We Made It Weird #142

Summary

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You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

Episode: We Made It Weird #142

Date: July 1, 2023
Host: Pete Holmes
Co-Host: Valerie (Val)

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Episode Overview

In this deeply candid and characteristically whimsical episode, Pete Holmes and his wife Valerie welcome listeners to an unusually vulnerable “We Made It Weird.” As always, they blend humor, spiritual musing, therapy-level introspection, and relationship banter. The first half leans playful and tangential, riffing on teachers, weird childhood rituals, and body image; the second half dives into real-time unpacking of a significant life decision Val is wrestling with—should she buy a dance studio business or throw herself further into filmmaking? Along the way, Pete and Val deconstruct doubt, creative callings, self-worth, and the messy but essential process of honoring your authentic yes—even (or especially) when uncomfortable.

Pete opens the show urging listeners not to skip the second half: “It's vulnerable and it's crispy and honest, which I think is really special.” (00:20)

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Childhood Memories, Teachers, and “Weirdness”

[05:37–25:00]

• Pete and Val reminisce about school experiences, particularly the quirks and misguided moments of memorable teachers.

  • Pete describes a teacher with a walrus mustache—“a human Birkenstock”—who would comment on students’ snack choices: “Chaney, I would think your diet would be a little more eco groovy than a zebra cake.” (11:10, Val quoting teacher)
  • The duo acknowledges how teachers’ eccentricities both annoyed and oddly endeared them.
  • Pete tells a story about a teacher named Sal Lopez, whose inappropriate classroom banter stuck with him for years. “He was shaped like the number eight… like Danny DeVito had a growth spurt.” (15:12, Pete)

• They riff on evangelical youth culture rituals (“see you at the pole”) and the absurdity of Christian insults (“she was being kind of a see you at the pole”—08:53, Pete).

• Both reflect on how our insecurities can manifest as jealousy when others are being authentic and joyful.

  • “Most of the time when someone is like that and I'm grumpy, it's jealousy… It's like, God, I know how that feels. I wish I felt that good.” (13:02, Pete)

2. Spiritual Practice, Perception, and Internal Doubt

[23:22–33:44]

• Pete opens up about his ongoing meditation and spiritual practices, referencing “A Course in Miracles” and comparing perception to the Matrix code—“the cascading code that you see, that is everything” (24:23).

• He relates a recent experience in meditation where a doubting “apparition” of himself appeared in his mind, criticizing his spiritual pursuits as fantasy.

  • “I had this moment where I was like, go ahead [God], it's fine… Everyone dissolves in the heart of God. We all go together or we don’t go at all.” (25:00, Pete)
  • “I saw a translucent me going like, ‘This doesn't work. That's why you're not gonna like, snap out of the dream. There's nothing to wake up from. When are you going to grow up and realize it's just a hobby and stupid?’” (27:16, Pete)

• They reflect on how our inner critic or “protector” tries to shield us from embarrassment and disappointment.

  • “I do think that voice is probably a protector. It doesn't want to be embarrassed.” (31:17, Val)

• The conversation expands into the comfort (and danger) of materialism as a world-view, and the pull between skepticism and “woo-woo” openness.

3. Creative Block, Resistance, and Pursuit of the “Right” Challenge

[43:43–63:55]

• Pete talks transparently about pressures related to the Hollywood strikes and existential financial anxieties, noting that when dreams come true you can paradoxically lose a sense of community:

  • “When your dreams come true… you become a bit of an outlier… What's underreported is when you're outside, you lose the community.” (45:24, Pete)

• Val describes, in real-time, considering whether to purchase a dance studio business:

  • The appeal: having something of her own, contributing financially, being challenged, not defined by Pete’s career.
  • The stress: her own low “pain tolerance” for admin tasks, worrying about whether she genuinely wants the gig, and if it’s the right “yes.”

• Pete, as an Enneagram 3, discusses his low pain tolerance for his wife's distress; Val, as a 9, unpacks how she processes big choices and admits to feeling paralyzed by overanalyzing all sides:

  • "My head will, like, work overtime... I just want to be able to sit in a room alone and think about this." (54:54, Val)

• Both discuss their roles and dynamics in their partnership as the decision weighs on them, noting how support can empower but also unintentionally disempower.

4. The Decisive Moment: Honoring Authenticity and Intuition

[58:53–66:00]

• After two weeks of agonizing, Val describes a breakthrough: when she finally sits alone in silence, clarity comes suddenly and decisively. She realizes the dance studio isn’t her true path right now—the “yes” belongs to her film project.

  • “The answer just totally arrived… When it was a no, not right now, it was just like, yeah, that's right. There was no like, but am I just taking the easy way out? Am I quitting something because it's hard? … this was like a deep, clear, gut intuition thing.” (59:56, Val)

• Pete connects Val’s process to creative resistance, referencing “The War of Art” by Steven Pressfield:

  • “Resistance is like an aspect of your ego... Another thing comes along and you change horses in the stream.” (61:30, Pete)
  • They liken the business opportunity to “the perfect date on paper,” but Val says about her film: “I wanted to sit on his face… there’s an undeniable chemistry.” (64:43, Val)

• Val realizes she’s a “seasonal being” and needs novelty and growth, not long-term business maintenance.

  • “It's one of my favorite things about show business… you do a thing and then it ends… It's always something different.” (63:00, Pete)
  • “I'm a seasonal being… I don't want to be necessarily doing the same thing for years and years.” (63:36, Val)

5. Relationship Lessons & Role Reversal

[66:00–76:00]

• Pete discusses his tendency to avoid discomfort—even when it would help Val grow.

  • “I'm going to work on trying to be more comfortable with you being uncomfortable, because that can be okay.” (73:29, Pete)

• They reflect on their role reversal (“Usually I’m the one ruminating, but this time Val needed to stew”) and agree it was healthy for both.

• They also discuss the challenge and excitement of supporting Val if her movie takes off, including the potential for being apart during a film shoot.

6. Privilege, Opportunity, and Self-Empowerment

[76:21–80:59]

• The conversation concludes with musings on privilege, “nepo babies,” and the reality that opportunity means little without courage and action.
  • “I know hundreds of people that received those privileges… money, support, community, education, access, and did Dick. Most people don’t get in the car… they just love knowing they have one." (77:57, Pete)
  • “If we're talking about Tony Robbins-ing it, it's not a foregone conclusion. Support is essential and we need to give it. But it doesn't mean you don't deserve credit.” (78:52, Pete)
• Pete praises Val's courage to own her creative desire, imagining her as "a blood covered Amazonian warrior with a fresh puma pelt on her back and a vibrating singing beaver." (79:39, Pete)

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Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On vulnerability:

  • "It's vulnerable and it's crispy and it's honest, which I think is really special. So be sure to listen to the second half." [00:20 — Pete]

• On quirky teachers:

  • “He had a walrus mustache… he was like a human Birkenstock.” [11:11 — Val on her favorite teacher]

• On spiritual doubt:

  • “That vision of doubt is made of the Matrix code... You’re given awareness and time and space and this fucking insane miracle... and with the ink we write, 'There's no God, there's no point. This is stupid.'” [28:23 — Pete]

• Val on overthinking:

  • “I only see all sides of things, and it can be very paralyzing.” [54:03 — Val]

• Pete on creative resistance:

  • “Resistance is a genius... one of the forms is: another thing comes along and you change horses in the stream.” [61:30 — Pete]

• Val on intuition:

  • “I let my body, like, process it… I went from hours before being like, ‘what am I gonna do?’ to having such calm clarity.” [65:00 — Val]

• On the right opportunity:

  • “It’s like a date where you’re like, ‘He’s perfect on paper’... but the date with your movie is like, I wanted to sit on his face.” [64:43 — Val]

• On privilege and agency:

  • “A lot of people leave that car [privilege] in the driveway. Some people get in the car, and they still deserve credit for getting in the car.” [78:39 — Pete]

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Key Timestamps

• Intro & Episode setup – 00:00–05:37
• Riffing: coffee, school, weird teachers – 05:37–25:00
• Spirituality, perception, doubt – 23:22–33:44
• Hollywood strikes / financial anxieties – 43:43–47:45
• Val considering buying a dance business – 48:02–54:00
• Enneagram, processing tough decisions – 54:03–56:30
• Val’s breakthrough: honoring her “no” – 58:53–60:17
• Creative resistance / War of Art discussion – 60:39–63:55
• Seasonal nature & fulfilling creative paths – 63:55–66:00
• Relationship, discomfort, & independence – 66:00–76:00
• Privilege, merit, and agency – 76:21–80:59

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Tone & Language

The episode maintains Pete and Val’s hallmark playful, gently self-deprecating, conversational tone. The dialogue is peppered with bits of absurdist humor, raw honesty, and affectionate ribbing. Even as they discuss worries and doubts, there's a spirit of open-hearted curiosity and gratitude.

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Final Takeaway

This uniquely candid episode offers a masterclass in real-time self-exploration and partnership—showing how big decisions are rarely clean, how authenticity often requires uncomfortable sorting, and how the best “yes” is the one that survives uncertainty, discomfort, and honest self-inquiry.

“I hope it inspires and comforts... How rare it is in real time to unpack and actually be vulnerable and grow.” [80:46 — Pete]

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Transcript

[A]

You made it weird. You made it weird.

[B]

You made it weird.

[A]

Oh, yeah.

[B]

You made it weird. Yes, you did. You made it weird with Pete Holmes.

[A]

What's happening, weirdos?

[B]

What a great one.

[A]

Yeah, this was a very special one.

[B]

It was. I always say this, but, like, the first half, we're shooting the shit, we're having some laughs. So second half, I think rare podcast air, meaning.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Val and I were going through a, like, a life decision and we haven't had a chance to talk and we talked about it on the podcast. So it's like real fresh. Fresh. And it's vulnerable and it's crispy and it's. And it's honest, which I think is really special. So be sure to listen to the second half. And if you don't like the first half, I just skipped to the second half. But I think you will like the first half.

[A]

I really.

[B]

I. I enjoyed both. I mean, where it got, like, kind of different is the second half. So. Yeah, check that out. I am on tour. Go to petehomes.com be adding some dates there. And as you guys know, we do ads a little bit differently. I only do thing ads for things that we actually use and actually love. I don't even know what the ads are this week. I know, I know they're. I know they're Pete's Picks, but I've been giving. Andrew Rannells just did the pod, and I gave him Modern Mammals and Magic Mind, and I'm just like, I fucking.

[A]

Love, love your shit.

[B]

Yeah. But I love having a stable of products. It sounds so stupid to say a stable product. I just mean, like, these are the things.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That I love.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Living libations. Like perfect jeans. And it feels good. I got my Apollo vibrating on social right now.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it just feels honest and nice. So if you want to try something that I like, it does support the show and we appreciate it. So, Katie, roll them that beautiful bean footage. Also, if you'd like to support the show, why not try a Pete's Pick? We only do ads for things I actually use and actually love. And I'm so excited to introduce a new Pete's Pick. Pete's Pick, which is bird dogs. This episode is brought to us by my new favorite, best looking, best feeling shorts I've ever owned. Bird dogs. I'll show them. These are my bird dogs. I was just. For those of you in the. Watching the video, I was just swimming. I've never been a big shorts guy. I don't like swim trunks, even though I Love swimming. But bird dogs are literally here to change all of that. Especially now that summer. I love liberating my legs and getting in water as often as I can. And now, thanks to my dogs, the dogs, I can do so feeling totally comfortable and looking and feeling really, really good. Bird dogs make you look good. They have stretch khaki shorts that are designed to fit slimmer through the thigh and your leg, giving you truly sculpted look. Basically doing the same thing Lululemon does. But let's be honest, it's a plus that it is not Lululemon. And it looks way better. They're not stiff, it's not restricting cotton. Bird dogs have fixed this issue by inventing cloud knit fabric that looks just like khaki, but stretches to get you a way slimmer fit without having to sacrifice movement. And bird dog uses anti stink, anti sweat. It's sweat wicking fabric that keeps you cool and dry all day long. These chunks that I'm wearing right now not only fit great and look great, but they dry really quickly and they look incredible in and out of the water. So go to birddogs.com weird and you will get a free yeti style tumbler with your order. That's birddogs.com weird. Support the show, get some awesome shorts or some swim trunks and get a free yeti style tumbler. You won't want to take your bird dogs off, we promise you. It's also brought to us by our friends at Living Libations. You guys know I'm mindful of what I put in my body. But years ago, I realized I wasn't being very careful about what I put on my body, which, of course, these things end up in your body. I was buying shaving cream. You guys know neon blue shaving goo isn't good for your body. These are filled with chemicals linked to disease and toxicity levels never intended for humans. And I realized I want to eat food. Food where I recognize the ingredients and I want my skin care to be the same. Enter living libations. Not only the best and deep down, most effective skin care, hair care, eye care, teeth and baby products I've ever found. I'm sweating because I just got out of the pool. But also the most natural, made exclusively with plants and oils and extracts that not only will you recognize, but you'll be able to easily pronounce now that it's summer. Having a natural zinc based sunblock for Leela, our daughter is so important and so many of them. I've done my research that claim to be Natural just are not. But Living Libations love the sun. Sunblock not only works great, lasts long on your body, and lasts long in the bottle, but also we can feel great about putting it on ourselves and on our daughter all summer long. So this is a great way to support the show. Get something small, get something big, whatever you want to replace. Something in your medicine cabinet, something in your hair care, skin, face, body, eyes, teeth, even babies. Living Libations has a premium, natural and wonderful product to replace the random chemical nightmare they sell at. 7, 11. 15% off. Go to living libations.com weird. 15% off and show your support of the show. That's living libations.com weird. All right, everybody, it's. We made it weird. It's 1 1. I think it's 142. You're great.

[A]

All right, go ahead and get into it. Doesn't this look like such a dainty lady coffee? It's in, like, a thin glass. It's. It's like colored. Yeah. Okay. It's. I'm starting to sweat. It's got. It's like, got ice and.

[B]

I can't handle. Even fake. Oh, my God. You're just enjoying that.

[A]

I'm so enjoying this. It's like, exactly what I wanted. You know, these days I drink two coffees every morning.

[B]

Clink it in the mic again.

[A]

Comes from a place called Bonito. That's the beans we get.

[B]

Can you make it a little less frantic?

[A]

I'll take direction. I'm not above it.

[B]

I know you will.

[A]

I'm not a Ziva.

[B]

You will. That's what I was looking for.

[A]

Oh, I can't even really hear it, but I love it.

[B]

It's the rocking chair.

[A]

I'll tell you, Val, the days are long and the days are slow. Let's go down to Mexico.

[B]

Oh, my God. This is R A, R E. Is this a bloody steak? Because you are jazzed and I'm sort of metazed.

[A]

I don't believe it. I'll believe it when I sneeze it.

[B]

I just. I just walked home and I got pretty, pretty cooked.

[A]

I'm just saying. Usually you start these pods or it's. It's one of the ways this goes is that you start the pod. Pod being like, I'm just kind of chill today. And then like, cut to five minutes.

[B]

Later.

[A]

And the mashed potatoes. I can't even fake your mania. I went straight to mashed potatoes.

[B]

If you could, that would be great. That'd be two of me. We could both tour Making the books, making the bucks. That's not true.

[A]

I'm so glad I'm dead weight.

[B]

No, that, that did sound like that a little bit. And that's why I didn't like it. I started to walk it back immediately. I'm so grateful for the ways that you're not like me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Speaking of.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Just a little. Anybody have any prayer requests or praises to share testimony? Who's got a praise to share?

[A]

I have a praise report. We used to call it praise report.

[B]

Okay, I have a raise the praise. That was a thing. R A Z. The P, A Z. Oh, God. P, no, no, P, R a Z.

[A]

That's so dumb.

[B]

And we used to call it raz the prize.

[A]

Of course, Ras the prize.

[B]

You gonna raz the prize. Raz the prize was in the era of like, see you at the poll and stuff. So first we'd raise the praise and then the next day would see them at the pole.

[A]

Was it see you at the pole or was it meet you at the pole? Meet me at the pole?

[B]

It was see you at the pole.

[A]

C U N T, you're being a.

[B]

Real see you at the pole right now.

[A]

It almost works.

[B]

Christian insults. Yeah, she was being kind of a see you at the pole.

[A]

A cut. A cut, yeah.

[B]

I'm sure I've said this before, but see you at the pole. I would always just like run in at the last second and hold hands for like five seconds. Oh, see you at the poll. For those of you that don't know is you would meet at the flag pole.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So a real blend of, oh, American Christianity.

[A]

Yep.

[B]

Yeah. And we'd hold hands around the flagpole and pray for the country, I guess.

[A]

And we, I really swear we called it either prayer at the pole or meet you at the pole because we're on the other side of the country.

[B]

And somewhere around the Mississippi, they're like, meet you at the pole. Meet you at the big stick.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Meet you at George Washington swizzle stick.

[A]

But I had a really great teacher, my favorite teacher, Mr. Rasu. The zebra cake, one that I told you about.

[B]

Yeah. I bet you were more eco groovy than that.

[A]

Yeah. He said one time to my brother, my brother had a zebra cake on.

[B]

His desk, which is like a lower tier hostess.

[A]

I know, but that's what they like, sold at the commissary. They didn't call it that.

[B]

Your brother was in prison.

[A]

Yeah, this was in prison. I said school because I'm trying to spare his reputation.

[B]

All right.

[A]

Even though he's got teardrop tattoos. I mean, anyway, where did you go?

[B]

I was your story to tell.

[A]

No, I was waiting for you. You said, I mean. And I thought you were gonna tell me what you meant.

[B]

I had a rif. Was like, why are we bringing like tattoos into murdering someone? But then I'm also like, what more would you want to commemorate than that life changing event?

[A]

It actually seems inappropriate to get a tattoo for any other reason.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

Only commemorate things that are actually for sure perfect.

[B]

Yeah, big deal.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And like, whoa, whoa.

[A]

Big deal.

[B]

Woes.

[A]

Anywho's. So the. The zebra cake was sitting on my brother's desk and Mr. Bersu came over and went and he had like a very. Maybe I've told the story on the pod because it's one of my favorites. He had like a very long, like, walrus mustache.

[B]

My favorite teacher in high school also had a walrus mustache.

[A]

Wow.

[B]

Mr. Brown.

[A]

And he had like a like, moppy curly hair. He looked like Jerry Garcia. And he used to actually follow the Grateful Dead. And he.

[B]

And I don't mean on Twitter.

[A]

And he had.

[B]

Okay, I'm talking about gas in the tank. Okay. Going around the country, stock down to the floor, and still only going about 32 miles an hour. It's turning into Cleveland.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And that's when I went and saw the Grateful dad.

[A]

And Jerry was wonderful.

[B]

Jerry J. Oh, Peter. Jerry. I can't do it.

[A]

Can't do it really either. Anyway, he had like, big Lebowski posters in his classroom. He was like a human Birkenstock. And he. He walked by and said, chaney, I would think your diet would be a little more eco groovy than a zebra cake. So this is who we're dealing with, right? And one time.

[B]

Did he really say a zebra cake?

[A]

Yeah, that's our favorite part is that he like that. It was this. Yeah. Yeah. Well, so did he. I've loved people like that for years. It turns out.

[B]

You like a little quirk of the work.

[A]

I do like a quirk of the work. And if you can twerk, don't be a jerk.

[B]

Okay. You're me. I'm baked in the Easy Bake. And you're telling the story, and it's like you're interrupting yourself and telling stories. I don't know if I told it. Doesn't it feel great? It does feel nice most of the time. Can I interject? I'm like, you may I?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And everything. Most of the time when someone is like that and. And I'm Grumpy. It is jealousy. Like, if I see somebody at a party that's just kind of like feeling himself and telling a story and.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Wearing a loud color and, like, just like, loving life. And if I don't feel that way, if I'm pinched and closed, I'll be like, this guy. But I would go a little bit deeper. It's like, God, I know how that feels.

[A]

I wish I felt that good.

[B]

I wish I knew how that felt. I wish I could feel it right now. But I don't feel that right now. I'm enjoying you. All right. So eco groovy.

[A]

So there was see you at the pole one day, and I was in his practical law. He had a New York accent, even though he lived, I'm pretty sure in Berkeley his whole life.

[B]

Oh, my God.

[A]

And. And I was in his class and I was like, I gotta go to see you at the Pole. And he turned it into this whole thing of, like, is this okay? Like you Isn't this mixing religion with a public school? And, like.

[B]

Yeah. Yep.

[A]

It was like. Like, made an example of me.

[B]

Oh, he embarrassed you.

[A]

It wasn't. I think I was embarrassed, actually. But I wasn't mad at him. Like, it was interesting and it was thought provoking. And I did, like, in hindsight, some of the things that he did. I'm like, that's probably not. Just probably not cool because, like, he was, like, making me feel embarrassed that I was a Christian. But he was trying to be kind and he was just like, act. Asking questions. Like, he wasn't making the point that it wasn't, but he was using it as an example.

[B]

Can I tell you about. Okay, so on the topic.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Of bad teachers. Sorry to Mr.

[A]

Sorry, Mr.

[B]

Pursue. Pursue.

[A]

There was a D. And I never. I honestly, to this day, don't know if it's a silent D or not.

[B]

Hey, save those silent Ds for my essays, okay? I don't know what I mean by that. Okay, I do. But it sounded like I meant a dick. Mr. Lopez. His name was Sal Lopez, and he was over it. He had a little gray mustache. He was shaped like the number eight. He was small. He looked like Danny DeVito had a growth spurt. Like just a tall, big. But also, I think he might have.

[A]

Been Mexican, but he had a cinched waist.

[B]

That is so funny. There was something bulbous about him. Like, there was.

[A]

There was a bulbous shapes. It wasn't just one round shape.

[B]

It wasn't a zero. He was sure wasn't a one. This dude was most of all the numbers. He was most like. He's older now, so he's probably more like a two from the side. Yeah, he's hunting. Yeah. But anyway, I always remember we used to call him Sally, which is deeply disrespectful because he talked about going to carnival and the only way you could get into a certain part of carnival is if you were a woman. And he thought he was so cool.

[A]

Oh, wow.

[B]

That he was like. And so. And he kind of, like, gave this knowing smile, and we were all like, what? You dressed up as a woman? And like, look, that's a fine story. It's just a weird story for a professor, a teacher, to tell his students for no real reason except that he was just kind of feeling himself. He wanted to be cool. And it totally backfired. Look, it was the fucking 90s. We weren't ready to be like, that's wonderful. We were all just like, you in a wig and a dress. And I bet you, like, did some affectations that, like, you were playing around and enjoying it and getting a little loose.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

Maybe you got a glimpse of what your life could have been. Should have been all that. It's fine. I'm celebrating it. But, like, it was a weird. I'm celebrating it.

[A]

I'm celebrating it for you, Sally.

[B]

We did call him Sally. I don't know if we called him to his face. But anyway, Sal was sort of a turd. Like, meaning they were just things that were wrong.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And the one that I always think about was, again, keep in mind, he's a hefty bag. He's a plastic bag that could take out more than just a tall garbage. Like a tall kitchen.

[A]

Sure.

[B]

It's a big garbage bag.

[A]

Yeah. Like an outside trash bag.

[B]

He's an outside trash bag. He's like a yard waste trash bag of a man stuffed with. But it's not dry leaves, it's fat. It's like body fat. So he's a soft'. Em.

[A]

But there's a cinch to it.

[B]

But there.

[A]

I can't get over it.

[B]

You're so talented.

[A]

Yeah, right.

[B]

And he was talking about. For some reason, he's one of these teachers that would just go off on tangents.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And he was talking about obesity or something.

[A]

Ah.

[B]

And this is the 90s. And it was just like our understanding of different body types, different metabolisms, different genetics, all these things. And not to mention, like, eating for stress, which is what I was doing. We had no concept of that. It was like if you were overweight.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I almost said fat. Let's own it and own it. I was thinking about myself, though. I was just a little doughy boy. It just meant you didn't do enough setups. That's all I meant.

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

It's like, why aren't you doing sit ups?

[A]

Right.

[B]

This was the 90s. And so he was making this point about overweight kids and he was like, and you know when somebody is really overweight. And then he paused and scanned the room and then went, well, there's no one too bad in here. No, there's no one too bad. And I'm sitting there, almost certainly the heaviest person in the class going, like, what if there had been. If there was like an XXL person, were you going to be like, like, Sonia. Yeah, Sonia, you're a real beef. Like, what are you doing this.

[A]

So listen closely.

[B]

Yeah, right. So this will pertain to you. You sit up crazy.

[A]

And maybe he started looking around and then realized like, wait, I can't actually point out these fatties. So just turned it into.

[B]

Was also a hefty.

[A]

None of it is o. Why are you talking about this at all? I mean, definitely some, like, a lot of my favorite teachers actually would do stuff like that, would just like kind of pontificate on like random topics. One of my favorite teachers truly admitted to not having any lesson plans and just would like stand and talk about like when he was in the peace. Score.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

About like anything he wanted.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And then like in the last 15 minutes, be like, so this is your assignment. Go for it.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

These are like, what? But I loved it.

[B]

I never got this bit off the ground, but I had a joke about how the. The big punchline. Well, it was, it was like, it was my early attempt at doing like a rant or like a Bill Burr kind of thing. And I was like, why do we all assume, like, what. Why do we all applaud when someone's a teacher? The bit would work. Now that I'm thinking about it. It's like we all had teachers. It was like 1 out of 10 was good and the rest were a bunch of Sally Lopez's.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And the bit ended with be honest. Teacher is the choice of a person who didn't know what else to do in their life. I don't think that's always true. No, but it's sometimes true. Sometimes because I went. And you know I'm right. Because we all considered it. Like when you're in high school, every. Everyone, most people, at least briefly Go. Like, maybe I could. I could do what Sal does. Sal Lopez.

[A]

But I do think that is changed. I mean, not. Not in every region, but it is, like, hard to be a teacher.

[B]

Oh, my God. I feel like it has changed.

[A]

Hardest.

[B]

Or maybe we just grew up and realized even they were.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Slogging and getting this terrible. Buying their own pencils and shit.

[A]

What is funny and like, Bill Burr about that bit is that it's not true. I mean, there's.

[B]

Yeah. No, it's cheeky.

[A]

Teachers are. Are, like, deserve all the money. But I tried to do it. I couldn't do it.

[B]

Not the bit. You tried to be a teacher.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I feel the same way about pastors. I have friends that just like, look, when you're young and you're picking a profession and you're looking around and you're like, what are the choices? It's like, teacher, pastor.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Police officer, fireman. Like, there are those, like, kind of like one word answer around and you see him around.

[A]

Yeah. It's like, busy town.

[B]

Busy town answers.

[A]

Yeah. Am I going to be a crossing guard or a mailman?

[B]

And I have a friend, he's. I. I love this man. And he became a pastor and. But that was the first person that I was like, wow, they're just the same idiots that we are.

[A]

Right?

[B]

You know what I mean? Like, yeah, you want them to be, like, ordained, like, special.

[A]

He was always holy right now.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's like she was always Beyonce. Remember when Harris Whittles said that his sister went to school with Beyonce and she was always Beyonce.

[B]

Oh, wow.

[A]

Like, she was always going to be Beyonce. There was no, like.

[B]

Yeah, that's what I want. My clergy.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I want my clergy to be, like, in history class in second grade.

[A]

Second grade.

[B]

Too early. You get it?

[A]

You get it? Social studies.

[B]

SS oh.

[A]

What do you want to talk about?

[B]

I mean, it's a sleepy summer series, man.

[A]

It's a sleepy summer.

[B]

I'm enjoying it. And I'm just sort of like, I'll put. I'll put. I'll put. I'll put this to you. I'll put this to you.

[A]

Okay. Put it. Put it all over me.

[B]

Valerie, stop it with your sensualities.

[A]

Sorry for my sensuality.

[B]

That's not proper for a boy like me. That's something Belle's brother says or says.

[A]

He said once and got caught by, like, the most masculine person in our life. Walked in right when he said, that's not proper for a boy.

[B]

I love it so much.

[A]

And that's why Derek Brian Chaney is the best human alive.

[B]

That's. How old was he?

[A]

Like, 22.

[B]

Oh, my God. I've always pictured him little. That's not proper for a boy like me. What a gift. What a gift that is.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Well, I was just hanging out with Sam, our friend Sam, and I was telling him about. Okay, so I had this experience this morning where I was sitting and doing a little spiritual practice. And I was really loving it. It was a beautiful. Oh, I don't have my phone. It's fine. It's gonna read a little bit of it. But it was just a very, like, one of those lovely lessons where it's like, enlightenment isn't something exotic or crazy. It's just a recognition. Like, you. You recognize what's happening. And I was thinking about that in terms of, like, the movie the Matrix. I was like, the Matrix is a really beautiful gift because that, like, cascading code that you see, that is everything. But when you recognize it as a code. But you. You know what I mean? Like, you see the origin of everything. You see how, of course, in Miracles is always saying, like, reality is like feathers blowing in the wind. It's like these patterns. I myself have said it's like rain falling on a lake. And, you know, there's that, like, sprite fizz on top of the lake, and you can sometimes see colors and shapes and that. It's like. That's, like, what reality is. That's what atoms and molecules are doing. It's this weird thing. Yeah, but I was thinking about just, like, the phenomenon of perception and how incredible it is and how overlooked it is, how incredible it is that we are aware and that we're having this experience.

[A]

Right?

[B]

Just all the basics. That we can hear our thoughts, that I can see you and feel things. It's fucking crazy. It's really like, the thing that we should be like, what is going on? Not what's happening in your life, but that something is occurring and that there's something that's aware of it. Like Rupert Spire always says, it's like we're like a movie screen. And the content of the movie is always changing with the screen is. Is this constant. So I was closing my eyes and really having, like, this very effortless, not overly intellectual, more. This. What I'm saying now is more intellectual. Just kind of closed my eyes and was hearing things. Hearing the wind, hearing my breath and feeling my body and just going like, this is crazy. Like, it's right here. Like, the peace of God is right here. And Then I was like, you know, if it's true that I could sort of snap out of it and disappear into the heart of God. I had this moment where I was like, go ahead. It's fine. Like, because I had that thing where there's this line in the course, the Course in miracles where it says, a gift of God must be shared. Meaning if. If I dissolve into the heart of God, everyone dissolves in the heart of God. We all go together. We don't go at all, and that's a good thing, and that's what we want. So I was having this emboldened moment where I was like, it's okay, Leela and Val and everything that I've ever known and loved and valued is only more present and more available and more joy and blah, blah, blah, peace, all that stuff. So I was like, let's go. Fine. Let's go. Just kind of having a moment of, like, it's okay if that's what's happening right here and that's what can happen. Go ahead.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I even was like, just don't make it weird. Just make it fast. It's almost like. Just do it quickly.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It doesn't have to be like, the Tetris pieces of my life start falling away, and I start feeling like I'm dying. Like, you don't need that. Just do it fast. Just do it.

[A]

Just rip it off.

[B]

Yeah, exactly. And we'll just be there, and we'll never think about this again.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And then, as that wasn't working clearly or working. I don't like that. It brought me into a space, and I was enjoying that merging to the extent to which I was able to merge. But then this. And I really saw it. Like an involuntary vision of me to my right. Lower. Right side of my. My field of vision, like a translucent me, going like, this is. This doesn't work. That's why you're not gonna, like, snap out of a dream. There's nothing to wake up from. There's no heart of God. Like, it's just this. Like, what the fuck is wrong with you? Like, when. Basically, like, when will you listen to me? I'm over here going, like, look, I tolerate this stuff. I'm glad you have a little hobby. But, like, when will you wake up and realize it's just. It's just that it's just a hobby and stupid.

[A]

Interesting.

[B]

It wasn't even that long, but that's basically what it was saying.

[A]

And what was he wearing?

[B]

He had a huge dick, and it was like, Half hard. And he kept going, like, just give me a second. And I didn't expect.

[A]

I know, I know this one.

[B]

I didn't know if he meant give me a second to like, think about something else so the boner goes away, right?

[A]

Or if he was like, think about something else.

[B]

So the boner arrives more really like, see it, the pole. But then almost instantaneously, I just laughed because. And I'll try my best to explain this, but it was like that vision of doubt is made of the matrix code.

[A]

It's.

[B]

Does that make sense? It's like I said to Sam, and I've said this before, but I think it's funny that we're like Pennsylvania, and we're all filled with ink. And the ink is living spirit. The ink is the ground of your being. The ink is where you receive life and your awareness and your. And the gift of all that you are the being inside the Wellspring. And I think it's really funny that most of us use that ink, this miracle, to write. This is right. So you're given awareness and time and space and this fucking insane miracle that in places of spiritual revelation or drugs or all the meditation, you can go like, oh my God, it's right here. It's like the thing we're looking for is right fucking here. And it's actually not finding it. It's removing the impediments to recognizing that it's always been here. And that's like ink. And we, with the ink, we write, there's no God, there's no point. This is stupid. Or my voice was saying, when are you going to grow up and recognize that this doesn't work because it's not real?

[A]

Wow.

[B]

But then I was like, but you're made of and being witnessed by the same awareness. That is the miracle, that is the mystery that will always bring me back to this chair and have me practicing again tomorrow morning. And not only did the doubting apparition vanish, it didn't even matter if he vanished. I was like, you can stick around if you want, because how am I hearing you right now? Does that make sense? He's going like, hey, over here. What are you. And with what am I hearing you and where are you coming from? This voice of so called objective reason that is somehow outside of this so much that it can have an objective and ultimate perspective on it, so much so that it can squash other perspectives on it, that it's just like, grow up. It's all just pigeon bones. It's all just bullshit. Like who the fuck are you? I mean, we don't need another metaphor. But it's like. It's like we're all underwater and a certain cluster of ocean is going like, this is nothing, or, this is dry.

[A]

Yeah, right, Right.

[B]

This is dry. When will you wake up that this is dry? Because water probably doesn't perceive itself as wet.

[A]

Right. It just is. Everything else is dry.

[B]

Does that make sense? It was a very. It was a deeply comforting moment. And I remembered my pen. My pen thing where I was right. I remember you saying, you're filled with life. You're filled with this gift of awareness. And it's so funny how tempting and how fun it is to use that gift. It's like, you know, telling your parents to off or something. I get it.

[A]

Yeah. It's interesting. I do think that that voice is probably a protector. Like.

[B]

Yeah. It doesn't want to be embarrassing.

[A]

You know, it doesn't want to be embarrassed. It could even be, like, rooted in having. Although I know you feel like you didn't. I think you still maintain that you didn't ever, like, fully believe the, like, Christian creed, you know?

[B]

Well, there was always a part of me that was hesitant.

[A]

Yeah, but. But it might be protecting you from that again. You know what I mean?

[B]

Oh, yeah. It's like, what are you expecting?

[A]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[B]

This leads to a lot of conflicted orgasms.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Solo.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Just blowing loads. Going like, whoops. Yeah, whoopsie, dude.

[A]

It is interesting. Like, speaking of my brother, I don't think he would mind me saying, sharing this, but we. We were just talking when they visited recently, and I, you know, I was talking about our friend who is. Has psychic abilities, and. And, you know, I. I just. I forget because we are so in sort of like a woo woo place. Like, we live in LA and then in Ohio. Like, there's like, a lot of New Agey people, and we know a lot.

[B]

Of people don't matter.

[A]

Yeah, exactly. You're like, it's Reiki. Of course. Everything's energy. Why wouldn't that be? You know, whatever. And my brother, who comes from, obviously.

[B]

The same to a guy in, I don't want to say Arkansas, but let's say Delaware. He's sawing his arm off because he has a headache. Less is how it should be. That was. I don't mean any disrespect to the wonderful people of Delaware.

[A]

At least you offended a small. A place with a small population.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And. But he has this, you know, we have the same upbringing, religious upbringing, and he is at least in a place where he's like, I don't. It's not. Doesn't feel good to open up to the idea that any of this is really, like, magical like that. Like, it's really comforting right now for him to just be like a materialist and just be like. It's just this, like, if. Because if you open up to the, like, other realms and. And you know.

[B]

Yeah, but I hear that. I'm also just like, you don't have. I have friends out here that are getting, in my opinion, too far out. Where it's like, there's not too far out, but just too far out to my taste. To my taste. Where it's like alien invasions and other galaxies and secret governments. And I'm like, that's just another. Yeah, it's another distraction. Because what does that really have to do with anything if at the end of the day, only God is real?

[A]

Right. Well, totally. And I do think there is a simple. Like, it's always simpler than you think. In fact, when you started to tell that story of the you with the half boner in the left hand corner, I thought, right. He was gonna say, what? Like, what are you doing? This is. Everything you're looking for is right here. You're trying to go somewhere else.

[B]

Oh, yeah, that would have been great.

[A]

You know, like, that is. It's always simpler.

[B]

I do want to read the lesson. Do you mind?

[A]

Yeah, I'd love. I'd love to hear it. Right? At the very least be okay with hearing.

[B]

Oh, my God, you are wicked.

[A]

You told me to vamp. I don't know.

[B]

Did I tell you? I must have talked about this before. So my ex wife worked at a Barnes and Nobles.

[A]

Edit that out.

[B]

Oh, my God. In Maine. And if you haven't seen a jazz trio play in the Cafe Barnes and Noble in Maine, like high school jazz boys.

[A]

Oh, my God.

[B]

And the gig was going poorly and I was sitting there waiting for my ex. Now ex wife's shift to be done. And he. The crowd was not engaged. And they were doing their crusty mustache best.

[A]

They're like, I knew I was friends with all these kids.

[B]

Of course. Me too.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

They're like wearing a. A vest. Like a. A three piece suit, but just the one piece.

[A]

Yes. How Vests and like.

[B]

Yeah, like fedoras.

[A]

Fedoras. Like, kind of shaggy hair.

[B]

Yeah, yeah. Dandruff is a big.

[A]

Oh, dandruff is a big thing in that community. Yeah.

[B]

And he was sort of making fun of how unengaged the crowd was. And they're, like, doing their best. And then they reached a certain point, and the guy went, everybody scat. Like, but he was saying it like, I know you're not going to.

[A]

That's so funny.

[B]

That's how I felt when I was.

[A]

Exactly the kind of boy I had a crush on when I was in high school. I know I had, like, crush on really gross boys because they were the only ones that were, like, Would do funny things like that. They were weird and they were witty.

[B]

You would have liked my damn hands.

[A]

Like, I would have.

[B]

Yeah. No, you're wonderful like that. I. I often. It's so funny how quickly you can make me think that I will love the least of these and the weirdos and the outcasts and the misfits. But then often in my real life, in my adult life, when someone is just, like, overwhelming to me or too much or, like, too needy, too wounded, too loud, whatever, I'm very fast to be like, let's organize everything to make sure they're never near me. Me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And. But, like, you know, that's my loss, really. I mean, it would be beautiful if I could find the place of love. Moro.

[A]

But you're actually getting actively better at this.

[B]

I really appreciate it.

[A]

Like, I'm really seeing it, especially after moving here. You're really opening up, and then you're getting to see the benefits.

[B]

Yeah, well, that happened last night. Let's talk about that after the murals, because you were. You were going through, like, a pretty major life choice that was also freaking me out, for lack of a better term. And I re. I experienced this, like, triangle of love yesterday that I had never experienced, and I really want to talk about that. Yeah, it was incredible and hopefully a good word for everybody. This was the lesson this morning. It's lesson 188. I won't read the whole thing, but just the first couple lines are really beautiful. It says, the peace of God is shining in me now. Why wait for heaven? Those who seek the light are merely covering their eyes. The light is in them now. Enlightenment is but a recognition, not a change at all. Light is not of the world. Yet you who bear the light in you are alien here as well. The light came from you, from your native home and stayed with you because it is your own. It's the only thing you bring with you from him who is your source. It shines in you because it lights your home and leads you back to where it came from. And you are at home. So I understand that that's kind of dismissive of this reality, but it's also just beautiful to be like. It's true. You can. And as this lesson goes on, it prompts you to just kind of close your eyes and feel that staticky life that's bubbling up from inside you. And when you go into that sort of waterfall, you stand in that waterfall, it's really hard to remember your problems.

[A]

Yeah, yeah, sure.

[B]

So let's get to the triangle of love, and I have some things I want to frame that up with. And then. And then a little bit about your decision this week and what you were dealing with. But we'll be back in, literally, I think it's three minutes. Summer is in full swing, you guys. It is here, and I am so happy to say that my family and I have been spending so much more time together outdoors, enjoying the warm weather and just having simple, legit fun in the fresh air. Thanks to our friends at Lectric E Bikes. Like electric, but electric E bikes. And just in time, Lectric is bringing you fast and fresh. New ride the XP 3.0, their latest ebike model featuring new hydraulic brakes. Snag your new Lectric XP 3.0 e bike this month and experience what I'm talking about. Freedom like never before. I got Val an Expedition, which is their cargo bike with the plus one seat, which she can hold onto or Leela can hold on to. And we love it. It's super comfortable, it's well built, it's sturdy, and it runs so smooth and picks up really fast. It made me cackle with joy when I saw how easy it was just to turn my wrist and start moving. Or you can use it with the pedal assist on, which is like the best of both worlds. You pedal like a manual bike, but it assists you, the battery and the motor assists you, and you just go faster and easier. It's fun. The batteries last a really, really long time. The one we have, the Expedition, has two batteries, which is incredible. So you can really go a long distance. And it gets us outside laughing and playing together. We use it for errands. Go. You can go all the way to the beach from where we live, which is incredible. Running to the grocery store because it has the cargo basket, which is awesome when we forget something or just want to make a small run or just going for a cruise and having, like I said, just old school outdoor. But it's like old school, new school. It's like a new way to ride a bike and we are loving it. The most legit fun I've had in a long time. An Electric E bike was created with a a mode of transportation that anyone can ride. With quality feature filled models financed as low as $73 a month, your adventure will not cost a fortune. They include a powerful removable battery, a bright LCD display, seven speed gearing, and five levels of pedal assist to power your ride. Electric E bikes are foldable and ship free. Fully assembled, it's truly cool. You cut open the box, you basically roll it out and you're ready to go. So rediscover your independence this summer with an XP 3.0 from Lectric. You can visit lectric e bikes.com to learn more and explore the epic models Lectric has to offer. That's L E C T R I C e b I K-E-S.com electric ebikes.com also we're brought to us by A real game changer in my life is Ritual Multivitamins. You guys know you can talk fantasy football with your friends all day, but asking them for health advice? Not so much. It's not really the move. Ritual takes all the guesswork out of the vitamin game. Their Multivitamins for Men is based on science to help fill common nutrient gaps in the diet and level up your nutrient goals. It's an all around win. I had so many gaps in my diet, I'm always experimenting with what to eat and ritual brought me from a deficit to when I go to the doctor. Bam. 1001-001001-00100. Filling those gaps. I can tell you it absolutely works. So many people feel like a multivitamin. You just pee it out, right? You just pee it out. That's the criticism I hear. Ritual Multivitamin is different, has a delayed release which means it breaks down in your intestine which is where it can be absorbed directly into your body. Scientifically developed with high quality key ingredients in clean bioavailable forms, Ritual is a new type of two a day. From helping support heart health with omega 3 DHA to normal muscle function to normal immune function with vitamin D3. This small step can have a major impact. It's made traceable. It's vegan friendly, non gmo, sugar free, gluten free, major allergen free. I also appreciate that it's fasting friendly. If you take it on an empty stomach. Something like zinc can upset your stomach, but again it has a delayed release so it's not going to upset your stomach. And a minty essence in every every bottle keeps things fresh and makes taking your Multivitamin, a thing you actually enjoy and look forward to. So do what I do, guys. I've been on the ritual train for a long time. I take their probiotic as well.

[A]

I.

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[A]

And we're back.

[B]

It's the Sleepy Summer series. We're just. We're just jizzing her.

[A]

I'm gonna sit in a good position. I can't get comfortable.

[B]

I just can't get it going.

[A]

Can't get it going. I love it.

[B]

I was talking to Sam about this. It's funny. Like, so with the writers strike and with an imposing SAG strike, a lot of things of, like, most everything has sort of shut down in Hollywood. And you in the midst of this. So I'm feeling this sort of pressure that I'm like, we're doing okay. And I'm also like, there's just, like, a lot going out, meaning cost of living and not a lot coming in. And it just sort of freaks me out. Usually in those times of life, I'm like, it's okay. Something's probably coming. Might be, like, a little TV thing or this or that. And just because of these strikes, or at least the strike, nothing is happening. And I also want to note my privilege. That's way harder for makeup people that we know, wardrobe people that we know, camera operators. There's, like, a lot of people.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

That are affected by this. I'm just speaking from my experience, but I want to acknowledge that it's. It's even worse for a lot of people.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I hope that we can come to a good. And I also stand behind the strike, obviously. I want to get the. Get things fair. That being said, I was, like, talking to Sam, I was like, that pyramid of love was so helpful to me because one of the things I've noticed and it's really difficult to talk about, but when your dreams come true, and my dreams have come true, you become a bit of an outlier. Like, you sort of leave the group a little bit, and that's what you wanted to do. You wanted to be a star. You wanted to twinkle. But what's under. I always say underreported, but what's underreported? What's underreported is when you're outside, you lose the community. And you kind of have this assumption that because you're in a special rarefied air and your dreams are coming true and you don't work for anybody, and you just. From the outside, it seems like you just kind of fart around and do fun things. Who will care about you? Who will help you carry your worries? And who will help you? Yeah, like, who will help you if your problem is like, gosh, you know, it sure is hard to heat a pool or something like that. That's what it seems like.

[A]

Right.

[B]

But we've talked about this. Like, your life expands and then everybody's basically the same. There's just different sizes of things. Like. Yeah, we just. Anyway, so last night I was talking about how things have really shut down. And my. Our three friends, Sam, Chris, and Jen just gave such love because in. So this is the story in the midst of me already feeling kind of tight and going like, what are we going to do? What can I do that isn't reliant on show business? Obviously, this podcast is a big part of it. I'm like, oh, I could write my second book, which I've had this idea for a long time, so there are things to do, but I'm not exactly feeling, like, flush. And the voice of my pain is like, oh, okay, I'll sell a second book. Great. And if I do that, we can basically just keep living. It's not like we'll be, like, good. We'll just be able to maintain our life. So, yeah, the voice of my pain and my stress is like, I have to, like, achieve a very difficult thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Right now, in this moment, resourced and happy and connected and calm. It doesn't feel like that big of a thing. It sounds like a fun thing.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But when I'm tense, I'm like, oh, great, I'll just write a book, you know, and then we can pay the bills. Like, not have savings or pay off debt. It's just like, just continue on and then, like, hope I have another idea. Like, it's real freak out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

In the midst of this, you were considering. Why don't you take it?

[A]

Yeah, sure. So an opportunity. I'll keep it kind of vague because it's all still, like, very much happening, but an opportunity came up for me to buy a dance business and continue on a rent, renting a dance studio. And. And I had never considered it before, but then was like, hey, this might Be actually really great. Like, I think I could do certain elements of this. I. I hate even, like, answering my own emails and doing like, any household admin, which is key, but I was like, so I would have to get somebody who could do that part. And then, you know, I get to like, like, make the space really nice and plan the classes.

[B]

But even as you say that, I remember feeling like we're not exactly sure if, like, you had some people in mind, but we weren't sure if they were like, aware or willing to do all the stuff.

[A]

Right. Yeah. Do all the boring stuff.

[B]

Ideally, someone would do all the stuff and you would do the classes and design the space and.

[A]

Right.

[B]

And that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So, yeah. And from my perspective, and this was interesting, we realized my. Your pain tolerance as a enneagram 9 is very low and my pain tolerance for your pain is very low.

[A]

Right.

[B]

So I was a little bit. And this wasn't correct, but it's where I was coming from. I was like, why do you want to enter into the mire of emails and schedules? And this is not what I said to you. But that was the secret stress I was carrying. And notice that, like, on a long drive, I would just be thinking about this on one hand, knowing you would kill it. And I fantasized like, like Julia Gulia in the mirror in Wedding Singer. I practiced being like my wife. Oh, yeah. She owns a dance studio. Like, I thought that was really cool. So I was on one hand for it. And I was also like, it sucks that we're just not. Don't have a lot coming in. And I was like, and now there's going to be another thing going out. And so I was starting to panic.

[A]

But that was also the thing before, just if you remember, like, when it first came up, when we went on that date to Natola, like, you were really excited about it. So, you know, there were different phases of this and I know, yeah, we. And one of frustrating.

[B]

I hope that's not too frustrating for you.

[A]

No, that's okay.

[B]

But when I'm resourced and calm and yes, I. I was very excited.

[A]

But also in one of the, like, things that appealed to me is when you are in your. Not just not only then, but especially when you're in your pain body of like, all right, fine. I'll just write a book so we can keep living. Like I myself. Right. But it makes sense. I mean, of course you feel that way. My reaction to that is I feel like the first thing I feel is embarrassed. I feel like, deeply embarrassed that I do not make an income that's even worth mentioning and that I can't contribute to that and that the burden is all on you. It makes me feel like a bad feminist. It makes me feel like a, like, lazy. It, like, really ignites a lot of my specific wounds. So when I was fantasizing all the different things I was fantasizing about, if I did own this business, like, one of the top ones is me being like, look at, like, the money we. That this made, that I made this year, like, for our family.

[B]

Right, right. That just for me too.

[A]

It was, like, a huge. Yeah. And it's just that my skill sets don't make enough money to even make a dent in, like, the lifestyle that we have. So. So this was, like, actually something that I was like, maybe this would be, you know, making enough money. So that was a big part of it. I definitely was like, I could use, like, a challenge, something that could stretch me, something that feels empowering, something that's my own. That has nothing to do with you, which is, like, totally rare, by the way.

[B]

Can I tip the ending a little bit? We still feel this way. We want to get you into. You're 34, I'm 44. We want you to be uncomfortable. We want you to risk and grow.

[A]

I love, though, you're right. And it's so generous, and it is funny that I'm like, something that's my own, and you're like, and we still want that for you.

[B]

What do you mean?

[A]

Like, we, like, you're, like, taking it.

[B]

Well, it sounds like I, I, I was worried. It sounded like I was like, and I don't want that.

[A]

No, no, I know you're, you mean, like, and you are in support of the.

[B]

I am in support of you claiming your 30s and doing your challenging hero's journey.

[A]

Yes. And you did a really good job at not having taking your cue from me during this whole process, which is really important. It's very important for us to not, you know, sadly, like, I have a friend who wanted to start a business with my other friend, and, like, the 50s, her husband was just like, no, that doesn't make financial sense. You're not doing that. You know, and, like, that was, like, couldn't be further from this. You were waiting to see and, you know, like, how I made up my own mind. And you are staying open, even though, of course, our finances are tied. So this does make, you know, it makes a difference.

[B]

Well, I kept saying, I was like, if this was a more abundant time, it would Be an app. More of a no brainer. Yeah, but it actually takes a twist, everybody. I think it's a really interesting twist.

[A]

And what's interesting to me about this is just noticing. I think it's valuable for all of us to kind of notice how you as an individual process big life decisions, like, what do you need? And remember, at one point I was like, I just fucking wish I could know what it felt like to be the type of person who just can make a quick decision and just know and not doubt. And maybe you're like, the downside of that is that you are just, like, blind to all of. All sides of things. But it just seems like it would feel so good because I only see all sides of things, and it can be very paralyzing. But also I just remembered that, like, for me, my head. My head will, like, work overtime. And as I said to you, even yesterday, I was like, I just want to be able to sit in a room alone and think about this.

[B]

Well, that was one of the hard things for me, was seeing. I kept going like, are you okay?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it was because you were, like, grinding on an issue, like, am I gonna do this or am I not gonna do this?

[A]

Which is a real role reversal for us.

[B]

That's what I said to Sam. I was like, it's usually. But I don't like that feeling.

[A]

But I don't like that feeling.

[B]

I know. So I was watching you not liking that feeling, and I was like, let's go to the farmer's market. So I'm being you, and you're like, I just need an hour in the dark.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm like, okay, this is weird.

[A]

I think it's good for us. Like, that's the kind of thing that I actually don't want to lose again.

[B]

Well, that's what I mentioned. The. I need to get better at you being uncomfortable.

[A]

We both just, in general, need to work on distress tolerance. And yours is like, yeah, my.

[B]

My own tolerance for my own distress is pretty high.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

My distress tolerance for you is incredibly low.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it does go back to our parents. Like, it's like that, save the mom, help, don't help, and you don't want to be kept. Like, you felt like maybe your mama was.

[A]

Exactly. And I. And it is. This is actually really helping me because I do this to a lot of my own family members and can do it to Leela. And being on the other side of it, even though I know you mean it in a loving way, I can see now how it does feel disempowering.

[B]

Right.

[A]

When you're like, you know, you want to be like I'm, I'm allowed to like have turmoil because something's important to me and like I'm allowed to feel how I feel.

[B]

Right. You know, if you said to me when I was dealing with an issue, like, why don't you just walk away?

[A]

Yeah, yeah.

[B]

I'd be like, what?

[A]

Yeah, exactly.

[B]

And I do have like one of the things that was very. I was proud of myself but it was very difficult was going if this opportunity was for me, would I do it?

[A]

Right.

[B]

And I was like, I was happy to say, like, no, it wouldn't be a quick yes. But I did have to call. That's the. Of the narcissist. I'm not saying I have narcissistic personality disorder. Saying I certainly have seen some self aggrandizing beliefs and feelings. I close a folder, put the folder in my briefcase, close it, lock it up, walk out of the courtroom. It's like, these were the opening statements. Why did he leave on that? But I struggle with a certain, like, I'm the star of the movie.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

In my own life. I think a lot of people can relate to that.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

But I was like, if I were trying to rent a dance studio for like whatever it was a month, would I do it? And I think I was being real. I was like, I would just have to say like I don't think this is the right time to put out, to get back. I think this is a time to like keep it bread and butter, stand up, tour book, like make things and sell them and like don't risk a thing for a biscuit thing.

[A]

Yeah. Right. But that was challenging and that was good that. So, so yes. Even as early as like 3:30 yesterday, as recent as that, I was like totally like I can't, I can't think about anything else. I don't know what the right decision is. I'm so uncomfortable with like. And I. Another thing I said to you is I would be. I'm so much more comfortable if I'm waiting to hear if I got a thing.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

When it's somebody else in somebody else's hands. But when I'm waiting from the answer for the answer to come from within me, it's so uncomfortable. And then it really was like you put Leila to bed and while you put her to bed, I sat in. You know, after spending two weeks of just non stop thinking about this, come.

[B]

Down, you're chewing nicotine gum.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

You're in the inversion machine. You're taking a sauna.

[A]

Yeah, I'm drinking. Magic mind.

[B]

Yeah. Is that elements? Are you. Are you washing your hair? With modern mammals, you're just doing all the things I have.

[A]

Your haircut.

[B]

I. I get very turned on. Oh, my God, Val, what did you do differently?

[A]

So. But I did finally get to, like, just sit in a room and think and, like, be with it. But it also been stewing for two weeks, and I had been talking about it with people and all of that, and it really was like, I want to remember that this happens. It was like the answer just totally arrived. Like, it was like, very clear, not a big deal. And it wasn't the answer. I had been thinking of. I had been really thinking of trying to make it a yes. And then when it was a no, not right now, it was just like, yeah, that's right. Like, it just wasn't. There was no like. But am I just like.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

Taking the easy way out? Am I just like all this self doubt? Am I quitting something because it's hard? Which is all thoughts that I usually have. But because this was like a deep, clear, gut intuition thing, there just wasn't any of that. I was like, no, it's not. That just isn't right. Like, it just isn't for me.

[B]

It. I think what we're leaving out is that you were like, so Val is writing a movie, and it's a brilliant movie.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

And it's an impossible not to cry when you read kind of movie. And it's a within your reach sort of movie to make. It's not about space aliens and green screen.

[A]

Right.

[B]

It's a. And it's something that only you could do.

[A]

Thank you.

[B]

Like, it would have to be you writing it and directing it. And I. And you've. So everybody knows I'm reading or read the War. The War of Art.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

By Steven Pressfield. And I've read it twice, and I really like it. And it's talking about resistance. And one of the things. So resistance is like kind of like an aspect of your ego, and it wants to stop you from doing what you're made to do, from sharing your gift.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

He says if we could get rid of resistance, would lose divorce and disease and all these. And war. He's like, everything is like unconscious resistance and also unconscious reaction to not doing what we're meant to do. So his theory is if we were really doing what we were meant to do, we would be happy, we would be healthy. And we would thrive.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But resistance is like. And he really anthropomorphizes it and makes it into a thing that you can externalize from yourself and identify itself. Tactics. And I. When he's going through them, you're like, oh, my God, I have all of these. My resistance is a genius. And his solution is like, you just have to do it. But one of the forms of resistance, more or less is like, another thing comes along and you change horses in the stream.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

And I'm not saying that's all you were doing. I think an opportunity came around that resistance did not make. And I'm not saying it was just resistance that made you interested in it. But when we started talking about the difference in feeling. Talk about a vowel reversal. I'm telling you about your feelings in your body. But getting honest and getting curious about your responses to considering owning and managing a dance studio and what that looks like in year round. Or. And this. You said this last night. You were like. It was such a thoughtful revelation. Because, like, I don't know if you're like. I think you're like me. I'm not always the best equipped to know what Pete needs or wants. And when I hear it, I know it. It's like, I don't know what pornography is, but I know it when I see it. And I don't know what Pete needs, but I know it when I see it. But I can't necessarily lay it out. Out.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But you, in that hour or two of silence that you got, you were like, I'm a seasonal being. And I was like, oh, my God, I'm a seasonal being. It's one of my favorite things about show business is, like, you do a thing and then it ends. And then you do another thing and it ends. It's always something different. It's always similar. But there are these seasons. It's not 10 years of a dance studio.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And we're not putting that down.

[A]

No.

[B]

But you. You got honest about your seasonal nature that you love. You don't want to be necessarily doing the same thing for years and years.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And you got interested in what it felt like to imagine yourself doing this.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or continuing with your movie and taking steps to, like, doing your movie as a short film. And we were talking today about maybe doing a short film version of the movie, like doing some scenes from the movie as a proof of concept.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I know that sounds kind of like pie in the sky, or maybe we're trading a bird in the hand, which is like something brick and mortar that you could do.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Or like a movie maybe. That sounds insane, but I'm like, it's not. No, it's. It's. It's not. And it's wonderful. And. And you're resourced and. And not. Not just I know people, but you know people. You're in the community.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And it's beautiful.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So you were watching how each one of those felt to try on. But sorry to summarize what you said, but you were talking about the fight that you had for things, and it's like, why don't I have more fight for the dance studio?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

The dance studio, it seemed more like was guilting us, going like, shouldn't you do this? Yeah.

[A]

Aren't you exactly the right person to do this? And you're like, I guess. Yeah.

[B]

It's like a date where you're like, he's perfect on paper.

[A]

Yes, that's exactly it.

[B]

The date with your movie is like, I wanted to sit on his face.

[A]

Yeah. You know, he's kind of like, unpredictable and who knows? But like, also, there's an undeniable chemistry.

[B]

Response.

[A]

And that's what I said to you was. I was like, really? What? It feels like. It was so crazy because it really was like I let my body do the talking. I let my body, like, process it. And I went from hours before being like, what am I gonna do? To like, having such a calm clarity and. And then getting to the point where. And what I said to you last night was. I was like, it feels like when I think about my movie, which I was working on, you know, before this, and have gotten far in and was like, gonna take some steps. And then this whole thing happened. I. When I think about it, I'm like, oh, baby, I'm so sorry. I almost. I, like, I'm so sorry I cheated on you. I'm coming back. Like, I got. I got confused. I got lost. Like, completely understand.

[B]

I think we were watching a Greta Gerwig movie. Like a kind of a. An aimless 20 something.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Young woman. And she's about to do the thing. Thing that's written on her heart to do.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then out of the blue, someone's like, do you want to invest in my retainer company? We make retainers for orthodontists.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

We'd be screaming at the screen. Don't you see?

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Retainer might not be right. Because you love dance.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So it's even sexier than that. It would be. But we would go like, you know, it's digging one six foot well instead of six one foot wells.

[A]

You know, that's right.

[B]

And it's very tempting to always change the. The channel. And I'm one of those people that does that too. You're talking to somebody who's. I've been trying to write this movie for 10 years.

[A]

I know.

[B]

And it's like a beast and it. And I think that's one of the reasons why. And by the, by the way, by trying to write it, I mean not writing it.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Like having the idea and like finding. In fact, that's probably been a great motivating force for me to do other things. It's probably been like, oh, sure, yeah. It's like got me off my ass to do other stuff. But now I and you at the same time in our cute little writer retreat house, we're trying to do it. And it felt it was really the best outcome. Obviously I didn't tell. For those of you. I hope none of you are yelling at your speakers. But it's like I didn't share all of my anxieties. I was pretty quiet about it.

[A]

You were. You did a great job.

[B]

I just don't want any holding space. One of my fears is that I'd be a beast. Like, I'd be the domineering. My father did a great job, but there was an understanding of like, he makes the money. So we're going. That's why it makes my stomach flip when they go to Cooperstown. They go to Cooperstown a lot.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's just like, yeah. You make the money, you pick where you go. You go to Cooperstown.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm just like, no, that's fine. But it's not. I'm trying to be a little bit more aware than that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

It's not very fine, but I don't.

[B]

Want to like, yeah, very fine lemonade.

[A]

That could be true.

[B]

That could be true. I. But I don't. It's. Look, it was a deeply helpful exercise.

[A]

Yes.

[B]

It made me look at my self bias. It made me look at just how and you know, your brother, without getting into it, your brother's another one of those people that I think is just like a deeply exceptional person.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I can't handle when I think about him suffering because you guys are just gentle nines. It's just like you're hobbits. I don't want the hobbits in my life to. It's not just you and your brother. It's all my nines. All My motherfucking nines.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm like, let us bloody armed threes and fours. We'll keep fighting these dumb wars that are written on our souls because of whatever our dysfunction is. Just enjoy the coconut. But now I'm going like, it's actually way better. I hope I'm not just talking myself into this. It's like, you're not just saying no to this. You're going like, there's a better and bigger yes right to my left.

[A]

Yeah, that's right. Absolutely. And the thing about. And I said this to you last night, and you really understood it where I was like you. It's interesting because also, speaking of the enneagram, threes in health go. Threes in stress go to nine. Okay. That doesn't. I was thinking there. Went to nine in health. Is that true? No. Okay.

[B]

I think threes go to nine in health.

[A]

No. Because nine goes to three in health. So actually, threes go to nine and stress.

[B]

Oh, okay.

[A]

But nines, what I am. Go to threes. What you are in health. And so what I had said to you was you. What I had said was you are used to, like, fighting the war. And to you. Rest feels like, why wouldn't you rest the whole time? And I'm like, I have a gravitational pull to only rest. So I want to be energized. And I wanna. I want to be challenged. I have to. I have to chase that because rest will come naturally. I got that part down.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

I have to, like, actually, like, find something that ignites this. Like, I'm going to stretch myself for this because it's worth it. And I want to feel the fulfillment that only comes from taking a risk and being bold and being scared and doing it anyway. And that's the gift of this whole. Whole journey of considering doing this. Is that it? The two gifts are many, actually. There's. They're all kind of coming to me right now, but it's one is that I realized, like, okay, that is how I want to feel. It's just. I'm not going to feel that way about this.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

But I want to feel ignited. I want to feel bold. I want to feel scared of something that I'm going to do anyway because I know it's the right thing. And. And, like, I'm ready to expand in that way.

[B]

Yeah.

[A]

And Leela's a good age for it. And, like, this is what I. I want to be leaning into. The other gift was that it was like, oh, yeah. I. You know, like, the movie thing. At this point is seeming to be what to pour into. Because that's literally like, what I said to you is I was like, when I think about the business, I'm like, is it right? Like, that could be. That could be fun. And when I think about the movie, I'm just like, oh, I love it. I love it.

[B]

Yeah. So anyway, following your bliss.

[A]

Yeah. And then the other gift is, is the, like, role reversal for us, the stretching that it caused, you know, for us, and all the realizations that you came to with it and how you got to support me in this and I got to, like, try to be uncomfortable and receive it and not, you know, like, it's hard for me when I know that my feelings are hard for you.

[B]

Well, that's also the selfishness of it. It's like, it's not just that you suffering makes me uncomfortable, it's that I'm uncomfortable because you suffering makes me uncomfortable.

[A]

Right. And is it going to become about your discomfort, about. About my discomfort? You know what I mean? Yeah.

[B]

No, it's selfish.

[A]

But you didn't. But you didn't.

[B]

But when we went. When we were going to the farmer's market and you were a million miles away, I was like, do we really. What are we. What are we doing? But I'll say, and I don't know if this is right or wrong, but, like, you being a million miles away for a movie, I'm like, great.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Also because it's seasonal.

[A]

Right.

[B]

I said to Sam today, I was like, look, if Val goes away for three months, like, you're. You have to. You're shooting this. I'm in pre production. And, like, I can understand that.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's just when things are like, I'm a lawyer now, it's, like, overwhelming to me. Like, I'm doing a movie. I'm like, great. I even, you know, was like, I'll just be with Leela. I'll take point on that. That's totally reasonable.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

It's just like. Yeah. I don't know. I hope this is helpful to people.

[A]

I know.

[B]

I think it is a little bit like falling in love when you're making those choices, looking for something, some part of you that knows.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

But it was. It was an interesting experiment, and I'm going to work on trying to be more comfortable with you being uncomfortable, because that can be okay.

[A]

It's also just like, Leela, like, it's just like how we love Lila. Where you. You are. You know, it. There are. Well, actually, we both have this in different areas, like when she gets hurt or like being like roughhousing your way more like she'll be fine. Like she needs to experience this, you know?

[B]

Right.

[A]

And whereas I'm like, I don't know her little tiny joints.

[B]

Well, we're almost here at the end, but it's this, this, this sort of stinks. But I'm realizing what a resource you are for me in my life. And when you're not there, I get scared.

[A]

Well, that's, that is a thing. And, and I find so much identity in that. But I don't think it's healthy to make that my whole identity. And I know you wouldn't either.

[B]

I wouldn't want that for you. But I'm, I'm just trying to be vulnerable. No, I really appreciate she's a million miles away. What do I do if I'm this, this or this. And you know, you're scared of your big feelings.

[A]

That's right. And you also would, you would learn how to be resourced to yourself as I have done when you.

[B]

Well, that was one of the examples is it didn't end up happening, but something came up that was going to be in London and I was like, and if, that, if I had booked that, we all would have gone to London.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And then I'm like, but if you're running a dance studio, I just go to London. But then I had a thought where I was like, I can go to London alone.

[A]

Yeah. Yeah.

[B]

Like when I was alone on my birthday in New Orleans. Yeah. And I just totally loved it.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

I was like, where did you get this idea that you can't do it, that you can't be alone? And I was like, it's actually not true.

[A]

No.

[B]

Like I, when I was married the first time, I'll never forget, I said to my friend Mike Britt, I go, I don't want to tour. I hate being away from my wife. And he was like, well, you picked the wrong job. He just said that. And I was like, yikes. But I didn't even know what I was capable of.

[A]

Right.

[B]

Turns out the Holmes are pretty good hunker downers and we're pretty good at one task a day. Turns out I made for it. I just didn't know. But that was me thinking my wife at the time couldn't handle me not being there. So we're always, we're learning who we are more and more and there's more potential to figure out who we are going back to. We don't even know who we Are. And maybe you are. And I think I would wager, and I'm not just saying this, that you're an incredible.

[A]

Oh, my God. Get out of here.

[B]

Is that Greta growing over there? Greta? Greta, is that you?

[A]

Get out of here. Well, only time will that.

[B]

With a wonderful female director that we bonded so hard. I won't say their name just because the project isn't like a fish yet, but, like, had this, like, LA meeting and you just think it's going to be an LA meeting. And we talked about Richard Rohr and the Enneagram and James Finley and everything that I'm into, this person is into. And we were like, do we just become best friends? And then I come home and I'm like, there's a director I think you should meet. And if I do this project, you have to, like, watch, like, be on set and learn from her and all that stuff.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Not in any official way. You know who else is a Nepo baby? John F. Kennedy Jr. You know what I mean?

[A]

I know.

[B]

George W. Bush is a Nepo baby.

[A]

Yeah. I don't know if that's.

[B]

No, I know.

[A]

But, like, that one is good.

[B]

Okay.

[A]

But I'm with you. You. Yeah.

[B]

Every Blue Ivy, Carter, every person has used their relationship. This is another topic.

[A]

Yeah. No, no, no.

[B]

But use your relationships and your opportunities that come to you, because here. Well, I actually, this is sort of a pressure point for me is assuming that people that have privilege. I will concede that connections and being in the world of this is a privilege is a leg up.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

And I'm all about leveling the playing field and helping people. All those things, especially in film, providing opportunities. I'm. I'm about it. I will also say that I know hundreds of people that received those privileges.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

Money, support, community education, access, and did Dick.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

So, yeah. If the price you have to. You, Valerie, have to pay is like. Yeah. Well, look who her husband is. Yeah. Look who her husband's friends are that aren't doing dick. And look who your. Her husband's. All the people, like, there's a lot of people that know me.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

How many of them are making movies? You know what I'm saying? Like. Yeah, Like, I just. Obviously, as a privileged person, I'm also like, that is huge. I'll even say it's the car that took me where I was going.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

A lot of people leave that car in the driveway.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

A lot of people just polish it and look at it and brag that they have a car, feel comfortable that they could get in the car and drive somewhere if something went wonky and they had to get away. Some people get in the car and they still deserve credit for getting in the car.

[A]

That's really nice.

[B]

Most people don't get in the car. They just love knowing they have one. Still takes a lot of fucking balls. And every time. Balls. Every time I've taken MDMA or some heart opening thing like that, I have an appreciation for the courage that it took working with what I worked with. But you give the same, oh, what am I becoming a young Republican? But I'm just saying, like, you give the same access to a hundred people. I'd still say three of them are going to do something with it. And that, you know, I think the numbers show that it's a lot of fucking people that had a lot of fucking help that still didn't do shit. And that's okay. They don't have to do shit. But if we're talking about Tony Robbins, Tony Robbins ing it, it's not a foregone conclusion. Support is essential and we need to give it. But it doesn't mean you don't deserve credit. So when you do this, you will be a blood covered Amazonian warrior with a fresh puma pelt on her back and a vibrating singing beaver. Just. And everyone's like, is her vagina singing? She's like. And everyone will go, she did that on her own.

[A]

Well, that felt amazing. Thank you, baby. I really appreciate that. And I better make this movie now. This podcast is.

[B]

Are you kidding me? This is part of it.

[A]

I know.

[B]

Talk about it.

[A]

It. I know. Make it happen.

[B]

Throw your hat over the wall.

[A]

Yeah. Well, thank you for your love and support during this journey and I hope this was beneficial to people.

[B]

Just. Are you kidding? Do you have any idea how rare it is? You know, I thought this was like a sleepy sort of like, oh, maybe this is the episode that I'm like, maybe we didn't have it today. How rare it is in real time to like, unpack and actually be vulnerable and grow.

[A]

It's so fresh. Like, this is. This is our conversation about it because we made the decision yesterday. We talked a little bit about it last night, but we would be having this exact conversation today whether we were podcasting or not.

[B]

So, so glad to share it. I hope it inspires and comforts. And I, I do want to say one little addendum.

[A]

Yeah.

[B]

To that you don't have to go out and crush things. I. I don't mean you. I just mean everyone listening yeah. Your only value is not whether or not the culture is not in white. Like a rock star.

[A]

That's right.

[B]

Like, fuck that shit, too. I'm just saying, if you are out there playing the achievement game and you do it, you deserve some credit. Even if you had support. That's all I meant.

[A]

Yes, that's right. All right. Thanks for listening, babies. Keep it extra crispy.

[B]

Oh, my God. Okay, bye.