so many dudes, like, you know, hell no.

[B]

Oh, that's what's going on. They're going. A vote for Biden is a vote for the first black female president.

[A]

Absolutely. See, you didn't connect those dots.

[B]

See, and I don't know if. I don't know. I can't speak for anybody, but I bet there are people that feel that way and don't even know that. That's why they feel.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

It's like an unconscious.

[A]

Because I'm like, wait a minute.

[B]

Racist, sexist feeling.

[A]

I understand. Trump should be very niche.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But he shouldn't be, like, able to take over the entire party and put a relative in charge of the RNC's.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Checkbook.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, where are the. Where are these people? That's just like, let's. Let's let them have everything.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Who does that? So I'm like, where. Where are the alternatives? And I'm not a big Nikki fan, but she's capable of doing the job. Nikki Haley, and then you have some other quacks, but they're capable. And anybody actually could be Biden, in my opinion.

[B]

But, I mean, if they ran against.

[A]

Him as a Democrat, anybody could be Biden.

[B]

You think so?

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

I worry that most people are just like, don't change a horse midstream.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, I feel like that's.

[A]

But if there's, like, folksy wisdom, look out. But there's something. But now. But now. Now you're stuck. Like, you got all your cards in this one basket. Out of 91 counts, he did eight of them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean? So he did at least eight. It's the feds.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Feds don't make no mistake.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

So it's like, all right, what is the. What is the big drawback to having an old grandpa? Oh, Kamala's black and she's a woman.

[B]

Yeah, got it. You know that Santino bit?

[A]

Just push him.

[B]

Just push him. Give him a little push.

[A]

That's hilarious.

[B]

Black female president. Just give him a push. You're one push away. It's really funny.

[A]

And she was, like, the first woman out of it, out of the race when they all ran for president.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

She was the first one. Like, no money, no structure, no great team, no great message. You had some great sound bites when you were prosecuting people on little panels. And you get your little clips, and everybody's like. Cory Booker was like, yeah, I got my little clips. And, yeah, everybody was like, we're running. But she was the first one out. And Joe Biden did the same thing that Obama did.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Obama said, who do they hate more than me?

[B]

Right.

[A]

Nobody likes Joe. But you gotta like Joe because he's been here for 40 years, and he knows shit about everybody.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm getting Joe.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

And Joe was a lot. And Obama running around for eight years.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Not even a slingshot, not even a rock being thrown.

[B]

Right, Right.

[A]

Because they're like, hell, no to Joe Biden.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So.

[B]

Oh, interesting. You gotta pick a vice president. Well, I guess we're saying two things. One, you gotta pick one that they don't want to take over, but also, you gotta pick one that they don't want you to take over and not look like you're gonna die soon.

[A]

Right. Right.

[B]

You gotta look like you're healthy and your vice president. You don't want that.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I think even Trump had that. No pence. Yeah.

[A]

Nobody wanted pence.

[B]

Nobody wants pence.

[A]

And the Thing about Pence is that I think Pence had to be the biggest yes man. Like, in politics, the conservative. The conservatism of Pence was just, like, unmatched. You know, you calling your mom mother, you know all this. Like, it was unmatched.

[B]

It's.

[A]

It's. Flies. Loved them. Everybody loved.

[B]

Yeah, I remember that fly, man. I remember that fly. One of my best lines. Mike Pence looks like a clear gummy bear. That's on my special. I was just like, that is. I didn't even bother saying is so white.

[A]

You just say, better hair than Jimmy Johnson. You never. I never thought I'd say that. But the thing is, is that it took you this long to come out and finally say, yeah, I don't think I'd vote for Trump. But why? Yeah, he's just not. Just say. He told people it's okay to hang you, bro. Yeah, they were actually chanting that and.

[B]

Just say, yeah, right.

[A]

He tried to get me and my family killed. Just say it.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Yeah, I would say it.

[B]

Right?

[A]

And that's that authenticity. I feel like when black people go to comedy shows, we want to see and hear you say, you don't want a snow job.

[B]

They don't.

[A]

Yeah. Because we. We. We know the difference. Weirdos.

[B]

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[A]

I'm like, just say, right. Say it. And what does Bill do best? He says it.

[B]

He says, I was on stage. And you know what? It's great. I did the story this week, and I was talking about how I don't have sex on Valentine's Day. I just think that's funny. I'm like, nobody's telling me to fuck my wife on Valentine's Day. Like, is there anything sadder than being like, I got it. I got to do it. It's the middle of February, and I go, fuck Hallmark. I'm going to kill your family. And I, like, I just went too far, right? But that's so fun to play. Play, because I was saying, I don't get drunk on St. Patrick's Day and I don't fuck on Valentine's Day. I just don't want anyone telling me when to do anything. You know what I mean? But, like, you go too far and say, I'm going to kill your family. Hallmark. And then you go. And then that's the joke. You're just like, I went too far. But then. Then you later in the bit, say, I'm going to kill your family. Say it again. Say it again. We're talking about a corporation. It's not a thing.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Anyway, that. It's just like, I've been inspired by. I mean, have you noticed that same trend? It seems like comedy as a whole is like, say it. Whereas I think in the 80s, you know, it was still kind of like, remember the Seinfeld episode about jerking off? But they don't say it. We all love that so much, right? Right now we're kind of in a place where it's like, it's the Internet. It's just how we communicate. It's like that. That love of subtlety is sort of out the door a little bit.

[A]

Here's. Now, here's my take on that. There's a whole new community of comedy watchers that are like, why did he say that? What? That was so like, oh, my God. You know what I mean? And you're like, who are you people? Because you mean to tell me Eddie Murphy can't do the Raw special.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

In 2024.

[B]

Right.

[A]

He can't be like, pull over now.

[B]

I'm gonna go suck a dick.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Well, actually, no, probably. I mean, maybe. But here's the thing. I mean, we talk about this on the show a lot. It just comes up. You also can. Robin Tran. Do you know Robin? She's a great transgender comedian. Wonderful. She's like, what are you talking about?

[A]

Right.

[B]

You can do anything.

[A]

You can do anything.

[B]

People get mad. But here's my addition. People were always mad, right? Now they can talk, and that's actually kind of good. Let them talk, find each other, work it out. That's good. I'm not for, like, taking things down, per se. It's just like, Robin was like, succession. Watch Succession. It won every award. And every other joke is like an incest, sexual assault joke. Like, so what. What dystopian world do you pretend you're living in?

[A]

Right?

[B]

There's just like. You know, when people try a product, they say if one. If someone loves it, they'll tell one person. If they hate it, they'll tell 10 people.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Kind of what's happening.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It's like a standard of marketing. Bill Burr says some outrageous shit. And I'm not saying. When I watched Chappelle's new Special, there are parts where I was just like, come on. You know, just like that. Just a little disappointed, I suppose. But, you know, I get it.

[A]

Not right. Like, right, but not Dave. I don't know what the fuck you talking about.

[B]

I respect it, man. A lot of people don't have the balls to call me out.

[A]

Disappoint.

[B]

I appreciate you saying that to me, to be here.

[A]

I'm just listening to him.

[B]

I may be the goat, but you are the friend of the goat. Everybody running around finesse. Running around being afraid of me. You spoke truth to power. That's what I'm all about.

[A]

Clayton Bisby, have a Newport.

[B]

He doesn't smoke Newport. He smoke American Spirit.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

Sorry. I just. Black stereotype.

[A]

I know Newport.

[B]

You know what I meant. It Wasn't like, I was disappointed in Dave. I was just. Some of the jokes, I was like, you know, what offends me is always like, if it's something my dad would say, that's. That's my line. It's not even that it's so much offensive. It's that I'm like, you got to be better than my dad at a barbershop. That's all I'm saying.

[A]

Here's my thing about Dave, though. I feel like you can deliver this for so long.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then, you know what? Let's throw. Let's throw one of these in.

[B]

That's what it felt like.

[A]

Let's throw one of these in there, dude.

[B]

I'm not just agreeing with you. That's what it felt like.

[A]

Yeah, but in this moment. There's still more of these in that moment than most specials have in their careers.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So when he does that joke, we're like, is that a Dave joke?

[B]

Right.

[A]

Is that a Chappelle joke?

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's not a Chappelle joke.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I can't believe she's doing that.

[B]

The standard is totally different. Yeah, Right.

[A]

But at the same time, is he saying I'm being lazy, or is he saying, this is what you guys want? Because when I do this shit over here, you guys try to cancel me. You know what I mean? So no matter.

[B]

I would believe he's brilliant enough to be thinking that, bro.

[A]

I. I have never been somebody. I've never been around somebody who's, to me, just brilliant.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I've been around a bunch of brilliant comics, but this guy.

[B]

Different level, different level. I don't. Now you're making me sweaty. I'm not talking shit about Dave.

[A]

No, it's too late.

[B]

I can cut it out.

[A]

No, don't cut out.

[B]

Leave it in there.

[A]

No, he's. He. He's not. He's not everybody's cup of tea, bro. You know what I mean? That's fair.

[B]

I'm talking about the latest special.

[A]

Yeah, I know what you. I know exactly what you're talking about.

[B]

The first 10 minutes. And I'm just like, why are we.

[A]

I saw it in development, and I was just like, yeah, I don't think that's gonna make the special. It was the first joke. I was like. I was like, okay.

[B]

To me, it's like, what energies are we working with? And you tell me you know him better than I do, but I don't know at all is why I think you know him better than me. But it's like, that, like, fuck you, you can't tell me what to do energy just isn't my favorite energy on anybody.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Anybody.

[A]

Right. But here's. Here's what I love about it. If there is a fuck you, you can't tell me what to do energy, I'd rather it come from him, who's brilliant, who knows exactly what he's doing and can kill you in any type of conversation you want to have on any subject, anytime you're ready. I'd rather have that in his power and in his hands than just a random ass comic that's just up there who either got lucky with what he's about to say, or he's just dabbling in it and he sounds like a fucking idiot.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And I've seen too many of us get up there who try to do crowd work, and you're like, you just fucked up the whole show. And I've seen us get up there to try to do rants, and it makes no sense. Cause you had nothing funny to follow that rant. Yeah, I've seen people get up there and try to do politics. And you're like, that was the dumbest premise and the dumbest takeaway I've ever heard. Yes. Like, you don't. You're not. Yeah, I'd rather Dave do anything. So if he does something that's just like a physical middle of the road, low brow. Hey, how do I. Watery grave. I don't know.

[B]

That was brilliant.

[A]

No, no, no.

[B]

I will. I will fight you on that. You know, the joke can't sound like something you would riff if you told me that people went in a submarine down to the Titanic purposefully saw him.

[A]

Take watery grave from his infancy to a callback. Purposefully. Yeah, So I saw the process. Oh, my God, bro. So you didn't finish the special you watched the first eight minutes? He says about seven times. No, it's his call back. And.

[B]

But, okay, but I.

[A]

But I will say this just like.

[B]

And I was wrong.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I want to get that out because. Because it seems like a riff. It seems like. Like you're doing a show. We're just kind of like, ah, welcome to our.

[A]

I used to. He has a story in that last special where he's. I forgot the damn story. I'm almost up. My mind is drawing a blank. But that story that he tells at the end that you didn't watch, because it was at the end.

[B]

But I've seen all the other ones.

[A]

But I. But I've heard that story. But I've Heard that story a couple of years ago. And for him. And I've. And I should say I've heard that story a couple of specials ago. So for that story to pop up on this special, it's like, you know what? This guy's process, bro. He's like, I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna do it in these last six specials. And that's. And because I've been a fan, he was one of the reasons, he was one of the reasons I did comedy. I saw a lot of comedians. I watched Def Jam. I watched. But there were some people, you know, you saw a set, Dave Chappelle set. How they come up with the N word. Chris Tucker set. There was certain. Said Bill Bellamy set. There were certain people when I was in the audience saying, I wouldn't be that cool. I want to be that clever. I want to be that relatable. And so that's where Ricky.

[B]

There's a dog barking.

[A]

I don't know if we picked it up, but. But that's when you know, you know, that's when I, those, those type of comedians made me say, oh, I want to be a stand up.

[B]

I think what we're talking about is this might sound stupid, but it's like, you know how passionate people get about Star wars and George Lucas goes back and changes Star wars and we get all up in arms because we feel this ownership over Star wars, right? And I'm not even just saying this. We do that with our profits too. Once somebody's like made of talent, right?

[A]

Like Chappelle, by the way, Jaja Binks. Brilliant. Go ahead.

[B]

Love Jar Jar.

[A]

Go ahead.

[B]

That's what I meant when I said Star Wars.

[A]

No, I hated.

[B]

Dude, nobody thought you meant it. Nobody thought you meant it.

[A]

I was like, what the hell are we? Where are we right now?

[B]

What's a you think of? I don't know. It's terrible.

[A]

Even Yoda was like, why up neighborhood he from mine. I don't know.

[B]

It's. Yeah, stupid. It's dumb. Jar Jar sucks. But when someone is so good. Star Wars Chappelle, like someone is a dynasty. It's almost like they become a publicly traded stock. Like we all have some say, like, why do I have an opinion, right, on what Dave should be doing? And like, why would I say something like that joke was disappointing to me.

[A]

It's. It.

[B]

I think it comes from a place of love where you're like, this is. This is our one.

[A]

This is one of my favorites.

[B]

This is our best. You know, it's Almost like. And I know people are going to get mad about all that stuff. I don't know. I'm not. I get it back what I said, but I'm interested in why people are going like, do not.

[A]

I just want you to provide some context because I felt like, you know, my road dates were. Were very slow. I don't know that 20, 22 or whatever. So I'm like, hey, I'm going on the road. Hey, what are you doing, bro? What are you doing, bro? What city you in? Hey, I'm pulling up. You know that was your life. Yeah, man. I'm. I'm watching his sets. I'm watching it grow. I'm watching it because I'm like, damn, you about drop another one, huh? Why not? You know what I mean? And as soon as he dropped it, he was ready to drop another one. And I was just like, you know what? Go ahead, sir. Because it takes me three, four years. But then I realized I'm just lazy because he also kind of shows you the blueprint and you're like, in the end, the common denominator is we all have this talent.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Don't be. Don't be lazy. You know, if you really want to focus on your stand up and drop three. You got three in you?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You have three in you?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

As soon as you drop one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I've seen your talent, and even when you riff is funny, your. Your personal. Just let me take a break and drink some water. Water. You know how to make that funny, right? And then whatever you're talking about.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Funny.

[B]

So he's like the green light of, like, believe it.

[A]

But there's also a machine. So once you're in that machine, you know that helps.

[B]

Right?

[A]

Because not only do you get to drop one, but everybody's gonna see it. Right? You know?

[B]

Right.

[A]

We know. I know. Gazillion comedians dropping 10 a special a year.

[B]

I'm glad you said that, dude. Because to get a full picture of what we're talking about, you have to consider that I dropped a Netflix special and Dave dropped a Netflix special and I. You can't help but watch it. Like his is on the front page. So there's jealousy. I'm just showing my cards. Of course there is.

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

It's not just Dave anybody. If you're on the homepage for seven weeks and you're number one, Right.

[A]

You're on the home page before it comes out. You're on the home. That's for promo.

[B]

You're just like a get Ready, Get Ready homepage.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Then how could I not watch it?

[A]

Did your special do well or it did well? Yeah. Okay.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. But I mean, did well means it was in the top 10 for, like, 10 days.

[A]

Okay, that's good.

[B]

Yeah, that's what it is. And then, you know, and there's Dave. He's, you know, pushing me out.

[A]

But then get ready to drop another one because. Yeah, just being in. Think about all the black male comics in between, 35 to 55 that can't even get in. Think about all the white male comics.

[B]

They got a.

[A]

They got a gazillion of us.

[B]

Orie Adams, you know Orie.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or he put his special on Netflix. Not Netflix, YouTube. He goes, I, I. I offered it to Netflix for $1 is what he says.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

He loves telling people that. I'm like, maybe stop telling people that.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I would have given it to him. I watched it on YouTube. No shit. I was like, what the fuck is going on?

[A]

It wasn't funny. No, it was so funny, right?

[B]

Yeah. Because I would have said the same thing.

[A]

It wasn't funny, Right.

[B]

I was like, talk about you getting a social clip. Within 10 minutes, his first three lines get a genuine, real applause break, right? Then it leads to another one, then another one truly baked into his character.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[B]

Not just like, I'm a firefighter, and my wife and I just got married and we just had a dog. Like, cheap applause breaks. I mean, like, he's getting people to, like, he's right there with him. Reminded me of Carlin. Reminded me of, like, really great high stuff. And I was like, this is on YouTube.

[A]

I was like, what? I have been performing in front of Ornie or behind Ornie at the last three.

[B]

I can't quite do it.

[A]

Yeah, I can't do it. I've never even tried to do his voice.

[B]

Robet.

[A]

I can't even do hello, I'm sleeping on a pillow. Oh, I. Yeah, Yeah.

[B]

I got a problem with this city. But I love. I actually like following him because it's like, how are you gonna follow that?

[A]

The last three times I saw Saw Ornie, he literally got. It was just applause break, like you said, applause break after applause break. And I said, it's like a wild animal. And I said to myself, you know what? They'll probably never give him the love that he should.

[B]

Like, they'll love me when I'm dead.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah. But why is that? And even for people like me, it's like, all right, finesse. You were On Saturday Night Live came in with Kenan Thompson. Kenan Thompson. What?

[B]

If you saw me take a note, I didn't know.

[A]

Yeah. Yes. Yes.

[B]

No, it's right there.

[A]

But then. But what got me on Saturday Night Live. Why did they pick me? According. You know, why did they pick me? I was stupid, funny. I literally had the best audition. I'll let Cat Williams say it. I suck dick. No. Just kidding. Yeah.

[B]

Williams comes in. You know what he did?

[A]

You know what he did?

[B]

Cat Williams is so persuasive and so charismatic. I was like, did I say.

[A]

Did I do that?

[B]

Is that how I got my stuff? Because he's saying it with such conviction. That's everybody.

[A]

And I'm like, I literally had to go on. I literally go on a It's not everybody tour when you hit the road. Yes. Because people don't know, and they love Cat. He's so believable. That was so believable and so relatable. And you're like, so many people. Like Maga. But so many people are like, I knew it.

[B]

It's a trick.

[A]

It's a trick. It's all smoke and mirrors.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Those people don't deserve that. And we're going to expose them all.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

And get them out of the way.

[B]

That's why it's always. You can draw a big crowd by being like, you think I'm just picking Kevin Hart as an example. I don't know anything about any of these details. I'm just saying, like, you really think Kevin Hart just got seven movies? And you're like, well, okay, now you're giving me a choice. Either he did something evil and secret or life isn't fair.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And he's just more talented than I am.

[A]

Right.

[B]

That's my favorite Lauren Michaels quote, by the way.

[A]

Right.

[B]

He goes, show business isn't fair. He goes, yeah, Talent isn't fair. He goes, you think I want to be producing snl? I'm adding that part. But you know what I mean? He wanted to be as funny as Bill Murray.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He wanted to be. It's not fair. So it's either unfair and you're. And you're just sort of like, short end of the stick, or there's a. He put on a robe with a goblet and there was an orgy. And Kevin Hart, you have been ch. Like, that's a more appealing story.

[A]

It's funny. The Lorne Michael advice that he gave me was the. The interns and pages that you see working during the week at the after party after the show. You're gonna see them again that Monday.

[B]

That's good.

[A]

And I knew exactly. I knew exactly what he was saying. I was just like. That's like, duly noted, sir.

[B]

It's like comedy clubs.

[A]

Yeah. Lorne Michaels is a very funny guy. Very. If there's a Jedi, you're gonna see.

[B]

Them again on Monday.

[A]

You're gonna see them again on Monday.

[B]

So let's just say Horatio Sands had a few awkward table reads.

[A]

Pick wisely, because they're not going anywhere. They're usually connected. That's how they got the job in the first place.

[B]

There's a network. It's like the mushrooms under trees. There's a complicated network talking to itself.

[A]

The pages that go to actually run mvc. Yeah, that wasn't luck. Do you know who my father is?

[B]

So I feel like I may be interrupting you. You started going on about Cat. I got excited.

[A]

No, but.

[B]

And then you were saying how I got snl.

[A]

No, I was just. I. I think I was just talking about what we. What we were both mentioning is that the placement and where they put you in the machine, from a manager to one of the agents that no one can say no to, to the people who they surround you with. The publicist that it does more work than any of them. You know, all that stuff is by design. It costs a lot of money. And you. You're the part that makes the money, but we put you in that position, right? So the minute you say you have a headache, all of a sudden we. We go from super nice to Ike Turner, like, Adam A. Get your ass out there on that stage, because we got 34. Four. We got 34. We got Sioux Falls. We got. We got. You know, they need you to produce. Yeah, we. We need you to produce because not only did you bet on yourself and you got super, super close to the finish line. We're pulling the finish line toward you and let you know, now the race really starts. Because now you're in the conversation of the Matt Rifes and the Chappelles and the Seguras and the Brett, Burt Kreischers and the. Everybody who's out there touring, touring. They can't stop if they wanted to. They took that upfront money, you know.

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

You think?

[B]

They got paid up front, Most of them.

[A]

Did you get a check for.

[B]

To start a tour?

[A]

Absolutely.

[B]

And it's like, you got to keep going.

[A]

You got to go.

[B]

That's funny, because I told.

[A]

Nobody's paying you at the end of the show at the end of the night, nobody's handing you a check. No, that check has already been given to you. Now go do these dates.

[B]

Oh, that's really interesting because I've had conversations with some of those high level arena guys and I'm like, so you're telling me every weekend you make enough to pay off my house, right? And then, same conversation, you're saying you're not home enough and you miss your family, you miss your friend, whatever it is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So, like, why not do one date? Although the answer I got was like, because they're not gonna love me forever. And I was like, who fucking cares, right? You made $50 million. Why, why do you have to do that three years in a row? Why not?

[A]

This is.

[B]

You tell me, am I crazy? I'm like, if you make $50 million, you now get kiss my ass money, right? So why is no one that I know at that level? Not no one I know, but nobody, Not a lot of them at that level seem to be saying, kiss my. Either that or they really have the compulsion to always be doing it. Always be doing it, always be doing it. I'm like, where's the. Like, it's almost like church talk. Is it like, is it so alluring.

[A]

But here's 50 more million.

[B]

Yeah. Is it, like, impossible to say no?

[A]

I, I, I look at it like this. The people who are in the business to make money, print money, which get, which brings power and influence, is so addictive, it's so controlling that why would it stop? Because it is a stock. You're not the funniest guy for 20 years. You're the funniest guy for five years. I'm not the funniest guy for 35 years. I'm the funniest guy for seven years. We, we can look at all the comics that we were like, remember? But they got a new one now, right? They got a new horse, you know, and you put your money down on that new horse. And then when you don't know if a horse is, then you put your money down on a friend that you trust that's telling you that's the new horse. And you go with that horse because in your business, you're just like, I don't care whose horse it is.

[B]

You mean this is from the.

[A]

Can they finish the. Yeah, can they finish the race?

[B]

Right? But I also heard the first thing you said, which is like, it is the best. Maybe not the best, but maybe the most addictive drug in the world is to have a couple hundred Million dollars and just walk around peeing on birthday cakes or whatever you want to do.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Just bathtub, take me to my watery grain.

[A]

What are we going to do about it? Nothing.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Nothing.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I heard my dog say space juice. I said space juice. Oh, that check is cleared.

[B]

Right. He's already been.

[A]

That check is cleared. Cleared.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's in the bank.

[B]

Bank, Right.

[A]

They can't get it back.

[B]

That's one of the things. Not to bring it back to Chappelle, but that's always. To me when I'm watching him. I'm like, remember when he. I actually thought. I'm not just saying this. I thought it was brilliant. He's talking about how Comedy Central screwed him over. I was like, what's really a masterful thing about this is everyone in this audience knows this dude has however many tens of millions of dollars, and we're still caring that he got screwed up. You know what I mean? Like, how did that not veer into a. A space where it's like.

[A]

But we know you're doing okay because he told. He told the story backwards.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

He got screwed over at the beginning of his career.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And now that he's powerful enough to do something about it, I want to make sure you guys know what they did so that it doesn't happen to you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. And if it does happen to you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

At least you know what they're doing.

[B]

Right.

[A]

In perpetuity throughout the years.

[B]

It's the three card monitor.

[A]

You know what I mean? So it's just sort of like. And I appreciate that, because we need those people telling that side of the business versus, yeah, they suck dick. Well, because that's the short answer.

[B]

Isn't that funny?

[A]

That's the answer that nobody can. That's the answer. That's like, I knew it.

[B]

You know, that's why when they say in Hollywood that they're eating babies and whatever, all this stuff, I'm like, they are. Metaphorically.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

You know what I'm saying?

[A]

Yes.

[B]

It's just not.

[A]

And one or two. And one or two maybe have nibbled on some thumbs.

[B]

Just a couple.

[A]

One or two.

[B]

Just a couple thumbs. Who hasn't had a thumb?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But you know what I'm saying? Like, it's a juicier, sexier, more viral story to be like, they're vampires. And I'm like, no. The reason why the vampire story resonates for hundreds of years is because we know that there are people that are sequestered in caves that are sucking life from Other things, you know, and this isn't code for any specific group. I'm just saying there's. If there's money being made, somebody is finding a way to get a piece of and. And take it back to the castle.

[A]

Right.

[B]

That's just what, that's what people do.

[A]

I, I think if you're in the business to do better than your predecessor right then, and you're not the talent, then, hey, you like that office? You like that jet? You like, you like those vacations? You like private school for your kids? And this generational wealth you're creating without having one piece of talent? All you're doing is picking.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what I mean?

[B]

You're a day trader.

[A]

Yeah. You're a day trader. So you're just like, hey, bring me the best stock to bet on. And will that stock go to Des Moines, Iowa?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

For this much money? Yes. Because everybody wants to go to San Francisco, Atlanta and la. But will you go to Sioux Falls? That's what I need to know. Because there's a lot of money to be made and I need you to have the same attitude and the same show. And I don't need any fucking lawsuits or any rate cases or any drug overdoses because we're going to give you the truck. We're going to get half of this money up front.

[B]

Tell me if you think about yourself this way, because I do a little bit too. Borrowing it from their perspective in a healthy way. Going like. And yeah, I'm my own. I'm a day trader that's betting on me. And there's something really empowering about that. Meaning I'll do a show, I'll have a good attitude. All the things you just mentioned, I'm not going to get drunk and take a on the bar. I'm going to do my job. I'm going to do it like it is, you know, New York City, when I'm in Sioux Falls.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Because now I'm. It's like I'm my own employee.

[A]

Yeah, but you're mature now and you're a professional now.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And you realize the depression that you could have been in or was in or dabbled with two years ago, three months ago, 15 years ago. You're like, you know what? I realize it's still up to me. It's still up to me to get up every day.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Still up to me to look at my wife and say, I like her. Still up to me to try to be a good example to my girls. You know, it's up to me. And so once you get over that part of it, what is the most consistent thing about that life? Oh, yeah. I do love telling jokes. Yeah. That's the one thing I can control.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So let me, you know, try to manage all that and stay faithful to my baby.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Which is how everything started. Everything came out of.

[B]

No, this. I've said it a million times with stand up is your wife. Everything else is your. Your mistress.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's like you go do a show, but you always come back to your wife.

[A]

But it's the reverse.

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

Stand up is your mistress because it's exciting. Yes. You'll sneak out the house for your mistress. You'll just. Later with your wife. You were phoning in with her.

[B]

I knew exactly what you meant.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because. But it. Maybe we'll just say it's a good, healthy, exciting marriage.

[A]

Yes. Yes.

[B]

But yes. Typically that can be like. Because it is fun. I.

[A]

What?

[B]

When was it?

[A]

Was it last night?

[B]

I don't even remember, man. This is. What is being a parent.

[A]

Right? Mark, that. That's a sound bite. What?

[B]

Was it just me staring off? I think it was.

[A]

No, my wife's saying. Wait a minute. So the wife is the boring part and comedy is. Is the.

[B]

Oh, there's your sound bite. We'll have your wife post it on her Instagram.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

With. With a bunch of emojis. No comment. Just bad emojis.

[A]

You know what? If you pick the wrong woman in this game, you're done. Tell me you just. You just done. You. There's no way you'll be able to focus on standup. Yeah. There's no way you'll be able to leave the house and have a clear head, be stuck in a hotel room while you're listening to the background noise of what she might be doing, which is something I don't know. Then who knows what you're doing? Because you thinking she's doing something, it's just. It's just a brain fuck. And you come home and you only got three or four days to figure it out before you go back out on the road. And you never figure it out. Right? You just. You're just washing your clothes, putting your favorite jeans in the wash, your favorite T shirt, and before you know it, you're like three or four years went by if you make it that long. And you're like, I don't really know you.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know, and she's like, I don't even know you. Who is that? And that sexy thing that she was laughing at. Because she was in the crowd the first couple of times. And that thing, that's way gone because now it's just another show. And it's the thing that keeps you away from her.

[B]

Right? Right.

[A]

It's the one thing that you're Superman about. And then when you come in the house, sometimes you still want to be Superman. She's like.

[B]

That's like. Remember the Patrice bit? He's like, you're a big game fisherman. And it's like. And then the thing that made you attract your partner is the thing they want you to stop doing.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

He meant picking up women. But I hear you saying that with stand Up. No, it's a huge thing in my. I love your album. About who here's been married twice?

[A]

Like, who's on the second?

[B]

Because I'm on my second. And I thought that was hilarious. And in my first marriage.

[A]

You ever get into your second marriage and start saying shit like, well, maybe it is me. It's one of my favorite jokes. Yes, it's one of my favorite jokes.

[B]

You know what another one that reminds me of that is? You ever realize you live in a bad neighborhood because you saw a movie that is so east out trainingtain goes, that's my house.

[A]

That's my house. I live next door to Denzel, Girlfriend.

[B]

You thought LA was affordable. You just live in a bad neighborhood from Atlanta.

[A]

It's like, this place is just as affordable as Atlanta.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And I'm on Rodeo Drive. No, that's Rodeo. Martin Luther King gets to cross street, too.

[B]

Good. But when I was at my first marriage, I remember I'd have a show or something, and it would be kind of like a thing. Not a big thing. But I'd. I'd feel bad about it. I'm like, I'm doing a show. I remember saying to her, I was like, I just want it to be normal. Like, that was my dream, was to be in a marriage where you could almost be like. And now here's the punchline. I'm in that marriage. It's four o', clock, and I'm like, I have a spot tonight. And it's. And it's not a big thing.

[A]

It's not a big thing.

[B]

I don't do it too much, but I do it just the right amount. I got my Largo on Saturday, so I got a couple spots this week warm up, and it's normal. And that is a gift.

[A]

You have to find the partner that wants you to do that as much as you want.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because what they want to do is be married. So some women want to be married.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I want. His job is his job. That's what he does. But that's my husband and I'm married.

[B]

And I want to be married and.

[A]

I want to be married.

[B]

Meaning I want this to work.

[A]

I want this to work.

[B]

What I hear you saying, it's a funny way to say it. And, and what you're saying is universally applicable, which is it's the same thing with. You're going to, maybe you're going to laugh, but my wife dances. I don't mean like stripper, I, I or whatever the. I'm not trying to be funny. What is the word that you say now?

[A]

Exotic dancer.

[B]

Exotic dancer. She's not an exotic dancer. Oh, it's over for old homesy.

[A]

That was it.

[B]

That's the clip. Honest mistake. She's not an exotic dancer. She dances. And when she comes home from dancing, I'm like, it's finesse after a set. I was like, that's the thing that she does that connects her, gets her moving, gets her heart up, gets her feeling safe, gets her feeling seen. It's her stand up.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So it's not. Oh, stand ups are a special weird breed that need to do their thing.

[A]

Right.

[B]

We all have our thing.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And now I feel like we're both being mature second marriage guy kind of thing. Growing up. Everybody has their thing. And if you love your partner, you find a way to make it work. You know what I mean? And have to be a thing.

[A]

Quickest way to fail at a relationship is when a woman does not have her thing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And the man is trying to help her find it.

[B]

So bad news.

[A]

Even if he succeeds, it's not even her thing. Yeah, because you helped her.

[B]

She just peed all over the birthday cake. No, for real.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's.

[A]

Sometimes you can make so much money and I used to be in this problem. Sometimes you can make so much money where the person is like, this was my job. Never really want to do that. But now we can afford for me to have time to myself to figure this out. But this is taking longer than I thought. But anyway, I'll find it. Meanwhile, every now and then the dude is like, hey, did you find your thing? You know, and vice versa. And here's the thing that women don't understand. They are horrible at being dudes. We get so much shit for just being a dude. Let them make all the money or make the majority of the money. And you're trying to find something as you're in between your thing, man. Women talk to you like shit. Still on the couch, huh? Still watching it. Didn't they lose yesterday? You still watching that same team in.

[B]

This, in this situation. They're out making the money.

[A]

Yeah. Like they, they have a great job.

[B]

Right. Right.

[A]

And you, you were an author. I see, I see you, you were a school teacher.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But you, you want to find your.

[B]

Thing now who you're reminding me.

[A]

They have less patience.

[B]

Who is it? I'm blanking or just a blank podcast. She just did a special. She's so funny. Black woman, Lesbian. Hbo. Sam J. Sam J had a bit about that.

[A]

Did she?

[B]

Where she's. She's the dude. And it's such a funny bit. And she in a way that like that she's uniquely qualified to really like go for it in a hard way because woman. And she's saying I'm the dude. So she's hitting that dynamic. It was so funny.

[A]

Her girl is like. Her girl is packing two suitcases for herself and they. And they fill to the top. And she looking at Sam J like she like, I'm a woman too. I don't. Who gonna get these bags? Why are you packing all that shit? Going away for two days. Ho. Yeah.

[B]

That is it.

[A]

That is exactly for, for me and like my, my wife. It's just like I'm on team marriage. That's. That's what I learned from the first relationship. Like you got to be on team marriage. And whatever I go through, I just need her to just be like, I see it.

[B]

Yep. Guys, I am so excited that this show is sponsored by a new Pete's Pick. Our friends at Kitten Games. We have been having a terrible time getting our five and a half year old daughter Leela to sit at the dinner table and have a screen free, stress free dinner with her parents that we all enjoy. And no joke, Kitten Games has changed all of that. Now we have so much more screen free family time. All three of us. We do it every dinner. We sit down with Kitten Games. So I'm so glad to be working with William. It's a great new way to support the show. If you guys are interested, our house favorite is the best worst ice cream. Leela's too young for Ram Dass talks. She's too young for my standup. She's perfect for the best worst ice cream, which is super fun. I'm not just saying that. I absolutely love it. It's getting us excited. We're freaking out. And she's five and she understands the stakes and the dynamic. I know it's a silly game about gross ice cream flavors, but I'm watching her right in front of my eyes, secretly learning about strategy, critical thinking and pattern recognition. She's also, in my opinion, learning a critical lesson about how gambling is stupid. So it's got like kind of a juice to it and a gambling kind of feel to it. And you lose big when you play dumb. And that's such a valuable lesson. We also play My Parents Might be Martians. Excuse me? I said that kind of weird. My Parents Might Be Martians said it weird. That's kind of perfect.

[A]

That's the game.

[B]

We try to get Leela to guess a word and the dad or the mom as the Martian can only say one syllable word. So if the clue is kangaroo, I might say thing, big thing with kid in pouch. And believe it or not, Leela gets so excited and guesses kangaroo and we all freak out. I'm watching her build her vocabulary, her cognition, her focus, her processing. It's so fun. But most importantly, we're all at the table enjoying one another and eating dinner together as a family. Every game in the kitten game line was designed by a four year old and her dad. So you know it's kid tested and kid approved. To get your own copy of these games and check out also their games for adults, like Exploding kittens, the one that they're famous for. Head to explodingkittens.com and use code weird to get a nice discount on your purchase and support the show. Our kids aren't going to be kids forever. There's no time for boring games. Kitten games. Let's get into it. Get exploding Kittens for yourselves if you're grown ups. Or try some of those games for kids for your kiddos. Also, we're brought to us by our friends at Alpha Brain. Guys, you know, for the past over a decade, I have sworn by Alpha Brain, it is a nootropic. That means it helps your memory, your concentration and your focus. It is like fish food for your creativity, for your memory, to dial you in. It is not a stimulant, it is earth grown ingredients and that help you access every part of your brain. So for the past decade plus, if I'm doing stand up, if I'm doing a podcast, if I'm writing my book, if I'm writing a script, whatever I'm doing that involves my brain, I'm taking two or three alpha brain 15 minutes prior and the difference is palpable. Keep it in my car. I Keep it in my travel bag. I keep it in the pockets of my coats. You guys know I am serious about Alpha Brain. You've never listened to an episode of this podcast, including this one, where I don't have have it in my system. And if you're doing something that involves your brain and you would like to dial that up and get that assistance, not like coffee, not jittery, but just something that helps you use your noggin, try Alpha brain. Go to onnit o n n I t.com weird. You will get 10% off everything you see on that landing page. That's onit.com weird. All right, everybody, back to the show. What we say to my daughter all the time is, I believe you. And that is exactly what I hear you saying. So she's going through things. She goes, I don't like going to school. My teacher uses her big boy voice. That's the. That's what we say is like, you know, your firm boys. And I go, I believe you. That's always the first thing I believe. That sounds hard. But what's crazy is that sounds like little kid technique. My wife says it, and I say it to her, I believe you. It's powerful.

[A]

It's powerful. Yeah.

[B]

I. I did a show. It went. It went bad. I just. I feel like they didn't like me. I believe you. It sounds rough. Sounds like you're feeling vulnerable or whatever it is. That's team marriage.

[A]

Absolutely there.

[B]

And she knows, like, me with her dancing stand up to me is like 15 Xanax or something. I can be neurotic. I'm sorry. That's how I know I need to do a spot. They start getting a little weird, and then I go do a spot. I just feel great.

[A]

I go out, like, three times a week.

[B]

Is that right?

[A]

If I'm in town, I'm going out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And she encourages that. She's like, go. You know? And what do they give us? 100 bucks? 50 bucks? 150 bucks. But I'm going, I want my. And I want my 150 bucks. Yeah. And. And I want to get on stage. And I don't care if I say the exact same joke for 10. It's just something about this is what I do. Because one thing I'll never forget that I did in my career is I got on Saturday Night Live, and I never went out in the city of New York to do stand up.

[B]

Why?

[A]

Don't know why. I think. I think the show was stressful.

[B]

I was gonna say, you know, who else would have done that?

[A]

The show was just stressful to me.

[B]

I wouldn't.

[A]

I did not feel like I had allies, even though I felt like I was a part of something.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I just didn't know what at the time.

[B]

Dude. I feel like that environment is not friendly to a dude like me. I'm. I'm seeing myself in you. I'd go in and be like, am I welcome? What's happening?

[A]

And it seems like doors shutting, everybody's writing, and you're like, yeah, should I shut my door?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

And what are they like? Like, Chris Rock, waiter, own a restaurant. What are the chances that you're going to be that type of smart to figure out how to work like the. It's like the Harvard Lampoon. So you have to figure out how to, like, what doors do you go in? Like, I watch snl. What's that young kid. He's Latino. He's incredible. It doesn't matter.

[A]

That's on SNL right now.

[B]

Yeah, he's on SNL right now. Marcel, maybe. I don't. I. I just like Sam J. Sam J. Marcelo Hernandez. I think he's fantastic. And when I watch him, I go, that's a dude that has I'm coming in your office energy.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And you'd be happy to see him.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And then I'm like, you know, you got let go. Is you Parnell and Sands at the same time? I just recently.

[A]

No, it was.

[B]

Oh, then it's wrong.

[A]

I'm able. No, they got rid of it. It's like six people.

[B]

Oh, it was more than that.

[A]

Yeah, but. Yeah, those people.

[B]

It's just like when I see Parnell. You did this pod. Parnell is like a audio.

[A]

You put Parnell before me.

[B]

You just walk, dude. Please do. It would be so viral.

[A]

Please walk. Chris. Chris Parnell.

[B]

Chris.

[A]

That's what we doing. Let's go. Bucky.

[B]

It would be so great for numbers if you could please just get really mad at me. Chris Parnell, the man you would cast as an audiobook narrator, is just a perfect, super talented. Oh, no. He's hilarious.

[A]

Oh, my God, man.

[B]

He's one of a kind.

[A]

That's what I think I do. But. But I think.

[B]

But I don't see Parnell busting into rooms. You know what I mean?

[A]

Right.

[B]

That might help you. Tell me. You were there. I wasn't there. Surviving at snl.

[A]

Yeah. It was just. It was. It was weird because Keenan and I came in at the same time, so we just wanted to Be friends with everybody. And I don't know. But we were also at an age where we were like, we're in New York City, we're about to go out. And we ended up going out every night. We just.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

Every night, Pete? Every night.

[B]

Just. What is this booze club?

[A]

We. Booze just. No, we just in clubs.

[B]

Just being in clubs.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, we drinking. We. But it. Because it was just.

[B]

It wasn't like a stress, like, let's go get fucked up. Or like, maybe.

[A]

No, it was like, is it one o'? Clock? We got. We would literally. We would smoke. We would leave around 12, 12:30. Yeah, I didn't. Bro. I was still seeing him on Nickelodeon for one. For one, you know, so the audition and to get it and then we're out there and we're in New York City. We got the gig. I him up because I saw him in the airport when we were leaving to go to sn. It was like a red eye and. And we kind of had hurt. I. I heard he got it, but you don't really know who else got. So he saw me and he was just like, hey, man, congratulations, man. Heard you got it. And I was like, got what? He was like, snl. I was like, oh, I didn't get it. I'm going. I'm on my way to Atlanta. And he was like, I said, you on your way to New York? He was like, oh, my bad. I said, I'm with you, dog. I'm with you. He was like, that's what we do it. Finesse. That's what we do it. Don't do me like that. But, man, we got there and we were just like. We were just so happy. Me, Keenan, JB Smooth. We were all just so happy.

[B]

Do you regret the going out? Why did we mention the going out?

[A]

What I regret looking back at it is I did not work as hard as I thought I could have been. Well, as I should have been working. When I thought I was working hard, I just thought I didn't have a lot of support. And then back then I thought JB didn't have a lot of support. Even though he was funny as and had these funny ass pitches. We would be left to our own to sort of write these sketches. And then a lot of times Kenan would be put in sketches because he's just super dope. You know what I mean? So you could do anything. So it was just like, oh, man, I forgot we should be working on characters. And oh, we going to the club. And that Was me.

[B]

Right.

[A]

I was going to the club.

[B]

But how old were you?

[A]

33.

[B]

I mean, it feels.

[A]

But in New York club days, I was 24, maybe.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. And everybody. The wire, that cast from Baltimore, you see them in the club. Yeah, the Sopranos, you see them in the club.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

Leonardo DiCaprio, the models. Didn't see him in the club. Ashton Kutchers, Anybody who was bubbling. Anybody who was just like, this is my first debut solo album from the group that I used.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

All those people, everybody was in the clubs. And the thing about SNL is you knew what clubs to go to because.

[B]

All the people come through.

[A]

Yeah. And it was just. And it was just open arms. So when you're in the club and you're a club bunny and I was already in clubs anyway. But to do it like that, on that level, I was addicted to it. I was, I. I loved the club life more than I loved snl. And that's what I look back on and I say, ah, you know, I had my moments.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But I didn't really develop characters where I was just like focused on it every week. Like, I got to get this character on.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know, I was a dude trying to do it like my standup, my stand up.

[B]

Is that how you got on? Was your audition stand up or did you do the proper. Not the problem, but you know what.

[A]

I mean, Stand up. I did how black people found out the movie Crouching Tiger had subtitles for the first time. So I had this whole seven minute bit of going to the Magic Johnson Theater down on Crenshaw. Yeah. Because you know how black people love karate movies, but they found out they had to read for two and a half hours. So I did about seven different characters. It was brilliant. It was seven different characters in the movie theater. And I acted out all of them. Finding out we had to read, you know what I mean? So when they. And it was this bit that just stood them up. And back then you would get these comedy deals from the different development deals. And so Fox was giving me a deal and something else. And the audition, the Tracy Morgan replacement audition came out of nowhere and I just did it. I think. I know. I'm like, oh, I guess I'm going to Saturday Night Live. Wow. Because I thought I was going to be developing something on Fox at the time.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

Because everybody had loved that bit, went to Montreal and did it, you know. You know, you go through those things where the networks are sending you gifts and, and break a leg. We love you. Da da. Da talk when we get back. And I'm just like, I'm about to. About to get deal in this thing, and next thing I know, I'm on snl. And that came out of nowhere. So I'm just like, I guess I'm going to New York, guys. Wow.

[B]

So was there part of you that's kind of like. Because remember, Dave, I should have stay. Right. Well, Dave Coulier, you know, that's no disrespect to your career. Now. I'm just saying there is like, a what could have been thing, because, remember, Dave Coulier was about to be on snl. I think they gave it to Dana Carvey instead. And then he got Full House. Not that you want to be on Full House, but it's always just like, right. Whenever there's a crossroads, you're like, well, which way was which?

[A]

And you never know. But some people that I've met who didn't get it, that was super talented because I remember when they were looking for. To get a black girl on the show, and a bunch of black girls, some. Some dope girls we brought to that audition, and I helped them with that audition or just finding talent.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But a lot of those girls were like, I think I'm kind of glad I didn't get it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I see them working everywhere now.

[B]

Right.

[A]

You know what I mean? So I'm like, yeah, I could see where that might have slowed you down.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Versus the. The women who did get it, you know, they're doing great, too. But, yeah, Tracy had said something to me. He was just like, which. With each black person that walked through that door and doing an amount of time on this show, the show adjusts to how they should be utilizing them and how you're going to benefit from. From Tracy, and I'm going to benefit from Eddie and. And this and rock and D. I'm like, oh, okay. Because now when I see people pop on that show, it's just sort of like, oh, okay. It wasn't that easy, you know, when I was there. But that was the same thing that Dean Edwards was saying or Tracy was saying.

[B]

I remember stand up about it. I see Dean talk about it. I always remember his face. He goes, I was broke. Then I got Saturday Night Live telling, he's sitting down and he did his Denzel wash. He always. I. I always do Dean's Denzel, which is. That's you.

[A]

That's you. That's. But me, I sit back and I'm like, oh, Michael Chase had to update Update desk. Yeah, they're doing that now.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

Okay. So that's allowed now. Okay. All right. Go, Che.

[B]

Ripples in the pond, man. Now things are changing. It's good. You a part of it?

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

It's interesting. I have strong feelings about that show, especially now that I'm way past consideration to be on it. You know what I mean? I feel like.

[A]

No, you're not. Really.

[B]

Not to hope. Maybe host.

[A]

Yeah, you can host.

[B]

Maybe host.

[A]

But what was. What was the guy's name who passed away? The older guy?

[B]

Oh, Phil.

[A]

Phil Hartman.

[B]

Phil Hartman.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah, you're right.

[A]

You get on Darryl Hammond. You can get on later if you want to. Just whatever you go. That should go.

[B]

Going to New York and turn.

[A]

Because Lauren wouldn't even audition. You dog. Lauren would probably just say, pete's on. We got rid of one Pete and we're bringing a new Pete.

[B]

We need a.

[A]

We need a new. We need. We need. We need a Pete.

[B]

We need a Pete. That's what it is. That's funny, because I always heard that Lauren likes to break people. Like, not break them psychologically. He likes to be the one that discovers them.

[A]

Oh, both. No.

[B]

A little from column A, a little from column B. Well, we're almost out of time.

[A]

Meaning normal, man, we've been here nine hours.

[B]

Like, you joke about the prayer.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

Your daughter, so funny.

[A]

But we.

[B]

Speaking of prayer, we talk about the meaning of life. You got anything?

[A]

The meaning of life.

[B]

But like God. You believe in God?

[A]

I believe in. Absolutely. I believe in God.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What.

[B]

What does that mean to you?

[A]

It means to do right by others. Call a spade a spade. What's for you is for you. As people say. And more importantly, you know, just be authentic and handle your responsibilities and live up to your responsibilities and don't take out on people that don't deserve it, you know, and kindness.

[B]

So I'm here.

[A]

No, you don't have to be kind. You don't have to be kind all the time because people aren't kind to you. You got to protect yourself, protect your energy, protect your mental space. Well, you know, boundaries. Protect. Yeah, boundaries. That hotel room, this room that I. That hang out in your sauna, all that stuff. That's your space. And you got to find people that respect that space. When your wife comes in from dance. How was it, honey? Had a good time? That's all she looking for, right?

[B]

Because that's loving her. Like you want to be loved.

[A]

Absolutely. The golden rule my wife writes down. When my wife comes to My set, she'll have in her phone everything.

[B]

I said, yeah, my wife does that.

[A]

And so on the drive home, she'll say, you know, this. This one really hit. She's used the terminology and stuff. She knows the lingo. This is this really hit. No, probably. You probably need to put a tag on this one.

[B]

Can I tell you, I'm. I'm. Now I'm in love with your wife. I'll be sitting with Val. We were at a dinner and I did something and she goes, that's a bit.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like, will you marry me? You marry me again.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You know what it was? I don't know if I can make this funny, but I was trying to introduce myself to somebody at a party. She was looking down at a bowl of popcorn, like, really looking like she lost something in it. She was distracted by the popcorn. But I'm awkward. I got my hand out. But, like, what do you say, right? You don't know her name. That's the whole point. So I'm going, hey, hey, lady. And I was doing that, going, human person lady over here. It made us laugh really hard. But then on the way home, I was like, I don't know if that's really a bit. And honestly, as I'm saying it right now, maybe not a bit. But if. If you have a partner, you know, we've already made this point. But if she goes, that's a bit. Or if I say, val, I think you need to go on that retreat or dance or whatever it is that. That is the golden rule. That's loving somebody how you want to be loved, which is very, very spiritual. You think when you die, it's over.

[A]

Do I think when I die, is it over? I've been thinking about that. That's crazy. Yes.

[B]

Yes. Over.

[A]

Yes. I think you have no recollection or memory of the new spirit that you become and rebirth into a body. Yep. I think you have no recollection of wiped it. That's a TV show, huh? I want to do a TV show with you. With me? Yeah. I want to do a funny sitcom. I just want to do a classic. We get to work by 9:30. Oh, you talking about 4:30?

[B]

Yeah, dude, I did a multi cam. Here's to that. Yeah, let's hope we're on a multi cam. Let's do a multi because there you got the right.

[A]

How old are you now, huh?

[B]

Oh, you don't want a Hollywood?

[A]

No. Oh, yeah. Oh, Hollywood 37, 8:42. I don't know.

[B]

The only reason I asked huh? Is because I'm 45. That's when you start getting smart about your dreams. And you go, like, I don't just want anything.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I want a nice NBC.

[A]

Yeah, cbs.

[B]

Something like that sitcom.

[A]

Damon Wayans to name drop. What up, Rusty?

[B]

That Scout, baby.

[A]

You can be in the show Scout. But he said to me, I saw him at the Grove. And I said, man, was walking around the Grove. Yeah. Having dinner. I said, man, I having lunch. And I said, man, lethal Weapon. You lucky as hell. He was like, oh, to sit in my trailer at three in the morning waiting to be called on set. And they were just camera blocking. Yeah. You think that's the shit I want to do? You think I want to jog and run like I'm chasing people? No, finesse. I want my wife and kids back. And I realized, wait. Oh.

[B]

Oh, no.

[A]

Oh, yeah, he said. Then he said, yeah, finesse. Sitcom life, it's the best, really. If you can do it. Get a game show. Get a game show, dude. But sitcom life is the best. You show up at a certain time.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You block. You rehearse. You shoot a certain day. You go home.

[B]

Let me tell you what I didn't expect about it. I did one season of a CBS show.

[A]

I did one season of a Fox show.

[B]

You got a gift basket, too. I didn't get no gift basket when I did that show. I didn't expect it to be as fulfilling as it was. I thought I would be kind of like, ah, it's corny. It's not cool. I didn't give a. I didn't give a. I. Not just like, it didn't bother me. Like, I loved it. I loved every day. Every day. You know what it felt like? It felt like I was putting on a talent show at a summer camp. It just felt like we were happy kids being like, let's put on a little play tonight. And we did it. And I was like, I can't believe this is TV crashing. I just did a movie. What Damon was saying, sitting in your chair. I'm not complaining, but, like, when you know what it's like. Table read Monday, block Tuesday, rehearse Wednesday.

[A]

Shoot Thursday, and then a comedy club on Saturday night. Are you kidding me?

[B]

And I get another check, and then it's over. The episode's done. And then they have the balls to be like, and don't worry, it's three weeks on, one week off. I'm like, I don't need a vacation from this. Keep going. I love this.

[A]

I did roadies Roadies with Showtime, Cameron Crow show. I'm like, I'm working with Cameron Crow, man. I. I'll never forget this, bro. It was like, it's all white cast. I'm like the only black guy, I think. And I didn't know even why he picked me. You know, people got the email. None of my people got the email. We're shooting in Vancouver and it was a day before shoot and for whatever reason, I smoked so much weed. And at one o' clock in the morning, I'm downstairs in the lobby leaving the hotel. Now we shoot the next day. It was like 8 o'. Clock. I'm leaving Cameron Crow and. And is coming in and I'm like. And he walks up to me and he's like, this is gonna be so much fun. Now I know I smell like weed because I can smell it. And when you actually smell it, that means you smell. If you can smell weed on you, you smoked a lot.

[B]

It's like when you're drunk and you think you're stammering. Yeah, you're slurring a lot.

[A]

So I'm just like, okay, finesse. Calm down. Don't. You don't know this, but you don't know him like that. But just, just act normal. He's like, we're gonna have so much fun. I'll see you tomorrow. Eight o'. Clock. I was like, eight o'. Clock. He's like, all right, be safe. I was like, all right. I don't even know where I was going, bro. I was just like, walk. I said, I think I'm just going to stand out in the front. Maybe there was a casino. I don't know where I was going at one o' clock in the morning right before shoot date, but I saw the director to do who hired me. I'm just like. And he's just like, I would have used your.

[B]

Used your line and been like, I'm just taking out the trash.

[A]

I'm just taking out the trash.

[B]

I'm just taking out the trash.

[A]

I'll be right back. Right back. Cam. I actually was study my line.

[B]

I like to learn outside.

[A]

That is going outside.

[B]

Do you think, though, that there's a part of you, I sound like a therapist that is like, your talent is such an X factor, electric, flowy, organic thing that you're like, all right, then don't. Don't go to bed at 8 o' clock and get up and look at your lines like you want to keep it spontaneous and fresh and a little left of center. Like you Want to knock your own TV antenna just a little to the left before you do anything?

[A]

I'm one of those dudes that even if I feel like I know it, like I know it, I know the scene. I'm the one with the sides. I'm learning the size in the van on the way.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm learning the size in the. In the. In the makeup chair.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I'm praying the magic happens when I go out there.

[B]

That's me, too.

[A]

But, like, I'm gonna sit down the day before, and I'm gonna get together with the other cast member. We're gonna run lines and all that.

[B]

Because you're trying to bring your talent.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Not. You know, that's not to say.

[A]

And he also said, I don't prepare, but he. He also said, basically, you know, I'm Cameron Crowe. I'm pretty dope. So read my. Read that. And then when you get that, do what you want to do. And I was just like, dope.

[B]

Oh. He's like, get it the way I wrote.

[A]

Yeah. Get it the way I wrote it. Yeah.

[B]

Because he's Cameron Crowe.

[A]

I'm Cameron Crowe. I'm not. I'm not these sitcomy people, right? Fox. Yeah. The same Fox, Silver Fox, something that I put in that shit is going to be called back two episodes from now. So you got to say it like that.

[B]

That's right. That's right.

[A]

You put. Okay. You put thought into it like that. Okay.

[B]

Oh, Watery grave isn't just a throwaway line.

[A]

It's not a throwaway line, buddy. It's not a throw line. I'm brilliant. I'm brilliant.

[B]

Nicaraguans in Paris play Nicaraguans in Paris.

[A]

Would she? Would she? Would she?

[B]

Let me ask you the final question.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Can you tell me a time in your life? Well, first, tell me a name droppy story, because you're an SNL dude, but you're also just out there.

[A]

Kevin Spacey hit on me. No.

[B]

Did he?

[A]

I like the cut of your jib. I had no clue what that meant.

[B]

And you weren't gonna stick around to find out.

[A]

Somebody. Somebody pulled me to the side. It was like, are you. You're. You're okay. You're cool, right? I was like, yeah. Why? Well, he kind of just flirted with you a little bit.

[B]

I like the jib.

[A]

Yeah. I'm like, what does that mean? What is that?

[B]

I love the idea of Kevin Spacy being like. I know just what to say. I know.

[A]

Excuse me, boy. Not boy.

[B]

You wouldn't say boy. Sorry. That Sounded wrong.

[A]

Excuse me? Finesse.

[B]

I like the way he might say boy.

[A]

He might say boy.

[B]

I did not mean it that way.

[A]

How do. How do I. How do I break the ice with this?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Tall, drinkable.

[B]

Yeah, I was going for. He's young. He's older than you. Yeah, yeah, I forgot that.

[A]

But.

[B]

So Kevin Spacey hit on you? No.

[A]

What was you. What was your question?

[B]

That's it. That was good.

[A]

A name drop?

[B]

No, no, that. That. That paid out. I was gonna say, what is a time in your life that you can remember easily that you laughed really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really hard? Here. Here are some prompts to get you there. It doesn't have to be a good story. Just if you're laughing, tears are coming down your face. Maybe you're a kid, maybe you're stoned. Maybe someone fell, maybe someone farted. Maybe you were in church. Maybe you're somewhere you weren't supposed to laugh. But what comes to mind again? It doesn't have to be great. You don't have to make me laugh. I'm just saying, like, what does that bring you to.

[A]

I've never told this. It's not even a joke. I've always said I was going to reenact this, but my older brother, he says it was me. It was him. We're in church.

[B]

I almost spit out my water because the way you said that let me know. We're in that special frequency of.

[A]

As the years go by, your grown men, you forget who did what. But as kids, we're in AME church. My mother's in the choir, single mom, so she had. So two boys sitting in, like, the third row from pew from the back. You could see her looking at you 200ft away. You could tell when she was. You could tell when the choir is doing this and she's just doing this, and she's just staring right at you, and you're like, oh.

[B]

Keeping you in line.

[A]

Yeah, because we were sitting back there by ourselves.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

So one day, my brother was sleep. And that's the one thing she hates because she. She doesn't sing every Sunday. So some Sundays, you know, she's sitting there next to us, but she does the whole pinch thing when you fall asleep, she offer you the peppermint or whatever you need to stay awake. But. But we talking about five, and he's probably eight or something. This dude was sleep. And I did one of those things. I saw Mama getting up to sing, and she stopped rocking and she was looking, and I'M like, oh, that mean we doing something. I look next to me, this dude sleep. And I'm like, wake up. And he go, hey. He thought he had a machine gun. He goes. And I'm like. And I look at my mom, and she says, she was gone. There was a space where she was standing. He woke up immediately.

[B]

Like this.

[A]

He woke up, like. And did that in church. And I was like. I said. And I looked, and there was an empty space. I said.

[B]

And then you look to your left and it's your mom.

[A]

It was almost like she was there in record time. So it wasn't that quite like. But that's what it felt like when all of a sudden you're like, we in trouble. Oh, my God. And I'd be tired, man. We used to tell that. So we would just die. And he would be like, remember that time you woke up in church shooting that machine gun? That was you, dawg. So, you know. So that was. That's one. That's one time where. In the moment. That is good. We didn't talk about it for a while, but the minute one day, he said, hey, remember that time Mama left the choir? Cause you shot a machine gun in church. Man, I laughed so hard, and I couldn't get out. That was you. But I laughed so hard, Pete. I just was like. But that was the scariest moment of my life. Scariest moment of my life.

[B]

I'm glad I said church. A lot of the answers are in church, because that's where you're not allowed to laugh.

[A]

And then just my kids. My kids are just so. You know, I just posted something. A reenactment of something. But. But my daughter literally had, like, three biscuits. And there's those. Those croissants, those Pillsbury croissants. They rise up all flaky. And I cut them open. I put jelly in them. She was like, four. Three or four. And I'm like, eva, give me a. Give Daddy a croissant. She's just like, no. I'm like, eva, don't be like that. No. I'm like, eva, give Daddy. You have three. No. And she did the whole. No. Daddy. Get. Get your uncle, son. Mommy. Daddy. I said, are you. You are tripping. Just get her.

[B]

And she was just like.

[A]

She took off the tiniest corner, and she did that. And I laughed so hard that I ran to get my phone and I tried to get her to do it again.

[B]

That is a story. That's a Lela story. That's my daughter.

[A]

That's exactly it's probably like the fourth video on my Instagram. If you go back for videos. Cause I tried to get her to do it again in that moment. And I went and found the video the other day. Your memories come up. And I said, you know what? I'm posting this thing. But from the original video, I was dying because I couldn't believe that she was that clever and that funny and that selfish to just break off a little piece of tiny biscuit and then hand it to me, like, here you go.

[B]

That's Leela. My daughter definitely has no concept of, like, I paid for for these.

[A]

Right.

[B]

That's not world at all. So she thinks I'm just stealing her food.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And I'm not going to be like, sweetheart, commerce is. You know, I do sometimes want to go like, you know, when dad goes away, that's so we can have croissants, right?

[A]

So give me a croissant. I heard my wife saying, why does he give you these words? Cuz my. My other. Other daughter's in third grade. She's like, why. Why is he giving you inflation? What's wrong with your teacher?

[B]

Why are you learning inflation?

[A]

Why do you. I'm supposed to spell it. What do you think inflation is? I don't know. You. When you blow up the jumpy house, you know, it's just like. Yeah, that's what it is, you know?

[B]

Yeah, but I don't know, you know, that's how you can mark your life. When inflation means balloons to, like, the economy, it's like a loss of innocence.

[A]

Yes, yes.

[B]

Finesse. You are amazing. So talented.

[A]

Thank you, my friend. I didn't do any impersonations. Yeah, I'm Morgan Freeman. No, I don't.

[B]

I. We can have a Morgan Freeman off.

[A]

We can have a more.

[B]

Is it appropriate for a white guy to do an impression of Morgan Freeman?

[A]

It is. As long as he doesn't call the black guest. Boy.

[B]

That was an honest mistake.

[A]

That's okay. We should use that as a clip and then. Smart.

[B]

More, more.

[A]

Cut to me and looking at you. You looking at me. And then we gonna get some likes in this. Gonna get some views.

[B]

What is that your favorite one? I love him.

[A]

That's the only one. That's the only one I know how to do.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

I do some, but that's the only one I know how to do. All right. I. When I. I'm telling me I got Saturday Night Live, because I do stand up. Yeah. And they were just like, hillary Swank's here next week. You're gonna be Morgan Freeman. And I was just like, okay. But then I thought. But then they were like. But then it was just like, yeah, you're Morgan Freeman. We're gonna make you look like Morgan Freeman. Just. Yeah, that's it for us. We don't go further than that.

[B]

Suffice it to say, I can't do it today. Impressions are like that. Like, some days, I just can't do them. But I liked Andy right away.

[A]

I can't do it. I wish I could say Andy fought off the sisters that night.

[B]

That's it.

[A]

That's it. I wish I could say that. Check your boy out. Finesse Mitchell on Instagram. Twitter. No. Is it Twitter? No. X.

[B]

We're still calling it Facebook. Yeah.

[A]

Tik Tok while you can. Why you can, bro. Donald Trump was adamant about getting rid of Tik Tok because he hate China so much.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then three days ago, he was like, nah, let's get rid of Facebook.

[B]

Really?

[A]

I swear to God. Am I right? I swear to God.

[B]

In my dream last night, I was doing my Donald Trump impression for like 4 hours.

[A]

Facebook is just as bad.

[B]

Finesse. It's great to see you. Great to see Facebook. Terrible website. Terrible. Facebook.com they say facebook.com home. That's how you get to the main page. That's called your feed. You go on the feed. It's like giving feed to chickens. But it's pictures of your auntie. Beautiful pictures. Low cleavage, beautiful, sexy auntie.

[A]

I love it.

[B]

I love it.

[A]

Clip marking this clip.

[B]

Thank you.

[A]

Thank you, brother.

[B]

I'd give you that, but I got a sweaty hand. Oh. You got to say keep it crispy. That's how we end.

[A]

Yo, yo, yo. It's finesse, Mitchell. And I'm always keeping it crispy as a verb.

[B]

Jaren, you are. I think I loved it. Thank you, my friend.

[A]

Keep it crispy.

[B]

There it is. That was awesome.

[A]

Oh, kidding.

[B]

Are we still rolling? We want people to rate and review the show. Thank you for rating and reviewing the show. No, we're gonna do it. Oh, we're gonna. This is a nice comment that somebody left. It is Jo Beth Roberts. She wrote Pete does Holy work. Oh, that's sweet. Five stars. I found this podcast in 2019. It helped me in many ways find joy, peace and laughter. I cherish this wave of good to ears, hearts, minds. It fills the soul. Thank you. Val is a gem too. Thank you, Joe. Beth. That is so sweet. We just want to remind people we're trying to get more listens on the show. I love this show, but we haven't done much to build it. So if you like it, please review it and maybe share this episode with somebody you like. This isn't an ad. This is still the episode. And we'll read some reviews on the air because we want you to leave more reviews like it and review it on itunes, fucking Spotify, fucking YouTube, who gives a fuck? Now we're out.

[A]

TikTok, we're out it.