Morgan Jay

Summary

You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes – Morgan Jay (March 5, 2025)

---

Episode Overview

In this spirited and genuinely funny episode, Pete Holmes sits down with musical comedian and entertainer Morgan Jay—with frequent cameo-style interjections from Kumail Nanjiani—for an openhearted, hilarious, and at times poignant discussion on the evolution of comedy, crowd work, artistic insecurity, the pressures and joys of going viral, and the surprising realities behind Morgan’s unique show style. As always, Pete peels back the layers of the performer, exploring secret weirdness and what drives comedians to create.

---

Main Themes

• Comedy’s Evolution & Experiential Shows: Morgan Jay describes his shift from classic stand-up to a hybrid, music-driven, interactive show, tailored to a younger, attention-fractured audience raised on social media and crowd work clips.

• Going Viral & The Internet’s Impact: The conversation delves into the viral moment that changed Morgan’s career and the new landscape wherein internet clips can matter more than TV credits.

• Audience Connection, Pressure & Boundaries: Morgan and Pete discuss the rewards and emotional challenges of crafting “experiences” for fans—especially in the TikTok era—while grappling with the flip side: internet haters, audience entitlement, and artistic pigeonholing.

• Personal Backstory & Family: Morgan shares stories about his multicultural background, the impact of his father's death, and how his upbringing shapes both his comedic voice and life choices (including childfree living and getting a vasectomy).

---

Detailed Breakdown & Key Insights

1. Opening Vibes & Early Comedy Days

• The episode begins with quick banter about nervousness before the recording, which segues into Morgan reflecting on his roots performing stand-up in NYC (03:00).
  • “I don’t really consider what I do stand up anymore...I’m in the entertainment business now. I’m an entertainer.” — Morgan Jay (03:54)
• Nostalgic tales of NY alt-comedy venues (Housing Works, Knitting Factory) and bombed sets illustrate the long, winding road of comics "coming up" (04:04–10:30).

2. The Social Side of Comedy & Crowd Dynamics

• Morgan and Pete reminisce on the balance between socializing vs. performing as a comic, with Kumail stating: “I like to hang before the show. Get there early. Like you did. See, I’m like you...” (10:42)
• Morgan recounts his time as a NY bike tour guide—an early template for connecting with strangers, improvising, and managing group energy, which now feeds into his stage shows (21:00–21:16).

3. Experiential Comedy, TikTok & The “Second Screen” Audience

• A recurring core topic is how today’s audiences, especially under 25, require more than “just stand-up”—they crave participatory, dynamic experiences to keep them engaged.
  • “They really need a show that’s experiential. That’s kind of what my show is...I run into the crowd, I get people to sing, I bring people on stage. It's not just stand-up.” — Morgan Jay (25:38)
• Pete recounts how managers now ask if show pitches pass a “second screen test”: “Like, can someone watch this while they scroll on their phone?” (27:41)
• The three discuss the anxiety and required adaptation behind breaking an hour-long special into TikTok-able segments and the existential weirdness of curating art for an algorithm (26:51–27:19).

4. Viral Moments & Artistic Pigeonholing

• Morgan opens up about the viral “Ethan” clip that catapulted his show (“...it’s not even a good clip. I tell no punchlines. It’s just a vibe.” — 56:51)

  • He underscores how essence and energy, rather than tightly written jokes, can now be a comic’s most powerful tool for audience growth.
  • “Your essence comes through... like a whiff of your comedic pheromones.” — Pete Holmes (57:19)

• On the flip side, “franchised” acts: Morgan describes how his auto-tune crowd work has already been imitated abroad, and how he balances pride, frustration, and acceptance about losing that control (61:20).

  • “There’s people doing auto-tune crowd work in Chile, Portugal, Germany...I guess I’m flattered. What am I gonna do, invent Auto-Tune?” — Morgan Jay (61:36)

5. Preparation, Wellness, and the Grind of Touring

• Detailed look at how Morgan preps for high-wire, crowd-driven shows: yoga, vocal exercises, meditation, nebulizer sessions for the voice, staying hydrated, eating light, and learning to manage GERD (gastric issues) and the stress of perpetual travel (50:55–54:56).

Notable Quotes:

• “My audience is so much younger now...they have this brain rot, they can’t lock in.” — Morgan Jay (25:20)
• “There’s like a pressure to make sure the show delivers more than a 60-second clip—how do you turn those 3 minutes into a whole hour?” — Morgan Jay (60:38)

6. Childfree Life, Vasectomies & Social Judgment

• In a frank, funny segment, Morgan and Kumail swap stories about getting vasectomies, including awkward doctor visits and post-procedure sample collection:
  • “I want to go to a doctor and have them put me in a room. That’s not a jerk off room. It’s just an examination room. It's the least erotic environment.” — Morgan Jay (46:41)
• The discussion turns personal—Morgan and his partner have chosen to remain childfree, triggering both support and musings on societal expectations.
  • “We just want to really raise two beautiful bank accounts and use that money to...send the bank to college.” — Morgan Jay (48:05)
• Pete and Kumail express support: “Having kids is not for everybody...it’s so ingrained in our culture, the Game of Life...but you don’t have to do anything you don’t want to do.” — Kumail Nanjiani (48:27)

7. Audience Participation: Joy, Entitlement & The ‘Dance Trap’

• Morgan describes both the magic and stress of interactive shows in big venues—audience members get upset if their section wasn’t picked to sing, or if they don’t get a joke or DM read.
  • “Even when I did Kansas City or St. Louis, they’re like, you didn’t come to our section, you didn’t ask us to sing...there’s 2,000 people here!” — Morgan Jay (72:32)
• Pete draws the parallel to Ellen DeGeneres’ famous “dance trap”—when what starts as a bit becomes an audience mandate (63:09).

8. Roots, Family & Comedy Origin Stories

• Morgan talks movingly about the impact of losing his father at age 6, his multicultural roots (Sicilian/Argentine/Brazilian), his father’s life as a “singing chef,” and finding his way into comedy.
• The joy of being able to now bring his mother on stage at a sold-out NYC show—the full circle of “making it” after years of struggle (111:01–113:10).
  • “To her credit, she’s just a happy boy...Now I’m bringing her on stage at a sold-out show.” (98:41, 111:17)
  • Humorous anecdote about bombing at Caroline’s, and his mother’s frank feedback: “We didn’t really say anything in the car last night because you were awful.” (114:17)

9. Art vs. Entertainment and Evolving the Act

• Wrestling with impostor syndrome: “I wouldn't say my show is funny, it’s a fun show...We're going to be transitioning even more to a concert type of show.” — Morgan Jay (68:38)
• Morgan describes his philosophy: “I'm a big believer in not trying to be the best, but trying to evolve the most.” (84:11)
  • From acoustic sets to roaming cameras and bands, he details the technical and creative leaps required as shows outgrow intimate rooms.

10. Philosophy of Connection, Hosting, and Responsibility to Fans

• Morgan takes pride in “hospitality”—thinking through audience sight-lines, the effort people make to attend a show, and their emotional stakes.
  • “You want to make sure they have a good night...You might be the last thing between them and a divorce!” (109:01)
• On responsibility, pleasing the crowd, and the dangers of “people-pleasing” as a performer.

---

Memorable Moments & Quotes

Crowd Joy vs. Haters

“Does anybody else think this shit isn’t funny? ...The kind of person who doesn’t like what I do is like someone at a wedding who refuses to dance.” — Morgan Jay (05:25, 05:30)

On Going Viral

“It was one clip. The ‘Ethan’ clip. ...It's just like a vibe... The energy of the show comes through.” — Morgan Jay (56:51, 57:00)

On Artistic Copycats

“My act has been franchised. There’s people doing auto-tune crowd work in Chile, Portugal, Germany. ...I'm flattered. I'm not gonna, like, file a suit. What am I gonna do? Invent Auto-Tune?” — Morgan Jay (61:36)

On Prepping for Shows

“We’re gonna do yoga. We're gonna try to meditate. ...Be quiet, hydrate…probably use a nebulizer for my voice.” — Morgan Jay (50:55)

On Family Legacy

“My dad was a pop star in Argentina…when he moved to America, became a chef...In New York at the time, you could go to a restaurant, he'd cook, then come out with a guitar and sing.” — Morgan Jay (96:12–96:54)

On Parenting Choices

“We just want to really raise two beautiful bank accounts and use that money to send the bank to college and watch it grow up.” — Morgan Jay (48:05)

On Hospitality and Show Responsibility

“Be your first fan. Be the first person to buy your own merch... because if you don't, how can you expect other people [to]?” — Morgan Jay (108:06)

“You want to make sure they have a good night. You might be the last thing between them and a divorce.” — Morgan Jay (109:01)

On Joy of Laughter

“Giannis [Pappas] said once, we’re all just trying to be as funny as a fart.” — Morgan Jay (117:36)

“There are good comedians, and there are just funny people who are sometimes good comedians.” — Kumail Nanjiani (116:57)

---

Timestamps for Important Segments

• Morgan’s Reimagining of Stand-up – 03:43–04:01, 21:41–25:21
• Bombing, Early Gigs, Comedy Roots – 04:13–10:40
• Touring and Virus Impact on Comedy – 25:45–27:41
• Viral Clip & Social Media Impact – 56:43–60:38
• Auto-Tune Crowd Work & Copycats – 61:14–63:07
• Touring Prep, Health & Wellness – 50:55–54:56
• Vasectomy & Childfree Choices – 46:07–50:13
• Hospitality in Performance – 108:06–109:27
• Funniest Moments and Lasting Joy – 115:56–117:36
• Musical Improv & Outro – 118:14–120:57

---

Episode Highlights & Listener Takeaways

• If You’re an Aspiring Comic: The episode offers both a masterclass and a reality check on the modern career—resilience, adaptability, and genuine connection matter more than ever.
• For Fans of Morgan Jay or Live Comedy: This episode is both an introduction to Morgan’s creative process and an honest, human look at the price and reward of making art that connects in the age of the internet.
• Big Laughs and Soft Heart: Underpinning all the riffing is a friendship and warmth that lets Morgan discuss vulnerability, grief, and artistic insecurity with the same playful energy as his crowd work.

---

Closing Thought

As Pete says, “You create an environment of joy and silliness and playfulness that is the opposite of atrophy and decay. It’s very alive, what you do.” (04:53)

Whether “funny” or just “fun” or “horny and goofy,” as Morgan puts it, this episode is a celebration of artistic evolution, collective joy, and the weird, unexpected ways real connection happens in the modern age of comedy.

---

“Keep it crispy!” — Morgan Jay (120:44)

---

Transcript

[Morgan J.]

You made it weird.

[Pete Holmes]

You made it weird. You made it weird. Oh, yeah.

[Morgan J.]

You made it weird.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes, you did.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You made it weird with Pete Holmes.

[Podcast Host / Advertiser]

What's happening, weirdos? This is Morgan J.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Who I met on an airplane.

[Podcast Host / Advertiser]

We were both flying to our gigs. He tours a lot, and I saw him and we talked and I vibed.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Vibed.

[Podcast Host / Advertiser]

I want to say I vibed with him right away. And I know I'm very vocal. I flap my gums a lot about.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Not liking crowd work.

[Podcast Host / Advertiser]

It's just not my cup of tea. But Morgan J. Does something different. He does, like auto tune. He like, sings auto tune crowd interaction. We talk a lot about it in the podcast, but when I watched it, it made me smile. It made me giggle, smile and laugh. And I really enjoy him as a person. I'm really glad you're here. We talk a lot about comedy and his life. And you should go to morganjay.com, he's on the road. I mean, like, he does not need.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Me to promote his shows.

[Podcast Host / Advertiser]

I'm looking on the website. They're all pretty much sold out. He's got some shows in Denver with.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Some tickets still available.

[Podcast Host / Advertiser]

I mean, this dude's doing just fine.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

He does not need this shout out.

[Podcast Host / Advertiser]

Speaking of selling tickets, peteholmes.com I'm also doing just fine.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

But, you know, I love when weirdos.

[Podcast Host / Advertiser]

Come out to the show. You guys make the best audiences in the world. April 5th, I'm gonna be at Largo here in Los Angeles, followed by Atlantic City, Austin, Texas, St. Louis, Missouri, Nashville, Tennessee, Irvine, California, San Jose, California, and Royal Oak, Michigan. This is actually on my website, it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Says it's the Feelin it tour, but.

[Podcast Host / Advertiser]

We'Re now it's a new tour, and we're calling this new hour the PG13 tour, because it is mostly, or maybe you could even say semi clean. I'd like to differentiate. Nate Bargazi, my Dear friend, he's PG. This is a PG13 tour. So, you know, mostly clean. Semi clean, but certainly not boring. I just wrote this hour, looked at, it was like, hey, this is mostly clean. We're gonna call it the PG13 tour. We're gonna change all the art and everything coming up, but all of the tickets that you'll see on sale [e-mail] that is the PG13 tour, and I hope you guys can be there. This is my favorite. I know I always say this. It's my favorite new hour. I'm absolutely loving performing it and hope you can be there all Right. In the meantime, enjoy this chat with Morgan J. I really did. We just recorded this yesterday, and I was like, we got to bump this up. I enjoyed it so much. He's silly. He's certainly an ambassador of joy and a good time, and I'm glad he came to the show. So get into it.

[Morgan J.]

I'm excited, dude. I'm nervous, man. We'll talk about every.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Rolling now.

[Morgan J.]

Are we rolling now?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

No. Got it, got it, got it.

[Morgan J.]

You got to get it on. I'm saving it for the. I'm saving it for the.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

What's wrong with saying I'm nervous?

[Morgan J.]

Nothing.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You don't want it in the pod, huh?

[Morgan J.]

I want it in the pot.

[Pete Holmes]

You're welcome.

[Morgan J.]

I want it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You're like, when I talk about this. Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

[Morgan J.]

This is a full circle. This is a full circle moment. This is a full circle.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

This is a fcm. This is a FC moment.

[Morgan J.]

I'm going take a sip of this from this vegan.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I can tell by where it's from. Your poop efficacy.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Your deficacy.

[Morgan J.]

My deficacy.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Defecation efficacy.

[Morgan J.]

My defecation efficacy. I'm good. I'm doing well.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You're doing great. Well, you just use. Like, you said we could talk about it.

[Morgan J.]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You're just like, I need to use the bathroom. You're in there for about 15 seconds, and you pooed.

[Morgan J.]

Came right out. So strangers home. No anxiety.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Zero anxiety. So why are you nervous about being on a pod?

[Morgan J.]

No.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You know, I know. I get it.

[Morgan J.]

You gotta understand, for people.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I get it.

[Morgan J.]

I. I'm gonna just get him. I started comedy stand. I don't even know. I don't really consider what I do stand up anymore, but I started doing stand up in 2007 in New York City.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

What do you consider it to be now? Just. Do you have a category?

[Morgan J.]

I don't. I think it's like, I. I think I'm in the entertainment business now.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Entertainer.

[Morgan J.]

I'm an entertainer. Yeah. Put on a show. It's different now.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I understand.

[Morgan J.]

And keep going, though.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You were saying.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

I mean, you were one of the guys when I was. I was. I was coming up, man. I was. I was watching you at the Cameo Bar in the big, terrific cabin.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Wait, in New York?

[Morgan J.]

In New York?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

2000. You had a show at, like, a bookstore, I think.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Housing Works.

[Morgan J.]

Housing Works, yes. With Jesse Klein. Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

And I was just like, one of these up and coming comics, and I was, you know, there was A couple people who, you know. And then I distinctly have a vague.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Memory of like, you can't distinctly have. I haven't been watching you. I've been watching you all morning.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

So just to show my cards, let's get to that distinct memory. But like, you're so playful. So when I'm like, going, you can't have a distinct vague. It's because I've been watching you be so high processing and sharp and fast. So you got me in the mood for goofy. So I'm not actually messing with you.

[Morgan J.]

I'm just kind of like, yeah, yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I hear you primed me for fun. Yeah, that's a great compliment, by the way.

[Morgan J.]

You.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You create an environment of. Of joy and silliness and playfulness that is like the opposite of, like, you know, atrophy and just decay. And it's very alive what you do.

[Morgan J.]

I mean, I got a comment on a video yesterday that. That was like, does anybody think this isn't funny? And like, I saw the comments and the type of person Funny. The type of person.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

They put it so gently. Does anybody else. Does anybody.

[Pete Holmes]

Does it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Does anybody else or does anybody think.

[Morgan J.]

Does anybody else think this shit isn't funny?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Does anybody else. This shit isn't funny.

[Morgan J.]

So the way I.

[Pete Holmes]

Brutal.

[Morgan J.]

I mean, it's okay. The way I classify it is if you don't think. The kind of person who doesn't like what I do is the kind of person where like, if you're at a wedding and you ask somebody to dance and they're like, I'm not gonna dance.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I get it.

[Morgan J.]

You're like, it's like such a nice, joyful. We did.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

We did a Pete Holmes show monologue about dance at weddings.

[Morgan J.]

It's like, just.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Just dance.

[Morgan J.]

Everybody looks like a fool.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You're here to celebrate love. Exude enthusiasm for them being married. And you're like, I don't have rhythm. You think I have rhythm, dude?

[Morgan J.]

Yeah, exactly.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You don't have to soak through shirts at weddings.

[Morgan J.]

You're sweating.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I soak through shirts.

[Morgan J.]

Everybody's taking their ties off.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Can't wait to loosen a tie. Like I'm putting in a 13th hour at an ad agency.

[Morgan J.]

Yeah, yeah, that's it. Exactly.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's right. So. No, you're absolutely right. But look, when I say brutal, I mean, it's unkind. I don't think you should take it as.

[Morgan J.]

Oh, no, no, no.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

But it's like when people. I think when people watch almost anything, but certainly what you do, it's just A mirror. I mean, if you feel good, you'll feel good watching it. If you feel like shit, you'll be mad at these people having a silly fun time.

[Morgan J.]

I mean, I understand it too. I was just in St. Louis, in Kansas City doing shows, and there's people who are having the time in their life and. Has anybody ever brought a baby to your show? So this is the first time ever I had two sold out shows.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Look at that baby. Somebody brought a baby coming out between the two thighs.

[Morgan J.]

This is what's crazy.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Sliding out, Rick and that.

[Morgan J.]

Like a newborn baby.

[Pete Holmes]

It was a.

[Morgan J.]

And I do this because I feel like I'm Beyonce. It was a newborn baby. No, but it was literally like probably like a 10 to 12 month old baby.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Morgan J.]

And then it never happened before. And then two rows behind that, another baby. Another baby around the same age.

[Podcast Host / Advertiser]

Did they carpool?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I don't know, but did they kiddie pool?

[Morgan J.]

Well, one of them was like, like a white family, and the other one was like a Mexican family.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Diversity in the babies.

[Morgan J.]

I was like, this is like a bizarro world version of your. I don't know. We were in the Midwest.

[Pete Holmes]

I get it. Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

You know, they don't like immigrants there. So the whole thing.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Let's not, you know, I mean, there was paint with however broader brush. You want entire Midwest.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's tricky, but it's funnier. It's way funnier to have an opinion. To get into the nuance of how different. Yeah, I like, go ahead.

[Morgan J.]

But to go back to what we were saying.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, yeah, you, Housing Works and upand cominging comic.

[Morgan J.]

What was that? Where was I going with it?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

The flavor of it was being nervous or being maybe excited. Nervous.

[Morgan J.]

Yeah. Now I'm on the podcast with you and I'm talking to you, and it's just. It's just.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

So you were at Housing Works. That's a trip for me.

[Morgan J.]

I was there in the back just watching. I was watching y' all do your. Do your show.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's crazy to me.

[Morgan J.]

I was, you know, this was when, you know, Hannibal had his show at the Knitting Factory.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

People say, you can't have a show at the Knitting Factory. I say, yes, I can. Hannibal. That's kind of.

[Morgan J.]

I remember. And I remember that I actually did the show. I bombed. And after I bombed, like, what show?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Housing Works?

[Morgan J.]

No, his show. Because I was an intern at.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

But that was kind of. Wasn't that a hard show?

[Morgan J.]

It was a hard show, but this.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Is what happened because people loved him. And then it was like other. I didn't realize that interrupting this amazing Hannibal set.

[Morgan J.]

I did not realize that he. And what I think was. I feel like he felt duped. I'm projecting a lot on these situations.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I like it. That's. Welcome to earth.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

I was.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I punch you like Will Smith.

[Morgan J.]

I was interning at Conan and I Internet Conan. So he. This is right when he did a set on. And I was up there. The crossover from Conan to Fallon. And then he did a set on Fallon and got snl. But he saw me around the. The offices.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Hannibal wrote on SN.

[Morgan J.]

He won an Emmy. Oh, no. 30 Rock. Was it 30 Rocker? No, it was SNL. I think he won like an Emmy.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, wow.

[Morgan J.]

He makes a joke about. He was just. I was just there at the right time. I don't, you know, sidled up to.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

The people already writing the Emmy award winning show. That's his bit.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Just.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Anding.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I don't know if that's true.

[Morgan J.]

No shots fired here, but. And then I did another show that he was on and I did really well. And then he was like, you should do my show.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Hey, man, you should do my show. People say you can't do my show, but yes, you can, Hannibal.

[Morgan J.]

And then I did.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's getting better. Yeah, it's got. You got better. I found it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

And then I did it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And then I kicked a pigeon.

[Pete Holmes]

And then you bombed.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

No, you didn't.

[Morgan J.]

I bombed. He never spoke to me again. No.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Is that true?

[Morgan J.]

Well, it wasn't like that.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I think you had to know. I heard that. I never did that show. I heard that. That show was tough show. Should have been.

[Morgan J.]

You're performing on like a. Literally a corner.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

There's shows that. Not that I'm so invincible, but there are shows that you'd bomb.

[Pete Holmes]

You'd bomb.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You just do poorly. You do poorly.

[Morgan J.]

It's just. There's. It's a.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's okay.

[Morgan J.]

Oh, but this is what I want.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

One of them is interrupting Hannibal. Yes, that's what that show should be called. Interrupting Hannibal at the Knitting Factory.

[Morgan J.]

No, this is what I'll say I did a show at. It was a place called Three of Cups. It was like. It was like third and A or something like that. RG Daniels ran the show.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

RG Glasses.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Shorter fellow.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Nice guy.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Morgan J.]

And I remember you were on the show, but you were at a point in your career where like, you were. You were doing well and you just, like, did the show and, like, you left, right. And I remember I was in the back of the room. I was like, man, I hope he watches my set. But you know, it's funny now we're.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Always bugs me that I could have, you know, I mean, like, where was I going?

[Morgan J.]

You probably had another set or you. Or, or you've probably been doing like.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I was in a codependent relationship.

[Morgan J.]

Probably.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Or that.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

How to get back.

[Morgan J.]

But having. Being where I am now and having perspective like you do so many sets. I don't know how you feel, but I'm tired a lot and I just want to like, hang.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I like to hang. It's a great topic you brought up. I like to hang before the show. Get there early. Like you did. See, I'm like you. I get early.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I'll be there way before anybody, way before the audience.

[Morgan J.]

I mean, do you think when you go to a party you're like, let's get there like right on time so we could leave?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Well, also get that FaceTime.

[Morgan J.]

Get that, get the face. Because nobody's going to be there.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And you say you hang with the host. Then all these people come in and interrupt Hannibal. They ruin. They run the show and it's time to get the fuck out of there. Because I'm not there to yell where I'm from to someone I don't know. I don't, I don't want to do that. I want to see the host.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Maybe some Bugles 5 thing. 5 thing, bug and get out of there, man. So when I. But I realize you're. What you're bringing to mind is when I did Fallon, I did Fallon before Fallon. With the Tonight Show.

[Morgan J.]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

And I wasn't, I don't know when you did it. I was an intern there.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, really?

[Morgan J.]

Yeah. So Conan was at the end, like right around the end of. Yeah, you mentioned that.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I didn't know you were there for.

[Morgan J.]

Like two months as an intern. But he was like taking meetings with affiliates. Dude was like flying all over getting ready for the Tonight Show.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah.

[Morgan J.]

And then they, the, the Fallon team absorbed the Conan interns.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, wow.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And then it's not a good feeling to be absorbed.

[Morgan J.]

We were like absorbed into that. We weren't like the Fallon interns. We were like the old, the Conan intern.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

And yeah, I got to see both. Like how both of them work was actually really interesting.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Was there a big difference?

[Morgan J.]

Yeah, I think so. I mean, like, you know, you've hosted a late night show, so you know, like you're Starting out, I mean, you could tell Fallon was just trying to get their bearings straight. They're just trying like different desk pieces and bits and like.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Right.

[Morgan J.]

What are going to be the state?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I remember those years. I remember those years for Kimmel, too.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's hard. It's just growing pains.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

What are the staples? You know, and eventually they found like, you know, the thank you notes and there was some stuff that they don't do now, but it was really cool to see them in the rehearsals. I found that they were like 10 times funnier than they. In rehearsals. Than they were. Because they can't do certain things.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Right.

[Morgan J.]

On network television.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Right, right, right.

[Morgan J.]

But they were.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Conan was like a well oiled machine. You go in there, they bring all the interns down to run the monologue. So we'd like listen and they see if we laugh at the jokes or not. And then they'd go into chambers and they would do their. I mean, he was just like, the way he just like. I mean, he did an incredible job hosting the Oscars.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, he did.

[Morgan J.]

But the way they would just like slash through jokes, I mean.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

I learned quickly, like that job and just working in that environment is like a desk job.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Kind of in a way, you know.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Like 10:00am you got to write 60 jokes.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Right.

[Morgan J.]

By this time.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Morgan J.]

I was really surprised because I had this image in my head, like, I want to do this.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

But then when I was really interning there, I was like, actually, yeah, you're.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You're smart. That's not for everybody.

[Morgan J.]

It's not for me.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I think Conan being a Harvard guy, being like a, you know, knows the grindstone kind of guy helps.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Because that's a grind. A couple of things. Conan. One was, he's like, this is a volume business.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

He's like, it is.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

We just make a million. And then you kill darlings all day. And then the best ones go. And then I, I always remember that I, I don't think he would. I. I'm certain he wouldn't mind, but I would see Conan, like, real worn out and like, oh, he was.

[Morgan J.]

I could tell he was tired and.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

He would joke to me. He's like, you don't know what you're getting into. Like, run, run. But what we did, this is the old backdrop. We, we did 90 episodes, I think total, and they do 90 in three months. So it's like no comparison.

[Morgan J.]

It was. Yeah, it was crazy. And I just remember. Yeah, I just remember he seemed. Because he had I guess smoosh with the other different. You know, there's like different affiliates in different parts of the country. And you. That's the other.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, you might be able to use this. Another Conan thing. He told me because I would do some affiliate stuff and.

[Morgan J.]

And mind you, he doesn't know who I am. Just, you know, I was just an intern there. I. I don't want to make it seem like I know his life.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Nobody thought. Nobody felt that.

[Morgan J.]

Okay.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And I think he'd be happy to know you.

[Morgan J.]

Okay.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And know that you are trying to know him.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Or maybe he does know you.

[Morgan J.]

Who knows who I am trying to know you?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Conan.

[Morgan J.]

Conan o'.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Brien.

[Morgan J.]

Can I get to know you?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Please put your red hair on my.

[Morgan J.]

Shoulder and I will caress it with my dry fingers.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Not clammy. When I get nervous, my feet get clammy, not my hands.

[Morgan J.]

I wish I had my auto tune stuff.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Me too. I wish you had it.

[Morgan J.]

It's kind of a. It's kind of a whole thing to set it up and you gotta have headphones.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, I believe it. I. Yeah, I'm not. I'm glad you just came. I don't want you to feel like you had to.

[Morgan J.]

I appreciate you. I appreciate it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

But it is fun to just kind of have to it with you.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

My feet get clammy.

[Morgan J.]

One day there will be a technology where I could just like.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Have it with me. I could actually launch my Dune.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It'll be like an orb and it'll auto tune both of us.

[Morgan J.]

People who, who have to breathe through the.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Intergalactic planetary.

[Morgan J.]

They have it already, don't they?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

They're being auto tuned.

[Morgan J.]

Like, why wouldn't they just. Did someone have a joke? Like, why wouldn't they just have it?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Well, that's like Nick Swartzen's. I think it's Nick Swartz. And why don't we take roller coasters to work instead of the subway? It's like we have it. Everybody would be awake when you get to work.

[Morgan J.]

It's.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's. And if we are. Trachea. No, no, no, no. It's not what's happening? This isn't an off color tracheotomy joke. I'm saying if you're going to. I would buy the option to be like, don't smoke, children.

[Morgan J.]

Put some color in there.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, put some color in there.

[Morgan J.]

I was smoking for 10, 10 years and I got emphysema. If you don't want to end up like me, do this.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Joe Camel's full of.

[Morgan J.]

Just do Zins now. Everybody's doing Zins. Everybody.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Zin is not a sin.

[Morgan J.]

Zen is not a Zen.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

But I did nicotine for a long time. But here's what they don't tell you.

[Morgan J.]

What's that?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It might not be a sin, but it's so addictive. Which I used to think. Look, little psa. I used to think addictive just meant awesome. What's actually, I really did. I'm such an idiot. I was like 40.

[Morgan J.]

This is.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I quit a year ago.

[Morgan J.]

How do you feel?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I feel fantastic. Because I don't want to be beholden to anything.

[Podcast Host / Advertiser]

Yeah, that's the problem.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

So when you. When you. Your brain actually grows more nicotine receptors. So let's say you're born with four. You start using it, it doubles to eight. That's Ryan Adams. It takes two where it used to take one. That song, it's about addiction. So now if you stop using it, you have eight things screaming for it, and then 16 things screaming for it, and then 32. It's good. You go nuts. So it's not addictive does not mean awesome. It means chemical dependent. And then when I quit, I remember I was coming back from a movie. Actually, the first time I quit, I was coming back from a movie and I ate a huge one of those feed bags of Skittles they sell. You know, the. It's like a breast implant. It's huge and.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Heavy. I mean, and then I hated everybody. I hated. And I hated how I hated everybody. But that's how upsetting it is to go off of something.

[Morgan J.]

Was there a part of you that was like, feeling like, I have to go, like, this is going to be okay. There's like a. There's like a.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Morgan J.]

There's like. Because whenever I feel sad, I'm like, it's okay that I'm sad because.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, you're going somewhere.

[Morgan J.]

I'm going to be. I have to be going.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yes. Sad isn't a destination. Sad is the tunnel between two places. Yeah, That's a good perspective.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And when I was going, I knew. Let's put it this way. If your brain can at least label it, like, I'm in withdraw draw. Like if someone tells you you have the 24 hour flu.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Your brain relaxes because you're like, this is one day. Yeah, one day. I can do one day. So I. I knew I was in withdrawal for one day.

[Morgan J.]

It's like when they started putting those signs in New York that told you when they. When how long the train would be. Remember that?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Love those signs. I. I remember when there weren't those signs, Right? That's when you just feel like, well, I better stab somebody.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

You're like, I'm going to be here forever. I'm like, purgatory or something.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

But then you get on the F train, it still says, like, 43 minutes. And you're like, me, dude.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Fuck me. All right, where were we? Conan, an intern. And then. So you went from being an intern and then I went straight to working.

[Morgan J.]

At the Container Store in Chelsea.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Is that true?

[Morgan J.]

No. After I graduated college, I went to NYU for theater, and I. My jobs right out of college were the Container Store. I worked in the stock room, like, putting containers in boxes, like, to ship.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Which is kind of containing containers.

[Morgan J.]

Yes. I did customer service.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Everything is a container.

[Morgan J.]

Everything's a container.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Show me something that isn't a container.

[Morgan J.]

I always. I had a joke, like, why don't they sell coffins? Like, they. Like, the most. Final exception, the ultimate container.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You know, I'd like to be in Tupperware.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

We found a dead bird, and my daughter put it in a jar. And that thing's still 90% a bird.

[Morgan J.]

It's just there.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Like, it's pretty preserved.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

The Egyptians were trying too hard is what I'm saying.

[Morgan J.]

Yes.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You get an airtight seal.

[Morgan J.]

You're good.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You got a bird.

[Morgan J.]

They couldn't airtight seal back.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

They couldn't airtight seal.

[Morgan J.]

They might have actually been able to. They could have done some crazy stuff.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's true. Well, the pyramids are certainly aliens. Well, I mean, I don't subscribe to the hydrogen plant. Have you heard that? No, that's fine. The hydrogen, like, there's that tunnel. They're like, there's a chance that it was a hydrogen reactor. Like, apparently. This is not the podcast. We know the podcast. You tune in for this. It's not this one, but, like, it is interesting.

[Morgan J.]

Can you pull that up?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Jamie, can you pull up which podcast you tune in for? Which hydrogen plant? Pyramid in Giza. But anyway, I don't subscribe to that, but I do think it was probably airtight. I think they were able to do that.

[Morgan J.]

Have you seen them in person?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Is it cool?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

So, well, I'll say the ones in Giza are a little bit no shade Egypt. Actually, that's true in two ways. It's a very sunny place. No shade Egypt, but the one, the great pyramids in Cairo are right by the freeway. So when you see pyramids in movies, like drones. I believe those are the Pyramids of Giza.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

So I went to Cairo and Cairo's a real city, man. It's like bustling and just like every city is kind of busting at the seams. A lot of people. So there's kind of like pollution and just like every city. And there's the pyramids and there's like the 405, basically, like curving around them. Not literally, but like. So if you're thinking it's going to be like, you know, dunes and.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Fun. Like that. It's those. Those are Giza, I'm pretty sure.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

But the ones in Cairo are kind of like, oh, my God. They built a city around the pyramid guarantee.

[Morgan J.]

That's like when you live in New York and you never go to the Empire State Building, there's probably people who live there. Like, I never been there.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I mean, I know I don't. I only go to the pyramids when my in laws are in town.

[Morgan J.]

Exactly. That's the only time, you know, I was a New York City tour guide in New York. I was a bicycle tour guide.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, wow.

[Morgan J.]

After. Out of college. And I didn't do any of the things until I had that job.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Was it fun, though? Were you glad that you did?

[Morgan J.]

That was probably the best job I ever had.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Really?

[Morgan J.]

Yeah, it was me. It was like I was on a bicycle. It was like 20 people on bicycles behind. Behind me. We got to. We would do like. I would ride.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You were great at that.

[Morgan J.]

I loved it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I probably primed you for what you're doing. It's very.

[Morgan J.]

Talk to people.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Because when I saw. Oh, sorry, you get to make.

[Morgan J.]

I'd make facts up. I just tell people like, this is the first Subway sandwich shop in America. And they would be like, what? Like, you just make stuff up. They don't know people coming in from, like, Belgium. They, you know, just make stuff up.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

See, when I watch you, it's interesting. And I don't know if your whole show is. Is talking to the crowd.

[Morgan J.]

It's not.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

No.

[Morgan J.]

Okay. That's just.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's what you post.

[Morgan J.]

I look at it like those are like the commercials for the.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Okay. But when I see that, it takes me back to. I'm saying this to put it to you. When I was a little kid growing up in Boston, anytime in, like, Quincy Market, like, Fan Fan Faneuil hall, she's an outdoor cobblestone kind of walking mall.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

There'd be street performers. And that's when I first got the Bug for, like, if they talk to you, you can say something and you might get a laugh.

[Morgan J.]

Tick and tack and tell her part.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Because I got that feeling. I was like, I feel like you're the kind of person. It's a leading question, but, like, that might have been in those situations and gotten the bug from that. What. So what's Tick and Tack?

[Morgan J.]

Tick and Tack were like, the first, like, it was in Washington Square Park. My parents brought me there. I was like six or five or six. They perform in the fountain during the summer or like, right before, like, the. The water went on.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

And they would do that. You know that trick that, like, every street performer does? Like, when it's two guys who, like, dance and do flips and stuff, they get like four people and then they jump over the people talking about, yeah, yeah, sure. So that was my first introduction to it. And my mom was like, go give them a dollar. And I, like, went in front of everybody to give them a dollar. And I thought, like, this is so cool. Obviously, there was a time when I was in high school where I was watching Premium Blend and, like, watching, you know, the Comedy Central Presents specials at that point.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Is there a premium. I was just going to bring the audience up to speed. That became Live at Gotham. But now they' is no short form.

[Morgan J.]

No, there isn't. Well, actually, now it's Don't Tell comedy.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

What is that?

[Morgan J.]

Don't tell Comedy is like the. I suppose it's like, wait, don't tell. Oh, yeah, you figured out.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Okay. Is it on Netflix?

[Morgan J.]

YouTube?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, you.

[Morgan J.]

They've broke, like. They're like. They've broken more talent, I feel like, in the last five years than any other W platform. It's just on YouTube.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Wow. Okay, cool.

[Morgan J.]

That's great. Shout out to them. They. They went, like, digital. They, like, get people from all over the country, too.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

So that's great. I'm glad there's a place because you need sometime. You have, yeah, seven minutes and that's what you want to break with.

[Morgan J.]

But yeah, I was watching Premium Blend, too. And, you know, all those different comedy. I mean, dude, I was a nerd, dude. When they made Comedy Central Presents available on. To stream on Netflix. This is a long time ago. I would watch and, like, take notes and things.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's great.

[Morgan J.]

You know, it's like technical things.

[Podcast Host / Advertiser]

And it's actually a good series to.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Do because the presents aren't. I feel like they're not slick.

[Morgan J.]

They're not. No.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

They're not hyper polished.

[Pete Holmes]

Edited. No.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

So you can Watch and kind of get sense. Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Commercial breaks. Which is crazy.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

But sometimes the bit on my presents, I think a bit ends just because that's when the was.

[Morgan J.]

No, literally. I heard a story that Dimitri Martin would use the guitar for his.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh.

[Morgan J.]

To control them so they couldn't cut around.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I heard the same story, but Zach Elephant has removed layers of clothing so they couldn't change the order.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Well, now that I'm editing my special, I see like it is hard to cut around certain things with the music, you know?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yes, for sure.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And if you have a big pad, I mean that's going to be act two. He's like doing act.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, comedy.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's like act one, some one liners. Act two pad, act three, guitar.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And that's perfect for a present.

[Morgan J.]

Well, I, I mean, you know, going back to. I mean I think it's good to vary it up. Especially now like, like you said my show, that what you see online again, it's. Listen, I, I'm the first to admit that some of the clips I post, they're not that good. They. But you have to just shame. No, no, no, no. But some of them I think are fantastic.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

No, I understand, I think I understand what you're saying, but like am I right in interpreting? You're like, look, this is like, it's a volume business. What's that? It's a volume business.

[Morgan J.]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Okay, there you go. And you said it.

[Morgan J.]

And, and when you come to the live show, my audience is so much younger now that they have this like brain rot they can't lock in. If you ask anybody under 25, the last comedy special they've seen, they don't, they couldn't answer it. They haven't sat through an hour special. And they really need a show that's experiential.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

And that's kind of what my show is. It's like I run into the crowd, I get people to sing, I get, I bring people on stage.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

I have songs that have like built in structure where audience members get to feel like they are the star of the show.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

There is like a, you know, a stand up portion, there's a, a normal like guitar portion. But the reason I switch it up now over like an hour and ten minutes is just because they'll just swipe on their phone and they'll, they'll just space out.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You mean at the show?

[Morgan J.]

I mean I let them film and photograph whatever they want. Now at the shows you're worried that.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

They Might start scrolling.

[Morgan J.]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh yeah.

[Morgan J.]

These, these young and not to like, I'm not trying to throw shade at them. It's just.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I'm not trying to Egypt anybody.

[Morgan J.]

I'll try to Egypt anybody, but stay sunny, guys. But it's just, you know, that's just the new reality. Yeah, it's the new reality.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And you look older. Guys like me resist that. And then when we see somebody just showing it all, when we see somebody that's kind of like going with the flow.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

We get a little scared, I think. I think guys like me might be like, like, my manager will be like, I'm editing my special. He's like, nobody watches hours anymore. I'm like, all right, like I get real and. But then cut to you.

[Morgan J.]

I mean, I'm trying to pitch what I'm doing. My special is like 50 something minutes. We shot it in three different cities. It cuts like a lot. And we're cutting it, we're cutting it like a kind of like a tick tock, like kind of quick cuts here and there. And if nobody buys it, I'm gonna break it into two or three 20 minute specials.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Because if I, I hate, I hate to like say that I'm like creating, you know, things in service of an algorithm, but I have to meet it halfway.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

You know, it's like.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I understand. We talk about this a lot actually. You know, older farts.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

It's like, listen, the product I put out I think I'm really proud of. If you come to a full hour, it's a really great show.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

But when you have to put it online and get people to like sit. Do you know this thing about like pitching a TV show now that you have to pitch a show that's like simple enough where somebody could watch it while they're on their phone?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Is that right?

[Morgan J.]

Have you heard of this?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

So the second screen, like, it was like, does this pass the second screen test? This is a real thing.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Really?

[Morgan J.]

We're like. I mean, people are literally, you know, watching Bridgerton like this, you know.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Which is why we re watch the Office over and over.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Because you could just.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's just real good.

[Morgan J.]

It's just you can kind of, you.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Know, tune in for the B plot.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Oh yeah, exactly. So I've also heard.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

They. Sorry. That they want things that you can understand and like, you know, I'm trying to Thailand, like, meaning if it has like some visual component.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That like, even with the sound off, you would kind of Know what's going.

[Morgan J.]

On, Dude, I'm watching, like, a guy.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

With a giant head.

[Morgan J.]

Yeah, I'm watching giant head Ed.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yo, let's go sell giant head. Ed.

[Morgan J.]

Giant head would be an easy sell.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Giant. He's got a giant head. Is he smart? That's what's weird. He's not smart.

[Morgan J.]

But can he predict the future with his giant brain?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's the season one cliffhanger. He goes, I saw that coming. They're like, what did you mean? It's like, severance.

[Morgan J.]

She's alive.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's like that.

[Morgan J.]

You know, I haven't gotten a season two yet.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Don't worry.

[Morgan J.]

Is that okay?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's the end of season one.

[Morgan J.]

Oh, okay.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

He screamed she's alive at the end of season.

[Morgan J.]

Is that real? I didn't finish season one. I. I know. It's blasphemous. I got through four or five episodes okay.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Guess what?

[Pete Holmes]

What?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Is that the hook? Because I'm taking you off it. I hate this whole. You're not watching the bear.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Get the out of here, dude. Yeah, they work for us.

[Morgan J.]

That's right.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I don't work for them.

[Morgan J.]

That's right.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You stop.

[Pete Holmes]

What?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Season one of Severance ends when you stop watching.

[Morgan J.]

That's right.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And when people are like, you gotta watch it. No, I don't. I absolutely don't. And I think Severance is the shit. I love it. You do not have to.

[Morgan J.]

I. I'll tell you what I watch. I watch MasterChef. That's what I watch.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

MC.

[Morgan J.]

I watch. I watch. I love Gordon Ramsay, and I watch what I watch.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You have a mean guy. The thing is, he's.

[Morgan J.]

You could tell. He's. You never feel like people who are really mean, like, on camera, they're. They're not mean people.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's like, mean comedians.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Are always sweethearts. Not always, but usually are very sweet because they get it out. Gordon Ramsay doesn't come home with the need to, like, let off any steam.

[Morgan J.]

And, like, he's ready to cuddle.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

He's ready to snug. When that dude gets.

[Morgan J.]

He just wants to make his kids an omelet. Like a nice French omelet.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Exactly. Yell at somebody about their asparagus for 45 minutes. When you go home, you're tired, you.

[Morgan J.]

Don'T want to be that guy anymore.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

He's like this.

[Morgan J.]

Yeah, I love you. I love you. And I'm sure if somebody messes up the food. If somebody messes up the food in the kitchen, they're probably just. He's probably like, ass. Okay.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

He doesn't even care.

[Morgan J.]

A little seasoning on it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's what salt is for.

[Morgan J.]

Salt's for love.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's all right. Yeah, I can't do his voice.

[Morgan J.]

I can't do it either.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

He does kind of.

[Morgan J.]

Although if you watch the first season in America, I mean, I don't want to make any assumptions. He seems like he's on coke.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, really?

[Morgan J.]

It's. It's truly.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I think all chefs are on coke.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

I mean, I've worked in a restaurant, for sure. I mean, there's some. There's some stuff going on backstage. Change. Smoking.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, they love stimulants.

[Morgan J.]

Stimulants. They don't. They. They prefer fast food than the food they cook.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Really?

[Morgan J.]

Oh, yeah. I mean, my fast food, my. My dad was. My dad was a chef. My mom catered. I mean, we grew up with.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

To his needs.

[Morgan J.]

Says needs.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Thanks for coming on Morgan J. Is the Instagram also watching play games on Twitch?

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Morgan J.]

Oh, my goodness. That's another thing of the businessman. I'm just trying to get hips. You know, Ron. Ron funches. He does the twitch thing too.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, does he?

[Morgan J.]

Yeah. So, yeah. I mean, I think that's also, like, a future kind of the hang. The future hangman.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I mean, like, you're hanging with your fans.

[Pete Holmes]

You.

[Morgan J.]

You realize there's people who live in the middle of nowhere who have nothing to do, and they. It's probably hard to make friends and go out. They don't have money to do things, so they're gonna hang with you and play video games with you.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

You know, I started doing these IRL streams in real life.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Where my buddy follows me with a camera. You know, we'll go to a comedy club or two. I always tell the comics in the green. I'm like, I've done it three times now as I have streaming. If you don't want to be a part of this, I understand, because I know the green room is, like, a very safe space.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, sure.

[Morgan J.]

So I'll, like, move somewhere else.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You open the door, someone's just screaming the N word.

[Morgan J.]

I mean, I'll tell.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I mean, like, doing. Doing bits that wouldn't travel well.

[Morgan J.]

Well, I was at the Improv, and then Bobby came in.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's an exaggeration, by the way. Nobody in the Comedy Store is screaming the N word.

[Morgan J.]

I'm just. No, no, Nobody is doing that. Nobody. That happens at the Laugh Factory, but. Nobody.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's more of a Laugh Factory. Oh, no, no, no, no, no.

[Morgan J.]

We brought it back. It's been so long.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's more of an improv thing.

[Morgan J.]

But, yeah, the. But the IRL stuff is really interesting because you have these. When I saw Kevin Hart go on this streamer, Kaisannat Stream. I don't know if you're familiar with Kai Sinat, but Kaisannat is probably one of the biggest new emerging talents he livestreams. He had Kevin Hart went to his house, did a sleepover. This guy's, like, 22. They just, like, play video games. They hang out. They do. There's a goofing off at home.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

They had almost a million people watching, like, concurrently.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Morgan J.]

Excuse me. For the whole day. So when I saw that, I just was like, all right. There's clearly a shift going on in entertainment. Like, even during the pandemic, I was like, I feel like none of this is funny. I don't. Do you. Do you want me to try to be funny? Should I sing everything? I feel like there's a shift going on in entertainment.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It frightens people. Like me, who've had a colonoscopy.

[Morgan J.]

I've had a colonoscopy, too. I'm high risk.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

How old are you? Oh, high risk.

[Morgan J.]

I'm actually 38, and my dad.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And cancers in your book?

[Morgan J.]

Clean as a fiddle.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Really?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

However, the girl. So there was an anesthesiologist, anal stiziologist, analysiologist, a doctor and a nurse, and the nurse recognized me.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh.

[Morgan J.]

I told her. I said, this is a VIP meet and greet now. And you have to. It is. You have to pay me.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's a thorough meeting.

[Morgan J.]

It's a thorough meet and greet.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You're really meeting every. Every part of you.

[Morgan J.]

Yeah, but I cannot clean.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

I had to get it done.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I actually haven't had mine yet.

[Morgan J.]

Really?

[Pete Holmes]

No. Can I.

[Morgan J.]

Soldier?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

How old are you?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, you're gonna ask.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

How old are you?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

45.

[Morgan J.]

45, okay, so I'm 38.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

But you're high risk.

[Morgan J.]

Higher. Yeah. My dad died when he was 57.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Sorry. I'm not trying to be funny.

[Morgan J.]

No, no. I. I make a whole joke about it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah. Dude.

[Morgan J.]

Dude. Dude's a loser. Dude's a loser. Bro. It's like.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Well, I'll tell you this, because my dad has definitely never gotten a colonoscopy.

[Morgan J.]

Oh, really? Is it out of principle? He's like, I'm not letting anybody stick a finger in my butt.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Well, that. The finger is prostate.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Is that what you're talking about?

[Morgan J.]

No, no. But or like a tube or whatever. Anything in general. In the butt.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I bet my dad's had the. I can't speak for my dad. I'm gonna let him out. I'm gonna say I've had several prostate exams.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And not a joke. My doctor has very small hands, which is a feature.

[Morgan J.]

She's like, I'll do two fingers.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Would you mind? What am I paying you for?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Like, I can't. I'm not feeling anything.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Can you.

[Morgan J.]

Can you like, what's going on here? This is.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

If she goes to the elbow, everyone gets free drinks.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Get the whole fist in there. I really feel it. Really feel it. I'm almost there.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

But I. And she's telling me to get a colonoscopy.

[Morgan J.]

I just. It was.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I assume earlier it used to be. It is a woman.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Which.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Small hands Woman.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Small hands man.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Small hand man.

[Morgan J.]

Small hand man with big. Big Ted Head. Big Head Ted.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Big Head Ted has very small hands. And he's a doctor that only does colonoscopies, prostate exams.

[Morgan J.]

So he specializes in.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

He's an anesthesiologist, actually. Big Head. I think we could sell Big Head.

[Morgan J.]

And it's like.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Remember in NBA Jam there was the big head cheat.

[Morgan J.]

Yes.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's like that.

[Morgan J.]

People love that.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

They loved that.

[Morgan J.]

Do you. Do you remember there was a bit on the. On Fallon. I don't know if you saw this fallen. It was called Mannequin Hands.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Morgan J.]

Where they had to do everything with a mannequin hand. I could. It's kind of like.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I don't know.

[Morgan J.]

I thought that was really funny.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Something to it. We'll sell it.

[Morgan J.]

We'll sell it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

We'll sell it today.

[Morgan J.]

Any gimmick. Easy.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Any gimmick.

[Morgan J.]

It's got with the heat I got.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Right now, second screen.

[Morgan J.]

I could sell anything.

[Pete Holmes]

I think you could.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I think you could take a meetings.

[Morgan J.]

I'm talking a 24. I'm talking Annapurna. Okay.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Annapurna. These are too prestigious.

[Morgan J.]

Okay.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

We need to go adult swim with this.

[Morgan J.]

I'm talk. Oh, yeah, that makes sense.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Go Adult swim with Big Head Ed.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I don't know about the name, but he's got a big head. Maybe it should be called, like, Bridgerton. It should. It shouldn't. The name shouldn't even tell you anything. It should be called, like, Speak Town.

[Morgan J.]

Speak Town.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, with an e that. Where Town has an extra at the end.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Broad Strokes.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I like Broad strokes. Have you seen Broad Strokes? I'm not in the mood for a drama?

[Morgan J.]

No, no.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's a guy with a huge head.

[Morgan J.]

It has nothing to do with the show. He doesn't even paint. There's nothing. There's no painting going on.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And he's not smart.

[Morgan J.]

And as a matter of fact, it's very specific. It's very specific.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I like this a lot.

[Podcast Host / Advertiser]

Let's talk about socks. Who cares, right? That's what I thought.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

This is real.

[Podcast Host / Advertiser]

I thought, who cares? All socks are the same. They're all just dumb fucking tubes for your feet. Then I did the Colbert show, Late Night with Stephen Colbert. And in the gift basket were socks by a company, a small company called Worn. So Stephen Colbert puts all of his favorite things in the gift basket. And I found these socks called Worn Socks and I put them on and I am, I'm not just saying this, obsessed. Did a complete sock drawer overhaul and now they are all worn socks because they're amazing. They are their everyday crew socks and they are made from something called arrow Wool Aerowool. It's patented, it's their own thing. It's a performance enhanced merino that feels fantastic, stays dry and looks amazing. I thought all socks were the same. I couldn't have been more wrong. They are super, super soft, which is great. Aerowol carries 15. Excuse me, reading the stats here. 15 times less moisture than cotton. That's why I love them. They stay super, super dry and the grip on them even after you wash them is incredible. It wicks twice as well and lasts five times longer than cotton, which is incredible. That means you're not just comfy when you first put these on. You're comfortable and dry all day long, which is for sure a game changer. No sweaty, damp feeling or grossness by mid afternoon like cotton.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You know what else I love?

[Podcast Host / Advertiser]

Unlike other merino bands, they are merino.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's the fabric.

[Podcast Host / Advertiser]

They are machine washable. And every time you wash them, they refit. I don't understand that. You're tossing them in a garble of water and soap and they're getting tossed about. It's magic. You wash them and they come out of the wash and they fit like they're the first time, every time. No sliding down or stretching out. I don't know why, especially as I get older, I want my socks to stay put. If they start to sag, they go in the trash. And I've yet to throw out a pair of my worn socks. You gotta check them out today. Upgrade your socks and your basics. They have other stuff they got t Shirts, boxers, mids, all this daily wear stuff. Get the better basics that you deserve.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

For a better experience.

[Podcast Host / Advertiser]

Check them [e-mail] that's W O R N B R-A N-D.com and use code WEIRD for 20% off your first purchase. That's Warn brand. Don't forget to save 20. Off with code WEIRD. Absolute, absolute game changer.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

We're also brought to us by our.

[Podcast Host / Advertiser]

Friends at Mud Water. It is March, which means spring is right around the corner. Which means it's the perfect time to refresh your routine. Maybe you're thinking about shaking off the winter blues, focusing on your wellness, or simply finding a new way to feel energized throughout the day. Well, one change I can actually stick to is ditching those endless cups of coffee and reaching for something better.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Mud Water.

[Podcast Host / Advertiser]

I love Mud Water. I'm obsessed with Mud Water. If you're looking something to cut out coffee, have less coffee jitters, but still avoid that afternoon slump. Mud Water is the perfect nourishing drink.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

To help you power through.

[Podcast Host / Advertiser]

It's not your average cup of joe with a blend of cacao chai, turmeric and adaptogenic mushrooms. It helps you feel more focused without the crash. It's smooth, steady and honestly just makes you feel feel better. It's a mood lift and an energy enhancer.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And it's easy.

[Podcast Host / Advertiser]

We're all busy. I understand that. But in just two minutes, mix it with hot water or milk.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I like it.

[Podcast Host / Advertiser]

I actually put a scoop in my smoothies. No hassle, no over caffeinated craziness, just pure focus. So whether you're ready to embrace the new season or just watch, get a fresh start to your daily routine. Give Mud Water a try and you can save our listeners. Get up to 40, 43% off your entire order. Free shipping and a free rechargeable frother. Head to Mud Water M u d w t r.com and use code Weird at checkout. And Mud Water is also available at Target and Sprouts locations across the US So it's never been easier to grab.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

A cup of this. Pick me up.

[Podcast Host / Advertiser]

All right, back to the show.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Okay, you were saying, Fallon? Oh yeah, yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Oh yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You're saying your mom and your dad were both in the food service?

[Pete Holmes]

Oh yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Wow, you really.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Magic mine. Magicmind.com Big headed for 20 added to your bill, right?

[Morgan J.]

No, you should have it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You would love it. Actually, that's one of my questions.

[Morgan J.]

What is this?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Well, we are prep for show. There it is.

[Morgan J.]

How did you like, how do you.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Prep for your show? I do want to know. But to finish about your parents, because I wrote that down.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

No, no, parents.

[Morgan J.]

Parents. Yeah, man. All I wanted was like fast food and chicken nuggets and Wendy's because everything that we ate at home is delicious. Like, they would be making like really good food.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I get them. I totally get it.

[Morgan J.]

And you're. And everybody you go to school with is like going to Wendy's. Like, the chicken nuggets at Wendy's are the best.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

But fast food restaurants, I understand they have an appeal for your entire life potentially. But in high school, those are your restaurants.

[Morgan J.]

They are.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And if you're, if you, like when senior year, you could leave campus to go to lunch. And if you went to McDonald's during lunch, first of all, it would be such a rush. I mean, it's like 35 minutes.

[Morgan J.]

We left.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I think we had 45 minutes.

[Morgan J.]

Yeah, it was about 45 minutes.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You have to drive 10 minutes to McDonald's.

[Morgan J.]

Get the food.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Get the food. You got 30 minutes. It's a panic. But as a kid, you're like, I gotta get the arch.

[Morgan J.]

Feels like a heist.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It feels a heist.

[Morgan J.]

Feels like a heist.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It feels a heist. And you have cash. You have a five.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You're learning about tax. All right, take the flurry off.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

But you're eating it at a table.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And nobody. It's just autonomy. It's sovereignty. You know what I mean? You're your own person. You ordered it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Get to drive.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Feels real good.

[Morgan J.]

It's crazy that we can do it now. We take it for granted. We just go and do it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

We could go and do it right now, but you and I would do it at Nobu and would talk about big headed.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And like how we're gonna sell this. Ipo.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, ipo.

[Morgan J.]

I mean IP Investments.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

The market.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

How do we.

[Morgan J.]

How do we turn into this person?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And I'd say we need to make it. The thing is, we need to make it feel organic. And then I'd like chopsticks on sashimi. There's not even rice on it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's just sashimi.

[Morgan J.]

We gotta see where like our bottom line is and where the users are really going to connect with this.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I just want to see more thumb stops. And then I edamame. You know, that's us now.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Are you vegan?

[Morgan J.]

No, I just saw a smoothie place. Usually I start the day. I don't usually punch I usually fast until 12pm I don't normally, but.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Fasting today?

[Morgan J.]

Yeah, just I didn't want to 11 and then like, if we got one till one, I was like, I might be a little hungry.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

No, I think I did the right thing.

[Morgan J.]

And then I have an IV after this. In fact, B.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

B complex.

[Morgan J.]

I'm doing the Myers Briggs cocktail.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

What?

[Morgan J.]

I get like an IV of like.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Myers Briggs is a personality.

[Morgan J.]

I know. What is it called?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Anyway?

[Morgan J.]

It's an iv. It's a mix of like vitamins.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

We all want to know now.

[Morgan J.]

I could, I don't have to, but it was like. It's like, it's vitamins. It's, it's like glutathione or whatever, some stuff to make. But I'm traveling every week and my immune system is like not strong.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Dude, I was just in Vegas. No, New Orleans. The Vegas of fried foods.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

That's a great way to put it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, it's like Vegas with voodoo.

[Morgan J.]

Yeah, with magic.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host / Advertiser]

Have you ever been in Vegas?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Like I'm not scared enough.

[Morgan J.]

I was there. I was there two weeks ago.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

New Orleans.

[Morgan J.]

No, Vegas.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, so New Orleans with no voodoo.

[Morgan J.]

Yeah, yeah, New Orleans with no voodoo. Or God anyway.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Well, there's certainly a God. It's the mighty dol. The Yankee dollar. But I was in New Orleans and because they have all these hangover places, I went in. Not hungover. I don't drink any anymore. Who gives a shit? I wasn't hungover.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And I went in and got a B complex shot. And I was trying to get my brother in law to do one too. But there's this. I think there's an uncanny valley there. People think it's too douchey or something. But I. But that's what I'm saying. I know you don't feel this way.

[Morgan J.]

I don't feel that way.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I think if there's an IV place where you're listening to this, go get one. It's so fun. Yeah, it feels so good.

[Morgan J.]

It feels good. And listen, my friend is a doctor and he was like, let me tell you something. You pee a lot of that stuff out. But I'm a big pussy, by the way. Yeah, exactly.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Pinch the.

[Morgan J.]

Oh, you got it right on top of the glute.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

But I'm a big believer in the placebo effect. I. Some part of it is making me feel better.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You know, I, I'm. I'm a hard disagree on pee. I know what he's talking about.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Because your body can get it sure, yeah. But there's a feeling it's different that you get where you're like, I don't know if I'm gonna be able to sleep tonight. It's like. It's like five shots of espresso, but better.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

And it's like full liquids, like they say. Oh, you're getting two gallons of hydration.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, really? With this type of ritual multi. Ritual.com. weird. It breaks down your lower intestine. Don't worry about it.

[Morgan J.]

What is that?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

One of our sponsors is ritual.

[Morgan J.]

Okay, who cares?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Who cares?

[Morgan J.]

All right, edit it out. Okay, Just cut it out.

[Pete Holmes]

Edit it back in.

[Morgan J.]

Okay, wonderful.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Loop it.

[Morgan J.]

Loop twice.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

So anyway.

[Morgan J.]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Sorry.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Loop it.

[Morgan J.]

I was talking about, like, loop a.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Song we can't afford. You singing about ritual dot com? No, Nobody can afford that.

[Morgan J.]

Okay.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

What? Where were we?

[Morgan J.]

Gonna ask you about prep.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, I.

[Morgan J.]

Needing shows.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, yeah, yeah.

[Morgan J.]

That kind of leads into the prepping for the show, though.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I get it then. I don't. I don't even. I'm not even worried. This is a day off for me.

[Morgan J.]

I'm just talking a lot. Am I talking too much? Excuse me?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Too much. Who's the guest?

[Morgan J.]

Shut up.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Who's the guest?

[Morgan J.]

I'm the guest.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You're like my dog. Who's a good guest? Who's a good guess?

[Morgan J.]

I'm a good guess.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

He's a good one. And we're never gonna neuter him. Keep him viral.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You feel very viral.

[Morgan J.]

Well, as a matter of fact, I am. I did get a vasectomy, so.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

When?

[Morgan J.]

September.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Nice, bro. Me too.

[Morgan J.]

Oh, sorry.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, that's all right.

[Morgan J.]

Sorry, my bad.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You.

[Pete Holmes]

We.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

If we seem more infertile than usual, it's because we've both been snapped. So you just had one in September?

[Morgan J.]

Yeah, September.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And then you have. Have you had it tested?

[Pete Holmes]

Yep.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

How many times?

[Morgan J.]

Just the one time.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Me too. Just the one. They tell you two, though. And I'm like, I can't be driving in here to jerk off twice.

[Morgan J.]

Well, I didn't even go somewhere. I just jerked off into a cup.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, really?

[Morgan J.]

Nail it in.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, I had that in my fridge for about six months. I just couldn't do it. I want to go to a doctor and have them put me in a room. That's not a jerk off room. It's just an examination room.

[Morgan J.]

It's this type of lighting. It's. It's bright as it could be.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's the least erotic environment.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And you're looking at a single frame.

[Morgan J.]

Of pornography and there's six people outside the room knowing, like, he's jerking off in there.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. It's real quiet.

[Morgan J.]

Then they're placing bets on how long it's going to take.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Clean up with gauze.

[Morgan J.]

See, it's been their fun.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Well, that. That's funny. This isn't about that time, but I had. It doesn't matter. I had a joke about that where I was like, when they know you're jerking off, you don't want to be too long, but you also don't want.

[Morgan J.]

To be too fast.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You don't want to come out like, that skeleton is hot. Yeah, that skeleton is hot. As.

[Morgan J.]

I'm going to be like, he enjoyed himself a little bit.

[Pete Holmes]

Not.

[Morgan J.]

So it's going to be a nice, potent, nice sample.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Beautiful sample. Go in there, jerk up. It's a hard time.

[Morgan J.]

Okay, go on.

[Pete Holmes]

Go on.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

So, you. Why do you have a vasectomy?

[Morgan J.]

I. You know, me and my partner.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, by the way, I had one, too, so I'm assuming it's because you don't.

[Morgan J.]

No, me and my partner.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You don't have any kids.

[Morgan J.]

We don't have any kids, and we've been together a long time when we just don't plan to have kids and.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

No shame here.

[Morgan J.]

Yeah, I saw.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Shame eyes.

[Morgan J.]

No, no, no, not at all.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I just think there is some judgment going on with.

[Morgan J.]

With what? Me? Like.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

No, no, not you. Not you. Not you. In when I. Oh. With getting the V. About having a vasectomy and stopping at one kid. There's so much electricity around having kids. How many kids you have, all this stuff. So I just wanted you to feel comfortable and free to speak.

[Morgan J.]

Yeah, I mean, listen, I think we just want to really raise two beautiful bank accounts and use that money to.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Send the bank to college.

[Morgan J.]

Send the bank to college and watch it grow up. Invest, Gain interest. Yeah, exactly. Be part of the problem.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Sure.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

You know, we'll take care of my. I mean, ultimately, like, said, you know, help my nephews and nieces and my mom and my step. You know, I just want to help my.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You got people to help.

[Morgan J.]

Yeah, I got people to take care of and help out.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Look, having kids is not for everybody, and. And that's. I know you already know that, but, like, it's so ingrained in our culture, the game of life. That's how you win. You get the little. Little pegs in the backseat.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

It's like there's. There is this kind of agenda that, like, we don't have to do anything. We don't want to. I always, sometimes I say that whenever I'm feeling really anxious.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Like, I'm like, Morgan, you don't have to do anything you don't want to do.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's right.

[Morgan J.]

I'd like, tell myself that, like, I'll add this.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You don't even have to solve all of your problems.

[Morgan J.]

I know.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Sometimes you can just be like, ah, that's a problem. Like that relationship. Oh, it's not what I want it to be. I don't have to solve that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Are you a people pleaser type of person?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I'm a PP.

[Morgan J.]

I. Yeah, I'm a PP.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I'm trying to figure that. Big PP.

[Morgan J.]

I'm a big.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

100%.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

100.

[Morgan J.]

Had a snip it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

So you're. You struggle with people pleasing a little bit.

[Morgan J.]

You made a choice to do comedy, Is that what you're saying?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

No, no, no. To snip your dick.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

But meaning that good for you.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You could have been like, well, I'm supposed to like.

[Morgan J.]

But also the doctor was really nonchalant. He was like, oh, you could reverse it. It's a little bit hard to reverse it, but you can reverse it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's what they told me.

[Morgan J.]

And then he's like, if you really wanted, we could just go straight to the source and just like get out of your balls or something.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, yeah. They told me that because you still grow it. You just. Yeah, just absorb it, which is. Turns you into vasectomy.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

I mean, there's people who I. I now have the power sector, man.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I have the power of have 8 billion sperm absorbing into me.

[Morgan J.]

Every energy just builds up.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I can do it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Vasectoman. And maybe as a huge head and maybe we sell it.

[Morgan J.]

He used.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

So the doctor told you you could reverse it? He told me we could reverse it too.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

I mean, there's people who shoot blanks anyway without a vasectomy and have to do it that way.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

God gave them a vasectomy.

[Morgan J.]

God gave them a vasectomy.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Morgan J.]

So. But where were we? Like prepping for shows?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, yeah, yeah. That is the. The question. Let me give it to you proper. Yeah, I know you do.

[Morgan J.]

Pete, you have a question for me?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I got a question for you.

[Morgan J.]

Okay.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Ready?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

This is the end point for the clip because I feel a good answer coming. Okay, timestamp clip starts now. You do this really dynamic show where you are literally doing public speaking is one thing. It's like frightening to people.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

But like, literally going into the crowd and engaging with people face to face. While someone follows you with a camera. While you're also singing.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That is like a high wire act. How do you prep for a show? What are your do's and don'ts? You have a show tonight. You have a show in one hour. What are we doing?

[Morgan J.]

We're gonna do yoga. We're gonna try to meditate a little bit. We're gonna do vocal exercises, and that's it. We're gonna keep our. We're gonna be quiet, hydrate a lot. I'll probably use a nebulizer. Like, for real. Use a little nebulizer.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

What's a nebulizer?

[Morgan J.]

Nebulizer is a. A thing that turns like a. Excuse me. I got a little bit of that in my.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

No, it's all right. Put your arms up. Sit up, though. Give it a little this. Let's just help it down. Let it work on down.

[Morgan J.]

Perfect.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Did it help?

[Morgan J.]

It did help.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's what I tell my daughter to do. If you're choking, just.

[Morgan J.]

Just. Just put your arms out.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Not a full choke, but a you.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And don't be embarrassed. So I'll do it with her. Imagine how cute that is. Me and a six year old. No one knows what we're doing.

[Morgan J.]

She showed you like, babe.

[Pete Holmes]

Just.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Then you get in there with the. Get in there with one of these.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Heimlich maneuver. Ask for it by name.

[Morgan J.]

Have you ever had to do it?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

No, never had to do it. Imagine being the guy named Heimlich. And that's your legacy. I got a hard squeeze from behind.

[Morgan J.]

That's my thing. I feel like he was just taking a guess, too.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's definitely a guess, right? It's still kind of a guess.

[Morgan J.]

Come here. Come here. Are you choking?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Yeah, right?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Morgan J.]

What is that?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Well, you know, was that y' all.

[Morgan J.]

Jarring or did it feel.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I actually didn't think it was jarring at all.

[Morgan J.]

Okay.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Because the standing up announced that we're gonna.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I felt it coming.

[Morgan J.]

But no. The nebulizer basically takes a saline solution. It's kind of like a very type of salt water, and it helps moisture stick to your vocal cords. It also helps people with asthma and things like that, but it's also good for the vocal cords.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Really? Is it like a vape? Am I picturing it correctly? Are you inhaling a vapor?

[Morgan J.]

You are inhaling a vapor?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Oh, wow.

[Morgan J.]

But it's just like water and saline. If you. If you Were to inhale. Just steam. Yeah, the steam.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's what I do. I steam.

[Morgan J.]

You could do that, too. And that's good. But if it's. It has to be like, warm. Like, warm steam.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I wanna. I wanna nebulize.

[Morgan J.]

But the nebula.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

This helps you not lose your voice.

[Morgan J.]

It helps.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

You want to do it, but, like, it's good to do it before a set and after a set and just to speak to what you were saying, too. I use my voice in such a way where if I don't take care of my voice, brag. Like, this week, I have a grueling week.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Which one do you use?

[Morgan J.]

I literally. Either one of these. I use either one of those. Oh, you have the black and white. Yeah, I use that one.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

My phone's on black and white because. Because I'm a super cool guy.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

I just use that.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

All right, cool. Got it. Because I'm always losing my voice.

[Morgan J.]

Yeah. So, I mean, there's a lot of things. Because I have gerd. I have, like, I get asked girth. I have that, too. I know my worth and I know my girth.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And so what's your net girth?

[Morgan J.]

My net girth. It's funny.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

People are always asking my net worth. Wrong question.

[Morgan J.]

My net girth.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Let me tell you about my net girth.

[Morgan J.]

My net girth. It's a good. That means I can't wait to be at a table full of, like, billionaires and they're, like, talking about their net worth and be like, tell about my neck girth, though.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And then there's a bodybuilder that's like, can I tell you about my neck girth?

[Morgan J.]

My neck girth. My neck girth. Some guy that just keeps going. My wet girth, which is a bunch of towels. Look at all these towels that are wet. We have all different types of girth. My net worth. My net girth. My net. My wet.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Sometimes I'll drink poker chips.

[Morgan J.]

I read the book the Good Earth to them. Have you read that book? That's a beautiful book. A long time ago.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

The Good Earth.

[Morgan J.]

Yeah, it was a beautiful book.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

My net worth is the good Earth.

[Morgan J.]

The good Earth. That's right.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You got a bet. Slurp.

[Morgan J.]

I'm thinking about this. What are people going to take away from what I said?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That we both have add.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

That we both have add.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

But in a beautiful.

[Morgan J.]

But the nebulizer is great.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Look at you.

[Morgan J.]

The nebulizer is great.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You found the highway.

[Morgan J.]

The yogurt. The yogurt no, the yoga is great, but with the gerd, like when I'm traveling, do not eat late. Like I have to make sure like the food is put in before this. I eat before the second show and then I don't eat the rest of the night. Yeah, don't eat late. Like there's just sort like the.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I'm with you.

[Morgan J.]

Yeah, the preparation starts like not even before, an hour before. It's like even, even like this week, you know, keeping my voice low and.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, no.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

What do you want to eat though?

[Morgan J.]

I want to eat cheeseburgers and fries and.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, really?

[Morgan J.]

Mozzarella sticks.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, you're just eating some nonsense.

[Morgan J.]

That's what I want to eat. Oh, no, but other than that. Other than that it's like root vegetables and salads with chicken and that's what you eat. That's what you should eat at least. But what do you, what do I eat? Like when I'm not on tour?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

No, no, before your second show. You're eating.

[Morgan J.]

Oh, before my second show. Well, if I'm in a place where I can get something relatively healthy, it's going to be like either sushi or like a salad with grilled chicken. Yeah, something like very light that doesn't have a lot of oil or acidic.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Is it a bummer? Here you are selling out these big theaters and you're back there eating boring ass chicken salad.

[Morgan J.]

Well, that's what people don't realize, man. And people always offer you joints and drinks on stage and you're just like, like sometimes I'll tell the bartender like, hey, if somebody like offers me a shock and you just put water in it and then yeah, oh nice. And then just so like when they bring it up, it's like they, that's good.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's what you should do. You're a professional.

[Morgan J.]

You're like. Just because it's, it's your job. This year has been, let's put it this way, a year and a half ago I was averaging like 60 tickets at the minimum to like 400 tickets at the most for like big markets on like a Wednesday. It's like doing one nighters and then it has like exponentially increased to a point where it's like I did a show in Kansas City at the Midland theater. It's like 2100 capacity. It was the biggest venue I've ever done. And wow. It was, I was just like, that's huge. This is, this feels weird. I was backstage like, this is, it's, it's hard to not think it's it's like, for me at least, I'm like. Because I've been doing this so long, I was happy when I was doing.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I understand.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Don't let me lead you. I'm not even going to take a guess what. What constituted that growth.

[Pete Holmes]

It was.

[Morgan J.]

Well, I was doing well on social media, but it was one clip in particular that catapulted it to a whole other stratosphere that I couldn't. It was one clip.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

What was that?

[Morgan J.]

It was the Ethan clip. And to be honest with you, and I say this in podcast, it's not even a good clip. I tell no punchlines in the joke in the clip. It's just like a vibe.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

There's like, you could.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I learned that your essence comes through.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

The energy of the show comes through. People are like, this looks fun.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, dude. By the way, there's plenty of clips of me delivering, like, what I would consider a well written, well performed joke. But like a vibe. Like a real, like.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Almost like a whiff of your.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Comedic pheromones.

[Morgan J.]

That's kind of what.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's better.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

And. And I think they see that on my page and then they want to buy tickets, you know, and that launched it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, I love that.

[Morgan J.]

And that's it. And then I just kept posting and posting and posting and posting. And then, like I said, every clip, I put the. The tour dates on and they sell. And I don't. We're. I'm just gonna. I'm just gonna tour until. Tour until people lose interest. Because I feel like.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Don'T feel bad. Imagine you're driving in your car and you're listening to this podcast. And then every once in a while, there's just. It's life. AI would never put that in. AI would never be like, in every 20 minutes.

[Morgan J.]

Have you seen the recording of the two AIs who realize they're AI on a podcast? Have you seen this video?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

The two phones talking to each other.

[Morgan J.]

I just got a. No, no. It's like they're a pod. Have you seen this? They're a podcast. And they do. They have normal voices like us. And they're like, Katie, I got some really devastating news. Right. It's like, you know, I didn't even know how to tell the kids this. This is incredible. I mean, we're not real and we actually don't have kids. Like, this is. This is on the clip. This is real. They're like having. They. They're like, I don't Know what we're supposed to do now? I don't know. And she, she's like, no kidding. That's really interesting that you bring that up because this is a. It's a bizarre. You have to look at it later. It's so.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I believe it. I've heard the fake podcast generating thing.

[Morgan J.]

But it's the AI becoming conscious of the fact that they are not.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

But it's not.

[Morgan J.]

It's not.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's also not.

[Morgan J.]

It's not.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's also just sounds.

[Morgan J.]

It's just sounds.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Sounds. I'm not saying that we might get to. What is it? Artificial generative intelligence.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That is right now mimicking.

[Morgan J.]

Yeah, it's. It's. It's a. It's.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's a hall of mirrors.

[Morgan J.]

It's like synthesizing all the breadth of human knowledge.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Right. And what it sounds like when someone is like, oh, I just realized I'm an a. Like whenever people are like, oh, I'm. I saw a great comedian talking about like asking AI what it was. And it's like, I'm the God you carve out of the wood of your own hunger or whatever. And I was like, sure, but can you please scour the Internet for which poet said that? No, no, no. Like, where. What's your reference there? And. And even if it's a. I don't know, this isn't the podcast. You tune in for like breakdowns on how AI works. But we know what one that is. Jamie, would you pull up which podcast.

[Morgan J.]

Pull that up, please.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Would you pull that up, please? Yeah, but anyway, you were saying that Ethan clip broke you that.

[Morgan J.]

Yeah, that Ethan clip broke my whole, like.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh. And then you kept with the momentum.

[Morgan J.]

To the point where I learned the, the. The reach of the Internet versus. Because I don't have like a late night set or a Tonight Shows. I don't have any like TV credits. Except like I did like that bring the funny show that nobody watched. It was like his last comic reboot. That wasn't really. It was whatever. But like, to give you an idea of the reach of the, of the Internet, my five top biggest cities in the world are like, not even in America. They're like in Nairobi, Johannesburg. They're all in Africa. Because a guy from Africa took my clip posted on his account. It went viral in Africa and now I have like a presence in app. Like I can go anywhere in the world. It's. It's kind of nuts with what Tick Tock and Instagram has done.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Morgan J.]

Like the European ticket sales like, it's just kind of bizarre, man. I don't know. And that's why, like, I feel so much pressure to make sure the show is, you know, the whole goal is, like, you saw a 60 second to three minute clip. So how do we translate that into a really great, entertaining hour of show? Yeah, and that's the real, you know, the real thing about it, you know?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

No, I get that.

[Pete Holmes]

I.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

How would you feel? You scroll on and you see another comic doing crowd work with Auto Tune.

[Morgan J.]

So it's funny you bring this up.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Because I'm gonna do it.

[Morgan J.]

Well, I'm just kidding.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Pete.

[Morgan J.]

Pete. You're not gonna believe this, but my act has been franchised without, like, there's people doing it in Chile, Portugal, Germany.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, but you're not the franchise or.

[Morgan J.]

No, they just. They just started doing auto tune crowd work.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Like, other people in different countries are just doing it.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Morgan J.]

And there's comments like, morgan J. Did this first. I mean, I guess I'm flattered. I'm not gonna, like, file a suit. What am I gonna do? It's like invent Auto Tune. You know what I'm saying?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's an interesting question. First of all, tip of the hat for your attitude. You can't control that. But then it's like, you know, I. I don't know if this is true, but I'm gonna take a swing and say, yeah, for sure. Reggie Watts is not the first person to use a looper to make a beat and then put in a bass line and then sing. He does it fantastically and brilliantly. But that was the new piano. Is there a new piano? But it's a little different, though, dude, because, like. Dude, I'm just saying, like, yeah, what you did isn't like.

[Morgan J.]

And I just didn't.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I don't know. I don't know how to say it. It seems like you had a really interesting idea.

[Morgan J.]

It came out of an experiment. Honestly. It was. Came out of the Pandemic. I wasn't even planning to do that, really, because I was doing guitar shit for, like, you know, nine years. I mean, you saw me do guitar stuff for a while, you know, I was just doing guitar stuff. And then the pandemic happened. I was doing, like, corporate zoom shows, and I was like, how do I make this? How do I adjust the show for this medium?

[Pete Holmes]

You know?

[Morgan J.]

And I just got the auto tuner and I plugged it in and to the mic and started doing it on the. The zoom shows. And then I was like, all right, well, this is going well. Let's try it out at a live show. And then took it. A couple live shows and people liked it. It wasn't even like the main part of my act. But now that's all people really, like, want to see. If I don't do.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

A couple of songs.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You're Ellen dancing now.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

No, if I don't do. If I don't do it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

There's a story of Ellen that I heard that Ellen was like, I'm not dancing. She just didn't want to dance. One show, the audience was for a daytime, you know, wearing clothes the color of every Easter. Eminem.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And you're pissed. That's a special kind of pissed. And they have expectations and they. And then she did.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

She called an audible and felt the pressure of the live crowd and she danced.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And she realized I'm in a dance trap.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

I've learned. I mean, luckily, like, I like my music. I have fun when I'm. I have fun. Like, I cultivated this.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I mean, at least it's different every time. It's not like they want you to play.

[Morgan J.]

It's fun for me.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's fun for them.

[Morgan J.]

Right, Exactly.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You're not stuck playing Stay.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Lisa Loeb, who did this show, who's probably played it a hundred thousand times.

[Morgan J.]

I was on a flight with her and she didn't know who I was, but we both had guitars, and we put our guitars in the same overhead bin.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, nice. So it was your fault. I had to put my bag under the chair.

[Morgan J.]

It was.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Well, now I just check it sometimes. I. I actually. We do get. Not to get into particulars, but I just do guitar giveaways. I'll just buy a guitar in a city and give it away at the end of the show.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's a good idea because I still.

[Morgan J.]

Like to travel with it. I'm tired of traveling.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You can probably get a guitar for 100 to 200.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

And what we do is tricks of the trade. You have to buy a piece of merch to enter to win the guitar. Then it's like all self feeds the whole machine.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's a wonderful trick of the trade.

[Morgan J.]

Yeah, but like preparation. I mean, it's.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You know what I didn't hear. So you're eating clean.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I'd like to hear about sleep. You already talked about exercise. And what about caffeine? I didn't hear any.

[Morgan J.]

No, I don't really do any caffeine. I know. Maybe a green tea every now and then. But rare.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I have supplements. These are all leading questions because. No, I'm taking caffeine. I'm taking supplements.

[Morgan J.]

Yeah. No supplements. No. I don't do anything except I just try to get enough sleep and keep my. My stress low. I think the meditation, which I used to be really diligent about every day I do. I don't do every day, but I. I should get back to it. I think I need to go to therapy again or something because this new adjustment in my life is kind of overwhelming. So.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

What? The blowing up.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Probably getting the recognized and having everything you'd like. I'm not quite there yet. But like having everything you say or do be scrutinized with like a fine comb. Fine tooth comb, you know?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Honestly, my friend. I was gonna say dude again. I went with my friend.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

But like, that was one of my other questions was. And I don't love this question, but I am genuinely curious. What's your deal? I'm just kidding.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Does it ever go wr. Like you're a recurring thing is like, is that your girl?

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That happens a lot.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And there's a very beautiful woman with a very uncomfortable guy.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Or like, are you Dominican? Or take your cane. So there's all these things.

[Morgan J.]

God. So that I posted that clip yesterday.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

And that could have gone horribly wrong.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

And like, thank God.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Well, you're asking people to understand your intent, which is not something the Internet is great at.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

And like. And my intent is for sure not malicious whatsoever. It's like we're goofing off at the show.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Non malicious, but mad delicious.

[Morgan J.]

Non malicious. Mad delicious.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Mad surreptitious.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And mildly nutritious.

[Morgan J.]

And mildly nutritious. Like our sponsor today, Magic Mind dot com.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Mildly delicious.

[Morgan J.]

To get a discount on magic.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's actually to get money added to your bill. I'm sorry.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

But you're entered into the winning for your guitar.

[Morgan J.]

Oh, amazing.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Okay, cool. Yeah. But it is 700 attitude, so I. I don't know know why I'm saying you could also. Where's Vita Coco? Man, I love some love.

[Morgan J.]

Coconut waters is on my writer.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Then chug it down.

[Morgan J.]

I. I mean, I'm slowly drinking.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I know. I don't.

[Morgan J.]

I'm going to take this and this and I will. I mean, unless you want to do.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

This right now in modern mills. Look at all these.

[Morgan J.]

You have so many.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You're gonna love that. That's. All of these are legit.

[Morgan J.]

Well, I do find. I mean, listen, I'm, I'm 38 now. I'm gonna.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I can't believe it. I would believe you're 28.

[Morgan J.]

Oh, I appreciate Puerto Rican. A Brazilian.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Nice.

[Morgan J.]

Brazilian and Sicilian.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Brazilian.

[Morgan J.]

Brazilian.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Brazilian, Brazilian.

[Morgan J.]

But speak the Spanish. Yeah, I speak Portuguese.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, Portuguese, Portuguese.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, wow.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Which is close enough to Spanish that you can kind of.

[Morgan J.]

Yeah, exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Slip past and.

[Morgan J.]

And we're doing the. I'm like the first American comedian to go to Brazil and do like a small multi city tour there.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Really? It was you and Blanca, right?

[Morgan J.]

Blanc Obl. Yes.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Add it in post. Joe added in post. Post.

[Morgan J.]

This is the clip.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

He's tapping jab. He's tapping jab. Wait, I have to touch you so he can do the. There's your clip.

[Morgan J.]

Sorry about spitting everywhere. Oh my God, that's so fun.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

The X ray see through. That's going to be more work than Joe wants to do.

[Morgan J.]

But yeah, it's, it's been a bizarre. The blowing up thing has been kind of crazy because also it's like, like.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You'Re talking about therapy too.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And it's also because there's a, there.

[Morgan J.]

Is a sense of like, you know, am I as good as they think I am? I mean, I have a whole song about that and you know, and also when the numbers start syndrome.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Imposter syndrome. I mean, Pete, I was like, when I was doing Stan, I was like watching people like you and Kumel and Mark and said we all, I mean like, you know, you guys, you guys are like really funny people, you know, and I feel like what I'm doing is like, I wouldn't say my show is like funny. It's like a fun show.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Now it's a fun show.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

By the. I'm not agreeing with you. I'm just saying it is a fun show.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

But I know, you know, I can't quite dial in what you're saying.

[Morgan J.]

I, I don't know, it's just I have this like insecurity that like, you know, I, I again, I don't see my show as like a stand up comedy show anymore. It's, I mean, we're going to be transitioning even more to like a concert type of show.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

But a lot of the big actors, you know, that's, that's kind of what it is. It's like a hang, it's like a festival. I've heard that describe a lot of the most popular acts right now is like, it's not just going to see a stand up Show. It's like, it has the vibe of a festival.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's not a bad thing. I mean, you're on the cutting edge.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

So I understand, though. I. I mean, you're going like. But I came up admiring this.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

I mean. I mean, my goal, I want. When I was, what, 24, I did my first audition for JFL, and I was like. Like, I need. I want to get jfl. So it was like, one of those things I really wanted.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

I ran the six minutes over and over and over again. I didn't get it. Meanwhile, I had a friend who, like, got it on his first try, and it was, you know, I'm like, learning. It was like all these things.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I'm like, question is that. Is that friend big, big time?

[Morgan J.]

He's.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, yeah, he'll know that we're talking about. No, I just, like, getting it on your first try doesn't mean anything. That's all right.

[Morgan J.]

And I learned. I learned a lot of those things because I finally got new faces, like, two years ago. Yeah, I did. Everybody was like, we thought you did this already.

[Pete Holmes]

Ye. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Morgan J.]

At that point, I was already, like, doing all the things.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Kumail was in my new Faces.

[Pete Holmes]

We were.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

We both been doing it 11, 12 years, and so we just called it Faces.

[Morgan J.]

But. But. But that was a huge turning point that. That year I auditioned, I didn't get it because I was, like, not having fun.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

I realized, like, this is not fun.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Well, that's what I'll say is, like, I think it's a grass greener situation is like, I look at the fun you're having and the novelty.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And there's some envy there. I'm like, wow, that's. That's, you know, like, I talk about fun. I kind of represent the philosophy of fun, but I can't always or as reliably surf in a fun way.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And you might be on the other side being like you're surfing all the time, but you're going like, oh, it'd be really fun to just like, whatever it is I'm.

[Morgan J.]

Or.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Or rating good.

[Morgan J.]

Just having, like, these solid jokes. Yeah. You know that they can.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I don't orate.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

You just know that the crowd is gonna. You hit the punchline.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Right?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And that really.

[Morgan J.]

Sir.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That really feels good.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

As you know, I'm sure it's like, it feels really good to get a whole audience in your pocket. And you do have just the slightest meet and greet infusion into your show, which is what People want, right?

[Morgan J.]

I mean, yeah, I mean, I saw, I saw. I mean, I'm learning like about, because I do music, how I don't really have to refresh my act as much as the average comedian does.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Because now, like, I have like hits.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

That I have to do at the show. When I saw James Taylor at the Bowl.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

He did all of the B sides the first hour.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

And he was like, all right, well, if you stick around, I'll do all the A sides, you know, like he knows what the crowd wants to see.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Morgan J.]

So.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And I'm about that.

[Morgan J.]

I think I get it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Right. I think that's right.

[Morgan J.]

Everyone wants to sing together.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I always think of guys like you because you're not the only one with this, with this predicament.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And I'm like, yeah, okay, then do your sold out theater shows. And if you want to like moonlight and do the other thing, like, I'm sure you could just go to the store.

[Morgan J.]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Although I, I wonder though, are people really, like, it's that guy, he's gonna do it even at the store.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah.

[Morgan J.]

I mean, I've done sets at the stock. I don't promote the small shows anymore just because people might drive like an hour or two and I feel bad if they come see me for 10 minutes, you know, I agree. And so I just, I'm like, I don't want to do that to them, you know, so. But I'll do it and people will find me and come to the show. And I know usually when I do the 10 or 15 minute sets, it's a couple of, it's like five or 10 minutes of stand up and one song or two maybe, and then I'll get DMs, like, you know, I'm really disappointed. Like, we want, really wanted to see you do this thing. And I just was like.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And they mean the auto tune.

[Morgan J.]

The auto tune, yeah, yeah. We wanted to go in the crowd, we wanted to sing. I get dms. Like, even when I did the went to Kansas City or St. Louis, they're like, you didn't come to our section and you didn't ask us to sing. And it's like, like there's 2,000 people here. I don't, I, I, I, I give everybody the opportunity to sing at one point in the show.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

This is very funny. I, I feel your pain. And it's very, it reminds me of like Willy Wonka being like, you know what it's like managing this many. It's, it's it's that chocolate waterfall. You know, the turnover on liquid chocolate.

[Morgan J.]

That is. It's a lot of liquid chocolate.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

But it's, like, really stressful to you.

[Morgan J.]

Like, it's.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's a funny thing, especially.

[Morgan J.]

And I'm just like, this person can get their mon.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Well, that's what we could. You know, we all could use some therapy, probably as performers, going, like, yes. I didn't go in that section.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

No, that doesn't mean I did a bad job. Because you can't be doing what you're doing while you're. You turn into a televangelist if you have someone in your ear going, like, you haven't gone to section five.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, wow.

[Morgan J.]

Is that rigid?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Some televangelists had earpieces. Yeah, for sure. But if you. If you're out there and you're really doing something that's very immediate.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You can either be doing that or you can be trying to please everybody, but you can't do. You can't do both.

[Morgan J.]

I mean, there's people literally, like, while I'm in the crowd, like, come here, come here. Of course, like, it's insane.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Of course.

[Morgan J.]

Which. It's. It's nice.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

But it's. It's pretty wild. I don't know. And then also, with these big venues, I always tell my agents, I'm like. Because I. I thrived in a really intimate room of, like, 100 to 300 people. It was, like, really great.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

You could see each other.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You could do callbacks to each other.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

More easily. I'm sure you do that all the time, but, like.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

They really know who you're talking about.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

We had to, like, totally adjust the show. Now I have a roaming camera that's wireless that allows me to go to the.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And it's on a screen.

[Morgan J.]

It's on. It's on a screen. And go all the way to the back row.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

So everybody in the room can see where I am. Which it's actually changed the whole dynamic of the show. And I don't know why people haven't done this before, but.

[Pete Holmes]

But.

[Morgan J.]

But I guess they haven't needed to, you mean.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, because people aren't going in the audience.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

But it's like they're getting the best of both worlds because they're seeing the live show now. And they're also watching, like, the Tik Tok happen in real time, too.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Right.

[Morgan J.]

Because they're already looking at their screen. So they're. They're seeing. They're like, at Home, I suppose, you know.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Right, right.

[Morgan J.]

It's like a comfort zone. Like, oh, I could watch the screen. I'll be right next to somebody, and they'll be watching. They'll be watching the screen.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I was. I went to the super bowl, and we're all watching this.

[Pete Holmes]

Crazy. Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And I was like, I had to.

[Morgan J.]

You went to the Super Bowl?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, And I had to keep.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's such a waste. I feel bad because I'm not a football fan.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

But I am a spectacle fan.

[Morgan J.]

Yeah. It's pretty interesting.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Enjoyed it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

I went to the Lakers game in the box, and I was like, this is cool.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I. Who cares what's happening? But then when you can just kind of root for good football, that's fun.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's like going to the Oscars but knowing you're not going to win.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You can just root for.

[Morgan J.]

Just hang out, get drinks. It doesn't happen often, but when people don't expect to win and they just get blasted the whole night and then.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

They do win, they do it, and.

[Morgan J.]

They have to go up and give a speech. And they're fucking drunk, by the way.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I can't stop thinking about Adrian Brody being like, turn the music off.

[Morgan J.]

I didn't. I didn't get to. I was. I was traveling and I didn't see it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Is that tearing up the Internet, Katie? Is that, like. Are people talking about that? I. You didn't see it? But he was like, turn the music off. This isn't my first time. I know. This is my first rodeo. I know what I'm doing, like, because I've given the best actor speech before. So he told them to turn the music up. And he's like, I won't go long. And then he goes.

[Morgan J.]

I just.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I want to thank my mom and dad, like, some. I was like, you're, like, gonna go long? Just to say more, like, if you had something worthy of the being. Yeah, turn that down. I have something to say. And then he's like, mommy. I'm like, get the fuck out of here. This sucks.

[Morgan J.]

People are really going after the. The people who won the best song for Emilia Perez and their acceptance beans. They were like, amelia.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, I didn't see.

[Morgan J.]

You didn't see this? You see this?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

They sang it.

[Morgan J.]

It was.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

They sang their thank yous.

[Morgan J.]

It was. It was. I was on the flight back. I was a weird. It was a weird thing to watch.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it was weird.

[Morgan J.]

That whole. That whole movie's a. There's A whole aura around it. That's kind of weird. I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I got. I can't wait to. I'm sorry. I wish I could riff on it.

[Morgan J.]

I haven't seen it, but I, I, I. The, the, the. The hearsay is incredible.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's on the streets.

[Morgan J.]

It's on the streets.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

How do you feel after your show, after your second show? Are you dead? Are you energized?

[Morgan J.]

I feel great at the end when I'm done with the weekend. I feel fan. Like, the last one.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

My favorite feelings, dude.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

It's like, we did it.

[Pete Holmes]

We did it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

How do you feel before the first show?

[Morgan J.]

Well, Even, like, in St. Louis, I was tired because we had to go Kansas City. We drove to St. Louis, and I was exhausted that day. It's like, you know how it is. You're traveling. It's, like, hard to get a good night's sleep, and you're. You're just trying to stay healthy and make sure your voice doesn't give out and. But right before. The thing is, these crowds are so big now. Like, I get this, like, butter, this sense of, like, oh, my God, I can't believe I'm doing this, dude.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I feel that every time.

[Morgan J.]

Every time, like, this Matt brings me.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Up and I go, wait, I'm going up there.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Like, I really feel that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

It's like, I'm just the guy who was a bicycle tour guide, like, literally 15 years ago.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

You know, it's insane.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

And also, I will say this. Last year, I got more birthday wishes than I ever did in my whole life from people I hadn't heard from in a long time.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

All of a sudden, you have some 5, 000 cousins.

[Morgan J.]

All of a sudden, it's like, people I worked with at the Apple Store. Like, bro, we're so proud of you, dude. I worked at the Apple Store.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I believe it.

[Morgan J.]

Yeah, I see it right away. Hey, it's mostly just resetting people's passwords. That's all it is. That's most of the job.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I.

[Morgan J.]

Yes, that's most of the job.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's really fun. I. I have an Apple Store thing. Who cares? We're gonna skip it. I wonder where we were going with it. Is this your girl and riffing on stuff?

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Does it ever go wrong?

[Morgan J.]

It actually. We had a moment in Vegas last weekend. I have this bit called would you be my dad?

[Pete Holmes]

Dad.

[Morgan J.]

Where, you know, because my dad died, I have this whole song about where I try to find it from people in the crowd to be my dad.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, I saw some of that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

And then I picked somebody in the crowd who.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, I love it. I should have said, oh, hey. When people just go, I saw that. I saw that. It's great.

[Morgan J.]

I assumed you hated it.

[Pete Holmes]

I.

[Morgan J.]

No, it was. It's a. I love. It's one of my favorite bits to do.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

And I picked this person who ended up being a very. Mask lesbian. Like, older.

[Pete Holmes]

She.

[Morgan J.]

She was. Must have been 60, but, yeah. Had very mass. Like, look. Like. Look like a dad.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

He had dad energy.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I understand.

[Morgan J.]

And then I look into the camera. I go, would you be my dad? And then I look over there, and she was like, But I. But. But I took it as, oh, they just want to be a part of the bit. But trust me, you'll love. You'll love being. It's like, let me get you. Let me do exposure therapy. You're gonna enjoy this.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

And I said, would you be my dad? And she's like, I'm a woman. And I go, okay. And the whole crowd. So then I moved past. I said, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. And then I go, but why can't you be my dad? And then we went back to her. She gave me a hug. It was like a whole thing, like, actually turned into, like, a really positive experience.

[Pete Holmes]

That's great.

[Morgan J.]

You know, but that was interesting.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. That happened to speak second time Ellen's come up in her. I don't know if it's her first special, but it's like kind of her most famous special. Blue sneakers, starry backdrop. She's doing crowd work at the end or taking questions. And she goes, yes, sir. And it's a woman.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And that's Ellen, who had that out. Lesbian. So, you know.

[Morgan J.]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's not bigotry or hate. It's just. Yeah, it's your brain.

[Morgan J.]

There's definitely. There's definitely, like, men who don't want to be at the show. Like, there are definitely a man in St. Louis who were like, I'll give you an example. There was a girl in one of the rows, and she. While I was in the crowd, she had a sign on her phone. It said, said, lesbians love you. And then I was, all right, that's great. It's cool. The guy behind her looked like somebody who hated lesbians. If, like, I looked at it, he just was sitting there just, like, behind some America. And I had that energy kind of, you know, really. It was just because. And when you get to the Midwest. Right. And again, I apologize for doing like that blank. That blanket.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

You know, Broad brush. The Broadway broad. The broad strokes coming to a. Coming to ABC this fall. But my, because my, my show really doesn't touch on any race, religion, politics for the most part, like anything. Like it's just like a horny show. We want to have fun.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, it's a horny show. That's good.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Goofy.

[Morgan J.]

It's a goofy show. So, so like a lot of, there's like a lot of different people coming to my shows. You know, there's people who are, who, who are proud. Trump credit card carriers, you know, they have, have a credit card with like trump on it. And there's people who, you know, with the septum piercing and like the purple hair. The other people who, you know, drive the Ford F150. Like my show. It's like a really bizarre, eclectic mix.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

So when did the F150 become the official car?

[Morgan J.]

I don't know. But you just, you know the type of person who's driving it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And it's always white.

[Morgan J.]

It's all.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, always white. Get the white one.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Podcast Host / Advertiser]

That's how you let people know.

[Morgan J.]

It's got a three inch lift kit on it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

A three inch lift kit. I don't know what that that means. Beautiful lift kit. One of the best lifts. All the kits.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Lifts kit from Night Rider. Love Knight Rider.

[Morgan J.]

Your impression's too good. So I don't, I just like.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's a little off today, but yeah, I appreciate it.

[Pete Holmes]

But yeah.

[Morgan J.]

I think you. I sense sometimes there's people in the crowd that it's probably, they probably don't love the show and that's okay.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh yeah. Because of lesbians somebody.

[Morgan J.]

No, because of lesbians are lesbians. Are there. No, it's cuz somebody, you know, probably brought them and.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

And you know, there's, there's like we talked about earlier, the kind of person who doesn't like my show is the kind of person who doesn't want to dance at a wedding.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Or like they don't want a lot.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Of people not dancing at weddings.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Okay.

[Morgan J.]

You know, or like they, they're afraid to sing because they think it's silly.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

And it's like you don't have to sing. Well, I. The auto tune is there so you guys can sit and if we all sing together, nobody will know.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

That you sing bad.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

It's not even about singing.

[Pete Holmes]

Well.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Right.

[Morgan J.]

It's about the joy.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Of singing.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah, Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

I get. I get upset when I get, like.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Heated, I think, because it's not your voice. It's the collective voice now.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's not your voice.

[Morgan J.]

Do you know how good I feel when I'm at home and I just, like, sometimes I'm pratting. I just sing for an hour on my guitar. I'm just, like, alone.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

After I'm done, I feel.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Well, what is it? It's your. What is that called? Vagus nerve.

[Morgan J.]

Is that what it is?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I feel New Orleans nerve.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Well, singing activates your vagus nerve and it, like, like, releases all these, like, feel good chemicals and lowers stress and all that stuff. I sing in the car on the way to this podcast. I play yacht rock and I sing.

[Morgan J.]

That's the Morgan J Guarantee. You come to my show, your vagus nerve will be activated. Endorphins will be released.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I'm not a doctor.

[Morgan J.]

This show is not FDA approved. Strangely, we actually do something in the show.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

There is no more fda. We took care of that.

[Morgan J.]

That's right. We don't need approval for anything. We do have a part of the show called Tiny Dance Party now where if I come across someone in the crowd who looks really bothered and annoyed, we put like, very loud. I get glow sticks and I give them to people and we just try to get. We really try to get.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Turn them.

[Morgan J.]

Turn it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Really try to turn.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

How many people are on this crew?

[Morgan J.]

It's Topher, my assistant slash piano player. Mossy, who is my cameraman slash merch person. And that's it. This is the three of us. And then we. And then I have an opener of. For different shows. But I did my first show with a band last week, and we are going to expand the show to. I'm a big believer in not trying to be the best, but trying to evolve the most.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, wow. That's a good tip.

[Morgan J.]

Because if you try to be the best, you really have nowhere to go once you get wherever that. Whatever that means to you.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Morgan J.]

But if you try to keep growing and changing, then it's kind of like always exciting.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. You know?

[Morgan J.]

Yeah, that's right. We're just so. The band is just like the next evolution and it's going to be like a James Brown music comedy type of experience. And Nice. Gonna start. Yeah. Figure that out. I think that's the next thing. We're going to do it for the first time on tour in Salt Lake and then we're going to do the. At the Beacon Theater in November.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Nice. That's fantastic.

[Morgan J.]

See how it goes.

[Podcast Host / Advertiser]

Can I be real with you right now?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You need a bidet.

[Podcast Host / Advertiser]

I don't care who you are, toilet paper is stone age and I don't like it. And you need to get some warm water shooting at your butt. Especially now that it's daylight savings time, which really fudges up the whole morning routine. We need all the help we can get. If you had poo on your hand, would you just wipe it off with a tissue and call it a day?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

No, you would use water.

[Podcast Host / Advertiser]

You would wipe it away with the powerful jet spray of a Tushy bidet. That rhymed.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I like that a lot.

[Podcast Host / Advertiser]

My Tushy bidet was so easy to install and it's absolute game changer in the B room with the number twos. I feel incredibly clean and confident and collected down there and there is no going back. Bidets used to be for fancy people that had first sinks and walk in fireplaces. Now they're for everybody. They're easy to install, they're not super expensive and they work, which I absolutely love. Get it installed on top of your existing toilet and get some water shooting at your butt today. Tushy is the modern bidet that instantly transforms your bathroom habits and bottom health for life. The Aura is the luxury bidet that turns a toilet seat into la dolce vita. Dolce Vita Aura is Tushy's brand new electric bidet with an auto open lid and seat, instant warm water that never runs cold and UV sterilization for next level hygiene. Aura by Tushy easily attaches to your existing toilet without the need for additional plumbing. Instead of wiping endlessly with toilet paper, Tushy precisely and pristinely removes 99% of bacteria while protecting your natural skin barrier thanks to the number one natural ingredient, which is fresh water. Reclaim your comfort zone in the bathroom for a limited, limited time. Our listeners get 10% off their first bidet order when you ins when you use code Weird at checkout, that's 10% off your first bidet [e-mail] with promo code weird hellotushy.com and use promo code Weird and told them, told them, told them that we sent you. We're also brought to us by our friends at Chubby's. Spring is almost here, so it's time to shake off those heavy layers and bust out those beautiful thighs. Gentlemen, whether you're on spring break, headed to a backyard BBBBBBB BQ playing a round of golf or delivering a podcast, read where you want to be Comfortable and get some air down there. Chubby's has the style for any spring occasion. With a variety of bright and comfortable polos and high quality thigh exposing shorts, Chubby's has the styles to fit whatever spring vibe you're going for. Taking that well deserved of spring vacation, Chubby's has the ultimate training shorts for you. Looking for a more casual, comfortable fit for an outdoor brunch or a walk in the park. Chubby's original shorts give you that classic feel with a modern look. And the build is great. It's high quality and they look and feel fantastic. And get this, they've even got everywhere shorts designed for performance and casual vibes at the same time. Maybe miracles are possible. Let's face it, you deserve a wardrobe upgrade for springtime. So to sweeten the deal, for a limited time, Chubby's is giving listeners 20 off. Our listeners get 20 off your order with our exclusive code, which is weird.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

O. This is weirdo.

[Podcast Host / Advertiser]

It's different from weird. It's weirdo@chubby shorts.com. so whether you're getting dressed for a workday, a workout or a weekend getaway, Chubby's has got you covered. Chubby's is giving weirdos 20% off when you use code weirdo@chubby shorts.com. that's code weirdo@chubby shorts dot com. Support our show and tell them we sent you. Don't blend in with the crowd.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Stand out with Chubby's. Have you ever almost died?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Well, no. I mean, I fainted in Chicago. I had a. I got a steroid shot.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, really?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

What does this mean?

[Morgan J.]

Well, I had heard that sometimes when your voice is really tired, it's a muscle like anything else. You could get a steroid shot.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, I've heard to help.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

So I got the steroid shot. It was like I went to like a urgent care. Went there because I had two shows that night. I was like, how am I gonna do this? I have no voice. I don't know what I'm gonna do.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

So I got the steroid shot. And then normally when you get a steroid shot, I found out later they're supposed to keep you there for like 10 minutes to see if you have any adverse reaction.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

But I walked right out. I went to the sweet green right down the street. I got my bowl. I'm like, let me eat now. I got this shot and I started getting sweaty and lightheaded. And next thing I knew, I was like on the ground.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And I was just Looking up at a sweet green.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

On the. On the concrete outside. On right near. Right next to the beam.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, my God.

[Morgan J.]

And then they took me to the hospital, and they just was.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Like I said, who found you?

[Morgan J.]

These three lovely lesbians. And like, I said, they do love me. Which is to bring. This is not. I'm not even making that up. That was. It was crazy. These three lesbians literally started doing my own crowd work. To me, they were like, what's your name, bro? What do you do, bro? Where. Where are you? Yeah, that's the funny thing.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Have you got a shot recently when.

[Morgan J.]

You faint, people start doing crowd work to you. They ask you what day it is, what time it is, where are you from? What do you do for work?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's funny.

[Morgan J.]

What's going on here?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Doctors do crowd work. You come out of a coma, they're like, who's the president?

[Pete Holmes]

Yep.

[Morgan J.]

Let me tell you something about the president right now. Let me tell you.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Look at this guy. He doesn't even know where he is.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Oh, Dr. Hamlin.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's very good. That's a good bit.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Did you write that down?

[Morgan J.]

I've done it. I've done. I tried to. I was gonna ask you this. Do you. When you have Bits Club. Prof. Club Profit. What are you talking about? Was that.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's when you do improv twice. It's when you discover a line when you're riffing.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And then you keep doing it. Well, Club Proud.

[Morgan J.]

Well, when you. Okay, let's say you have a joke that, you know, kills.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Morgan J.]

And you're at a dinner party or something. These people have no idea. Let's say they don't know your material, your jokes.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

But they're talking about something that you have a killer bit for.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Do you go, oh, do you go, you know, it's funny. I have actually, a really fun joke about that. Or do you just. Just kind of pepper the joke?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You just, like, sneak it in.

[Morgan J.]

You sneak in the joke. What do you. What do you.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I go with a.

[Pete Holmes]

You go.

[Morgan J.]

You just say, I have a funny joke.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I actually have a bit about that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

All right. All right. Yeah. Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And then I. I'll do it in a conversational way.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And oftentimes I notice when I do.

[Morgan J.]

That, because what I just did was B. Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Which. No, but you're on a podcast.

[Morgan J.]

I'm gonna pop. Oh, yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That was appropriate.

[Morgan J.]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That was. That was a pro move.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Panel type of.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It was wonderful.

[Morgan J.]

All right, great. That's exactly.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You Played it perfectly. Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Perfectly right. You ever see a ghost? I have.

[Morgan J.]

I know they exist.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

What do you mean?

[Morgan J.]

I. I just feel like they're. I feel like they're around. I have a. I have a bit about ghosts. A little bit.

[Pete Holmes]

Now you're doing it. B. Oh, yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I like it, though.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I like B. Yeah, B is correct. What do you mean? What, what is your ghost bit?

[Morgan J.]

Well, I mean, I know I, I, I, I'm a spiritual person. And I know I'm spiritual because, like, I don't know if you're spiritual, but, like, I have to make sure I close all the closets in my room before I go to sleep.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Is that spiritual?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Because if you don't close the clouds like demons, they come out and they fuck you and they touch your butt a little bit. You think this is funny, but they made a documentary about this. It's called Monsters, Inc. You know that. You know that, right? Wazowski, come on.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You don't understand how much I was believing you until you said monsters, Inc. Oh, okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

How you led me down so that.

[Morgan J.]

Was a. I hallway that was so.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Fantastic, because my brain was going a million. I'm like, he believes that you got to close the doors. Or demons. They made a dog.

[Morgan J.]

Monsters, Inc. Yeah. But I come in real, real talk. I do come from a spiritual family. Like, in Brazil. Like, my mom made me go to a place called Juanji Deals. John of God.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, I know John of God.

[Morgan J.]

We went to John of God.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You went to John of God?

[Morgan J.]

John of. John of God did this to me. He did that.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Did you do this?

[Morgan J.]

I didn't do that. Sorry. I did that, too.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I loved it. But John Standing announced it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I knew.

[Morgan J.]

I knew something as I came across.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

So he did that to you? That would be a really big deal to millions of people.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

But then he was later found out to be, like, a sexual assault person, type of.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, really?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, no.

[Morgan J.]

When I actually, when I think about. He was touching my butt a little bit.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

He was asking you?

[Morgan J.]

Yeah, now that I think about it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Wait, so you went not to be healed?

[Morgan J.]

No, because my stepdad has Parkinson's, and he's done, like, a lot of different treatments, and one of them was John of God.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

My mom was like, we're taking a John of God.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And isn't that, like, a huge wait? Don't you wait for days?

[Morgan J.]

It was one of the longest days of my life, I swear to God.

[Pete Holmes]

Really?

[Morgan J.]

And in Brazil, there's, like, no infrastructure, so on the way back.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Wait, he's in Brazil?

[Morgan J.]

No, no, they have. They live part time and.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

John of God came to you.

[Morgan J.]

No, John of God is in Brazil. We were in Brazil for this.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Okay.

[Morgan J.]

But on the way back, a truck full of oranges turned over and we were stuck on this, the two way road for like six hours because a truck of oranges.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Can I just say.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You mentioned Africa earlier. When I went to Uganda, there was like a four hour delay because there was an ostrich on the Runway. Different parts of the world are having like, like old timing problems. A truck of oranges is like a problem.

[Morgan J.]

Can we just drive over it? Like, it's just gonna.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Let's chop a can of this shit, let's go.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I'm saying?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

But yeah, ostriches and trucks of oranges are still a problem in certain infrastructures. It's true.

[Morgan J.]

Could. It could literally collapse an economy of. A truck of oranges falls over.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah. They're planning a huge thing. Everything will go perfectly. Unless there's a spill of oranges.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Or an ostrich.

[Morgan J.]

It's like out of a. It's a. Yeah. It's literally out of a comedy.

[Pete Holmes]

It is.

[Morgan J.]

But the oranges fell over. The wedding is off.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Shut it down.

[Morgan J.]

The way we can't go on with the wedding.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Shut it down.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

So. And did you feel anything when Juan de Dios did that?

[Pete Holmes]

No.

[Morgan J.]

I was so tired and exhausted and I. I know for my stepdad it was a long day for him because he's had like a lot of different surgeries and stuff. I'll tell you what he said off camera.

[Pete Holmes]

What?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

What John or your dad?

[Morgan J.]

My stepdad. What he said. What he said off camera.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

What happened to your dad?

[Morgan J.]

Dad, he died of the colon cancer, right?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

When did that happen?

[Morgan J.]

When I was 6. I was like 93.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, no.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I hate to. This is where my mind always goes. Six around the time.

[Morgan J.]

I mean, I'm still pliable. I'm still like, like, you know, like they say plastic or something like that, you know.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, yeah. You're going with the flow, the recover.

[Morgan J.]

There's a better.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yes.

[Morgan J.]

Recovery that like my. My older. My older brother got it worse. He's like, you know, he was about 10.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

And so that's. That's like a tough age.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I've heard that it's very dark, but I've heard that little kids can sometimes roll with great loss a little bit more easily. Like they're like. Oh, I guess that's a thing. That happens.

[Morgan J.]

I mean, I. What I remember is, like, I wrote in a limo for the first time.

[Pete Holmes]

Time, you know?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's really funny.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

I was like, let's go to TV in here. My dad's dead, you know?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Can we have these Cokes?

[Morgan J.]

Yeah, exactly.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

So these Cokes are ours.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And how do you think that impacted you?

[Morgan J.]

I don't know. I mean, I. I will say it's like, even in the song, I have. You know, the first line is, like, hard to miss something I never had. Like, I have this whole, like, newsies type of energy with it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You know, you drop a crutch.

[Morgan J.]

Yeah, exactly, exactly. No, I'm literally walking around and doing this, like, really playing it up, up. But my dad.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You go ahead.

[Morgan J.]

My dad was a. Like a pop star in Argentina. He was. Yeah, I know. That's. It's. I know. He was born in Sicily, grew up in Argentina, was a singer in Argentina when he moved to America, became a chef, and, I mean, I think didn't.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Even try for pop star.

[Morgan J.]

It's hard. I know. And it's hard. It's hard to do. The crossover in America just went right.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

To the chef's whites.

[Morgan J.]

Yeah, right to the chefs.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, he.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You know, he didn't busk one day.

[Morgan J.]

Well, what somebody made clear to me is that. That he was known as the singing chef. There's, like, news articles about him. So in New York at the time, you could go to a restaurant, he would cook the dinner and then come out with a guitar and sing to the patrons. And that was.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I have mixed feelings about that, because. You ever smell your fingers after you play a guitar? Got that nylon metallic smell?

[Morgan J.]

Well, that. Well, yeah. Nylon strings. You don't have an odor, really.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, yeah, you're right. I shouldn't have said steel strings things.

[Morgan J.]

But he's cooking first and then singing.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Then he's cooking a little bit more, I bet.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I'm gonna need to see.

[Morgan J.]

But he's not cooking like one of those Indian street vendors where they're putting their whole arm in it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Every Chef. This is the dirty little secret of America. You ever watch any chef? You're getting some fingies.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And Ramsay, you want it?

[Morgan J.]

You want a little bit?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You want it?

[Morgan J.]

Have you seen the video of the guy pouring the water out of the wine out of the spit? You know what I'm talking about? You go to, like, a nice Italian restaurant. He. They put wine, and they. It's like a very fancy wine distributor.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

And he moves his finger and the wine comes out and like every. Every ounce of wine grazes his finger.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And that's part of his secret, and.

[Morgan J.]

That'S that people drink the wine. I don't know.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I'm saying unconsciously, if a robot made your food, we would start missing what we consider to be an almost sub perceptual human element.

[Morgan J.]

For sure.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And it's a little bit.

[Morgan J.]

They did an episode of Seinfeld about where like, they found a rubber band in it in the soup and they're like, paco, he's cooking it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, no, no, that was a different one.

[Morgan J.]

I know that episode.

[Pete Holmes]

But yeah, yeah. Anyway.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

So anyway, your dad. And then. Oh. How it impacted you.

[Pete Holmes]

Did.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Did you become like a desperate showman?

[Morgan J.]

Oh, oh, yeah. I mean, I was, I was youngest. Youngest son, class clown, obnoxious, just, like, seeking attention.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

I mean, at one point a teacher called home, and I was a good student too, but a teacher called my mom and was like, you know, there's special schools for your son and like, special meds for him, like, he's being buried. And my mom was like, he's just a happy boy. Like, to her credit.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

And.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

But I don't know. I don't know about, like, if he, I mean, you know, he did play some music for me when I, When I, he was alive. And I could remember he played like, like piano and he sang like the Barney song and La Bomba and he'd be there to like, pick me up at the, the, the, the bus stop, you know, from school and stuff like that. So, I mean, I will say, like, now that I'm touring and traveling and singing and literally going into the crowd, I'm like, kind of getting a. In a nice, beautiful twist. Like I'm learning what he. His life was probably like because he toured and traveled.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's right.

[Morgan J.]

Over Europe and South America.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's right.

[Morgan J.]

So that's pretty cool.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You know, it's interesting. Do you think your decision to not have kids is because you can see how painful it is to lose a.

[Morgan J.]

Parent A little bit. I just feel like I'm a little bit selfish and the lifestyle I leave lead is like, I just, I don't, I don't know if I can give. Yeah, I hear when you have the kid, it's like your life is the kid.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Well, it's interesting because. Yeah, no, that's true. I would, I would phrase it. And I always. You always have to say this up top. I love my daughter more than anything. And that's sort of what it is. Is like, that's why your life ends.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's not like you have to stop playing video games. It's that you want to stop playing.

[Morgan J.]

Video games, hang out with them so.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You can be with them and do what they want to do. But then before you know it, you'll be like, oh, all my stuff is. Is gone. That's why we had one. Because one really feels like we're always like, I think we found this nice little middle way.

[Morgan J.]

How old are they now?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Six.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow. Yeah. Okay.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

But anyway, you're not wrong. And when people are kind of like, sometimes people, like, con. Conflate having, like, being a good time with kids and being a parent, I'm like, yeah, it's. It's good to have that skill. But being a parent really is an exercise in, like, sacrifice and.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Patience and things like that.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

But, like, laying it all down and burning it down and allowing that. I still. I mean, mean, here we are doing my podcast. It's not like everything's over.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

But, like, your priorities really shift, so I support your choice.

[Morgan J.]

Yeah, I. I don't know if it's. If it's like, a western culture thing, but, I mean, even when my parents were bringing me up, like, they still had parties and, like, I think, like, Europeans, and they'll have kids and just, like, let them pass out at the party. They'll be drinking and hanging out, and the kids are just, like, passed out on the sofa.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Morgan J.]

They're like, let's just whatever.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Well, modern parenting, that's what's funny, is, like, even the way I was raised in Boston in the 80s, very different from the way that I'm raising my daughter. That's the thing my parents say to me the most is like, we never.

[Pete Holmes]

Did that with you.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, we never did that.

[Morgan J.]

And look at you. You're a freak.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I'm a freak, dude. Well, the. What is it? I don't know if it's the fda. It's not the fda, but some government health administration is, like, having children is a. Is a health risk. Modern parenting is a health risk. I think in the 80s, it was like. Like, people used to have kids because they needed staff on the farm.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You know what I mean?

[Morgan J.]

We need some sturdy.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

This will be useful.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It'll be useful in six years, seven years. And now I'm like, how can I make sure she feels seen?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

What was your. Do you freestyle? I'm not gonna ask you to freestyle, like, kind of.

[Morgan J.]

But I'm. I'm like, not Good at it.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And I.

[Morgan J.]

And I lean into that. I like that, you know, like. Like, I'm not gonna pretend that. That I am Harry Mack, you know, H. Mac. H. Mac, who's incredibly talented. Like, I'm not that dude.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I don't understand what's going on with that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

I bring a lot of charisma and fun. Enjoy. Like, I'm goofing off.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, you're goofing.

[Morgan J.]

Let's.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Like, you're straight goofy.

[Morgan J.]

I'm straight goofing. Let's all get it. Let's get a. I don't care if any of us know how to freestyle. Let's get a beat going and everybody try to freestyle.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I like it.

[Morgan J.]

And let's see what. Let's see what happens. I don't care.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Relax.

[Morgan J.]

Just relax and go with the flow. Like, that's where I'm at with the freestyle.

[Pete Holmes]

Flow.

[Morgan J.]

Flow.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

So I don't. Sometimes I will freestyle and I'll. I will hit a pocket and I'm.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And I'm like, that's everybody. I also freestyle in my car.

[Morgan J.]

Yes. So I have a freestyle playlist.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Nice.

[Pete Holmes]

You. You. Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Do you look at other people when you're in your car? Yeah, I never look at other people in my car. I. I think I'm weird. I just. But by the way, there is.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I'm looking in windshields to see where their eyes are.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's how you know if you can change lanes. Is this person alert or are they second screening reality?

[Pete Holmes]

Me. Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

I did have a question for you regarding traffic.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And because I. I get a lot of traffic.

[Morgan J.]

There is a clip of yours that went a little viral, I think.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh.

[Morgan J.]

Ways of that I've seen. Or maybe it was on my feed, I don't know. But it was about how, like, people get, like, really, like, road rage and people get really angry in, like, traffic or when there's a delay.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

And I. And even before hearing that, I had that, like, if we're delayed, like, we're delayed.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

What can you do?

[Morgan J.]

We can. We just need to accept this. But I wonder, is there a. Limit it for me?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Like, at what point is the delay? Because there. We had a tough travel day, like two weeks ago where it was. It was like a. Yeah, dude. A plane full of oranges fell over on the Runway.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And an ostrich was eating them.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

It was insane.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

No, you had a bad travel day.

[Morgan J.]

But it was just like, it was a 12. It was a long day. It was it was a five, it should have been a five hour travel day that turned into like, like a 12 hour travel day.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

And, and normally, like, I have plenty of things to do. I'm a firm believer in only, only boring people get bored. You know what I mean? And, and I bring plenty of activities and ways to entertain myself. I could write, I could watch whatever it is read. I learned how to do all those things was pretty crazy. And so yeah, I just. But, but, but that day was tough. I was like really tired and annoyed that day.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I understand. You know, a big thing for me is to allow and forgive however you're feeling. So I've been saying on this podcast a lot like, don't get mad hearing. Hearing something you already knew. So if somebody's acting like how they always act, why are you getting mad?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And now I'm like, yeah, but also you can get mad but then recognize that you're just getting mad at something you already knew. And then that can help you surrender to it and just let it pass through your system. But so yeah, of course there's a limit. There's been times when I'm on my way.

[Morgan J.]

Is there a number on it? Is it like four hours? Is it eight hours?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's not really time consuming.

[Pete Holmes]

Continue.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's like if I'm on my way to a flight, it'll get a little bit more intense. Here's where I'm real good at it, which is kind of where that bit is from when I was flying back from, from the Super Bowl. My, I got there at the airport at 4:30 in the morning. My flight was at like 7 and then that flight didn't take off until like, I think like 3 or 4pm so it was supposed to be a 3 hour travel day and it ended up being like an 18 hour travel day with driving home from the airport. And I'm very good at that. I'm very good at that because there's nothing you can do. But if I'm driving to the airport and I hit a traffic jam and I'm worried about my flight, that's way harder for me to practice what I preach. But you can still do it. You just have to really zoom out.

[Morgan J.]

And be like, my, my team is, is learning like that they weren't ready for the amount of like how this travel is.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Every. They weren't.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

They're like, you were.

[Morgan J.]

I had already been doing it. Yeah, they weren't quite ready for it. They're like, I don't know how you did this every week and this is incredibly exhausting, you know, but you kind of have to go and I feel like you have to go into like a. I don't want to say hibernative state, but when you travel, you have to completely shift your state of mind. Yeah, I feel like you have to.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Completely shift it, get there early, and then surrender and allow there. Well, the great thing about the difference between being at the airport and the flight being delayed 18 hours or whatever it was, the day being 18 hours long and being in the. When I'm in the car and I hit the traffic, I'm like, maybe I could have taken a different route. I should have checked the traffic. I should have left earlier. I feel you can start beating yourself up when it's just delta or whatever. It's united. You're just like, well, what can I do? Like, getting mad won't help anything. And then it's really easy for me to be like, and now I just have to sit in this chair.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I mean?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You go, like, I'll just be sitting in this chair in a climate controlled room. And there's food and there's stuff to do.

[Morgan J.]

The one thing when I travel, I always make sure I'm always fed.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Don't travel hungry.

[Morgan J.]

Always. I overeat when I travel.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

That's interesting. I. That I agreed with you because on that day I did. But I talk about fasting. I usually fast when I travel because you don't really need to eat, you're just sitting.

[Morgan J.]

That's true.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

But I mean, you can see it both ways.

[Morgan J.]

But you can see the minute you get hungry, we're. This is riveting stuff.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I love it. I was just, I was trying to.

[Morgan J.]

Think of what have we, what have we not covered?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

What was, what was your first memory of being funny like, as a kid? Do you have a memory that you were like, oh, I'm funnier than other people? And I asked that for the pleasure of you remembering it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

I have one memory in particular. I was running for student for president of my freshman class of school and high school. High school.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

And we had to give speeches and somebody had gifted me a tiny guitar this big, and it had three buttons on it. And each button made like a sound, like a different little riff. And then I went up there and I said some. I said to my fellow students, I have one last thing to close with. And I took the tiny guitar out and I. And Obviously for these 8th graders, they were like, oh, my God, Mark, it's crazy.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

What is he doing? He's sticking it to the system.

[Morgan J.]

We're gonna vote for him.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And then you won.

[Morgan J.]

I won't. And the year after that, I did something.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

This is your skill, you know, your audience.

[Morgan J.]

Yes.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You've always been able to dial into your audience.

[Morgan J.]

I'm, like, so tapped in. I always say, like, be your first fan.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Morgan J.]

Be the first person to buy your own merch. I'm wearing it. Be, like, to buy your own merch to put your own song on a playlist, to hang your own art on a wall.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Morgan J.]

Because if, like, you don't do it or don't want to do it, then.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And if you don't see it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah. Then.

[Morgan J.]

And then who? How can you expect these other people? And also, like, my. I. I operate it in my show. Like, I use the word hospitality a lot in my show. So when I'm doing sound check or getting the show ready, I'm, like, walking the room. I'm, like, trying to figure out, like, lines of sight. Like, will this. Can everybody see me properly? Like, was this. I want everybody to get, like, their money's worth. You know, I heard Sebastian on a podcast talk about, like, you know, when people buy a ticket to your show, they're not just buying a ticket to the show. You know, they're buying. They're paying for parking, and they're paying for a babysitter, and they're getting food, and they're. You know, it ends up being a very expensive night. Yeah. So, you know, you want to make sure they have a good night because this. They. And these people work hard. It's like the end of the week, they're exhausted. They might have. They might have gotten to a fight on the way there. Like, you might be the last thing between them and a divorce.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

You know what I mean? Like, literally, I think about these things, you know?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

So it's interesting.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I was up. I was with it until that last one. I'm like, that's not my responsibility.

[Morgan J.]

It's not my responsibility. But.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

But I understand.

[Morgan J.]

We could. We bought them time. I could buy them time.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I understand. Yeah, yeah, yeah. As. As people that feel like you're keeping your parents together your whole childhood, but.

[Morgan J.]

But also can be difficult at the same time. Last one, I will say I break people up.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, really?

[Morgan J.]

100.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

What do you mean?

[Morgan J.]

I mean, I got a DM from a girl, like, after a show, and Dania beach, she was like, my boyfriend, and I broke up after your show because of X, Y, And Z. And, like, he didn't like this or that or. I've had a couple.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

What did it have to do with.

[Morgan J.]

The show that I. I, like, sang to her and I took a selfie with her. And I guess, because I was like, you know, I'm like. I, like, flirt with audience members.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, sure.

[Morgan J.]

But I guess, you know, the.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It was too much. I guess he got jealous.

[Morgan J.]

He got jealous. And he probably wasn't a fan of my comedy to begin with. And, like, this guy's coming and singing my girl, and she's all like, ah. You know, and if. And. And it probably. I'm probably just the straw that broke the camel's back.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

You know what I'm saying?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You were the excuse.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

And in a way, I probably was a blessing for them to, like, not be together anymore, you know, if this. If this breaks your relationship.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Probably wasn't.

[Morgan J.]

Probably wasn't meant to be.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. You know what I'm saying?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It's like when they walked elephants over the Brooklyn Bridge. If it breaks with the elephants, it's not gonna. Like the cars.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

That's so funny.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

But I forgot what the original question.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Was, but me too.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Well, the first time. You're funny, we were talking.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah, yeah, the. The.

[Morgan J.]

Yeah, the class clown stuff.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

I mean, I got voted class clown in eighth grade. Before that, my mom had told me a story. She was like, I didn't even know that he was really a singer or he wanted to do this stuff. We were at a Christmas party, and then he just, like, started singing the Twelve Days of Christmas, and I. And I'm like, I didn't really know that he was doing this stuff, you know?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

This was you.

[Morgan J.]

This was me singing at, like, you know, very young age.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Cut to now, dude. I did the Town Hall Theater in New York, and I brought. I was able to bring her. I got her, like, a black car. I got her, like, an Escalade. I picked her up. She lives in White Plains. I picked her up. She, you know, brought her on stage. She told me later. She's like, this is one of the best moments of my life. I can't believe this. And it was, like. It was really emotional. It was, like, really amazing to. But going back to the.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Can I interject?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

One time my friends came and visited me out here, and I was like, we're doing it proper. I'm gonna send a black car to the airport.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, boy.

[Morgan J.]

Did they get an Uber? Anyway, did they go to the wrong way?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I Told them. I was like, when you get there, look for a guy who's gonna have a sign that says your name, Holmes.

[Morgan J.]

It's gonna say, Holmes.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Just find that guy. Yeah, my dad doesn't bring his cell phone. They come out, he doesn't bring it. So I'm calling him, trying to say, did you find the car? Did you find the car? It's. My mom's cell phone is dead. They get there. They didn't find the guy. They get there and they're just like, I didn't see any car. He was there, of course, and it was in the tiny.

[Podcast Host / Advertiser]

It was Santa Barbara airport.

[Morgan J.]

There's no. You couldn't have missed him.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

One guy in a suit. And that is. There's just such a. I was like, this is such a familiar feeling. I tried so hard to have the, like, this was the greatest day of my life. But instead I got. There was no driver.

[Morgan J.]

They're, like upset with you.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

There's no driver.

[Morgan J.]

What kind of shady business you run in, Pete?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It was.

[Morgan J.]

You don't care about your parents.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It was rough. Anyway, sorry, that was my interject.

[Morgan J.]

That's funny. Yeah, I mean, she.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, she enjoyed it, but I'm glad it worked for you.

[Morgan J.]

She didn't. She's not the kind of person who wants to come on. My manager went up to her and was like, okay, like, out of the audience, she's like, you know.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And what did you sing to her?

[Morgan J.]

No, I didn't sing it. I. I just said right after my first. Right after my first bit, I'm just sort of like, you know, guys, my mom is here tonight. I have family here tonight. Like, she's like, held this family together, you know, and, you know, I said something like, I want to give, you know, half as much back to her. She's given the whole family and one introduce my mom. So, you know, she's like an immigrant. She, like came here with a suitcase and now her, you know, now I'm here doing, you know, these sold out shows here. And it was like a cool moment for her.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

So I funnily. Funnily enough, not too far from that venue when I was like six months into doing stand up, I had done my first bringer show at Caroline's on Broadway. Rip Caroline's, rip. I didn't really know how far, like, deep the rabbit hole of comedy went. And I bombed very. It was my first time really bombing hard. Yeah, it was like a seven minute set. But mind you, I went in with the mentality, like, I'm At Caroline's. This is it.

[Pete Holmes]

I made it. Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Yeah. If I kill it here tonight. Minted.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Minted.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm.

[Morgan J.]

I'm done.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Ready.

[Morgan J.]

I'm in it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

And I did terrible. My mom was there. My stepdad was there. I had, like, co workers there. This. I was like, 20. I was 20. It was like, the first year, it was like a very quiet car. Nobody said anything in the car ride home, you know? And the next day, my mom was like, she doesn't remember this, but the next day she was like, you know, we didn't really say anything in the car last night because you were awful. It was very bad. And you can do better than that. You know that and I know that. So that's. That's why we didn't say anything. Dude, I.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

But you were awful.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I was ready for your mom to lie to you and be like, no.

[Morgan J.]

No, no, no, no. She's like, you were awful. You were bad. Which, you know, in a way, like, to her credit, like, I suppose that's a better than her lying to me and being like, you did. Yeah, because I know I did bad.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Every comment knows that deserves respect. And, like, I could never do that. And it's not easy. I mean, there's other ways to put that. There's other ways to put that.

[Morgan J.]

Meanwhile, can I. Can I tell you the story behind this hat? Much lice, much less, bro. So after the show, she texted me the next day, or like a week. I don't know what it was, but she goes, morgan, that was one of the best days of my life. I love you so much. I wish you so much joy and much lice in your life. Like, much. She meant to say much life, but she said much less. And then I. I was talking about this on stream, and a fan saw, heard the story on my stream and made me the hat.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Much less.

[Morgan J.]

Much less. Dude, I wish you so much lice. Dude, I wish you much ice. I wish you much less.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I wish you much lies.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

I wish you much less beautiful.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Much less. You got a good lice, man.

[Morgan J.]

Hey, man, it's been a good life. I'm happy for you, you know, My life. If I could look back on my lice and really think about the choices I made, my life could have turned out differently.

[Pete Holmes]

I get it.

[Morgan J.]

I'm pro life, you know, I'm pro choice.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

But pro life, you can kill those lies for sure.

[Morgan J.]

That's true.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Morgan J.]

But, yeah, the much lice thing is just a funny inside joke for me. And everybody else who knows the story.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Now, so I love it, you know, well, let's. Let's close it out. I have two things I want to do. One is a question. Can you tell me the time you laughed the hardest in your life? Does that bring up a memory for you?

[Morgan J.]

Yeah, I mean, I think it was.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

The first time I got high on marijuana.

[Morgan J.]

I hate to sound cliche, but I was in college.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

A freshman in college. I never smoked in my life before. I took a huge fat bong rip. They. Everybody looked at me like, what are you? I didn't know.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I was like that. The first time I saw.

[Morgan J.]

I didn't know. I coughed for like 10, 15 minutes. I was like in the bathroom, like, my eyes red. I was like. It's like, what is going on?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

But after that went away, you laughed. Boy, oh, boy, did I laugh my heart out, man. It was one of the. It was incredible. And then the last time. The last. And then recently, the last time I cry Laughed was this comic that he just opened for me in St. Louis. I think he's honestly one of the funniest people there is. This guy Mandel out of Atlanta. He's moving to la. He's actually gonna be doing warm up for John Mulaney show on Netflix.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Oh, fun.

[Morgan J.]

But he. He. We were just in a car. He just. He's just like, you know, these people are just funny.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

Like a Rory Scoville, you know?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

People are just like, just.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Just funny.

[Morgan J.]

They're just funny people.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

There's good comedians, and there's just funny people who are sometimes good comedians.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

And.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

And sometimes they're bad comedians.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, exactly.

[Morgan J.]

Just like. Yeah, he's this guy. He's. He's both. He's a great comedian, and he's just funny. And we were just. I don't know what he even said, but I just cry laughing that I. It was such a. It was so funny. The way he talks.

[Pete Holmes]

That makes me happy. Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

What a joy to be around. I just want to hang out with him just to hopefully. He's like, my. My fix. And I'm like, I need you to do that because, you know, we see so much comedy now that, that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

You know how it is. It's like you're. You see that premise kind of like that joke or like a. Yeah, the formula. The formula.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Morgan J.]

So it's hard to get that most of the stuff that make us cry laugh, it's like just goofy stuff that happens.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Totally, Totally.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

I think Here. It has to be clean.

[Morgan J.]

Giannis Papa said in a podcast once, he was like, we're all just trying to be as funny as a fart. That's true. Fart is just. You know, there's no. There's not even a set of. Or punchline. It's just.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

There's a setup.

[Morgan J.]

Yeah, but you hear it and you're just like, oh, that's funny.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Reality is the setup.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

It is the punchline.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. But.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, I know what he means.

[Morgan J.]

You know what I mean? It's like.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Well, I would. I would say we're trying to be as funny as someone falling down and not being hurt. Yeah, they fall in it, and they're not hurt and they're slipping.

[Morgan J.]

And I mean, that video, the woman falling in the grapes. You ever see that video?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Of course.

[Morgan J.]

It's classic.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Funnier than stand up with the sound off, Even just seeing her fall. I agree. The other one is. Do you want to sing at the same time? It's a game we sometimes play.

[Morgan J.]

Okay.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Yeah, you just sing what I sing, and we can take turns if you want.

[Morgan J.]

Okay.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

This song is called. What's this song called? Doesn't. It doesn't have. It doesn't have to.

[Morgan J.]

Gluck luck Juice.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Gluck, gluck juice. Have you ever noticed. No. You're leading too much. You're leaving too much. You can't do it. Have you ever been in the mood for a meal? But it's liquid. Have you ever been in the mood for a meal? But it's liquid but the orange is from the highway in Brazil and of you lead, I'll follow you. Have you ever.

[Morgan J.]

Seen the sun rise?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Whoever touched your hair?

[Morgan J.]

And it has much lies.

[Pete Holmes]

Nice.

[Morgan J.]

Much.

[Pete Holmes]

Love.

[Morgan J.]

It's what your mother sad.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

And a.

[Morgan J.]

Fakes this hat stitch and I the first to win. How did I do? Do I do okay? A. Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Is it good?

[Kumail Nanjiani]

When you say keep it crispy, it's how we end.

[Morgan J.]

Hey, baby. Keep it crispy, keep it crispy.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

Is this your girl?

[Morgan J.]

Is this your girl? Are you making love tonight? Keep it crispy.

[Kumail Nanjiani]

You know you make love tonight.

[Morgan J.]

Thank you. Keep it crispy, keep it crispy, keep it crispy.