Kyle Kinane Returns

Summary

You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes — Ep. “Kyle Kinane Returns”

Release Date: July 31, 2024
Host: Pete Holmes
Guest: Kyle Kinane, comedian
Theme: Embracing personal weirdness and change; comedy in midlife; the strange and shifting lines between who we are and how we perform.

---

Episode Overview

In this characteristically freewheeling and heartfelt episode, Pete welcomes back his old friend, comedian Kyle Kinane, for a reunion more than a decade after Kyle’s first appearance on the show. The conversation meanders through reflections on aging, sobriety, the evolution of the comedy business, technology’s encroachment, morality and meaning, and the weirdness and joy of being alive and imperfect.

Both share personal stories of leaving Los Angeles, changing cities and lifestyles, and adapting to new ideas about selfhood. They banter about the value and pitfalls of comedy, the oddities of language and society, and some deeply silly stuff about matcha, music, ghosts, and accidentally peeing your pants.

The episode is peppered with memorable jokes, deep tangents, mutual admiration, spiritual speculation, and plenty of laugh-out-loud moments.

---

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Moving Away from LA: Finding New Versions of Home

• Kyle on leaving LA: He describes how the pandemic gave him and his long-term partner (“the missus”) the nudge to finally relocate to Portland. Many comedians are making similar moves, realizing they can work remotely or don't need to be at the center of showbiz anymore.

  “Everybody kind of … like, oh, I could do everything remotely. I wasn’t doing showbiz shit when I was here. I was just doing spots and then falling off my bike during the days and it was great.” (05:54)

• Pete’s move to Ojai: Pete reveals he left LA as well, embracing a slower life with land, fruit trees, and backyard chickens, while reflecting that the choice to stay in LA seemed more like Stockholm Syndrome after stepping away.

2. Comedy, Longevity, and Audience

• Changing comedy scenes: Both discuss how comedy evolves when comics play to their own fans, possibly at the cost of developing truly universal material.

  “There’s an epidemic … with comedy going on right now, which is a lot of hours that were written exclusively for thousands of your fans. … That’s a tricky pickle.” (21:34)

• The importance of bombing: Kyle values performing in rooms where no one knows him, because that challenge keeps him “growing and figuring something out.” (21:23)
• On thriving and perception:

  “I told Shane Torres ... I feel like I’m thriving. And he couldn’t stop laughing. ... He’s like, you should look at your face when you say that.” (10:36)

3. Aging, Sobriety, and Identity Shifts

• Sobriety: Kyle shares he hasn’t had a drink in two and a half months, admitting he’s annoyed that things are better and wrestling with his self-concept as the hard-living comic:

  “Everything got better. Like, man, I just like being drunk. I really like it. ... I love having a few beers when it’s … I love rules.” (56:57)

• Letting go of old personas:

  “I thought I’d always be the guy with the beer in my hand … but you live in Portland.” (112:54)

• Comedic archetypes: Pete and Kyle liken the hard-partying “bar hero” to a figure that doesn’t age well—or last long—in Los Angeles.

4. Language, Categories, and Social Progress

• Relationships and labels: They riff on how “partner” used to exclusively signal queerness and now is a neutral term, and how “girlfriend/boyfriend” can feel inadequate after a decade together at age 47.
• Semantic change and social issues:

  “We’re using language to put band aids on real issues. … You ignored a houseless person on the off ramp today instead of a homeless person. You feel better?” (12:13)

• Marriage and domestic partnership: Kyle and his partner haven’t married; they look at the shifting legal and social structures around marriage, taxes, and health insurance.

5. Morality, Meaning, and Mortality

• On veganism and ethics:

  “Don’t let the pursuit of perfection destroy the good.” (31:36, quoting Moby)

• Factory farming, hunting, and hypocrisy: Both admit to ethical inconsistencies—sometimes eating meat or eggs when their ideals slip—and reflect on the limits of “perfection” in living morally.
• Living a good life without religion: Pete offers a spiritual but non-religious take:

  “The point of life is life. … The motivation for being moral is not just love your neighbor as yourself, but recognizing you and your neighbor are the same.” (97:26)

6. Tech, AI, and the Future

• Will AI replace comedians? Pete speculates that “AI friends” will provide instant, news-related jokes and that live human experience might become more valued.

  “There’s a very good possibility there will be more of a demand for the human experience to be together.” (25:30)

• The creeping weirdness of tech: They joke about food-delivery robots in Portland, why robots shouldn’t have faces that blink, and the unease of emotionally manipulating technology.

7. Social Media, Attention, and Information Diets

• ‘Being had’ by social media and marketing: Both talk about quitting various platforms and curating what they see, feeling “had” by alcohol, cigarettes, or the attention economy.
• On life's mundane routines before smart phones:

  “What did you do when you were 24? … I napped a lot with a disc man.” (69:09)

8. Impermanence, Oneness, and Spiritual Thought

• Death and consciousness: Pete and Kyle wander into philosophical territory, debating what (if anything) comes after death, the illusion of separation, and whether consciousness continues. Pete compares death to “the air inside a vase joining the air outside.”
• Bar moments and collective weirdness: Kyle locates real spirituality not in grand metaphysics but everyday moments of connection—like a wild conversation among strangers at a bar.

  “That’s the connection. … And that would be this spiritual community that would exist only for that moment.” (106:09)

---

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On moving and the comedy diaspora:

  “Every time somebody doesn’t pick up poo on the sidewalk, new unaffordable housing gets built. It’s the LA version of 'every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings.'” — Kyle (04:34)

• On knowing/loving our own weirdness:

  “You can’t be an underdog more than once. If you do it so well, you get vaulted over the fence, you’re not an underdog anymore. You’ve lost your identity.” — Kyle (47:06)

• On AI’s future with comedy:

  “My daughter will think it’s hilarious that you and I used to watch a current event and then would go, I wonder what Jon Stewart’s gonna say about that tomorrow.” — Pete (25:47)

• On internet information overload:

  “There was nothing more rewarding than being at a checkout stand and not recognizing anybody on an Us Weekly. Like, I’m doing it right. I am crushing it.” — Kyle (69:40)

• On doing psychedelics:

  “You don’t need DMT or a deprivation tank. Just wear earplugs and eat Doritos and it’s the same thing.” — Kyle (52:15)

• On striving for self-betterment:

  “I love the whimsy and randomness of the world … then the next day it’s like, 'You! Everything! Get it!'" — Kyle (115:22)

• On morality without hope for reward:

  “That’s the wrong question. That’s like saying, What’s the last note of a symphony? … The reward is the song.” — Pete (96:47)

• On aging gracefully:

  “What do you tell people is the reward for living a morally good life if there’s no heaven?” — Kyle (96:38)
  “I would say it’s a recognition that your essential nature and my essential nature are the same thing, that there’s only one awareness.” — Pete (97:26)

• On the loss of mystery:

  “As a kid, you just read a couple books from the library and there was still mystery around things. … Now, it’s all flooded in.” — Kyle (131:15)

---

Highlighted Segments with Timestamps

• [05:34] — Mass comedian exodus from LA; pandemic-fueled moves.
• [21:16] — The risk of only performing for fans; the test of "real" jokes.
• [29:31] — The wealth/charity conundrum (Alec Baldwin, Moby anecdotes).
• [31:36] — Moby’s “no expression of love is perfect” and vegan guilt.
• [56:57] — Kyle on not drinking: “Everything got better, and I’m pissed about it.”
• [62:51] — Realizing, with age, that not everyone was drinking at the open mics: “You don’t notice the people that quietly slip out after their set.”
• [81:45] — The real purpose behind technological ‘progress’: “We’re just freeing up more time to make workers work more.”
• [96:47] — The false questions of moral “rewards” and being good for no reason but the reason itself.
• [106:09] — True connection: “The spiritual community that would exist only for that moment [at the bar].”
• [139:32] — Hardest laughs: “It’s always a fart, isn’t it?”

---

Tone & Dynamic

The tone is playful, intelligent, sincerely self-deprecating, and sometimes philosophically heady. There’s an affectionate, open dynamic as old friends tease, reflect, and reveal. Both Pete and Kyle ground big thoughts in the absurdity of daily life and the specifics of their own ongoing weirdness. The episode is a testament to owning your strangeness, appreciating imperfection, and the power of laughter (sometimes about farts, sometimes about the very meaning of existence).

---

Memorable One-Liners

• “We’re animals with a couple extra buttons.” — Kyle (104:07)
• “It’s all going to be just casket nougat in a few years.” — Kyle (107:19)
• “Do you remember Brunch Furatu? … We called him Brunch Furatu.” — Pete/Kyle (92:41)

---

Final Thoughts

This episode is a love letter to midlife self-acceptance, the endurance of friendship and comedy, and the ever-shifting dance between meaning and absurdity. It’s an honest, funny meditation on the strangeness of change, the hope (and futility) of getting it all right, and the joy of having someone to riff about it with.

---

Kyle’s Special “Dirt Nap” is available free on YouTube, or for $10 sans ads.

Keep it crispy.

---

End of Summary

Transcript

[A]

You made it weird.

[B]

You made it weird. You made it weird.

[A]

Oh, yeah. You made it weird.

[B]

Yes, you did.

[A]

You made it weird with Pete Holmes.

[B]

What's happening, weirdos? This is the return of my dear friend, the lovely Kyle Kanane, who I have known for well over a decade. He is hilarious. He has a new special called Dirt Nap, which is in. Which is invalable, which is available in its entirety on YouTube.com so check that out. He is so funny. He is so wonderful. And I enjoyed this chat even more than the first time he was on, which was about 10 years ago. My goodness. So I'm so glad Kyle is back. Hope to see you guys out on the road. I am touring. Kyle is also touring. Go to kylekanane.com for his tour dates if you'd like to see me. I'm going to be in Madison this weekend, followed by Pittsburgh, Buffalo, New York, Milwaukee, and then Denver. All of those are [e-mail] and in the meantime, enjoy this chat with the wonderful, the hilarious, the one of a kind Kyle Kanane. Get into it. What was that?

[A]

I was walking and I saw a guy named Joe who's now a very famous band called Rise Against. But it was in bands I saw as a teenager and we know each.

[B]

Other and I was like, wait a minute. What? Like, we, like, like, wait, is he a Chicago guy? Yeah. I'm waiting for this to become Chicago.

[A]

Randomly here on the street in Los Feliz, talking about like. Like, oh, yeah, we know each other from punk rock. I was like, isn't it sad Steve Albini died today.

[B]

So who's Steve Albini?

[A]

That will get your ass kicked in Chicago.

[B]

I don't live in Chicago.

[A]

He's. He's like a very. Yeah, I know. It doesn't matter anymore. He's a very famous producer. Like, famous, like punk producer. Like anybody. Nirvana and all these bands.

[B]

Which Nirvana record? I don't know.

[A]

I'm not a fan.

[B]

Now we're both in trouble. Yeah. Huge producer.

[A]

Are we rolling? Is it a rolling start?

[B]

Yeah, but we can start when, like.

[A]

We can cut that out. What are these? Do I have one of these?

[B]

Yeah, that's for you. Do you want a cold one? It is cold. Nice.

[A]

My, how the definition of cold one has changed. I want a cold one. Okay.

[B]

It's not wheatgrass. It's matcha. It's called Magic Mind. You'll like it.

[A]

Don't tell me, oh, this is the stuff you're moving.

[B]

I'm always.

[A]

This is the stuff you're plugging.

[B]

What's the word? What's the. What's the Yiddish word? I looked at Katie. Not schlepping. Hawking. Hawking isn't Yiddish, but it's the word I was thinking of. I'm always hawking my wares. There you go.

[A]

What's this gonna do?

[B]

Help you focus. Make you feel good. Make you feel real good. Remember that Bronger bit? Is there any more terrifying question than do you party? Do you party?

[A]

You shoot moose. I was just talking to him the other day about like, you gotta get silly brunger. But his bit about a savory Willy.

[B]

Wonka, I don't know, it.

[A]

It just. It's just like, what if Willy Wonka instead of sweets. It was all savory flavors and it was the dumbest, best thing I've heard.

[B]

I've said it.

[A]

Welcome. How do you do? Let's take a trip down my river of stew. Oh, man, that is a plus. Bronger stuff right there. Just being a weirdo.

[B]

That is fantastic.

[A]

Yeah, he's the best.

[B]

You know, it's funny that you mentioned cold one. I'm so happy to see you. The new special dirt nap. Yes. Is available. Will be available.

[A]

No, it's out.

[B]

It's out.

[A]

It's out.

[B]

Oh, you could. I'm sorry. I said send me the link. I thought.

[A]

I'm not going to make you watch the YouTube video that makes. It makes my already bloated special 45 minutes longer with ads.

[B]

Oh, does it?

[A]

Yeah. I mean, it might be magic mind. So you'd be excited. You see yourself telling. Reminding you to drink your stuff that.

[B]

Has happened to me as I've had an ad that I'm in show up in my own feed and I'm like, get this fucking guy out of here.

[A]

I'm too close to the machinery.

[B]

I fell inside.

[A]

In the gears.

[B]

Yeah, absolutely. Where. Where was I going with that, though?

[A]

Well, you're talking about my new special.

[B]

Yeah, your new special being wonderful. Oh. And you said. And really how happy I am that you're here and happy to see you, man.

[A]

Yeah. What's up? Look at this man home. I like where we're at here.

[B]

This is the. This is the new student. Yeah. You did it back when it was at Meltdown.

[A]

Back when meltdown was a structure familiar. I have a theory about Los Angeles having been gone and come back. I think every time somebody doesn't pick up do on the sidewalk, new unaffordable housing gets built. It's like. It's the. It's Every time a bell rings, an angel gets its wings.

[B]

Los Angeles version come down my river of stew. What I'm saying is that observation. I just as good.

[A]

Did I just step in some French bulldog shit? I bet that's a condo going up over there. I bet that's a condo being built on something I used to cherish.

[B]

Yeah, but don't. A lot of them. I don't keep tabs on LA real estate, but I always get rumblings, oh, it's not selling. That one's not selling or whatever.

[A]

I don't know who can afford any.

[B]

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. So who are they for?

[A]

If for the tax write off for the developers.

[B]

Oh, no. What a somber.

[A]

I think, yeah, I think it's hell. I have a fondness for this city. Yeah, but you live in Portland.

[B]

Are a lot of people just kind of asking about that? Because I am curious about your move and how you're finding it and they're not it.

[A]

I mean, I think it's a lot of people going, oh, you did it. Yeah, you left. And I talked to. I was at the store last night and I saw Nikki Glaser and she lives in St. Louis. And I saw somebody else, Heather. I forget her name, but she's a part of the festival that's going on. She's like, oh, yeah, I just moved back to Atlanta. Like everybody kind of.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, oh, I could do everything remotely. I wasn't doing showbiz shit when I was here. I wasn't auditioning or doing any of that. I was doing spots and then falling off my bike during the days and it was great. I loved it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because I wasn't trying to like, get the other stuff.

[B]

My joke, which you'll. You know, I live about 90 minutes north. I live in Ojai. Did you know that? No. Yeah. So I. I also have left. Really? Yeah.

[A]

What's. Where are we?

[B]

This is Los Feliz, bro.

[A]

I know, but is this.

[B]

Oh, what is this structure?

[A]

Your outpost?

[B]

This. My friends rent this place and we kept the back.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I was like, how is he 10 minutes late? He lives there. He lives across the driveway when I live there.

[B]

Okay. I was always early when I lived there. Yeah.

[A]

I was like, how is he late from coming across his own driveway?

[B]

No, it took me two hours to get in today because I hit a.

[A]

Lot of traffic, but that's. Oh, I want to hear about Ojai.

[B]

Well, I'll tell you just to see what it gets out of you because I'M curious about Portland. It's Portland, right?

[A]

Somebody took keeping it crispy literally.

[B]

I'm not sure I understand.

[A]

So very hot up there.

[B]

It's so funny.

[A]

Coilies.

[B]

Do you.

[A]

Coilies?

[B]

If I was gonna describe Ojai hot wouldn't even be in the top 10 things. But, like, you and, like, when I. I know you're. Aren't you friends with Marin? He goes, too dry up there. Too dry. Like, there's this way that certain people see it.

[A]

I thought it was. It's not desert, but it's. It's. It's the high country.

[B]

Right. It is hotter than Ventura. Yeah. Because it's further from the ocean.

[A]

Burn down all the time.

[B]

It burns down, you know, every six years or so, there might be a scare.

[A]

Controlled Control.

[B]

Controlled.

[A]

It's a controlled burn. For my.

[B]

Controlled burn.

[A]

For my insurance company, it's a controlled burn.

[B]

Yeah. We started.

[A]

This house is a dump, and I need the money. It's a controlled burn.

[B]

That's what people never tell, sir.

[A]

That's called arson. Well, I do see it, you know, Tomato burn. I'm controlling the burn. Yeah. I want my house to burn down. Tomato, tomato.

[B]

But I really. One of the jokes I make is move to Los Angeles, audition for things over zoom and shoot them in Vancouver. That's my joke about living in la. And since we've gotten out. Gotten out. I also like la, but since we've left, it's like I always say to Val, I'm like, why were we. Why did we feel like we had to sleep there? Yeah.

[A]

Is it worse or was it Stockholm syndrome?

[B]

The whole time when I lived here.

[A]

When any of us lived here, like, no.

[B]

No, it's not good. No, it's.

[A]

No, it's good. It's nice. Basically. Joe Derosa.

[B]

No, it's good.

[A]

Not tonight. Yeah.

[B]

Little Burr.

[A]

No, that's good. I know the homeless people. I know. I'm like, I'm good with them on my block.

[B]

Well, it's funny. Unhoused crisis noted with compassion. One of the reasons it got a little too hairy was our. This street turned into, like, a real town. It was a village. It was a shanty. Can you say shantytown?

[A]

Yeah, the Hooverville. Is that. Can we say that?

[B]

I think so. And not to say.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It was just getting kind of. Kind of dark. Like, there were a couple moments with Val and with my daughter that were, like, leaning violent, scary. And we were like, I think we're gonna leave. And then we did leave renting, and then we were like, just Like a million people were like, we're just gonna stay. What was your journey to Portlandia?

[A]

We. The old pandigle happened and we got a chance to. Everybody had a cute name for it, right.

[B]

I like to call it the plandemic. And don't explain, just say it.

[A]

Like during the pandemic, I had plans and I was waiting for a global collapse to institute them. Controlled burn. It's the name of my new special. Controlled burn. It's all crowd work. Controlled burn that. Can you handle it?

[B]

A little too right.

[A]

Somebody's. Somebody's already releasing that.

[B]

That's already in control. Turn. That's a great Colin Kane record. Oh, is he still, I don't think.

[A]

Part of the world.

[B]

I've always. Colin's a very sweet guy, so I don't want to, you know, but I'm interested in him.

[A]

Yeah, he's. Well, there's a lot of characters in this business, but that's a great way to put it.

[B]

There's a lot of characters, I think.

[A]

Wasn't it a TBS slogan? I don't know. Everything characters welcome everything. USA network, whatever, man. Everything's marketing. It's all co opted.

[B]

Yeah. How curmudgeon are Lee are we, Kyle?

[A]

What? How are we what now?

[B]

How curmudgeonly are you? Are you.

[A]

Not at all. Not at all. I don't know why I got. I told Shane Torres when I was talking to Shane Torres, I'm like, I don't know, I feel like I'm thriving. And he couldn't stop laughing.

[B]

Oh really?

[A]

Well, I. I haven't cut my hair, so I look like this right now. So it's hard to be like. I just feel like I'm thriving. And he got. He got real. He's like, you should see yourself when you say that. You should look at your face when you say that.

[B]

I only that because we already talked about how sad LA architecture is in condominiums. And then everything's marketing and falling into mirrors of our own system.

[A]

It's the easiest thing to get laughs out of is like bitching about stuff.

[B]

I see. But you're feeling great. That's great.

[A]

Like the best ever.

[B]

The best ever. So tell me about the movie. You were saying. We.

[A]

We. Yeah, me and the missus, as we were talking about we don't know what. Katie. We don't know what to call our partners of long time without being married. I say the Mrs. Yeah.

[B]

That's nice.

[A]

Makes me feel like I'm in the American gothic painting.

[B]

I will say every time I've had this happen a million times because the brain does want to know what are we dealing with? That's why we invited invented marriage. You know what I mean? It's like night. Okay. You guys are serious and we like categories.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So whenever a guy.

[A]

I thought it was just to control a woman.

[B]

Well, that too.

[A]

Because otherwise they're a witch. I thought that's why it existed.

[B]

Not curmudgeonly.

[A]

I'm just, I'm just spitting facts, dog. I'll be ready. Controlled burn. Spitting facts.

[B]

So going back, whenever a guy says my partner, I assume he means his gay partner. His male partner.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then like three minutes later he says Michelle. And I'm just like. I, I thought there was a time when partner was what you said if you meant your same sex partner. And I feel like partners now on the table for you.

[A]

It's very European.

[B]

Yeah, it does feel kind of European.

[A]

I don't. Without sounding curmudgeon. I do think there is an amount of. No, but I don't feel that way. But there are amount of like we're using language to put band aids on real issues. Like I know it's houseless instead of homeless, but like, congratulations. So you ignored a houseless person on the off ramp today instead of a homeless person. You feel better?

[B]

No, you're absolutely.

[A]

You feel better. You use that term, but you did nothing for the cause.

[B]

Right.

[A]

So I'm not gonna get into the semantics of this shit.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know my partner. Oh, okay.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That could mean whatever. And also how badly do I need the information?

[B]

Right, right, right, right.

[A]

You're with somebody. So all I know is you're not single and I'm not going to try and set you up. Not that in the first place, but. But I. Yeah, I am.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm 47. We're adults and you've been together. Katie. I were talking like girlfriend or boyfriend. Sounds a bit immature for the age and how long we've been together for.

[B]

It doesn't give it its due.

[A]

No, it's, it's, it's earned more. I'm not going to be one of these. It's my old lady. It's my chick. Like not that guy. So I think Mrs. Is dignified. It's a little old fashioned. I think it shows respect. Indicates what type of orientation is happening.

[B]

Yeah. It's also going. It's a little bit like when Prince was the symbol, but the symbol meant son of the king. Because Mrs. Does mean a married woman. Right?

[A]

Yeah, but it's so old fashioned. Nobody's really sure because nobody is actually married. Would call them the Mrs. You're absolutely right.

[B]

It's absolutely, absolutely right. I think you found a brilliant way in. How long you been together?

[A]

10. 10 years.

[B]

And why no marriage? Is it an ideological revolt or is.

[A]

It just not like some big step? It's like I just don't see the need for it. Unless we're talking healthcare and taxes.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Unless we're talking and hospital visits. Horseshit institutions.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

That we are a part of.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Outside of that, I'm like, man, I'm not really.

[B]

But like, why not? I'm really just curious because you're just.

[A]

We just been together and it's just both of us kind of didn't see that being a.

[B]

No courthouse though. No tax break.

[A]

How much of a tax break.

[B]

A good tax break to incentivize you to have children. That's how that works.

[A]

Yeah. We're not doing that either.

[B]

No, I know, but you'd still get the tax break.

[A]

Yeah, but then.

[B]

And then if one of you was in the hospital, God forbid. But you'd be able to visit them.

[A]

Now you're finally a break.

[B]

You're. You're an indie movie cliche where you're like, I'm a partner for 10 years.

[A]

That's my wal. It was funny because there's a moment of like needing. There was possible like insurance concern. And you know, with sag, I'm like, okay, well I'll see. And like maybe we'll have to get married. Like, oh, now that doesn't work anymore.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Because you know, marriage is legal for everybody.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I can't get domestic partner benefits. I'm like, ah, the gays ruined it. And for the first time I could say that with truth. Yeah.

[B]

For them it's not in for you.

[A]

It'S not out of hate. It's just like you fucked up domestic partnership. Now I can't get insurance for my old lady.

[B]

That is really funny because the queers.

[A]

Had to come in and take it.

[B]

But then like doing it.

[A]

Which is of course as it's deserved. But like, yeah, there's no now I have to get married to get health insurance.

[B]

Right. That's the other is because you can claim them on your health insurance. So you wouldn't do it.

[A]

Just helpless. I hope all your stylish weddings were worth it.

[B]

Chocolate fountains.

[A]

Oh God. Went to a beach when it was fabulous.

[B]

You're reminding me. Whenever I see you, I think of my Chicago years, obviously. And I was at the elevated. And I thought this was the edgiest bit. And I was talking about how I worked with a lot of black women. Even saying that was like I got sweaty. Yeah, it was true. I worked at 150 South Michigan, the Banigans, where Josh Cheney also worked briefly.

[A]

Across from the Art Institute.

[B]

That's right. Yeah. Where they shot Spider Man. It's now a Walgreens.

[A]

They shot Spider Man.

[B]

The great power, great responsibility is supposed to be in New York, but it's actually the artist of Chicago. Fun fact. But I worked with all these black women that would go, okay. And I loved it. You'd be like, she's wearing a dress like that and she's got a boyfriend and someone would just go, okay. And I loved it. So I had a bit about how I wanted to co opt it. This is a long time ago, before, like, appropriation was kind of an issue. And then can't say anything anymore.

[A]

The wall clap. Yeah.

[B]

But I had a bit where I. The same bit goes. And I'm a straight man. But sometimes something isn't great. It's not fantastic. It is fabulous. And you're absolutely right when you said that. It gave me an image of the, of the, of the wedding.

[A]

Yeah. We've kind of over rotated acceptance into co opting. And it's like, I mean, over rotated.

[B]

That's nice.

[A]

I had, I mean, one of my first jokes, I said the N word in it. Oh, Dwayne. It was like, was at Lincoln or Red Lion. And Dwayne Kennedy is like, that joke's really funny. You should come back next week. I did it at my first open.

[B]

Mic and Dwayne Kennedy, who's a black comic. Yeah. He loved it.

[A]

But, but it's. I keep, you know, like there's the whole. You can't say anything, Kansas. You can if you're good.

[B]

Who made that point? Robin Tran was like, you can't say anything anymore. Cut to Succession winning every award and every other joke is an incest, sexual assault joke. Yeah. And you're like, yeah, you can still say whatever you want if, if you're good.

[A]

And I mean. But also I'm like, are we making a straw man about the. Who is saying you can't say anything anymore? Is it just completely. People comment. It's not comedians, it's people on the Internet.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Talking about it like, oh, well, you're just commenting on Reddit. You're.

[B]

It's confusing these comments with reality.

[A]

So am I making a fake enemy?

[B]

Yes. Yeah. And I think it's because we perversely kind of love it.

[A]

You gotta have something.

[B]

Yeah. That's what.

[A]

Yeah. If you have no opposition. What's. What's your. But like that's the. I am really having fun trying to write comedy out of a place of appreciation and trying to understand things as opposed to. I'm just not attracted to comedy. That's like. Let me tell you how the world works. Let me tell you what screwed up today. Why are you gonna tell me? You're. You're 27 and you've been a millionaire comedian for the past eight years.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Why do you know how the world works at all?

[B]

That's another great Neil Brennan bit. It's like, why are we listening? They're mad about what Dave said about trans people. He's like, why are we even letting comedians. Or who is going to the comedians? Like, oh, there's this thing called transgender. What if the clowns said.

[A]

I've. I was trying to.

[B]

What if the clowns. Yeah, it's the same point. Why are we going to Brad Pitt for how he votes?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Like this dude has never sat on a toilet. That wasn't also a bidet.

[A]

That I live that way also now. That is part of my set now. You want to make America great again? Get a bidet, you filthy ass. Is why we're going to be a third world country.

[B]

That is true.

[A]

Get it together.

[B]

That's true.

[A]

Stand by it. But. But that just. I would get so upset and it's gonna happen like just whenever it was the celebrities telling me to vote. It's just. Vote. Just tell me for who. I know who you want me to vote for. Don't do this. It's just important that everybody gets out and vote. Cuz that's not what you mean. I know who you want me to vote for. Be honest. Stop telling me it's important that everybody just votes. You want me to vote for a candidate, Right? Be honest about that. Stop telling me it's just important to participate. You're making this ad because you want me to vote left. That's why ye.

[B]

And. And the rally and the concert isn't in a red state. Like a decidedly red state. Yeah. Like they're not going there. They're going to swing states that could swing their way. You're absolutely right. Yeah.

[A]

This Sarah Silverman telling me to vote ad isn't coming on during Yellowstone. It's. It's, it's. It's on during Broad City. I know who you want me to vote for. Just tell me. Just Support. Just, just endorse the candidate. Oh, good. This ad break during Tucker Carlson has.

[B]

Yes. Hey, guys, it's Sarah.

[A]

It's just important that you participate in the civic process.

[B]

Yeah, I mean, that's everything. Is that what you like about comedy? It's what I like about comedy. So it's sort of a leading question is I like that comedy can. Right or wrong, perfect or imperfect is actually better. You can kind of just say the thing. You're allowed to say the thing.

[A]

Yeah, you could. And if. If the public opinion is not the same, you're gonna get your ass handed to you. Yeah, I loved. I mean, I don't know how much you're on the road or what you're splitting with. Do you do sets anymore or is it just like, like you just work? Like, I'm working every weekend. And so I got an hour, you know, show to like fit new stuff in and figure it out. But you're also home field advantage when you're playing to people that bought tickets to see you versus.

[B]

I hear you.

[A]

I can just do Portland. Like, Portland's great. There's a little bit of like, oh, Kyle's on the show, but then I'll get my ass handed to me.

[B]

Yeah. And that.

[A]

I love it if you stink.

[B]

Yeah. Are you one of those guys that likes doing bad or like.

[A]

No, but I like knowing that this, that I always have to grow and figure something out.

[B]

No, I know what you mean. There is an epidemic. Epidemics. Generous. But there's a issue, a problem, I would say, with comedy going on right now, which is a lot of hours that were written seemingly exclusively for thousands of your fans. And that. That's a risk. That's a tricky pickle. I just did a show which was awesome and it was a thousand people and I loved it. And I was doing so much better than I'm used to doing because I'm used to doing smaller venues. And I was like, oh, imagine if it was three times this many people and they all love me. What kind of act does that produce? So I'm with you. I go by the store and just do a regular set. And you know what happens is you go, oh, that sort of charming, personality driven, slice of life anecdote that I've been murdering with isn't really funny to people who just think you're a comedian.

[A]

No. It's 11 o' clock on a Tuesday and nobody in here gives a shit who I am.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I need to write some jokes.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. A good joke too.

[A]

Yeah. But then you see the people that are person, but they're like, that's. There's fandom now. Comedy is. I don't know if it's doing great or if it's so bloated. Like, I look at. It's like hair metal in the. And it's 1990.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And there are bands you've never heard of getting, you know, huge record deals.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And my man Nirvana is around the corner.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I know, I know you're playing drums and Bang Tango right now.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But you might want to learn. Learn how to produce. Find some behind the scenes stuff, because this is gonna. This is gonna pop. I wonder.

[B]

Controlled Burn will not be around in 1990.

[A]

Controlled burn, man. For its time, it was edgy, but it didn't age well.

[B]

And then it will be, ironically, the soundtrack to Peacekeeper. Like the. I don't know if you watched that show, but they put in all this hair metal and it's like this.

[A]

Now I'm gonna watch it.

[B]

It's like this joke, but it's also like, you enjoy it. You're like, this is good. I get it.

[A]

But like, that's a secret. That was my introduction to music. So I'm always. That's why I can drop the sad bands that went away. I was listening to Danger Danger at the time. Bullet Boys. I hope they're doing well. Like, I know.

[B]

Yeah. I mean, I. I could go both ways. I do feel like we're on the precipice of something. Do you spend a lot of time thinking about how tech is changing and AI and all that?

[A]

I don't think I've. No, I don't.

[B]

You don't think stand up is gonna be challenged by it.

[A]

Do you?

[B]

You seem like you might be in the woods on a typewriter writing about such things.

[A]

More or less. I mean, that was the beginning of last special. Like during the pandemic, I'm like, oh, this isn't comedy. I've just been writing manifestos and I'm trying to tag punchlines at the end so it doesn't sound like I'm about to storm a government office.

[B]

I relate.

[A]

I relate isn't a bomb. I'm just returning shit to Amazon. Calm down. I just haven't shaved in a while.

[B]

Do you get those looks?

[A]

I went. There was. I didn't shave or cut my hair or anything, I think for a year at the beginning of Pandemic. And it was because, Rachel, I'd be like, you got to tell me if you can't take it she's like, I don't know. It just looks crazy. I'm into it. I'm like, all right. So we're both just mating. Eagles plummeting towards the earth during this. And there's a.

[B]

Your partner was into it.

[A]

I couldn't. I couldn't.

[B]

It makes me so happy.

[A]

I couldn't eat soup without, like. The mask helped. I needed a full guard when eating soup. Cause it just looked like a new kitten getting its first bowl of milk. Go eat facing the wall when we go out so nobody could witness it. Oh, my God.

[B]

So we have a lot going. Let's go back. Let's go back.

[A]

Why do you think AI is gonna be a channel other than it's gonna take over the world?

[B]

Well, you know, I could talk about it both ways. I could say, I think there's a very good possibility that there will be more of a demand for the human experience to be together. Live comedy show, comedian who's actually here. Who's actually a person.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Talking. I think that's actually what's gonna happen. That's why I'm not panicked.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

What I do think will change is things. Like, I think my daughter will think it's hilarious that you and I used to watch a public. A current event, and then would go, I wonder what Jon Stewart's gonna say about that tomorrow.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Meaning there'll be that kind of comedy being generated in real time. The idea of going, like, what are they gonna say about that on snl? Or Will be, like, crazy. Because I think there's a certain type of comedy. It won't be as good. I don't think potentially that will be generated in real time.

[A]

It'll be very black. It'll be fed, like, while the newspaper press goes into the shredder immediately. It just gets.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Turns into what it needs. Yeah.

[B]

Meaning I think you'll have an AI friend who's very funny who will watch the news with you and will pepper in jokes. And you won't have to wait for Alec Baldwin to be like, my fellow Americans. Like, that'll be absurd. And it'll be like bloodletting or leeching. It'll just be like, how quaint that they used to put on a little play every Saturday.

[A]

Oh, it's the whole.

[B]

It's the waiting and waiting for human beings.

[A]

Cars used to be for rich people, and horses used to be. How do you got around? And now cars are for poor people and horses are for rich people kind of flip.

[B]

Wow. I like that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I. I was working On a very long time about how rich people involved. Very rich people and very poor people have a lot in common. They're both in nature a lot.

[A]

They both hoard what little money. What money they have.

[B]

That's really funny.

[A]

They both are not generous with what they have.

[B]

They don't share.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then the one that always killed me, but it never worked. This bit never worked. As I go. They both own more than one car. Like, the very poor people I know have, like, four cars. There's always one busted up in the driveway.

[A]

Yeah, but the four work for the rich person.

[B]

Yeah, for sure.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But they drive them the same.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They're not using the oil change. How many times is Jay Leno, like, I think I'll take the Phantom out today. Like, it does. It's not happening.

[A]

I was doing that. Speaking of jokes that wouldn't work. I was talking about, like, sneaker culture. Like, how I'm not.

[B]

I can't. I.

[A]

It's such a thing now. And you see, like, people with, like, a bunch of shoes. I'm like, oh, you're like, if Jay Leno was poor.

[B]

That's so funny.

[A]

Yeah. You can't have a. You got.

[B]

But I see the same compulsion. I think it's sad when I'm watching some, like, lifestyles, and we had Gabriel Iglesias on the show. I'm not teasing Gabriel, but Gabriel iglesias owns, like, 75 Volkswagen bugs. I'm like, something went wrong with all of us.

[A]

That's a Latino thing, though. I think so. I've. I am. He gets enamored with Latino culture and, like, from a young age. I don't know why.

[B]

Tell me.

[A]

I. I just don't. I don't. I think so.

[B]

Leno with all the cars is kind.

[A]

Of stupid, but I don't think if.

[B]

It was Jay Leno.

[A]

It's like Jaime Leno.

[B]

Jaime Leno with the.

[A]

With the tilde over the wagons. What does he. Does he let people see the. This is the thing. There's the opulent wealth. And, like, are people secretly being wildly generous? And they're not being loud about it because that's tacky. Like, I read something. I don't know if it's true or not.

[B]

I'm not counting all his money or is it counting what he's doing?

[A]

But, like, why does Alec Baldwin need to do a Capital One commercial? And then I read something secretly like, oh, he just takes all that money and gives it to the ASPCA or something. So you're two days worth of work and you want to give me a million dollars and I could just alley oop that into a cause.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

And you're a dick if you announce that's what you're doing.

[B]

Right. Right.

[A]

So you just have to take it on the chin of like what more money do you need? And you're secretly just know you're set and just you, oh, you're going to use me. You're going to give me this money and I can facilitate all these things.

[B]

Right. And Alec Waldman also knows because this was in the liner notes for the record Play the Moby record. He's like, why do I give my music to Toyota for a commercial? He's like, cuz if I don't they'll pay someone to make a sound alike and I won't get the $7 million that I just went and gave to a charity. Like he's, that's what he did. Say he was.

[A]

Nice to meet the only person who's read the liner notes of a Moby record.

[B]

They're actually great liner notes. Those are life changing liner notes. Those are the first liner notes where I read a non religious person say, I love Jesus. I'm not a Christian, but like I like some of these ideas. I never heard someone say that. Only nut jobs liked Jesus.

[A]

Only nut jobs and mommy Moby who has animal rights and block letters tattooed on his arm.

[B]

That's fair. That's fair.

[A]

Hey, everybody's making wild choices these days. Good for you, Moby.

[B]

Everyone's making what choices?

[A]

Wild choices.

[B]

I think speaking well, we won't get into that. I'm not going to get it. I do think in the future we're.

[A]

Not getting into something.

[B]

I think they're going to look back on how we're treating animals because of AI. They're going to look back and be like, this was the stone age.

[A]

I, I'm mostly vegetarian, which I know is not a real thing, but yeah, I, I define my own parameters.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like I'm pretty much vegetarian, not vegan.

[B]

Yeah. But I loved your vegan quesadilla bit. Oh yeah, that was fantastic.

[A]

That was a brand new joke. That, that special. That was like a, that was like a five day old joke you were.

[B]

Telling the things that had happened and I could tell, I was like, these really happened because you kept going, this was Wednesday. Yeah, like, oh, these are.

[A]

Wasn't super funny.

[B]

No, it wasn't super funny. All of those jokes were funny.

[A]

I just love starting a set with like it might not be the Funniest thing. But like, oh, here, this puts me in the moment right now.

[B]

I completely agree.

[A]

But, yeah, I'll flex on however I want to flex. I'm not going to use these parameters set up by other people to define how I'm supposed to be. Like, yeah, I. I think it's unfair how we. Yeah, I like just the cruelty and everything. But then last week I had chicken wings because I wanted chicken wings more than my compassion. You're going to let my levels change.

[B]

When I said that same thing to Moby, which means I'm an imperfect vegan.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He was like, don't let the pursuit of perfection. What is it? Destroy. Destroy the perfect.

[A]

The enemy of good.

[B]

Yeah, basically.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So even. And I said to him, I was like, you have animal rights tattooed on your neck. So I was scared to say it to him. And he was like, you don't have to be perfect. In fact, you know, it's been a mantra in my life is no expression of love is perfect. Because I wasn't vegan for the past year. And then I went back and some of those old arguments that I had when I was eating meat, I don't know if you call that briefly, but they would come back, which is like, well, I'm killing microbes when I scratch my skin. There's squirrels getting inhaled by the almond farmers.

[A]

You can max out. Yeah, that's. Well, that was that way. That was that way when, like, well, you can't drive a car. Cause the oil is from the dinosaurs that die and it's disrespectful to their memories. I was that dickhead before.

[B]

Totally. And when I catch myself being that dickhead, I just go, no expression of love is perfect. That's just the game we're in. Yeah, it can't be perfect.

[A]

Am I happy with who I am? Just to go to jokes, I have a favorite joke that I've been trying for years and it never quite clicks. But I'm like, I think you can eat chicken wings and be vegan because they're flightless birds and you don't have to kill it, you're just unburdening it of the false hope that's attached to its torso and it upsets bugs everyone a little bit. And that's my favorite joke.

[B]

I'm a vegan and it took my breath away. I think that is hilarious.

[A]

All they're doing, they're just in the field looking at other birds, like, when can we fly? Like, never. Don't worry about it. This bird now you can fit into.

[B]

That jacket you like of the burden. Yeah. It's hopeless.

[A]

Your false hope.

[B]

Oh, God, that is so. I actually think that's an aggressively vegan joke. I really do. Because what is interesting about trying to make you happy, first of all, it's deeply funny, and it's relieving animal suffering, which is humans 2. It's happening, and it's addressing what's happening. I know that sounds kind of light, but I think one of the most offensive things about factory farms and stuff is that we're just completely blind to it. Like, we don't talk about it. We don't address it. I was thinking about that this morning. I was like, it's funny that we even say meat. It's like, you should say, I eat animals. Why?

[A]

It's why people get grossed out about, like, if you're like, oh, I'm having beef tongue, it's because that's a part that you also have. Now. It's gross. But if you're like, oh, I'm having some beef muscle, that would gross people out. It was Howard Kramer. I was on the road with him years ago, and he's like, if. If these, you know, like, butchers or something, if it was okay, why aren't they in the middle of the city then?

[B]

Right.

[A]

Why are we putting these places? So obviously, the farming and the thing. But, like, why isn't it so prevalent to just see it? If it's okay?

[B]

Right.

[A]

Why do we keep. Why do you not see them kill the thing?

[B]

Chinatown. And the ducks are in the window. That's so gross. Yeah. And it is.

[A]

And that's what I had to reconcile. Like, if I can't tolerate this part of the process, I shouldn't be able to enjoy the benefits of it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If I can't. And I went hunting. I wound up going hunting to see if I could be a part of the whole process.

[B]

How'd it go?

[A]

It's. I mean, I shot some birds, and it's. Ate those birds. And it was. It did feel better to know that, like, oh, I was here through the whole thing and got to see it through the whole thing. And I was like, I'm glad I did that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And now I'm like, I don't. Because I don't want to be privy to that process. It's easier for me to step away from it. And also, I'm not. I didn't give up, like. Like choice steaks or anything. I was eating trash anyway. I was eating ground beef from Taco Bell. It's not like, oh, God. I really.

[B]

What?

[A]

What do I miss?

[B]

So funny. Yeah.

[A]

I don't miss. I wasn't giving up that this stuff they're making that's fake is like, you got me. I can't tell. I was already eating trash. You just made fake trash out of pea protein. Fine. It's all got the same amount of rat in it, so it's still not vegan.

[B]

Thank you for high fiving me. I've just been enjoying it so hard. I was like, you gotta get a high five.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's so funny.

[A]

But yeah. So I, I, I can reconcile to my own parameters.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And if once every year I want chicken wings and they were shitty chicken wings. And then I felt bags, I'm like, these were sad birds.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And now that we're here and I'm a block away from the rustic, I'm like, I need redemption wings to make up for the bad wings. And then I'll be off for another.

[B]

Year when I was.

[A]

And then I'll be vegan tomorrow.

[B]

That's so funny. Yeah. The last time I was vegan, I would occasionally eat chicken wings when I was sad. Like, I knew I wasn't doing well if I was eating. That was my go to.

[A]

Was it you? To make you feel better. You're like, I'm already down here.

[B]

I again, a Chicago memory. But Kumail and I did this Dave Odd gig. I know. Doesn't that just take you back? We did a Dave Odd gig, buddy. It didn't even like I just look at our lives now. I would never drive two hours into fucking Iowa or whatever and do some weird roadhouse show. But I did back then. There's kind of a romance. Why? Say what? Oh, that's why.

[A]

Why? Because you were willing to do that.

[B]

Because I know what it is.

[A]

Because, you know none of successful overnight. Because of Tik Tok. Yeah, because you had to do those things to get, to get experience.

[B]

My Tik Tok was driving to Michigan.

[A]

Is going to some biker some show a creep set up. You're actively watching the venue. Cancel it because he's hitting on a waitress while you're at that happen.

[B]

Did that happen?

[A]

He never ran a show longer than three months in any spot he got.

[B]

Oh, no. I just thought that was because the shows were so terrible.

[A]

Well, a little bit of this, a little bit of that.

[B]

Column A, column B. I bombed so hard. And Kumail and I talk about. Well, yeah, we talk about this all the time. I wouldn't say that's True, but you get it. I bombed so hard Kumail smoked at the time that I bummed a cigarette from him because I wanted part of me to die. Yeah, that's how I felt. I was like, I know this is bad for me. That's actually what I want. That's how chicken wings were for me.

[A]

I will punish myself.

[B]

I will punish myself. This episode is brought to us by our friends at Tushy. Val and I absolutely love our Tushy bidet. It is a game changer. Why in 2024 are you still using toilet paper to clean your butt after a deuce? If you had shit on your hand, would you wipe it with a piece of paper and then be like, oh, good, my hand is clean. No more concerns regarding my shit hand? No, of course not. You need water, you need pressure. That's how you get clean. So just like power blasting dry leaves out of your driveway with a high powered hose, a tushy bidet uses a precise yet gentle yet cleaning stream of clean water to get your butt tip top. Especially now in the sticky summer season, you need to up your number two game with tushy. Tushy is easy, it's fast, and once you try it, you will never go back. I thought it would feel weird, to be honest, using a bidet and I thought it would have a hard time finding the bullseye, but nope, it feels a. Okay, A stands for ass and finds the target first try. Bam. It makes pooping any other way feel primitive, backwards and stone age. This is like a midday shower after every single poop, which is, you know, it's what God intended. So they have the best, they have lots of different kinds of the best bidets. The classic permanent bidet that attaches to your existing toilet, which is what we have. And we just got the Tushy Travel, which is finally here, amazing, portable and travels with you discreetly. Tushy bidets are easy to install, takes less than 10 minutes. Anyone can do it and those 10 minutes will change your life. Get a real clean bottom and help keep away hemorrhoids, UTIs, yeast infections. And step your butt into the future with a science fiction level of clean. With tushy. Just sit down, relax, you turn the knob to a spray a precise stream of fresh water at your butt. And every hello Tushy. Every hello Tushy bidet. Sorry. Comes with a 30 day hassle free return and a 12 month warranty. So stay shower fresh all summer long and join the 2 million butts who have already switched to tushy For a limited time, our listeners get 10% off their first bidet. When you use code WEIRD at checkout, that's 10% off your first bidet at hello Tushy. H E L L O T U S H Y.com with promo code WEIRD. 10% off a clean butt. I mean, get into it. We are also brought to us by our friends and at Exploding Kittens. Val and I as parents are always looking to have fun with our child and for a fun and interesting way to get our daughter to sit at the dining room table and have dinner in one concentrated burst. So if you want to spend quality screen free time with your kids and they're really too young to appreciate your standup or maybe the teachings of Ram Dass, try Kitten Games, a line of games made of especially for kids. For the people behind the best selling game Exploding Kittens. And I can say firsthand, these games are simple to learn and fun to play even if you're a grownup. Our favorite is the best worst ice cream. But we also love My Parents Might be Martians. You can tell that these games were developed with kids. That means a four year old and her dad made these games together. They're kid tested and kid approved. That's not just a slogan, that's legit. What's going on here? And you can tell Leela locks in when she's making these disgusting ice cream flavors which actually has kind of like a sleeper message about pattern recognition, critical thinking strategy and also kind of like an anti gambling message which I like. Or maybe it's very, very fun. And my parents might be Martians which is a little bit like $100,000 pyramid, but for kids it is so fun, it is so easy and it gets us off our screens and at the table together. So go to explodingkittens.com and use promo code weird to get 25% off your purchase. Your kids aren't going to be kids forever. There's no time for boring games. So go to Kitten games. Get into it. That's explodingkittens.com promo code weird. Support the show, support screen, free family time or give it as a gift. Someone you know that just had a baby, get into it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Do you still smoke?

[A]

No.

[B]

What do. Yeah. Where are you at? Because when I think of Kyle and I say this for the fun of it and you're free to be your own parameters as as you've been saying. I love. The Kyle I know is shirtless doing shots of well whiskey Bert Kreischer, before.

[A]

He was Bert Kreischer.

[B]

Stop. You are like the Krang brain.

[A]

I was the machine that came out of the machine when we were acoustic, baby. Yeah, yeah. You were like, it's Kreischer unplugged.

[B]

You're the little guy inside of Bert's belly. Like, krang brain operates the Krang robot. But you came out.

[A]

I think.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I think I realized well earlier. I mean, like 10 or so years ago, I think when I finally got to, like, be doing comedy full time, it took me too long to realize people were laughing at me and not with me when I was just being drunk at shows and being like, oh, everybody. And just, like, just. Why you become a comedian? Like, oh, I'm the funniest. Like, no, you're the loudest. You're the funniest because you're not letting anybody else have a chance to speak, so. Oh, you got a microphone now. Calm down.

[B]

But that's interesting. I. I like your realization. I think that's healthy and good. My interpretation of you, even though I think you're right. But as a fan when I was 22, I just thought it was the coolest. So we were. It wasn't all like, look at this idiot. You know what I mean? If somebody was feeling.

[A]

That was more when I got out here.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

And I was still continuing to be that guy, and it wasn't okay. You didn't have the scene to bolster you up. Like, we were all up each other's ass.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

A lot. And really, I think, supporting. We also did a lot of shit talking, but we also, I think, supported.

[B]

Each other, I think.

[A]

So I got out here and like, oh, that doesn't fly anymore.

[B]

There are no bar heroes in la, you know, it's not no nobody.

[A]

And. And for. Yeah, because you moved here to make it, not to just be a drunken micro celebrity.

[B]

Right, Right.

[A]

At an open mic.

[B]

Right.

[A]

It's. It did become. It was like this prison mentality, in a sense, where, like, Chicago had these gangs of, like, that guy came from improv. He's just up there just talking about whatever that. We write jokes, we're standups. And it's like when you come like, oh, the. The. You know, the. The. The Aryan Brotherhood and the Crips all get along in prison because the rules are different. I got here, I'm like, wait a minute. This show's got improv and sketch and stand up, man. What are you even doing? You're like, right, because we're all here to see.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

These little squabbles. Are so pointless.

[B]

You're so right.

[A]

And so to come out here and be like, I'm gonna be the drunkest guy on the show. People are like, well, good luck. I am working three jobs just to stay alive and doing auditions to succeed. So good luck with that drunk route you're taking.

[B]

That is so funny. And I did look, not to disparage it, but I noticed a lot. It's the cliche. You watch the fucking Pearl Jam, doc. And there's always Mother Love Bone and there's always some guy who was better than all of them. I'm not even trying to preach here. I'm just saying, like, alcohol and drugs eats up a lot of the best.

[A]

And it's also, why did those people turn to alcohol and drugs? Because is it a lot of self doubt? And you look at the people hustle will beat out talent 100% of the time. And it's the disgusting truth of like, especially this business is that the people willing to just be shameless and maybe not abrasive but just glad hand and zigzag, their way of schmoozing will get to the top more than somebody that's going to be like, I think I'm really good and I'm going to let the talent speak for itself. You got to have a mix of both.

[B]

I think you're so right. And I, I think the, the kind of self doubt, I'm going to call it good self doubt, interesting self doubt, good dirt, gritty, interesting person that creates an interesting comic. And I think about this all the time because I have it. That same complication we'll call it is often what makes it hard for you to market and network and glad hand, like you said, so often, the people who aren't funny, because they're not, and this is an oversimplification, but they don't have as much complication. They're running clean. They're just kind of like clean consciousnesses. And they come in, they see the brokens and they go, oh, I cannot drink alcohol and I'll have matcha lattes instead. And I'll do stand up and I'll. And I'll show up to the audition sober and in a suit. None of this, I'm not looking down on all of this, but I'm saying this.

[A]

They're like, diet sociopaths.

[B]

Diet.

[A]

Yeah, they're not like, they're not full on, but they're like, oh, well, I'll just streamline. I'll just streamline all this other stuff to get what I want.

[B]

They're like serial killers that are doing it. It's almost scarier that they're doing it in like a clean way, which is.

[A]

A sociopath, that is. I'm not gonna murder anybody, but I will ignore everybody's opinion of me to get what I want out of this world. And like, well, congratulations that you could do it also.

[B]

That's really.

[A]

If you, if you get, if you get recognized for being an underdog and you are self aware, you know that you can only be an underdog once. And if you do it so well, you get vaulted over the fence, you're not an underdog anymore. You've also lost your identity as far as who you were because now you've been accepted. Now what's your new act? Yeah, you can't be. You know, I agree. The machines messed up also. I'm part of the machine.

[B]

That's absolutely right. And it's not even your opinions too. It's like, I say this all the time. It's been on my mind lately. There's some comics that you vault them into a theater and they just don't make sense anymore. It's like, why is this guy in a ballroom? Like he. Because his wound and his style belongs in like a shit.

[A]

No, I don't have like, I see like there's, you know, megalith comedians now selling out the biggest venues you can be in to perform.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I think stand up. Some stand up just doesn't work in that. And I've gotten to the point where I could do some theaters and it doesn't feel the same. It doesn't feel. I don't get what I want out of the perform. Like a club is like, no, this is us, me and you, we're talking, we're just hanging out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Even some of the clubs where it's like 500 seat comedy clubs and people like, what experience are you having all the way in the back where you just hear the kitchen banging around? And I don't want that for you.

[B]

You're preaching to the choir.

[A]

I'm only charging like I can give you a. I can give you a great show for $30. I can't give you. I'll give you the same show. But if I charged you $300 to sit in some VIP, do you do.

[B]

That stuff A lot of the clubs I do have vip. I know because.

[A]

Well, that, that ticketing system which I tried to fight against and it's again.

[B]

You mean the more cost more to sit in the front system? Yeah.

[A]

You don't use it. I'm trying. Well, just the. The whatever stage ticketing and stuff. And it's like. It's like using a straw to, like, bail out the Titanic. Okay. I'm fighting against this. This system that I don't, like in the tickening thing. Like, I fought scalpers in my own way. And like. Like, oh, lucky me. To get to a point where scalpers are buying tickets, but also, like, to charge more to do a meet and greet. Like, I won't do that.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I don't know if you've done that.

[B]

I haven't done that. No.

[A]

That stuff. Like, nothing says, I love my fans more. Like, give me 50 more bucks and I'll shake your hand. Yeah, No, I can feel like that feels. Yeah, slimy to me.

[B]

No, I. I agree.

[A]

I'd rather just not meet you. If I don't have a move or if I, like, feel weird. Like, I get socially weird after shows.

[B]

Co Headlining at Hilarities. Not. Is it. No. We went to Cobb's Cobbs the night I met my wife.

[A]

Really?

[B]

Yeah. And I met my wife because I used to go out and say hi to the fans, but it wasn't for money. It was.

[A]

No, you had a huge. Like, you were still doing the. I think you had the podcast.

[B]

The talk show had just started. The podcast. Big at that time. Yeah.

[A]

And I was in my head because, like, oh, everybody's here to see Pete. And I don't want to just. I never want to linger around. I never. I like. Do you think about the moments that really shaped your whole attitude towards comedy? Because I remember. Do you remember that? The hotel ballroom show in Elgin. It's like comedy, comedy and. No, no. Is it Lyle? Yeah.

[B]

Yeah. I did comedy comedy.

[A]

I would go over there.

[B]

Burt Borth. Yes. Yeah. That's who booked it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And what was the name of the guy that hosted it? Because he was so nice. Yes. And I remember the house brother. Yeah. Was that his brother?

[A]

They were related or something.

[B]

I'm embarrassed. I don't remember his name.

[A]

I feel terrible now, too.

[B]

He was great. And Wesley was the. Like. I think there was a guy named Wes.

[A]

Who needs it, man. Just be yourself, dude. Be yourself. Just be yourself. I'm going. I'm in.

[B]

That was the best thing that's ever happened on this show.

[A]

Physical comedy. Now it's hard to write new jokes. I saw.

[B]

I think I saw it all. I saw the. The recognition that it had gone. Yeah. And then I saw the twinkle in your eye that went. Just let it go. That's the funny thing to do. And then you did.

[A]

I actively know. I know this doesn't look good and I don't know why I'm doing it this style. Yeah, just going for it.

[B]

You know who you look like? Dennis McKenna.

[A]

I don't know who that is.

[B]

I wish you did because you'd be laughing.

[A]

I'm going for Wayne Grow from heat.

[B]

Dennis McKenna is Terrence McKenna's brother. If you want to Google image, search.

[A]

It and laugh later at us either.

[B]

Terrence McKenna.

[A]

I know the name and you have to tell me who it is.

[B]

No, no, no, it's not like that. I shouldn't have said it like that. I guess I thought maybe you did. He's the guy who sort of did all the. Going into the Amazon, doing Iowa. He's the reason we probably know what ayahuasca is and DMT and all that stuff.

[A]

Oh, thanks, man. Oh, good. Oh good. A couple of dudes talking about DMT on a podcast. Thank God we finally got here.

[B]

Thank you, Taren.

[A]

That's my. That's my. That's my budget. That's my budget. Joe Rogan experience. It's like you don't need DMT or a deprivation tank. Just. Just wear earplugs and eat Doritos. And it's the same thing if you get a hammock at the same time. Same shit, man. Cost. Cost you 28 bucks.

[B]

That's the Kyle Kanane, you know, adjacent experience.

[A]

Yeah. Put in some krong bin on the AirPods and eat some Bugles. You'll get there.

[B]

So that actually brings us back to where we were. The shot sipping, chain smoking, shirtless Pre Kreischer Canane. And where are we now? We were talking about how mother love bone and I'm just wondering what your. How you've changed.

[A]

I quit smoking 15 years ago.

[B]

Oh, nice. You know what I like to say?

[A]

What?

[B]

That means you're like cellularly speaking, you've regrown a new body twice over. Isn't that good?

[A]

Is it?

[B]

Because every.

[A]

I try to. Yeah. Again, it's like every. It's a little bit weird. Am I cheapening myself out of a life experience by saying I gotta joke about that? I gotta joke about that. You've been doing it so long, you just. That's why I like. That's why the people that love crowd work for being spontaneous. It's like, you know, there's. They have a set response. It's a choose your own adventure. And they have a route. They're gonna take. And it's subway magic.

[B]

I'm not trying to take exactly. I'm not trying to take away from Jeff Ross going into a prison and roasting the prisoners. But if you think there weren't 15 very hilarious writers with him that were writing material ahead of time, that's the job.

[A]

Or just. Or just even in general, of like, oh, what do you do? This guy, like, it's. It's. It's all. It's.

[B]

It's also an attitude. The material becomes the attitude. You know what I mean? You're either impressed or dismissive. He says he's something cool. You say, what a fucking bum.

[A]

And you're in. You're in the zone. Like, I've said, like, nobody.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

When you're on Molly at a rave, you are having the best time of your life. But play that. Play that DJ track at 8am when you're just in your Corolla on the way to work, and tell me this is still the music is what brought it together. It's not. It's like, there's a lot of components at work to make that experience, which is weird. I've said that before. And people with, like, really severe ADHD say, like, actually, techno music makes me focus more. So I do have to go back on what I. But I'm like, all right, I'm glad you found your thing.

[B]

I really liked it.

[A]

But people with the dark spots in their head from how much Molly they did in 98, like, what am I? Oh, my. Open up the coffee shop at 6am it's like, no, it's not what you're playing at that hour. And if it is, I'm not going into that coffee shop.

[B]

That was great.

[A]

You gotta wait for the drop. No, I don't. I'm waiting for my bagel with cheese is what I'm waiting for. And you're on meth. I believe if you're listening to this.

[B]

At this hour, you're reminding me I went to some, like, hippie festival and they were projecting psychedelic images on a dome.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I was like, this is horrible, because psychedelic images without psychedelic feelings. And I'm not even trying to get us to talk about psychedelics. I'm just saying what. You're confusing what's good about psychedelics. It's not that you saw a toad turn into a pyramid turn into a caveman. It's that you felt euphoria. It's like you felt liberated.

[A]

I physically held my ego and drop kicked it. Yes.

[B]

But we have a projection of like Abraham Lincoln going on a slip and slide. It's like, that's not what it was.

[A]

Appreciate the effort, like, respect.

[B]

I've done like the goggles, the VR goggles where they're like. It's like you're tripping. And. And they were right there, the people that made it. I had to take it off and be like, wow. But in my mind I was like, that sucked, cuz. You know why I wasn't on drugs.

[A]

Mom called something cool. It's not. It's not what it. Not what it is exact.

[B]

Your mom was like, I made goggles that make you trip balls.

[A]

All right, Mom, I do think that's pretty cool. Kyle, that means it's not cool.

[B]

That's good.

[A]

But yeah, I don't. I've been. I haven't drank in like two and a half months.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

And that's just. It's the new, like, that's the new experiment.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, everybody else ran to dmt. I'm like, what if I don't do anything? This is gonna be wild. Yeah, this is gonna be a hell of a hell.

[B]

So two and a half months.

[A]

Yeah, it just kind of happened.

[B]

Just fell away.

[A]

Yeah. I was sick for a week. And then that was the break. And then it's one of those, hey, you got five days. When's the last time you haven't had a drink in five days? All right, let's add another day. Another day.

[B]

Wow.

[A]

And it's. I'm pissed because everything got better. Like, man, I just like being drunk. I really like it. Like, I'm not alcoholic. I don't need it. I just love having a few beers when it's. I love rules.

[B]

There's a Colin Hay song about being sober and it's. And it's like a love song to like, why can't I drink? It's like the most honest song it made. You just made me think of it. That's interesting, man. I feel like more people are quitting drinking for the same reason. All information is like, there's more YouTubes about just like why you shouldn't. Which. Think about it. The marketing was very one sided. It was all, it's Miller time, it's.

[A]

High life, and the people older than you. Well, I don't know, but it was like that was also a component of every social function, of course.

[B]

So that I also quit drinking. I don't know if you're saying that, but like, I'm saying I quit drinking and a lot of it was flipping it. I'M just putting this to you. From I'm quitting drinking to I've been had. That was very helpful to me. Like, I've been had by. Talk about the. The real estate developer that's just parking his money. I'm like, the Anheuser Busch doesn't give a fuck about you.

[A]

That's how I got out of cigarettes.

[B]

Yeah, they're just. They're just playing you.

[A]

Like, I paid. I paid a lot of money for this cough.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I spent a lot of money to smell bad and have my fingers be yellow and cough. Interrupt every comedy show and cough.

[B]

Yeah, I remember.

[A]

It cost me a lot.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

And again, being known for things that you don't want to be known for. Is Kinane here? Oh, yeah, yeah. He's over there.

[B]

That's it. What about Pablo's laugh?

[A]

Do you remember that guy Pablo was. Which guy was Pablo?

[B]

Pablo. He went into the army. Pablo was a guy in the audience at the Lion's Den. Who. It sounds like I'm making fun of him. Couldn't be further from the truth. He laughed like this. And you'd think that would be the worst thing in the world, and maybe it is. But in a room that seats about 25 people, if he's one of them, you'll murder.

[A]

I never understood the pointing somebody out for having a weird laugh. This is the one place where you.

[B]

Should be free to have your joy noise.

[A]

To do that. It's like being at the nude beach. And, like, look at that guy's little dick. He's like. This was where it was supposed to be. Okay. You're like this. We had an agreement. Yeah. What?

[B]

I was just in the cold ocean.

[A]

You're ruining the one thing that I thought was okay. This was fine.

[B]

Absolutely right. And jazz. Jazz punts out here in la, when she would laugh there, there's certain laughter. And there was a woman named. There still is a woman named Guru. She used to go to the Tiger Lily. And if she was there, he'd have a great set.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

These were people that are like, these people have to be at the album taping.

[A]

And. Yeah, it kind of spurns the other people.

[B]

It does, yeah. Do you remember Pablo, though?

[A]

I'm trying to.

[B]

I'm not really.

[A]

Again, how drunk was I? Every Monday at the Lion's Den.

[B]

Yeah. So tell me what. What, you're feeling better? You sleep better?

[A]

Sleep. Sleep. Being able to get done.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

We've got commotion.

[B]

A little commotion.

[A]

Marauders. You still have marauders on the street? Well, gotta lock ourselves in.

[B]

We've been marauded.

[A]

That's the new Is that Civil War Part 2? Podcasters defending the studio from Marauder. Are you telling the truth? Are you telling the truth? What are you. We're taking over the studio. It's not. It's a podcast. It's not live. I don't care. Hit record. American. People need to hear this.

[B]

It's a good Alex Jones kind of. It sounds a little bit like Alex Jones.

[A]

Well, I just. It just again, I think, yes, we're in Portland. I'm still going to do shows. And there's first off realizing, like, wait, I forget that I look like this. I don't. I forget that I look my age. And if I'm in a bar, be like, who wants shots? Like, bro, you've had enough.

[B]

You mean in your life? Yeah, like, that's enough.

[A]

Like, why are you here tonight? Yeah, because I'm like, man, no kids living this life. And everybody in the bar is quite literally half my age, if they're even there. Because there's this whole swath of people in their 20s that have already hit it hard in their teens or know the effects of drug and alcohol because their parents are closer to my age and they've seen what happens and it's like, oh, I do not want. I don't want to be a youth freak and be all about what. But it's. I think it's very important to pay attention to what Somebody that's in their mid-20s. I don't. I never know what the delineation points are between the generational names.

[B]

Finish your thought, though. I.

[A]

If whatever Gen Z's dealing with in life, pay attention to that. Yeah, that's important.

[B]

I want.

[A]

I want to be relatable. I still want to do the comedy I want to do, but I still want it to be relatable. I saw Tom Papa last night at the store and, like, he's one of my favorites because he's going to talk about anything he wants to talk about, but he still makes it so easy to listen to.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

From any. I think from any angle.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

To go like, you're not. Well, because I'm this age. This is how things are. He's like, just matter of fact about his life.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's so easy to listen to, I think, from any generation. Like. And I want to be that. Which means listening to the shit that's going on with somebody that's 25 by watching their stand up or consuming the art that they're Putting out. And they're not drinking and they're not in a bar just getting wasted, like.

[B]

Right.

[A]

And it makes me look back, like, yeah, but we were all drinking back in the day. Like, no, I was drinking.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That's what I thought everybody else was doing. Because you don't notice the people that quietly slip out after their set.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

That, like, went home and went to work on time and did fine the next day.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You just only remember the five other people that stayed in the bar until it closed on Monday.

[B]

Right.

[A]

We were all drinking.

[B]

Right. Right.

[A]

And I went to the. One of the shows here. It was like a Chicago show a few months ago. I was like, really? And everybody quit or need to stop. It was.

[B]

Look, everybody at quitter needs to stop.

[A]

Those jackets getting pretty tattered in the elbows, guys.

[B]

I think it is the information age. It's one of the.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Underreported good things about the Internet. It's really easy to talk about how shitty it is. Which it is.

[A]

Like you said, being had, though. Being like, yeah. These are just like, oh, if I hate corporations. But now here I am just right at the tea.

[B]

Well, it's like your joke.

[A]

This one.

[B]

Your wonderful joke. People who hate big government and socialism unironically enjoying a state park. Yeah.

[A]

In the national park.

[B]

A national park. Such a brilliant joke. But it's also. I laugh because I'm like, in what ways am I full of shit? You know?

[A]

Yeah. That's the only comedy I like. You could say what you. I needed to come back on the comedian and tell me, but, like, tell me why you're an unreliable narrator. That's the most important thing I need you to address in comedy.

[B]

Agree. More especially. I don't know. I can't speak for everybody, but I feel like, especially men. Men are so full of. I don't know. I'm just thinking about the men in my life, and that is not all men. But I'm just like, if there's people that I know.

[A]

Not all men.

[B]

Not all men. If there's people that I know that are just creating their own reality.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Spewing it out, like you said, being the loudest. It's dudes. And when I see a guy, my favorite comics are the ones that go up and. And either are telling you directly or are indirectly telling you. This is why I'm wrong. And this is why I'm broken, even though I can't stop myself. Yeah. Or maybe they can do I.

[A]

Can I ask, like, what your routine and Ojai is Like I use specifically like remove. Like I need to be better about not going on my phone and letting what people said on Reddit dictate my mood about myself or just anywhere.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like is location. Are you just like, do you have land?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Do you have a swath of land?

[B]

I have a swath of land.

[A]

Got fruit trees up there.

[B]

I got fruit trees and got pets. We have a big old dog and we're gonna get them goats and we have chickens.

[A]

Goats and chickens.

[B]

I'm vegan except I eat my own chickens eggs which is a great loophole because they're hat they're the happiest chickens.

[A]

That's why I can't do the vegan. Full vegan. I still. And again, the dairy farming's just as bad.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Your boy is still up, up in that cheese.

[B]

Oh, up in the cheese.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Cheese is what keeps you from going.

[A]

Vegan cheese, eggs, wearing.

[B]

I'll say leather. This vegan really enjoys the fact that I can eat eggs.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

From my own chickens. Yeah. That's a nice loophole.

[A]

It's right there.

[B]

It's right there. But I mean if they're saying good morning to me while I'm stealing their.

[A]

Babies and they don't, it's every day. How old were you when you found out a chicken lays an egg every day?

[B]

This day old. No, I'm just kidding. I, I, it wasn't until recently.

[A]

It was single digit years ago.

[B]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[A]

I need to eat these eggs we have, they just keep making.

[B]

That's how we feel. We have a fridge full of hard boiled eggs.

[A]

Are you driving the country like fresh eggs? Please come take these.

[B]

Same with fruit. Please come take some oranges. Please, I'm begging you.

[A]

I'm really excited about what you got going on up there.

[B]

If you're ever up there, this is not an empty offer. Please just text me and just enjoy. Just relax. It's be, it's, it really is. Portland's this way too. I love Portland. Yeah, Got a good vibe. You know, I mean, good energy.

[A]

So I mean, unless you want to believe the fake news about Portland. Yeah, it's got, it's, it's got, it's got a gnarly stuff happens, but yeah. Show me a city that's interesting, that doesn't have it, that doesn't have, don't show me a city that sucks. We don't have trouble. You probably don't have culture either. You're probably the most boring place to.

[B]

Live in the world. What I want to go back to what you said, I have this line that I can't work into my act, but I go, I don't know what I'm looking for, but apparently I think it's on my phone. So there's this, like, lack that we're, like, chasing on our phones. And I relate to that. I just blocked. Val and I were talking about it. I blocked Facebook on my phone because I thought Facebook was kind of like methadone.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because it's not as good as Instagram. You just go on there. You just see somebody from high school being like, it's gonna be may or something, like some meme. But I was like, this is what happens. You start looking at it every time you go to the bathroom, and then before very long, you don't know how you ever went to the bathroom without looking at it. And then that becomes everything. And I hate the feeling. The reason I. One of the reasons I went back to being vegan was I was like, I don't remember how I used to not eat meat. Like, I literally couldn't remember. And I was like. But I also remember it being very easy, but we get very black and white, and we're like, that's what food is, and that's what sitting on the toilet is.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And turns out you can get rid of anything you want. You just have to establish a new pattern.

[A]

But like, you said, like, oh, recognize that you're being had. You're being had that I got rid of face. I mean, I have all these accounts that are run. I just told them, like, change the password if you want me to have this for marketing things. So I have a Facebook that I can't access.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I had. I had Twitter that, like, I told them to change the password. I'm like, this is just making me shitty.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So I don't have access to that. I don't participate in Reddit. I just read it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It can serve as news. Like, really? Or just. Just information. Hey, I want. What does somebody actually think about this product? Now, do I think that you work for the company, or is this a real review? But it can't. I mean, it's been. I've seen, like, you know, I've gotten good information out of that. And Instagram is just. I've curated it to where I really don't follow any comed. I don't want to see politics on it. I don't want to see. I want to see cats. I want to see bicycles. And then just a lot of accounts where guys Build really intricate Hot Wheels tracks and race those. And I'm like, I can make this exactly what I want it to be. So if I'm wasting time, I'm wasting time by what I've chosen. Not what you're telling me I need to waste time with.

[B]

But it still does. Use it with your stuff, though. Like, people you don't follow. Yeah.

[A]

What did you do? What did you do when you were 24? What did you do at the time where that wasn't with you? Like, did you just sit and look at a thing? We didn't just sit and stare.

[B]

This is what I mean. It's like, I don't even remember how I used to not eat meat. Like, I don't remember what we.

[A]

I napped a lot. I napped a lot with a disc, man.

[B]

I think there were disc mans. Yeah.

[A]

Earl Walkman. Or even just the early ipods.

[B]

Yeah. Magazines. Yeah. A magazine is just a printout of Instagram. Yeah. You just kind of. You're tapping. It doesn't do anything.

[A]

I. Never again. It was. It was specific. Like, this is a BMX magazine. I'll read it. There was nothing more rewarding than being at a checkout stand in a grocery store and not recognizing anybody on an Us Weekly. Like, I'm doing it right. I am crushing it. If I don't know who any of these people are now, It's. I'm just old, but if I was 30, I'd be like, thank God. I don't know who this is.

[B]

I don't know, man. I. I agree that you. You're more likely to go that way when you're old, but there's a lot of old people who are really into that. Like, if I were to say that the average Us Weekly reader, and maybe it is a young woman in her 20s, but I think there's a lot of housewives in their 50s that are, like, ripping into real ones.

[A]

Real housewives.

[B]

Real ones. Yeah. Ripping into the real ones.

[A]

There's more stuff than ever to convince to consume, and that will go. That's how every generation's. But when you have to recognize that every generation felt the way you felt when you got to your age.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So it's not some new. The sky is falling has never felt more real than it has right now.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But it's also. Did you spend your whole day reading about how the sky is falling?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because then it is. If you just got up and went and walked around, would you feel the same way?

[B]

It's Bill Hicks.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You Open the window. And it's just, I can't do the cricket sound. But he does the cricket sound because he's like the news, everything. You look in the window and he does the cricket sound.

[A]

I need to revisit Bill Hicks because like, when I saw him when I was 12, I'm like, this guy's just like mad.

[B]

And I didn't like him when I was young either. No.

[A]

And I didn't get. I haven't gotten to the point where I want to experience.

[B]

Even though I agree with most of what he says, he's still not my.

[A]

I don't think it aged cup of tea.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, really?

[A]

Well, because he like. Well, I'm like, I just remember his whole thing was like, we need to learn how to love each other. And then it's also like, we need to shoot Billy Ray Cyrus. I'm like, well, if you could only see the world now up.

[B]

That's true. I. I think about how I want my own mind to settle down. Like, how I would like if you were to ask me, would you like more thoughts or fewer thoughts? Yeah. And you can will to have more thoughts. I'm talking about involuntary thoughts. I would like less involuntary thoughts. Like, I'd like it to be quiet. When it's quiet and I look at things like Reddit, Facebook, Instagram as just other people's thoughts, it sort of changes it. Why are you letting all these non experts, even experts, why are you letting all of this thinking in?

[A]

Because do we think we're enriching ourselves? I think, oh, I'm gathering. You're gathering opinions, you're not gathering information. Yeah, but you're all. You're like. You've meditated yourself into space, right?

[B]

Yeah, sure.

[A]

So why still don't you have it? Can't you click into like.

[B]

Yeah, no, I can. That's why I took Facebook off my phone. You know that. Then you realize, look, I'm not saying I have it figured out.

[A]

Did you do all the drugs?

[B]

I did. I did a fair amount of psychedelics, yeah.

[A]

Yeah. Do you still do them?

[B]

I will occasionally do a psychedelic, yeah. But not.

[A]

Which ones are you doing. If this is well worn territory, it.

[B]

Doesn'T come up as much as it used to, wouldn't you say? Katie? It doesn't come up as much as it used to. I had an academy and experience recently that was very, very profound.

[A]

Yeah, I did too. It's from a guy named Travis in a green room. He's like, you know, people do this. It's for Therapeutic reasons. I'm like, not in the green room of the Sacramento punchline. Travis. But. But thanks. This is pretty wild.

[B]

This dude named Travis. You did it after the show, I hope.

[A]

Yeah, yeah. I can't. I won't. That I won't do things before a show.

[B]

You wouldn't be able to do stand up after academy, I don't think.

[A]

No, no, no.

[B]

Or it would just be a lot of like, I love you. You.

[A]

Yeah. I mean, I didn't. I just did however much Travis gave me. So. I don't know.

[B]

I don't.

[A]

I. I wasn't from. I don't know if it was a theorem. Medical dose. However much he had to spare.

[B]

It's funny how much you realize they're all the same. Because what I would say. Meaning the conclusions that they bring you to, whatever the substance is, you realize that it's stripping away. It's not actually introducing something new as much as it's stripping away the impediments to what has always and will ever be with you. So there is this state that you are. And I've just put a lot of Pete. Identity, ego.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And a lot of games that I'm playing. You know, they're not all nefarious games, but like right now we're playing a subtle game of like, you'll listen to me, I'll listen to you. That's fine. It's not a bad game.

[A]

That was called a conversation.

[B]

It is called a conversation, but there is a dance to it, right? Oh, yeah, yeah. I'm just saying. But behind it, there's something that's totally fine and psychedelic that doesn't really care how anything goes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Whether I live or die, it's just sort of like, good. And I find that psychedelics. Whichever one it is removes all the sediment from the lake.

[A]

I guess I'll ask my friends with kids this. How do you find optimism for the future? Because you kind of have to have it, I think if you're a parent.

[B]

To have a kid. Yeah.

[A]

Because I don't. I don't have to worry about the future as much.

[B]

Because you're leaving.

[A]

Yeah, because it'll just be done. That's all these people. Like, what?

[B]

Like, so you're. What you're saying is you don't care about my kids.

[A]

Again, like, it's. It's the vegan thing. Like, oh, I got sad because I saw one chicken that wasn't happy. Now I don't eat any of them. Like, I remember about your can't get care about Everybody's kid. You talk about old joke. They have a joke about like how like, I love vegans that use iPhones to look up cruelty free businesses.

[B]

That's really funny.

[A]

I just want to make sure nothing was harmed in the making this meal. I keep trying to wipe the fingerprints off this thing, but it's like they're on the inside of the glass.

[B]

Oh, that is a brilliant.

[A]

Yeah, I'm good at comedy, Pete.

[B]

That's a brilliant.

[A]

Can I put my hat back on? I'm very sorry. You can.

[B]

It's behind the couch. Wait. Do you think I'm the arbiter of whether or not you can get it?

[A]

No. I need to face who I am.

[B]

Yeah, I think you.

[A]

Look, I'm having a. I'm having a brave moment.

[B]

Do you remember that painting I made of you? It looked more like this. Maybe I made you a painting and I. And you said I gave you too much hair. It's cuz I made your hair kind of wild.

[A]

Where's this painting? You didn't give me this painting.

[B]

I gave you a painting.

[A]

You never gave me a painting.

[B]

I definitely gave you a painting. Gave you a painting.

[A]

I don't. I have. I take all those things very preciously.

[B]

Really?

[A]

I had. I.

[B]

Then I texted you a picture of the painting. I can't believe I would have kept this painting.

[A]

Okay, the text might be.

[B]

I don't think.

[A]

I haven't held on to texts as well. Changed some phones since then.

[B]

It doesn't matter. We'll do it later.

[A]

That's good. Hold on, let me find.

[B]

I definitely remember painting you and then you saying I gave you too much hair, but you look like that painting now. All right, There it is.

[A]

I've grown into it.

[B]

Where were we? Oh. Optimism.

[A]

I don't. Your kids I don't care about. Yeah.

[B]

This. This almost has more to do with a certain trust that might even be biochemical that I just sort of have. Like. Like, meaning I can't take credit for it. I inherited from my father a certain it'll be okay. Ness.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That I have even as a dad. Like, I'll let my daughter climb a tree while other people are just like, don't do that. And I'm just like, it'll be okay. Like. So I have that big. Picture wise.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You could also break that down and just be like. When it comes to AI, for example, or whatever the next evolution is. You're talking about the things that are. That seem new that aren't new. And one of them is going like this is the end. We're at the end. This is over. And I'm like, yep, that's. That's. We're right on course. We're right. The fourth turning. Yeah. And something is going to come. I'm not. I'm not saying we should be lazy. No, it does feel.

[A]

It does feel close to the end.

[B]

But it always does. We also can't. This is interesting. I'll put this to your brilliant mind. We can't separate. That feeling of doom that we have is married to our own. Like, the planet is us, and the way we feel about our bodies. And we're like, I'm getting old. I'm decaying. I'm gonna die. It's all over. Yeah.

[A]

Don't you watch it all happen?

[B]

You are kind of a baby in a crib, screaming, like, don't you see? I'm dying? And that kind of gets writ large in the world. And meanwhile, I'll give you despair. This is a Ram Dass line. I'll give you despair if you also take. Like you were saying, the young people that aren't drinking. The young people. Yeah. A friend of mine just did a thing with the Neuralink people, and they were showing him a paraplegic that was playing Zelda with his mind. I was like, it's always both, and it's this and it's that.

[A]

You want to hear my Neuralink joke?

[B]

Can't wait.

[A]

I don't want the Internet in my head. I need a step between me and being able to look at tits. The day the Internet's in my mind is the day I just get run over by a car. Like, how about some boobs crunch? No, I need some step between. No, don't do that. Don't look at that right now.

[B]

No, you're absolutely right.

[A]

But. I know. And it. But there is also. Like, there was the whole time, like, these coachless horses are gonna be the doom of us. Like, now I see the food robots, and I'm like, don't make them blink. I know it's a robot. Stop making me feel that. This has feelings so I don't hit it with a bat, because that's what I want to do.

[B]

Dude, I turned my daughter's play camera off yesterday, and on the screen it said, have a great day. And I was like, this is weird, man. I saw it.

[A]

Like, you know what I mean?

[B]

Like, it's just. You're not in there.

[A]

It's like, oh, I saw this in the movies 30 years ago. Like, this is the future's gonna be.

[B]

Remember Lawnmower man, where he's like, I'm.

[A]

Gonna make all the phones ring at once.

[B]

I was thinking about that this morning. We've been telling this story since we've been telling.

[A]

I know. And it's like when you see the National Geographic photo winner, but you just experienced for a moment. I was at one of the restaurants that had the robot waiters, and they were all. I was. You've never seen them. They just. Portland's got a few places, and you still. You still talk to a person in order, but then they put it on the thing and it comes out to your table, like, please take your food. And then you can't see how full a thing is. And you're spilling. You're like, this sucks. And then I asked them, are you getting tipped more or less? Because now you have robots that are bringing the food out or people justifying that to give you less money because the food's more money.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you could see the hostess who took whatever their title is now. No, it's great. It gives me more time to interact with the customers and not worry about running food. I'm like, that's the script.

[B]

That's the line.

[A]

Yeah, but I would. The way we were sitting there was like the hallway where all the little food robots were lined up, blinking. But then there was the hallway and there was the door into the kitchen, and I was watching a guy try to open a tin can with a fork in the kitchen.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

And I'm like, maybe we need the robots. Like, which what? Begat what in this scenario? Like, are we getting dumber and the robots are getting stronger? Like, are they replacing our jobs or are you allowing it to happen? Because this guy, whose cousin is this. Because he's not helping. He's not helping over here.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This was the favor hire in the kitchen and the robots blinking to just help you.

[B]

Oh, please, let me do that for you. I think what we're gonna uncover, too, is just how many jobs. It'll be weird again. I think it'll be weird to my daughter that most people did things they didn't want to do. I think one of the changes will be so many jobs that weren't pleasant. Jobs will be done by robots. What we do with that, I don't know. It's kind of like your question, what were we doing before we had phones.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

There's also a great joke. I forget who has it, but they're like, actually, I don't think it's a joke. I think it's something I read in a spiritual book. But it was like, if you see, like, it used to take four hours to make dinner. Now we cook it in four minutes.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

On the microwave. What are you doing with that extra 3 hours and 56 minutes? You know what I mean? Like, we don't know.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So the answer actually ends up being, I would say we're looking for a quality of our experience. We're looking for a deepening and a widening and expansiveness of our consciousness more than we're looking for something to do on the toilet.

[A]

I think we're just freeing up more time to figure out how to maximize the productivity of the human.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know what you're doing with that 3 hours and 56 minutes? You're working for somebody else.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Why do you need an hour lunch break if you can make and eat your food in 15 minutes?

[B]

Right.

[A]

So, yeah, that's. I mean, I think that's what it is. It's like, oh, we're just making. We're freeing up more time to make workers work more.

[B]

And that's what I think is going to be interesting about. If you look, you. You mentioned iPhones. So that's sort of like a slavery that's happening now. And you look at actual. I mean, American historical slavery and all the slavery throughout history. What's interesting is, you know, this is the plot of Blade Runner. I just realized, once we have robots that will do it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then at what point do they revolt? I mean, that's what Blade Runner is literally about.

[A]

I still keep falling asleep at Blade Runner.

[B]

I'm talking about the second one. That's how cool I am.

[A]

I haven't made it to that one.

[B]

The second one I. I just saw in the first one so many times. I'm sorry.

[A]

I know there's so many classics that I can't.

[B]

I can't.

[A]

15 minute.

[B]

Me too. I am embarrassed that this is on the record, but I've given Blade Runners so many tries, and I'm just like, it's so rainy. It's a dark, rainy day.

[A]

I'm gonna watch this in Portland. Or it's a sunny day out and I'm watch this when I could just be outside. There's no time in my life where I'm like, oh, watching Blade Runner could be a great idea right now.

[B]

I'm not living a Blade Runner life.

[A]

Life when I get a break. Not at all. I watch carpool, karaoke. That's how. That's how I'm with music. Like all this moody. Like, I listen to music to feel better.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I. I get that too. I am just now at 47, deciding to set moods. Like, I. I walked here listening to like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Weird. Like Caribbean light funk.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

This isn't you.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Why not?

[B]

Yes.

[A]

We don't have to listen to no Effects all the time.

[B]

Yeah. Bad religion is a. Sometimes.

[A]

Let's take a break.

[B]

I have been. Katie knows this. I've been telling my phone, play yacht rock on Apple music. And it does it. And I get so elevated by it. And then people go, what kind of music do you listen to? And I'm like, just bullshit. Whatever you want me to say, just whatever. No, I just want to avoid it. Whatever you think I'm listening to, that's what I'm listening to. What I'm really listening to is hall and Oates Y.

[A]

McDonald's got some 10cc going on over here.

[B]

James Taylor.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Yeah. Pablo Cruz. That's what I'm listening to. Not in love. Oh, no.

[A]

And then just.

[B]

You get it. Yeah.

[A]

I am listening to. I am consuming things to make sure I'm in a good mood.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I'm not like, oh, this good mood really needs a. Yeah. Just put some pings in the armor here. Let's.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

Let's get bummed out.

[B]

I agree. And that's new for me. I used to be all Radiohead, all the national. That was it all. And then Phoebe Bridges is pretty recently. I would listen all that sad stuff.

[A]

People moved to the. It was an early thing. Radiohead. And I'm like, why are we. Why we listen? When do. When do you listen to this?

[B]

Yeah, when it's raining.

[A]

Like, do you listen to this on the way to work? No, I'm already going to work. It sucks. I better get amped up. I'm out of work. Well, I'm gonna listen to something that's like, cool. I'm out of work.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm at work and they're gonna let me listen to music. Let me listen to something that makes me think I'm not at work.

[B]

That's right. I don't want you listen to it after a break up. Yeah, that's when you listen to Radiohead.

[A]

Oh, okay. Well, hey, knock on wood. I don't have to listen to Radiohead anytime soon.

[B]

This is wood, is it? There you go. There's wood under there somewhere. This episode is brought to us by our friends at Hostage Tape, the Pete's Pick that has most greatly impacted my life in the past couple months. Is hostage tape. It's mouth tape. You put it over your mouth before you go to bed and it helps your brain get 20% more oxygen. That's right. Don't be a mouth breather. Breathe through your nose, you'll get 20% more oxygen. What does that mean? Deeper sleep. Which you will notice. I have huge epic dreams and wake up feeling refreshed and fantastic. Since I started using hostage tape, I don't even take a nap without putting it on. It also feels just right. Meaning it adheres. It sticks on and stays on through the night, but comes off easily in the morning comfortably and is breathable. Just right. It's got what else it's got. It's got these benefits. It reduces your risk of sleep apnea, it's great for your oral hygiene and bad breath, and it even helps with snoring. In my case, eliminating it entirely. If it was just a snoring fix, that would be pretty cool. But getting the breath, getting the oxygen to your brain so you can have true restorative sleep is. Is such a huge game changer. So find out why. These guys are the official breathing aid of the ufc. They are the real deal. And I'm so glad that they are sponsoring this show. I thought it was gonna be weird the first time I tried it, but your brain gets the message. As I always say, you close the tunnel, it's like, all right, take the bridge. We're gonna breathe through the nose and we're gonna get so much deeper, better sleep. And with such an obvious and easy solution. So you'll only find this offer here on this podcast. You can get it a six month supply, which you're going to want. Trust me. For $99. That means you save $50 when you go to HostageTape.com weird. This is the only place Hostage Tape sells a six month bundle. Get into it. Support Better Sleep tonight Support this show. Go to hostagetape.com weird. Save 50 bucks and sleep better tonight. We're also brought to us by our friends at BetterHelp. What a wonderful way to support this show and to support your life. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. With your schedule being so packed with kids activities, big work projects and more, it is easy to let your priorities slip. But even when we know what makes us happy, believe me, I get it. It can still be hard to make time for it. But when you feel like you have no time for yourself, non negotiables like therapy are even more important. Important. You got to get in that time. It's greater than the sum of its parts. As we've always said on the show, both Val and I are huge believers in therapy. During times of transition, unpacking trauma, wanting to get in a better relationship, a better work situation, talking to a licensed therapist is greater than the sum of its parts. So if you're thinking of starting therapy, even if your schedule is feels crazy, better help is the way it makes it so simple to fit it into your schedule. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible, and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed therapist. You can even switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. So never skip therapy. Never skip therapy day. That's what I'm saying. With BetterHelp visit betterhelp.com weirdo today to get 10% off your first month. That's Better Help. H E L p.com weirdo thank you BetterHelp for sponsoring this show. And guys, do yourself a favor. Take care of yourself. We appreciate your support. So we have a couple things going we were starting to get into. I also, I suppose having a daughter is an act of faith that the arc of the universe that there is some sort of meaning to life. I think it is a defined. I think getting married. The Rob Bell who married us, very brilliant guy. We have our his notes for the like sermon that he gave and he was talking about how getting married in a time like this is an age of is an act of defiance. He was. It's like everything's on fire and we're like celebrating love. Everything's on fire. We're having a bait.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's a heart choice. I don't want to be a cliche, but it's not a head choice. It's like, it's like what I would tell my daughter. It's like our love was so big that it made you. It wasn't like we went, well, here's the finances. Here's the global economy. Here's this.

[A]

Yeah. Well, you could talk yourself out over into any decision if you want to go.

[B]

No expression of love is perfect. Yeah.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

No expression of love is perfect.

[A]

Well, that's my friend, my best friend Bob growing up and he's got two kids. I'm like, well, how do you. Because we'll get in this. Like, oh, this is fucked up. He's like, I just, I don't have a choice.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I have to be optimistic about the future. So I'm going to be that because I have my kids and I'm not going to let these other things sway me from.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Thinking it's going to be fine. Like you're saying it's going to be okay.

[B]

Yeah, absolutely. And out of love, too. When he says, I can't help it. Yeah. I think he would say, I've tasted too much of my own nature. This is very hippie language.

[A]

I don't think he would say that.

[B]

I know, but this is how I would interpret it.

[A]

I know, Bob. I don't think he would have said I tasted my own nature.

[B]

Well, we love whatever.

[A]

Probably would have slapped him.

[B]

Kyle, whatever this is, please don't ever say that again.

[A]

Don't ever say I've tasted my own nature, G. It's like a vegan porn slogan. It's disgusting. Pete, is that printed on one of these Vita Cocoa things? Oh, my God.

[B]

I'm tasting.

[A]

I'll end this podcast right now because of that sentence. That was gross.

[B]

God.

[A]

Was I supposed to shake it? It was supposed to shake it up.

[B]

I. I was today days old when I learned that I've been listening to too much Rupert Spira, because that is something I would hear and just be like, yeah, he tasted his true name.

[A]

Let me be your anchor in reality. I know. I know you're up in Ojai with your goats and your fruit trees, but don't you say that you around me ever again. I drank. I drank your hippie juice, but don't you dare say that around me again. Oh, my God. Oh, God.

[B]

I'm trying.

[A]

Marilyn Manson over here, tasting his own nature. Took a rib out to taste his own nature.

[B]

Yeah. Remember that rumor?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Not true. I don't think.

[A]

I don't know.

[B]

Maybe. He definitely has suck my own dick fan face. You know, some people have big dick energy.

[A]

He has suck him on that. That makes up for what you just said. This guy's got I suck my own dick face. I don't know what you were doing.

[B]

I was right. You did it right.

[A]

Guys got real. I suck my own dick face. That put it out there. That one works.

[B]

I got the taste out yo mouth.

[A]

This guy got real suck my own dick face over here.

[B]

Do you remember Brunch Furatu? Me, you, Ann Harris. We were in Austin.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And we saw a guy who looked like a vampire, and we were having brunch, and Kyle called them brunch Furatu. And I even.

[A]

Doesn't even rhyme or anything.

[B]

That's what made it so good, was that. It was a little off.

[A]

Yeah, it made it better. Was that whole Thing about imperfection.

[B]

Yeah, that's right.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But it's actually like human beings, like, things that sound human and that made.

[A]

It human in the salesmanship.

[B]

That's right.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It was excellent. I was going to say, though, and this is. This is what I was trying to get at. And I am going to circle back to that point, believe it or not. But I have another way to say it. Whatever. This is the universe. It likes to push forward almost against everything. It will keep. You know how it'll fill a vacuum. It'll. It'll create life. It'll. It'll.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So there's a certain. Well, I'll just say very simply, creation and forward seems to be in this thing and that. So having a kid can feel. And, you know, it's not just a kid, you know, that thrill of a new joke or writing something. You're in line with what's happening when you're creating whatever you might be creating.

[A]

I guess I just have more of a nature of, like, oh, yeah, everything will push forward. I don't know if the human race is part of that.

[B]

Oh, I'm not.

[A]

That's where my. I feel like, oh, nature is like, we're a component of it. We just have the consciousness. We're burdened with this consciousness of, like, I'm also an integral part. No, you're not. Yeah, I'm not.

[B]

The.

[A]

The you in the communal sense of, like, no, we're not.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

We happen to peak and dip the whole idea of, like, aliens. There could have been aliens, you know, coming and going for the age of the. Of this universe or any other universe, just as we think. Like, again, it's a great way to minimize your, like, problems. The old. So Jeff Klinger bit from early on about. It was more of, like, somebody said, long story short. Like, no, it was long story long. Long story short is like, you know, billions of years ago, a star exploded, created this. The universe, our universe now as we know it was created. Long story short, I got a lot of parking to tickets. Like, that's a long story short. But I was like, like, expanding and contracting the idea. I'm like, yeah, we could. I can minimize my issues by thinking. But I'm also like you now. Your world is. You have a kid and you believe in this. And my world is like, nah, well, it's all worm food. I don't want to be an. I'm here. But it'll. Yes, well, we'll all enrich the soil for the fruits of the future.

[B]

That's the first lesson, though, is to recognize the impermanence. Any psychedelic worth its salt will at least whisper to you that everything's melting.

[A]

Yeah. Love it.

[B]

And it's a joke. Kyle Kanane joke coming at you. Are you ready? Yeah.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

You ready? Yeah. Lines, then. I'm excited. That's why I said, are you ready? Twice. Yeah. Why do we give people in hospitals flowers and balloons two things that are gonna, like, die in front of their eyes? Oh, yeah. I think. I think I might be. Gave you the tag or you said it. You're like, why not ice sculptures? You know? But that. That is what we could call despair with our minds. Oh, that's too stupid.

[A]

The punchline of that joke is like, I would get him a tortoise.

[B]

There you go.

[A]

And you could paint. Get well on the show.

[B]

You remember it? Yeah.

[A]

Now I remember because I've seen the premise about the flowers at hospitals. I'm like, ah, I had a good joke, but I've heard. Done a lot in the world. I won't do it anymore.

[B]

I like it. But the impermanence and all that sort of stuff, I see wisdom in that. I see that being like, that's also what's going on. So you don't take it too seriously. That's sort of like, there's the bad. We're dead already. And believe it or not, there's the good. We're dead already.

[A]

Yeah. What do you tell people is the reward for living a morally good life if there's no heaven or anything?

[B]

Not to be coy, I would say that's completely the wrong question. That's like saying, what is the last note of a symphony? Because that's the point. That's the reward is. That's an Alan Watts point. It's like, like, that was the point of the song. Yeah. Point of the song is the song. The point of life is life. It's a. It's a dance. It's a symphony. It's the moment. So there is no reward.

[A]

But that's what people use, like, religion to think, like, oh, it's, you know, like. Well, you use that to keep you in line. Why do I need a God to keep me in line? I. Why am I compelled to be morally. Okay. Why am I compelled to be vegan or not vegan? But.

[B]

But, yeah. You want my answer? Where I. Where I'm at today? Yeah, I, I.

[A]

We're playing the game.

[B]

We're playing the game, baby. We're on the podcast. I would say it's a recognition. Don't don't freak out with my words. It's a recognition that your essential nature and my essential nature are the same thing, that there's only one awareness. There's only one awareness. So aliens, me, an animal, anything. Human beings don't have consciousness. Consciousness takes the form of a human being by constricting itself. So the motivation for being moral is not just love your neighbor as yourself, but recognizing that you and your neighbor are the same as that we're all.

[A]

Leaves on the same tree.

[B]

Yeah. Where can I stab that? I'm not stabbing myself, ultimately. And that's the truest morality, the morality for the reward later. That's just training a dog. No disrespect, but that's how I felt when I was a Christian, more traditional Christian. It was like, don't do that or you'll go to hell. Well, that's the stick. Do that and you'll go to heaven. Well, that's the dog treat. That's some nonsense. To me, the deeper level, when Jesus. Sorry to be so Jesusy, I got him on the brain today when he says, I and the Father are one. That I is the same I that I am. It's the same I that you are. There's only one I. I refers to the knowing that knows reality. So he's saying, I and the Father, the universe, are one. So we recognize there's nobody in the other boat. Or to quote Father Greg Boyle, he said, the problem is we've forgotten we belong to each other. That's morality.

[A]

So is that. So is that how you can incorporate the Christianity? Because I just haven't delved into it. I've been like, I'm still, you know, 19 years old. That stuff's man.

[B]

I actually really like your. That stuff's bullshit jokes. For what it's worth, I think they're hilarious.

[A]

Well, because they still come back on like. Like. But if you. If it's.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, you're using it to be a better person, then why am I mad at you for what you want to do with your Sundays and your free time?

[B]

Yeah. Yeah. You want to hear the weirdest one? I'm working on a bit about it. I don't know if it'll ever happen, but I believe in God, but I don't think God exists. Like, the idea that God exists is nonsense to me. To exist, you have to stand out from the ground of reality. That's what we think. I think I'm in my body and this exists because it stands out from me. Me. I think God is the ground of being. It is the background. It is.

[A]

Well, it's everywhere. It's love. It's.

[B]

It's everything. You don't look. This is a Richard Rohr. You don't look out at God. You look out from God. So we're just talking about consciousness. It's another word for consciousness. Awareness, beingness.

[A]

I guess I never, like, went back to the Christianity to think of, like. Oh, the idea was there early on. It just got. Well, it's been incorrectly belabored by. Yeah, I got dragged. It was just a dumb tweet, but it was like, I've just like, the idea. Like, I just made a joke about Court being like, oh, like, Court is this place, like, put your non.

[B]

Shit.

[A]

Wiping hand on this book that's been. That's been rewritten a thousand times by drunk winos and swear to tell the truth. Okay.

[B]

So funny.

[A]

But it is like, oh, this is just a retold. Retold. There's old Dwayne Kennedy bit about how wine had a pig.

[B]

Story gets away from you.

[A]

I saw a dog. It was a beast. It was a beast with four heads.

[B]

The bit starts where he goes, the Bible. There's a lot of. Let's say he says, like, there's a lot of begot and a lot of wine.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

You know how when you're drinking wine, the story kind of gets away from you? That's what he says. It's so funny.

[A]

Yeah. It's like, oh, this, like, has been. Who did I just. Who just had the joke about all the book letters?

[B]

Oh, Rory. Roy Scoville.

[A]

Is it him?

[B]

Like.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Where he's like, Peter.

[A]

To, like, Peter. Keep writing us.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Rory's got some of the best Bible jokes in the bit.

[A]

Yeah. Well, I mean, you got to know it to.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

You know, from the South.

[B]

He absolutely killed it. Yeah. I had real jealousy when I watched a lot of those jokes. I was like, damn. Because he got it.

[A]

Yeah, that's a good special. And you're like, got there first. But I don't think I. I never looked at it, like. Like, I'm still so against the organization. Like, oh, the idea was always there. We really just ruined it.

[B]

Right.

[A]

Trying to control people.

[B]

And that's absolutely true. And for what it's worth, I think love or truth or reality will find its way and is finding its way to you or to us, to everybody. I think it's very gratuitous. Are you.

[A]

Are you that? Or do you have to remind yourself that you think that way. Or do you like, I walk through life thinking I'm, like, blissed out and I got a good handle, but then I'm like, no. Your instant reaction to things like you for not using a signal, kiss my ass for not picking up your dog. And then I have to go like, wait a minute. I'm a good person, Kyle.

[B]

I. I'm not a good person. I mean, let. Don't take that out of context these days. You're not. You know what I mean by that? I'm saying on my drive down, I'm listening to Rupert Spira non Dual lecture. Feeling lovey. Feeling love. And someone pulled into my lane and was going 30, and I was in the fast lane. And, you know, they get a nice. Not. Not for them to hear, but I.

[A]

Believe in hell in that moment. Am I in hell? Are you gonna go to hell for this? Now we're back to that oneness you're speaking of.

[B]

But I think we need to define our. Our terms a little bit is. I think there's. I. There's my awareness, which is what I really am. I know I'm. So there's no other way to say it. You are what knows your experience. And then there's Pete. And there's a line in my book where I go, pete is not enlightened, but I am. Pete is not loving, but I am. Pete, let's be real. I feel like you'll appreciate this. Pete is doing the same for most people. I like to think my daughter and my wife are exceptions, but a lot of my people get low grade. Well, love, meaning you make me feel happy. I can make you feel happy. You don't annoy me too much. You don't ask too much of me. I love you. Fuck off, Pete. Or we could just say the head. The intellectual mind. The rational mind.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Almost incapable of love. The ego, almost incapable of love, I would say, is incapable of love. But you are love. So I can step back. So when Kyle is having that day where you're in that groove. You are. And when you go, fuck you for not using your blinker, that is a Ignorance. Ignorance. That's an ignoring of your true nature. It's stepping out of yourself to be this guy who I also.

[A]

Complicated way to live.

[B]

It is complicated.

[A]

And you don't think we're just animals with a couple extra buttons.

[B]

This. I really don't want this to sound condescending. I don't want you to say what I'm saying. I want you to say what you just said. You Know what I'm saying?

[A]

We're gorillas that harness lightning.

[B]

Yes. Gorillas with lightning.

[A]

Sometimes that's. Sometimes I'm like, yeah, oh, we got a couple extra toys than the animal kingdom. But we're all.

[B]

And if that's. This is the part. I would never want to sound kind of sang it, but if that works. Gorillas with lightning, if that leads to peace, I get more peace and equanimity and joy out of literally beating it into myself. Like, I'm so conditioned to think you and I are separate things, but the more I recondition myself into going, like, wait, so there's an edge to my awareness. There's a boundary, There's a border. I can reach a part of it where it ends. And that Kyle's. You have your own separate orb, and I have my own separate orb. I was like, I don't think awareness is that personal. I think it's creating. It's an illusion of separation in the very same way that when you have a dream, you localize yourself in the dream to experience it. But that leads to better behavior on my part. But if gorillas. And more joy and more peace and more happiness, and if Gorillas with Lightning does it, I would never want you to come, like, come back on the podcast in 10 years and say everything I'm saying.

[A]

I love what you're saying, but I. Yeah. I still can't. I don't know if it's like, unlearning something or what's ingrained like this oneness. I also, you know, felt so many times of just being in a bar with strangers who decided to all start having the same conversation and make fun of each other, even though we just met in an awareness after a few drinks and like that. That's. Yes, that's it.

[B]

That is it.

[A]

That's the connection.

[B]

Completely agree.

[A]

And it's not. And you could come in with what you just said, and somebody would yell, horseshit. And somebody else be. Wait a minute. If we're this, then how about that? And that would be this spiritual community that would exist only for that moment.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Without the route that you've taken.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

And that's what I would. I still can't leave that part behind. Like, that's reality.

[B]

What are you saying? I have the chills right now.

[A]

But that's. But that's reality. Is that we're still going to go to work and we're still going to. But maybe we'll remember that one night that was fun. Like that. And we all had this but reality is, you grind, you pay your bills, you die. And you try to have a decent time until that moment, like, I. I still can't shake. We're organisms that have developed to this point where we've constructed a system where a lot of us just have to go to work and feed our families. And I. I so grateful that I'm on this other path that not many people get to have.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And so just be grateful for that. But it's all going to be just casket nougat in a few years.

[B]

Casket nougat? Yeah. Oh, that is fantastic.

[A]

So I think I. I get excited when you're talking about it, but I'm also. There's part of me like. Like, all right, man. Okay. But.

[B]

But.

[A]

I know, but it's. But that's what you've. It's. That's the route you've gone. And it's great. And it. And it makes sense to me.

[B]

Well, that's why.

[A]

But I can't get my other foot out of this. Like, Pete's flying high, man. Yeah.

[B]

And that's why I mean it very sincerely.

[A]

And I'm pissed. I can't pick a lane.

[B]

I want. But I love this Kyle. I love. I love this Kyle. It's. That's my favorite. It. Anyway, there's this story that you came to mind. It's an old, old myth. It's not a Christian myth, thank goodness. Been doing that pretty heavy this episode. But it's one of those great old creation myths. I forget from which culture. And that's. I'm sorry. It's called the toe bone in the tooth. Anyway, this young warrior. I'm really truncating it. This young warrior goes into the woods like we all do. Goes into his inner experience and he meets a God. He meets a young woman who's an animal. It's one of those. Who's an animal, but she's a God. He goes through all these trials so he can marry her because when he's with her, he remembers.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's that.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

He knows his place in the universe and they're madly in love. And she's in love with him. He does all these feats of strength so he can marry the daughter. And he doesn't. And then I forget exactly what happens. But she gets kind of sick as. As they're getting closer to the human world. He's trying to walk her back to his village. Village. She dies. And. And he buries her. And he has her bones. And he takes a toe bone and a tooth. And he goes. And he gets back to the village. Actually, it's better than that. Yeah, they bury her. He goes back to the village, and he can't remember. Everyone was like, where were you? What were you doing? He can't remember. He was in love. He can't remember. So he goes back. He has a vague sense that something happened and it was important. Important. Digs up the grave. All he can find is a toe bone and a tooth. That's us. So you're in a bar with that moment, which really did give me the chills. Yeah, that's the toe bone and the tooth. You're like, I don't remember who this was or what this was, but we're all having those moments merging. It could be live music, it could be comedy, it could be a conversation. But what. How? It could be skydiving. Something wipes away everything that we're constantly telling ourselves we are our personalities, where we're from, our past experience, and what's left is just us. The.

[A]

The struggle to defy. I mean, it's weird. Like, the not drinking for two and a half months because, like, oh, I'm the guy that's always going to have a beer or something. It's like, oh, I'm trying to not be sorted out by the thing. I think I'm kind of. I realize what you're saying, like, oh, yeah. I'm sick of, like, trying to make sure people know who I am by these different parts. Like, Kyle looks like this. Kyle's always this guy. Like, I get what you're saying on.

[B]

That part because that's removable.

[A]

And it's so hard to do that while also trying to still be from the Midwest and also not sound like you're full of shit.

[B]

Right.

[A]

But if you get to the point you don't care if you sound like you're full of shit because you're happy. I'm still worried about sounding like I'm full of. Because I still think I'm full of shit.

[B]

Yeah. So, no, I've gotten over that. Clearly.

[A]

Yeah, you. You're crushing it, man.

[B]

No, and I wouldn't change it for the world.

[A]

You've, like, you can make yourself happy to the point where none of that matters anymore. And I'm in this mix of not what people think of you shouldn't matter. But if everybody thinks you're an asshole, you might be an asshole, and you should work on that. So I can't get rid of one.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

With. With. I can't not think about that. I Don't want to meditate myself up my own ass.

[B]

I think, though. And maybe you need to hear this. I don't know. I think it's very, very possible and even likely to establish. Establish yourself in this understanding, whatever, however you want to phrase that, that this oneness or whatever, and just keep being Kyle. Being from the Midwest, doing comedy, my teacher Rupert Spira says, you don't even have to tell anybody. I like talking about it. This is a podcast. I like sharing these ideas. I don't think it's mutually exclusive. You could be like, far out, we're all one, and still be doing everything you're doing.

[A]

Yeah, I guess I just get scar may. It's scarred by the people that went like, 100% improv or the adults going to clown school, which, like, where the whole world's a stage. No, it's not. The whole world's a factory, and we're all working in it. Stay in your fucking department. Let me stop traffic for a TikTok. Get hit by a car. It's not a stage. I don't. I can't do that whimsy shit. It's not. We're all part of the machinery, and you're not pulling your weight to just get through.

[B]

Like, I don't think there's any reason why you couldn't have. Because we're talking about the Kyle that you stopped drinking. Right. So you were right on it.

[A]

I'm taking a break. I don't know.

[B]

No, no, no, I know. I. I just mean today. Today Kyle's not drinking. And you said. I thought I'd always be the guy with the beer in my hand.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or I'd always be a Midwesterner. But you live in Portland. I know you can make the argument you can take me out of the Midwest, but.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, it's a mindset.

[B]

I get it. I understand that.

[A]

I'll always feel bad about existing, but.

[B]

I always like to say if. If we took you. So your sense of being that your. Your awareness was the same when you were 10. Like, when you were 10, there was this sense of awareness. But the. The experiment that I like to do, when someone's like, this is who I am. If I took you to another planet. And on this planet, something about this atmosphere, time works differently and your body works differently. So you're. You're going to live forever. And every day is, like a million years long, and you're there for a million years, and it's a whole other culture. There are all these other things to do how many millions of years before you completely forget Kyle? Like Kyle, the whole thing was just like a dream. I can even play with your genes and change your genes. So your genetic makeup and your memories, we could even wipe those.

[A]

The lament of the vampire here.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. Exactly. The lament of a vampire part. But what would remain after millions and millions of years, what would be the same? What's the only. It's a Ramana Maharshi meditation. What cannot be taken away from me? Yeah, it's the. It's the knowing that knows all the things that change.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And why can't we know that and be like, dude, stop doing your fucking.

[A]

Yeah, so that's why I don't think.

[B]

You can exclude them.

[A]

So that's why we can allow prank videos in restaurants.

[B]

No, that's why we can allow Kyle going. Get in your fucking lane. This is a factory. Ram Dass's guru used to scream at people and yell at people that you're engaged. You're being you. That's why I'm like, I'm not trying to extinguish the light of Kyle, but if you can be Kyle, and you already are this way, I think you have a lot of this going on. It's the part of you that knows to get out of show business and go in the woods. You wouldn't be so comfortable alone, you wouldn't be so comfortable breaking away if you didn't have some connection to this.

[A]

It's a day to day basis. It's like, why do I like a guy playing saxophone in the subway? But don't you dare try to do a weird dance in front of me in the car. Like, why? I don't know what it changes from day to day. That's what's frustrating is there's some days I love the whimsy and randomness of the world, and there's beauty in everything. There are those. And then the next day is like. Like, you, everything. Get it?

[B]

I'm like, I need you to hear me. I couldn't relate more. Ask Val. If you. If you do visit us in Ojai, just ask Val. I can tell how open my heart is based on how I hear music. And if my heart is open, any music will bring me to my knees. Almost. Yeah. And if my heart is closed, which it often is. You said, don't be an asshole. Somebody came over our house last night and I was like, why am I being an asshole? I just saw it. I was like, because you're depressed. I've been Depressed for the past couple weeks. And I'm just going like, fuck, Hurt people, hurt people. I'm out there poking because I'm in pain.

[A]

What registers as depressed if you know it's gonna be like, oh, the last couple weeks? Cause I don't. I don't again. And I. I don't want to use Midwestern as a crutch. It's like, no, that's kind of the. The factory setting.

[B]

I hear that.

[A]

Expect the worst.

[B]

I would call it a debilitating numbness. That. That's what I call depression. Depressed. Yeah. And it means I can tell I'm depressed by my own standards. When I'm not exercising. I'm less interested in learning controllable factors. Everything in my life just kind of starts hitting pause. And all I want to do is. I don't know what I want to do. That's the problem. I'll be at coffee with a friend, having a nice time, but I'm like, I don't want this to end because I'm going to go home and I know I'm not going to do anything for four hours. That's. That's what I mean by that.

[A]

That's the definition of absolute happiness. This to me.

[B]

Which. Oh, yeah. No, you're right. From a different lens. Yeah. Katie, do you have to go soon? Okay. I'm just making sure because you have a thing at 2.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

I didn't know if you were getting squirmy, cuz maybe. Not that you're getting squirmy. I just saw you. I. I just want to make sure we're not pushing you too long.

[A]

Yeah, I. I have a room full of musical instruments that I'm terrible at, and that's what. I just sit there and make my noise. I'm not going to force it on somebody.

[B]

I think that's great, though. I'm not giving you my.

[A]

I thrive in solitude.

[B]

But I think it's especially playing music. Music helps. I can't say what it does for you, but music, writing, even swimming, running, walking, being in nature, being in silence when there aren't all these things. Like right now, I'm asking you to bring Kyle forth. You know what I mean?

[A]

Summon Kyle.

[B]

Bring Kyle to me. The. The podcast guest is Kyle, so bring him to me. And the podcast host is Pete, so I'm bringing him out. Do I sound depressed right now? Yeah. No. It's because I've dragged Pete out and here we are.

[A]

You turn it on.

[B]

Turn it on. And that's fine. We're all turning it on. It's not a show business thing. Everybody's turning it on to a certain extent. Yeah. Playing music though, or camping. All these things that I think of with you. Fewer things are asking you to drag Kyle out. So you're learning, you're seeing what remains when everything is stripped away.

[A]

I don't think I was successful in Hollywood in the way that some other people were because I wasn't good at turning it on.

[B]

It's so funny. I laugh because you're so funny to me.

[A]

I can't believe it. Well, I was terrible at auditions. I hated auditions. I moved here to be a standup and like, well, you got to do all this other stuff that was, was the big like even before Pandemic, I was having the best time because I'm like, oh, I'm here to get credits to be a stand up and tour and be a comedian. And once I did like, do you want to do this audition in Santa Monica at 5pm Nope. Yeah, because I'm going to drive all the way over there. I'm going to get in the waiting room and see the guy who should get the job and be like, that guy's hilarious. Can't wait to see you on the show, buddy. I'm going to take off. I guess I'm already stuck. I guess I'm an hour and a half away from my apartment. That's only five miles away. Do I have to get a hotel for the night? I'm on the other side of the 405. May as well be in Hong Kong at this point because it'd take me just as long to get back.

[B]

Only in LA would you go with no joke. Should I get a hotel? Yeah. Like should I?

[A]

Yeah. I will fly six hours to a gig. We got. I got a show in Santa Monica. Good luck with that show. Good luck with that show. Santa Monica, that's. There's a whole. There's all the groups of comedians that I've never met because they're on the other side of 405 is like the continental divide. It's a whole scene. That whole Santa Monica Venice beach crew that I've never met by the way.

[B]

To bring this back to Portland by the. Because people are like, I can't believe I'll do a show. It's 10 o', clock, show's over. They go, you're going back now.

[A]

I'm like, yeah.

[B]

And when I go to the grocery store it takes five minutes. So it all evens out. Yeah, I'm going To drive for an hour and 15 minutes. But it all evens out the time. The car is less. Yeah. Well, that.

[A]

It's more and more people here. They're like, oh, no, I live in Santa Clarita. Even moving back here, I was like, let's just go to Long Beach. If I got two sets in a week, fine, I'll do that commute.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But then the rest of my life will be.

[B]

That's exactly right.

[A]

Nice.

[B]

That's. And I say to people all the time, if you like where you live, there is no commute. You're not like, you're just getting closer to where you want to be. It feels great.

[A]

Yeah. My traveling is a bit more. Because now I. I'm in, you know, in a corner of the country that I work in. So every flight is at least connect. Yeah. Connecting in four and a half or five hours. And it's not great. But when I go home, I'm in a place that's peaceful that I've set up, that I've, you know.

[B]

You have land, Chickens.

[A]

No chickens.

[B]

No.

[A]

I'm not home.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I wish I could have a pet or something. I'm just not home enough.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Because if I'm not there, I'm down here. But.

[B]

And do you like touring? Do you? I. I saw your calendar. It's very full. Yeah.

[A]

I still love doing stand up. And I wonder if I am now starting to. Do I have to plan for the time where I might not like this or my relevance isn't there anymore? And I'm not. It's still scarcity mentality. Like, if you want me to play, I'm going to play. I book my year out in January. Do they still want me? Give me the year worth of work. And I keep thinking like, that means next year I'm going to take some time off. But next year I'll sit down in January with my agent and book out a year. But I block out time and call it a midlife crisis, you know? Oh yeah. Things are sore after I do stuff. Your body's not going to get better, it's going to get worse. Do as much as you can. Go hike, ride bikes, do all that stuff. And it's still not as much as I'd like to be doing. I like the idea of things more than I like executing them. Got a lot of backpacking gear. Went once.

[B]

There's who we are and there's who we think we are. Isn't that.

[A]

That I'm. I'm a whole lot of who I think I am.

[B]

Oh, God. I. Sometimes I just have my physical and like, when she's interviewing me, I'm like, who am I? Like, who am I pretending to be? I catch myself and I correct myself. But I'll be like, that's a story. I don't do cardio five times a week. What are we talking about?

[A]

Well, and you know what? Just. Just be honest. It's only good. And then I was honest and I.

[B]

Got judged by your doctor.

[A]

But in like, not the. I was. My appendix. Appendix was. It didn't burst, but it was infected. It was a weird day. I was like. I had like. I've done jokes about it, but, like, I had a pain. I'm like, this isn't chylite. Dumb shit. Again, pain. This is. Something's wrong. And I went to the doctor and they're like, okay, well, just. We'll do some blood work. And I got a call at like 9:30 at night from the doctor going, your appendix is. It's not bursting, but it's about to go to the error.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

But go to the hospital.

[B]

But did your appendix call the doctor? Look, you gotta tell him you misdiagnosed.

[A]

But I forgot because I went in that day. I'm like, this feels weird. Is this the appendix? She's like, what, do you do drugs or what? I'm like, I'm like, I'll just be honest. I'm like, I've recreationally taken, like, mushrooms and it hadn't been recently or anything. Why do you do that? Why do you think you need to do that? We're here because of the appendix pain. You're not gonna do like, whoa. So do you want me to be honest? Honest. And now I'm doing something that's almost legal and it's like.

[B]

And.

[A]

And you got judgy about it. Like, this is why people don't say.

[B]

This is why AI is going to take over the doctor. Because you could out. We're going to be sliding a thing being like, how. How much sass do you want? Why? Zero. Yeah. Zero sass.

[A]

Yeah. Who's turning that one up? That's what gets me in shape, is to be. Is to be shamed.

[B]

Psilocybin is very neutral. Yeah. This must be other.

[A]

But also doctors. It's saying the other day, it's like. But it's also like tsa. We're like, oh, you're one institution. Why is there different rules at each place? Why are five doctors going to tell me five different things about how to take care of myself. Well, that's not building a sense of trustworthiness in this field. Yeah, if you all have different opinions.

[B]

Why my last doctor, not my current doctor, but was, like, still writing things down and putting them in folders, like, pen written folders.

[A]

I don't mind that. I kind of like that.

[B]

You're not going to like it when he retires and no one can find the folder.

[A]

That's what happened. Well, why am I going to die? Well, because the transformer exploded.

[B]

Oh, there you go.

[A]

Because the new guy clicked on the wrong link. Now our system blew up.

[B]

In the new Blade Runner, they talk about a blackout and they go, it's ironic that only paper survived. You're going to love the new Blade Runner. It's not like the old Blade Runner. You'll get through it. You're gonna love it.

[A]

Okay, I don't have to see the first one.

[B]

No. 0.

[A]

Do you watch Dune? Do I have to watch Dune?

[B]

No. Okay, you don't have to watch Dune.

[A]

I just. I. I feel bad.

[B]

Everybody.

[A]

Science fiction does nothing for you. It's like gay porn. I'm glad it's there for the people that enjoy it. It doesn't move my heart rate a single bit. There's just nothing there for me.

[B]

Can I just say, having known you all these years, when you started doing the bit about the robot that delivers the food, I felt like, you know, on the Simpsons would. They'd have a future episode. You know, bart's got an earring.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I was with you in the lion's den watching the future episode of Kyle. You're like, you're gonna make it blink. I was, like, really? Straddling two times.

[A]

It doesn't have dry eyes. It's a touchpad.

[B]

It was so. And you look like you look.

[A]

All right, we'll put it in the act. I just came here to work.

[B]

I think you have to put in. Just say who you want us to vote for. It doesn't come on during yellow stuff.

[A]

Okay. I don't. I don't write down bits anymore. So I guess I just have to rewatch this podcast.

[B]

That's the way to go. You can watch it on 2X.

[A]

You a good riff? It's a good riff. Got a lot of bits out of.

[B]

Pete for a lot of good riffs. A lot of soft, solid riffs. Have you ever seen a ghost? You seem like a guy who's seen a ghost with a lantern. Maybe.

[A]

I don't know. Well, okay, you want to go into what's. What's Everything. And we're all tasting our nature. Whatever.

[B]

I think he tastes deeply enough of his true nature, he's got suck his own dick. The reason that rumor caught on is because Marilyn Manson has I suck my own dick face. And we didn't know that was a kind of face. Pete.

[A]

Pete removed some of his own ribs so he could taste his own nature. That gives me chills.

[B]

Oh, but it's so obvious. We're awareness. Keep going.

[A]

Do you. What, I mean, do you think there's. What, what do you think we turn into after we die? What do you think happens?

[B]

Do.

[A]

Does it turn into energy? Does the. Does the synap. Does the. Does the electricity powering our synapses. Energy can't be destroyed or created.

[B]

I think that's close. I, I, I again.

[A]

Or it feeds the worm, the worm dies. The organism like that's in perpetual motion.

[B]

That way I think time doesn't exist. And it's all. A lot of gurus. You climb the mountain, you say, what is reality? They go like those. So it all.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The idea of Pete entering into reality, existing for a time, and then dying out of it is an illusion. It has a relative reality. Yeah, but it's not actually what's happening. This is a cliche, but this is the only moment. So when you die, your consciousness unravels, kind of like a tornado of water underwater. Ceases and goes back into the water.

[A]

Same as when you. Before you were born.

[B]

Exactly. Which was also not what it seemed to be. Yeah, but depending on what you identify with. If you're. They say it's like a vase. And you break it. And the air that was in the vase goes into the air outside the vase. That's what I think happens when you die.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Which is a fancy way of saying nothing.

[A]

It really is.

[B]

It's a different. It's a different kind of nothing, though. It's not the. The sad nothing. It's the. You go into the.

[A]

The true nothing. Nothing.

[B]

The true nothing.

[A]

The awareness is neither happy or sad.

[B]

The awareness that knows no object. So it doesn't even know anything. It's full only of itself. So that's what I think happens when you die.

[A]

Oh, it's full of itself, all right. We're full of ourselves. All right. That's for sure.

[B]

You can give it to me, Kyle. I actually love it. You don't have to include yourself in that. You can say I'm full of it. I love it. I really do. And let's see me on my. I have a joke about me in my deathbed going, it should be you having a very unchilled death. But that is, that is what I think.

[A]

The unchilled death.

[B]

The unchilled death.

[A]

Oh no.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Can I tell you, I laughed real hard at your bit about being afraid of watching porn. Not because of like. Because of being scared of what you like. And it's like helped my concept of pornography and my consumption of it.

[B]

Yeah. Oh, the, the big line was this is me.

[A]

No, no.

[B]

And then Val, it's a good wife, good comedy wife. She'll sometimes say in conversation this is me now. She'll say it very calmly. She's like, you're a little worried this is me now. And I'm like, yes, yes, I'm worried this is me now.

[A]

I just try to address it like how the time like still if I look at porn and I'm just like, I'm just looking at my old meat and potatoes. Regular stuff, the sidebars. Like you want to see the Statue of Liberty? Fuck Marge Simpson. Like no. Who's this for?

[B]

What are your great bits?

[A]

Wrong with you?

[B]

When you delete the cash and then you go to CNN.com. do you remember that bit of yours?

[A]

No, I don't remember any of my bits.

[B]

It's a great bit. I relate so hard. It was like cuz I tell it.

[A]

To me, I would like.

[B]

It's like, you know when you look at porn, I'm not going to do it as well but it's like you know when you look at porn and. And then you immediately become afraid that people are going to find your laptop and see what you had been looking at. So you delete the history and then you're like but it can't be blank.

[A]

Yeah, try and fill it up with like I was just studying, I was trying to research.

[B]

You got a cnn. But the reason I died laughing was because mine was CNN.com. mine was always CNN.com.

[A]

I was just brushing up.

[B]

Well, Kyle did nothing on the Internet the whole week. And then Tuesday at 7:00pm he went to CNN.com.

[A]

He was a real news. We just found him dead in these hard sweatpants.

[B]

There was just everywhere.

[A]

But he loved reading about the conflict in eastern Africa.

[B]

Nothing got Kyle going like the conflict in East Africa.

[A]

Apparently he was so upset.

[B]

Dude, I just related so hard to that. Anyway, you were saying this is your ghost story.

[A]

Oh no. I think, I think I just wanted to experience something like that for so long and then I, you know got you know like, like the anything when the Internet gives you all the information about something that as a K, you just read a couple books from the library and there was still mystery around things. And again, more bits of yours of just like you just didn't know.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

Where's Tom Petty from? And it's all flooded in. Yeah. And it's. Oh, this stuff. It's just not that. It's just not. It's just not.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And it's a bummer. I wish. I wish I didn't. I'm not one of those fans that knows everything about something and I made. That makes me fair weather on so many things. Maybe I'm just too much of a dilettante about everything. Like, oh yeah, I like this type of music. Oh, did you like it when like in this album you could hear this blip because it was actually. Could you hear Paul say and hey Jude because he was angry. Like, is that real? Yeah, there's. But only because I'm sitting there wasting time on a looking at Reddit going, this isn't. Again, this is information now I can share.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I don't care. I didn't care enough to be a stockpiling information. Yeah. And so all the ghost stuff, like, here's more. Here's proof. Anytime like proof. It's like, this is the least compelling stuff.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And any stuff that was entertaining, whimsical entertainment is not anymore.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

There's no whimsy to anything. There's no. There's. You can only take it the most. All the conspiracy stuff got ruined, absolutely destroyed in the last few years.

[B]

Believe it or not, you and I are both old enough to know that there was a time when conspiracy theories were just kind of fun. It was just kind of interesting. And now it's like, yeah, they weren't. You can listen to this podcast that.

[A]

We were electing presidents based on.

[B]

Right. We used to go an hour, two hour long conversation just having fun with a conspiracy theory and it became like a dangerous thing.

[A]

Yeah. Well, again, look, thinking the Internet's real.

[B]

Yeah. Whoops. Whoops. I thought the Internet was real.

[A]

But what. What are we not letting people find out and fulfilling their lives enough to where? Like that's it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

They are just working and not like they're not making enough money to recreate and go out. It's so easy to say, oh, just take a walk. Going to nature. What? Some. What nature? Some people don't live around anything compelling. The. The. And they'll just read the Internet. And I'm guilty of it too. That's it. That's what you're consuming that's shaping your worldview. The magical, fun things, the time life was. The moon landing fake was like, you actually bought this book from the infomers. Like, yeah. Can you believe this horseshit?

[B]

Yeah. Right? But you're right. It's a symptom. It's the beginning of the movie Vice. Did you see the movie Vice? It's just like, how did we get to this place where we're electing people like Dick Cheney? He's like, we're overworked. We're working in these things. We have no time. We have no money money. So when you have free time, you're not researching candidates. What? What? Like, as much as you might have in the past, but you're right in the same way you're overworked, underpaid, and you work in a place where it's.

[A]

It's not beautiful product based on the commercial.

[B]

Right, right.

[A]

I didn't go to Consumer affairs over this one. Who believe Consumer affairs is owned by.

[B]

The corporation, which, by the way, is just another kind of graffiti. It's like if you look at improv, impoverished communities and graffiti, it's like this way of being like, well, I own this. And. And like, having that opinion is like, well, I have this strong opinion. I'm gonna write my opinion big and loud.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And writing on Reddit or writing on Facebook is another kind of graffiti. It's like, I exist, I'm here. You'll take me serious.

[A]

You have such little control. Somebody said that about, like, Let me see, like, like a petulant teen or so somebody that's like, gonna walk into traffic knowing you're gonna stop, and you're like, look at this ass. Main character syndrome. And somebody else, like, that person has no control anywhere else in life. And this is how they feel. They have control. This is why TSA is. I don't think anybody that works at TSA is doing great elsewhere. It's a job and it's. It. Yeah, it's. It's security theater, and it's also a job. And for the most part, we all do the dance and they're fine. I'm not gonna give them unnecessary attitude, but I've had instances where they could tell that they're in control and you could tell you don't have it anywhere else. You know, you can make somebody's life difficult.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And that's your one little feeling.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, that's, you know, attribute that the certain police. Like, your life's a mess. This is where You. It's a bully. It's a bully thing, right?

[B]

It is. And it's me being an asshole to my friends last night because I was feeling sad. So we can relate what happened to you at the tsa. You're making me remember. I was going, I pre check, and I'm going through the metal detector, and they're like, empty your pockets. And I was like, it's a metal detector.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He's like, empty your pockets. Like, he got, like, military voice. And I was like, you know guys that fly a lot like us. I'm like, I. All I said was, I've never had to do that before. He goes, well, you're doing it today. And I was like, okay. Yeah. All right, Val. Yeah.

[A]

Well, I mean, I always leave the non metal stuff in my pockets because that's my control over their control.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I've got Chapstick. Who cares? But I'm like, I didn't take it out.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Kiss my ass.

[B]

I wanted. I think.

[A]

Yeah, you think you're the boss. I'm the boss. When in reality, nobody's the boss.

[B]

See, the game, the game we're playing. How about this? You ever almost die? You seem like a guy who's almost died a few times.

[A]

I'm about to get a UTI right now.

[B]

No. What do you mean?

[A]

I got a piss. Oh, from holding it so bad.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Yeah, I don't, I felt bad.

[B]

I don't want to go pee.

[A]

Pee. Can I. I started to ruin the flow. Pee twice.

[B]

I do that.

[A]

Like, I packed it up, like, and just had to go pee again. That's how much pee I had. I had this, I had this whole coffee. I had your Gypsy juice, and then I had coconut water.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

You're in love.

[B]

Loaded.

[A]

I have never been more hydrated in my life.

[B]

You're loaded up. I, I, Somebody told me you and I both have a bit about when you pee and then you walk away and then more pee comes out. Oh, yeah. Did somebody tell you that?

[A]

I have. I just, I didn't know you had a bit about it.

[B]

Yeah, it's when my special came out. So it already said and done, but they were like, oh, Kyle has a bit about that. I don't think anybody was saying, was it special?

[A]

No, I don't believe in.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Theft.

[B]

Who cares?

[A]

Because you just had one. A couple.

[B]

Couple. Yeah, a couple months ago. The Netflix one.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Yeah. But it was like, I can tell I'm getting older because when I was 22, I would pee and Walk away. Now I pee walk away, and, like, just more pee comes out. And I. And I liken it to a hidden track on a Dave Matthews.

[A]

Mine is about how, like, I, I, I, it. I think it's, like, keeping me. It's like the universe keeping me humble because I'm so judgmental.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

You just always have some pee in my pants. I'm gonna tell you why you're wrong. Really want to say that you got a half dollar wet spot keeping your dick cold for the next hour and a half. Okay.

[B]

Really, we all should just be combining into one super comedian, because those bits.

[A]

Together, that's your AI.

[B]

That is our AI.

[A]

It's.

[B]

He could do four hours on that premise.

[A]

Have you had anybody? Like, now you see it, like, I just put an AI Write a Kyle Kanane bit, and I've read it, and I'd be, like, not that far off.

[B]

Oh, really?

[A]

It's not funny. Yeah, but it's upsetting.

[B]

Whenever I do it, it's always, like, incredibly positive because I have done it when it was kind of when it first came out, right. A Pete on the show, and it's like, yeah, who's ready to have fun? I'm happy. And I'm like, all right, somebody.

[A]

That's an impersonation of yourself, too. You're like, I don't sound like that. And then you look. Look at your stuff. Like, I did Steph Tolev's show last night. I'm like, are we just impersonating each other to each other?

[B]

Very good.

[A]

I don't know. What do you sound like? I don't sound like that. You sound like this Ruby going around. We are all one Chicago.

[B]

We're almost out of time. So I'm gonna jump to the last question, which is, can you tell me the time in your life you left Laughed harder than you've ever laughed. Maybe you're crying. Maybe you're a kid. Maybe someone farted. Maybe someone fell down.

[A]

It's always a fart, isn't it? I don't. You know, I don't.

[B]

It's a fart.

[A]

It's always gonna get me. That's another Matt Bronger thing. Nothing will be funnier than a man falling downstairs while he can't stop farting. Like, yeah. Just the idea of it, like, yeah. That's the funniest thing I can think of.

[B]

Yeah. That is so good.

[A]

I can't. I don't have specific moments. I mean, a lot of them can be attributed to, like, you know, substances or what have you Maybe assisted laughter, but there it was. A few weeks ago, I was back down here and I. Rachel and I were just. We were at. I. I wanted to buy a silly outfit to do after midnight. And so we're at the. We were at the Americana at Brand. We're at the mall, and we just went to go eat at the PJ's Brew House, which is so gross in there. Like, everything was just off. And we couldn't stop laughing at how everything was bad. But we're just there and we're like. She's like, ooh, they have a pizookie. I'm like, what the fuck are you talking about? She's like, it's a pizza, but it's a cookie, but it's a shit. Like, so it's a pizza, uki. And then we're just asking the world, like, how do you pronounce this? He's like, man, I don't know. We just collected. Yeah. We just. I'm like, it sounds like we're being racist to Asians somehow. And we just couldn't stop laughing the whole night. And neither of us were drunk. We're just at a sticky floored bad restaurant by the mall. That having the. I'm like, is it. It's the full moon. Maybe that's it. But it was just consistently, it was one of those things where everything. You're just raw, but comedically raw. And everything that happened around us just kept adding to how much. How bad the food was, how ridiculous everything around us was going. Other people's conversations. And it just.

[B]

It just felt good moment.

[A]

But in the right way.

[B]

Way.

[A]

It was an on moment, I thought.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It was just like everything came together. Just be like, silly.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And I think that as far as recent memory.

[B]

That's great. Yeah. I love that. That speaks to your relationship too. It made me think of last night. Lila said, I want another fish. We have a goldfish. Leela's never fed this fish. And I'm just sitting at the table. And Val goes, lila, we'll get you another fish if you feed this fish every day, twice a day for two months. And I'm. I. Like, she didn't even say it to be funny. And I was like, that was so hardcore. Like, two months. Like, there's no chance. It's just another thing where it's like, this is funny in our relationship.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I died laughing at how I was like, that's like. Like that was the most. Most gangster.

[A]

Two months also. Then you can kill it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Also what happens after Two months.

[B]

It's not even going to live through the experiment.

[A]

This is. This is just a prison sentence. This isn't like, learn a lesson.

[B]

That's what I said. I said, just say you're not getting a fish. Just say you. You can't have one. Don't say, don't give her an impossible task. But boy, it felt so good to laugh. Kyle, we have to go. Thank you so much. The special is called Dirt Nap and you can watch on. Is it on YouTube?

[A]

YouTube, yeah, it's on YouTube. Or buy it for 10 bucks. I love when people are like, I can't handle all these ads. Then buy it.

[B]

Yeah, buy it. 10 bucks.

[A]

Pay for. YouTube's better than half the streaming you got.

[B]

Anyways, I was gonna say, I got that prem. Yeah, I'm gonna watch it. Ad free.

[A]

One more, One more. Great. Paul Danke's joke about, like, I understand that you have to advertise, but maybe not before the child CPR video I'm trying to look at.

[B]

That's one of my beds.

[A]

Is it?

[B]

I. I did a joke about how there were two. Two ads and a 10 minute intro before the. The how to stop a baby from choking. Oh, my gosh. Oh, that's crazy.

[A]

All bits are all bits.

[B]

All bits are all bits. You get some modern, you have enough hair to enjoy my favorite shampoo. It's Modern Mammals. If you want it, you give me shampoo. Here you go.

[A]

Now I'm insulted.

[B]

Take it and use it.

[A]

I do now that I have this much.

[B]

Well, you'll like it because you like it to look, I'm kind of nice.

[A]

It's either Wayne Grove or it's.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Nick Cage and. And Conair.

[B]

Yeah, this will get you there. And that's it. Thank you so much for doing it, man. Would you say keep it crispy? It's your second time saying keep it crispy in 10 years up in Ojai. That's right.

[A]

Keep it crispy up in that high desert.

[B]

Little too dry up there.

[A]

Too dry.

[B]

Come on, Mark.

[A]

Keep it crispy, but remember to moisturize.

[B]

Okay? You keep adding.

[A]

Why? Why? You spo. Yeah, why aren't you sponsored by moisturizer? I can't add stuff. It has to be individual.

[B]

Oh, you can add stuff.

[A]

I just did.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah, we're done.

[A]

Keep it crispy.

[B]

No, no, no. Oh, wait, I forgot to read it. Sorry. Real quick. I gotta thank you for rating and reviewing the show. We've been doing a show, Kyle, for over 10 years, but we've never tried to grow it well.

[A]

Keep it crispy.

[B]

Well, we're growing it.

[A]

Keep it crispy.

[B]

He keeps crisping.

[A]

Crisp it up.

[B]

Lily Coogel said. 5 stars One of my favorite podcasts. I'm a fan of everything Pete Holmes does from his crashing to his but his podcast is probably my favorite content from old pd. I love the way he connects with guests.

[A]

Keep it crispy.

[B]

He's a really great interviewer.

[A]

Keep it crispy.

[B]

Don't. Don't take that into question. I thought you were gonna critique it. The episodes he does with his wife, Val. We Made It Weird brings me unbridled joy. I listen to a lot of podcasts podcast and the We Made It Weird Every Friday are in my top three. Thanks, Pete and Val. So thank you to you, Lily Kugel Guys, please rate and review the show we're trying to build. In the meantime, maybe text this episode to a friend. That's it. Now, Kyle, do your final one.

[A]

Go get some help. Hey, Keep it crispy. Didn't want it.

[B]

Didn't want it.

[A]

Thank you, pal.

[B]

That was awesome. It.