We Made It Weird #108

Summary

Podcast Summary: You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes – We Made It Weird #108

Release Date: October 14, 2022
Host: Pete Holmes
Guest: Val (Valerie Chaney, Pete’s wife)

Overview – Main Theme & Purpose

This episode continues the tradition of “We Made It Weird”—a more casual, intimate Friday bonus series within Pete Holmes’ regular show. Pete and Val, life partners, use this special entry (#108) to unpack their relationship quirks, personal insecurities, anxiety triggers, and how humor, vulnerability, and mindfulness can help normalize “secret weirdness.” The conversation veers from playful banter and bodily function jokes to deep dives into anxiety, personal growth, and messages of validation for listeners.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Making It Weird: Playful Banter and Intimacy

• Opening Energy and Vocal Play (07:09–08:33):

  • Pete and Val riff on vocal tongue-twisters. Pete jokes about kisses being “buttholes touching,” while Val describes a kiss as “You’re so yummy I want to eat you, but I’m just going to rub my mouth on you instead.”
  • Quote: Pete: “What is a kiss? Let’s make our face look like buttholes and touch it together and then, like, poop little tongues if you’re really into it.” (08:10)

• Nudity and Relationship Rituals (13:17–14:20):

  • They discuss the playful, casual attitude they have towards nudity and affirming each other.
  • Val notes Pete always acknowledges seeing her nude, leading Pete to joke about their “cash-nude” (cashmere = casual nude) marriage.

2. Validation and Insecurity in Relationships

• Validation and Relationship Needs (13:31–15:20):

  • Pete confesses: “What’s sort of embarrassing about talking about what you like in your relationship is you get a glimpse at what I need.”

• First Impressions and the Desire to Be Liked (15:46–16:39):

  • Pete admits he instinctively sizes up people based on whether he thinks he can make them like him:

    “Most of my new people in my life, I have that knee jerk reaction. I like them or I don't like them... operates on an on off principle of do they like me or can I make them like me?” (16:19)

  • Val validates this, noting that most people share this need.

3. Judgment, Social Anxiety, and Fart Jokes (16:39–21:28)

• Pete discusses judging others as a self-protection mechanism and fixating on people who seem “unreachable” (e.g., a rich guy at lunch).
• Extended, humorous conversation about farting in relationships versus cars (“I’ve never farted in the new car... a car will go, I’m gonna remember this, like, in the cushion”).
• Analogy of “dogs sneaking out” for bodily gas as a metaphor for relationship openness.

4. Childhood Coping, Trauma, and the Need for Control (21:29–29:00)

• Pete connects his tendencies back to childhood, needing to “control” relationships for safety due to his family environment.

• The couple talk about how hard it is to remember their best coping tools when triggered by old family dynamics.

  • Quote: Val: “Practice is just trying to remember… that’s why having a lot of different tools is helpful.” (29:02)

5. Personal Anxiety and Self-Soothing (29:45–39:39)

• Val discusses her anticipatory anxiety around Pete leaving for tour—how trauma “takes over” and how, even when tools are available, anxiety can feel insurmountable.

• Pete describes pre-show anxiety manifesting as dreams about missing his set list.

• Both share real-life strategies: reframing anxieties, scheduling worries, and differentiating between actual experiences and imagined concerns.

  • Quote: Val: “Our anxiety lives in the future. It’s telling scary stories about the future and usually pulling from experiences of the past.” (36:41)

6. Mindfulness, Safety, and Self-Acceptance (39:40–50:12)

• Conversation shifts to practical mindfulness—being present as a way to “accordion out” (stretch and space) worries and not get overwhelmed.
• They decide to offer a “mini-benediction” or message of hope to listeners.
  • Pete: “You’re safe, even if there are people who don’t like you... It’s okay that that person doesn’t like you. Not everybody has to like you.”
  • Val: “For those people whose belief—‘I don’t care what people think about me’—has hardened, you are safe letting people like you.”
• Acknowledgement that full safety is rare; the world is “safe enough, enough of the time” (Val quoting her therapist at 49:55).

7. The Myth of Constant Happiness (52:45–55:30)

• Val disputes the Western myth that happiness is a constant, achievable state, calling it “not human nature.”
• They discuss spiritual teachers (Greg Boyle, Eckhart Tolle, Rupert Spira) and challenge the idea that enlightenment equates to never feeling bad emotions.
  • Quote: Val: “You should be happy all the time and that’s achievable—which just isn’t natural. That’s not human nature.” (53:03)
• Pete recounts how Tolle, when his microphone failed, simply stated: “I’m not irritated at all.” (55:37)

8. Messages of Hope and Validation (59:09–63:46)

• Val offers a meditation: reflect on all the challenges you’ve weathered and realize “you got through all of that, and you’re still here... just because you’re feeling it doesn’t mean you’re not getting through it.”
• Pete provides further reassurance: “By virtue of being here is your pass. It’s your ticket to the party. You belong here because you’re here.”
• Father Boyle’s message is paraphrased: "You are exactly what God had in mind when he made you." (63:46)
• Both remind listeners: Humans are part of nature. “You are nature, and you belong here.” (63:52)

9. Final Playfulness and Sign-Off (64:44–65:56)

• Pete improvises a silly “poem” about Street Fighter, queefs, and “Zangief”—much to Val’s horror and amusement.
• The episode ends with mutual laughter and the signature phrase: “Keep it crispy.”

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Kisses:
  Pete: “Let’s make our face look like buttholes and touch it together and then, like, poop little tongues if you’re really into it.” (08:10)

• On Validation:
  Val: “You never once… changed… you never have. And I probably wouldn’t have noticed, but… you came really close and I was like [gasp]… sometimes if you’re talking or deep in conversation, it’ll just be an eye. Like an eye-widening.” (14:32)

• On Judgment and Safety:
  Pete: “If I couldn't control you, that's it. You would become unsafe to me…my strategy [as a kid] was, I don't understand these people, but if I can get them to like me, I'll be okay.” (18:24)

• On Anxiety:
  Val: “Our anxiety lives in the future. It's telling scary stories about the future and usually pulling from experiences of the past.” (36:41)

• On Mindfulness:
  Val: “Life is designed to give you things in bite sized pieces. It's our minds that make us think that it's all crazy and we're overwhelmed.” (39:13)

• On Belonging:
  Pete: “By virtue of being here is your pass. It's your ticket to the party. You belong here because you're here... If you can hear my voice, you're here. You belong here.” (63:39)

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Important Timestamps

• 07:09 – Tongue twisters and making it weird
• 13:17 – Pete and Val’s “cash-nude” relationship rituals
• 15:46 – Pete’s confessions about snap judgments and being liked
• 18:24 – Childhood roots of Pete’s coping mechanisms
• 29:45 – Val on anticipatory anxiety and self-soothing strategies
• 36:41 – Reframing future-oriented anxiety
• 39:40 – Mindfulness as a tool for easing overwhelm
• 47:32 – Pete’s benediction: It’s okay not everyone likes you
• 49:55 – Val on "the world is safe enough, enough of the time"
• 53:03 – Challenging the myth of constant happiness
• 55:37 – Eckhart Tolle and the broken microphone anecdote
• 59:09 – Val’s mini-meditation on surviving hardship
• 63:39 – Message of belonging and worth
• 64:44 – Improvised poem and silly end-of-episode laughter

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Tone & Language

The episode’s tone is a quintessential blend of Pete Holmes’ earnest introspection and irreverent humor, interspersed with Valerie’s thoughtful, validating insights and quick wit. Both speakers toggle between authenticity—sharing their fears, growth, and relationship quirks—and absurd humor, offering listeners a relatable, uplifting (and hilarious) lens on everyday weirdness.

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For New Listeners

This episode is emblematic of the “We Made It Weird” series: candid, deeply personal, silly, and wise. It’s equally about laughing at the weird stuff we all share, and holding space for each other through life’s anxieties and challenges. Val, in particular, offers several therapeutic and compassionate takeaways, while Pete models radical honesty and self-acceptance—making this a comforting listen for anyone wrestling with anxiety, belonging, or the question: “Am I the only weirdo?”

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Signature Sign-off:
“All right, babies, keep it crispy.”

Transcript

[A]

You made it weird.

[B]

You made it weird.

[A]

You made it weird. Oh, yeah. You made it weird. You made it weird. Yes, you did made it weird. You made it weird with Pete Holmes. What's happening, weirdos? It's we made it weird108. For those of you new to school, let me show you where the cafeteria is. Let me show you where your classes are. Hey, I'm the cool guy. I have one roller skate on and a backwards beanie cap. Guys, this is a fun one. It's super fun, super casual. Lot of Val and I loved it. She blew my mind. She said many things that I want to engrave in precious metal and never forget. And she is a gift and I'm so happy and happier now that we've had this conversation. So I'm glad that you guys are here. What I was going to say to show you around school. This is the Friday episode that we considered a bonus episode where it's me and Val catching up. We finally have a little time to ourselves and we record basically our midweek date. Hope you enjoy it. We loved it. Come see me on stage. I'm doing a standup tour. Go to peteholmes.com that's my name.com peteholmes.com Toronto, as I always say, come on Toronto. Toronto is tonight. If you're hearing this and you're in Toronto and you didn't know I was performing, will you please rush out to the Bluma Appel Theater tonight October 14th for my show in Toronto, followed by Atlantic City and Boston. Those are all this weekend. After that it'll be basically once a month. November. No, not in December, but January and February once a month. Chicago, San Francisco, Portland, Seattle, Atlanta, Charlotte and Washington D.C. all of those are available at petomotec. Com. Also go to largo-la.com if you're going to be in the Los Angeles area. November 3rd, we're doing an incredible star studded benefit show for Homeboy Industries. You know I love father Greg Boyle. You know I love Homeboy Industries. It would mean a lot. I want to raise a ton of money for those guys. So go to largo-la.com and get tickets for the November 3rd standup and music show. Incredible music guest. I just confirmed today. Very, very, very excited. All right, let's listen to our ads. This show is brought to us by these ads. So check them out. And this episode is brought to us by our friends. I'm so grateful to be working. These are Pym Chews. Prepare your mind Original mood. And these I they don't leave my side. I have some in my car, obviously. I have some in my house, in my office. I have been swearing by them because frankly, I don't know why. This past week I've just been overwhelmed. Like a little bit of a flood of stress and anxiety. And that's exactly what Pym Chews are for. First of all, not only do they taste incredible, but they are support, natural support, giving your brain what it needs to cope with overwhelm, anxiety and and stress. They help you manage those feelings. And it's wonderful when you're feeling worried, stressed out, or as we like to say on we made it weird. Val and I always say you have a bee in your belly. 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So if you like this show and want to support your mood, your feelings of overwhelming anxiety and stress and support this show, go to youcan pym.com weird. You will get a discount by going to youcanpym.com weird and do your body a favor, do your brain a favor and show your support for this podcast. Last but not least, we're also brought to you by our friends at onnit. One of the oldest original Pete's picks is Alpha Brain. I'm holding it here because obviously I keep it here on my desk. Alpha Brain is earth grown ingredients. It is not a stimulant. It is a supplement. Supplement is too, too. It's not quite right. It's like giving your creativity fish food. If your ideas are fish, Alpha Brain is like the fish food you sprinkle on top. Helps with memory, helps with focus, helps me to dial in anytime I have to do something that involves my brain. If it's this podcast, if it's these intros that I'm recording right now, stand up comedy, writing, acting, even just going on a date with Val and I want a full access to my brain. I will take a few alpha brain 20, 30 minutes beforehand. Like I say, it's not a stimulant. It's not like coffee, it's not an upper. It just gives your brain the earth grown nutrition that it needs to function at its best. So if you're doing something for your work or maybe for your, for your fun, for your fun. If it involves your brain, why not optimize your brain? I swear I've been taking these for over, I don't know, six, seven, eight, nine years. And I keep them in my car, in the office, in my travel bag. I panic if I don't have them. Not because it doesn't give me that like, coffee feeling. It just gives me that feeling that I have what I need to function brain wise at my highest. So it's an absolute game changer and you can try it and show your support of this podcast by going to onnit o n n I t.com weird. You'll get 10% off everything you see on that landing page. Go to onnit.com weird get some Alpha Brain. Support your brain, support this show and show your support. All right, everybody, hope to see you on the road. In the meantime, enjoy. We made it weird. Number108. Get into it. I was just. I was just. Hi.

[B]

The tip of the tongue, the teeth and the lips.

[A]

The tip of the tongue is the tits of the tongue. The tits of the tongue is the tip of the tits. The tip of the tits is the Timothy tip and the Timothy. Timothy. Timothy. He doesn't realize someone named Timothy has entered his awareness. You know what I mean? Like, you say Timothy before. Never mind. Just forget it.

[B]

I know what you mean.

[A]

What? I would. Well, that's sort of my point. Sorry, everybody. It's not that gross, is it?

[B]

No, because I. They can't see you, but I can.

[A]

Oh, great. Why is it gross?

[B]

I don't know.

[A]

Like, I just know there are certain, like, you don't want to eat mashed potatoes on a podcast, but I feel.

[B]

Like, well, yeah, because I think.

[A]

Sorry, that's driving someone crazy. Only because we drew attention to it, maybe. Question mark?

[B]

Yeah, because it kind of sounds like. Which is like a kiss, but when I am looking at you, it looks like more like you're sucking something out of your teeth, which grosses people out.

[A]

Oh, I hate that. For some reason, I wasn't sucking out of my teeth. I was just kind of. Just kind of just getting everything situated. A lot can be going on in the mouth. And what is a kiss, really? Let's make our face look like buttholes and touch it together. What is a kiss? Let's make our face look like two buttholes and then get those buttholes together and then, like, poop little tongues if you're really into it. You poop little tongues.

[B]

Gross little tongue poops. No, a kiss is like, you're so yummy to me. I want to eat you. But I know we're not allowed to do that, so I'm going to just rub my mouth on you instead.

[A]

You know you want to eat them when they're alive, though. Like, if I died, it wouldn't be like, an appropriate way to mourn me. To, like, put me in a hoagie bun.

[B]

No, not appropriate.

[A]

But when I'm alive, it's like, oh, they're kissing. Of course she wants to eat them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But as soon as I'm eatable, edible. You have made a powerful enemy.

[B]

What point were you gonna make?

[A]

You say, oh, I started to say, let me close these. Let me close these docs. So I opened up the QuickTime. QuickTime.com. weird.

[B]

I am sorry, guys, to have money added to your.

[A]

Money added to your order.

[B]

I enjoy that when you do that.

[A]

Well, this is sort Of a little Song of Solomon here. Isn't it just like a man Solomon, to write a poem, a love poem about him and then be like name.

[B]

It after him and call it a song.

[A]

You're very good. It's not really a song, is it? No, there's no music. It's not really a song, is it, Solomon? And sometimes it's called Song of Songs because some scribe along the line was like, look, I know it's called Song of Solomon. Yeah, that's a little self Solomon.

[B]

I used to back when I read the Bible, which I guess I didn't do that much like other people who were super Christian. Like I was like really were reading their butt the Bible. No. Well, I guess people reference like other post evangelicals reference the Bible like you and I don't really know what the. I don't get the reference.

[A]

Don't get that reference.

[B]

It's because I used to only read psalms or Song of Solomon because those were the poetic pretty ones that were also a little bit romantic and kind of sick.

[A]

Sure. Like a lily among the thorns is my darling among the maidens.

[B]

Ooh, Solomon, Solomon.

[A]

Stop it. You wrote this for cinching up your real quick though. Why do you call it Song of Solomon?

[B]

That seems like when are you gonna get past this Solomon's fist?

[A]

I wanted to say Song of Solomon style that, you know, I'm interested in our relationship too. Meaning some people that listen to this podcast have told us like it's fun to listen to your guys relationship. I just want to say hear, hear.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Like a town crier. I want to ring a big old jangly bell. A brass bell, like the deep one.

[B]

Oh, I can't do a bell sound.

[A]

I'm a racist. I'm in the. Then you pick up a bell.

[B]

Oh my God.

[A]

Okay, forget it.

[B]

I can do a high one, but I can't do a.

[A]

Like that.

[B]

You can't do it either.

[A]

Burn.

[B]

No, I just mean it's hard to do.

[A]

Burn. I hope you sing that after you burn me next time.

[B]

I'll sing that, but I won't burn you.

[A]

Okay. Thank you.

[B]

You're welcome. Yet, oh, yet.

[A]

I just want to say here, here. What I mean is, even though I'm in this relationship, doesn't mean I fully understand it. I too, Ms. Marvel. I too, Brie Larson at how well it goes, how it works. So I marvel at it. Yeah. So I write down little ditties about Jack and Diane. You're Jack, I'm Diane, and this is a long winded Way to. Then I die. We never knew. This is all I wanted to say. Here's a little glimpse I open up QuickTime. I'm not gonna do a whole tangent. It's the video thing. And I had just recorded an intro for Gabriel Iglesias. Gabriel Iglesias. And the frame was still up, so there was this, like, freeze frame of me paused mid intro. Not necessarily flattering, not unflattering, but just kind of like an average look. Well, not a glamour shot. And not only did you say, like, what did you say?

[B]

I said, oh, cute.

[A]

Something like that. It was more of a sound than saying cute.

[B]

Oh. I think I went like, ooh, cute.

[A]

Yeah, I knew you were going to. Like, I knew you were going to.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And, like, it's a sad. It's a sad state of affairs just like that. You could have let that bus go by. I don't think I'm so needy that I need you to acknowledge it. But like, you. You say all the time when I see you in the buff, I always go, hobo, hobo or something.

[B]

Yeah. Like, you never once. I don't think I have ever once changed.

[A]

We came close recently because we were talking and we were, like, planning, and you were just, like, cash nude. One of my favorite things about being married is just, like, cashmere, where you're.

[B]

Like cashmere, where you're just like, okay, so can you pick up milk? Then after you pick Leela up, but, like, your boobies are out.

[A]

Yeah. And cashmere is when you're cash nude, but you're looking in the mirror. Cashmere.

[B]

That's what, cashmere.

[A]

And if you make a sweater out of that feeling. But anyway, you just don't, like. You don't let that bus go by. And.

[B]

Oh, yeah.

[A]

I guess there's something sort of.

[B]

I. I don't remember the time that we.

[A]

Oh, I. It just was. It was literally two nights ago or three nights ago.

[B]

And you didn't.

[A]

And you and I have fallen.

[B]

You didn't say anything about my nudity.

[A]

No, I almost didn't.

[B]

See. Yeah, you never have. And I probably wouldn't have noticed, but.

[A]

You came really close and I was like. I, like, clutched my pearls.

[B]

Yeah. Sometimes if you're talking or we're, like, deep in conversation, it'll just be an eye. Like an eye widening. And then we, like.

[A]

Yeah, you can be Mr. Bean. You can Mr. Bean it.

[B]

Yeah. Also, I don't want you to feel like you always have to.

[A]

No, no, no. I just think. Well, then the next thing I was Gonna say was, what's sort of embarrassing about talking about what you like in your relationship is you get a glimpse at what I need.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Right. So that's sort of. That's too.

[B]

For anybody. Yeah.

[A]

Here's. Here's the real. We made it weird. Then I die. I really, really, really noticed this week. And maybe I've noticed it before. I'll be embarrassed, but it feels like a new revelation where I was like, oh, my God. You know how I like, I make a lot of like snap judgments. Like people like, I'll see somebody. Like, I won't like their haircut, their face.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Or their sunglasses on the back of their neck or their whatever.

[B]

Are you talking about Guy Fieri?

[A]

All of those things applied in hilar it all. And this is embarrassing. I'm a little embarrassed, but like, what are we to do if not be honest? I realize that most of my new people in my life, I have that knee jerk reaction. I like them or I don't like them. Operates on an on off principle of do they like me or can I make them like me?

[B]

Right.

[A]

Like, do they look like someone I can make like me?

[B]

Right.

[A]

And if they look like. Like glasses on the back of your neck. Guy Fieri isn't a good example, actually, because Guy Fieri's whole brand is like, I like you, I'll feed.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, yeah, okay. By the way, that actually helps me. I think I'm probably not that unique in this.

[B]

No.

[A]

But it's been a little embarrassing. Like, and it's all like high school stuff. Like, if I see like a. We saw that guy at the beach at the pool the other day who's wearing like rings on a necklace and he sort of had like Elvis hair and looked kind of like artsy. I was like, yeah, I can make this guy like me. Yeah, that's the embarrassing part. And then, and we've said this before, I'll see somebody that I go like, look at this idiot with his dumb haircut and whatever it might be, or his pinched face, or maybe he looks vacant or rude or whatever it might be. Or honestly, really what it is is they might look. We went to lunch the other day and there was a real Nick Kroll character behind you. And I just couldn't get over this guy. I was obsessing with this guy. One of the things he actually said, they were eating. First of all, he was there first. He just looked rich. You know how some people just look rich? Like they go out of their way to like, their sunglasses look like they're from another planet. And they all fuck off. Watch. And like, weird designer jeans with the, like, bleached knees and all that stuff. Just sitting there. And he's waiting for this woman and she shows up and. And he's like, so, you know, he didn't even have an accent. There was no accent. But for some reason, the accent helps me now. He's like, so, you know, what do you want to get? Maybe we could. Lobster. Have you had lobster? Like, he, like, asked her if she's had lobster. He's like, I'd get it, but I've had lobster. Lobster twice this week.

[B]

And I was like, then why even bring up lobster?

[A]

Yeah. And there was just something like, I was like, this guy likes fast cars, loud dance clubs. Like, like, I'm really trying to get in touch with, like, what I really think. Like, if I'm being completely honest, I'm like, he's probably. He won't get my references. Ooh, that's a good one. He's not going to know the same circle of things that I know.

[B]

Yep.

[A]

And therefore, it's not just like, I don't have anything in common with him. I'll actually not like him because I will think he is not safe. Because growing up, I thought if I couldn't control you, that's it. You would become unsafe to me. And not to throw the old folks under the old. Who threw the old folks out with the. Don't tell mom. The babysitter said. But my mom and dad. That was my strategy. I was like, I don't understand these people, but if I can get them to like me, I'll be okay. And that's been my whole life.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Embarrassing.

[B]

No.

[A]

I'm still going around, going like, that waiter's okay. Or that, like, pretty girl. Like, very pretty girls usually get the instant.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Obviously present comp. Exclude it. Yeah, present comp, exclude. You don't have to say it, but I just mean, like, real thin model types. I'm just like, beat it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

If your vibe is. I never fart, fucking beat it. But it's also because I'm like, I fart and you're not going to like that. All right.

[B]

That was a lot of sense that I'll be able to fart in this relationship.

[A]

I have a feeling I'll be holding.

[B]

I would love to, like, go on one date with somebody really good looking just so that I could leave, like, leave them that way. Be like, you know, I don't.

[A]

Oh, that's great.

[B]

Sense that I could Fart in this relationship. No.

[A]

The problem is I get the sense I'm not going to be able to rip one.

[B]

Although I don't really fart in this relationship, so.

[A]

No.

[B]

Because I'm a lady. But I want the option. I want the option and I want to turn it down.

[A]

Isn't that funny? You're kidding. But, like, it's real.

[B]

I want to know that I'm safe to do whatever I want, but I'm not going to do whatever I want.

[A]

Yeah. Ear farts are like little fast dogs. And sometimes the doors open and get back here and they sneak out. My dogs are like.

[B]

And my dogs don't shed.

[A]

And your dogs don't shed, meaning they don't smell.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yeah. And my dogs are like Marmadukes Beethoven, and I'm often pushing them out the door.

[B]

You are. You're wanting them to come.

[A]

Yeah. The sweet release, I guess.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Not having that Marmaduke in the house because when he was in the house, he's chewing the carpets.

[B]

I know I've said this before, but I have no one else but our podcast listeners to talk to about this. It's the only ones that get me is when we have. It feels like often we've had a long walk to the car, and then we get in. You get in, and then I get in, and then you fart.

[A]

That's never happened. That is definitely because I've never farted in the new car.

[B]

Okay, so it didn't. It hasn't happened in the new car. But we only got that a few months ago.

[A]

By the way, I've never farted in the new car.

[B]

Because you respect that relationship more than ours.

[A]

That's not true.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Because you'll forgive a fart. A car will go, I'm gonna remember this, like, in the cushion.

[B]

I'll never let you forget you did that to me.

[A]

Yes. It lowers the resale, the re smell value. I just lowered the re smell value of this car, but I just didn't want to do it. And then we were driving on that now fabled trip.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

I drove my parents to the airport and my dad ripped one. And by rip one, I really mean it. Sounds like bubble wrap. Like some twisted bubble wrap. I don't want to talk about it too much, but I literally was like, I've never farted in this car. And now my dad has farted in this car. And we rolled down the windows as we were going by a marshland, and I thought the marsh was him. And honestly, it would have Been an improvement on what it was.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So how are you, Valerie?

[B]

Well, I was gonna say. I just want to say that you shouldn't be embarrassed. Oh, God. I have, like, hot sauce in my eye.

[A]

Oh, no. What kind?

[B]

Green cholula. The best kind there is. Is this attractive? Just wiping hot sauce out of my eye with the neck of my shirt.

[A]

This is always happening. The bunnies got out the other day. We're looking for the bunny.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I turn just in time to watch you fall. Yeah, like a real fall.

[B]

I. We were. Okay, just get this. This is the charming little life we like. We lead.

[A]

The bunny gotta play the banjo.

[B]

The bunny Martha got out. Climbed. Squeezed through the fence of the little, like, chicken coop.

[A]

Not a Batman reference, by the way.

[B]

Okay. I don't even know, and I don't care. Wow. So we're chasing the bunny around with little, like, scraps of cucumber and pepper to try and get her, and she's so fast.

[A]

Like green peppers. Not like a chew pepper. Sure stops the story. Not like table pepper.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I mean, we weren't trying to cook the bunny.

[B]

Right. Is it clear that we don't want to eat this bunny? We want this bunny alive.

[A]

By the way, in every writer's room, there's one of those. So we're chasing. With cucumbers and peppers. Should we say bell pepper? Bell pepper instead of pepper? Because pepper sounds like we're trying to eat the bunny. And they're convinced. I'm not the only one that thought we were going to eat the bunny. Right?

[B]

You love that.

[A]

Keep going.

[B]

And so, like, I'm running down on the grass and I. My. I tripped into a mole hole.

[A]

Oh, my God. That's what it was.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Oh, Now I see why you were like, I think we have moles and it's a problem. I thought we had moles. And I was like, we're one padded hammer away from real life. Whack a mole. We're a Chuck E. Cheese baby. And you don't have to put a quarter in. Imagine you come home and I'm like.

[B]

That would be. What would I do if you were doing that?

[A]

I wouldn't do that.

[B]

I know you wouldn't. That's why I'm like, would I Go get your brain checked out. But we just did get it. We checked out.

[A]

We did. We did.

[B]

So anyway. Oh, and you're saying you're comparing that to me accidentally getting hot sauce in my eye?

[A]

You just mean that I'm always.

[B]

I'm not always getting hurt. I Just think you have a zero tolerance for me getting hurt.

[A]

Well, you're the most consistent thing. Threat to you.

[B]

Sure.

[A]

Like, if someone's hurting you, it was you.

[B]

But it's not that big of a. It's not nearly as big of a deal to me as it is to you when I get hurt.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I'm, like, comforting you, and then just.

[A]

It's true.

[B]

It's kind of true, but not in a. Not to a degree that bothers me, but.

[A]

We found the bunny.

[B]

We found the bunny. We got her back in the hutch.

[A]

They keep getting out, though.

[B]

I know. I don't understand. They're little Houdini bunnies.

[A]

He pulls them out of a hat, then they pull him out of the hat. And that's the universe. Whoa. Cool.

[B]

I just want to normalize the thing. Going way back to wanting people to like you, judging people who don't like you. We all do that. Every single person does that to different degrees. And it maybe, like, manifests differently like, you do it. And just like you said, if you think that you can't get somebody to like you, you dislike them first. I think I do that, too, actually. I just have a wider range of people that I'm like. I could find you. I could get you to like me because you're not willing to compromise who you are for it. That's key. You gotta compromise.

[A]

Yeah. I'd be having a better time. Yeah. That's interesting, because I'm going like, this guy's not going to like this.

[B]

Let's do this. You're like, this person's got has to like me for me. I'm not changing me. But I will, because you even do the tests where you like. I invite you to meet, like, my boss from when I worked for the girls empowerment camps. And I swear, you said things that were, like, verging on sexist, which you never say the second you meet her. Like, you're challenging people to be like, will you like me? Can I be a hundred percent myself? What if I'm even a little bit misogynist or whatever?

[A]

Yeah. And that is, I consider that to be, like, the top shelf liquor. I know we talked about this a little bit last time, but, like, I've been noticing that. Not just me. So it's talking about how everybody's everybody, kind of. I do find that, to different extents, people test their relationships. I do. You're mentioning it right now, where I'm going, like, look, let's just jump three weeks in where I might say, Something like this, and let's just end it now if it's not gonna work. Yeah, but I. Like, I alluded to this last time, but I was like, sometimes something comes through, and I have to Father Greg Boyle it and go, like, they just don't believe that you love them. I know this sounds manipulative, but there's also kind of, like, a sweet vulnerability to it. And you have to go, like, I see you're having a crab apple of a day. I still love you.

[B]

Yeah. You mean you to other people, you to friends? Yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't. I don't think that's manipulative. I think that's exactly right.

[A]

Well, isn't that funny? I'm saying, like, don't let them trick you. Like, they're manipulating you into loving them. It's one of my favorite parts of.

[B]

That's interesting.

[A]

Father Greg's book is he says, people ask me if I'm worried that the homies are taking advantage of me. And he goes, how could they be taking my advantage? I'm giving them my advantage. Yeah, of course they're taking it. I'm giving it to them.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Isn't that great? He's giving them my advantage.

[B]

That's fascinating, too, that your mind went there. And of course that means so much to you, because I think that is something that your mother does. She'll find ways to test me of tricking you into loving her.

[A]

Yes. And that's one of those things that I really. You know, it's just another example of, like, all of these nice things that we talk about. When it comes to my mom and my dad, it's not just the masterclass. It's actually like a frozen tundra. And, like, by the time I'm walking towards them, I'm. And now I'm just an ice sculpture, and I can't. I can't do so many of the things that I talk about on this podcast with them, like, go, like, I understand you're feeling unloved and you're testing me, and you. You want me to not push you away, and I'll just be like, get away from me.

[B]

Yes.

[A]

Oh, shit.

[B]

Yeah. No, that. I just experienced my version of that this morning. Because that is. And maybe it's not always trauma. I think it is in both of our cases. But it could also just be overwhelming feelings or difficult feelings. But that's what happens when you are kind of faced with your trauma triggers. It's so hard to all of a sudden remember all the things that you Practice. And that is a. Practice is just trying to remember, like, that's why. Also, having a lot of different tools is helpful because. So I. I experienced this this morning.

[A]

Because you're about to pick the one right tool.

[B]

You're about to leave town, and I haven't been. So I have trauma around being left alone, being alone in the house, and I. I haven't done it. I've done a lot of work around in the last, you know, four years, and sometimes I could do it, and sometimes I would be like, no, I'm gonna get my mom to stay with me. I don't feel like challenging myself in this way, but I don't think I've done it in a really long time. Because of the pandemic. You haven't toured in a really long time, and I can't really. I know there was a time during the pandemic you were in Montreal, and that was two years ago. And that's the last time I remember, like, staying overnight by myself.

[A]

No, I was in Montreal recently.

[B]

Yeah. My mom stayed with me that time. I'm talking about the time you were in Montreal for, like, two weeks. So. So I, like, I've been anticipating it. I've been thinking about it. I have plans for the day and every. You know, during the days. And it's so funny because when it's far away, I'm totally in my adult self, and I'm like, this is gonna be nice. Like, I'm gonna watch A League of Their Own, and I'm gonna cook, and it'll be fun, and I'll have some alone time, and I'll get things done. And then as it gets closer, like, starting yesterday, I just had, like, waves of anxiety about it. And it's like my brain clicks into a different neuropathway. It's like a trauma neuropathway where I think of all the times that I felt where. Where I have been alone, and I felt like I was really having to work to not panic. But then also, a little side note about that. I. It's. It's also helpful. You can turn that one really easily. So you're telling all the scary stories of, like. Remember all those times that I almost panicked and I was by myself and it's like. Yeah. And remember how I didn't.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Because I got. I got through that, and I knew exactly what to do, and I didn't panic, and I. And. Or even if I did, I'm still here. I made it through that night, you know?

[A]

Right.

[B]

So that was Just, like, kind of. I've been. That's been really helping me to, like, turn that story and be like, yeah, and I didn't. And it's good.

[A]

And I didn't.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's funny because I've been dealing with some anxiety retouring, and I'm glad that you brought that up because obviously you have the anxiety of being alone or being semi alone. There's usually people hanging out. But I have. I told you I had this. I start having dreams. I can't find my set list, and the venue is weird, and it's a third full, and it's like, what was it? Nathan Fielder was opening for me and I had to go back to my hotel to get the set list. And I just. And then I'll have these, like, impulses, like, I should email my opener and tell her not to. Not to check a bag. Like, it's this weird, like, anxiety thing. And then I noticed today, and this has been a huge help for me with anxiety, especially predictable anxiety, meaning I know I'm going to be anxious around this event. By anxious, I just. By the way, maybe I am being proud in saying this. I don't mean, like, I'm losing sleep or unable to eat or, like, chewing my nails down. It's just a feat. It's a thing on the calendar that you graciously pointed out hasn't been on the calendar in three years. So of course you're going to be a little bit like, oh, what's this? Like, all of it. Not just the show, every single element. Like, even basic stuff. Will I be able to eat? Am I going to get enough rest? Like, what's the opener? Like, I haven't met her before, all these different things, blah, blah, blah. So this has always helped me so much. And then I die. When you're worried about something on Friday, something that you have to do on Friday, I find it really helpful to find something that's on the calendar for Monday and be like. And kind of think about that and be like, isn't it weird that, like, I just did the intro for Gabriel? That intro will air after I'm back from Toronto.

[B]

You will be done.

[A]

And Boston.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And those are obviously boss in my hometown. Want to do well, and it will be done. It's over. And then that will happen. I know, it's really helpful.

[B]

It is really helpful. I know that feeling. And there's also a element of like, and I will do the things I need to do to make this happen, because that's the part that feels really scary, especially if we're in our child self. Like, that's what we doubt. Like, wait, I don't know how to do this. And it's like, well, that part of you is probably 7 years old and doesn't know how to do it. But if you can trust that you are in your adult self, it's like, you're gonna do it. You're gonna do it.

[A]

Yep. And there's another level of that of, like, even if it goes badly, you'll be okay.

[B]

Yeah, totally.

[A]

Like that one. We don't like to look in that box as much.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But that's why I value that show that I did in Vegas. That didn't really go my way. And that was even informing my panic dreams last night. Because that bad show in Vegas, I know I already said this, but it really solidified this idea, which is like, if they don't care about you, why are you talking? And you were like, but these will be your fans. They do care.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I'm like, great. Yep. There's really nothing to worry about. Tell the people. Tell the people. Valerie. For those of you just joining us, sitting here with the incomparable beauty. Thank you, Valerie and Chaney and Valerie. And tell the people about what? Remember I was telling you, like, I had those dreams and, like, I just couldn't fall back asleep. This is like 5am this morning. Couldn't fall back asleep. I just kept going. Like, there's just always stuff to do. Like, I have to go to the grocery store.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I have to, like, pack. I have to answer those emails. Like, when the fuck am I going to answer emails?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like, again, in my brain scan, they're like, you're really bad at shifting gears. That's really true.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I thrive if I can do one thing. Today I did one thing and I finished it and I sent it off. Bang. That's a good day. When I'm trying to do, like, three things. Like, and fucking answering emails is just a thing if there's a lot of them.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Sucks. I hate it. So in the small hours of the morning, I just kept, like, panicking about how many things you have to do. Tell the people what you said. Remember, about, like, getting pregnant again. Like, oh, I'll have to do this and this and this. If you were to.

[B]

Yes. Yeah. So I've been experiencing this with getting pregnant again. And it's just this, like, our anxiety lives in the future. It's telling scary stories about the future and usually pulling from experiences of the past.

[A]

Yeah. Like mine, it was going. It'll be like Vegas. They don't give a shit about you. And I'm like, that's just not real. But something about daylight helps you see that in the night. You're like, yes, you're right.

[B]

Well, and that's the thing, too, is night spirals, at least in this household, are common. And I know a lot of friends who have them, too. And you're just so vulnerable at night and you're tired and you don't have your full faculties. And that is. What's funny is I often have the same one in the middle of the night where I'm like, how am I going to get this all done? It's like, you're just tired. You can't get it all done right now.

[A]

You're in bed.

[B]

You're in bed. It's time to sleep. You can't. You don't have to do it.

[A]

It's not happening now.

[B]

It's not happening now.

[A]

It's super helpful.

[B]

So that was what it was, is you were saying, you know, I was thinking, like, I. I'm gonna have to. Well, you were even zoomed out. And I've had this exact feeling, too, where it's like, God, like, you have to, like, brush your teeth twice a day and go to the grocery store and work and pay the mortgage and take care of a kid. And it's like, I used. For me, when I feel that way, it feels like life is relentless. Like, there's just.

[A]

It feels like a waterfall.

[B]

Yeah. Yeah.

[A]

And you're under a waterfall and you're just going. And you're like, when the fuck? And by the way, everybody, we have one of the most privileged, rare lives ever. So in solidarity, I'm saying, like, it doesn't really matter. I bet Oprah feels this way. People that make our lives look like a hobo town. Like, I bet Oprah is like, huh? When the fuck, you know?

[B]

Yeah. Yep, keep going. So it's everybody when that happens. And I'll have that with getting pregnant again. I'll be like, God, it was. I was so sick the last time, and I was like, my hormones messed with my mental health. So when I do that with being pregnant, I'm like, but I don't have to do any of that right now, and I don't have to do any of it all at once. Like, you're just going to do it one little bit at a time.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that's like. It's like it accordions your worries.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

You know what I mean, keep them like your brain anxiety is telling you a story of like everything everywhere all at once. And we're just accordioning that out and being like. Yeah, but life is designed to give you these things and bite sized pieces. It's our minds that make us think that it's all crazy and we're overwhelmed. It's like. But what's actually happening right now, it's basic mindfulness or presence stuff.

[A]

But that's a great advertisement for mindfulness. Better than anyone that I can remember.

[B]

Are you okay?

[A]

My mouth just shut down. It just went. No, you shut up.

[B]

You know what I love? I love a swallow. And a non consensual swallow.

[A]

That's what that was basically.

[B]

Wait, that sounds bad. I don't love a non consensual swallow.

[A]

No, I understand.

[B]

I love, like when your. Your body just says, we're swallowing now. That's what it was in the middle of a sentence. Usually. Usually I like it. I don't like it this time.

[A]

This one's rough.

[B]

This one's rough. I think we should go to the middle.

[A]

We'll be back in two and two. It might even. Yeah, it's two. We'll be back in two minutes. And when we come back. You know what I want to do when we come back, I'm gonna. I want to give a message of hope and love and peace to the listeners that you can carry with you for your day. Because we're talking about. We all have these problems, right?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

So let's think of. It doesn't have to be long. Maybe it's just two minutes, but like a couple things that whoever you are, this will apply to you and it will be comforting to you and to us as well.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And we'll do that when we come back. Pardon the interruption, weirdos. This episode is brought to us by our friends at Next Evo Naturals. As you guys know, I love cbd, but not all CBD brands are created equal. And if you've ever taken it and wonder, is this even absorbing or is this ever going to kick in? Is it going to be fast acting? I mean, that's a problem. If you've ever wondered whether or not your CBD was working, that means it probably wasn't. But Next EVO Naturals developed SmartSorb technology. Sounds like something I would say as a joke. Is that SmartSorb? It's SmartSorb. SmartSorb technology, clinically proven to help your body absorb CBD four times better than regular CBD oil. Because oil doesn't just mix with your water based body. It works faster too. And when you feel stress coming on, you won't waste time wondering is this doing anything? Is this working? I just had my parents visit and my nextivo samples came in. I was so excited to try all of their different products but their stress gummies that have adaptogens and this SmartSorb CBD in it was an absolute lifesaver. Now I don't just take it when I'm stressed out during that visit. I actually take it every day as a part of my daily maintenance to keep things even and keep things just a little bit rounder on the edges. That's what I like to think that this, that nextivo does is it just smooths out the edges of your stress and and helps you ease into your day. It is a wonderful, wonderful thing. SmartSorb technology obviously is changing my relationship with CD CBD. It improves CBD's ability to be absorbed. That's a key thing getting into your system in as little as 10 minutes. Most CBD oil found in tinctures, gummies and capsules achieve between 2% and 10% absorption. Which means more than 90% of what you think you're getting is actually being wasted. That's why Next Evo Naturals is here to save the day. They're scientifically formulated to deliver more CBD in a way your body can actually use and fast proven 2929 times better absorption in the first 30 minutes. So help fight stress with Next Evo Naturals Stress CBD complex with Ashwagandha clinically proven to reduce stress by 70%. I can attest to that. This was what saved my butt this whole past month. To be honest. Ashwagandha and CBD are a powerful combo working together to target the source of rising stress hormones like cortisol. Nextivo is the only brand that combines a patented natural whole plant ashwagandha that's eight times more powerful than regular ashwagandha and they're 100% US hemp derived smart saw smartsorb CBD is four times better absorption than standard CBD. So this is the next level guys. This is the one to try. If you've been dragging your feet on the CBD train, NEXT Evo Naturals is the one to do. Get to the root of stress and with the stress CBD complex from Next Evo Naturals for up to 25% off subscription or orders of $40 or more. Use promo code [e-mail] that's N-E X-T-E-V-O.com promo code weird. And show your support of this show. We're also brought to us by our friends at Adam and Eve. Listen up, guys, girls, everybody who wants better sex, that's everybody. The best way to get started is to go to AdamAndEve.com right now, Adam and Eve is offering 50% off just about any item. And more than that, Adam and Eve wants to make your life easy. They're offering discreet shipping as your privacy is a priority. Plus free shipping on your entire order. That's free. And discreet shipping. Doesn't matter how much you spend or what you buy. All will be packaged and sent discreetly for free. So bring more pleasure and satisfaction into your bedroom. Just go to AdamAndEve.com and select any one item. It could be an adventurous toy or just about anything you desire. Just enter code Weird at checkout and you'll receive 50% off almost any item. And when you do, you'll also get free shipping off your entire order. And when you offer. Sorry. When you enter offer code weird, that's W E I r [e-mail] Weird. This is an exclusive offer specific to this podcast, so be sure to use this code Weird to get not just the discount, but also the 100% free shipping with code weird. Thank you to Adam and Eve for your support of the show. We're back. You know what I'm saying?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I like whoever you are. I'll start whoever you are.

[B]

I love this. Here's your benediction.

[A]

Yeah, it's sort of like a benediction. But I don't want. I don't want the. The burden of being, like, flowery. No, I just want to say, wherever you are, you're listening in your office, you're listening on a treadmill. You're on a road trip. You do or do not talk to your parents. You are or are not dating, or you have or have no friends, whatever it may be, you're up or you're down. I want to start by saying I also feel the burden to be liked. There's like, a wiring in our brains to be liked. And we can let that relax. Like, it's okay. Not everybody is going to like you in the exact same way that you don't like everybody. And those people are valid and lovable and good. And you are valid and lovable and good. So if you are. Have a rude waiter or a rude barista, or if you are a barista and you have a rude customer, someone just isn't saying yes to you, just know that that is also my experience. I'm going around, some people are giving me yeses, and a lot of people are giving me no's. Some people smile back on the sidewalk, and some people are totally zoned out or actively hostile. It's not just you. I. I'm also feeling the charge of, will they like me? Will they accept me in that almost nomadic tribe, early human way of, like, if I'm not liked, I won't be included. We actually live in a pretty radical time. It's okay that that person doesn't like you. Not everybody has to like you. That's my first little message.

[B]

I love that, yes, you're safe, even if there are people who don't like you. And for those people who. This. This core belief of I need everyone to like me, to be safe has hardened and taken a different shape, which is, I don't give a. What people think about me. I would like for you to know that you are safe, letting people like you. So it really is just this, like, comes back to remembering that we're safe. And in order to do that, I mean, I. That is my. That is the. I was just. Was I saying it to you? Yeah, the other day I was saying, like, God, I would just love for even, like an hour to feel 100% safe in this existence, in this life. And. And I think I have on psychedelics before, experienced that. But then I've also experienced the total opposite, which led to four years of working on trauma. So it's not always the answer.

[A]

A mushroom pops up and goes, you're welcome. You never would have asked for it, but it's what you need. The.

[B]

Okay, well, we could have gotten there in a more gentle.

[A]

The other one that ate me.

[B]

Talk about gentle. You masticated me.

[A]

You started it, then you pooped in there. You got the last laugh.

[B]

Anyway, it's the 90s anyway.

[A]

Okay, okay.

[B]

I. What was I saying? I've lost it. Just safety. Oh, that. I just wanted to feel 100 safe. So I know it's. It's. It's easier said than done to be like, you are safe, but I just think we should be telling that to each other more and more. Well, you know, okay, start believing it. And. And what I was gonna say. Well, and also my therapist says, and this is really important, especially with people who have childhood trauma, the world is safe enough, enough of the time, because it isn't safe all of the time. And that's not, you know, like, we do part of the Human experience is living with that. But it is safe enough. It's safe enough.

[A]

Well, I was going to say to that, you know, it's a shame that the past hour, past five hours, you didn't feel completely safe because you were.

[B]

I know, exactly.

[A]

And you robbed yourself of the pleasure because you didn't know. It's easy to look back and be like, I was safe, but, like, you could do it for 10 seconds and be like, probability says in the next 10 seconds, I'll be fine. So I'm going to enjoy knowing I'm completely safe for those 10 seconds.

[B]

Well, that's also. This is what I love about Jack Kornfield's specific loving kindness practice, like his phrases. So loving kindness practices, you say loving phrases to yourself and then to others as a practice of cultivating compassion. And there's. All of the phrases often vary. It's all though sort of may you be happy, may you be healthy, may you be safe, may you be free. Some versions of that. But Jack Kornfield does. May you be safe from inner and outer dangers, which I really love. Because when you're gone, if I do, if I am anxious, I'm not really going to be anxious about outer dangers. Like, I. We're. I'm secure, we're safe, you know, But I will be worried about my fear. Like, I'll be afraid of my fear. And that is, especially if there's drama. There's not. It's not something you're doing. You can't really do it and then undo it. But what I really want to say about this is the realization I came to this morning when I was really having big waves of anxiety about you going was, you know, all the normal, normal being, all of the, the typical feelings of, or thoughts of, like, I can't believe I'm still here. I've done so much work. It doesn't make any sense that I feel this, like all these judgments and then practicing everything we talk about practicing, just trying and really struggling to remember it because I was feeling so overwhelmed. But just hugging and nurturing my body and going, that, you know, that's not true. I, I have the resources to get through this. And then this was the real key. I am getting through this. Just because I'm feeling anxiety doesn't mean I'm not getting through my anxiety. Currently.

[A]

Yeah, it's just your weird copilot.

[B]

And it's this, like, this almost feels like Western to me because it is like this myth of, like, you should be happy all the time. And that's achievable, which just isn't natural. That's not human nature.

[A]

That's really good.

[B]

But you should be happy all the.

[A]

Time and that's achievable.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

What an annoying thing.

[B]

And it's like. And if. So if you're not achieving it, there's something wrong with you.

[A]

So not only are you miserable, you're a failure.

[B]

You're a failure. You didn't achieve happiness. Oh, you're failing.

[A]

Honestly, there's a spiritual component to that where it's like you're beloved child of God and you're not happy.

[B]

I know.

[A]

Your faith must suck.

[B]

I know.

[A]

And you're depressed and you have no faith. Bye.

[B]

Yeah. So what are you doing wrong? Because you're not. You must not be. That's why, like, achieving a light enlightenment is just, in my opinion, not a helpful concept. Because you're just going to constantly be looking for reasons that you aren't enlightened yet. And what is wrong with you?

[A]

Father Greg's book, the most recent one that I'm reading, local Man Can't Stop Working book. He's reading into conversations.

[B]

Is that an onion or a grill?

[A]

But it should be totally. But it's called the whole. The whole language. Anyway, he talks about his favorite part of the Mr. Rogers Tom Hanks movie where someone calls it says, what is it like being married to a living saint? And she goes, we don't like that word because it makes it sound like it's supernatural or unachievable. And like. And exactly what you're saying, by the way, Rupi Spira. Rupert Spira would agree with you. He's like, there's nothing more natural than recognizing your true nature and recognizing that it's content and blissful. That doesn't mean that those sensations. I'm adding this. This doesn't mean that those sensations and those feelings aren't going to like rise and fall. Yeah, like, I have to think, like, I haven't asked, I haven't gone to a Rupert event or anything. But like, it would be like, you know, you want to be like, look, if I sent you on two back to back 36 hour flights and then you have a third one to where you're going. I don't know where you're going around the world and it's delayed and you haven't eaten and you need to go the bathroom really bad and I start like, you know, going up to you, like, there's no way you're not gonna be a little miffed, you know, What I mean. And like, I don't know, I just think there's a acknowledging of the miffness but not a losing yourself in that identification of miffed person.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I don't, I don't think Eckhart Tolle, I think he's certainly more patient. Remember when his mic didn't work at the show?

[B]

Uh huh.

[A]

When we went to see Eckhart Tolle, his mic kept breaking and they had to come out like four times. And he went, I'm not annoyed.

[B]

Yeah. He said, I'm not irritated at all.

[A]

Yeah. And it was like, it was the best part of the show. I knew when it happened, I was like, this is the best part of the show.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Is that he was like, it was one of those Madonna mics. And he was just sort of like, it's okay, I'm not annoyed at all. And he even kind of like pretended to be annoyed.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I was like, look, I'm not saying I'm right all the time. We all think we're pretty good at reading people, but I didn't detect a smidge of like, this show should be going better, the sound should be better. And that's all I'm thinking when I'm on stage. Most of the time it's like, these mics suck or whatever. It might be like it's happening.

[B]

Yeah. You know, it's interesting because I would, I would find it. And of course I would, I would find it really valuable. More valuable even if he had said like, and the thoughts, this shouldn't be happening. This is causing a lot of problem. Those are coming.

[A]

And we.

[B]

And I'm feeling a little tension in my body. But like, like give the full experience.

[A]

Right. I wonder if he is, I wonder if he is.

[B]

I wonder. Remember when we went to the retreat, somebody asked him if he gets mad and he said, I, I felt really mad about two years ago. And like, everybody laughed that it had been like two years. When he said, saw someone be. He said somebody was being like violent with a dog on the street. And he said, I noticed it, it came, I felt hot, I felt heat, you know, whatever. And then he was like. And then it passed. And I, and I thought, and after it passed, I thought, do I need to intervene? And then he said that somebody else intervened before he did. But yeah, I just think it's really valuable to. Yeah. Just to include the whole of the experience.

[A]

Imagine if you were the guy having a bad day. I, I think about this all the time because, you know, everybody knows I get Frustrated with Brody. And Richard Rohr, who loves dogs, specifically says in one of his talks, he's like, it's, it's. I've never hit Brody. He's using an example. He goes, only miserable people kick their dog. He's like, don't we know that by now? You're kicking yourself. You're kicking. You can't kick yourself. So by the. Don't kick your dog. I don't know how to say that, but don't kick your dog. But can you imagine if you were that guy having a horrible day?

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Like your life is just. And not. Not. No excuse, but you're yelling. Let's say you're just yelling at the dog or yanking it's leash too hard. All of these things are inexcusable. I don't know why I'm being so sensitive here. And then. So you're losing yourself in this, in this anger. You love Eckhart Tolle, by the way. This guy loves Eckhart Tole.

[B]

He knows Eckhart Tolle.

[A]

He knows him. He's just having a bad moment.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Yanking them. You dog. And then he feels a tap on his shoulder. He's like, pardon me, but the way that you're being with your dog is very inappropriate. And you're like, ah.

[B]

Like, can you imagine? That would be like a conversion moment.

[A]

That's your road to Damascus. You fell off a dog.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And you were blind for a minute.

[B]

Yeah, I know I made this point already, but I guess I just really want to circle back and make it that it is so valuable to remember that just because you're having the feeling doesn't mean you're not getting through it. And just even if you are possessed by the feeling.

[A]

Carve it in bronze. That's so good.

[B]

I just think that you and I both. It's so funny because you. Your trauma reactions have come up more frequently because they visited from Boston.

[A]

Hilarious. No, it is.

[B]

And in like all the things I was telling you, I was trying to remember myself. But again, when you're activated, it is hard to remember. That's why I have just nurture your body. That's the one thing that I try to remember when I'm in that state. Because everything sort of kind of regulates. And then from there I'm able to remember more things. But like, let's say I do get possessed by my anxiety while you're gone and I do sort of panic or I feel on the edge of panic or whatever. That's not a failure. Again, the sun will Rise. I will have gotten through it. So this is my message of hope to everybody. Like, your message. Was it what you were calling it? Okay, yeah.

[A]

No, but, yeah.

[B]

Okay, so close your eyes. Unless you're driving or walking or cutting tomatoes or. You get it. Think of everything you've been through. All the hard things, from, like, the hardest thing in your life down to, like, just feeling kind of blue some days. All the times you've gotten mad, all the times you felt lonely, all the times you've panicked. Think of all of those things. Congratulations. You got through all of that, and you're still here. And there you are cutting tomatoes with your eyes closed. What are you doing?

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Open your eyes.

[A]

You're becoming more and more your comedian self, and I love it. You've betrayed your own beautiful point to make a great joke.

[B]

And I loved it wasn't great. Who knows?

[A]

I say, so.

[B]

You got through all of that, and you're still here. And maybe there are things that have happened to you that you're still feeling the reverberations of. So you're like, yeah, but I didn't get through that car accident or this breakup. I'm still feeling it. Okay, well, just because you're feeling it doesn't mean you're not getting through it. Yeah, you're still here. Yeah, you're getting through it.

[A]

Stop. You're getting through it.

[B]

You can't stop. You're getting through it.

[A]

Just like, of all the things that are inevitable, like, you're slowly getting through it.

[B]

That's right. And not. I want to be clear that I don't believe that time heals all wounds, but you're listening to this podcast. You're probably doing other things than just waiting for it to pass. So good for you. You're doing it. You're getting through it.

[A]

Yeah. Am I the only one that thinks time heals all wounds? Sounds like time the spice, and we're going to eat the rabbit. Like, time heals. I was going to say it's weird to have a pet that you might eat, but it's also weird to have a pet Brody that might eat your other pet.

[B]

Oh, that is really weird. Well, that's what's so stressful about when they get out in the yard is I'm like, brody, it's happened twice where I have to, like, rush the dog inside so he doesn't eat the rabbits.

[A]

I have another one. Like, we do all of this work. I'll say it to you guys. You do all of this work to feel like you belong here. You're trying to earn your keep. You're trying to shine. You're trying to be a member of something and prove that you belong here. And I know I've said this a million times, but I have to say it to myself, too. It's like by virtue of being here is your past. It's your ticket to the party. You belong here because you're here. So stop trying to ring the bell or get the laminated ID card and get groups of people to look at you and say, like, you belong here. You belong here. I know there's an irony to me telling you that you belong here, but I'm saying, whoever you are, if you can hear my voice, you're here. You belong here. You have dignity. You have worth. And I know it's religious language, but I find a lot of value in it. Father Boyle says you are exactly what God had in mind when he made you. And I know that's. But you could say you are exactly what the universe had in mind when it made you.

[B]

And you are as natural as anything. Look at a tree, look at a bird.

[A]

Yeah. It's not humans. In nature, you are nature.

[B]

You are nature, and you belong here. And you're made of.

[A]

Sustained.

[B]

Yes. And you're made of the things that. Everything. That all the natural material is also made of.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

And you breathe oxygen, which the trees need. And the trees breathe. Breathe carbon dioxide. I almost said monoxide, which you need.

[A]

Cigarettes burn carbon monoxide, which cowboys need.

[B]

Apparently, they need it.

[A]

They need it while they're wrangling steers.

[B]

So you belong here.

[A]

And you're not 12 years old. Unless you are 12 years old. 12 years old, in which case there's too much dirty language in this podcast. But you're not 12 years old.

[B]

And you can tell that part of.

[A]

You that you are not 12 years old.

[B]

You can tell them your real age that you should usually. Feels good. I do have to get to therapy.

[A]

Okay.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

Here's a poem.

[B]

You feel good. Okay. You're gonna think of one right now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

A leaf, a queef zangief. Who should I be in Street Fighter? Forward, down, kick, spinning kick.

[B]

Oh, my God, this is terrible.

[A]

It's one of the worst things I've ever said. It's one of the worst things I've ever said.

[B]

You're usually so good at this kind of thing.

[A]

You know, I think it's because I ate. I just ate this protein bar. I'm not even gonna say what it is slash weird.

[B]

Thank you, thank you, thank you. Thank you, guys. I hope. I hope you'll come back next week.

[A]

Oh, you think this one stung?

[B]

No, I thought it was great. I was just being adorably humble because my poem. Yeah, don't. Don't let the poem deter you from tuning back in.

[A]

It's my favorite moment. It was terrible. And we laughed.

[B]

I agree.

[A]

I love laughing.

[B]

I love laughing, too. All right, babies, keep it crispy.