Transcript

Jeanette McCurdy (0:00)

You made it weird. You made it weird.

Pete Holmes (0:03)

You made it weird. Oh, yeah. You made it weird. Made it weird. Yes, you did. Made it weird. You made it weird with Pete Holmes. What's happening, weirdos? This is the Return. The Return episode. It was like seven years ago that Jennette McCurdy, the incredible Jeanette McCurdy, did this podcast. But Katie made me aware of her new book, which is called I'm Glad My Mom Died. And obviously I was like, what? I gotta read this. Checked it out, actually. I listened to the audiobook. It's unbelievable. It's incredible. She's so talented. She's so wonderful. I was like, we have to have her back on the podcast. So definitely check out. I'm glad my mom died. As an audiobook is how I did it. Katie read the book. Book. Either way, same words. But her performance is really, really great. She's so talented. So this is an incredible chat. Obviously we joked in this episode that it's like perfect for the holidays because there's a lot of talk about how family dynamics can be in relationships like that and how to mend them and how to heal them. And anyway, it's really wonderful chat. One of my favorites in a long time. So let's get to it as quickly as possible. This episode will be on YouTube, but because of some technical difficulties, the video didn't work out. We're just releasing it as audio on YouTube and also as an audio podcast. So that's. I don't know, I just wanted. I didn't want you to be confused. But you can still watch it on YouTube if that's. If that's how you fuck with podcasts. If you'd like to see me live doing stand up comedy, come go, come go to peteholmes.com some new dates are also about to be added, but right now you can go for tickets to San Francisco, Portland, Seattle, Atlanta, Charlotte, and Washington D.C. and I'd also like to point out that it being the holiday season, it's a wonderful time to treat yourself or someone you love to a Pete's pick. Like, I'm holding it right here. Magic Mind. It's always here on my desk. You hear me offer it to the guests. Because I loved Magic Mind. First I reached out to them. My dear friend James Bashar. It's how we became friends. Is the developer of Magic Mind. I loved it. Then I reached out and was like, you guys gotta sponsor the podcast. Get a promo code to the weirdos. So the love was first. That's super important because this is the product that has changed my life the most in recent years. I absolutely, absolutely swear by it. And if you've tried it recently or never tried it, I'd like to point out they just put out a new version. It's version 4.0, which tastes even better. It's less shaking required, meaning the matcha that's in this drink, you don't have to shake it as much, it gets mixed up easier and it gets into your system faster, meaning you feel the effects faster. So I already loved it, but they're always working on it, tweaking it, improving it on version 4.0 and is now available. And I absolutely love it. You maybe heard me on we made it weird. I drank one and talked about the new taste, but that was the first time and now I'm hooked on version 4.0. If you don't know what it is, it's a magical elixir that makes you focus better on your work, be more creative and drink less coffee. In fact, you drink it with your coffee because it has adaptogens in it and adaptogens round the edges of stress. Sometimes coffee can make you a little stressed. This rounds out that experience and and makes it just pure, clean, creative energy. It's a mix of 12 functional ingredients, including as I mentioned, matcha, nootropics that help you focus and adaptogens, as I mentioned, help you fight off stress. Everybody has, you know, athletes, everybody, athletes have Gatorade. We jokingly call this creator aid. It's creator aid. You take it with your coffee or on its own, which is often what I do. For a sharper mind, steady energy, immune support and less stress, you get 30, 30% more done. On average, five to seven hours of 30% more productivity after drinking. It doesn't get you wired. This is the biggest point. It doesn't get you wired or jittery. It gets you dialed in, which makes it your creator's best friend. You try it 15 minutes before you're doing something and you just have so much more ease. Getting into that flow state. Getting into that dialed in state fights off some ADD symptoms, procrastination, brain fog and fatigue. I absolutely love it. I swear by it. Give it a try. Perfect way to support the show. If you like the show, go to www.magicmind.co. who has time for that? M Co weird and use discount code weird at checkout to get 20% off. It's a limited time. 20% off your first order. Magic Mind co weird. Weird at checkout. It's also brought to us by our friends, which I'm also wearing. This is my Apollo Neuro. I was just leaving for LA the other day and realized I wasn't wearing my Apollo. It was charging and I turned around, I was like 10 minutes away from my house. I turned around, came back to the house just to get my Apollo. It is a wearable piece of technology. A lot of people think it's a watch or something like a whoop. It is not. It is way better than either of those things because it sends gentle vibrations directly into your nervous system. Basically speaking to your nervous system in the language of touch, which is the language that that it can understand. It's basically a wearable hug. It's like a robo hug. They could have called it robo hug, like robot hug. Who has time for that tea? I have a lot of who has that time jokes in this intro. But it gives your nervous system the signal that it is okay and that it is supported. It's like a weighted blanket that you wear all the time, helping you feel safe and in control. I wear it on my wrist. I Val wears hers on her ankle. It delivers those gentle, almost sub perceptual meaning. You don't notice it, but you notice the effects of these vibrations that train your nervous system to recover and rebalance after stress. And in my experience, help you while you're feeling that stress. Also like one of the settings is called Sleep and Renew. As I'm older now, I get up more in the night to go pee pee and when I get back in bed sometimes it's hard to fall back asleep. I just hit these two buttons on the Apollo. It runs that program again. Sleep and Renew. And literally lulls me gently back to sleep by basically like establishing a pattern and then slowing that pattern down and then you're off. They have the opposite of that, which is energy and wake up. Social and open is also a more upbeat sensation. Helps you get into those group modes, into that creative mode. Clear and focus has been shown to help fight off symptoms of add. Rebuild and recover is what I put it on after stressful things like flights or difficult phone calls or meetings. Relax and unwind. We call it the try to stay awake setting. That's what I have it on at night when I'm watching TV or reading, getting ready for bed. And as I mentioned, Sleep and Renew. Apollo Neuro works better the more you use it. It's not woo woo. As I always point out. This isn't like a crystal. It was developed by a neuroscientist And a board certified psychiatrist who have been studying the impacts of chronic stress for nearly 15 years. And Apollo's effects on stress, sleep, cognitive performance and recovery have been proven in multiple clinical trials and real world studies. So don't just take it from me. This is the. The cutting edge of wearable technology and it's absolutely changed my life. I've given it away. More Apollos. It's an incredible Christmas holiday gift that if you don't know what to get somebody, the answer is the Apollo. So get 10% off and show your support of the show. Go to ApolloNeuro.com weird that's a P O L L O N e u r o.com weird r for 10% and show your support of the podcast. All right, everybody, enjoy this incredible chat with Jeanette McCurdy and I really, really hope you're having a great holiday season. We'll be taking next week off, but we will see you on Friday for we made it weird. And then we'll be back in the new year. All right? Get into it. Look at you. That's the way to do it.

Summary

Podcast Summary: You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes – Jennette McCurdy Returns

Episode Date: December 21, 2022
Host: Pete Holmes
Guest: Jennette McCurdy
Main Theme: Processing complicated family dynamics, authenticity, healing, and the aftermath of Jennette’s memoir I’m Glad My Mom Died.

Overview

In this heartfelt, deeply honest episode, Pete Holmes welcomes back author and former Nickelodeon star Jennette McCurdy, seven years after her first appearance. The conversation centers around family dysfunction, the impact of Jennette’s best-selling memoir I’m Glad My Mom Died, and the challenges of healing, forgiveness, and reclaiming one’s identity. Both Pete and Jennette openly share their own family struggles, dig into spiritual territory, and manage to keep things light and relatable, even as they cover heavy ground.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Jennette’s Book, Reception, and the Burden of Promotion

Opening Vibe (08:04): Pete expresses new appreciation for Jennette post-memoir, feeling a gentle desire to be “kind and sensitive.”
The ‘Pity’ Problem (09:05): Jennette shares discomfort with being pitied for her story:

“The only thing that I don't like is, 'Oh God, I just want to hug you.' That makes me feel like then I'm being pitied and I'm like, oh God, that's not... Yeah, I'm good on that.”
Press Tour Hazards (12:03): Jennette describes the surreal “morning show” circuit, where the brutally honest book title gets read in a glib, bullet-point way, stripping the story of nuance.
Emotional Distance & “Becoming Bullet Points” (17:02): Talking endlessly about trauma for press has numbed her connection to her story:

“In the repetition it becomes stale or too distant. I feel there's something of a lack of connection just by nature of—I like cried a couple times in press. I felt some shame about that. So then I felt like I had more of a guard...”

Timestamps:

Pity and reactions – 08:55-09:43
Press promotion weirdness – 12:31-17:32

2. Family Dynamics, Holiday Guilt, and Childhood Roles

Responsibility for Parents’ Happiness (25:39): Both discuss growing up feeling responsible for keeping parents happy and the guilt-ridden negotiations of adult holidays.
Authenticity vs. Performance (34:23): Pete admits he becomes a “rodeo clown” around family, faking accents and performing to smooth things over rather than being real:

"I’ve been speaking in a fake Boston accent... and no one in my family has noticed."
Pretending Things “Work” (28:05): Pete and Jennette both reflect on families pretending closeness, even when nobody truly enjoys the time together.

Jennette: "Why can't it just be said that we don't really want to do this?... There's just a disconnect."
Yearning and Mourning Lost Possibilities (29:51): Pete shares the heartbreak of realizing parent–child closeness may never materialize, invoking the image of “hopeful but knowing it’ll never happen.”

Timestamps:

Family responsibility and guilt – 25:39-27:59
Pretending and performance – 28:04-36:36
Mourning family fantasies – 29:51-30:36

3. Handling Growth, Regression, and Boundaries

Reverting Around Family (48:49): Jennette and Pete both notice that, despite all their personal growth, they instantly fall into old “child” roles around parents:

Jennette: "Why is it so difficult to maintain the growth ... around family? I immediately revert. My voice feels different coming out of my body."
Growing Apart from Family of Origin (54:19): Jennette describes creating healthy distance from family, and the strange tension when both parties sense it but don’t address it—sometimes out of fear of closeness.
Tolerated vs. Celebrated (55:55): Referencing a Kim Cattrall quote, Jennette notes the importance of seeking relationships where you're celebrated, not just tolerated.

Timestamps:

Regression and roles – 48:49-50:01
Family distance and boundaries – 54:19-56:09

4. Addiction: Food, Ritual, and Feeling Alive

Addict Brain & Sensory Experience (64:33): Both discuss how being “addict-y” can manifest in craving intense sensory experiences—Sour Patch Kids, wasabi, etc.
Rituals and Magical Thinking (86:12): Jennette describes post-memoir rituals/trappings—saving shampoo bottles from the launch week etc.—to try to control fate:

"I... was holding on to shampoo because I used it when [the book] debuted at number one... there was a part of me that was almost relieved when it dropped, because then I don't have to keep doing those rituals…"

Timestamps:

Sensory cravings and addiction – 64:11-65:59
Compulsive rituals for control – 86:12-87:28

5. Spirituality, Guilt, and Forgiveness

Spiritual Language & Reclaiming “God” (67:04): Both discuss struggles with the word “God” after religious upbringings, and ultimately find empowerment in reclaiming it.
Guilt vs. Remorse (70:55): Pete distinguishes helpful remorse from unproductive guilt/shame, tying in spiritual growth as letting go of the "twisty chocolate-vanilla ice cream cone" of shame and guilt.
Mercy vs. Forgiveness (73:32):

Pete (quoting Greg Boyle): “Mercy is just—it's always there, it doesn't think about it… It's completely irrational, completely illogical, and does not perpetuate or affirm your existence, which makes it so scary.”
Letting Go of Forgiveness as a Goal (111:35): Jennette shares a transformative moment from therapy:

“What if forgiveness isn't the goal?... That was, I mean, transformative... I felt what people mean when they say the burden is lifted.”
(This is highlighted as especially helpful for those stuck in anger at their parents.)

Timestamps:

Spiritual terminology and reclaiming – 67:04-68:35
Guilt, shame, remorse discussion – 70:55-72:57
Forgiveness/mercy – 73:32-75:26, 111:35-112:06

6. Processing Loss and Moving Toward Closure

On Her Mother’s Death & Grief’s Complexity (102:01-108:41):
Jennette explains that her mother’s death did not bring instant closure; in fact, it set her on a winding path through anger, blame, and eventually self-forgiveness:

“It was not by any means—she died, and then I'm relieved and can finally be myself… I was really deep in eating disorders and alcohol issues at that time... It was really years of anger before starting to feel what was underneath... just so much pain and disappointment. Now, I am able to just miss her.”
Notable Quote:

“Anger is pain in disguise.” – Pete Holmes (106:00) “Forgiveness is giving up hope for a better past.” – (Lily Tomlin via Pete, 110:18)
Letting Go of Family Fantasies: Over time—and with help from therapy—Jennette has learned not to chase the illusion of a “perfect” or “healed” relationship with her mom or brothers, but rather to allow her feelings as they are.

Timestamps:

Complicated grief—mother’s death – 102:01–110:13

7. Lighthearted Closings: Food, Napping, and Laughter

Best Candy & Breakfast Cereal:
- Jennette: Sour Patch Kids, Cinnamon Toast Crunch, Reese’s Puffs (63:41, 115:11)
- Discussion of “addict” cereals gets lots of laughs.
Sleeping & Airplane Naps:
- Jennette describes finally learning to enjoy sleep and napping hard enough to drool, especially on planes (122:37).
Laughing Together:
The episode closes with a relaxed sense of mutual affection and gratitude for the depth and fun of the conversation.

Timestamps:

Favorite candy/cereal – 63:41-65:59, 115:11-118:14
Airplane naps – 122:37

Notable Quotes & Moments

On Press & Pity:

“It's sort of like improv—yes-anding your victimhood.”
(Pete Holmes, 09:05)
On Family Guilt:

“You end up with a stable relationship... and there's a part of me that's just like, I just want to fuck everything up… just get that impulse.”
(Jennette McCurdy, 94:40)
On Self-Forgiveness:

"I feared what was on the other side of self-forgiveness. But I really did feel … because you vanish. It's the opposite of wasabi pea."
(Jennette McCurdy & Pete, 73:21)
On Sacred Boredom:

Pete and Jennette both acknowledge how their “addict” brains sometimes crave chaos or intensity, making peace/happiness feel almost threatening.
On Closure:

“If I'm not... carrying that chip on my shoulder, what does that even mean for who I am? ... Now, I am able to just miss her.”
(Jennette McCurdy, 108:41)

Episode Structure / Timestamps at a Glance

| Time | Key Segment | |---------------|--------------------------------------------------------------------| | 08:04 | Opening - New Appreciation, Book Reception, Pity Problem | | 12:03 | Press Tour Stories & Strangeness | | 17:00 | Emotional Numbing, “Bullet Point-ing” Life | | 25:39 | Family Holiday Guilt, Performative Roles | | 48:49 | Regression, Voice Changing Around Family | | 54:19 | Growing Apart from Family in Adulthood | | 64:33 | Addictive Sensory Preferences, Wasabi Peas, Sour Candy | | 86:12 | Magical Thinking, Rituals with Objects | | 67:04 | Reclaiming Spiritual Language, Remorse vs. Shame | | 73:32 | The Power (and Discomfort) of Mercy, Spiritual Bypassing | | 102:01 | Processing Death of Her Mother, Grief, and Moving Toward Forgiveness| | 108:41 | Closure, Letting Go, Pure Missing | | 115:11 | Food, Cereal, Lighthearted Wrap-up | | 122:37 | Airplane Naps, Sleep Revelations |

Conclusion

This episode is a masterclass in vulnerability and self-inquiry, interspersed with real humor and warmth. Pete and Jennette scrutinize difficult family patterns, performative coping, the paradoxes of healing, and the challenge of spiritual and psychological integration. Grounded in both their personal experiences and philosophical conversation, listeners who have navigated complicated family relationships or the struggle toward self-acceptance will find themselves seen and supported.

Jennette’s closing words capture the spirit of the conversation:

“I'm just so happy to be doing this with you. ... I really appreciated how we talked about it—I felt really engaged and I didn't revert to a sound bite.”

(124:17–124:27)

Suggested Listening For:

Anyone processing family trauma, parental relationships, and how to heal
Listeners who enjoy raw, honest, but ultimately hopeful conversations
Fans of both Pete Holmes’s playful/spiritual style and Jennette McCurdy’s unflinching memoir

Book Plug:
I’m Glad My Mom Died by Jennette McCurdy (Audiobook and print) – Highly recommended for its humor, candor, and compassion.

Sign-off:
"Keep it crispy." (Jennette, 125:03)