Podcast Summary: You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

Episode: We Made It Weird #100

Release Date: August 21, 2022
Hosts: Pete Holmes and Valerie (Val) Chaney

Overview of the Episode

This milestone 100th episode features hosts Pete Holmes and Valerie (“Val”) Chaney in a candid, freewheeling conversation recorded in Ojai—where the show originally began. In their trademark blend of humor, vulnerability, and philosophical exploration, Pete and Val reflect on mood, spirituality, healing, and the secret weirdness that connects us all. They answer listener questions about embodiment, parenting, purity culture, and (with much delight) coleslaw. Throughout, Pete’s recent encounters with Father Gregory Boyle’s teachings on tenderness, attention, and loving our wounds re-center the conversation in compassion—for ourselves and others.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Marking the 100th Episode: Reflections & Acknowledgments

• Location: They celebrate being back in Ojai, where the podcast started (06:02).

• Mood Declaration: Pete confesses to feeling cranky and emotionally “closed,” immediately setting a tone of honesty:

  "I'm just sort of in one of those moods that needs to be declared, like a mustache." (09:17)

• Importance of Naming Emotions:
  Discussion about how expressing difficult feelings diminishes their power. Pete references Jesus “naming demons” as a metaphor for emotional honesty (17:28):

  "Naming it is super super helpful... If it’s mentionable, it’s manageable."
  — Valerie quoting Fred Rogers (17:47)

2. On Mood, Mind States, and Compassion

• Mood Swings: Pete and Val analyze how openness/closeness of heart shapes perception of art, relationships, and even music—using “Brothers On A Hotel Bed” as a symbol for this dynamic.
• Buddhist Influence: They explore the Buddhist idea that mind states color thoughts, and vice versa, highlighting the importance of non-judgmental awareness during mental contractions.

Notable Quote

"There’s times of contraction, and I happen to be in a contraction... but naming it is half the battle."
— Pete (13:31, 17:28)

3. Spiritual Practice: “RAIN,” Attention, and Loving Our Wounds

• RAIN Practice: They revisit the “Recognize, Allow, Investigate, Nurture” approach for working with difficult feelings (21:30).
• Letting In / Letting Be: Pete shares insights from the book "Letting Go of Nothing," emphasizing presence with discomfort instead of trying to fix it.
• Father Gregory Boyle’s Teachings:
  Pete, deeply moved by Boyle’s work, shares anecdotes and takeaways:
  • “If we don’t love our wounds, we tend to despise the wounded.” (23:45)
  • Telling the “three t-shirts” story—how loving our own wounds enables compassion for others (28:22).

Notable Quotes

"He goes, now I love my wounds because how am I going to help other people with wounds if I don't love my own wounds?"
— Pete relaying Father Greg Boyle’s words (29:56)

"Tenderness for its own sake… Because it’s beautiful. Be that ONE person."
— Pete, inspired by Boyle’s Larry David story (34:05, 35:01)

4. On Parents, Kindness, and Performing Roles

• Kindness as Strength:
  "I've come to know that the only strength is kindness."
  — Pete recalling Boyle (30:37)
• Roles and Authenticity:
  They compare “playing a part” (as pastor, comedian, parent) to the reality of complex selves, emphasizing it’s not fake, but a necessary social function (98:44).

5. Listener Q&A: Honest, Practical, and Playful

A major section of the episode is dedicated to answering listener questions, covering:

a) Healing from Purity Culture (60:32)

• Val shares personal experience as a pastor's daughter. She speaks about disowning bodily shame, listening to the body gently, and practicing somatic therapy.

  "The body is the one that has been with you through it all... Your companion, your temple, your spaceship."
  — Val (70:20)

• Pete discusses reframing sexual energy as “the charge from which the universe begot itself” instead of something shameful (63:46).

b) The Podcast’s Impact on Family Life (74:13)

• Both hosts reflect on how the show provided connection and honest conversation during lockdown, and continues to benefit their relationship.

c) Spirituality and The “Fifth Dimension” (77:12)

• Listeners ask about New Age movements on “ascending into 5D” and collective awakening.
• Both respond with open-minded caution, focusing on the present, kindness, and addressing “what’s under your nose.”

  "I'm more interested in... can I give you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich today?"
  — Pete (77:41)

d) Being a Pastor’s Kid Without Trauma (91:02)

• Val: Let kids be their full selves—“Just allow the wholeness of your child's humanity and... don’t project your own pleaser tendencies.” Encourages honesty about the "performance" parts of religious life and modeling real talk.

  "I just learned... if you just smile and listen to people and agree with whatever they say, they’ll think you’re a good girl, and you always have to be good.”
  — Val (92:03)

• Pete adds the value of letting kids in on the “conspiracy” (family mode vs. public mode) so they see the difference between authentic self and performed roles (98:44).

e) Funniest Height-Difference Moments (81:10)

• Red carpet photos described as “looks like you brought your daughter to work” (81:49).
  – Recount of Pete’s mom joking, “What are you, a pedophile?” upon hearing Val’s height (82:53).

f) Coleslaw! (87:19)

• Gushing love for all types of slaw, advocating for coleslaw on sandwiches, tacos, and everywhere (88:52-90:18).

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments (w/ Timestamps)

• Naming the Demon (17:28):
  "Not to be too churchy, but that’s what Jesus was always doing with demons. He was always naming them... Naming it is like, super, super helpful."
  — Pete

• Compassion & Service (49:39):
  "Service is one of the main factors that they found in all of the happiest people. Because it opens your heart and you start living from your heart space."
  — Val

• On Affecting Others (30:26):
  "That's the power of one person. ...Maybe I said this last week, but he’s like, we don’t want people to confuse our kindness for weakness. ...But I've come to know that the only strength is kindness."
  — Pete

• Healing Through Attention (20:24):
  "Everything in the world wants attention. In fact, when we say love, I think often we mean attention."
  — Pete

• Gift of the Podcast (74:13):
  “One of the most balancing and beautiful and helpful things you can do in your life is to have a safe space, which is what you are, to share how you're feeling, have that affirmed as okay, and then find productive ways to... work with your feelings.”
  — Pete

• Slaw Philosophy (88:52):
  "We should all be putting coleslaw on our sandwiches. We should all be putting potato chips on our sandwich."
  — Pete

Additional Themes

• Gratitude and Community: The hosts close with immense gratitude for their listeners—the “weirdos”—and note the intimacy of their audience.
• Integration: A running thread is the practice of integrating self-compassion, naming states, and loving wounds into everyday life.
• Humor & Humanity: The episode maintains a warm, funny, and loving tone even as it delves into vulnerability and meaning.

Timestamps for Key Segments

• Opening Reflections & Mood Check – 05:38–14:50
• Discussion of Father Greg Boyle's Lessons – 23:11–36:09
• RAIN Practice & Letting Go – 18:18–22:10
• Listener Q&A Begins – 60:07
• Purity Culture & Embodiment – 60:34–72:23
• Podcast and Relationship Impact – 74:13–76:14
• 5D Spirituality Question – 77:12–80:55
• Height Difference Stories – 81:10–86:50
• Coleslaw Q&A – 87:19–90:27
• Raising Pastor’s Kids Without Trauma – 91:02–99:20
• Closing Reflections & Gratitude – 103:03–104:48

Closing

The 100th episode distills the best of We Made It Weird: earnest self-exploration, playful banter, spiritual inquiry, and authentic honesty with and for their community. Listeners are left encouraged to embrace their weirdness, honor their wounds, and “hand out more PB&Js”—offering attention and tenderness to themselves and others.

"Keep it crispy."
— Val (105:41)

[End of Summary]