We Made It Weird #108

Transcript

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You made it weird. Oh, yeah. You made it weird. You made it weird. Yes, you did made it weird. You made it weird with Pete Holmes. What's happening, weirdos? It's we made it weird108. For those of you new to school, let me show you where the cafeteria is. Let me show you where your classes are. Hey, I'm the cool guy. I have one roller skate on and a backwards beanie cap. Guys, this is a fun one. It's super fun, super casual. Lot of Val and I loved it. She blew my mind. She said many things that I want to engrave in precious metal and never forget. And she is a gift and I'm so happy and happier now that we've had this conversation. So I'm glad that you guys are here. What I was going to say to show you around school. This is the Friday episode that we considered a bonus episode where it's me and Val catching up. We finally have a little time to ourselves and we record basically our midweek date. Hope you enjoy it. We loved it. Come see me on stage. I'm doing a standup tour. Go to peteholmes.com that's my name.com peteholmes.com Toronto, as I always say, come on Toronto. Toronto is tonight. If you're hearing this and you're in Toronto and you didn't know I was performing, will you please rush out to the Bluma Appel Theater tonight October 14th for my show in Toronto, followed by Atlantic City and Boston. Those are all this weekend. After that it'll be basically once a month. November. No, not in December, but January and February once a month. Chicago, San Francisco, Portland, Seattle, Atlanta, Charlotte and Washington D.C. all of those are available at petomotec. Com. Also go to largo-la.com if you're going to be in the Los Angeles area. November 3rd, we're doing an incredible star studded benefit show for Homeboy Industries. You know I love father Greg Boyle. You know I love Homeboy Industries. It would mean a lot. I want to raise a ton of money for those guys. So go to largo-la.com and get tickets for the November 3rd standup and music show. Incredible music guest. I just confirmed today. Very, very, very excited. All right, let's listen to our ads. This show is brought to us by these ads. So check them out. And this episode is brought to us by our friends. I'm so grateful to be working. These are Pym Chews. Prepare your mind Original mood. And these I they don't leave my side. I have some in my car, obviously. I have some in my house, in my office. I have been swearing by them because frankly, I don't know why. This past week I've just been overwhelmed. Like a little bit of a flood of stress and anxiety. And that's exactly what Pym Chews are for. First of all, not only do they taste incredible, but they are support, natural support, giving your brain what it needs to cope with overwhelm, anxiety and and stress. They help you manage those feelings. And it's wonderful when you're feeling worried, stressed out, or as we like to say on we made it weird. Val and I always say you have a bee in your belly. Just that restless anxiety thing you can't quite land on yourself. To mix a metaphor, you just chew two of these delicious natural, citrus flavored, no sugar added chews. And literally, I can swear to this, it's changed my life in minutes. You feel more centered, calm and in control. In fact, I have quite a bit to do today, including record these intros. I was feeling a little overwhelmed and threw in a couple pym chews about 30 minutes ago. I didn't even think I'd be doing these intros today. I don't think it's a coincidence that these babies helped me get into that workflow state and not feeling overwhelmed. Literally the first time I tried them, I thought they were too good to be true. And I immediately bought some for my mom and my brother. Just so happy that anxiety and stress have a natural, non addictive, non psychoactive solution. I like taking it at the start of my day or at night to wind down or sometimes like I did today in the middle of my day to help me ease into my work. How do they work? Pym Chews are comprised of proven amino acid complexes and adaptogens that help support your brain and your body's ability to organically support your ability to manage and tolerate stress, anxiety and overwhelm. These are specifically formulated amino acids that target your neurotransmitters. Specifically the GABA system, a naturally occurring neurotransmitter that helps the body manage chronic stress. Supplying your body with gaba, L, theanine and rhodiola. Pym is on a mission to help end the stigma surrounding mental health and make a better mood accessible to all and for real. It's changed my life for the better and even better. A percentage of their profits, 1% goes towards mental health nonprofits, including Bring Change to Mind. It's a gentle, effective and natural Way to give your body the nutrition it needs to fight off stress. And I am happy to say that it works. And I'm so happy that they are here to support the show. So if you like this show and want to support your mood, your feelings of overwhelming anxiety and stress and support this show, go to youcan pym.com weird. You will get a discount by going to youcanpym.com weird and do your body a favor, do your brain a favor and show your support for this podcast. Last but not least, we're also brought to you by our friends at onnit. One of the oldest original Pete's picks is Alpha Brain. I'm holding it here because obviously I keep it here on my desk. Alpha Brain is earth grown ingredients. It is not a stimulant. It is a supplement. Supplement is too, too. It's not quite right. It's like giving your creativity fish food. If your ideas are fish, Alpha Brain is like the fish food you sprinkle on top. Helps with memory, helps with focus, helps me to dial in anytime I have to do something that involves my brain. If it's this podcast, if it's these intros that I'm recording right now, stand up comedy, writing, acting, even just going on a date with Val and I want a full access to my brain. I will take a few alpha brain 20, 30 minutes beforehand. Like I say, it's not a stimulant. It's not like coffee, it's not an upper. It just gives your brain the earth grown nutrition that it needs to function at its best. So if you're doing something for your work or maybe for your, for your fun, for your fun. If it involves your brain, why not optimize your brain? I swear I've been taking these for over, I don't know, six, seven, eight, nine years. And I keep them in my car, in the office, in my travel bag. I panic if I don't have them. Not because it doesn't give me that like, coffee feeling. It just gives me that feeling that I have what I need to function brain wise at my highest. So it's an absolute game changer and you can try it and show your support of this podcast by going to onnit o n n I t.com weird. You'll get 10% off everything you see on that landing page. Go to onnit.com weird get some Alpha Brain. Support your brain, support this show and show your support. All right, everybody, hope to see you on the road. In the meantime, enjoy. We made it weird. Number108. Get into it. I was just. I was just. Hi.

Summary

Podcast Summary: You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes – We Made It Weird #108

Release Date: October 14, 2022
Host: Pete Holmes
Guest: Val (Valerie Chaney, Pete’s wife)

Overview – Main Theme & Purpose

This episode continues the tradition of “We Made It Weird”—a more casual, intimate Friday bonus series within Pete Holmes’ regular show. Pete and Val, life partners, use this special entry (#108) to unpack their relationship quirks, personal insecurities, anxiety triggers, and how humor, vulnerability, and mindfulness can help normalize “secret weirdness.” The conversation veers from playful banter and bodily function jokes to deep dives into anxiety, personal growth, and messages of validation for listeners.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Making It Weird: Playful Banter and Intimacy

Opening Energy and Vocal Play (07:09–08:33):
- Pete and Val riff on vocal tongue-twisters. Pete jokes about kisses being “buttholes touching,” while Val describes a kiss as “You’re so yummy I want to eat you, but I’m just going to rub my mouth on you instead.”
- Quote: Pete: “What is a kiss? Let’s make our face look like buttholes and touch it together and then, like, poop little tongues if you’re really into it.” (08:10)
Nudity and Relationship Rituals (13:17–14:20):
- They discuss the playful, casual attitude they have towards nudity and affirming each other.
- Val notes Pete always acknowledges seeing her nude, leading Pete to joke about their “cash-nude” (cashmere = casual nude) marriage.

2. Validation and Insecurity in Relationships

Validation and Relationship Needs (13:31–15:20):
- Pete confesses: “What’s sort of embarrassing about talking about what you like in your relationship is you get a glimpse at what I need.”
First Impressions and the Desire to Be Liked (15:46–16:39):
- Pete admits he instinctively sizes up people based on whether he thinks he can make them like him:
  
  “Most of my new people in my life, I have that knee jerk reaction. I like them or I don't like them... operates on an on off principle of do they like me or can I make them like me?” (16:19)
- Val validates this, noting that most people share this need.

3. Judgment, Social Anxiety, and Fart Jokes (16:39–21:28)

Pete discusses judging others as a self-protection mechanism and fixating on people who seem “unreachable” (e.g., a rich guy at lunch).
Extended, humorous conversation about farting in relationships versus cars (“I’ve never farted in the new car... a car will go, I’m gonna remember this, like, in the cushion”).
Analogy of “dogs sneaking out” for bodily gas as a metaphor for relationship openness.

4. Childhood Coping, Trauma, and the Need for Control (21:29–29:00)

Pete connects his tendencies back to childhood, needing to “control” relationships for safety due to his family environment.
The couple talk about how hard it is to remember their best coping tools when triggered by old family dynamics.
- Quote: Val: “Practice is just trying to remember… that’s why having a lot of different tools is helpful.” (29:02)

5. Personal Anxiety and Self-Soothing (29:45–39:39)

Val discusses her anticipatory anxiety around Pete leaving for tour—how trauma “takes over” and how, even when tools are available, anxiety can feel insurmountable.
Pete describes pre-show anxiety manifesting as dreams about missing his set list.
Both share real-life strategies: reframing anxieties, scheduling worries, and differentiating between actual experiences and imagined concerns.
- Quote: Val: “Our anxiety lives in the future. It’s telling scary stories about the future and usually pulling from experiences of the past.” (36:41)

6. Mindfulness, Safety, and Self-Acceptance (39:40–50:12)

Conversation shifts to practical mindfulness—being present as a way to “accordion out” (stretch and space) worries and not get overwhelmed.
They decide to offer a “mini-benediction” or message of hope to listeners.
- Pete: “You’re safe, even if there are people who don’t like you... It’s okay that that person doesn’t like you. Not everybody has to like you.”
- Val: “For those people whose belief—‘I don’t care what people think about me’—has hardened, you are safe letting people like you.”
Acknowledgement that full safety is rare; the world is “safe enough, enough of the time” (Val quoting her therapist at 49:55).

7. The Myth of Constant Happiness (52:45–55:30)

Val disputes the Western myth that happiness is a constant, achievable state, calling it “not human nature.”
They discuss spiritual teachers (Greg Boyle, Eckhart Tolle, Rupert Spira) and challenge the idea that enlightenment equates to never feeling bad emotions.
- Quote: Val: “You should be happy all the time and that’s achievable—which just isn’t natural. That’s not human nature.” (53:03)
Pete recounts how Tolle, when his microphone failed, simply stated: “I’m not irritated at all.” (55:37)

8. Messages of Hope and Validation (59:09–63:46)

Val offers a meditation: reflect on all the challenges you’ve weathered and realize “you got through all of that, and you’re still here... just because you’re feeling it doesn’t mean you’re not getting through it.”
Pete provides further reassurance: “By virtue of being here is your pass. It’s your ticket to the party. You belong here because you’re here.”
Father Boyle’s message is paraphrased: "You are exactly what God had in mind when he made you." (63:46)
Both remind listeners: Humans are part of nature. “You are nature, and you belong here.” (63:52)

9. Final Playfulness and Sign-Off (64:44–65:56)

Pete improvises a silly “poem” about Street Fighter, queefs, and “Zangief”—much to Val’s horror and amusement.
The episode ends with mutual laughter and the signature phrase: “Keep it crispy.”

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

On Kisses:
Pete: “Let’s make our face look like buttholes and touch it together and then, like, poop little tongues if you’re really into it.” (08:10)
On Validation:
Val: “You never once… changed… you never have. And I probably wouldn’t have noticed, but… you came really close and I was like [gasp]… sometimes if you’re talking or deep in conversation, it’ll just be an eye. Like an eye-widening.” (14:32)
On Judgment and Safety:
Pete: “If I couldn't control you, that's it. You would become unsafe to me…my strategy [as a kid] was, I don't understand these people, but if I can get them to like me, I'll be okay.” (18:24)
On Anxiety:
Val: “Our anxiety lives in the future. It's telling scary stories about the future and usually pulling from experiences of the past.” (36:41)
On Mindfulness:
Val: “Life is designed to give you things in bite sized pieces. It's our minds that make us think that it's all crazy and we're overwhelmed.” (39:13)
On Belonging:
Pete: “By virtue of being here is your pass. It's your ticket to the party. You belong here because you're here... If you can hear my voice, you're here. You belong here.” (63:39)

Important Timestamps

07:09 – Tongue twisters and making it weird
13:17 – Pete and Val’s “cash-nude” relationship rituals
15:46 – Pete’s confessions about snap judgments and being liked
18:24 – Childhood roots of Pete’s coping mechanisms
29:45 – Val on anticipatory anxiety and self-soothing strategies
36:41 – Reframing future-oriented anxiety
39:40 – Mindfulness as a tool for easing overwhelm
47:32 – Pete’s benediction: It’s okay not everyone likes you
49:55 – Val on "the world is safe enough, enough of the time"
53:03 – Challenging the myth of constant happiness
55:37 – Eckhart Tolle and the broken microphone anecdote
59:09 – Val’s mini-meditation on surviving hardship
63:39 – Message of belonging and worth
64:44 – Improvised poem and silly end-of-episode laughter

Tone & Language

The episode’s tone is a quintessential blend of Pete Holmes’ earnest introspection and irreverent humor, interspersed with Valerie’s thoughtful, validating insights and quick wit. Both speakers toggle between authenticity—sharing their fears, growth, and relationship quirks—and absurd humor, offering listeners a relatable, uplifting (and hilarious) lens on everyday weirdness.

For New Listeners

This episode is emblematic of the “We Made It Weird” series: candid, deeply personal, silly, and wise. It’s equally about laughing at the weird stuff we all share, and holding space for each other through life’s anxieties and challenges. Val, in particular, offers several therapeutic and compassionate takeaways, while Pete models radical honesty and self-acceptance—making this a comforting listen for anyone wrestling with anxiety, belonging, or the question: “Am I the only weirdo?”

Signature Sign-off:
“All right, babies, keep it crispy.”