Rick Glassman

Summary

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Podcast Summary: You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes – Rick Glassman (Feb 22, 2023)

Main Theme / Purpose This episode dives deep into the unique quirks, comedic stylings, and personal insights of comedian Rick Glassman. A self-proclaimed “riff machine,” Glassman joins Pete Holmes for a high-energy, riff-heavy, and self-aware conversation that covers everything from boundary-setting, self-perception, comedic process, podcasting philosophies, autism, and the art of being vulnerable and weird. The discussion is equal parts silly and profound, packed with quick-witted bits, self-reflection, and practical wisdom for creative types and anyone interested in the emotional dynamics of comedy and connection.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. The Art of the Bit and Podcast Energy

• The episode begins with playful chaos: Rick fixates on checking his appearance in a mirror, leading to a running joke about self-awareness, bits, and podcast “vibe checks.”
• Both comedians deconstruct their penchant for starting with comedy bits, dissecting how this impacts the flow and tone of conversations.
• Notable Moment: Rick and Pete joke about their hypothetical podcast called “Looking for a Bit,” complete with improvised jingles.

  Rick: "If you and I ever did a podcast together, it would be called Looking for a Bit.” (16:11)

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2. Boundaries, Social Cues, and the Spinach-In-Your-Teeth Friend

• The dynamic of telling friends uncomfortable truths (like if there’s spinach in their teeth or if their behavior is off-putting) is explored at length.

• Rick shares how his desire to provide helpful feedback, rooted in how he wants to be treated, sometimes backfires depending on the recipient.

• Pete relates this to his own tendency to over-apologize or hold grudges depending on his emotional state.

• Quote:

  Rick: “Your truth—you don't have to tell everybody everything that’s true.” (32:03)
  Pete: “That’s how you get kicked out of basketball games.” (32:04)

• The duo also discusses how honesty and directness are often received based not just on content, but the recipient’s mood and personal boundaries.

• Notable Moment: Pete’s analogy about apologizing in accidental bathroom run-ins and social awareness:

  Pete: “If someone’s in the bathroom and the door does lock… that’s on you.” (45:18)

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3. YouTube, Aesthetics, and Intention

• Rick gives Pete candid advice: his YouTube version of the podcast looks “frumpy,” and intention in set design or production values helps attract an audience.
• The importance of intention and vision—beyond simply being “present”—is mapped onto podcasting, creativity, and life.
• Quote:

  Rick: “...there should be an intention to it. So even if it’s frumpy ... lean into that thing.” (25:25)
  Pete: “One of the things I struggle with... is purpose, mission statement, why.” (26:50)

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4. Self-Awareness, Autism, and Communication

• Rick opens up about receiving an autism diagnosis as an adult. This revelation brings both relief and a new level of self-scrutiny around social interactions.
• He describes realizing he misread social dynamics for years (“I wrongly felt everybody feels about me positively”) and how this affected his comedy and friendships.
• Notable Quote:

  Rick: "I wrongly felt everybody feels about me positively, which was great for my self-worth. I love myself. I'm fun, I'm funny, I'm phenomenal. And then I found out I'm not." (90:51, also used as the cold open)

• The conversation expands to how people with different neurotypes can bridge understanding, communicate boundaries, and ensure mutual support.

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5. The Value of Help and Friendship

• Both comics reflect on the meaning of help, the purpose of friendship, and different “flavors” of being supportive—whether it’s practical advice or simply showing up.
• Rick argues:

  Rick: “Anybody that you’re choosing to have in your life needs to offer you value and you them, or there’s no point of that relationship.” (108:17)

• Pete distinguishes between “masculine” solution-oriented friendship and more “being there” emotionally, as modeled by his wife’s friendships.

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6. Comedy as Process: Acting, Presence, and Free Association

• Hilarious and meta moments come from the two doing acting games (e.g., “fake up”/waking up acting, gum-chewing acting, improvised party scenes).
• Rick gives practical acting advice:

  Rick: “Your only job as an actor...know your lines. ...And number two: have the thoughts. Don’t think about what it’s like to hide...Just be there.” (76:13)

• The pair agree that comedy is rooted in being present. Free association and riffing are celebrated but also acknowledged as potentially confusing for outsiders.

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7. Receiving and Processing Criticism

• Both discuss how one’s emotional state changes the way feedback lands.
• Rick’s “tool” is to de-personalize criticism by valuing new data over ego attachment.
• Quote:

  Rick: “By valuing information so much, it kind of supersedes the ego.” (50:03)
  Pete: “What I'm really talking about is the difference between right-minded Pete and wrong-minded Pete.” (51:35)

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8. Existential and Spiritual Musings

• The episode closes with reflections on the meaning (or lack thereof) in life, the unknowability of what comes after death, the definition of “help,” and the nature of acceptance.
• Quote:

  Rick: “Looking for meaning in things versus accepting that there isn't. Are those different? ... Where that Venn diagram overlaps would be—you get to create your own meaning for things.” (114:03)
  Pete: “The goal of life to me...is to be your doctor, treating you as if I already know you have autism before I know you have autism. ... Acceptance.” (104:40)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (with Timestamps)

• On Social Blind Spots and Self-Delusion

  “I’m the best…and then I found out not only am I not picked first, people don’t even want to play when I'm there. That wasn’t a possibility. I’m the best.”
  — Rick Glassman (82:15)

• Honesty & Sensitivity

  “I used to think that whatever I’m thinking, you’re thinking...and he [Bill Burr] was talking about, ‘that’s what being a comic is, realizing people see it differently.'”
  — Rick Glassman (81:10)

• Life Advice on Acting and Presence

  “Know your lines…When you’re not in here, you’re present. You have to be present.” — Rick (76:23)
  “Help is very similar to love, because love is me seeing your needs as my needs...removing the separation.” — Pete (111:44)

• Pure Silliness & Improvisation

  [Acting game about a hidden gin & tonic at a party; wake-up/fake-up competition; “gum chewing acting”; party scene improvisation, etc.] (71:17–77:17)

• On Feedback and Changing Perception via “the Lens”

  “I’m the same person. He (the doctor) just has a better understanding, or at least what he thinks is an understanding of me. It was so fucking frustrating.” — Rick (100:35)
  “That lens is everything... The goal of life to me is...accepting people.” — Pete (104:50)

• Final thoughts on “value” and friendship:

  “Make me laugh, make me inspired, help me…I want to be better.” — Rick (108:17)

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Important Segments (Timestamps)

• Setting the Comedic Tone & Bit Culture — 07:20–17:10
• Podcast Intention, YouTube & “Spinach Friend” Analogies — 22:00–34:00
• Honesty, Boundaries, and Social Feedback — 32:00–51:00
• Acting Games & Free Association — 65:00–77:00
• Rick on Autism & Self-Discovery — 78:47–92:25
• The Power and Limits of Self-Knowledge — 97:54–101:20
• Spirituality, Acceptance, and Assigning Meaning — 113:13–115:30
• Fart Jokes and the Sacred Profane — 121:18–124:00

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Language and Tone

• The conversation is fast-paced, meta, and self-referential; both comedians playfully call out and dissect their own and each other’s habits.
• Tone alternates between silly (running bits, hypothetical scenarios) and sincerely introspective.
• The mood is collaborative, supportive, and peppered with affectionate ribbing.

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Takeaways

• Comedy as Connection: Being “weird” is often just being honest about your inner world—an act of generosity to listeners and friends.
• Feedback, Boundaries & Growth: Not everyone wants the same type of candor; learning how others receive information (and how you receive it) is an on-going process.
• Self-Acceptance: Intention, presence, and self-awareness are crucial elements for meaningful, creative, and connected living.
• Help & Love: Valuing help—however it might look in various relationships—is parallel to practicing love and acceptance.

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Memorable Closing Bit:
The episode ends, as always, with “Keep it crispy,” followed by a surprisingly sincere acapella singalong.

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For more, check out Rick’s podcast “Take Your Shoes Off” and follow the ongoing weirdness at You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes.

Transcript

[Rick Glassman]

You made it with. You made it weird.

[Pete Holmes]

You made it with. Oh yeah, you made it weird. Yes, you made it weird. You made it weird with Pete Holmes. What's happening, weirdos? This is Rick Glassman, who is hilarious, a riff machine and a very, very interesting and fun to talk to person. I know this because I've been a guest on his podcast which is called Take youe Shoes Off To Twice. And both were incredibly, incredibly fun and wonderful riff filled chat. So we were due for a silly one. This is a silly one. And I'm so glad Rick was able to join us for the first time here on youn Made It Weird. Here is a little taste of our conversation.

[Rick Glassman]

I wrong, wrongly felt everybody feels about me positively, which was great for my self worth. I, I love myself. I'm fun, I'm funny, I'm phenomenal. And then I found out I'm not. And by that I mean I became aware that, oh, there's a possibility that people think differently than me. Not that they think differently than me. I disagreed. There's a possibility.

[Pete Holmes]

All right, weirdos, lots to enjoy here. If you'd like to come and see me live, which I would love. So many weirdos have been coming out on the road and it means so much to see you guys in person and to do standup for you, which is obviously my first, my first love. If you guys want to see me, here's where I'm going to be. This while I was just in Vancouver. Coming up next is Grand Rapids, San Diego, New Orleans, Dallas, Houston, Milwaukee, Madison, Royal Oak, Michigan, Minneapolis, New York, New York and Ridgefield, Connecticut. For tickets to all of Those, go to PeteHomes.com I also do a monthly show in Los Angeles. If you're going to be in the Los Angeles area, go to largo-la.com and you'll see a show called Pete Holmes Living at Largo. It's once a month. Uh, last month was on Valentine's Day. Was so fun. It's always the highlight of my month. So if you're gonna be in the California area or I guess it's a big state, the Los Angeles area, go to largo-la.com and we would love to see you at that show. I say we because Val is almost always there, which is so, so fun. And if you like this show, the way it works is I try always to pick sponsors that I actually use and actually love. Like here, I'm gonna stand up. Perfect. Jane, if you're not watching on video, that made no sense. I'm wearing my perfect jeans. You know why I'm always wearing perfect jeans? The Perfect Gene. I have this pair of jeans after I discovered the perfect jean. Basically in four different colors and and a couple different pairs of each. Because once I found these pants, there was no going back. They have done it. The boys at the Perfect Gene have discovered the perfect fit, the perfect cut, the perfect wash, and just a little bit of stretch. I hate hard pants. And these are the best pants I've ever owned. I literally haven't looked back. I wear them to fancy Hollywood things because they look like designer jeans. I've taken naps in them because they're soft like pajamas. Incredible. They're not like super soft in the sense that they're. They're not like flannel PJs. They're still identifiable as jeans. But 2% spandex 2.5 rayon for extra comfort and movement that your man parts require. That means these jeans stretch so your nuts ain't crushed. Doesn't crush your nuts, thereby providing the only true home for your bone. They're super soft. Specialized washing so your jeans literally feel as soft as a baby's butt. And they're incredibly durable. I've been wearing them for years. And you do not have to replace these pants. Regular jeans, they always wear out in the middle, tear up in the crotch area. Not perfect Jean. Not only does the rayon and the spandex that they sew into this stuff make it stretchier and more comfortable, but it makes it more durable. But it's also high quality materials and sewing techniques that give you a product that is built to last. So once you buy one of these, you're set. Best of all, they're not khakis. Fuck your khakis and spare your nuts. The Perfect gene for the perfectly imperfect men. Just 60 bucks. When you use Code Weirdo at checkout, liberate your lower limbs with the one and only Perfect Gene. Whether you're working with lemons or lentils, a three leaf clover, or a big old honking eggplant, the Perfect Gene has you covered. Take a peek at www.theperfectgene NYC. That's the perfectgene NYC. Code weirdo for 25% off at checkout. Incredible. Get into it. Do your body a favor, look good, feel good and show your support of the show. Another Pete's pick that I always have here on my desk for those of you watching video. This is Magic Mind. The biggest game changer of this year for me for sure has been Magic Mind. What is it it is not an energy drink. It's a productivity drink. It doesn't get you jittery, it doesn't get you wired. It gets you in the flow. It's like a flow state beverage. You know how athletes have Gatorade now creative types have creator aid. It's a magical elixir that makes you focus better on your work, be more creative and you drink less coffee. In fact, I take this with my espresso in the morning. It has adaptogens that help round off the edge of the caffeine that I get from my espresso, giving me a dialed in clean energy. There's also about 35 milligrams of caffeine in here because of the matcha. That helps you focus and the adaptogens help you fight off stress. You can take it daily for a sharper mind, steady energy, immune support, and like I said, less stress. You get 30% more done on average. That's five to seven hours of 30% more productivity after drinking. It is the creator's best friend. I try. I take it about 15 minutes before I go on stage, before I'm writing a script, before I'm doing a podcast. I often give it to the guests as you see it on the show. Helps fight off procrastination, brain fog, fatigue and some symptoms of ADD getting you into that flow state. And the more you use it, the better it works. With a money back guarantee, any first purchase will be refunded, no questions asked if it doesn't meet your expectations. And we have a special offer for weirdos from our friends at Magic Mind. All you have to do is go to www.magicmind co weird and use discount code at checkout Weird for a limited 20 off your first order. That's MagicMind Co weird and use promo code Weird at checkout for 20% off your first order. It's mood elevating. It dials in, gives your brain all the nutrition it needs to focus and work. Or sometimes I take it just like when I'm going out. Want to have access to my brain. Want to have access to energy without feeling jittery. I'm drinking way less coffee and getting way more done and feeling way less stress and they just improve the taste so it's even better. So try it. Go to MagicMind Co weird and show your support of the show. All right everybody, let's enjoy a silly, silly, fun chat with my boy, Rick Glassman. Get into it. Silly.

[Rick Glassman]

I. I don't need a bathroom, but I did want to do a Mirror check.

[Pete Holmes]

A mirror?

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You say mirror.

[Rick Glassman]

A mirror.

[Pete Holmes]

Mirror. A mirror. You look great. Sit down. I'm gonna look in the mirror. Use a phone. Okay. Here you go.

[Rick Glassman]

I have one.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't mean to make you feel unwell. You really do look great.

[Rick Glassman]

Thank you. But the energy you're giving me is yours, and I accept it.

[Pete Holmes]

That's a really funny way to address my energy. That does need to be adjusted.

[Rick Glassman]

I'll meet you outside in eight minutes. Hurry up with your phone call. I live in Ojai.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, but this is a nice wide angle.

[Rick Glassman]

Tell him to leave me alone.

[Pete Holmes]

This is a nice wide.

[Rick Glassman]

And could you guys not look at me while I do this? Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I didn't want to look at you doing your mirror check, but now I really. This is all on there. Are you kidding me? This golden mirror. Check. Do you say robit? Have we covered this? Do you say robit? Don't mess with my camera. What are you doing? No.

[Rick Glassman]

No, no, no.

[Pete Holmes]

You are the master of the bit. Ricky Glassman. Ricky Glassman.

[Rick Glassman]

Did you get my rider for this? Oh, you did?

[Pete Holmes]

Your rider?

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. I wasn't sure because I asked for the smallest headphones possible, but you got them.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, I see. I've set the tone as acrid and you're. Yes and ing it. Ricky Glass. What?

[Rick Glassman]

Looks like a butthole.

[Pete Holmes]

Is that what your butthole looks like?

[Rick Glassman]

No, that's what I would say if I were holding a mirror to your face. Welcome back to the Pete Holmes. You know. Oh, what's this podcast?

[Pete Holmes]

You made it weird.

[Rick Glassman]

You did when you met me outside with that attitude. It's good to be back.

[Pete Holmes]

You've never been on the show.

[Rick Glassman]

I can't hear you. Hold on one sec.

[Pete Holmes]

Ricky Glassman. Actually, I do want to do over.

[Rick Glassman]

Okay, could we switch seats so I don't have to hurt my neck?

[Pete Holmes]

Sit like I'm sitting. First of all, here's a plug for your podcast. You hated that.

[Rick Glassman]

I hated it so much.

[Pete Holmes]

Just this.

[Rick Glassman]

So don't do it again.

[Pete Holmes]

I want to discern if it was a bit a socked foot on a. On a sweatered elbow because. Just tell me everything.

[Rick Glassman]

You wanted to give a plug to my podcast, and I was. Your shoes off?

[Pete Holmes]

No, I was gonna say you take your shoes off.

[Rick Glassman]

I could do that. I have matching socks.

[Pete Holmes]

You mean matching to mine, or you mean your two socks are matching the socks?

[Rick Glassman]

The two socks I'm wearing In both ways, they. The socks I'm wearing. My left matches my right. Do you know what I mean? What's my camera.

[Pete Holmes]

That's your camera. Mug. Mug. Mug it up. You can also put your shoes. Keep your. Because they're great shoes. Keep them on, but put them on the couch.

[Rick Glassman]

Really?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

Oh, I'll do this.

[Pete Holmes]

I get what is going on with you and my foot touching your elbow. They're just downstairs feet. I mean, hands down. Let me do the riff again. Yeah, the riff.

[Rick Glassman]

I mean, the arrogance on this guy. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

An unplanned comedy attempt is a riff. Yeah. Doesn't sound so sexy when you call it an unplanned comedy attempt.

[Rick Glassman]

It wasn't that sexy of a riff. 2, 3, 4. Has to come before a riff.

[Pete Holmes]

They're just your downstairs hands and they're socked. And it's early in the day.

[Rick Glassman]

I didn't. I'm not. I'm not so upset. I'm fine. I wasn't triggered by it, but it happened. And it was just like. If you really don't understand why somebody doesn't. Why somebody wouldn't want your sock on their thing, I think the amount of time it would take to explain it to you would be worth it. So here's the thing. That would be a waste of everyone's time. And I want to make a good impression in front of your very young female audience. What is it like 23 to 27 year old females that listen to this? Or is it 39 year old black guys? Because those are the two main demographics.

[Pete Holmes]

Those are your peep.

[Rick Glassman]

Those are my demographics.

[Pete Holmes]

Those are your two demos.

[Rick Glassman]

I think my demo is. I don't. I don't know what my demo is. I know it's a lot of people that. Most people, at least the ones that reach out, have at least one of my things.

[Pete Holmes]

What are your things?

[Rick Glassman]

Well, well.

[Pete Holmes]

Judaism.

[Rick Glassman]

I don't think that's really a thing.

[Pete Holmes]

I thought that was definitely going to be one of your things. No, only because you're a celebrated Jewish performer, a cjp. I know you love acronyms. And he moved. He wouldn't let me touch even the knee with the foot.

[Rick Glassman]

So we recently talked about how cjp, I want to tell you, I think this is so funny and I think.

[Pete Holmes]

You'Re so funny and please stop.

[Rick Glassman]

And I don't want your foot on me.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's okay. It's not gonna touch you.

[Rick Glassman]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

The whole time.

[Rick Glassman]

So I don't want to. I'm aware of everything. So what happened so far is a fun moment that we've had, but it could easily define the rest of the podcast. We can now be in this energy and go for. For better or worse. I'm just saying.

[Pete Holmes]

You mean the sock hole?

[Rick Glassman]

The sock hole, yeah. But also just the. Tell me about whatever. I'm just feeling like we don't have to start over, but let's ease in.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. I love this.

[Rick Glassman]

And then you. Then you take control.

[Pete Holmes]

We're very similar, you and I. Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

I'm excited about my socks.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. And your socks. Vibe and how things start. Super important to me.

[Rick Glassman]

Who said that?

[Pete Holmes]

Me, just now.

[Rick Glassman]

Oh, I thought it was a quote.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, no. I mean, it is a quote. I just.

[Rick Glassman]

All you have to do is put up a. Put online with a picture of Tom Hardy and then quote it and people. It'll be on, like one of those marketing websites. I see so many quotes from things that was obviously not Tom Hardy.

[Pete Holmes]

That's hilarious.

[Rick Glassman]

But they just put a picture of Tom Hardy.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

Vibe and energy checks are the way podcasts begin. And it's like a picture of, you know, Tom Hardy. Yeah, I've seen a fair amount of them.

[Pete Holmes]

The actor Bane. I don't look, no offense to Tom Hardy, but I feel like you were.

[Rick Glassman]

About to say something pretty mean to Tom Hardy.

[Pete Holmes]

I just don't see him as, like, a waxing philosophical guy. I see him as, like an impressive physical specimen with, like, cauliflower ear. In a lot of movies, the most delicious ear injury.

[Rick Glassman]

Cauliflower ear. Why aren't you mic'd up for the little laughs?

[Pete Holmes]

You. Can we pick them up? All right. But. But. But to be real, maybe you can relate. Sometimes I observe my own personality. Like, there's a rope tied to a. A safe, and someone pushed the safe out the window, and it's just out my hands.

[Rick Glassman]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's. And I'm not upset about it with you, but just to. Yes. And what you're saying, that's how it's been since you texted me that you were here, but you wanted to wait for the street cleaning to switch over to 11:00am and I was like, I'll greet you in eight minutes. And me, I'm not a bully. See? I'm not gonna touch you with my sock. For real. But, like, that seemed like I thought you were doing a bit. But then the energy, it's like throwing blood in the water. But again, why am I incited by blood and water? You understand what I'm saying? I'm not loving my own energy. And I'd like to join you in your invite to reset it.

[Rick Glassman]

I don't understand.

[Pete Holmes]

What do you mean?

[Rick Glassman]

I'm just kidding. You just were talking about blood in the water and ropes.

[Pete Holmes]

That's very hard. You didn't get the rope thing. You seem like a guy that would.

[Rick Glassman]

Be like each other's sentences.

[Pete Holmes]

People that are like, let's start over. Know about the safe rope feeling where you're just like, what is happening? Why am I being this way? Why am I making fun of how you say mirror right off the bat?

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah, that. Let's. I think. I think it might be because our dynamic is very bit heavy and you heard an unusual thing.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

Why? And the letter Y, B, H, Y. Because you said. Yeah, F.

[Pete Holmes]

B, Y, S, Y.

[Rick Glassman]

So I think you were just looking for a bit.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

What should be the name of your podcast?

[Pete Holmes]

Looking for a Bit.

[Rick Glassman]

If you and I ever did a podcast together, it would be called Looking for a Bit. And I think the theme music would be very quick. It would open up with.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, God. Looking for a Bit.

[Rick Glassman]

Sorry.

[Pete Holmes]

Looking for a Bit. Ah, Looking for a Bit.

[Rick Glassman]

All right, guys, guys, let's go.

[Pete Holmes]

Looking for a Bit is brought to you by Squarespace.

[Rick Glassman]

Do you have a Squarespace sponsor?

[Pete Holmes]

No, I never.

[Rick Glassman]

We never did square.

[Pete Holmes]

Maybe 10 years ago we did Squarespace. I'm on.

[Rick Glassman]

Do you need help? Yeah, it's been.

[Pete Holmes]

This is my podcast. Take off your jacket. Is that a jerk off sound?

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. I didn't know.

[Pete Holmes]

I didn't know it would be. Can I say this? Ah, when. This is the first time I've recorded the intro for this episode before we.

[Rick Glassman]

Did the episode, but was the intro this. You guys, today was crazy. We had Rickover and we talked about basketball. Tom Hardy and Marshall Ford.

[Pete Holmes]

What do you think of the movie Base Kit Ball?

[Rick Glassman]

I don't remember it very well, but whenever I do a random call to a movie, basketball is one of those things.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's a good one. Except nobody did people see basketball.

[Rick Glassman]

I don't think anybody saw it.

[Pete Holmes]

You don't get to the Book of Mormon. Everyone celebrated genius, masterwork without basketball. That's what. That's my Tom Hardy quote right there. And.

[Rick Glassman]

And I don't get to. There's a lot. You make it weird.

[Pete Holmes]

Basketballs before Book of Mormon. Go ahead.

[Rick Glassman]

Timing passed.

[Pete Holmes]

You think it's over?

[Rick Glassman]

I think I just. I just. I'm. I'm now ready. I'm now ready.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. To begin.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. I'm now here with you.

[Pete Holmes]

What I was gonna say was. Yeah, okay. What I was gonna say was.

[Rick Glassman]

It should have started right now.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. Welcome to the show. In the intro that I already Recorded. I said we were due for a silly one.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because every time I'm with you, it's silly beans galore.

[Rick Glassman]

Isn't the most stuff with you silly beans?

[Pete Holmes]

Not always. There's a lot of episodes where people might go like, is this guy silly beans?

[Rick Glassman]

It G, S, B.

[Pete Holmes]

Because I'm not hearing silly beans.

[Rick Glassman]

B, I, N, H, S, B.

[Pete Holmes]

Sometimes K is hard.

[Rick Glassman]

When it's like, no. A lot of times I mess them up, but it's just because I don't know how to spell the word.

[Pete Holmes]

A, O, T, I, M, S, O, U.

[Rick Glassman]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, Yeah. A lot of times I mess them up. Oh, play the tape back.

[Rick Glassman]

I thought you were doing what I did.

[Pete Holmes]

I didn't know you did acronyms. I have acronym brain.

[Rick Glassman]

I thought you were doing it because you know I do it.

[Pete Holmes]

I watched a thing in my research for you and learned things I didn't know, even though I've done your podcast twice and I know you.

[Rick Glassman]

I didn't know even though you were.

[Pete Holmes]

Jewish until I didn't even know you were Jew.

[Rick Glassman]

What did you do?

[Pete Holmes]

You research often seems weird. I will start with Wikipedia, but that's just the base coat.

[Rick Glassman]

I just got a Wikipedia like a week ago.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I'll do after that? Youtubies. And I sometimes just type in I am phenomenal.

[Rick Glassman]

Did you watch I am phenomenal?

[Pete Holmes]

What's that?

[Rick Glassman]

We'll cut to a clip because I.

[Pete Holmes]

Think Rick Glassman has this great photo.

[Rick Glassman]

Of him playing against LeBron James in high school, which is just an insane thing now.

[Pete Holmes]

I heard he's really good. Rick's really good. Somebody told me that, like, he was, I think, playing a pickup game with someone, like somebody in entertainment, and they're like, hey, man, like, you gotta dial.

[Rick Glassman]

It back a little bit. Hit that, baldi. Catch the ball, dude. You're not aware of how other people perceive you. What are you talking about? Good take, idiot.

[Pete Holmes]

Whoops.

[Rick Glassman]

Are you not entertain. Got it. Nuts. I am phenomenal. I got big balls. I got a cool guy haircut. I got. I love that, though. And we're back.

[Pete Holmes]

Is that your stand up special?

[Rick Glassman]

I made a little character piece about me being a phenomenal basketball player but lacking awareness. And I think I'm the best and. But I find out that people don't want to play with me.

[Pete Holmes]

How much of that is true and or real?

[Rick Glassman]

I play a more heightened version of myself. But I was in a basketball game with an old boss and friend of mine who sent me an email to say a lot of the Guys in the game don't like playing with you. Bill Lawrence wrote you this email and he. I was kicked out of the game for a little. And then.

[Pete Holmes]

Wait, tell me everything.

[Rick Glassman]

Joel McKay. Sorry, Joel McHale played Bill.

[Pete Holmes]

More like Kevin McHale.

[Rick Glassman]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

When he's on the court.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah, but he was Joel. And f. And the script. The script was Bill's email.

[Pete Holmes]

W, B, E. The script was Bill's email.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. So the email that Bill sent me that was. Kicked me out of the game, then I gave to Joel for the script, and the things that Joel was saying to me or the character I was playing was straight from that email.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, and Joel was sort of playing Bill Lawrence.

[Rick Glassman]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

So why were you booted out of the game?

[Rick Glassman]

I wanted to acknowledge one thing real quick. I have talked about this on my podcast and a few other podcasts when this came out, which is fine, but I'm feeling. I don't know if insecure is the right word, but it's in the family of like, oh, I'm talking about this thing again. Now. I don't think that we should have the same audience necessarily, but I am just feeling like, oh, I don't need to be talking too much about this, but I also can. I just wanted to say that. Does that make sense?

[Pete Holmes]

You. You don't want to be embarrassed as the guy who's always, you know, when they do those super cuts. Jimmy Kimmel Live did a super cut of Lady Gaga every time he was on a late night show telling the same story. I'm like, that's not fair. Vin Diesel's just an actor. He's not like, you know what I mean? He's. He's not a comedian writing his own stuff and switching it up. So he's going out.

[Rick Glassman]

Of course, he's also on a promo tour.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what I mean.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And people ask the same question people still ask me is crashing about your real life? And I still give, like, the same reflexive answer. I try to mix it up a little bit, but you could make a super cut of that. Meaning there's no shame in repeating yourself.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah, I don't feel ashamed. I just wanted to acknowledge a feeling where, like, my instinct is to not talk about it, but it's fine to talk about it. But if I don't acknowledge that, I'll be thinking about it.

[Pete Holmes]

But now, can I introduce this?

[Rick Glassman]

There's no way this posture from us is flattering.

[Pete Holmes]

The way we're sitting, the way we're.

[Rick Glassman]

Sitting with these camera angles like this. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

I'd agree with that. Do you think you're. You know, we first started talking and we'll get back to whatever because people be like, finish. But we talked about YouTube.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

And like, you, you know, the audio numbers are a lot higher than the YouTube.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

And to make the YouTube a certain way, you, we, we do want to focus on making things pretty look better. Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And you think this is note number one.

[Rick Glassman]

I think that this. Unless this is by design, a way that you feel makes people comfortable and. Or like literally close.

[Pete Holmes]

Yep.

[Rick Glassman]

Which helps you get something out of the guest. Yeah. I think, you know.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Because I'm with you. But when I did your podcast Counterpoint, I felt very far.

[Rick Glassman]

Take your shoes off.

[Pete Holmes]

I know what it's called.

[Rick Glassman]

I thought you called it Counterpoint. I thought you were saying when I did your podcast Counterpoint.

[Pete Holmes]

No counterpoint to the point you just made first. I'm sitting a goodly length.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

From you. And I'm like, I don't like this. I feel like I'm on the spot. I feel like I'm in some sort of hot seat.

[Rick Glassman]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Like it's like a presidential debate and you're asking me questions. I'm not going to touch you. But I like being able to touch you.

[Rick Glassman]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

And I like the feeling of a sleepover and I like that it's dumpy.

[Rick Glassman]

There's a way of staying close.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. We used to do it at a table and we did it on the same corner and we were very close.

[Rick Glassman]

I've been thinking how much I want a table or a desk. Because there's a desk. Confidence that you have. That you have.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

Put your hand.

[Pete Holmes]

It feels solid.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. I do like desk.

[Pete Holmes]

But then Hassan Minhoj did it and he kept slapping the table. So sometimes you're just giving them something to slap.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. But that's a different culture.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. I don't know if that's one of the pre approved stereotypes of East Asians. Is that they.

[Rick Glassman]

No, I mean people from the Daily show because they're so professional.

[Pete Holmes]

Very funny. You're very funny. You're a talented man.

[Rick Glassman]

Thank you.

[Pete Holmes]

But I'm with you. Mike Birbiglia, my dear friend, he texted me. I was like, your show looks like shit. He's like, I hate watching your show.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. Make it look better.

[Pete Holmes]

I could. We could.

[Rick Glassman]

Great.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. You think that's why our YouTube numbers stuck is because people turn it on, they go like, well, this doesn't look very nice.

[Rick Glassman]

No. I just think that if people looked at it and were attracted to it, it would be more attractive. Just as simple as that.

[Pete Holmes]

I understand. Yeah. No, there's a certain frumpiness to my personality that I'm not upset by, but I'm also not thrilled by.

[Rick Glassman]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

It's also like, you know, I'm just not a very aesthetic person. And when, you know, really aesthetic people, like, I'm friends with Darren McGee and he's real fun. Wow. On Instagram. And he's a brilliant artist. And he also dresses really well. And we go. Our kids go to the same school. And whenever he sees me and Darren listens to the show. So it's not like, oh, no, Darren's going to hear this. He'll often notice how like, thrown together I look.

[Rick Glassman]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Because he's a looks person and I'm not really a super looks person.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. It's interesting.

[Pete Holmes]

Maybe it would help that you're thinking, this is a nice backdrop, though. This is from the Pete Holmes show. Hashtag defensive.

[Rick Glassman]

You know, looks versus style slash vibe to associate. Those are the same thing. It makes me think of, like when people who. Who think that, like diet and wellness is like, Is different than the way you look. Like. I didn't do a good job explaining that look. Look meaning a certain type of. A certain type of look. A classical beauty or a professional looking set or whatever. It doesn't have to be a certain kind of look, but I believe there should be an intention to it. So even if it's frumpy or the back house or like, you know, like Wayne's World basement vibe, but like to have a reason and intention and then lean into that thing.

[Pete Holmes]

I think you're right. We could have a little bit more of a feel of like, someone thought this through instead of this is the only place the couch would fit right.

[Rick Glassman]

Which is fine for audio only.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's right. Okay. So it is. I hope maybe this is interesting to people that are trying to get on YouTube because we started putting this show on YouTube and I noticed you started your show in 2019, so it's relatively new. Yes, sir.

[Rick Glassman]

Just to maybe let it connect to even more people because I think this is. This isn't about a YouTube show. Yeah. Only this is about intention, which travels way bigger than a YouTube show.

[Pete Holmes]

I completely agree. Well done. That's right. That's really right on. And one of the things I struggle with meaning I have to be deliberate about in my life is purpose, mission statement. Why I'll get blue if I lose my why, if that makes sense.

[Rick Glassman]

Blue as in sad. Or blue as in dirty.

[Pete Holmes]

Not a blue streak. Not like a Sinatra being. Like, I like your comedy accent, but it has a blue streak about that.

[Rick Glassman]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

That's a very old term.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. I didn't know I meant blue. Like. Like talking about penises and farts.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what. Yeah. Blue streak. Blue. Blue. Blue comes from blue streak. I believe.

[Rick Glassman]

Soldier sold you. I said, told you.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, you and Katie were talking about that earlier.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Anyway, thank you. So the show isn't so much that it's frumpa dump. It's that it's lacking vision. And. And I'm agreeing with you. People pick up on that and go, like, there isn't a lot of intention here, and we're attracted to intention.

[Rick Glassman]

Well, why. Why. Why am I gonna watch it?

[Pete Holmes]

Because we're having a. Interesting, good conversation that. That I'll just listen. Yeah, I suppose some. See, the reason we went on YouTube was people just told me, like, everybody goes to YouTube for their podcast now. So I was just like, oh, throw it on. Maybe they're not even watching it. It's just one of the windows that's open, and they're listening to it. Maybe they look at it every once in a while. Who cares? I just wanted more people to hear because I'm very proud of the show.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But then to bring us into the genesis of this conversation that you and I have been having, I was shocked. People have since described what the algorithm is and everything, because I have. I have, like, 800,000 subscribers. And then we uploaded the first episode, and we struggled to get 20,000.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Views. And that was with Maya Rudolph. That episode now has 250,000 views, but it's taken a really long time. Then we put up.

[Rick Glassman]

Are you trying to fuck me a little bit?

[Pete Holmes]

Does that sound like a brag?

[Rick Glassman]

I was joking, okay? Like, my Maya rudolph episode has 250,000 now.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like, oh, I didn't think this was a brag. I was struggling. Who thought that with 800 subscribers, you'd get, like, not 800, but easily? The week it came out, we thought, oh, this is gonna be great. A lot of people are gonna see it.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I actually thought I was being vulnerable now.

[Rick Glassman]

I was.

[Pete Holmes]

Subscriber doesn't mean shit.

[Rick Glassman]

Subscribers doesn't mean that they're gonna even see it, let alone want to watch content. That's.

[Pete Holmes]

It. Used to be that way.

[Rick Glassman]

Somebody told me for Covid.

[Pete Holmes]

Pre Covid?

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

What do you mean?

[Rick Glassman]

Before COVID your subscribers would see it, and since COVID they would not I was fucking with you.

[Pete Holmes]

I told you I didn't know if they changed their policy. I don't know when the algorithm started, but it used to be that if you subscribe to somebody and they dropped a new video, it would show up in your feed, and that is no longer true.

[Rick Glassman]

It's one of the multiple variables that exist. So if I subscribe to you and I watched one of your things and they would probably recommend another one, if I clicked on it, it would maybe keep recommending it.

[Pete Holmes]

I see.

[Rick Glassman]

But if I don't subscribe to you and I watch one of your things, it might not necessarily recommend one of your videos as much as it would recommend another podcast.

[Pete Holmes]

Interesting.

[Rick Glassman]

So it's just like, you want to have them subscribe to you. You want them to click on your stuff. You want them to stay for a decent amount of time. You want them to like and comment and engage. It's just there's a lot of things.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's the stuff that isn't really. It's not what I signed up for.

[Rick Glassman]

Me neither. I only learned it because I do it. But it's my. My intention is to have something feel special to me. Like, this is how I see it. This is how I want to do it. And I. I'm happy to say it's been working. My Maya rudolph episode has 300,000 views.

[Pete Holmes]

So I mugged to the camera for those watching. For the 15 people watching, I mugged to the camera.

[Rick Glassman]

I feel like you only need to tell the people who aren't watching.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that's right. That was for the audio people. But I'm like, yeah, I just mugged to the camera.

[Rick Glassman]

But I want to take a little control here, because you and I must make a pact. We'll take control whether it's my podcast or yours. Yeah, sure. Let's get off the YouTube.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Rick Glassman]

Track.

[Pete Holmes]

I feel like. I feel like we needed a little bit of it because you think the show looks like shit, which is interesting and helpful. I'm the guy that, if I have spinach in my teeth, please tell me. So you're a friend.

[Rick Glassman]

I use that analogy. I say it with a booger.

[Pete Holmes]

Just. There we are. We're both together. Have you ever almost died? There you go. There's a good question for Ricky Glass.

[Rick Glassman]

Can I talk about the spinach in the teeth thing? I did a comedy show the other day. Stand up.

[Pete Holmes]

And 250,000 people watching.

[Rick Glassman]

No, it was at the Hollywood Improv.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Rick Glassman]

And one of the hosts, they were lovely people. One of them doesn't do stand up. And she brought me up and she handed me the microphone, which is fine. It's best to put it in the mic stand. What if I don't want to hold it? Not a big deal. I just noticed it and I'm like, she doesn't do it much. And then I saw her bringing up somebody else and she also. She handed it. So I had. My thought process was I used to always tell people things I thought that I would want to know. For example, a booger in my nose. What I've learned is for reasons even outside of this example, but something I literally tell myself as a tool Now, Rick, you don't know everybody. Your truth. You don't have to tell everybody everything that's true.

[Pete Holmes]

That's how you get kicked out of basketball games. Like, I'm not even trying to be funny. It's guys like us that are earnest and eager that sometimes put people off. I've been booted out of church, small groups. Do you know how.

[Rick Glassman]

Cut to a clip.

[Pete Holmes]

You know how offensive and too much you have to be to be asked to not show up to a Bible study? So I'm just. I didn't want you to think I was teasing you. People like us. Yeah, well, meaning puppy like energy sometimes overstep boundaries. We didn't even know we were overstepping.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. Boundaries not written or subscribed to by us.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Rick Glassman]

But it's important to recognize kind of some global boundaries that exist. So, like, you know, if you go to a new country, find out some of their rules, you know.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, there you go.

[Rick Glassman]

And I thought I want to tell her because I would want somebody to tell me. But I've.

[Pete Holmes]

That's something I say all the time. I'm like, I would have wanted to.

[Rick Glassman]

Know, but I think that's the rule to go by. But the thing is, like, you could always tell somebody something later.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

So. But then you're like, I'm thinking about it.

[Pete Holmes]

And then it becomes embarrassing that you're still thinking about it. You're like, hey, the other night, Right?

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Is that what you mean?

[Rick Glassman]

Well, I'm not embarrassing, but yeah, but just like if it's on my mind. But that's another thing I think, like, if I still think about this the next day or in an hour, whatever, the.

[Pete Holmes]

Give it a cool off period.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah, if you're still thinking about it. But I told. I told her and I think she received a fine. She's like, oh, thanks for telling me. But I was aware of something that has happened to me a fair amount of times, which is, oh, maybe I shouldn't have said anything, but. And it's not for right or wrong. It's just different people. But, like, the reason when I feel like I shouldn't have said anything isn't because I feel like this person shouldn't have known, nor was it that I didn't want to be the person to say, I feel fine about saying it. It's entirely based off of their response. Right. Like, for example, if people don't know us and they're watching the show because they randomly come up to and they don't know either of us, and you put your sock on me and I go, oh, and I get mad at you. And then you go, you get weird. It's a weird vibe. But if I go, oh, I get mad at you, and then you are playful and joke back, everything's fine.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Rick Glassman]

I did the same thing. It's just your reaction. I can't control your reaction. But sometimes you tell people something like, you have spinach in your teeth.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

And now they don't. They're. They. I can't be around Pete. He's always making me feel insecure.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Rick Glassman]

And it's like, Right. So the people that want somebody that would tell me I have spinach in.

[Pete Holmes]

My teeth, we like these people.

[Rick Glassman]

Well, it's. I know that they would want me to say, you have a boogerinos.

[Pete Holmes]

This is me and Mike Rubiglia. I've said this many times. Mike is the guy that if I really want to know what someone thinks about my special or this joke or whatever, he'll tell me. And that's how we are. We. We sometimes we sat around and been like, what do people say behind my back? And we just tell each other.

[Rick Glassman]

Oh, people will speak poorly about you to him.

[Pete Holmes]

No. Well, you know, you just hear by virtue of not being the person.

[Rick Glassman]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

You're privy to what are the areas of the riffs. If you're making fun of me.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. You know, and I said I was.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, people say you're like an NPR guy. Like, oh, this is American life.

[Rick Glassman]

Kind of like, is that an insult?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. If you're like a. If you're trying to be like a hard hitting 45 minutes of just, you don't want to be the guy that's like. And now a story about my surgery. And I love Mike. And that is, in my opinion, an even higher bar to reach for. But some comics I do hear make fun of Mike for being like an Ira Glass kind of motherfucker. And he's like, people say you're too much, you're tone deaf, you barge into situations, you say the wrong thing, all that. But that's helpful. It's helpful to have the spinach in the teeth, friend. That's what I'm saying. I'm agreeing. But I think you did the right thing because where. But stand up comedy, do you need someone to give just a little bit of a shit to say, hey, I know this doesn't really seem like something you would know, which is why I'm telling you, put the mic in the stand and let the comedian decide if they want it in the stand. But stand is default. Yeah, stand is default. And. And some people like me with my sock and your foot. Maybe I don't want to touch the microphone directly from your hand. There's something about the neutral space of the sound.

[Rick Glassman]

Maybe I want to pull up the stool and not have to deal with it.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right. It's just a. I adjust the mic stand and then I take it out. You know what it is? And this is very apropos of what we were talking about earlier.

[Rick Glassman]

Judd apropos.

[Pete Holmes]

It's Judd apropos. It's a Judd Apropos production. It's a mod Apropos production. Production is. It's a little bit of ownership over the space. So a stand up comedian is going up on stage and. And they want to set their tone and their flavor. That's why we move the stool. That's why we move the stand. And when you're handing me a microphone, you're giving me a receiving first choice.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Now I am a receiver. It's like when you wake up in the morning and the first thing you do is answer emails. Get the fuck out of here. That's like receiving a microphone being handed to you from an emcee. I want it in the stand. I'll take it out when I want. You know why? Because stand up comedy is the hardest thing in the world to do. It's one of them. I mean, as a performance.

[Rick Glassman]

That and being a mother.

[Pete Holmes]

That's why I said as a performance.

[Rick Glassman]

Well, that's my mother performance. There's no bigger performer than her. Cut to a clip. But the idea of, of, of telling people things that you would want to know.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Rick Glassman]

Is one of the definitions of the golden rule. But that's it. But.

[Pete Holmes]

But people hate it sometimes.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. And. And you know, I have, I've. I'm not gonna. I have another example of this, which is. Which is a confusing one because, like, I am aware of, you know, choosing moments that are like, is this important? A good friend of mine, in fact, one of my best friends, got some blood work taken. And let's just say his cholesterol is high. And you know what I'm saying, his.

[Pete Holmes]

Cholesterol, it's a cholesterol high.

[Rick Glassman]

And I. I'm conscious of the things I'm eating and of blood work and hormones and looking into stuff. And he even asked me, like, what am I allowed to eat? What am I supposed to eat? And I was helping with some ideas and things. And this was a few months ago. We were together recently and going out to eat, and he was. He got. He ordered his food, and then some, like, chips and some stuff come and greasy and blah, blah, blah, blah. And I said, eat whatever you want. I just. In case. I just want to let you know that, like, these are some of the things that are bad for cholesterol.

[Pete Holmes]

I really. I just want you to know, when I do this, I'm touching you with my foot. Cause often on the show, I'm touching somebody with my foot when I'm like, this is hilarious. Like, I love it. And I just want you to know I love it. Like, eat whatever you want. Just know these are some of the things.

[Rick Glassman]

The eat whatever you want thing I say first is my shorthand of. Of letting you know. I'm not telling you what to do. I'm trying to provide information.

[Pete Holmes]

And also, no judgment. You're saying we're friends. Yeah, we're friends.

[Rick Glassman]

Zero judgment.

[Pete Holmes]

Zero judgment.

[Rick Glassman]

But they might feel it a different way.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right. So you say neutral. These are some of the things.

[Rick Glassman]

So I said it. And he goes, oh, okay. And I didn't think much of it. And then there was another situation that happened the same day with something with ice cream or whatever. Now, mind you, this is the first time I ever did this. I don't know why I didn't do it before or I didn't think about it. This was the first time. I'm not like, always, like, don't eat. Don't eat. Like, that could maybe get annoying, especially if the person isn't receiving it, saying, thanks for telling me. Right? But I said. I said two things. And my mom, the performer was also there. And by the way, in case there's any stigma to that, my mom, like, my mom's the best. I love my mom. She's hilarious. But I'm about to say something that isn't Me. So, like, I want to make sure I'm not, like, anyway, who cares? Interesting. But my mom goes, like, let him eat what he wants. Which I would also be like, yeah. If, like, I felt somebody was trying to control someone. But I'm like, I'm not stopping him from eating what he wants, you know? Like, that's what's happening inside. Yeah, yeah. I'm like, all right. Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But I feel like, as your lawyer.

[Rick Glassman]

Are you tapping me with your foot? Because we might need a different symbol.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. This means I'm tapping you with my foot.

[Rick Glassman]

How about this means as your lawyer, because we already established the one finger means foot tap.

[Pete Holmes]

As your lawyer.

[Rick Glassman]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Sopranos did say to you a Fitman. You look like I want to ask you what you're eating. You're a fitment.

[Rick Glassman]

Thank you. Jewish.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know what that has to do with it.

[Rick Glassman]

Rick Fitman f turning on and off the lights.

[Pete Holmes]

You're telling me this is not great on YouTube.

[Rick Glassman]

I'm fine with that.

[Pete Holmes]

This is why people tune in by the dozens. Listen, as your lawyer, he did break the seal of saying, hey, right, My cholesterol's high. What do you know about that? Right? A couple months ago, as soon as you do that, maybe you're open to say it's saturated fat. Right? Saturated fat is what's fucking with your cholesterol.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah, but also, I don't know enough about what fats are fats, because also, you know, sugar does it as well. So I'm not exactly sure, but I think saturated fat is the. Is probably the main thing.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

Frieds and red meats and. Yeah, but I brought this up to him, and then blah, blah, blah.

[Pete Holmes]

You didn't like it, and your mom scolded you.

[Rick Glassman]

My mom was just. She didn't scold me. She's like, let him eat. It was nothing, but. And later, I was having a conversation with my friend about something unrelated to the cholesterol stuff, and then he gave an example to be contextualized, to bring it about us. Like, well, for example, when you said this about the cholesterol, and I go, is that something you don't want me to. That bothered you? He goes, well, you know, I, I, I, I, I. I decided I want to eat it, and I didn't want to. You know, like when you. When you said that, it made me feel, like, judged, and maybe I shouldn't be eating that.

[Pete Holmes]

Judge Dapato.

[Rick Glassman]

Mono. You said something mono that I didn't get.

[Pete Holmes]

Mono.

[Rick Glassman]

Rewind it.

[Pete Holmes]

You mean it Only came in one of your earphones.

[Rick Glassman]

No, you. I said Judd Apopro up a pro. And then you said mono app. A pro.

[Pete Holmes]

Mod app.

[Rick Glassman]

A pro. Yeah. I don't know. I didn't know what mod meant.

[Pete Holmes]

His daughter, Mod Apatow.

[Rick Glassman]

Oh, shout out to Mod. We'll put her Instagram handle here.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, she's Judd, and I joke. She's bigger. Is that a name drop? 250 on Maya. Personal anecdote with Judd. Now I'm sensitive.

[Rick Glassman]

How many. How many are. Does Judd have?

[Pete Holmes]

How many what?

[Rick Glassman]

Views or listens.

[Pete Holmes]

It's never been on YouTube. YouTube.

[Rick Glassman]

Are you gonna have him back?

[Pete Holmes]

I'd love to come back. It's a very good Judd.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. Mod, defy your voice a little lower.

[Pete Holmes]

It's me. Bon appetit.

[Rick Glassman]

Want. I'm going to close out this. This. This. This story.

[Pete Holmes]

I feel great about this story. And as. As the host and your friend, I am also keeping tabs on where you are in the story. You're in a safe place. I love this story. He said, I wanted to eat that food. And I didn't feel great about how you corrected me and. And your mom didn't scold you.

[Rick Glassman]

And I said to him, feels a little judgy. I said, yeah, I won't. I won't do that again. If we didn't have this conversation about this unrelated thing, I wouldn't have known that because. Yeah, I'm like, why wouldn't you tell me that? Because I. I didn't want to make a. You know, the. So me, I'm someone who's saying, you have spinach in your teeth. He didn't like it. Yeah, he is. Somebody who doesn't like it is not somebody who's willing to tell you that you have spinach in your teeth. So he didn't even want to tell me he didn't like it.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. So now it's like, now we're all. We're all leading the blind.

[Rick Glassman]

So, Rick, what did you do wrong? Knowing what you know now by wrong, I mean, what could you have done differently? Don't tell him this thing. What did he do wrong? Didn't set up his boundaries. I. I did everything I would have wanted somebody to do for me and would be willing to receive criticism. Criticism on how to do it differently.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Rick Glassman]

He didn't. And I'm thinking now. Defensive.

[Pete Holmes]

Yep.

[Rick Glassman]

That's on you, pal.

[Pete Holmes]

It is on you. Can I. Can I interject with a comparison, buddy? I'm a polite person. I like being polite.

[Rick Glassman]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a little indication that you're not lost in your animal brain. You're here. You're in society. You're being kind. You're being measured. Measured. But, Ricky G. If I am in a Starbucks and I open the door and it's unlocked bathroom door, and someone's in there, I don't say, sorry, lock that door. That's on you. I go, oh, excuse me. But I don't say, sorry. It's like, I don't thank people for taking my money at tolls. I go, have a good day. But I don't say, thank you. I would have preferred you not been here. These are exaggerations. But if somebody is in the bathroom and the door does lock, so some alpha guy peeing all over the floor always throw a lock on it, I'm exaggerating. I probably do reflect. I get what you're saying, but I am thinking, like, that's on you. Because I go in, the lock works.

[Rick Glassman]

I'm like, I get the bathroom one more than the toll one.

[Pete Holmes]

You like saying thank you.

[Rick Glassman]

I don't drive to places with tolls. It's a thing of mine.

[Pete Holmes]

But you're an easy pass guy.

[Rick Glassman]

No, I don't. I'm just joking. I just can't remember the last time I did a toll.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm just with you because you're living in a more pure and honest and an open world. Like an open world video game where if something bothers me, we're hoping that someone will say something. But we don't live in that world. I was just listening to Ethan Supley on a podcast, and he was talking about doing a hot yoga class. And they were like, there's one rule. You can't leave. If you're tired, lie down, but you can't leave the room. And he was laying down and his heart was jacked, and he thought he was gonna die. And he was like, I'm gonna die because this woman has a rule. And I was like, that's really funny. And that's how human beings are. We. We would rather die often than be socially uncomfortable.

[Rick Glassman]

Right?

[Pete Holmes]

So I also want to throw this back at you, but I really want to hear you unpack this. Sometimes, Rick, someone says to me, you know, when you do stand up and you're hosting, don't hand them the mic. Put it in the stand. And I'm like, fucking, thank you. This is rested Pete. This is Pete who had a meal recently. This is Pete who's having his emotional and psychological needs met. This is Pete that probably has something on the calendar that he's looking forward to. This is Pete that it was probably a sunny day. I can be affected by the weather.

[Rick Glassman]

Sounds like it. Sounds like it's a great Pete. That's best case.

[Pete Holmes]

I love this Pete. Yeah, I love all the Pete's, but sometimes it's rainy Pete. Maybe Pete missed dinner. Maybe Pete didn't have any caffeine. Maybe Pete had a bad set.

[Rick Glassman]

Five hours of sleep.

[Pete Holmes]

Five hours of sleep. Baby got up and I'm not having my psychological or emotional needs met. And the same person says the same thing. Hey, when you're hosting, you might want to put that mic in the stand instead of handing it to them. It's just a preference. I might. And I'm not proud of this. In fact, I'm going to say this is one of my least favorite things about myself. The irregularity of my response. But sometimes if it's that Pete rainy day hungry Pete, I'll. I will hold a vendetta against that person for the remainder of their days. Like it's not.

[Rick Glassman]

I, I hate you don't recognize that. That this was rainy day. Stub my toe, Pete.

[Pete Holmes]

I might even. But it's still got into. It's almost like it's stored in fat and it gets stuck in there or mud.

[Rick Glassman]

It's called saluble criticism.

[Pete Holmes]

Saluble?

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

What do you mean?

[Rick Glassman]

Like it's emulsified into. Like it got into your fat.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. Usually it's deflected by these other things, these, these benefit of the doubt programs that I have running, these kindness programs. And when I'm not at my best, the harpoon goes all the way in and plunk sticks in my fat or my whatever. And then I can't get it out even though I'm aware that I'm being completely irrational and unfair. But I'll see somebody and go, that's the person that told me that shirt I have sucks or whatever. Or maybe something more kind.

[Rick Glassman]

I have a. I have a tool to help you with that.

[Pete Holmes]

Tell me the tool.

[Rick Glassman]

Even when it's. It's eight hours of sleep, Pete, and you're able to receive it the way you saw it is you could deflect those things. It doesn't affect you. Yes, but even that means that there's something to deflect.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Rick Glassman]

I have found. And when I say this, this isn't like me being so enlightened. It's just a tool that I have when I could use it.

[Pete Holmes]

You're in a safe space this is a spinach in your teeth. Podcast the tool.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. You know, I was just thinking about how this opened up with me wanting to check a mirror. Which is funny that you busted my balls on that.

[Pete Holmes]

Just a tiny bit.

[Rick Glassman]

A tiny bit. You busted my balls where you think it's okay to tell me I have spinach in my teeth, but you didn't want me to see if I had spinach in my teeth myself?

[Pete Holmes]

Truly and literally.

[Rick Glassman]

And I think that is actually. You're a horrible person. No, no, no.

[Pete Holmes]

Hilarious. But also, I was looking at you as a human mirror, to use your parlance.

[Rick Glassman]

But I didn't need to. See me through your eyes.

[Pete Holmes]

But I am a mirror.

[Rick Glassman]

We all are.

[Pete Holmes]

Fucking A. So part of my confidence in teasing your desire to look at a mirror.

[Rick Glassman]

Other than I was doing just a metaphor.

[Pete Holmes]

I liked it.

[Rick Glassman]

Prove it. Say it backwards.

[Pete Holmes]

Metaphor. Was I doing? Yep. Nope. Not quite doing. I, I. No. Was I. Forget it.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah, that part out.

[Pete Holmes]

Edit back in twice.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah, put it in.

[Pete Holmes]

We all have to listen to it twice. I would have told you that's. You see what I'm saying? Like, you were like, why didn't you let me look in the mirror? I was. This is hilarious that we're still on this. Tell me the tool.

[Rick Glassman]

I have found that by valuing information so much, it kind of supersedes the ego. And I've talked about an example. This example on a pod my pack has once before. I always have to say that I get insecure when I repeat. But here is an example and a microcosm for how it could be anywhere. I was on out with somebody and we were going in someplace and I was in high energy bit mode. And we walked in and she says, she goes, you're so loud.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

And I was, you know, sunny day Pete.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Rick Glassman]

And this is when I clocked that I'm, oh, you could do this more than just here. This was maybe accidental here, because when she said it, I went, oh, thank you. I didn't think I was loud, but I know she thought I was loud, so other people may have thought I was loud. It wasn't about me. It was about her feeling I was loud. I'm so glad she told me because imagine she didn't tell me, and now I'm just the loud guy who she resents.

[Pete Holmes]

Worse, she tells someone else. That's the next worst thing you do is go like.

[Rick Glassman]

I mean, that's kind of how I got kicked out of this basketball thing, which I will tell about later. But if these people Told me how they felt, I would have at least had the choice to change my behavior. And if I didn't, I didn't. But I at least now have the awareness to put the mic mic in the mic stand. And so I realized, oh, when somebody tells me something, instead of really that being about who I am, which it might be, and I might still also see it that way, but just like hear the thing, like, what's the information being told?

[Pete Holmes]

I completely agree. I think you're right on the money. We've been doing your podcast a couple times. You know, I'm a spiritual person. Completely agree. And think what I'm saying. Sunny day Pete or Rainy day Pete. What I really mean is like right minded Pete, Wrong minded Pete.

[Rick Glassman]

But even wrong minded Pete recognizes, oh, this is just data.

[Pete Holmes]

That's true. I am with you. There's a potential for wrong minded not getting his needs met. Pete to still be right minded. You know what I'm saying? Like, you can transcend it. In fact, that's what spirituality has a lot to do with that. Like, even though nothing is going my way, I'm going to be mindful and stop and check myself before I wreck myself. That's really what it is.

[Rick Glassman]

Stop, check myself before I wreck myself. I like it rhymes.

[Pete Holmes]

Stop and choose.

[Rick Glassman]

Have you said that before?

[Pete Holmes]

I also like big butts. And I cannot lie. These are just things I say.

[Rick Glassman]

You should write these down.

[Pete Holmes]

I would, but I love it when there's a beat and I say them really quickly. Okay, here's, here's why I think you're correct to stick the landing on the compliment. Richard Royer says your true self, like your ego, less self. Meaning you're just. Your pure awareness can't be offended. And really it's because it sees the impartiality and sort of almost the absurdity of. Of reality and someone just telling you something and you don't have to attach this story to it. I'm loud. I'm embarrassed. She's wrong. Fuck her. What does she just say? She's the arbiter of volume. Now you just go like, it's okay. I'm having. You could put it this way. I'm having a dream where there's a person.

[Rick Glassman]

Bad Martin Luther King impression.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm having a dream.

[Rick Glassman]

Did you dress up for Martin Luther King Day?

[Pete Holmes]

What do you mean?

[Rick Glassman]

For Martin Luther King Day? Do you dress up?

[Pete Holmes]

Help me with this riff.

[Rick Glassman]

Okay?

[Pete Holmes]

You dress up every year.

[Rick Glassman]

So does that make sense? Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Did I hear you right?

[Rick Glassman]

Your quote makes me also think of that Eleanor Roosevelt quote, you know the one I'm talking about.

[Pete Holmes]

Can make you feel inferior without your consent.

[Rick Glassman]

I was gonna say, do you guys know where the bathroom is?

[Pete Holmes]

Mugging to the camera.

[Rick Glassman]

She used to say that all the time when she had to pee.

[Pete Holmes]

Is that the quote you meant?

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Love that quote. Yeah. And that's. That's exactly what I mean. And often just a yes. And your premise.

[Rick Glassman]

Oh, imagine. Wait a minute.

[Pete Holmes]

You are so funny. Just fun, too. Funny is. Funny is part of fun, but funny is part of funny.

[Rick Glassman]

Fun is one, and then funny, it's two.

[Pete Holmes]

That's kind of funny that, like, when you're being funny, you can't be funny without fun. That's creating fun.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah, that's. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You can be funny without fun. Sometimes it's mean.

[Rick Glassman]

I was rewatching the Sopranos for them for this.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

And I'm laughing out loud at things. There's no jokes.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

It's actually a serious situation.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

It's just funny. It's like, why is this funny? It's funny because it's so real.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

It's not a fun situation. He's about to chop somebody's balls off for not giving a percentage of his hotel to the wife's father or whatever.

[Pete Holmes]

Hasidic Jew guy. Jewish.

[Rick Glassman]

I try not to talk about other.

[Pete Holmes]

People, but it's a character in a show. It's the Hasidic Jewish man. And they're going to cut off.

[Rick Glassman]

And it's so funny because it's just. It's just so funny.

[Pete Holmes]

I agree.

[Rick Glassman]

I'm having a fun time watching it. It doesn't mean the scene is fun.

[Pete Holmes]

I understand.

[Rick Glassman]

But funny provides fun. I think. 10 out of 10 times.

[Pete Holmes]

I agree.

[Rick Glassman]

At least. At least a brief moment.

[Pete Holmes]

I actually love that scene because there's, like, an envy that this. The. The Hasidic Jewish man has a value system.

[Rick Glassman]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

That transcends even his physical body. And you can. If. If I'm remembering the scene correctly, there's, like, this weird respect.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That they have.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. He's like, if we don't kill this guy, we should have him work for us.

[Pete Holmes]

Exactly. Because. But you see that yearning. You can be a master of money and capitalism and success.

[Rick Glassman]

Are you talking about Jews?

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, no. I'm talking about the Mafia.

[Rick Glassman]

Okay, good save.

[Pete Holmes]

But if you see, if you encounter a godly person, a person that has some sort of connection to something eternal, then. Then you rec. Like, in those moments, you can go, fuck. I have all the money, and I literally have all the power. But this person is actually richer than I am. That's what I remember from that scene. Does that make sense?

[Rick Glassman]

We'll be right back after a word from Squarespace.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, we can do the mid rolls. We'll be right back. But it's not Squarespace. But if you do have to. Look, I'm not being paid to say this, but if you have to make a website.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah, I use Squarespace.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it seems to be pretty good.

[Rick Glassman]

Great.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, speaking of my frumpa dump style, my website. Get the fuck out of here. I got a Squarespace. That shit.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So squarespace.com. take your shoes off.

[Rick Glassman]

I don't have them as a sponsor either.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, okay. Well just go to Squarespace just because it's a. It's a resource free plug. Yeah, this is a free plug for you.

[Rick Glassman]

But real quick, we'll cut to our sponsor, Marshall Red Gallery. If you're looking for just the right flooring, you need choices. And at Marshall Carpet 1 you'll find thousands of choices including carpet, hardwood rugs and luxury vinyl. So make the right right choice and Visit Marshall Carpet One and Rug Gallery. And we promise, with more than 50 years as a family owned business, we've got you covered.

[Pete Holmes]

What's happening, weirdos? This episode is brought to us by our friends at Ritual Multivitamins. You can talk fantasy football with your friends all day, but ask him for health advice. You know it's not the move. Ritual takes the guesswork out of the vitamin game. Their Multivitamin for men is based on science to help fill common nutrient gaps in the diet and level up your nutrient goals. It is an all around win. As a mostly vegan, I'm not a great vegan, but I eat a lot of vegan food. There are gaps in my diet and since I've been taking ritual vitamins, it's great to go to the doctor and get a clean bill of vitamin health. They check my levels and they tell me I am killing it. Which means these gaps, they be. They be getting filled in. They're filled in. They'd be getting filled. That they're filled in is what I'm saying. It is an incredible easy way to get the nutrition and the vitamins that I need. 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You don't have to go through all the like. Are you sure you want to cancel? Here's a special deal. You want this. People trying to keep you on the hook. It does it for you. They find them, they cancel them and it saves you a ton of money. So stop throwing your cash away, cancel unwanted subscriptions and manage your expenses the easy way by going to rocketmoney.com Rocket weird that's rocketmoney.com weird one last time, let's clean up the financial game, save some bread, rocket money.com weird and show your support of this show. Last but not least, Guys Vessi Shoes what a wonderful product. A waterproof guys water roof, not water resistant. The Vessi shoe is an incredible game changing shoe that is slip on, keeps water out, keeps socks dry. Looks amazing. Perfect for hikes, perfect for every day. I don't know if you guys know but it was raining for about three months in California. We were desperate for rain and then we got more than we could handle. 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I absolutely love it. Keeps me from fearing the the outdoors, from fearing getting that soggy sock, from getting that wet toe, all of that nasty coldness and wetness that you just want to keep out. The first time I threw on my Vessis, I thought they looked like amazing designer shoes because the Dymatex actually looks like a cool pattern. So they're very stylish, they're very comfortable and they keep you comfy in a rainy climate and they keep you warm and dry in wet and cold months and they also breathe in the warmer months. So these are like a year round thing. Vessi has lots of styles to choose from. Vessi's are my go to shoes by my door. Check them out in the link vessi.comweird for your pair of Vessi shoes you will get 15% off. Click vessi.comweird and use promo code weird for 15% off your entire order. Thanks again, Vessi. Use promo code weird for 15 percent off your entire order and show your support of the show. They've saved my feet from wet soggy socks, so give it a try. All right, everybody, let's get back to our friend Rick Glassman.

[Rick Glassman]

And we're back.

[Pete Holmes]

It says it on his hat. Yeah, that's a magic mind. That's my favorite. It has nootropics and adaptogens and a little bit of caffeine in it, but I love it. If you want to drink it for your second half, give it a shaky poo. If you drink it, matcha lion's mane. Adaptogens and nootropics. Very good. Very little caffeine.

[Rick Glassman]

See lion's man in here, but I see the other things.

[Pete Holmes]

Lion's mane is what it means by nootropics. It's one of the nootropics that's in it. Give it a shake now give it a check. In one. In one. In one.

[Rick Glassman]

I showed you my impression of a guy who's really nervous to try new things, but he doesn't want other People to see that he's nervous.

[Pete Holmes]

Let's see it.

[Rick Glassman]

Ask me if I've ever had this before.

[Pete Holmes]

Have you ever had that before?

[Rick Glassman]

No, it's fine.

[Pete Holmes]

Now that we're back, you vomit.

[Rick Glassman]

I'm fine.

[Pete Holmes]

That is a lot of fun. Let's do a fake up. You also do fake ups. Fake. That's what I call pretending. You're just waking up in a movie or film.

[Rick Glassman]

My wake up acting. How do you know that I do that?

[Pete Holmes]

You call it wake up acting. I call it fake ups.

[Rick Glassman]

Oh, you've seen, you've seen this in something.

[Pete Holmes]

We both do it.

[Rick Glassman]

Oh, yeah. Great. I didn't know that you do it. I didn't know I do it.

[Pete Holmes]

We're both silly beans and we're both obsessed with people in movies.

[Rick Glassman]

I don't do it silly. I don't know if you know this, but at this point I am an award winning dramatic actor as we see it on Amazon Prime. But I. I wake up. I do drama. Wake up acting. Not silly.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, no. What's silly is to do it. No, no, no, no. You need to understand, playing the game of doing a very realistic dramatic wake up is that's what's silly. Not the wake up itself.

[Rick Glassman]

Not when you do it dramatically. I know what you're saying. You don't know what I'm saying. And that's the difference.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I don't think you know what I know.

[Rick Glassman]

You're saying. You're saying the fact that that is even something that you're doing. Yeah, the drama of it. No, drama like a drama class. Like the acting.

[Pete Holmes]

The.

[Rick Glassman]

The dramatics.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm saying the choice activity.

[Rick Glassman]

Yes. To do drama.

[Pete Holmes]

Funny.

[Rick Glassman]

No, I don't mean drama as in sad. I mean, I mean like acting, performing. To perform it.

[Pete Holmes]

What I'm saying is in the same way that it's silly to be like, I'm going to do a guy that's nervous to try new things. That's kind of funny.

[Rick Glassman]

Can I show you what I mean for an example and how unsilly this is?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, but I don't just watch it.

[Rick Glassman]

And then tell me I'm wrong.

[Pete Holmes]

But Rick, I don't think the wake up itself is silly.

[Rick Glassman]

This is why even the situation of me doing it, when you watch me do it, you just give me the benefit of the doubt.

[Pete Holmes]

All right. I still don't think you understand.

[Rick Glassman]

I don't think you understand.

[Pete Holmes]

Go ahead. You're about to do a very serious fake up.

[Rick Glassman]

And when we'll see. Fake up is silly because by design. It's fake. What?

[Pete Holmes]

What is happening? You just don't come by a huge yawn.

[Rick Glassman]

What I'm saying is it's not. When it's not fake and you're in a situation.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

Where you're tired and you fall asleep and you wake up. So I want to show you how serious it is. Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Wait, it's already begun. Little wink.

[Rick Glassman]

Let me show you how serious this is.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Rick Glassman]

Will you do me a favor?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

Will you close your eyes?

[Pete Holmes]

Sure.

[Rick Glassman]

You fall asleep, but don't peek.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm. I'm also asleep.

[Rick Glassman]

You're asleep and you're gonna wake up before me. I'll tell you when to wake up.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Rick Glassman]

Do not peek.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm not gonna.

[Rick Glassman]

And I'm gonna say call your name and you just don't answer. Cause you're asleep. Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm asleep. Pete.

[Rick Glassman]

You could wake up in 10 seconds. I'm not gonna tell you. Wake up in 10 seconds, Pete.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't laugh. Oh, sorry, sorry. I forgot about your sock rule. I was so happy.

[Rick Glassman]

Let me show you how serious this is.

[Pete Holmes]

I was so happy. I'm sorry about the sock.

[Rick Glassman]

Let me show you how serious this is.

[Pete Holmes]

That was just too good.

[Rick Glassman]

Hold on. Let me show you how serious this is. You're awake. Now try wake me up.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. I'm awake. Rick. Rick.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Rick, you're on a podcast, man. Wake up. Hmm. Very good. It's very. It's very good.

[Rick Glassman]

Oh, fuck. I'm so tired. What's up?

[Pete Holmes]

It's very.

[Rick Glassman]

Isn't it now? You know what I mean? The whole time I just wanted to say to you, it's not silly. And you're like, yes, it is. I wanted to do this, you know? And I'm like, pete, just let me do my bit.

[Pete Holmes]

I loved it. And I did not know. That's right.

[Rick Glassman]

That's because I explained it like a dramatic award winning actor.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that was very good.

[Rick Glassman]

The trick is when you have double sided sticky tape to do two layers. So when you're done with it the first time you could peel it off and then you have another one ready.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. I love that.

[Rick Glassman]

Shout out to Taran Killam, by the way, because I used to buy new mustaches constantly. And he told me about double sided sticky tape or toupee tape if you are a redneck, or you might be a redneck if you don't. Anyway, use toupee tape. And. And now I just. I get to reuse my mustaches all the time.

[Pete Holmes]

I love that. And I need it.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. Well, you must.

[Pete Holmes]

What do you mean? Listen, here's one for you because Val and I do these all the time. We do fake ups. I know. You do them dramatic way. Are you gonna do another one? Are you really tired? You're doing gum acting. You're pretending you have a piece of gum. You don't have gum because I've been watching you and you don't have it. But it looks very much like you have gum. Can I do it too?

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah, but with gum chew. With gum chewing. Acting. You also have gum. Gum confidence.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah. One time I did a stand up set at Comics in New York and I played the video back and I was so confident I was fake chewing gum. Like that's not a bit.

[Rick Glassman]

Go to a clip.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't have it, but. Oh, you're gonna blow a little. Here's a new one for you. Yeah. Val and I do acting games all the time.

[Rick Glassman]

Love it.

[Pete Holmes]

Here's the. Here's the scene. You can do it with your coffee or your water, whatever you want.

[Rick Glassman]

Coffee. Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Here's the scene. Can I hold your coffee? Can I hand you that coffee? Okay. Here's the scene. You're at a party. Nice. You've been drinking a lot lately.

[Rick Glassman]

Like alcohol.

[Pete Holmes]

Alcohol. And you're dating a woman. What's her name in the scene? Doesn't matter. I'm just including you.

[Rick Glassman]

Jessica.

[Pete Holmes]

Jessica. Now Jessica asks Jess. Yeah, you call her Jess, but it's Jessica.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So you and Jess are at this party and she's standing next to you.

[Rick Glassman]

What does she look like?

[Pete Holmes]

She looks exactly like Jennifer Garner.

[Rick Glassman]

Let's just call her Jen. Okay. Let it be Jennifer Garner. I'm at a party with Jennifer Garner. Whose birthday, by the way? That's right. April 21st.

[Pete Holmes]

Why do you know that?

[Rick Glassman]

I know everybody's birthday.

[Pete Holmes]

When's mine?

[Rick Glassman]

I forgot.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. You're at a birthday party for Jennifer Garner on April 21st.

[Rick Glassman]

Oh, but I'm dating her too. So it's her birthday party. So we're at. It's like I helped with this function.

[Pete Holmes]

She loves you. I've been waiting, like, it's going great.

[Rick Glassman]

She's one of my big celebrity crushes.

[Pete Holmes]

Good choice.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

She loves you.

[Rick Glassman]

She's so pretty and talented and she seems so nice.

[Pete Holmes]

She just wishes you would cool it on the drinking.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah, but I mean, I can handle myself. It's fine. I'm choosing to do this. I could stop whenever I want.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a little much.

[Rick Glassman]

It's a party.

[Pete Holmes]

That's great. That's Great. That was great. But you promised her for her birthday that you wouldn't drink.

[Rick Glassman]

I said I wouldn't get drunk.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, no.

[Rick Glassman]

Fine.

[Pete Holmes]

I'll tell you why it's important.

[Rick Glassman]

Because I'm hiding alcohol in the drink.

[Pete Holmes]

No.

[Rick Glassman]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm already.

[Rick Glassman]

I'm having so much fun.

[Pete Holmes]

I know you're gonna love this. Acting games are the best, and everyone should play.

[Rick Glassman]

How fortunate are we that we get to do it for a living?

[Pete Holmes]

That's what I'm saying. It should be a silly bean activity for everybody.

[Rick Glassman]

Sbafe.

[Pete Holmes]

Loved that one. Lto love that.

[Rick Glassman]

Ltpa Pa. I was just making it a joke. That's very good. Thank you.

[Pete Holmes]

Here's what happens, okay? At the top of the scene, people.

[Rick Glassman]

That don't know, it's a beginning.

[Pete Holmes]

The beginning of the scene.

[Rick Glassman]

People that know, top hide the straw.

[Pete Holmes]

That was p. Pbbbbt. You can give us one piece of dialogue. Not important, just something to establish. You're in the middle of a story. I am the host of the party. My name is Jared.

[Rick Glassman]

Yo. You're hosting Jennifer's birthday party? Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Because you guys are getting some work done on your house. Oh, so you didn't want to have it at your house? You had a Jarrett's house, not Jared Fogle.

[Rick Glassman]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, but it's not that one. It is.

[Rick Glassman]

How did I get there? Did I take the train?

[Pete Holmes]

He took the subway. Okay. Me non Jared Fogel. You say one line when I say action. Say one line that establishes that we're at this party. Doesn't matter.

[Rick Glassman]

Sure. The way you say doesn't matter. I know you're trying to make it low stakes, but you're taking away the fun for me. I just want you to know that I appreciate. Say it matters.

[Pete Holmes]

It matters. Thank you for sharing.

[Rick Glassman]

It didn't matter. Let's not do it.

[Pete Holmes]

Spinach in the teeth. I hand you a drink. You ordered a tonic water, Right. I'm handing you a strong gin and tonic.

[Rick Glassman]

Right? So I haven't drank anything yet.

[Pete Holmes]

You haven't. You've been strong to your word. In fact, you're still true to your word. You asked me to get you a tonic, Right?

[Rick Glassman]

And when I take a sip is when I realize.

[Pete Holmes]

When you take a sip, you realize it's a strong. It's like a quadruple gin and tonic.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And you want that gin and tonic.

[Rick Glassman]

So I am like.

[Pete Holmes]

I just like to see your choice when you sip it. Not too close.

[Rick Glassman]

I'm okay.

[Pete Holmes]

When you sip it, I want to see a Little realization that a wicked accident has happened in your favor. And then I'd like to see the second sip be the choice. You are going to keep it.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. Understood.

[Pete Holmes]

Because it's just too good. It fell in your lap.

[Rick Glassman]

Of course.

[Pete Holmes]

And you can handle one. Jen's not gonna know. All right.

[Rick Glassman]

And I'm fine. And I could stop whenever I want.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right. All right. Are you ready? Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

Action. It's six or seven at least. But it's. It's fun to be there, but it doesn't matter. Hey.

[Pete Holmes]

There you go.

[Rick Glassman]

Thanks for setting this up for us, by the way.

[Pete Holmes]

You're welcome. Yeah. They call it divorce dust when you're getting renovations done. So it's important to have some time, really. Cut. Really loving that second sip. I loved that choice. You are an award winning dramatic actor.

[Rick Glassman]

Can I give a little advice to people for acting?

[Pete Holmes]

Can't wait.

[Rick Glassman]

This is going to sound really corny.

[Pete Holmes]

Hit it all.

[Rick Glassman]

Your only job as an actor. You have two jobs. Outside of being a professional, showing up on time, etc. You have two jobs as an actor to be fantastic.

[Pete Holmes]

Go ahead.

[Rick Glassman]

In order. Ask Stanley Kubrick on this one. Know your fucking lines.

[Pete Holmes]

Know your lines.

[Rick Glassman]

Know your lines.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

Know them not. Have an idea. Not. Know them pretty well. Know your lines entirely.

[Pete Holmes]

All of them.

[Rick Glassman]

So you don't have to think about what I'm going to say next.

[Pete Holmes]

Got it.

[Rick Glassman]

Because when you're not. Just like in life, when you're not in here, you're present. You have to be present. And that brings us to number two. Have the thoughts.

[Pete Holmes]

Have the thoughts.

[Rick Glassman]

Don't think about what it's like to hide. Sip. Hide the sip.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. Don't make a choice. Just be there.

[Rick Glassman]

Be there.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

And that's a great. That's why it's like, well, Rick, how are you such a good actor? Why are you so good at playing all these different roles? Why are you so engaging?

[Pete Holmes]

And people say that.

[Rick Glassman]

Yes, honestly, they really do.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm just.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah, all the time.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm just having fun.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah, I get it. I think you're hilarious. Funny. It's really funny what you do.

[Pete Holmes]

If you hate me now.

[Rick Glassman]

Really?

[Pete Holmes]

No, but I. You know what that really was. I know you didn't mean that. And then I'm like, do they know? Pointing to the microphone.

[Rick Glassman]

Well, here's an interesting. Here's an interesting extension of this idea of being present, which I know you subscribe to very, very much, but this is just my version of. Helps you also realize how much is out of your control.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Rick Glassman]

Because you're just here doing the thing, having the thoughts, being there. If they don't get it, that doesn't affect you. But you know it does, thinking about it.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. You can't control what other people think.

[Rick Glassman]

Even if you try, you're not going to know if you're doing the right. You're doing it. Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Rick Glassman]

Get rid of it.

[Pete Holmes]

Because that's a good thought to question. If I behave a certain way, I can control how people feel. Is that true?

[Rick Glassman]

Can I shine a magnifying glass on that? Because this was a, this was a discovery of mine that like I, I, I have a visceral connection to.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Rick Glassman]

I thought you're gonna say no, I have nothing to say. I don't know where to go now. You are. Great. So first I want to just close the acting and the people do say the thing stuff all the time.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm not surprised. I was just telling you how great you are. Did I get you right under the eye?

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

The one part of you that was protected by glasses.

[Rick Glassman]

But I was being playful, I was playing arrogant. I'm just joking. And I'm going to transition to something real. So I want to like, yes, say hahaha. Now here's the real.

[Pete Holmes]

As your lawyer.

[Rick Glassman]

Yes. Go on. So I came into some self awareness six years ago with an autism diagnosis for you, somebody else for me. And when I got that diagnosis, I was very excited. Oh, that makes sense. I was learning about things, all these unrelated issues that now there was a through line to. I became more aware of some of the things I lacked awareness in. I was able to receive certain things differently because like, oh, maybe even though I don't see it that way. That is true.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's a good one. Do you remember an example of that? Just because, well, I mean there's just.

[Rick Glassman]

Just the her saying, you're being really loud.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

When, when anyone tells me anything, I used to, I used to feel you. Name drop Maya Angelou. What's her name? Rudolph.

[Pete Holmes]

Maya Angelou.

[Rick Glassman]

You know, people never remember what you say or do. They just remember how many numbers you get. So I'm gonna do a little name drop here. I had Bill Burr on my podcast. You should go out snl. Wait, didn't you write for snl?

[Pete Holmes]

No.

[Rick Glassman]

Did you submit a package?

[Pete Holmes]

Oh yeah. I used to walk it into 30 Rock and drop it to some guy that worked the elevator and it's like, yeah, I'll throw this out for you.

[Rick Glassman]

You really gave it to somebody there who doesn't? You said, will you give this to some. To Lauren Michaels?

[Pete Holmes]

You'd get to reception and you'd hand it off.

[Rick Glassman]

Do you know Lauren Michaels? Have you met him?

[Pete Holmes]

No. He walked by me once.

[Rick Glassman]

What'd he say?

[Pete Holmes]

That's the point. He said nothing. And I had just performed on Fallon, and he just walked right by. And then Mulaney, dear Mulaney goes like, pete, it's like when you do a standup show, do you compliment every standup that you saw on the show? That's what it's like for him to walk through. Well, you're nicer than Lorne Michaels.

[Rick Glassman]

When I. If I ever opened a show, I've.

[Pete Holmes]

Always said that about you.

[Rick Glassman]

You have to be fair. I've heard you say that. Actually, Biglia told me, ladies and gentlemen.

[Pete Holmes]

What do people say about Rick behind his back? That he's nicer than Lorne Michaels. All right, npr.

[Rick Glassman]

I used to, when I would open a show and I was first, I would give it up for all the comics you've seen so far.

[Pete Holmes]

Very good.

[Rick Glassman]

So I said this, what I want to tell you to Bill, and Bill's like, I'll say the thing first. I used to think that whatever I'm thinking, you're thinking. I didn't recognize that the person opposite me thought differently than me. And he was talking about, like, yeah, that's what being a comic is like realizing, like, it's so weird that people think. See it differently.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

Like how weird that you don't understand this perspective. And it's our job to, like, explain it in a funny way. Yeah, but I'm like. I'm like, no, no, it's not that. I find it odd that you have a different perspective. I know that you're thinking what I'm thinking without having the understanding that maybe you're not. Whatever I'm thinking, that was the kind of. The kind of. Like the. Not the inciting incident, but like the. The just the subtext of the character of that I am phenomenal thing I was talking to you about, which was I, I'm the best basketball player in this game. I'm the best. I'm funny because I am. People like playing with me. I'm the first picked because we win and I'm the guy. And then I found out not only do my not pick first, people don't even want to play when I'm there. That wasn't a possibility. I'm the best.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Rick Glassman]

And it's not always such an arrogant thing. It could be Like, I'm ugly. I suck. So everyone thinks I suck.

[Pete Holmes]

Can I just interject? What a. I was going to say nightmare, but what a challenge. It's a challenging thing to have your worldview, which is. I'm phenomenal. Everyone likes me. I'm the best. Be flipped on its head. Yeah, that must have been hard.

[Rick Glassman]

You know, a tangible obstacle that I have in stand up, even though I'm more aware, is still something that is difficult for me to know how I'm being received, which is you do a joke and people laugh. Ooh, this is working. They don't either drop it or change it. I still have no idea. If I think it's funny and they don't laugh, they're wrong and. Or I have to do something a little different. But it is funny. And if they laugh and I don't think it's funny, I don't. Even. If you were to say, how was your set? I will never know. I could only tell you how I felt about it. I have no idea. I have no idea.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

And I know a lot of people aren't sure, so this isn't exclusive to me, but, I mean, I have no. I have almost no data to this stuff. And it has gotten in the way of stand up, where I'm trying to build an act, where it's like, I. I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

Is there a strange superpower to it as well? I mean, it sounds like you could be pretty fearless then.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. The superpower is that people have said. I did a podcast with John Rudnicky. Do you know John?

[Pete Holmes]

250K, right?

[Rick Glassman]

No, hasn't come out yet.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Rick Glassman]

Do you know who John Rudnicky is? He's a comedian.

[Pete Holmes]

John Krasinski. Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

John Rudnitski. Shout out to John. Great guy.

[Pete Holmes]

Was that to Krasinski or Ridnitz Rudnitski? The shout out?

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. That was a John Rudnitzki.

[Pete Holmes]

Would you give one to Krasinski?

[Rick Glassman]

Because he's a. I've been. Every time I go like this.

[Pete Holmes]

Did he do it like that?

[Rick Glassman]

I think so.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Okay. The old, I don't know if the Office would have been a hit if every 35 seconds, John Krasinski was going.

[Rick Glassman]

Can I tell you something? Disagree.

[Pete Holmes]

Can I tell you something?

[Rick Glassman]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

The fact that you said, can I tell you something? Made that disagree so much funnier.

[Rick Glassman]

And that's the superpower.

[Pete Holmes]

It was a bowl. It was a bowl to put a banana in. And now I'm laughing that there's one.

[Rick Glassman]

I'M just glad you didn't say orange.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Rick Glassman]

Or I would have rather you said orange. I think would be that joke. Orange you glad I didn't say banana. So this is a person who thinks. I would prefer you to say orange.

[Pete Holmes]

I just also want you to know that I have some of what you're saying. There's a Ralph Waldo Emerson. Ralph Waldo where?

[Rick Glassman]

Ralph Waldo.

[Pete Holmes]

Ralph Waldo. Get in here.

[Rick Glassman]

Where is he?

[Pete Holmes]

Stop being a transcendentalist, Ralph Waldo and come in for supper. Ralph Waldo.

[Rick Glassman]

Well, I can never find him.

[Pete Holmes]

His name is Ralph Waldo is the impetus for that bit. He says to believe that what you believe is right for you is right for everybody is genius. Interesting.

[Rick Glassman]

You know the opposite. I love a quote from Mark Twain, which is, guys, I'm hungry. Do you want to get something to eat?

[Pete Holmes]

He did say that often. Two or three times a month. You see what I'm saying? There's, like, a good side to thinking, because I can get that. I'm like, I get it.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm synced up and I understand and I can be the representative of how we're all thinking. But that's very close to delusion.

[Rick Glassman]

It is delusion.

[Pete Holmes]

It is delusion. But the.

[Rick Glassman]

The delusional aspect of it is to believe that I'm right. And here's what everybody's thinking, what I was missing. And though I still. I'm now aware that that's not the case. What I was missing was. I didn't know I was doing that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

I wasn't choosing to be right. Consciously, it was. We're all here. We all what you. You see it also the idea that I know something, so you must know it. A great example of that, which is just in joke structure, form, would be me deconstructing jokes that make sense, because I know the origins of the joke. But if you don't know the boy or my arms tired joke.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

It doesn't make sense when you do it.

[Pete Holmes]

I completely understand. Rory Scoville is maybe my favorite comedian. I love him to death and. And I feel like we're similar. I'm going for something similar that Rory is going for. And when I watch him, it's very informative to me. Cause I'll watch Rory do something, and it makes me realize that I'm doing it and he doesn't do it a lot.

[Rick Glassman]

Like the safe and the robe.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, the safe and the robe. It's very much like the safe in the rope. Because I'll see Rory. This is a bad example, but he'll give a good one. What's that?

[Rick Glassman]

Give a good one.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, but this is a fake example is what I mean. It's a very good example, but it's not real. Cause I don't want you to think Rory's a doofus. I'll say something.

[Rick Glassman]

I think he's fantastic.

[Pete Holmes]

You said that in a text to me. Rory Krasinski's. Two Krasinski's will be right back, searching for a bet. Rory will say, let's say he's doing a bit about hats. It's like, why is it called a hat? It's a hat because it. Hats on your bat. But he says it like that. And I've seen him do the bed. And I'm like, he's not supposed to say hats on his bat. It's supposed to be like, it's like a shirt on your back. But he said hats on the bat.

[Rick Glassman]

Or.

[Pete Holmes]

But he doesn't realize that. And then he'll go like, where are you guys? Why didn't you laugh? Maybe if I do it again. And he'll do it again. But then he'll say it, right? And they laugh. I'm like, I do that. That's also a type of delusion. I'm on stage thinking that the audience is so with me that I can actually remove 70% of the words and they'll still understand me.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But I wouldn't change my brain for the world. But my Val will say after show, she's like, remember, they don't know what you're talking about.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. It's like, it's like removing the first act of a movie.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

Like maybe they could still figure stuff out. But you didn't. You have to establish certain things right. Right now with structure and with jokes. That makes sense. And you could take swings, and you're in the pocket, you're being funny. And a lot of what you do and I do as well, but it's just kind of. What's the word I'm looking for? Like, not word association, but like, free.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, Free associate.

[Rick Glassman]

Free associate.

[Pete Holmes]

Free associate.

[Rick Glassman]

Free associating. Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Is that associating?

[Rick Glassman]

So you're just kind of like, that's in play mode. But when it's in personal life and you don't recognize that you're doing that and then you're doing this to people who don't say, you have spinach in your teeth. Now we're years into this relationship and we have been calibrated completely differently.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

And they think Rick is blah, blah, blah. Which he is. And I think this is great. Everything's great. Everything's perfect. And the I am phenomenal thing was just that I am phenomenal. And then I found out I'm not.

[Pete Holmes]

How did you find out? The letter.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

From Bill.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. Beautiful letter.

[Pete Holmes]

Did it win an Emmy, the letter?

[Rick Glassman]

No. One of the few things you wrote that hasn't.

[Pete Holmes]

Was it nominated? So what? Walk me through it. Even though you've said it before. I haven't heard it before. Sure.

[Rick Glassman]

But I would also like, to the point of me bringing this up, that I want to at least tie into, if not get to the ending, was the. The idea of. Of. I don't remember what got us there, but I remember what it was. So I'm just going to continue on with that thing.

[Pete Holmes]

Please.

[Rick Glassman]

I got this autism diagnosis.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. The tool.

[Rick Glassman]

And yes. And I'm like, awesome. I was. I was excited. I told my friends about it. I talked about it on stage. And then I was some. Even friends. Some people were like, yeah, obviously we've known that. And some people like, no, you don't. That's not what autism is. I would talk about on stage, and I found that, like, when people would. Would be like, oh, I like this. I connected to this. You remind me of my son. It was usually that. It was usually women telling me I reminded them of their son. When I say usually, I mean, a fair amount of shows, there was a. There's a woman in the audience who has an autistic son that they were aware of. And then there were some people that's like, that's not what autism is. And I found myself at first explaining myself. Well, you didn't know what I was like when I was a kid, before I. Before I developed some of these tools that I have. And then I felt like I'm selling them on this thing that I didn't feel was an identity. But then, like, why am I. And I felt really bad about it. So much so that I'm like, I just don't want to talk about it. I don't want to tell people. It doesn't. It's none of their business. For better or worse. It's just. It's a thing I'm still learning about. With that, I got so depressed. I remember what it was about. It was about not being able to control how other people receive you. So I lived 30 years of my life knowing that I'm the best. I recently started talking about on stage how I only recently found out I had no friends as a kid. I had no idea. I wasn't excluded, I wasn't bullied. I just thought everyone was busy. I had no idea I had no friends.

[Pete Holmes]

Because up here.

[Rick Glassman]

Because. Yeah, David, he can't come over today or tomorrow or the day after. I talk about this on stage where I had. I once asked my mom to talk to his mom because he said his mom said he's not allowed and my mom had to not tell me. Probably he just thinks he wrestled too much. I, you know, I didn't know. So I. I wrong. Wrongly felt everybody feels about me positively. Which was great for my self worth. I love myself. I'm fun, I'm funny, I'm phenomenal. And then I found out I'm not. And by that I mean I became aware that, oh, there's a possibility that people think differently than me, not that they think differently than me. I disagreed. There's a possibility because if you didn't tell me I have spinach in my teeth. I don't. I don't. Right, right. So then I got really depressed and I. And I tried to. Is this okay? I'm talking a lot.

[Pete Holmes]

Love it. I was going to tell Katie, make a note because this is good for our cold open. Great. That was.

[Rick Glassman]

Well, tell her.

[Pete Holmes]

I just did. Oh, it's hard for them to find cold opens. Go on.

[Rick Glassman]

I'm trying to now, like, figure out, okay, how could I be better? Right. And there are ways to be better, but like, that's the mission now. Um, and I would. I started doing things like what I just did to you, but I did a lot more. Is this okay?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Is that one of your tools?

[Rick Glassman]

That's one of them. To check in. Because you might not tell me it's not okay. So I'm like kind of giving you the opportunity to be like, I could take it.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Rick Glassman]

I do that. I would preempt. I just want to let you know that sometimes I get a little annoying sometimes. And if you're not in the mood, I'm totally fine. Just you could tell me, right. I talk about on stage now.

[Pete Holmes]

We.

[Rick Glassman]

Where I learned only six years ago when somebody says, how you doing? I could just say good things. How are you? It doesn't matter how I'm doing. You just say that.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Rick Glassman]

There are things that you just.

[Pete Holmes]

So I really just going, I'm over here. And you go, I'm over here.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. You want to get something to eat? I'm good. How are you? Good. Doesn't matter.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what it also is, it's just an opportunity to Scan their vocal pattern for tension, for safety. You know what I mean? How are you? I'm okay. You're like, maybe I'm going to walk. Keep walking.

[Rick Glassman]

I don't even think maybe. I don't. I believe you. I don't subscribe to that. I think it's a subconscious thing that we picked up on because that's what people do to us. People say, how you doing? So you say, how you doing?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. But I think it's a way of going like, how's. How's the sound coming out of you today?

[Rick Glassman]

Okay, I believe you. I had a. Somebody goes. He goes, how you doing? I said, good. He said, good things. How are you? I said, oh, no. I. I said, how you doing? He said, good. How are you? How does it work? Say, how you doing? I want to see something.

[Pete Holmes]

How you doing?

[Rick Glassman]

I'm good. How are you?

[Pete Holmes]

I'm good.

[Rick Glassman]

Then he said, how are you?

[Pete Holmes]

How are you?

[Rick Glassman]

And I'm like, I just did this, but I'm like, I'm good.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. That happens every once in a while.

[Rick Glassman]

And then we walk into a room, and he goes, how you been, man? And I just went, you just.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Look, can I just say, people with autism are totally right. You know what I'm saying?

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

What. What autism is, is. It's. It's a. In my experience, and there are people in my family that have it, and I think I might have a sprinkle of it. I'm not sure. But, like, what it is, is a lessened ability to damp down all of the nonsense most of us are overlooking. Do you understand?

[Rick Glassman]

Like, that's a weird attribute of it. Yeah, that's.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm not saying it's all of it. I'm just saying what it is is, like, paranoia is similar, too. It's like paranoid people are right. Like, there could be an earthquake. A plane engine could fall. We can have an aneurysm. That's all right.

[Rick Glassman]

Focusing on it, it's just like.

[Pete Holmes]

Like developing tools to not let it own your life. Similar to autism, it's like. It's weird that people say, how are you? But they don't really care more specifically than weird.

[Rick Glassman]

It's like, what is the purpose of this? Where is the logic in this? Are we trying to connect? If that's the case, let's connect.

[Pete Holmes]

But that's not connecting, by the way. That's why I really. I. I can't diagnose myself, but that's why I relate.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

To the autistic perspective is. I'm it's also very funny. Like, the autistic perspective is often very funny because it's very literal and it's. And it's looking for meaning and it's looking for reason in a world that very often has little of either of those things. And pointing that out is often very funny.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But a lot of people and fun are just. A lot of people are just going around eating ice cream. You know what I'm saying? And that's fine.

[Rick Glassman]

Which, by the way, could raise your.

[Pete Holmes]

Cholesterol because of saturated fats, which I believe are like. Something about the way that fats are chained up.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. I don't know enough about it.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know either. But makes it coating around your arteries, and that's gross.

[Rick Glassman]

This sucks, man.

[Pete Holmes]

Yuck. Can I just say heart attack. Yuck. Gross. Yeah, it's gross.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. You have to. You have to. You have to be conscious of what. What you're doing and you're eating and having advocates around to not judge you, but bring awareness to if you have something into your teeth or what you might be putting into your teeth.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

Is just like. Or your arteries just information that you could. You could take and make a decision with. I'll ignore. I'll disregard it.

[Pete Holmes]

Or.

[Rick Glassman]

Oh, good. Good call.

[Pete Holmes]

I look at it as someone's helping you cheat at a test. That's life. I'm. I've said this many times on this pod. There's my little disclaimer. I'm a Help me. Help me. Like, I. I receive it as love. 99 of the time. There is the 1% wrong minded. Pete. That will be like, this guy. I don't know why. It just comes in wrong every once in a while, but most of the time, if you have a tip. I remember where I was when Kumail was like, stop wearing white socks. You look like you just got out of a soccer game. And I was like, all right.

[Rick Glassman]

Huh? I wear white socks.

[Pete Holmes]

Maybe they're back. But this was in 2000.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Three.

[Rick Glassman]

Right. And that's when pre Covid.

[Pete Holmes]

Pre Covid. Which is what changed the algorithm.

[Rick Glassman]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

Maya Angelou married Paul Thomas Anderson. Did you know that? Just if we're dumping out our callback riffs.

[Rick Glassman]

I didn't know that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Hot ref. Mod Apatow.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah, I remember that frog.

[Pete Holmes]

What are your other tips? Because. Because I feel like autistic tips are good.

[Rick Glassman]

Well, for everybody. I still didn't land that.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, okay.

[Rick Glassman]

But I could get to it quicker. I'm waving in, so I'm looking To find new stuff. I'm asking people questions. I'm paying more attention to the fact that what I'm thinking may exist but that's. I might be the only one taking it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

Is this anything being okay.

[Pete Holmes]

This is going great.

[Rick Glassman]

I'm saying that kind of stuff.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay. I just didn't know if it was a bit. I'm letting you know it's going well.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. But like seeking so much information and exhausting everybody involved. And I realized that I still don't know for two reasons. One, I haven't found a pattern of it all. And two, I don't believe that A, you'll tell me your truth and B, you even know what you're feeling and why you might be rainy day Pete and you're triggered. People are so not oftentimes. People are so not in touch with their feelings.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Rick Glassman]

That not only do they not know how they're. They don't know how they're feeling. Let alone feeling safe and comfortable enough to express it to someone when they don't want people to tell them things.

[Pete Holmes]

Thought ripped right out of my brain. I love it.

[Rick Glassman]

So now I'm like I have no idea. So I realized something before everything. When I had felt so great about myself and high self worth and I am phenomenal and I know it's probably assumed but I want to make sure I say this was me feeling this way. Not defining myself as this thing. I just feel great about myself. Now I don't. And I realized they both have the same thing in common. I have no idea how people think about me. It's just the first time. It wasn't even an option for me to try and guess. Then it was like I'm trying to figure it out and I'm doing so much work and so many questions and so much observations and so much calculations and I still don't know. And I realized, oh, there's no way for me to know how people are thinking. That doesn't mean go do whatever I want. I want to be aware there's a line in the sand so I don't cross it. But I. Everyone's line is different. It's always moving. So the best I could do is just like trust my moral compass and every now and then check in. Every now and then. I still think I do it too much.

[Pete Holmes]

Too many check ins.

[Rick Glassman]

I used to say sorry so much beforehand. I went into my doctor's office. This is before my diagnosis. I went into my like a general practitioner. I was getting shoulder surgery in a couple of days. But also, I was there for something else. While I'm there and I'm talking to him, I go, by the way, I'm getting this shoulder surgery, and I'm asking him questions. Maybe. I don't know. It doesn't matter how many questions. I asked him a few questions. And he goes, that's not. You have to ask your surgeon. And I noticed the energy shift. I didn't know what it was. So I said, did I bother you? Did something happen?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

And he goes, rick, I'm going to be honest, When I see your name on my door, I take a deep breath and I said, why? He goes, I only have so much time. You asked me so many questions. My thought is, I actually said to him, well, tell me that.

[Pete Holmes]

You.

[Rick Glassman]

You know, you could tell me that, but also, you're my doctor. I'm not. You know, I'm here to ask you questions.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Rick Glassman]

He was cold. I don't see this doctor anymore, but I did for a bit still. This is my doctor. I'll refer you. I got the autism diagnosis. And I went and I told him, by the way, I got this. I was diagnosed with autism. And he goes, that makes so much sense. And he was so nice to me.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

He was talking to me about baseball. I don't know anything. He's like, did you watch the. The Doyers? And I'm like, yeah, I don't. And he's just being so nice. And I realized I'm the same person. He just has a better understanding, or at least what he thinks an understanding of me is. It was so fucking frustrating to me.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

I'm not any different. He just sees me different.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

So me checking in could help give me information. But then the big thing that I learned was it's not just about. In fact, it's mostly not about how you see me. It's the best way to control if I'm even going to control how people see me. If you're trying to find that hack is to. Is to not change who I am outside of always find a way to be your best self. I'm saying this is who I am today, is letting other people become aware of their own expectations that may not be met by me. So, like, if I come in, be like, hey, just want you to know I do a lot of bits. Yeah, I. And I do a lot of bits. You then could be like, rick, enough with the bits. Or you. You were expecting it, so you're okay, even.

[Pete Holmes]

It's funny, I love all of this. Self awareness. You're just such a brilliant mind, even though you do a lot of bits. I mean, how many times in this conversation have I not been sure you were doing a bit, like. And I'm a comedian. I'm a silly bean.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm just. I'm just going back to our original point, which is the Bill Burr point. It's crazy that we're all having our own experience. And can I say, you also lifted a thought from my own brain. I said two days ago to my friend Kurt, I go, I don't think I've ever felt the same exact way twice in my life. Because even if you're feeling like a majority of a feeling, let's say I feel happy, but, like, somewhere deep down there's, like, horny for frogs. You know what I mean? Like, something. Like something weird is going on.

[Rick Glassman]

Okay. I know. So I understand. Something weird is going on.

[Pete Holmes]

That was just an absurd example.

[Rick Glassman]

But, like, I.

[Pete Holmes]

Does that. Do you relate to that?

[Rick Glassman]

Like, if I'm not sure what you're connecting that to, but I don't yet. I mean, I guess literally you can't feel the exact same way. The same way? Like, no snowflake is the same.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what I'm saying.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's what I'm. I'm relating to you.

[Rick Glassman]

I'm talking about the liberal elite, by the way.

[Pete Holmes]

Snowflakes. I knew what you meant. I thought I was on par with what you've been saying. Did it sounded like I changed the subject.

[Rick Glassman]

No, I just didn't know what the connection you were making was.

[Pete Holmes]

She's just letting me know it's been 90 minutes.

[Rick Glassman]

Gotcha. How long do you go? Two hours or is it depending?

[Pete Holmes]

We're doing a lot these days, so we've been going for more 90.

[Rick Glassman]

But do you want to wrap it up? I'm having a great time, by the way.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. I'd just like to know where we are.

[Rick Glassman]

Sure. Checking in.

[Pete Holmes]

Making sure I didn't derail you none. Okay. I was just trying to say, like, Rick, I'm with you. The world is confusing. How people feel is confusing.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I also want to just let you know that I really heard your point that I think is a very. It's an emotional point, is that this doctor who was overwhelmed by you stopped being overwhelmed by you, even though you were the same, just because he had a different lens to look at you through. And isn't that not to force this? That's one of the things that's very interesting to Me about spirituality is it's trying to put a more patient, loving, compassionate, understanding lens. Because that lens is everything. And you know what I'm saying? Like what changed? Like if I do a lot of work, breath work, meditation, contemplation and study and then have bigger with my parents, I'll have a more beautiful, compassionate time. Just takes all that effort. And then you, you work that muscle so much ideally that your lens just. That's what conversion is. Your. Your lens shifts to a new lens. And now even if I haven't had enough sleep or enough food or my psychological, physical, emotional needs met, the lens remains. That's. That's the long term goal of conversion or enlightenment is that you're looking through a different lens. But that, that, that's what I'm saying is like we should all be. I hope that was okay. It was unintentional. I'm not making fun of your boundary issues. Boundaries, same page. I'm just acknowledging them I touched your foot. The goal of life to me, one of them is to be your doctor. Treating you as if I already know you have autism before I know you have autism. Does that make sense?

[Rick Glassman]

I'd like to pardon the correction, but to globalize it, to just accept this. Acceptance.

[Pete Holmes]

Accept people.

[Rick Glassman]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what I mean. In this case, accepting you means.

[Rick Glassman]

But I also, also don't want to. I don't think that the reason he was annoyed by me is because of autism. I agree. It's just whatever character traits I have.

[Pete Holmes]

But I have a family member who I believe is on the spectrum. Yeah. And when I was telling this person that I wanted them to get tested, I was like, not for you. So these people in our family will treat you differently. Will get off your back.

[Rick Glassman]

There's a book I read. It's for them.

[Pete Holmes]

It's for your doctor.

[Rick Glassman]

Forgot what it's called. I'm saying this, what you're saying. I forgot what it's called. Asperger's from the inside out. I think it's called.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Rick Glassman]

Written by a guy who was diagnosed late in life when his son was diagnosed. And I'm paraphrasing, but there's something in. It was about. It's not just about learning how to communicate. Like, oh, here now I'm more in touch with the way I think and feel. It's helping other people and teaching them how to communicate with you.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

Which is not an autism thing. It's just that's what getting to know people is. That's what frequency is.

[Pete Holmes]

And this has Nothing to do with I. It's not exclusive to different neurotypes. Everybody. When you say that, I'm like, man, I need more. I need help understanding how I'm being understood and my own feelings and understanding myself.

[Rick Glassman]

But you could tell people.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

Once you learn those things, you could tell people, right? Hey, do me a favor. I'm the type of person that wants to know when there's spinach in my teeth. Even if you're not somebody who tells people. Now that I've told you that you're. It's going to be easier for you.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

And I think that's what first dates are, intimate or otherwise.

[Pete Holmes]

That's like a. Yep. Maya Rudolph says, just kidding. It's Maya Angelou. Maya Angelou says, when people tell you who they are, believe them.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But you can go that the reverse and be like, tell people who you are.

[Rick Glassman]

Each other's sentences. Absolutely.

[Pete Holmes]

Other sandwiches.

[Rick Glassman]

Also, you said something that I wanted to touch on that, that I said to somebody I was dating. You said, help me. Help. I might help me. We were having a conversation about, like, what do you want? What are you looking for in a partner? And one of the few things I said other than huge tits and a fat ass was, I'm looking for somebody. I'm looking for help. I want you to help me. And that doesn't. I don't mean like, help me pack my clothes.

[Pete Holmes]

Tits in a fat house is like a pretty big building. To drive fast and not acknowledge it. Keep going.

[Rick Glassman]

But I said it for comedy.

[Pete Holmes]

I loved it.

[Rick Glassman]

You know, everyone have one of the two. And I either help me. Fat ass, huge tits. I need two of those. And like, also I want to be able to do that. That's. Put the mic stand away carefully. Like, I like helping. Yeah, help me. I love people that help in any type of collaboration, motivation, information.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Just like you're helping me cheat at the test of life.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah, be my calculator, help. But I also don't want somebody to feel like, can I. I'm being. Go ahead. I'll say this. I don't mean like, I need to rely on you to help me. I need you for this. I'm saying I want to surround myself. So a friend of mine, she said to me that she's talking about a friendship of hers and she's like. And like, she doesn't have to, like, offer me value. Like, I don't remember what it was. Something like that. Like, a friend doesn't have to give you stuff. And I'm Like, I completely disagree. Anybody that you're choosing to have in your life needs to offer you value and you them or there's no point of that relationship. So, like, I don't need you to help me because I need help, but I'm gonna choose to be around people, make me laugh, Teach me something.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

Make. Make me inspired. Help. Make I want to be better.

[Pete Holmes]

Or also say that it's not always. This is something I'm trying to learn by observing Val and her close friendships, which I'm often very jealous of. My relationships are a little more like what you're saying. Like, I like people that will. My friend James Bashara. Right. Who actually developed magic, mind you call.

[Rick Glassman]

James delicious, by the way.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm glad. And do you feel the little.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah, I feel unbelievable.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm glad. It's incredible.

[Rick Glassman]

And I normally don't like drinking things, but when I do, I do more stress less.

[Pete Holmes]

You do more stress less. Can we put a little pause?

[Rick Glassman]

Yep. I do more stress less.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, that was very funny. He's a guy that you call him and you go, I'm having an issue. He solves it, he fixes it. That I. I consider that to be very masculine energy. It's like, I see a problem and I cut down the tree that was blocking your view. You know what I mean?

[Rick Glassman]

If you're looking for someone to cut down your tree. Of course.

[Pete Holmes]

Exactly. Val's friends don't cut down each other's trees. They sit down around the tree and have a laughter infused, joyful friend heart space. This sounds like I'm going like. And it's girly. I'm not at all. Men can do this too. I have men friends that I do this with. But Val's puts more of an emphasis on that. So when I'm like, Rick can help me make my YouTube channel a little bit more views. Cause you've really figured that out. You're a smart marketing person. That's very one type of thing. But then Val's been like, you also just sometimes need friends where, like, what you're saying isn't even the point. You're not exchanging information, techniques, tips. You're not doing the WIM HOF method. You're not doing cold exposure. You're not doing intermittent fasting, and you're not meditating. You're just being there for one another, going, hey, I see you. Good job being you. And then they say, hey, I see you. Good job being you. And that's also important. I'm trying to open up my circle of friends to have more nuanced. So when I go, I'm like you, I want to get something.

[Rick Glassman]

But that's help, too.

[Pete Holmes]

But I'm trying to recognize that things that don't look like help, like, just sit down.

[Rick Glassman]

Actually redefining what help means, because I'm like.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm more like James. I'll give you. The example that I use with James is I was like, I'm really nervous about this live. You made it weird we're doing, and I'm just not looking forward to it. And he was like, what if my buddy Jake, who now runs my social, what if Jake came and filmed it? Then you could cut it together and put it on YouTube and it would be exciting about that. I was like, what the fuck? What the fuck are you? And he. It worked like, it became novel. It's got like, 22 views.

[Rick Glassman]

Go check it out. Leave a comment. Help the algorithm.

[Pete Holmes]

Leave a comment. Oh, but you see what I mean. Like, he took my anxiety and he turned it into something to look forward to because he made it novel and he offered help. Then it wasn't just me. It was like, what if we feel.

[Rick Glassman]

How do you. How would you define help?

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, that's what. That's. I guess that's what we're talking about is there's lots of different ways. Sometimes help is literally just sitting around not helping you, but being a warm body. That's like, yeah, I'm here too. This is a confusing place.

[Rick Glassman]

Could you try and define it without an example what help is like? To me, I would say it's, I am better off after, I feel better, things became easier. I got something accomplished, whatever it might be.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

From before the help to after. And that could just be acknowledging the thing. I'm glad this happened. It filled me, didn't drain me.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, it's funny. Help is very similar to love, because love is me seeing your needs as my needs, your. Your feelings, your desires, your life as my life. Saying it, it's like removing the separation. Unfortunately, we can't do it quite perfectly. I can do it easier with Val and certainly my daughter than you can with me. Well, yeah, you and I, there's effort to remember that deep, deep down, you and I are the same. The same thing. And when I remember that, it's even helpful to just say it. I remember like, boy, I hope Rick's enjoying the podcast. I feel bad about saying the mirror thing. I'm just kidding. But like, that. That's a loving thing, and it's very Similar to Help, Help and Lovers. I can't say they're synonymous, but they're very, very similar. Okay, I'll say they're synonymous. Just cuz it's fun to say synonymous. Yeah, synonymous. I remain anonymous when I'm synonymous with being a guy who goes into McDonald's and I get some bigger fries and.

[Rick Glassman]

I wish something else rhymed with fries. No, nothing does. Psych. Lies. I told lies.

[Pete Holmes]

You're so covered in flies right now.

[Rick Glassman]

I feel us winding down, but I also feel myself. I don't want to end now. That could be two minutes from now.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't worry. What do you. Here's how we end. Do you have any thoughts on. Tell me all your thoughts on God. Can I tell you this? I always hated this because I'm on my way to see her get out.

[Rick Glassman]

I think God's a woman.

[Pete Holmes]

That's totally fine. I'm just over thinking that that's just the most precocious thing. That was the 90s.

[Rick Glassman]

It kind of God is a woman.

[Pete Holmes]

Being like, let's all pray to God and see if she. You know, like that's over. In 1997, that was like.

[Rick Glassman]

What did you say?

[Pete Holmes]

I'm just happy to say that's no longer blowing as many lids as it used to.

[Rick Glassman]

Believe me, if God was a man, you know. But God is a woman.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

Because look how beautiful, you know.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, there it is.

[Rick Glassman]

That's why I do it. I like that.

[Pete Holmes]

Any thoughts on God? Do you believe in a source?

[Rick Glassman]

I try not to talk about other people.

[Pete Holmes]

That's very funny.

[Rick Glassman]

Thank you.

[Pete Holmes]

Do you subscribe to any belief system? Yeah. Spiritual wise?

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. It changes all the time. It does. Looking for meaning in things versus accepting that there isn't. Are those different? Because then it's like where those. Where that Venn diagram overlaps would be. You get to create your own meaning for things.

[Pete Holmes]

Like things have meaning because you give them meaning.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. It's like, why did this happen? Or what's the point of this? Versus it's all arbitrary. And there is no point of this to where those. What those two things have in common are either. If there's a point, I could find what it is and if there isn't, I get to make what it is. Either way, there is a point, but by design, then there's a good chance there isn't one. So like, I'm here to connect with a friend. I'm here to promote a podcast. I'm here because I need reasons to get out of the house. I mean all of them. I don't know if this is here to promote my podcast necessarily.

[Pete Holmes]

I would take your shoes off.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah, but nobody's watching, and.

[Pete Holmes]

But they're listening.

[Rick Glassman]

Oh, my God. I forgot about that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, there you go.

[Rick Glassman]

But, like, that, to me, is. Feels somewhat spiritual, because when you get to assign meaning to things, it's like I'm making a choice that other people. If I make the choice that other people have made, like, this is the best version of this. So why is this the best version of this? I don't know. I just think God's a woman.

[Pete Holmes]

Do you think when you die, you're over?

[Rick Glassman]

I don't. I don't know. I don't. I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

That's a great answer. You don't have to. You don't have to dig around for more. And do you. Do you want to move? There's another question after the God question, but I don't want to move too quickly through it. Do you want more God time?

[Rick Glassman]

I mean, don't we all?

[Pete Holmes]

Time is an illusion.

[Rick Glassman]

I don't believe that. I don't believe time is an illusion any more than I think, you know, this is.

[Pete Holmes]

That's great.

[Rick Glassman]

Thank you. We'll. We'll speed it up.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, a flame. I'm gonna make an eternal flame coming from your fingertips. You people really should be watching this on YouTube. A lot of fizzy bits.

[Rick Glassman]

Well, that's the thing. One thing I have learned to appreciate is facial expressions.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

More than ever as an adult.

[Pete Holmes]

I miss the term Aspie. It was so fun.

[Rick Glassman]

Well, he was a Nazi. Probably still is.

[Pete Holmes]

Asperger.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Is that why we stopped using it?

[Rick Glassman]

That, and I don't have a. I don't have a take on this. This is just what it is. It was. Also, there's an effort to destigmatize the difference between saying high functioning versus low functioning, as if to say that high functioning would be better than low functioning. And to.

[Pete Holmes]

Isn't it high functioning.

[Rick Glassman]

High functioning versus low functioning. That's a visual gag. And. And also that's why they switch it to those like Asperger's. What was known as Asperger's is now considered level one autism. So, like, it's 1, 2, 3. Not high, low.

[Pete Holmes]

There's three reichs.

[Rick Glassman]

There's. There's three. Oh, no. Three.

[Pete Holmes]

The German three.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. You learned that from Inglourious bastards. Same.

[Pete Holmes]

That's our Instagram clip right there. You can mark that. That's great. I just have to call it out.

[Rick Glassman]

What were we talking about?

[Pete Holmes]

Why we don't say Asperger's anymore.

[Rick Glassman]

Oh, yeah. So. And also there's, you know, he was a Nazi.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Rick Glassman]

And did studies on people and decided whether or not, well, this version is okay. These people could live versus others.

[Pete Holmes]

I see.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

All right. I'm. I'm convinced.

[Rick Glassman]

I'm not offended by the term. And also, I just wish you could.

[Pete Holmes]

Say autistic or something. I wish there was a casual way. No, what I'm saying about. What I like about Aspie is there was, like, a playful, light way of saying a lot. Like, it's a little Aspie, but I feel this way or whatever. Like, it made it light.

[Rick Glassman]

Well, ever since that ABC show, we could now call it autistic.

[Pete Holmes]

Autistish.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Rick Glassman]

When I talked about this on my podcast, there are people in the comments that. That go off on either end of this, which is, you can't say this. You shouldn't say this. This isn't what it is anymore. And then people like, yeah, but it's a shorthand. People know what Asperger's is. They may not accept or understand autism because they think of it as something different. And, like, I'm fine with this. I'm not fine with this. And it's just like. Like I said, I don't have skin in the game. I reckon it's. It's. I think it's similar psychology as far as how people receive it to this. This battle of the pronouns. It's like, if you want to be called that, fine. If you don't care, then fine. But to have stakes and be like, you have to do this or not, I. At least, just to be candid, I don't. I don't.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I understand what you're saying.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Here's the last and final question. That's more fun. Are you excited?

[Rick Glassman]

Mm.

[Pete Holmes]

Have you ever seen a ghost? Have you ever seen a ufo?

[Rick Glassman]

Probably everything I see that I don't know what it is. Right. That's in the air.

[Pete Holmes]

If it's flying. Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

What's the time? You've laughed the hardest in your life, and here's a few. It's like a guided hypnosis session.

[Rick Glassman]

Ghs.

[Pete Holmes]

Ggs.

[Rick Glassman]

Ghs.

[Pete Holmes]

Jhs.

[Rick Glassman]

Ghs.

[Pete Holmes]

Sorry, forgot. As your lawyer, I'm going to sue myself.

[Rick Glassman]

Who, by the way, I think there should be more women lawyers. But when we have our daughters, we tell them they're going to be princesses and we need to teach them how to code and to, you know, that they're able to do just as much. To be honest with you, I think more. I think women are better than men.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, so a little suspicious that you're so grotesquely siding with the species, the staff of the species that you want to mate with, but.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah, I don't want to mate with half the women in the world. Just the ones that have either two of the following three. Preferably.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, maybe preferably.

[Rick Glassman]

I also forgot Pretty face.

[Pete Holmes]

That's so far. Maybe you were a kid. Maybe someone felt.

[Rick Glassman]

Definitely was.

[Pete Holmes]

Maybe someone farted. Maybe you were on drugs. And I'm gonna be honest, my least favorite answers are when it's a movie. So. Did you ever see someone fall in.

[Rick Glassman]

A fountain or stepbrothers? Man, when I watch and he goes. When he's putting the ketchup on his plate, he goes, I like it.

[Pete Holmes]

No, that's not where I like the balls on the. Tom. Tom is funnier than that.

[Rick Glassman]

Okay. Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Jesus.

[Rick Glassman]

There is a time that comes to mind, but it's never nobler to search, to find, to understand the difference between time and space. To live in a moment that is written, but it can be erased. You know, like, think about it this way. You see yourself in the mirror, the Lord above. It seems so clear. The vision of you is nothing more to see than a vision of illusion, of a place to be inside of me. It's. It's different to be. But when I farted in a microphone once, it made me laugh so hard. I. I've done it three times. I've done it three times on stage three times. And every time I've done it. I didn't know I was going to do it. I felt a thick. And then I just did it. I thought, you're going to do it.

[Pete Holmes]

That would have been a first.

[Rick Glassman]

And I couldn't recover. I couldn't. I was. I couldn't stop laughing.

[Pete Holmes]

Was the audience also laughing?

[Rick Glassman]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

See, that's back to your thing.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. Coincidentally. Because also, like, it's not gross to me.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. So it's your own fart.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. But there's something. The whole thing is. What's so funny? There's something about. Have you ever farted or heard a fart in a microphone in a room with speakers? It's fucking insane. It's insane because it sounds just like a fart, but you've never heard it before. You've never heard it that way before. You've never heard it so three dimensionally. Also, you did it. Also. You're in the audience too. Because you didn't plan it. Also you seeing the people not receiving it, which nor. Nor do they need to. But it's just like. And when I did it every time I tried to do it as a throwaway and then just continue going and I couldn't stop laughing. Also, farts are funny.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Rick Glassman]

I've talked about this on my pod. But I do think there is a direct correlation to people that find farts funny are good people. Because there is a childlike thing with them where they are okay with. And they get it.

[Pete Holmes]

I just was hearing about the Dalai Lama. He was on a talk show and they were asking him about he doing my bit.

[Rick Glassman]

Did he fart?

[Pete Holmes]

He did your bit.

[Rick Glassman]

No, go ahead.

[Pete Holmes]

He did. He was talking about the difference between the sacred and the profane, or finding the sacred in the everyday. And the Dalai Lama, what does that find?

[Rick Glassman]

This finding the sacred versus the profane.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

What does profane mean?

[Pete Holmes]

Just means like farting. That's profane.

[Rick Glassman]

The difference between this, what's sacred and what's blue. Blue streak is what.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's a lot of spiritual people are trying to say there is no difference between the profane. So the Dalai Lama goes on and with tears rolling down his face, talking about how funny farting is. And the. And the people interviewing him are like aghast. And he's talking. Not intended.

[Rick Glassman]

Good. Thank you for. Thank you for admitting that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

A lot of people say pun intended. And I go, you would have delivered it different.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Rick Glassman]

If you intended.

[Pete Holmes]

There's a twist. You give a pun. He's talking about how you lift up on one cheek on an airplane to let it out. Sneaky. Dying, laughing.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And the Dalai Lama is a good person. I'm with you if you think farts are funny.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You're probably a good person. You're like an honest person.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah, it's completely. It's a good. It's a. It's a small sample, but it's like. It's a starting off point.

[Pete Holmes]

I agree. Me and my friend Earn Aaron, we used to be on the phone. Just long hours, just talking, doing your thing. If we had a fart, we'd fart in the phone. But then we've talked about this before, but we would fake it a lot too. And we're trying with it. But then the bit you'd love this became doing one that is so clearly fake. So you're on the phone and you're like, oh, hold on, hold on. And you'd come back and you Go. That's not genuine. That's what we would say. I just thought you'd like that.

[Rick Glassman]

I do like it.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, good.

[Rick Glassman]

Before we go, while we're talking about puns, I want to show you a character I've been working on.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Rick Glassman]

It's a guy who really likes the idea of puns because he sees how much people love them and he wants to do them. So he does. The thing is, he doesn't understand how puns work.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Rick Glassman]

Okay, here it is. Let's just say you would understand what I was talking about if I did it.

[Pete Holmes]

No.

[Rick Glassman]

But all jokes aside, Pete, I had a really fun time podcasting with you. Pun intended. I did that on purpose. Or should I say, I did that on purpose? Oh, you mean like a cat? I don't get it. Anyway, thanks for having me here. This episode of make it weird with Pete Holmes is sponsored by Marshall Rug gallery and the take your shoes off podcast. Thank you. Is there anything you want to plug?

[Pete Holmes]

By the way, I feel like I should plug tanks a lot. Oil tank removal service in the greater Boston area. It's my dad's business. If you're looking to convert your home from oil.

[Rick Glassman]

Right. If it's in your basement, I want to.

[Pete Holmes]

Into gas tanks a lot. Home tank removal company will dig that thing out. Or get it out of your basement and convert it all up.

[Rick Glassman]

I have a question that maybe this is something for your dad to answer.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay.

[Rick Glassman]

But with the name of his company, was the pun intended or did he spell it wrong?

[Pete Holmes]

This is.

[Rick Glassman]

And commit.

[Pete Holmes]

This is real. That was really. It, like, took my breath away. I'm not laughing, because it was just. We were on the topic of puns, and my dad's company is a pun, and my dad never writes, thanks, he writes tanks. So the answer is. I don't know.

[Rick Glassman]

I like that. I like when people would say tanks. Tanks for the good time.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

I don't know if the pun was intended.

[Pete Holmes]

Tanks.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. I'm saying just to say that.

[Pete Holmes]

But if my dad removes your oil tank and he goes tank you, he definitely intended it.

[Rick Glassman]

Yeah. If you did intend it, guess who.

[Pete Holmes]

Drew the logo for sir tanks a lot. I'm pointing at him, Rick.

[Rick Glassman]

Oh, you.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Oh, it's pointing at him.

[Rick Glassman]

You give me a hint.

[Pete Holmes]

I'd like to redo it. It's very College Pete. Modern Pete would do it a little more elegantly.

[Rick Glassman]

Do it.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, well, will you close us out by saying no? By saying, as your lawyer, isn't that.

[Rick Glassman]

What you say when your buddy saying is leaving by saying. Edit that out. Go ahead.

[Pete Holmes]

Saying, ralph Waldo.

[Rick Glassman]

Where is Ralph Waldo? He's always standing. He's always standing around other people with stripes, you know, transcending.

[Pete Holmes]

Would you say, keep it crispy. That's how we end.

[Rick Glassman]

Keep it crispy.

[Pete Holmes]

There it is.

[Rick Glassman]

And as always, keep it crispy.

[Pete Holmes]

Sandwiches.

[Rick Glassman]

For all the times you stood by me.

[Pete Holmes]

For all the words that you made me. For all the time you brought to my life? For all the wrong that you made right.

[Rick Glassman]

For every day. Made me drink for every rain.

[Pete Holmes]

You're everything I am because you love me. Crispy.

[Rick Glassman]

These are ISO tracks.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Rick Glassman]

Lower his.

[Pete Holmes]

Keep it crispy.

[Rick Glassman]

Do it again the way you just did it.

[Pete Holmes]

Keep it crispy. You are my words when I. Goodbye. All right.