Podcast Summary: You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes — Guest: Michael Kosta

Episode Date: May 7, 2025
Main Theme:
Pete Holmes welcomes comedian and Daily Show correspondent Michael Kosta for a funny, warm, and self-aware conversation that explores the "secret weirdness" everyone carries, with deep dives into comedy, tennis, childhood and family dynamics, emotional self-understanding, sports as a metaphor for life, and the beauty of sportsmanship, all punctuated by vulnerability, memorable stories, and plenty of laughs.

Breakdown of Key Discussion Points

1. Opening: Tension, Openness, and Repair

• 00:25 – 03:00
  The show starts on a slightly awkward note: Michael is late, and Pete feels anxious because of a tight schedule.
  • Pete gently but honestly calls out Kosta for being more than “a few minutes” late.
    • Quote: “That's not a few minutes. I'm going to call bullshit on a few minutes.” – Pete (04:33)
  • Both work through the tension in real time, exemplifying the theme of repair, not perfection.
    • Quote: “It’s not that you don’t make mistakes and are grumpy. It’s all in the repair.” – Pete (00:15, intro)
  • They quickly move to mutual understanding, vulnerability, apologies, and friendship.
    • Quote: “Thank you for taking the time... it’s not a big deal that you were late. I’m a little tight because I have this thing.” – Pete (07:15)
• Parenting Parallel: Pete connects repairing after conflict in the podcast to parenting and emotional health.

2. Performance Anxiety & Boundaries in Comedy

• 07:16 – 09:00
  Michael and Pete bond over the less-glamorous side of stand-up: performance anxiety, setting boundaries, and the struggle to relax before a show.
  • Kosta: “It’s taken me 22 years in comedy to realize that... I think it’s called performance anxiety.” (07:34)
  • Pete admits he envies comics who seem relaxed before sets, but he just can’t be one of them.

Notable Moment:

• Seinfeld’s advice to Shandling: “The day you [are comfortable at a party], you’ll stop being funny.” (08:13)

3. Comedy Legends: Stories of Gary Shandling & Magic

• 09:00 – 13:00
  Michael shares a cherished story about Gary Shandling’s one-on-one humor (the “steak knife bit”) that illustrates comedy for its own sake.
  • Quote: “He did a bit for one person. And I tell it to everybody for 15 years.” – Michael (09:10)
• Pete tells a magic anecdote about Ricky Jay’s legendary “block of ice” trick over lunch, tying into the theme of doing brilliant things without seeking immediate recognition.
• The pair riff on tennis, art, and doing things “for the future” (as in churches decorated in ways no one could appreciate in the builders’ era).
  • Steffi Graf, Andre Agassi, and decorating for “future recognition.”

Notable Quote:

“Andre Agassi... looked down on top of these churches... perfectly decorated the top... the future would recognize this excellence.” – Michael (13:01)

4. UFOs, Storytelling, And Truth in Comedy

• 13:35 – 18:00
  Pete and Michael discuss UFOs, skepticism, and why most “contactees” aren’t convincing.
  • Kosta: “I find the people who have been contacted by UFOs... are not good at convincing me.” (17:01)
  • Pete riffs on how vital storytelling is for both comedians and anyone making extraordinary claims.
  • Quote: “Everybody should... take a one day course in how to tell a story.” – Pete (17:54)
• They bond over comedy’s requirement for authenticity and “reading the room”—the way truly great comics are hypersensitive to the audience's vibe.
  • Pete: “The crowd makes a gelatinous frequency when they don’t believe you.” (20:39)

5. “Lucky Loser,” Family, and The Need for Parental Understanding

• 23:23 – 26:32
  Pete reflects on writing his memoir ("Comedy Sex God") as an attempt to get his parents to understand him, and Michael chimes in about driving needs for parental attention.
  • Quote: “I wrote my book almost exclusively to get my parents to understand me.” – Pete (23:41)
• The nuanced dynamics of attention, childhood, and how they shape one’s need, even as an adult—and then, as parents, wondering what effect their style will have on their own kids.

Notable “Gaze of the Father” Discussion

• Pete describes “a spacious sort of... allowance of you,” the quiet, loving gaze a parent can give (26:11).
• Michael shares his friend’s parenting wisdom: sometimes you just need to create space for your child to talk, instead of peppering them with questions.

6. Sports, Mortality, Sportsmanship & Transcendence

• 30:00 – 44:00 A large and profound section—sports’ emotional meaning, “the handshake,” transcending the game, and parallels to life and death.
• Tennis and the beauty of shaking hands after battle.
  • Kosta: "You’re doing everything you can to defeat them... and then you approach, look each other in the eye and shake hands." (35:25)
• The emotional power of sportsmanship—how it “transcends animal behavior.”
  • Quote: “There are no two animals... that will fight like boxers and then... stop.” – Pete (44:26)
• Sports as childlike, invented (drawing lines, creating play), and how shared experience creates rare kinship (tennis, late-night hosts, comedians).
• Consciousness Metaphor: Pete: “What we all are is awareness, is consciousness... But it’s playing this game, it’s like sports.” (39:56)
• The necessity of death as the clock of the “game,” and how gratitude for the transient nature of life underpins meaning and connection.
  • Kosta: “In life, the game clock, when it's zero, is death. And how important is death, man?” (41:24)

7. Setbacks, Memory, and Meaning-Making

• 50:00 – 55:00
  The hosts swap stories about travel fiascos and family potholes: missed baby passports, rerouted trips, and how frustration turns to cherished memory.
  • Pete: “The artistry is you getting mad... If I was playing peekaboo with myself and got so lost in the dream...” (52:33)
  • Michael: “Our memory remembers when emotions were present... That’s why it’s hurtful when someone forgets your birthday, because they’re not having an emotional response to you.” (54:49, 55:04)

8. Reflection on Hosting, Forgiveness, and Creating Content

• 55:31 – 57:41
  They revisit the episode’s rocky start and model forgiveness and understanding.
  Michael shares his gratitude for comedians finding their own ways to thrive, and Pete agrees.
• Kosta: “I love when a comedian has figured out a way to provide for themselves through the content they make.” (57:08)

9. Comedy, Laughter, and Family Stories

• 58:15 – 61:59
  In closing, Pete asks Michael for a time he laughed uncontrollably: Kosta’s cruise safety joke story (his brother tying his life vest to a pole) and family dynamics.
  • Michael: “That was a very funny bit. And... it’s also how my family said I love you.” (60:41)
  • Christy (his sister), hospice care, and the art of release:
    • “She says, I love it because it's the only part of medicine where I don't have to fix it...The art is letting it go.” (61:16 – 61:22)

Pete’s Signature Goodbye

• “Keep it crispy!” – (Episode close, 62:11)

Memorable Quotes & Timestamps

• “That's not a few minutes. I'm going to call bullshit on a few minutes.”
  Pete Holmes, 04:33

• “It’s not that you don’t make mistakes and are grumpy. It’s all in the repair.”
  Pete Holmes, 00:15 (intro)

• "He did a bit for one person. And I tell it to everybody for 15 years."
  Michael Kosta, 09:10

• "The day you are [comfortable at a party], you'll stop being funny."
  Seinfeld (quoted by Pete), 08:13

• “Everybody should... take a one day course in how to tell a story.”
  Pete Holmes, 17:54

• "I wrote my book almost exclusively to get my parents to understand me."
  Pete Holmes, 23:41

• "You’re doing everything you can to defeat them... and then you approach, look each other in the eye and shake hands."
  Michael Kosta, 35:25

• “There are no two animals... that will fight like boxers and then... stop.”
  Pete Holmes, 44:26

• "I love when a comedian has figured out a way to provide for themselves through the content they make."
  Michael Kosta, 57:08

• "Our memory remembers when emotions were present... That’s why it’s hurtful when someone forgets your birthday, because they’re not having an emotional response to you."
  Michael Kosta, 54:49 / Pete Holmes, 55:04

Episode Flow, Structure, and Tone

• Tone:
  Warm, fast-paced, candid, vulnerable, philosophical, and frequently hilarious. Both men are open about their wounds and needs, but quick to joke and tease.

• Structure:
  Flows naturally from awkward beginning → open sharing → friendly banter → deeper themes of creativity, parenting, mortality, and meaning → closure with gratitude, laughter, and forgiveness.

Who Should Listen?

• Comedy fans wanting behind-the-scenes realness
• Anyone interested in the psychology of performance, family, or sports as life metaphors
• Listeners who value self-reflection and vulnerability mixed with sharp wit

Final Note

Keep it crispy! (62:11)
A classic, slightly bewildering but loving send-off from Pete Holmes, and a perfect encapsulation of the generous, “weird,” and laughter-filled energy of the show.