Russell Howard

Summary

Podcast Summary: You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes – Russell Howard (April 2, 2025)

Overview

In this episode, Pete Holmes welcomes British comedian Russell Howard for a fast-paced, deeply funny, and surprisingly thoughtful conversation. The two comics delve into their similarities and differences as performers, compare UK and US comedy cultures, share stories of parenting, creativity, vulnerability, and talk candidly about everything from stand-up process to public embarrassment, mortality, and the meaning of life. The episode brims with sharp observations, mutual admiration, and the trademark “weird” openness Pete is loved for.

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Main Themes & Purpose

• Exploring the "weirdness" everyone harbors, especially through comedic lenses
• Contrasting the British and American approaches to comedy, audience expectations, and self-deprecation
• The craft and labor of stand-up: writing, editing, testing, and the challenge of keeping material alive
• The compulsive need for validation shared by comics (and humans)
• Parenting, generational change, and how technology shapes children and creativity
• Honest, playful dialogue about shame, mortality, spirituality, and the relentless need to laugh—even at the worst times

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Stand-Up Process, Editing, and Audience Differences

[05:12 - 08:51]

• Russell's writing process blends both group writing for TV and solo, on-stage editing. "The language becomes crystallized," he describes, as he whittles down bits to their tightest, leanest forms.
• British crowds are less indulgent than Americans: “They don’t let you luxuriate. It’s: ‘Got it, mate. Next!’ ” (06:29, Russell Howard)
• In the US, Pete notes, audiences enjoy being part of a comedian’s “permanent becoming,” even relishing the process and the notes onstage, which would be “infuriating” in the UK.
• On touring and fear: Pete confesses he’s “a sensitive baby” and feels nervous about playing strict European crowds, afraid his style would clash.

2. Culture, Outsider Perspective & Observational Comedy

[09:08 - 10:29]

• Russell explains how performing in Scandinavia and Europe makes him acutely aware of cultural differences and hones his powers of observation.
• Example: From “Vikings to recycling”—the wild arc of Scandinavian evolution.
• They discuss how outsiders see things locals miss, citing John Mulaney’s joke about war hero dog statues in London.

3. Validation, FOMO, and Relationship Stories

[16:13 - 18:23]

• Both comics admit to seeking validation, not just from audiences but in personal life (Pete’s “sand tunnel” story [62:02–63:23]).
• They bond over not experiencing “FOMO” (fear of missing out) in their marriages, instead marveling at the luck and preciousness of finding a close match.
• Notable quote:

  “I'm just so taken with girls. I can't believe there's a girl that lives in my house … I've never thought, ‘you stay here, I'm gonna go Indiana Jones some rando.’”
  —Pete Holmes (17:38)

4. Comedian & Doctor Brains

[19:07 - 20:14]

• Russell draws a parallel between the way doctors and comedians riffle through knowledge—doctors to heal, comics to turn life into bits.
• “It's the same brain, it's exactly the same… but we're finding the inconsequential,” Russell says.

5. Modern Life, Technology & Childhood

[50:10 - 51:54]

• They mourn the loss of boredom and downtime as kids, recalling “watching raindrops” and letting their minds unfurl.
• Modern kids, Russell observes, must “develop a brand” instead of a personality, and find their popularity is quantifiable, not guessed.

6. Vulnerability, Shame, and Bodily Humor

[57:36 - 61:02]

• They gleefully trade stories about public “accidents” (pooping or wetting themselves as adults), turning these cringe moments into deeply human laughter and camaraderie.
• “It also doesn’t matter what you’ve done in your life … if your friend saw you, that’s it. At your funeral, they’ll whisper, ‘you know, he pissed himself.’”
  —Russell Howard ([60:57])
• Pete reflects on how these small humiliations foster empathy for others, especially unhoused people.

7. Comedy Craft: Fatigue, Editing, Tour Tightening

[25:21 - 28:06]

• They discuss how ideas and bits change with repetition; jokes can die from overuse and sometimes come back to life when revived.
• Touring polishes an act—sometimes too much:

  “Most specials I watch, I go ‘they should have toured it more’. Some, ‘they toured it too much’ … If you watch Seinfeld’s ‘I’m Telling You for the Last Time’—he hates that hour. You can see it.”
  —Pete Holmes ([26:49-26:55])

8. Spirituality, Mortality & Meaning

[95:55 - 98:59]

• Russell candidly reveals his “awful fear of death,” waking at night in panic, and grappling with how to explain mortality to his son.
• Pete, more optimistic, tries to frame death as a return to source (“the ocean”), using metaphors adapted from spiritual teachers and White Lotus.
• The comics agree our brief, mysterious existence is at once hilarious and terrifying.

9. Fame, Envy, and Torches Passed

[101:42 - 105:31]

• They confess to being starstruck by mentors and even footballers; for Russell, it’s the pride of “going around” Jack Wilshire in a charity soccer match.
• Pete describes seeing spiritual teacher Rupert Spira laugh at his bit as a highlight akin to “dribbling around a footballer.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• “That’s the human experience everyone’s going through.” [61:25, Russell] – On universal embarrassment.
• “When you see strangers laughing and you join in, you could kill it immediately.” [117:08, Russell] – On the fragile, tribal magic of private laughter.
• Russell’s explanation of British audiences: “It's: Got it, mate, next. Nice imagery, next!” ([06:29])
• On validation and pride: “I was waiting for one of the girls to notice the tunnel... and when one did, I glowed.” ([62:02-62:54], Pete)
• On ADD and the comic’s mind: “I went and got [tested]…they gave me some tablets…I did a few shows and I couldn’t access me. I don’t mind my brain.” ([68:41-69:44], Russell)
• On stand-up as addiction: “Stand-up is probably my vice…you put real life through it…it’s a good, healthy addiction.” ([73:32-73:38], Russell)
• On funeral laughter: “She went, ‘has anyone got anything I can suck?’ … My brother goes, ‘Looks like Granddad picked a wrong day to die.’ …It has to be church or a funeral. You can’t be allowed to laugh for it to be the best laugh of your life.” ([114:19-116:41], Russell and Pete)

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Important Timestamps

• [02:11–08:51] — Getting to know each other, UK/US comedy differences, Russell’s writing process.
• [14:52–16:59] — Dating apps, AI, validation, relationships, first date stories.
• [25:21–28:06] — Editing and reworking material, when to record a special, learning from Airplane.
• [50:10–52:04] — Tech, boredom, childhood, and creativity.
• [57:36–61:02] — Adult accidents, shame, and empathy.
• [73:05–75:19] — Flow states, stand-up and football, life as material.
• [95:55–98:59] — Death, parenthood, and spiritual meaning.
• [114:10–117:41] — Funniest laugh ever, forbidden laughter at a funeral.

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Tone & Style

The episode is at once breezy, vulnerable, playful, and self-mocking. Both comics poke gentle fun at themselves and each other, with Pete’s “giddy child” energy in full effect, and Russell’s English wit and restraint making for a charismatic, dynamic exchange.

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Conclusion

This episode is a must-listen for comedy fans and anyone curious about the weird interplay between humor, art, insecurity, and the search for meaning. Russell Howard and Pete Holmes build a rapport that is both hilarious and heartfelt. Their conversation embodies the best of "You Made It Weird": two funny, flawed humans feeling their way in the dark, shining a little light, and making it weird together.

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Highlight: "Keep it Crispy"

[117:41] Russell Howard:

Keep it. Keep it crispy.

[117:47] Pete Holmes:

Keep it fresh, keep it alive. We've been saying it for 10 years. We don’t know anymore.

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You can stream Russell Howard’s new special, Live at the London Palladium, from his website. And if you enjoyed this chat, come back for more—you’ll never see embarrassment, creativity, or mortality the same way again.

Transcript

[Russell Howard]

You made it weird. You made it weird. You made it weird. Oh, yeah. You made it weird. Yes, you did.

[Pete Holmes]

Made it weird. You made it weird with Pete Holmes. What's happening, weirdos? This is the incredible, hilarious, brilliant even. I'm gonna say brilliant. Even Russell Howard, who I feel very a kinship with immediately. His standup is. Is hilarious. I enjoy everything he has to say, and I feel like he might be the British me. The English me. I'll even say the English me. Not sure which if that's any different, but he's wonderful. He's here. You can check out his new special, Russell Howard Live at the London Palladium. The way. I think the easiest way to find it is just search Russell. Russell Howard news Special. That's what I did. Or you can go to Russell Dash Howard Co uk who want. Don't do that. Just type Russell Howard news Special in and you can stream it directly from his website. And I highly, highly recommend it. You can also see his tour dates on there. He also has Netflix specials, all that sort of stuff. There's lots of content. But check out the new one. That's the one we're talking about here. It is incredible, and I'm so glad that I met this hilarious person. I'm also on the road. Just real quick, gonna mention some of my dates. We got Austin coming up, and then St. Louis, Toront, La, Nashville, Irvine, California, San Jose, Houston, Texas, Royal Oak, Michigan, Washington, D.C. and Boston, Massachusetts. This is the PG13, which is a mostly clean comedy tour. I'd like to point out Nate Bargazi is like G Jim Gaffigan. Maybe PG is PG 13. So it's a little bit naughty, but not, not, not over the top, which sometimes, you know, I like to be over the top. This is a little bit cleaner. You'll like it. I hope you like it. Peteholmes.com it's my favorite hour that I've done in a very long time, and I'm really excited for you guys to see it. PeteHomes.com for tickets to all of those. And in the meantime, enjoy this chat with the incredible Russell Howard. His new special, Live at the London Palladium is out now on his website. Get into it.

[Russell Howard]

Welcome. First, hello. Nice to meet you.

[Pete Holmes]

Don't turn on your comedy Persona.

[Russell Howard]

Okay. Sorry. It's nice to meet you, though. It is. It is nice. Jk.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I know. It's sincerely great to meet you. I upped it. Did you not? You said nice and I went great.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I just want to say that I have A suspicion that we're. I, I, I was listening to your special.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, listening.

[Pete Holmes]

Cuz I was driving here and my wife and I both had an earbud in. We had our daughter in the back and she's watching some Japanese.

[Russell Howard]

Solid parenting cartoon. Is that.

[Pete Holmes]

You have a kid, don't you?

[Russell Howard]

I do, yeah. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

How very dare you.

[Russell Howard]

He's nine months old.

[Pete Holmes]

He's okay. So you'll see when he's six, you're going to have one earbud. In watching my special and going. We apparently kept laughing at moments that were appropriate for what she was watching. So she thought we were watching when she was.

[Russell Howard]

It was very beautifully in sync.

[Pete Holmes]

We were very in sync. And I was like, baby, we're connected.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But here's what I wanted to say. Like we were dying laughing again because I was driving just listening to it like as an album and I was blown away. I really think you're. How are you on compliments? Is this gonna weird you out?

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, I'm super English on compliments. I think. I always think that's the best.

[Pete Holmes]

Good man.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, good man. It's all right. But it's a really good way of freaking out English comics of just, if you like when they're on stage.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

It happens a lot here that the audiences will just go, I love you. And then you've, you have to destroy it. Yeah. What? And then start attacking yourself.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, you haven't been brought up as like a legend or like my favorite comedian or like this guy's my inspiration or anything like that. No, to tear. Yeah, I'm sure you have. You don't listen to the intros, but.

[Russell Howard]

It'S that, it's that weird thing of like, I don't know, why is it, how do you react if somebody in the crowd went, I love you? It just then creates this sort of comedic tension that you have to pop.

[Pete Holmes]

I know what I mean. I, yeah, I'll just go, I love you too. And just keep going.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Seinfeld would go, I think he said, I love you, but something like, but I want you to know I'm seeing other people.

[Russell Howard]

Oh, really?

[Pete Holmes]

He had a little line for it, but I know what you mean.

[Russell Howard]

That's beautifully robotic from him to kind of like, well, this has happened enough times.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Russell Howard]

I need a three point move to get out of it. And that's it.

[Pete Holmes]

He shoots it from the hip.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, okay, so compliments aside, I will cool it on the compliments. We were dying laughing and then my wife was like, he's like you. And I'm not trying to sidle up to your greatness. We have some similarities.

[Russell Howard]

I think we do. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. And you do jokes about your joke. You do jokes about how you interpret your joke, how they're interpreting your joke. You're very there. It sounds like I'm complimenting myself. I'm just saying. Not every comedian is that way.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then you're also. This is where I think you differ from me. You're firing at a caliber that I'm not. And I think it's amazing the speed at which the. Every joke is very lean. You're, like, really running quite fast. It doesn't feel like that, but I think if you look at it, you're like, wow, this guy's really trimmed the fat off of everything.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's in and out, in and out. What is your. That's my first question. Question. And it's a sincere question. It's not just to get you talking. What is your process? Are you writing from stage or do you write properly sitting down or.

[Russell Howard]

Bit of both. So I did a TV show for years, and so I was a comic, and then I started doing a TV show and realized how much fun writing is and writing with. I wrote with four of my friends, and it was a topical show. So we, you know, and having. Yeah. And then having to write jokes about Brexit every week, and then trying to find that something that was kind of original, had a twist. You then sort of evolve. And then performing. I kind of have an idea. Write it, perform it on stage, get their feedback. The audience lets you get somewhere else.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

And then you. I always call it, like, crystallizing. The language becomes crystallized. Like, I've got this bit at the minute about having a colonoscopy, and there's kind of six lines in there that I really like. And I probably wrote 20.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

And originally you do 20, and I just don't have that. I don't know. It's a. It's a different thing in England where the audience will let you know. All right, mate, enough.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, interesting.

[Russell Howard]

You know, it's they. That I think I'm probably tighter, I think, because they just get bored quicker in the uk. Yeah, I think so. They don't let. They're not interested in letting you luxuriate in the bit. It's like. Got it, mate. Understand it. Nice. Nice imagery next. You know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

It's sort of tick the box. Yeah, we got it.

[Russell Howard]

Move on.

[Pete Holmes]

And we do smell our own farts. Here. And I'm not. I'm not even saying that as a horrible thing. I'm editing my special right now and my dear friend Neil Brennan was like, cut this out. This is where you're laughing at yourself. This is where you're choking the joke. And I'm like, but that's me, man. Like, so I'm trying to find. But I wonder if England would scare me into you. You're me in England.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. And also very happy. We both have a lot of teeth. Yeah. Like, there are similarities, but also, like, I've seen your stand up and you. I think probably a similarity we have is we clearly both enjoy doing stand up.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Russell Howard]

And that's the thing for me, it's such a. It's such a great art form. It's the only thing in the world, having done TV stuff where if you have an idea, you can then go on stage and explore it. And I was in Texas, so then I had like 20 seconds on Buc EE's and I was like, oh, this is really funny. And you know when you kind of. And then you suddenly get to Arizona and it doesn't mean anything.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

And. Yeah, but that's what I love about it is that you can kind of. Me too, you know, like, and. And what I'm deeply envious of here is I. And it's sort of through, like, I guess from Carlin onwards, there seems to be this kind of culture where the audience lets you be in a state of permanent becoming. So you can kind of go up and do an hour and then go, look, I've got notes. You know, and they like it. They. And they love it in England. No, they'd be furious. I paid 30 quid. You fucking c. And you're gonna see.

[Pete Holmes]

A little bonus, a little reprieve.

[Russell Howard]

Definitely.

[Pete Holmes]

Really.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

This makes me. I've never toured the.

[Russell Howard]

But you have to.

[Pete Holmes]

But it's because I think it makes me scared.

[Russell Howard]

But you do it when you've got a show. But it's that thing of it. It. It's just the culture here, because you're working towards the special.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Russell Howard]

So as a comic, it's fantastic. And the fact that the audience enjoy being part of the process.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Russell Howard]

But it. Not in England. It really. Yeah, yeah. I would say the same in Europe. It's that, you know, if you pulled notes out in like, Sweden, you know, it would be like, we've paid many kroner and this is how you treat us.

[Pete Holmes]

We've gotten babysitters.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's German.

[Russell Howard]

No. Yeah. You always go German. Have you gig much in Europe?

[Pete Holmes]

Never. Not once.

[Russell Howard]

Oh, man.

[Pete Holmes]

In fact, when I've been there, I've been scared. I'm a sensitive baby, so I'm like. I'm just afraid to, like, go up and just do it wrong. I'd want to watch for a while.

[Russell Howard]

But the fear is so fascinating.

[Pete Holmes]

It's.

[Russell Howard]

It's that because you're such an alien in the culture. Yeah. And then you sort of end up learning so much about you, yourself and your culture.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

That's what I do. As an English bloke, I'm just kind of. We're so close to Scandinavia and yet so different.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Russell Howard]

And then your sort of powers of observation. Like, I was doing this thing about. I. I find Scandinavia fascinating because, you know, they went from Vikings to recycling. Like. Like, in terms of an evolution, the fact that Ragnar Lothbrok was burning villages and raping and pillaging, and then 800 years later, ABBA, like.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Russell Howard]

Do you know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

They'd be like, that's a lot of carbon.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You're burning down a village. That's a lot of carbon.

[Russell Howard]

That's what I mean. But, but, but. So as an outsider, you're able to go, wow, you've gone from Vikings to an unbelievably progressive.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

State.

[Pete Holmes]

You're a blue bin.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. But you. But, like, do you know what I mean? That you could. You might not necessarily see it. I remember seeing Mulaney do this brilliant bit about in London of. There were statues of dogs that had fought in World War II. And I've seen that statue, and I've never seen how funny that was, but it took an outsider to come in and go. And so John Mulaney was there, just going to the dogs for in. And suddenly it opened up. Yeah. You know what I mean? It's like, there's something about being the outside.

[Pete Holmes]

Fresh eyes. Yeah, it's fresh eyes. Well, what is. I'm sure I don't want to burden you with this, but I imagine that in America, we have a lot of, like, swinging dick cowboy stuff. Like, there's a lot of winning in our comedy. There's a lot of, like, we have the last word. We were smart, we were good. Like, I. This is. I'm not gonna tell the whole story, but I just went on, like, a meditation retreat, and I did stand up there.

[Russell Howard]

Wow. So I know that's a tough room.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes. Thank you.

[Russell Howard]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

I've been waiting for this. I didn't know I was waiting for this.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So of course I, I love these people and it's a very hearty space and I'm looking at my stand up. I'm gonna do like 15 minutes on the retreat.

[Russell Howard]

That's too short.

[Pete Holmes]

And then I'll do like 15 minutes in my act. I'm going over my act and I'm like. And I'm a nice comedian. I'm like you. I think people perceive us as night. Like night or at least having fun, happy, whatever. And I'm like so many of these bits, the undercarn of them, there's a. I'm, I'm winning and I'm being a bit of a twat.

[Russell Howard]

That's interesting.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. So I'm like, cut that, cut that, cut that. Trying to find the most heart opening bits.

[Russell Howard]

So did you and did you from that think I want to be different or was it that this stuff won't work for this room?

[Pete Holmes]

It was just that room.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And in fact if I airlifted that all of those people into the comedy store, I'd be like, now you deal with this.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because I think I'm being honest about the human experience. Yeah. Not all meditation retreats.

[Russell Howard]

No, but it's like it's a terrifying blissed out corporate where like so normally. But a corporate would be, you know, you find whoever runs it and you destroy them. Yeah. But if you do that at a meditation, it's just like.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, and.

[Russell Howard]

And the teach there just size.

[Pete Holmes]

That's true. And the teacher is English and I did go at him a little bit because it was his birthday and I made fun of him a little bit and like every. And I gave the crowd so much for leaving me alone. Cuz they didn't laugh and I was like how dare you abandon me? Moment. But he liked it. Yeah, but they. I mean it's hard to laugh at some.

[Russell Howard]

What was the purpose of the meditation retreat?

[Pete Holmes]

It was. Well, it's an Englishman, it's Rupert Spiro, a teacher that I love very much. I thought you were showing me.

[Russell Howard]

No, no, no. Sorry, sorry, sorry.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow. It was, it was just to. A lot of it is to do with the community. And you meditate and your meals are taken care of. I mean you have a nine month old, you can imagine how amazing that is just knowing your food. There's a lot of quiet time, but meditation and talks on non duality.

[Russell Howard]

Nice. My friend John has done a lot of that. He's done a lot of silent retreats.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh yeah.

[Russell Howard]

And I. The thing I find funny about a silent retreat is there must be that moment, but there must be that moment at the end of it where you have to talk about it. Yeah. To then go through it. And there's something that. The irony is so funny that you do it and then you can't wait to chat.

[Pete Holmes]

Of course. And ruin it. Sort of. That's how I felt the first time I took mushrooms. That was a big breakthrough for me as I went, I'm having this ineffable experience and I go, fuck, I'm going to have to talk about this.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And ruin it.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like how you met your wife becomes a story.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And it becomes a groove in your brain.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And the birth of your child will even become like a story and a groove in your brain.

[Russell Howard]

That's.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what our brains do.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. And particularly as a comic, it's that weird thing when you have a special moment and it's become like a varnished routine. Yep. And you go, that. That isn't the same as the moment.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right. That's another great Mulaney bit. He goes, when you're first dating, you the whole story, you're like, we were kids and we were on the train tracks and there was a swamp near my house. And my friend. We called him Pudge. We wouldn't call him Pudge now, but we called him Pudge. I'm making all this up. And then he's like. And then after you've had five, six girlfriends, you go, when I was eight, I saw a dead body. That's not a joke about dating. That's a joke about our brains and how we process and we do that to people. You know, it's very tempting, even in this moment, to go, all right, Russell, he's British. He's probably this way. Or he's a comic. He might be this way. We miss. Miss out on so much.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. It's funny, isn't it? Like, I'm just sort of instantly thinking now, does that still happen, though, with. Because presumably if you're. If you're young now, you're just dating through apps. So all of that is. I. I would imagine there's a lot of copy and paste. Do you know what I mean? Where you've, like. You've done your intro and you probably send it out like a net just to kind of. Do you know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

There might be. This isn't a bit. It sounds like a bad bit. There might be like an AI component. This person is going to brief you. Like, instead of a dating app.

[Russell Howard]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

There might be an AI that goes like, well, Russell Howard is. Is single. And this. You know, some of his previous daters said this about him. I think you might work together and you can talk about them and be like, well, I'm a little nervous. Well, he looks this way, but I get the sense that, like, they'll talk.

[Russell Howard]

To you about it and really prime you listen. I know AI bad, but I wouldn't entirely not. I mean, I'd be up, like, young me, like, if there, like, remember Ziggy from Quantum Leap? Like some sort of robot helper that would just be there to, like, a classic.

[Pete Holmes]

He's in every episode.

[Russell Howard]

Well, it's. It's so. I think Al is the guy in Quantum Leap, and he had a machine called Ziggy that kind of knew stuff.

[Pete Holmes]

See, I just did it. You're so British. I just assumed you meant Doctor who. That's literally what just happened.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, that's literally just what we were talking.

[Pete Holmes]

I literally went, you mean Doctor who?

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes, I do remember Ziggy from Quantum Loop.

[Russell Howard]

But just that kind of.

[Pete Holmes]

I believe that just.

[Russell Howard]

I know, but that kind of. Just the idea of having a robot helper.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Russell Howard]

Because I just had my dad and, you know, sort of say, oh, do you think I should wear this? And he'd be like, yeah, that's right. That's it.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, when I think about the preposterous good fortune that when I went on my first date with my now wife, that we did line up in all of these ways, but that is truly romantic. It's also just very lucky.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And now people are just trying to hedge their bets and line up in 14 out of 15 ways and then go on the date. But the problem with that is then the app will tell you the other 300 people, that you're 14 or maybe 15 out of 15 matches, and now you're a novelty addict and you just keep going on other dates, as opposed to when I matched 15 out of 15 with my wife. Sorry, flirt. But I did. I was like, oh, my God. It had a preciousness to it that I didn't have an AI assistant going, like, there's also another woman. Do you like brunettes?

[Russell Howard]

You know, there was no kind of FOMO because you couldn't believe that there was a girl sat next to you. Do you know what I mean? And it was sort of that thing of going, why would you possibly that, you know, there was no TV remote. There was no kind of Flick to other. What was your first date with your. With your wife?

[Pete Holmes]

We were in San Francisco and we went to this clam place. Isn't that cute? I know a good place for clams. And we go and eat clams. I want to say, this is going to make you love my wife. We're listening to your special. She pauses it. I'm like, what's up? And she goes, that bit you have. Because I told her a bit this morning. It was a story. I'm not a jackass doing bits. I was like, I think that might be something. She's like, that goes with your joke about. I have a joke about polyamory.

[Russell Howard]

Oh, yeah? Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I go like this. You just said it to me, basically. I go, I'm just so taken with girls. I can't believe there's a girl that lives in my house.

[Russell Howard]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, I'm still sort of a junior high boy. She sleeps in my bed and I've never been looking at her and going, like, you stay here. I'm gonna go, indiana Jones, some rando. Like, I've never thought that. And then she goes, I don't have fomo. I'm not. Like, you're great, but I'm not like, it's not one of my things.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. And instantly I'm like, it's the comics brain, isn't it? I'm imagining the little Chinese kid going, Mr. Holmes. Mr. Holmes.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, you picked up on the funniest.

[Russell Howard]

Part when you're in the club. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That Indiana Jones as a verb has always been my favorite.

[Russell Howard]

Oh, yeah, it's funny, man.

[Pete Holmes]

Are you a fomo?

[Russell Howard]

No, no, no.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, because we got married one year apart, so you're a year younger than I am.

[Russell Howard]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

And I got married a year before you, so we're on a very. So I'm 46. You're 45 this month. March 30th.

[Russell Howard]

March 23rd.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes. So we're very close. We're Aries.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And we were essentially on the exact same track. Getting married.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

One year apart.

[Russell Howard]

How old are your kids? Have you got kids?

[Pete Holmes]

She's six. My daughter.

[Russell Howard]

There you go. Yeah. So.

[Pete Holmes]

So we're a little off there.

[Russell Howard]

A little off there, but. And what does your wife do?

[Pete Holmes]

She's a doctor. I'm just kidding. I don't know why I did that to you.

[Russell Howard]

What did she do?

[Pete Holmes]

She. She's making short films.

[Russell Howard]

Oh, great.

[Pete Holmes]

Teaches dance.

[Russell Howard]

Oh, great.

[Pete Holmes]

And she does a little bit of mindfulness stuff. She's just brilliant. Amazing. I love her.

[Russell Howard]

So, yeah. It's.

[Pete Holmes]

But your wife's a doctor.

[Russell Howard]

My wife is a doctor. And it's what's interesting. Doctors and comedians have very similar brains, I think. Yeah, really. Like there's quite a lot of comics in the UK that used to be doctors, but it's that seen. I, I see my wife and I see her friends retrieve. But they go into their brain and they retrieve the information needed to heal or deal with a problem. And we do exactly the same.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God.

[Russell Howard]

But it's just pointlessness. So you, you would say clams. My brain is going. Do I have any information? Oh, thank you. Do I have anything about clams? You know, I do. I have. I might have a thing about prawns.

[Pete Holmes]

But you're going through your books.

[Russell Howard]

Totally.

[Pete Holmes]

We're in our, we're in our offices with all the leather bound books and those are our references. But it's like it's the same brain.

[Russell Howard]

It's the same. It's exactly the same. It's just. But we're finding, you know, the kind of inconsequential. But it's consequential for a laugh and a moment right there. So it's so interesting.

[Pete Holmes]

But it also causes. Look, we can't. I'll. As the host, I'll keep us away from comedians celebrating their craft too much.

[Russell Howard]

I'm celebrating brains. I like our brains are great. That's great. Doctors. Brains are great. So we're safe there.

[Pete Holmes]

I think we're safe.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm just, I'm just noting that. That I feel like for the first 10 years of podcasting, that's all we did. You know what I mean? So I'm just noting. But I also think there's something about causing a reaction, like it's ingredients for something to change. Like a pill or a practice or whatever changes you internally and a joke changes you internally in the same way music does and therapy does and massage might. All these things are just. People want to feel differently.

[Russell Howard]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Have you noticed?

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. Well, that's the thing. It feels. At the moment, it. I don't know that. It feels like there's so much potential for performance. That's how I feel like.

[Pete Holmes]

Is that right?

[Russell Howard]

Don't you think? I think there's the very fact that people are willing to sit in a room with us and not be on their phones. So you, like, nobody has an audience as captive as us at the moment. It's extraordinary.

[Pete Holmes]

I completely agree.

[Russell Howard]

Isn't that weird? And. And you like, you're suddenly hyper aware of it and you kind of. I find myself going, God, is. There's got to be some place, there's some show. Yeah. You can get to where people are like. And they kind of come out with that wild. Not saying I've got there, but it's that. Particularly if you. If you go to gigs where people don't have. Where they have the yonder pouches.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

I've never done that, but I've been to shows where people do it and because you don't have your friend, you know, slash enemy, that is your phone, you're forced to be at the gig and talk to people and look around at people and it's. That doesn't happen ever.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Russell Howard]

So it's so brilliant.

[Pete Holmes]

I agree. I. I find that a lot of people, even without the baggies, though, seem to seize the opportunity to be like. If they understand we're making this together. We're the instrument. We're more than the instrument. We're the. The real time arbiter of what the show is, where it goes and all that stuff that they lean a lot of my crowds. I haven't seen a lot of phones.

[Russell Howard]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

Which is nice.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Without the bags.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, they want it. We crave it.

[Russell Howard]

Are you on tour at the minute?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Great. When does the special come out?

[Pete Holmes]

We just edited it. Yeah, I said that. Yeah. Brandon gave me the notes. Yeah. He's telling me to stop smelling my own farts.

[Russell Howard]

But he's an interesting guy. I did a. I hung out with Neil. He came on my podcast and he's a good mate of Jimmy Carr's. And it's really interesting that he's. He's.

[Pete Holmes]

That was the name I was looking for. Jimmy Carr came from medicine. He used to Kevorkian people. Right?

[Russell Howard]

No, Jimmy. No, no, he used to work. He worked in. He worked for an oil company.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, did he?

[Russell Howard]

Jim did, yeah. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Was he the CEO he worked for?

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, I imagine. But he. Yeah, he worked for Shell. I remember me. So I met Jimmy when did. Yeah, yeah. It's not so I. I oil for cars. Yeah. It's crazy. I'm so. First time I met Jimmy, I was 18 and he was 28. We were in a new act competition in. In England and he looked me up and down and said, my God, I bet you go on a lot of caravan holidays and. And he was right. Like, it was something, you know, when you kind of like, we couldn't be more different, but we, like, instantly, it was that. That, you know, it was a very good assessment that's hilarious.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a good egg.

[Russell Howard]

But he was telling me about Neil and we kind of hung out, but he's sort of has that. He feels. He's almost like. Like he's got, like a comedy scalpel. Neil Brennan. Do you know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

It feels similar to Jimmy in a sense, that he gives me these notes and there's. He does not fluff them.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

He's not, like, first and foremost. Brilliant.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Loved it. He just kind of starts telling you and he goes, that goes in the bin. Like, that's a pull quote from the email.

[Russell Howard]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

You know where that goes in the bin? And I'm just like, wow. But that, like, I. And then he texts me. He's like, did I send you too many notes? And I was like, no. It was like a older brother who just wants me to stop being bullied in middle school. You know what I mean? It had that energy.

[Russell Howard]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

It was like, please stop wearing those shoes or whatever it is, like. Or stop. My. My brother told me to stop wearing my crucifix outside of my black turtleneck. He was like, you look like a nun. That's loving.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's actually helpful.

[Russell Howard]

Yes, thank you. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I wish someone else had told me. Maybe Mom.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, yeah. But I also. But then that's instantly funny as well, that you're just getting sartorial advice from your old. Is it older brother? Yeah, lovely. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. But it's that I just filmed it, but we haven't sold it anywhere. But it's. It's been the least unpleasant to edit.

[Russell Howard]

Oh.

[Pete Holmes]

You know what I mean? Like, I'm not squirming and I'm like, I like this.

[Russell Howard]

It's funny, like, when you first start doing it, like, we used to have it in the uk, where you'd have to then go in and watch your special with, like, some sound guys and other people. It's the worst experience in the world, isn't it? It's just like.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, it's still rough.

[Russell Howard]

Oh, man. But it's like that bit in Finding Neverland when he's sort of outside and everyone's kind of watching the. The play and he's just tapping away. I can't. I can't imagine what that's like to. To kind of be at a live premiere of your show and you're kind of having to sit there. I think a lot of them leave, of course.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah. You gotta leave. The sociopath stays.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Laughing.

[Russell Howard]

But then it would be interesting, like this brilliant story about how Airplane was made that they, they basically toured it around college campuses. So it was originally like a two hour show. They would play it, listen to the laughs and just cut jokes out. And it's kind of probably why this, that that film is so tight and so funny because that's kind of what we do. So to like a long answer to your question about why is my stuff tight? Because I toured it for like, you know, 18 months.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

So you suddenly end up going, I don't need that bit. I don't need that bit. I don't need that bit. And because you, you, you, you end up with like two hours. Yeah, it's kind of fine to have an hour.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

It's. That for me, it's. My stuff's only ever been kind of average when you've recorded it too soon. Do you know what I mean? And you're like, it's not quite finished.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm with you. I actually re filmed, re taped my special.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. And it wasn't a costly production, so it wasn't a huge deal.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. Great.

[Pete Holmes]

And I was like, let's just do it again. And it was Neil. It was again Neil. It was like. Because I was like, like, it's 15% better. And he's like, reshoot it.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I was like, 15 is a pretty big deal.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's the difference between an A and a B, definitely. And it's like, all right, let's, let's just redo it. But here's. I couldn't care more. I really care about this question. It's like, where do you draw the line? Bir Bigley and I talk about this all the time. You do it too much, you start to hate it. But you don't do it enough. Most specials I watch and I go, they should have toured it more. Some specials I watch and I go, they toward it too much.

[Russell Howard]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And it's not shots fired. If you watch Seinfeld's, I'm telling you for the last time, he hates that hour.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You can see it. I would say that to him. That's not talk. It's just like. He did that because they wanted to hear the classics. You can see on his face, his resting face between bits is this.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And you're like, yeah, he doesn't like it anymore. I completely get it. So how do you know when it's time to film?

[Russell Howard]

I think I don't know is the answer to the question. You never know until you don't get tired of it. I, I tend to rotate Stuff in. So it's kind of, you know, I'll. I'll get. I think when you travel that, you know, stuff I've got that's funny in Denmark, that doesn't work here, but then stuff that's funny in England. So you kind of. If you're doing like an hour and 20, let's say you're always cutting stuff out. So.

[Pete Holmes]

So it keeps it fresh.

[Russell Howard]

I think so. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Mix up the order, too.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So that kind of really helps.

[Russell Howard]

I put myself. I find putting yourself in trouble is a great way because then you just kind of. But you, you, you.

[Pete Holmes]

You end up putting yourself in trouble.

[Russell Howard]

But, like, if you. If you start the show with something strange, then you will all like. But you always find your way out of it because there's nothing quite like a thousand people to make your brain go, you better say something funny now.

[Pete Holmes]

We're exactly the same. Yeah, yeah. And Louis, a scandal noter, complications noted. Had that great thing where he's like. He'd do his closer at the beginning.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then he's like. It would just make the next joke better because you have to.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. Because your brain is just like, okay, they're here now. Ye.

[Pete Holmes]

Here's a question for you. You ever. So you're really englanding your act and cutting out fat, making it bulletproof. I just did this. So it's a leading question. I cut this joke. I had this joke. It's actually about. What was it about? Oh, it was about eating ants. In Mexico, they served us ant tacos.

[Russell Howard]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

And they. We didn't order them. They just brought it to us. Right. So this whole bit about it.

[Russell Howard]

So loads of ants or like, food ants.

[Pete Holmes]

It was a ant puree.

[Russell Howard]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. It was a puree.

[Russell Howard]

So that's like a colony. That's. To get that. That's a lot of death. Jesus Christ.

[Pete Holmes]

It was a lot.

[Russell Howard]

Do you mean that's dozens?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, It's a thousand things.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

A thousand things were ended for me, which is really what made me enjoy it.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But I did that story so many times about eating ants. Eating ants. The line that I. I do want to tell you is they just put it down. They go. They asked us before the meal if we had any allergies or food restrictions. But I didn't know how far back I had to take that. Then they go, these are ants. And I go, I also don't eat loose nickels or urinal cakes, which is a big line. I just wanted to tell you that as a Comic. And then I cut it because it was slowing the bit down. But then I'm doing this special and I go, I brought it back. I go, I don't want to be culturally insensitive, but the whole planet knows eating ants is weird. You know how I know? We have an animal called the anteater. And I do this thing about the anteater, and it's about how that's the headlining oddity is what it's eating. It's like a really weird animal. And I cut it because it was slowing me down in the clubs. But then when I was doing the taping, I was like, I'm bringing it back. Have you ever done that? Have you ever, like, brought something back?

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, definitely. It's. And. Or it just. It. I often think with specials, it's a bit like if you're. When they're picking a team to go to a. A soccer World cup, there's always one player that sneaks in right at the last minute.

[Pete Holmes]

He.

[Russell Howard]

He goes on a run of form, form. And you just can't not. And then they go on to do nothing for the rest. And it's sort that thing. You have jokes where they just. They arrive two weeks before, you know, and it's kind of. And it's that thing. You're so frustrated because you go, God, I only got to play with that for two weeks. And, yeah, I remember having a bit about how unfair it is that it, like, if babies touch dog, they can go blind. And what do they get when they go blind? A dog like that. And it was just this thing of, like, how. How unfair that was. But. And it just, you know, and it's. That was all it was. And I kind of had it for like, two weeks, and then it ended up in a special. But it's. I know what you mean. It's like some bits that kind of.

[Pete Holmes]

They come back to life.

[Russell Howard]

They come back to life. And it's also. I think that's the exciting thing about putting them away and, and doing stuff and.

[Pete Holmes]

And.

[Russell Howard]

And then coming back to it late and then being able to. It's a brilliant. I remember I saw a thing on Instagram from Taika Wahiti, and he was saying the way he writes his films is he kind of. He writes the screenplay and then he puts it away. He's got obviously loads of stuff that he's working on. Yeah. Puts it away for like a year and then comes back and then reads it and then puts it down. And then reads it again. Puts it down, reads it and then writes everything he can remember from memory. From memory. And then that's the kind of process and I think there's a lot to that of like, you know, you first have that idea about the ants and you, it's all comes out and you get a bit bored of it and then suddenly your brain has gone. It's really funny that bit. You do realize it's funny. You just got bored of saying it.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Russell Howard]

But it's really funny.

[Pete Holmes]

And sometimes a joke is, isn't reliable in the sense that you can't just say it. And the anteater a performative like it really depends on me.

[Russell Howard]

I bet you play a great ante to life. Do you know what I mean? I bet you're really flinging your, your arms about. I can see it visually. Do you know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

It is very funny to talk about this so seriously.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But I think one of the reasons we cut jokes is because it's, it's fatigue. Meaning if it was easy to do, maybe you would keep it. But there's a certain it's not funny enough to just say it. So going back to Neil Brennan, Neil's jokes are just funny enough to say yes. And he would agree. Yeah, you just say it. Steven Wright is the same thing. It's just funny enough to say, guys like me, I'm like, I really got to put my back into anteater or it just doesn't work.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. And that's it. And if you want to put your back into an ear, it's fine.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah. That's why you rest it.

[Russell Howard]

Anything worse than, than a half hearted impression of an anteater?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, nobody wants it.

[Russell Howard]

Just an audience going, what is this?

[Pete Holmes]

Well, it's funny, I was reading that Prior, Prior is obviously one of all of our influences, but he has that great line about like, like his, you know, you date somebody and have all the sex and then you start living together and you stop having sex. And he goes, I think he says, go away for two weeks. When you come back we will like rabbits. And I'm like, that's how I feel about ideas. Sometimes it's like I've just been living with this dumb idea. Get, get out of here. Yeah, it comes back and we like rabbits.

[Russell Howard]

Absolutely. I often think of the new ideas as like babies and you're showing the audience babies and then the audience kills the baby and then you go, okay, fine, but know this now, now backstage, I'm gonna resuscitate that baby and then bring that dead baby out again. And another audience may trample it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

But, you know, you just never. That's what's exciting. It's just kind of. We're making a constant stew and all the. Everything goes in. And even if it doesn't work now in three years time, you know, that's the funny thing, is that we've always got something we come back to. You think, you know, like, my dad used to kind of hit me when I was a kid, and I've often. And you know, and it's. It's fine. It's just like growing up in the 80s and I've tried. I've tried talking about it, and I just can't make it funny. But there is stuff that. There's something in it every time. Do you know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

That tenacity, that there's an Emerson quote, Ralph Waldo, where he goes, no, I'm sorry, it might be Thoreau. I'm embarrassed now, but I think it's Thoreau. He says, to think what's right for you is right for everybody is genius. And that's a tricky thing to say in the. In this day and age with so much narcissism and all of this stuff. But in creatively speaking, for you to be like, no, I know this is funny, and I'm not going to give up until I find the way to persuade you that is a type of genius to not give up. A stubbornness.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like a creative stubbornness. Yeah. Because I've watched people walk away from things that I'm like, that's the funniest thing I've ever heard. And they're just missing that extra dollop of arrogance that makes them go like, no, we're all gonna dance to this.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. It's funny, isn't it? It's. But. But that's what to go back, it's just like, I just love it as a. As a. An art form because you can just have an idea and, you know, it just. Something can happen or just, you know, it's the best man. Yeah. So much fun.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, you can do it that day.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. And then. And it. It's a thing or it's not a thing. And like, my wife went to a tarot reading in San Antonio and like, she was taking my son to the bus as I was walking to the stage, and I was like, how's the tarot? And she went, we'll discuss later. And so I then had to go on stage, go, you don't know what's lo. But there, you know, I mean, and then it was a bit like I, some, this person I don't know has said something and it's a bit like getting attacked for the way you've behaved in someone's dream where you're like, how am I being held accountable? Yeah, but like for that night, that was this kind of funny, weird thing.

[Pete Holmes]

No, it's joy. And then when you do, and I love doing television and film, but you recognize the freedom, the, the grotesque freedom that we have as stand ups. You can't just go and be like this tarot thing or if you do, you'll be wasting everyone's time. We're not going to use this. No, this is a drama.

[Russell Howard]

Have you done like directing or anything like that?

[Pete Holmes]

I've directed some small things and I really enjoyed it.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. Because I think that is the clo. Oddly the closest. Yeah, I think so. Because you, you're then getting to kind of orchestrate the whole thing rather than, you know, be the kind of star. It's like, no, no, no. If you do that, I don't know this. You know what I mean? It's kind of.

[Pete Holmes]

So you have.

[Russell Howard]

No, no, but I, I, I think that would be.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, you're strangely on, on right on cue for me because I just. You were talking about modern mammals. I shoot these commercials for them.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I work with them.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And it was just, you know, little ads, little social media ads and I got such a juice out of it. I was having, my friend is in a giant fake shampoo costume. We're discussing how it should like shoot out of his head and like where the camera should be. And I went home and I was like, I said devout, my wife. I was like, I don't know why. That made me happier than I imagined. It shouldn't have been that fun. And it was directing and Greta Gerwig, when she did Lady Bird, she was an actor, obviously is an actor, but she said watching other people say my words and I could like poke and persuade was the most satisfying thing she had ever done.

[Russell Howard]

So.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it's been curious to me ever.

[Russell Howard]

Since I did, we did one sort of film thing in the UK and I wrote it with my friend Steve. And seeing actors bring your words to life was really. Yeah, it was absolutely brilliant. It was a guy that played my brother. What, what fascinated me most is that so lines on paper, you were like, that is fine. I know that's funny because it, there is a joke there and I see it and, and obviously people don't always talk in jokes, so it's yeah, it's that thing. But he was able to make sniffing funny. Do you know what I mean? And you would never put. You'd never put on the script. HE SNIFFS yeah. You know, and then we go. And that is funny because I've seen him sniff.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Trust me. He was this way. He was able to go. And it just be so nonchalant and, oh, he was so brilliant. And you just go, that. That, to me was the different thing between seeing an actor and a comedian who knows how to deliver a line. It was like, he. He's really.

[Pete Holmes]

He's the prior.

[Russell Howard]

He's genuinely created this.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

You know, and he's got. And he was doing these kind of, like, mannerisms. You're like, wow. Like, it was so cool to see actual actors.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, I agree.

[Russell Howard]

Doing it. And you're like going, I would never.

[Pete Holmes]

Think to come, but we would never say a line. When I watch tv, I'm often like, wow, why did that joke work? They said it wrong.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, that's how I feel. Yeah, totally.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, they hit the word wrong and I would have. I would have flown in and been like, really is a funny word. But it works. In fact, I would say a lot of the. What we consider the great actors are often saying it because entertainment is surprise. Right. So they're saying in a way that you wouldn't have predicted. Whereas comedians often say things. I feel like we lean into the cadence that is the most funny and people love it. Not. Not too many comedians are being, like, surprising in that way. That's more of an acting thing. I don't know. I'm thinking out loud.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Have you ever seen a ghost? Do English people see ghosts?

[Russell Howard]

Do you know, A lot of my relatives, a lot of our mps look like ghosts. They have that kind of like. Do you know Jacob Rees Mogg? No.

[Pete Holmes]

Great name, though.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. And he's exactly how you'd imagine. But he looks like he lingers in stately homes. Do you know what I mean? Like, if. And if you. If you were to Google, like, like, for anyone listening to this, Google Jacob Rees Mogg now and it'll be the photo of him at the House of Commons leaning down. There you go. Now, tell me that doesn't look like a ghoul. A ghoul that you would. You would see haunting the corridors and. And possibly going, Martha. Like, it has that kind of. Yeah, we. I haven't seen a ghost. My mum, when our first dog, Bonnie, died, the day after she died, there was a deer at Our window. And.

[Pete Holmes]

Don'T mind me taking a note.

[Russell Howard]

No, no, of course. This deer appeared at our window. We still live in the country. And my mum was like, that's Bonnie. She's come back. Because there was a TV sitcom called Coronation street. And my mum was like, bonnie used to watch Coronation street with me and she's come back as a deer to watch the episode. So I guess that's the closest I've seen a dog come back as a deer to watch a sitcom with my mum. Wow. Which is pretty. You know, it's not. Is it a ghost? That's reincarnation. So.

[Pete Holmes]

No.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But I want to know the age of the deer. How long it was. A fully grown deer.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, it was a fully grown deer.

[Pete Holmes]

When did the dog die?

[Russell Howard]

The dog died the day before and then came back as a deer.

[Pete Holmes]

Pushed the deer's soul out completely.

[Russell Howard]

I know, yeah. Any. Any. Any analysis. But my mum was in. In stage. That stage of mourning. Any kind of rational analysis.

[Pete Holmes]

Absolutely.

[Russell Howard]

You're talking absolute woman. Your dog's dead. Now watch your. Now watch your stories.

[Pete Holmes]

I walk in and go, how old is that, dear? Just ruining it. Just give it to her.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

How about anything unexplainable? I'm sure your wife is going to tarot readers. Have you ever had a psychic? Be right on the money. Have you ever. Ufo, Alien. Something strange.

[Russell Howard]

I went to an alien abductee survival club. Club. Yeah. Yeah. In for a TV show I did with my mum. That was in Nevada. Gosh. Haven't aliens got a type? They do. They do.

[Pete Holmes]

But isn't that a brilliant strategy? Those kind of folk. And no one will believe them. That might be.

[Russell Howard]

I. I was. I'm trying to think. What was the question? Have I ever had anything?

[Pete Holmes]

What was that like?

[Russell Howard]

What? It was wild. It was so. It was pure Americana.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

That these. These people, like, had all been abducted by aliens. They all had stories that there was a lady that kept being taken up to a ship and she would like, the. The aliens would make her go to school. And then I was going, jesus, like, you feel like you're done with school.

[Pete Holmes]

You can't get away.

[Russell Howard]

And now these like that. And trying to sort of make light of it. And she was like, no, no, actually, like the lessons you're like. Of, you know. So I just felt like it was. It was so. So brilliant and so weird. And then we met a lady that could talk to aliens. And she was telling me about the language and. And my mum was going, did you feel anything? And I Sort of said, I I slightly felt like my testicles were getting slightly hotter. And then that became like, this whole thing of, like, yeah, well, you know, later on. How's your nuts? So me and my mom are having this sort of weird conversation, but.

[Pete Holmes]

So when you're in that situation, if you're me.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You're burdened with, like, do I believe these people? And you probably go in going like, no. Did anybody go like, I don't know. This guy seems like he was taken.

[Russell Howard]

No, no, it was. It was. It was clearly just like they. They needed something.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

And, you know, that's kind of how I feel with a lot of stuff of, like, I don't believe, like, spiritualist churches. Not for me. But the people that go to a spiritualist church, they miss their loved ones, and they need to hear them. And who are you to take that from them?

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Russell Howard]

But yeah, that rationally. Because it's always the same. I've been. And it's always like, I'm getting a voice. Is there a Barbara here? There's a Dave. He says he loves you. He says, go on with your life. He says he wants you to be happy. It's always like that. And he's beautiful.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Russell Howard]

But it's never like, Is there an Allen? Yep. It's. It's Michael. He says, collapse the dungeon. They know everything. Like, it's never. But there's never an awful person. But there's never kind of like. Like, I'm getting an Adolf. Right, Jeffrey.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like when people have previous lives, they're always Joan of Arc or Cleopatra.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. Do you know, I had a brilliant story. There was a comic that. I forget her name. She was supporting me in Canada, and her friend was backstage, and she was doing hypnotherapy, but she was doing it on Zoom. I thought that was extraordinary. You'd have to have real confidence in your WI FI connection. Because imagine getting, like, caught like, like that, and you lose your guy, and then suddenly you're in this glitch forever.

[Pete Holmes]

You mean in a trip?

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

They didn't take you out.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, exactly that. You're just like.

[Pete Holmes]

You're frozen.

[Russell Howard]

That's you now, forever.

[Pete Holmes]

That's the plot of Office Space. Do you remember?

[Russell Howard]

No. What's that?

[Pete Holmes]

Have you seen Office Space?

[Russell Howard]

No. Oh, what is it?

[Pete Holmes]

What is it? I'm just kidding. You've just. I, I I feel like his office space is big. Right, Katie? I'm not crazy.

[Russell Howard]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

He should watch. He don't have to watch it. It's Good. It's a mic judge. So Beavis and Butthead, guy who later did Silicon Valley and all those things, but he made this movie where a guy gets hypnotized to be relaxed. They're just relaxing him, like, deeper and deeper. You're every. You're okay with everything. Just to start the hypnosis. But then he keels over. Dead.

[Russell Howard]

Dead.

[Pete Holmes]

But then the rest of the movie, he is basically enlightened. Like, he's just like, okay, okay with everything. Then he goes to his horrible job, which he hates, and he keeps falling upward because it's. It's a little bit like being there.

[Russell Howard]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a little bit like. It's a. It's that class classic kind of.

[Russell Howard]

I see it.

[Pete Holmes]

What if you were simple.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, gotcha.

[Pete Holmes]

Loved life.

[Russell Howard]

Yes, I see that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. You don't have to see it.

[Russell Howard]

Have you had. What did you scribble down?

[Pete Holmes]

But it's with nail and I. For Americans.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what it is. Let me say this in British.

[Russell Howard]

It's with nail and I. I'm just kidding.

[Pete Holmes]

I wrote down dad. Your dad hit you. That feel. I felt like two things. Your wife going to tarot. But also not out of a clickbait. This isn't. I'm not looking for a moment. It was interesting. I mean, you brought that up.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, Because. But not. Not like in a. It's just something that audiences always get a bit uneasy with. And I always try. I understood there's something in it, but it's. But I don't know what it is.

[Pete Holmes]

But do you.

[Russell Howard]

You.

[Pete Holmes]

Here's the most obvious question you can ask. I also grew up in that place of wanting to make everybody laugh, to make everything okay.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Are we in the ballpark?

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. Yeah. But it's. And that, like, that's the thing. It makes you a great comedian.

[Pete Holmes]

It does.

[Russell Howard]

Because if you're kind of having to kind of like.

[Pete Holmes]

Hyper vigilant.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, yeah. It's sort.

[Pete Holmes]

I also have this joke. Sorry, it's sort of.

[Russell Howard]

No, no.

[Pete Holmes]

I cut you off.

[Russell Howard]

No, no, no. I was done. Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

I was saying poker is the game for people who didn't know, who didn't trust how anybody said they were feeling. So, like, the whole game is. You're acting weird, right?

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a hyper vigilant child's game. It's a traumatized person's game.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

The way you bet made me not believe you.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's a traumatized kid.

[Russell Howard]

It's funny, though, isn't it? It's Kind of. But I wouldn't necessarily say was like, I was traumatized. It's just like.

[Pete Holmes]

But what. What kind of hitting is not traumatizing? Just what is this stiff upper lip time?

[Russell Howard]

I don't know if what it is. It's just like. It was just. Just something that happened in all of our childhoods in the 80s. And I. I like, I think that is a starting point to where we are now. I often think is interesting that to, you know, like the.

[Pete Holmes]

Like the Dutch.

[Russell Howard]

No, I'm sorry, the. The Swedes. Yeah, yeah. But. But interestingly, like, now it's completely illegal. And. And what's really fascinating is I was in a queue recently on my way to the airport and this quite old dad in England hit his son. Son. And I was really surprised how everyone was kind of like quite awkward. And I went, oi, what the are you doing? Like that. Because that's going to calm the situation down, isn't it? Like, you know what I mean? It's right. It's right, little boy. I'm gonna. Your dad up. Like, that's gonna make it fine. But my wife was like, not. Not your child, not your child. Relax. But so obviously there is something.

[Pete Holmes]

Where did that go?

[Russell Howard]

I don't know. It was sort of. It all kind of calmed down. And the guy. I came out with such aggression that the guy went, oh. But you know, when you see. You see someone hit their kid, you're like, oi, what the. I.

[Pete Holmes]

Maybe that's why I carry hero in.

[Russell Howard]

That story, but I just can't imagine. Maybe that's what I find interesting about it, that. That now I have this. This little boy. I just can't imagine ever kind of hitting him. So trying to understand what had happened to my dad to make me do it, I find comedically interesting. And it wasn't like, brutal, it wasn't awful. It was just something that happened. But it's inconceivable to me.

[Pete Holmes]

Right?

[Russell Howard]

And maybe that's where it's from. Do you know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I'm with you. I have a joke right now where I. Where I talk about how I raise my daughter, and I want her to know that she has it better than I had it. And I talk about my father, then I talk about how my father had it worse than I had. Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've talked about that joke a lot because it took a lot of work to get the balance right for justice. And it ends with my father sort of winning or getting a little respect. Respect. And the Joke ends. I don't mind. Without a context. It doesn't matter. I go like we cut to my father's childhood. He's six year old, six years old. He already has two full time jobs and he's eating a broken glass sandwich.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm like, that's so. Again, I don't know how we make it funny, but it is interesting to think that like when I look at what people are doing politically or in any way that I don't understand, I'm often like these, these people might not be resourced. Like my father. Your father was certainly wasn't resourced in the way that you and I are. Resourced. Meaning the Internet alone. Meaning YouTube's on gentle parenting therapy. Meaning just food delivery. Meaning like commercialized farming. For all the evils of it. We're not worried about food. We're not worried about a world war. We're not. There's like a lot going on that gives us the resources to know to not hit our kids. That our fathers given the same resources would have rose to the opportunity as well. I don't think there's something evil or, you know, fundamentally broken about them. I do think it's a cultural thing. Question.

[Russell Howard]

Definitely. And they probably had way more empathy than the dads that came before them.

[Pete Holmes]

Absolutely.

[Russell Howard]

And, and the, the dads before them were kind of just coming out of like, you know, first world, second world war, it's all that. So it's, that's.

[Pete Holmes]

And what will our kids do that they'll look on us and be like, can you believe. And there is something.

[Russell Howard]

Can you believe our parents let us go on social media?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Like when we were 12. 12. That's like, do you know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

It's sort of that or have phones. I think phones are gonna. Maybe it's interesting because that seems like it's here to say some sort of digital assistant is here to stay.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But I do worry if that's going to be the smoking.

[Russell Howard]

Well, I was. It's so funny, isn't it, when you have a bit of stand up that kind of sort of oddly resonates. But I had this bit from years ago that I was like, I feel sorry for kids today because when I was a kid I just had to develop a personality. Whereas now, now you have to develop a brand that you, that we. But we would just sit on a wall thinking, slowly becoming ourselves.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Versus this. I can't imagine what it must be like to tangibly know how popular you are. Wow. Like, you know, that we had to guess it, and often we weren't. But it didn't matter because we're in a state of becoming.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Russell Howard]

But you could take a photo of yourself and go, I only got six likes. John got 17 likes. Yeah, he wins. Like he. You know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

You're making me realize. In junior high, we. Me and my friend Earn. His name's Aaron, but Earn, we did something called the pop poll. We used to rank where we thought we were.

[Russell Howard]

Oh, really?

[Pete Holmes]

In the class.

[Russell Howard]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

And I was arrogant. I'd be like, I'm like a seven and a half.

[Russell Howard]

I think.

[Pete Holmes]

I think you're like a five.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, I'm ranking him low. But, like, at least we were guessing. We didn't have any data. Yeah, we were, but. And also, you really brought. Conjured something up in me, which was like. That there was so much time to just kind of like, be deeply bored and imagine who I might be.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. And it's sort of that. That. And that, like, as adults is bad enough because you're never not blasted with kind of information. You're like, you. You can never be bored anymore. It's impossible.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Because there's so much kind of. At you. Whereas as a kid, you. I remember just being in the back of mom and Dad's car, and I used to watch the kind of rain droplets kind of hit one, hit another, and then suddenly, like that, and they would just go really quickly. And that was 10 minutes.

[Pete Holmes]

That was our Netflix.

[Russell Howard]

But. But you sort of, I think, weird thing of going. That's kind of mindfulness, like, because you're just like. Just watching the water on. That one's. Hit that. That one's hit that and there it goes.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

You know, but just trying to kind of, I don't know, just sit and drift.

[Pete Holmes]

The way. I'm not trying to be dirty. The. The way that I would kind of conceptualize shitting as a kid, I'd be like, yeah. Oh. They're like. I'd have to, like, do these mental games to, like, get cozy, get comfortable, do it. It was. It was the weirdest thing, really. Yeah. I'd pretend there was a lever on my leg that if I pushed it up, it would, like, push the poop out and stuff. But, like, now, that's the key. Time. But, like, being there for the presence, like, of shitting, practicing the presence of poop. Everything was an event and everything I was 100% there for. Or at least at least distracting myself.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. I wish I. I mean, I'd never had that issue as a, As a young man, I was just. Oh, yeah, it was kind of. I. I'd have to have a lever that stopped it. It was just like constantly. Yeah. Just. And then, and then just kind of like everything I do is quick. It's kind of. So like as an adult now, like that, like going for food with my wife, it drives her insane. Why?

[Pete Holmes]

Because you eat so fast.

[Russell Howard]

Just eat quickly.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's a trauma response response as well.

[Russell Howard]

It's just like that. Yeah, yeah, it's kind of. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Eat it before it's gone.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. Someone else takes it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, exactly.

[Russell Howard]

But it's. Yeah. I don't know. Like, I. I don't know, maybe that's just the way, the way we are that you just. You end up looking at the way you were raised. And I love my mum and dad. They're great. And, you know, I don't want to be disparaging about them in any way, but it's just that it. They are an interesting base level for me to then kind of think about being a parent. Do you know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

Sure. And you'll do better. And they'll do better. They'll do better.

[Russell Howard]

They're amazing grandparents. Amazing. And my dad is so kind of like, so brilliant with my kid and with his. His other kind of grandchildren. So it's kind of. Yeah, it's fascinating.

[Pete Holmes]

This episode is brought to us by our friends at Turtle Beach. Now that my daughter is finally at a cruising altitude age, meaning I get a little bit more free time. I'm so happy to say video games are back on the menu. And thanks to Turtle Beach Gaming headphones, which I'm wearing right now. Online gaming is so much more comfortable and fun with my friends. It's bringing me back to those classic memories of nights and days with my friends Matt and Tom, where we would play Call of Duty together online. It's not just gaming, it's an experience. And these are actual cherished memories of mine. And back when we were playing, we were using that rinky dink headset. It's almost like a free headset that they would give you on, like a crappy airline. It felt like crap and it sounded even worse. But Turtle beach has shown me that the right headset can make all the difference. Bringing that feeling back with this, the Gen 3 Stealth 700 headset. Better sound means clear communication with my pals. More. More communication with the people I'm fighting with as well, which is super fun. And more comfort, which means we get to play way Longer. It's like stepping into the golden age of gaming all over again. Only this time the audio is richer, the sound and the surround sound is more immersive and the battery lasts an incredible 80 hours on one super fast charge. No more normal crackly mics, no more missed call outs. Just pure uninterrupted gaming. The way I remember it, but better. And Turtle beach doesn't just have amazing headsets. They have every gaming accessory you could ever want. So check them out. Support the show. Support your gaming lifestyle. They got all the stuff from flight and racing simulators to controllers, keyboards and mice. Turtle beach is the ultimate game gaming cheat code. So head to turtlebeach.com and use code weird for 10 off your entire order. That's 10 off your [e-mail] with promo code Weird. After you purchase, they're going to ask you where you heard about them. Please support our show and tell them we sent you. Get the ultimate immersive gaming experience with Turtle Beach Today we're also brought to us by our friends at Tushy. What if I told you that one of the most luxurious places places on the planet you could listen to this podcast could be on your toilet if you upped your game with a Tushy bidet. Cloud plus by Tushy Bidet turns your toilet into a biohacking throne that automatically deodorizes the air the moment you sit down. They even have Aura which automatically opens the seat when you enter the bathroom. A feature I didn't know I wanted until I had it. Tushy's elevated bidet collection nurtures your bottom with instant warm water that never runs cold. Hold a soothing heated seat and UV sterilization. Sterilization. Excuse me. For next level hygiene, all Tushy bidets easily attached to your existing toilet without the need for additional plumbing and it installs without any major hassle at under 10 minutes. And those 10 minutes will change your life. You will get a real clean bottom and help keep away all the nasty butt stuff you don't want. Hemorrhoids, UTIs, yeast infection sections. Get cleaner down there. Get more comfortable. Get more luxury. Why are we wiping our butts with paper? Blast it away like leaves on your on your driveway with a powerful hose. There's no going back. It's a total game changer. Get into it. Reclaim your comfort zone in the bathroom For a limited time. Our listeners get 10 off their first bidet when you use code WEIRD at checkout. That's 10% off your first bidet order at hello, TUSHY.com with promo code weird, you will thank me and you'll think about me every time you poop. And I secretly want that. Go to hello, tushy.com and use promo code weird for 10% off. Have you ever. You can answer either one. Have you ever pooped your pants as an adult?

[Russell Howard]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, here we are.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because you do it so fast.

[Russell Howard]

No, I did it. This is how. So I. Stop it. I did it on the phone to my friend Al. Like that. Like that thing. We were just chatting away and I kind of farted. Went, ah. And he's like, what's wrong? And I'm like, I've myself again. And then kind of again.

[Pete Holmes]

It's just that thing about myself again.

[Russell Howard]

Again. Yeah. So then had to listen. I gotta go. And then I think kind of called him back. Yeah. But, yeah, just. I've done it.

[Pete Holmes]

I liked it. Usually there's, like, stories of shame and all this stuff, and you're just like, ah, yeah, yeah. Oh, Al, I've myself again. Then he's like, I've got you. Call me back.

[Russell Howard]

It was like that thing of like, ah, guess what? But, yeah, terrible.

[Pete Holmes]

I was.

[Russell Howard]

Have you ever peed yourself as an adult?

[Pete Holmes]

It's crazy that you said that. I was about to tell you. I'm not going to say which episode, but I was on my way to tape this show, and there was such bad traffic, like, two and a half live north of the city. Two and a half hours in the car. And I had had a lot of coffee, and I'm like, I'm not gonna make it. I gotta pee now. And I. I'm, like, looking around. I'm like, I'm gonna. Okay. I'm in dead traffic. It's, like, stopped. I'm gonna put the jacket over myself. Got an empty water bottle. I'm marrying two bottles to empty one. I'm like, this is the widest mouth one. But it was like a regular, like, you know, plastic water bottle.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm like, okay, I got my dick and it's pointing into the bottom bottle. Nobody's looking. It's like you realize how insane it is to think someone's looking. Unless there's a truck. But I'm fine. So I'm like, I'm gonna pee. And the feeling, Russ, when you are waiting for the sound of pee hitting the bottom of a bottle.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But instead you hear the sound of pooling piss on a car seat.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's.

[Pete Holmes]

I. You're just like, it's beyond helpless.

[Russell Howard]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

You're just. No, wrong. No wrong sound.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And then you wait for confirmation and you had to cut it off. So now I haven't peed and I'm. I had to get new pants. I had to change everything. It was horrible.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. I had that. I was. Remember, I was running.

[Pete Holmes]

You had that.

[Russell Howard]

I was running home from Maida Vale station where I used to live. I was running like. I was so desperate. I was like. And so angry at myself as I was running to going, what? You. Why did you do this? Like, you. There was. There was ample opportunity to piss. And then it just. And I thought, I'm definitely gonna make it. And then it was this like, awful moment where you like, it. It.

[Pete Holmes]

It didn't happen.

[Russell Howard]

It done. And it just like. Like all the way down my jeans and still, like, running, like running and pissing. Like, like.

[Pete Holmes]

Sounds great.

[Russell Howard]

Ah, it would. But then. And then getting up the stairs, I didn't. The. The street was bad, you know, that was. But. And I was famous at this point, so the street is bad. But it was the. The. The run up the stairs just in case I met anyone else who lived in my building. Just like. I've never run so quick.

[Pete Holmes]

Just that it really. This isn't being funny. It made me realize the unhoused people and they. A lot of people smell like pee on the street. I'm not trying to be funny. How fundamentally degrading and shameful it is. Because when I had pee pee pants, I was like, if someone sees this.

[Russell Howard]

If someone sees this moment. Yeah. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It would be a mercy.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You'd be doing me a favor if you cut my head off.

[Russell Howard]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And then the thing. At least I peed myself after I died.

[Russell Howard]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

The muscles are gone.

[Russell Howard]

Yes. And it's just that thing of like. It also doesn't matter what you've done in your life.

[Pete Holmes]

No. Now you're the people.

[Russell Howard]

If your friend saw you, that's it. It's always at your funeral.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

You know, whispering, you know, it was horrible. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm driving here and there was so much traffic that there was time for it to dry.

[Russell Howard]

But. But again.

[Pete Holmes]

So I had. I. At least I walked out and changed with dry pants.

[Russell Howard]

But it's also. That's what's so brilliant about stand up is that you can kind of. It's that thing of like, have you ever had a moment that horrific? And then audiences like, A, they might not have a B. They might go.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. No.

[Russell Howard]

And it's the. It's Sort of. That's the human experience everyone's going through.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Russell Howard]

It's like a breakup. Thoughts? The wrong thing, Said the wrong thing. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You were fired.

[Russell Howard]

Kind of.

[Pete Holmes]

Why did I say that? It becomes your job.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, the thing that I thought I could turn into a bit was we were at the beach. I'm a little sunburned, actually. We went to the beach on Saturday, and I'm with this little boy named Dean. Dean's already been in a bit of a mine. Dean the machine. And we dug a hole. My idea. I was like, let's dig a hole. The.

[Russell Howard]

The.

[Pete Holmes]

You're very good at this, by the way you put out the banner. This is what the joke is about. You ever let yourself down? Yeah, sometimes people tell you who they are. So this is me going, like, men are easy.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That's the premise. As I dig a hole with little boy Dean, and we love this hole. And I go, this is my one party trick at a beach. I'm like, let's dig another hole. Then we'll dig a tunnel between the two holes. This is incredible to both me and Dean. We dig a second hole, and I dig. You know, we're. We're twisting our hands. We meet in the middle, we touch our hands, and we're, like, thrilled. There's a tunnel between these two holes. And then I realized I was waiting for one of the girls to notice. This is the bit that my wife was like, this goes with your. I'm so enamored with women. And I was just kind of waiting. I'm telling you, this is embarrassing. This is like peeing myself in the car. I'm waiting for one of the moms to go tunnel. And one of them did. Dean's mom, Nellie. One went tunnel. And I was like. Like, I glowed.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, with the most sincere. Like, I was like, just see our sand tunnels.

[Russell Howard]

But was that. Was that. Were you glowing because you were. That you'd. You'd made a tunnel, or was it because you wanted her to notice that as a. As an adult, you were sensitive and you were providing this kid with a moment. What is that?

[Pete Holmes]

Well, Russ, thank you for giving me this gracious out that I wanted her to notice that I was being a good dad to her, Like a parent.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I wanted her to see the quality and depth of our tunnel.

[Russell Howard]

That's interesting. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I appreciate your line of question, because the audience doesn't get to ask questions. And now when I do the story, I'll be like, I want to be clear, it wasn't that I wanted to be supervisor.

[Russell Howard]

Well, that's even funnier now.

[Pete Holmes]

I wanted her to see how dope my tunnel was.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And it felt. Felt so good when I've gone camping too. Like, let's say there's a group here and we have our fire. There's a group there making their fire.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like everybody wants the better fire.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like there's just like a competition show off thing happening.

[Russell Howard]

But that's definitely a weird male thing, isn't it? Putting up tents.

[Pete Holmes]

Fires.

[Russell Howard]

Fires. Fixing cars.

[Pete Holmes]

And the tunnel.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Look at the tunnel. Yeah, I had to think of that.

[Russell Howard]

Do you want. Makes me like whenever we have someone around our house to fix stuff. Like, you know, know, I. When my son was born, I had to come back to get something to take for my wife. Like I think clothes or something. And it's just I, you know, got the wrong stuff and then drove back to hospital up came back and accidentally crashed the car into the gate of our. Of our house. Yes. So then I'm like, so I have to then go back with the stuff to my wife, say, I've crashed the car into the gate. Gate. She's like, how? I said, it's a very good question. I don't really know. And then some guys came around to fix the gate. And I always do this thing where if there's anyone who's kind of like working in sort of like a manual labor job, I hear myself swearing a lot more often than I should. Join me. Like, oh, boys. You mean, sorry about the old gate me. And it's. And, and you could see them going, you don't need to swear. But I'm going, I'm one of you geezers. Do you know what I mean? Like, we all do it. Not a I sound like a street sound album.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm doing an impression. If I just bring my car into a mechanic, I start being like my dad.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I might put on a Boston accent.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Just to be like.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Or I'll go. Might be the fan belt. They're like, it's a Tesla.

[Russell Howard]

But it is. It's so funny. It's that I love those moments where you just. But when you're hyper aware. Like even your. This part of my brain going, why are you doing this? And you're like, not now, not now. Don't let the men stop. See proper man. Funny.

[Pete Holmes]

I had. This is a. I, I haven't talked to a comic in a while, so forgive me. I'm just Doing bits with you. But my daughter. We broke our garage to. What brought it to mind?

[Russell Howard]

We.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know. I don't. The garage broke. Is the passive voice. We is too much active voice. The garage is broken.

[Russell Howard]

Yes. Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

So we called a guy and he had an eye patch. And I've never felt like more of a grownup ignoring it.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I just was talking to him.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, he didn't have an eye patch. And my daughter was there and I was like, look at Dada. Just not being weird with a guy with an eye patch. But he was a real. He was such a man's man. He had an eye patch. Which, you know, there's a story.

[Russell Howard]

There's definitely a story there.

[Pete Holmes]

Story.

[Russell Howard]

And you want desperately to know. But, like, were you kind of like talking like that a lot and just kind of.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, there's the shock when you zoning.

[Russell Howard]

In on the foot. On the good eye.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what I. No, I'll. I'll even give the black one a little.

[Russell Howard]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

The felt one.

[Russell Howard]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

I'll give that a little. He doesn't know. Looks the same.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm just looking at everything. Shameless.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

In the good way. You ever almost die?

[Russell Howard]

How about. Is that a question for you. To me. For you.

[Pete Holmes]

From me to you.

[Russell Howard]

Car crashes. Yeah. Terrible. Terrible driver. Terrible driver.

[Pete Holmes]

Gate crashes.

[Russell Howard]

Gate crash. Like, I. A motorbike crashed into me once. I hit a snowplow once. The only day it snowed.

[Pete Holmes]

Wait, a motorbike hit you once?

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. Yeah. I was in a car, but kind of. It went over and flipped over. It was his fault. He came into me like he went around a bollard and then crashed in middle of London as well. It was awful. I bought my wife a car one Christmas, and I was driving the car to give it to her, and I crashed that into the back of a van.

[Pete Holmes]

So then on bringing it to her.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. Christmas Eve. Yeah. And then it was on. This guy was like, you know, it's my job. You. You know, And I was. I'm so sorry, man. I'm a terrible. So. So to driving and me are. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Bad driver.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, bad. I just can't. Can't concentrate. Don't have the skills. So I just kind of. I'm all right, but I have to really style it. Stay there.

[Pete Holmes]

Are you, like, looking for a Mountain dew on the ground?

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, I'm all that. Yeah. Flicking the radio. Just kind of, you know.

[Pete Holmes]

Bored.

[Russell Howard]

Bored and not good.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

And this is why. Breaky. Very breaky. And just kind of you know, know. So if I'm in the car with somebody else, hyper, vigilant on it, you know, if I was driving, my son. Locked it. Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Driving him home for the.

[Russell Howard]

But if I'm on my own, yeah, it's only. It's only me. So, yeah, that's many stories about it.

[Pete Holmes]

This is why stand up is. Gotta be the thing that's exciting enough to turn off this add. Ish, kind of.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, well, it's funny, isn't it? Because it's like. I don't know if it's the same here, but there's loads of comics in the UK that have got ADD and they're kind of talking about it and I, I, to me, it's just like, how are audiences surprised, right? Like. Like, who looked at one of us and was like, it's a bit like a footballer going, I've got muscles in my legs.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it's good, I will say, wouldn't you say, Katie? It's like 99 of guests. I'm like, oh, we both have ADD.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And you can tell when you're talking to somebody that has add, you're like, oh, we're, We're. You sync up, it becomes like a beautiful way.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, well, that. But that's. That's completely it, isn't it? It's sort of like that is stand up and you're just able to kind of just pick different bits. But it's. Yeah. I went for this, I went for this test at my wife's behest. She was like. She was talking to a friend of hers and her friend had done this kind of, you know, questionnaire. And my wife was, I what were the questions? And she said them. And my wife was thinking of me, just going, tick, tick, tick, tick, tick. She came home and she was like, I think you're the OG of this. And then I went and, you know, kind of got it. And then they gave me some tablets and again, you know, classic me. I was like, going, well, this might make me an even better human being. I like, you know, and I kind of did it for a week and I did a few shows and I couldn't access me. Yeah. Because I, you know, and I was like that, Yeah, I just, you know, this. I don't mind my brain, you know, but the idea of kind of. Of having a sort of a chemical intervention to make you.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Like, that isn't kind of what makes us interesting and funny to be kind of. It's that, you know, it's the kind of you know, the journey around, I think.

[Pete Holmes]

Absolutely. And you want to be adrenalized and you want to be a little bit fight flight. It might not be the chillest experience for your body, but it's your job.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'll give you an example from today. So after this, I'm going to the dmv. My license is about to expire, and I woke up and I wasn't thinking about going to the dmv. I wasn't planning on it. I didn't look at my calendar. I just woke up and immediately got my passport and put it in my pocket because some part of my brain is going dmv, like, in a not chill way. You could call it anxiety.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But I was like, thank you. And then on my way here, I got a text from the woman that set it up for me, and she goes, don't forget your passport. And I was like, like, yeah, I would have if I didn't have this brain. So if you calm me down, a lot of stuff goes away.

[Russell Howard]

Totally. Totally.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, stuff goes away. That's very useful. Yeah, it's very, very useful.

[Russell Howard]

Totally. Have you nearly died?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, when I was little, I got sucked out by a riptide. My dad held on to me.

[Russell Howard]

Oh.

[Pete Holmes]

And he said he pulled me out, and I was head to toe in sand. It's a classic kind of family story.

[Russell Howard]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm trying to think of other. I've been very, very drunk and walked into traffic, and someone's pulled me back.

[Russell Howard]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

Like in New York. It's one of those.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Those are classics.

[Russell Howard]

Do you drink now?

[Pete Holmes]

I'm off it.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Are you?

[Russell Howard]

Not really, no. I'm okay with it. And it's sort of. It's one of those conversations with friend. Friend of mine as a bit of a. Well, he's an alcoholic. And it's. It's that thing of he. I. I didn't realize the strain that he was under, and I've just never. And he was so envious of me that I could go, I really fancy a glass of wine. Wine. And just have a glass of wine and then stop. And he was like, how do you do that guy? Yeah. He just had to go all in. And I didn't realize. He did a brilliant show about it. And I didn't realize, watching the show, the strain that he was under to kind of go, right, I will not drink today. I will not drink today. Do you know what I mean? It's like, yeah, I. I'm very fortunate that I can just have a beer. And it's fine.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Interesting. No, no. Vice versa. Races.

[Russell Howard]

Not really, like. No. I guess it's odd, really, isn't it? What, what my. My voice is. I like football manager. I like fpl. I like. I guess football, like, soccer is my big thing.

[Pete Holmes]

That's a release for you.

[Russell Howard]

Oh, massive.

[Pete Holmes]

It's funny because when I was looking at our differences, just because I was like, oh, I feel like very similar guy. The two ways that we differ. One, you. Economics. So you got like a math mind.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And also.

[Russell Howard]

Well, yeah, short of. I. I got swept along with everybody else.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, really?

[Russell Howard]

And did that at university. Like, I just didn't come from that kind of background. I'd love to have done like, drama or history or something like that, or philosophy, but I just didn't, you know, I was just kind of a very average kid. And it was like, what's everyone else doing? Are we. You know.

[Pete Holmes]

I understand, but the other one is sport.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, I love it.

[Pete Holmes]

I. I can't vanish into a really. A group.

[Russell Howard]

Oh, mate, honestly, there's something about. I don't think it's interesting we're talking about mindfulness, because I've tried doing things of that, but I just can't switch myself off. But if I'm playing football and specifically if I get the ball and there's kind of defenders coming towards me and I see a forward moving, I'm so in the zone. Like, you don't think about anything else. You can just see.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

The pass you're about to make. You're so there.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. Of course.

[Russell Howard]

I love that. Football and stand up are the two things. Flow state, utter flow state. When I remember finding football when I was nine, just going, well, this is what. That's what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Like, there's no, there's. And it was a very similar experience with stand up. Doing the first gig, I was going, well, this is it. Like, I can put everything through this. So oddly, I would say stand up is probably my vice.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Like, in terms of good, healthy addiction, it's. But it is an addiction, like, because you're kind of.

[Pete Holmes]

Of.

[Russell Howard]

Like you're putting real life through it, you know, and it's kind of. It's so funny.

[Pete Holmes]

You're putting real life through it because so you.

[Russell Howard]

You always have this part of your brain. So rather than being there, you're like. So my friend Joe, who is supporting me on the American tour, he was telling me this. This story about. He was telling my wife Actually, and me about his daughter. He was just going, you know, my daughter's so mean to my wife. Wife. And she's 16. And. And my wife will just go, oh, did you get something for your pack lunch for. For school. And she's like, yes, I did. See you, dad. Love you like that. And my wife kind of giggled and I went, write it down. Like. Like. Do you know what I mean? And it's rather than like, I know we're all enjoying this moment, but you need to write that down. Cuz that's funny.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Russell Howard]

Cuz you might forget it. Right, continue. Yeah, like, but. You know what I mean? But that you're stepping out of that. Yeah. And it's. But that. I guess it's an addiction. But I never really had that with. I don't know, like, I feel very, very lucky. But like booze and drugs just. I don't know, never really. I was quite. But also I think the. The era that I came up in, in the uk, there's a brilliant comedian called Daniel Kitson. Yeah, Daniel. Yes. He's great. So I supported him when I was younger. Young. And he was like this kind of, you know, and still is, you know, one of the greats. And he's tea total. So there's a whole generation of us that didn't really drink because we wanted to be like Dan. So he inadvertently made everyone kind of straight laced. Yeah. But you know what I mean, like in a way that if a Kinison had come through.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Russell Howard]

Then there would have been.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Russell Howard]

Those repercussions.

[Pete Holmes]

I came off the back of like Seinfeld and Ray Romano and Ellen and. And now there's. I don't know if Nate Bargazi or Gaffigan have that, but they're definitely not like pirates.

[Russell Howard]

You know what I mean? Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like they don't have that. You said Kinison, did you.

[Russell Howard]

Here's a question. When you first got into stand up, were you nervous that. Or that you were just too ordinary and like, like, but you know, that feeling of go, well, a comic has to be, you know, a smoker and a swashbuckler and you know, and kind of.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's was starting in New York. Like three out of five comedians had like that SNM studded punk rock belt that isn't even on their pants sagging.

[Russell Howard]

I know, exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm like, what? And there were fingerless gloves and leather jackets and spiked hair with like BLE corn T shirts. And I'm like, what? And this is just big J Okerson burned. I'm just saying a lot of the seller guys were. Looked like they just finished a Depeche Mode photo shoot. And then I was wearing, like, a navy polo and khakis because I wanted to be like that and more. So It's a generous question. It lit me up more. So a lot. Not. Not every. So many of those guys were absolutely brilliant. I'm not on them. A lot of the not so brilliant guys, like 9 out of 10, their closer would be about squirting or G spot. Like, it was just. That's what a comedian was.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Imagine what we find offensive, but, like, way, way more like stuff you're not even gonna quote.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So there was an outsiderness to that as well. And believe it or not, Nate. It's weird. To put me against Nate is so huge. I'm just saying, like, we were weird. Nobody was going, like, you guys are doing the right thing. Yeah. He would go on stage. I'd say that if he was sitting here. And we'd have these, like, soft sets. But there'd be the nine Canadian college kids that are. There are loving it.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But there are a lot of people that look like a gathering of the Juggalos that are like, what the is this?

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

No disrespect, Juggalos. You've been coming up a lot. You've been on my mind.

[Russell Howard]

It's funny, though, isn't it? It's that. But I. But I. So I guess the thing is you then that you end up finding your own kind of people.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Russell Howard]

And it's sort of like.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, well, there are other scenes. Right. Is it like that in England? Can you, like.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, you kind of step. Yeah, you. But it was just like in the uk, there was lots of kind of like, really brilliant comics that had like a power 20. That was the thing you'd call it in the UK. So like 20 minutes and you just decimate any room. And then there would be people. You'd have like the university circuit where you do a 20 minute and then the headliner would do an hour. And it was sort of, you know, people like John Oliver Kitson, Ross Noble, the Mighty Boosh, like, though that. That sort of Earth Euro. But you couldn't really do that in a comedy club because you just weren't as tight as somebody.

[Pete Holmes]

I.

[Russell Howard]

It's funny.

[Pete Holmes]

I didn't want to ask you this, but you've given me this window when I watched Eddie Izzard.

[Russell Howard]

Is.

[Pete Holmes]

It is odd.

[Russell Howard]

It is odd. Yeah. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Sounds weird. When I Say it.

[Russell Howard]

And he is. Yeah, but it also. But it also. I hadn't realized just how it sounds. If you say in a cockney voice that Eddie is our hard as in. Yeah, I love. He's hard. He's hard. He's hard as nails.

[Pete Holmes]

But would you say, well, hard.

[Russell Howard]

What you say? Well, art. He's well odd. Yeah. Well, I was thinking that, like, a. Like, propaganda is propaganda.

[Pete Holmes]

Give it a propaganda.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, yeah, but that's it. But you kind of. It was only like the other day at a gig, I was like, I'm having a propaganda. It's like, I'm having a Right, look around.

[Pete Holmes]

You have one of. One of your bits. Is that all of these? My nor is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That was. I died.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

At minorities.

[Russell Howard]

Well, that was a bit.

[Pete Holmes]

The queen saying, these are minorities. Do you mind if I say the punchline?

[Russell Howard]

No, no.

[Pete Holmes]

How can I be racist?

[Russell Howard]

Some of my best colonies are black. Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Some of my best colonies are black.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, exactly. And it was unbelievable. But that took, like, quite a lot of. To get it there. Like, that took ages because it was like, some of my best colonies are like, they're minorities, they're mine. And then I had a tag to that, which I didn't use in the end, which was common wealth. Common. Well, but that.

[Pete Holmes]

It just too much.

[Russell Howard]

Just elongated it a bit. And they would just, you know, the.

[Pete Holmes]

Audience, if you were in America, you would have looked at your notes and then gone calm. And we would have been like, thank you for the privilege of your process.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, but I love that it's so.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I know. I wouldn't trade.

[Russell Howard]

No, of course I'm. But this, like, the. The. The. And we've even stolen your word. The special, that. That didn't exist, you know.

[Pete Holmes]

What was it called?

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, just. You'd have a DVD. No, not even that. You'd have DVDs or like a video. But it was never, like, the special, you know what I mean? And kind of. I think it was probably around that kind of, you know, that the HBO specials bring the pain and all that. Yeah, you know that. And you just go like, wow. But the world is so small now that you can kind of, you know, see a Michael Shea special and then he can do gigs in London or, you know, gigs in Stockholm. But where were you. What were you gonna say about Izard?

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, I used to watch. Thank you. Are you hosting the show?

[Russell Howard]

Hey, come on.

[Pete Holmes]

Well done.

[Russell Howard]

Oh, I like asking questions.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, you do. I love it. It's very generous. I just used to watch his specials.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And go, how do you make this act?

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, because it's not the power 20 what you were saying. It's the complete opposite. Just like these long. And I'm like, are there more places that let newer people stretch out for 20 minutes? Do you even want a new person stretching out for 20 minutes? I don't know where you cultivate an act like that.

[Russell Howard]

I think he was. Because he was such a trailblazer. I think he was in his own state and he was in his own. So he would just, I think when he was like a proper stand up, he would start the tour. Tour and by the end of the tour we'd have a new show and then he tour again. So he was doing it.

[Pete Holmes]

He was probably doing the American audience.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, I think so. And he was at a stage where he was so massive. Like for a while there he was absolutely huge. Yeah. But I think in the UK now you just kind of, you know, you just go to like an open mic and just kind of.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Try out some stuff. Like I'm doing some gigs in Barcelona for the first time and Michelle Wolf, who's a mate of mine, lives there, so I've kind of managed to bunny hop on some show.

[Pete Holmes]

Lives in Barcelona.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

What?

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, yeah. It's crazy. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So Michelle's, she moved to Barcelona.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. I think good for her. I think just wanting to be outside of America for a bit and kind of now she's. Why? Yeah. But yeah, she's. But I, So I'm doing some gigs in Spain to see what it's like before I do my actual show.

[Pete Holmes]

Because I was kind of does shows out there.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, she does shows all over kind of Europe but she's got her own like.

[Pete Holmes]

And ruin it.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like she moves to Spain but she still does stand up. I'm like, oh, she was so close to getting out. I'm just kidding.

[Russell Howard]

Oh, man.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. I bet it's the best of both. That sounds super fun.

[Russell Howard]

But it's. So why haven't you, you should come and tour Europe. I would like to bring the, bring the family. Do it.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I, I, I think this tour, I'm really happy with this hour. It's, it's, it's at that sweet 45 and I have the 15 that goes in and out. Like I have to dial in that last 15, but I'm really happy with it. Maybe this is the tour because my daughter's six so she's old enough. No, please.

[Russell Howard]

That's my brother on the FaceTime. On the odd. FaceTime.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, he's facing.

[Russell Howard]

He's FaceTime.

[Pete Holmes]

Sweet.

[Russell Howard]

Because it's my brother's birthday. That's what it is. Oh. And so I probably's calling you. He's got. Well, yeah, I called him. That means something's happened, which is exciting. Wait.

[Pete Holmes]

Good thing.

[Russell Howard]

Oh, that you. An interesting thing I'll probably do, like. So they're twins, my brother and sister. So something's gone down, both of them. But, yeah, I'm born on the 23rd of March, and they're the 24th of March, so we just get it all out of the way.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. When your parents.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, exactly. Shall we go on and go? But, yeah, I. I guess there's, like. There's loads of spaces, but we don't have. I remember hearing Dan Soda was telling me about, you know, that thing of being able to. To go out on a Monday to New York and try a bit and then do eight shows.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. By Friday you have it.

[Russell Howard]

And by Friday it's like, muscular. Yeah. You know, it's unbelievable. We don't really have that in the uk. It's getting better. But you're. You know, you can just drop in and do three sets in a night.

[Pete Holmes]

Maybe I'm also. See, I. Look, I would say this to Dan, too. It's like, that's how I used to be. It's like, go every night, do it every night. And now I'm like, I want to look at the raindrops in the window a little bit. I want to give it time to ferment. My bits are like, you know, kimchi. I want to bury them and forget about them. And like we were saying, come back to them. By the way, Aaron Sorkin does the same thing. The fourth draft of his script, he writes from memory. So the fourth time he rewrites it, he rewrites it from memory. And anything that he forgot, he's like, that's not a mistake. Like, that should go, probably.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But, like, I like to have time. Like, I haven't done stand up in probably a week. That's long for me. But, like, I'll do a show this week and it'll be amazing. I'll be so excited.

[Russell Howard]

In. And do you do, like the. The, like the Largo or something like that?

[Pete Holmes]

Just go, largo. You should do my Largo.

[Russell Howard]

I would love to. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It be amazing.

[Russell Howard]

Well, the thing is, I just don't have that many friends, but, like, genuinely. But in the American circuit. So I know Michelle and then she moved to Spain. And then it was just like. But, you know, I mean, it's sort of that. It's the thing I've. One of my. I was talking to Neil Brennan about. This is that thing of backstage. The problem is, as an outsider, shyness and arrogance look identical.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh.

[Russell Howard]

And it's so true that if you're kind of sat there, it's. Yeah. And he was saying it of me. He was kind of like, I don't. For whatever reason, I. If I'm looking at my notes. He was saying that I gave off an arrogant vibe. Yeah. But it's pure, like shy. Just concentrate on words and then get through gig.

[Pete Holmes]

I've done that.

[Russell Howard]

But I couldn't wander up, go, hey, I'm Russell.

[Pete Holmes]

And you know, I came up with Aziz and Aziz would always be on his phone. Kind of before everybody was on their phone.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And we're like. Because he was really popular. Really blowing up.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Now I'm like, no, he's nervous.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like we know now.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. It's funny.

[Pete Holmes]

Arrogance and. What was it? Arrogance.

[Russell Howard]

And they look identical. But it's so true. It's that thing of. So I kind of like. And it. I. I really force myself to. To talk to people backstage now. Because otherwise. But it's that deep English insecurity that you got. I better not say, like, because I probably think I'm a. And. Yeah. You know what I mean? Have all this kind of awkwardness. And then it happens a lot when you do like celebrity adjacent things. Like if you play like a celebrity football game in the UK and you know, people who might be a musician or whatever, and if you have the courage to go up to them and say, you're right. Are you a bit nervous about playing this football game because you're a musician? I'm a comedian. This is a bit unusual for us. Then suddenly. Yeah. You kind of click and.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

You know, I have really good friends sense because I've had the courage to say hello.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

But you don't always have, you know.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it's. And that's also the prettiest girl in the bar. If Chris Martin is playing the game, you have to say hello to him, of course. Because nobody wants to say, was it Chris Martin?

[Russell Howard]

It wasn't Chris Martin. It was. It was.

[Pete Holmes]

What if it was?

[Russell Howard]

Well, I think we get on as well. But the trouble is I've done stuff about his ex wife, so I think that might be a. I'll be fine. An ish. But no, it's a sing called James Bay do you know James Bay now, he's. Yeah, he's big in England. Good guy.

[Pete Holmes]

Where are you on the Meaning of Life? I. Was it a joke that you. Yeah, straight in.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, fine, let's go for it.

[Pete Holmes]

I just last night did a charity event for Homeboy Industries and there was a red carpet, a step and repeat press. So I put on a suit and I washed my hair with Modern Mammals. I know that sounds crazy. I mean, it would to me, washing your hair before an event. Event used to be a death sentence. It would make my hair look fluffy, poofy, completely out of control. I would have to fill it with all these sorts of products, trying to keep it, give it some sense of flow, some sense of control. And now all I do every time I want to look perfect in the hair department is I wash it. With Modern Mammals. It's a different kind of shampoo. It's a non shampoo shampoo that cleans your hair. But I wouldn't say it shampoos your hair. It cleans it like a comb goes through through it nice and clean, smells great. But it looks perfect because it leaves behind just enough of your hair's natural oil to give it that hold. Almost like you spent the day at the beach. You know that perfect feeling you get in your hair when you swam in the ocean that morning. It's like that in a bottle. Or you can try their bar, which is incredibly convenient to travel with and it is ph balanced and it is low plastic alternative or the classic bottle. And we have a deal with Modern Mammals because I love them so much. You can try both the bar and the bottle by going to modern mammals.com weird where you can try both the bar and the bottle for 44 bucks. By the way, that's going to last you a really, really long time. You don't have to use it every day, you just use it. When your hair starts to feel dirty, clean it up, but it won't interrupt looking good. Over 40,000 guys have changed to it. I also get a lot of messages from women that try it and love it. So yes, women can use it as well. And once you try it, you're going to be hooked for life. I'm absolutely obsessed. I started as a fan and then we started working together. But it is a game changer. Take it from me. Go to modern mammals.com weird and get that special deal and thank me. Thank me. You don't have to thank me, but just look in the mirror and be like, dang, I look great. That's what I want you to do modern mammals.com www.weird. we're also brought to us by our friends at Magic Mind.

[Russell Howard]

Look.

[Pete Holmes]

Look at how many empty bottles of Magic Mind are on my desk. Because this is where I sit and I write. And Magic Mind is basically flow state in a bottle. I don't. They worked so hard. I'm friends with James Bashara who is the CEO and founder of Magic Mind. They worked so hard on getting the formula of Magic Mind dialed in just right and they nailed it. You can see where all of that hard work and effort and focus and intention went into the creation of this amazing product. It's flow state. It's not jittery, it's not jacked. It's like for athletes. They have Gatorade. Creators have creator aid. You drink it, you get into that access state of your creativity. It also boosts your mood, gives you some matcha, some caffeine. About as much caffeine as half a cup of coffee. So it's upping you but it's also also calming you down with adaptogens that calm you down. So you're right in that perfect little middle zone. Add on top of that nootropics which help your brain function. These are earth grown ingredients that dial in your focus, dial in your memory or concentration. Helps fight off brain fog procrastination. It helps me with my ADD and dial into what I'm trying to do. And it tastes fantastic. And sometimes I just drink it before I go to a party because it makes me happy and focused and feel good. So try it. Go to magicmind.com weird and use promo code weird for a limited 20 off your order. That's magicmind.com weird. Be sure to use promo code weird and get a subscription because you are going to love it. Trust. All right, back to the show. Oh yeah. We were gonna get into the meaning of life and I was gonna just. You said that there was a. I know you're not a Scientologist. Was that real that the.

[Russell Howard]

Yes. Somebody like it was okay.

[Pete Holmes]

If you are a scientist.

[Russell Howard]

There was this thing of like somebody. There was a newspaper article that said I was a Scientologist and I was charging people money to come and meet me. And I suppose just an odd. But I. I kind of maybe give off that energy that I would be kind of like, yeah, he looks like he might be into the sort of other religions. But no, no. And I certainly wouldn't. It was kind of a spake. A lot of people do it in England where they kind of, you know, you. You. Extra tickets for, like, meet and greets. And I just like.

[Pete Holmes]

They thought that was Scientology.

[Russell Howard]

No, but I wouldn't do it anyway. It's like, like, oh, you don't do that. I wouldn't charge money. Like, if somebody wanted a photo of me, I'd take the photo. I wouldn't be like, that's going to cost you an extra 20 quid.

[Pete Holmes]

But.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, yeah, that's where it came from.

[Pete Holmes]

That's a whole thing. Thing.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, but it's. But American pricing is. Yeah, the American pricing is so different. Again, it's sort of that. The. And that's something odd to get your head around. But we just don't do that. It would just be like a standard fee.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Russell Howard]

Do you know what I mean? You wouldn't have, like, VIP seats or anything like that in a theater, do you know? Maybe you would at arenas, but I never did. I just kind of just kept it at the same. Otherwise, all the people in the front row, if they paid, like, extra money.

[Pete Holmes]

Money, yeah.

[Russell Howard]

They're the ones who are like, I don't know, is this show worth 200 quid? Like, do you know what I mean? It's like, yeah. You'd far rather just say, right, it's 30 quid. Yeah, it's all good.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah. I've done a lot of shows where you go out and, like, it's a bad set and you go, how much was this show.

[Russell Howard]

That nearly went everywhere. It's that moment of like, what were the. If that's the first thing out of your mouth, what was it? Yeah. And it's so. It's like, oh, it was £15. Yeah. Oh.

[Pete Holmes]

But I've had it where it's a fundraiser and the ticket was $150 and you're like, I could tell.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. But that.

[Pete Holmes]

Because they hated it there.

[Russell Howard]

I often find that they're really great things to do, like charity gigs, but they're sometimes so hard and the audiences are so tense and tight, and it's just. You're like, come on, let's just about.

[Pete Holmes]

I know, but that's the other. When I was doing my spiritual set, it was like so many of the things. We had just done a talk about doing fundraising for sex trafficking.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I have a joke where, like, it. It's a. It's a word play about. But it uses the word pedophilia. And I was like, well, you know what I mean? Like, if you remind people of the horrors of the world and then joke around about Them. It's not. It's. It's the cliche. Are you guys ready to laugh after you, like, have a slideshow of.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, absolutely.

[Pete Holmes]

It's the worst. It's the worst. So not a Scientologist and then. I know it's not quite a religion, your wife being into tarot. I'm just.

[Russell Howard]

She wasn't into tarot. It was just like. There was a.

[Pete Holmes]

She got a reading.

[Russell Howard]

She's got reading. She's. She's taken a year off from being a doctor and just traveling around America and. And. Yeah, yeah. It's amazing. Like, that's the. Again, it's. My country is incredible that, you know, she's been paid and then she'll go back to her job and they're keeping.

[Pete Holmes]

It a year off.

[Russell Howard]

You're off with pay? Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Why with pay?

[Russell Howard]

Because that's how we do it in the uk.

[Pete Holmes]

Pardon me.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't understand.

[Russell Howard]

It's extraordinary, isn't it? Yeah, but it's.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, you can say I want a year off.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. You get a year maternity leave. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, it's for maternity.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I forgot. It was just like, at any time you could be like.

[Russell Howard]

But still, versus, like, what is it, two weeks here? Yeah, yeah, two weeks.

[Pete Holmes]

50 more weeks.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. And it's. But now you're two week old, baby, be. Go somewhere and you go back to work. Just.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Russell Howard]

It makes you feel incredibly grateful. And the funny thing is we look at Scandinavia and like. Well, that's how it should be. Yeah. Because the dad also gets a year off.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Russell Howard]

Wow indeed. And also, isn't that insane?

[Pete Holmes]

I've seen some places too where like, if you're struggling with depression, they'll give you six months off to like. I don't know, it might be Scandinavia, but it's like, go on like a holiday, you need something, sunlight, you need exercise, you need therapy, you need massage, you need dance, you need all this stuff. Then come back because we're worried about you.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, it's. It's a. It's a very different way of doing life. And also, again, that's what's so fascinating. They used to be rapists and pillagers and burned down villages and now they are.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Russell Howard]

The most kind of enlightened people. It's really wow. But that's why it's so. I find it so fascinating seeing the way that different, different countries treat people, you know, but they have very high taxes and all the taxes go into running the country and seems to work well. Do you know What? I mean, it's sort of.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like a real collective.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. Yeah. It's odd, isn't it? You know, we got high taxes in the uk, but everything is kind of knackered and doesn't work, but.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, really?

[Russell Howard]

What were you going to ask me about religion?

[Pete Holmes]

I'm just wondering if you have any sort of framework. You don't seem to need this, but it is a safe place. It's not like a. A riff zone. Like, I'm not going to mock you. Yeah, but is there any sort of. How do you frame this in your mind that we're alive, that we know we're alive?

[Russell Howard]

I have real issue with it, like, in, like. In terms of like a, like, awful fear of death. Awful.

[Pete Holmes]

Awful.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. Yeah. And it's. Yeah. Sort of Still a thing. So, like, being 45 yesterday, as it was, that dawning realization, you go, best case, I'm halfway through, you know, and I kind of just can't. Every so often, it's still that thing of, like, I'll wake up in the dead of night just. And have to punch the wall and scream because it's like, you're gonna die, you're gonna die, you're gonna die.

[Pete Holmes]

And now.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. Yeah, it's awful. And I really.

[Pete Holmes]

I have dreams where I'm. My dream character is panicking that he's gonna die. Right. Like, it's such a need to process. It's such a primal theory.

[Russell Howard]

I've never got over it. And it's sort of. Yeah, it's. It's a real. And. And now with. With my son, it's just like, oh, God, let's get, like, the moment where I have to tell him what happens.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Russell Howard]

My wife's gonna have to do it. We've already had this discussion because she's got this beautiful, rational brain and is able to kind of, you know, d. Deal with stuff like that. Whereas I'm just. I would happily say, you don't die. You don't die. Everyone else dies but you.

[Pete Holmes]

My daughter's six. We talk about all the time. She goes, you're gonna die. And I go, not for a long time, but, yeah, everybody dies. Like, they're pretty. Like a bird will fly into the window and we bury it and we go. But we're kind of spiritual. I go, it goes back into the great life. It goes back into where you were before you were born. It's like a. It was just on White Lotus. Did you watch White Lotus?

[Russell Howard]

No, I haven't seen it. I've Seen the first two series and I'm waiting. The third is real great for all of them to be out so that I can kind of blitz it when me and my wife come home. We're looking forward to it. Yeah. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, this isn't a spoiler, but somebody explains life as like, being born is like a drop of water coming up from the ocean. Then you go back into the ocean.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So that is kind of.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. It's funny. Like, I've had so many people tell me, and, like, my cousin Lee is very good at that. I just kind of, you know, he's got this real, like, you're here, then you're not. Just relax, you know? Don't be silly. Don't be.

[Pete Holmes]

He's Owen Wilson. He is relaxed.

[Russell Howard]

He sort of has that Owen Wilson vibe. Yeah, he's. He doesn't look dissimilar to. I'm Wilson, actually. One of my favorite films that the. As far as opening lines in a film go in the Royal Tenor Bombs, where he just. Just. It's such a great opening when you know this character is a fraud. Because I think it's something like. We all know that Custer died at the Battle of Little Bighorn. What this book presupposes. Maybe he didn't. Yeah. And then there's a book that says Custer rides again. And it's just like, maybe he didn't. That raw Tenenbaums film. What's up?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

I love. But it's that frustrating thing with him now. He feels like blanking on the director's name.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, Wes Anderson.

[Russell Howard]

Wes Anderson. Somebody wanted. He needs a Neil Brennan in his life to trim. Just to kind of go, come on now. Come on. You're so good. But we get it. But there has to be stories as well.

[Pete Holmes]

I completely agree. A lot of the brilliant savants, even. It's like, it can get to a point where you're like, it's. It's Seinfeld without Larry David.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's Gervais without Virgin.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm not trying to. On any. All. All these people are to going great. But there's something about that other voice that goes like. That goes right in the bin.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, And Wes. I love Wes Anderson. I can speak this freely. There's no chance he'll ever do this show, so who cares? But some of the later films, I'm like, this is a kid explaining his Pokemon collection to me, going like. And this one shoots fireballs. And it. Look how perfectly centered it is. It's in an old Book. And I'm like, I. I know, yes, but please.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. And it's. It looks gorgeous, but it has to have, because when it's good, like the Grand Budapest Hotel is incredible Rocket.

[Pete Holmes]

Incredible finds. Was at a play I went to.

[Russell Howard]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

In the uk.

[Russell Howard]

He's the real deal, isn't he? I mean, God, this is kind of before.

[Pete Holmes]

We all knew that, though, right? We did, but I was 17 at the time. And you were talking about live shows. I was thinking about him because I spent the whole play watching the play. But then I'd laugh. And then did Rafe laugh and he. And he was laughing.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'll never forget it. Yeah, it was the coolest. The coolest.

[Russell Howard]

It's so funny, isn't it, when you see somebody. I remember I went to watch Chappelle and I watched it with Jimmy Carr. It was in Montreal. It was just before he sort of came back.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

And it was so bizarre watching it next to Jim because every joke, it was like. And I was. I was taken out because I was going. I was counting the laughs. And you're like, man, it's the same every time. Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

It was the same number. Wow. Incredible. That's when you go, do we plug you in somewhere? It really. Obviously that's not a person.

[Russell Howard]

But it was. There was a real moment, was the.

[Pete Holmes]

WI fi that you're running off of.

[Russell Howard]

Right now, but it was a real. It was a real moment where he was like, well, let's. Let's go backstage and say hello. So we can't. We don't know the fucking guy. He's like, it'll be fine. And he walked in and I didn't. Because I just didn't want to kind of go backstage and. And to have that thing of going. That was a great show. You don't know who the I am, but I've come here to invade your personal space just after you've done a gig.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Russell Howard]

So I hung outside.

[Pete Holmes]

I think those guys. I don't know. I feel like Chappelle is so. Is like, I've seen him after shows and he does not look like you or I. There really is something else going on. You know what I mean? Like, I might want to chill the beans. Relax. He just seems like he's been famous for so long, right. That he's like. Like, you don't even have to explain. I know, I know.

[Russell Howard]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

People just come in here. It's okay. But maybe. Maybe Sleeper appreciates your civility.

[Russell Howard]

Probably. Who knows?

[Pete Holmes]

I would.

[Russell Howard]

Who is who is somebody that you get. You're very aware of, or when you find yourself around them, of their kind of fame or their ability.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that really, like, locks me up.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. Yeah. Was that, Was it a Ray. Fine moment if you were kind of. Of like.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, you know, somebody asked me that recently, and I was like, I don't know who I'm really taken with anymore. Like, I, I like a lot of people. I, I, I know Louie's a complicated person. I, his stand up. It really does it for me.

[Russell Howard]

Those, like, the, the thing about those last two, since he's been making his own specials. They're extraordinary, those specials. They're so good.

[Pete Holmes]

And I, I just want to be sensitive. I know people might be upset or disappointed. I'm just saying, like, as, as an.

[Russell Howard]

Artist, as, As a comic.

[Pete Holmes]

As a comic, it's. It's complicated, to be honest, in that way. But, like, that, that.

[Russell Howard]

But the truth. The truth can be ugly. And he's very. Yeah, he's very funny.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Yeah. And his brokenness sort of informs what I'm looking at. I don't mean necessarily what he did, but his feelings of shame and disgust and all that sort of stuff makes an interesting watch. But I don't know.

[Russell Howard]

I.

[Pete Holmes]

As, As I get older, I'm. I'm. There's fewer people that really. Although, that being said, I just told the story on the podcast. I see Nick Kroll. There's certain people that I knew when I was starting out that when I see them, I revert to how I was when I was 25.

[Russell Howard]

That's funny.

[Pete Holmes]

And Nick Kroll is one of those people.

[Russell Howard]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

I'll just be like, hey, guys.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm like, you're Pete Holmes. I'm not saying that's a big deal, but I'm like, there's no. You're Pete Holmes. When I'm talking, I'm just like, do you think I'm cool?

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. And it's.

[Pete Holmes]

So I have that.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, definitely.

[Pete Holmes]

And Chappelle for sure. And even Mulaney, who I. I used to be very close with. I still consider him a friend, but, like, I'll lock up in front of Mulaney a little bit.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Get weird.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Think he said something he didn't.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. It's funny, isn't it?

[Pete Holmes]

Like, he came into Largo, he was doing my Largo. I was sitting there, and Melania comes in and he's going, are you sitting sick? Are you sick? He's doing a bit, like. Because everybody had. I don't Know if it was covet or what. But he's going, are you sick? Are you sick? And I just thought he was going, I suck you dick. I suck you. I thought he was doing that, but I wasn't even listening. Like, I just was like so jarred to see this person that I've seen more as an artist than as a person over the past 10 years. But I'm like, oh, he must be saying, do I suck your deck? So I'm like laughing. Laughing too hard.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So, yeah, I get sweaty and stupid all the time. I don't know why I'm blanking. Who does it for you?

[Russell Howard]

I like mostly sort of footballers really. Like when I'm in their presence, I kind of get very weird. Yeah. I get weird and I want them to know that I know about football and that I can play football and. But not to their level, but kind of.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

You know, I had this moment and this doesn't mean anything to you, but in a, in a charity football game. Jack Wilshire used to play for England and who is 33. So I'm 43 at the time and he's in front of me and I drop my shoulder and I go around him, which is insane. Like to be able to dribble around an international footballer as a 43 year old comic. And it was on TV and I, the first thing I did, I got home, I like ran through the door and I said to my wife, you like, this is my tunnel moment. Right. And I, and I just, I rewind it and I go, watch this. Huh? And it's. It's nothing. And yet to me it's, it's everything. And the pride I felt in the dressing room afterwards when professional footballers going, oh, that moment you, you went around Jack Wilshire. And I'm like having to go, did I? I didn't even notice. And you're like, yes, I did. That is the moment of my life. And it's so fun. Funny to me that, that you just come away from it going, God, you're like a gabbling.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

You know, just utter fangirl when you're kind of in their presence.

[Pete Holmes]

I love it. It's so funny with, with spiritual teachers. So I mentioned Rupert.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And if I. So at that stand up show, I did one of my bits about the meaning of life.

[Russell Howard]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

And he was laughing and that. Wow. Really?

[Russell Howard]

Wow. Holy.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. So you get it. So that's dribbling. Not dribbling around it. You're, you're years. It was. But you know Similar.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But honestly, is that like bouncing the ball through someone's legs? Is there a humiliation?

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So it was kind of. It was, it was like doing a move on. On somebody that used to play for the national team. It's just like. Yeah. Oh my God, it was incredible. It was. And as it was happening, the crowd go, yeah, it was like a half, like. Like that moment of like, ting. But it was so like it, like small and yet massive. It was extraordinary.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm dead.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, it was the.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm so happy it happened.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. And I just said to my wife, I was like. And it's so funny because whenever I meet people who are into football, I'll kind of go, oh, do you want to see something? And I'll kind of pull it out. And then my wife will. Will laugh, talking about people that make me excited. So the Liverpool football manager, the ex football manager is a guy called Jurgen Klopp. Now this won't mean.

[Pete Holmes]

Of course it is.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, yeah. You won't mean anything to you, but you're in Klopp. Jurgen Klopp.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Russell Howard]

And I was on. I was on holiday and I was with my wife, I was with my son. We're on Australia, we're in Bondi. And I see this guy walking, you know, along the streets and I said to my wife, that's Jurgen Klopp. And she's like, what are you talking about? And I was like out the door. And the football manager of my team, this man who's given me me seven years of joy, it's just walking down the street and I have to say hello to him And I go, Mr. Klopp. And he spins around and he recognizes me and we have this hug. It was an insane moment. Yeah. But to be able. Like you were just sort of saying with your sort of spiritual teacher that where if you're. And I sometimes have an issue with it that. But if you're. You're lucky enough, it's like in what realm. Realm?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Am I allowed to be on holiday?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

With my wife, with my son, in, in. In this country I adore. And my hero just walks past my holiday home.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. On a, on a. Beaten off the beaten track.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

And then you get to have that. And then I have like real guilt of when like, you know, family members of, of mine will go through something hard. And yet I get to be this kind of weird golden boy that gets to do. Stand up for a living and then be on holiday and see his hero.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Russell Howard]

And you're just like, you know.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

Like it can't. That in terms of meaning of life. I think that's something I struggle with that you just go, God, I hope Buddhism isn't right because the next rung is going to be a tough one for me. Like, do you know what I mean? I'm. I'm gonna end up like. Like one of those flies that has to eat. Like it's gonna be that blinding babies. Yeah, yeah. But like, but I, I get a guilt. And I'm not saying, you know, like I'm an impressive person, but from. I get to do stuff.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

That, that frightens me sometimes that you just kind of go, how is this allowed?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I understand. You know, it's interesting with reincarnation, I'm also like. It's also all happening at the same time. The idea that you'll be you and then you be a fly. It's kind of. I don't know. Do I not literally unfold like that? I don't know if that is the way it goes.

[Russell Howard]

I was reading. I'm rereading Slaughterhouse Five, the Kurt Von and got God. That's a book. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I've never read it.

[Russell Howard]

It's extraordinary. I don't know if anyone's read it, but it's just. It's about this guy that is clearly suffering. He's having a mental breakdown because of the Second World War. And, and it's, it's unbelievable. It's so good. But like, just. But it's all about kind of. He can't be in one state, he's constantly time traveling. And yeah, it's, it's, it's a work of genius. And he's sort of like just watching it on tour.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow. But, yeah, we're almost out of time. But the best and most fun question. I've really enjoyed this same man. Yeah, it's been a joy. One, one. A selfish question. I'm going to the uk. Let's say I'm going to the uk.

[Russell Howard]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Tell me what I should. Shouldn't do as a stand up. Here I am, it's my first UK show. What shouldn't. What's the mistake I would make as an American doing comedy?

[Russell Howard]

I don't know. I don't know if you can make a mistake because I think what's exciting is that you. Because of Netflix and YouTube, your audience will be there. And the exciting thing is I would say half of them will be American.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, really?

[Russell Howard]

The other half will be English. English. But they will know your work and they will be so excited. Wanker. Yeah, exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

Sorry.

[Russell Howard]

They'll be. But they'll be so happy that you're there, and then you'll be so happy that you're there.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

And I. I would say there's the. Probably the worst thing you could do is completely stick to your script and.

[Pete Holmes]

Be real about my experience.

[Russell Howard]

And then it would just be, you know, it's just that classic thing, noticing things that we haven't noticed noticed is age old and forever. And so, like. Like I say, Mulaney did his show about, you know, being a drug addict and he was brilliant. But that first five minutes where he was on about the best. The statues and what. What the dogs drink.

[Pete Holmes]

During World War II, I saw Milaney in LA and his local LA stuff was my favorite.

[Russell Howard]

But that's what I mean. But because you suddenly go, oh, my God, this is actually happening. This isn't a lie. This isn't like a obiliqui.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah.

[Russell Howard]

But the. What you should do is just, you know, have. Go get a curry. That's the best thing to do in London. Genuinely. It's the. It's the one cuisine. I'm so confident that. That in England, it's the best. It's. It's unbelievable. Curry houses, I would say. And then just kind of go to. Go to some pubs, just maybe go to a football game.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

And just sort of soak up the. The mania. I would say this, but there's a lot to it.

[Pete Holmes]

Not keep coming, carry on, but soak up the mania.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. But, yeah, and it's a great, you know, particularly London. You can just walk around. There's so many different Londons. Yeah, there's. There's so much. Yeah, it's a. It's a. It's a really cool place. And. And you should come on my podcast and I would love that. Like. But you should honestly do it here. No, I'm going to. So I think what I'm going to do when I'm less busy, I think I'll probably just come here. Yeah. And New York, and just do a week and just do a bunch.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, that's great.

[Russell Howard]

I think that's probably easier. I would love it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

You know, we got to do it.

[Pete Holmes]

My daughter's the right age.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. And. And she would like. And, well, you can take your daughter to Harry Potter World.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah.

[Russell Howard]

And there you go. And then you become the best dad in Edinburgh. Have you ever done that, Professor? You've never done that?

[Pete Holmes]

No. It sounds like hell to me, really. Is A show does.

[Russell Howard]

You don't have to do 30, but you can. You can duck in. You could do a week. But as I. It's. It's not hell, because you would then. Yeah. And again, you could take. Bring your wife, bring your daughter, loads of shows for kids, get yourself a nice flat for do two weeks. Yeah, it's great. Really.

[Pete Holmes]

I believe. I don't know why I said that. I've just always liked the grind of doing.

[Russell Howard]

Listen, like, when you're coming up, it's. It's really hard. Yeah, but. But again, then there's nowhere else you'd rather be because it's our Olympics and you know, you. And it forces us to do a new hour every year. And it's not. There are. There are pluses and minuses to that because it means. I mean, who can come up with a good hour in a year, every year? No, nobody really.

[Pete Holmes]

But it gives you a real.

[Russell Howard]

It gives you that kind of like, okay, right, September, I have to start again, and by August, I have to have a new show. So someone like John Oliver is a really good example of somebody that just was constantly tweaking. By the time he got to Edinburgh, it was always kind of mean doing meth. Oh, imagine that. Imagine John Oliver on meth.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, John Oliver on more meth.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. Yeah. Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

Let's start a real rumor here.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah, yeah. He's an absolute fiend.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, here's the final question. I hate that I. My wife could have called this a million miles away. She's like, you're not going to want to be done at 12, 15. She's out front.

[Russell Howard]

All right, sorry.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm sure. No, no, zero. She knew. The final question we have to ask is, it sounds like it's salacious. It's not the time in your life you laugh the hardest. It doesn't have to be a good story. Maybe you were a kid. Maybe it was with your brother or your twins.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Maybe somebody farted, maybe somebody fell down. Just a simple. You're crying, laughing. Maybe you're a kid, maybe you're an adult. It doesn't matter.

[Russell Howard]

Matter, yeah. What comes to mind straight away, I think of my brother, who I love so dearly. He's just. My brother has like an almost ninja like ability to get out of the situation and make you look foolish. So during the pandemic, we were, you know, we're doing all those zooms and I was hanging out with my cousins virtually, and, you know, we would all having a beer and sort of like chatting our Way through this kind of inertia. And then we hear this kind of like sort of watery sound come from one of the quadrants. And I said to my brother, are you in the bath? And my brother went, people wash you. And straight away, he made you the. I'm the. Like that. He's just continuing. People wash. People wash you. So. So I. I think, yeah, but it's just that. That thing of like, how are you? How. How am I.

[Pete Holmes]

But I love that.

[Russell Howard]

So. So. But the example. So that's setting my brother up. So we were at my. My granddad's funeral and my nan was deaf and spoke very loudly because never quite got it right. And she had a dry throat. Throat and at the feet and she was going, it's all there. So we're all like the shot. The shoulders are already going. And my nan says she's got. Like that. So just hearing like that and everyone's just kind of like trying to look away. And she was like, I got a cough. And I'm sat next to Nan going, oh, you. You'd be right. And then she just went, has anyone got anything I can suck? And. And. Yeah, exactly. And my brother goes, looks like granddad picked a wrong day to die. And just that moment of just this crude, silly.

[Pete Holmes]

Looks like Granddad dick.

[Russell Howard]

The wrong day. Forbidden. It was so. It was so forbidden.

[Pete Holmes]

It has to be church or a funeral. It has to be.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah. And it was just that thing of going, oh, man. Like, we're just. I was just locked in this silly, forbidden laugh. And for me, that was it, like, that was probably like. If I think of a moment, it was that kind of. Of just, like, really naughty.

[Pete Holmes]

It has to be. Yeah, it has to be.

[Russell Howard]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

All the best ones are in church. We haven't had a funeral before, but it. You can't be allowed to laugh for it to be the best laugh of your life.

[Russell Howard]

No, exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

Which is a key to the universe.

[Russell Howard]

But I love that. I love that thing. I often think about this, that. Why is it when you're with friends and you're lost in laughter that it feels like the laugh's never going to end?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

And. And there's this. This kind of weird. And you're looking at people you adore and you're just. You're kind of gone. Yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Russell Howard]

But if you saw strangers laughing and you joined in, you could kill it immediately.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right.

[Russell Howard]

Like, it's. It's.

[Pete Holmes]

That's actually the solution to the laugh.

[Russell Howard]

Totally. If you any. You see a group of people laughing. You don't know them. Just walk in and go, ha.

[Pete Holmes]

Dead, of course.

[Russell Howard]

Instantly.

[Pete Holmes]

Of course. And that goes back to the alchemy of stand up. It's like we all get to be an us just for a little while. You're the group laughing. Yeah, yeah. We're in control.

[Russell Howard]

I really enjoyed that, man. What joy.

[Pete Holmes]

Me too. Thank you for doing it. And would you say keep it crispy? It's how we end. And we'll plug the special and everything. Yeah, it's just how we end.

[Russell Howard]

Keep it. Keep it crispy.

[Pete Holmes]

There it sounds very.

[Russell Howard]

Is that all right? Yeah, keep it crisp. What does keep it crispy mean?

[Pete Holmes]

You know, keep it fresh, keep it alive. We've been saying it for 10 years. We don't know anymore.

[Russell Howard]

Keep it crispy. Is that all right? Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Brilliant.

[Russell Howard]

You.