Transcript

A (0:00)

You made it with.

B (0:01)

You made it with.

A (0:03)

You made it with. Oh yeah, you made it with. Yes you did. You made it weird with Pete Holmes.

B (0:15)

What's happening weirdos?

A (0:16)

Hey, what's happening? Hey, hey.

B (0:19)

What's happening weirdos?

A (0:20)

This is a coffee date. We did it at 9:30 in the morning and I loved it.

B (0:24)

I loved it too. We usually have an off mic coffee date and this time we just did it on. We did in front of some microphones.

A (0:31)

What you do off you should do on. Let's just get to it as quickly as possible. Come see me on the road petehomes.com if you want to come see me do stand up. Just, just go look and see. I'm not going to list the dates. And here are the ads. It's Chris, it's, it's the holiday Christ time. And if you want, why not get a Pete's pick for yourself or someone you love? Here are the ads. They support the show. Try them out. Valerie. Why not try a Pete's pick like our friends at ritual? When I travel, speaking of being on the road, there's only two vitamins, two bottles of pills. I take a lot of different things, some for sleep, some for this. But the only ones that I absolutely always, always, always take with me are my ritual multivitamin and my ritual Synbiotic plus. Synbiotic plus is my pre pro and postbiotic. What does that mean? It means it's all of my gut health in one easy to take delayed release pill, which means it delays release which waits until it's in your lower intestine, which is where it needs to be to actually be effective. Probiotic, which means gut health. Your gut is basically like a second brain and keeping it healthy is super, super important for virtually every area of your life. Not to mention my ritual multivitamin. As a mostly vegan person, I'm deficient in a lot of vitamins that used to be in our soil, that used to be in our food. And now taking my ritual multivitamin, when I go to the doctor, I get no notes. No notes. And I can take it on an empty stomach, which is huge because if you, I don't know if you've ever taken something like zinc on an empty stomach, it will make you vomit. But ritual has a delayed release and a minty taste, so, so it gets into your system and breaks down in the lower parts into the lower intestine where you can actually absorb this stuff. But putting a Highlight on Synbiotic plus, the Propri Postbiotic contains two of the world's most studied strains. With over 350 publications of human clinical trials. It is a 3 in 1 clinically studied. As I mentioned, prebiotic, probiotic and postbiotic to support a balanced gut micro microbiome. It doesn't need to be refrigerated, which is huge. As I mentioned, I take it with me when I travel. It's a single nested minty capsule, which means it leaves a nice minty aftertaste in your mouth and it is designed to thrive, as I mentioned, delayed release, so it will break down in your colon, not the stomach, which is the ideal place for your probiotics to survive and grow. So show your body some love, show your gut some support, and show your support of this podcast. Symbiotic plus and Ritual are here to celebrate, not hide your insides. There's no more shame in your gut game to try making something new easier. Ritual is offering weirdos 10% off their first three months when you shop online@ritual.com weird or if you prefer to shop in person, Ritual is now available at Whole Foods Market. But why not use the promo code and show that these ads are working? That's how we keep the lights on. Go to ritual.com weird do your body a favor and and show your support of this show. Speaking of products that I love and have changed my life. Living libations. You guys have heard us talk about living libations for many years. Our whole household is a living libations family. What does that mean? It's skin care, it's hair care, it's oral care. Everything that you put on or in your body for beauty reasons, for health reasons, to look good, to feel good. Living Libations has got you covered. Years ago, I realized I was being very careful about what I ate and what I put inside, but I wasn't being very careful about what I put on my body. When it comes to things like moisturizers or shaving creams or even dental care, a lot of these things are filled with chemicals and are linked to toxicity levels and disease. Stuff that is just never intended for human beings. So I was like, there's got to be another way to do this. There's gotta be skincare, for example, where I can read the ingredients and actually pronounce and recognize them. Because I want my food to be stuff that I recognize and I want my skin care to be the same. Enter Living libations. I now use their zinc based sunscreen. It's called Love the Sun. We use that for Leela every morning when we're getting her ready for. For preschool. Obviously you want to put good things on your kids skin. Their love the sun is the only one that I found that is actually natural. Meaning there's a lot of them that you see online that say they're natural, but they're absolutely not. They're still filled with chemicals. They're just a little bit clever about it. But the Living libation sun sun protection is actually zinc based and real and natural. I use their ginger exfoliating scrub, which I always say is not only natural and has ingredients I recognize, but it's the most badass exfoliant I've ever used in my life. I use their Zen shave. Both Val and I use their best skin ever moisturizer before bed. Smells great, feels great going on, and keeps your skin looking vibrant and. And alive because it's made with ingredients that are vibrant and alive. But this is a great company to support the show because I promise, if you want to buy something little or you want to do a complete house overhaul like we did, they have lots of stuff ranging from you can get a tongue scraper at Living Libations, or you could completely rehaul your entire beauty cabinet. Living Libations has a premium, natural and wonderful product to replace the random chemical nightmares that too many of us are used to. So go to livinglibations.com and use promo code GRATITUDEWEIRD. One word, capital G, capital D, capital W. Excuse me? GRATITUDEIRD, capital G, capital W. And that will get you your discount. That is 15% off, which is pretty great. And show your support of this podcast. Just go to livinglibations.com and use that promo code GRATITUDEWEIRD. All right, everybody, hope to see you on the road. Here is. We made it weird. Do you know the number?

Summary

Podcast Summary: We Made It Weird #116

Podcast: You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes
Hosts: Pete Holmes & Valerie Chaney
Date: December 9, 2022

Main Theme

This episode captures Pete Holmes and Valerie Chaney in a free-flowing, intimate conversation during a “coffee date” at 9:30 in the morning. Their dialogue moves through playful banter, food and holiday associations, relationships, spiritual practices (especially A Course in Miracles and Buddhism), childhood influences, emotional honesty, boundaries, and healing. The tone is warm, funny, self-deprecating, and at times deeply vulnerable.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Coffee Date Vibes & Holiday Banter

00:20–11:00

Pete and Val talk about the change of recording in the morning instead of their “off-mic” coffee dates.
They riff on holiday songs and the word “Aboriginal” ("It's funny because it has the word original in it, and abs. A lot of them have abs, if I'm being honest. The hunting, the gathering lifestyle..." — Pete, 07:10).
Their banter morphs into playful absurdity, as they make up holiday puns (“Happy Hollandaise”) and reflect on Pete never having had eggs Benedict or Hollandaise sauce, leading to a foodie tangent.

2. Risky Foods, Oysters, and Rituals of Eating

11:18–18:00

Discussion about Anthony Bourdain’s aversion to hollandaise and mussels, segueing into “bad oyster” as a gross-out phrase for Pete.
Val shares childhood stories about Humboldt County’s Oyster Fest, the social aspects, and developing a taste for oysters later in life ("The whole town came together... I loved going to oysterfest because the whole town got together and just got schmammered." — Val, 16:43).
Humorous, slightly gross riffs on oyster-related wordplay (e.g., “Slurp and Swallow” as an oyster bar name, and the failed “Goisters” sketch about tube oystering).

3. Relationship Dynamics, Judgement, and Intimacy

18:31–22:30

The couple discusses sexual preferences, privacy, and the feeling of “alone time” even during intimate acts. Pete uses humor to defuse the awkwardness.
They touch on how relationship boundaries and preferences can change and how honesty about desires is important ("No one’s looking and you're just kind of like alone." — Pete, 19:09).

4. Spiritual Practices: A Course in Miracles, Judgement, and Mercy

21:54–42:00

Pete shares his current spiritual practice (A Course in Miracles), emphasizing confrontation with negative thoughts ("...you literally today the practice is to sit, close your eyes, and willingly invoke all of your hateful thoughts... and say, I could see peace instead of this." — Pete, 22:21).
The duo dives into the internal landscape of judgment, defense mechanisms, and childhood wounds (internal family systems, “protector” and “exile” concepts).
Notable analogy: defenders in your mind as WWII soldiers who never received the message the war is over; how healing is about honoring rather than shaming your defenses.
Texting and boundaries: They explore how feelings of anger or overwhelm often indicate poor boundary-setting, not simply the actions of others ("The anger... comes from an inability on our part to set good boundaries, so we're taking it out on them." — Val, 31:43).

5. Projection, Guilt, and Spiritual Forgiveness

34:23–42:00

Pete illustrates projection by recounting feelings toward a friend, “Bon Belaney,” who rarely replies to texts. He links this to the psychological idea of projecting internal guilt outward, wanting others to be “guilty” so he can be “innocent.”
The conversation explores how spiritual paths, like the Course, ask one to notice these impulses, forgive the external world, and reclaim internal peace.
They reflect on the paradox of feeling both overwhelmed by communication yet hurt when others do not reciprocate, using it as an example of how easily we cast ourselves as victims ("I'm the victim when people text me, and I'm the victim when people don't reply to my liking." — Pete, 41:47).

6. Family Influences, Fear, and Judgment

43:14–58:52

Pete and Val examine Pete’s upbringing in a judgment-heavy household, and how that shaped his mind for stand-up comedy and his own inner work.
Pete describes how parental models (especially his father) made fear and judgment his default lens, and how this ties to inherited ideas of God as punishing or distant ("I felt like a gazelle, and there was one lion in the crowd." — Pete, 58:48).
Pete discusses a recent vulnerable moment with his father, who showed up at Pete’s show after being told not to—leading to a conversation about fear, respect, and God.
The pair touch on how family dynamics often set the template for adult spirituality and self-conception.

7. The Core Teachings of A Course in Miracles and Buddhism

61:17–79:44

Pete unpacks the Course’s metaphysics: Non-duality, guilt, the “tiny mad idea” of separation from God, and the notion that the only true choice is between love and fear.
The pair compare and contrast Course language with Buddhist teachings of non-separation, compassion towards objects, impermanence, and mindfulness.
Buddhism’s comfort with impermanence and interconnectedness is contrasted with the Course’s view of the material as illusory, yet both converge on compassion and awareness (“Choose again,” is the centerpiece lesson).
The discussion lands on the daily practice of recognizing patterns, surrendering to feelings, and then making conscious choices to shift energy ("The last chapter of the text is called 'Choose Again.'” — Pete, 76:53).

8. Emotional Honesty and Surrender (Miscarriage, Grief, and Healing)

83:10–89:20

Val vulnerably shares her recent miscarriage, the second during their attempts at having another child, and the resulting grief coloring her emotional landscape.
The couple talk through the balance between surrender (feeling what is honestly present) and choice (consciously shifting emotional states).
Val uses the metaphor of a toddler’s tantrum over a lost toy, illustrating the importance of both emotional validation and knowing when to help oneself move on.

9. Poetic Coda: Mary Oliver

91:34–93:28

Val closes the episode with Mary Oliver’s poem “Can You Imagine?”, a reflection on the silent joy and patience of trees—a metaphor for steadfastness, contentment, and presence.

"Surely you can't imagine they just stand there loving every minute of it... patience and happiness like that." —Mary Oliver, quoted by Valerie, 93:03

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

“It’s funny because it has the word original in it, and abs. A lot of them have abs, if I’m being honest.” — Pete (07:10)
“Happy Hollandaise. And also a breakfast song.” — Pete (09:32)
“Slurp and Swallow would be a great name for an oyster bar.” — Valerie (15:35)
“I like 69 because it’s like a privacy booth... no one’s looking.” — Pete (19:03)
“You say to those thoughts... ‘I could see peace instead of this.’” — Pete (22:41)
“What I come back to again and again... if I actually had better boundaries, I wouldn’t have such a flare up...” — Valerie (32:03)
“You want him to be guilty. The Course would say you dreamt him... so you could tell God, ‘See, I’m good, I try to stay in touch. They abandon me.’” — Pete (35:41)
“I was happy with just, like, let’s just nibble the corner of a cracker.” — Pete (35:53)
“Parents and family systems set the template for our relationship to God.” — Pete (61:17 paraphrased)
“The last chapter of the text is called Choose Again.” — Pete (76:53)
“Surely you can’t imagine they just stand there loving every minute of it... patience and happiness like that.” — Mary Oliver (read by Valerie, 93:03)

Timestamps for Important Segments

00:20–11:00: Coffee date, holiday riffs, “Aboriginal,” Eggs Benedict, foodie detours
11:18–18:00: Oysters, “Goisters” sketch, Oyster Fest memories
18:31–22:30: Sexual honesty, privacy, comedy about intimacy
21:54–42:00: A Course in Miracles, negative thoughts, internal family systems, boundary-setting
34:23–42:00: Projecting guilt, texting, being a “victim”
43:14–58:52: Family influence, childhood, Pete’s father, show incident
61:17–79:44: Core teachings of the Course and Buddhism, oneness, impermanence, “Choose Again”
83:10–89:20: Val’s miscarriage and grief, emotional surrender vs. choice
91:34–93:28: Mary Oliver poem as a closing meditation

Summary Tone & Feel

The episode balances Pete and Valerie’s trademark goofy, loving riffing with a deep dive into spiritual and emotional growth. It feels like being at an intimate brunch with two thoughtful, vulnerable friends alternately making you laugh, think, and feel deeply seen.

For New Listeners

This episode is a great representation of both the humorous and profound aspects of We Made It Weird. You get the hosts’ silly side early, but the majority of the show is rooted in honest dialogue about healing, emotional awareness, and spiritual practice—with plenty of relatable, real-life examples and a dose of poetry at the end.

Closing Moment

"Would you? All right, babies, keep it crispy."
— Pete & Val, sign-off