Joey Bragg

Summary

You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

Guest: Joey Bragg
Release Date: October 4, 2023

---

Overview

In this episode, Pete Holmes sits down with actor and stand-up comedian Joey Bragg. Their conversation winds through Joey’s unusual journey from teenage stand-up in San Francisco to Disney Channel stardom and back to the stand-up grind. The two reflect on authenticity in comedy, managing self-worth and trauma in show biz, intergenerational weirdness, and the strange bonds formed over time in comedy. Pete and Joey’s rapport is built on years of intermittent contact, beginning with a heartfelt email Joey sent Pete at age 13—a pivotal moment for Joey’s path. The episode balances freewheeling humor, insightful shop talk, and genuine vulnerability about the challenges of growing up in entertainment.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Weirdness, Vulnerability & The Comedy Industry

• Starting Young & Seeking Validation

  • Joey recounts starting stand-up at 13, driven by his love of comedy and inspired by movies like Funny People (50:04–51:10).
  • The sense of being an outsider—a young comic among adults—created both opportunity and resentment ("He's only getting gigs because he's young and cute... it's a gimmick." – Joey Bragg, 69:53).

• Their First Connection

  • At age 13, Joey emailed Pete, asking for advice—Pete replied with heartfelt encouragement (53:01–56:03).

    "I really hope you can help. Sincerely, Joey Bragg. P.S. if you do read this, please accept this friend request and I will send you some of my jokes so you could look them over."
    (Joey reading his email, 53:01)

  • Pete’s advice was basically: watch and perform as much as possible, start your own mic if needed, and be proactive.

• Comedian Culture & Jealousy

  • The environment Joey found was often laced with envy and competitiveness, especially as an outlier (70:09–71:38).

    "I have a really hard time... I'm gonna go up there and prove them that I deserve it." (Joey Bragg, 74:59)

  • Pete describes comedy open mics as a harsh but oddly supportive training ground, insisting everyone is terrible at first and that’s freeing (15:28).

2. Navigating Showbiz Trauma

• Disney Years: The "Prince" Treatment

  • Joey describes being thrust into a world of over-the-top kindness on Disney sets—what his mom called his “prince years” (60:57–61:35).
  • He contrasts the extreme support and attention in child TV stardom with the tooth-and-nail environment of stand-up.

• Crash to Earth: Losing the First Pilot

  • After missing out on his first show pilot, Joey fell into a depression, even skipping school for stretches and not recognizing it as real mental health struggle (68:25–69:10).

    "I would watch the Today show all day long and cry... I didn't know it was real depression at the time." (Joey Bragg, 69:06)

• Need for Therapy/Treatment

  • Pete and Joey both emphasize how formative (and potentially damaging) show business can be for young people, and how vital therapy is (61:41–61:57).

    "I'm a big proponent now... they should have a therapist on set for those kids." (Joey Bragg, 61:40)

  • Joey credits a therapist and a school for “depressed kids” with enabling him to more healthily process his experiences (97:28–97:43).

3. Self-Worth and the Shift in Perspective

• Struggles with Worthiness

  • Both discuss the long-lasting effects of seeking external validation from peers, and how essential it is to find self-defined criteria for satisfaction and success (102:03–103:06).

    "You need to establish your own... criteria for what a good life looks like." (Pete Holmes, 102:03)

• Comedy as a Calling, Not a Ladder

  • Joey and Pete celebrate finding joy in the act of stand-up itself, not just in money or career advancement (104:29).
  • The conversation also confronts the ways in which bitterness and scapegoating corrode a career, with Pete urging listeners to surround themselves with positivity and blinders to toxicity (78:56).

4. Comedy Shop Talk, Bits & Memorable Riffs

• Audition Stories and Regrets

  • Joey shares a hilarious and cringeworthy story about his Spider-Man audition (10:01–16:17). He regrets taking his shirt off in the audition, suspecting it cost him a spot.

    "I think I would be a millionaire if I just kept my fucking shirt on."
    (Joey Bragg, 14:35)

• Industry Satire

  • They riff on body positivity, casting, and industry “hot takes,” including faux-deep discussions of Mark and Donnie Wahlberg, and Pete’s claim:

    "I'd rather be Donnie than Mark every single day. Why every single day?"
    (Pete Holmes, 21:39)

• Cultural Commentary

  • Extended, absurdist rants about post-9/11 cultural changes, privacy/surveillance, and social media addiction (39:40–43:09).
  • Satirical breakdown of Borat, predicting its future cancellation (“Borat was never okay”—Pete Holmes, 24:44), and its impact on Kazakhstan natives (26:17–26:30).

• Bit Highlights & Riffs

  • Adult arcades, porno theaters, Pac-Man sexual positions (“Score is always 69” – Pete Holmes, 38:42), old people addiction to mail and obsessing over tiny hobbies for “ADHD” (112:04).

5. Philosophy & Big Picture Reflections

• Mission Statements and Meaning
  • Pete elevates the discussion to the existential, encouraging listeners to determine what brings them true peace, contentment, and joy, not to be ruled by the arbitrary standards of “gatekeepers” (99:05–100:23).

    "You can set the mission statement for your own life instead of letting these lunatics establish it." (Pete Holmes, 100:19)

• Therapy, Trauma, and Acceptance
  • Both guests speak candidly to the reality that “your trauma is your trauma,” regardless of how "serious" others might find it (83:54).
  • Joey credits therapy for helping him undo mental knots, and says he now does stand-up for love, not status (94:56).

6. Quick-Fire & Playful Closing

• UFOs & Near Death
  • Joey relays seeing a true UFO while driving late night near a military base, and a terrifying airplane emergency landing (105:25–107:49).
• Family, Aging, and Laughs
  • Hardest times laughed: Joey says no one gets him giggling like his mom, riffing on making fun of her for turning 60 (109:51–111:22).
• Final Affirmations
  • Pete closes with warmth, telling Joey:

    "You're valid. You're valuable... You're okay. You're doing well." (Pete Holmes, 112:30)

---

Notable Quotes & Timestamps

• On adversity in comedy:

  "I get so much of my confidence by realizing how bad other people are at it."
  (Joey Bragg, 15:17)

• On trauma and the business:

  "I just stopped going [to school]... I would watch the Today Show all day and cry."
  (Joey Bragg, 69:06)

• On therapy & growth:

  "I credit so much of my perspective from just being able to talk to somebody that's removed from it."
  (Joey Bragg, 97:43)

• On defining your own path:

  "You can set the mission statement for your own life instead of letting these lunatics establish it."
  (Pete Holmes, 100:19)

• On connecting with inspiring people:

  "I would not have the career and life that I have right now if you hadn't sent that."
  (Joey Bragg, 57:42)

• On the purpose of comedy:

  "Stand up life and just a regular good life have a lot of things in common. It's figuring out what brings you into peace and… at home in your skin."
  (Pete Holmes, 105:08)

---

Episode Structure & Timestamps

• [03:12] – Joke riffing, Catstronauts, space animals, Marvel’s Cosmo, dark animal comedy
• [10:01]–[16:17] – Joey’s Spider-Man audition and “shirt off” story
• [53:01]–[56:03] – Joey reads his 13-year-old fan email to Pete; Pete’s advice; reflection on their early connection
• [60:34]–[63:02] – Disney Channel “prince” years, pilot disappointment, importance of therapy
• [68:25] – Joey’s depression post-pilot failure and school avoidance
• [69:53]–[80:22] – Feeling like an outsider in comedy, confronting the jealousy of peers, seeking validation, learning hard lessons
• [97:28] – Ongoing therapy and processing long-term effects of childhood fame/trauma
• [102:03] – The importance of creating your own mission statement/criteria for success
• [105:22] – Fun speed round: ghosts, UFOs, near-death, hardest laughs in life
• [112:30] – Pete affirms Joey ("You're valid. You're valuable.") and closes the episode

---

Tone

• A welcoming, open-hearted blend of insightful shop talk, silly riffing, and tender vulnerability. Pete and Joey move between satirical bits and genuinely empathic, emotionally aware conversation, staying true to the spirit of “making it weird”—amplifying oddities, insecurities, and the universal struggle for identity and belonging.

Transcript

[Pete Holmes]

You made it weird.

[Joey Bragg]

You made it weird. You made it weird. Oh, yeah, you made it weird. Yes, you did.

[Pete Holmes]

You made it weird with Pete Holmes. What's happening, weirdos? This is Joey Bragg, the very funny, interesting, kind and smart Joey Bragg, who's been doing stand up since his teenage years, which is a very interesting story. He's also been acting in movies and tv, a lot of it on the Disney Channel since he was young as well. So we're talking with child star and stand up comedian Joey Bragg. I emailed or Joey Bragg emailed me about 10 years ago and it's been really, really fun to watch his career blossom and explode over the past decade. And on this episode we actually read that email talk a little bit about our, our Facebook friendship all those years ago and how it applied or didn't apply to his career and how it's blossomed. So a couple things to plug up top. Thank you for being here. Means a lot. I'm on the road. Go to PeteHomes.com It's a new hour. I'm going to be in Chicago. I'm going to be in Bloomington, Indiana, Salt Lake City. Sold out. Thank you to all my Utah friends. We have new episodes of Batman firing the Justice League dropping every Thursday, so be sure to subscribe to my YouTube. It's just Pete Holmes on YouTube and keep an eye out for that as well. And we're brought to you by. What is it? Only one Pete's pick and it's an OG Pete's pick. This is the one that kind of started it all. It's Alpha Brain from our friends at on it. You guys know I'm serious about Alpha Brain. I'm wearing my jacket. I actually have Alpha brain pills in my pocket of every jacket. I have it in my car. I have it in my travel bag. I take it before every podcast. I take it before I write scripts, I take it before I do stand up. I, I even take it before I just go out to a party and want to have full access to my brain, to my creativity, to my language centers. If you're doing something, and chances are you are, that involves your brain, whether it's just living, working, writing emails, I don't know what you're up to. But if it involves your brain and you want better, more clear memory, concentration and focus with earth grown ingredients, that is not a stimulant. That is what Alpha Brain is from Onnit. It doesn't get you wired or jittery. It just gives your brain the earth grown nutrition that it needs to dial in and focus and concentrate. I call it like fish food for my creativity. Like, all my little ideas are fish swimming around. I sprinkle the alpha brain on and they eat it up. And I just get into that creative state so much more easily. I've been taking it for over a decade. I love it. If you like it one tenth as much as I like it, you're gonna shit your pants. It's incredible. Go to onnit o n n I t dot com weird. You'll get 10%. Everything you see on that landing page, that's onnit o n n I dash t dot com weird. All right, everybody, that's it. Enjoy. Joey Bragg, what a fun chat we had and hope to see you on the road. Peteholmes.com all right, get into it. No, you can have that. You can have that right here. Put it right here.

[Joey Bragg]

Liquid death is water, right? Is it energy water?

[Pete Holmes]

It's not energy water.

[Joey Bragg]

I guess so. Every time they have liquid death, like, I don't trust myself to know that it's water.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I've bought it and I'm like, I'm sober.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I can't drink this. It's just water. And yours is bubble water because we ran out of the regular.

[Joey Bragg]

Ooh, fun. I got regular water right here, baby. I come prepared.

[Pete Holmes]

Catstronaut.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, cats. We sent dogs to space. Never once did we try to send a cat to space. Send dogs to space? Yeah. Or Russia's. Russia did.

[Pete Holmes]

Russia sent.

[Joey Bragg]

We sent dogs to space and with no intent on ever bringing them back.

[Pete Holmes]

Dogs.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Very interstellar.

[Joey Bragg]

Very interstellar. Can you imagine? There's a Marvel comic called Cosmo that's about the Russian dog that goes to space, then crash lands on, like, an alien planet, and they, like, take him in and.

[Pete Holmes]

And he's their king.

[Joey Bragg]

He's like, got tele.

[Pete Holmes]

Wait, did they go and they died out there?

[Joey Bragg]

I think so. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, what else they're not gonna, like? Pilot. Yeah. To another planet.

[Pete Holmes]

Wait. Okay, this is great. When we sent the dogs, what was the point? Do you know? I know you're not.

[Joey Bragg]

It was to see. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

To see if a living thing could live.

[Joey Bragg]

I think so. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So was there a button they would push?

[Joey Bragg]

We got it. Give us a. Woof. I don't know. I think we also sent chips.

[Pete Holmes]

Give us a. There's a man in net. He's like, going, give us a wolf. Who's a good boy? Who's a good boy?

[Joey Bragg]

We got a wolf. All right. Cut the transmission. He's gone.

[Pete Holmes]

And then just died.

[Joey Bragg]

I think we sent. We. America sent chimps and then Russia sent dogs and America was like, wouldn't you.

[Pete Holmes]

Think it's the opposite?

[Joey Bragg]

No, totally.

[Pete Holmes]

If a nation was going to be like, we send a. I can't do Russia. We send. I'm going to just do German. We send out a chimps. And we'd be like, we send dogs.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, right.

[Pete Holmes]

America's animal.

[Joey Bragg]

They sent like nature's human. Like the closest human thing you can get.

[Pete Holmes]

They. No, they sent dogs.

[Joey Bragg]

They. Oh, they sent dogs. We sent chips.

[Pete Holmes]

The closest to humans.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Which is very. That makes sense.

[Joey Bragg]

So messed up because like, at the same. Oh, deaf. Yeah. What do you think they're. You think they're parachuting back down to Earth?

[Pete Holmes]

Can I tell you?

[Joey Bragg]

They're gone.

[Pete Holmes]

Dude, you want to hear the weirdest thing?

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I've said. Katie, have I said the thing about eating dogs before? I don't think we should eat dogs. I'm just saying there was this debate on CNN where they were like, should we eat dogs? And I. And the poor guy on the, you know, he was videoing and he was going to be arguing for. For eating dogs. I was just looking at him and he just looked stressed and sweaty and I felt so bad for him. And dude, if he didn't come on and convince me, look, here's why. Because we are already killing. See, NASA's killing them.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And we're killing thousands of dogs, I.

[Joey Bragg]

Think a day just by not being cute enough. Our thing is, like, whether somebody wants to adopt people buy. I hate. I have like a big anti buying dogs person.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't buy them dogs.

[Joey Bragg]

You said don't buy them dogs.

[Pete Holmes]

I said, because there's lots of them.

[Joey Bragg]

There's ugly little dogs in a dog prison waiting to be killed.

[Pete Holmes]

And they're cute little dogs. My dog was on the. On the chopping board, as it were. Yeah. And he's adorbs.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. Great. There's some cute little diamonds in the roughs there.

[Pete Holmes]

Rough?

[Joey Bragg]

Hey, diamond in the Rough. That's my charity. I'm gonna start diamond in the Rough.

[Pete Holmes]

You shouldn't you have to wait for that? When I was in Israel. Yep, that's right.

[Joey Bragg]

Oh, wow. Zionism, baby.

[Pete Holmes]

Every guy's into Zion. To all three cameras.

[Joey Bragg]

Back on a sitcom set, there are cats.

[Pete Holmes]

And the cats in Jerusalem are like rats.

[Joey Bragg]

Oh, really?

[Pete Holmes]

And I love cats. I'm a cat person. Then you get up there and you see enough pirate cats. Like, there's a Cat like weird one or like one weird eye that's like scanning like Terminator wooden leg. Oh, my God. Very quickly you go, these aren't cats. These are a third thing. This is another kind of animal. Cause they're everywhere and they're just. You lose your sympathy because they're so not cute. I can't believe I'm saying this as I'm saying deformed. I don't agree with myself. Yeah, I guess you could say deformed. But just like, you know, who shaved the side of your face?

[Joey Bragg]

You learned the same lesson that the kids from the Goonies learned when they.

[Pete Holmes]

Met sloth is that an ugly thing can be beautiful.

[Joey Bragg]

An ugly thing can be beautiful. Those little weird eyed cats. And I just went to Costa Rica and I got in a big argument with my friend and big uncle Brag. That's my name.

[Pete Holmes]

What a nightmare.

[Joey Bragg]

That's my opening joke.

[Pete Holmes]

What a nightmare.

[Joey Bragg]

I'm about to brag. No, it's not a hack. But I just went to Costa Rica.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't you just cut yourself. Don't do that.

[Joey Bragg]

You gotta do that.

[Pete Holmes]

No, don't do that.

[Joey Bragg]

There was a cat. Like, me and my friend went there and there was a cat that, like, clearly had ringworm but was so desperate for affection from the people staying in that, like, little hotel y commune thing.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. How did you know it had ringworm?

[Joey Bragg]

Because it, like, has ringworm. Like, little bald, ringy, wormy spots on it.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, no. Really?

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. And I was not about to tell this cat. You are not getting the snuggles that you.

[Pete Holmes]

You gave it.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You gave it ringworms.

[Joey Bragg]

My friend. It was like, the only argument me and my friend got in the entire week we were in Costa Rica was.

[Pete Holmes]

That you should love this cat.

[Joey Bragg]

No, that you should. He didn't think I should.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

I'm giving unconditional love to cats. I'm like, Jesus, with the guys with leprosy.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

No, like Princess Diana with the AIDS guys.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mother Teresa. Leprosy. Of course, if you want to go down in the annals. Annals of history.

[Joey Bragg]

The anals of history.

[Pete Holmes]

The anals of history is a whole other thing. You want to go down in the annals of history. There are certain porn stars that go down in the anals. That's how they get there. No, it's animals, isn't it, Katie?

[Joey Bragg]

Annals.

[Pete Holmes]

It's not channels. I think it's annals.

[Joey Bragg]

Canals.

[Pete Holmes]

Canals. The Venetian. If you want to go in the Venetian canals. Hang out with leopards. It's right there. Everybody's on Instagram and tick tock. You want to be famous? Go hang out with some lepers.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, right.

[Pete Holmes]

But for a long time. I know the first nine years, nobody cares.

[Joey Bragg]

Also, where are the good lepers nowadays? I've never seen like a group of lepers hanging out.

[Pete Holmes]

No. No, Never see a G. It's called a gaggle. Gaggle of lepers. I think in there's no good sent. There's no good stuff.

[Joey Bragg]

Did we fix it?

[Pete Holmes]

I think there are some parts of the world where for all of its troubles, the United States, it did a good job at cleaning up certain diseases.

[Joey Bragg]

Smallpox. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. We gave to a bunch of people Measles.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, Smallpox.

[Joey Bragg]

Although we are doing. We are the country that is like anti vaxx. So, like, when measles just came back, that was us.

[Pete Holmes]

It came back.

[Joey Bragg]

We brought measles back. It came back for like a little bit. Like some woman refused to vaccinate her kids and then flew on a plane, her kid got measles. And then everybody's like, she restarted measles measles 2.0.

[Pete Holmes]

They rebooted measles.

[Joey Bragg]

They removed measles.

[Pete Holmes]

Who cast as measles?

[Joey Bragg]

Sarah Finn, the Marvel lady.

[Pete Holmes]

Who's Sarah Finn?

[Joey Bragg]

The casting director. Marvel and Star Wars. She's like the number one casting director.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, she casts all of them.

[Joey Bragg]

She casts all, like, the big franchises.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, of course you know her name.

[Joey Bragg]

Of course I know her name.

[Pete Holmes]

Where's the Joey Bragg I know?

[Joey Bragg]

I auditioned for Spider man when they were recasting Spider Man.

[Pete Holmes]

Greatest Spider Man.

[Joey Bragg]

I thought so too, Pete. I said the same.

[Pete Holmes]

What is it? Who is dead? Stu.

[Joey Bragg]

What?

[Pete Holmes]

Who's dead? You're in a movie called oh, Sid is Dead. How did you not get it from Stu?

[Joey Bragg]

Did your research.

[Pete Holmes]

Stu is dead. And it's a three letter S. Name is dead. And you're like.

[Joey Bragg]

Wanted to hear you say it.

[Pete Holmes]

Stu is dead. But I'm watching the trailer for Stu is Dead. You're the movie that you're. It's already out.

[Joey Bragg]

It's out.

[Pete Holmes]

It's out.

[Joey Bragg]

We found it like, before Pandemic.

[Pete Holmes]

So it's pre planned.

[Joey Bragg]

Pre planned.

[Pete Holmes]

The plan.

[Joey Bragg]

The plan. Yeah. I knew it as soon as I saw the look.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm looking for downloads, I'm looking for hits, I'm looking for eyeballs. What do I need to say, hey, it was a plandemic.

[Joey Bragg]

When is Joe as Joe Rogan been on your podcast?

[Pete Holmes]

No.

[Joey Bragg]

You should do that. That's where that's where your viewers are. You want to talk about the plandemic?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

Talk about sending dogs to space.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. I'm doing the. I'm barking up the wrong cosmos. Okay. The plan Demic. No, the pandemic. Pre plan.

[Joey Bragg]

We shot that pre planning.

[Pete Holmes]

When I watched it, I was like, this is very Spider Man.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, right.

[Pete Holmes]

Perfect.

[Joey Bragg]

It's the crazy. It's the greatest part of being Spider man without the cool parts being Spider Man. It's like, I got the nerdy how you got the story without being like.

[Pete Holmes]

You'Re basically Stu is dead. Is. Is you, but no Spider. Yeah, It's Peter Parker gets bullied, fears for his life, has a crush that.

[Joey Bragg]

Is not rekindled because he doesn't get ripped and loses glasses all of a sudden.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But, you know. So you auditioned for it.

[Joey Bragg]

I auditioned for Spiderman.

[Pete Holmes]

What was the scene? Do you remember the lines?

[Joey Bragg]

I did. Yeah, of course. You want to go. I printed it out. Is that okay?

[Pete Holmes]

That'd be great. I can do Mary. I can improv. Mary Jane.

[Joey Bragg]

Peter. That's pretty good.

[Pete Holmes]

Peter, you're just never around.

[Joey Bragg]

Well, I got a bad job.

[Pete Holmes]

Is that Spider Man?

[Joey Bragg]

That's why I didn't get it.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no. I was thinking, like, is that Bill Shakespeare over there? Like, you totally transformed. You'd be a great Spider Man.

[Joey Bragg]

I. In the audition, I got a callback for it. And in the audition, they give you, like, dummy sides to read that aren't from the script.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, of course. Because they don't want to.

[Joey Bragg]

They don't want to leak it. And I would. I'm just. I'm like. I'm like, reading the superhero movie forums. Like, that's my jam. So I really. I would have leaked it.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, no. Say that.

[Joey Bragg]

They said they gave me this scene that was like, friend finds out that his other friend is getting to go to space. Like, so that's. And I was making the comedic choice of my character at the end of the scene is like, I'm overheating. I'm hyperventilating. And I was like, I'm just gonna go and, you know, use my comedy chops. Three cameras. One, two, three.

[Pete Holmes]

None of them are on.

[Joey Bragg]

It's just like a makeover on.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I'm not gonna. Yes. On that riff. I was ready to do it. The rules of riffing made me want to sand it. But the rules of making you feel welcome oddly terminated the riff.

[Joey Bragg]

Nice.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. You don't see that a lot on this show.

[Joey Bragg]

It takes precedent.

[Pete Holmes]

The yes. And rule covers almost any Topic.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes. Anding.

[Joey Bragg]

Here we go. We already. You already. Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And cancelable area.

[Joey Bragg]

You. Yes. And Zionism earlier. That was.

[Pete Holmes]

I just Richie binge. I just acknowledge that you said it. I think if we play the tape back, you'll notice all I said was Zionism.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. Thank God. These are. These aren't filming.

[Pete Holmes]

They're not on.

[Joey Bragg]

Anyway, I had this dummy audition and I was like, I'm going to make the comedic choice of like, continuing, just improving until they told me to stop. And I have never regretted an audition more. Oh, I took my shirt off. Like, I think that's why they didn't give me Spider man, because they saw my weird little skinny body.

[Pete Holmes]

They're like, that's fine. They'll give you some creatine and some pull ups. You'll be blending chicken breasts at 3am you'll be fine.

[Joey Bragg]

Do the Hugh Jackman thing. Miserable for the rest of the Hugh.

[Pete Holmes]

Jackman was look was like Wolverine was engineered like Weapon X by another entity.

[Joey Bragg]

That's true.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I'm saying? He did the efforting, but they were like, this is what you do. I'm not taking. I am trying to take a little bit away from him.

[Joey Bragg]

I get it.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm just saying, $100 million franchise. They're going to make sure you look great.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And now I'm sure he's somewhere going like, crike, I had too much Bree. And he's getting a little boy.

[Joey Bragg]

I miss toast. I haven't had a Gumm worm in 30 years.

[Pete Holmes]

He's cutting toast with the claws, which is a great implement. You get three slices every time you go.

[Joey Bragg]

Would you be sad they're not serrated? You know, would that be like, really annoying every once in a while?

[Pete Holmes]

They're adamantium.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So they don't need to be serrated. Serration is just because of a deficit and the ability of steel.

[Joey Bragg]

Wow. Write that down.

[Pete Holmes]

Serration. Somebody put that in your.

[Joey Bragg]

Wraps the deficit.

[Pete Holmes]

Put that in your rap tune. Yeah, that'll be the chorus.

[Joey Bragg]

Give that to Ice Cube.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. You. Here's the social clip. Joey Bragg regrets his Spider man audition.

[Joey Bragg]

I think I would be a millionaire.

[Pete Holmes]

What's that?

[Joey Bragg]

I would be a millionaire if I just kept my fucking shirt on.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God. That is so funny. Why did you take it off? The scene ends. You're like, I'm going to space. I gotta go to space. And then you just decide to hyperventilate.

[Joey Bragg]

I thought it would be really funny to just continue the bit to a point of absurdity.

[Pete Holmes]

Very nervous.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. Cause I. Well, I mean, the character. The character is also real life. Joey was nervous.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

But use it. Use it. I was like, use my surroundings. What are these other people going to do? They're going to read the script, they're going to get to the end and they're going to finish.

[Pete Holmes]

You can hear them, you know, when you. And you're like, sometimes I get an idea. I'm like, that's how we do it.

[Joey Bragg]

Also, nice choice. I've done it before where I, like, I feel the same way about comedy, which is going to make me sound conceited. I get so much of my confidence by realizing how bad other people are at it.

[Pete Holmes]

Welcome to the show. That's exactly. I always tell people, go to an open mic. You're afraid to try it. Just go to an open mic and just look. It's not that they're terrible. It's that, like, everyone's terrible.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then you go up, and then when you watch someone do it, well, it can embolden you as well.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So why did you take your shirt off?

[Joey Bragg]

Well, I just thought. Honestly, I. I didn't add too much, like, backstory to the character. I wasn't, like, thinking. I just thought, in the moment, this character's hyperventilating. It would be funny and different to take your shirt off to set me apart. And I think it set me apart, but in, like, another category. Not set me apart in, like, a good way. Set me apart in, like.

[Pete Holmes]

But you were playing that. You were, like, panicking. I'm going to space. I'm going to space. And, like, in a weird, like, I don't know what else to do. I'm gonna take my shirt off.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And what does the casting director do?

[Joey Bragg]

Thank you so much. That's what they said. They said, oh, great. Thank you so much.

[Pete Holmes]

That's like the. Bless your heart.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

Casting. Thank you. So you're still going. Thank you. You're still.

[Joey Bragg]

You keep waiting for cut. I don't stop until I hear cut.

[Pete Holmes]

Thank you.

[Joey Bragg]

Thank you so much. Thank you. Peter Parker's friend. I say yes. Anding.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God. You won't break the scene. Have you ever felt worse for a ca. You know who I feel bad for in auditions is the Always Forgive. But it always seems to be an attractive young woman assistant who's running the camera. And I feel bad for her because unlike the casting director who's built up a. Like, a psychic shield against all the neediness, they seem to still believe in it, it's like they just started working at the farm. You know what I mean?

[Joey Bragg]

They haven't put down enough cows yet.

[Pete Holmes]

That's it. So the casting director's like, neck, neck, neck.

[Joey Bragg]

She's naming them still. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Going Betsy. And you can see the toll it takes.

[Joey Bragg]

So sorry.

[Pete Holmes]

Go ahead, Go ahead.

[Joey Bragg]

Captain Hollywood's calling me.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, well, you better take it.

[Joey Bragg]

You better take it. So sorry.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I like, I think that's accurate and very good.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So you don't get it. And how bummed are you that you didn't get.

[Joey Bragg]

I mean, I'm bummed I don't get everything but Spider man. Usually if I don't get a part or like I go out for something and I get close and then I don't end up getting it. I spitefully hate the show even when it's good.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

Like, I will like, refuse.

[Pete Holmes]

I just realized I was watching the bear and I was like, I read for the. It's great when you read for somebody and you're like, oh, they're much better. So wrong.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And that is the case. It was the brother or something.

[Joey Bragg]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. I'm like, I'm not like him at all. And he's like, fucking incredible.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm like, oh, no. But sometimes I auditioned for something and I thought I should have gotten it. And I will have a hard time enjoying.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, right.

[Pete Holmes]

Interpretation.

[Joey Bragg]

And I also had this thing where, like, there's nothing against the people that get the parts I auditioned for, but I hate them and they're my mortal enemy.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Nothing against them, but they must die.

[Joey Bragg]

They must die for me to succeed.

[Pete Holmes]

Who got it? Is this the Spider Man?

[Joey Bragg]

Tom Holland?

[Pete Holmes]

Is that the one they went British Uncharted.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Uncharted guy. I know. I'm more from Uncharted.

[Joey Bragg]

You know, I'm more from the Uncharted movie.

[Pete Holmes]

Huge Uncharted fan. Not the game. Not the game, just the movie. The game fell short. The movie. Casting Wahlberg as a 90 year old confidant was a good choice.

[Joey Bragg]

Good choice. Casting Wahlberg in. Wahlberg could play that chimp in space. He could play anything.

[Pete Holmes]

Great. Chimp in space.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's just because maybe you're thinking he was in Return of the Monkey Men. What is it called? Planet of the Apes. Return of the Monkey.

[Joey Bragg]

Was he in the Tim Burton Planet of the Apes? I don't think I've ever seen that one.

[Pete Holmes]

You are missing zero. You're better. You're better than me for having not. I don't even mean they're that bad. I just. The Planet of the Apes movies. I've never felt more like I should be something. Ing. Yeah, but I'm just kind of watching.

[Joey Bragg]

A movie once you watch the first one and it ends and you're like, oh, they're on Earth. That's a nice, like, done. We got it. That was the twist.

[Pete Holmes]

But they were like, no, no, it keeps going.

[Joey Bragg]

Keeps going. They're still on Earth. How are the monkeys?

[Pete Holmes]

Hey, how's it going? What's going on?

[Joey Bragg]

This whole government's run by monkeys.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God. This is like. This is like the government back on Earth. Am I right? He looks into camera. It's like a bunch of monkeys in.

[Joey Bragg]

Congress looks at the camera. Watch Transformers 4, October 24th. Mark, stop it.

[Pete Holmes]

But it makes the movie. Why did it make the final cut? He had to.

[Joey Bragg]

He refused to do any other takes.

[Pete Holmes]

He had to. I knew somebody that was in a Mark Wahlberg movie, and they were, like, scared. I think they were. He's just so powerful.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And he's like a producer.

[Joey Bragg]

And, you know, he's committed hate crimes too. So you're like this guy.

[Pete Holmes]

You mean the blinding he's gonna do?

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, the blinding thing and the rocks and the throwing in the rocks and stuff.

[Pete Holmes]

They were throwing rocks?

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, throwing rocks. I didn't know the rocks sounding racial slurs. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, no.

[Joey Bragg]

I know. But Donnie. Donnie did nothing wrong. Why do we annex, Donnie?

[Pete Holmes]

Annex?

[Joey Bragg]

What do we call that? What do we do? Get rid of Donnie's great.

[Pete Holmes]

In the NBC show the Office, Donnie's desk is next to Toby. He's in the annex.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

But Wahlberg, he's in Michael Scott's office.

[Joey Bragg]

What did I just see? Donnie Wahlberg, like, does a reality show. Not that.

[Pete Holmes]

Does he?

[Joey Bragg]

I think so. It's like a true crime. He's the guy that walks in. And then Deborah was never seen again. Or was she? I'm Donnie Wahlberg.

[Pete Holmes]

Or was she? Donnie, please stick to the script. She wasn't scene again. That's. This is. We're ending the piece.

[Joey Bragg]

We don't need suspense so bad for. I think about Donnie Walberg. Somebody said this, that they were writing Jim Belushi's autobiography with Jim Belushi.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

Who we all know as the brother of John Belushi.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

And Jim Belushi said the funniest thing. And I think the same thing applies to Donnie Walbrg. He said, when I die, the first line of my obituary will read, jim Belushi, brother of John Belushi, who died of a heroin overdose at the Chateau Marmont. Like the first two lines of his obituary would be, did John Belushi died.

[Pete Holmes]

At the Chateau Maman?

[Joey Bragg]

I don't know. I don't know. I made that up. But it was heroin.

[Pete Holmes]

Fake news.

[Joey Bragg]

Fake news. The Chateau Maman, buddy.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm gonna say something hot take, because I'm going for clicks.

[Joey Bragg]

Ooh, wow.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm just kidding.

[Joey Bragg]

Zionism, baby.

[Pete Holmes]

All three. I'd rather be Donnie than Mark every single day. Why every single day?

[Joey Bragg]

But the muscles, the looks, the fame, the fortune.

[Pete Holmes]

Those muscles are like a shitty dog. You have to walk 28 times a day. It keeps waking you up. Shitty. Sitting on the sofa. You have to pray for a movie where you're a little bit fat.

[Joey Bragg]

Boy, do I miss toast. Exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

And Wahlberg has to get up. And I've heard Wahlberg, Mark complain about having to gain weight for a role. He's like, it's not fun. You gotta wake up and eat a fucking pizza at 2:00am like, he takes it even. That is joyless. I'm like, you can't even get fat happy.

[Joey Bragg]

What roles is Mark Wahlberg needing to commit to that.

[Pete Holmes]

That he's beefy?

[Joey Bragg]

That he needs to get, like, what?

[Pete Holmes]

Soft?

[Joey Bragg]

No one's hiring Mark Wahlberg.

[Pete Holmes]

Heavier.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. What do I say?

[Pete Holmes]

You can say heavier.

[Joey Bragg]

Can I say fat?

[Pete Holmes]

You can say beef.

[Joey Bragg]

I don't think I could say beefier. I don't think I can say fatter anymore.

[Pete Holmes]

No overweight. Heavier. No, overweight assumes that weight.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't assume weight.

[Joey Bragg]

There's no normal weight.

[Pete Holmes]

There's no normal weight.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, Normal weight. Normal weight.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. We're all normal.

[Joey Bragg]

My 600 pound life.

[Pete Holmes]

You're a normal weight. You know why? Because it's what's happening.

[Joey Bragg]

That's right. That's your homeostasis.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Joey Bragg]

Being that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's right.

[Joey Bragg]

Super big.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't say being that, because that really sounded like you were talking about a truck. This is what you are. You're this. And it's like, my name's Daniel. All right. That.

[Joey Bragg]

In the scale from, like, humans to trucks.

[Pete Holmes]

When talking about they're closer to trucks.

[Joey Bragg]

Well, I mean, closer to trucks than.

[Pete Holmes]

I am on one level.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

A number which is not you.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. Their mobility is not as close to trucks as I am. I could mimic a truck mobile wise better than they can.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, the mph. You're more like a truck.

[Joey Bragg]

Way more like a truck.

[Pete Holmes]

Lbs. They're more like a truck. This is a Confusing area because we're both trying to be body positive and inclusive, and yet there's still kind of like a minty aftertaste of body shame.

[Joey Bragg]

I think that's my fault. I think I did that.

[Pete Holmes]

But I. In the role of. Yes, Anding.

[Joey Bragg]

You did it.

[Pete Holmes]

Happily joined you.

[Joey Bragg]

I wish that I could say that I started this podcast thinking I'm going to see what Peter. Yes. And me too.

[Pete Holmes]

That's a great. And it's a documentary.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. We want to see Super Size Me.

[Pete Holmes]

If we can take someone down by getting him to. Yes. That's like a Sacha Baron Cohen.

[Joey Bragg]

That is. Yeah. That's pretty much his whole show, I think.

[Pete Holmes]

Hot take number two first. Donnie over Mark every day. I'm not even done with that.

[Joey Bragg]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Muscles are like, oh, dog. You have to walk 28 times a day. That's number one. Let me. Let me tell you. Hot take number two. What were we just saying? Yes and yes.

[Joey Bragg]

Anding.

[Pete Holmes]

Body shaming.

[Joey Bragg]

I live in the now, Pete.

[Pete Holmes]

I know. I can tell. We're very similarly wired. It's gonna be an issue remembering what we were just talking about.

[Joey Bragg]

What were we talking about, people? Yes, Anding. Yes and yes. Any someone to cancellation.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

Yes, anding Someone to cancellation. That's a cool.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, Sasha Baron Cohen.

[Joey Bragg]

Oh, yeah, there we go. Borat, baby. We're back.

[Pete Holmes]

I think Borat in, I'm gonna say three years. So. Katie, it's 2023. By 2026, there will be a full scale. Borat was never okay.

[Joey Bragg]

Really?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

You think so?

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm saying this as a fan of Borat. So there I go. I just fell off the flat earth.

[Joey Bragg]

You're not coming on who is American. I didn't even catch it.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm just saying, like, it'll be, you know when he watched videos of like, fucking.

[Joey Bragg]

I don't know, like old stand up even.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what I'm saying. Like, yeah, there was a time when it was okay to put in buck teeth and pretend to be Asian. I'm. I am saying that is wrong. Yeah, but there was a time that that was made.

[Joey Bragg]

There was a beautiful time in history is what you're saying.

[Pete Holmes]

I didn't say beautiful. Don't make me essay on that. There was a horrid time in history and we evolved. And I think sometimes I see Sasha on a talk show being like. And Kazakhstan got really mad that I was pretending to be the ambassador of Kazakhstan. And I took a sh. On the table. What's up, Kazakhstan? There's A time I'm saying 20, 26. When we're all going to go like, oh, yeah, that's not okay.

[Joey Bragg]

Even now.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, you can say it now.

[Joey Bragg]

It's sprinkling in now.

[Pete Holmes]

Look, in the documentary about that turn, this conversation will be audio only over a black and white photo of him, and it'll only be like, four seconds.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, I think, too, with. With the whole thing about Borat is that, like, it's a country that. That nobody knows. And I'm going to come out as this character from this country. Nobody knows. And that's, like, how we got away with it, because everyone's like, Kazakhstan. They know it's a country, but they don't know anything enough to, like, build this.

[Pete Holmes]

Which you could say, in Sasha's defense, that's part of the joke, is that, like, you're ignorant.

[Joey Bragg]

But every. I just literally, for the. Probably my first time in my whole life, met a woman from Kazakhstan.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

Like, last week. And first thing out of her mouth was Borat.

[Pete Holmes]

Borat.

[Joey Bragg]

We think Borat is sexy, hot. Like, that was her joke and her bit. And I was like, oh, you have to lean into what another country did to mock you, because that's all anybody knows.

[Pete Holmes]

Melania.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, it's true.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, being named Melania is being from Kazakhstan.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And there are probably as many people in America named Melania as there are people in Kazakhstan. I'll go on the record saying that. I don't care.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. I'm going for click, find it and name another Melania. I can't. Melania. Louis.

[Pete Holmes]

I know. Melania. Guess what? She's Lonnie now.

[Joey Bragg]

Oh, of course.

[Pete Holmes]

Because she was a child, and I don't even think it was necessary necessarily, like, staunch, but it was just like, we don't need that.

[Joey Bragg]

We don't need that. Yeah, we don't need it. I had. There was a. Oh, even the hardcore.

[Pete Holmes]

Trump people aren't, like, Nobody's, like, really into Milan.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, I don't think so. She did that thing where she wore that jacket that was like, I don't care or I don't give a. Or whatever.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I have the same jacket.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, you almost put it on today.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm wearing it under this, actually.

[Joey Bragg]

I felt that way. Stu is dead. I was like, this guy's wearing. Give us a jacket. But she.

[Pete Holmes]

She's famous for that.

[Joey Bragg]

She was a hero for that for a little bit. Because it was like, after.

[Pete Holmes]

There's a lot of, well, people who don't like Trump. There's a lot of hero Melania. Moments where she, like, moves her hand out of.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, exactly. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Will you? Me?

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. You're trying to keep those views. You're, like, not trying to talk bad about Melania.

[Pete Holmes]

Not. Not that anything's wrong with Melania.

[Joey Bragg]

Our former president's beautiful ex wife, first lady. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Nobody. Where's the book? Yeah, no book.

[Joey Bragg]

We didn't see her portrait either.

[Pete Holmes]

No portrait.

[Joey Bragg]

I didn't think so. At least I haven't looked at it.

[Pete Holmes]

They just framed the NDA that she said instead of a portrait of Melania in the White House. There's an NDA that she signed.

[Joey Bragg]

There's a. There was a thing. You know Adam Pally.

[Pete Holmes]

I know Adam Pally.

[Joey Bragg]

Adam Pally did. I don't know if it was his company or somebody he was working with. They did this thing called Donate, and there was a. They made a bunch of sweatshirts, and, like, like, you would pick one, and the Planned Parenthood one, if you paid, like, $30 for the sweatshirt on the back had a picture of Melania Trump that she, like, paid. She did a modeling campaign. Campaign. I guess. What do you call a skit?

[Pete Holmes]

I almost say a little skit.

[Joey Bragg]

A little modeling skit.

[Pete Holmes]

Put that in one of your skits. Put this look in one of your kids. That's what her parents said.

[Joey Bragg]

She was on a private jet in a bikini with, like, a gold pistol, and she's holding out a gold pistol. And, like, that was the picture on the back. Picture on the back. And I would wear that sweatshirt, and people would come up to me all the time, and it's always like. Not that. You know, you can't tell a Trumpy person unless they're, like, wearing the hat, but you can always, like, smell them. You know, you can feel the Trumpies. And whenever they would. They're coming.

[Pete Holmes]

Not always true.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, it's not always true for that. Yeah. Big fans, though. Big fans. He won the election.

[Pete Holmes]

Go too far. I don't know.

[Joey Bragg]

But so many people would come up to me and be like, that sweatshirt's distasteful. That sweatshirt. And that was my favorite thing to just be like, this is our first lady. This is.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, you show some respect.

[Joey Bragg]

This is our queen. Yeah. This is something she chose to do because this gives off the energy of what the White House is now hilarious.

[Pete Holmes]

Big boobies, guns, and a golden gun.

[Joey Bragg]

Golden gun. Like a James Bond villain.

[Pete Holmes]

That was her KFC private jet photo.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

When I think about that photo, it kind of makes me happy.

[Joey Bragg]

Kfc? Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Nobody's been as happy as trash. Trump biting into some kfc.

[Joey Bragg]

Somebody said if it wasn't for the. The deaths and the awful stuff that Trump did, it would have been hilarious.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. People forget about the COVID mismanagement that led so much.

[Joey Bragg]

So much. I mean, there was something locking kids up at the border. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. A lot of that. I mean, you're right.

[Pete Holmes]

You're catching me being. I'm whitewashing it.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't just whitewash him. I whitewash everything. I'm just going around being, like, doing my best to be a happy guy. But it is. It is fucking crazy.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, it is crazy. And I was thinking I was talking about this to somebody else. It's like my age. I was born pretty cool. And then five years later, 9 11, four years later, a recession, like, whatever. Eight years later, Trump. And then a pandemic.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

I've never had just like a chill five year stint, dude.

[Pete Holmes]

I had like. So I was 22 when 911 happened. I had 22 rocking years.

[Joey Bragg]

Wow. Of smoking in bars and stuff.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Like Bart Simpson just skateboarding around, smoking and eating. Eating veal and just like high fiving everyone. I do remember it pretty fondly. This is the danger. This is how you'll turn me into a conservative in my later years.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Cause I'll get older and just a little bit like, remember that. And you'll be like. And then like, I'll be voting for terrible things. I'm just kidding. I won't. But I'm saying that is how they get you.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. I'm feeding you goop through a spoon. And the Nazi.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. And I'm a Nazi.

[Joey Bragg]

People talk about pre 9 11.

[Pete Holmes]

Pre 9.

[Joey Bragg]

I wasn't, you know, I wasn't like, in an airplane.

[Pete Holmes]

When were you born?

[Joey Bragg]

96. So I was 5. All right. And it is like, 911 is my first memory.

[Pete Holmes]

You remember it?

[Joey Bragg]

Like, literally, it's my first memory. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

What are you. It's your number one.

[Joey Bragg]

Like, I can. I can't, like, predate.

[Pete Holmes]

I have to imagine that when 911 happened, you eating play doh dissolved.

[Joey Bragg]

Exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

I was like, this is more.

[Joey Bragg]

Suddenly my Lego towers I'm making are incredibly distasteful.

[Pete Holmes]

Bad, bad taste. So you. What are you seeing it on tv?

[Joey Bragg]

I was in the second tower and that'd be crazy. I got down the stairs.

[Pete Holmes]

This is a yes.

[Joey Bragg]

And I can't. I can't. I'm doing it again. Yeah. No, I was just my. It was weird because my. My mom's family was in town. Like, my grandma was in town and she was staying with us. So, like, that was weird. You know, like the memories that you hold on to from when you're a kid or just the ones where something's out of place. Like, so many days blend together.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. My grandma was. I woke up and my mom, who should have been at work.

[Pete Holmes]

So if a national tragedy wasn't enough, your grandma is also, like, putting the butter and wrong part of the bridge.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, exactly. I also don't think if I. Like, I wouldn't have remembered it if 911 hadn't happened. So my grandma has 911 to thank a little bit because I wouldn't have remembered her visiting me when I was so young. Okay. If it wasn't for 911. Okay. But I just remember walking downstairs and, like, my parents or my mom and my grandma were like, sobbing, crying, and I was at the top of the stairs and I looked on the tv, I was like, this isn't Blue's Clues. This is.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, this is different.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

What a tragedy.

[Joey Bragg]

What a tragedy.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, I. Obviously it is. And also for you is what I meant, that that's a hard early memory.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. But it wasn't like, it clicked. I didn't. Like, it wasn't. Like I looked at it, I was like, this will be a memory for this is 9 11.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, I just thought awoken a sleeping giant. Joey. Little Joey. Your life has been, you know, marked with a lot more tragedy.

[Joey Bragg]

There's just a lot of like. Yeah, like, big significant. I. I always feel like when people talk about the moments in American history where we were, like, prosperous and how the people in the 70s talk about, like, we just had sex, did drugs and watched Jimi Hendrix.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

That's all they had to worry about. And there's always been like, a little bit in the back of my head where, like, Even in my 20s, I was like, fighting for civil rights, you know?

[Pete Holmes]

But also, forgive me for sounding like an old person, but you also were raised with phones and the Internet.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, that's true.

[Pete Holmes]

When I think of my pre 9 time, like when I. When 911 happened, I think I had a Nokia phone with Snake on it.

[Joey Bragg]

Like, this is nice.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, this was. I was in Chicago, so this is before I got my Palm Trio. I go by phones. Palm Trio, which was the coolest phone to have?

[Joey Bragg]

Is that the one that flips?

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, it had a little keyboard.

[Joey Bragg]

Oh, that's so cool.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it was an. And a stylus, which we thought was the best. And if you gave it 10 minutes. It could check your email.

[Joey Bragg]

Oh, really?

[Pete Holmes]

And if you had 45 free minutes, you could reply lol.

[Joey Bragg]

You guys, that is so, so. Well, so nice back.

[Pete Holmes]

So quaint. But, like, there is a forced level of presence. Like, you know, I mean, maybe. Maybe you don't. I'm assuming you do when you're. Maybe you forgot your phone or you're just consciously not looking at your phone and you're in a boring situation, like a delayed flight or traffic or a walk or whatever, and you just kind of like. For me, I realize, like, the key to so much is to just sink into what you're doing. And it's really hard to do that when you have your phone. And if you don't, you go like, oh, my God, that's the answer. Well, it isn't. It isn't. Because there was. We did that for 22 years. I did that for 22 years, and I wasn't Buddha.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, that's true.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I mean? So it's not a solution. But life was more vital.

[Joey Bragg]

There was. There's a. There's a meme that goes around of, like, it'll post a photo from. I'm not saying that cell phones were invented during 9 11. Yeah. But pre 9 11, they'll be like, look at these people just living in the moment. Moment. And not looking at their phones, enjoying. And then it'll be a picture of, like, everybody reading the newspaper on the subway or like, everyone reading a book or. You know, there was always.

[Pete Holmes]

We've been distracting ourselves. My big point is my family. Nobody was on their phone, but they were all stuck in the labyrinth of their brains. You know what I mean? When you're talking to somebody and they're. That's their phone. That's what makes phones so offensive. They're playing Snake in their phone. Literally. I did. On the ride down, I just caught myself. I was really. My brain was taking to task some nonsense like, what am I gonna have for lunch? It might as well be. But it was grinding on that as if it was, like, deeply important. It was robbing me of the moment.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I wasn't enjoying or present or aware of anything.

[Joey Bragg]

It's. That's what I try. And that's. I've been. I work on. In therapy the most is I'm like, I just want to be president. Because I also think, I want to be president.

[Pete Holmes]

I want to be president.

[Joey Bragg]

Do it. Do it. Therapist. But, like, it's. It's. I think, especially for comedy, like, I always Feel like I'm not going to like. The funniest I. The funniest I can be is when I am like present and confident and awashed of any. The moment I'm second guessing myself and getting fucked up with the timing and I'm not thinking.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

And it's really hard to do.

[Pete Holmes]

Well. I think that's one. We've. We've said this before but like rock climbing. I know saying stand up is like rock climbing, but it is. You're going from joke to joke and you could fall at any minute. So it forces you in the same way that I imagine gambling does or watching a sporting game or rock climbing or surfing or anything. Something that demands your attention is always going to make you feel really present. But also creating stand up. I was thing like Van Gogh painted that chair. And it's just a fucking chair. Right. It's a $20 chair. And now it's a priceless work of art. And it's because he actually saw it. We all know the quality of real seeing. It's almost like capital S seeing when you can really look at a tree. It's the most amazing thing you've ever seen. So much so that if an artist really looks at a tree and paints can become priceless.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So we're trying to. Comedy can come from a similar place where it's like I really looked at. I had a moment of clarity when it comes to. And it could be some bullshit. It could be like the ball pit at McDonald's. It doesn't matter. But you were clear and looked at something honestly. It can also be written from the opposite. Just the most cobwebby nonsense.

[Joey Bragg]

My favorite comedy though is the comedy that makes you just go like. It's that common thought that everyone's had.

[Pete Holmes]

Had. Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

That nobody was able to like put into a sentence or figure out why they were. That they were thinking that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah. Didn't you have that joke about back when Paul Reubens got scandalized for masturbating in a theater. What was your line?

[Joey Bragg]

You said that's the second creepiest thing you can do in a porno theater. Number one being not masturbating.

[Pete Holmes]

Not masturbating. Yeah, I thought about that a lot. I was like, you know what, what might be number two isn't masturbating is seeing someone masturbating and reporting them.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like who goes into a porno theater and was like, oh yeah, this is fucking. What are you doing? Like that's what it is. It's a Darkened it like hearkens back to like ancient Greece. Like, we still have these relics of ancient Greece where it's like, look, we don't have like orgies anymore, but there are dark theaters where you can jizz right on the ground and everyone's fine with it.

[Joey Bragg]

It's so unless. Are there still those? I think it's because also there's a.

[Pete Holmes]

Bunch of porno theaters. Don't really happen anymore. I don't know why I looked at Katy.

[Joey Bragg]

Katy, you seem like a porno theater kind of guy.

[Pete Holmes]

Katie loves going to a good porno theater.

[Joey Bragg]

Also, they're called adult arcades, which, like, nowadays an adult arcade is just an arcade.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm picturing a claw machine with dildos in it all. I'm picturing. I almost got it.

[Joey Bragg]

Pac man and Ms. Pac man together. If you win, they forget and the.

[Pete Holmes]

Score is always 69. Look, you made me. Yes. And it again. I. I'm stuck. I'm bound by law.

[Joey Bragg]

This one's canceless. You can't get canceled. We're talking about missing Mr. And Mrs. Pacman man.

[Pete Holmes]

And if you were, it would be worth it. You'd be like, he got taken down for a miss. And Mr. And Mrs. Pac man 69 joke. They can't 69 their circles. They can only eight. Oh, that's hot. Eight.

[Joey Bragg]

Actually they can ate infinity which is.

[Pete Holmes]

Sleeping next to each other after they infinity each other. Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

I going back to.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, no. We're 911. I'm just kidding.

[Joey Bragg]

Go ahead real quick. Went back to 911. Also love the artist here. Love all. Thanks, man.

[Pete Holmes]

So cool you get to see that way.

[Joey Bragg]

I know not you guys.

[Pete Holmes]

You guys. Sorry, suckers.

[Joey Bragg]

But what about. Because you. When people talk about post 9 11, there's a lot of stuff that's not just airports that they talk about. Like, they're like, oh, we used to smoke in bars and we could smoke inside.

[Pete Holmes]

And then 911 happened. Yeah. 911 had nothing to do with that.

[Joey Bragg]

Really. Okay. Because in up until this very moment.

[Pete Holmes]

When you said that you were now years old.

[Joey Bragg]

My head. They were like. And by the way, we're also going to stop smoking inside side.

[Pete Holmes]

No. And we're going to war after 9 11. I think the Patriot Act, a lot of those like surveillance things.

[Joey Bragg]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Kind of got introduced. So this. This cultural understanding that even right now our phones might be listening to us. That is kind of a 911 phenomenon. That snowball started rolling down the hill. Because that was when I remember the first people being like, I Don't care if they listen to me, because I'm not doing anything wrong.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Which is fine. That's valid in a certain sense. But people would be like, but that's a slippery slope.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And now, you know, you grew up in a time where it's always been like that. Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

I'm not.

[Pete Holmes]

You're like, of course I'm being filmed. I'm in. I'm at a child's lemonade stand. Of course I'm being photographed. Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

Also, it's like I come from a world where the. I never felt like the opportunity to avoid that was given to me. Like, you know, by the time I was, like, 10 years old, I had three email accounts to get Into Neopets and Pokemon.com. and, yeah. I'm not gonna pretend that those websites aren't taking my information and. Right. Doing stuff with it. Right. The way.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's also the Facebook of it all. It seems very folksy to be like, but they're selling our information.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And you're like, you know, what is the most modern application of this idea, and I'm guilty of it as well, is I catch myself liking my Instagram ads because it knows what I like more than I know what I like.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's. And that's kind of fucking weird, isn't it? It is, but I'm calling bullshit on myself because I can't even really tell you why I don't like that.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You used to have to sit through, like, I don't drink. I already referenced that earlier with the liquid death. But it's like. So I don't get alcohol ads. Nobody gets alcohol ads. I'm just saying, like, there was a time you'd be watching TV and there'd be a Budweiser advertising, and you just be like, this isn't for me. Not for me. But now you get ads, and it's just for you. And I can hear myself being like, isn't that better? But it does just sort of keep me in the. The temptation is to buy into the fallacy. That's right. The fallacy.

[Joey Bragg]

They have so many, like, philosophical stuff.

[Pete Holmes]

Today to camera that buying stuff will make you happy, and it doesn't.

[Joey Bragg]

But I know I'm a part of that, though. I love.

[Pete Holmes]

Of course you are. What's happening? A See, okay, this is going back to the 80s when we started calling people bums or, like, the Big Lebowski. He's a loser. He's not a consumer.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

He's not buying anything other than vodka. And Kahlua and a little bit of cream.

[Joey Bragg]

Gross. I. What? I remember when I was like 21, I was like, one right? Russian, please. And I was like. And no, thank you. So take it back.

[Pete Holmes]

You want a sombrero that's just cream and Kahlua.

[Joey Bragg]

There's vodka. That's disgusting.

[Pete Holmes]

No, just drink it. That's what you are. That's what you're.

[Joey Bragg]

That kind of guy. What is it? A sombrero? Yeah, one sombrero.

[Pete Holmes]

Sombrero is the official drink of the post Bible study ladies night couple. Sombreros.

[Joey Bragg]

That's you to a T. You're a post Bible studies ladies night kind of guy.

[Pete Holmes]

I would love to be sipping sombreros with a bunch of ladies. Actually, I wouldn't. I feel like that would get really weird if we could have a no theology agreement.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, that would be fine. Post Bible study. We've done enough talking about God.

[Pete Holmes]

We got it out of our system.

[Joey Bragg]

Got it out of our system. Let's talk about.

[Pete Holmes]

Because as much as I love talking about God, it can. It can freak me out pretty easily.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

When somebody believes something that I think is atrocious and they believe it real, but it's like their identity.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like politics. It's. You know what I mean? It's like there certain areas that you don't talk about because you're actually the. It's been blurred.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Your opinion and who you are has become one thing. You were saying, you know, Trumpers, even. That is a temptation to go like. Like, if they voted this. Look, I'm not trying to get every. Both sides of the aisle to listen to the podcast. I'm just saying they do that to us. Snowflake or whatever.

[Joey Bragg]

Snowflake. Snowflake is good.

[Pete Holmes]

Snowflake is okay because those fall from the sky.

[Joey Bragg]

I know they call it snowflakes. Oh, I'm so sorry. The things that are all unique, beautiful and gorgeous and like, of, you know, phenomenon. And melt and melt. Melt right away. Unless it's really cold.

[Pete Holmes]

I wouldn't want a bunch of snowflakes running the country. I mean, literal snowflakes. Because even if they have great ideas, if it gets like 40 degrees in.

[Joey Bragg]

There, they get wet around the country. They don't have thoughts.

[Pete Holmes]

We're believing. We're taking that insult too far anyway. But buying. Oh, the dude, right? Have you seen the big levesque?

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, of course.

[Pete Holmes]

So the first thing he does is the first time you meet him is he's buying cream and he writes a check and that's like this big. And I agree. It's hilarious. Serious. Look at this idiot. He doesn't even have night. It's like a check for 19 cents or something. Yeah, that's his problem is he's not buying into the consumerism. Consumeristic model.

[Joey Bragg]

And he wears a robe outside.

[Pete Holmes]

Exactly. Well, have you heard that statistic? If they stopped making clothes would be fine. Like, we have enough clothes. Have you heard that? No, but we don't need any more clothes. We also don't need any more furniture.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, we're good.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know about other industries, so I won't bring them in.

[Joey Bragg]

You're so worried about alienating, like, people that make couches.

[Pete Holmes]

The car industry.

[Joey Bragg]

Oh, the United Auto Workers on strike, Are they? Yeah, as of two days ago.

[Pete Holmes]

Are we still sag is writers think SAG will end?

[Joey Bragg]

I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

Part of me thinks WGA ends.

[Joey Bragg]

Part of me thinks that we're just.

[Pete Holmes]

Going to, like, keep going.

[Joey Bragg]

No, that we're going to do the opposite. That we're just going to be like, well, our friends are going back to work, but I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

And they'll go back to work too.

[Joey Bragg]

We're asking for completely different things.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

So I don't. I don't. I don't know. I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

I think it has to be. Once it's in the ether, strikes ending. I think we're that simple. I think the people that are withholding, they'll go like, well, strikes are ending. Even though it doesn't make any sense. Yeah, well, it's in the wind strike Summer.

[Joey Bragg]

It's fall now because it was the first day of. Or the 22nd was the first day of fall. So it's like. It does feel like we're like, whoa, is pumpkin spike season.

[Pete Holmes]

I think it's seasonal. Yeah, I. I think so much is going on that has just. I'm not talking like, you could plan scientifically, but like, every year around this time, both Val and I become very productive.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's almost like Val said she was like. It's almost like the leaves know they're going to die, so they burst and get red and green and orange and all that. Not green, but orange. So it's almost like we're the same way. It's like the year's ending and, like, you have this burst of creativity.

[Joey Bragg]

I also like. Sorry.

[Pete Holmes]

No.

[Joey Bragg]

To interrupt you, but I also liked. You were touching on that. It's just like we're just over it kinda. I like to think that the writers ended the strike not because the contract was good but because they didn't want to explain to their family at Thanksgiving why they were striking and why it was still going.

[Pete Holmes]

Joey, I'm gonna say in the recesses of our brain, in the anals of history that that's a consideration. Everyone at the table is going like, I can't have Thanksgiving be. So what's going on with the strike? My dad has asked me several times, does the strike affect you? And I've just been like. I feel like we've talked about this, but it doesn't matter. Let's talk a little bit about how you and I know each other. We're already like, 90 hours in.

[Joey Bragg]

Are we? Yeah. This is going by so fast. My palms. I also drank coffee before this. So if I'm coming across this.

[Pete Holmes]

Can you.

[Joey Bragg]

What?

[Pete Holmes]

What can you. Coffee.

[Joey Bragg]

I said, I drank coffee before, and I don't really drink coffee. I was sitting in my car drinking the coffee, going, this is a drug. I'm doing a drug. And I've decided to do a drug for the first time in a while. Do drugs before being on camera.

[Pete Holmes]

I just look at you and go, do the drug drugs. Do drugs.

[Joey Bragg]

The clean ones.

[Pete Holmes]

No, coffee is. Coffee used to be considered a hallucinogen.

[Joey Bragg]

Really? Yeah. Yeah. I see that.

[Pete Holmes]

There were people that stayed up all night drinking coffee. This is in Michael Pollan's book. It's like they were, like, considered insane. I mean, I think the people that drank coffee.

[Joey Bragg]

Coffee's, like, more powerful than weed is.

[Pete Holmes]

Of course it is.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. So, like, why is it so many people are like, I can't. I'm not myself until I've had my cup of coffee. No one's like, because you're in withdrawal. Yeah, exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

But I say this. Look, I've quit everything. And I'm like, And after, I. It doesn't matter when I quit coffee just to see if I could do it. And then I was like, you gotta have something.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. You just gotta have Papa Needs his vices.

[Pete Holmes]

Stand Up's a drug too. It's all chemical things that. Sex can be a drug. Everything's a drug.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Meaning if there's something outside of you that causes an internal reaction, it can be drugified, I suppose.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. Cocaine is a drug.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I don't think that's true.

[Joey Bragg]

Okay. Yeah. I knew I was overstepping, stepping.

[Pete Holmes]

Just watch yourself.

[Joey Bragg]

So much. Years in New York.

[Pete Holmes]

It's natural. It's derived from. So you're really putting down the economies South America.

[Joey Bragg]

That's true.

[Pete Holmes]

What you're saying is very slanderous.

[Joey Bragg]

So their whole economy. Whole economy is based on cocaine, Pete.

[Pete Holmes]

I didn't say that. That's on the back of their money. It's all cocaine. All right. So you and I have a unique history.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And why don't you go, Migo? You started stand up when you were nine.

[Joey Bragg]

I was 13. I actually went back and found the messages that I had sent you.

[Pete Holmes]

How was this on Facebook? MySpace.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Facebook.

[Joey Bragg]

It was 2000.

[Pete Holmes]

Turn on the AC.

[Joey Bragg]

Actually, it was 2000, thank you very much. Oh, you have like storage up there.

[Pete Holmes]

You got a little shimmer.

[Joey Bragg]

But it's really more for me, like this sweater, shirt.

[Pete Holmes]

It's nice.

[Joey Bragg]

It's nice, right?

[Pete Holmes]

It's not quite a cardigan. It's not quite a shirt.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

A little in between a shirt again.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. You say we should stop making clothes now. We should stop.

[Pete Holmes]

I didn't say we should. I said we could.

[Joey Bragg]

You know who should stop making clothes? Little kids in Asia.

[Pete Holmes]

Speed.

[Joey Bragg]

Agree. Yeah. Speed, agree. That's. That's progressive, baby.

[Pete Holmes]

You take no persuasion on that one. Go on.

[Joey Bragg]

Yes. And so I was. Yeah, I was like, 13. I want to read the message too.

[Pete Holmes]

Go ahead. I can't wait.

[Joey Bragg]

It made me cringe.

[Pete Holmes]

So I can't wait.

[Joey Bragg]

I went back yesterday.

[Pete Holmes]

Here's the other clip, Joe. Here's the other social clip. Joey Bragg reads email. I can't wait.

[Joey Bragg]

It was cuz I was 13 and you were like my favorite comic at the time. And I.

[Pete Holmes]

Good to know. I've been usurped at the time. Good to know.

[Joey Bragg]

Now it's me.

[Pete Holmes]

There you go.

[Joey Bragg]

But yeah, so conf. Baby. Atta boy.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, exactly.

[Joey Bragg]

But I just saw. I saw the movie Funny part People. The Judd Apatow movie. You're a good friend.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

And I was like 12 or 13 and I was like, this is. I'm such a big comedy fan. I didn't realize what like, went into it. And then you saw the movie. Then I saw the movie and I get like, oh, it's writing and it's this whole thing. And I was just a probably an undiagnosed kid with ADHD that was just hyper fixated on it. And I didn't know like the logistics of starting or like how, like, you know, I'm not just like going to go to a family reunion and ask for five minutes. Like, I didn't get it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

And I sent you. I'm gonna read it now because I can't Wait, it's I, by the way.

[Pete Holmes]

My movie, same experience was comedian. The movie comedian.

[Joey Bragg]

Oh, really?

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, there's. You take something you said at dinner.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then you expand on it and then you say it to strangers and pretend you were thinking of it just then.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, right.

[Pete Holmes]

Stand up comedy.

[Joey Bragg]

It's great. It's so easy. Let me find. And then. Yeah, this is a whole nother level of like cringe for me because I can't wait. I went back and I read like other messages that I had sent and at the same time I had like to other communities. Comedians to other comedians. But also like right before that, I broke up with my middle school girlfriend in like the chat. Like right after you messaged me back. I was like, hit the big leaks. Got it. Gotta break up with my middle school girlfriend.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh my God, you big timed her.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, I big timed her. No more so in on November 8th. Oh, it's almost her anniversary. November 8th.

[Pete Holmes]

November 8th.

[Joey Bragg]

November 8.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, look, I'm not forcing it. I'm just saying you wrote me in November, which Val and I have agreed. Yeah, it's a very like forward moving creator. Like create fan.

[Joey Bragg]

Give it is. It's very true. I said, dear Pete, very formal, very nice. My name is Joey and I am a 13 year old aspiring comedian. I have been writing jokes for several months, but I have been telling jokes my whole life. Smart.

[Pete Holmes]

Not bad.

[Joey Bragg]

Recently I've been trying to figure out. Recently I've been trying to find out how to get started, but being only 13, I don't know of any comedy clubs that will let me perform. You are my favorite comedian. I first saw you on college humor and you have made me laugh my ass off ever since. Sense.

[Pete Holmes]

Ooh, ass. Letting me know.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, I'm down for grown up. I'm cool. Yeah, exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

Give me the street shit.

[Joey Bragg]

Because also I read some of the messages and I don't know who replied because some of it just says Facebook user. They deleted their Facebook. I sent like a very similar message. Oh yeah, Copy and paste. And I got it back. You're scaring me from somebody named Eddie. So it's either Eddie IFT or Eddie Pepitone. But regardless, I freaked him out.

[Pete Holmes]

I bet it was ift. Yeah, probably Eddie would have been like, God, stay away. I don't know.

[Joey Bragg]

That's pretty good. Yeah, the pep.

[Pete Holmes]

The pet little pep.

[Joey Bragg]

I said I live in San Francisco, California and I would really love for you to help me and if you have any advice, I would love to hear it. I promise I'M not one of those kids who makes it all up as I go along. I really hope you can help. Sincerely, Joey Bragg. P.S. if you do read this, please accept this friend request and I will send you some of my jokes so you could look them over.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't have any cringe here.

[Joey Bragg]

Really.

[Pete Holmes]

I think that's great.

[Joey Bragg]

I think it's more my grammar and my inability to capitalize the letter I.

[Pete Holmes]

Now and then the non capital I lets me know that you're a cool dude.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. Sick.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah. Keeping it cash, keeping it casual. I think for a 13 year old, that was exceptional.

[Joey Bragg]

Really?

[Pete Holmes]

I remember reading it.

[Joey Bragg]

Really?

[Pete Holmes]

As soon as you read that, I was like, yeah, there's a certain mood. I wish I was in that mood all the time. It's just like the heart space.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, right.

[Pete Holmes]

Probably not too stressed. Not too busy checking out some fucking email requests. Yeah, I love this.

[Joey Bragg]

Me, I think. I know. I love this. Honestly, that's what. When I contacted you, I was, like, thinking about it from a position I'm in now where. Not that I get messages like this all the time, but I get some along the same lines. Block them immediately.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, instant block.

[Joey Bragg]

Instantly, you're clogging up all the space for my hoes.

[Pete Holmes]

Sometimes it can get a little weird. That's only happened once, maybe once or twice in my career. So some people are guarded. Like, for example, if you went up to Amy Schumer and said that to her and she dismissed you politely, I would understand that because I. I think the bigger you get, the crazier things get.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, right.

[Pete Holmes]

But you reached me at a nice time.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm not at that level now.

[Joey Bragg]

I think, you know, I mean, I think this was before your Comedy Central presents. I think, like. Oh, so it was pre present because then. Yeah, because you're. What year? 2009 was that? Pre present.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I had done my presents.

[Joey Bragg]

Okay. Yeah, never mind.

[Pete Holmes]

2009. I got divorced in 2000. See, you go by 9, 11. I go by my divorce in 2000. I go by 9, 11, 7. I got divorced 2009. I had done my Comedy Central presents.

[Joey Bragg]

I'm pretty sure.

[Pete Holmes]

Or I was about to do it.

[Joey Bragg]

They were just. This was around the time when they had just, like, refurbished Comedy Central presents.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm gonna trust you. I think I'm about to do it.

[Joey Bragg]

Okay. Yeah, I'm pretty sure this was before, but maybe I'm wrong.

[Pete Holmes]

I think you're right.

[Joey Bragg]

Then you replied November 10th, the next day, which is huge.

[Pete Holmes]

Next day delivery.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. My Best friend. Yeah, you did. Prime me. Jeffrey Bezos, baby. You said, and your grammar and. And like capitalism. It's great. You're perfect. You took time with this, which was like, I like that.

[Pete Holmes]

I separated the paragraphs with.

[Joey Bragg]

And in my head, this was like five pages long, like in my memory. And I look at it, you just. Yeah. Maybe took you 15 minutes, but changed my whole life. I love it.

[Pete Holmes]

I like this.

[Joey Bragg]

You said, hey, Joey, I think it's great.

[Pete Holmes]

You run that part where I said, I changed his life.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. Replay that and then bookend it with Zion.

[Pete Holmes]

Nope.

[Joey Bragg]

You said, hey, Joey, I think it's great that you've decided to do comedy. The best thing you can do is perform as much as you can and watch as much as you can. TV specials, CDs, anything you can watch and study and learn from. Then find an open mic at a coffee shop or somewhere. You don't have to be 21 and give it a try. I think you'll have a blast. If all else fails, you can do your own show somewhere. See if your parents or someone you know will help you. Set up an open mic for you and your friends to do some music, comedy, etc, etc. There are no other opportunities. Create some of your own. Starting early is great. Best of luck, Pete. Right.

[Pete Holmes]

It's weird that I agree with my own advice, like, yeah, that's right on. And what did you do?

[Joey Bragg]

I went up at a coffee shop in San Jose at Phil's Coffee. I messaged you after, like, updates, and then you got to the point where you stopped responding as much. And then that's where the cringe really starts for me because I'm like, I know you haven't responded in a while. I just want to let you know, like, that that's too much for me to think, to even read feedback.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I hate it too.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what I mean is it was this little moment of being free and clear and open hearted.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then. And then you get lost in your own stuff. And then I'm probably not even looking. It's not like.

[Joey Bragg]

Also, you did respond a bunch of times. Like we. We had a little. We had a Ted, a Tet.

[Pete Holmes]

Then. I remember meeting you and your dad at Meltdown. Right.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, I think so.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

Was it Meltdown or I can't. Yeah, because we did, um. Yeah, I think we met at Meltdown. And then you also invited me to. You were warm up for the Demetri Martin show, this funny show, and I came to that. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's so wild.

[Joey Bragg]

Also, cringy reading those messages because you were like, I'm not sure we can get in after under 18. And then instead of me being like, totally understand, just let me know. Which would have been the cool response. I was like, well, maybe tell them I'm your son or tell them that I'm your close family. There's got to be something we can do. And like, buddy, buddy, tell me.

[Pete Holmes]

That's good creative intelligence, though, because if you were my son, you could come. Yeah, like, no one's gonna be like, get your son out of here.

[Joey Bragg]

And I would have done such a good job pretending to be your son.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. This is my son, Papa. Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

Big funny papa.

[Pete Holmes]

You're wearing, like Swedish pajamas.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

A little spinny. Yeah, yeah. Big lolly. A big lollipop.

[Joey Bragg]

But honestly, like, you. You say it like you're in this moment, but that. And, And I, when I reached out to you because I told this story on like, another podcast, I would not have have the career and life that I have right now if you hadn't sent that.

[Pete Holmes]

It's wild.

[Joey Bragg]

It's crazy.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, I know you could say, oh, good on me. It's just crazy that that's how the world works.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. Right.

[Pete Holmes]

That like you throw something into a tornado.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

As to whether or not a group of people Eddie. Ifed. I mean, thanks for nothing, Eddie.

[Joey Bragg]

I also read TJ Miller's reply. This was like, are you doing comedy for real?

[Pete Holmes]

Like, that's what he wrote.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. That's not bad. He was like, yeah, it wasn't, it wasn't terrible.

[Pete Holmes]

Back to you.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, he was, he was getting back to me. I mean, everybody, like, I look bad. The people that I loved back then were the people that were just on the come up.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, okay, okay, that's brilliant.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I love that you weren't framing it as advice, but like, for people, young people, whoever. Don't go to fucking Kevin Hart.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

Waste of time.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

In fact, I would think that's a self fulfilling prophecy where you're like, you know, he won't get back to you. So you're like, but at least it's like buying a book on stand up comedy instead of doing it.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, right.

[Pete Holmes]

Do both. But also, so don't think, don't delude yourself that writing the email to Kevin Hart, you're like, well, now the ball's in his court, why not just have the courage to say, I'm too scared to do it.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Which I understand.

[Joey Bragg]

Also, there's a big part of that I understand now, like, when somebody reaches out to you and they're like, you're doing something I would like to do and I would love to pick your ear about what you're doing. I love to talk about myself and to somebody that is impressed by what I do. Yeah, of course. It's great.

[Pete Holmes]

That's why say, look, ego aside, it is nice to say you're my favorite comedian. That, that helps. Sometimes you get the feeling that they're just saying that, like.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because I do get emails like this. I always try to reply and they almost always say, you're my favorite.

[Joey Bragg]

And you're like, okay.

[Pete Holmes]

But then like later in the email, it accidentally calls you Kevin. Yeah, I didn't do quite the full search.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, you get a gun with me. Kumail and John Mulaney. Who are you shooting? They're gonna. They're gonna shoot you.

[Pete Holmes]

So funny. But that's good advice again, like saying you should pretend to be my son. It's a type of creative intelligence to go, like, I'm going to find it's like trading stocks. Right. And managers do this too. You're not gonna. You can't go and sign Kevin Hart, but you can sign the guys that just had a half hour.

[Joey Bragg]

And it, dude, it, like, it got to the point where like a few years after that I. Or maybe it was like three, three or four years. I did my first show at the Hollywood Improv and you were on the Late show and I was at the 8pm show and going up to you or just talking. It was the coolest thing because it went from like this thing I aspired to do to like legitimacy. Like, that was the main thing. And that's still, I mean, mental health problems that it did cause for me, like being so young and then.

[Pete Holmes]

What do you mean?

[Joey Bragg]

Just. I went from being 13, I did comedy for like four years. Like every night. I was. I wanted to do what everybody was doing. I wanted to like, grind it out.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

And then I got a Disney Channel show and it just the. They couldn't be more polar opposite in the way that they treat you as the talent.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, really?

[Joey Bragg]

Going from like a world of stand up and then to Disney. Like in Disney Channel, when you're on a show, you can attest everyone is nice to you to a fault. Like they are. So my mom calls it my period of being a prince. She's like, well, that's when you were a prince. Because there's prince years. Because there's so many times. But like, I didn't Understand?

[Pete Holmes]

I can imagine showing a child that level of attention.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It makes a birthday party look like a fart.

[Joey Bragg]

Are you kidding? I mean, there's so many aspects of it. And I'm a big proponent now for if you're young and if you're doing a show on the Disney Channel or Nickelodeon, I. I really do think that they should have a therapist on set for those kids.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

Because there is, like. I mean, I was in a really dark place. I think just creatively, I was doing stand up for, like, four years, and that's what I wanted to do. Then I did this other Disney pilot that ended up not going. And so I went down to la and then I had to come back, and my standup took a hit because I was focusing on this show, and.

[Pete Holmes]

Then I was like, the disappointment.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. And the disappointment. And I just got put in this, like, dark place.

[Pete Holmes]

This was your first show. Like, you had never been on a show. You got. I got a cast in a pilot. It didn't go. And then you. You couldn't. I mean, understandably, you couldn't handle that. Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

And it sounds so stupid now because now it's just like, that's the rejection we're all getting used to.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I don't think it sounds stupid. I don't even think you have to say that. It's. It's devastating, especially at that age.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You're like, you're about to go to space camp.

[Joey Bragg]

Also. I'm pretty sure I was like, I'm going to Hollywood. Of course.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. And you'd be dumb not to. That's what being a child is.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You want to, like, skateboard out of the class and be like, kiss my ass or whatever. You want to be special. In fact, I just saw Dr. Huberman talking about the word maybe neurologically to a child. Almost makes no sense. This is me paraphrasing it.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So he's making the argument that when Leela, my daughter, asked me to get ice cream, I'll say yes or no, but I used to say maybe and maybe dopamine speaking, gives. And it's crazy that this is how the brain works and that they can measure. This gives the. The brain a chemical sensation that a reward is coming.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And so you have a pilot. So ice cream. You're getting, like, my whole life.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And all of the. And let's be real, 13 years old, most of your life is disrespect. That's every. Everybody. That's the popular kids and the.

[Joey Bragg]

I was. I was probably like 17 or 16.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. Right, 16. When that happened that whole time.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm telling like pre 30 right now.

[Joey Bragg]

You're still in it. Honestly though, for real.

[Pete Holmes]

You are.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

There's no time. And I, I can still, I'm. I'm happy to say that I'm 44 now and it does get. Whoa. Yeah. I'm near dead.

[Joey Bragg]

Jesus Christ.

[Pete Holmes]

Zoom, zoom, zoom, zoom. Dead.

[Joey Bragg]

Halfway to 88. But I know you'll go back to the feature.

[Pete Holmes]

88 keys on a piano. I'm half a piano.

[Joey Bragg]

Oh, yeah, look at you.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm half a piano.

[Joey Bragg]

What half? The low half or the high half?

[Pete Holmes]

I want to be the low half.

[Joey Bragg]

Of course your latter 44 years are going to be.

[Pete Holmes]

Actually, Joey, Riff aside, I think your later years and then your last year. Is that, that too high key? It's like hollow, sticking a little bit. That's your last year. But like when you're born it's like, oh, it's beautiful and resonant.

[Joey Bragg]

Gorgeous and little fat baby.

[Pete Holmes]

Great Riff.

[Joey Bragg]

Great Riff. Look at this. Put that on the tick tock and smoke it.

[Pete Holmes]

Put that on the TikTok and monetize it. Yeah, I don't know but like you.

[Joey Bragg]

Were like modern mammals.

[Pete Holmes]

I was trying to think of one. This episode is brought to us by our friends at Ritual Multivitamin and their pre post probiotic. Both of which I take every single day. Day I. It was a normal thing that I would go to the doctor and they would just be like, you're deficient in like nine different vitamins and ritual has you covered. It has all of that stuff that no longer happens to me because I'm filling the gaps that I might be getting, should be getting from nutrition, but it's just not in our food. So I supplement it with ritual and it makes it a huge difference. I feel ready to start my day day and it's traceable. So look, you can talk fantasy football with your friends all day, but asking them for health advice is not really the move. Ritual takes the guesswork out of the vitamin game. Their multivitamin is based on science to help fill, as I mentioned, common nutrient gaps in your diet and level up your nutrient goals. It is an all around win. Scientifically developed with key ingredients in clean bioavailable forms. Ritual is a new type of two a day, helping you with Omega 3 DHS A to normal muscle function and normal immune function with vitamin D3. This small step can make a major impact. That has certainly been true for me. As I mentioned, it's traceable. Where your nutrients come from is just as important as what they're for. It's vegan friendly, non gmo, sugar free, gluten free, major allergen free and their capsule is delayed release. So most people are like, I would take a multivitamin but I know I'm just peeing it out. This is the difference. Ritual waits until it's in your lower intestine to break down where it can actually be absorbed. So you're not just getting going to be peeing out bright yellow pee and you're like, well, there goes my vitamin. It gets into your system so it's completely different. I understand the hesitation, but rituals fix that problem. Plus they're a pleasure to take because they have a minty essence on every bottle to keep things fresh and make taking your multi or your prebiotic or probiotic, it's called synbiotic plus. It's all three in one. It's a pleasure. So essential for men and their symbiotic plus is a quality multi bio vitamin and a pre post probiotic that I take every single day and get. This ritual is offering weirdos 30 off your first month. 30%. So visit ritual.com weird to start ritual or add essential for men to your subscription today. That's ritual.com weird. All right everybody back to Joey. Go ahead.

[Joey Bragg]

But you're so right about like when, when I was at that point in my like, not that I've ever thought about it like a maybe don't doesn't.

[Pete Holmes]

Click or I don't understand your brain doesn't understand maybe.

[Joey Bragg]

But then when something when that doesn't go and not that I, I resented like, I love that I started doing stand up in San Francisco. Like I, you know, I did it there for five or six years and I know those people and they're still the people that I see. Most of them live. A lot of them live down here now. And so there's like a real sense of community and I love that. But there was also a part of me that was like, oh, I, I went down there in la. I was doing it like, you know, Laugh Factory, Comedy Store, Hollywood Improv. And then Pat didn't get picked up and I'm not gonna live there anymore. And now I'm back to like, you know, the Sunday showcase at the Punchline and begging for hosting gigs and stuff. And yeah, yeah, there was a big part of me that was like I sacrificed. So I sacrificed like what normal teenage lives are a lot of like, I wasn't doing any Extracurriculars, because I was doing stand up every night and I didn't, I had friends, but I didn't, like, have those, like, high school, go to the. Yeah, classic John Hughes moments. Because as soon as the bell rings, I'm doing my homework because I have, you know, I'm featuring for somebody at the punchline or whatever.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

And. And then when I, when that pilot didn't go and I was back, I was like, oh, I sacrificed all of this for nothing.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Joey Bragg]

And I just ruined my, my life. Like, I just, I. I'm incapable of doing anything. I had gotten to a point like, this is like the details of it, but I just was really depressed, as a lot of teenagers are when there's so many hormones going on. So I got. It just. I stopped going to school and, like, got in this really dark place.

[Pete Holmes]

What do you mean stopped going?

[Joey Bragg]

I just stopped going.

[Pete Holmes]

Did your parents know?

[Joey Bragg]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

You just didn't go.

[Joey Bragg]

Lie. La la la la la la la la la.

[Pete Holmes]

That song is about not going to school.

[Joey Bragg]

It is.

[Pete Holmes]

You just. So you would get up in the morning.

[Joey Bragg]

Morning.

[Pete Holmes]

The drop.

[Joey Bragg]

Get up in the morning. No, they were, they're public school teachers. So they would leave before me and I'd be like, off to school. I go, you guys have a good day. And then I would watch the Today show all day long and cry and.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, no.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. It was like real depression. Like, I didn't know that it was real depression at the time.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

And then I think about it. So many things that happened to me where I slough it off is like, oh, and then this comedian was mean to me. And I think back, I'm like, wait, I was a little boy and that's like life altering trauma.

[Pete Holmes]

Who did it? You don't, you don't even have to say. But like, what happened?

[Joey Bragg]

There's a. I mean, I have countless stories of like, I still. When you were saying that you get in a place where you're at this age and you're like trying so hard for respect and validation. Like, I'm still in that because I chose a job where everybody was gonna resent me until I was their age. And even when I was their age, they were gonna resent me because I started earlier than them or whatever.

[Pete Holmes]

Wait, I'm not sure I understand. You chose a job. Stand up comedy.

[Joey Bragg]

Stand up comedy.

[Pete Holmes]

That you feel like everybody resents you because you started earlier.

[Joey Bragg]

Because I feel like there was this. Maybe it was, it was. I'm so sure most of it was internally, you know, Perpetuated. But there's this undercurrent of. He's getting these opportunities that I want, and he's only getting them because he's. He's young and cute and, you know, his. Right. It's a gimmick.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Joey Bragg]

And so that, like, being the beginning of my career.

[Pete Holmes]

Cheated.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, Like, I cheated. Yeah, exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

When you're over here, like, I just put my whole junior high experience into a wood chipper.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And how is that cheating?

[Joey Bragg]

And it happened, like, at the Punchline in San Francisco when I was, like, 16 or 17. There was. You do the Sunday showcase, and it's kind of like how the Comedy Store, Laugh Factory works. Like, you go there every Sunday, and then when Molly the booker sees you've been there for every Sunday for, like, a year, then she'll come up behind you and say, you have seven minutes after Sean Keane or whatever. And that was, like, the biggest moment for me. And I.

[Pete Holmes]

Just by being there.

[Joey Bragg]

Just by. Yeah. You hang out, but it's like, you have seven minutes. It's like a showcase. It's virtually an open mic. And the only way to get on the open mic is hang out there for a year. It's like a. You know, one of those things. A lot of comedy clubs do it where they, like. We want to see that you're serious about it or whatever.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a due paying.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like you have to sleep outside the temple.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. Yeah, exactly. And I felt like I did that. I felt like I paid my dues and I did it. And I went up on stage and I had a. I don't even remember how the set was because I immediately got off stage, and all these people that I was, like, actively wanting to respect and wanting them to just tell me I was funny or think that I deserved to be up there. I walked outside, and I heard, like, three conversations all saying the exact same thing, which is, he got up there because he's young and he does that stupid shtick, or his dad writes all his jokes, and it shaped how I am as a comic still to this day.

[Pete Holmes]

Once you shoot it, the camera's gonna be swirling around.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's gonna be a rich soundscape of hate. Buddy, I'm so sorry. Like, for real. And you did the thing. No, you're just. Yeah, it's my fault.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's why Eddie F. Didn't reply to you. He was smart.

[Joey Bragg]

He was saving.

[Pete Holmes]

He was smart. Or Eddie Pepitone or Eddie Van Halen. No, I remember. Look, what's interesting about your age. There is like a haters going to hate sort of thing. But what's unfair about show business is what's unfair not in its entirety, but can be what's unfair about life. Life, Right. So somebody gets booked because they're good looking. Or somebody gets booked because you see it in movies and stuff. I'm sure you've seen the movie, the Hollywood complex.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Remember, there's like, you got to be a type, right? So it's. It's not like the classically Tom Cruise looking kid that's gonna get booked. They already have nine of those every audition. You want to be like the, the oddly shaped. And what I mean is differently shaped. I'm not trying to be funny. You want to have a look. You want to look more like going somewhere, Mr. Potter? Like, you want that kid.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Or you want. You see what I'm saying? You want to be unique in any way. So we're in this business that favors uniqueness. And it's. It's like, that's not fair. And it's. And it's not. It's not fair.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So you are young and were you selected to go out there? Because everyone's like, what's this gonna be?

[Joey Bragg]

Be.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. In the same way that any outlying quality would be rewarded.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So when people are. What they're doing is they're scapegoating you on the unfairness and just to have some solidarity with you. I remember when I went to New York and it's not the same. I'm just again, looking for common ground here. I vividly remember I got on Premium Blend. It was called. That's like the five or six. Six minute Comedy Central set.

[Joey Bragg]

Remember? Okay. Big fan.

[Pete Holmes]

Big fan.

[Joey Bragg]

It's not yours?

[Pete Holmes]

No, mine was bad. It was cut down from seven minutes to three minutes.

[Joey Bragg]

Really?

[Pete Holmes]

So bad. Anyway, but I remember somebody at the bar at Rafifi saying. I think they said it to me and it and it. And it hurt my feelings. Like every program that I'm running now is I'm supposed to be like. And it wasn't a big deal, but it was, it was. They said like, oh, that's fair. You've been here, what, 10 minutes? And what you're hearing is like, this person has been grinding it in New York for a long time. I had just moved. And look at that. Even my newness to the scene, even though I was, whatever, 20 something, 25, 24, my newness to the scene was a commodity. Why is that fair? It's Not, Yeah, it's not, it's not fair. But that's how we work. Just in the same way that the seasons. And when you email me, that's not fair. Yeah, your age isn't fair. My having just arrived from Chicago isn't fair. And then you go up and you followed it through. Though what you did on stage is as close as we can come.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

To some sort of fairness.

[Joey Bragg]

It's the, I find myself still like openly seeking that validation from the people that are like, oh, you've been here, what a day. Like I have those, that, that, that dialogue in my head and I'm always just like, I'm gonna go up there and prove them that I deserve it.

[Pete Holmes]

Because they establish, look, none of it is real. And I don't even mean that like in a woo woo metaphysics way. I mean we create the meaning, we create the scene, we create the validation. So then you enter into the system that is humming with those precepts. Of course you would go for it and look for it. That's what the game is sort of like, I don't know if you can succeed in stand up deeply not caring what your peers think about you when you're starting. I don't know, it seems like I don't think you, I think you should.

[Joey Bragg]

The people you admire, at least the, like there's, I mean, I, I, I think it's, it, it negatively affects my job on stage when I do that. And it's something that I'm like actively trying to deconstruct in therapy. Like I was telling you earlier, like so many things that happened to me where I'm like, I didn't realize that this was more significant, like more significant than just this is a silly story with me and this other comedian. And then I think about it and I've been thinking about it for so long that I've like misshapen the memory to be something that is silly. And then I look at it again and I realize, yeah, it's something that.

[Pete Holmes]

Was a coping mechanism.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And you're good to have those.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, I got a bunch of them.

[Pete Holmes]

Baby, you got, I mean, you got stuff. Well, I'm gonna say you do got Stu and what's very child childish. And I'm not saying that as a negative, negative thing is that you did your set and then you walked onto the patio.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. Because I was like, you thought, respect me now is what I thought.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, you thought, I did it, I did it. Now I'm gonna go mingle, revel with.

[Joey Bragg]

The people that I want to be.

[Pete Holmes]

My friends, and they will like me now.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And what the modern you. And what I would do is do your set, assume I'll go ahead and assume that they did like it. And I'm not gonna necessarily go around and take a survey.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because that's only gonna go bad.

[Joey Bragg]

Because take a survey.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, okay, so, like, I talk about Byron, Katie's. The work a lot. So they didn't like my set. Is that true? Like, can they even know what they thought about? Can they see past all of the pain of the rejection that they weren't chosen? All of the pain that they didn't start when they were young? All of the pain that their dad, take the phrase, his dad writes his jokes for him. All of the pain that their dad didn't care about them.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I'm saying? Like, yeah, no one there saw your set. You know what I'm saying? If there are that many veils between you and watching, you can't see it. It's like, even when someone. You say, like, they're mad at me, can you even know that? Like, can you know anything? You just go, like, I don't know what's going on inside another person. And then you get some of that good, solid. Like, I'm only responsible for what I do on stage.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, but you're so right, though, that they're like, I don't think about. Even from the age I am now, which is like, you know, 13, 14 years removed from that. I have a really hard time. But you're so right that they're not.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. They didn't see it.

[Joey Bragg]

There are. And it's. It's the winning over somebody that already dislikes you thing. Like, right, You.

[Pete Holmes]

You can. I think human beings have a deep need to be not. And I don't mean this in big victims. I'm just talking about little victims. Like, we like the slights we. We live for. It's like eating a Sour Patch kid. Like, we like the sour of, like, that kid because we're alive. And now I can use it to kind of bond with these other comics and we're all just kind of doing the same thing, but it's lazy and it's easy and it's hating on it. Well, you know, I've said this a million times, but, like, the people that I that said that about me, like, oh, that's fair. You've been here, what, a week? They're not doing comics comedy anymore.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I bet a lot of the people that were on you aren't doing comedy.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It was just. It's too corrosive and it's too ugly and it's too damaging. Not that you asked, but the advice that I give a lot of young people is like, you gotta surround yourself with people that are kind of have some blinders up to that.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Otherwise you're just joining like a. A piss and moan club and a beer drinking club. It's like, it's an alcohol abuse, piss and moan after school club where you can talk about how unfair things are instead of going like, yeah, I'm jealous that, that he is young. I'm jealous that his dad is supporting him. I'm jealous that he has something special. Like, I remember somebody asking me, like, what is your thing? This is when I was like, this is after my presents and all that stuff, my half hour special, someone was just like, I just don't know who you are. Like, who. What you are are you. And at least you could go, I'm young.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. I'm the little boy one.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm the little boy one. Like, we can either spend our time and our energy better than time being mad that you inherited a thing just by virtue of being young in the same way you could inherit a thing because you're half cyborg.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Or we can just go like, okay, what makes me unique? Because I think I'm very unique. But I didn't figure that out until I. I was, I don't know, literally like 33. I started going like, oh, yeah, this is it. This is my family. It's weird that I'm this. It's weird that I was this blah, blah, blah. But I didn't know. And I think instead of hating on somebody for having an easier time finding their thing in a temporary thing, which is your youth, we should. We should use that energy to find what makes us unique.

[Joey Bragg]

I also think it's a. It's like a comedian's mindset to. I'm not where they are because of X, Y. And I'm not getting the opportunities they are because of this.

[Pete Holmes]

It's too hard. It's. Dude, I always say this, but on the show alone, alone, where people go, yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

Always brought up the classic, you do so much advertising for a long.

[Pete Holmes]

But the. It's always the men, the women that, that tap out, usually go. It was hard. I couldn't do it. I had to leave. I was. I was dying. The men are always like. I realized it was stupid. What am I doing here? This is stupid. It's because no one mocked modeled to a lot of men and to a lot of people in general, vulnerability and what it's like to say, I'm feeling envious or I'm feeling jealous. I don't know where I am. Yeah, I'm. I don't know my identity. I don't know what makes me special. If she said, I have seven minutes, I don't know what I would do. I'm just doing the same as whatever. And that's too hard to look at that honestly. So it's so much easier. That's why I say scapegoat. You just get scapegoat who? Yeah, scapegoat. A disease. Everybody was like, I know I bring this up a million but like that was the, that was on offer at the scene when I was coming up. He was young and, and everything that he had going on, people were like, well, if I was, you know, yeah, some 40 year old, you know, white guy would be like, I'm just not. I can't compete. Yeah, you can't compete with that. But there's a million other ways that you can shine and, and it's different. And none of them come from you talking shit. All that comes from you talking shit is death. You know, it's the end of your comment.

[Joey Bragg]

I think about another Judd Apatow film, the Bubble, when, when Keegan Michael Key is doing that TikTok with Iris Apatow. And it's something that I feel like is the most relatable, especially to and more than just comedians, but like actors, when he does that TikTok and he looks at her. Instagram. Instagram, and he goes back to his dressing room and he was like, you are not in competition with a 13 year old girl. Yeah, like it's so true because you see these, like it's. I was thinking about it in the shower this morning. The entertainment industry or like comedy is the only industry where we are taught that it's inappropriate to consider it competition. But at the same time, in all mean, it is competition. Like we are competing for a role. We are competing for the spot. We're competing for like the, the late night spot. But there's also in every other form of competition, a point where it gets in someone's career where somebody else tells them, you've gone as far as you can go. Yeah, like running back is the best in high school, it's the best in college. It isn't gonna go the NFL. Somebody tells him he's not 45. So like going to Football open mics being like, I'm gonna do it.

[Pete Holmes]

Interesting.

[Joey Bragg]

And so there's this point where I feel like, not like I want to tell people to give up. Up, but there is a beautiful mix of, like, perseverance, longevity, and talent. And I think talent is kind of the third string on that. Like, it, for the most part, is people that are able to stick around and persevere through all of that.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what I tell people. I go, don't. Don't quit.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And don't get me wrong, I can give you the quit speech as well. Not you, but I could give.

[Joey Bragg]

You want to be so full.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Here's another email.

[Joey Bragg]

No, hang it up.

[Pete Holmes]

No, but there's a lot of people that I'm like, if you cannot quit, and one of the ways you can not quit is. Is. Is like I said, putting those blinders up.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And not exposing yourself to how toxic. And I. I admire your honesty at getting real with what traumatizes you.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I mean? Instead of waiting. And this is something I'm just learning. Instead of waiting for someone with a PhD or someone else with worse trauma, telling you that, were you traumatized, you were traumatized by what you were traumatized by, and what bothered you, bothered you. And that's. And that's okay. And then. And that's the first step to kind of working with it.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Not to necessarily label yourself and. And become whatever, but, like, your is your. And that stuff was hard, and that's okay.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But it is a competition. You know, what's interesting is you take somebody. What came to mind when you said that is Zach Galifianakis, who seems like the least competitive person in the world. And I mean that as like, he's just a gentleman. Build a bear of a man.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And yet we all know that reality is that way. Reality is competitive and one of the best. And I'm not saying Zach is doing this. I'll say I'm doing it. One of the best techniques to compete is to act like you're not competing.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But it's just a social strategy. It's like, you're a cool guy. Well, that's. You know, it's like how people say everything people are doing is to find a mate. You know what I mean? Even if you're kind of like, well, I'm not here to hit on you. Well, that's your way of hitting on them. You know what I mean? Like, you're. You're hitting, meaning engaging, looking for a connection.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

In the same way, the guy or the. Or the woman that's at stand up, that's like, I'm just trying to live in the moment. Like, that might unconsciously be a way of being like. Because as soon as they take the glass case off that cupcake, I'm gonna eat it.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And everyone's gonna be okay with it. And American corporations are that way. And Americans are that way. That way, as soon as. As soon as the bullseye presents itself, no one will begrudge you for shooting the target.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. I think it's also. I've been in doing it for so long that I have a hard time seeing the perspective of somebody that hasn't. Like, I. When I. I took a big break in Stand up because I was. I started doing a Disney Channel show.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, let's talk about that.

[Joey Bragg]

And. Which was like, I.

[Pete Holmes]

Prince years.

[Joey Bragg]

My prince years. My good, My good. It was a prince.

[Pete Holmes]

Why would you want to be doing Stand. Stand up when you're a prince? I mean, tell me a little. I thought you were gonna say, by the way, that Disney was worse than stand up for some reason. I don't know.

[Joey Bragg]

No, I mean, realistically, no. Because stand up was like, I've never gotten my feelings hurt from something that I'm doing in, like, an acting way. If somebody's like, your performance is terrible, it's gonna, like, hurt my feelings. But so much of my brain is like, well, this isn't what I do. I do stand up comedy. This is, like, what pays the. I make money doing this. I don't make money doing stand up.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Joey Bragg]

And. But there is a big part of it where I was going to this job where everybody was nice to me and, like, making sure that I was happy because if I'm happy, then the job gets done. And then going to a world where, like, it was imposed on me, that you have to grind and it's hard, and you'll get bumped by Margaret Cho and you can't cry about it. And, like, so many things were going on and somebody jumped.

[Pete Holmes]

If you get bumped by Cho, it's getting chumped.

[Joey Bragg]

I got chumped, bro.

[Pete Holmes]

You got choked. Is that from Conan o' Brien? Can't stop?

[Joey Bragg]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

He says, I got choed in that movie.

[Joey Bragg]

Damn it. Missed your reference. I want to get your references.

[Pete Holmes]

I thought you were making that. I thought I was getting your reference.

[Joey Bragg]

I thought I should have just kept going with it.

[Pete Holmes]

So Stand up is all grit and pirate lifestyle.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And what was Disney like? You show up.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. Like, the comfort that you want in stand up is something that is, like, a prerequisite when you go to. To, like, if you go to a green room and it's. You get your own dressing room. And you're. I was 6. I was 17. 17, about to turn 18. And you get to a point where I am working. Like, I have a job. I'm getting paid real money. And then, you know, I have school. I kind of dropped out of school. I took, like, a preliminary GED called the Chesapeake, the California High School Proficiency Exam.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my gosh.

[Joey Bragg]

Passed it. And so when I was 17, they're like, you. You work for 12 hours a day, and three of those 12 hours have to be spent in a schoolroom doing school.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

And then they're like, or you can take this test, and you don't have to do that. And I'm like, well, obviously, I'm gonna take the test and not do that, because I. It's like. Like Bart Simpson. Like, that's the life I'm living.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

And. And then somebody that was. That shall not be named. I don't know why, honestly. They shall not be named because I do not remember their name now, because I'm.

[Pete Holmes]

When we're. When we're. The high key on the piano wall, like. And the person who shall not be named because it's a mess up there. It's a swarm of bees up there.

[Joey Bragg]

Because I do not recall. But somebody. Somebody said I had canceled the show at the Improv, and it was like, we didn't have a live audience. But then one day, we were having a live audience, and my stuff got moved. You know, it's Holly, like, business. Things get moved around. So I had to call them and say, hey, I'm so sorry, but I'm not gonna be able to make the show to tomorrow. And they just chewed me out. And they were like, you either pick one, you do stand up, or you do acting. You can't have one foot. You're really fucking me over, and you can't just. You gotta pick one.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm skiing right now, like, trying to.

[Joey Bragg]

Figure out who it is.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I'm looking at the camera, smug look, because that is the worst thing I've ever heard. And that happened also 24 hours. Come on.

[Joey Bragg]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

Come on.

[Joey Bragg]

To cancel, you mean?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. That's totally within reason.

[Joey Bragg]

Really? Oh, I feel like maybe it's trauma, but I feel like if you were.

[Pete Holmes]

Chris Rock playing the Palladium, it would be bad. But if you're a person on a showcase, I'm assuming this was 10 comics.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. Yeah. Right?

[Pete Holmes]

That's a zero.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. Give Adam Rae an extra three minutes, guys.

[Pete Holmes]

Give every comic on the show 30 extra seconds, and no one notices. This is what I mean. This person isn't even hearing you cancel. They're just hearing you saying I disrespect you.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And are you disrespecting them? No, but that's what they're hearing. So we can't. I'm talking to myself right now. We can't take anything seriously because nobody's actually. Nobody's having a clean experience.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Nobody's seeing things as exactly as they are.

[Joey Bragg]

Maybe once in a while. And that guy that got. That got mad at me or whatever, obviously, I can do the whole thing. Like, he was having a rough day, and he. But also, he was running a business and was upset at somebody that he had hired to do a job. Job. And regardless of me being young, had, like, handled it in a certain way. I will not. I don't want to work for that person anymore.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

And that in the long run, like we were saying, like, perseverance and longevity, that's. That's where, like, careers are made and mishandled.

[Pete Holmes]

You're really just reminding me how many toxic and sometimes coked up and sometimes drunk and depressed, whatever it might be. It's littered with them. And you're calling this person and you're really talking to their wound.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You're not talking to them. You're talking to something that you incited. Cause I'm telling you, in the realm of logic, you canceling is nothing. And I even the reason I say Chris Rock. It's not like people are coming to see one person on the showcase. Yeah, it's a showcase.

[Joey Bragg]

It's also the Hollywood improv. So it's like, David fucking Spade's coming. Nobody cares.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm not trying to put you down.

[Joey Bragg]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

But I'm saying that's true. True.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, it is true.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, you got to pick what you get mad about.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. There was so many. Also, I think about it now where you're 44 is showing.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm dying today. I die on air.

[Joey Bragg]

So many.

[Pete Holmes]

Like Gigi Allen.

[Joey Bragg]

I have to raise your daughter, damn it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. You're my son. It's your job as my son.

[Joey Bragg]

But there are so many times, like, I have stories or people that I talk to to. And I had these, like, what now I'm unboxing is trauma. But back then I was just like, I embarrassed myself or I canceled on somebody or I said the wrong thing.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, you ate it.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

And then I look back on it and I'm thinking me being the age they were, when I was that age, I would never talk to a. What is a child.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

The way that they were talking to me. And then it changes. It. It goes from like, I'm embarrassed to see this person that. That, that made me scared and upset. Upset. To like, oh, this person was handling this so wrong. Yeah. That they really hurt somebody that was a fucking child.

[Pete Holmes]

And what's fucked up is they probably thought they could get away with it because it's a child.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. But I should. I found them. I found the text the other day. I got him.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what's interesting is somebody just said this to me. I think it was Ryan Holiday. He said we were talking about our parents and. And sometimes our parents don't deal with. With us emotionally as we wish they would. And then he was like. And remember, that's how they dealt with it when you were a kid. So when you had a, like an unmanageable feeling.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That was the same kind of confusing system of responses that you got as a child.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It helps you have compassion and understanding for yourself as a child. So. Yeah, that's up.

[Joey Bragg]

A lot of people say, like, it's your parents first time too, is I. I love hearing that.

[Pete Holmes]

That's good.

[Joey Bragg]

When you're growing up. It's. They're growing up also.

[Pete Holmes]

So that's also true.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

No. Everybody's doing their best, but there's so.

[Joey Bragg]

Many that's like, I. It just. I'm glad I'm not like upset. Obviously I have things I wish I would have done differently. But I am able to come. Like I took a break for like four or five years. I got to write stand up for Liv and Matt for the show, the Disney Channel show. I got to perform it on the show. I like, was doing stand. Stand up just wasn't grinding. You know, I was doing stand up maybe like I would have. I would go like a month or two between stand up shows because it was. I was afraid. I was afraid that I was going to try and break in back into this world and they were going.

[Pete Holmes]

Scared you?

[Joey Bragg]

Somebody scared me. And it's affected me still to this day because I've been like, I do stand up. Like I try five or six times a week if I can. And I'll just do. I just have to actively remind myself that, like, I'm doing it because I enjoy it and because it is fun and the p. And, like, I'm it. Just once I was able to kind of switch that in my head, which reminded me of how I originally started, because it was a hobby and something I enjoyed and something I loved. And I love being in the environment. I love being around, like, creative people trying their best to be funny. I love, like. I just love every aspect of it. And the thing I don't like is the business side of it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

And the business side of it only really exists in LA with the people that are trying to do what I've already done done. Like, they want the ABC sitcom. They want to do a movie on Netflix. And there's a big part of me that is like, I just did it in a weird order, you know? And I have to. Because I do this thing that I'm. I do it right. I'm doing it right now at this podcast where I'm like, I'm not deserving of this. I gave up five years, or I'm not working hard enough, or these. You know, the people. Like, you had Gary Goldman on, like, last week. I feel like the step down is like a fl. A couple flights of stairs. And so I do that with my. I like, tell myself these things, and then I have. I have to actively undo, unlike, tie those knots in my head.

[Pete Holmes]

It's all worthiness.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

My agent actually said something to me the other day. He was like, shout out to Zach Trucker.

[Joey Bragg]

Zach Trucker.

[Pete Holmes]

Zach Drucker.

[Joey Bragg]

Oh, if it was Trucker, he'd be a country star. But I know Drucker is an agent for the stars.

[Pete Holmes]

You're with the truck. He was just like, you're only responsible to your audience. You know, it's like, give the purity of that.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, right.

[Pete Holmes]

But also your worthiness. Stuff. I mean, that's stuff you'll be unpacking.

[Joey Bragg]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, if you're anything like me, that's still. What I'm working on is just going like, you're worthy. And what happened is you kind of got let into the bullshit carnival. And by bullshit, I mean fake.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's all ether.

[Joey Bragg]

It's smoke. I mean, that's why I say.

[Pete Holmes]

And you got in early. It's why you say what?

[Joey Bragg]

That's why I say the kids need therapy when they're doing it because you get, like, accustomed to that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

And then the show ends and these kids go to college. And then there's. There's a reason that there's a Cliche with like post children, child stars going crazy because they were in this fake world.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's the whole thing. If you, if you think, well, you're also been given an advantage. I would say say potentially, you know, Buddha was a, was a prince. There you go.

[Joey Bragg]

Was he really?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. So he was born in a kingdom and there were. It depends, you know, all of this is sort of exaggerated. Buddha, normal weight Buddha, exactly.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, yeah, average. Normal weight.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, normal. All bodies are beautiful.

[Joey Bragg]

All bodies are beautiful.

[Pete Holmes]

But he was, you know, he had riches, he had potential mates, he had every company comfort. And then the story goes that he left the palace and the first thing he saw was a beggar, like a dying person. And so he starts seeing, oh, old age is coming for all of us. Death and disease is coming for all of us. So he slowly, on this like, you know, mythological or whatever based in truth journey, he saw all the suffering that comes for everybody. So that he learned that the palace was not, not real ultimately. Meaning there is no, you know, it doesn't matter if Elon Musk goes to Mars. It's like, yeah, you'll still die up there.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I mean? So there's an advantage to seeing the smoke and mirrors of it. And I hope, and it seems like this is how you're taking it is going like that's an uncomfortable reality for people to kind of grapple with.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But you got to grapple with it early. Most of us, if you're lucky, you get to have your psychic break later in life.

[Joey Bragg]

I think I, I went through that horribly depressed part of my high school career and then got taken out of school and got put in like depressed kids school where like you work from home and you don't meet with a teacher, meet with like a counselor who's like a therapist.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

And ever since then, pretty much for my, the rest of my life, I see a therapist once a week. I think that's the, that's it. Like I, I credit so much of my perspective from just being able to talk to somebody that's removed from it and go like, oh, this guy, this 45 year old guy that runs a comedy club in North Hollywood told me that I need to focus myself on a shtick. And she's like, that's crazy. He's a loser or whatever. Obviously she's not saying that, but that's what it takes to go like, oh, this world that feels.

[Pete Holmes]

What are these people that run clubs? I remember a guy told me I had to wear a red Atari T shirt with a long sleeve white thermal shirt underneath.

[Joey Bragg]

Oh, that would have killed.

[Pete Holmes]

And that would be my thing. And then I could do colleges. And I was like, what is going on here?

[Joey Bragg]

So weird. I didn't understand. It's also. I can't somebody put it in a really, really, like, co. Like succinct way that comedy is people that didn't make it telling people that are about to make it how they should make it. Like, it's, it's. It's so true. Because all the advice you get from people are like, let me tell you something. Don't do colleges. Don't do colleges. It's. It's a. It's a toy that'll. It'll steal your soul. I'm like, oh, don't do colleges. Mr. Hosting at the Zany's. You know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

Like, and I'm sure that person isn't being offered college.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, yeah. And it's just. I don't know. I think it's one of those things where I.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, don't take any of it seriously. I think is a good lesson.

[Joey Bragg]

Again, like, I'm actively reminding myself I'm doing this because I enjoy it. It's fun. And once I think that I'm like, oh, I'm out of my.

[Pete Holmes]

Yep.

[Joey Bragg]

What if there's a booker here?

[Pete Holmes]

Or like, yeah, like what my agent said. It's like, you're really beholden to your. Like, you can. Instead of buying into the meaning making of the patio at the Comedy Store or wherever it was, you can buy into your own system.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I think that's our job as we get older, is to have your own mission statement. The mission statement of, as you said, who made this mission statement?

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I even see the most successful people in the world. And I'm just like, that goes back to my Donnie Wahlberg.

[Joey Bragg]

Full circle, baby.

[Pete Holmes]

Take Donny over Markie any day. Just because is like, I'm at a level where, like, people come up to me and go, did we go to school together?

[Joey Bragg]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's great. Go to Disneyland, no problem. It's wonderful. Donnie's in that same kind of level. You just want to like. Right.

[Joey Bragg]

Donnie right now is like, listen to this.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know Donnie enough to say, but I hope that Donnie is a happy Donnie instead of a sad Jim instead of a Jimmy Belushi. I don't know if Jim's unhappy. I'm just saying, like, you can set the. The mission statement for your own life.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Instead of letting These lunatics establish it. I don't know.

[Joey Bragg]

Or the. It's. It's. It's the climb. I'm sorry if we're. We're talking too long. It's the. It's the.

[Pete Holmes]

I thought she laughed. You. When Katie. No, I know when Katie laughs, I look.

[Joey Bragg]

I go in my head while I'm not looking the whole time, she's like. But there's like. I talked to comedians that have been that, like, I looked like. I just had a show with Moshe Kosher. Who. Like Casher. Casher. Really? Damn it. Wow. Okay, let's go back. I said a show with Moshe Kasher.

[Pete Holmes]

We're keeping both of them.

[Joey Bragg]

Damn it. I love you, buddy. And. But, like, we hadn't performed together in six or something years, so I was, you know, I was a young kid and I used. I don't know even where I was going with this, but there's a big part of me that's like, I expect somebody. There's somebody like that that saw me when I was a kid. In my head, I'm Eddie Murphy. Like, I should have kept going at the speed of that I was at.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

And from now, I should be like, you know, writing movies and being on SNL and doing all the stuff that I thought I was going to do at that time. And so when I myself am not doing that, I'm thinking that the people that I was around are doing that. Nobody's thinking that. And then you go to the point where it's just like, oh, it's just nice to catch up and talk and our careers are different and it's. That's fun.

[Pete Holmes]

Passion.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. Was it Kashup?

[Pete Holmes]

As I say, buddy, it's Buddha leaving the temple. It's all make believe.

[Joey Bragg]

I'm the Buddha of comedy.

[Pete Holmes]

You are the Buddha of comedy. And you're a normal weight.

[Joey Bragg]

Ah, thanks.

[Pete Holmes]

But it's. I think what we're getting from. What I'm getting from this conversation is you need to, like, we all. Everybody listening. Everybody, Everybody, everywhere. It's like, you need to establish your own. What are. What's the word? Not credentials. Your own criteria.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

For what a good life looks like. And when I hear you say, I like doing stand up. Makes me happy. That's great. I also. I would. I would take issue with. You said earlier they want a CBS to come. You don't know that a lot of people get into stand up because they just want to.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, of course.

[Pete Holmes]

Drink Manhattan's.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, whatever. There's a million reasons why people get it. And. And I actually think a lot of people don't even know why they get into it. I think some people get into it because they would like to fail. They have some sort of weird.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. It's also the most vulnerable thing that it is.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. And then there are people that want the whole thing and to eat it and to have it filmed while they're eating it. And. And that's great. I don't mean eating it bombing. I just mean they want all of it. And then there's people that are just craftsmen that just want to do great standup. But we don't know. What I'm saying is we don't even know why we're doing it, so we can't know why they're doing it. So you can't know how they're feeling. And even if they say they're feeling a certain way, you can't even know that that's true. So all you need to focus on is what gives you value, what gets. Gives you meaning, what makes you feel content, what lowers your anxiety, what makes you feel more connected, what makes you feel more tranquil.

[Joey Bragg]

That mindset changed everything for me, and especially in stand up, but in the. The. It's not this. Because before it was this active path to, like, validation or active path towards a goal. But then I also think about, like, the people that I really admire. Mr. Pete Holmes, Moshi Casher. And there's people that, like, I love as comedians, it's not like they are working towards a certain goal. They are just doing comedy. And what comes to them, comes to them.

[Pete Holmes]

Because you see people come up and then come down. They're still doing it because, yeah, it's a good. It's a good life.

[Joey Bragg]

It is a good life. And it's fun. And it's like the only. I was talking to my dad, this was years ago, and I was like, I just don't know. Like, it's. Comedy is hard, and I'm not getting booked in acting, and I don't really have anything else I can do because, you know, I took the Chesapeake and I've been doing this my whole life. And my dad so earnestly goes, maybe you should try getting into music. Like, just the thought that there's this other. Change careers to the most similar possible thing.

[Pete Holmes]

He's looking at his phone. He's just looking at Taylor Swift, maybe music.

[Joey Bragg]

Thanks, dad.

[Pete Holmes]

Thanks.

[Joey Bragg]

But it's. I think it's just one of those things where it is the longevity and it's what you can do that. Keeps you sane long enough to be able to do it until it becomes something else.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean. Yeah. To put my own button on it. It's like when I do stand up, I feel less afraid. I feel more at home in my body.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. Same.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm a better person having been heard, having figured out how I feel. Feel delighting people. Being delighted in is a wonderful feeling.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Traveling. Having people say like we went to high school together. Didn't we go to high school together? And I say get the away from me. But I mean I. I think a stand up life and just a regular good life have a lot of things in common. It's figuring out what brings you into peace and. And feeling at home in your skin.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And that could be being an architect or it can be. But something sort of expression, some sort. That's what the war of art is all about. Is like figuring out what was given you so you can give it back. And that ours just happens to be comedy. Let's. Let's do a little speed round and get out here.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah, baby.

[Pete Holmes]

Have you ever seen a ghost?

[Joey Bragg]

Have I ever seen a ghost?

[Pete Holmes]

Seem like a ghost guy?

[Joey Bragg]

Do I seem like a ghost guy?

[Pete Holmes]

I say that to everybody.

[Joey Bragg]

I was going to say I don't.

[Pete Holmes]

Ufo.

[Joey Bragg]

I have seen a ufo. But like UFO to me, like unidentified to me.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. Is different than like unidentified to the right because I can see a plane that I don't know what kind of.

[Pete Holmes]

But it's tricky.

[Joey Bragg]

I definitely did see a UFO where I was driving. I was like 17 or 18. I was driving with my dad from San Francisco. It was like middle of the night because I had a show and then I had another show the next day or like an audition in la. So we were doing that drive through the night and we were going by Avenal, which is a military base. So take this. Was probably them doing stuff. But there was before, before quadcopters. There was like a little green light in the sky that was moving in a way that I couldn't like before quad. Now I see a quadcopter and that moves in a way like on a different axis or whatever.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

And it was moving in a way fast through the sky. But the thing that really sold it was it was being chased by like a military cargo plane with like a spotlight. And I. I swear to God. No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Pete Holmes]

Trying to get it back.

[Joey Bragg]

Whoa. It was crazy. Me and my dad like watched it for a little bit until it was out of sight and then Were just like, that was crazy. And unidentified to us. But like to them, they probably knew exactly what it was.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

But definitely weird.

[Pete Holmes]

Very weird.

[Joey Bragg]

Very weird.

[Pete Holmes]

Have you ever almost died?

[Joey Bragg]

I was. Yeah, kind of. I was in a.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, it's going to be kind of. Yeah. If I'm asking you, it's kind of.

[Joey Bragg]

It's true.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. I pull out my. Pull off my fake leg. I was in a plane that had a fire. Electrical fire in the cockpit.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, no.

[Joey Bragg]

When we were flying from Orlando to LAX for I was doing a Disney thing and we fell from the sky and then crash landed in Tampa.

[Pete Holmes]

What do you mean you fell from the sky?

[Joey Bragg]

Like, we.

[Pete Holmes]

They freefall.

[Joey Bragg]

They had an electrical fire. And then I guess like the thing to do is like nose dive. We know. Like, oh, but it flew. It flew. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It wasn't like the engines died.

[Joey Bragg]

No, no.

[Pete Holmes]

But we were like, go down now.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. They're like, go. We went. We took off. We reached cruising altitude and then landed in Tampa.

[Pete Holmes]

We.

[Joey Bragg]

Which is like not that far from Orlando. So it was. It's crazy. And there was.

[Pete Holmes]

Sullied it.

[Joey Bragg]

I sullied it and I took control. So is there a pilot back there? But I remember thinking, this is like, this is. I don't mean to get back into like the. The career, but I was at a point in my life where I was so content with dying. Like my brother was. I took my brother on that trip.

[Pete Holmes]

Because I looked at him like, sorry, bro.

[Joey Bragg]

Like, no joke. I was sitting there. He had just graduated from Berkeley and I was sitting next to him. And they were like, the stewardess, like, the scariest part about it was that the stewardesses were terrified. And they were like, the crash landing positions for everybody in first class is to hook your thumbs behind your knees. And they're like, the crash landing position for everyone in economy is to hug your chest. I was like, they're lying to you. Do what they told us.

[Pete Holmes]

They're trying the premium one.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. They're trying to make the rich survive.

[Pete Holmes]

If you are united Mileage plus. Put your hand over your head, sir.

[Joey Bragg]

Sir. You.

[Pete Holmes]

Are you not. Are you Premier plus American Express card holders?

[Joey Bragg]

But I turned to my brother and I was like, you know what? This makes sense. I was like, I. I've done a lot. I was like, I just have lived a really fast, crazy life and it makes sense. And my brother's like, I haven't lived a life yet.

[Pete Holmes]

It's so funny because when you were mentioning Jim Belushi saying the line of his Obituary would be brother of John Belushi.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Marc Maron had a bit of flying to Montreal and who cares? Johnny Depp, let's say. Or fucking Mick Jagger.

[Joey Bragg]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And he's like, I wouldn't even be in the headline.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It'd be like, these people just died. Also, last paragraph. Comedian Mark Maron was also.

[Joey Bragg]

I just want to do something notable enough to where when I die, it's not Disney Channel star dies in a train crash. I want it to be at least something else.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, yeah, good news, you won't care and you won't know that's true.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. Unless I fake it like, oh, Poly Shore. Less famously, Poly Shore faked his enemy.

[Pete Holmes]

Called Polly Shore is dead. Kind of like you're movie Stu is dead.

[Joey Bragg]

Oh. Huh. Sid. Close enough. Damn, that research really paid off.

[Pete Holmes]

I should have written it down.

[Joey Bragg]

Oh, thanks, Philip. Philip Holmes. Yeah. You have like three things.

[Pete Holmes]

It's his parents performing bully acting school.

[Joey Bragg]

That's all I wrote. Wow. That's all I wrote. Inside of your brain is incredible.

[Pete Holmes]

That's all I need.

[Joey Bragg]

It's fascinating.

[Pete Holmes]

Thank you. It's a bad neighborhood. What about the hardest time you've laughed in your life? Can you think of a time you laughed really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really hard?

[Joey Bragg]

Uh, man, I. No one makes me laugh like my mom makes me laugh. Like she's just one like her our sense of humor. So we get like really giggly.

[Pete Holmes]

Really?

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. Which I love.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm dead now that I have a daughter. I'm like, if my baby goes, no one like makes me laugh like my dad. I'll be like, oh, shit.

[Joey Bragg]

I mean, you got, you got to. It's your whole thing.

[Pete Holmes]

My dad's really used to my bits though. Like I'm always being acting a fool with Leela. And then her little friends come over and I'm silly with them and they're like blown away. And Leela's like, he's like, lila will do this. He goes, he's joking. They'll be like, they'll say, where is something? And I'll be like, I don't know, I think it might be in my butt or something like that. I wouldn't say in my butt.

[Joey Bragg]

That's my go to.

[Pete Holmes]

Like something like that.

[Joey Bragg]

Something fart, but they love it.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what I mean. Poop.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And Lila will just go, he's kidding. So I love that your mom still gets you.

[Joey Bragg]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And you got giggle fits.

[Joey Bragg]

Oh, yeah. We get like full on giggle fits. Like, she gets. She's gotten to a point. She just turned. She's not going to want me to say this, but she just turned a significant age. That rhymes with me. Mixty. So I'm not really saying she's not even that old and. But we thank you for saying that. She's gonna love you. She's gonna love it. But we just had her thing, and my go to for her always has been like, you know, treat her like this elderly woman that's walking around. She hates it. Now she's getting to that point. And the funniest thing you can do is get like, her whole life, my whole life, she's been the elderly woman. And I'm like, I'm gonna help you up the stairs. And she turned 60 and the joke stopped. That's where the real funny, the real humor comes in. It's like now. Now that's not even funny anymore because.

[Pete Holmes]

She'S like 20 years away from that. That, like.

[Joey Bragg]

So it is away from death.

[Pete Holmes]

No, from, like, needing help up the stair.

[Joey Bragg]

I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

My parents are in their 80s and it just started being like, you know, you don't go for walks.

[Joey Bragg]

It's shock. It's shocking to me.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like, walk. You want to go for a walk? That's off the table.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah. Want to go get the mail if it comes to the walk? Yeah, exactly. Yeah. My friend has a dad who's. Who's 80. He goes. His whole thing is the mail. His whole everything is. Have you gotten the mail? We checked the mail. What do we got in the mail? Today just becomes your whole life. Oh, boy.

[Pete Holmes]

That was so. That was a sobering thought to close on. I also thought of a series, 80 HD. So it's a. It's a documentary about being 80 and it's in high def and it's called ADHD.

[Joey Bragg]

That's funny. It's about a bunch of old people that have hyper fixation, like Rubik's cubes and stuff for two months. Yeah. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like they don't have the arthritic.

[Joey Bragg]

Function, but they're like watching old people struggle with. With like, fun little hobbies. That's what I want to say.

[Pete Holmes]

That's adhd.

[Joey Bragg]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I think we can.

[Joey Bragg]

Watching them paint little miniatures of their shaky hands.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, no, too far.

[Joey Bragg]

Oh, too far. Far. Yes. And at. Peter, I can't.

[Pete Holmes]

My mom.

[Joey Bragg]

No, I'm just kidding.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, thanks, buddy. This was awesome. I'm so proud of you.

[Joey Bragg]

I'm proud of you.

[Pete Holmes]

You're valid. You're valuable.

[Joey Bragg]

I needed that.

[Pete Holmes]

You're okay. You're doing well.

[Joey Bragg]

I'm going to go scream from a mountaintop.

[Pete Holmes]

Keep going. Would you mind screaming Mountain Dew? Code red. We have a deal with them.

[Joey Bragg]

I'm just kidding.

[Pete Holmes]

Thank you for doing this watch alone on Max. Is it on Max? I think it's on Hulu.

[Joey Bragg]

I don't know. Sorry. Well, there goes your time. I'm not gonna do that again. Not for free.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, thanks, pal. Would you say keep it crispy?

[Joey Bragg]

Oh, yeah. Keep it crispy, baby.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't recall saying baby. I'm just curious.

[Joey Bragg]

That's a Spider man audition all over again.