Transcript

Johnny Pemberton (0:02)

Lemonade.

Pete Holmes (0:18)

You made it weird with Pete Holmes. What's happening, weirdos? This is the return, return, the second return of one of my favorite people, Johnny Pemberton. Just a classic and it's the first time he's been on a video. So we finally have video of some, some wonderful classic Johnny Pemberton moments which we had to cover because we recorded this episode on Martin Luther King Jr. Day. So that was a natural way in to if you know it, you know it and you're about to hear it. So I'm so glad you're here. Follow Johnny on all his on his socials. He's on on the road, he's touring. Go see him live. Go enjoy his splendor that you're about to enjoy here. Also petehomes.com for my tour dates, we have Miami, Royal Oaks, Michigan, Irving, Texas, Madison, Wisconsin and Denver, Colorado. That's it. In the meantime, as I always say, enjoy my chat with the wonderful Johnny Pemberton. Get into it.

Johnny Pemberton (1:19)

Hey there, it's Julia Louis Dreyfus. I'm back with a new season of Wiser Than Me, the show where I sit down with remarkable older women and soak up their stories, their humor and their hard earned wisdom. Every conversation leaves me a little smarter and definitely more inspired. And yes, I'm still calling my 91 year old mom Judy to get her take on it all. Wiser Than Me from Lemonada Media is out now. Wherever you get your podcasts, It's morning in New York.

Pete Holmes (2:02)

Hey everybody, I'm Mandy Patinkin. And I'm Kathryn Grody. And we have a new podcast. It's called don't listen to Us. Many of you have asked for our advice. Tell me what is wrong with you people.

Johnny Pemberton (2:15)

Don't listen to us.

Pete Holmes (2:16)

Our take it or leave it advice show every Wednesday. Out now. A Lemonada Media original. And jonathan pemby tun pembies and jonathan corduroy. Yellow frame iPhone pen.

Johnny Pemberton (2:45)

Tv. Welcome to Night. It's 1921.

Pete Holmes (2:53)

Welcome to It's 1921. The show where it's 1921. Oh, that's for you. All we talk about is tuberculosis and how to get mold. TB is bad.

Johnny Pemberton (3:01)

We hate it.

Pete Holmes (3:02)

Tb. Before there was tv, there was tb.

Johnny Pemberton (3:07)

Was there an intersection of TB and tv?

Summary

Podcast Summary

You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

Episode: Johnny Pemberton #3
Date: February 11, 2026
Host: Pete Holmes
Guest: Johnny Pemberton

Episode Overview

Comedian Johnny Pemberton returns for his third appearance on "You Made It Weird," joining Pete Holmes for a freewheeling, hilarious, and introspective conversation. They riff on classic bits, revisit viral stories from Johnny's previous appearances, and dive into topics ranging from awkward high school nicknames to spirituality, aging, sugar addiction, the pitfalls of social media, and their mutual love for reggae. The episode moves with the familiar loose and improvisational tone that fans love, punctuated by surreal tangents, deep reflections, and recurring inside-joke catchphrases.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Return of Johnny on Video (00:18–03:32)

First time Johnny is filmed for the podcast—Pete notes the significance and anticipation.
Immediate launch into absurdist improv: mock old-timey radio, TV vs. tuberculosis (“Before there was TV, there was TB”), and playing with random objects/food at the recording table.

2. High School Nicknames and Confrontation (05:00–08:00)

Johnny revisits being called "Fun Size" in high school, a nickname he disliked and eventually confronted the instigator about aggressively.
- “What did you just say to me? You heard me, motherfucker.” – Johnny Pemberton (06:18)
Pete and Johnny riff on the ‘prison rules’ vibe this unexpectedly established, discussing fear, intimidation, and the reality that most people don’t actually want to fight.

3. Generational Social Skills & Changes (07:32–10:53)

The comedians discuss how growing up required engaging with adults (answering house phones, making small talk), which forced the development of social skills.
- “We grew up, if I wanted to call my friend Johnny Pemberton, I'd call your house, right? Your mom would answer.” – Pete Holmes (08:16)
Pete contrasts this with his daughter's FaceTime interactions—kids are less interested in performing social rituals.

4. Rituals and Cold Plunges (10:54–13:43)

Both comedians share their routines and experiences with cold plunges and ice baths.
Jokes about Wim Hof and his cold-exposure methods: “Wim’s got tiny nuts, little lentils because he’s always getting so cold.” – Pete Holmes (11:45)
Debate on optimal freezing temps and whether the extreme cold offers extra benefits, leading to jokes about masculinity and endurance.

5. Classic "You Made It Weird" Stories Revisited (14:14–17:01)

a. Martin Luther King Jr. Day Story (15:04)

Johnny recounts a story about accidentally getting his landlord on the phone on MLK Day and the landlord drawling, “Oh, we’re working today,” interpreted as a subtle, uncomfortable moment of regional racism.
- “Oh, we're working today. Okay.” – Johnny Pemberton (15:55)

b. “Beautiful Wool Suits” (18:28–25:34)

Pete and Johnny reminisce about one of their most memorable inside jokes: a desperate door-to-door sales job in Minnesota, with a fellow worker’s awe about buying “beautiful wool suits” from Men’s Warehouse.
- “Men’s warehouse, they’ve got these beautiful wool suits.” – Johnny Pemberton (22:01)
They talk about how humor arises from life’s most mundane, drab, and lo-fi experiences.

c. Hardest Laugh/Robot Voice Story Misfire (26:05–30:13)

Pete tries to trigger Johnny’s hardest-laugh anecdote, accidentally conflating stories. They call Pete’s wife, Val, for clarification, but it turns out Johnny wasn’t the source for that “robot voice” tracheotomy story after all.
They discuss memory gaps as performers: “There’s a lot of stuff that if I’m not reminded of it, it’ll go away.” – Johnny (30:16)

6. Letting Go of Performance Anxiety (31:01–33:59)

Conversation about how performers obsess over past shows and the growth that comes from learning to let go and move on.
- “The hardest thing of all is getting to that point where you can just let go of what happened and be like, okay, you know, I did the best I could...” – Johnny (31:34)

7. Aging, Health, and Self-Care (40:00–44:50)

They reflect on how aging shifts perspectives; wild behavior and dietary risk-taking become less appealing.
- “When I see someone drinking a Red Bull after 4pm, I’m like, ‘Hey, you want to do that?’” – Johnny (41:43)
Pete notes his own newfound safety and risk aversion as a married father.

8. Acting, Bad Sets, and Industry Stories (54:46–57:09)

Johnny recounts horror stories from bad film/TV sets: incompetent hires, temper tantrums, and being the unwitting confidante of notoriously disagreeable stars.
- “I was in a scene with someone and this girl says to me right before our first shot together, ‘Am I supposed to look at you or the camera?’” – Johnny (55:47)
Discussion about resilience and thick-skinned attitudes developed from early adversity and personal health challenges.

9. Sugar, Diet, and Social Influence (62:43–66:43)

Talk on diet ignorance, hidden sugar in foods, and learning about health the hard way through documentaries.
- “There’s so much propaganda.” – Pete (64:12)
- “If we don’t intervene… it’s not like no one’s talking to them. The advertising companies are talking to them.” – Pete (64:27)

10. Paralysis by Social Responsibility & Modern Life (66:57–68:01)

The exhausting cycle of attempting to make perfect “ethical” choices in a broken system.
- “It’s exhausting to be good.” – Johnny (67:53)
- “Only the Good Die Young—that’s not just a song, it’s a phrase.” – Pete (68:01)

11. Reggae and Its History (77:44–83:10)

In-depth and passionate discussion about reggae, its influences, Jamaican sound systems, and the genre’s deep personal impact on Johnny.
- “It goes pretty deep. I think it’s technically, reggae came kind of late. I like a lot of music that came before reggae was a word...” – Johnny (77:48)
- Pete waxes about musical evolution as a metaphor for communal connection.

12. Digital Isolation & Community (83:10–89:59)

The joys and perils of today’s digital lives: the downsides of too much screen time versus the potential for online communities.
- “For me, I don’t like any of that stuff. I feel more and more that I don’t want to have anything to do with anything digital if I can.” – Johnny (86:33)
Mutually commiserate about email and social media as addictive admin burdens.

13. Meditation, Spirituality, and Psychedelic Insight (95:26–108:13)

Pete and Johnny share their evolving paths with meditation (from TM to Rupert Spira’s “direct approach”) and compare notes on spiritual pursuits.
- “My meditation style is fucking stop. And if you think, that’s fine… Stop trying anything. Just go into it.” – Pete (98:53)
Johnny describes taking LSD on Christmas and the resulting confrontation with mortality and family at a nursing home.
- “But that’s the thing about psychedelics...they act like it’s supposed to be pleasurable...I think it’s more of a getting access to really heavy, pure things...” – Johnny (106:38)

Notable Quotes & Moments

[06:18] Johnny: “You heard me, motherfucker.”
[15:55] Johnny (imitating landlord): “Oh, we’re working today. Okay.”
[22:01] Johnny: “Men’s warehouse, they’ve got these beautiful wool suits."
[31:34] Johnny: "The hardest thing of all is getting to that point where you can just let go..."
[41:43] Johnny: "When I see someone drinking a Red Bull after 4pm, I’m like, ‘Hey, you want to do that?’"
[55:47] Johnny: “Am I supposed to look at you or the camera?”
[62:27] Pete: "It's not like no one's talking to them. The advertising companies are talking to them."
[67:53] Johnny: "It’s exhausting to be good."
[77:48] Johnny: “It goes pretty deep... reggae came kind of late. I like a lot of music that came before reggae was a word...”
[98:53] Pete: “My meditation style is fucking stop…and if you think, that's fine…stop trying anything. Just go into it.”
[106:38] Johnny: “But that’s the thing about psychedelics...they act like it’s supposed to be pleasurable...I think it’s more of a getting access to really heavy, pure things...”

Timestamps for Key Segments

00:18 – Show begins, improv, and riffing
05:00 – High school confrontation & “Fun Size”
07:32 – Generational differences in social skills
11:40 – Wim Hof/cold plunge discussion
15:04 – MLK Day “we’re working” story
18:28 – “Beautiful wool suits” story
26:05 – Hardest laugh/robot voice misfire
31:01 – Letting go of performance anxiety
40:00 – Aging and risk aversion
54:46 – Acting, bad sets, and thick-skinnedness
62:43 – Sugar, health, and diet ignorance
66:57 – The exhaustion of ethical living
77:44 – Reggae history and meaning
83:10 – Digital life vs. analog joy
95:26 – Meditation & spirituality
106:38 – LSD on Christmas at a nursing home

Episode Tone & Style

Chaotic, improvisational, and tangential
Deeply self-aware and frequently self-deprecating
Blend of childhood stories, philosophical musings, and absurdist comedy
Unfiltered, personal, and conversational, often deliberately satirical and surreal

For Listeners New & Old

If you’re new or returning to "You Made It Weird," this episode delivers what’s become the show’s classic blend: weirdness, warmth, vulnerability, playful mocking, and surprising wisdom. Long-time fans will enjoy callbacks and running gags, while newcomers will find the episode both accessible and evocative of the comedians’ unique perspectives on life, art, and humanity.

Memorable Closing

[110:48] Johnny: “Please go see Mermaid in theaters in March. Love it. So just keep it crispy.”
[110:51] Pete: “We can say beautiful wolf suits…”

End with Pete’s signature:

“Keep it crispy.”

Johnny Pemberton #3