We Made It Weird #145

Summary

Podcast Summary: You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

Episode: We Made It Weird #145
Date: August 4, 2023
Guests: Pete Holmes and Valerie

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Overview

In this episode of "We Made It Weird," Pete Holmes and his wife Valerie dive into their signature blend of lighthearted banter, emotional honesty, and comedic weirdness. They explore themes of family dynamics, the importance of community, the quest for balance and fulfillment, being a fan, and the necessity of art and ritual in daily life. The pair shares personal anecdotes—ranging from funerals to family quirks, the secret joy of stolen moments, and their reflections on creativity and connection. Delivered with their trademark warmth, humility, and humor, this episode is both heartfelt and deeply funny.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Family Weirdness and Mourning Rituals

• Pete and Valerie reminisce about funeral traditions, comparing over-the-top mourning to James Brown’s staged encores and discussing how different families react to grief.
  • [06:07] Pete Holmes: "There is something nice about like a laundry detergent commercial sigh."
  • Valerie reflects on family communication (or lack thereof) around death, noticing the odd dynamics and “bad at family” habits, like not being told when a loved one passes.
    • [10:14] Valerie: “Didn’t even. Not even a text.”

2. Defining "Family Values" and Comedic Friendships

• The hosts discuss how some families lack classic "family values" but still function.
  • [12:10] Valerie: "My family was so, is so bad at family."
• Pete explores the unique dynamics among comedian friends versus "ride or die" families, citing the benefits (and oddities) of friendships with people like Mike Birbiglia and Neil Brennan, where gaps in communication are normal.
  • [13:58] Valerie: "But when you get too much of that, you start to watch movies like Fast and Furious and go like, fuck, I can’t even relate."

3. The Changing Nature of Fandom and Aging

• Valerie admits she doesn’t follow celebrities closely, misidentifying Chrissy Teigen and delighting in her own ignorance, embracing it as a form of “packing lighter” with age.
  • [15:31] Pete Holmes: “Oh my god.”
  • [16:29] Valerie: “You're just packing lighter. I'm still traveling around the world. There's just so many fewer things.”
• Pete encourages reigniting fandom and curiosity, noting that knowing yourself deeply can start to limit enjoyment and growth.
  • [19:41] Valerie: “Knowing your things is actually kind of like a really dangerous place. Meaning, like, it’s boring.”

4. The Necessity of Soul-Nourishing Activities

• Drawing from the show "Alone," Pete and Valerie discuss the difference between survival and living fully, noting that art, projects, and community are as vital as food or shelter.
  • [26:22] Pete Holmes: "Art and beauty and community...it’s purely soul. It's like the most compelling proof that there is a soul."
  • [27:17] Valerie (on poetry): “When a loved one dies or you fall in love and you want to know if other people have ever felt this way...it becomes food.”
• They reflect on Leela’s (their daughter) creative spirit and the validating, healing power of friendship and community.
  • [32:15] Valerie: “Just casually...I feel something loosen in my body...friends keep us from being like a big ball of knots.”

5. The Value of Community and Place

• Pete describes the powerful impact of living in a close-knit community in Ojai. He shares lessons from a Burning Man conversation that highlight the joy of building and maintaining a village-style life.
  • [34:06] Pete Holmes: "It’s like friendship in its truest form. And it's like, the human experience in its truest form."
  • Valerie appreciates the accessibility of community, regardless of privilege: “Most people, whether or not they’re aware of it, could find, you know, a community of some kind.” [36:26]

6. Restoring Balance and Following Personal Fire

• Both describe "blood transfusion" moments—Pete with stand-up, Valerie with teaching dance—that restore their sense of self and bring joy.
  • [45:41] Valerie: “Drove home listening to very loud hip hop and...feeling like in a divine flow, like a togetherness feeling.”
  • [46:34] Pete Holmes: “My ability to enjoy a quiet day in Ojai...is informed by these little Indiana Jones vine swings into the Temple of Doom."
• Valerie emphasizes that balance is about integrating and portioning life’s many parts, not just fixating on the most exciting element.

7. Healthy Anxiety, Artistic Drive, and the Need for Disruption

• The pair joke that anxiety is sometimes necessary fuel, promoting creativity and connection. They reference the Barbie movie’s message about embracing reality’s flaws and being alive to disruption and adventure.
  • [55:40] Pete Holmes: “If you're not joyful, at least be terrified because otherwise what good are you to anybody?”
• Pete shares his craving for psychedelics as a metaphoric need for disruption to avoid stagnation and keep growing.
  • [57:31] Valerie: “Pete needs disruption and he needs challenge and he needs immersion and confrontation."

8. Stolen Moments and the Joy of the Unexpected

• The episode wraps up on a reflection about the thrill of “stolen moments,” like sneaking video game sessions or unexpected pleasures, and how they often carry more joy than planned events.
  • [62:19] Valerie: “...what we liked was getting away with something and sneaking something.”
  • [63:25] Pete Holmes: “The fact that we know we’re getting away with something that might end at any moment is way more...makes the whole thing way more thrilling.”
  • [63:26] Pete Holmes (ending): "Keep it crispy."

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Notable Quotes

• “There is something nice about a laundry detergent commercial sigh.”
  – Pete Holmes [06:07]

• “You smile, though your heart breaking.”
  – Valerie [06:23]

• “Anger is sadness in disguise. Anger is sadness failed."
  – Valerie [12:54]

• “Knowing your things is actually kind of like a really dangerous place.”
  – Valerie [19:41]

• "Art and beauty and community...is purely soul. It's like the most compelling proof that there is a soul."
  – Pete Holmes [26:22]

• “If you’re not joyful, at least be terrified because otherwise what good are you to anybody?”
  – Pete Holmes [55:40]

• “The fact that we know we're getting away with something that might end at any moment is way more...makes the whole thing way more thrilling.”
  – Pete Holmes [63:25]

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• Funeral & Family Dynamics: [05:15] – [12:10]
• Comedian Friendships vs. Family: [13:22] – [14:45]
• Fandom & Aging: [15:02] – [16:40]
• On "Alone," Survival vs Living: [20:29] – [26:49]
• Art, Poetry, and Soul Purpose: [26:49] – [29:45]
• Leela’s Creative Drive, Community: [29:45] – [34:06]
• Community, Place, Friendships: [34:06] – [37:00]
• Balance & Stand-Up 'Blood Transfusions': [42:53] – [50:57]
• Artistic Anxiety and Disruption: [55:04] – [57:42]
• The Thrill of Stolen Moments: [61:12] – [63:25]

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Memorable Moments

• Valerie’s accidental renaming of Chrissy Teigen to “Christie Deegan” and complete lack of pop culture awareness.
• The analogy of mourning rituals to James Brown’s legendary staged encores.
• Pete and Valerie’s shared realization that true fulfillment comes from a mix of “temple swings” (adventure) and “Shire” (comfort) moments.
• The metaphor of a “surprise drunk” or unexpected joy being better than planned indulgence.
• Pete’s reassurance to listeners: “It’s okay to be broken and weird; we all are.”

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Tone

The episode maintains the show’s signature cozy, confessional, and comedic tone. Pete and Valerie riff with warmth, self-deprecation, and relatability, laughing at their weirdness and inviting listeners into honest, vulnerable conversations.

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Summary prepared for listeners seeking depth, key insights, and great quotes from Pete & Valerie’s thoughtful, funny conversation—without needing to hear every moment of the episode.

Transcript

[Pete Holmes]

You made it weird. You made it weird.

[Valerie]

You made it weird.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah.

[Valerie]

You made it weird. Made it weird. Yes, you did. Made it weird. You made it weird with Pete Holmes.

[Pete Holmes]

What's happening here?

[Valerie]

We're laughing because it's the most abrupt ending.

[Pete Holmes]

We just ended the episode. And I, like, it was a surprise. Keep it crispy. I said it to you and you weren't expecting it.

[Valerie]

I think I have to write that down. That point you made at the end, that was brilliant. And then you just went, keep it crispy. And I was like, okay.

[Pete Holmes]

It was a mic drop moment for me.

[Valerie]

Very funny and very brilliant. Welcome to the show, everybody. It's a really special one. I loved this one so, so much. And we. I wasn't even like all of these. I'm like, I don't even know if we have anything to talk about.

[Pete Holmes]

No.

[Valerie]

And it was great. I love it. We're definitely, I feel like will listen to this one. It was really special. Tomorrow, if you're listening to this, the day it comes out, I'll be at Largo. Largo-la.com and I'm also going on tour. I'll be coming back to some cities that I was already at because I already have the structure of a new hour and I'm very excited. But I'm also going to be touring Denver and doing some of this new material and some of the stuff that it'll all be new to you. Anyway, just go to PeteHomes.com and hope to see you there. And if you like the show, try a Pete's Pick. It supports the show, which means so much to us. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. So think of it as a Patreon, but instead of just giving us money, give it to these people. They'll give you a product. And we, we do benefit because then the ads work and then they keep getting ads. So. Thank you. Try a pizza pig, Katie. And if you like the show, why.

[Sponsor/Ad Reader]

Not try a pizza pck. For those of you who haven't heard the show before, we do ads a little differently. We only do spots for things that I actually use and actually love.

[Valerie]

Like, for example, this that I'm holding.

[Sponsor/Ad Reader]

Up for the camera right now. This is my Apollo Neuro.

[Valerie]

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[Sponsor/Ad Reader]

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[Valerie]

Like neurology.

[Sponsor/Ad Reader]

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[Valerie]

Feel it.

[Sponsor/Ad Reader]

It's almost sub perceptual, but it gives your nervous system the sensation of being touched or held. It's like a virtual hug that calms your nervous system down and helps you relax, sleep, focus. Or in my case, right now, be more productive. It's like a wearable hug for your nervous system. Using touch therapy to help you feel safe and in control. You can wear it on the wrist, you can wear it on your ankle, you can even clip it on the inside of your shirt. Helps you with energy. Helps you feel more social and open, clear and focused. Rebuild and recover. Which is great after workouts or after stressful interactions. Calm, which is awesome for meditation or unwind. Val and I call that the try and stay asleep setting. And fall asleep. How great is it? At night I put it on. Well, I never take it off. It's on. I go on my phone, I hit fall asleep and it gently lulls you to sleep by introducing a rhythm and slowing it down. And gently, slowly your body gets the idea I'm safe and it's okay to fall asleep. Chemical free. Helps with all of these things. Helps with symptoms of adhd. The Apollo's effects on stress, sleep, cognitive performance and recovery have been proven in multiple clinical trials and real world studies. It's not woo woo, it's clinical. It's developed by a neuroscientist and a board certified psychiatrist who have been studying the impacts of chronic stress in humans for nearly 15 years. You can get 10% off. Support the show, support your body, support your mind. Go to Apollo neuro.com weird that's E A P O A P O L L O N E R O.com Weird. 10% off. Seriously, give it a try. Also brought to us by our friends at ONIT and Alpha Brain. This morning, like every morning, I took some alpha brain. And before this episode you're about to hear I took some alpha brain.

[Valerie]

What is it?

[Sponsor/Ad Reader]

It's a nootropic, which means it's earth grown ingredients that help your brain with memory, focus and concentration. It's incredible for recall, it's incredible for creative work. It's incredible for conversation, it's incredible for banging out emails. It is a huge secret weapon in my repertoire when I need to get work done or do anything that involves my brain. Taking alpha brain 2 or 3 alpha brain 1520 minutes before I do it is a game changer. I wish I knew about it. In college. I'M so glad I know about it now. It's been years, over six years that I haven't done standup, a podcast, written a script, or even just gone on a date with Val or just wanted to read a book and maintain and hold on to more of it without taking Alpha Brain before. I swear by it. I give it to fans sometimes because I know I keep it in my pockets. It's so fun. It's so helpful. Game change. Go to onnit o N-N-I-T.com weird. You will get 10% off everything you see on that landing page. That's onnit.com weird.

[Valerie]

All right, everybody, enjoy. We made it weird.

[Pete Holmes]

Valerie, get into it. When you do a. Okay.

[Valerie]

When you do a.

[Pete Holmes]

When you go to, like, a yoga class where they have you inhale and sigh it out.

[Valerie]

Okay, Let me remember 10 years ago. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Do you do it like this? Or do you do. Do you do it like this? I'm just laughing at my own question. Or do you do it like this?

[Valerie]

The first one.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. People do the first one. And I like a sigh. I. I do mix it up. Like, if I have to really release a lot, I like, do like a. But I think. But I think there is something nice about like a laundry detergent commercial. Sigh.

[Valerie]

You know, like a more palatable where.

[Pete Holmes]

It'S like, oh, I liked it. You know I liked it. Right? Because it's like the thing about if you smile, it communicates to your nervous system that you're happy.

[Valerie]

You smile, though your heart breaking.

[Pete Holmes]

I was gonna say even though you're at your dad's funeral.

[Valerie]

Even though you're at your daddy's funeral.

[Pete Holmes]

Not just. Which is.

[Valerie]

Yeah, smile. It's what he would have wanted, but probably not. My dad would want, like, full on Pharaoh. Throw yourself on the casket.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Valerie]

Rip your clothes off and burn them in a pile.

[Pete Holmes]

And my dad, too. And since he's from the south and his funeral will prob be in Texas.

[Valerie]

The chances of that funeral.

[Pete Holmes]

The chances of that are very high. Our Boston funerals, like, will throw themselves in the casket.

[Valerie]

In the casket.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, on the body.

[Valerie]

Oh, I thought you. I thought you made an error.

[Pete Holmes]

No, you.

[Valerie]

The weird, perfumed, maked up belly. I'm sorry, guys, but they take the belly off.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

Which is the grossest thing.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes. And. And at my papa's funeral. Love you, Papa.

[Valerie]

R.P.

[Pete Holmes]

Papa. Love you. That happened like, my aunt Debbie threw herself. Threw herself and had to be taken off by her husband.

[Valerie]

Like, Like James Brown. Like, they keep Pulling them off the stage and. No, I need more mourning. I get up off of that beat more. Until you feel better, that is.

[Pete Holmes]

Wait, is that. Did that happen to James Brown? Because I think that happens in Sister act, and I think they might be, like, whatever, doing an homage to that.

[Valerie]

Yeah, that's an homage to James Brown.

[Pete Holmes]

He wouldn't get off the stage. Where's that?

[Valerie]

I love that you didn't know that. Whoopi is.

[Pete Holmes]

My reference is Sister Act. I would have said it's like a Sister act when she, like, Sister Act. Sister Act. Sister Act.

[Valerie]

No. James Brown would do the ultimate show. The show. The ultimate show that you do during a show, which is you act like you're. They would put the jacket around him and walk him off stage.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, you've.

[Valerie]

You've left. No, I know. I've already reached that conclusion. I'm telling the people and.

[Pete Holmes]

But that was all part of the show. Like, the people.

[Valerie]

It was on the set list, I'm sure. In parentheses leave hue jacket.

[Pete Holmes]

So great. And I bet it was as popular as it was.

[Valerie]

I bet there was nothing better. And, you know, as I sometimes say, if I'm full of myself on stage, like, I envy that you get to watch this joke. I bet James Brown was like. Cause he knows.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

It's not that it's sad, but it's not the best seat in the house to be on stage and be like, okay, I think I have about four songs left in me. Or, you know, it's on the set list, so four songs. It's like doing an encore in a different way.

[Pete Holmes]

Right?

[Valerie]

It's like an encore, but I'm not even gonna leave.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And they're gonna pat me down and I'll be back. So you're saying someone did that at your papa's funeral? Who did?

[Pete Holmes]

My Aunt Debbie or your Aunt Debbie?

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

None of my, like, immediate family, I don't think would do that. Meaning, like, my grandma, my aunt. I don't think they would do that. But my Aunt Debbie is my Nani's best friend. She's not. Not even related related, but she is, like, she's as good as an aunt.

[Valerie]

And so not very good. She's about as worth as much to you as, like, an aunt. Oh, okay. So, like, a text. A text that they're dead. Aunt level. Your aunt's dead. I just found out, by the way, that one of my aunts who I loved passed away. My parents didn't even tell me.

[Pete Holmes]

What? Which one?

[Valerie]

Aunt Kate and Kate. Yeah, we love Her?

[Pete Holmes]

Are you serious?

[Valerie]

Yeah. I'm sorry I didn't tell you, but I just found out.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God, Kate. I loved Aunt Kate.

[Valerie]

Didn't even. Not even a text.

[Pete Holmes]

God, why couldn't you have taken.

[Valerie]

I'm just kidding. We should bleep that.

[Pete Holmes]

We should bleep it. I'm sorry.

[Valerie]

We'll bleep it. Funny.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm sorry.

[Valerie]

No, it's funny. It's just a joke, but we'll bleep.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, no. I just haven't met that other aunt.

[Valerie]

No. Yeah, you haven't met. You haven't met any of my aunts.

[Pete Holmes]

Except Aunt Kate, who.

[Valerie]

Like. Just a hard laughing.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

Quick laughing.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Like.

[Valerie]

Like, when I say talking, I mean, like, she was fun.

[Pete Holmes]

Yep.

[Valerie]

You'd want to be next to her at a wedding or a party. She'd be cracking you up.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, she's like a. The. Like a Boston aunt that you would see in a movie. Like, she's.

[Valerie]

Yeah, but without the. Like, she's a summertime Boston aunt.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

Like in the winter Boston aunt.

[Pete Holmes]

Sure.

[Valerie]

Which perpetually. It's always winter in my heart. You know what I mean? Like, they're just kind of like, closed. Aunt Kate wasn't that way.

[Pete Holmes]

No, she was great.

[Valerie]

And look, I understand my parents or whoever could have told me. It just, you know, they're all so old. Like, my parents are maintaining their lives.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Valerie]

They're not like, rolling. I don't know. I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

They're not rolling with the homies.

[Valerie]

I found out. And I was like. My brother had the appropriate reaction. He was like, I'm sorry I didn't tell you, dude. Like, my parents were just like. We didn't tell you how. Just eating a roll.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow.

[Valerie]

And I was like, we love Dan, Kate. My family was so. Is so bad at family.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, they're bad at family.

[Sponsor/Ad Reader]

They're terrible at family.

[Pete Holmes]

Kind of the worst of family.

[Valerie]

I'm gonna say they're the worst because. Just because it wasn't one of our values. Like, when people.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And that's weird, right? We're trying for family value. Like, family matters.

[Pete Holmes]

Because even, like, I feel like even families that might even. I'm gonna say, like, have some, you know, gaslighting or emotional abuse. They have this idea. I don't know.

[Valerie]

I brought that up.

[Pete Holmes]

I ha. They. They have this idea of, like. But we're a family. Like, at least furious.

[Valerie]

You have that. Oh, and it's so funny that you say that, because when Vin Diesel, at the end of every Fast and Furious movie is like. And we're family. I'm like, you.

[Pete Holmes]

You hate it.

[Valerie]

Like, I hate it.

[Pete Holmes]

You have a hard time with close family scenes.

[Valerie]

But as we've been talking about and should continue unpacking and never stop talking about meaning we should say this. You. We should remind ourselves, especially men every day, that anger is sadness in disguise.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

Anger is sadness failed. Like sadness tried to get up and go, oh, Vin Diesel and his. Even families of friends.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

Even just groups of rider. Even the phrase ride or die.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

I've got like, ride or. They booked a show and they're not gonna be your birthday friends.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

You know, and the benefit of those friends is you can cancel on them. This is the weird illness of comedian style friends.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Valerie]

And there is a benefit to it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

It's like that SNL sketch where gay guys can hire a straight guy, remember. To Alan Yang to be their friends.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Valerie]

And they go like, I'm moving to Australia for six years. And the friend is just like, gotta do what you gotta do. Have fun. Like, it's like. That's like, not emotional at all.

[Pete Holmes]

Right, that's great.

[Valerie]

So Rebeglia, Neil Brennan. Those are real friends of mine, Right. And they have some of the comedian seasoning, meaning when I call Neil or Neil and I talk and we haven't talked in a month. There's no like, sorry, I've been out of touch. Like, that is a benefit.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

But when you get too much of that, you start to watch movies like Fast and Furious and go like, fuck, I can't even relate to him. And Ty, right? Ty? Isn't the beautiful one named Ty.

[Pete Holmes]

The beautiful one?

[Valerie]

The black Asian man. He's half black, half Asian.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes, he is beautiful.

[Valerie]

Yeah, he's beautiful. He has a Benihana in his house.

[Pete Holmes]

Do you mean. Wait, you've said that about somebody else before.

[Valerie]

It's only him.

[Pete Holmes]

Wait, are you talking about, ah, what's his name?

[Valerie]

The. We're talking about the same guy.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Okay. He like, he. Remember that one time he followed me on Twitter and I was like. But. And then we saw like, on the news. It was like he got hacked and, like, followed like hundreds of thousands of people.

[Valerie]

I didn't know that.

[Pete Holmes]

And I was like, what? He follows me.

[Valerie]

Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

Slide totally fell through it.

[Valerie]

I have a super babe that follows me. I forget who it is. It's somebody's. This is going to be frustrating because I won't even. I want to say Christy Teigen.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, Chrissy Teigen.

[Valerie]

Chrissy Teigen.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God. You do not deserve her. Follow.

[Valerie]

She's a queen Christie.

[Pete Holmes]

I know.

[Valerie]

Who is she?

[Pete Holmes]

She's married to John.

[Valerie]

No.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm dying. Oh, my.

[Valerie]

Can I tell you something, Chrissy? We love. We love.

[Pete Holmes]

You can't say that now.

[Valerie]

You guys. As a piece of the infinite oneness that we all are. I love you.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God.

[Valerie]

No, no. I'm just not familiar. But want to say is Val, I'm 44 and I'm loving it like that. I don't know shit.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And I don't follow shit. And I. You know what it is? It's a vacation. You're always on. People say things. They go this. They go. I barely know who Mitch McConnell is. That's when it gets weird. Is when people start mentioning political things are like our senator. And I'm like. I just. You know what it is? Yeah. The California senator question. I think we have two.

[Pete Holmes]

If my life defend. Defended on it.

[Valerie]

I gotta say, it is so underrated to be an aging person. Like, I always joke that my mom called Celine Dion Salon Dijon. And I'm like, now I'm realizing.

[Pete Holmes]

You just called Chrissy Teigen Christy Deegan.

[Valerie]

Yeah, exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

So that is.

[Valerie]

But it's. What I didn't know. I thought it was like kind of like a confession. Confused bewilderment. And what I'm realizing is. Is. Is like you're just packing lighter.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

I'm still traveling around the world. There's just so many fewer things. And Chrissy, who you love, which makes me think she's an incredible person.

[Pete Holmes]

She's great.

[Valerie]

Would completely understand this.

[Pete Holmes]

I think she would. I actually think she might think it's cool. I think because they are such a new podcast.

[Valerie]

Speculating Teigen.

[Pete Holmes]

Chrissy Te. Chrissy Teigen and John Legend is who she's married to Arthur are basically. Oh, my God. I don't think he likes that.

[Valerie]

He does. It's his Twitter bio.

[Pete Holmes]

Is it?

[Valerie]

That's. I wouldn't make that joke about it. John Legend is a. What is the word for like, generational talent? He's incredible.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

He's a legend, which is so funny. What if his name was John? Would he be as popular?

[Pete Holmes]

John Mediocre.

[Valerie]

It says in parentheses. Disappointing trumpet sound. That's your last name. Yeah, but you don't say it. You make it.

[Pete Holmes]

So funny.

[Valerie]

But he's incredible. But his Twitter bio says Arthur from the children's book.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes, because that was like a big thing that he looks like that.

[Valerie]

Could you bump more?

[Pete Holmes]

Huh. And Chrissy posted a really funny thing when that Arthur thing was happening where it was like. Which made me think that he didn't like it, but I think it was a joke where it was, like. It was like from an Arthur episode where Arthur gets really mad and he, like, clenches his fist.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And so it was just a picture of the clenched fist. And it was like when they say he looks like Arthur.

[Valerie]

Very good.

[Pete Holmes]

She's really funny. She's a model. She's gorgeous. They have three kids. She's incredibly honest. Like. Like more honest than a. Usually a person who is that famous.

[Valerie]

Can I. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So she sometimes gets in trouble because she's so honest, but everybody loves her. They're basically Beyonce and Jay Z.

[Valerie]

They're like J, Y. Yeah. J, A, J.

[Pete Holmes]

They're A, N and JY.

[Valerie]

You are the funniest. Well done. I want to say something, and it's real, and it's based a little bit on my conversation with Keegan, which came out, I guess. Yeah. This will be the. We made it weird that's going with the Keegan episode is. I'm trying not for. What's the word? Inclusion or to fit in or anything. I'm trying just for my own sake, to reignite some of my fandom. Because one of the things that I'm noticing is I'm just enjoying fewer things and I'm a little bit. Meaning why? Why am I enjoying fewer things? It's because, again, it goes back to, I think, getting older and I know my things, and knowing your things is actually kind of like a really dangerous place. Meaning, like, it's boring. Like, I catch myself boring myself, going, like, I like stand up. I like, you know, my family. I like Lela and Val. I like hanging out, like, swimming, like, sauna, like, cold plunge. Like, when you know your stuff, I think it's really important to know yourself. But when you know it and then you kind of close off, that's how I'm feeling. And it's. And when I was talking to Keegan Keenan. Oh, sorry. Yeah. Kenan. I want to find a reason why that mistake wasn't as embarrassing as it is.

[Pete Holmes]

Maybe because I've been watching Schmigadoon.

[Valerie]

Yeah, there you go. You've been watching Schmigadoon. So I've been thinking a lot about Keegan. That is slightly true, but Kenan was reminding me of just, like, how great it is to be a fan and kind of how, like, life is being a fan.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

Like, I was reading a quote. Oh, I want to find it because our friend Jen sent it to us. Did you look at this image that she sent?

[Pete Holmes]

It doesn't I I was driving so I couldn't look at it.

[Valerie]

Let me see where it is. I this is embarrassing because it's the only one I'm not sure how to pronounce. I think it's Rodan. R O D I N is Rodan. I'm very proud of myself. Rodin said the main thing is to be moved, to love, to hope, to tremble, to live. And sometimes old Holmesy in his slightly self diagnosed leaning towards an Asperger. It's an autistic y kind of way. I can get very literal and I can be the guy on the show alone. You and I are watching the show alone. That is just kind of like going like I need fish alone. By the way. You guys know this, but most of you know this. It's a show where they leave you alone in the woods with 10 items and you have to survive.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And you're alone. And when we watch that show, it's really humbling and challenging to me because I'm realizing my style of living can sometimes and often is be.

[Pete Holmes]

What?

[Valerie]

I'm just laughing at that sentence because I had a B. I had a B. There was a verb dangling and I.

[Pete Holmes]

Had can often and sometimes is.

[Valerie]

Can often and often is be. My lifestyle is often. No. What is it? My lifestyle is often no, no, no. Can often. My lifestyle can often and often is be.

[Pete Holmes]

I think you did say it right. Like I think you said can you often and sometimes be.

[Valerie]

But no and often is is what I said be.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay then great. It's as funny as we got.

[Valerie]

That's the best thing that that's up there with and so too bran is for me now. And there was a fan at the New York show that had a T shirt and I loved it and I die. I laughed so genuinely that he so too for me now my lifestyle can and often is b. Oh that it's good to laugh again a little. So the people on alone they the one my style would be the guy that goes make a no frill shelter that's warm because winter is coming. Thank you for yawning 100% JK. You're just being Chrissy Teigen. You're being real. A little too real.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm getting in trouble for it.

[Valerie]

Exact find fish because I need to eat. Get fire because I need to be warm and don't move too much. Yeah, because you don't want to like burn Calories.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And the people that thrive on the show alone are always either they're the more feminine leading leaning men. Not always, but sometimes. Often that understand that you need to have projects, art, purpose. It's really this very, very powerful metaphor. That show is like, how are you living? How are you. Are you just surviving? Or are you trying to, like, feed your soul? And it shows how important art is. Making art projects expression.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

Mythology. That's why I'm surprised there aren't people that make Wilsons or make idols. No one does that. No one on any season of alone we've seen has made, like a puja table. Or I would. First thing I would fucking do is carve a giant wooden idol. Yeah, that looks like Baby Groot. And I would worship it. And I would talk to the camera and be like, the gods have favored me. I'd leave him some fish. That's all I would do. I'd like, burn fish for him.

[Pete Holmes]

That's a great.

[Valerie]

Though I be starving. Baby Groot. Sorry, that's a Baby Groot. I just call it Baby Groot. They can't air it for copyright reasons. It's blurred the whole time. It's a giant blurt. People are like, is it a dick? They're like, no, it's marvel. It's not a dick, it's marvel.

[Pete Holmes]

That's a great method. Yeah.

[Valerie]

I mean, to tie the ending is you gotta be a fan. You have to have purpose, you have to have pleasure. You have to feel, you have to tremble. You have to go in. And I'm bored with myself a little bit this week. I'm a little just like, oh, yeah, you fucking making stuff and doing dumb shows. Is that right? Like, going to the same experiential restaurant kind of all the time. And I need to like something. I need to like something, and I need to serve some people. Like, I need to like. I love putting on Leela's shoes. It's one of my favorite things. Is, like, something for someone else? Like, yeah, because I'm just. I'm the guy in the woods going, like. And if I have one fish a day, I'll make it to 100 days. And I'm like, come on, man.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it can't just be that.

[Valerie]

Tell me everything.

[Pete Holmes]

I was just gonna say it is so beautiful that, like, this is part of the human experience. Because for survival purposes only, like, just for our bodies staying alive. Like, beauty and art don't make any sense. Which is why a lot of the people don't are dying. Well, yeah, and survivalists don't do it on that show because they're thinking of it in terms of how do I keep this body alive for a hundred days? And so that is something like art and beauty and community. And spending your time worshiping is purely soul. It's like the most compelling proof that there is a soul.

[Valerie]

It's like a stomach. It's not just a benign thing. No, it's like your heart and your soul is another appetite. Yes, that's exactly what I'm saying.

[Pete Holmes]

And it's tied to your body. Your body will die without it. Yeah, like it's. It's such an interest. It's like it doesn't make logical sense. That's why it's like a heart, space, soul, realm. And the fact that we need it as much as we need food and water is so gorgeous.

[Valerie]

And the show alone is proof of that. Yes, it's the people that are, like, making guitars and chairs and watching sunsets and all that sort of stuff. Make it longer. There was this Ethan Hawke. It's Hawk right now. Ethan Falcon. Ethan Falcon was talking about poetry, and he was like, I know that most people don't need. I think he says, like, Beckett or somebody. Is that a person? Most people don't need it. Yeah, it sounds like an artist.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeets.

[Valerie]

Let's say Yeats. I have a Yeats infection, man. I've been reading too, poetry. He was going on about how most days he's like, I'm not an idiot. I know most people's lives aren't craving poetry. But then he's like, but when a loved one dies or you fall in love and you want to know if other people have ever felt this way because your feet are floating off the earth, he's like, it becomes food. And I just think that's really interesting. They've also. We've mentioned this study before that they're like, what is the purpose of art? And I'm saying this not as an artist. I'm saying this as someone who needs to, like, crave and consume and be consumed by someone else's art. That when you look at it anthropologically, the reason why every culture has dancing and stories and all that stuff, there's a million reasons, but one of them is a survival meaning. So you don't kill yourself. So you don't just become a nihilist and go, like, what is this? Like, I'm watching the animals. We're eating. They're gonna. I'm gonna die too. And we go, no, stick around, Jim's. Doing his weird long mask dance tonight. And you're like, really?

[Pete Holmes]

They know it's weird.

[Valerie]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

His weird long mask.

[Valerie]

He's doing the weird one. Oh, the one where his balls are hanging just outside of the skirt? Yeah, that one. He knows he's got a longer skirt, but he likes the little father time aspect.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, no good. No, it was good. It just was like, I was gonna be like, yeah, human beings are just darling and gorgeous. But it felt funny to say after the balls thing. But we are. Like, the fact that. So Leela, you know, saw this drag brunch, and she decided that she wanted to put on a concert, as she called it, for her friends. And she was like, can I be on a stage? Can we have a lot of chairs and a curtain and you surprise me with songs on your phone and I'll dance to them? And, like, this morning, I was like, let's do. Because we do have some friends coming over. Can I also say yes?

[Valerie]

I love this. She watched that dancer dancing on a bar for all of five seconds.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, it was five seconds. We, like, passed by it. And she was like, what is this?

[Valerie]

She hasn't been that interested in anything ever.

[Pete Holmes]

And, you know, it's like the perfect combo of our interests. Like performing for you and dance for me.

[Valerie]

Yeah, exactly. It's because it was dancing on a stage, like, on a bar.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And the music was so loud, I told somebody else. I was like, it. It sounded like someone in the restaurant was in distress and needed help and to get people to come over and look and see if everything was okay. Played the music too loud. Yeah, it was the loudest music I've ever heard.

[Pete Holmes]

It was, like, igniting in me. Like, something is wrong. You're in danger. And I. I don't mind loud music, but it was the loudest music I've ever.

[Valerie]

10, 20 in the morning.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And we were walking by. Part of the reason why we didn't watch longer was because the music was.

[Pete Holmes]

So loud, so old.

[Valerie]

And the other reason is just, like, intense ingrained homophobia.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God.

[Valerie]

No, but I. You know, it's funny, as we're saying, we didn't watch very long, and Lila was so interested. I'm like, why didn't we stay? We were on our way to go see. What did we see?

[Pete Holmes]

Elemental.

[Valerie]

Elemental. Which, by the way, so good. Look, I haven't seen Barbie. I haven't seen Oppenheimer.

[Pete Holmes]

I have, and it's so good.

[Valerie]

No, I can't. I'm excited to See it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

But why aren't we talking about Elemental? That movie was 10 out of 10. Perfection. It was like a return to form for me, for Pixar. Meaning Some Pixar movies just haven't been 10 out of 10. They're still fucking fantastic.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

It's like, never bad, but elemental to me, I was like, oh, if this movie came out when Toy Story 2 was coming out, the whole country would be screaming about Elemental.

[Pete Holmes]

Now we, like, expect Pixar to be phenomenal.

[Valerie]

Yeah. I cried and I learned about my soul.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

Incredible. And it's so beautiful. You got to see it on the big screen. It's amazing. So that's why we didn't stay longer to go see this movie. But that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

So she wants to do it.

[Pete Holmes]

She's obsessed with it. And, like, throughout the rest of that day, she was like, I just keep thinking about that dancer. And so, yeah, she wants to perform. And so we're doing that tonight, which is some, like I said, some real only child that we have three friends coming over to just to watch her dance. Just to watch her dance to music on my phone. But.

[Valerie]

And when we say, do you want to rehearse? She says.

[Pete Holmes]

She said, I know my moves. I've already practiced.

[Valerie]

Which. No way. My daughter.

[Pete Holmes]

No way.

[Valerie]

Just no way.

[Pete Holmes]

There's no way. She's just like, maybe she's thought about it in her mind, but we're with her all the time. She's not practiced.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Unless she's, like, ducking out of camp and silently practicing.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

But I don't think so.

[Pete Holmes]

But that she's very free.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. And that compulsion that we have to. When we're in a fearless space to, like, create and make shows for each other and, you know, a cynic could say she just, like, wants attention. But, like, first of all. Yeah, so does everyone. And isn't it beautiful that we can give that to each other? And it, like, fills up. It works.

[Valerie]

I feel that every morning when we were having coffee, just when our friends, like, recognize and validate my feeling.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

Just casually.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

I'll be like, you know, I'm kind of this today. And they go, oh, yeah. Just that. And I feel something loosen in my body. Happens so subtly. You really have to be paying attention to feel it. But you're like, wow, these people are like, friends keep us from being like a big ball of knots.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And they. They just kind of effortlessly untie them with little tickles.

[Pete Holmes]

That's right. Absolutely. And it is. I mean, even more what I'm really experiencing and remembering by having, like, a very close community of friends here in Ojai, and I have close friends in la. It just. It is a little different here. You can. You see, we see our friends every day. We just see our friends every day, basically. And. And when we go, like, three days without seeing them, we're like, oh, my God, I missed you. You know, and that is. For me, it feels like such a safety net that I feel, like, emboldened.

[Valerie]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, I'm like, I actually think I can maybe do anything if I have a community around me.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And, like, it's like friendship in its truest form. And it's like, the human experience in its truest form. I really think so. And this isn't my idea. There was, like, a TED Talk on, like, the real epidemic is isolation. Like.

[Valerie]

Sure.

[Pete Holmes]

And, you know, it's.

[Valerie]

What's as bad as. As smoking?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it's as bad for you as smoking. So it. But it. But my. Our friend Reed was just. He is the temple designer for this year's Burning man. And he was explaining it to me, like, you know, you go. Because I was like, tell me, like, the process. Like, let's say I want to go to Burning Man. What would I do? And he's like, like, well, you kind of start by asking around to see if anybody knows of a camp that has availability. And he's like, you can buy tickets, but that's not the way a lot of people do it. Like, they don't just go straight to buying a ticket. They, like, find a camp first, and then you get a ticket, and then you go. And it's like, neighborhoods where it's like, you go to your camp and you build the camp together. You build your neighborhood with these new neighbors, and then you party. But the party, he was like, the. Our favorite part was the building, because we, like, were in a community where we had this shared goal. We were building stuff for ourselves and for each other, and we were working to do it. And. And so then. And also when you party, it feels really hard earned. Like, you feel like we worked really hard, and now we get to enjoy it and play really hard. And I was like, all you're really describing, it feels like, is the village format, which we did for so long, which I think is why it feels so good and addictive to people who, you know, love Burning Man.

[Valerie]

Yeah. And it's nice that you're marrying those two ideas, because I don't know if I'll ever go to Burning man, maybe. But I do know that we live in a small town now and it's so nice.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. And I do get a. A lot of that just living here.

[Valerie]

I know we cover that a lot on the pod, but it's one of my favorite things to talk about because it. That it's not like talking about cold plunging is like, oh, I'm glad you have whatever. Eleven hundred dollars for an outdoor cold bathtub. Like, that's not the most relatable.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Valerie]

But like most people, I hope. I'm gonna say most people, whether or not they're aware of it, could find, you know, a community of some kind.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

You know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, yes, most people have access to people. Yes, that's right. And I will say I'm like, not taking all the credit. Like we do. We are very lucky in a lot of ways, that makes it easier for us to have friends. But though I will say the part I will take credit for is like, it's a non negotiable for me.

[Valerie]

So what would be for me now that isn't that weird to be 44 and have been exposed to something that now if I didn't have it, I would be like, well, this isn't life. Like, I just didn't.

[Pete Holmes]

Which goes back to your thing about, like, you have your set things. It's like, well, that's clearly are open to letting in new things that you.

[Valerie]

Need to compliment Pete, to give myself a compliment, at least. I, like, I know that I don't know. And that's. That's. That's a. That's a powerful thing.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, you are. You're open in that way.

[Valerie]

Or he tried to be. God help us. Can we. We have to go to the midi roles. But like, I want. When. When we come back, I want to talk about the two. Both Val and I had a blood transfusion experience this week that was so powerful. And in the spirit of talking about, like, you know, it's funny, there's a crew is doing this documentary with me. I don't know if we'll sell it or if it'll ever get made, but they're coming around filming me doing stand up. And I was like. It occurred to me, I was like, that is interesting that I do stand up, but I'm like, what's really interesting to me is, like, figuring out a balanced life is really exciting to me. And having. That is one aspect, and that is the most interesting aspect. If you're gonna see me at a train station, we're gonna Talk about one thing. You know that that would be a good choice. What's it like being a comedian? Great. Okay, I get it. That's the biggest fire, draws the biggest crowd. But just as interestingly is like, how did we get all the different levels to use the Sims? Yellow. In the Sims, if all your bars are yellow, like you have a happy sim, I'm like, that is incredible. And it has so much to do with you and Leela. It has to do with where we are, like what we surround ourselves with has to do with our, these friend groups, all these things that are very, very simple. And then as I've said, the cactus model of getting to a place where I can do stand up just as part of my life. Let's talk about that when we come back because I have this thing is stand up being the antidote for monotony and all this stuff. But like how it can be kind of perverted when all the idea is perverted. When you drink the antidote but you're not sick.

[Pete Holmes]

That's interesting.

[Valerie]

Start getting like bloated, right? We'll talk about that in. I think it's just two minutes. We'll be back in two minutes.

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[Valerie]

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[Valerie]

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[Valerie]

Thanks everybody for listening to those and please try one. Please try one and support the show. Here's what I was going to say. So obviously I was rocked and sort of re traumatized by being at home. And that was very difficult for me in Boston. In Boston. And then I was doing all my things. I was, you know, exercising, trying to exercise. It was hard for about 10 days. I just couldn't find the will to exercise, really. It was brutal. But I was trying. I was doing what I could. I would get sunlight or I would, like, see a friend. Little baby steps towards feeling normal again. And slowly but surely adding on things like exercise, which did help. But something was missing, like something was wrong. I had meetings. I was doing work stuff. I was remembering my identity. I was having family time. All the boxes were ticks, but one one wasn't. All the boxes are ticks. And stay away from those boxes.

[Pete Holmes]

They're ticks.

[Valerie]

And then it's so obvious. Anyone that listens to this show regularly knows, oh, you needed to do a set. But more specifically, I'm working on my new hour. Have been for a while, actually starting to plan tour dates for the new tour just to kind of seamlessly go, which I'm very excited about. So I did Largo two nights ago for people listening to this. I'm going to be at Largo tomorrow, Saturday. But this was someone else's show, and I did all new material, and it was the words we use. It was like getting a blood transfusion. It was this incredible. I always think of father Greg Boyle saying, like, when I was kind of being hard on comedy, he was like, yeah, but it's also your gift, right? And it was. It was like. Yeah, it felt like a gift. It felt like I was doing. These new bits are about, like, AI and. And fear of AI and. And death. And fear of death. And. And like always, I like some sex stuff because I think it's interesting how ashamed we are of sex and do some of that. But all of it was kind of in the spirit of, like, release, you know, releasing ourselves, releasing each other. They're releasing me. I'm trying to release them. Everyone is released. And I. I just drove home. As I. As we talked about on the show before, I felt like a completely different person. It was fucking incredible. Yeah, like, the show was great. The Sklars, the Sklar brothers, Randy and Jason, do this great thing where they write tags for you.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

I got to be with David Spade and Sarah Silverman and Flanny, and it was just a wonder. And Natasha, it was a wonderful, like. Like, hang. And I was like, oh, right. What a gift to find the thing that when you do, it just feels like the bat cracking on the ball real solid.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Valerie]

Drove home Listening to very loud hip hop and not just a pure ego trip, but actually feeling like in a divine flow, like a togetherness feeling. And I guess maybe what makes us more interesting is then the next day. My theory is everything is anxiety. I've talked about this. Everything is anxiety. How you see the world right now, everyone listening and me and you too, is directly related to how much anxiety you're feeling. And when I do stand up, my anxiety goes away completely. And then the next day, I'm in our yard and I can see the trees and I hear the birds. I feel the water. Food tastes better. It's just this wonderful. Part of this share is gratitude.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And part of it also going back to what I was saying, the documentary. Or just like my life as a thing to look at, for me to look at and for others to look at. Stand up as part of it. And then it informs and imbues the rest of it. My ability to enjoy a quiet day in Ojai. Because other people have. They come up here and they're like, there's not enough action. I'm going crazy.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

Is informed by these little Indiana Jones vine swings into the Temple of Doom. Have a knife fight. Roll around, do stuff with. Do something with the whip.

[Pete Holmes]

Do, you know, do your little whippy thing.

[Valerie]

Do a little whip thing.

[Pete Holmes]

Grab your hat.

[Valerie]

Grab your hat as you roll back under the wall. Put the hat back on. And now it's not just country living and it's not just city living or stand up. And it's not just seeing my friends. It's also balanced with solitude. Occasionally traveling by myself. Love it. It's like eating bread for me. Refuels me. It's not just being a parent. It's having times when I'm just talking to you. These things are really fascinating to me.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

Like, it's not. I'm not trying to reshape the dog. I'm just using that. That's is what I occurred to me is I'm like the most interesting thing about all of us isn't the most interesting thing. It's how are you negotiating and marrying and merging and blending and separating and balancing and portioning out each thing.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Well, it is also like. It's like a fire, like, which is just one of the elements going back to elemental.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, it's in my version of this, of my blood transfusion was. I went into LA and just taught my dance class. But like, that's like my fire just. I know I shouldn't have said just.

[Valerie]

I Hated it.

[Pete Holmes]

I hated it too. I'm sorry, Val.

[Valerie]

You what you like. I'm not just saying this, what you do. We've told the story about my red turtleneck. I'm gonna tell it again. We're in gym class. It's almost over. They're like, who wants to stand in front? And everyone will mirror your movements with a hula hoop. So some of the kids are getting up and they're. They're moving it around. They're. They're dancing. And then we're all married.

[Pete Holmes]

Punishment.

[Valerie]

And then I volunteered and I go up and I'm wearing like a. An itchy red sweater. It's the holidays. Itchy red sweater. And I start doing a lot of the hand over the hand kind of like a steering wheel move.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

Just a basic sidestepping. And it occurs to me, I have no ideas. I have no ideas how to lead 30 of my peers, children, but my peers in dance. And then I remove in a desperate move. I put in front of everybody. I put.

[Pete Holmes]

While they're following me.

[Valerie]

Yeah. I put the hula hoop down. A funnier kid would have done it as well in the crowd. And took my itchy sweater off, thinking the sweater might be the problem. And I'm wearing a skin tight tomato red turtleneck. And now I'm as exposed as I can be. I tell you that story now to tell you that leading dance. No shit, is the hardest thing I could imagine doing.

[Pete Holmes]

That's really nice.

[Valerie]

So when you say I just led my dance, like that's a nightmare for me. I know you get fed by it in the same way that it's strange and perverse and outlying thing to say. I like getting up in front of people and being burdened with making them laugh. That's not how I see it. You don't see it? I would see that as being like, I'm burdened with keeping them entertained, having fun, moving, and they're looking at my body off. It's the worst.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's.

[Valerie]

So you did a very brave thing and slayed a very slithery dragon.

[Pete Holmes]

That's really sweet. Thank you, baby. But it definitely. Everything you just said about how you felt after your set, that's how I felt after blood drink class. Yeah. And it is pure fire. But to change the metaphors to your antidote metaphor, like it is like you also need water, you need earth, you need air. Like you need the other elements and they like feed into each other, you know, like you, whatever. You get a fish from the water and Then you use the fire to cook it and you, you know, and the air takes up your smoke. And so it is about these, like, levels.

[Valerie]

That's exactly right.

[Pete Holmes]

Only makes sense if it's in the context of other needs being met. You know, it's like just. And that's the thing that is so rare about you in the world of stand up, at least from what I've seen. Like being a.

[Valerie]

From my limited experience of seeing hundreds of comedians almost every day and being.

[Pete Holmes]

Friends with them and seeing their relationship.

[Valerie]

And knowing them for over 10 years. Yeah, but in my limited experience. Yeah, no, I. I appreciate it.

[Pete Holmes]

I really. It is very rare to come across, but that's what I stand up who is like, this is just one of my needs in a. In like a bag of equal part needs. You know what I mean? Like, I do this to meet a need and it's beautiful and fulfilling and I love it. And it's also equally important that I have solitude, that I. I am healthy in my body, that I have deep connections with my family and friends. Like, I mean, the only other person. I'm not saying that this is the only other person, but the only other person I can think of now who's like that is Rory, that I know of. Rory Scoville, which is why he's the only other stand up I would marry.

[Valerie]

And. And where our styles are very similar. It's very strange.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, exactly. But it's something that I appreciate.

[Valerie]

Strange is. It's strange that we're not closer. But I don't, I don't begrudge that. It just didn't happen for some reason. Like, Rory and I aren't like tight homies and that's okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

Like, we love when we see each other, but it's.

[Sponsor/Ad Reader]

Maybe.

[Valerie]

Maybe we're too similar. I don't know.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, or maybe you're both standups and you guys are.

[Valerie]

You know, if Rory lived in town.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I think we would.

[Valerie]

It's interesting going back to. Thank you for reminding me. So stand up was the missing piece of the antidote of how I was feeling, which was trapped, broken, sad. The cleaners are here.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And what I noticed, though, is when I tour sometimes, like when I was in New York, we did four shows at the City Winery. Then we went the night before. We had been in New Jersey for one show, and then we went to Connecticut for one show. So there was six shows. By the sixth show, I'm. By the way, Connecticut was awesome. Thank you to everybody who came out. But it was awesome. But it was not an antidote anymore.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes. Right. It was too much medicine.

[Valerie]

You like donuts? How about all the donuts in the world?

[Pete Holmes]

Right?

[Valerie]

And I remembered when I did Largo this week, I was like, it's an interesting thing to take the thing that heals you and then kind of for your job, manufacture, or find the place of brokenness within you and put it on display that you might eat the antidote in front of other people for their delight. The problem is you can't fake it. As much as a visit home will actually rock you and actually make you desperate to be known in a way that I can't really fake. Yeah, but actually that's not true. I can fake and I do fake and it's my job to fake. But when you do stand up and it's pure, uncut, raw, off a giant knife, stick it in the kilo and take a snort in the back alley wearing Crocodile Dundees alligator tooth hat, Take.

[Pete Holmes]

A breath and then continue the voice.

[Valerie]

Yeah, I couldn't get wearing the vest. The end.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, that was the end.

[Valerie]

No, I'm just saying it's a curious thing.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Valerie]

To continually heal your disease post having any symptoms. Because the healing of your disease is very, very funny.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Valerie]

I'm getting more and more comfortable which is being like stand ups are. And I know this is probably maybe a snooze so I'll keep it real short. I spent so much of my life being like stand ups aren't broken or weird. And now I'm like, no, we're all broken and weird and that's okay. In fact, most non standups are as well.

[Pete Holmes]

Right? Most people are.

[Valerie]

Most behavior is the exchange of attention. You know what I mean? This goes back to that bit I'm trying to work on which is like thank God for anxiety. Which is like I'm glad I have anxiety. And most hangs this. Our coffee this morning was like, where are we anxious? What can we do? Can I hold it for a minute and you'll hold mine and I'll walk away? And I'm trying to make the bit funny, but I haven't even tried it yet. But I want to say like if you're. If you're not joyful, at least be terrified because otherwise what good are you to anybody?

[Pete Holmes]

Wow, that's.

[Valerie]

You know what I mean?

[Pete Holmes]

Really interesting.

[Valerie]

You like that?

[Pete Holmes]

I do. I do like that a lot. And I mean not to say like sometimes anxiety can be crippling and then like, you know, people take medication. Oh no, I understand the Things that they need to do to feel.

[Valerie]

You don't want too much.

[Pete Holmes]

You don't want too much. But a little bit isn't. You want a little bit because it's also like kind of life force when it's that palatable excitement without breath.

[Valerie]

We wouldn't be doing this podcast if we weren't a little bit anxious. There would be no charge. Look at how desperately I'm chasing you and needing you, needing the listeners to understand. And nobody would be listening to it if they were. I'm not saying you're in anxious. You're either joyful or anxious. You could listen to this joyfully and be like, what? Look at how darling humans are and all that stuff.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

Much more likely, I would. I would wager.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

Is there's something just a little bit. And it helps to listen to other people. Be like, when I'm.

[Pete Holmes]

I do this not to give. I won't give any spoilers. I'll keep it very vague. Mostly for you, because I'm excited to watch it with you. But it's very much like the Barbara movie. The message of the Barbie movie is like. Like, look at how fun in the beginning of the movie, you're just seeing this perfect world, and it's so beautiful, and you're like, this is so fun. I want to live here. And then, like, it's very much the message of choosing this reality in all of its grittiness and flaws and.

[Valerie]

And, well, I'll say I've been craving psychedelics lately, and it's because I'm know. Well, I won't say it's because I know, but I am aware that, like, Pete needs disruption and he needs challenge and he needs immersion and confrontation. Like, I need. I need fire hose every once in a while.

[Pete Holmes]

Absolutely.

[Valerie]

And as much as I have my camp set up and I do have fish, and there's all this stuff, all that going back to the alone metaphor, it's like I. The other thing I need to do is sort of. Of mix it up.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that's it. We think that what we want is perfect Barbie Land. And, like, we don't. We don't want that. That's not what we came here for. As evidenced by me the most, like, comfort seeking Hobbit. I moved to Ojai. I, in a lot of ways, get everything I've ever wanted. I have. I could be like, I'm gonna spend my days tinkering around the garden and sitting by the fire and drinking tea. And instead I have this pull. Like my new Year's resolution was to get out of my comfort zone. Like, and I have this pull to be like, I don't know, what if I like directed a movie or whatever? Like doing like big. You are gonna scary things. We'll see. But you know, you don't, you don't actually want to stay in the Shire. You want to have the Shire available to you at all times. That's what I want.

[Valerie]

Going back to my. The most interesting thing is swinging on the Indiana Jones vine, doing something wild and then returning.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And by the way, you could do that. The opposite. You could be in a city and then swing to the country and you.

[Pete Holmes]

Know, whatever your, whatever your ratios are.

[Valerie]

My ratio is, is 9010 that way. It turns out that's after God. I lived in New York for almost 10 years. I lived in LA for 10 years. I lived in Chicago for three. I was in cities for 25 years.

[Pete Holmes]

I mean, you basically, I know you lived in a suburb too, but you were from like a very.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Near a very big city your whole life.

[Valerie]

When I go back to Boston now, having lived in a more nature based shire like place, I go like, oh, not like ugly bad. I just go like. It is more of a city feel to me.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

Than I thought it was when I was young. I was like, this sucks. There's nothing going on.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

But yeah, then I'd walk to the end of my street, wait for the bus and take it 20 minutes and I'd be in, you know, the city.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. And there is like an energy that overflows into the suburbs when there is a very metropolitan area where you're just sort of like. Like it's all still like accessible.

[Valerie]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Which is good. It makes.

[Valerie]

Because when I was in a room with a gun. Yeah, there's a gun in the room. You never quite adjust to there being a gun in the room.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. But, but I also think there's benefits to that because I was from such a small town that was so far away, it was five hours from the nearest big city that it was like, even if you wanted to move to LA or New York, it's like, like what? How are you gonna do that? Not even like, let alone trying to have a job where it's like show business or art or whatever for a living. It's like most of the people I knew either majored in education or business. Like, it was like, you, you have to, you have to.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

So there is a wafting that like Leela will get from being raised here. It's so close to la, where it's like, also, anything's possible.

[Valerie]

Yeah. No, it's valid.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like whisper in the wind.

[Valerie]

That's the balance for sure.

[Pete Holmes]

This was a very pro high episode. Sorry. I don't think it was.

[Valerie]

Only that I didn't even track or note that it was very pro high.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

I'll close with this thought. My friend Chris came over last night. Whenever we have the kids over people, Sunday dinner or something, people are playing. Sometimes we'll sneak off. Not even sneak off. It's in the area. Everybody is. Leela will want to play Mario Kart or something, but she loses interest. And then Chris and I will play or we'll play Mario Brothers on the switch. And, like, it's so fun.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

So we were like, let's do this. Let's get to. So last night at 9:30, which is very late for me, he came over and we played Mario. And it was fun. It was. And the takeaway was talking about just, like, figuring out this life. Like, figuring out what you actually want. You'd think we like donuts. Let's just have lots of donuts. So we're gonna have, like, two hours of uninterrupted Mario Brothers, and we. I very quickly figured out that, like, the best version of Mario Brothers is stealing 15 minutes to play it, knowing at any minute, Leela's gonna come in.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And be like, I want to play. And, like, end it.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Valerie]

And those stolen moments, I was telling them today, I was like, what I figured out is something I had figured out back when I was drinking is the best drunk. Is the surprise drunk?

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Valerie]

Like, whoops, I got drunk at lunch is so much better than on Friday. Let's go get drunk. Like, it's not as fun.

[Pete Holmes]

Yep.

[Valerie]

So he was there and, like, pretty quickly, I was like, wow, you can't just manufacture this.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Valerie]

We thought we liked Mario. What we liked was getting away with something and sneaking something.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like, also, I think we've made this comparison with other things, but, like, an unexpected back massage that your friend gives you is better than a $300 spot massage.

[Valerie]

Like, you're just like, second background.

[Pete Holmes]

I am feeling this everywhere because I wasn't expecting it, and I don't know how long it's going to last. And I'm obsessed with it.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. And isn't that a perfect metaphor for. For life? Like, the fact that we know we're getting away with something that might end at any moment is way more. Makes the whole thing way more thrilling.

[Valerie]

Whoa.

[Pete Holmes]

Nice. Keep it crispy.

[Valerie]

It.