A (4:47)

That's really. I've had that since the fires.

B (4:52)

Really. Can I tell you something? I dated a lady for about a year and she smoked. And I, at the time I was so codependent, I'm still, you know, I have to keep an eye on it. You know what I mean?

A (5:05)

Yeah. I know, I get it. It's not my strongest suit.

B (5:10)

Codependence.

A (5:10)

Yeah. I'm not a big codependent.

B (5:12)

No, I know.

A (5:13)

I'm a super. Well, it depends.

B (5:15)

You're self reliant.

A (5:16)

It depends on the day of the week.

B (5:18)

Is that true? Yeah, you fluctuate. Sip that coffee. I'll finish this boring anecdote. Anyway, I was so codependent, I would, I would bum cigarettes from her. I swear to God. I felt bad that she was the only one smoking. Have you ever heard such a thing? No, I. I've. I've grown. I. This is before therapy. I'm just turning this off.

A (5:40)

Let me turn mine off.

B (5:41)

Do it. Wow.

A (5:42)

I really enjoyed talking to you. You were so out of your fucking mind.

B (5:48)

Well, I mean, you know, as I'm saying this, I'm like, I, I'm sort of having a. A romantic feeling for that version of myself for material now I'm out there being healthy, being like reasonably balanced. But she would smoke and I would smoke. So I wasn't smoking more than a couple. Certainly not even every day, but only a couple. And speaking of coughs and the fires, when I laugh really hard now, which I will, I'm going to predict in this hour, I'll cough. And it's just because I smoked a couple cigarettes for a year off and on. We're so fragile.

A (6:31)

I've not smoked. Grab that 2000. I've been smoked since 2017.

B (6:35)

Oh, I forgot you were a smoker.

A (6:36)

I was a smoker. So part of it is. But I didn't, it didn't really, you know, I had a cough.

B (6:42)

Yeah.

A (6:43)

And they said that would go away. And it didn't go away. But when you quit. Yeah.

B (6:48)

They were like, I'm here to tell.

A (6:49)

You, never gonna go. I know. Really. And you have no degrees. I don't need one.

B (6:57)

You can frame as many pieces of paper this guy. Frame as many pieces of paper you want. Well, that represents a lot of time in school. It's not just a piece of paper.

A (7:04)

But.

B (7:04)

Yes. I don't have any degrees.

A (7:06)

Yeah. No. And, but I really. But it kicked in. We were in Wisconsin and, and they, the, the day afterwards, they were, you know, you turn the TV on and whatever, you know, town you're in and they're going, well, you know, those fires in Canada have really destroyed our air quality. Yesterday it was. Yeah. Really dangerous for you to be. Well, now you're telling me, you fucking assholes. Now we're talking.

B (7:32)

We are so fragile. Does that ever occur to You. We were. We moved outside of the city. We're up in Ojai, and rain almost took us out. Rain.

A (7:41)

Like, we're living outside the city.

B (7:43)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A (7:44)

And this is just.

B (7:46)

We rent this place to our friend Kate.

A (7:48)

Is that right?

B (7:49)

And every. Every week, Kate doesn't know who the guest is. And this week, I said, oh, boy, oh, boy. Kate's a Jew. Kate's a Jew. Kate is Jewish, and she gets very excited for the Jewish guests. And I was like, well, I have the king Jewish guest. I couldn't wait. And I go, Lewis Black. And she gives me the most vacant look, and I go, jesus Christ, Kate. I go, jesus Christ. And close the door on her. As I was closing the door, she went. But I was like, how big do you have to be, baby?

A (8:17)

Well, that's the story. That's the way things are now. You go away for. You know, they lock you up for a few years with, you know, with the pandemic, and then you come back out. Even if you come up with your podcast. Even with my podcast.

B (8:32)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A (8:33)

In which I don't talk to anybody except myself.

B (8:37)

Just you.

A (8:38)

Just me.

B (8:39)

All that birth style where you're just ranting.

A (8:41)

Yes. Yeah. But what I do is read the rants of other people.

B (8:45)

Oh, other rants.

A (8:47)

I read. When I start about 2016 or something. I started on stage. After the show would end, I'd come back out and I would read rants from people.

B (8:58)

Wait, wait, don't leave. There's more for 10 minutes. Please sit back down.

A (9:01)

And then we would broadcast it throughout the world. It was sent throughout the world for free so somebody could watch. It was my version. Okay. You're not gonna give me a TV show, you fucks. I'm gonna do this. I'm going way back to the beginning.

B (9:14)

Yeah.

A (9:15)

To where I'm standing there with a script in my hands.

B (9:18)

Yeah.

A (9:18)

In front of a microphone. You know, I'm. And I'm. That's it.

B (9:23)

And doing other people's rants and then.

A (9:24)

Ranting about their rants and then contributing at times. Or sometimes you don't have to. Disagreeing. Or sometimes you're just doing it sometimes. But most of a lot of the times, they get so good, these rants. When it was finally. Once they got the hang of it, once these. These folks realized, oh, I can write in his voice, which is. I'm not a tough voice to write it.

B (9:44)

No.

A (9:44)

And once you found.

B (9:45)

That's a great compliment, I think, you know, I'm agreeing, and I think there's a great compliment in there that we.

A (9:52)

Take a minute to smell because it's.

B (9:53)

So fragrant and delicious. If you're easy to. All the greats are easy to impersonate actors and comedians.

A (10:00)

And you're worth it. I thought of it. I just thought of it as kind of like simple minded, you know, like.

B (10:06)

I agree. But I remember, see, even in New York when I was coming up, there was a guy that would go. And I was like, I'd, you know, call foul. Which is fine. Maybe he was just trying you on for a week.

A (10:16)

Well, that's what happens.

B (10:17)

And that's what you gotta do. I understand.

A (10:18)

Well, and also is that other thing that happens when. Which, you know, is a comic. You. You leave. You back, you know, two days later, you're working with an opening act, and then you like, three days after that just something is stuck in your head and you do something that they. Yeah, I've not. Not.

B (10:36)

Yes.

A (10:36)

Not specifically the words, but just, you know something. You pick up my.

B (10:41)

Okay. The guy that. The man that I'm touring with right now, Matt McCarthy. I'm watching both of us bleed into each other. You know what I mean? And we just talk about it like it's a completely normal phenomenon. Like married partners that look like each other. Or you ever see two married people and they're both wearing Apple watches, but they're like a little too old, or maybe they're new or something. You're like, you bought that together, you fucking sick bucks. You know what I mean? There's something kind of gross about it. They're both wearing Hokas. Oh, you both went out and got Hoka shoes.

A (11:07)

Yeah.

B (11:09)

Who shot first? And then the husband's like, I'll wear Hokas. I'll wear a peach colored shoe. And now they're doing it. See, you are fun. I'm just enjoying. You're like this permission for me to be like you goddamn bucks.

A (11:21)

It's good though.

B (11:23)

No, it's healthy.

A (11:24)

Well, it is health. But what's so funny to me is you're like, you're. You're very sweet to me. I. And you're a very sweet person.

B (11:31)

I took a compliment just from a fact. I appreciate that, Louis. I am very sweet.

A (11:35)

Then you snap.

B (11:36)

Yes.

A (11:36)

And then you'll watch someone like you snap. Or Ray Romano snap.

B (11:39)

Yeah.

A (11:40)

You know, it was way. He's way further as a presentational.

B (11:44)

Yeah.

A (11:44)

Sweet guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I saw him do this. You'll just. As a sidebar. Yeah, yeah, this is a sidebar. Whatever the Fuck that.

B (11:53)

We can install one. So I don't know what that means.

A (11:55)

I don't. It's something.

B (11:56)

I think it's when you're in an airplane and the concession card is briefly next to you, that's a sidebar. Just only for a moment. You're like, just the sidebar, and then it moves on.

A (12:06)

We were in. I was in the Comedy Cellar back before it exploded in the room. That was like a squash court.

B (12:15)

Yes.

A (12:15)

And. And it was me, David Tell. There was someone else who. I can't. Somebody else who you'd know immediately in the audience would know. And Ray Romano. And there's like, 18, 20, 30 people in the room, and Ray is, like, in his fifth year of.

B (12:35)

Oh, this is when Ray is on.

A (12:37)

Ray is big. Oh, yeah, yeah. Ray is huge. And Dave is. We're all kind of, you know, in our. In. Some of us are in our sweet spots.

B (12:47)

Yeah, yeah. That's like Insomniac Dave. That's a similar peak, right?

A (12:51)

Exactly.

B (12:52)

Yeah.

A (12:52)

Yeah.

B (12:52)

So it's a hot table.

A (12:54)

So it's a hot group of people.

B (12:56)

This is a daily show for you, too, isn't it?

A (12:57)

Yeah, yeah. And also, I was touring, and Dave and I had been kind of put on. We had become the faces of Comedy Central, in part because on Fridays they would do a bunch of clips and Dave and I would do stuff in between. We were the Segway guys.

B (13:13)

Can I, by the way, say that that sweet time of life was when only celebrities were on Instagram? Meaning, like, remember music videos? I was just thinking about this, like, fucking Sheryl Crow is like, all I want to do is have some fun. She's drinking a beer in a bar, and we're like, oh, my God. Images and music. It's because she was the only one who had Instagram. You had to be on TV to be, like, consumable in that way. And now who fucking cares? You drop a music video, that could be a guy flying in space for real, and nobody cares. So this is a magical time. You and Itel were the only people on Comedy Central's Instagram.

A (13:50)

Instagram, yeah.

B (13:50)

Or channel.

A (13:51)

Channel. And then. And actually. And I was. And I was doing an Internet interview show with comics, okay. Until they threw us off some reason.

B (14:02)

This has no future. Comics talking for long periods has no future. Let's cancel this now.

A (14:07)

So I knew. I knew I was. Once again, if they. You know, it would pick up at some point. And I get. Yeah, so. So it was great. You know, it was really. So it was this Great group of Keno. And I'm like all excited, so I forget it gets up first and they just eat it. I mean, nothing. The audience does not care. They don't give a shit. A couple more. Four more people show up, maybe five. David. And we're watching him, but. But we're all thinking as we're watching that guy, whoever it was, who's funny, and there's that part of your head going, oh, man, it's. It's horrible. But it's kind of great because we never get. This is somebody who never gets fucked over. He's getting fucked over. I won't get fucked over.

B (14:48)

Yeah, yeah.

A (14:49)

See, because I've already watched him go. So I've figured out ways to deal with the David Tell. Gets up. Fucking. And Dave is always kill. I've never seen Dave not kill. Yeah, yeah. I mean, he'll go into a cul de sac, but he comes out.

B (15:01)

Yeah, yeah, sure.

A (15:02)

No, he.

B (15:02)

Great way to put it. Just a suffering cul de sac. Yeah. But he circles around.

A (15:07)

Yeah. Comes back out. He did this. He circles, circle, flush. Then it's. Then it's.

B (15:14)

Wait, does he not do well? He does.

A (15:15)

Okay. Oh, no. He flushes right down the toilet.

B (15:18)

Oh, flush.

A (15:18)

Bad, bad, everybody.

B (15:19)

He goes really good.

A (15:21)

Yeah. No, but not a flush if you're the turd. Yeah.

B (15:26)

Because you're about to get eaten by a seal.

A (15:27)

And he is gone. So he goes. And it's. And the audience now is bigger. And then nothing. I mean, it's not even. They're not yelling. They're not. They're just not a laugh. Just kind of now, you know, it's like we're saying to each other, maybe. Maybe somebody should go up and ask if they speak our language. Yada, yada. You know, something. You know, one of those that they could.

B (15:49)

Because, you know, guys, I'm not kidding. Is that thing on? Like, it's not. Not a bit like, somebody check.

A (15:56)

But it's also that comedy seller thing that you'd have 12, you know, 12 Iraqis show up.

B (16:03)

That's true.

A (16:03)

Or 12 Kurds, and they didn't speak English. You know, they just come there because they'd heard.

B (16:07)

Right, right.

A (16:09)

So that's what we thought. But that was only. There was a couple of them. But it wasn't that Ray gets up, which is where now that we get to the part of the story, Ray. Ray starts out and it's not working and it's his stuff, you know, and there's a big, you know, there's.

B (16:27)

He Gets excited.

A (16:28)

They would. Oh, yes. Right.

B (16:29)

Yeah, yeah.

A (16:29)

Then zip.

B (16:30)

But in a Madame Tussauds sort of way. Can we do photos? They're not there for the material, Madam.

A (16:35)

That's really wonderful. It's. Wow. That's true. That's where I feel like I'm at. So. So he. He ends up. He goes. And he's just dying, and he's dying, and then he goes after his kids. Now, I've never heard Ray. And I'd been around Ray before it exploded, before the Romano show came on, before his show hit the air. And he'd never. The family I'd never seen him go after. I mean, now he's. And he's swearing about what, you know, his kids are shits and da, da, da. I mean, I wished it was on tape, you know, before. It was not before, but it was, you know, nobody was carrying cameras around everywhere.

B (17:21)

Right.

A (17:22)

And it was, like, stunning. It was like, God. And it's.

B (17:26)

And it cracked the ground.

A (17:27)

Now we're. I'm screaming because it's Ray. And this is. This is really making me laugh because it's like all of a sudden, you know what's in Dr. Caligari's closet? Well, he opens it up and out come the bats.

B (17:39)

You know, it's even weirder, too.

A (17:41)

Yeah. Yeah.

B (17:42)

Your closet is nice and organized. There's lots of sneakers in there.

A (17:44)

Yeah.

B (17:45)

We're familiar with your shadow.

A (17:47)

Yeah.

B (17:47)

But now Ray Romano.

A (17:49)

Yeah.

B (17:49)

Who. Who I love.

A (17:50)

Yeah.

B (17:51)

Feels like he should be working in an ice cream truck. Is going like, these goddamn kids. Fuck you. Oh, twins. So I can kill one of them, you know.

A (18:02)

Dark.

B (18:03)

Dark shit.

A (18:04)

Very, very dark. It was really splendid to watch. And then. And he just. He. You know. But the only ones laughing are those of us, like, sitting on the bench.

B (18:15)

Yeah. Seeing a special day.

A (18:17)

Seeing. This is like, this isn't going to happen again. You're not going to see a murderer's row.

B (18:22)

Right.

A (18:23)

And I got up. Now, my concept was, now. I know now, at this point, if this hasn't happened, it's not going to happen for me. But I'm going to do one little thing that might change it. And I walked. The Comedy Cellar was shaped like a rectangle this way. So the audience is this way. And literally here to the door was. To the other side of the room was maybe 40, 50, maybe 80ft. 100ft.

B (18:56)

Yeah.

A (18:57)

And there's a door there, and that's the only way out. It was always one of those things. I thought, wow, if there's a fire we just die. We die. Yeah.

B (19:04)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A (19:05)

And so I, I. They announced me, and I walked right back to that door. I didn't even walk on the stage. I said, folks, I said, you know, I figured out what's going on this evening. I said, it's none of the comics you saw tonight, because they're great comics. They were unbelievably good. And it's not your fault either. It's the stage. You're having trouble with the stage. Okay? That's the. That's what's making this difficult. So I am gonna be here. And the reason I'm gonna be here, so you won't leave the room during my act.

B (19:38)

I'll be blocking the door. Were you on the mic or just projecting?

A (19:42)

I was just projecting. Cause it's. Yeah.

B (19:44)

You don't even need it. You don't need.

A (19:46)

You didn't need it.

B (19:47)

Did they laugh?

A (19:49)

Nothing. Nothing at all. No, nothing.

B (19:52)

Still.

A (19:53)

Still nothing.

B (19:54)

Zero.

A (19:54)

It was great. And then. Except for my guys. Except for.

B (19:58)

Yeah, of course. And I. I don't even mind. Well, you're still gonna have a body reaction. But if. One of the reasons I love touring with Matt is even if it goes poorly, which it's been going great, but even if it did go poorly, we do some weird hell gig together, at least he can see. You know what I mean? I didn't get into this business to vanish. And there's nothing lonelier than bombing. And there's no other witness that can go, that was unwinnable. That's all I need. I don't need to win. I just need us to agree that was unwinnable.

A (20:34)

Yeah.

B (20:35)

It wasn't me. It wasn't the crowd. It just wasn't in the cards. And you know what? It's a phenomenon that doesn't happen more often that a group of people and there's just a guy talking aren't rolling. It's a miracle anytime that it ever happens. It should only be bombs. They should be like, I saw a non bomb. It should be like a newsworthy story that a comedian killed.

A (20:55)

Yeah.

B (20:55)

But we're like. We get spoiled.

A (20:57)

Well, we do get spoiled. And a lot of it has to do with the fact that they. They know us. So they. There's an expectation. They bring that expectation in the room. They expect to laugh. They're gonna laugh.

B (21:07)

Right.

A (21:08)

Your idiosyncrasies. A lot of our hooks.

B (21:11)

Yeah.

A (21:13)

Are idiosyncratic.

B (21:14)

Right.

A (21:14)

It's the way in which we present our comedy.

B (21:17)

I'll give you one seinfeld yeah. His. His record. I'm telling you for the last time. Oh, it's the special as well, but the record's better. I'd tell him that to us. He knows.

A (21:26)

Yeah.

B (21:26)

They taped it for hbo and it's great. But the record, they felt they recorded one of the best shows of the tour. And you're like, he's having fun. He's riffing.

A (21:33)

It's incredible.

B (21:34)

It's a great cd. I had it on cd. And I was like, this should have been the special.

A (21:38)

Doesn't matter.

B (21:38)

Yeah, yeah. He knows that. I'm not talking shit.

A (21:40)

No, no. But I've never heard of the. I never heard that.

B (21:43)

Nobody's heard it. Who's heard, if I'm telling you the last time, the album, it's such a good record. It's a great comedy record. But he goes up and at this point, I'm, you know, very interested in trying comedy. Or I don't. I don't think I had tried it yet. And he opens with, so what's up with the cab drivers in the box? Huge laugh. And I'm going like, what the fuck? What is happening? Like, I've been. I go to open mics. You go up on stage and go, so what's up with the cab drivers in the bo. Maybe. Maybe a couple chuckles.

A (22:15)

Yeah.

B (22:16)

But when you know it's Jerry being Jerry, and like, you're saying like, I hope he does. You're one of those guys. I hope he does the thing.

A (22:25)

Yeah.

B (22:26)

And you do the thing. We're so happy. And there's nothing wrong with that.

A (22:30)

No, it's what you know, because it's like, you know, it's. You know, it's like you would see you, you. You're in. In their face for so long. And communicate with them for so long. Whoever the group is.

B (22:45)

Yeah.

A (22:45)

That they see you. It's like you're at the dinner table.

B (22:48)

Yeah.

A (22:50)

You're a part of the family.

B (22:51)

Can I tell you my stand up comedy theory?

A (22:54)

Sure.

B (22:54)

This. This occurred to me.

A (22:56)

It's your show, really.

B (22:58)

I can. I can look right down the barrel and do seven minutes of ads. No, I'm just excited to see.

A (23:08)

I'll do. Let's do them simultaneously. I can do.

B (23:10)

You do yours.

A (23:11)

Yeah.

B (23:12)

Promo code black. I'm assuming. It's hard to know. Use promo code.

A (23:17)

40% off, 50%, 70% of all. You.

B (23:23)

Which promo code are you going to. I was at it. I was. I was having dinner. This is long, long, long time ago in Chicago. So I had Only been doing stand up like two or three years. And I'm at dinner and I watched a large dinner party, like 10, 12 people. And they're all, it's going, it's humming, it's like a birthday or something. Then someone arrived late, but they're in the group, but they arrived late. And there were these expectations. And you know this without knowing that, you know, this one, whatever they say is, should be funny. Like, we want it to be funny. Maybe it won't be, but even the dullest person will be like, Los Angeles traffic. We're gonna laugh. Like, to show them that it's okay that they're late, kind of to fold them into the group. But you're also. It's this moment where standup is occurring organically, is my point. It's like you're standing, they're seating. There's a group and there's you. You're the outlier. And like, it's this cultural expectation. Like, why are you late? So the stand up is kind of like the formalization of, wait, why are you over there? Yeah, it's like, we're all here. What are you doing up there? And you're like, I know I should.

A (24:33)

Be down there, but can I get.

B (24:35)

And you're off. That's why so many of the great openers. I saw Ron White do an opener and I think he was doing a little fib because his opener was. He was in Chicago and he goes, I flew into Milwaukee because my travel agent doesn't own a map. And we were off. Yeah, but yeah, you do la. It's Burbank, you know. Yeah, you do find a small place. But then he does this like 10 minute routine about flying in small planes. And it was fucking killer. But that was like the most honest. Like, I'm here. Here's what happened. Like, it's, it's natural. It's the most. Like the dinner party setup.

A (25:10)

Well, that's my favorite thing that could possibly happen is if something happened, if I went and something up.

B (25:19)

Yeah.

A (25:19)

And now I'm going to deal with the fuck up.

B (25:21)

Yep. That's the best.

A (25:23)

It's the best it could be. And then. Because then you're doing. This is my belief about comedy, in part because everybody talks about everybody. It's about, you know, about. Do I start by writing one liners? Do I start by doing this punchlines, etcetera? I go, yeah, no, you start by telling the funny story.

B (25:43)

Oh, interesting.

A (25:43)

I think that's what drives us.

B (25:45)

Yeah.

A (25:46)

If we sat around it. This is One way to look at it, this is you sat you when you were in the cafeteria and you, and you, you and your group sit down. There's four or five of you and you're not going to believe what happened, right? Oh, well, that happened.

B (26:02)

But funny are you.

A (26:04)

This happened to me. And you're all sitting there topping each other.

B (26:08)

And you know what else is built into that? It's like the you weren't there ness energy. Comedians are trying to harness that fuel of you weren't there. I remember stand up comedy, the book said. I know I'm not even suggesting people read stand up comedy the book, but I remember reading Stand up the Comedy the book. And one of the things that I liked about Judy Carter wrote this book.

A (26:28)

Oh, that's right, yeah.

B (26:29)

Is remember, go on stage. This is when there was one book about stand up comedy. Now there's like a section. But anyway, go on stage with the energy of seeing a friend you haven't seen all day. And you couldn't wait to tell them something, right? And I was like, brilliant. Not I hope I can make them laugh. Not even I hope I'm good. More like I can't wait to because I remember being in. I studied a semester in Israel in Jerusalem, and I went on this walk. It's not a good story, but that's not even the point. It, when it had happened, it was a great story. I got lost. And there used to be little throes of children that would look for lost tourists and would give them directions for money. And I knew that. So I was like, I'm not falling for this shit. Like I'd been in Jerusalem for like four months at that point. I'm like, felt like I was a local. So I'm like, hey, do you guys know where Jaffa Gate is or something? And they're like, where? Go where? Go where? Go. That's what they're saying. And they want me now to use them as an escort. And I'm like, no, no, I get it. You guys are going to get. I'm using like sarcasm on these children that only speak probably Arabic. I'm like, you're gonna give me directions and then I'm gonna give you money.

A (27:38)

I get it.

B (27:39)

And they're like, yeah, yeah, money, money, money. And I'm like, what the fuck is that? Like, I shouldn't have said any of those words. All they heard was, give me directions and I'll give you money. So now they're following me and I'm like, no, no, I know where I'm. Now they're. You know what? You know when you're scared of kids? Like, when there's a lot of them and they could assemble like Voltron and fucking take you out. I was afraid of these kids and I was like, no, no, I'm good, I'm good, I'm good. And finally we were about to part ways. I'd found, like a narrow hole that they couldn't follow me through. And one of the kids threw seeds in my face. Like he had been eating some sort of seeded fruit and he threw the seeds in my face and now I'm blind. I think that back at this point, I was corny enough to be like, so that's their strategy. You can hear the side note. They're gonna blind me, so I need their directions. You know what I mean? Like, I thought comedy had to be that way. But the funniest part wasn't my cute turn at the end. The funniest part was the feeling. And I. And I hadn't seen my friends all day and we sat down to dinner and I was like, you're not going to believe what happened to me. And that was one of my biggest in the wild kills of my life, where I really was like, I had done stand up comedy one time at that point, and when I had that, when I told that story and the seeds and all the, I was like, I think I can do this. So you're absolutely right. It's the story. Because I think. And tell me what you think about this. Standup isn't necessarily the hardest part, isn't necessarily the jokes. It can be, maybe the joke writing and the structure. I think it's finding your own sunlight inside that wills you to share it. Does that make sense? Like, you need to manufacture your own motivation to do it and do it earnestly. So it's not just like, hello, there were children and. But if I'm like, I want to connect, like, what do I want? What do I want you to get? What do I want me to get? What do I want us?

A (29:30)

Yeah, I wouldn't call it sunlight, dark.

B (29:34)

Hellfire, reflection on the blood moon.

A (29:37)

Mine does not come from sunlight.

B (29:39)

Yeah, but it does.

A (29:40)

Mine comes from a slaughter of the pigs.

B (29:44)

And the moon reflects in the pools of blood. And you go, I have a bit. But you do tell me a little bit about what is the story, because you're still doing it. And unless you've been horrible with your money, I'm assuming you don't necessarily. You're not like, just grinding Out a living. So why. Why, Louis? Why.

A (30:03)

You'Re backstage.

B (30:04)

What are you saying?

A (30:05)

I don't know, but I don't know. I've got to check this.

B (30:08)

Oh, you're fine.

A (30:08)

Let me. This. You're not hearing this, are you? No.

B (30:11)

Okay. I can hear it.

A (30:12)

Yeah, you can. Let me finish this. I'm sorry about that.

B (30:16)

Please.

A (30:16)

It's just. I don't.

B (30:18)

This is an easy lift. This is where we can be racist if we want. My impression, my loving impression of my wonderful manager is if I'm on the set of. And he knows this. If I'm on the set of a movie, I'll pretend he's calling me to say that there's interest in me being in the movie. I'm in the makeup chair, and I'll answer the phone. It's him, and I'll be like, hey, buddy. Just letting you know there's some interest in you being. And I'm like, I'm on the set. It's. It's the reference. Okay, what were we saying? Oh, your motivation.

A (30:50)

My. My motivation for what? What's keeping me on the road?

B (30:54)

Yeah. Yeah. I guess. Let's put it in a way that'll go viral. Why are you still doing this?

A (31:00)

What is the matter with you?

B (31:02)

Why won't you just get low? Remember that movie, get low and clean out the house? No. What's the story?

A (31:11)

It's partly. I would have been probably off the road in part. Maybe. Maybe is what I say, because I would keep going. I'm gonna. I'm retiring at 70. I'm retiring. I literally thought at one time, my friend said, you know, you said this three years ago. I said, no. Well, okay. Well, you know, I didn't realize I'd come up with another special. And it's.

B (31:37)

So you have a planned retirement?

A (31:39)

Yeah.

B (31:40)

Like Tarantino, 10 movies.

A (31:41)

No, I. My. It was literally. I. I probably would have if it weren't for the pandemic. Wound down, I had a kind of an idea of what my. One of my arc to be. The pandemic through that arc out the window.

B (31:55)

Yeah.

A (31:56)

And so in part, it's. I. I just wanted to do. I wanted. I kind of want to find the. What the finish is, you know, what's the last bit of. What's the last special?

B (32:14)

Yeah.

A (32:14)

You know, and what do I really want after saying all this, you know, stuff? What is it that I. How do I want to kind of. What's my summary? And that's kind of what I'm out there doing. And it's come at kind of a good time.

B (32:26)

You mean that's your act now?

A (32:28)

That's what I'm looking for.

B (32:29)

That's what you're looking for.

A (32:30)

Yeah. My act now is a piece of. Keep looking. I mean, there are moments that.

B (32:38)

Yeah.

A (32:38)

Are. Are spectacular. And then it's like, oh, he was so. We saw him up in the sky and it was really burning bright. And then it. And then he disappeared. And then there was nothing. And then there was silence.

B (32:50)

I was just talking about that. When you're building an act, it almost sucks when you get it to a 10 because you're like, oh, no. First of all, you didn't know it was a 10, right. Suddenly you're finding out it's a 10 in real time. Oh, God. And then you realize nothing after it is going to be as good as that. And you're like. And that was my opener. You're like, now it's 45 minutes of me looking for another 10.

A (33:10)

Yeah. Yeah.

B (33:11)

It's a vulnerable place.

A (33:13)

So I've got, you know, and. And because I don't want to end on the last one. I mean, basically, the last two specials were about. Were literally my, My. For me to say, this is what I saw in the last three years. Yeah, this is what I saw. Yeah. Not what you saw. Not what your fucking critic head saw. Not what you thought about Mask. Not with what I thought. And it had no effect on you at all, because I wasn't even running around the country. I was just in my own head for a good year. Right.

B (33:49)

Right.

A (33:50)

You know, and so. So to me, it was a bookend of. Of just kind of. Which I never even, you know, I didn't get into doing this in part to. To leave a history behind, but that's in part what I've said. Somebody ought to just talk about it from an individual basis. And. And that's what I did.

B (34:05)

Yeah.

A (34:06)

And. And then. So it was like, I've got to do. I got to get. Go back to doing one out of that shit.

B (34:14)

And not even topical at all.

A (34:16)

Yeah.

B (34:16)

Broad strokes is that. Am I.

A (34:18)

Well, topical still? I'm topical in the sense that we've. We've. We've reached this level of that I've been talking about before the pandemic. It was where we were before the pandemic and where we are now, which is. How do you satirize something that's already satiric? Yeah.

B (34:35)

Yeah. Really tricky.

A (34:37)

Yeah. And that's what I'm doing on stage, trying to figure that out. And if you have some time off, I'm more than willing give you a couple of bucks.

B (34:45)

Free hot lunch. A hot seated lunch.

A (34:47)

Yeah.

B (34:48)

It's an interesting point. Like, obviously, you know. Do you know the movie Idiocracy?

A (34:51)

Yes.

B (34:52)

I bet there would be no comedians in that world. You know what I mean?

A (34:56)

Yeah.

B (34:57)

Isn't that. I've never considered.

A (34:58)

Yeah.

B (34:58)

That if the president is watering the crops with energy drinks and he shoots a gun at the opening of the statement, and he's a wrestler, essentially, and everything's nuts. Like, it wouldn't even make sense to be like, have you seen this? Like, because it would be so saturated.

A (35:14)

Well, it's kind of like the thing in part I've said. And it's. And it's trying to figure out once again what you were saying. The tent. It's figuring out where you say it in the. In the. During the time that you're on the stage, which is. Is that. I don't know why I'm here. You already know the joke.

B (35:34)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A (35:34)

And you do know the joke. And then when I tell you the joke, you're not laughing at the joke, because that's when it becomes painful. Wow.

B (35:43)

Interesting.

A (35:43)

You know, and that otherwise, you know, I. I mean, I was going on stage and going. Which I would literally say Herschel Walker. Pause. And that's all I gotta say. I mean, it was extraordinary in a bad way.

B (36:04)

Like, you. Do you like that? Or you.

A (36:06)

Oh, I love it.

B (36:06)

You loved it. I loved it because it reminds me of the Twilight Zone, where the guy's like, I want to be the best comedian in the world. And they laughed at any time.

A (36:13)

Oh, no. This was called. This is. They got the job. I can say nothing about Herschel Walker other than his name. For them to know all of how psychotic it was that this man. And then if I. I'd sprinkle out a little of the. You know, for those in the audience who didn't know why the others were laughing.

B (36:31)

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's interesting.

A (36:33)

You.

B (36:33)

You're cashing in on a. It's a sweet spot in comedy.

A (36:37)

Yeah.

B (36:37)

They know where you. It's like they're in the theme park. And we know. And I can hear that in the audience of your.

A (36:43)

Of your.

B (36:43)

Of this last special. They know where you're going, and they want to. And they want to go there. And that's a very special place. It's a tricky thing when they don't know who you are. And you. I mean, I think about that all the time.

A (36:54)

Yeah.

B (36:54)

I mean, what a bummer.

A (36:55)

Yeah.

B (36:56)

And I still face crowds that have no idea who I am. Don't get me wrong. I'm just saying, like, to only ever go up for crowds that are like, prove it. And you're like, although it does make you good, I guess.

A (37:05)

Yeah, no, you know, but, but I think it's interesting that we talked about that. Something I wanted to, about the, about telling the story.

B (37:16)

Yeah. Okay.

A (37:17)

Because I think any, any kid who's listening who wants to do it, you know, really. That it. The other thing, not just the earnestness, you know, not just. I really got to tell this story that you tell that funny story. Don't worry about where the punchlines are. You've told the story a hundred times.

B (37:38)

Yeah.

A (37:39)

You know, it's funny. Generally you can find it in. If you were. If you had a Catholic upbringing. Boom. Family that's dysfunctional, boom, here's a good one. Bad blind date. And when I would teach, when I. Because I would kind of teach the experience of stand up. Not. I'm going to make you a stand up. I don't. You, you're not gonna, you do that on your own yet. You know, don't call me.

B (38:03)

It's up to you.

A (38:04)

Yeah.

B (38:04)

Yeah.

A (38:06)

But you know, to, to, to just give them that. It was for actors really to give them that so that they'd come out with a monologue so they weren't doing.

B (38:14)

Yeah.

A (38:15)

You know, as you like it.

B (38:17)

Right.

A (38:17)

Stuff like that and, and that. What they got. But, but the stories that I heard were just spectacular, right? I mean, they were. There were stories you might never hear in a club ever. But it gave them a sense of what it's like to, you know, if. What it's like to be funny on stage because all they're doing is taking the other thing. And you know this from what you were saying earlier is that the only difference between the, the sitting it around the table, the guy goes, you know, I could, I could be a comic. I said, if you can walk the five feet from that, from the table and get on the stage and face the audience, it's five. The only difference between you here and you there is five feet.

B (39:00)

It's a big five feet.

A (39:01)

It's a huge five feet. It's a moat and it's filled with shit and sharks. It's a moat.

B (39:08)

Well, you know what's interesting, man? To unpack that a little bit because I, I take issue with the guy and it's, it's an Italian restaurant, it's my Dad's friend, he's sitting back. He really painted a picture for me. This calamari. There's a cigarette out in the lemon. He's like, I could do that. And I'm like, you know what? See, when you got actors to do a monologue from their life and they could do it, and it gave them the experience of being funny, One of the reasons they were able to do it was they could keep the fire alive of how they felt. This goes back to what we're saying. If you go up on stage, what happens to that same guy? He gets nervous. It's like, okay, a magician. I could teach you a magic trick. The real magic is to regulate your heart rate and slow it down. This is why David Blaine is like, do you have some glasses? Like, he's really slow.

A (39:57)

Yeah.

B (39:57)

Because he's calming himself down. I love. I love doing magic, but when I do it, my hand shake, because I do adrenaline just for fun, for kids and stuff. Like, for funsies.

A (40:07)

Because don't start doing it now.

B (40:08)

Well, I'm looking for an angle. It's hard out there. That's the worst, like, the worst advice I got. Try magic. All right. Can I do it? No. But, like, when you go on stage that hard five feet, that same story, the nerves. The first thing the nerves push out is your attitude, is your. How do you feel in that story? Your ability to remember. So you have to be, like, calm. Like, that story, I didn't really tell it, but, like, of getting Lost in Jerusalem was easy to tell because it had just happened to me. But if I told that guy that told the story at the dinner, tell that story on, like, Saturday night at 8:00, and it's Tuesday, I think. Can you keep it hot long enough to tell it? And also, how do you start? Like, it's really hard. I know you know this, but it's like a great story. Like, that should open with, like. I'm not saying this is it, but it's like. Anybody here ever get dried fruit thrown in their face by an Israeli kid? Like, is a way in.

A (41:09)

Yeah.

B (41:09)

And then the laugh puts them at ease. And you go like, I got lost. I got really lost. There's what I should really start here. There are these gaggles of children murders, really, like, crows of children going around the old city of Jerusalem and they want tourists to get lost. That's part one. But you see, you have to be, like, compelling.

A (41:25)

Yes.

B (41:25)

Part one tells me. Tells the audience. Like, I know where I'm going. I'm flying the plane. But if I just went on stage and was like, I got lost. Like, if they're not saying, why are you late to dinner? That's the in. The standup has to create the in out of nothing. In fact, bad stand up. To me, when I have soft shows, I'm like, you ever been doing stand up? Probably not in a while. I'm imagining. But you're going, like, why am I telling these people about my life? That's how it feels. To bomb is they're just like, why are you telling us this? And on bad nights, I go like, I agree. Like, you're right. It's weird that I'm like, my daughter and I were at a birthday party and she got lost. Like, what? Who cares if it's not going well? Suddenly it's like, who cares if it's going great? You're like, of course you wanted to know about my daughter. But if it's going badly, you're like a weird guy at a bus stop.

A (42:16)

Yeah.

B (42:17)

My daughter, I'll tell you, gotta get a release.

A (42:20)

Yeah. And then. But that for us is because then we get down to. There's a math to comedy. There's a certain. Not that the comedy is math, but there is a.

B (42:32)

There is.

A (42:33)

It's an equation.

B (42:34)

Yeah.

A (42:34)

And so when you're talking about you like your daughter, it's like, also, it's finding that point where you can set it up so that you don't have that thought.

B (42:44)

Yes.

A (42:44)

You know? Yes.

B (42:45)

And it engages them. That's why. Going like saying, you ever gotten lost in the old city, Jerusalem and had some dried fruit thrown in your face? Like, at least that's acknowledging them and giving them a way in. They want a way in.

A (42:57)

Yes.

B (42:57)

This is Ron White going like, I just flew into Milwaukee because my travel agent doesn't own a map. Is like, I'm in awe of an opener like that. Because you don't even have to know them or care about them to know, oh, I've flown into a small airport before. Or what an idiot. Where's this going? How was that? It must have been a 10 minute flight. It's the most relatable. I mean, when I hear bits like that, I'm like, why am I almost exclusively talking about my parents getting older? Because that's immediately. It's like, either you understand that or you don't.

A (43:28)

Well, and if you are, it's, you know, your audience. I'm going to tell you, from my experience of bringing my parents into the act, you know, it was that they. They all relate to it. And it's also because we don't talk about it.

B (43:43)

I know.

A (43:44)

At all, as a country.

B (43:45)

I know.

A (43:46)

And your generation. My. My generation. Which is different from yours. My generation is already things. Because they knew. My group knew it hasn't dealt with the problem. Your group's watching it. They're not dealing with the problem. We're all kind of standing around going, well, tough, Ski. Shit, Ski. You get old. Oh, it's too bad.

B (44:07)

You want to hear a dark one?

A (44:08)

Oh, yeah.

B (44:08)

I feel like this whole. The philosophy of this whole world, question mark is, not me, not today. We see terrible things happening. And you go, not me, not today. Like, people are getting old, People are dying. Not me, not today. And what's fucking crazy is one day you go, oh, it's me. And that's. That's a weird way to live. Whereas there have been cultures that do have appreciation for the dying process, for the aging process. I know I sound like Andy Rooney right now, but like, elders, like, it was folded into society.

A (44:38)

Yes.

B (44:38)

But we're like, to quote Ram Dass, he's like, paint. Paint the red leaves green. Paint him green. You know, Like, I know a couple of people in their 90s, and they're out there wearing fucking Under Armour jackets. And I'm like, can we get this man some goddamn corduroy and a pipe and little slippers. I need a fucking old guy. I don't need fucking goddamn. I'm trying to. Kevin Federline, but he's 90. Yeah, I don't need that. But we don't like it. So I don't blame them for trying to blend in.

A (45:11)

Well, because. And also because the. As you see, our culture doesn't take in the old. It's literally okay.

B (45:24)

Oh, yeah.

A (45:25)

You know, you literally get a WI.

B (45:28)

FI signal off of them somehow and would love them if a group of four old people generated a strong 5G signal would be like, ah, I love the elderly. I'm streaming all over here. They're streaming in their pants. I'm streaming over here.

A (45:48)

That's perfect. That is the best. The best one I ever heard about was the. The elderly, which you may have heard was Dave. God damn it, Dave. Oh, David. Damn, Feldman.

B (46:02)

And I love that as someone I don't know.

A (46:04)

Oh, Feldman.

B (46:05)

I don't know who it was. David Felton. Maybe I do know him.

A (46:08)

You know? You don't know him. You may not. He was. He worked out here for a number of years. He moved back to New York.

B (46:13)

Oh, he's A comic?

A (46:14)

Yeah.

B (46:14)

I mean, now I'm embarrassed. I thought it was someone in car.

A (46:16)

Oh, no, no. But he's. But he's. Well, I mean, he. Now he's got a. A podcast thing that he does and he's. But he's been. He's one of those seriously dark, funny comics who was working out here. And, and he, and, and he's gotten. I. And I. I think film has gotten a. An Emmy. I forget for which show. Oh, wow.

B (46:38)

That's what he's screaming at the radio as he's listening to this.

A (46:40)

I have an Emmy. Yes. He's got. He's really very. But he. His was. And this is 25, 30 years ago. But you know that we have a. You know, there's a. There was a food shortage problem at that point. There was some sort of. You know, we've got these people, they're not eating is this. You know, we've got all of these people in. In assisted living and these programs and, you know, I think it's time we. We just. But we eat them. I'm really not doing. I'm not doing it justice. I really am not. He had a wonderful setup and the whole punchline was great. Eat the. Eat the elderly.

B (47:21)

Yeah.

A (47:21)

You know, it serves a purpose and it really nailed. I mean, 30 years ago, he nails what we're up against because nobody, nobody. Because it's like you become. I've experienced it. I literally. The pandemic did the. When it got really got to me was is that when they kept going. And if you're over the age of 70, you know, you're, you know, you're more susceptible of this. But what it was was that what they kept saying was, you're old. I said, I didn't fucking know I was old until these fuckers every day blasting it out on cnn. Anywhere other the, the older part of our. The. The senior citizens, the, the yadda yadda, whatever you wanted to call us. Yeah, the rubbish.

B (48:08)

Yeah, yeah.

A (48:09)

You know, the ones that we're going to have to fucking keep alive. You get to get in line. But what the fuck? I didn't even know. I wouldn't have thought of running down to the goddamn thing. You fucking assholes. And my. My father had a great line one of the first time, the first tip off that what you have to look forward to in your senior years. He said, he said, until I walk downstairs for breakfast, living in an independent and assisted living place. They were in independent living, he says, until I go downstairs and have breakfast and look Around. He said, I have no concept that I'm old.

B (48:44)

Really.

A (48:44)

Then I look around and go, holy God.

B (48:48)

I think I see that happen to my parents.

A (48:50)

Yeah.

B (48:50)

All my setups, by the way, are. I don't think my parents know how old they are. That's the setup to every single one of them. My mom. This is going to sound weird.

A (49:00)

Who are they?

B (49:01)

I don't know. And that's. The opening is. I go, my parents are 80. You're gonna like this. I go, my parents are 80 something. I don't know. We're not a family. Like that. And I go, you wanna watch my dad have a panic attack? Ask him, how old is Peter? He'll walk through a wall. He'll walk through a wall. To avoid that confrontation. They have no fucking idea. They're foggy. On the exact day of my birthday. That's real.

A (49:25)

I get birthday cards, so might.

B (49:27)

Yeah. Yeah.

A (49:27)

Well, my. But my parents. My mother especially, just said that's always been. She. Birthdays were Mother's Day.

B (49:34)

I thought she was like, we didn't even know.

A (49:36)

Oh, no.

B (49:37)

She just meant. It's all.

A (49:37)

She just.

B (49:38)

No, my family's like that. And this. Actually. I hope it comes out. My family stuff works. When I remember, I love them. It's weird that I have to. Everything I'm saying is like, ah, these old people. But I have to hold on to this. I keep saying ember and fire. But, like, I have to hold on to something inside of me or the jokes don't work. Like, I have to stay in touch with. So when I say we're not a family like that, that. See, this is what I'm talking about. The math. I'm saying to the audience, we're a different kind of family. We're like, kind of. We break each other's balls. So I'm allowed to make fun of my mom.

A (50:10)

Yeah.

B (50:10)

And then I make fun of my mom because she can't point her fingers like this. But she's going around pointing. God love her, she's pointing at stuff. I'm at a table. There's 50 things on the table. She goes, peter, what is that? I'm like, I don't. Gonzo's nose, Ma. I don't know what that is. But I have the same thing. I say this. In the setup. I had this. It's called Dupuyn's contracture. I had the same thing. So I. But I added that to the setup to, again, give me permission to make fun of it. Because I'm, like, making fun of my parents for being old is sort of just making. In my opinion, making fun of aging. It's something that's. It's understood that it's going to happen to all of us or something worse. So, like, I feel like it gives us a green light.

A (50:52)

Yeah.

B (50:52)

Do you feel that way?

A (50:53)

Yeah. And I also think that the audience. You don't even need to set it up for them Because, I mean, at least from my experience.

B (50:59)

Yeah.

A (51:00)

And because I'm much funnier than, you know. But it is. But it is just from my experience of talking about mine for so long, you know, it's like that I'll be selling. Like, it started with. There was a stupid joke. My parents. My parents showed up a lot of the times that I was doing shows, you know, if I was in this area. So they would come and go to the casino and gamble and stuff.

B (51:24)

And they come to the show.

A (51:25)

They would come to the show. Yeah. I mean, I would bring them in. They. They would. My mother. This was the level at which my parents might. Well, I was working up at. Up at mohegan sun, and I had a. And I. They had a really nice cabaret room, as they called it, and it was like 350 seats. And I worked there, like, five nights. Four nights. Five. It was great. My parents came up. They were living in maryland. They would come up, get the train up. They meet them at the. The train station, Pick them up in a limo, Take them over there. They'd have a nice room. Everything was great.

B (51:58)

By the way, casino, like, hospitality is the only way to include your parents.

A (52:03)

Yes.

B (52:04)

You know what I mean? Like, I need a man with a sign, and I need them to grab my mom.

A (52:09)

Yes.

B (52:09)

They flew in to see us, and I sent a car. I was like, this is foolproof. Send a car. They're called. We can't find the car. I'm calling my dad's phone. It's forwarding to his business line. I can't even get them on the phone. They just went without the car. I dropped hundreds of dollars. They didn't take it.

A (52:25)

No.

B (52:25)

It didn't work. I need mohegan son to blow dart my mother. Throw her in the trunk, basically.

A (52:31)

And then there's what they do. Gold car, which makes it, you know, easier to find. Yeah. Really. Than the ones that look like a hearse.

B (52:38)

And they would love. Yeah, that's right. They would love it, too. By that man in a shiny brimmed cap being like, Mr. Holmes. It would be so fun for my parents.

A (52:47)

Well, it's really? That was the thing. So they. They would get in that and come to me at Mohegan. And then we had. You know, it was great. And then they. And it wasn't like we would hang out. They would literally. It was. We did this. This. And then, boom, they shuffled off. They shuffled off. And. And then I got. They Mohegan son took me out of there and put me in the arena a couple of times. The big room, it's 10,000 seats, which is the most I'd ever played. 8,000 to 10,000.

B (53:14)

Yeah.

A (53:15)

And I don't do those kind of rooms, and I've never been that big of a comic, and. But they really did. And it was a great. And my mother went, what? I said, well, we're just going to do the one night. You're not going to be in the. No, no.

B (53:33)

This is really mad that you're not in the cabaret room. But we had it all planned out.

A (53:37)

Yeah. We have five nights now. You're taking it down. Yeah. And I'm going. Here's what I'm going to do. You can spend the five nights. I'm gonna pay for the room. Wait.

B (53:47)

Okay. So they moved it to one night in the arena instead of five nights in the casino. And they wanted more of a vacation. My mother, at least I kind of understand.

A (53:54)

They wanted the five. That was what was great to them.

B (53:57)

Yeah.

A (53:57)

Not that I was in the casino. Not that I was in the cabaret. No, they had five. I'm gonna pay for it. I'm gonna get you. I'm even gonna get you a better room than. Yeah, it doesn't matter.

B (54:08)

It doesn't matter. It's. They're playing on a different board, I think. Same pieces, different board.

A (54:14)

Yeah, but it was really that kind of a. Of a thing with my folks. It was really.

B (54:19)

But.

A (54:20)

But they were always. They were always there. But the. The joke.

B (54:23)

And they could like the show. They would enjoy it.

A (54:25)

Oh, yeah. My. Yeah.

B (54:26)

Really?

A (54:26)

Yeah, they loved it. I mean, my parents really got a kick out of it.

B (54:29)

I think that's so great.

A (54:31)

My mother would say, you know, I. They just came to the point where my mother's going, you know, you owe me some money for this act, you know?

B (54:37)

And you go, like, I wouldn't be doing this if you had behaved better. I'm just kidding. But she was an early investor. She built the factory, but now the factory is up and running.

A (54:47)

Yeah. Really?

B (54:48)

Who cares if you laid the brick?

A (54:49)

Yeah. She.

B (54:50)

Bricklayers don't make residuals. Strike all you want. No, Bricklayers getting residuals.

A (54:58)

But they really. So one of my first jokes was that, you know, that what's interesting is to realize that. That I would, you know, I said, I, you know, my parents are here tonight and, you know, after the show, if you'd like, at the merch table, actually be able to purchase them. They're the size of salt and pepper shakers that. That was. And as soon as you get. But that's like a stupid aging joke.

B (55:23)

But that's a 10 out of 10.

A (55:24)

I love that. Boom. It's already. You know what I mean? They get it. Folks get. Yeah, because we're all in that.

B (55:31)

Yeah, you're shrinking.

A (55:33)

It's. It's older, kid. It's older.

B (55:35)

It's.

A (55:35)

You talking about children. Your children, or you talking about your parents. You've already got. The hook is already there.

B (55:41)

Yeah, I agree. I agree. It's a sweet spot. Biglia said that, too. He was like, comics are come into their own in their 40s. He's like, the 40s is the funniest time. I think mortality is part of that. You're getting older. I'm falling apart a little bit. And, you know, you've made your. In case. If you have kids, you've made your replacements, and you're watching your parents die. I mean, like, I know it's taking a long time, but you're. You're watching it. It's. And it's even saying that. I bet people are reeling that I'm like, you can't say you're watching your parents die, but it's like. But that's what it is. It's taking a long time, but it's a slow. Slowing down. Let's say that. Can we say that it's a slow. You have to watch your parents slowing down.

A (56:20)

What does that mean? Well, it was crazy with my parents because you. They. My mother was. Even when they were hitting the early 90s, there was never a sense from them. Well, we're gonna see. We're gonna see in six weeks. We're gonna see in six months. Never, ever a sense of like, this is the last time.

B (56:38)

Yeah, yeah.

A (56:38)

Never. I mean, it was like, you. And it was part of my brain was just like. It didn't. And as a result, it never dawned on me because it was really like, yeah, they are really committed.

B (56:48)

They're the CEOs. I mean, they brought you life, like they say. I bet that's true. There's a little boy and you go, it's true.

A (56:56)

They're going to be. And they were. And my mother would even. 101, 102, you're thinking. Okay. And. And it was only during the pandemic, it was the first time ever.

B (57:05)

Yeah.

A (57:05)

That when the phone rang, I thought, oh, this is it.

B (57:08)

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's interesting. I'm the. I'm the opposite every time. Because I only call my folks. I don't know what's going on. I mean, I think I do, but it would. It would take about seven weeks of non stop talking to explain.

A (57:22)

If you want, I can switch seats. I'. You lay down.

B (57:26)

No, but I. When on my new special that's coming out, I have a joke about when my mom calls, I always go, who fell? Who died? Or worse. She just wants to talk. Like, that's, that's. That was the bit. So we're a morbid family in that sense. And also I remember my dad being in his 50s, would visit Boston. We're leaving. And he'd go, see you next time. God willing. You know, we don't know.

A (57:48)

We don't know.

B (57:50)

And I was like, wow, my dad and I can relate to this. He's a. He's a. You need a meteorologist. Like, what's going on is reality. And if he was feeling dark in that moment, like some of that's gonna reach out and be like, you never know. So what you. What I was hearing, I think was almost like a Irish poet level, like, oh, this. This life she's not promised to us.

A (58:13)

Is it.

B (58:14)

You know what I mean? Like. Like this melancholy that he didn't have an artistic outlet for. Thank God we do.

A (58:20)

Yeah.

B (58:20)

Because where he let it out was me walking out of the house. Bye, dad. See you next time.

A (58:25)

God willing.

B (58:26)

I'm like, jesus, get this man a notebook. This man a quill pen and a quiet desk. This episode is brought to us by our friends at Better Help. I don't know about you guys, but the holiday season, every single year, if you listen to the show, you know, this is a difficult time for me. Something about it, memories, feelings, all this stuff comes up that is very, very complicated. It can make me sad, it can make me stressed, and that's not unusual. This time of year can be a lot, and it's natural to feel some sadness or anxiety about it. But adding something new and positive to your life can counteract some of those feelings. And take it from me, therapy can be a bright spot amidst all of this stress and this change. Something to look forward to, to make you feel more grounded and to give you the tools to manage everything that's going on. I in my personal life and Val as well, we have both benefited so much from talk therapy. It's magical, meaning it's greater than the sum of its parts. It seems like just two people in a room talking, but there's something in the human condition that benefits from it so, so deeply. Whether you need to set boundaries, coping skills if you need to find a version of your best self to strive for, having a therapist in your corner to guide you and to help you is huge. It isn't just for those who've experienced major trauma. It's for everyday stuff. I got into therapy because I didn't know how to lovingly and compassionately end a relationship and put up boundaries with my family. And it's made a world of difference. So if you're thinking of starting therapy, give better help a try. Couldn't be easier. It's entirely online, designed to be convenient, flexible and suited to your schedule. Just fill out a brief questionnaire and get matched with a licensed, licensed therapist and you can even switch therapists at any time for no additional charge. So find the bright spot this season with BetterHelp. Visit betterhelp.com weirdo today to get 10% off your first month. That's betterhelp.com weirdo Support yourself, support this show also. It is brought to us by our friends at Nextevo, which is a huge partner in my own stress coping strategy and my sleep coping strategy. Meaning before I even get into this, so many people say when they want to try CBD that they didn't feel it. They don't know how much to take and Nextevo is the only company that I've worked with that have actually figured this out. You start absorbing these gummies in just 10 minutes so you know within 10 minutes how you feel whether you need more. And you can dial it in just right. It is called SmartSorb technology. It gets into your body. CBD only works if it gets into your body and only nextivo has that proven all natural gummies that absorb four times better than most oil based products with that smart smart Sorbit technology. So transitioning from these lazy days in the summer to the crazy fall schedule can make your wellness routine getting back on track feel impossible. But you can sleep great and stress less by upgrading your cbd. As I said, regular CBD oil doesn't mix well with your water based body. But nextevo Naturals are clinically proven to help your body absorb four times better than oil. So when you need to de stress or sleep better this fall, reach for the fast acting CBD products from nextevo. As you guys know, I love their stress formula. The stress gummies are incredible. They mix with Ashwagandha which is a helps you cope with stress, ease into a feeling of well being in your body and relaxation. Mixing with the cbd, it is absolutely, absolutely a game changer. And they work fast. So their stress gummies are incredible. And their sleep gummies are also incredible. So try both. Why not stress and sleep? Two things we need to dial in. Get more Z's and more Zen in your life. Upgrade to better natural solutions from Next Evo naturals. Go to nextevo.com and use promo code weird to get 25 off. That's 25 off at nexus t v o.com and use promo code weird. All right, everybody back to Lewis. You know which. Okay, so your parents are both passed now.

A (62:51)

Yeah.

B (62:51)

So when did your dad die? How old was he?

A (62:53)

101.

B (62:54)

Jeez. He was the freeway.

A (62:57)

Unbelievable.

B (62:57)

We're here in Los Angeles. That's a local joke.

A (62:59)

He was the freeway.

B (63:01)

Well, God, he's not going to make 405.

A (63:03)

Let's be but 101, 101 G's. And he paint. And the other thing about artistic, my father, when he retired, he retired. He left the gig. He was, he was left government and Left the government and, and he. Over principles and, and then, and then started doing what he always wanted to do, which was be an artist.

B (63:29)

No kidding.

A (63:30)

So yeah. Which is pretty remarkable.

B (63:31)

When did he quit government?

A (63:33)

60. Oh, 62, 63.

B (63:37)

I'm so happy. I thought you were going to be like 98, 90. No, no, he got out.

A (63:41)

Oh no, he got out.

B (63:42)

I bet that's why he lived so long.

A (63:44)

Well, it's part of it for sure because he. 61, 62. He, he then started. He apprenticed himself to a guy and did stained glass.

B (63:54)

No kidding.

A (63:55)

And did that until he went. And then he started to take painting at the same time because he said he knew that it was just. He wanted to do more. And he, you know the stained glasses a lot. I mean he was cutting it. He was doing all that stuff in his. Up until he was 70. And then he, and he was starting to paint then and realized that I can, I can paint. I can get this out faster.

B (64:18)

And yeah, we don't need to bring dyed glass into this.

A (64:21)

And he painted until he was I think 83, 84, 85, I think. I keep thinking, but I think it was 83 and hundreds of paintings.

B (64:29)

Wow.

A (64:30)

Are they good? Well, you know, the. He's dead.

B (64:33)

You can tell me.

A (64:35)

I didn't quite understand. Understand them because they're very. He. It's. He called it hard edged abstractionism. So it's. It's geometrical shapes and designs. My father was a mechanical engineer, so he thought a lot that way. And, and then his teacher, who. He had two teachers. They were a husband and wife at the junior college and both, you know, not really. Pretty good teacher. Really pretty good artists. I mean, I'm impressed with their work, but the teacher was really impressed with my father's work. And later. God, my dad must have been 90 at this point. Did a retrospective of his work at the college because he said, your father never. They finally built a space big enough. He said, you know, your father's big paintings were never shown properly. And I wanted them to. People to see them. And he said because they needed. He said your father's was painting for his stuff. Should have gone on buildings. And I went in there to look and I went, oh, now I get it.

B (65:40)

No kidding.

A (65:42)

Wow, remarkable.

B (65:43)

So he's doing huge paintings.

A (65:44)

Well, I mean there were big paintings. And then he said, look at it and imagine it on. You know. You take that.

B (65:49)

Yeah.

A (65:49)

Because he said the canvas kind of contained what he was going on. But then again, we. If the. In the special. If you.

B (65:58)

Oh, behind you.

A (65:59)

That's. That's his painting.

B (66:01)

No way.

A (66:02)

Yeah.

B (66:02)

I really admired your background. I thought that was an excellent background.

A (66:06)

Yeah, he painted that and that. And we're. And we're turning it into a scarf, actually. We are.

B (66:12)

Really?

A (66:13)

Yeah. Because that sounds like a lie.

B (66:15)

And we're turning it into a scarf.

A (66:16)

And all of the proceeds will go to. We'll send all the stuff to charity. It's remarkable.

B (66:22)

Wow.

A (66:23)

Because it's a beautiful scarf. He had all of this stuff. I've got about 130 paintings that I've kept aside and due to that fucking pandemic, I've not been able to take the time to. To really put up a. You know what? I want to do a showing of his stuff. And I then. And then kind of want to auction this stuff off because I think it's. It's good.

B (66:44)

It should be in people's homes.

A (66:46)

Yeah.

B (66:46)

Yeah.

A (66:47)

You know, all my friends wanted a painting. He. And a lot of his stained glass was. He did a. You know, because I did theater. He had a comedy. A comedy and tragedy masks on a big piece of stained glass. I mean, it's Unbelievable.

B (67:02)

What. How did that impact. I mean, as you're saying this. Look, I love my dad. And if my dad put on a beret tomorrow and was like, there's something beautiful inside me, Peter, I would.

A (67:13)

I'd be.

B (67:13)

I'd be happy for him. Forget what I. I'd be. Because I know you and I both know how good it feels to have a purpose, to have a drive to. To make something. You have to greenlight it. You have to say, like, I'm worthy. So that means your dad did some work to get things flowing enough to produce. And that. That has to make you really happy. I mean, it's making me happy for your day.

A (67:39)

Yeah, no, it was great.

B (67:40)

Yeah.

A (67:40)

And. And he love. You know, and he was going to school. He was going to school three times a week and four painting. Yeah. Wow. And he. And the best was. God, he'd been doing it for. Been painting about four or five years. They did a showing of all the student work and somebody broke into the museum and stole two of the two paintings. And they were both his.

B (68:04)

Oh, my God. Well, there's kind of a compliment.

A (68:08)

I said, what do you think of that? He said, there's. He said, there's a thief out there with great taste.

B (68:13)

Yes. This is where we find out it was your dad.

A (68:17)

Yeah.

B (68:17)

We find out he put on an old school cat burger.

A (68:21)

I really did wonder if. But it's great pr.

B (68:25)

Only two paintings were sold right next to a Manet. They took the black. Well, your dad's name isn't Black, was it?

A (68:34)

No, it was. Was Black. And then it was Black. It became Black.

B (68:40)

Oh, it did. Oh, I thought you changed your name. No, like Michael Ian Black. The other. The lesser Black say that.

A (68:45)

And I did not change right. Though. Thank God they did change it from Black.

B (68:49)

Yeah, Black. Nobody wants.

A (68:51)

I would have been. I would have been an asthmatic with the last name like that.

B (68:56)

And what was his dying process like? Were you there? Was it something you experienced?

A (69:01)

No, it was this slow. I mean, because he. He just got weaker. He had a heart thing that. And he just.

B (69:11)

You have a condition where it's been beating for 101 years.

A (69:13)

Yeah. Really. But he just. He faded out. But, you know, that was it. You know, he kind of. The hearing started to go a bit. He just. My father was all. All. My father was like living with Buddha. My father had a smile on his face 99% of the time. Like. But not like one of those goofy fuck.

B (69:36)

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Walmart greeter.

A (69:38)

Yeah. He.

B (69:39)

He had figured something no, he had this Something serene.

A (69:41)

Yeah.

B (69:42)

Yeah.

A (69:43)

And he always had it and it was unbelievable.

B (69:46)

Do you think he knew himself sort of in a spiritual way?

A (69:50)

Yeah.

B (69:50)

You do?

A (69:51)

Yeah, I do.

B (69:52)

Because that doesn't happen. Nobody's going around smiling. Unless to your point, there was like a 1950s, saccharine, disgusting, grotesque.

A (69:59)

No, but if he's kind of at peace. And then. Or as I said, he. He had another joke way early on in my act. Was that way before, you know, when I was, you know, way, way early on when I was still finding myself on stage. One was just that he was. I just thought he was. He. He had a dirty movie running in his head all the time.

B (70:25)

That is very good. My dad just seems fine.

A (70:28)

Yeah.

B (70:29)

Just watching Deep Throat.

A (70:30)

Yeah. I mean all. And he just. I mean, because he would say things like, you know, he said, you need the only. The only regret I have in terms of my skill as a mechanical engineer. This was unbelievable. I'd have to go. You can't. You can't really say this aloud to a lot of people that he said, you know, I wish I developed an instrument that could measure cleavage. I went, what. What the are you talking about? He said, no one has really measured it and it needs to be measured.

B (71:04)

Needs to be quantified. Yes, that is very funny.

A (71:07)

My father would just. My father loved breasts.

B (71:16)

It's on his epitaph. They write the inscription on the epitaph really small, so you have to lean down and choke. Leave.

A (71:24)

I'm actually trying to figure out what to put on the tombstone for the two of them. And it was, my father loves breasts. That's good. And then my. And. And then it was. And then I was gonna write on the next. And. And I was allergic to my mother's breast milk.

B (71:38)

You were?

A (71:39)

Yeah. Which is always a clear sign that something's gonna go wrong. That isn't that crazy.

B (71:45)

A comedian. That's like ask an AI to write a one line comedian origin story.

A (71:50)

And I've never used it.

B (71:51)

Lewis Black was allergic to his mother's breast milk. And here's nine specials. You never did a joke about it.

A (72:01)

I still. Still have not. I haven't figured out what the joke is exactly, you know?

B (72:07)

Yeah, I know. I.

A (72:08)

It's almost like it's almost self contained.

B (72:10)

It is. You know, well, going back to magic, there's actually something in magic where a trick can't be too impossible. You know, like, if I were gonna make this disappear, I would cover it. Right. And it turns out even if I could just make it disappear in front of you. You'd actually prefer this version. The way that the story making brain works would rather the. I wonder what happened when it was behind that car. That's the fun. That's the titillation. Like, if I just went like that. I mean. Yeah, but that's kind of. He was allergic to breast milk. To me, it's like, already a satire. And why would you satirize it?

A (72:47)

Going back to your point earlier.

B (72:48)

So your dad, was he a spiritual person?

A (72:53)

Not. Not.

B (72:55)

Can I say that I don't need him to be. Not that you need me to need it, but I'm just sort of like. People find themselves with no help.

A (73:02)

Yeah, no, he. He didn't. He didn't have that. We were. We went to. If this is how spiritually was in terms of intelligence, which is, I'm going to get bar mitzvah. Me and my brother are bitching about having to go to Sunday school until we're 15. You know, confirmation.

B (73:18)

Yeah.

A (73:19)

And because you had it both ways. Yeah, I was Bar mitzvah. And then you graduate and they. So they, you know, Catholic and Jewish.

B (73:27)

I mean.

A (73:27)

No, no, Jewish.

B (73:28)

Oh, Jewish.

A (73:29)

Confirmation Jewish.

B (73:31)

I'm just kidding. I make an accusation. I didn't know you guys were sneaking around, taking that from the Catholics.

A (73:39)

Yeah, we did. We grabbed that. And I think it was just. They just looked at it as, oh, that's another way we can get rid of among us on Sunday. And it was on Sunday. Wow.

B (73:49)

Yeah.

A (73:50)

We went to. And he said, here's what we're going to do. They would have an adult class every. Every time. So he said, I'm going to take you and your brother. You're gonna do this, and we're going to go through all this. And I thought in the end, I thought that was phenomenal. As much as I bitched all the way through it, I thought it was really good to be. I think for Catholics, the one thing that Catholic and the Jew get out of it is they're taken out of the public.

B (74:17)

Yeah.

A (74:17)

Out of the whole public square. To get a sense of what it's like to be other, which gives you an empathy for those who are other. And so. But he said, he goes, so here's what we're going to do. You finish and I'm going to finish. If when you finish and you're done, you're done. You don't have to worry about. We're not going back. When my brother finishes, he's done and went in, and then I will decide if I'm done. And that's. And I will. If. If I will continue to go or I will quit. He quit. We all quit.

B (74:50)

The whole family. He did it as a family. For once, something is a family. You quit church or temple?

A (74:58)

Temple.

B (74:58)

Yeah. And then where do you. Because this idea of your dad being this little serene. And I understand that he had human emotions.

A (75:07)

Well, you want to hear this? Tell me this will get you the hook for. And if I say that again, just punch me. Hook to hook. The hook. We found a word. What's the word today?

B (75:20)

Mine is fire in your belly, a flame or a sun.

A (75:24)

Yours is hook. Yeah, it's okay.

B (75:26)

It's what happens. This is an energy vortex. And people get stuck on this show a lot in certain metaphors.

A (75:32)

My father. This is a great story and I. And I do love to tell it. My father was a mechanical engineer and designed sea mines. The mines that you put.

B (75:44)

Oh, yeah.

A (75:45)

In your harbor to protect your harbor from submarines. And bad buoys, we call them. Whoops.

B (75:52)

A buoy. That's what we call it. Don't touch those.

A (75:56)

So he was behind that, and that's what he did. And he never felt. And then during. When the war ended and he was working in for the Defense Department doing this, he, he, he tried to get work in a variety of like Bendix Corporation, Frigidaire, you know, the Maytag.

B (76:21)

It's hard to walk into Maytag and be like, you guys have a secure harbor.

A (76:25)

Yeah. Well, what was interesting, they were, they all. Everybody was making weapons. So it was literally. We're not, we're not doing that stuff. You can come here and make weapons or also, you know, or he wasn't getting the jobs because it was the, it was really. Still. There was an anti Semitism thing going on. And when they meet him that would. He wouldn't get the job. And my father was not a big, like, let's look under every rock for antisemitism. It was just. That's the way it was. And so he kept working and he had no. He said he. And he could. He. He felt comfortable doing that in turn, morally comfortable because they were defensive weapons. So he didn't feel any guilt about it. And my mother started screaming about the war in Vietnam. And my father said, well, you don't really know because you, you know, you. This is based on a. The Gulf of Tonkin resolution based on the Geneva Accords. And he said, I'm going to read those. And when I finish reading them, I'll let you know what I Think.

B (77:36)

And then we'll decide if we're going to quit as a family.

A (77:39)

Well, pretty close. Because what happened was. Is he. Nobody that I know of. Nobody. No. I've stated this on numerous times. It's in the book I wrote. I said, you know. You know, nobody else has ever come forward and said. I said, nobody else I know has read the Geneva courts. My father came home with this little blue book and read the entire Geneva courts.

B (78:02)

More people have read the instructions for a Honda Accord. Geneva herself haven't read the Geneva Accord. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I'm. I'm so with it. You.

A (78:14)

So he read the. He read it.

B (78:16)

Wow.

A (78:17)

And he said, there is absolutely nothing in this that supports the. The. What they say should be. This is. This. There's no reason we should be at war with them on the basis of this. This Gulf of Duncan resolution is bullshit.

B (78:34)

Wow.

A (78:34)

And it's. There. There's nothing in here that. That should have motivated us to go to war. Nothing. And then this is a recipe for.

B (78:44)

A tiramisu, this beautiful story. And I keep peppering.

A (78:54)

That way they'll listen to it.

B (78:59)

It's true.

A (79:00)

It is.

B (79:01)

Yeah.

A (79:01)

Oh, my God. He's still going.

B (79:05)

Yeah, you go.

A (79:06)

There'll be two residents recipes at the end of the show. One is for moral courage, and the other is for a delightful tiramisu. He ends up. He ends up. They mine Haiphong Harbor. And so now they've used his. Yeah, his UC mines as an offensive weapon.

B (79:29)

Yeah.

A (79:29)

And. And then within three months, he. We're sitting around, he says, your mother and I have talked, and I've made the decision, I'm not going to work for the government anymore. Retiring.

B (79:40)

Wow.

A (79:41)

And I was like, jesus, that's extraordinary.

B (79:44)

That is. That's unheard of.

A (79:45)

And it was during. Got to realize, you know, I'm at School. It's 1970.

B (79:51)

Yeah. It's not looking promising for you.

A (79:54)

Yeah.

B (79:55)

Nobody's like, we're gonna lean on this boy.

A (79:57)

Yeah. No, it's. I'm go. I'm heading to be a playwright. Yeah, exactly. Billy.

B (80:02)

This guy's smoking cigarettes and looking out a studio apartment window. I don't know if we can retire on old Lewis. So it was a risk. It wasn't just, I think I'll retire now.

A (80:12)

Well, I mean, I was. I was finishing up school, so that was. My brother still had two years, so it was not. It was pretty remarkable that he. He walked away. And it was huge for me because it probably made me. Made it determined that in Many ways for me that I was gonna make choices on the basis of what I wanted to do. What. As opposed to what I. I think I should be doing.

B (80:40)

Yeah. Yeah. You know what's interesting as you're telling that wonderful story reading stuff. Right. Like, I just. I love Adam McKay's movies. I just rewatched the Big Short, and then I was. I loved it so much. It was probably my fifth time seeing it. And then I rewatched.

A (80:55)

I just watched part of it. I just did. It's. Oh, it's a really. And that. And you forget how that cast is incredible.

B (81:02)

Cast is incredible. There's Kendall Roy. Before anybody knew. Kendall Roy being a completely different guy, by the way.

A (81:08)

Yeah.

B (81:08)

You're like, oh, my God, some people are acting.

A (81:10)

Yeah.

B (81:10)

I'm in stuff. There's Pete and he's wearing a red shirt. There's Pete and he's wearing a blue shirt. This guy's a different guy. Yeah, different, like mannerisms.

A (81:17)

Yeah.

B (81:17)

It's crazy. Anyway, we'll talk about that. Jeffrey. Jeffrey Strong. Jeremy Strong. Sorry. Sorry. But, you know, he's such a shapeshifter. He could be a Jeremy or Jeffrey. It doesn't matter. I'm never wrong. I'm just kidding. But that movie and the people that shorted the housing market crash, meaning predicted that it would crash and benefited, all comes down to Christian Bale's character just reading what the bonds were composed of. And there's a line like, with your dad going, no one reads the Geneva Accord. No one reads the mortgages. Listen to what I'm saying. I'm bored. And I love what I'm saying.

A (81:53)

Yeah.

B (81:54)

No one reads the bundles of mortgages that make up comprise a bond that you can then bet against. So he read. Stayed up a couple nights, I guess, and just read thousands of mortgages and assessed how stable they were. And that's the difference between. That's the five feet to the stage.

A (82:15)

Yep.

B (82:16)

That's. It wasn't sexy, interesting, fun, cool. It was a. When I say weird, I say. I say that with love. It was a outlying individual who smelled something funky and then did the boring ass reading. And that's what your. Your dad did. Here's where I'm gonna take it. I think I'm so. I'm. I'm one of the. I'm optimistic about artificial intelligence. I think it's already. You are? Yeah. You wanna. We can talk about that in a minute.

A (82:45)

Yeah. Whenever you get a chance. I'm gonna lie down. I'd love.

B (82:51)

I know. I'm excited for your take. I am but. Well, one of the things that AI has done is I'm gonna get the science language wrong. But there's something I'm not even.

A (83:03)

Well, I'm gonna grade you on it.

B (83:04)

I know people listening are going to be mad because somebody.

A (83:07)

Stop it. Okay, just get off his back. Crack.

B (83:10)

You're gonna get what I'm trying to say, even if I don't say correctly. But in the past it took about six years for one scientific team to crack. I'm gonna say this is the part that's gonna be wrong but one of the human genomes or something, some incomprehensibly complex bundle of DNA, rna, all this stuff would take about six years for a team to crack one of them. Then they programmed an AI to do it. It took six years to program it and since then it's done thousands of them. So we understand the human body way better because a program was let loose. Here's this leads somewhat to my opinion.

A (83:47)

AI, AI did it. That's true.

B (83:49)

Thousands. Fucking nuts.

A (83:51)

Yeah. No, that's because that's the. That's one of the things that drove cystic fibrosis is to finding it is not a cure, but it is. It is literally lengthen the lives. Yeah. Because they. They could test a pill, a bill. What? You just basically said they could test a bill, a pill, a billion different ways, a billion different. We had this. We had this. We had.

B (84:18)

That's what it is. AI can be like Christian, I think in 10 years, maybe less. It's going to be very quaint that people like Christian Bale's character. I'm sorry, I can't remember the real guy's name. Used to just stay up for three nights reading mortgages when an AI could just be like, oh, you want to find a pattern in the mortgages? I can do that in.0001 seconds. And that's really, really cool. But I think what's going to happen is that outlying phenomenon of. Of intense data analysis. We're already doing it. I could go on chat GPT and say summarize. What's the name of your book?

A (84:51)

We'll plug it. We'll plug. Plug. Nothing sacred. For God's sake. There you go.

B (84:59)

Okay.

A (84:59)

It's an oldie but a goodie.

B (85:01)

Nothing sacred. You could say Summarize. I. I had it. Summarize my book.

A (85:05)

Yeah.

B (85:06)

I was like we'll see about this. Summarize. Pete Holmes's book Comedy sex God in 500 words. And by God it did It. And I was. I was like. I. I was humbled because I was like, it's too subtle. Takes a weird left in the middle. It completely changes it. Got that. It was like.

A (85:25)

No, it was like.

B (85:25)

And then it. And I'm like, holy. So.

A (85:28)

So what I'm saying is my summary would be. I got it for free. I got it for free.

B (85:34)

And it's been a very sturdy coaster for many, many years in the black household. You see what I'm saying? So this leads to some of the AI optimism as I'm like, the problems that can be solved through boring ass stuff that usually takes either a mental anomaly, meaning I just have a higher tolerance for boring data, are going to be like, commonplace. You can. We can. We can set things out to look for things that used to take months of sweating and grueling that we hate doing.

A (86:01)

Right.

B (86:02)

We'll be able to have access to that information much, much faster. That leads to some of my optimism and.

A (86:07)

But that would be. But then there has to be, you know, which is the. The guy who went in front of Congress, who's one of the three who came up with A.I.

B (86:18)

Yeah.

A (86:18)

Going, you got to fucking help us.

B (86:21)

Right.

A (86:21)

We've got to have. You've got to create boundaries.

B (86:24)

Yes.

A (86:24)

And that's our problem. I. I have. What you say about AI is ABS Is true. True. Really. And I've really have. It's. Glad you reminded me of it of.

B (86:35)

Something good instead of just that.

A (86:37)

Yeah, well, I mean, I. You know, because it's also, you know, my acting go. How many we've been dealing with AI it's like how many of you, you know, you call the. You call up the pharmacy.

B (86:47)

Yeah.

A (86:47)

And you just. You need to. You need to find a pill and you don't have the. The thing that tells you what the number is. And it literally. It's like if you're. You're calling for a baby C. You know, I haven't even filled in the. And they're already laughing, so.

B (87:03)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A (87:04)

No, you can't laugh because I've got to fill this in.

B (87:07)

Yeah, yeah, that's right.

A (87:09)

But it's true. You know, and then you're, you know, and then I got, you know, you're screaming, get me a human being. Get me. And AI is operator.

B (87:16)

I understand you want an operator, Louis, but right now it's just you and me.

A (87:20)

Yeah.

B (87:21)

So if you could cool the beans just for a moment, it will get sophisticated enough where imagine an AI that was you or me that. That could have, like, Social grace and be like, yeah, look, I get it. You don't want to talk to a rope. Imagine it's coming.

A (87:34)

It's coming.

B (87:35)

I understand. But believe me, I can help you more than fill. You want to talk to Phil. It roasts Phil. This guy just had a heavy lunch. He's half asleep. I'm perfectly capable of helping you. What do you think Phil can do? Just does 20 minutes on Phil. You're like, this guy's all right. Like, you'd be won over, or you wouldn't know you're talking to him.

A (87:57)

You wouldn't know.

B (87:57)

Yeah. You wouldn't know. You know, here's my. I'm gonna load this back to you.

A (88:01)

Yeah.

B (88:02)

And it goes into somewhat of a spiritual bent. I think everything, the way the universe works is sort of helping us wake up, realize ourselves, evolve. And I think AI is going to do that. And this is my prediction. I don't think this is actually going to happen, but let's just consider it. It's going to help us realize how insane we are. Because once you develop something that doesn't have an ego, you're going to realize that human motivation is like, let's eat the elderly, right? Why is that funny? It's because we live in a world where it's like, at least it's for something. I'll fucking kill you. If I get something, if I can have sex with it, if I can taste it, if it can give me status, if it can give me space, I want to go to Bora Bora and sit on a balcony, smoke a cigar. These are all stimulants and status things. White hat, white earbuds, the newest phone. It's all bullshit. You know this, I know this. But an AI is not gonna. War starts in the minds of men. It says at the UN These are fucking E. Ego trips. And once we develop and the AI develops itself to a point where it's egoless, you'll be talking to something that, this is all, you know, optimistic, will only reflect back to us how fucking nuts we've been. Because we'll go, like, how do we do this? And it's like, why would you want to do that? Like, it won't understand. Everything we do is to have sex, make more of ourselves and status. That doesn't make any sense. You won't be able to disrespect an ultimate intelligence. You won't be able to offend an ultimate intelligence. And almost ultimate intelligence won't want to make more of itself. It won't want to relax. It won't want to own land. It won't want to dominate people. Does that, does any of that make sense?

A (89:43)

No, it does make sense, and it would make sense if they give it a voice. Like George Clooney, Jimmy. Well, actually, Jimmy Stewart.

B (89:50)

Yeah.

A (89:52)

You know, it has to have that kind of a voice because you literally.

B (89:55)

Well, why would you want to do that? Well, that's your money and my money. We need to band together, have a universal salary. It's all nuts. Money's nuts. Property's nuts. Food is not. It's all nuts.

A (90:10)

But the. But. And this is where I will get on the off ramp with you. But only go so far. Yeah, because I.

B (90:17)

There's an In N Out burger, man.

A (90:20)

Oh, good, then, yeah, let's stop. Fuck this. We're going to take a few minutes just to relax and think about the in and out burger, which is artificial intelligence on a whole other level.

B (90:31)

It sure is.

A (90:32)

Yeah. No, but we, We. You know that the universe has been telling us that forever, that we're nuts. Yeah.

B (90:40)

And that's.

A (90:40)

The universe screams it every day. The universe. As soon as you do yesterday, we're driving. I mean, you know, you don't see it all the time, but I'm driving through Colorado, through, like, the swatches of it where no one is, and through the mountains.

B (90:55)

In the word Colorado, those O's are very empty. You're looking at a map and you wrote Colorado on it. A lot of empty space.

A (91:03)

So you, you, you know, basically it's shouting. The, the universe shouts at you. You're nuts. So, I mean, I think there is the. My problem is this is where I stumble.

B (91:16)

When did it shout to you, though? What was it about driving through Colorado, that shout?

A (91:20)

It was just the, the, the whole landscape.

B (91:23)

Oh, the quietness, the quiet.

A (91:25)

It was quiet enough for you to go, like, stunning. It's like, yeah, you know what? Whatever you are doing does not compare to this. It's like the joke I have is I lived in Colorado when the mountains were there. You know what those mountains said to people? Don't go over the mountain. Yeah, don't go over the mountain. That's why God put the mountain there. Yeah. Okay, so we went over the mountain. All right, so we did. You know you're not supposed to eat the apple. So we did. All right, so we did that. But, you know, by being in the midst of it, you don't. You just kind of go, this is glorious. This is. This is. All the other stuff is meaningless and comparative to this. You Know that. That you know. And you could turn the radio on while you're watching this and listen to how we're going to be. The government's going to shut down in a day and a half, and all these people are going to get. And then you look here and go, what is the matter?

B (92:12)

Yeah, yeah, yeah, that's right. That's right. And can I unpack that a little bit?

A (92:16)

Yeah.

B (92:17)

Going over the mountain, it's like. What does it feel like to not go over the mountain? Right? It's. It's unbearable if. If you're not at peace, if you're not like your dad watching a dirty movie. And it's. It's so. It's all specialness. That's kind of what I'm saying is if AI was actually, you know, like, almost like a godlike thing, it wouldn't be interested in specialists. Everything we do is for specialists, including eating the app. My interpretation of the Garden of Eden is, eat this apple, you'll be kicked out of oneness, of perfect unity. Identity. Less unity, though. No specialness. The nakedness isn't. I'm not wearing clothes. It's. I don't even have an identity. I'm not. I'm naked. I'm zero. And I'm zero with God, and I'm zero with Eve, and I'm zero with the garden, but it's just 1 0. And then the voice of the ego, the snake, says, eat this apple. You'll get kicked out, but you'll be. You'll be fucking special. And that is what I think. It's a great origin story. That's what we're doing. I'm not saying this in an aggressive way. Even a nice, loving conversation like this, there's elements of it. It's like, am I getting enough? Imagine if I wouldn't let you talk. Like, I know I'm doing that a little bit, but, like, that's a winning, like. And I get to be, like, special. That's what's so offensive about someone who doesn't listen. It's like, they're only special. Now I'm vanishing and it's fucking lonely. We came here to be special and climb mountains and break rules, and we'll do it at the cost of our own equanimity, our peace, our oneness, our connectedness. Does that any of that relate.

A (93:52)

Oh, no. Yeah.

B (93:53)

I could tell you you were enjoying it. I'm just throwing it back to you.

A (93:57)

No, I got it. No, it's. But the problem with AI is just that. And Part of it is just the joke, but part of is the reality of it is that I, I see the planet as being a collection of idiots. We're just dopes. We're dumb. We're dumb. And so then there were three of the dumbest people. The smart ones of the dumb ones, but just smart. They're just a little bit smarter than the dumb. That's how much more they.

B (94:25)

That's right.

A (94:25)

We're the. We're this dumb. And then the only reason. And they're. They took it just that much more. They got just a little bit more of brain. And that's because I can't really trust the smartest to the dumb one. So I'm hoping AI kind of connects the dots because I don't know it's going to. You know, what we need at this point is you. You is you had someone like an Einstein. Well, you have those thinkers that's were the Beatles, but you have somebody who is all of a sudden got that clear vision because that's what we lack now.

B (95:02)

Yeah, I hear you.

A (95:04)

You know that one. That kind of few people who kind of get it. And, and here's I was just going to throw in terms of. Of AI because I know it was a part of. I'm sure it was a part of creating the. The mRNA, the. The vaccine.

B (95:19)

Yeah.

A (95:20)

Here's one that they just.

B (95:21)

Oh, you think they used AI to make the vaccine?

A (95:23)

I have a feeling, yeah.

B (95:24)

Yeah.

A (95:25)

Because of, only because of the, you know, the, the throwing the pill in and which pill is going to work. O. Just a conjecture on my part.

B (95:36)

But today they sense.

A (95:38)

They gave it the. I mean this is the kind of. That's got to be done in terms of. It's a minor but those. The two who came up with it were. Were given the Nobel Prize today.

B (95:50)

Oh, were they really?

A (95:51)

Yeah.

B (95:51)

Oh, wow.

A (95:51)

And that, and that I will announce here on Peter show is going to things up because then that whole group of people go, well, they didn't deserve the Nobel Prize. They just. What? Yes, they deserve the Nobel Prize. You're idiots. God damn it. And now we're gonna have to argue it, you know.

B (96:14)

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

A (96:15)

And so part of what we're. We're dealing with too is, is that you're. You've pushed toward getting over the mountain and then we got a whole bunch of people going, no, I'm gonna. I need, I need to stay here at the bottom mountain and to look for the smell of swamp gas. I mean that's. Yeah, it's Those people pulling from behind that don't. I mean, that. Doesn't it? And that's kind of like you need those people who leap the boundaries.

B (96:43)

Yeah.

A (96:44)

And they used to listen to them, right?

B (96:47)

No, that's true. We could be going into a. We're already in, like, a post truth era. We could be in, like, a post post. True.

A (96:54)

Yeah.

B (96:54)

Everybody gets their own microclimate of truth, and that's certainly already happening. When I try and find compassion for people that are like, the people that made the vaccine don't deserve the Nobel Prize, I really hear, like, my dad, the Irish poet, as he's saying, maybe I won't see you next time. I think we're all pretty heartbroken at how vulnerable we are. And when someone makes a vaccine and says, you need this or you'll die, it will always be compelling. And I can relate to this to go. You. You know what I mean? I'm not like. It's like, we're like flowers in the sidewalk. And it's a busy sidewalk. People, Flowers are getting crushed all the time. And then the flowers, to make ourselves feel better, go like, no, we're good. We're fucking flowers. What am I? I'm an American flower.

A (97:49)

Yeah.

B (97:49)

I'm rich flower. I'm a powerful flower. I'm a sexy flower. You're still a flower in the sidewalk. And the feet are coming. But, like, it's like, even smoking. Talking about how you were smoking. Smoking is like, fuck you. Eat shit. That's like its own version of like. And there's such a tenderness in a vaccine. There's such a humility in a vaccine to go like, I can't. I can't. And we're not. We're not a culture that really admires humility. I know I say this, everybody, I'm so sorry, but watch any movie. Watch Top Gun. Watch. And I love these movies. Mission Impossible. Watch the Born. It was good in the theater. Then I watched on a tv and I was like, why did I ever like this? But in the theater was one of the greatest thing. Oh, yeah, you should have seen it in the theater. No, you shouldn't have. Go live your life, Louis. Don't. Don't go see Top Gunn in the theater.

A (98:50)

No, I will now.

B (98:52)

I said it because you're that impressionable.

A (98:54)

Really, I must.

B (98:55)

But these movies. Look at the Avengers. They're all. Basically. Even though the Avengers are kind of an ensemble movie, but it's really just like a lot of loners go and kick ass and only accept help at the last minute. Like, if you're about to die, then it's okay if I come in and shoot the guy on you, but. And then move on and act like that never happened. It's very macho. Or. You see what I'm saying? We're not a. Like the vaccine. Like, we don't. We don't like that story. Does that make sense? That's why we're like these scientists. But I'm not saying we did like.

A (99:28)

That story and then we stopped liking the story.

B (99:30)

Yeah, I see what you're saying.

A (99:31)

And that's what's weird. And we stopped liking the story because of this.

B (99:35)

Yeah.

A (99:36)

In part so that we have separate realities. In part. I mean, that we're arguing. I mean, the basic is. Is that we are. We would be in better shape if we agreed on what reality is. We are on an acid trip, and part of the room thinks there's snakes everywhere. Okay. And you cannot go there when you're on acid. Just a tip. Just a tip. But that's really part of the deal.

B (100:01)

You know, whenever I'm in a. This happens sometimes when I'm on psychedelics, But I Actually. Yesterday, I just had a very beautiful morning and centered myself to a pretty psychedelic place. But just sitting there and I.

A (100:17)

It was beautiful.

B (100:17)

And you know how I did it? I just closed my eyes and listened to everything that was happening around me. I wouldn't even even call it meditation. There was no effort, just kind of appreciating that. Like, I am a field of awareness and nothing is outside of it. And there's a bird, and it seems so far away, but really it's just a quiet noise right here. You know, I mean, I add the story that it's over there, but really it's. It's all happening on the white piece of paper that is you.

A (100:40)

Yeah.

B (100:40)

It's all written on you. I just got tripped out on that. Then I went downstairs and I was looking around. I was like, oh, my daughter and my wife didn't have this experience. You know what I mean? Like, I'm having a different experience, and sometimes I have that on. You take something like mdma, that makes you very loving. You're like, whoa. It's all how you feel. Like we're. And we're all separate units having these. And what I hear you saying is, like, we need to get on the same page. Like, it would help us if we could get on the same page because some of us are having a very bad trip.

A (101:12)

There's a lot of bad trips. Going on out there.

B (101:14)

Very, very bad trip.

A (101:15)

And that you. I mean, because the joke I did was just, you know, there was an acceptance of the polio vaccine. There was no ifs, ands, or buts. There was no discussion.

B (101:24)

Right.

A (101:24)

It's like, do you want your kid? And I said, you don't want your kid to be in an iron lung or not. This is. Can you debate about whether you should get it this or not? You know, you can debate it all you want. You cannot deny that it worked. Okay. Even though people, you know, there were less people dying. Okay. That's all you wanted. You didn't. The rest of the argument is insane.

B (101:46)

Yeah.

A (101:46)

The MRNA virus left your body. Left. I mean, what they gave you, left you. It's not there. It is not like a flu shot. Get a grip. Listen, when people try to explain it to you rather than. Don't go there. Okay. They're trying to talk to you.

B (102:05)

Yeah.

A (102:06)

Take the earplugs out. It's. And. Because in. In MRNA was the step toward the next thing, which is curing cancer. So if. And all of those people who are bitching about this.

B (102:19)

Yeah.

A (102:20)

Are gonna. And what? They'll benefit from it and will won't go to a hospital. And then they go, you know, we don't have to give you chemo. What we're going to do is give you this. They're going to go, what are you going to now say, no? Yeah, I don't want that. I want the. I want the hard stuff.

B (102:37)

Right. It's real. Gun to your head. Gun to your head.

A (102:39)

And you're like, yeah. And that's when they kind of go, oh, yeah, no, I'm going to have to rely on science because I'm going to die. You. Right, Right. This was. This is not something that has taken place out of the context. I mean, it's just.

B (102:52)

Just.

A (102:53)

And a lot of it. I still believe a lot of it had to do with the. That this period of time when. When someone sits down to write it, there's going to be a hell of a book.

B (103:03)

Yeah.

A (103:04)

About what it did to the human psyche, the pandemic.

B (103:06)

Yeah, I. I agree with you.

A (103:08)

You know, you've come out with this positive attitude, and I'm still trying to figure out why. I'm 75.

B (103:16)

I should, like, like your dad. Like, I go down for breakfast and you go, I. Yeah, I'm never going to forget that. You know what's interesting? And maybe I'm not the first. I'm certainly not the first to notice this. But it's like you said, this all changed with this. These micro realities that we're all living in are very curated to us. And what I'm saying, you held up the phone and I'm like, it's even like there's so much customization in the polio time. There wasn't as much customization. You got your pants at the pants store, if I'm picturing it correctly. But there wasn't like 9,000 pants. You could even look at it like video games when I was growing up. Video games. You were Mario. Now you play a video game, you make a guy or a woman or a fucking orc that looks exactly like you or exactly like what you want. There's nothing wrong with that. But like once you introduce into the bloodstream of humanity ultimate customization, a choice of whether or not you take a vaccine is just another choice. It's another identity making choice. There's another thing that AI would understand at all.

A (104:21)

That's a very good way to look at it. That's an identity maker.

B (104:24)

It's an identity maker. Well, again, in the interest of compassion. I know there. This is something we say on the show all the time, if I were you, I'd be you. So that take an anti vaxxer that hates the Nobel Prize and all that. And I was like, if I was him, I'd be him. Because there's a possibility and we know it's true. If I grew up with that person's experiences in that community, with access to what he had access to and didn't have access to or whatever, he'd. I'd be him. And if he was me and had access to what I had access to and the relationships I had and the parents that I had and this and that, that he'd be me. So there's something kind of beautiful to just dropping and going like. Like it's not the. Your identity isn't the end all be all. And when I say identity, I really just mean the character you're playing in this weird trip world. Yeah, but I. I like to go, I know there's a me that would have been at a rally with the masked. It's cut out. And I'm going, fuck you. Fuck you. I know. Because there is one.

A (105:24)

One. Yeah.

B (105:26)

You know how I know I could be it? Because someone else is it that?

A (105:29)

Yeah.

B (105:30)

That doesn't excuse anything. I'm just saying it increases understanding.

A (105:34)

No, but it also increases empathy.

B (105:35)

That's what I'm saying. Like you said about the othering yeah, yeah. It's like I, you know, growing up thinking everyone was going to hell. I don't anymore. Helped me and primed me to understand flat Earthers. You know what I mean?

A (105:47)

Flutter.

B (105:47)

Oh, I'm just saying, like, I know kind of what it's like to have a weird belief.

A (105:53)

Somebody I know. Except that. Well, it's true, but. Except that one is so weird. Somebody. I said it the other day in. I forget in what context? On some interview radio or press thing. And I said, like the. Like the flat Earthers. And the guy paused and went, you know, see, here's what I don't.

B (106:11)

You went into it.

A (106:12)

He. He actually said, no, he didn't go into it, but what he said, which was interesting, he said, I don't know what the advantage is of thinking that.

B (106:21)

That the Earth is flat.

A (106:22)

Yeah. He said, I don't know what advantage you get from thinking that. You know. He said, yeah, either way, it's the same. It's. There's not like, oh, I've one up.

B (106:33)

I actually really like this guy. I like that interpretation because that's how I feel about simulation theory. It doesn't matter if we're plugged into a simulation. The fundamental, in fact, the base element of what you are, which is awareness, is the feeling, is the sensation. It's not even a sensation, it's not a feeling, but the knowledge that I am like I. This image is being given to me, and then there's something in me that knows it.

A (106:59)

Yeah.

B (107:00)

And I hear it and I know it, and I learn and I know the thing that knows. If it's knowing a simulation or it's knowing reality. What's the difference? The mystery of knowing, of being is still there. And that. You could call that God. Or you like, maybe we talked about this last time, but I like the Jewish. You know, Moses says to God, who are you? And he says, I am. That I am. He says, I am amnes. I am beingness. That sense of, like, I'm aware. Awareness itself. So what you're aware of in every mystical tradition is secondary. So if it's a simulation, or if it's a dance, or if it's Maya, or if it's play, or if it's an acid trip or if it's a dream, the mystery remains, and we can still investigate that mystery, even if reality isn't ultimately what. What is real. It's just, I'm feeling this, and I.

A (107:56)

And then you go that step two. Because there's the simul. I wrote a bit about The. In this book I wrote about religions, you know, my religious experience, and stumbled on this article about the simulation because.

B (108:10)

Yeah.

A (108:11)

You know, that way, this is all. We're all just simulating. I was like, like. And I went. I got this far without. Nobody needed to tell me this. I don't need to think about this. This is like. Yeah, yeah, but it's. You put it in. In a. In a. In a. In. Well, you, You. You stated it well in terms of. Of what it could mean. I was just like stunned by that. And then. And what it meant. And what it meant in terms of my belief.

B (108:36)

Yeah.

A (108:36)

Of how this all works. Because it's like, no, I'm not. I can't go there. I refuse, you know, because somebody's simulating. Someone simulating. Explaining some. Because then it's just simulation.

B (108:46)

Turtles all the way down.

A (108:47)

Yeah, see, but it is.

B (108:48)

It is turtles all the way down. That's actually kind of what I'm saying is nothing's changed. The Hindus would say it's a dream. It's. It's. She. I forget if it's Shiva's dream or whatever, but it's. Or whatever. I just dismiss a faith. Whatever. But it's a dream or like the food or it's play. Humanity has always taken spiritual idea ideas and explain them using the height of technology. I've said this before, but it's like the Greeks, or was it. The Romans had aqueducts. So they were like. The brain is like a series of aqueducts. And now we go, the brain is like a computer. Or we can say reality is a simulation. It's like a video game. It's like a VR. It's like the Matrix. It's like we're. We're still trying to explain, if you will. If you'll allow me. This isn't real. This isn't the end of the story. What we're exper. Your experiential happenings. The plot of the movie isn't the point. What happens to Lewis if he does this or does. That isn't the point. The point is the origin. And God is really just a word for origin. It's just like the. How can we reduce this to its smallest indivisible element? And whether we call the. I kind of like saying that this is a distraction or Maya, illusion, play, simulation, dream. I get a lot out of dream. It's just to go, okay, so then the point of this is to just let it go and find the source of it, if that makes sense.

A (110:18)

But fighting this, either finding the source of it is basically in the end piece.

B (110:23)

Yeah. And it's you.

A (110:24)

Yeah. Yeah.

B (110:25)

And it's you.

A (110:26)

But do you see. Oh, boy. We are really. This is. I really hate talking to you. Do you see it as. Because this is something I kind of. I. I don't. I. I don't think about it as much as you do, but. But I've thought about it a lot and that was that it. Do. Are we all the world is each one of us everything.

B (110:55)

Yeah.

A (110:56)

And we are that. Yeah.

B (110:57)

Yeah, we are that.

A (110:58)

Okay. All right, then we agree.

B (111:00)

Yep.

A (111:01)

And you'll be able to find us in a psychiatric clinic near you. They will be studying.

B (111:06)

No, that's so good, though. Like, there's a lot of people, like, psychosis and enlightenment have a lot. Very, very close. They're bedfellows.

A (111:15)

Well, the guy. The guy on the street yesterday who was. I was getting on The. Getting on in. I think it was Salt Lake City. Who was. Had a shawl over him. Yeah. Self. And was. I was going out. It's like 10 in the morning to get on the. The bus to head to Grand Junction. And he stopped me, said, you're Lewis Black. Said, I used to have money. I was doing pretty well. Now I'm homeless and. But I've been. I've followed your work for a long time. He said, and. And I'm Jesus Christ. Christ.

B (111:49)

Yeah.

A (111:50)

And he said, in many ways, you're Jesus Christ and that it would. And it was like one of those things. If I had the 10 minutes.

B (111:55)

Yeah.

A (111:56)

I would go through the conversation with him, but like, within another minute and a half, as I was getting toward the bus, I was like, oh, no, this would.

B (112:03)

Well, this is.

A (112:04)

This. There's a little too much.

B (112:06)

Of course. Well, the ego can't come along.

A (112:08)

Yeah.

B (112:09)

That. There's a great part of Be Here now where if you sit at the right hand of God and you're Lewis Black, that's insanity. You go, I Lewis Black and Jesus Christ. That's insanity. If the smallest piece of awareness is the same awareness that Jesus had. But you could also. That guy is also Hitler. You know what I'm saying? Like, Thich Nhat Hanh wrote a beautiful poem about this. We reference it all the time where he's like, I'm a beautiful frog in a pond, but I'm also the snake that eats the frog. And he takes that to some very uncomfortable places. But if you're everything, you have to kind of be like, that's. That's everything. Psychosis always goes To. This is the phenomenon of everybody's past life. They were Marie Antoinette. You know what I mean? It's like. That's the ego coming in the back door. You're getting an ego identity trip out of your spiritual trip. You know what I'm saying?

A (113:02)

Yeah.

B (113:03)

So, yeah, you pick the most famous person of all time.

A (113:07)

Yeah.

B (113:07)

Okay. I mean, sure. That Ram Dass visited his brother in a psych ward, and he was like, I'm Jesus Christ. And he's like, I am, too. And he was like. But we didn't mean it the same way.

A (113:17)

Yeah, it's.

B (113:18)

It's. It's a weird.

A (113:19)

And did. What is the line. A friend of mine just sent me by him that we're all just walking each other home. Yeah.

B (113:28)

Yeah.

A (113:28)

That's a.

B (113:29)

That's it.

A (113:30)

That's really a great. That's a. That's the closest I've read in a long time to. To finding some sense of peace above what we are doing. That we are. That somebody once described. I went to a great. You rarely go to a great funeral where somebody actually is speaking and tells you something about.

B (113:54)

Yeah.

A (113:54)

That gives you comfort. Yeah, because mostly it's, you know, they take. You know. But this gives. It's.

B (114:01)

Mostly there's snacks afterwards.

A (114:02)

Yeah, exactly.

B (114:03)

Please relax. There. There are snacks.

A (114:05)

There's snacks. Liquor. It was a Greek Orthodox also, which made it interesting. And he said, I don't know what the. I don't understand people when it comes to. And I'm. This is. I'm bastardizing this because I really wish I had a copy of it because it was one of these things. I went. Who knew that this guy was gonna nail it.

B (114:26)

Drop it. Yeah.

A (114:26)

Right here. And. But basically, he was just on a simple level, saying we were somewhere, and then we showed up here, and when we leave, we go somewhere. He said, this is just a. This is just part of the journey. And you go, oh, why the. Don't they just say that?

B (114:45)

That's great.

A (114:46)

I mean, it's. It's just. It's true.

B (114:49)

Yeah.

A (114:49)

It's as true as. As we're going into that. This is it. And that's all that happens. And.

B (114:57)

Yeah.

A (114:57)

And I find that I just don't. I just have never believed that even. You know, even. And I've not been given that comfort by being born and raised Jewish.

B (115:11)

Yeah.

A (115:11)

You know, but I know my friends who. Judy Gold.

B (115:14)

Yeah.

A (115:16)

You know, she and I talked about Judaism stuff, and she says a totally different take than. I don't know. Wow. You know, and and we all kind of find it that way. But I think that that whole idea of this is a journey is.

B (115:32)

And your need is my need. It's not just a thought experiment, is if I'm like, there only is one awareness, and it happens to be in you and me, but it's the same. Then I realize that we have something. Despite whatever differences we have, we're really just trying to get home. And there's something really beautiful about that, and it helps us put a lot of things aside and go, like. Like, I get it. This world's weird. Let's not even worry too much about it. Like, what's going on? What do you think's going on?

A (115:59)

Yeah.

B (116:00)

Yeah, it's really cool. I just read this morning. It was like, the greatest of all the koans is I just the letter I. And I can't really do this. Rupert Spira, who I'm obsessed with, he can do it. He can guide people through, like, I. But it's like when. If you're feeling stressed.

A (116:16)

Who's Rupert?

B (116:17)

Rupert Spire? He's. He's a teacher. He's. I don't know how to describe him because he's not particularly religious, but he's like Ramana Maharshi. Ramana Maharshi. Self inquiry. They say inquiry because they're British, but it's just going like, what do you mean when you say I, like. And nobody's really talking about this, but he's talking about, like, that presence that's aware of your thoughts and your feelings. And he has all these brilliant ways of explaining it. He's like, if you ask someone to describe this room to them, they talk about chairs and microphones and coffee and Lewis and Pete, but no one would describe the space in the room. And he's like. And your awareness is like that space. So when it comes to, like, fear and what are we doing? And real peace that I'm getting, the sense that your dad tasted is recognizing that you're the space in the room. And the stuff comes and goes. Like, what is the constant? If you can think of a memory from your childhood and ask yourself, was there a sense of being. Yeah, there was. So eight years old, it was there. Here. You're 75. It's still here. So there is a constant. And asking yourself, when I say I, what do I mean? It can't be Pete. Pete has been so many different fucking things. And it's not my thoughts those are changing. My beliefs change, my feelings change. In this conversation, in this little moment, they've Changed. So it's. It's the presence that's watching them. And then when you can lean into that and not be afraid and learn to trust it and to know that its qualities are spacious and peaceful and kind. These are all not quite right, but loving, then you get a little bit less afraid.

A (118:04)

Yeah.

B (118:05)

Yeah. Let's do some cocaine.

A (118:10)

That was my great discovery.

B (118:14)

We really got there, and then we just blew rails.

A (118:16)

Yeah. Yeah. We'll see you. It's. We got things to do. That.

B (118:20)

Yeah.

A (118:20)

When I discovered that the cocaine. I'd done it for a bit, and then I woke up. I had a really stupid night and woke up. I was using it to write late into the night, and I was using it to. To finish up a play, and I. And I. Literally. It was one sentence that was written over and over and over again that I just did.

B (118:45)

You Shining debt.

A (118:46)

I. I just. But I've written not. But it was. It was literally like this black line on the thing I'd written. I never got anything really written that I know. I don't even know what I wrote. And I woke up and said, that's. That.

B (118:58)

That's enough of that.

A (118:59)

That's enough of that. And within a day, I realized. I said, what was I doing it for? And I realized I was doing it for anxiety. The. Essentially, the high on cocaine is anxiety. Yeah, it is.

B (119:09)

Yeah.

A (119:10)

And you drink the. And you drink incense to calm it down, and then you do more to kind of get that.

B (119:15)

Get it.

A (119:16)

Just jerk it up again. And then I went. I said, I don't. If I need this, I can call my mother.

B (119:23)

That is good. That is very good. Yeah. That's what Mulaney used to call anxiety free cocaine. That's. When we were close, a long time ago, it'd be like, free cocaine. And I was like, that's exactly right. Wow, I love that. Let me plug it, because I can't do it. I said that I can't do it as well as he can. But there's a book that Rupert wrote called you are the happiness you seek, which is brilliant. It's really, really great.

A (119:50)

Yeah.

B (119:50)

That's the plug. Let's close with this. Lou, can you think of a time in your life when you laughed really, really, really, really hard? We've been talking about your parents. Maybe it was with your parents. Maybe someone fell, maybe someone farted.

A (120:08)

There were a lot of big laughs about my life, and the biggest, as I remember it.

B (120:12)

Yeah.

A (120:13)

Was because it was not connected to anything, and. And it was. I was on masculine And I was lying in the grass and staring at the grass and see, what you want.

B (120:32)

About drugs, they get you outside.

A (120:35)

And I'm not an outdoorsy person, but I was out there, and I'm sitting there and I'm by myself. Totally. There was. My friends were wandering around, doing whatever, and I laughed at the grass for, like, three minutes. I could. And I can't explain what it was about.

B (120:54)

Yeah.

A (120:55)

And it wasn't a thought.

B (120:56)

Yeah.

A (120:57)

It wasn't like, oh, the grass. It was literally just this entire burst of like, yeah, this. You know, like, it may have been that. How stupid is this grass, really? And it put me. You know.

B (121:09)

Yeah.

A (121:11)

And I. And, you know that whole thing your brain does in the movies. Kind of. The movie would be, you know, boy, you know, I never really thought about grass. And one should think about grass. And then that kind of. Whatever. None of that.

B (121:23)

Yes.

A (121:23)

It was just sheer joy.

B (121:25)

Yeah. Because Lewis can't come. It's kind of what we were just talking about.

A (121:29)

Yeah.

B (121:29)

All the great profound. Even the space I was in yesterday morning, I can't. I don't get to go. Pete doesn't even get to remember it. That's what makes it so precious. Drugs are. Otherwise. You're there and you're like, why should anything exist? That's the great contemplative prompt. Why should anything exist? What? It's fucking nuts. It's crazy. I love that answer. It also reminds me of laughing at grass. I smoked some pot that was called lsd. And I was like, we'll see about that. And boy, oh, boy.

A (121:59)

Yeah.

B (121:59)

I was like, this is like, lsd. And the grass was. It was. This could have been in a movie. It was like a cliche. It was like. Like. Like, you know, they're like, like, waving at me and talking to me and looked like a little world. And I was like, lost. And I was like, that's some strong grass, man.

A (122:17)

Oh, yeah. They were talking to me.

B (122:23)

Yeah.

A (122:24)

I can't believe they listen to this podcast.

B (122:26)

No, nobody's listening.

A (122:29)

It's good.

B (122:29)

You mean the grass.

A (122:30)

It's good. It's really a pleasure.

B (122:32)

You know, I love talking with you, man. I. I feel a real connection, kinship with you, and I appreciate the time. And what are we plugging? We'll plug in the intro, too.

A (122:40)

Well, I'm on tour and I'll be coming to your neighborhood, and good luck.

B (122:44)

And your podcast is called.

A (122:45)

And my podcast is called Lewis Black's Rantcast. And you can go to Lewisblack.com and you can Find all the. But I, you know, wherever. Wherever I am in the calendar, I'll be in Cleveland, Cincinnati. Yeah. You know, and I'll be.

B (123:00)

I'm going to Salt Lake, like, this week.

A (123:01)

Are you?

B (123:02)

Yeah.

A (123:02)

Who are you?

B (123:04)

Hilarities.

A (123:04)

Oh, Hilarities.

B (123:06)

Yeah.

A (123:06)

Oh, that's. It was great. And there's a. And I will do this plug because. Vaulters. Osteria is one of the five best Italian restaurants I've ever eaten.

B (123:19)

It's in Utah.

A (123:19)

It's in Utah.

B (123:20)

What is it called?

A (123:21)

Vaulter. V A L T E R S. Okay. Osteria.

B (123:25)

Okay.

A (123:26)

O S E R A I. If you like past its. And it's really remarkable. But he. He's passed away. I. We. We would, on occasion, drive through. You know, if you were heading west, we would stop in Salt Lake to eat at the restaurant.

B (123:40)

No kidding.

A (123:40)

It's a great rest. It's really. Wow. Okay.

B (123:43)

Well, thank you for that.

A (123:44)

Yeah.

B (123:45)

I recommend the temple that you might cleanse yourself.

A (123:48)

Oh, yeah. Yes. So I recommend the magic underwear for 12.95. And I did go to the animatronics Anatomic Jesus. At the end of the temple is the.

B (123:57)

Oh, I didn't go in the temple. There's an animatronic. Jeez.

A (124:00)

You haven't been in.

B (124:01)

I didn't go.

A (124:02)

Oh, you go in. Are you serious? We do this whole. Oh, I put faith in this.

B (124:07)

I tore it. I just didn't go in.

A (124:09)

Oh, for crying out loud. He's a shite, this man. Given the opportunity to reach out to one of the 75, 000 great religions and he Mormon is in the top 75,000, but you literally take the tour.

B (124:27)

Yeah. Okay, well, there's an animatronic.

A (124:29)

Jeez. Oh, and you will write me. You. I'll tell you, if they take in the animatronic Jesus out due to Covid or whatever, it'll be disappointing. It is. I mean, I've just. Your reaction to that.

B (124:41)

Okay.

A (124:42)

Story will be spectacular.

B (124:44)

I'm in.

A (124:45)

Oh, no, you've got. You got 10 minutes.

B (124:47)

Really?

A (124:48)

I think so.

B (124:49)

It's like Disneyland. It's a great big beautiful tomorrow.

A (124:52)

That one, pretty close to it. I mean, it is all the presidents. Yeah. It's like that. It's. I don't remember. I just remember going, don't laugh. You can't laugh. You just can't. Just don't laugh.

B (125:03)

Yeah.

A (125:04)

It was like the Oral Roberts. When I saw that one when I went into the. In Oral Roberts University, there's no animatronic. History. Well, there's a kind of a whole thing there that you kind of go, you know, can't laugh this part of the story. You can't laugh at that part of the story.

B (125:18)

And I bet we could get a private laughing aloud tour.

A (125:22)

We'll go. Yeah. Really?

B (125:24)

Well, Lewis, thank you so much, man. This was a real pleasure.

A (125:27)

Always a pleasure.

B (125:27)

Yeah. Would you say keep it crispy? It's how we. It's how we close. You say keep it crispy, I'm gonna.

A (125:33)

Say, keep it crispy. Yeah.

B (125:34)

You're gonna say keep it crispy.

A (125:35)

What's that in reference to?

B (125:37)

It's just like, you know, stay classy, San Diego. It's just like a way of signing off. Nothing bad, nothing stupid. You won't be a fool. And you said it last time. Yeah, yeah. You know, you're safe.

A (125:50)

I've said other stuff on this, that. I'll be within 20 minutes. It's the only thing. So do me a favor, folks, huh? Keep it crispy.

B (126:01)

There it is. There it is. Thank you, Louis.

A (126:04)

Thanks.

B (126:04)

What a pleasure. It.