Podcast Summary: You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes – Jennette McCurdy Returns

Episode Date: December 21, 2022
Host: Pete Holmes
Guest: Jennette McCurdy
Main Theme: Processing complicated family dynamics, authenticity, healing, and the aftermath of Jennette’s memoir I’m Glad My Mom Died.

Overview

In this heartfelt, deeply honest episode, Pete Holmes welcomes back author and former Nickelodeon star Jennette McCurdy, seven years after her first appearance. The conversation centers around family dysfunction, the impact of Jennette’s best-selling memoir I’m Glad My Mom Died, and the challenges of healing, forgiveness, and reclaiming one’s identity. Both Pete and Jennette openly share their own family struggles, dig into spiritual territory, and manage to keep things light and relatable, even as they cover heavy ground.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Jennette’s Book, Reception, and the Burden of Promotion

Opening Vibe (08:04): Pete expresses new appreciation for Jennette post-memoir, feeling a gentle desire to be “kind and sensitive.”
The ‘Pity’ Problem (09:05): Jennette shares discomfort with being pitied for her story:

“The only thing that I don't like is, 'Oh God, I just want to hug you.' That makes me feel like then I'm being pitied and I'm like, oh God, that's not... Yeah, I'm good on that.”
Press Tour Hazards (12:03): Jennette describes the surreal “morning show” circuit, where the brutally honest book title gets read in a glib, bullet-point way, stripping the story of nuance.
Emotional Distance & “Becoming Bullet Points” (17:02): Talking endlessly about trauma for press has numbed her connection to her story:

“In the repetition it becomes stale or too distant. I feel there's something of a lack of connection just by nature of—I like cried a couple times in press. I felt some shame about that. So then I felt like I had more of a guard...”

Timestamps:

Pity and reactions – 08:55-09:43
Press promotion weirdness – 12:31-17:32

2. Family Dynamics, Holiday Guilt, and Childhood Roles

Responsibility for Parents’ Happiness (25:39): Both discuss growing up feeling responsible for keeping parents happy and the guilt-ridden negotiations of adult holidays.
Authenticity vs. Performance (34:23): Pete admits he becomes a “rodeo clown” around family, faking accents and performing to smooth things over rather than being real:

"I’ve been speaking in a fake Boston accent... and no one in my family has noticed."
Pretending Things “Work” (28:05): Pete and Jennette both reflect on families pretending closeness, even when nobody truly enjoys the time together.

Jennette: "Why can't it just be said that we don't really want to do this?... There's just a disconnect."
Yearning and Mourning Lost Possibilities (29:51): Pete shares the heartbreak of realizing parent–child closeness may never materialize, invoking the image of “hopeful but knowing it’ll never happen.”

Timestamps:

Family responsibility and guilt – 25:39-27:59
Pretending and performance – 28:04-36:36
Mourning family fantasies – 29:51-30:36

3. Handling Growth, Regression, and Boundaries

Reverting Around Family (48:49): Jennette and Pete both notice that, despite all their personal growth, they instantly fall into old “child” roles around parents:

Jennette: "Why is it so difficult to maintain the growth ... around family? I immediately revert. My voice feels different coming out of my body."
Growing Apart from Family of Origin (54:19): Jennette describes creating healthy distance from family, and the strange tension when both parties sense it but don’t address it—sometimes out of fear of closeness.
Tolerated vs. Celebrated (55:55): Referencing a Kim Cattrall quote, Jennette notes the importance of seeking relationships where you're celebrated, not just tolerated.

Timestamps:

Regression and roles – 48:49-50:01
Family distance and boundaries – 54:19-56:09

4. Addiction: Food, Ritual, and Feeling Alive

Addict Brain & Sensory Experience (64:33): Both discuss how being “addict-y” can manifest in craving intense sensory experiences—Sour Patch Kids, wasabi, etc.
Rituals and Magical Thinking (86:12): Jennette describes post-memoir rituals/trappings—saving shampoo bottles from the launch week etc.—to try to control fate:

"I... was holding on to shampoo because I used it when [the book] debuted at number one... there was a part of me that was almost relieved when it dropped, because then I don't have to keep doing those rituals…"

Timestamps:

Sensory cravings and addiction – 64:11-65:59
Compulsive rituals for control – 86:12-87:28

5. Spirituality, Guilt, and Forgiveness

Spiritual Language & Reclaiming “God” (67:04): Both discuss struggles with the word “God” after religious upbringings, and ultimately find empowerment in reclaiming it.
Guilt vs. Remorse (70:55): Pete distinguishes helpful remorse from unproductive guilt/shame, tying in spiritual growth as letting go of the "twisty chocolate-vanilla ice cream cone" of shame and guilt.
Mercy vs. Forgiveness (73:32):

Pete (quoting Greg Boyle): “Mercy is just—it's always there, it doesn't think about it… It's completely irrational, completely illogical, and does not perpetuate or affirm your existence, which makes it so scary.”
Letting Go of Forgiveness as a Goal (111:35): Jennette shares a transformative moment from therapy:

“What if forgiveness isn't the goal?... That was, I mean, transformative... I felt what people mean when they say the burden is lifted.”
(This is highlighted as especially helpful for those stuck in anger at their parents.)

Timestamps:

Spiritual terminology and reclaiming – 67:04-68:35
Guilt, shame, remorse discussion – 70:55-72:57
Forgiveness/mercy – 73:32-75:26, 111:35-112:06

6. Processing Loss and Moving Toward Closure

On Her Mother’s Death & Grief’s Complexity (102:01-108:41):
Jennette explains that her mother’s death did not bring instant closure; in fact, it set her on a winding path through anger, blame, and eventually self-forgiveness:

“It was not by any means—she died, and then I'm relieved and can finally be myself… I was really deep in eating disorders and alcohol issues at that time... It was really years of anger before starting to feel what was underneath... just so much pain and disappointment. Now, I am able to just miss her.”
Notable Quote:

“Anger is pain in disguise.” – Pete Holmes (106:00) “Forgiveness is giving up hope for a better past.” – (Lily Tomlin via Pete, 110:18)
Letting Go of Family Fantasies: Over time—and with help from therapy—Jennette has learned not to chase the illusion of a “perfect” or “healed” relationship with her mom or brothers, but rather to allow her feelings as they are.

Timestamps:

Complicated grief—mother’s death – 102:01–110:13

7. Lighthearted Closings: Food, Napping, and Laughter

Best Candy & Breakfast Cereal:
- Jennette: Sour Patch Kids, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Reese’s Puffs (63:41, 115:11)
- Discussion of “addict” cereals gets lots of laughs.
Sleeping & Airplane Naps:
- Jennette describes finally learning to enjoy sleep and napping hard enough to drool, especially on planes (122:37).
Laughing Together:
The episode closes with a relaxed sense of mutual affection and gratitude for the depth and fun of the conversation.

Timestamps:

Favorite candy/cereal – 63:41-65:59, 115:11-118:14
Airplane naps – 122:37

Notable Quotes & Moments

On Press & Pity:

“It's sort of like improv—yes-anding your victimhood.”
(Pete Holmes, 09:05)
On Family Guilt:

“You end up with a stable relationship... and there's a part of me that's just like, I just want to fuck everything up… just get that impulse.”
(Jennette McCurdy, 94:40)
On Self-Forgiveness:

"I feared what was on the other side of self-forgiveness. But I really did feel … because you vanish. It's the opposite of wasabi pea."
(Jennette McCurdy & Pete, 73:21)
On Sacred Boredom:

Pete and Jennette both acknowledge how their “addict” brains sometimes crave chaos or intensity, making peace/happiness feel almost threatening.
On Closure:

“If I'm not... carrying that chip on my shoulder, what does that even mean for who I am? ... Now, I am able to just miss her.”
(Jennette McCurdy, 108:41)

Episode Structure / Timestamps at a Glance

| Time | Key Segment | |---------------|--------------------------------------------------------------------| | 08:04 | Opening - New Appreciation, Book Reception, Pity Problem | | 12:03 | Press Tour Stories & Strangeness | | 17:00 | Emotional Numbing, “Bullet Point-ing” Life | | 25:39 | Family Holiday Guilt, Performative Roles | | 48:49 | Regression, Voice Changing Around Family | | 54:19 | Growing Apart from Family in Adulthood | | 64:33 | Addictive Sensory Preferences, Wasabi Peas, Sour Candy | | 86:12 | Magical Thinking, Rituals with Objects | | 67:04 | Reclaiming Spiritual Language, Remorse vs. Shame | | 73:32 | The Power (and Discomfort) of Mercy, Spiritual Bypassing | | 102:01 | Processing Death of Her Mother, Grief, and Moving Toward Forgiveness| | 108:41 | Closure, Letting Go, Pure Missing | | 115:11 | Food, Cereal, Lighthearted Wrap-up | | 122:37 | Airplane Naps, Sleep Revelations |

Conclusion

This episode is a masterclass in vulnerability and self-inquiry, interspersed with real humor and warmth. Pete and Jennette scrutinize difficult family patterns, performative coping, the paradoxes of healing, and the challenge of spiritual and psychological integration. Grounded in both their personal experiences and philosophical conversation, listeners who have navigated complicated family relationships or the struggle toward self-acceptance will find themselves seen and supported.

Jennette’s closing words capture the spirit of the conversation:

“I'm just so happy to be doing this with you. ... I really appreciated how we talked about it—I felt really engaged and I didn't revert to a sound bite.”

(124:17–124:27)

Suggested Listening For:

Anyone processing family trauma, parental relationships, and how to heal
Listeners who enjoy raw, honest, but ultimately hopeful conversations
Fans of both Pete Holmes’s playful/spiritual style and Jennette McCurdy’s unflinching memoir

Book Plug:
I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy (Audiobook and print) – Highly recommended for its humor, candor, and compassion.

Sign-off:
"Keep it crispy." (Jennette, 125:03)

Podcast Summary: You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes – Jennette McCurdy Returns

Overview

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Jennette’s Book, Reception, and the Burden of Promotion

Opening Vibe (08:04): Pete expresses new appreciation for Jennette post-memoir, feeling a gentle desire to be “kind and sensitive.”
The ‘Pity’ Problem (09:05): Jennette shares discomfort with being pitied for her story:

“The only thing that I don't like is, 'Oh God, I just want to hug you.' That makes me feel like then I'm being pitied and I'm like, oh God, that's not... Yeah, I'm good on that.”
Press Tour Hazards (12:03): Jennette describes the surreal “morning show” circuit, where the brutally honest book title gets read in a glib, bullet-point way, stripping the story of nuance.
Emotional Distance & “Becoming Bullet Points” (17:02): Talking endlessly about trauma for press has numbed her connection to her story:

“In the repetition it becomes stale or too distant. I feel there's something of a lack of connection just by nature of—I like cried a couple times in press. I felt some shame about that. So then I felt like I had more of a guard...”

Timestamps:

Pity and reactions – 08:55-09:43
Press promotion weirdness – 12:31-17:32

2. Family Dynamics, Holiday Guilt, and Childhood Roles

Responsibility for Parents’ Happiness (25:39): Both discuss growing up feeling responsible for keeping parents happy and the guilt-ridden negotiations of adult holidays.
Authenticity vs. Performance (34:23): Pete admits he becomes a “rodeo clown” around family, faking accents and performing to smooth things over rather than being real:

"I’ve been speaking in a fake Boston accent... and no one in my family has noticed."
Pretending Things “Work” (28:05): Pete and Jennette both reflect on families pretending closeness, even when nobody truly enjoys the time together.

Jennette: "Why can't it just be said that we don't really want to do this?... There's just a disconnect."
Yearning and Mourning Lost Possibilities (29:51): Pete shares the heartbreak of realizing parent–child closeness may never materialize, invoking the image of “hopeful but knowing it’ll never happen.”

Timestamps:

Family responsibility and guilt – 25:39-27:59
Pretending and performance – 28:04-36:36
Mourning family fantasies – 29:51-30:36

3. Handling Growth, Regression, and Boundaries

Reverting Around Family (48:49): Jennette and Pete both notice that, despite all their personal growth, they instantly fall into old “child” roles around parents:

Jennette: "Why is it so difficult to maintain the growth ... around family? I immediately revert. My voice feels different coming out of my body."
Growing Apart from Family of Origin (54:19): Jennette describes creating healthy distance from family, and the strange tension when both parties sense it but don’t address it—sometimes out of fear of closeness.
Tolerated vs. Celebrated (55:55): Referencing a Kim Cattrall quote, Jennette notes the importance of seeking relationships where you're celebrated, not just tolerated.

Timestamps:

Regression and roles – 48:49-50:01
Family distance and boundaries – 54:19-56:09

4. Addiction: Food, Ritual, and Feeling Alive

Addict Brain & Sensory Experience (64:33): Both discuss how being “addict-y” can manifest in craving intense sensory experiences—Sour Patch Kids, wasabi, etc.
Rituals and Magical Thinking (86:12): Jennette describes post-memoir rituals/trappings—saving shampoo bottles from the launch week etc.—to try to control fate:

"I... was holding on to shampoo because I used it when [the book] debuted at number one... there was a part of me that was almost relieved when it dropped, because then I don't have to keep doing those rituals…"

Timestamps:

Sensory cravings and addiction – 64:11-65:59
Compulsive rituals for control – 86:12-87:28

5. Spirituality, Guilt, and Forgiveness

Spiritual Language & Reclaiming “God” (67:04): Both discuss struggles with the word “God” after religious upbringings, and ultimately find empowerment in reclaiming it.
Guilt vs. Remorse (70:55): Pete distinguishes helpful remorse from unproductive guilt/shame, tying in spiritual growth as letting go of the "twisty chocolate-vanilla ice cream cone" of shame and guilt.
Mercy vs. Forgiveness (73:32):

Pete (quoting Greg Boyle): “Mercy is just—it's always there, it doesn't think about it… It's completely irrational, completely illogical, and does not perpetuate or affirm your existence, which makes it so scary.”
Letting Go of Forgiveness as a Goal (111:35): Jennette shares a transformative moment from therapy:

“What if forgiveness isn't the goal?... That was, I mean, transformative... I felt what people mean when they say the burden is lifted.”
(This is highlighted as especially helpful for those stuck in anger at their parents.)

Timestamps:

Spiritual terminology and reclaiming – 67:04-68:35
Guilt, shame, remorse discussion – 70:55-72:57
Forgiveness/mercy – 73:32-75:26, 111:35-112:06

6. Processing Loss and Moving Toward Closure

On Her Mother’s Death & Grief’s Complexity (102:01-108:41):
Jennette explains that her mother’s death did not bring instant closure; in fact, it set her on a winding path through anger, blame, and eventually self-forgiveness:

“It was not by any means—she died, and then I'm relieved and can finally be myself… I was really deep in eating disorders and alcohol issues at that time... It was really years of anger before starting to feel what was underneath... just so much pain and disappointment. Now, I am able to just miss her.”
Notable Quote:

“Anger is pain in disguise.” – Pete Holmes (106:00) “Forgiveness is giving up hope for a better past.” – (Lily Tomlin via Pete, 110:18)
Letting Go of Family Fantasies: Over time—and with help from therapy—Jennette has learned not to chase the illusion of a “perfect” or “healed” relationship with her mom or brothers, but rather to allow her feelings as they are.

Timestamps:

Complicated grief—mother’s death – 102:01–110:13

7. Lighthearted Closings: Food, Napping, and Laughter

Best Candy & Breakfast Cereal:
- Jennette: Sour Patch Kids, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Reese’s Puffs (63:41, 115:11)
- Discussion of “addict” cereals gets lots of laughs.
Sleeping & Airplane Naps:
- Jennette describes finally learning to enjoy sleep and napping hard enough to drool, especially on planes (122:37).
Laughing Together:
The episode closes with a relaxed sense of mutual affection and gratitude for the depth and fun of the conversation.

Timestamps:

Favorite candy/cereal – 63:41-65:59, 115:11-118:14
Airplane naps – 122:37

Notable Quotes & Moments

On Press & Pity:

“It's sort of like improv—yes-anding your victimhood.”
(Pete Holmes, 09:05)
On Family Guilt:

“You end up with a stable relationship... and there's a part of me that's just like, I just want to fuck everything up… just get that impulse.”
(Jennette McCurdy, 94:40)
On Self-Forgiveness:

"I feared what was on the other side of self-forgiveness. But I really did feel … because you vanish. It's the opposite of wasabi pea."
(Jennette McCurdy & Pete, 73:21)
On Sacred Boredom:

Pete and Jennette both acknowledge how their “addict” brains sometimes crave chaos or intensity, making peace/happiness feel almost threatening.
On Closure:

“If I'm not... carrying that chip on my shoulder, what does that even mean for who I am? ... Now, I am able to just miss her.”
(Jennette McCurdy, 108:41)

Episode Structure / Timestamps at a Glance

Conclusion

Jennette’s closing words capture the spirit of the conversation:

“I'm just so happy to be doing this with you. ... I really appreciated how we talked about it—I felt really engaged and I didn't revert to a sound bite.”

(124:17–124:27)

Suggested Listening For:

Anyone processing family trauma, parental relationships, and how to heal
Listeners who enjoy raw, honest, but ultimately hopeful conversations
Fans of both Pete Holmes’s playful/spiritual style and Jennette McCurdy’s unflinching memoir

Book Plug:
I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy (Audiobook and print) – Highly recommended for its humor, candor, and compassion.

Sign-off:
"Keep it crispy." (Jennette, 125:03)

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Summary

Podcast Summary: You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes – Jennette McCurdy Returns

Overview

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Jennette’s Book, Reception, and the Burden of Promotion

2. Family Dynamics, Holiday Guilt, and Childhood Roles

3. Handling Growth, Regression, and Boundaries

4. Addiction: Food, Ritual, and Feeling Alive

5. Spirituality, Guilt, and Forgiveness

6. Processing Loss and Moving Toward Closure

7. Lighthearted Closings: Food, Napping, and Laughter

Notable Quotes & Moments

Episode Structure / Timestamps at a Glance

Conclusion

Suggested Listening For:

Summary

Podcast Summary: You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes – Jennette McCurdy Returns

Overview

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Jennette’s Book, Reception, and the Burden of Promotion

2. Family Dynamics, Holiday Guilt, and Childhood Roles

3. Handling Growth, Regression, and Boundaries

4. Addiction: Food, Ritual, and Feeling Alive

5. Spirituality, Guilt, and Forgiveness

6. Processing Loss and Moving Toward Closure

7. Lighthearted Closings: Food, Napping, and Laughter

Notable Quotes & Moments

Episode Structure / Timestamps at a Glance

Conclusion

Suggested Listening For: