Johnny Pemberton #3

Summary

Podcast Summary

You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

Episode: Johnny Pemberton #3
Date: February 11, 2026
Host: Pete Holmes
Guest: Johnny Pemberton

Episode Overview

Comedian Johnny Pemberton returns for his third appearance on "You Made It Weird," joining Pete Holmes for a freewheeling, hilarious, and introspective conversation. They riff on classic bits, revisit viral stories from Johnny's previous appearances, and dive into topics ranging from awkward high school nicknames to spirituality, aging, sugar addiction, the pitfalls of social media, and their mutual love for reggae. The episode moves with the familiar loose and improvisational tone that fans love, punctuated by surreal tangents, deep reflections, and recurring inside-joke catchphrases.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Return of Johnny on Video (00:18–03:32)

• First time Johnny is filmed for the podcast—Pete notes the significance and anticipation.
• Immediate launch into absurdist improv: mock old-timey radio, TV vs. tuberculosis (“Before there was TV, there was TB”), and playing with random objects/food at the recording table.

2. High School Nicknames and Confrontation (05:00–08:00)

• Johnny revisits being called "Fun Size" in high school, a nickname he disliked and eventually confronted the instigator about aggressively.
  • “What did you just say to me? You heard me, motherfucker.” – Johnny Pemberton (06:18)
• Pete and Johnny riff on the ‘prison rules’ vibe this unexpectedly established, discussing fear, intimidation, and the reality that most people don’t actually want to fight.

3. Generational Social Skills & Changes (07:32–10:53)

• The comedians discuss how growing up required engaging with adults (answering house phones, making small talk), which forced the development of social skills.
  • “We grew up, if I wanted to call my friend Johnny Pemberton, I'd call your house, right? Your mom would answer.” – Pete Holmes (08:16)
• Pete contrasts this with his daughter's FaceTime interactions—kids are less interested in performing social rituals.

4. Rituals and Cold Plunges (10:54–13:43)

• Both comedians share their routines and experiences with cold plunges and ice baths.
• Jokes about Wim Hof and his cold-exposure methods: “Wim’s got tiny nuts, little lentils because he’s always getting so cold.” – Pete Holmes (11:45)
• Debate on optimal freezing temps and whether the extreme cold offers extra benefits, leading to jokes about masculinity and endurance.

5. Classic "You Made It Weird" Stories Revisited (14:14–17:01)

a. Martin Luther King Jr. Day Story (15:04)

• Johnny recounts a story about accidentally getting his landlord on the phone on MLK Day and the landlord drawling, “Oh, we’re working today,” interpreted as a subtle, uncomfortable moment of regional racism.
  • “Oh, we're working today. Okay.” – Johnny Pemberton (15:55)

b. “Beautiful Wool Suits” (18:28–25:34)

• Pete and Johnny reminisce about one of their most memorable inside jokes: a desperate door-to-door sales job in Minnesota, with a fellow worker’s awe about buying “beautiful wool suits” from Men’s Warehouse.
  • “Men’s warehouse, they’ve got these beautiful wool suits.” – Johnny Pemberton (22:01)
• They talk about how humor arises from life’s most mundane, drab, and lo-fi experiences.

c. Hardest Laugh/Robot Voice Story Misfire (26:05–30:13)

• Pete tries to trigger Johnny’s hardest-laugh anecdote, accidentally conflating stories. They call Pete’s wife, Val, for clarification, but it turns out Johnny wasn’t the source for that “robot voice” tracheotomy story after all.
• They discuss memory gaps as performers: “There’s a lot of stuff that if I’m not reminded of it, it’ll go away.” – Johnny (30:16)

6. Letting Go of Performance Anxiety (31:01–33:59)

• Conversation about how performers obsess over past shows and the growth that comes from learning to let go and move on.
  • “The hardest thing of all is getting to that point where you can just let go of what happened and be like, okay, you know, I did the best I could...” – Johnny (31:34)

7. Aging, Health, and Self-Care (40:00–44:50)

• They reflect on how aging shifts perspectives; wild behavior and dietary risk-taking become less appealing.
  • “When I see someone drinking a Red Bull after 4pm, I’m like, ‘Hey, you want to do that?’” – Johnny (41:43)
• Pete notes his own newfound safety and risk aversion as a married father.

8. Acting, Bad Sets, and Industry Stories (54:46–57:09)

• Johnny recounts horror stories from bad film/TV sets: incompetent hires, temper tantrums, and being the unwitting confidante of notoriously disagreeable stars.
  • “I was in a scene with someone and this girl says to me right before our first shot together, ‘Am I supposed to look at you or the camera?’” – Johnny (55:47)
• Discussion about resilience and thick-skinned attitudes developed from early adversity and personal health challenges.

9. Sugar, Diet, and Social Influence (62:43–66:43)

• Talk on diet ignorance, hidden sugar in foods, and learning about health the hard way through documentaries.
  • “There’s so much propaganda.” – Pete (64:12)
  • “If we don’t intervene… it’s not like no one’s talking to them. The advertising companies are talking to them.” – Pete (64:27)

10. Paralysis by Social Responsibility & Modern Life (66:57–68:01)

• The exhausting cycle of attempting to make perfect “ethical” choices in a broken system.
  • “It’s exhausting to be good.” – Johnny (67:53)
  • “Only the Good Die Young—that’s not just a song, it’s a phrase.” – Pete (68:01)

11. Reggae and Its History (77:44–83:10)

• In-depth and passionate discussion about reggae, its influences, Jamaican sound systems, and the genre’s deep personal impact on Johnny.
  • “It goes pretty deep. I think it’s technically, reggae came kind of late. I like a lot of music that came before reggae was a word...” – Johnny (77:48)
  • Pete waxes about musical evolution as a metaphor for communal connection.

12. Digital Isolation & Community (83:10–89:59)

• The joys and perils of today’s digital lives: the downsides of too much screen time versus the potential for online communities.
  • “For me, I don’t like any of that stuff. I feel more and more that I don’t want to have anything to do with anything digital if I can.” – Johnny (86:33)
• Mutually commiserate about email and social media as addictive admin burdens.

13. Meditation, Spirituality, and Psychedelic Insight (95:26–108:13)

• Pete and Johnny share their evolving paths with meditation (from TM to Rupert Spira’s “direct approach”) and compare notes on spiritual pursuits.
  • “My meditation style is fucking stop. And if you think, that’s fine… Stop trying anything. Just go into it.” – Pete (98:53)
• Johnny describes taking LSD on Christmas and the resulting confrontation with mortality and family at a nursing home.
  • “But that’s the thing about psychedelics...they act like it’s supposed to be pleasurable...I think it’s more of a getting access to really heavy, pure things...” – Johnny (106:38)

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Notable Quotes & Moments

• [06:18] Johnny: “You heard me, motherfucker.”
• [15:55] Johnny (imitating landlord): “Oh, we’re working today. Okay.”
• [22:01] Johnny: “Men’s warehouse, they’ve got these beautiful wool suits."
• [31:34] Johnny: "The hardest thing of all is getting to that point where you can just let go..."
• [41:43] Johnny: "When I see someone drinking a Red Bull after 4pm, I’m like, ‘Hey, you want to do that?’"
• [55:47] Johnny: “Am I supposed to look at you or the camera?”
• [62:27] Pete: "It's not like no one's talking to them. The advertising companies are talking to them."
• [67:53] Johnny: "It’s exhausting to be good."
• [77:48] Johnny: “It goes pretty deep... reggae came kind of late. I like a lot of music that came before reggae was a word...”
• [98:53] Pete: “My meditation style is fucking stop…and if you think, that's fine…stop trying anything. Just go into it.”
• [106:38] Johnny: “But that’s the thing about psychedelics...they act like it’s supposed to be pleasurable...I think it’s more of a getting access to really heavy, pure things...”

---

Timestamps for Key Segments

• 00:18 – Show begins, improv, and riffing
• 05:00 – High school confrontation & “Fun Size”
• 07:32 – Generational differences in social skills
• 11:40 – Wim Hof/cold plunge discussion
• 15:04 – MLK Day “we’re working” story
• 18:28 – “Beautiful wool suits” story
• 26:05 – Hardest laugh/robot voice misfire
• 31:01 – Letting go of performance anxiety
• 40:00 – Aging and risk aversion
• 54:46 – Acting, bad sets, and thick-skinnedness
• 62:43 – Sugar, health, and diet ignorance
• 66:57 – The exhaustion of ethical living
• 77:44 – Reggae history and meaning
• 83:10 – Digital life vs. analog joy
• 95:26 – Meditation & spirituality
• 106:38 – LSD on Christmas at a nursing home

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Episode Tone & Style

• Chaotic, improvisational, and tangential
• Deeply self-aware and frequently self-deprecating
• Blend of childhood stories, philosophical musings, and absurdist comedy
• Unfiltered, personal, and conversational, often deliberately satirical and surreal

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For Listeners New & Old

If you’re new or returning to "You Made It Weird," this episode delivers what’s become the show’s classic blend: weirdness, warmth, vulnerability, playful mocking, and surprising wisdom. Long-time fans will enjoy callbacks and running gags, while newcomers will find the episode both accessible and evocative of the comedians’ unique perspectives on life, art, and humanity.

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Memorable Closing

• [110:48] Johnny: “Please go see Mermaid in theaters in March. Love it. So just keep it crispy.”
• [110:51] Pete: “We can say beautiful wolf suits…”

End with Pete’s signature:

• “Keep it crispy.”

Transcript

[Johnny Pemberton]

Lemonade.

[Pete Holmes]

You made it weird with Pete Holmes. What's happening, weirdos? This is the return, return, the second return of one of my favorite people, Johnny Pemberton. Just a classic and it's the first time he's been on a video. So we finally have video of some, some wonderful classic Johnny Pemberton moments which we had to cover because we recorded this episode on Martin Luther King Jr. Day. So that was a natural way in to if you know it, you know it and you're about to hear it. So I'm so glad you're here. Follow Johnny on all his on his socials. He's on on the road, he's touring. Go see him live. Go enjoy his splendor that you're about to enjoy here. Also petehomes.com for my tour dates, we have Miami, Royal Oaks, Michigan, Irving, Texas, Madison, Wisconsin and Denver, Colorado. That's it. In the meantime, as I always say, enjoy my chat with the wonderful Johnny Pemberton. Get into it.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Hey there, it's Julia Louis Dreyfus. I'm back with a new season of Wiser Than Me, the show where I sit down with remarkable older women and soak up their stories, their humor and their hard earned wisdom. Every conversation leaves me a little smarter and definitely more inspired. And yes, I'm still calling my 91 year old mom Judy to get her take on it all. Wiser Than Me from Lemonada Media is out now. Wherever you get your podcasts, It's morning in New York.

[Pete Holmes]

Hey everybody, I'm Mandy Patinkin. And I'm Kathryn Grody. And we have a new podcast. It's called don't listen to Us. Many of you have asked for our advice. Tell me what is wrong with you people.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Don't listen to us.

[Pete Holmes]

Our take it or leave it advice show every Wednesday. Out now. A Lemonada Media original. And jonathan pemby tun pembies and jonathan corduroy. Yellow frame iPhone pen.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Tv. Welcome to Night. It's 1921.

[Pete Holmes]

Welcome to It's 1921. The show where it's 1921. Oh, that's for you. All we talk about is tuberculosis and how to get mold. TB is bad.

[Johnny Pemberton]

We hate it.

[Pete Holmes]

Tb. Before there was tv, there was tb.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Was there an intersection of TB and tv?

[Pete Holmes]

I think TP was knocked out before TV was knocked in. And I say knocked in on purpose. TV was knocked into our lives.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I love knocking in a tv. Smashing the TV in. Should I drink this? You already drink one.

[Pete Holmes]

You may. I already drank mine.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I'm gonna Drink one. I'm gonna drink it.

[Pete Holmes]

Have you ever had it?

[Johnny Pemberton]

I have, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Good for the improv. But it's not even that kind of thing.

[Johnny Pemberton]

But I only get it free in this situation.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, you won't pay.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I mean, I could, but I just forget. Also, I have so much crap. I have so many, like, things like potions and.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Doodads at the home that I don't ever take advantage of.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, No, I understand. I. I wanna.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, wow.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Great flavor.

[Pete Holmes]

Beautiful flavor.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Great flavor. Good life. Good size.

[Pete Holmes]

That's a good size. Trying to be sincere, Robin Williams. Oh, wonderful, wonderful. Good size.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, huge penis. Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, wow.

[Pete Holmes]

Look at the size of it.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Tastes bad.

[Pete Holmes]

Has a bad taste.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Taste.

[Pete Holmes]

Bad taste.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, the balls, the balls. Small, small ones. Small ones, small ones. They're very, very small. Big guy. Big guy. Little balls. Oh, sorry. Sorry, Mr. President. He's insulting Trump. Mr. Trump. Big, big boss. A. Tiny balls. Big, Big man. Rotund. Like a ball. Big. Big ball man. Ball dude. Ball guy. Hey, hey, hey.

[Pete Holmes]

Kool Aid Man.

[Johnny Pemberton]

He's kind of Kool Aid Man. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Kool Aid Man.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Kool Aid Man.

[Pete Holmes]

Did you watch the studio?

[Johnny Pemberton]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, it was good.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

You'll like it.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Should I watch it?

[Pete Holmes]

Would you? And come back?

[Johnny Pemberton]

I got. I need at least 14 hours, right. To watch it all? No.

[Pete Holmes]

Is that how you feel? Overwhelmed.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Is it a miniseries?

[Pete Holmes]

It's a series.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's not a miniseries.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, it's mini. Fun size. Wouldn't fun size be bigger?

[Johnny Pemberton]

A little bit. Little bit fun.

[Pete Holmes]

What's fun about small Fun Guy? Small Snickers.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That was my nickname in high school.

[Pete Holmes]

Fun Guy.

[Johnny Pemberton]

A fun size. Not self. Not. Not given to me, obviously. I mean, sorry. Not. Not a. Yeah, I guess you can't have your own. Your nickname is never.

[Pete Holmes]

You can do your own nickname.

[Johnny Pemberton]

You can, like, embrace what's called you. But you can't be like.

[Pete Holmes]

But you didn't endorse it.

[Johnny Pemberton]

No, I did not like it.

[Pete Holmes]

Fun size because.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Sounds very small.

[Pete Holmes]

Smaller than you are now.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because this is.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I've grown.

[Pete Holmes]

It's not a sized man. You're a regular man.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

What's your Charles? I'm a Charleston Chew. You're like a Twix. You're a Twick.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Twick.

[Pete Holmes]

You're one Twick.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I'm a Twike.

[Pete Holmes]

Are you. Wait, but you're married. You have your Twix.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I'm married. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I have my Twixt Wix. No.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You have a baby.

[Johnny Pemberton]

No. Baby.

[Pete Holmes]

No. Fun size.

[Johnny Pemberton]

No fun size. I don't think I would call the baby fun size, though, if I had a baby.

[Pete Holmes]

No, cuz it's mean.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah, I guess it can be.

[Pete Holmes]

Put him on blast. Who started?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, I don't even know. You know what the blast is not remembering who it is, right? Oh, I did one time. There was a guy who. I think I was named. I do remember right now, but I don't want to say it just because he called me that in the. In the hallway. And I said to him, I said. I think I said, shut the fuck up.

[Pete Holmes]

No, really.

[Johnny Pemberton]

And he says, what did you just say to me? I don't think I said. I don't think I said shut the fuck up. I think I said, fuck you. And his name or something like that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, probably Derek.

[Johnny Pemberton]

And he was like, what did you say to me? And I said, you heard me, motherfucker.

[Pete Holmes]

You did not.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I did. And he says to me, and he looks. He's about to like, kick. He was like, I could kick your ass. I'm like, go ahead, do it. And from that day forward, no one ever with me at all.

[Pete Holmes]

You did prison rules, essentially.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah. Because he was an older guy. I think I was a junior, he was a senior. Maybe I was a sophomore and he was a senior. And he said that to me. And he was definitely bigger than me. I mean, everyone was bigger than me. The whole school, pretty much. But I definitely said to him, I was like, yeah. He, like, stared me. Stare me down. I just was like, do it. What are you gonna do?

[Pete Holmes]

Do it.

[Johnny Pemberton]

What are you gonna do? Because do it. I think someone told me a long time ago, there's this thing where if you're 18 years old, you can't fight someone who's under 18 because it could be considered assault. Right?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

So I think I kind of had that in the back of my mind. Little legality that maybe he was gonna.

[Pete Holmes]

But also, you knew the great rule. I still don't know it. 99.9% of people don't want to fight.

[Johnny Pemberton]

They do not.

[Pete Holmes]

They don't want to punch.

[Johnny Pemberton]

They don't want to tangle a kid. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Even at that. Sophomore, senior.

[Johnny Pemberton]

They're all scared. Like, I think back.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, everyone's scared.

[Johnny Pemberton]

You know how we're all scared of high school kids?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. They're scared, too.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I've started to now finally not be scared of them because, you know, because I feel like my friend was telling me how he met Drake May, like, last year, you know, the quarterback for the Patriots. No, he's like, super famous guy right now. He's an incredibly young guy. Freshman or maybe second year quarterback for the Patriots. And he met him. He was all nervous about it, but he's meeting this guy and he's all like, oh, hey, how are you doing? Nice to meet you, sir. It's like, oh, yeah. This guy's 22 years old. He's like a child, basically. He's a college student. You know, there's something to be. He can barely, like, make eye contact and stuff. He's great at football, but, like, personal stuff, right? To an actor who's twice his age is kind of like, you know, talking.

[Pete Holmes]

About this like that generation. No shade. But Katie, do you mind if I make the point?

[Johnny Pemberton]

You just do it.

[Pete Holmes]

This is Katie's point. Katie's like, we grew up. Sorry to be old, but we grew up. If I wanted to call my friend Johnny Pemberton, I'd call your house, right? Your mom would answer. To speak to Mr. Me about my life. And I just learned by force, I had to. Hi, Mrs. Pemberton. Yeah, no, our dog is fine. He said, and. But it made me learn how to fucking talk to people. And then if my aunt called the house and you answered.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

That's 20 minutes, Peter.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, man.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, hey, Aunt Julie.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, God.

[Pete Holmes]

You got.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Because you have to be respectful. You got to be like, you can't.

[Pete Holmes]

Y. I'll get my dad. You had to talk.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Thank you. Thank you. Yes. Yeah. Thank you for the truck. I love trucks. Yeah, the little truck is really great. Thank you for the truck. Yeah, I know. It's so much. It's different. It's definitely different than the last. Yeah. I've never had a truck before. You're the only person to give me a truck. I love it.

[Pete Holmes]

On the lips next time you see me.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Kiss me on the lips next time you see.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Kiss me on the lips next time you see me.

[Pete Holmes]

You had to.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

My daughter, when we FaceTime with my parents, I'll go like. And this is sweet, and she does love my folks, but, like, she doesn't take requests. If I go, like, if I'm pointing the phone or I go, maybe blow a kiss, or I love you. And she'll just be like, bye. Very good natured. But we grew up.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

They were like, kiss me on the lips next time I see you was thrown at me as a prompt. I just was like, kiss me on the lips next time you see me. There was also a lot of involuntary lip kissing.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I feel like maybe I Had a different experience, but.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I've riffed my way into a weird hole.

[Johnny Pemberton]

What is the background of your family hole? Where?

[Pete Holmes]

Well, we're Scandinavian sex sex workers.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I'm just Scandinavian family sex workers.

[Pete Holmes]

Although, look, that's not entirely true. I never kissed my aunt on the lips, but there was kissing. Like cheek kissing.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah, I got some of that. But it was always, you know, very good natured. It wasn't.

[Pete Holmes]

Of course it was good natured, but still. Did you want it?

[Johnny Pemberton]

I don't think I thought anything of it. It wasn't like they do on the cartoons or like the TV shows where it's like, oh, no, Aunt Bluey is going to give me too much kisses. You know what I mean? Like grabbing the cheeks thing. Yeah, I didn't get any of that. I always thought like, what are they talking about? That doesn't happen to anybody.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I understand.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I thought they were full of talking.

[Pete Holmes]

Can you go back to your fun size story?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Sure.

[Pete Holmes]

Because there's a lot there.

[Johnny Pemberton]

You want to unpack it? Hold on.

[Pete Holmes]

Let's unpack it. Take it off.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I keep dressing. Not for the weather. It's so goddamn hot here, man, I'm cold.

[Pete Holmes]

I did this thing for, I don't know, NBC something. NBC News something. And they were like, what do you want to do? We want to do something novel with you. And I was like, well, let's do an ice plunge.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, right.

[Pete Holmes]

And I like doing those. Me too. But me, really? Okay. We just stepped in.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Got one. The backyard.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, me too. Like an outdoor cold Plungey Pembes didn't.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Do it today, though. That's why I'm running hot. Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, okay, so I keep mine at 50 now. I used to keep it all the way down at 39.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's too cold.

[Pete Holmes]

It's too cold.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's too cold.

[Pete Holmes]

Too cold.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's so cold. You get in there and it's just. It hurts. It hurts bad.

[Pete Holmes]

Hurts bad. And guess what? I gave it a quick goo. Yeah, the benefits are not. It's not like, oh, if you're 39, the benefits are like 10x.

[Johnny Pemberton]

No, no, no.

[Pete Holmes]

You're just a fucking dip shit with tiny balls. Tiny balls.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Like Wim Hof women.

[Pete Holmes]

Wim's got tiny nuts, little lentils because.

[Johnny Pemberton]

She'S always getting so cold. They're just.

[Pete Holmes]

I do think it's funny that Wim, if you. If you're hosting snl, can I pitch you a sketch?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

You're Wim Hof. Because Wim Hof does not always look great. He's got the hair and he's like, hello, I'm Wim Hof. And I'm like, you're telling me what to do. Like, you really look like you lived outside for six years.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah, he definitely has that. Disheveled.

[Pete Holmes]

He's disheveled.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I do not have a mirror. There's no mirror. You must smash all of the mirrors you have. Do not look. Do not regard. It's unnatural to regard yourself.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't look God in the eye. And you are God.

[Johnny Pemberton]

You God. How dare you look to him. How dare you look to that with which is God. You're daring. You are destroying yourself with your own eyes.

[Pete Holmes]

But he doesn't have the look of a guy that's like going to make it.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah, I guess. Yeah. He's just got that thing where he's going to survive all the he probably elements.

[Pete Holmes]

He looks very weathered.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Super weathered. He can't compete for any type of survival show. They won't let him.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, they're right. Just by.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Look, I'm sorry, you're not eligible. Yeah, yeah, you're going to. You're going to win.

[Pete Holmes]

Which is weird because he would win.

[Johnny Pemberton]

He would win. And he's like, I will take the money and burn it.

[Pete Holmes]

I would burn it just to show you a capitalistic riddle. I love this thing for ambient. What do you keep yours at?

[Johnny Pemberton]

I just, I have it ambient.

[Pete Holmes]

Ambient.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Just like a livestock tub. So.

[Pete Holmes]

What do you mean? Oh, oh, it's just the weather.

[Johnny Pemberton]

So right now in the morning it's probably like 50 something. Okay, maybe like sometimes it goes down to 40. It's real cold. And the summer, it's a problem. Yeah, you can use it in the summer.

[Pete Holmes]

Mine's at 50. And it's basically just an aquarium pump anyway. Yeah, I did the one this morning and it was at 39 and I'm still cold because. Yeah, they didn't have a hot tub. I was like, this will be great. We do that. We go into the hot tub. You warm up, you got to warm back up. Yeah, look, we're going to move on. I know not everybody's like scintillated by cold exposure talk. Yeah, I'm still chilling.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I have it where I'm almost half the day. I'll be cold as hell.

[Pete Holmes]

Really?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah, I'll be cold for a couple hours. Sometimes I do. I do a little warm shower. I'll do some push ups. I'll do like some pull ups and stuff. Try to warm up.

[Pete Holmes]

But yep, ever do horse dance?

[Johnny Pemberton]

No. What's that?

[Pete Holmes]

It's a WIM HOF thing.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Okay. Yeah, see, I'm not super into the HOF hof. I need to get more. I need to get more whimsy. I should.

[Pete Holmes]

So here's what's changed since you are on. Let's. Let's talk about one thing.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Let's do it.

[Pete Holmes]

That's super important. What happened was I thought of you. What was the synchronicity? Katie? I wrote myself an email, okay. That said, here's who should come back on the show. And the first name was Johnny Pemberton. And then the next day you texted him, Right? And then I got an email from.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Your rep. Oh, wow.

[Pete Holmes]

Remember I sent you a screen grab of the email.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Did I saw that?

[Pete Holmes]

I sent myself an email saying, have Johnny back on. And then you texted me the next day and I hadn't talked to you in years.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So I was like, that's fucking crazy. And then, as if that wasn't weird enough, it's Martin Luther King Jr. Day.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It is. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And we still. And so does every true fan of this show. People say it to me all the time. Oh, we're working today. Tell people the story. Just real quick.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Just for nostalgia though, the story was, was this was many years ago, probably over well over 20 years ago when I was in college, I'm pre dead. I had a landlord because I had an apartment. And I think I was trying to find some stuff that got like thrown away. I don't remember what I was trying to. Something happened with the house where I was contacting these guys and I was scared to contact them because I don't know or just like nervous about it. So I called them on Martin Luther King Day thinking I would get the answering machine for sure so I can leave a message about it. I don't have to have to like, have an interaction. And of course they pick up the phone so I'm like, oh, I have to talk to them and stuff. And I said something like, oh, happy Martin Luther King Day. And he goes in a super, super thick southern accent. This is in Florida. He goes, oh, we're working today. We are working today.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, oh, we're working today.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, oh, buddy. Oh, oh, we're working today. Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

The most.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yep.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, that's gotta be the winner for most subtle racism.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah. You know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

It's like, wait, was it. I just said I was working. I just said I was working.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I didn't say anything.

[Pete Holmes]

I just said I was working.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Just have to mention we're working. It's against the law to say I'm working today. Is it?

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, you know what you were saying?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Bring out the cuffs. Bring them out. If you want to bring out the cuffs, bring them out.

[Pete Holmes]

Because I'm working.

[Johnny Pemberton]

But more like bring out the cuff. Just like the deepest. Like, I imagine a guy just like this massive, round guy. Oh, we're working.

[Pete Holmes]

Was it really that deep?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Just really deep. Like, way deeper than you know. Sounds like a big guy. Sounds like a guy who's familiar with ribs, ribs, ribs voice.

[Pete Holmes]

Got that ribs voice, that ribs. I love ribs, but stop before you get the voice. They say, yeah, it's on the box.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Like beef rib. Like having one beef rib.

[Pete Holmes]

Ooh, beef rib.

[Johnny Pemberton]

You had a beef rib.

[Pete Holmes]

People love pork ribs.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Pork ribs are better.

[Pete Holmes]

Pork ribs.

[Johnny Pemberton]

But beef ribs are rare and they're greasy, man. Oh, they're greasy, baby.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, there's that.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah. Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

We do have to unpack that. You said the other thing I want to say about your high school story, right? They say, hey, fun size. You say, fuck you, Derek.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then he says, what did you just say to me? What I'm fascinated with is especially tough guys in a fight situation. There's a script.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You say, fuck you. Someone goes, what did you just say to me? And then that's your turn to go. Nothing, man. Stop having a bad day. You can back down. They're saying, are you escalating this? And then you said, you heard what I said, motherfucker. You did it by their rules. It's like you went into another culture, tough guy culture. And you passed as a tough guy. And then you won. And everyone was like, leave him alone. He's one of ours.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah, he's not a made guy. But, you know, it was.

[Pete Holmes]

There was my hero.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, my God. That just came on. Yeah, right.

[Pete Holmes]

And they never with you again. The other one, Pembus, we're just going to hit the hits right up top. And then we're all fresh. All.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I think, I know, I know it's coming. I know it's coming.

[Pete Holmes]

We say this one, we say.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I mean, I get it all the time, too. I get it in comments and stuff. I'll see people. I'll see people after a show sometimes, and they'll mention, like, hey, just so you know, my wife and I, we always say, beautiful wool suits. Beautiful, beautiful wolves. Beautiful Val and I suits.

[Pete Holmes]

There's not a lot of things that have infected our day to day. Yeah, I don't think a Week goes by since you've done the podcast. A week?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Serious.

[Pete Holmes]

Maybe a month.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Okay, let's be real still. That's a month.

[Pete Holmes]

That's a lot.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That's a lot. A lot for something that's what, over 10 years old?

[Pete Holmes]

Dozens of times I will say, I mean like an out of nowhere. We'll bring it up once a month. But then if anyone says beautiful wool or suits. So please, because we didn't have it on video last time, tell the story because it's actually. And correct me if I'm wrong, it's a really sweet story. We sometimes say it when we're talking about like going after your dreams. So please.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I mean, I think it has metastasized or we call mutated over time. But I was, after I graduated from college, I was back in Minnesota. I was trying to find a job and I was just desperate to find any job at all. And I think I applied or sorry, replied to some sort of posting. God, I probably on monster.com back then.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

And it was for like a marketing thing, like some sort of a marketing agency, advertising. I was in the suburbs of Minneapolis. I go there to this meeting and it's like some sort of weird, you know, kind of very nondescript office building type place. And I get there and it's revealed that we're doing like door to door sales for a pizza place. Like sending out coupons. They say, wear a suit. I'm wearing a fucking suit and a tie, dress shoes. Everyone's wearing a suit and tie and dress shoes. But we're walking around on our feet in like these blasted suburbs in Minneapolis, knocking on door to door with this guy whose name is Devin and every single house, probably a hundred times I heard him say he would knock on the door. He'd take like six feet steps back from the door because he's have to be like, you don't want people to feel encroached upon. So he's standing like 10ft from someone's door. They open and they're like some bearded dude on his day off. Oh, can I help you? And he says, hey, how you doing? Just running around for Shawn and Claire's pizza. Nothing too serious. Do you guys like pizza in that house? You know, he's trying. That's something like that. You always start with, that's not bad.

[Pete Holmes]

You guys like pizza in there?

[Johnny Pemberton]

You guys like pizza?

[Pete Holmes]

Get their interest.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah, get their interest.

[Pete Holmes]

Not out of nowhere. You said you like pizza. That's like fighting.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Because who doesn't like pizza?

[Pete Holmes]

Everyone Loves pizza.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Hey, how you doing? Nothing too serious. Do you guys like pizza?

[Pete Holmes]

I'm like, well, yeah, I like nothing too serious. Devin's good.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Devin, hi. Just running around for Chana Claire's pizza.

[Pete Holmes]

He'd say, nothing too serious. You guys like pizza in the house?

[Johnny Pemberton]

You guys just running around for Sean and Claire's pizza? Just running around for Shawna Clears.

[Pete Holmes]

Running around.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Hey, we're just running around.

[Pete Holmes]

This is the unexpected. I'm like, devin, you nailed the script. I guess I don't even mind the suit. Yeah, it's a little weird because you guys have been wearing aprons. We could be wearing anything, but anything.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Just because we're walking a ton. Yeah, it was a total bait and switch. At least for me, it was. It's me and one other guy. We're both, like, training in kind of with this guy Devon, who is, you know, he's a senior salesperson for this organization that does coupons that are running around for Sean and Claire's pizza. And we have lunch. I think we had lunch at, like, Burger King, maybe, something like that.

[Pete Holmes]

Not Sean. Eau Claire's.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, no, I think Sean, Eau Claire's is takeout. Only because we stopped by. This is. This is all, like, part of my memory. The fact I can even recall any images from this is probably gonna keep me from Alzheimer's just a little bit further. Just, like, digging it. Like, my God, I can remember that. Remember stopping by this place to check on, like, the franchise, as though it was a legitimate thing to do.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I'm thinking the whole time, like, what the fuck are we doing? We're just door to door sales people.

[Pete Holmes]

And this is before you did comedy, right?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Definitely before. And we're having a Burger King lunch. And the other guy, who's, like, definitely older than me. He's definitely looks older than me. And everything about him, he's all. He's all jazzed on this. You know, he's excited about this whole thing. He's like, oh, yeah, I know what? Gosh, I. Once we get. Once I get some money there, you know, got it going on. The men's warehouse, they've got these beautiful wool suits. He just says it, like, in the thickest. Just, like, border Wisconsin accent. Beautiful suits. I'm thinking I'm just an asshole. I'm like, men's warehouse. That's like, yeah, the place that has suits. These are beautiful suits.

[Pete Holmes]

They're just suits.

[Johnny Pemberton]

They're probably not even fully wool, but they. It is a suit. You need a Suit. They got. They got a suit.

[Pete Holmes]

It's kind of like being like, we're gonna go to Domino's. Amazing Italian.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Beautiful. Beautiful chewy cheese. Ah, we're going down Domino's. They've got these beautiful pepperoni slices laid out on top. You gotta have it. Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

He was saving up the money to buy a beautiful wool suit.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I think as part of. Because you have to wear a suit to do this. I mean, I can't remember anything at this point except for him saying that and just hearing the accent. Those words just bring out, you know, that those accent tests where you say certain words and that it. Whatever the word is, it makes you. It makes the accent come out.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Something about beautiful, those vowels and consonants. Beautiful wool suits. Wool suits.

[Pete Holmes]

We tell it as the, like, oh, no, ordinary. Like, just too ordinary. It's just too ordinary. Do you know what I mean? It's like, you're like a weird guy. I say that as a great compliment. And there you were in a Burger King, just talking about getting enough money to buy some beautiful wool suits. Something to me, you just recognize, like, I can't.

[Johnny Pemberton]

This is not for me.

[Pete Holmes]

I'd rather be a pirate. You know what I mean?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah. I would be, like, living in a covert. Yes. You know?

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Doing something.

[Pete Holmes]

Anything.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Anything other than this. And it definitely say, oh, this is not. This is not for me.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

This is a very different person.

[Pete Holmes]

So sometimes when we're just talking about that feeling. There should be a word for it. But when it's just, like, things are just a little too drab, lo Fi. Overcast, and just sort of kind of going nowhere.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Me, it's just too, too normie. But, you know.

[Pete Holmes]

I know. Look, I understand. We're not being coastal elites. We're just saying everyone, everywhere. There's millions of people in Minneapolis that love beautiful because they know, look, that might be your thing. But I'm not. Beautiful wool suits. But a lot of people are. A lot of people are just cruising around beautiful wool suits.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Well, there's also a lot of people out there who just don't have any taste, and that's okay.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's okay.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That's fine.

[Pete Holmes]

We're not putting them down.

[Johnny Pemberton]

If everybody had taste and wouldn't be special. Wouldn't be very good.

[Pete Holmes]

No.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

These, like, the people that are like, well, if I. If I expound on this, it's going to get weird.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah, I know. I feel the same way.

[Pete Holmes]

But. But beautiful wool suits remains beautiful. Beautiful. The third request before we go.

[Johnny Pemberton]

There's A third one.

[Pete Holmes]

There's a third. Wow. Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

What is?

[Pete Holmes]

Val remembered this one.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

You have a little schmutz on the mic.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I do.

[Pete Holmes]

It's probably from Kevin Nealon.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I think it's actually a piece of fuzz. It's actually from the couch.

[Pete Holmes]

I didn't think it was anything gross.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Sorry. Schmutz implied it. Like, I was like, no.

[Pete Holmes]

I'd be like, some yuccas, some yuckus.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Okay. Some yuckets, some spucks.

[Pete Holmes]

We were laughing. So I'm like, pembes is coming back on. And Val goes, he has the best hardest laugh story. And I go, what?

[Johnny Pemberton]

I do.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what I said.

[Johnny Pemberton]

The best, hardest laugh.

[Pete Holmes]

Sometimes I ask people, when in your life did you laugh the hardest?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh.

[Pete Holmes]

And she said, I'm going to prime you. You're going to know. Oh, do you know?

[Johnny Pemberton]

I think I do, but tell me.

[Pete Holmes]

It's the voice.

[Johnny Pemberton]

The voice.

[Pete Holmes]

What's that? I'm going to whisper it. I'm going to speak to Michael in Italian.

[Johnny Pemberton]

God. Oh, my God. I don't know if I remembered. This was like. Was this a story from, like, my childhood? Like, me talking about. Okay, I think I remember this beat. If I said this on a podcast. Okay, I'll. I think I'll tell the story correctly here. But you have to correct me if I'm wrong. I. I only know when I was a kid, there was a guy who would come to our baseball games. Like a child. A child. And there's like. Like, you know, he was either like, I don't know if he's homeless or just. It's Rochester, Minnesota. There's not a lot of homeless people there. You know, he probably was well cared for in some sense.

[Pete Holmes]

All of our stories, by the way, beautiful suits. This one, they were assisted by the fact that the podcast used to just be in a comic book shop.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Audio only. And now we're like, what was that thing you said about the guy with the tracheotomy?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Well, okay. This guy. Okay, I think this is right. I was. This guy was. Said something to me, like, after a baseball game, like a compliment. And I think I asked my mom because he had a weird voice. Like, mom, what's that robot voice he had? She's like, that's a. He has a tracheotomy.

[Pete Holmes]

Right?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Is that. It can't be. Because I don't.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't think it was. I think it was like this.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know either. Someone has a tracheotomy. You know, he Has a tracheotomy. Okay, Your friend knows he has a tracheotomy. Everyone's just kind of being like, this man has a drink out of me. And then another friend comes up, he's still talking, and he just loudly goes, what's that robot voice?

[Johnny Pemberton]

I do not remember this man. Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

Somebody. That's a different story original.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That's a different story completely.

[Pete Holmes]

That's not even. I can't even say that that was the story. Can we call Val?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Dude, that is. I am mystified right now because I feel like I remember a hard laugh like that.

[Pete Holmes]

We gotta call Val.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Because I'm thinking about my hardest laugh. And it's not that. It's probably some of my. With my brother. We were kids. Hi. Hey, Val.

[Pete Holmes]

You're on the podcast with Johnny Pemberton. Neither of us can remember the robot voice story. You have to tell us. Oh, my God, I'm gonna be so.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Embarrassed if it ends up that it wasn't your story.

[Pete Holmes]

I think it is. I remember it being that you and your friends were standing in line at the ice. Like, an ice. I want to say it was an.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Ice cream truck, and some.

[Pete Holmes]

Somebody had, like, a tracheotomy.

[Johnny Pemberton]

And so they were.

[Pete Holmes]

They were like, you know, talking like a tracheotomy.

[Johnny Pemberton]

And then.

[Pete Holmes]

And then, like, your friend. Your friend left to get something, and you were.

[Johnny Pemberton]

So there were three of you and.

[Pete Holmes]

Your friend left to get something, and.

[Johnny Pemberton]

You and your other friend noticed the.

[Pete Holmes]

Guy with the tracheotomy behind you talking, and then your other friend ran up and said, hey, did you guys hear that robot voice?

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's not me. Okay?

[Pete Holmes]

It's not you.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Definitely not me. Yeah, that's not him. Unless someone can provide proof. It's fine. That's. I like being ascribed to this, but.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, mamas, I'll call you later.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Bye.

[Pete Holmes]

Hi, baby.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I love you.

[Pete Holmes]

Bye.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Bye.

[Pete Holmes]

Bye. No worries. Bye.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Bye. Damn, man.

[Pete Holmes]

No, that's hilarious.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I mean, that's really funny, but I'm pretty sure it's not me. If it is me, I forget. There's a lot of stuff that if I'm not reminded of it, it'll go away. It's. There's. I've watched myself on. In movies and TV shows and stuff where I'm like. I definitely improvise that. I do not remember ever saying that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah. It's just gone. It is.

[Pete Holmes]

White Rain Wilson said when he did this podcast, he was like, an episode of the Office will come up on an airplane or something.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Right?

[Pete Holmes]

Be A huge thing, like a big set piece. And he's like, don't remember. If you had asked me, have you ever been on a unicycle? I would have said no. And there he is on a unit or whatever it is.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I don't know what it is. I think it's something about the nature of that, where you're working and so it gets filed away. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You're doing something else.

[Johnny Pemberton]

You got to make room. Otherwise that thing stays around. It's just taking up all the space. It's useless space.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, are you that way? Like, it can be hard for me to let go of a performer performance, especially as an improviser. I'll kind of beat myself up about what I could have said, what I did say. Like, did it come across like, I'll replay it. Do you find it. Not to say, not in a heavy way. But it can kind of be costly to perform. Like, hard to sleep or hard to just drop it. So you get better as you go to just go, like, don't hold on to this. This is just a weird dream I'm having.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah. That's like, the hardest thing of all is getting to that point where you can just let go of what happened and be like, okay, you know, I did the best I could, even though there's probably some other funny stuff. But sometimes it's this thing where thinking that is insane, because if you're someone else who was there, you're thinking, like, wow, that was incredible. That was so much stuff.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

And to be thinking of yourself that. Oh, that wasn't. That wasn't good enough. Is. It's just being unreasonably hard on yourself in a way that is so counterproductive.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So that's kind of the skill. It's not just doing comedy. It's not allowing comedy to drive or just any job to drive you crazy at the Woulda Coulda.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah. Because I was talking to some person just, like, last year, friend of mine. He's, like, a really accomplished writer, and it makes all these cool projects and stuff like that, but he doesn't do much work on sets and stuff. And he said he did, like, a thing where he did some work on that as an actor. And he said he just was. Afterwards, he just could not relax. He could not get to sleep because he was playing us all out in his mind. Yeah. I'm like, yeah, man. That's. I guess that is a thing early on where you just can't, like, come to come down from it.

[Pete Holmes]

I Did have it more early on. I'm realizing, yeah, like, even that thing I did this morning, that was an interview. I'm realizing that I just immediately go, shunk. I can't. I just don't have the room to think. Like, did I say anything? I just go, like, that's on you guys.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Because it also doesn't matter. It also doesn't matter is just.

[Pete Holmes]

Who cares?

[Johnny Pemberton]

No one sees it. There's just everything now. There's so much noise and product and content now that if something's bad, it doesn't even exist.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I also always think about, like, it doesn't. It barely exists.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. It's liberating.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Except maybe it sound like the NSA archives or something like that. They're gonna use it when it comes to be judgment day for whatever type of surveillance they're doing. But otherwise. I always think about how Warren Beatty was in Ishtar, and Ishtar is considered, you know, all the far side cartoons, about how it's the worst movie ever made.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, I don't think I got those until this moment.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's a bad movie.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's a lot of people says, like, the worst movie ever made. It probably actually is not that bad at all. I never seen it, but it was always a joke. Ishtar is bad.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

And there's always, you know, Warren Beatty's in it. There's so many huge movie stars who've done the worst movies ever.

[Pete Holmes]

John Canny's documentary, did you watch it?

[Johnny Pemberton]

I didn't watch it. I mean, I love him so, so much.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I feel like I needed some old time to watch it. You know what I mean? I just love him. Like, he's one of the reasons I got into comedies.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, is that right? Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I love him so much. Like, the greatest.

[Pete Holmes]

You think it'll just be sad? Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Because I don't know. Sometimes I just don't want to know stuff like that. I don't want to know, like, behind the scenes stuff.

[Pete Holmes]

I know. You mean.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I feel like they show a clip.

[Pete Holmes]

From Home Alone and it's like a deleted improv. And I was like. I was just. This is weird. This is me agreeing with you. I was like, I didn't need to see that. I'm glad it was in the movie. I understand why they put in the movie. But I was like, that's fine. It seemed like that's good. You ever get that way with deleted scenes? You're like, yeah, you delete that scene.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah, it's why it's Deleted.

[Pete Holmes]

That's why it's not in the movie.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I guess. So it's like, it was so fun.

[Pete Holmes]

To see because it was him, but, you know. Oh, yeah, I'm agreeing with you. Sometimes you don't need to look under the hood of every.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Because that's the whole point of the hood, is you don't see it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Like we made a hood.

[Johnny Pemberton]

You made the movie because you didn't have that thing in it. That's why it's good.

[Pete Holmes]

Right?

[Johnny Pemberton]

I like stuff when it's interviews and stuff, but when you see. But also, isn't that stuff kind of dead now because there's no DVDs? How do you watch anything?

[Pete Holmes]

It's all on. You have to seek it out.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Sometimes you don't think to seek it out.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I don't seek.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't seek.

[Johnny Pemberton]

My wife's a seeker. Oh, she's a big time BTS seeker. Not the nothing, really. Not the band, but, you know, behind the scenes. BTS behind the scenes.

[Pete Holmes]

Does she?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, my God. Like all the time. Everything.

[Pete Holmes]

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[Johnny Pemberton]

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[Johnny Pemberton]

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[Pete Holmes]

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[Johnny Pemberton]

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[Pete Holmes]

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[Johnny Pemberton]

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[Pete Holmes]

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[Johnny Pemberton]

Watch Lovers by Shan from Lemonada Media on YouTube or listen wherever you like your podcast.

[Pete Holmes]

So you got married since you were here last?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, yeah. I've been married for a while though.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I don't think you're a newlywed. I'm just saying what's changed for me? And you got married.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That's changed.

[Pete Holmes]

How do you meet your person?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, we've been together for a long time.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, even back when you did it? Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Got married. I've made it official. Took that variable away. So now that's the variable of a variable. Are you married? Yes. Answer is yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And how do you feel in general in the world these days? Because you're an interesting guy. You like, I'm an interesting guy. No, I don't mean it like that. I mean like I kind of put you up there with Duncan and like. Weird. Weird again, as a compliment.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Right, right.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, how are you making reality? How's it coming together for you these days?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Pretty good, I guess. I mean, I'm doing a lot of acting and stuff, so that's like something. I really like that a lot. Yeah, it's definitely different. I think all of our lives have changed so much since the pandemic. It's kind of hard to even squared off, you know? It's like everyone, everyone I know either has more than one kid. They've moved someplace, they're. They're disappeared, they're dead. They quit doing whatever it was.

[Pete Holmes]

It was a very seismic.

[Johnny Pemberton]

There's just so much stuff.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

If you move, if you have a kid, if you die, that's obviously the big one. Dying is the big one. That changes things a lot. If you die.

[Pete Holmes]

Really?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah. It's big.

[Pete Holmes]

Black and white.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah. There's people I know who've died. I just haven't heard from them. They haven't heard from them forever since they died.

[Pete Holmes]

Are you.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah, exactly like. Oh my God. Yeah, he did. He did in fact die.

[Pete Holmes]

He's gone.

[Johnny Pemberton]

So he's just not checking in as much as he used to. I mean, he's maybe checking in in my dreams from time to time or stuff like that. There's like. There's a lot of residual comet tail of that person's life. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

And some people's have. Some people's lives have a bigger comet tail. But you know, even if you, if you do move away or if you do have kids or if you get married or something like that. That's kind of. In a way.

[Pete Holmes]

We were just talking about this.

[Johnny Pemberton]

You just did. You're kind of dead.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Not like dead in a way.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I, I just the same thing that we used to have like the scene of the scene driving thing. It's not the same that.

[Pete Holmes]

Katie and I were just talking about that since I've been married and had a kid. I. It. You wouldn't believe what I think is like outrageous. Oh my God, I can't imagine having a cup of coffee at 2pm Outrageous. Like I totally.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I'm the same way.

[Pete Holmes]

Are you.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I'm like so safe now.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm so.

[Johnny Pemberton]

When I see Someone drinking. A rebel after 4pm I'm like, hey.

[Pete Holmes]

What do you think?

[Johnny Pemberton]

You want to do that?

[Pete Holmes]

Matt McCarthy, who opens for me, we're backstage at the Irvine Improv, or one of the Improvs. He had. I think he had two Red Bulls.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

And I was like, matt, are you okay? Are you okay? Like, it was. It was like watching someone do seven lines of code.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's like watching someone drive with their lights off at night.

[Pete Holmes]

Exactly.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Excuse me. Let me help you.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes, your lights are off.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Excuse me.

[Pete Holmes]

You were saying the same way when people get like platters of fried food or kinds of stuff or alcohol at like 1am and it's like, you're just going to go to bed. Why are you drinking that?

[Johnny Pemberton]

You should have some water, actually. Some water. Water, yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Are you that way? Are you.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, totally. Especially 40. 45.

[Pete Holmes]

5.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I always forget how old I am.

[Pete Holmes]

44.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I think I'm something like that. Whatever the Internet says.

[Pete Holmes]

I think you're 44. You were born in 1981.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yes. Cool.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Johnny Pemberton]

So it's out there, 44.

[Pete Holmes]

44 or 45, depending on the month.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Either way, people are going to go like, no way. I'm going to go, yes. Oh, really? No way. That's a big thing. People love this.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't call me fun size. Don't call me young. Yeah, at least they're not like, jesus Christ, you look 300 years old.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I suppose. I think people don't say that. They reserve that. If you look bad, people tend not to say, holy shit, you look like crap.

[Pete Holmes]

I have a nephew. Looks like Tommy Lee Jones. Tommy Lee Jones looks like Tommy Lee Jones. Been old.

[Johnny Pemberton]

He has wrinkled before. Wrinkles were wrinkles.

[Pete Holmes]

He wrinkled in a way that inspired the whole world to be like, yeah, that's what we'll do. We weren't being wrinkly like that until. Tea Lee G. I haven't.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Tilly G. Teely G. Talajah. Yo, Tom La Jo.

[Pete Holmes]

You just did a movie with Kevin Nealon, who just walked past.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Not just did, but I. We did a movie about everything takes forever. Everything takes a long time. We shot the movie seven years ago, probably just after the SAG strike.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

And it was premiered at south by last year called Mermaid. And it's coming out here probably in the middle of March. Here, March 20th.

[Pete Holmes]

Isn't it funny that like in the 80s 90s, you'd call a movie about a mermaid spot splash? Because that was what we did.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

And now it's like this hyper aware, like it's a movie about a mermaid. So we call it mermaid to just be like. I know, it's about a mermaid, right?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Sort of. But also because it's not a normal mermaid. It's sort of like if Splash was a creature, not a beautiful woman.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, the shape of mermaid.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Like the shape of mermaid. Yes. That's a good comp.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Nice comp.

[Johnny Pemberton]

For real. That's what it is. And yeah, I play the lead of that movie, the Mermaid. No, I play a guy named Doug who finds a mermaid and he's like a Florida guy addicted to pills. Very messed up. Loser dude. Towards the end, you know, he's. Things aren't going well and he finds his mermaid and he owes a lot of money to a character who. Played by Robert Patrick.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, fun.

[Johnny Pemberton]

So he's in it and Robert Patrick's.

[Pete Holmes]

Having a real McConaissance.

[Johnny Pemberton]

McConaissance. That's funny. That's so funny. Yeah, he is definitely. He's such a great actor, too. He's just wonderful.

[Pete Holmes]

He's great.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That guy is like T1000. Oh, yeah. But that's the movie.

[Pete Holmes]

The inside of you podcast. And then he kind of had a. After. After T2, he, like, got sober and all. He did.

[Johnny Pemberton]

He's been sober for a long time.

[Pete Holmes]

And now he's like. Really? He was on Peacemaker.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah. Oh, my God. Fun guy. He's great. He's such a great guy to work with. He's got so much energy in a way where, my God, I want to be like that when I'm really a little older. Yeah, he is just. Man. Well, this is so incredible.

[Pete Holmes]

Not having two Red Bulls.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah, that. And I think it's. Sometimes people just have that brain where it's a function of their will. Their will to live. And being super intelligent or maybe being. I don't know, you know how there's people you meet who are. They're just. Is that a word? Indefatigable.

[Pete Holmes]

Infatigable.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I thought indefatigable was a word.

[Pete Holmes]

Indifatig.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That's like a cool word. Unable to be tired.

[Pete Holmes]

Indiffer. And you're talking about indica.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Indefable.

[Pete Holmes]

Infatig.

[Johnny Pemberton]

He's into.

[Pete Holmes]

Is it indefatigable?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yes. Yes. Suck it.

[Pete Holmes]

Indefatigable.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Indefatigable. It's not a great word. It's such a great word.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm enjoying it.

[Johnny Pemberton]

But it's also like such a 10 word that's kind of like, you know, you can't throw that out there.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, when you said it. I thought for. For sure you were wrong. So in a way, It's a negative $10 word.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, but that's because it's such a. Maybe it's a hundred dollar word where you just never. You haven't been around for a moment. I.

[Pete Holmes]

You owe me $10. But then I actually owe you.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Okay. I think I've got. Okay. I do have cash on you. Yeah, I do. Great.

[Pete Holmes]

How much cash do you have on you?

[Johnny Pemberton]

I think I have a hundred bucks. I got some strays, some stray bills. I got a 50 in here. I got some 20s, got some ones.

[Pete Holmes]

Nice.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I got a two.

[Pete Holmes]

See, this is another old guy thing. Front pocket. Wallet.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Canadian.

[Pete Holmes]

Ooh, somebody works.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That's true. I was just in Canada.

[Pete Holmes]

That's like Uncle Buck.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Ever heard of a ritual killing? Yeah, the best.

[Pete Holmes]

The best.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Ultimate.

[Pete Holmes]

I know, but I get sad when I watch those movies because I'm. I'm just screwed. Screaming at the screen, like, can anyone. I mean, like, I just want to help him.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Help who?

[Pete Holmes]

John Candy.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Really? How so?

[Pete Holmes]

Well, you're watching it, you know, he kind of, like, never slowed down.

[Johnny Pemberton]

And I mean him as a person.

[Pete Holmes]

King and the eating and the smoking, and then he explodes. But I don't mean that in a funny way. I'm just saying, like, you know, your heart can't handle it.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So when I watch those things, I have a hard time in general, really, just watching things kind of fall apart. I'm like, somebody help him. Like, change it.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Do you ever think that maybe too.

[Pete Holmes]

When they're just like, hitting right and Farley. Nobody was like farley.

[Johnny Pemberton]

And I'm like, I.

[Pete Holmes]

Because we. Katie and I were just talking about this between episodes too. I was like, what do you say? Like, I relate to that. Yeah, they talk about that in the dog. They're like, John Candy would change doctors if his doctor was like, you need to stop smoking. He'd just get a new doctor.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So, like, you find a way to defer the payment.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Don't you think that maybe there's something you can do?

[Pete Holmes]

That's what we were kind of saying.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's like the nature of a person. Some people, their nature, I think, is just that's who they are. And that's kind of what makes them who they are, is that they are. I have a friend who is. Who was basically like a John Candy, James Gandolfini type, you know, very big guy. Big guy. Smokes, drinks good amount and is not. Obviously, if you're a big guy, you're Definitely not watching your calories. Like you could be.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

And there's nothing that anyone can say. You know, I could say like, hey man, I think you're probably gonna be the first person I know who's gonna die of a heart attack.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Johnny Pemberton]

You know, not from like some accident or something like that.

[Pete Holmes]

Right, right. It's gonna be that.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah. Because that's how you. That's what happens is. But you know that's how Gandolfini died, right?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

And that's because he was just. You can do one thing a long time, you can do two things for a while, but you can't do three forever, right?

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, you mean like be famous, do.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Drugs and like drug drinking, smoking and eating? I think that's like. Or maybe like drinking and drinking and eating kind of go together. Smoking and then drugs.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Johnny Pemberton]

You can do like one of those things for a pretty long time.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like, pick two.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah. If you pick two, it's like your days are numbered. If you do three, it's just you're basically playing by the train tracks, Right. Waiting for a train to come and acting like the train is the problem, not the fact that you're by the train tracks.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, Penby's.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I think about this a lot because I just know that was very good.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow. That goes in a book or something.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Well, cuz you know how like people talk about like how Philip Seymour Hoffman died, right? He died of an overdose. He's. He's definitely was smarter than me, I feel like. And I gotta think that some of these guys who die of overdoses and stuff, they know what they're doing. They know they're rolling the dice. Right. They're doing this. So the fact that they die, I mean, obviously fentanyl is a different thing.

[Pete Holmes]

But Farley said that he wanted to be like John Belushi. Like these were his heroes.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah. I didn't know that. Yeah, makes sense.

[Pete Holmes]

And the 27 year old club.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You know this? Yeah, of course. Damn. I thought I knew something cool.

[Johnny Pemberton]

The 27 Club.

[Pete Holmes]

Everybody knows the 27.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah, that's pretty. Pretty well known, right? Jesus Christ.

[Pete Holmes]

33.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, I always. I always push it back a little bit just to make it. To make it fit.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, the years used to be shorter.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Because I have a painting of. Yeah, they used to be shorter. And I have that painting of the.

[Pete Holmes]

Diner, you know, with James Dean.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yep.

[Pete Holmes]

Amy Winehouse. Jesus Christ.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Jesus Christ.

[Pete Holmes]

Was Farley 27? No.

[Johnny Pemberton]

James Canolfini.

[Pete Holmes]

And Feeney was not. No. I know what you Mean, but, like, here's what I'll say in retort and not even retort.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I'll have a retort.

[Pete Holmes]

I'd love. I'd love a tort of any kind.

[Johnny Pemberton]

A tort. A flat pie. I love a thin pie.

[Pete Holmes]

House of torts.

[Johnny Pemberton]

House of torts.

[Pete Holmes]

House of pies is right here, but house of torts.

[Johnny Pemberton]

House of torts. Smaller, flatter, harder to find. It's in a basement.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a basement.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Good luck standing up afterwards.

[Pete Holmes]

My problem with helping people. Say I don't have a savior complex, but I am savior interested.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, helping people because I'm a person who needs help. You know what I mean? In my life, many times, Neil Brennan said to me, I brought a bottle of wine to meltdown. I was just drinking my own bottle of wine.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I'll do. Neil, you're still drinking. That's the best. My best.

[Pete Holmes]

Neil, you're still drinking.

[Johnny Pemberton]

He doesn't drink, right? He doesn't drink.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't think Neil drinks.

[Johnny Pemberton]

But, like, he's very healthy.

[Pete Holmes]

Noticed he is. He'll pinch, like, his elbow skin and be like, I got fat.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

You're like, all right, Neil. Yeah, because he's not fat. He. Or he doesn't have any body fat, I should say. He was like, wow, you're bringing your own bottles of wine to meltdown. And I go, yeah, I figured out I could drink a bottle of wine that's like, my limit without getting a hangover. And he was like, you sure about that? So I needed. He also, Neal Brennan, told me to lose weight. He was just like, what are you doing? Also, I had another friend. I was dating a smoker, and I would bump smokes from her all the time. My friend Pat Walsh, he said the same thing. He goes, pete, what are you doing? He just said that to me. And I stopped. And I need help. So, like, for every.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That's you, though.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I understand. But for every Phil Hoffman, which I'm with, there are people that. To do a different train metaphor. They just seem like runaway trains. It's like, I get it. Greg Giraldo. Like, I don't know what to do.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But like, yes, there's that in this hand. And then in the other hand, there are rooms filled with people that go, thank God that person said something to me. I'd be dead.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know where. Where the middle is. I didn't know either.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Maybe it's a thing where it depends who says it. Because sometimes one person says. And it feels annoying and like totally a cloying or whatever like that. And some people say something and it feels like, like, oh, they never say anything. So them saying something means a lot more.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. But those blue chip people that never say shit. Like some quiet wise friend just goes like Johnny Parliaments.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, I should be smoking ultralights, huh? You're right. This one just to be like. Or someone's just fucking pissed as hell about it. Like someone to be like, what the fuck are you doing, asshole?

[Pete Holmes]

This is why we have like the Biggest Loser and all these. We want someone to yell at us. We want to be like held accountable. I. I know somebody, like take like a weird. I'm trying to think of. See, I am 46. I have cleaned up my act in so many ways. But when I hadn't, I did kind of want someone to be like, Jesus Christ, what is this? But it does come from you. I mean, we're talking about like an age old.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I think it always comes from the person, like pretty much.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, Katie, we were saying like sometimes they need a scare.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah, you need a scare. But sometimes people get the scare. Doesn't do anything. I know they get the scare. That's the type of person. Because I know a bunch of people who've got like a cancer scare and they change everything. Or they've got like, yeah, the doctor is like, hey, you're gonna. You're gonna die soon if you don't change the thing.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

But they. Some proceed without any impediment. And some are just like, oh, my good friend Josh Fatum, he saw a doctor and he was. The doctor was like, hey, you're pre diabetic.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

And Josh was like, oh, shit. He totally changed everything. Lost tons of weight, doesn't eat hardly any carbs or sugar at all now. And it's like massive transformation. But also he is a. He's a different kind of person. He's very. I don't know, it's not like ocd, but it's like a thing where he's.

[Pete Holmes]

Very flip a switch.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Very controlling of, you know, of his stuff. He likes the person he is. Is that way where.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Something he doesn't want to be. Yeah, that guy.

[Pete Holmes]

Do you guys still tour?

[Johnny Pemberton]

We haven't in a while, but we want to. Yeah, we need to. It's just I have been like busy with stuff. I haven't been able to do that. I want to do that so bad. That's the most fun ever.

[Pete Holmes]

It more than, you know, and tv.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I don't know. Movies are pretty damn Fun. Yeah, they're pretty great.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah, but so is tv, but so is live stuff, right?

[Pete Holmes]

It's all.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's all fun. When it's great, it's like. When it's good, it's really, really great. Yeah, but you know what I mean, like.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, movies obviously can go either way. I mean, if you're on the wrong set, the wrong people. Have you had experiences like that?

[Johnny Pemberton]

I've had. I've been on the worst sets that exist.

[Pete Holmes]

Really?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Pretty sure.

[Pete Holmes]

People like yelling and stuff.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yelling, all kinds of stuff. People being fired. Really. Maybe the production is shutting down. Just bad, bad stuff.

[Pete Holmes]

Like what happened.

[Johnny Pemberton]

There's different ones. All because of incompetence or ego or.

[Pete Holmes]

Just everything literally being like, I can't work like that.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's like you like mad someone hiring someone who shouldn't be there and then basically not working out at all and the whole production hinging on that. I've had things where.

[Pete Holmes]

Have you ever been in a scene with that person?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Where you're in the scene and you're like, what is this? A friend of a friend? Like, why are you here?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, I had. I was in a scene with someone and this girl says to me right before our first shot together, she goes, am I supposed to look at you or the camera? I'm like, oh, just look at me. Pretend the cameras aren't there. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

This is the new.

[Johnny Pemberton]

This is a big movie. Like a big movie.

[Pete Holmes]

This is the new beautiful wolf suits. This is the new beautiful wolfsu. Am I supposed to look at you or the camera? The cliche of the bad actor is.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Like.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't mean like the office. They just can't. Like they can't.

[Johnny Pemberton]

They can't stop. Like the extra who's like, sometimes you.

[Pete Holmes]

See it, you see it. Or if you're in a scene with kids, you have to tell them, don't look at the camera. That's like the number one thing. You can't say what movie that was.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I shouldn't. Also, it's someone who they. She got fired. But it was just a whole bunch of turmoil. Like just tons.

[Pete Holmes]

But that was an inexperienced actor.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It wasn't like it was a non actor. This was someone who has basically done. Done no acting, was hired for the wrong reasons and you know, it was a mistake. There's all kinds. Just mistakes sometimes happen like that where very beautiful. Yeah, I wouldn't say like, whatever, man. It's so complicated.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm not trying. I'm not trying to poke anybody.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I know you're not. I'm just trying to think how to say it. Words.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Because there's so many people involved in there. Yeah. Full friends with. And I respect them deeply. But. Yeah, people up all the time. They make.

[Pete Holmes]

What about the temper tantrums? I've never been on a set where I actually.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

Or like, losing it.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I've seen everything. I've seen also. I've been really lucky. I feel like I've been. If there's a person who People can't stand, who's a diva or whatever, I'm friends with them. I'm the person they like.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, really?

[Johnny Pemberton]

For whatever reason, I'm the person who like. Oh, they don't. I don't.

[Pete Holmes]

For some reason, I don't notice it. Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Like, everyone hates this person. Like, yeah, she's such a pill. I'm like, well, seems okay to me. I guess, you know, that's a gift. But also.

[Pete Holmes]

And they like you too. I mean, but, I mean, you're an easy to, like person, easy to get along with person.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Also. I just. If someone wants to be mean to me, I don't give a. I mean, you can be mean as hell to me. I mean. Oh, man. I got another story from.

[Pete Holmes]

Go ahead.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I can't. I can't talk. I've never told it before. I also can't really tell it just because it's someone who. It's no longer alive. I want to, you know, the whole speak ill. The dead thing, I really think that's like a real.

[Pete Holmes]

You think that's real?

[Johnny Pemberton]

I really do. I feel like this thing where you just shouldn't do it unless it's someone like the president or something who's done bad things.

[Pete Holmes]

Not like it's a story about you without the details. You can take abuse? Is that what you're saying?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah, I don't mind it at all.

[Pete Holmes]

Where does that come from?

[Johnny Pemberton]

I don't know. I think I maybe, just maybe having a bowel disease forever and stuff like that.

[Pete Holmes]

Just being teased about that.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I was never teased about it because no one. I know. No one ever knew I had it. So I think it was always very hidden.

[Pete Holmes]

Sorry, I didn't mean to jump in. I'm just.

[Johnny Pemberton]

No, it's cool.

[Pete Holmes]

Why would having a bowel disease give you this, like, thick skin or. Or this. You tell me. Is it a thick skin, like you're ignoring it, or is it just you don't take anything seriously?

[Johnny Pemberton]

I think maybe it's a combination of those two. Maybe something like Maybe it's also having like a dad who's like, really just not very emotional. Like, I've worked with. There's a lot of actors out there who are, you know, male actors who are. They want to be strong and, like, fuck with you. They want to be like, see if you can tangle with them toe to toe. And they'll say stuff to see if they get a rise out of you. And if it does get a rise out of you, they're like, oh, that's weak. You're like, it's a weakness thing.

[Pete Holmes]

Like an alpha doggy kind of sit.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Totally imagine, like Robert Duvall comes in here and he's like, I'm gonna kick your ass, Pete Holmes.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

And if you. If you cringe, he would be like, I'm just with you.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Johnny Pemberton]

But if you were to, like, not. If you were to not cringe, he would laugh and come just with you. I love your podcast, man. I love. I love this podcast, baby. If you were to, you know, it's that classic, like the Joe Pesci Goodfellas thing. Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

They want to see where you're at. Can he take it?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Can he take me, right?

[Pete Holmes]

You smell like Fish Friday. I'm with you.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

If you don't flinch.

[Johnny Pemberton]

If you don't flinch, then they'll be like, I'm just with you.

[Pete Holmes]

And as much as I want to other that behavior, I think Val would say I sometimes do that with new people too. It's not with being mean. It's like seeing if they can get my jokes. If they can riff. There's something. Can I lay you in? Can you let me in? Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Are you like. Do you have enough metal to stand with me? Yeah, I think that's. That's definitely the case. A lot of times on set is people want to. They do that testing thing.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Especially with young people they perceive as being like, younger or green.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I had this very famous actor do it with me on this movie and I was just not flinching at all.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Cuz I'm like this guy not fucking know that. I'm not like a young boy. This isn't my first fucking movie.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

He's also a guy who was just drugs addled. Yeah. Drug, drug, blasted alcohol, blast. Just very much deteriorated from. From time and all these things. It makes you like a shell.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It makes your brain like soft. Right. Makes you what they call it, wet brain or something like that.

[Pete Holmes]

I know what you mean. I don't know if it's wet brain, but I Didn't know the other thing.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I said, like, career alcoholics have.

[Pete Holmes]

There's just what you see at comedy clubs and stuff. And you're like, right. You can't do cocaine for 30 years. Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

You can't do anything for that long because it just.

[Pete Holmes]

The three things, it deteriorates with the wisdom.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, man. I remember seeing a guy once. This is so long ago. And Acme. This is probably forever ago. When I first started, I did, like. I think I did a guest spot because I was in Minneapolis, because I'm from Minnesota, and I was in Minneapolis, and I. Brent Weinbach was headlining, and he let me do a guest spot at Acme. But there's another guy who's featuring for him, young guy, and he's talking about something about, like, how his dad didn't accept his Facebook request, like, his estranged father. I'm like, this is so sad. Like, so sad. He's trying to make a joke of it, but clearly it's sad. And I saw him in the corner of the club afterwards, sitting in the corner of the darkness, drinking like, a. Some massive, like, alcoholic, like, bright Pink. Probably has 12 shots of ramen or something like that, sipping on this drink. He didn't have a great sight. It was kind of, you know, kind of middling.

[Pete Holmes]

Feeling bad.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Feeling bad. You could see his gut hanging over his belt, like, significantly. This is a guy who's definitely under 30. You shouldn't be in that shape. And I think, like, oof. This is. This is not. It's not good. It made me feel.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Really bad for this guy in a way.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That just.

[Pete Holmes]

We're back where we were. It's like, when do you go, hey, yeah. Because. Can I say this. I'll say this to her. I think it's an interesting topic. There are a lot of things I didn't know. You know what I mean? It's not like I was just make. I didn't know I was making a choice. Like, let's take something pretty innocuous, like fried food or something.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I didn't know that. As soon as you fried something, it was like, 7,000 calories. I just didn't know that.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

I was like, who cares? And now I know.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's chicken. It's healthy.

[Pete Holmes]

Exactly. I think there are. In fact, I'd wager a lot of money that there are millions of people that are like, I had a nice chicken salad for lunch. I don't know why. It's Seinfeld and it's the crispy chicken salad. From what. I'm not looking down my nose. I'm saying there's an area where they don't know. Like, I remember watching a Netflix documentary about drinking. This was when I was still drinking. And they were like. My doctor was like, holy shit, you're drinking way too much.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Said to you. Or on the.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, on the show. And he was having three drinks three nights a week or something. And his doctor was like, oh, my God. Like, really worried about it. They're like, you're in the high. I'm making those numbers up. But it was around there.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That's like nothing. That's like.

[Pete Holmes]

There were like, nights where he didn't drink. It was like, Monday, no drink. Tuesday, I had wine with dinner. Wednesday, no drink. Thursday, four drinks. Friday, four drinks. Saturday, six drinks.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That's the.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, you're going to die. And I was like. But I didn't know.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah, you just didn't know. Also, there's so much propaganda.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, there's huge marketing campaigns that are telling us the crispy chicken salads are good. And that's what I'm saying is like, if we don't intervene to our friends, it's not like no one's talking to them. Them. It's just the advertising companies are talking to them. You know what I'm saying?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like someone's still talking to them. That's what advertising is, is the friend that's hiding behind a commercial. It's just some fucking guy telling you what to do.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Just acting like it's totally. It's totally fine.

[Pete Holmes]

It's totally normal.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Like, how the sugar.

[Pete Holmes]

Have it your way.

[Johnny Pemberton]

For years, there was no daily recommended value for sugar forever because the sugar lobby wouldn't allow it. Because if they did have a daily recommended value for sugar, everything we eat would have. Oh, this has 300% of your daily allotted amount for sugar. And this is one muffin.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Because it's. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes. The sugar thing, it's all, man, are you a sugar.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I like sugar a lot, but I'm definitely cut back significantly.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That shit's bad, man. Everything's. Everything's so bad, but we're just surrounded by it all the time. It's so hard to.

[Pete Holmes]

This is another area to regulate. Like, I just didn't know how bad sugar is. How. And how it's in fucking everything.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Everything.

[Pete Holmes]

It's everywhere.

[Johnny Pemberton]

They put it in everything. They put in kind of everything. Yeah, they put it in salt.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what Jim Norton told me.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Bastards.

[Pete Holmes]

He was like, they Put sugar.

[Johnny Pemberton]

They put it in salt.

[Pete Holmes]

You put it on. Like, the fries at McDonald's have.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Sugar on them.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Some sort of special sugar, too.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Special sweet magic when you realize they don't. Obviously, we're not breaking any new ground here. I'm just saying, like, nobody cares about you. They just want you to want their product more. So they make it addictive because it's.

[Johnny Pemberton]

On you to care about yourself. It's not. It's not like, they're like, oh, it's not our job.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm sorry to keep making this point, but, like, it was me eating, like. And I. I remember I used to follow people on Facebook that were just going through this journey, and they were like, I'm trying to be healthy, and they're holding up, like, a bottle of some juice, and I'm like, that's like a yogurt soda. Like, you just drank 30 grams of sugar. And this is why I'm like, I'm not saying I am going out and telling people what to do. I'm saying I was a guy. I had to watch documentaries. Food Inc.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

There's a sugar movie. I think it's called the Sugar Movie. There are all these food matters. Fat, Sick and Nearly dead. I watch all these movies, and that was me going like, okay, nobody's preaching. They're not here. It's just some guy telling me to cut it out.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah. I had to stop watching them. But I don't think I got them. Yeah. Because I got them. I think I got the message that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. No, I haven't watched it.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's kind of like now I. I just think that everything's bad. Like, it's all. Anything that's big, it's huge. Anything has, like, a multinational presence. Yeah, it's bad. It's like baseline, right? Negative.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I agree. When people were very mad at Tesla, which I understood, I was like, every car has Firestone or, like, tires that are made from rubber. That people were murdered. You know what I mean? But, like, I'm not saying we should have paralysis, therefore not stand up for anything. But I was sort of like, we are soaking in a pretty thick stew of everything stinks. You know what I mean? Like, the gas was from this. Whatever. I'm not an expert, but if it's big, it's probably pretty bad.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Probably bad. It's all about, how many steps away from it are you to have plausible deniability.

[Pete Holmes]

It's optics. We're all like little politicians.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like, well, what that's why.

[Johnny Pemberton]

When people are, like, exhausting.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, this is the thing that we're mad at currently, but, like, you know, wearing shoes that were probably made in a bad situation.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And when is that going to be? And it should be. All of these things are real things.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But, like, it gets exhausting and you just.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's exhausting to be good.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

So it is. What's that song? Only the Good Die Young or. It's not even a song, it's a phrase.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. But it became a song. But it's true. I mean, we. And that's why I use the word paralysis. We can get paralyzed going like, well, what then? I don't know, man. The next choice.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah. I get, like, choice fatigue, that kind of thing. I started just not caring as much about a lot of stuff, because how much can you care about? And if you do care about it, how much is it helping?

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Just to be concerned about things that are so far outside your control.

[Pete Holmes]

I agree with that. Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

There's a lot of stuff that people are very well versed on as if they're going to be called into the UN to, like.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Right. And you're like, oh, I got to know. I gotta. I don't want to be. I don't want to be shamed.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, you don't want to be ashamed. At the end of the day, a lot of it has to do with posturing. That's why I brought up the Tesla thing. That was a very. Like, this is a bad time. And then it kind of went away. Like, now I see brand new Teslas everywhere in la.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I don't even know, man. It's one of those things where it's just. Your point of reference is always changing. You go someplace different and people are like, yeah, we.

[Pete Holmes]

We.

[Johnny Pemberton]

No one likes the color green around here.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. Just.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's just the colors. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

We were. Val and I talked about that with. When I was growing up in the 90s. 80s. 90s.

[Johnny Pemberton]

What part of the country did you grow up again? Chicago area.

[Pete Holmes]

No, Massachusetts.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Right. Yeah. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So I went to a school that would be liberal by today's standards, K through 8, the most liberal. And I loved it. It was amazing. But what liberal meant then was what we call cultural appropriation. We learned the Swahili national anthem and we sang it. We wore. I didn't say I didn't wear dashikis, but if you were a white person rocking a dashiki, you were, to use today's parlance, as woke as you could be. That was the ultimate, like, bowing and respect. I picked a cultural thing. I just meant, like, lowering yourself and being like, I love you so. And now, of course. And I understand you're saying no, you're taking that from them. You're like that. You have to have that as well. I understand both sides. I'm just saying, if you were time traveling and you have compassion in your heart and you love people. Here. 1986. You want to love people. Wear, like, an African pendant, you know, 2026. Yell at someone for wearing an African pendant.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I don't think. I think it's done. I think that stuff is done now, kind of.

[Pete Holmes]

Which part?

[Johnny Pemberton]

The whole thing, like, getting mad at someone for a dashiki. Yeah. Like, who's got time for that?

[Pete Holmes]

I do feel that there was a peak. A peak?

[Johnny Pemberton]

There was a peak. I think it all goes back to Covid hysteria.

[Pete Holmes]

Covid did change a lot.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It made people, in terms of what.

[Pete Holmes]

We would get really worked up for.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah. Nowadays. So who gives a shit if someone's wearing something that is different than what they grew up with? Like, they're not wearing that because they disrespect that.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Like, I love, love, love reggae music. I'm listening to it for 25 years. I collect it like crazy.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, really?

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's like the foundation of my special that I'm shooting. You know, it's like, I fucking love it so much.

[Pete Holmes]

It speaks to you. Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

In a way that nothing ever has in my entire life. And, I mean, I don't have dreadlocks, but if I did have dreadlocks, I would be a different person.

[Pete Holmes]

Everything about me would be different.

[Johnny Pemberton]

But if I did, Jamaican people aren't mad at that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I mean, there's probably some.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

But for the most part, well, this is what you.

[Pete Holmes]

All the things you can do.

[Johnny Pemberton]

There's a lot of. It's so low on the list of.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Of. You know, there's so many guys brought.

[Pete Holmes]

Death back into the I. I. That's always in the conversation. Like, these, like, mass global deaths thing. People stopped caring about white guys with dreadlocks. Like, that's kind of. I feel like we've talked about this on the podcast before. It's not that the issues aren't valid. They're just the first to go away in a life or death situation. You know what I'm saying? They are valid. But, like, if we're, like, looking for a squirrel to eat, I care less that you're. That you have dreadlocks.

[Johnny Pemberton]

You could care.

[Pete Holmes]

I couldn't See, it probably wouldn't even.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Notice it at all.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Unless it's in the way of my homemade bow and arrow that I'm shooting a squirrel to feed all of us.

[Johnny Pemberton]

And the irony is. It's also. I mean, it could get a rabbit hole here, but the irony like that is so anti. What Rastafarianism is about killing a squirrel. Well, that too.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Actually, it is really kind of. Actually, I don't know. I think it could be Ital. I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I'm in the weeds here, and I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

It's. Okay, tell me what we're using.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Like, what's the idea of, like, judging.

[Pete Holmes]

Someone who is white for having a haircut?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Well, yeah, if they're. If they have it because they're. They're Rasta and they really believe in.

[Pete Holmes]

That stuff, that was okay.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That's like, oh, yeah, you're no different than me. We have the same feelings about.

[Pete Holmes]

I will say, look. And again, I. I'm not. I actually have conversations like this to stay abreast to, like, what's going on? How are people feeling? I. The othering that's going on, that goes both ways of like, wait, you're saying I'm not you? Like, there is this voice in me that wants to be like, but there's something beautiful about eating Vietnamese food made by Vietnamese people and loving it and, like, learning and connecting and all that sort of stuff. But I get that there's a. I guess there's a way to take that too far.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But I can still see the Johnny that loves reggae. And you're. You're Minnesota white bread, man.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Like, you're almost white as it gets.

[Pete Holmes]

And you love reggae. And I go, beautiful that. I can see that. And I can. I can understand.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, the other side.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah. I mean, it's everywhere, but it's one of those things that just. I just don't have time to care about so much that stuff now.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's. That's true.

[Johnny Pemberton]

And I think most people don't too. Most people are thinking about things that are more important, and that's like a. That's like a real luxury to be concerned about.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. Yeah, I understand that.

[Johnny Pemberton]

At the same time, who am I to say anything about anything? I also don't really give a shit. I just don't care at all. I don't have to. I don't have the energy to care about that, you know?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I like that.

[Johnny Pemberton]

And if I. If I piss someone off or Offend them. Oh, that's fine. I'm sorry. I'm sorry I did that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah. That wasn't your intent.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah, obviously. Obviously.

[Pete Holmes]

This episode is brought to us by our friends at Olipop. This is their root beer, which I absolutely love. Olipop is a different kind of soda. The classic root beer tastes so good. It brings me right back to a carefree child day, child day, day in my childhood. Summertime sunburn, no responsibilities. It goes right into that center. But here's the difference. It's a different kind of soda. It's that classic soda taste, the kind that takes you back. But it's made with functional ingredients that support digestive health. Doesn't taste like it tastes fantastic, but it's supporting your digestive health. Ollipop is high fiber, low sugar, which is huge. Two out of three Americans deal with digestive issues and 95% of us don't get enough fiber. Olipop is reimagining soda in a way that tackles both while tasting amazing. If you want soda that tastes like soda, not like a compromise, grab some Olipop and right now you can get a free can. Buy any two cans in store and they'll pay you back for one. You can any flavor, any retailer, just go to drinkollipop.com weird that's drink o l I p o p dot com weird. Olipop is sold online and available nationwide in the soda aisle and chilled section at places like Walmart, Target, Costco and Whole Foods. This episode is brought to us by our friends at Apollo Neuro. You've probably seen me wearing my Apollo Neuro in hundreds of episodes of this podcast. Always on my wrist, sometimes now on my ankle, sometimes now. I clipped my shirt. What is an Apollo Neuro? It is not a tracker. It is a wearable that sends gentle vibrations to help support your nervous system by speaking to it in a language it can understand, which is touch. You can wear it on your wrist or your ankle. It's silent, makes no noise. You don't have to do anything. There's no breathing technique, no clear your mind. Apollo works through your sense of touch with specific vibration patterns designed to signal the safety or activation to your body. That means you can get calm on demand, focus on demand. Energy, sleep. Depending on the vibe, if you want to wind down at night, you put it on unwind, relax, and it lulls your body into this wonderful digital hug. Essentially, what's cool is it comes with the smart vibes AI in the app, so it adapts over time based on how and when you use it. You don't even have to manage it. Apollo adjusts with you. It's like having a nervous system coach built right into the device. I've noticed a huge difference with my stress management and a huge one with my sleep, which is chemical free and a really nice way to fall and stay asleep at night. So if you want to support your stress and sleep instead of just tracking it, Apollo is worth trying. They even offer a money back guarantee so you can see how your body responds. You got nothing to lose. Comment Apollo to get $99 off hey everyone, it's Leah Greenberg and Ezra Levin.

[Johnny Pemberton]

You might know us as two of.

[Pete Holmes]

The lead organizers of the no Kings protests.

[Johnny Pemberton]

We're also the co founders of Indivisible.

[Pete Holmes]

The grassroots movement organizing against Trump's regime.

[Johnny Pemberton]

And this is what's the Plan? Your weekly guide to the state of our democracy and how we fight back.

[Pete Holmes]

This is not canned talking points. It's a real live discussion space for the pro democracy movement.

[Johnny Pemberton]

We wrestle with strategy together, we take your top voted questions in real time, and we talk about the most impactful.

[Pete Holmes]

Actions we can take. Right now. Democracy is a participatory sport. The fascists win when we sit on the sidelines. What's the Plan is about how we get into the game.

[Johnny Pemberton]

What's the plan? Available Friday, January 23rd wherever you get.

[Pete Holmes]

Your podcasts, subscribe, recruit, discuss, organize, and win. That's the Plan. What is it about reggae? I mean, this is such a dumb question, but I just want to be like the vibes.

[Johnny Pemberton]

The vibes.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, technically the lifestyle, the message. You tell me.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I would say it goes. It's pretty deep. I think it's technically, reggae came kind of late. I like a lot of music that came before. Reggae was a word which is like pre 72, maybe 373. I'm not sure exactly when reggae started to be using the word, but there's a lot of music that came before that. This music called Rocksteady that was Jamaican. The shortest explanation is that Jamaicans picked up radio stations from Miami and New Orleans. This is like in the 50s. And they loved RB, loved R and B. Jamaicans loved R and B. Obviously, Jamaica, very poor country, almost exclusively formerly enslaved people who were brought over, you know, the transatlantic slave trade. And it was a British colony too, so it's a formal colony. I can't remember. They got independent. So it's a group of people who are severely marginalized, but also picking up.

[Pete Holmes]

This is kind of going back to our beautiful Shared experience. They're getting these radio stations, they're picking up on these other.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That's the irony. That's the irony. They're picking up. They loved, loved American R and B from the south and like, you know, all these places in the south that like TK Soul and stuff from all the New Orleans labels and stuff like Alan Tucson Productions and stuff like that. And they picked it up. But when the. The American music started to move toward rock and roll, which is faster, they didn't like it as much. So the short story, it's a longer story because there was all these sound clashes and stuff where they were taking American records and they were playing them and there was like certain very obscure songs that were really big at these, these sound clashes. They'd have.

[Pete Holmes]

What's a sound clash?

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's like they have. Because only one person has like a record player or some. A big sound speaker, big speaker system to play music on. So they have these big events and they'd be like competing sound systems that would play basically having a big party, like an all night party. And a lot of these guys would have a signature song they'd play. There's a song called the Cox and Stomp, which was Clement Cox and Dodd's sound system. They played this song called the Cox and Stomp. They play it like at midnight. It was like the one they played over and over again too. It was like a big deal. And so I think it's Duke Reed, which is a competing sound system. They found out what this was. Even though it was a scratched out label. They found out what it was and they played it. This is such a long story, but essentially they ran out of records that were unique to them to be able to play at these sound clashes. So essentially reggae or like Jamaican music. Their. Their whole industry started because they wanted to make music that they couldn't get anymore. When the American music transitioned to rock, they couldn't get any new R and B records because it was more. So they started recording their own music. That's how ska started. No, because ska is kind of a combination of Mento, like an island music that was like sort of like an indigenous island music and R B. So they started making recording their own necessity though. Out of necessity because they wanted to hear that. And it's, you know, it, it. I love that spiraled into Rock City and then to reggae and all this stuff. Yeah, and it came out of like nowhere if you think about the evolution of reggae happened in 20 years. It went from not even existing to Being something that is, like, a worldwide phenomenon that everybody knows. That's reggae. I hear that right when it's reggae.

[Pete Holmes]

And it happened organically.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Organically. All these guys are like, engineer. There's, like, engineers who are building amplifiers and echo boxes. You have this guy, DJ Kool Herc, who was in the Bronx, who basically invented DJing. Rap music is literally comes from Jamaica, like, rap music and all hip hop has its roots in Jamaican DJing and all this stuff like that. So it's like this thing where. I don't know, something about, like, the history of it and the way it's.

[Pete Holmes]

And they used to get the electricity from the street lights. I. I know that's true. I didn't know that for a white guy to say. But in Harlem, they're right.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Street lights. And that's how they would power the. The systems on the street for the parties in Harlem. And I'm just like. Even that is so natural. You know what I mean? It feels like this inevitable unfolding of art. Moving like a weather system is really.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So much ingenuity and necessity, too. I'm sorry to keep saying that, but it's like they. It wasn't just like, you know, I. I don't want to be an old guy, but these days, people are trying to go viral. People are trying to get rich. And it's like something about people that are just like, what happened to that music? We, like, they don't do it anymore. Let's. We'll do it. And then that's swooping all the way up and creating hip hop. Like, that's cool.

[Johnny Pemberton]

And a short period of time. There was a simpler time, though. Simpler time. Simpler also. So much of it came out of scarcity.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

They didn't. Like, there's. If you didn't have. You can't afford to have records, so you go listen to someone play them.

[Pete Holmes]

And the way things spread is because they're being shared. And even you saying, like, we don't have more than one sound system that gets people together.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, again, not to be like, I like the time we live in. I'm just saying, I have notes, but I like the time. But, like, we are very isolated. We got our earbuds. We got whatever music we want. It's really hard to watch a movement happen. And it's also really easy to, like, obviously control how people feel because you have all these pipelines where it used to be literally like a block or an area or a community. Now we're all, you know, don't know.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Our neighbors or you have like the one phone. Everyone has to answer that phone. It kind of goes back to that too, where there's just. There's so much. Everyone has. Everyone has everything now. You have like all the music that exists. You just pull it up. It makes it so. It just cheapens everything.

[Pete Holmes]

Doesn't mean anything. And then also talk about necessity. We used to, you know, live in houses. Didn't you know? This is a baby fact. But women that raise their babies in houses where they're there, their mothers are and their grandmothers are, the postpartum depression is like negligible. It's like 1%.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Sounds about right.

[Pete Holmes]

And we're all like completely alone and it's through the roof. It's just completely normal to be depressed.

[Johnny Pemberton]

The isolation.

[Pete Holmes]

Four or five, six months. Yeah. And of course, I mean, we're all very anxious and we're all very depressed. It's like when I'm anxious, that's when I find myself calling my friends. And I'm lucky that I have a life. Comedy as part of that. That forces me into, you know, communion with other people. But, like, a lot of people don't. It's. I'm not even judging it. I would do the same. It's ordering your food. Any cuisine left at your doorstep. Internet and video games and movies and like, what the. Like, you know what I mean? Like, Roy Wood Jr. Had that great special. I think it's called Lonely Flower. It's called Lonely Flowers. He's like, we need the interaction with the person checking us out at the grocery store. And now it's self checkout. It's like sometimes the only thing that's keeping you going is the woman that calls you hun. Just that. You ever have someone call you hun? It turns your day around.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah. Or even getting in an argument.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Because at least it's something.

[Pete Holmes]

At least somebody validated you.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Just a little friction. Yeah, some kind of friction. But we talk about this stuff, but it's kind of like it's just how it is. It's only getting worse, right? Isn't it?

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know. I mean, like, we could say that or we could say I see a lot. Some of my friends whose kids are older, they all hate AI. They don't want. I. I show them. I'm like, look, this app will make a song and it'll play the song. And they're like, I don't give a. They're like getting a little VHS with it. They want the band.

[Johnny Pemberton]

They do Want that, right? They do want, like, less phone.

[Pete Holmes]

Turn off the dating apps. I had a friend, he's not that much younger than me, but he's a good 10 years younger than me. He's like, deleted all the apps. He's like, I'm just a wild. He doesn't mean wild. He means, like, free. He means a free man. He's like, I'm just meeting people in Uber pools. Literally, just like, hello, wow. Would you like to get coffee? And, and like, so there's like this energy, you know what I mean? Like, all I'm saying, the only reason I can say that I don't have data to back that up, other than the anecdotal pieces I just gave you. I'm just saying, like, the way it always works is the deeper the hole, the higher the heavens. It's just how it goes. Like the, the bigger the light, the bigger the shadow. It goes dark that way too. So when things are getting this, it's in our nature to go, like, we gotta get back to reggae, you know, like, we gotta get back together.

[Johnny Pemberton]

A simpler time.

[Pete Holmes]

A simpler time. Well, you know, I see it, I joined the you made it weirdos on Discord, and I'm like, this is a community. Might be on a screen.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah, some of that stuff. That's the thing is there's also different types of people. Some people are more into that, that community.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

For me, I don't like any of that stuff. I feel more and more that I don't want to have anything to do with anything digital if I can.

[Pete Holmes]

Me too.

[Johnny Pemberton]

But that's a luxury. I, I, It's a luxury.

[Pete Holmes]

I agree. Because you don't, you're not, you're not hustling. You got Canadian money on you.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah, because I don't, I didn't know what to do with it. I don't want to get rid of it.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I just mean when I was young and hustling and, you know, coming up, I was on my phone more, and now I'm, I'm not. And I do have to be careful. I'm always like, oh, I hate texting. It's like, yeah, Pete, because you have a family, you have your friends, you have your community, you have your job. It's like, I hate, I hate it too. I scream, what, do I work for you?

[Johnny Pemberton]

I don't understand.

[Pete Holmes]

And then the worst part is I'll take one day a week where I'll reply to emails. They all reply. It just double. I'd say I have 15 emails. I have to reply to. I sit down. It's like holding my breath, walking through a fucking graveyard. I hate it. I'll reply to all 15. I'm like, I'm done. 20 minutes later, every single email I replied to, they've replied.

[Johnny Pemberton]

So do you reply back then? You do, like the rest of the.

[Pete Holmes]

Day, you do two sessions, it gets you all wound up. Like, what, dude?

[Johnny Pemberton]

I have the same problem creating the issue.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. I write you a thing, you write back to me. I write back to you. I'm just like, next thing you know, all we were doing was an admin. Your life was just admin. What happened to a good old fashioned orgy?

[Johnny Pemberton]

I cheers to that. I'm thinking about that email thing because I don't, I don't want to. If I had, if I could, I would never look at email again for the rest of my life.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, hate it.

[Johnny Pemberton]

But it's on me, right? Because I'm the one who's getting all pissed off about emails being like, God, I can't believe they know. Just.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Even this morning, like, oh, man, why did I check it? Why did I check the email?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, that's me too. That might be an 8. Do you have ADD?

[Johnny Pemberton]

I mean, I got it, right? Frankie, you gotta have it.

[Pete Holmes]

People like me. This is a huge epiphany. It's not really email meaning. Let's. Let's play with this idea. It's that you have. I like to put it this way. I am porous because of this conversation, the one we're having. The rest of my day will be different. If I had had a different kind of conversation, or if I had listened to or read emails or looked at texts or looked at the news or listened to pop music, whatever it is, it'll just get in me and like my clear water in the morning. Let's say clear water gets inked and murky real fast, right? And if you give me the wrong things, I'm. That's why I'm not giving you this advice. But this changed it for me. The morning is always creative. It's always reading. So input and creative output. If I get into responding, I'm fucked. So I wait until 2 o' clock to look at my email. And that's a luxury too. But.

[Johnny Pemberton]

But like, everything's a luxury at this point.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, then go ahead and claim it.

[Johnny Pemberton]

So many things.

[Pete Holmes]

Queen Latifah with it and be like, you own it. You. You earned it.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Living in the United States is a luxury.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right. It's a crazy luxury. So don't run away from the luxury of maybe not two, but you could do 10.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I do got, I do got a lockdown. I got a lock down what I'm doing. I got to. Yeah, I gotta stop checking so much. It's a checking. Yeah, you want to check.

[Pete Holmes]

Well then it lights up your brain and it does feel kind of good. You get that one good email and then now you're at this slot machine or they don't.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Don't get me started on social media. Talk about a double edged sword.

[Pete Holmes]

Have you seen this thing? Talk about it in so many ways.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Talk about throwing star of swords.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a problem.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah. Because you gotta. It's a tool and only if you use it as a tool. If you don't use it as a tool, the second you stop using that tool, it just instantly starts stabbing you.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. And you think if something like that was in your life, you just get rid of it all together.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, for sure. If someone was watching you, just empirically, they would say, okay, I'm going to have you not do that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, what? But no, this is. I'm doing work. It's like. No, you're not. Yeah, you did a little bit. You posted that thing about the show.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Then you looked at a bunch of stuff.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. You looked.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That you can't unsee. Yeah, yeah. But I'm like such a, such a, such a tractor beam. You know what I mean? It's like such a. Oh yeah. Tractor beam of novelty.

[Pete Holmes]

It was designed to trap you.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh my God. That's what gets me too, is just the fact that it literally was designed by people who went to graduate school.

[Pete Holmes]

At Harvard to, to addict people, to.

[Johnny Pemberton]

To make slot machines. The people who make slot machines are the same people designing social media.

[Pete Holmes]

That's crazy.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Like, that's not the same thing. You know, it's the same. It's so bad.

[Pete Holmes]

I think about this with AI Once they figure out the things that drive humanity, like really get a clear look at it, I'm like, we'll be toast. We'll all be toast.

[Johnny Pemberton]

We'll all think so for real.

[Pete Holmes]

Like if it does, I don't know. To be determined. But like, we're not that hard. We avoid things that are bad, we go towards things that are good.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Like sugar good.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Like, oh, that's sweet. I want more of that.

[Pete Holmes]

Everything at the end of the day is tits. You know what I mean? And once AI is like, oh, they like tits, it'll just kind of Turn everything into tits and then it's a big hole. I don't think it'll want to kill us. I just think it'll really get us tittin.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah. I don't think it's gonna. Gonna kill us either.

[Pete Holmes]

You don't?

[Johnny Pemberton]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

AI optimist.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I'm not an optimist as much as I just don't think. Same way I think about nuclear war. Yeah. Like I don't think that we're gonna die from that because if we were going to, it was gonna. Would have happened already.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, interesting.

[Johnny Pemberton]

The human species has enough self preservational instinct to not allow.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like just enough of it too.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Just enough to keep that from happening.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Because we all know. Yeah. We'll know that. Well, everyone will die.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Unless there's some sort of a weird brain.

[Pete Holmes]

But that somebody else is gonna blow you up.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah. It's interesting because we've had them for a while. Nuclear bombs have been around for a while.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

But there hasn't been any drop since we first did it. Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

And twice. Yeah, that's, that's pretty good. It's like a. Pretty good.

[Pete Holmes]

Not a bad.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Not a bad track record. Isn't it weird that it was the U.S. no, no, I know, I know. But the way we position ourselves as sort of like the moral, the ethics of, of the world. Such a weird country and yet it was us.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's the weirdest country.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, no, we're a weird country.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Like anytime people reference, they make like a, like a thing. Well, in Australia they did this. It's like. Yeah, that's Australia. It's tiny. There's just a few people there.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, you're right.

[Johnny Pemberton]

You know, like we have such a unique experience in every good way, in every bad way.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like a book.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like the east coast is like the end of the book. The west coast is like kind of the beginning of them. There's the. I'm not saying any, any of that means what they are. I'm just like. It really is like different. It's so different.

[Johnny Pemberton]

So diverse so far. I feel so big. There's so much isolation. There's all this stuff where you kind of can't compare anything. A previous situation.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

To what's happening here because.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It just doesn't really track. I mean obviously it would kind of.

[Pete Holmes]

Do well to be smaller. It could have been probably. It could have been much smaller and then very, very different situation.

[Johnny Pemberton]

The isolation too. Like the feeling. The geographical isolation. Such A big deal.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Oh, that's right.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That's a huge thing.

[Pete Holmes]

Like where we are on the planet.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

A lot to do.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Two borders. We have two borders and they're both, like, super friendly.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That's crazy.

[Pete Holmes]

That is crazy.

[Johnny Pemberton]

No one else has that. No other superpower has that.

[Pete Holmes]

I think the two friendly borders. One of them's Canada.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, they're just like, hey, so.

[Johnny Pemberton]

What are you guys doing? Okay, we'll be there. We'll be there a little later. Okay. We're just gonna have apps. We're just gonna have apps.

[Pete Holmes]

Appetizers.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah. You know what? I'm just gonna have some zucchini fries and that's it. Canada is.

[Pete Holmes]

We'll just have zucchini fries and that's it.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I'm just gonna have 45 beers. That's it. Just 45 beers. And that's. We're good. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. 45 beers.

[Pete Holmes]

So Pemi is.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I love Canada.

[Pete Holmes]

I can't believe it's been an hour. How long have we been talking?

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's been a minute. How long have we been talking?

[Pete Holmes]

It's been an hour and a half.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, really? Okay. That sounds about right.

[Pete Holmes]

I can't believe it.

[Johnny Pemberton]

We can talk, though. You and I have that thing where we can just.

[Pete Holmes]

But, yes, but I almost never, as the host, have. No, there's usually a clock. There's one thing I have to do that you don't have to do, which is go, like, where are we? How long and how much longer? And this has been the first episode in a long time where I'm like, I can't believe we're done.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Damn, man.

[Pete Holmes]

It's really a crazy question before we do. Yeah, no, I have one. A couple more for you, if that's okay.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Are you still meditating?

[Pete Holmes]

I do meditate. I meditate in a different style.

[Johnny Pemberton]

We've talked about this. We have a little bit. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I text you about it.

[Johnny Pemberton]

No, I think we talked about it. I remember exactly where we talked about it was at the wrap party for your talk show. And I remember you were sitting down in a booth and I. You told me that you. Can I say it?

[Pete Holmes]

What is it?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Do you like to lay down and maybe do it for longer than 20 minutes?

[Pete Holmes]

That might have been when I. That was a long time ago, though.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. But I still. Some of that remains. What I do now is. It's hard to talk about this without sounding kind of pretentious, I guess.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah. It's too late.

[Pete Holmes]

Just do it. Just do it. Well, okay. So there's the progressive approach. Progressive would mean a mantra. So you repeat a word.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Breath. Focus on your breath. That's progressive, meaning I'm going to do this to get to a place what I practice now would maybe. And I got this from Rupert Spira. If you want someone to explain Rupert Spira, this is a guy on. He's not just a guy on YouTube, but you may find him as a guy on YouTube.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

It's just the direct path. Meaning, like, you sit and you just drop into what you are. It's hard to explain.

[Johnny Pemberton]

So you're not doing mantra anymore? No more mantra.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, what's really interesting about it is.

[Johnny Pemberton]

We learned from the same place. Right. We both learned at David Lynch Foundation.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's right.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I don't do that anymore.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

But I think it's valid and wonderful.

[Johnny Pemberton]

When did you stop?

[Pete Holmes]

It's been years.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, wow.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Was there like a. Something that happened that made you.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I tried this way.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Okay. You just try a different way and it worked better for you.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Well, I'll tell you a couple things I like about it. One, it's less. It's. It's less effort. I understand that. I don't think when I learned how to meditate, I could necessarily have done it.

[Johnny Pemberton]

But what you just said, though, kind of does contradict the whole philosophy of tm. Right?

[Pete Holmes]

Giving your mind something to kind of like.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Well, the idea of any effort at all. Right. It's supposed to be effortless, right?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's funny. I'm just being devil's advocate here.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, no. I love it. Watch how sassy. I'll be right back to that. So be effortless, but don't stop your efforting of saying the mantra.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah. Or you can. Well, I guess this is. It's all very much personal. So to kind of even talk about it. It's one of those things where, like, how do you wipe your ass? Like, well, you should do it this way, by the way, even more personal than that.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm not even. Yeah, totally. And I'm not even putting down tm because I know there's an effortless way to say your mantra. I understand that. It's a very subtle effort. What I found is whatever we're doing, it's all about identity. We're trying to figure out who or what we are. So the theory behind the direct path, meaning just go there, is who or what we are has to be here now. It's present right now.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Be here now.

[Pete Holmes]

Be here now.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Ram Dass.

[Pete Holmes]

Ram Dass. But what we are is here now, right?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

So there doesn't. No special practice or state is required to go into it. So it's kind of like instead of efforting, even with a mantra or your breath to get there, you just. And this doesn't really make sense, but you just, like, recognize that you're already there. You just go, like, where could you be other than what you are? And what you are is awareness? So just. My meditation style is fucking stop. And if you think that's fine, that. That's. That can come and go, that.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Stop resisting, stop. Stop trying.

[Pete Holmes]

Stop trying anything. Just go into it. And as strange as it sounds, that really works for me. Sometimes I do a guided, though.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

The guided Rupert Spire does a really good guided. And I'm not. I think I'm fine at it, but I do catch myself, like, drifting. And he'll come back and just be like. Just, you know, become aware of what you are right now.

[Johnny Pemberton]

The reason I brought that up, because it reminded me we were talking about the time of the podcast, is because I have this thing now where I almost never, ever, ever go past 20 minutes at this internal clock. Oh, wow, that is so accurate. It is spooky to me.

[Pete Holmes]

Really?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You always stop right at 20.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Like, it's like a fucking alarm goes off. An invisible alarm. And I don't love that.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, interesting.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Because I feel like that's this thing where it's convenient for me traveling or something like that. You know, I can just do this, and I know that I'll be able to do that, but also it makes me think, like, oh, man, I wish I could be less aware.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, all that happened was your brain made a groove. Right. It's like people on the subway who fall asleep and they wake up and stop.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah, it's.

[Pete Holmes]

It's just a groove. I wouldn't.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Got it.

[Pete Holmes]

Not that you're asking for my help. I'm just like, that's normal.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah, it's normal.

[Pete Holmes]

I do with the. Rupert's meditations are an hour.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, that's long.

[Pete Holmes]

It is long. But if you're on a plane, as I know you are, to Canada. Look, this is kind of. Kind of a dumb use of, like, the exploration of your infinite nature, but if you're on a plane, an hour long meditation is a great.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That's a good idea.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a great way to like. Yeah, Rupert spiro.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Rupert Spira.

[Pete Holmes]

YouTube. But I would recommend it because there's no. There's no theology or Doctrine or anything. It's really just like, explore your nature. It's hard to explain.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Get there.

[Pete Holmes]

Fucking just get there. Well, that. That's where. That's where I'm at spiritually these days. It's like, stop. Whatever you are, it's here right now.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I'm a war criminal.

[Pete Holmes]

You're a war criminal and a pedophile. I've always known that about you. Tell me, where are you at spiritually? That was what I was gonna ask you.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I don't know exactly. I think. I don't know. I haven't been really doing a ton of that stuff. I do meditate pretty much every day. I have for a long time, I think.

[Pete Holmes]

Can I prime you with something? Sure. When you meditate, everything that can be taken away from you is taken away from you. Your thoughts, images, sensations, they all. They're in the foreground of our experience, but they're removed. So when you're meditating, whether or not you conceptualize it in this way, you are, in my opinion, experiencing your true nature. And that is spirituality is saying, who am I? So instead of doing that stuff, meaning talking about it, thinking about it, reading about it, you are just tasting it twice a day for years.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Right. Long time now. Long time.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm just saying, like, I'm trying to, whether you need it or not, encourage you to be like. You don't have to, like, be like me and talk about it. If you're going there, that's the best.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That's the whole thing. It's really good. It's good. I think I would like to do more of that stuff because as time has gone on and, you know, my career has grown, and there's certain things that happen to you as a person where you think like, oh, oh, this is it. But you're. Once you get there, you're like, oh, well, nothing's really changed.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. Right.

[Johnny Pemberton]

You've arrived.

[Pete Holmes]

We're still here.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah, we're still here. Still the same things. Because everything else is relative with it. And so, yeah, it's. It's harder. I think it can be harder to find your way at that point.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Because there's less to strive for.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's the spiritual pursuit, in my opinion. This is also something Rupert says. Sorry, I'm gonna quote Rupert a lot, but, like, a lot of his books start with, like, the reason you're here is because you. You figured that out. That's like a gift. Like, I've been. I always go to this show I did with Mulaney at the Boston Garden. So it's this huge show. It's such an honor. I'm not. I'm not saying it wasn't an honor. It's Dennis Leary show in Boston. My parents are there. There's like seven or eight thousand people there. And at the end of the show, they dropped confetti down and, you know, we're taking a picture. I'm not saying it wasn't a peak experience. It was.

[Johnny Pemberton]

But it is.

[Pete Holmes]

It is. And when you have those and realize you're still the same guy and you're still alive and you're still alive, you're still. You're still locked into the same mystery and baked into alive means you're gonna die. Like, you're in something bigger. You're in a bigger game than just. Than just that is part of it. Finding your purpose and expressing yourself and all that. There's something itchy underneath all of that. And a lot of his books start by being like, you're here because you're realizing that there has to be a better, truer, more consistent source of peace. And that, I think, is what good.

[Johnny Pemberton]

That's really good.

[Pete Holmes]

Most spiritual practices at their deeper levels are pointing to.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And guess what? It's you. That's what you're experiencing when you meditate. When. And we. And if you don't meditate, when you're in deep sleep, your thoughts aren't there, your feelings aren't there, your images aren't there, your identity isn't there. And we love it. Right?

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, it's the best. It's all. I'd say I feel the same way. If you're on stage and performing, you're in the moment flow. If you're on a set and you're putting a character, acting, it's the same thing where you. You're not. You're not yourself. And God, it feels good.

[Pete Holmes]

You got out of your way.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's real good.

[Pete Holmes]

So when we can ultimately put, like, a lot of people that are, like, in hospice, they start putting bags down. What's happening? Everything that can't. That grudge goes away.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That judgment goes away. Forgiveness is just letting go of something. You know what I mean? Like, I'm gonna put down this malice I had towards you because it's so heavy and.

[Johnny Pemberton]

But the thing so much that remains.

[Pete Holmes]

Spirituality is kind of like learning to be asleep while you're awake. Again, Rupert.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, no. That's it. That's it. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

The piece of being deeply asleep while you're awake. Because when I'm Spiraling at night or whatever. Wishing I was asleep. I'm trying to find that part of me that isn't spiraling and go to that. And it's what you might call the backdrop or the background that. Wherein anxiety appears like ink and water. It appears. But the backdrop. What you taste when you meditate is you. And it's okay. That's the. That's the good news.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Hell yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. I just did some ketamine. I always make that joke whenever I go on a trip.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Do some LSD on Christmas. And I recommend that.

[Pete Holmes]

Was it good? Christmas is a great day to do psychosis. Great day to do it because nobody's calling.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I mean?

[Johnny Pemberton]

No one thinks you're on psychedelics.

[Pete Holmes]

Nobody guesses psychedelics. They just think Christmas spirit. You did a full dose?

[Johnny Pemberton]

I did a pretty high. More than I was expecting. Here's what I did was really cool. Went to the nursing home of my in laws.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Johnny Pemberton]

And I was like. My wife was like, you don't have to go. You don't have to go. I'm like, I want to go. I really want to go. It was heavy, you know, it was like, oh, I have to not cry. I can't cry right now. You know. Well, yeah. And also you see these people, like, oh, man. Just in a state of deterioration.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

You know, you're close to the end of your life kind of thing.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's like. And I was like, oh, this is. This feels very strong. In a good way.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Johnny Pemberton]

We're like, oh, I'm really feeling something very strong right now.

[Pete Holmes]

You were looking at something that we don't often look at.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

In an open state.

[Johnny Pemberton]

But that's the thing about psychedelics and all that stuff that people don't. I think they miss the mark with is they act like it's supposed to be pleasurable. Act like it's supposed to be like this super fun thing. When I think it's more of a. Getting access to really heavy, pure things in a way where like, I'm gonna fucking look at this thing.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Johnny Pemberton]

And it's not gonna be easy or fun, but it's gonna be good because it's so significant.

[Pete Holmes]

It wants you to look at.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah. Because we're just so good at not looking at significant heavy things now. We have so many distractions. It's so easy to be like, oh, I'm not gonna. I'm not going to look at that. I'm not going to go there.

[Pete Holmes]

It's not getting drunk at an airport bar. It's the opposite.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like. It's. It's not an avoidant experience.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Right. It's the opposite of it. And so I think sometimes psychedelics can help. You have the opposite of avoidance, so you have to deal with this thing. It's like, hello, I'm here. I'm not going away. I'm going to knock your door down if you don't look at it.

[Pete Holmes]

I've never done ayahuasca, but that's what they really is. I bet you've been avoiding. Let's say it's like your relationship with your mom.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

We're just gonna do that for six hours. Apparently, it gives you breaks. There's something people have told me there's an intelligence to it. It'll be flooding you with all of this stuff, and you're like, oh, my God, what that experience was like from their perspective. And then it'll take you to bliss to recharge. And then when you remember who you.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Are, it's like putting your head down the toilet and underwater again. All right.

[Pete Holmes]

Getting drowned again. I think that's what it is.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah, for sure. That seems about right.

[Pete Holmes]

So you were with really old people in a nursing home on. Were you, like, peaking?

[Johnny Pemberton]

I don't know. I was. It was enough. It was enough to be. It was a little more than I bargained for. It was a little more than they bargained for. A few hours later, I was thinking, God, I wish I had a cigarette right now, because I feel like I'm about to be overwhelmed, you know? But that's the thing. If you've done psychedelics enough, you kind of know. You know what the ride is, and you.

[Pete Holmes]

It'll. It'll be over or just take it.

[Johnny Pemberton]

You can just hang on. If you can hang on a little.

[Pete Holmes]

Longer in the nursing home, I don't think so.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I don't even know anymore.

[Pete Holmes]

It was more of a. Sometimes it just changes how you're seeing.

[Johnny Pemberton]

I think it does, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

In the weirdest way that brings. I was on a pretty small dose, probably like a quarter tab, and I was in a car, and I was like. I was a passenger, obviously, but I was like. Being in a car is so hard on your nervous system.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, my God, man.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, with a good driver, you're just like.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Like.

[Pete Holmes]

What I'm saying is we push away all this stuff, but if you're looking at your body just in a normal car, you're tensing your. Your abs, your. Is that like, you don't do that. You're just kind of like. But inside there's a part of you that's like, really knows it shouldn't be going 60 miles an hour.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Unnatural.

[Pete Holmes]

It's not.

[Johnny Pemberton]

We don't belong up there unnatural. Unlike humankind to be doing that.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, we're working today.

[Johnny Pemberton]

We're working today.

[Pete Holmes]

Enbies.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Yeah, man.

[Pete Holmes]

Do you feel good?

[Johnny Pemberton]

I feel great. Yeah, totally.

[Pete Holmes]

You have to say, brought to us by Magic Mind.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Brought to us by Magic Mind. Mental performance shot subtly sweet with sharper mind, lower stress and calm energy. With 12 magical ingredients weighing in at only 2.8 fluid ounces, which is perfect.

[Pete Holmes]

Because I fly with them.

[Johnny Pemberton]

It's an herbal supplement. You can fly with it for stability, for color energy, for less stress, for mental performance. Get yours now at the website that we have. You can do it. Get on there, get it, do it. Go. Be brought to you by Honda.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah, we have to do Honda as well.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Honda. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Sorry. Thank you for being here. I always love seeing you. And we'll plug whatever you want up top. You also get some modern mail. You like this?

[Johnny Pemberton]

I didn't realize I was even looking this entire time. I didn't even clock that what this was.

[Pete Holmes]

It looks like ketchup packets.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Oh, my.

[Pete Holmes]

You'll love it. Put up your button. Oh, pemmies. Would you say keep it crispy? It's your third time saying keep it crispy.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Would you please let me say it in tandem with you or just alone?

[Pete Holmes]

We can say beautiful wolf suits.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Please go see. Please keep it crispy by going to see Mermaid in theaters in March. Love it. So just keep it crispy. Oh, yeah. Want to listen to your favorite Lemonada shows without the ads? Subscribe to Lemonada Premium on Apple Podcasts. You'll get ad free episodes and exclusive bonus content from shows like Wiser Than Me with Julia Louis Dreyfus, Fail Better with David Duchovny, the Sarah Silverman podcast, and so many more. It's a great way to support the work we do and treat yourself to.

[Pete Holmes]

A smoother, uninterrupted listening experience.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Just head to any Lemonada show, feed on Apple podcasts and hit subscribe. Make life suck less with fewer ads with Lemonada Premium. Are you looking for ways to make.

[Pete Holmes]

Your everyday life happier, healthier, more productive and more creative? I'm Gretchen Rubin, the number one bestselling.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Author of the Happiness Project, bringing you.

[Pete Holmes]

Fresh insights and practical solutions in the Happier with Gretchen Rubin podcast. My co host and happiness guinea pig.

[Johnny Pemberton]

Is my sister, Elizabeth Craft. That's me, Elizabeth Craft, a TV writer and producer in Hollywood. Join us as we explore ideas and hacks about cultivating happiness and good habits.

[Pete Holmes]

Check out Happier with Gretchen Rubin from Lemonada Media.