Matt McCarthy #3

Summary

Podcast Summary: "You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes"

Episode: Matt McCarthy #3 (October 29, 2025)
Host: Pete Holmes
Guest: Matt McCarthy

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Overview

This episode is a deeply personal, hilarious, and heartfelt conversation between longtime friends Pete Holmes and Matt McCarthy—comedians, creative collaborators, touring partners, and former roommates. Through open and candid dialogue, they explore the nuances of male friendship, recovery, humility, the struggles of showbiz, and finding meaning in both work and life’s simplest moments. With their trademark silly improvisation and vulnerability, Pete and Matt navigate tales of past resentments, reconciliation, professional setbacks, addiction, rediscovered creative joy, and the wisdom of getting older.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Childhood Fears, Horror Films, and Comedy (03:14–10:26)

• Childhood anxieties, including irrational fears (monsters vs. real world dangers).
• The brilliance of horror film concepts—"You’re the haunted house!" (05:00).
  • Memorable Quote:
    “There’s a safety in admitting that you’re never safe… By the way, you’re the biggest threat to yourself in the world.”
    —Pete Holmes (05:28)
• Detours into comedy process: the fun of authentic riffing, resisting rote repetition for audience expectations.

2. Comedy Authenticity and Social Media (07:32–10:37)

• Why comedians resist "doing voices on demand" (07:23–08:32).
• Matt’s passion for scavenging VHS and Betamax tapes, sharing finds on TikTok, and the joy of unpredictability in what clicks online.
• Analogy between classic video game franchises and religions: Mario as Judaism, Sonic as Christianity, Crash Bandicoot as Mormonism/Scientology (09:59–10:27).
  • Notable Bit:
    “Cuphead is Simulation Theory. It’s too hard, but people who are into it, are REALLY into it.”
    —Matt McCarthy (10:32)

3. Parenting Strategies & Intergenerational Patterns (11:13–13:29)

• Shifting parent-child interactions: “What’s your strategy?” vs. “Are you all right?” when a kid falls.
• How subtle cues from adults seed emotional responses.

4. Campy Genres, Wrestling, and Cultural Nostalgia (15:15–17:47)

• The joys of trashy horror movies and pro wrestling.
• Validation for loving “trash”—embrace pleasure unapologetically.
  • Quote:
    “Eat it. Eat it like a bear. Bears root through that shit.”
    —Pete Holmes (15:42)

5. Creative Process & "Rifft Dumps" (07:00, 24:47)

• The challenge of being spontaneous and “authentic” every night on stage or podcast.
• Reference to Willie Nelson’s advice: "I can write you a song anytime, but it’s not always going to be good." (24:47)
  • Quote:
    “There’s nothing sadder than a guy in a sailboat with a leaf blower just trying to find it [the wind]—I want to be in a flow of something that’s present.”
    —Pete Holmes (27:56)

6. Male Friendship, Sober Reconciliation, & The Road Back (44:13–62:07)

• Importance of close friendships for men: "Your wife and children do not count" for emotional health (44:13).
• Matt describes estrangement from Pete post-Pete Holmes Show, resentments linked to professional disappointments, and the humbling fallout from addiction.
• The long, difficult journey to reconciliation, including forgiveness, humility, and the "humility tour" of early sobriety.
  • Quote:
    “Without getting emotional, I feel like we are roommates again.”
    —Matt McCarthy (47:20)
• The "spiritual experience" and growth found in working rideshare gigs after showbiz setbacks, and the moment of perspective shift from a grateful passenger (74:28).

7. Making Peace with Status, Failure, and Success (76:47–97:02)

• The difference between "feeling special" (the lure of celebrity, credits, green rooms) and finding real contentment in relationships and acts of service.
• “Status addiction is a mental illness”—Fame as an empty pursuit.
  • Notable Exchange:
    “That’s a good group.”
    “Not enough credits for you, Pete.”
    —Pete Holmes & Matt McCarthy (106:37)
• Joy in simple victories—fixing an appliance, being present for family, feeding the dog, and the calm of self-worth untied to show business.
  • Quote:
    “There is really only one happiness, and it’s everywhere.”
    —Pete Holmes (122:03)

8. Rediscovering Standup Comedy & Touring Together (81:19–90:10)

• Matt’s return to stand-up post-pandemic, overcoming stage fright, and the support Pete offered as touring partner.
• The transition from feeling “lost” and on the verge of quitting to rediscovering the simple joy of making people laugh.
  • Quote:
    “Watching you do it, I suddenly remembered what it felt like to have fun doing stand up.”
    —Matt McCarthy (88:11)
• Their collaborative partnership: sharing tags, notes, and on-stage observations—akin to a creative marriage (95:18).

9. The Bluetooth Masturbation Story (99:56–104:23)

• Matt’s infamous tale: on the cusp of reconciling with his wife, he rushes to the bathroom and accidentally plays adult video audio over the car Bluetooth, traumatizing his wife and child.
• Exploration of compulsive behavior as an anxiety-coping mechanism, the rock-bottom humiliation, and the shared comic context for healing.

10. Maturity, Acts of Service, and Real Satisfaction (114:47–123:12)

• Where self-esteem comes from: not booking gigs or accolades, but serving and connecting—at home, with family, and friends.
• The emotional high from solving small challenges (like repairing the dryer) outweighing professional wins.

11. Closing Thoughts & Bits (124:12–End)

• Showbiz stories: tales of anonymity and fleeting status at premieres and parties.
• Objectification and representation in media, with their characteristic irreverence.
• Final thoughts on being present, letting go of “better than” thinking, and embracing simple pleasures.
  • Quote:
    “We've been on quite a ride and I'm glad we get to keep going.”
    —Pete Holmes (129:59)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Friendship & Growth:
  “Without getting emotional, I feel like we are roommates again.”
  —Matt McCarthy (47:20)

• On Comedy & Authenticity:
  “I'll dance, but only when I feel like dancing. I got into this for authenticity.”
  —Pete Holmes (07:32)

• On Recovery:
  “Once you get sober, you feel better—you feel angry better, you feel sad better, you feel lonely better. You feel all of it better.”
  —Pete Holmes quoting Matt (52:07)

• On Perspective:
  “Do you get to just drive around all day and listen to music?”
  —Matt’s Lyft passenger, reshaping his outlook (75:28)

• On Status Addiction:
  “That’s a good group.”
  “Not enough credits for you, Pete.”
  —Pete & Matt (106:37)

• On Contentment:
  “Finding my worth in a worthy place… My value isn’t in booking the gig. My value is in doing a good job.”
  —Matt McCarthy (119:43)

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Childhood Fears & Hauntings: 03:14–06:12
• Comedy Authenticity: 07:32–08:32
• Nostalgic Bits & Wrestling: 15:15–17:47
• Male Friendship & Sobriety: 44:13–62:07
• Friendship Reconciliation: 47:09–55:16
• Rideshare Spiritual Lesson: 74:28–76:07
• Rediscovering Love for Standup: 81:19–90:10
• Bluetooth Masturbation Story: 99:56–104:23
• On Fixing the Dryer: 119:20–122:36

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The Tone

The episode oscillates between irreverent, absurd improv comedy (riffing about horror movies, masturbation, “suck your own dick” seminars), deep confessions about addiction, humility, and the challenges of creative life. Pete and Matt maintain the “weird,” playful atmosphere the show is known for, but with a wisdom and maturity reflective of their years of friendship, recovery, and artistic evolution.

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In Sum

For “weirdos” and new listeners alike, this conversation is a window into creative endurance, the messes and mending of real friendships, and a reminder: beneath the showbiz circus and childhood fears, there’s profound meaning in showing up, serving others, and sharing honest laughter with those you love.

Transcript

[Pete Holmes]

Lemonade.

[Matt McCarthy]

You made it weird with Pete Holmes.

[Pete Holmes]

What's happening, weirdos? This is Matt McCarthy Returns. It's October 2025. We haven't had Matt on in a really long time and he's one of my absolute favorite people. He is hilarious. You may know him as Commissioner Gordon in the Batman videos we've done together. He was also Aquaman in the Batman videos that we've done together. He was also in so much of the Pete Holmes show, I can't even begin to tell you. And we tour together. Matt and I have been touring together for years. So if you've seen me perform recently and you probably saw Matt and he's so funny, as you know. So I'm so glad that he's here. I'm so glad that you guys are here. He's brilliant, he's thoughtful, he's hilarious. I hope you enjoy. You can even see him and me on the Pete Here now tour. All of those tickets are [e-mail] November 1st is my next show. That's here in Los. Well, I'm not in Los Angeles, but that'll be in Los Angeles November 1st. That's going to be an incredible show for followed by November 6th. I'm at the Chicago. I'm at the Chicago the Riviera Theater in Chicago. Followed by Pittsburgh, New York, New York Town hall on November 14th. That's a really big one. Atlantic City is the next night. Then we have Milwaukee, we have Brea, we have San Francisco, we have North Carolina, South Carolina, Miami, Royal Oak, Michigan, Madison, Wisconsin and Denver, Colorado. All of those are on peteholmes.com. hope you can be there. In the meantime, enjoy my chat with the wonderful, the incomparable Matt McCarthy. Get into it.

[Matt McCarthy]

Hey there, it's Julia Louis Dreyfus. I'm back with a new season of Wiser Than Me. The show where I sit down with remarkable older women and soak up their stories, their humor and their hard earned wisdom.

[Pete Holmes]

Every conversation leaves me a little smarter.

[Matt McCarthy]

And definitely more insp.

[Pete Holmes]

And yes, I'm still calling my 91 year old mom Judy to get her take on it all Wiser Than Me.

[Matt McCarthy]

From lemonade Media premieres November 12th.

[Pete Holmes]

Wherever you get your podcasts, hey, it's me, Steve Burns. And I'm so glad you're here because you and I go way back, right?

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And look at us now, like we're all grown up. We've got this new podcast where we talk about all this grown up stuff and there's special guests. Guests like Jamie Lee Curtis and Bill Nye. But for the most part, it's about you. I mean, it's always been about you. From Lemonada Media Alive with Steve burns is coming September 17th. Wherever you get your podcasts or you can watch every episode on YouTube.

[Matt McCarthy]

Like, murderers don't scare me.

[Pete Holmes]

No.

[Matt McCarthy]

Well, really? Well, when I was a kid, I wasn't worried about getting murdered. I was scared of ghosts.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

Like, demons and monsters. And, like, it's kind of brilliant.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, as a kid, you feel pretty safe, or ideally, you feel pretty safe with your family. And then you have things that, like, can go through the walls and don't.

[Matt McCarthy]

Get the laws of physics, because it feels like. I mean, murderers are scary, but it feels like you can't call the cops on Freddy Krueger.

[Pete Holmes]

I was thinking of Freddy Krueger. Was it us that. It probably was talking about how brilliant it was that there's a villain, there's a monster that will show up, but only if you're asleep.

[Matt McCarthy]

And you got to sleep.

[Pete Holmes]

And you got to sleep. Yeah, you're going to sleep. It's like dying. You got to die because it's.

[Matt McCarthy]

There's no. Because there's no way out. It's the perfect. Because the problem with the haunted house movie is just leave the house.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's right.

[Matt McCarthy]

That's why I, like, everyone screams, get out of there. Just get out.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, don't go. Don't go in the room. But there's no opting out of snoozing. In fact, it ruined one of the greatest things in life. Just a nice little snooze. Come on. Wes Craven.

[Matt McCarthy]

That's why Alien was a perfect haunted house movie, because they're on a spaceship. So, like, you can't leave.

[Pete Holmes]

I thought you were also gonna say, you're the haunted house because you're haunted with the alien. How disturbing was that?

[Matt McCarthy]

Bitch. You're the haunted house.

[Pete Holmes]

Bitch. You. The house is what I'm trying to say.

[Matt McCarthy]

That's how they pitched it. You're the haunted house. So tell me a little bit about your movie.

[Pete Holmes]

You're the haunted house. You know what the problem with a haunted house movie is? You can leave the house, but what if you're the haunted house? Sorry, I didn't say it right. You're the haunted house. We'll buy it.

[Matt McCarthy]

The working title is bitch, you're the haunted House. If you want to change.

[Pete Holmes]

I used to have an old bit where I was like, people are afraid of flying because they could crash. And then I'm like, but you're always in this airplane.

[Matt McCarthy]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You're always in a. You're always in a body. You can't get away from it.

[Matt McCarthy]

You could crash at any second.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like, what if the plane crashed? What if you crash?

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't want to make anybody paranoid, but, like, there's a safety in admitting that you're never safe. So you're on a plane that. You know how you're not safe on a plane or in a car or something, but, like, you're never safe.

[Matt McCarthy]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

Constantly just like, yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

What?

[Pete Holmes]

Dead.

[Matt McCarthy]

What if the pilot. The pilot up here.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, you're. And by the way, you're the biggest threat to yourself in the world. I had that one time I was very stoned and I was like, it's me. Like, I'm doing weird psychedelics and going on all these weird trips and taking all these risks. I'm the greatest threat to myself. You the. You the house, bitch.

[Matt McCarthy]

You're. You the haunted house.

[Pete Holmes]

You the haunted house now. Matthew, how are you?

[Matt McCarthy]

I'm good, Peter.

[Pete Holmes]

How are you? I'm so glad you're here. Thank you for doing a nice little rift dump up top.

[Matt McCarthy]

Riff dump. Taking a big gold rift dump.

[Pete Holmes]

Have you ever taken a rift dump?

[Matt McCarthy]

I feel.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, we do a lot of rift dumps.

[Matt McCarthy]

Even like, because on the We Watch Wrestling podcast.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't. Don't promote another. Somebody listening to this podcast is like, hey, that sounds good.

[Matt McCarthy]

Click.

[Pete Holmes]

Welcome to We Watch Wrestling.

[Matt McCarthy]

The little.

[Pete Holmes]

You made it weird.

[Matt McCarthy]

Like it goes into the little.itjust CRT TV.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God.

[Matt McCarthy]

What?

[Pete Holmes]

Good poll. Yes. On the We Watch Wrestling podcast, hosted by you, Vince Ail.

[Matt McCarthy]

That's right. We'll go into a rift dump. But it's like, cuz. I know because, like, there are and were wrestling podcasts where they would do like a lot of like, voices and characters and recurring bits.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

And I'm like, if it comes. If it comes, like, people will be like, oh, we'd love to hear you do Stone Cold or you do.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

You know, Michael P.S. hayes or Hulk Hogan leaving voicemails. And it's like, well, if it comes up, I do it, but I can't.

[Pete Holmes]

The whole thing with comedy was to get into. To. Who was it? Marc Maron? I think he was like, everyone was laughing at you anyway. And comedy was to control how they laugh at you. Oh, wow. Like, to like, seize the control back. So I can be a finicky bitch in that way too, where I'm like, I'll dance, but Only when I feel like dancing. Like I. Sometimes I'll be doing a set. Like we're here in Cleveland doing shows.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And last night I just happened to be doing a lot of voices and riffs and stuff. And I was just so glad. Glad that that aspect of myself showed up. But if it's not there, I don't. I got into this for authenticity. Right. And if you're doing an episode of We Watch Wrestling podcast, which is available now as a competitor to this show, you can, you can, you can do it. But like, if you start just selling your soul, I think that's what they mean, like just doing it because you got.

[Matt McCarthy]

Don't, don't let down your public.

[Pete Holmes]

Know what I mean? How about you can relate to me however I'm being that day? I think that's so much more compelling.

[Matt McCarthy]

I think Willie Nelson was on like old Braidhead.

[Pete Holmes]

The one guy that doesn't like Willie Nelson. You mean that braid headed hippie dude?

[Matt McCarthy]

I just pulled a Betamax tape on my YouTube channel at McCarthy Redhead. That's fair on Tik Tok.

[Pete Holmes]

Because I don't have a. I don't.

[Matt McCarthy]

Know why I hate YouTube. I hate YouTube.

[Pete Holmes]

You do?

[Matt McCarthy]

Well, it's just, it's just. I don't hate it, but I'm just like. It feels.

[Pete Holmes]

But you thrive on the Tik Tok.

[Matt McCarthy]

I thrive on Tik Tok.

[Pete Holmes]

You and it's you. It's fascinating. I'm actually glad you brought it up. Don't forget what you're going to say.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You have this channel where you go every. Whenever we tour. So Matt and I tour together. And whenever, wherever we go, including Cleveland. Right now you go to estate sales.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Today you told me you bought four VHS tapes for a dollar.

[Matt McCarthy]

When I put them on the table, the guy looks at him and goes, oh, I don't know, a dollar. And I was like, wow.

[Pete Holmes]

And you'll turn that dollar into muchas dollars.

[Matt McCarthy]

I'll turn those dollars into tens of dollars.

[Pete Holmes]

Tens of dollars. But I mean, pretty good return on.

[Matt McCarthy]

Investment and you don't know what's going to hit. There's actually one videotape that's like, I should have showed it to you. It's some. I didn't know it seemed like it was Crash Bandicoot, but it wasn't.

[Pete Holmes]

But it's Sonic the Hedgehog.

[Matt McCarthy]

It's some sort of N64 game. If there was like a Crash Bandicoot, like sequel or spin off, I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

I didn't recognize it. But it seemed like it's like a. I don't know, like a promo tape for it or something.

[Pete Holmes]

Crash Bandicoot is the Mormonism of like, oh my God. Side scroller. Like platform games. Yeah. Mario is. Is Judaism.

[Matt McCarthy]

Wow. And Sonic's Christianity.

[Pete Holmes]

Sonic is Christianity. Crash Bandicoot is Mormonism. Yeah. It's like later it might even be Scientology. It's like too new. Like bonk for the turbographic 16 of Scientology. I'm just saying. And. And it has less respect just because it's not been around as long.

[Matt McCarthy]

And I think.

[Pete Holmes]

And everyone's like, but Mario just because he's the oldest.

[Matt McCarthy]

And Cuphead is Simulation Theory.

[Pete Holmes]

Cuphead is Simulation Theory. It's too hard. But the people who are into it are really into it.

[Matt McCarthy]

It's so difficult.

[Pete Holmes]

I've never even been tempted to try. It looks mean if you don't know the game. Cuphead. It's just notoriously the most difficult. And it's cell animated, so it looks like an old cartoon.

[Matt McCarthy]

It's very satisfying. But it's the closest I've ever come to that frustrating feeling as a kid playing Metroid or whatever.

[Pete Holmes]

And you're just like, I noticed that. Sorry to derail your TikTok is amazing. We'll get to that. And all the things that you find Willie Nelson playing Mario with my daughter. It's. We. I try to get her to play. She wants to.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But like, I tried to get that habit. So very different from the 80s and 90s. Obviously was like when our parents were.

[Matt McCarthy]

Trying to get us to read.

[Pete Holmes]

To read. I get the same satisfaction. Here's why. If we play Mario and she's. We're on a level.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Mario Wonder is what we're playing. And over and over and over we just keep dying. And then we have like little meetings where like, you need to jump on him while I worry about the star. You know what I mean? Like, we strategize and the game. Unlike me because I'm a soft dad. Like, I'm very. Like, just forget it. Like, I don't push her very much. The game pushes her and it goes. You lose. Just in plain English, you're dead. And we have to go again and again and again and all this. And I. The thing I say to her the most when we're playing is, what's the pattern? What's the pattern? Because there's platforms going. And she just starts running. And I'm like, you dead. You dead.

[Matt McCarthy]

It reminds me of like going sailing with my dad. He's just like, what are you doing? What? What are you doing?

[Pete Holmes]

What?

[Matt McCarthy]

What's your plan?

[Pete Holmes]

What's your plan?

[Matt McCarthy]

What are you going to do?

[Pete Holmes]

They say, as parents, instead of saying be careful, you should say, what's your strategy? And I think that's correct.

[Matt McCarthy]

That's good.

[Pete Holmes]

What's your strategy?

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah. Somebody told me, instead of saying, are you all right? Say what you do. And then somebody else was like, no, no, no, don't say that.

[Pete Holmes]

What you do.

[Matt McCarthy]

Like instead. Because the theory being when a small kid falls down, if you ask, oh, are you all right? That's their cue to, oh, I'm not all right, I'm gonna cry.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, I noticed that. I swear.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

As a kid.

[Matt McCarthy]

Sure.

[Pete Holmes]

The response, they go, oh. And then you'd be like, ah. Like, get it where you can get it some good old attention.

[Matt McCarthy]

Couple of attention.

[Pete Holmes]

Yep. Pouring it up.

[Matt McCarthy]

So the theory was, if you say, oh, no, what'd you do? Yes. But then somebody else told me, they were like, no, you don't say that. Because now you're putting it on them that they've done something wrong.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, what happened?

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah, what did.

[Pete Holmes]

The sidewalk. What was wrong with the sidewalk? Are we all destined to die?

[Matt McCarthy]

Are you gonna die soon?

[Pete Holmes]

Is this a meaningless pursuit? Yeah, that's what you say. They trip and you go, it's just one battle after another, isn't it?

[Matt McCarthy]

That's right, you. The kid falls down and you're like, it's just gonna keep happening. It's never gonna stop.

[Pete Holmes]

Scream, get used to it.

[Matt McCarthy]

Get used to it.

[Pete Holmes]

And blow smoke in their face. This is the way of the 30s. And that's how we got Babe Ruth.

[Matt McCarthy]

Uh huh.

[Pete Holmes]

Guy's eating a pot roast and hitting 90 home runs. That's not. Cause his dad was chill.

[Matt McCarthy]

Just a potato on toothpicks. That's Babe Ruth running the bases with his little fucking legs, Little feet.

[Pete Holmes]

With his little polio legs, his little braces freshly off. Every game they unscrewed the Forrest Gumps from his too soon. This is the way of life. Get used to it, Babe.

[Matt McCarthy]

I have friends. One friend in particular I can think of. Greg, you remember the. From college, the John Goodman, Babe Ruth movie.

[Pete Holmes]

Of course it's called Babe. Right?

[Matt McCarthy]

They hate it so much.

[Pete Holmes]

Who do? Oh, your friends.

[Matt McCarthy]

A couple of guys, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I remember my father was like, he's too fat. He was mad that he was too. Too heavy. Too heavy. We say now, we say thick. We say jiggly. He was too voluptuous.

[Matt McCarthy]

What were we watching? Where they were just fat shaming. Oh, chopping.

[Pete Holmes]

Wall chopping. Mom. Okay, so, so much to cover.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Muchas muchas. We still have one Iron in the Fire, which is just your obsession, which is really fun. With your interest in VHS tapes. We'll get to that.

[Matt McCarthy]

I still want to tell you what Willie Nelson said on Larry King Live.

[Pete Holmes]

Willie Nelson tapes. But then we're also talking about one of our pre show. So Matt and I do a two person show, right? And we've discovered that this is one of the keys to surviving the road. At least I think for both of us. It's like. It's not that we don't like openers, but, like, if it's just us, we can control the situation and we fall into this, like, rhythm. We get to the green room, you sync the TV to shudder, and we watch Joe Bob's last drive in show.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Is it Joe Bob?

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah, Joe. The last Drive in with Joe Bob Briggs.

[Pete Holmes]

And we love it. And there's something about campy horror movies, which my whole life. So you love wrestling and you love campy horror films. Both of those were directly told to me by my. Both my parents. That's trash, right? It's garbage. It's like.

[Matt McCarthy]

And they're not wrong, but they're saying, like, it's trash, it's garbage. Avoid it. As opposed to it's trash, it's garbage.

[Pete Holmes]

Eat it. Eat it like a bear. Bears root through that shit.

[Matt McCarthy]

8 million bears are wrong.

[Pete Holmes]

You want to tell me a stadium full of bears yelling. I can't think of a single wrestling thing. You hit your crotch and you go.

[Matt McCarthy]

Suck it like you just nailed it. Is that it? Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You say suck it.

[Matt McCarthy]

You say suck it.

[Pete Holmes]

Suck it.

[Matt McCarthy]

Shout out to Tyler Bate. We just met him on the street.

[Pete Holmes]

We met a dapper young Brit.

[Matt McCarthy]

Brit, yes.

[Pete Holmes]

He looked like a spy.

[Matt McCarthy]

He's got secret agent energy.

[Pete Holmes]

Very debonair and cool. And he came up and he recognized me and you recognized him.

[Matt McCarthy]

It was very cute and it was a circle of recognition.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what I mean. And I was telling him how great you are. So we were just uroboros, but three.

[Matt McCarthy]

Snakes having a great time instead of.

[Pete Holmes]

Eating, praising, fawning, loving.

[Matt McCarthy]

You ever hear Derosa's story about he was with Chappelle and they met Chris Isaac.

[Pete Holmes]

No, Chris Isaac.

[Matt McCarthy]

Should we do another take? David?

[Pete Holmes]

The first light pornography I ever consumed. Dude. Have there been more rushed boners?

[Matt McCarthy]

Buddy.

[Pete Holmes]

Just friend. It's on. You couldn't just fire up no hot images. You just Watch mtv, waiting for them to be like, and now Chris Isaac. And that's when your mom starts unpacking groceries. Get the fuck out of here. Irina.

[Matt McCarthy]

Sometimes after dinner, me, Glennis and Jack, we will do a music video. Like, not karaoke, but just a dance jukebox. No.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, decidedly not a dance party. There's no dancing. You sit. No.

[Matt McCarthy]

Quietly and watch this music video.

[Pete Holmes]

And Jack picked Chris Isaac.

[Matt McCarthy]

No, we all pick. And each. Everybody gets one. Everybody.

[Pete Holmes]

What we do, really, Because Leela doesn't have a sibling. We don't let her just like, Richie Rich and go like. And now Perry grip. We don't let. We pick a song, Mom. I pick a song. Mom picks a song.

[Matt McCarthy]

She picks. Everybody gets a.

[Pete Holmes]

Everybody gets a song.

[Matt McCarthy]

And so it was. Now it's bedtime. Jack is going to go into the shower and get ready, brush his teeth. That. And so I was. I've been listening to David Lynch's biography, slash autobiography.

[Pete Holmes]

I wrote part of it.

[Matt McCarthy]

It's incredible. It's the person who wrote the bio. There's never been anything like this that I'm aware of. One chapter is just the biographer being like. And then he was offered Dune, and then he worked on Dune, and it was not a good. And then it goes through that whole chapter. The next chapter is him. Is David lynch just talking about it or not?

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God.

[Matt McCarthy]

Sometimes. And he's not like.

[Pete Holmes]

Because she's reading, you know, and then he's freestyling.

[Matt McCarthy]

Well, you know, the thing about transcendental meditation is, like, he'll just go off. He's like. And then these fuckers in Washington say that there's no climate change.

[Pete Holmes]

Really incredible. Here's how I get my hair so high, dude. Yes. He's, like, fascinating.

[Matt McCarthy]

You know, we all figured out, I think. Was he in Cleveland? I know he was in, like, Idaho for a little bit growing up.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Matt McCarthy]

Like, he tells stories about, like, yeah, we.

[Pete Holmes]

We're.

[Matt McCarthy]

Me and the other guys in there were. We're really into making bombs. And I set this one bomb off, and I was just like, oh, my. It was beautiful. Looking at this.

[Pete Holmes]

Beautiful. That was a good David Lynch. Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

Oh, it was beautiful.

[Pete Holmes]

You really slipped into it on Beautiful.

[Matt McCarthy]

So Jack went to bed, and I didn't realize David lynch directed that video for. For Foolish.

[Pete Holmes]

Get close on the tits.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yes. We need more sand on her. Beautiful, perfect breasts.

[Pete Holmes]

Flying in some sand. Moisten them. Moisten them so it sticks.

[Matt McCarthy]

And it makes so much sense when you watch it. The beginning. Winner.

[Pete Holmes]

Winner. David lynch directed the most famous Music video of all time. And it's just tits. They're going. Moisten them. Throw the sand. So it's kind of ouchie. Now roll. Keep rolling. Now just have sex. That was his direction.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah. The first AD is like, you know, we want to play this on tv. He's like, don't talk to moist. Full.

[Pete Holmes]

Moist in them. Full penetration. We're out of film. We've been out of film.

[Matt McCarthy]

Keep fucking.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, what is it with you? Get the fuck out of here. It's for us. Who gives it if it's too long of a take. Penetration. Instead of cut, you just penetration. Now. Dog style. He yells dog style. Let's see a little dog style. The playback stopped. It's just three people on the beach.

[Matt McCarthy]

Somebody. They cut the crew.

[Pete Holmes]

The crew's been wrapped.

[Matt McCarthy]

Beaches.

[Pete Holmes]

Keep going. He's just. He throws sand at himself.

[Matt McCarthy]

He's just trying to keep the cigarette lit.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God. That's a good old Simpsons gag. It cuts to the nighttime and he's still there. No one's there. And he's still screaming. Full penetration. Just David lynch alone on a beach.

[Matt McCarthy]

God. We lived together when I was like. When I first got that DVD of Eraserhead.

[Pete Holmes]

I know. And I always think of you because he walks through the door and you go, this is three years later.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah, it was a full year between shots.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Matt McCarthy]

It took him a couple of years, like, I think maybe three or five years to finish that movie. I think. I think it was a long time. I thought.

[Pete Holmes]

You told me he made it as a short. And then he was like, let's make it into a feature.

[Matt McCarthy]

It was. I should know this, but it was because he was at afi. And so then it was just the American Film Institute. So then it was a matter of getting the money.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Matt McCarthy]

To finish it. And it was in between. It's such a fascinating story.

[Pete Holmes]

I remember we got stoned and watched it. And I just couldn't. I. I can sort of handle weed now, but there was a time when if I smoked and watched something, it was just like. I didn't even see that.

[Matt McCarthy]

Like, it was right.

[Pete Holmes]

My own movie. It was like Carl Winslow was in it.

[Matt McCarthy]

That's almost. I may owe you.

[Pete Holmes]

And Reginald Van Johnson. It was Carl. And the actor who played Carl. And Eraserhead was behind it somehow.

[Matt McCarthy]

We just watched Ghostbusters the other night.

[Pete Holmes]

Is he.

[Matt McCarthy]

He's a cop in that.

[Pete Holmes]

I shot a kid.

[Matt McCarthy]

I shot a kid.

[Pete Holmes]

I shot a kid.

[Matt McCarthy]

Ghostbusters. Mayor wants to talk to you guys.

[Pete Holmes]

Is that his Line.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

These family matters matter. I don't know. These ghostly matters. Stop trying to work in. We watch wrestling podcasts. They say to him, my favorite, it's like nine riffs down.

[Matt McCarthy]

Start a new podcast called VHS Tapes of Magic.

[Pete Holmes]

Are you.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, that's right, you are. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I'll be the first guest.

[Matt McCarthy]

I called a local video store. If I could come and interview the. The owner. And she's like, oh, well, I'll take down your number and maybe he'll call you back. And I'm like, you know, maybe it's best he didn't.

[Pete Holmes]

What do you mean?

[Matt McCarthy]

I don't know, like talking to the one guy at the club and he.

[Pete Holmes]

Was, oh, you mean here in town?

[Matt McCarthy]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I remember they were like. You were like, is it in a bad.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah. And I'm like, is this a bad part?

[Pete Holmes]

Because I go during the day.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Cleveland is still a town where they're like, here's some places you can go when it's 11am like, but right around 4, you're going to want to bolster up. Like, you're gonna Flee Right around 3, 3:30, right? Flee.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah. Have you seen the movie the Purge? That's us.

[Pete Holmes]

That's us.

[Matt McCarthy]

It's based on us.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

Like the pictures on Yelp, one of them. I was like, this just looks like a out of work candy store.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, you didn't go.

[Matt McCarthy]

I didn't go. I mean, if. If we were here longer, I would have.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, Willie Nelson, he was on.

[Matt McCarthy]

Larry King Live and he. Larry was asking him about, like, being a songwriter, and he's like, you're a songwriter because, like with the riff, like a riff dump, where he's like, you know, sometimes you're inspired.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

You know, and then sometimes you're just writing and he's like, could you. And Willie Nelson's point was, I'm a songwriter. That is my job. I could write you a song right now, right here. I don't know that it would be any good.

[Pete Holmes]

Broken suspenders holding your bony shoulder Giant glasses maybe a lizard person who knows.

[Matt McCarthy]

How many wives, how many socks do you have?

[Pete Holmes]

Lair his tiny bony marionette legs right under the desk what a head of hair A shock of golden gray hair golden gray I told you it wouldn't be good.

[Matt McCarthy]

How many matzos? How many balls?

[Pete Holmes]

Larry, Take a color, take a caller.

[Matt McCarthy]

Larry King, also in Ghostbusters.

[Pete Holmes]

No, really?

[Matt McCarthy]

In the. The media montage. Cigarette going nice. These Many people believe that these, you know, paranormal exterminators might be the causes of the whole thing.

[Pete Holmes]

That was always the thing. Like in the first Ghostbuster. Ghostbusters. You have the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And isn't the second Ghostbusters, they're like, back on the bottom again.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like a fucking apparition walks through.

[Matt McCarthy]

It's like.

[Pete Holmes]

Like ghosts.

[Matt McCarthy]

Get real, Egon.

[Pete Holmes]

And it's like, don't you remember four months ago?

[Matt McCarthy]

Well, I let. I thought you're going to talk about the smoking. They all smoke except for Egon.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, Egon's a man of science and. But wait, Bill Murray smokes in the first Ghostbusters.

[Matt McCarthy]

There's one when. When Walter Peck shows up, he has a cigarette dangling from his mouth and he's like, eta? What's he want?

[Pete Holmes]

Is that. It's true. This man has no penis.

[Matt McCarthy]

That's a little later, but yeah. That guy. That guy.

[Pete Holmes]

We thought that was the funniest thing.

[Matt McCarthy]

We had ever heard until dickless here turned off the containment unit.

[Pete Holmes]

Nice.

[Matt McCarthy]

I just watched it the other night.

[Pete Holmes]

Apparently Kumail had the best bit that in Ghostbusters 2, their logo has the ghost doing too.

[Matt McCarthy]

Oh, the two.

[Pete Holmes]

And he's like, they know they're in a sequel. Like, the ghost knows it's the second movie.

[Matt McCarthy]

It's a fair point.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, why does the movie know it's the second movie?

[Matt McCarthy]

I just saw a woman on Tick Tock talking about, I wish I could credit this account, but she was saying the thing that.

[Pete Holmes]

That's not Tick Tock's thing. You can just react to a video and it's your video.

[Matt McCarthy]

It's mine now.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Matt McCarthy]

You ever see this on Tick Tock where they're just like, yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Just me in a Batsuit working my ass off.

[Matt McCarthy]

And they're like.

[Pete Holmes]

Why is that yours now?

[Matt McCarthy]

It's amazing.

[Pete Holmes]

30 million views, right?

[Matt McCarthy]

More views than our video.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, more.

[Matt McCarthy]

She was making the point of. If you look at the dates in Back to the Future.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Matt McCarthy]

When he's in 1985 and when he goes back to the 50s, it's like five days before Halloween, but there's no Halloween decorations anywhere.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, that's a good point.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I like the Internet.

[Matt McCarthy]

Isn't the Internet great?

[Pete Holmes]

It can be great.

[Matt McCarthy]

Turns out it's great.

[Pete Holmes]

Wait, it's everything. It's a little bit of great.

[Matt McCarthy]

Mm.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a little bit of bad. It's fine. That's fun. I never knew that.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So what was the other one? Willie? No, he said, I write songs. I write songs. I interrupted you. And then he's saying, like, it doesn't have to be good. It's just what I do.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah. And it's just like, with, like, I can start doing Hulk Hogan's voice right now. I don't know if it's going to be necessarily funny or make sense, but if I'm inspired.

[Pete Holmes]

You follow it.

[Matt McCarthy]

You follow it.

[Pete Holmes]

There's something. I don't want to be too pretentious, but let's just be pretentious for a moment. But there is, like, a condo. There's like a breeze on the wind.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You're a sailboat. That's what it is. And there's nothing sadder than a guy in a sailboat with a leaf blower just finding it. Like, I want to be in a flow of something that's present. If it's silly, it's silly. If it's whatever, just go with that.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So I also thought you were going to say that Willie Nelson is like, I write songs. I'm not worried about the outcome. It's just what I do. And you and I. The thing I think people probably don't guess about our pre show ritual is we're just constantly singing about sucking our own dicks.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

This is how we wind. Like, it's stressful.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

To do comedy. So in the green room, to, like, get our mind. I don't want to over intellectualize it, but to get our mind off of maybe the pressure.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Or the expectation or. So you're not, like, harping on, like, how's it gonna go? What's it gonna be? We just sing about. I don't. I can't think of one now.

[Matt McCarthy]

I mean, it's just staying loose before staying race. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Just doing.

[Matt McCarthy]

Just keeping the muscles warm.

[Pete Holmes]

We do guys that run a seminar for teaching you how to suck your own.

[Matt McCarthy]

We teach it because we can reach it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

All right. What you're about to see is a man sucking his own dick. Right. And you're gonna sit there thinking, I can't do that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes, you can.

[Matt McCarthy]

You can, but not yet.

[Pete Holmes]

All right, we're gonna get your knees by your ears by the end of the month.

[Matt McCarthy]

Listen up. You want to suck your own dick, you got to open something up. And if you just said, my mouth, that's why you're gonna fail. First thing you need to open up is your mind.

[Pete Holmes]

Open your mind. If you think you can suck your dick or you think you can't suck.

[Matt McCarthy]

Your own dick, you're right, you're right.

[Pete Holmes]

There's the door.

[Matt McCarthy]

Next thing you need to open up is your goddamn ears. First rule, sucking your own dick. Shut your mouth.

[Pete Holmes]

Doesn't make sense, does it? Think about it. It's a co on anyway. This is how we keep it loose.

[Matt McCarthy]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

So. All right, then we have. What are the other irons?

[Matt McCarthy]

Oh, well, I found a videotape of, I want to say, the 1982 Grammys on a Betamax tape.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Matt McCarthy]

And it is unbelievable. 82 or 83, the live performances. First of all, they're all performing live. Live. Nobody's like, just lip syncing.

[Pete Holmes]

You think they do that now?

[Matt McCarthy]

Well, it's more of a production.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

You know, whether. Whether they're like. But it's like, I will say the.

[Pete Holmes]

People dancing never seem winded. I've never seen Beyonce be like, well, that's like the way they're dancing.

[Matt McCarthy]

That's the talent.

[Pete Holmes]

But I think it is the talent. I shouldn't have used Beyonce. She's clearly doing it. No shade here.

[Matt McCarthy]

There are sometimes you.

[Pete Holmes]

It would be refreshing if she was.

[Matt McCarthy]

Just like, oh, right.

[Pete Holmes]

God damn it. Just like, oh, wow. And then she goes back to it.

[Matt McCarthy]

Right?

[Pete Holmes]

So the Grammys, they're all singing.

[Matt McCarthy]

Oh, man. But it was like the performers, it was like Miles Davis and Linda Ronstadt and Willie. It was, it was a wide berth of like, genres.

[Pete Holmes]

Wait, Miles Davis played at the Grammys, dude.

[Matt McCarthy]

And it was.

[Pete Holmes]

Get that out of my face.

[Matt McCarthy]

Like 80s.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what I mean. He's the scariest.

[Matt McCarthy]

It's. It's bizarre type of.

[Pete Holmes]

What is he doing there? I just think it's so exhausting to be cool and it's hard to do the Grammys and be cool, dude.

[Matt McCarthy]

And then he pulls it off. He wins a Grammy and just goes up like he, he stop. He kisses Etta James on the mouth, on the cheek, but then takes his Grammy, says nothing, just leaves.

[Pete Holmes]

Can I get. That's how you do it.

[Matt McCarthy]

That's how you do it.

[Pete Holmes]

How come no one does that? Have you noticed? Oscars, Emmys, Grammys. Nobody does something cool or interesting ever. It. Everybody turns into the same person, right? Miles Davis is like, you're fucking award doesn't mean shit to me. Gotta go. He blows smoke into the Grammy hole. Right? I don't. I don't do it for this.

[Matt McCarthy]

Uh huh.

[Pete Holmes]

Are these voices okay?

[Matt McCarthy]

Probably. Yeah. Not. Oh, but Willie Nelson looked exactly the same then as he does now. That was my ultimate point.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

He's been old motherfucker's Been old old the whole time. Christopher Lloyd is in Nobody, too. And with all respect, I'm like, dude's getting old. He's great. But I'm like, maybe not the chillest way to spend the afternoon when you're, like, wicked old. I guess there's, like, a mean way to riff on that. I'm avoiding that. I'm just saying you do your own riffs at home. I just want anyone that watched Nobody, too and was like, wow, he's old.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah, he's old.

[Pete Holmes]

He's an old man.

[Matt McCarthy]

Good.

[Pete Holmes]

And he's been old. That's what I mean. Back to the future is 40 years old. He was playing an old guy 40 years ago. That was so. He's got to be 80 something.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah. Which is depressing because then he's 40 something in back to the Future. Right.

[Pete Holmes]

That means I'm older than Doc Brown.

[Matt McCarthy]

Dude, I hate my head on the toilet. Huh?

[Pete Holmes]

That's me.

[Matt McCarthy]

I had a vision. Hey, dude. A flux capacitor. Looks like a Y. I was hanging a clock in my bathroom. The porcelain was wet. I slipped, hit my head, and I had a vision of this. Okey doke.

[Pete Holmes]

Very good. Sam on a plane once.

[Matt McCarthy]

Oh, yeah. If I had a phone, I'd use it. There was a 1-800-Collect-commercial with him in the late 90s.

[Pete Holmes]

This is what you're good.

[Matt McCarthy]

Where he's driving a cabin and he's like, pitching 1-800-Collect to the people in the backseat.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God.

[Matt McCarthy]

And that's the button. He goes, oh, yeah. If I had a phone, I'd use it.

[Pete Holmes]

I wonder if he rifted. That sounds. I don't know. It's pretty good.

[Matt McCarthy]

It's very good.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't remember old Doc Brown.

[Matt McCarthy]

Well, that was that. Yeah, that was like. Well, that was Reverend Jim on Taxi. Taxi. Always felt like it was just right before our time.

[Pete Holmes]

It was.

[Matt McCarthy]

You know, I didn't really get into Taxi. Yeah, Taxi was always just in reruns when I was a kid. Yeah, it's. It's brilliant.

[Pete Holmes]

Is it? Yeah. Oh, really?

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah, like legit. I mean, Judd Hirsch is the anchor.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

And then you got Tony Danza doing the best Tony Danza that anybody does.

[Pete Holmes]

How you doing?

[Matt McCarthy]

But it's Danny DeVito, Christopher Lloyd, Andy Kaufman. It's just this perfect. And Andy in a controlled environment. So it's like.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, single dose.

[Matt McCarthy]

It's. It's. At no point do you feel like this guy's, like, giving me for watching him.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Matt McCarthy]

I love Andy.

[Pete Holmes]

They Cut around that.

[Matt McCarthy]

But it is like Andy, left to his own devices, is like, oh, you like this piece of shit?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

Well, fuck you.

[Pete Holmes]

That was the thing I had the hardest time with when he was in man on the Moon, when he's, like, complaining about being on a sitcom, right? And I was like, what?

[Matt McCarthy]

Andy, I've got some bad news. Taxi's been canceled. So what's the bad news, bro?

[Pete Holmes]

While he's in a house that Taxi paid for, right?

[Matt McCarthy]

Like, I.

[Pete Holmes]

Look, I. I applaud his artistic integrity, but I'm also like, can't we just be a little bit more. It's great. It's a great job. And most of the year, I can go around and be like, here I come to save the day.

[Matt McCarthy]

And having been on a sitcom. I know, with us, those hours.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Us together. Oh, that's what I mean. It's not just some job. Being on a multicam sitcom is the greatest job.

[Matt McCarthy]

It is so fucking.

[Pete Holmes]

I'd say there's no better job that's ever existed. You just. You roll in, like, 11:00am around. Go home at 2:00pm yeah. And then you film it on Friday. And the big day is, like, seven hours. And it's just you in front of an audience being like, I thought saltines were salty. And then they give you money for that.

[Matt McCarthy]

That was the one. Bummer, because it was like 2000.

[Pete Holmes]

What was it, 20?

[Matt McCarthy]

It was like 21. It was the end of 21.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. So we didn't have an audience.

[Matt McCarthy]

We didn't have an audience.

[Pete Holmes]

This was how we roll the show Matt and I did together. And it would have been a lot more fun, right, if there was a crowd. Yeah, yeah. Because I've done some multis since then where there's a real crowd, and it's exhilarating. That's what also makes it the best job in the world. But you also just like, this is gonna. I don't know. Maybe we are just the sellout generation and Andy Kaufman is onto something. But I'm like, if you're going to do something, just do it. It's all absurd. Beyond Taxi spin.

[Matt McCarthy]

No, I think it's the idea of selling out is there's. I don't think doing Taxi was Andy selling out. You know, it's like. It's so. It's. It's an unnecessary burden to put that on yourself of like, oh, somebody wants to pay me to be funny.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

It's like, shut the fuck up.

[Pete Holmes]

That's how I felt when I did It. I knew we weren't doing, like, an HBO show, it was a CBS show, but it was. That's like. You have to zoom pretty far out to think about that. You get pretty abstract about what the show is and what it means. What it was and what it meant to me was hanging out with you in a fake bowling alley.

[Matt McCarthy]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Pitching jokes, having fun. I remember the directors being so great and being like, maybe we do something here. It was all pure creativity. And play. Nothing I had done felt so much. Just like, play, like casual. Like. It's weird to think of it as low stakes because millions of people watched it, even though it wasn't a hit. Still millions of people.

[Matt McCarthy]

That was always the mind blowing thing. It's like, oh, man, the ratings suck. There's only like, 3 million people watching.

[Pete Holmes]

I know, I know. And it felt like summer camp. It felt like exactly the same kind of energy as if you and I were in junior high and we were going to make a vhs. Like, Stop Motion GI Joe Play. Like, it was the same energy as that. And like, when I loved, obviously, doing everything I've done. But most things have much more of a serious tone.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like, okay, can we waft in some smoke and change a lens and all that? And that's great. But this was just like. I don't know, maybe. Maybe I'm smoking a cigar in this scene and everyone's like, get him a cigar. Like, it was, like, fucking fun. It was silly.

[Matt McCarthy]

There was, like, one time, Shay was, like, playing a saxophone for some reason.

[Pete Holmes]

Shy.

[Matt McCarthy]

Oh, Shy. What did I say?

[Pete Holmes]

Michael Shay. Michael. Shy. Shy. Shy. Why am I forgetting Shy's last name now?

[Matt McCarthy]

McBride.

[Pete Holmes]

Shy McBride.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah. Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Wonderful.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I think so.

[Matt McCarthy]

And he was, what, playing a saxophone just in his house for some reason.

[Pete Holmes]

I remember this.

[Matt McCarthy]

Remember this?

[Pete Holmes]

And it's when I went to his house and he's sitting on the. On the bed playing.

[Matt McCarthy]

But, like, to. Obviously he's playing a track to a track.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, real full house. Yeah, yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

But it was so good.

[Pete Holmes]

I loved it.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah, I loved it.

[Pete Holmes]

And it's all standing on the other side of a pine set. Like, just that kind of like cheap wood. There's writing on it, like from the union guys that put it together. Yeah. And sandbags.

[Matt McCarthy]

The Seinfeld soundstage.

[Pete Holmes]

Is that right?

[Matt McCarthy]

You didn't know that?

[Pete Holmes]

I did know that.

[Matt McCarthy]

You did know. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

On Radford.

[Matt McCarthy]

So.

[Pete Holmes]

And we're sitting there and I'm like, on the other side of a fake door. And you go in and just Felt like doing a play. I miss it. I wish we could have done it at least two years.

[Matt McCarthy]

I would have loved it. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

If we were still doing it, I'd be thrilled. Because to my Andy Kaufman point, it takes four or five months of the year to do the whole season. So you get most of the year to do whatever you want.

[Matt McCarthy]

We were able to pick up our kids.

[Pete Holmes]

I know your kid and my kid.

[Matt McCarthy]

Not our kids, but. Yeah. From daycare.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah. It was incredible. Nothing to complain about. That's why now I'm even madder that Andy was like. But it's canned laughter. I'm like, all right. I don't know, bro.

[Matt McCarthy]

I don't. What do you want then? Go do what you want.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

Well, here's the thing, is, if Andy had lived, he would have completely abandoned comedy and just gone full blow into pro wrestling.

[Pete Holmes]

Probably.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what he was looking for. Something truly.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

247 spectacle art and absurd and just.

[Matt McCarthy]

To be a monster heel.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

Just antagonizing people.

[Pete Holmes]

That was his perfect place.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

That was his perfect.

[Matt McCarthy]

That is where he belonged.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. This episode is brought to us by our friends at Magic Mind. You always see us drinking Magic Mind on the show because I always want my guests dialed in. And that's what Magic Mind is. It is dialed in. It is flow state in a bottle. You know how athletes have Gatorade creators now have creator aid. It is 12 functional ingredients, things like matcha nootropics for focus and adaptogens to help fight stress. So it puts you right in that middle state. Not wired, dialed in. On average, people say they get about 30% more done for about five to seven hours after drinking. It helps fight off procrastination, brain fog, fatigue, even some ADD type stuff. After a few days in a row, it's easier than ever to slip into that flow state on demand. And the best part, they got a money back guarantee. So if you don't like it, you get a full refund. Right now, Magic Mind is hooking up weirdos with 20% off your first order. Just go to magicmind.com weird use promo code weird at checkout. That's magicmind.com weird promo code weird at checkout. This episode is brought to us by our friends at Apollo Neuro. If there's one piece of wearable technology that has genuinely changed my life for the better, it's the Apollo. Apollo is a wearable that helps your body recover from stress by sending gentle, soothing vibrations directly into your nervous system. You can wear it on your ankle. I wear mine on the inside of my wrist. It basically tells your body you are safe. It's like a digital wearable hug for your nervous system. It has settings for everything. Energy and wake up, social and open, clear and focused. I usually have it on the social setting when I'm doing this podcast and my favorite Fall Asleep, which helps me fall asleep without ingesting anything. Nothing in my system, just something on my system that helps me fall and more importantly stay asleep. It was developed by a neuroscientist and a board certified psychiatrist who spent 15 years studying stress and it's been proven in multiple clinical trials to improve sleep focus, recovery and overall calm. So if you want to feel more relaxed, focused and just a little bit more in control, check it out. You'll get $40 [e-mail] weird with promo code Weird that's a P O L L O N E R O.com weird with promo code Weird Check it out. This episode is brought to us by our friends at dad Grass. Why is it that when you want to relax and just have a little fun, modern weed products strap you to a rocket like a confused chimp and blast you into outer space? He can't follow a movie. He can't hold a conversation. You're just orbiting the earth surrounded by empty pizza boxes and a lot of regret. Well, can't we just take the edge off? Well, can't we just get a little giggly with our friends keeping our feet on the ground? Well, thanks to dad Grass, yes we can. I am obsessed legit with their leisure drinks. It is a sparkling yuzu flavored can that ships legally to all 50 states if you're over 21 and each one has 3 milligrams of THC and 6 milligrams of CBD, which is the perfect dose so you feel happy and relaxed without the hangover. Plus they're stackable for a bigger buzz and they are fast acting, which means you'll feel it in about 10 to 20 minutes so you can get it just right. Get leisure drinks and all of dad Grass's products, including their joints and gummies, [e-mail] weird and use promo code weird for 20% off. That's dadgrass.com weird. Use promo code weird for 20% off. Check it out. Why don't we tell the story a little bit because since you've been on the show last time, I think it's kind of touching when we talk about male friendship on the show from time to time. Yeah, I just heard the statistic that, like, one of the markers of, like, longevity in your life and also just happiness is having friends and. And they go. Close relationship. And your wife and children do not. Do not count. So you have to have. And so most guys will be like, I'm good. I got my wife. And they're like, sorry, sucker, that doesn't count.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And, like, I think ours is a pretty interesting case. When you did the show last, you had just gotten sober. It was years ago then.

[Matt McCarthy]

It must have been like, nine years ago then. Nine years ago or eight years ago. I'm coming up on nine years sober, so it probably would have been, like, about eight years ago.

[Pete Holmes]

Nice, bruv. So, like, a lot has happened. We. You weren't really doing much standup. I mean, you tell me where you were at and when did. How long have we been touring together? It's been like four years.

[Matt McCarthy]

I'd say three. Three years. Two or three.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Which is long, usually, for me. Like, you know, for. It usually just happens naturally. Like, it kind of. I don't know, things get shifted around. But this has been feeling really, really nice. We have a really nice rhythm.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

We talk about sucking our own dicks a lot. I really like that.

[Matt McCarthy]

You, me, Joe Bob, and Darcy just hanging out.

[Pete Holmes]

That's it. That's it. But, like, I'm trying to prime you to tell the story of where you were. You. You told me, if you don't mind telling a story, that you were delivering postmates and people kept recognizing you. And I was just like, it's not that, like, post. That's fine work. I'm just like. There was something. I didn't like it. I was like, that sucks. We did all this work together, you and me, and now you're getting recognized. Dropping off postmates.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Again, I'm not saying that's, like, undignified or anything. I'm just saying. You're so fucking funny. So I had, like, a moment of, like, they left him on the porch, like, unforgiveness. Like, it was just like they recognized him delivering postmates. Like, it just didn't feel right. So we. We had. Had. It's funny, we're so close now. I don't even really recall. We had some falling outs. Like, we had, like, there was the Pete Holmes show. We probably talked about that the other. I believe we did podcasts and that. That wasn't what we thought it would be. It wasn't what I told you it would be. Probably in some manic state. I'm just like, it's gonna be our show that was over reported. There was some not great treatment. Like, I always remember the show. You, like, no one told you we had the day off and you were just like showing up. So, like, you were feeling pushed out and out and out. But then getting sober also helped you reframe. Well, it primed us to get back together. Yeah. Like, because we had.

[Matt McCarthy]

Sorry.

[Pete Holmes]

Let me prime you with this last thing, please. I remember we had a good old fashioned drunk, like once upon a time in Hollywood. We got shithouse.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It was awful, actually. I still remember the heartburn. And you puked in my bushes.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And. But like, there was this feeling of like, I think you said, in fact, I'm sure you said this, you said, like, I forgive you, but I don't think we'll ever be roommates again.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because we used to be roommates. And that's just like a way of saying we were really, really close and look, we're cool, but we won't be roommates ever again.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I was like, oh, okay. But then like, your sobriety sort of softened you. And then like, I think maybe having a family or something softened me. We both went through our own humility tour.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

What does that make you think of?

[Matt McCarthy]

I feel like with. Without getting emotional, I feel like we are roommates again.

[Pete Holmes]

We are roommates again. You know, that's why I want to talk about it, because that's beautiful. To go from like an arc like that, that we've had. We've had all these different acts in our lives. Roommates, literally. Roommates literally. Then doing the Pete Home show, things get a little weird.

[Matt McCarthy]

We.

[Pete Holmes]

We don't, like, ever fight or fall out, but we grow apart.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I. We talk about that on the other episodes. But then, like, what. What was the process of rebuilding for you? Because they're. That's interesting. Reconciliation is interesting.

[Matt McCarthy]

Well, from. I had to. I didn't have to do anything, but what I got to do was in getting sober, I was then able to see what my part was in everything.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

You know, because I. Because I had gotten to the point, like, because I. I hit bottom, like my marriage was about to end and, you know, I didn't know what I was gonna do. I. I like, I feel like the last. Like when the last pod we did, and it was like my. My marriage was still volatile, you know, I was on the couch, I was off the couch. You know, it was, you know, I'm staying at a buddy's place. All that and being able to see, well, what was my part in the Pete Holmes show? What was my part in our relationship? What were what, like, my expectations, my, you know, where was I? Being selfish and dishonest and just really just being afraid everywhere of everything and, you know, and, and taking everything. Just being like, these motherfuckers, look what they're doing to me. Instead of just being like, well, what was, what, what, what, what was I doing?

[Pete Holmes]

How was I unknowingly participating in some sort of narrative that was hurting you?

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Is that what you mean? Because it sounds like it takes a lot of courage to ask that question. I don't think a lot of people do that.

[Matt McCarthy]

I don't think a lot of people do that.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I think most people are quite happy going, they fucked me. I'm leaving it as that and leaving.

[Matt McCarthy]

It as that because I was the type of guy that I would be like, well, Pete fucked me. And then I'm gonna keep replaying that on the old TV set in my head over and over again. And each time I replay it, what Pete did got a little worse. What I did got a little less to the point where now I'm just completely innocent bystander and I'm just being pummeled for no reason.

[Pete Holmes]

Right, right, right. And this was the. Overlooking, the minimizing. Like it. Did it have that flavor of like, oh, we partnered up and then this is weird to say, but like, oh, then when my train came in, I just was like, fuck everybody, I don't care.

[Matt McCarthy]

I mean, I couldn't. I'm sure I felt like that. Yeah. But I don't remember it.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, it's funny, I'm. I'm having a hard time remembering this too, because I'm so.

[Matt McCarthy]

I just feel like I've. I really truly have let it go and like I'm. I mean, ultimately I'm not that guy anymore. And there were things that I did and said and, and thought that were just ultimately self destructive and just came from a place of just fear and self loathing and, you know, just constantly just, just, Just being unsatisfied. Dissatisfied with everything.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

You know, out of pain, I suppose. So I think just out of not knowing how to feel my feelings.

[Pete Holmes]

What am I unwilling to feel?

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. So it's easier to be like you this.

[Matt McCarthy]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Instead of facing some complicated feelings.

[Matt McCarthy]

I don't even think they had to be complicated.

[Pete Holmes]

They could just be the primary colors.

[Matt McCarthy]

It was. I'm uncomfortable feeling sad because I'm so awesome. So fuck Them I'm uncomfortable. Comfortable feeling happy because I'm a piece of so me. And so the best course of action for a guy like me, when I don't know how to feel things, is to just, well, I'm gonna get drunk. Maybe I'll feel good, or maybe I'll feel nothing, or I'm gonna get high, you know, and now I get to actually, you know, be present.

[Pete Holmes]

I remember you talk. You're sort of one of my gateways to the program. And you tell me all these great things that you've learned without being a spokesperson for it, without even acknowledging whether or not you're a participant in it. But you said once you get. Somebody told you, once you get sober, you feel better. And you're like, you feel angry better, you feel sad better, you feel lonely better, you feel all of it better.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But you face it, that.

[Matt McCarthy]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

I just. I heard someone else talking about that on a podcast. Just like when we go into the feeling that we're so afraid of and really just kind of look at it and allow it neutrally, sometimes it presents itself to be nothing at all. Like what? You were afraid of it? Like it was. You're pushing it away. Oh, yeah, that was charging it.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And when you just kind of let it in the room, sometimes it can actually be beautiful or pleasant or, you know, or maybe not pleasant, but energizing or exhilarating or interesting or. You know what I mean? It's not always just, ah, we think it's gonna be, ah. But it can be all sorts of things.

[Matt McCarthy]

It's always the dread of the thing that's worse than the thing, you know?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

You know, because. Because. Because then if. Because it's all fear, like the thing that hasn't happened yet. I'm. Now I'm playing that in my head and it's just like, it's gonna be awful. It's gonna be awful. And it's like, yeah, I'm doing it to myself. Nobody's doing it to me except me. I'm just beating myself right over the head with it.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. So it's interesting when we get curious about our involvement in. In a feeling, in a situation, in a predicament. It's not. And I do this in my own therapy. It's not to catch a part of ourselves being bad or punish it or shame it. It's to relieve ourselves of some sort of burden. Like, it's all in the name of making things better for us to look at these difficult things.

[Matt McCarthy]

And then once I got right with myself. And, you know, then it was like, I. It was kind of wild because then the. I didn't know at all that you were. Because then the pandemic hit.

[Pete Holmes]

Because I was allegedly.

[Matt McCarthy]

Allegedly. Because I was. I was like, trying to get things going with comedy again or just feel like, I don't know, like la. It was always. Because it kind of also coincided with, like. It just felt like the alt scene just evaporated one day.

[Pete Holmes]

I agree.

[Matt McCarthy]

You know, like, meltdown vanished. Like, it was. There was weirdness at UCB about, like.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

You know, standups and getting paid and all that.

[Pete Holmes]

It was like the former Soviet Union. They were on, like, labor strikes and shifts in power.

[Matt McCarthy]

It was just like. I was like, where. What happened to the. Because I have no problem with, like, with comedy clubs, but I was just. I don't know anybody anymore. I felt like. Or I'm like, I don't feel like. Like I'd rather just go to a show and hang out, even if I'm not going to perform. But like.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's the old school to kind of like get in the scene and then eventually you're doing it. Am I hearing you right?

[Matt McCarthy]

And. But. Exactly. But I'm also. I'm like, I don't. I'm. And I'm speaking for myself right now, or even like 10 years ago, where I'm like, I just don't feel like hanging out at the store until like one or two. You know, I'm just like, you know, talking to.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, old homesy only does the 7pm show.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah. I'm like. I'm like, I get it. I get it. I'm just like, I'm just not young anymore. And I'm like, I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

And I really was at the point where I'm like, I don't know. I guess acting was always. I always managed to book something. And Conan was a lifesaver because I was getting brought in. It felt like constantly. To perform in sketches.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

You know, sometimes like two or three times a month. Which was insane.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

And then when. Then the pandemic hit, I was already driving, like, Lyft with passengers and getting recognized and, like, just. But it was. It was a very necessary, humbling experience. And like. And I had much. I had much stronger spiritual experiences driving that car than I ever did, you know, doing. Stand up or.

[Pete Holmes]

Tell me. What do you mean?

[Matt McCarthy]

I mean, just.

[Pete Holmes]

I fully understand. I think I understand, but I'd love to hear.

[Matt McCarthy]

Well, it, like, one day it kind of Dawned on me. I was like, man, these always backseat driving me, like, telling me to go faster, telling me to go slower. Like, you know, really, you should have taken a left. You took a right. And then all of a sudden, it, like, it just. It hit me. I was like, oh, that's the way I am with, like, you know, God, basically, for lack of a better word, where I'm constantly just reality. Yeah. I'm just like, speed my life up, slow things down. I want this. I want. I want this for my career now. I want.

[Pete Holmes]

We just saw the guy call an Uber, and he pulled up two, not too short for his taste, and he went, yeah, he's like this, like, the most patronizing.

[Matt McCarthy]

And then he's inside, and we still see the hand going.

[Pete Holmes]

You got to pull up, got to pull up. And I was just like, yikes. Not to toot my own, but I'd like to get this going. I don't know if you've noticed, every time I get in an Uber, the first thing I say is, thanks for being here. Because one time I said it to a guy and he was like, nobody's ever said that to me. It was, like, so meaningful to him. And I was like, that's it. That's my line. So, yeah, that's me. Virtue signaling. But I also would just like to get that started. Like, yeah, thanks. Yeah, thanks for being here. It's nice.

[Matt McCarthy]

No shit.

[Pete Holmes]

You just drove here? You drove here and found me?

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Thank you.

[Matt McCarthy]

Thank you.

[Pete Holmes]

It's not a big ask.

[Matt McCarthy]

We take it so for granted that a stranger is going to show up and drive somewhere.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes. And stop where you tell him to stop.

[Matt McCarthy]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Pilots get all of our, like, thank you, commander.

[Matt McCarthy]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

But a guy just drove you across a bridge that could have gone sideways. Anyway, so tell me, spiritual experiences, is it just the humbling? You said humbling?

[Matt McCarthy]

I mean, yeah, that. That was humbling. I mean, I remember I drove a comic. I didn't know I was going to be picking up this person. I drove a comic to a show, and we had done New Faces together.

[Pete Holmes]

You were on the same class of New Faces.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Matthew, like, I don't want to presume, but my ego is fragile enough that I would be like, this is hard for me. Was that true?

[Matt McCarthy]

It was difficult, but it was also, like. It was also balanced with, like, I'm maybe in my first or second. No, this was probably 2018, so I'm like, in my, like, second year of sobriety, let's say. And then really realizing, like, wow, I'm like driving drunk people home, making sure they get home. Like women who are blacked out.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

And like making sure they get into their building.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah. You know? Yeah. But then also the virtue of that, like the goodness.

[Matt McCarthy]

Well, just the. Yeah. To getting to be of service and like.

[Pete Holmes]

But that is.

[Matt McCarthy]

You, like.

[Pete Holmes]

Sorry to interrupt. But like, you are a humble person. It's one of my favorite things about you. It's. You're very steady, very humble. Meaning, like low to the earth, human, you know, not highfalutin. You don't have a lot of demands on reality. You just kind of calm. And it seems like this is maybe when some of that was getting cemented.

[Matt McCarthy]

I think so.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

I had to get there. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's really interesting. So keep going.

[Matt McCarthy]

Well, it makes life a lot more enjoyable, that's for sure.

[Pete Holmes]

When you can.

[Matt McCarthy]

What?

[Pete Holmes]

How would you phrase that?

[Matt McCarthy]

When I can just be present instead of being like, well, where's my.

[Pete Holmes]

Where's.

[Matt McCarthy]

Where's my foot long sandwich and a blowjob? You know?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're in your own little inner situation room looking at 8 and a half by 11 black and white photos of what could be.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Or what should be projections of what's gonna be what it was supposed to be. You are just in you. You're doing what you're doing. You know, you had that like, worker among workers. That's a program thing. Right. But it's just like, I'm just doing this job. But there is something noble about that. I don't know if you've seen the movie Perfect Days. It's a really great movie.

[Matt McCarthy]

Oh, we did. We talked about it.

[Pete Holmes]

We talked about it.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And he's a janitor, but he does it impeccably. And he just is in his life. He's like. Seems to be free of like, I gotta clean it. He's just doing it and he's doing it well. Like, we always resonate with someone that can like stand where their feet are. You know what I mean? Instead of going like, I shouldn't be doing this.

[Matt McCarthy]

It's interesting.

[Pete Holmes]

We had a different interpretation.

[Matt McCarthy]

Well, I feel like I watched it two times in a row and then I watched it for a third time and then I was like. Then I started getting a different impression of him. Of like, oh, he's, you know, I'm like, I. Maybe he's forcing this. Maybe this is his way of controlling everything. Yeah, yeah, it was interesting.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. My interpretation is like, oh, he's just. He's like an enlightened guy.

[Matt McCarthy]

Well, because of the idea of. I need every day to be exactly the same, and if it's not, I'm gonna lose my shit.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I get that.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm open to that. And I do want to. If anybody. I'm assuming most people haven't seen that movie, but it's a very simple movie. It's terrific. Just follows a man. It's a Japanese film. Every day he gets up and does basically the same thing, but he's not resisting. Even if we interpret the movie the same, he doesn't seem to be resisting his life. Right.

[Matt McCarthy]

The scene where his sister shows up really tilted my head where I was just like, oh, what? Where is he?

[Pete Holmes]

He can't handle that.

[Matt McCarthy]

Is he running away from something? Is he like. Is he. Is this just avoidance behavior?

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Matt McCarthy]

Like, I have to be over here.

[Pete Holmes]

See that? See? Without giving it away.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I think he even is welcoming of his sadness and his pain.

[Matt McCarthy]

It's interesting.

[Pete Holmes]

I think he feels it.

[Matt McCarthy]

But if he's in control of it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I don't know.

[Matt McCarthy]

I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a good question.

[Matt McCarthy]

This is why it's a good movie. Because I can watch it again and have a different experience.

[Pete Holmes]

And I want show all my cards and be like, I am fully projecting my own feeling onto it and being like, oh, he is upset or he's disappointed or he's embarrassed or whatever he's feeling, but he allows that too. And that's what the final shot to me is, is that he's like, it's good and bad, but all at once.

[Matt McCarthy]

I know. It's interesting.

[Pete Holmes]

It is. Check it out. We're gonna play it right now. We'll be back in three hours. Of a guy cleaning a toilet, not a lot happens.

[Matt McCarthy]

Four stars. Joe Bob says, check it out.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, so you. You said, I. I don't want to. If there's nothing else here. But when you're talking about the spiritual lessons, I. I feel like I interrupted you. I'm telling reality what to do and all that.

[Matt McCarthy]

I even, Even in all this time, I'm still like. I'm. I'm driving Lyft. I'm, like, performing on Conan. I'm booking commercials here and there.

[Pete Holmes]

Which means you're pretty recognizable.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You're the guy from that ad that's playing on the. If you were in a cab, it would be on the ad in the back of the cab.

[Matt McCarthy]

That's what I. I heard some story. I forget. Some. Some actor, like, got into a cab and Robert De Niro was driving it. And, like, he had, I think, just won or had. Had, you know, pretty recently won the Oscar for Godfather 2 or something.

[Pete Holmes]

What?

[Matt McCarthy]

And he's. Well, because De Niro was getting ready.

[Pete Holmes]

To do Taxi Driver, so he was.

[Matt McCarthy]

Getting the feel for what that was like. Got in the cabin, was like, oh, no. Is it that rough out there?

[Pete Holmes]

Where are we going?

[Matt McCarthy]

Hey, Tippet. Ain't just a city in China.

[Pete Holmes]

Can you buckle up my Oscar.

[Matt McCarthy]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

[Matt McCarthy]

No, no, no, no, no, no.

[Pete Holmes]

Imagine if somebody was like that to. Didn't arrow. Oh. Just peel off. I always. Somebody told me a story that, like the bass player from. I don't think it was the bass player, but somebody that was in the band Space Hog.

[Matt McCarthy]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Was like, serving them drinks at a bartender. That's. And that's not dragging the guy from Space Hog.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

She's like, space hog. Come on.

[Matt McCarthy]

Right?

[Pete Holmes]

Big deal. And. And then he was. Nothing wrong with it. But this is. This is part of the artistic life. Tell me the story.

[Matt McCarthy]

Well, even like with David lynch, it's like he didn't make his money doing David lynch movies. He made his money directing commercials.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

You know?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. And music videos.

[Matt McCarthy]

The art life.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm only half hard. I guess I'll just fuck the sand. What was somebody the next day. What are all these holes? David lynch filmed a video here.

[Matt McCarthy]

David lynch was here.

[Pete Holmes]

David lynch was here. Yeah. They call it the. The Lynch Swiss, which is Swiss Chees sand.

[Matt McCarthy]

You're looking at the art life right here.

[Pete Holmes]

That's the art life. He makes his money fucking the beach. That's how he funds his pictures.

[Matt McCarthy]

I. I'm done with transcendental meditation. I'm now taking classes on how to suck my own dick.

[Pete Holmes]

They teach it because they can reach it.

[Matt McCarthy]

Here's a little something I learned last night.

[Pete Holmes]

It's called the Eraser head.

[Matt McCarthy]

Did you see my head disappear?

[Pete Holmes]

This is us tonight, 10 minutes before we go out. Okay, tell me the story.

[Matt McCarthy]

I did a commercial for the Avengers campus when it was getting ready to open at Disneyland. Like the. Yeah. When you go and hang out with Spider man and the Hulk and. And beginning the very beginning of 2020, I booked two different commercials at the very beginning of 2020. It was that one. And then a progressive commercial that we literally shot like that Monday in March, and then that Friday was locked down.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, wow.

[Matt McCarthy]

Like me and Flo and other people. Like when. Remember when people were shaking hands with elbows, bro, that Week.

[Pete Holmes]

Yep. I. I still think about. I ran into somebody named Sabelle that I went to college with, and she tried to hug me, and I was like, what? And she thought that I didn't like her.

[Matt McCarthy]

Oh, my God. I was like, don't you raw dogging it, bro.

[Pete Holmes]

I think she was patient zero.

[Matt McCarthy]

So we did a. I did the commercial, and it was such a up morning anyway, because it was like, I'm playing a. Like a Somebody who, like, makes the stitching of the name on the hats when you buy, like, the little Mouseketeer hat at Disneyland. And I get there, and I'm like, at base camp, and I text the number I have for, like, the second. Second ad, and I'm like, I'm at the food truck. I'm just hanging out at the food truck, waiting for. So every. I've been in so many goddamn commercials, so many shoots. I'm always just. I let somebody know where I am. And eventually somebody comes over and goes, are you Matt? Okay, we're gonna go over here.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Matt McCarthy]

That's the gate. That's the game, you know?

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Matt McCarthy]

And then all of a sudden, I'm just standing there. I'm kind of eating. I'm just hanging out. And then I get a text. It was like, where are you? And I'm like, I'm still standing in the food. In front of the food in the parking lot. Somebody up, yeah. And they were like, they're ready for you now. And I'm like, okay, well, somebody better get me there. Like, what? I'm. Should I buy a ticket to get into Disneyland?

[Pete Holmes]

Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

Why? I'm like, do not make this about something that I did.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

Okay, well, we got a PA Coming over in a van. It's going to pick you up. Picks me up, a couple other actors, extras. We are in a parking lot. All you have to do is drive across the street, and you're in the fucking theme park. This dingus goes out and takes a left, and now we're driving away. And then they re. And I'm like, this ain't it 6? I'm like, yeah, this isn't Disneyland. We're just driving around Anaheim. So now I'm even later. They come back around like that. They're set up. They're like, where the. Is Matt?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

And I'm like, in a van. Where. Where I was. We're going to Laguna, I think we finally get in. This has never happened before. This is like, you know, backstage footage of, like, SNL type stuff where, like, they're putting the wardrobe on me and the makeup on me. Me at, like, like, five people at once.

[Pete Holmes]

Nascar.

[Matt McCarthy]

NASCAR stuff. I finally get, you know, rushed over and, like, just walking in front of the camera and. Okay. And. And the way that it was being shot was, like, the cameras behind me. And this has happened to, like, Glennis before in a commercial where she shot for eight hours. She was a waitress all day. She was there. Some. Some bank commercial. And then the thing airs, and all you see is her arm handing the guy the plate.

[Pete Holmes]

I think of that every time there's an arm in a movie. I'm like, that person did not know they were an arm.

[Matt McCarthy]

So now you're unrecognizable on the spot. Now you are not entitled to residuals.

[Pete Holmes]

Even your arm, dude. Bro.

[Matt McCarthy]

And I'm like, we need a new.

[Pete Holmes]

Arm of sag aftra.

[Matt McCarthy]

Okay?

[Pete Holmes]

We're all worried about AI. How about ARM Intelligence?

[Matt McCarthy]

How about ARM I? How about ARM I?

[Pete Holmes]

Our Mind Armed? I do some residuals. This is awful. Okay.

[Matt McCarthy]

It's not always good, Larry.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it's not always good. That's right.

[Matt McCarthy]

Well, I could riff right now, but.

[Pete Holmes]

But she. That's worth noting. Cut out because she's an arm.

[Matt McCarthy]

So I'm standing there thinking, oh, my God. After. After this stressful. All this stress this morning and getting up at, like, 4 or 5 to get there, and. And I'm like, I'm gonna get cut out of this fucking commercial. So I kept like. And I'm supposed to react like the. The. The. The. The Avengers jet flies by and shakes the building.

[Pete Holmes]

Mm.

[Matt McCarthy]

And I'm, like, supposed to, like, react like that. But every time I react, I'm like. I'm turning my whole body so that my face is on camera. And the director kept saying to me, he's like, you're turning too much. And I'm like, okay, got it, got it, got it. And then I'm like, I'm turning more like. I'm like, you're not. I'm not getting, like, cut out of this.

[Pete Holmes]

You mean shot? If you're shot from behind, you won't be in it.

[Matt McCarthy]

I wasn't sure. Yeah, but I was like. All I knew was they said if they don't see your face. So I'm like, you're gonna see my motherfucking face.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

And we did it a bunch of times. And then I'm wrapped. Wrapped at, like, 8:30 in the morning, 9:00am you know, and feeling so sorry for myself and this Is, mind you, in sobriety, you know? And I'm feeling so fucking sorry for myself. I'm like, God damn it. I'm like, it's a, an ad for Disneyland. It's going to run all the time. If I just get the. Because for. People don't know. When you book a commercial, you get paid for the day you shot it. And then every time it airs, you get residuals for that. And depending on where it airs, what time of day, Right. You know, you could make a lot of money. And I'm like, fuck. So then I'm like, all right, well, fuck it. I'm down in Anaheim. I'll just turn on my lift and I'll try to pick up some people. And it was even more demoralizing because it's like, it's. It's nine o'. Clock. Everybody who's going to Disney, they're already there, right? You know? No, I'm like, I'm like, where, who, where are these people?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

So I'm like, God damn it. So then I'm like, I start getting closer to the highway and I'm gonna drive up to the Valley and go back home. Maybe I'll get a fair along the way. And literally this is at a time too when, like, Glennis was even like, maybe we leave la. Maybe we go to New England. She's like, maybe we move to Maine. Yeah, be closer to my cousins. And. And as I'm thinking about this and thinking about that, I. I look and there's like a pickup truck, like a mack truck, an 18 wheeler in front of me with a main license plate. I'm like, oh, so this is this the sign? This is the sign, you know? And then I get the ping for a passenger and I'm like, great. And even in that moment, I was like, not a lot of gratitude happening right now.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, this really is enlightening too, to consider what a Lyft driver might be going through. You're like having like a life shaping crisis. And I just get in like, airport, look.

[Matt McCarthy]

Oh, no water. You don't have anything I can charge my phone with? Wow. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

These are the things you must get all the time.

[Matt McCarthy]

And the. Because it was the one thing that I wanted was like, at least maybe I can get a passenger. I can make a couple bucks.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

Now I get a passenger and I'm like, mad. Oh, fuck this. Yeah. So I'm like, all right, I'll go pick this guy up. And lots of times, because if I was going to drive during the Day, like, driving at night. It's a lot of drunk people, and you're up late, you can make some decent money. But I'm also like, I don't need the aggravation, you know? I'm not. I might as well be. I don't know what. But if I drive during the day, there's still a lot of people going somewhere. It's a lot of people going to and from doctor's appointments.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, is that right?

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah. And so I pick up this one guy from clearly some sort of doctor's appointment, and this guy had a lot of problems. You know, that's the best I'll say. Guy had a lot of problems.

[Pete Holmes]

Did he have, like, the temporary glasses, the sunglasses?

[Matt McCarthy]

He had. He was. It was. It was. It was just clear. As soon as he started talking to me, I was like, all right, this guy's got.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh. Mental problems.

[Matt McCarthy]

He's just got problems.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Matt McCarthy]

A lot of problems.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. And.

[Matt McCarthy]

I'm playing music in the car and, like, Pearl Jam is on or something, you know? And he's like, oh, is this Pearl Jam? I'm like, yeah. He's like, oh, wow. I love Pearl Jam. You know who I also really used to love? Nirvana. And I'm like, I've got. In my head. I'm like, I've got a phone with every song in the world.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

I'll put on some Nirvana. I'll throw this guy a bone.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

And I start playing Nirvana. And he's talking, and all of a sudden, like, it takes a. Like a minute or two for it.

[Pete Holmes]

To hit him that we're listening to Nirvana.

[Matt McCarthy]

He, like, stops mid sentence and he goes, did you just put on Nirvana? Did you just put on Nirvana for me? Oh, you're such a nice man. And now I'm like. Now I feel, like 2 inches tall. So I'm like, fucking. What am I fucking complaining about?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

And then he hits me with this. He goes, wow. Do you get to just drive around all day and listen to music? Wow. And I'm like, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So I got this guy all wrong. I thought, you're gonna be like, oh, he's so annoying. He was reframing everything. Your take.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

On reality.

[Matt McCarthy]

And then I drop him off at, like, whatever kind of, you know, group home he lived at. He's like, oh, thank you so much. And it was like.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, that's. It.

[Matt McCarthy]

That's. I have. I am.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm gonna borrow this guy's perspective for.

[Matt McCarthy]

The rest of my life.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Amazing.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

What A gift.

[Matt McCarthy]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, I, I used to do that when I was a waiter. I was like, any music, any, any job where you're listening to music can't be that bad. Cause you're listening to the PA all day. You're with people all day. Sometimes I have a hard flight, like, come whatever from Toronto back home, five and a half hours, and I'm like, just sitting in a chair. You know what I mean? Those little tweaks, like. Right, it's just sitting in a chair.

[Matt McCarthy]

No, it's please. Legitimate.

[Pete Holmes]

You're just sitting in a chair. Yeah, it's okay. Wow, that's really beautiful.

[Matt McCarthy]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

And then this was a. So you got your reshaped, you're getting yourself together.

[Matt McCarthy]

And then the pandemic hits.

[Pete Holmes]

And then the.

[Matt McCarthy]

Wow. But again, it was still like, you know, the, the stimulus money was a huge help. The. Even, even Conan, like, it was like I was the first person they reached out to. They're like, okay, here's what we're going to do. We're going to email you the script. Wardrobe and props are going to drop off stuff in your driveway. You shoot this yourself on your phone.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Matt McCarthy]

Send us the files. And I actually have a. Because Glennis was still working at the time. And I actually. And I'm just home alone with Jack and he's like, you know, four or five at this point. And I have a. Because I'm like, how the fuck am I gonna shoot this with. With a 5 year old? I'm like, he's not gonna stay quiet, so I made him a part of it. I'm like, okay, Jack, you're gonna be my director. You need to say action. And then when we're done, you say, and cute. And in between, like, you be quiet. You watch me do it. Okay. And so that. This is the footage I sent them to Conan.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

And one of the editors made me a super cut of all the interactions with me and Jack.

[Pete Holmes]

Cute.

[Matt McCarthy]

It's so great.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God.

[Matt McCarthy]

Like, literally the first, the very first take, he's just like, action. And before I even start talking. And cut. Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, then the pandemic. I'm trying to get to the. Well, I'm not trying to get anywhere, but like, you're starting to do this inner work. You're starting to reframe how you're looking at the world. You've had this humbling. But then even more importantly, like a shifting of perspective.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then.

[Matt McCarthy]

And the pandemic itself was its own, like 2020 was hard 2021 was even hard. Just stuff going on in the family and just the dynamic and then all of it. And then I didn't even know that you were involved in how we roll. I just got the audition, and I approached it. It's so funny. I kept thinking about. It's funny we mentioned New Faces. I approached it the same way I did with my New Faces audition, where I'm like. Like, I'm not gonna book this. I don't care if I book this. I just want to do a really good audition.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

You know, work among workers. Just, like, take action, leave the results.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

You know, because if I don't book this thing, there's no bitterness on my. It has nothing to do with what I did.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah. You did your part.

[Matt McCarthy]

I was not the right person, clearly, because I just nailed it. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

And so we did it, me and Glenn, and it was a different part, too. It was the boss who fires Tom.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, really? Okay.

[Matt McCarthy]

Was what I auditioned for and then wound up getting it. Doing a different part.

[Pete Holmes]

Carl.

[Matt McCarthy]

Carl. I didn't. I. It wasn't until I got. I don't even think it was until I got the call sheet for the.

[Pete Holmes]

Gig that you knew I was in it.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, no way.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah. Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. And, yeah, of course I told them to look at you.

[Matt McCarthy]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, I'm pretty sure I was trying to just be like, we should just get Matt. But then they made you go through the hoops.

[Matt McCarthy]

Well, because. And. And trust me, I. Because I have. We both have so many friends who've been on shows, like, shows that didn't go, shows that got canceled, shows that have run forever. And it's like, it is not. Trust me. Anybody listening? It is not as simple as just Pete says, hire this guy.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, no, no. There's a whole protocol.

[Matt McCarthy]

There are so many people to go through.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Matt McCarthy]

At cbs.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Matt McCarthy]

The network.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah. It doesn't matter.

[Matt McCarthy]

It doesn't. It doesn't matter.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, no.

[Matt McCarthy]

You know.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. No. I've had friendship turbulence with a number of people, of course, where they didn't believe that I couldn't just say, give him.

[Matt McCarthy]

Rachel Dratch was supposed to be on 30 Rock.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, well, she was quite a bit.

[Matt McCarthy]

But she was supposed to be.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, Jenna Maroney.

[Matt McCarthy]

Jenna Moroney.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, no way.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. Yeah, yeah. And then she was just. She was a recurring person. Right, I see.

[Matt McCarthy]

Exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

So, yeah, we did. How we roll. And when. When did we get to that first gig that we did together? I'm trying to Remember? I don't. I feel like it was in like San Diego or something. Like it was somewhere.

[Matt McCarthy]

It was in San Diego and it was honestly driving down there and I, I did my set and was still in a place of like, I'm so scared to death of performing. Like, I'm like, stand up. You know, because this probably would have been in 2022 or 2023. Yeah, I think 2023, maybe. And I was just like, God, I'm just uncomfortable. I'm uncomfortable with myself. I don't. I haven't written any new jokes. I'm just doing old stuff that maybe it kind of works. And I'm like, just. All I wanted to do was just get through my time and get off stage. I. But I remember specifically in the middle of that set, looking at some dude in the front who was just dead faced.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, no.

[Matt McCarthy]

And thinking, really thinking the thought, maybe I don't like doing stand up comedy anymore.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, to your point, at this time in your career, you were a little bit lost. Like, there was no alt scene. No, you didn't understandably. Believe me, nobody understands more than me not wanting to like, just go and schmooze at some club and just kind of like. It's just. We're grown men. We're. We're fathers. It's hard to just go and hang at a club, you know, and try and ingratiate yourself to a whole other. It's overwhelming. So. Right.

[Matt McCarthy]

I mean, I just have no desire. I'm like, I don't. I. I was, I was at the point where I'm like, I don't want to do stand up so badly that I'm just gonna fucking, you know, try and like fake my way into some other scene. I'm like. Because it never. Because it never felt like that way to begin with. Like in New York. Like, I didn't know that there was an alt scene scene.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

I didn't even know that I was part of a scene until it ended. I was like. I was like, oh, I just thought we were just comics doing shows.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

You know, you were in the alt scene. Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And, yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

And. And that was. I was never like. Because I remember like doing like some show at like Stand Up New York and some, some just being like, oh, so are you an alt comic?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

And I was like, I guess, because I don't take the train all the way up here.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

Like, I just take the L train to 14th street and do shows. Like, what? Like, yeah, it was. Anyway.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. But so you were, like, on the verge of quitting during the set 100.

[Matt McCarthy]

I was like. I was like, oh, I don't think I enjoy this because I don't think I know how to do this.

[Pete Holmes]

I remember this. I told Val that you were doing it, and I was really hoping that it would go well. Not that it was an audition, but I was already in my mind going, this. This was after our tombstone moment. And I was like, matt's again, Nothing wrong with it. But I was like, I didn't like that you were getting recognized while you're driving around Lyft. I'm like, this is one of the funniest, most talented people I've ever known in my life. I was like, okay, let's do this gig. And both Val and I were kind of. I wouldn't say nervous, but we were aware. We were like, I really hope this works. Yeah, right. I don't know if you felt that way, but I was like, are you kidding? I didn't know if you were looking at it that way. I was in a very chill way. I wasn't sitting by the stage with notes. But I was like, please, even if you're a C minus, we'll give this a go. You know what I mean? I was like, can he do it? Not just comedy, but, like, summon the will to do the scary thing of being vulnerable and trying and going for it and seeing if you can get it. It's risky.

[Matt McCarthy]

Well, I just to jump ahead slightly, because then the next gig we did was Houston.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

Which was much more of that. Like, I remember that first night, that Thursday, just being in the backstage in Houston. In Houston and thinking, oh, no. Like, I'm like, I. I don't know if I can do this. Like, I. Like, I really felt like I've lied to get the gig.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

And now I have to do the gig. And I'm like, I don't.

[Pete Holmes]

And I remember it's real shit.

[Matt McCarthy]

You specifically said to me. You're like. And this was not. This was totally unsolicited. You just want. Can I. Can I give you a few pointers? And I'm like, please, please. And it was just small things, like, you know, say something up top so that they all clap at once, you know, or, like, you know, mention the. They like to know that you're in the town. That you're in the town, even if.

[Pete Holmes]

You just say Houston.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

And then I think also you were a little nervous, too, because we'd never been to that club before, and you didn't know that? It was like. I remember that it was like. It's because it's. It's. It's in like a strip mall, you.

[Pete Holmes]

Know, for some reason. Yes. I. I opened by talking about how my wife lived in Texarkana. Like, I really felt like I had to, like, ingratiate myself.

[Matt McCarthy]

Right, right, right.

[Pete Holmes]

To Texas.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know what now we go there. Been there a bunch of times together. And we love it.

[Matt McCarthy]

I love that.

[Pete Holmes]

But the first time I did it, I was like, trying to, like, pander and be like, I know you guys, I've been to Texas before.

[Matt McCarthy]

South.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Totally unnecessary. But. Yes.

[Matt McCarthy]

But then we got through that weekend and I remember maybe even that first night, but, like, you were like, that was as good as anybody could do in this.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

Situation or environment or whatever it was.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

However you put it. It. But like, Houston, the Houston improv in particular is such a special place for me because it was like walking through that unimaginable fear of like, oh, this is the scary thing that I was scared of. And it's working.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what this story is earmarked with at every turn is like precipices.

[Matt McCarthy]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Being in a place and on the other side of something, someplace you want to go is this, like, really scary furnace, like, feeling. And he just kept eating them one after another. We tried to make it as pleasant as possible, but it wasn't uncourageous of you.

[Matt McCarthy]

But. Well, going back to San Diego, I was done. Like, I came off stage and I was like, yeah. I mean, it was nice of Pete to let me do this and, you know, I'll get a couple bucks. But I was just like, I. I don't know how to do stand up comedy anymore. Like, it was really how I felt. And then you went on stage and you did your hour, and I just sat there in the wings watching the whole show. And I. I've told you this before, but it's like, it gave me that rush of. I suddenly remembered what it felt like to have fun doing stand up.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

And watching you do it. And I was like, oh, wait, I remember.

[Pete Holmes]

Do I remember? You remembered yourself.

[Matt McCarthy]

I remembered how I suddenly remembered that feeling.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

And especially getting the perspective of, like, be, like, being able to see behind you and see the audience. And like just that POV of it.

[Pete Holmes]

Was almost like I was reminding you of your feeling, though. Isn't that funny?

[Matt McCarthy]

100.

[Pete Holmes]

Because I told you when you told me that, that when I was during the pandemic. For most of it, I just didn't do stand up.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then there was this outdoor show, and I went through exactly what you went through. I was like, I don't know if I can do this. Like, I just felt really shaky. Been, like, let's say it was six months, maybe a year since I performed. And now it's like this big kind of jacked up show. Like, kind of juiced up crowd, great lineup. It's like Jeselnik and probably Burr. And I'm on after Andrew Santino, who I didn't even know at the time. Now he and I are friends, but I was watching him. Or maybe I went up. No, no, no. He went up first, and I watched him, and I just saw a free person, like, someone who wasn't afraid and someone who was having fun and someone who was, like, celebrating and green lighting their thoughts and their feelings, which is what standup can be really beautiful at. If it's great, if it's funny, but if you're really seeing someone, just be like, I'm not embarrassed. I had this thought, Isn't that weird? And the crowd is laughing, and it. I told him as such. As such. I was like. It reminded me of, like, what this all is. So I've had that exact same thing happen. They're showing you. You. They're reminding you that you used to dance like this. And it can go away. Stand up can, like, atrophy and crumble really quickly. And then you see a set, and I'm so honored that that was me for you, because Santino did it for you. And people throughout my whole career have done it where you're like, that looks like. That doesn't look like afraid.

[Matt McCarthy]

I took a picture. I still have the picture.

[Pete Holmes]

Really?

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, wow.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah. Just to remember, I was like, I need to, like, grab this and keep it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because then we started really touring.

[Matt McCarthy]

And then that. These past few years, you know, especially that first year, too, where it was like. Then I suddenly was like, okay, I'm gonna write new jokes and try them.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

And it was so frightening and so freeing to not just do things and be like, oh, wait, I do know how to write jokes. These work. The freedom in trying something, and it didn't work. And I didn't turn to dust and fly away.

[Pete Holmes]

Because you're getting, like, road strong. You're getting just, like, reps, Right? I don't go to the gym, but, like, I get to say reps in this case. But it's true. Like, it's funny. I remember when I was doing Crashing Judd was like, you're gonna get better at acting because nobody ever gets to act. Like, you're just gonna get to act right every day.

[Matt McCarthy]

That'll be acting. When we did the pilot for How We Roll, I remember Mark Rowe saying, like, where did you come from? Like, how did. Like, yeah, you're really good at this. And I was like, he's like, do you do theater? I was like, no. I mean, like, I came up doing stand up, but I totally accredited it to doing Conan because, like, the live sketches in front of the live. Live audience.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Kept you in that live way.

[Matt McCarthy]

100.

[Pete Holmes]

And now we do it. And it really is just about, like, doing a lot of comedy. There's just. No, I'm very old school in that way. Like, the criticisms I have, if I'm watching a specialist, I'm just like, they should have done that joke a hundred more times. And now we're like, we do it.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And you're also on the clock, just like I am. Meaning we've gone to cities, and we've gone back to cities, and then we've gone back to cities.

[Matt McCarthy]

There was that first time you texted me, you were like, you know where we were in the city before last year. I just want to make sure.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Matt McCarthy]

You know, there might be a lot of the people who've already heard the jokes you did last year. And I was like. And I did not take it as an insult. It was a relief because I was like, pete, I already had the same thought. Yeah, I have stuff prepared.

[Pete Holmes]

That's it. Like, we gotta switch it up. Or like, I'm. I'm worried it won't work. You know what I mean? Nobody wants to see the same show.

[Matt McCarthy]

100.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

But it's also. It's like it. But. But what a gift to me of like, well, now you have to.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

Come up with new.

[Pete Holmes]

No, that's. That's to me. Stand up. The whole thing is now you've got to, like, you want to be a writer. Great. As a stand up. Now you've got to. Or you'll buy. Like, you have to work on it. Oh, you want to write new. Well, now you have to, because you're going back to Denver. You have to write a new hour.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

In fact, you. You're so much better at remembering than I am. We'll go back. I think it was Arizona. And you were like, it feels like we were just here. I said to you, and you were like, yeah, we were here, like, 10 months ago.

[Matt McCarthy]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then I looked up my set list from that time, and it was the. Pretty much the same.

[Matt McCarthy]

You're like, oh, thank God it was that day.

[Pete Holmes]

And I, of course, I swapped in all this new stuff, and it was great. That was a particularly great weekend. But I was like, oh, shit. Like, I guess these jokes are ready and you. And you gotta rotate it out.

[Matt McCarthy]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Hello, I'm James Corden, and on my new show, this Life of Mine, I sit down each week with some of the most fascinating people on planet Earth. From Dr. Dre to Julianne Moore to David Beckham to Cynthia Erivo to Martin Scorsese to Jeremy Renner to Denzel Washington to Kim Kardashian. We talk about the people, places, possessions, music, and memories that made them who they are. These are intimate conversations full of stories that you've never heard before. This Life of Mine premieres October 21st, wherever you get your podcasts. But that. That it's been a really beautiful journey to becoming roommates again.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Through. See.

[Matt McCarthy]

Oh, well, that's what I was gonna say is because I've never felt more comfortable on stage because it really. This time I've really gotten to know myself. Because in life, I've never felt more like myself and got to know myself. So now I'm actually on stage instead of just trying to be funny or. Especially like those first 10 years where I was just trying to be outrageous.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

Because I had nothing else. I remember a manager, an ex manager, saying to me once, yeah, you're really funny, but I don't know who the fuck you are. And that was like the.

[Pete Holmes]

I felt someone say that to me, too.

[Matt McCarthy]

I was so exposed in that moment because I was like, oh, well, fuck, I don't fucking know who the fuck I am.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm in that school where people. Look, it doesn't have to do with age necessarily, because some people just knew themselves.

[Matt McCarthy]

Sure.

[Pete Holmes]

Right away it seemed prodigies, but, like, I think it's. I'm way Funnier in my 40s than I was in my 30s. And I love those specials.

[Matt McCarthy]

Sure.

[Pete Holmes]

But I'm like, oh, now I actually know. You don't know. You don't know what you actually feel or what you actually think. And now it's like you get older and you're just like, that's. That's how I feel. That's how I think. I know right away.

[Matt McCarthy]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

And what I like about our relationship is like. Like, you know, you're always just giving me a tag or saying, oh, you said that differently, and I'll do it for you. And it. But it's very casual. But it's like. It's like being like. It's like sort of like a marriage, I guess. We don't really talk about comedy all the time, but every once in a while, like, just last night I was like, oh, you should say, your wife is standing.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And you're like, I'll try it. And then you do it.

[Matt McCarthy]

It's so great.

[Pete Holmes]

I get a little pride because I'm like, it worked. Sometimes it doesn't work.

[Matt McCarthy]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

I've pitched you a bunch of stuff, and I'm, like, listening, and it doesn't work. And I'm like, whoops, whoops, a doodle. Sorry about that. And. And it's just. I don't know. The other thing I've noticed with you is, like. And. And I'm not complaining, but, like, as I get more in touch with my feelings, like, doing standup on the road is stressful. Nobody really talks about that because it's kind of like Andy Kaufman in Taxi. Nobody wants you to complain about your dream job.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But one of the things that I've noticed is, like. Like, having you with me has made it so much better. It's. It's like, I think, like, whenever I read Steve Martin, when I read Steve Martin's book, he was so depressed, and he even says, like, I could have brought friends with me. And I'm like, yeah, you could have brought friends with you. I don't understand. And so many people will cut costs by, like, oh, I'll use a local. And there's nothing wrong with that. That's part of the ecosystem as well. But now that I'm, like, at a place where I'm like, I want these routines, I want it nice and calm. I want to go to, like, a VHS store with you. Go have some dinner. Go do the show. And it's. And, like, it's sometimes highlighted by the fact that sometimes the clubs don't know that we don't want an emcee.

[Matt McCarthy]

Right?

[Pete Holmes]

And they'll be an emcee. And I'll just be like, oh, man, I'm so, like, in this cozy way. And the MCs are always great, but, like, we just want our routine.

[Matt McCarthy]

It changes. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It just makes it so much better because I've had. Not to be weird, but, like, you're not the only opener I've brought. And people are like, why do you do that? Like, you could do that. And I'm like, don't, don't. This is our life.

[Matt McCarthy]

Is why. I mean, it's like you could have a restaurant that's just using, like, Cisco frozen food. Or you can. Yes. This is local, like farm fresh ingredients.

[Pete Holmes]

And it's a real thing, and it's a real. It's a real friendship, and it's really, really beautiful. And it's been great to just watch you killing it and thriving in this way.

[Matt McCarthy]

Thank you.

[Pete Holmes]

Did you tell the story? I don't think you did. Do you think last time you were on, you told the story about being in a fight with Glennis, your wife, and then they got in the car. Do you remember this?

[Matt McCarthy]

I do. No, I do remember this. Did I tell this story? I might have. I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

I hope not.

[Matt McCarthy]

Anybody who's out there, it's like, don't.

[Pete Holmes]

Tell that great story again.

[Matt McCarthy]

Richard Harris was on one of the last episodes of the Tonight show with Johnny Carson.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

And Johnny said to him, tell that story about when you were. About you and o'. Toole. And he's like, but I've told that story already. And he's like, 26 years ago, Richard.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right. This was eight years ago.

[Matt McCarthy]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Who cares? I'm sorry. Because it's kind of an embarrassing story, but I used to talk about it all the time and it kills me.

[Matt McCarthy]

We were.

[Pete Holmes]

You have to. Not to give you a note, but you have to nail the emotion of it. Like, the fact. Go ahead. That you were, like, about to reconcile. I think that's.

[Matt McCarthy]

So this is why it was probably. I probably. I definitely didn't tell the story on the air last time because it probably had, like, just this happened.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

You know, I still hadn't found the humor in it yet.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. And I think this is one of the things we're good at pulling out of each other. Like. Yeah, that thing. Oh, that's the bit.

[Matt McCarthy]

I will tell you a story sometimes, and your reaction will be the verbatim sentence. If you're not talking about this on stage, you're an idiot.

[Pete Holmes]

You're an idiot. Yeah, yeah. Like, I can't wait.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You told me the I can't wait story. At PF Chang, a guy ran into a bathroom screaming, I can't wait. And I'm dying laughing. And I'm like, what are you doing?

[Matt McCarthy]

I know. I'm like. And every time, I'm like, oh, fuck, he's right.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, this story is one of those.

[Matt McCarthy]

The proposal story, too.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yep.

[Matt McCarthy]

This is one of them. So we were. This was in my first year of sobriety, and, like, we were. I only count that first year in sobriety as, like, one instance of we almost got divorced because it was like. Like, it's. It's like an amalgam of every. We're about to get divorced into one. Yeah, it was so many times. It was so volatile, you know?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

And like I said, I was on the couch. I was back in the bed. I was, you know, at my buddy's place. It was. You know, it was a mess. We didn't know what to do. We were both so raw, you know, and then, you know, and Glennis herself wound up getting sober as well. But this was a. An olive branch that she really extended to me. And she said, well, me and Jack are gonna go to Target, and he's probably one and a half, like, 18 months or, you know, do you want to come to Target with us?

[Pete Holmes]

Olive Bridge. It's like the story of Us. There's a movie called the Story of Us and Michelle Pfeiffer's sister, Bruce Willis. Do you want to come with us to Chow Funds? It's a restaurant.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't say Chow Funds if you don't mean Chow Funds because it means, like, you're open to getting back together.

[Matt McCarthy]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

So you had your. Like, don't say Target if you don't mean Target.

[Matt McCarthy]

And I'm like, target. That's. That's where families go.

[Pete Holmes]

And you're saying, I will go with you to Target.

[Matt McCarthy]

I will. I will go with you to Target. I will be a husband to you. I will be a father to him.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Matt McCarthy]

You know, push our wedding rings together. Form of a healthy couple.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Matt McCarthy]

And she's like, okay, let me go put Jack in his car seat. And I'm like, all right, I'm just gonna run to the bathroom. I run into the bathroom, and as soon as the door to the bathroom closes, my first thought is, well, clearly, this is the perfect time to masturbate.

[Pete Holmes]

Look, as someone who understands in solidarity that masturbation is often an anxiety reduction technique. Like, it has nothing to do with, like, I just feel it. In fact, it often means the opposite. Like, you don't feel embodied or horny or erotic. You're just panicking, and you just want to calm down or something.

[Matt McCarthy]

Maybe I never thought of it that way.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. That's how I always took this story.

[Matt McCarthy]

You, you, you, you. You may have nailed it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

You know, but I'm just like, it's.

[Pete Holmes]

Time to jerk it.

[Matt McCarthy]

I'm like. I'm like, I. I gotta jerk off. I gotta do so. I don't know why. I don't know why.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

So, like, I. I take out my phone and I just pull up a video, and, like, I'm like. Cause usually, like, you look for the perfect video. And, like, I've had this.

[Pete Holmes]

The rush job.

[Matt McCarthy]

This was like, the homepage. I'm just on the homepage. I just pull up a rush job and, like, there's no sound on the video, but I'm like, I. I can't be picky. I just gotta get this done. They. They are waiting for me in the car. Stop it. Stop it. So I get it done. I put my phone away. No, I didn't. I still have my phone, but I start putting my shoes on.

[Pete Holmes]

Always take your shoes off to jerk it. Little thing. You need the grip.

[Matt McCarthy]

Putting on my coat. Putting on my shoes. My phone pings. It's Glennis. I assume she's going to be like, hey, hurry up. We're ready.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

The text from Glennis says, she wrote, the word.

[Pete Holmes]

Is worse than. We need to talk.

[Matt McCarthy]

The Bluetooth on your phone connected to the radio in the car.

[Pete Holmes]

Ladies and gentlemen, the Bluetooth on the phone connected to the radio in the car.

[Matt McCarthy]

So we're gonna go to Target without.

[Pete Holmes]

You because it sounds like you already have some friends over.

[Matt McCarthy]

And. And I'm like, yeah. Like, I'm on her side. Like, I'm like, yeah. I've got thinking to do.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm forever dead with that story.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Forever dead.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I told you. I think I told you once. I was like, I would milk it and just be like, my wife and my baby are in a car. And they just hear like, oh, no. She's like, whoops.

[Matt McCarthy]

Here's the crazy thing, too. Here's like, the. Like, is it odd or is a God thing where it's like, we were sharing a car at the time? Her phone was, like, number one on the call sheet for the Bluetooth.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

My phone never.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

Never connected to the fucking radio in the car.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know why, but sometimes the universe is like, we gotta break this thing's neck.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

First.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like when a doctor Re. Breaks your bone right before you heal it.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like, let's really.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

We thought we were at the bottom. Let's go a little bit lower. And then let the healing begin.

[Matt McCarthy]

So, like, they went. I remember I called my friend, like, one of my best friends and he was just like. Like, laughing, but like, dude, I'm sorry. Like, I was already la. He's like. He's like, you're gonna. I know that this is awful, but you're gonna think this is really funny someday.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. And we do. I mean, I find it to be hilarious.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And it was actually at a time. Now I feel like there's more like Bluetooth mishaps in. I've seen it in movies, I've seen it in tv. When you told me that story the first time, I didn't see it coming at all. And I was like, that can happen. It's fucking crazy. The other thing that I say all the time. But one of the ways that you've helped me soften something that I didn't know, you know, I've also stopped drinking. I'm not entirely sober, but I don't drink and I rarely use weed. But whatever. That's really helped me. And, like, I also realized you helped me with my, like, status addiction. I had, like, a pretty good. You and I talk about this all the time. That fame is. Is a mental illness.

[Matt McCarthy]

That's what Glenna says. Fame is a mental illness.

[Pete Holmes]

It is. And. And money is. This is not new, but it's an addiction. It'. Why are we. Why did you do that? You didn't need the money. Why are you doing it? It's like. It's because they can't stop doing cocaine. I don't mean literally. It's like it's its own addiction. And I'm saying that I've in times in my life, and it took a while to get over a status addiction, just like a specialness addiction. Just like a. But the moment I. You know what I'm going to say, because I know it really. It was a. It was a little wake up for me, and it's when you were technically working for me. You know what I mean?

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So it makes it ballsier. You said it.

[Matt McCarthy]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

And better. You mentioned that you were going out with a group of friends, and you mentioned, like, four comics.

[Matt McCarthy]

And the comics, I think I might have even used that word where I was like. I was like, oh, I'm meeting up with a couple of comics.

[Pete Holmes]

And I was like, who?

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

This is in front of everybody.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm at this time really getting off, that I'm, like, having dinner with Conan and fucking being a special boy. But I'm embarrassed to say that to you now. What? You know what? Val and I say now all the time. We're like, there's nothing on the other side of that door. There's no substance. I'm not saying Conan. I'm just saying, like, there's the Hollywood party. You'll never. And anybody at these Hollywood parties will agree with me. Oh, you go to the Vanity Fair party, which is this notorious party. It's just a bunch of lights and no mirrors. You know what I'm saying? It's like, there's nobody there to tell you that you're valuable. So everyone's just confused and looking for Taylor Swift. Is she here? Can she tell me? She knows who I am. It's a very lonely feeling. Unless you're Taylor Swift, I guess. But even her, I'm sure she's like, that was low empty calories. So anyway, I said. You said, I won't say who the comics were, but you said these three people. And I went, that's a good group. Like, full John Lovitz. Yeah, just go, that's a good group. And you just went. Not enough credits for you, Pete. Meaning they haven't done enough things. Like, they're not in enough movies. And at that time in my life.

[Matt McCarthy]

They have no value.

[Pete Holmes]

They have no value. And I didn't even. I swear to God. That was like a turning point joke in my life where it didn't happen right away, but it planted a seed where I started. Part of my healing, to help us come back to one another was going like, oh, wait, how did I believe my own hype? How did I believe that? Like, if I'm hanging out with this person who's made this movie, they're better. They're better people. And your group that night, not enough creds. It was a good group. And I was like, oh, I'm so up my own ass. And I'm just really glad. I think it has to do with not drinking and facing those feelings of inadequacy and fear. And it has a lot to do with having a family and just not caring about gift bags or, you know, who got first class to Montreal or whatever it is that I can just be a human person. And now I. I don't. It's not that I'm ashamed of that guy, but, like, that joke helped me go away. I'm in a trance. I didn't know it right. Right away.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But slowly I was going, like. Like, it's not just alcohol. It's, like, ripping lines of better than.

[Matt McCarthy]

It makes me think of one of my favorite analogies. I heard about sobriety and then living sober is. You're driving a car really fast. And when the day you get sober, you press on the brakes. Like, you slam on the brakes.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

And then all this stuff that's in the back seat.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

Comes flying forward.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

And then there's a process of going through one thing at a time. You just pick up something from the dashboard. Do I need this? Don't I? And then discarding them. And it takes a while, but you can slowly. One thing at a time. All that stuff that you've been avoiding throwing in the back seat. I'll deal with that later. I'll feel that later.

[Pete Holmes]

You kicked up some sediment. It's here now.

[Matt McCarthy]

Now it's here. And I gotta do something with it.

[Pete Holmes]

I remember Richard Rohrer talks about sobriety. And he's not an alcoholic, but he's like, we're all addicts. Cause we're all addicted to our own way of thinking.

[Matt McCarthy]

Oh, sure. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I was like, oh, my God.

[Matt McCarthy]

It's too bad they named alcoholism after the drinking part of it, because it confuses a lot of people. Because for me, it's having three trash cans and two lids. Like, I'm like, okay, this is covered. Oh, shit. Now I got like, there's always going to be something.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, it's just how it manifests.

[Matt McCarthy]

Because that's why, like, when I bottomed out, it was on, like, sex. You know, it was on lust and, like, cheating on my spouse. And it was just like, that was. That was the last, you know, thing where it was like, oh, this is a new drug I found. This is my new favorite addiction.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. Yeah, right, right. And to, like, renew your mind. It sounds sort of biblical, but, like, to. To change how you're. To rewire your brain.

[Matt McCarthy]

That's.

[Pete Holmes]

It takes a lot of effort. Yeah. And one of my lids was like, am I special? But then, you know, it's what's funny about show business, is it? Especially my level of show business, which is not, you know, Daniel Day Lewis or what I'm trying to think of. Super fan. It's not Timothy Chalamet.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So if you're my level, it happened even during crashing. I remember going on a green. Green carpet, red carpet at. I know. At an HBO event. So people are walking the carpet and all these pictures are being taken. And I swear to God, I walked out and everyone stopped taking pictures. And this is when my show was on. And it's an HBO event. And you don't know what it's like to walk out and be like.

[Matt McCarthy]

Bueller.

[Pete Holmes]

They must be reloading or something.

[Matt McCarthy]

Oh, they want a fresh roll of film.

[Pete Holmes]

But what's funny is, and I know you'll relate to this, you don't. Don't think they're reloading. You go, they're not taking pictures. And you realize you've been. You've been going to the hardware store for milk.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You thought the pictures would make you. It's. It's a gift.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

To not. I've told this a million times, but I love it every time I think about it. There was a billboard for crashing on my ride home. And I would see it driving home every day. It was like, right by my house. Big billboard for crashing.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God, there it is. It's my show. And then one day I'm driving and instead it's for T Mobile and it says four free cell phones. And I was like, I'm. Four free cell phones. Like, that's no more or less valuable than that. It's just for. I was just the four free cell phones that month.

[Matt McCarthy]

Would it be so funny if you drove by and I'm on the ledge, like, drawing a giant mustache or a big dick. A big dick.

[Pete Holmes]

We teach it because we can reach it.

[Matt McCarthy]

Crashing into my own dick every day, man. You know, you reminded me, like, we went because I was in the movie Companion this year streaming on HBO Max and edit that out. And going to the premiere was a trip because I'm like. Like, it's a small cast, but I'm just. I'm not one of the stars of the movie, you know?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

And going. Watching it and then the little after party, which was like. It was fun being special, but not special, you know, really, really feeling. Feeling like a worker among workers. But like.

[Pete Holmes]

I know what you mean.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

The. I'm shooting that movie in Toronto currently on number, like four. And I'm like, like on the call sheet. The whole thing is.

[Matt McCarthy]

The whole thing.

[Pete Holmes]

Status. Fuck. It's like, you're number four.

[Matt McCarthy]

Let's just work stuff. Like, it's just. That's. That's what it is.

[Pete Holmes]

It's senior vice president.

[Matt McCarthy]

That's all.

[Pete Holmes]

That's all it is. I'm the senior vice president of the movie. But, like, I've actually found that the sweetest spot is those low pressure. Do your job, do it phenomenally. And you're not so exhausted. You can be kind to everyone. You can learn more names when you're number one and you're writing it or whatever it is.

[Matt McCarthy]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

You're burnt. You're toast. Number four playing grab ass all day. Sounds nice.

[Matt McCarthy]

Like, I, like, I was just like, let's just go say hi to Jack, to Sophie, to Lucas, you know, the director. Drew. Writer. Director. And, like, I just want to say hi. You were fucking amazing, you know, and then.

[Pete Holmes]

Sorry, I'm thinking of David Lynch. Fucking sand. Keep going. I guess I'll just fuck the beat. Sorry. I just need.

[Matt McCarthy]

You want to do something right, you've.

[Pete Holmes]

Got to do it yourself. There's a crab in there. It's working for me. Give it a pinch. Never.

[Matt McCarthy]

Cut. Oh, I'm so sad he's dead. He's the fucking best.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yes.

[Matt McCarthy]

My favorite part of that was being at the premiere was like, you know what? If I was a star of the movie, that would be nice. That. That's. But I'm so content just being. You know what? And me and Glennis, we said hi to everybody.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

Talked for two seconds.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

And then went over. Got like. There was a buffet and we're just sitting off to the side, like, sitting on, like a. Like a stone slab, just eating these tacos and shit.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

And just being like, now, let's leave, buddy. And the best part, too, was running into Zach Kreger outside.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Matt McCarthy]

Who was just like. I was like, dude, thank you so much. Because the story I heard was because he peed that movie.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

Was that when they were looking at audition tapes, he saw me and goes, oh, wait, I know that guy.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

Do this.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, great.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Fantastic. What a men.

[Matt McCarthy]

But let me tell you, the real spiritual experience for me, like, like, the. The premiere was. I don't give a shit. Like, I. I'm good. What was crazy for me was the day before going to Macy's and, like, asking somebody who works there for help. Like, I have an important work event tomorrow. I need a new outfit. Like, I. Will you please help me? Like, I'm gonna try on clothes that fit. I'm gonna buy a new shirt. Like, I went and got a haircut.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

And like, you know, the guy like, put, like, wax in my ears and up my nose.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

You know.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

Nice.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah. Cleaned you up.

[Matt McCarthy]

And it was like. That was. That was more difficult than, you know, the photographers being like, matthew, Matthew, Matthew, Matthew. You know? Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

They have a picture of you.

[Matt McCarthy]

It was like being like, where's. Where's my worth? Really?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

You know, and. And. And being like, I'm going to go buy clothes that fit.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

And go into this. So uncomfortable because I'm. I'm a piece of shit. I Shouldn't have clothes that fit.

[Pete Holmes]

Right, Right.

[Matt McCarthy]

You know, and.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, and then you've taught me that, too. That's another great lesson you've given me, is I have a really hard time listening. I improvise a lot on stage, and I got to listen to my sets and write down, take notes, and it sucks.

[Matt McCarthy]

It.

[Pete Holmes]

It doesn't suck. It's just. It takes effort and it's uncomfortable. Even after 25 years, it's still hard to listen to yourself. But you were like, it's self care.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yep.

[Pete Holmes]

It's not work. It's actually helping you. It's doing something kind for yourself and.

[Matt McCarthy]

The obstacle, which can feel very difficult.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. You have to go. No, I deserve to feel comfortable on stage and remember the lines, and then you can get in. The audience deserves to hear those lines, those good lines that you work.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah. Like.

[Pete Holmes]

But it helps you. It's. For you. That's. That's another thing. You've helped me. Yeah, I love that. What was I going to say about, oh, you and Glennis eating tacos? And it's not just romantic relationship.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But it's finding the dairy farm. It's like, don't go to the hardware store for milk. Go to the dairy for mill.

[Matt McCarthy]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

And when you find. It could be a friend, it could be a pet, it could be a hobby. I don't know what it is. It could be a book. You find the thing that really fulfills you, that has substance. In your case, it's Glennis. In my case, it is in large part Valerie and, of course, Leela. Yeah, we went and did some really cool, like, hip show, and. But we went to dinner before, and it was just. She and I, we've been together over 12 years, you know, but it's still brag. That was the night it wasn't. And then we went and did the show, and then it was like some really big people were coming to close the show, and I went on, like, second, and then we're standing in the back, me and Val, and I was like, should we. Should we go? I think she might have even said, should we go? And I was like, I've never been more in love with you. Because, look, I'm not saying shows aren't fun, but we had already gotten what we came for, and I wasn't looking, looking. And if I'm being honest, talk about, like, the remnants of that ego is it's, yes, that performer is going to come and perform. Or is it. Do you think they're going to come and say something to me.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Are they going to go, hey, Pete, you're the best, right? You know, I'm good, but you're the best. Like, we don't need that anymore.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I. That has a lot to do with having a family.

[Matt McCarthy]

It's, it's, it's finding my worth in, in a worthy place or like, you know, if you want something. Esteem. Do esteemable acts.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

Like, it's, it's if, if I'm. It's, it's. My value isn't in booking the gig. My value is in doing a good job.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

You know.

[Pete Holmes]

Yep.

[Matt McCarthy]

Which, which is, you know, I'm not going to get paid to do the dishes or clean the, the cat litter, but, like, I get that same feeling. Dude, we are dryer and washing machine both were malfunctioning. There was an error on the dry. On the washer. And the dryer was making a horrible screeching noise. And I'm like, you know what? It, you know, it's been a pretty decent summer, you know, paycheck wise. I'll just call Whirlpool, they'll come over and charge us too much money and it'll just be done. Done. I was on hold for, I'm not even joking, like 14 or 15 minutes and I hung up. And I was like this. So I just went on YouTube and was like, how do I fit?

[Pete Holmes]

Like, yeah, what do you do?

[Matt McCarthy]

My dryer's squeaking.

[Pete Holmes]

What do you do?

[Matt McCarthy]

And looking for that model and the guy's like, this is what you do. And then the, the error message on the washing machine. This is what you do.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

I fucking.

[Pete Holmes]

You felt amazing.

[Matt McCarthy]

I took afterwards because I, I took apart the washer. It's just clogged water. Gross Water went everywhere. I mopped it all up. Yep. I like, you know, cleaned it, cleaned it out, put it back together. Ordered the part to replace in the dryer.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

Took that whole thing apart, you know, unplugged. Like the. Disconnected the gas. Which I was like.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, I'm dead.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah. I'm like, I'm like, I don't know. Like, I'm a. Like my first thought is always, I'm a piece of. I can't do this.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

And then my second thought has to be. And that is a lie.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

That is a lie that I'm telling myself.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a story.

[Matt McCarthy]

And then I went through. Fixed it. I felt high.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

For a week.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

Longer.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

Like, look at you. This Is not.

[Pete Holmes]

Yep.

[Matt McCarthy]

And as good as a feeling as finding out, like, you booked new faces in Montreal. You.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's what's interesting is there is really only one happiness, you know?

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And it's everywhere.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's hiding in all these little places. And we want the special happiness, but really the drier happiness is the same happiness as the booking at happiness. So just like get it all these different places instead of waiting for someone to give it to you.

[Matt McCarthy]

But it was so much cleaner and realer.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

Like, oh, man, I did this.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

I was scared to do it. And I just. I read the instructions. I did my best. Yep. And it worked. And now. And I've was of service to my family.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. You know, it's just like you told me that too. That's a program thing, right? Like acts of service. It's like you don't know what to do. Start helping.

[Matt McCarthy]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like feed the dog.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's been really helpful to me. But.

[Matt McCarthy]

But in a way that, like, not in a. Because there's fine line between being of service and being a people pleaser.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. No, that's why I like feeding the dog. It's just between you and the dog.

[Matt McCarthy]

Just between. And, you know, it's basically do be of service and don't tell anybody.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, No, I get it.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah. Because like when I don't say when I'm a people pleaser, then I'm like, you know, I'm the one that fed the dog.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

You know, I fall into that. Yeah. Of course.

[Pete Holmes]

I'll say to Val, like, it's funny. I think Elf did the dishes or something. It's like, idiot.

[Matt McCarthy]

Like, anytime I'm like, like cleaning the litter box, I'm always like, you know, this was a 2 to 1 vote. I'm the only one who didn't want these cats.

[Pete Holmes]

Hilarious. I said Deval once. I was like, your dog keeps barking. And I was like, I caught myself right away. I was like, I'll never say that to you again.

[Matt McCarthy]

Delicious.

[Pete Holmes]

But I am the one that didn't want dog. But then I get to snuggle the dog. I love the dog, sure. But I am like, such a minimal. Just like without Val, I'd just be sitting in a studio apartment peering out the blinds like a cop smoking cigarettes.

[Matt McCarthy]

Where's my next gig?

[Pete Holmes]

Thank God. Well, Matthew, I feel good. Do you feel good?

[Matt McCarthy]

I do. You know, I remember the last thing that we digressed off of. So somehow or another, Joe is opening for Chappelle oh, yeah. And then they run into Chris Isaac.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Matt McCarthy]

And I think they had spotted Chris Isaac beforehand. Or it's like a type of thing where, like, somebody comes in and it's like, chris Isaac's here. Is that if he comes back to.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

And apparently Chappelle knew who Chris Isaac was but didn't give a fuck.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

Joe, Huge Chris Isaac fan. So then it becomes the complete antithesis of what we just experienced with Tyler Bate, where Isaac comes in. He's only interested in Chappelle and Joe. Chappelle's interested in Joe. Joe's interested in Isaac. Isaac couldn't give a fuck. Last Dave couldn't give a fuck. I mean, it was just this.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

Hilarious.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, one of the lessons that I've just learned, and I can't always do it, and it's not. It's not to be a people pleaser, but it's like, sometimes just give people what they want. You know what I mean? Sarah Silverman has this great joke where a little kid is, like, acting a fool and his parents are like, he just wants attention. And she's like, well, give it to him. And there's something about, like, you meet a guy I don't know. Again, it's not. I like saying, like, thank you for brightening my day. Like, just letting them know. That was nice. Thank you was okay. When that somewhat drunk person came to the green room last night, I'm like, you're okay. Thank you. This was good.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, like. Yeah, it's. I'm trying more and more.

[Matt McCarthy]

Those two guys wanted to talk about wrestling. Wrestling with me. I'm like, I'll go and talk to him about wrestling.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. No, it can be nice to. Sometimes just. If you have it in you, take. Take time to just give people what they want. If it costs nothing to you, especially, except time or effort. It's nice, right? No.

[Matt McCarthy]

Fall in love. Less clouds, more.

[Pete Holmes]

Hint of nipple. God damn, took me so long. No, no offense. That woman. Everybody's very attractive, but obviously, if you like curvier women.

[Matt McCarthy]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You don't see one until you're like.

[Matt McCarthy]

I mean, I had forgotten.

[Pete Holmes]

I feel like I was 28 when I saw Jax.

[Matt McCarthy]

Jack's in the shower. And I'm like, I remember masturbating to this video, but I'm like, it can't be that. It was on tv. It can't be that bad. I was just a fucking horny kid.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

We start watching it, I'm like, in the beginning, it is all class. I'm like, oh, yeah, David lynch did direct this, but then, like, by the end there just. They're just in the sand. I'm like, this is insane.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, they just went for it.

[Matt McCarthy]

It's insane.

[Pete Holmes]

It's insane. It's insane. But, like, I feel like I missed my horny director that, like, loved Betty Page. Like, we didn't really have that growing up.

[Matt McCarthy]

Interesting.

[Pete Holmes]

It was like, what's her name? I'm not trying to objectify anybody. I'm just saying, like, when it comes to representation in the media, it's a lot of Cindy Crawfords and there's very few Betty Pages.

[Matt McCarthy]

I don't think you know who Bettie Page is.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, I don't mean Betty Page.

[Matt McCarthy]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

Betty White. No.

[Matt McCarthy]

Betty White.

[Pete Holmes]

Vanna White? No. Who's Betty Page?

[Matt McCarthy]

Who? I mean, I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

Betty Page, the ultimate pinup girl.

[Matt McCarthy]

I mean, you could say Betty Page, but she was not. I mean, she was curvy, but she was not like it was in. It's insane how small her waist was.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, really?

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, then. That's not what it was thinking. I'm talking like a roller derby girl.

[Matt McCarthy]

Maybe like even Marilyn Monroe. I mean, that was a. A roomy.

[Pete Holmes]

Roomy.

[Matt McCarthy]

Roomy.

[Pete Holmes]

A little bit roomy, roomy. And that's our last iron in the fire. We're watching Chopping Mall and it cuts to this heavy guy.

[Matt McCarthy]

That's right.

[Pete Holmes]

And the waitresses are just like the. The whale over it. In the 80s, all we wanted to do is shame people.

[Matt McCarthy]

Person was wrong.

[Pete Holmes]

And he's just eating. It was just loose, covered in food. Of course he is. They're filthy.

[Matt McCarthy]

And he probably had a cigarette going.

[Pete Holmes]

Of course he looked like two hot girls are just like, ugh. Don't let him grab you because he can't resist butter. So he also can't resist you.

[Matt McCarthy]

That's right.

[Pete Holmes]

He's just giving everything that he wants to himself.

[Matt McCarthy]

And that's the button on the scene.

[Pete Holmes]

He goes, can I get some more butter?

[Matt McCarthy]

Waitress, more butter.

[Pete Holmes]

I've tried to make this work and maybe I will. But in. It's so funny that in the 80s, if you wanted to show that someone was going to die, like, and you would feel good about them dying because they were a piece of shit.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You just show them in a white undershirt, tank top, undershirt.

[Matt McCarthy]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Flipping channels.

[Matt McCarthy]

Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

That's all you need. This guy's such a idiot. He can't even watch tv. Has to flip channels. Godzilla steps on him and we all cheer. Right now, that's all we do.

[Matt McCarthy]

That person is worthless.

[Pete Holmes]

That person was worthless. Now there is no. If you're watching an episodic. What do you have a pipe? Are you winding down with the psalms? It's old fashioned just now. It's just. There's your clip.

[Matt McCarthy]

Just the loud, angry fat person.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Matt McCarthy]

It's like the, like before the music starts in like a David Lee Roth video.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Matt McCarthy]

There's just some fat.

[Pete Holmes]

I've got hemorrhoids. Yeah. Yeah. You know, he kicks down the door and rocks out and she falls in the tub. Toaster falls in, she's dead. I can rock out. And the one that I really can't get people on board with and it drives me crazy is people watching reels with the volume on. And it's just everyone. I think it's gonna be like some 18 year old kid. I turn around as like a 75 year old man.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Just like, here's how to make guacamole in under 30 seconds. I'm just like, I. I just wanna, I just wanna turn mine on and be like, is this, is this bothering you? But it's just because inconsiderate people make me feel unsafe. This has been. You made it weird. Live from Cleveland. Not live. Not live at all. Matthew, I love you very dearly.

[Matt McCarthy]

Oh, Peter, I love you.

[Pete Holmes]

We've been on quite a ride and I'm glad we get to keep going.

[Matt McCarthy]

Yeah. Hell yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And we'll plug your stuff up top.

[Matt McCarthy]

Would you.

[Pete Holmes]

Would you say keep it crispy for us? Hey, kids, it's your uncle Matt.

[Matt McCarthy]

Hey, kids. Driving Academy Award nominations for Pete Holmes for saying you made it weird. For Matt McCarthy for saying keep it crispy. And for you, the viewer, sayonara.

[Pete Holmes]

Keep it crispy. Fu. Keep a Chris, you made it weird.

[Matt McCarthy]

Fu. Crispy. Fu. Keep it crispy.

[Pete Holmes]

More tits. I love cigarettes. I love em. Save this image as right click. Thanks, everybody.

[Matt McCarthy]

You know when you're just going about your busy day and a voice asks you something like, why do people have crushes? Or do dogs know their dogs? The BrainZN podcast is here to help. Every episode answers tough questions with funny sk, cool facts and more. It's a science show for kids of all ages. Whether you grew up with jfk, mtv, TLC or tmz, Brainson is for you. Listening may induce uncontrollable laughter and turn.

[Pete Holmes]

Backseat squabbles into harmonious car trips.

[Matt McCarthy]

Find brains on wherever you get your podcasts.