You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes
Episode: We Made It Weird #176
Release Date: May 10, 2024
Host: Pete Holmes
Co-Host: Valerie (“Val”)
Overview
In this episode of the Friday bonus “We Made It Weird,” Pete Holmes and his wife, Valerie, take listeners on a deeply honest, meandering, and often hilarious journey through comedy, creativity, depression, and the art of holding space for difficult feelings. The episode is an exploration of what it means to navigate the weirdness and profundity of everyday life, with plenty of anecdotes, impressions, self-reflection, and laughter throughout.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Humor, Inclusivity, and “If You Know, You Know” Culture
- Pete and Val riff on exclusionary language like “if you know, you know” and “if you have to ask, you’ll never know,” exploring how those phrases can make outsiders feel unwelcome.
- Impersonations and comedy analysis: Pete tries out a Phil Rosenthal impression that slays with kids but not adults (08:10), reflecting on how the right context changes comedic impact.
- Pete (08:56): “When I did it for his kids and they absolutely died, I think that’s the bigger compliment.”
2. Why Do We Watch People Eat? The Allure of Food TV
- Food shows and “food porn”: They entertain the mystery of why people love watching others eat on TV—comparing it to “food porn.”
- Pete (11:18): “That is how you porn. Like, they call it food porn... If you really want it to be food porn, you have to eat food. And it’s not as good as what’s happening on the screen—but that’s just like porn.”
3. The Musicality of Comedy
- Comedy as music: Pete and Val break down how comedic timing has a rhythm, referencing Steve Martin’s use of “pizzazz” and the way jokes can be mapped musically (17:49 - 20:01).
- Pete (19:11): “There is a music to it... The time signature is the audience. But then once you’re in it, you can kind of start feeling out the rhythm, which I think is interesting.”
4. Depression, Acceptance, and “Chunk Funk”
- Pete opens up about his depression (“chunk funk”): He describes it as an “Ewok” whispering nihilism and the effort it takes not to resist or judge it.
- Pete (22:28): “I’ve been trying to really do the thing of, like, if I feel this way the rest of my life, it’s OK. And that has been helping.”
- Val’s philosophy: All emotions need to be held and cradled (“cradle the Ewok”), not pushed away or only accepted in the hope they’ll disappear.
- Val (25:03): “Not doing it to get rid of the Ewok... You actually have to love this in order for it to start to change.”
5. Spirituality, Non-Duality, and Rupert Spira
- Integration of feelings and awareness: Drawing on Rupert Spira and other spiritual teachers, they talk about embracing all feelings as objects in awareness that do not tarnish the innate peaceful “space.”
- Pete (27:13): “It’s like a mother’s arms around a child... It’s being held and supported and embraced.”
- Val (28:51): “She still doesn’t get that toy. But it just—the holding made it...”
- Feelings are transient: Referencing Tara Brach and spiritual teachings to reinforce that all feelings (good and bad) come and go, so peace can’t be dependent on a particular feeling.
- Pete (30:45): “There’s no permanent feeling.”
6. The Cost and Gift of Comedic Brilliance
- The “devil’s twist” for comedians: If you always know the funniest thing to say, the “cost” is being compelled to say it—even when it’s inappropriate—which can distance comedians from “normal reality.”
- Pete (14:51): “You’d be the funniest person in the world...but guess what? That’s what it’s going to be like on your wedding day... There is a cost.”
7. Vulnerability in Comedy
- Reflection on SmartLess podcast: Val recounts Sean Hayes getting emotional with Steve Martin and Martin Short and how even comedy legends can be uncomfortable with raw emotion (46:28).
- Val (47:27): “That was the most vulnerability he could muster..."
8. Revisiting Childhood: Tapes from Pete’s Youth
- Playing an old comedy tape Pete and his brother made as kids—they analyze their early creative instincts, sibling dynamics, and how childlike chaos and playfulness shaped Pete’s comedic style (57:03–65:54).
- Pete (65:25): “There’s a way that kids laugh, that only kids laugh. I can’t believe I made that laugh. It’s the purest…”
9. Parenting, Big Feelings, and Community
- Thanking supportive listeners: After discussing their daughter Lila’s big emotions in a previous episode, Val acknowledges listeners who reached out with their own stories (70:36).
- Honest parenting talk: They contrast the real, messy experience of parenting with sanitized social media versions, emphasizing the importance of sharing the hard parts.
- Pete (74:59): "Different things grow that wouldn't have grown otherwise. But it’s not as clean as some of the Mommy Vlogs make it seem.”
10. Original Poetry and Expressive Practice
- Val reads a poem she wrote about spring, transformation, and renewal as part of her writer’s group process, offering a gentle close to the episode (76:48–78:09).
- Excerpt:
“Spring always comes and catches me by surprise each time.
That mysterious force that tells the white roses and pink honeysuckle to bloom all around our house...
The joy that comes in the morning as we used to sing in church.
The resurrection after the brutal death.
The light shining on what was once a bottomless darkness.”
- Excerpt:
Memorable Quotes
-
On Comedy and Exclusion:
- Valerie (06:52): “Or like, if you know, you know. Well, I don’t mind that, actually. Actually, because a lot of times I do know.”
- Pete (07:07): “Yeah. I guess I just, I don’t like being excluded from like, Jazz—‘if you have to ask, you’ll never know.’”
-
On Self-Critique and Mental Health:
- Pete (22:50): “I haven’t been working out. That’s been the biggest change. Like, I really can’t work out. And I’m not creating, like, I’m not writing... just feeling the blues.”
- Val (22:50): “All feelings just want to be cradled and held.”
-
On Transience and Acceptance:
- Pete (30:41): “There’s no permanent feeling. So he’s like, why are you postponing your awakening until you’re having this—like, bliss fountain to shoot up your butt?”
-
On Parental Realness:
- Pete (72:05): “...Parenting just is the most wonderful and the one—wonderful and challenging thing you’ll ever do.”
- Valerie (74:02): “Let’s talk about the stuff that we don’t get to talk about, really.”
-
On Childlike Joy:
- Pete (65:25): “There’s a way that kids laugh, that only kids laugh...It’s the purest.”
-
On Transformation and Poetry:
- Valerie, reading her poem (76:50):
“Spring always comes and catches me by surprise each time... The resurrection after the brutal death. The light shining on what was once a bottomless darkness.”
- Valerie, reading her poem (76:50):
Timestamps for Key Segments
- 06:30: Comedy about exclusionary in-jokes and language
- 08:10: Pete’s Phil Rosenthal impression and reflection on comedy for kids vs. adults
- 10:21: Analysis of food TV, “food porn,” and the psychology of watching people eat
- 17:49: The musicality of comedy and comedic timing
- 20:01–24:24: Pete discusses his depression (“chunk funk”), Val offers acceptance strategies
- 25:03: The importance of holding emotions with love, not with the intent to fix them
- 27:13: Spiritual perspective on feelings as objects held in awareness
- 30:41: Discussion on the impermanence of all feelings; peace as our true nature
- 46:28: The cost of comedic brilliance & reflecting on SmartLess podcast with Martin Short and Steve Martin
- 57:03–65:54: Playback and analysis of Pete and his brother’s childhood comedy tape
- 70:36: Parenting, gratitude for listener support, and reflections on big feelings in children
- 76:48–78:09: Valerie reads an original poem about renewal and spring
Episode Tone & Style
- Warm, vulnerable, goofy, and philosophical
- Frequent gentle ribbing and supportive banter between Pete and Valerie
- Willingness to linger in both the funny and the uncomfortable parts of life
Closing Thoughts
This episode embodies the “We Made It Weird” ethos: finding the profundity and absurdity in daily life, laughing through the darkness, and learning to embrace all the “weirdness” that makes us human. From analyses of comedic genius to explorations of spiritual acceptance and honest confessions about parenting and mental health, Pete and Val hold space for both silliness and sincerity.
For the listener, it’s a reminder that no feeling lasts forever, everyone is funny in their own way, and there's beauty to be found even in struggle.
Closing Quote:
Pete (79:07): “That was beautiful, Valerie. Thank you so much.”
Val (79:09): “Thank you.”