We Made It Weird #176

Summary

You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

Episode: We Made It Weird #176

Release Date: May 10, 2024
Host: Pete Holmes
Co-Host: Valerie (“Val”)

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Overview

In this episode of the Friday bonus “We Made It Weird,” Pete Holmes and his wife, Valerie, take listeners on a deeply honest, meandering, and often hilarious journey through comedy, creativity, depression, and the art of holding space for difficult feelings. The episode is an exploration of what it means to navigate the weirdness and profundity of everyday life, with plenty of anecdotes, impressions, self-reflection, and laughter throughout.

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Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Humor, Inclusivity, and “If You Know, You Know” Culture

• Pete and Val riff on exclusionary language like “if you know, you know” and “if you have to ask, you’ll never know,” exploring how those phrases can make outsiders feel unwelcome.
• Impersonations and comedy analysis: Pete tries out a Phil Rosenthal impression that slays with kids but not adults (08:10), reflecting on how the right context changes comedic impact.
  • Pete (08:56): “When I did it for his kids and they absolutely died, I think that’s the bigger compliment.”

2. Why Do We Watch People Eat? The Allure of Food TV

• Food shows and “food porn”: They entertain the mystery of why people love watching others eat on TV—comparing it to “food porn.”
  • Pete (11:18): “That is how you porn. Like, they call it food porn... If you really want it to be food porn, you have to eat food. And it’s not as good as what’s happening on the screen—but that’s just like porn.”

3. The Musicality of Comedy

• Comedy as music: Pete and Val break down how comedic timing has a rhythm, referencing Steve Martin’s use of “pizzazz” and the way jokes can be mapped musically (17:49 - 20:01).
• Pete (19:11): “There is a music to it... The time signature is the audience. But then once you’re in it, you can kind of start feeling out the rhythm, which I think is interesting.”

4. Depression, Acceptance, and “Chunk Funk”

• Pete opens up about his depression (“chunk funk”): He describes it as an “Ewok” whispering nihilism and the effort it takes not to resist or judge it.
  • Pete (22:28): “I’ve been trying to really do the thing of, like, if I feel this way the rest of my life, it’s OK. And that has been helping.”
• Val’s philosophy: All emotions need to be held and cradled (“cradle the Ewok”), not pushed away or only accepted in the hope they’ll disappear.
  • Val (25:03): “Not doing it to get rid of the Ewok... You actually have to love this in order for it to start to change.”

5. Spirituality, Non-Duality, and Rupert Spira

• Integration of feelings and awareness: Drawing on Rupert Spira and other spiritual teachers, they talk about embracing all feelings as objects in awareness that do not tarnish the innate peaceful “space.”
  • Pete (27:13): “It’s like a mother’s arms around a child... It’s being held and supported and embraced.”
  • Val (28:51): “She still doesn’t get that toy. But it just—the holding made it...”
• Feelings are transient: Referencing Tara Brach and spiritual teachings to reinforce that all feelings (good and bad) come and go, so peace can’t be dependent on a particular feeling.
  • Pete (30:45): “There’s no permanent feeling.”

6. The Cost and Gift of Comedic Brilliance

• The “devil’s twist” for comedians: If you always know the funniest thing to say, the “cost” is being compelled to say it—even when it’s inappropriate—which can distance comedians from “normal reality.”
  • Pete (14:51): “You’d be the funniest person in the world...but guess what? That’s what it’s going to be like on your wedding day... There is a cost.”

7. Vulnerability in Comedy

• Reflection on SmartLess podcast: Val recounts Sean Hayes getting emotional with Steve Martin and Martin Short and how even comedy legends can be uncomfortable with raw emotion (46:28).
  • Val (47:27): “That was the most vulnerability he could muster..."

8. Revisiting Childhood: Tapes from Pete’s Youth

• Playing an old comedy tape Pete and his brother made as kids—they analyze their early creative instincts, sibling dynamics, and how childlike chaos and playfulness shaped Pete’s comedic style (57:03–65:54).
  • Pete (65:25): “There’s a way that kids laugh, that only kids laugh. I can’t believe I made that laugh. It’s the purest…”

9. Parenting, Big Feelings, and Community

• Thanking supportive listeners: After discussing their daughter Lila’s big emotions in a previous episode, Val acknowledges listeners who reached out with their own stories (70:36).
• Honest parenting talk: They contrast the real, messy experience of parenting with sanitized social media versions, emphasizing the importance of sharing the hard parts.
  • Pete (74:59): "Different things grow that wouldn't have grown otherwise. But it’s not as clean as some of the Mommy Vlogs make it seem.”

10. Original Poetry and Expressive Practice

• Val reads a poem she wrote about spring, transformation, and renewal as part of her writer’s group process, offering a gentle close to the episode (76:48–78:09).
  • Excerpt:
    “Spring always comes and catches me by surprise each time.
    That mysterious force that tells the white roses and pink honeysuckle to bloom all around our house...
    The joy that comes in the morning as we used to sing in church.
    The resurrection after the brutal death.
    The light shining on what was once a bottomless darkness.”

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Memorable Quotes

• On Comedy and Exclusion:

  • Valerie (06:52): “Or like, if you know, you know. Well, I don’t mind that, actually. Actually, because a lot of times I do know.”
  • Pete (07:07): “Yeah. I guess I just, I don’t like being excluded from like, Jazz—‘if you have to ask, you’ll never know.’”

• On Self-Critique and Mental Health:

  • Pete (22:50): “I haven’t been working out. That’s been the biggest change. Like, I really can’t work out. And I’m not creating, like, I’m not writing... just feeling the blues.”
  • Val (22:50): “All feelings just want to be cradled and held.”

• On Transience and Acceptance:

  • Pete (30:41): “There’s no permanent feeling. So he’s like, why are you postponing your awakening until you’re having this—like, bliss fountain to shoot up your butt?”

• On Parental Realness:

  • Pete (72:05): “...Parenting just is the most wonderful and the one—wonderful and challenging thing you’ll ever do.”
  • Valerie (74:02): “Let’s talk about the stuff that we don’t get to talk about, really.”

• On Childlike Joy:

  • Pete (65:25): “There’s a way that kids laugh, that only kids laugh...It’s the purest.”

• On Transformation and Poetry:

  • Valerie, reading her poem (76:50):
    “Spring always comes and catches me by surprise each time... The resurrection after the brutal death. The light shining on what was once a bottomless darkness.”

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Timestamps for Key Segments

• 06:30: Comedy about exclusionary in-jokes and language
• 08:10: Pete’s Phil Rosenthal impression and reflection on comedy for kids vs. adults
• 10:21: Analysis of food TV, “food porn,” and the psychology of watching people eat
• 17:49: The musicality of comedy and comedic timing
• 20:01–24:24: Pete discusses his depression (“chunk funk”), Val offers acceptance strategies
• 25:03: The importance of holding emotions with love, not with the intent to fix them
• 27:13: Spiritual perspective on feelings as objects held in awareness
• 30:41: Discussion on the impermanence of all feelings; peace as our true nature
• 46:28: The cost of comedic brilliance & reflecting on SmartLess podcast with Martin Short and Steve Martin
• 57:03–65:54: Playback and analysis of Pete and his brother’s childhood comedy tape
• 70:36: Parenting, gratitude for listener support, and reflections on big feelings in children
• 76:48–78:09: Valerie reads an original poem about renewal and spring

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Episode Tone & Style

• Warm, vulnerable, goofy, and philosophical
• Frequent gentle ribbing and supportive banter between Pete and Valerie
• Willingness to linger in both the funny and the uncomfortable parts of life

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Closing Thoughts

This episode embodies the “We Made It Weird” ethos: finding the profundity and absurdity in daily life, laughing through the darkness, and learning to embrace all the “weirdness” that makes us human. From analyses of comedic genius to explorations of spiritual acceptance and honest confessions about parenting and mental health, Pete and Val hold space for both silliness and sincerity.
For the listener, it’s a reminder that no feeling lasts forever, everyone is funny in their own way, and there's beauty to be found even in struggle.

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Closing Quote:
Pete (79:07): “That was beautiful, Valerie. Thank you so much.”
Val (79:09): “Thank you.”

Transcript

[Valerie]

You made it weird. You made it weird. You made it weird. Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You made it weird. Yes.

[Valerie]

You made it weird.

[Pete Holmes]

You made it weird with Pete Holmes. Hey, Bow. Bow.

[Valerie]

What's happening, weirdo?

[Pete Holmes]

We're so glad you're here. Thank you for tuning in. This. I know I always say this, but I always feel this. This was the highlight of my week. I really loved it. We. We unpacked things, we got in things, and we had lots of laughs. So that's the show.

[Valerie]

Yeah, that's the show. Just listen to it and. And then you'll know.

[Pete Holmes]

And then you'll know. Anybody new to the show? This is the bonus Friday episode where Val and I catch up, and we're so glad you're here. And thank you to everybody who came out to the show in LA. I'm going to Chicago, Texas, Pennsylvania. Other places go to PeteHomes.com for my tour dates. Means so much that everybody's been coming out. Thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. And if you like the show, please try a pizza pick. I'm super stoked for both of these Pete's Picks. I just slept really great because of one of them. So, Katie, roll that beautiful bean footage. Weirdos. I am so excited to introduce a new Pete's Pick, which has improved the quality of my sleep. Since the first time I used it, I've been absolutely hooked. It's a dramatic and drastic difference in my life because. Because it's dramatically and drastically improved my sleep. And it is hostage tape. You've probably seen it on social media. These guys are everywhere. If you're like me, you were skeptical. You thought mouth taping was insane. Even if you've heard Dr. Huberman talk about the benefits. Even if breathing through your nose means, like, 20% more oxygen, which is incredible for your sleep, for your brain, for your body. Even if mouth tape reduces your risk of sleep apnea, even if it helps with snoring, it helps, in my case, eliminated it overnight, literally. Much to Val's delight and my daughter's delight. Even if it helps with oral hygiene and bad breath, I was still worried that if I put on mouth tape, I would feel trapped or claustrophobic or would have restricted, difficult breathing. But I put it on and boom, just like that. It was the opposite. Immediately, your brain just gets the message. Oh, gentle. Oh, I guess we're breathing through our nose. No problem. Got it done. I literally didn't think about it until the morning when I was peeling it off after an incredible night's rest where I dreamt the whole night. So not only did I feel fantastic and ready to start my day, I had literally memories of epic dreams. And you only dream when you're having deep restful REM sleep. So I had proof right there that my sleep is had improved dramatically. I went from a couple dreams here and there to a night of dreams because of my deep, deep sleep. Because of hostage Hostage tape. I shed it. Kind of weird because of hostage tape. I tried it once. I'm hooked for life. I've tried other brands in the past and I hated it. It was. It was the way it smelled, the way it stayed on too strong. Hostage tape is perfect. It doesn't smell like super glue right under your nose. And it's the perfect mix of strong and gentle to take off in the morning. Even if you have a beard, it is easy to remove. They are the official sleep and breathing aid of the UFC for a reason. They're the real deal and we have a special offer. You can try it for free. Just pay 8 bucks 8.95 shipping and handling. 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Grass fed in the usa, they guarantee the highest potency and bioavailability of any colostrum on the market. Try it. Get it in your life. I take it two, three times a day. My family will be sick. I'm just rocking it. I've started putting it in Leela's smoothies and it is incredible. Try a R M r A armor. Tryarmora.com weird or enter weird to get 15 off. That's T R Y A R M R A dot com weird. All right, everybody, I do want to say I got that from Matt McCarthy. Matt McCarthy always says, roll that beautiful bean footage.

[Valerie]

I, I vividly remember those commercials.

[Pete Holmes]

Of course.

[Valerie]

I loved those commercials.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah. So shout out to one of the funniest people in the world, Matt McCarthy, for that. For that. All right, welcome. Thank you. Valerie.

[Valerie]

Get into it.

[Pete Holmes]

Lovely lady.

[Valerie]

I am a dog. Lovely lady. I'm a donkey. I just, I just did that in our kitchen 15 minutes ago.

[Pete Holmes]

I am a donkey. I just wanted to do it.

[Valerie]

Oh, yeah. Everybody should pause right now and do.

[Pete Holmes]

It or just keep listening and. Lovely.

[Valerie]

Yeah. You're not missing anything.

[Pete Holmes]

I am a donkey. If you don't know, you'll never know. How annoying is it when people say that if you have to ask, you'll never know?

[Valerie]

Or like, if you know, you know. Well, I don't mind that, actually. Actually, because a lot of times I do know.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. I guess I just, I don't like being excluded from like, Jazz, if you have to ask, you'll never know.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Like, do I go around to exclude?

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I, I, that's my. Yeah, maybe it isn't jazz. All right, fine. I'm an.

[Valerie]

I wasn't. I was being serious. I wasn't even being sarcastic.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, you weren't?

[Valerie]

Yeah. Jazz loves to his flute.

[Pete Holmes]

I was 100% jk ing, but I don't know why I took it that way. I didn't take it that way. I decided Took it that direction. Took it that direct. We were watching Martin Short and Phil Rosenthal. I just, I felt like I sounded like Martin George. Take it that direction. I don't know why.

[Valerie]

Yeah, it's hard to do.

[Pete Holmes]

No, no, I'm not saying it's an impression. I'm not. Please don't file that under an attempt at an impression. I just thought I accidentally sounded like him. But they go to a Korean restaurant, and he and Phil, who I, you know, is like, I was gonna say who I do do an impression of. It's like, they have dumplings here. I really wish we would get everyone, get a smile. I didn't know they had dumplings here.

[Valerie]

Do the whole thing.

[Pete Holmes]

And I walk in and there's an old woman making dumplings. You really need to see the big smile.

[Valerie]

But you also were doing, like, yesterday. You were doing, like, a three part. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Y. I didn't even know they had an old lady, but they did. And she made me these little cherry dumplings. I didn't know you could put cherry in dumpling. And they ate it, and wow.

[Valerie]

Yeah. It was like. It was like this story.

[Pete Holmes]

I'll say this. I saw Phil last night. I did it for his kids.

[Valerie]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

They died.

[Valerie]

Really?

[Pete Holmes]

10 out of 10, I would go, I didn't even know I had kids. And they died. And then I go on stage, a thousand people with Phil, all his fans. I do it for them. They're not having it.

[Valerie]

Really.

[Pete Holmes]

They liked it. Okay. But when I did it for his kids and they absolutely died, I think.

[Valerie]

That'S the bigger compliment.

[Pete Holmes]

I agree. Thank you very much. I got the higher altitude compliment. But then, like, you know, they. They love him so much, they don't want some jag off me.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Who's the guest being like, have you noticed it? Phil's like. I didn't know they made spaghetti. And they're just like, boo. It also, you know, might have not been that good. Who knows?

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But.

[Valerie]

But any factors. But I do love you were doing it where it was like. So we walked down this cobblestone street. Like, it's the first down a cobblestone street. The first is like the location. It's like the. The exotic, rare location.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm in Mumbai. I didn't even know they had a Mumbai. That's. That's. We're getting. We're heating up. If you've never watched somebody feed film, this is somebody feed film.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I didn't even know they had a Mumbai, but I sit down in this small coffee shop, big glass window. They bring out these tiny little cups.

[Valerie]

It's always they bring out.

[Pete Holmes]

They bring out these tiny little cups. Suddenly I'm sipping it. One bite, one sip. I do. I sip it down. When I say I do it almost Sounds like, inappropriate. Like. Like a stereotype. I do. I don't know. For what do. I don't know.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Anyway, and then it's like. So it's step one, an exotic location. Step. Step two, they bring out something exotic. And he doesn't know that they have those.

[Pete Holmes]

I didn't even know they put foie gras inside of soup.

[Valerie]

And then step three is I put it in my mouth and. Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow. He looks like you're tickling a baby when he's eating.

[Valerie]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

And I was. I actually said that to him last night. We did this, like, live somebody feed Phil show. And I was like, you know, that should. It should annoy us. Like, we should just be mad. Why do we like watching?

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

People eat. I guess you could say the same thing about porn. It's an easy comparison, but at least with that you're. You're stimulating yourself. It's not like. Or I guess you could eat while you watch.

[Valerie]

Yeah, that.

[Pete Holmes]

But who's doing that?

[Valerie]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm going to ask a question. I'm going to ask a question. I didn't even know they had questions here. Are people eating when they watch cooking shows or travel shows? I mean, remember eating whatever you're eating is not as good as what he's eating.

[Valerie]

That's true. But remember when we were watching the Great British Bake off and we were like, ordering Postmates from milk and stuff? Yeah, exactly.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. That is how you porn. Like, they call it food porn.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But if you really want it to be food porn, you have to eat food. And it's not as good as what's happening on the screen, but that's just like porn.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Dick's not as big. You're doing your best.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

You have your hostess cupcake. They're eating like a Gina Z cream tiramisu. Spectacular.

[Valerie]

Yep.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm laughing at how hard I tried to think of something.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Je ne sui.

[Pete Holmes]

Je ne sui. What do. I mean? No, no. There's a type of cream they're always using.

[Valerie]

Oh.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, you're not gonna get it.

[Valerie]

No, I know what you mean. It's.

[Pete Holmes]

You're not gonna get it. Well, I'm not a donkey.

[Valerie]

It is like Jenna Jen Genways. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's something Genoese. Genevieve. Genevieve.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Well, I probably could have gotten it if you believed in me, but now it's too late.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't know why I made that choice. That brings us back to the Martin Short joke. They go to a Korean restaurant. Martin Short is the Funniest person in the world.

[Valerie]

Funniest person alive.

[Pete Holmes]

I was thinking about, as I moderated that show last night, I'm like, how good would Martin Short be?

[Valerie]

The best.

[Pete Holmes]

It's really. Yeah, It's a paralyzing thought.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Before you do anything, if you're like, God, how good would Martin Short be at this? He's like, no, I'm not even trying to be funny. I'm trying to compliment him. He's like 80 something.

[Valerie]

I don't know if he's 80, but he's in his 70s for sure.

[Pete Holmes]

He's not 80?

[Valerie]

No, he's not 80.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, then. I feel like I've insulted him. You, sir, have made a powerful enemy. Would he say that and say something better?

[Valerie]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

He's in the 70s to me. The 70s and the 80s. That's just one decade.

[Valerie]

Well, yeah. What do you mean?

[Pete Holmes]

No, not the 70s to the 80s. I mean, both the 70s and the 80s are just one decade.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's just called Thin Ice.

[Valerie]

Probably not when you're up there.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. No, no. You split hairs at that point.

[Valerie]

Yeah, of course.

[Pete Holmes]

Gray hairs. Okay. They're having this Korean meal. Martin Short's never had a Korean meal. And the waiter comes and. And he goes, it's on a cooking show where they're, like, supposed to be trying new cuisines. And he goes, what can I get you? And why in short goes, I think just coffee in the chat is such. Sometimes I fantasize about what if, like, almost like, not like Twilight Zone, like a good thing, like a wish granted. What if you always knew the funniest thing to say in any situation?

[Valerie]

That would be, yeah, I've actually given it up. You can even, like, say anything interesting about.

[Pete Holmes]

That's like Steve Martin's old bet. So few people speak with pizzazz.

[Valerie]

Does he say pizzazz?

[Pete Holmes]

He says pizzazz, but he goes, the English language. So few people. It's actually. He milks it so much more with pizzazz. It's so funny. But he. But Martin Short is, I think, as close as I've seen when I watch him on, like, Comedians and Cars and stuff like that. And, you know, I'm just like, oh, this is just the funniest person.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But often, like, to make it a little more Twilight Zone, I'm like, what if you always knew the funniest thing to say in a situation? Here's the devil's twist. You know, it's like a red lemon on the rim of your martini. The devil's twist is you have to Say it.

[Valerie]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I think that that's a curse.

[Valerie]

That is a curse. Because. Yeah. It's not the appropriate time. Well, I will say, but, like, would.

[Pete Holmes]

You pay the price? Because you'd be the funniest person in the world. But this is a little bit. I'm not trying to over dramaticize the comedian mind or make it too precious or special or interesting.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm saying that's kind of what's going on, is there is a cost.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Meaning it takes you a little bit. I'm not saying even for me necessarily, like, I felt this, but I'm talking about the real savants. They tend to be. They tend to have an even harder time engaging with reality.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's the devil's twist. That's the cost. Would you like to know the funniest thing to say in any situation? But guess what? That's what it's going to be like on your wedding day. That's what it's going to be like. Christening.

[Valerie]

And I think to a certain degree, that is. Yeah. Their reality. I just listened to Steve Martin and Martin Short on Smart List, and at the very end, I mean, they're so funny. They're being so funny. I can't even believe how funny Martin Short is at every possible turn.

[Pete Holmes]

And do the Frank Sinatra one.

[Valerie]

Oh, yeah. And he. They were like. Didn't you get. They brought up that he's a singer. And he was like, oh, yeah. I didn't even think I was going to get into comedy. I thought I was going to be the Next Sinatra. Frank Jr. Not the father.

[Pete Holmes]

I hate to correct you. He said what you said the first time you said. You know what I realized? I realized the only thing I'm going to correct Leela on is jokes.

[Valerie]

Ah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because I think I. I was listening to Seinfeld. This is a podcast where we just talk about podcasts we're listening to. But Seinfeld on Neil Brennan's podcast, which is great.

[Valerie]

Yeah. I'm. It's in my queue.

[Pete Holmes]

It's wonderful. It's. It's because they know each other. So it's like you get this, like, real glimpse. Anyway, he talks about he. Sorry. This is me worrying everyone's just gonna turn this off and listen to that. No, no, no. Just save it. That. Did that help? I have the headphones on. It's not that loud.

[Valerie]

Okay. But it is loud for me, and I'm a human here.

[Pete Holmes]

All right, fair enough. Anyway, Seinfeld talks about growing up. I believe he ties it into his Judaism, but also his New York and how important jokes were, and they would, like, correct you. He was like, by the time I was 8, I knew how to tell a joke because in his family, if you told it wrong, that correct you. And I really related to that. Like, in my family, like, comedy and jokes, even though no one took a moment to go, like, comedy is important to us. Yeah, that my mom, you know, my mom for sure would be like, actually, dear, that's not what you said. And that. I actually don't mind that. Like, I was trying to this morning. I. I was getting Leela to do a bit that Mike Birbiglia does with his daughter, which is. You say, what does daddy do for work? And then Una goes, waka, waka. So I was getting Lila to do that, and she was going, waka, waka. And I go, oh, it's kind of like, waka waka. It's better to go walk.

[Valerie]

Also, the other day, she was doing the inner interrupting cow joke wrong. Like, she's like, knock, knock. Who's there? And she was just saying, cow.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Valerie]

It was like, cow who? And, you know, should yell, moo. And we, like. We're both trying to get her to say interrupting, like, explain why it's for.

[Pete Holmes]

Some reason she had a reason that she didn't like it. Like, it's like she didn't like the word or something. She was like, it ruins the flow. She didn't say that.

[Valerie]

All right. But correct my joke.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, it was something like this. It was like. I thought it was going to be Sinatra, the son. As a matter of fact, not.

[Valerie]

It was. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Frank Jr. It was like Frank Jr. As a matter of fact. The sun or something like that. Yeah.

[Valerie]

He maybe said the son instead of the father. Yeah, the son, Frank Jr. No, he said Frank Jr. He said Frank Jr. Oddly enough, the sun.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what it is. Oddly enough.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Frank Jr. Oddly enough.

[Pete Holmes]

Look, and not to be too Seinfeld about it. Why not? He's all about, like, words are like spells and they're magic and they're chemical reactions. And oddly enough, actually released a tension I was holding in my neck. I felt it release. And when you. Because I wanted the joke. I wanted the hit. And when you said it to me, I was like, oddly enough, the son. Oddly enough, Frank Jr. Is so funny.

[Valerie]

Yeah, yeah. There's like a music to it.

[Pete Holmes]

There is a music to it. And, you know, people have done that. I was happy when people did that with some of my bits. Like, they play the drums to A comedy bit, like, showing just how much there's like a. Like.

[Valerie]

It was really, like a TikTok thing.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it's a TikTok thing.

[Valerie]

And people have done that to your bits.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

[Valerie]

I want to see that.

[Pete Holmes]

I forget which bit it was, but it was really, really cool music musicality. Yes. I don't. I want to be careful not to again, sound too up my own butt. But, like, I tap my foot when I'm on stage. There's like a real, like, rest, rest, rest. But, like, the. The sheet music or the time signature is the audience. But then once you're in it, you can kind of start feeling out the rhythm, which. Which I think is interesting. I don't know. Don't listen to smartness. I'm not worried about it anymore. I'm over it.

[Valerie]

No, actually listen to yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. All kinds of podcasts.

[Pete Holmes]

I really don't feel that way.

[Valerie]

Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

I really don't. In fact, we know everybody that's been keeping up with us every week and. Thank you. Knows that I've been in a chunk funk for, like, it's closing in on, like. Like two weeks. Over two weeks. Like a chunky funk. Like a.

[Valerie]

Like, Like a depression is what we're. He's explaining. I don't know if everybody would understand what a chunk funk is.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm sitting on the deli paper in a gown, and you have to talk to the doctor. He means depression. He means he's been depressed on the deli paper, on the deli paper. And two things. One, we've noticed that I've been much funnier lately. I don't know.

[Valerie]

We've been laughing a lot.

[Pete Holmes]

So much laughing. So it's like, again, not to. I won't spend too much time on this, but this is this really weird Ewok depression. Like, the depression, the depressive feeling is this cozy. It's still. I spend most of my time trying to not resist it, because I do resist it. I don't want it. There's a debilitating. We went and saw Fall Guy, which was fun, but, like, I have this, like, whispering Ewok that's like, who cares? They made a movie. Who cares? And, like. So I was talking to Birbiglia about it yesterday, and I was like, when I'm. I don't want to just say happy, but when I feel balanced, I have the opposite feeling. I have the feeling that this conversation is being listened to by other people. But even if it wasn't, even if I was just Talking to you. The ripples. That's how I feel. I feel this intense orchestration and unbelievable interconnectivity. Like, so connected beyond Velcro, together, everything cement. Like, we're just. There's. There's. There's senses on everything, and everything's reacting and blowing like. Like. Like. Like a wish flower. Like a dandelion. Everything's blowing, those little wish flowers. And it's unbelievably gorgeous. And everybody's life is incredibly impactful. That's me. And I do feel that when I say that, I'm like, that's true. The Ewok is just going like, who fucking cares? There's too much stuff. There's too much stuff. And I. And it's hard for me to do. Do anything.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I've been trying to really do the thing of, like, if I feel this way the rest of my life, it's okay. And that. And that has been helping. And the weirdest part is I kind of mean it. Going back to what I've been saying, I've been really funny. I haven't been working out. That's been the biggest change.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, I really can't work out. And I'm not creating, Like, I'm not writing. I'm not. And, you know, just kind of feeling. Feeling the blues.

[Valerie]

I mean. Yeah, I. No surprise here. Everybody's gonna know that I. What I'm gonna say, basically. But all feelings just want to be cradled and held. And so, yeah, even, like, picturing it like an Ewok is really helpful. Like, I got beautiful.

[Pete Holmes]

I'll cradle the Ewok.

[Valerie]

Yeah, just cradle the cradle.

[Pete Holmes]

Cradle the Ewok. That's what they say.

[Valerie]

And.

[Bill (Pete's brother)]

And it's.

[Valerie]

It's been a minute, and it's literally.

[Pete Holmes]

Literally one minute.

[Valerie]

And, you know, when I. I think I shared on this podcast, when I was having a lot of anxiety or going through one of the anxious periods that I can go through, I got a doll that was like a. From where the Wild Things Are. Judith, the Catherine o' Hara one, and she's on my pooja table. And, like, it really helped when I was, like, feeling like I was panicking. I would just, like, imagine Judith in my stomach, just, like, bashing all around, like how they do in the movie. And, like, I would just say, you.

[Pete Holmes]

Are so talented, so beautiful.

[Valerie]

Well, I mean, it's. I. Yeah. Okay. Thank you.

[Pete Holmes]

Just say thank you. I'm just kidding. I think it's beautiful. A good image. And I know you've shared it before, but it's powerful. It loosened me.

[Valerie]

Yeah. And I think just imagining, like, holding the. The Ewok. And here's the trick. Not doing it to get rid of the Ewok. Like, truly, that's the. If I felt like this for the rest of my life, that would be okay. It's actually because what we want to happen is to trans. To enter the moisture of the heart, to use Tara Brock's phrase. So if you can bring love into the scenario in any way, it starts to alchemize the whole thing. So that's why it doesn't work, to be like, all right, I'm going to just cradle you so you'll get out of here. It's like, you actually have to love this.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

In order for it to start to change.

[Pete Holmes]

Rupert's bio alert. No surprise that I'm thinking of him. But he says the exact same thing. And I say that with pleasure because I always want you to love him. I know you'd love him, but I'm just like, cool. Two people I love are saying the same thing. That's how I feel right now. But he even says, like, consciousness is like a room. It's like space. He's not the only teacher that says, it's like space. Like, our nature is like space. And he goes, consciousness, a space. The space of this room, the room we're in, or the car you guys are in, or the room you're in. Whatever it is, it has no preference what's in it. In the same way that a screen has no preference the contents of a movie. Like, it's just not. It's completely. It's. At first glance, it seems neutral. And then he's like, but a deeper investigation. It's actually loving. It's almost inviting. So he's like, look at it. It's not almost inviting is inviting. It's like, look at it from that perspective. And he said. And I hadn't heard him be this. I don't want to say wet, but moist. The moisture of the heart. I know. I made it worse. Quiche. I don't want to say a gross word. Panties. All the worst words.

[Valerie]

I don't want to say wet but moist.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, no. Moist. Let's not talk about moist. People are freaking out. I know. There are too many people that don't like the M word.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So anyway, he was saying like. And I'm even doing this as I. As I'm feeling this Ewok, which is. It's really interesting to me. Obviously, it's my experience. So I'm fascinated. So I'm going to try to keep it brief, though. But it's. It. The first word I would use is sort of warm. It's like this warm, almost like the pit of a. Of a. Of a date. You know, like, it's like this sort of naturally dark brown, heavy warm. And it's in my heart. It's the center, and it's. It's actually very beautiful. It's, like pulling me towards it.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And anyway, that's very sweet. I just feel like I saw it, but it's surrounded by awareness. But to make it what we're saying, like, meaning it's being held in my awareness. Like, it's an object in my awareness. The feeling is like a cloud in my sky. For another metaphor. But he's like. It's like a mother's arms around a child.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

He's like, it's being held and supported and embraced. And he said this, and it was so. You. So uval. Is that. It's like an. A sad or an angry child is held by its mother or its father. I include father. I add father.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And it feels better for no reason. Meaning, like, the feeling wasn't resolved necessarily. Obviously, we know it was resolved physically. It was resolved with a cuddle. Like, why do I love cuddling you guys so much? I've been cuddling the dog. Like, I want those dopamine, whatever it is, those chemicals.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But, like, that same quality with myself is going like, I. And it goes back to that interconnectivity thing. It's like I am so interconnected. I'm holding the feeling. I am the feeling, and I'm the thing observing the feeling. It's all okay.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Well, I. I see what he means by no reason. It's like if Leela is crying because she doesn't get a toy.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And then we hug her and she feels better.

[Pete Holmes]

That's no reason.

[Valerie]

It's. She still doesn't get that toy. But it just. The holding made it.

[Pete Holmes]

That's exactly right.

[Valerie]

So it. In that. And I. What I love about that point and why I wanted to, like, circle back to it is because your brain will think until these things are. Not only are these things true, like, what's the point? There's too much stuff. They just made a movie. There's no. You know.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what I was saying. Even though we enjoyed it. I was driving back and I go, who cares? We're gonna forget it. I've already forgotten it.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And no offense, Ryan, it was awesome. You're so funny and so handsome.

[Valerie]

I know. You're.

[Pete Holmes]

And Emily Blunt was great.

[Valerie]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

And can I make. Step out one tiny point?

[Valerie]

I'm feeling.

[Pete Holmes]

Go, Go.

[Valerie]

My brain's too foggy for. For tangents.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm sorry.

[Valerie]

It's okay.

[Pete Holmes]

Even though we're gonna forget the movie. Even though it's gone.

[Valerie]

Oh, yeah. So you're so. Your brain is making point, you know, like, it. It's seeing the world through this lens, and it's really making you believe that that's true. And until those things are resolved, you're going to feel this way. So that's like Leela being like is. And she'll say things like, I'll never be happy again because she couldn't get this toy.

[Pete Holmes]

Right.

[Valerie]

And really, it is. We know in those moments, like, you'll be in a different mind state very soon, and this will be.

[Pete Holmes]

Everything's changing.

[Valerie]

Yeah. But, like, so cradling the feeling can just, like, it just makes all of the points of the mind irrelevant.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

It's beautiful.

[Pete Holmes]

That reminds me of another thing Rupert's been saying, because, again, people like me who are seeking some sort of spiritual enlightenment or conversion or change, he goes, no matter how you feel, it's gonna change.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

He goes, there's no permanent feeling.

[Valerie]

That's right.

[Pete Holmes]

So he's like, why are you postponing your awakening until you're having this? Like. Like, not. I don't. It's interesting. I don't think he would say peace is a feeling. You know, it's interesting. I would ask him about that, but I remember him being like, you're waiting for this, like, bliss fountain to shoot up your butt. And he's like, even if that happens.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It will go away.

[Valerie]

I wonder. I feel like he would say peace is, like, what's underneath feelings.

[Pete Holmes]

I think he would. Sorry, I don't mean to grade you. I'm just like, I think that's very good. I think he would say, peace is your nature, and you can rely on that as a consistent. I also have been wondering if I'm having, like, a little dark night of the soul, because I've been going hard on Rupert in the very similar way as I was with A Course in Miracles. Rupert's worldview is a lot more Rupert Spira, for those of you who don't know. I don't know if I'm getting a little bit of that. Like, I almost called a friend of mine from the retreat, Tatiana. Remember, I told you about her, And I haven't spoken to her since the retreat. But I wanted to be like, is anyone else having. Like, is anyone else getting this sort of like, there is a risk. And I remember Ram Dass talking about this. I've told this story before, but he went to, like, Red Rocks or some shit and watched a symphony, and he had a picnic black blanket with his wine, and. And he had the best night at sitting under a tree, and it was. It was divine. And then a few years later, after his trips to India and all this stuff, he saw the same concert and he went, and it just, like, just didn't do it for him.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm. I'm like, did that just happen to me with Fall Guy? I don't know. Because I know the other reason I love Rupert as a teacher is I'm like. He would be like, enjoy the concert.

[Valerie]

I know.

[Pete Holmes]

Enjoy it.

[Valerie]

When I. It's actually one of my least favorite round US stories. I. And I've remembered it before.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, I'll say this with full love. He's. He can be dramatic about his feelings. That's one of the reasons I relate to him. So I relate to that being, like, I guess I'm just too spiritual to enjoy things now. You know what I mean? So. So I'm conceding that I'm having one of those, like, overly dramatic.

[Valerie]

I think it's moments potentially.

[Pete Holmes]

I just.

[Valerie]

I. It's so much easier to sit on the outside of this and say this, so. And when I'm in some sort of chunk funk, I. It's really hard for me to remember this and take this advice, but, like, it. It really is the Eckhart Tolle arrow thing, where if you get hit in the stomach by an arrow, are you gonna walk around the town asking, like, who hit you and why? And, you know, until you, like, bleed out. Are you just gonna, like, pull the arrow out and tend to the wound? And. And our brains really want answers, like, why exactly do I feel depressed? Is it this is it. This is it. This? And it spends so much energy investigating, and it actually really doesn't matter. It could be a variation. It could be a, like. It could be anything. And even if you got the exact answer, it helps sometimes to contextualize. But you can contextualize by being like, yeah, there's many reasons why I could be feeling this way, and I just am feeling this way, and I'm just feeling this way. And then go back down to exactly that beautiful description that you had of how it feels in your heart and just like, keep letting that be your touchstone.

[Pete Holmes]

And the date pit. I think that's really beautiful. And I think we're having. I think this is. This is maybe even deeper than it sounds, because. Meaning, it could be expanded to the whole thing. Meaning, like, we want this conclusion. And it's like, what? Yeah, I. I kind of lost it. But when you were saying. When you were saying that, I was like, I think this is one of the, like, keys of life.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

We're chasing. Ram Dass used to use the phrase, a moldering butterfly. I don't even know what that meant. I always just picture butterflies on fire. Like, they're just, like, burning up. You're just chasing another transitory thing. And it kind of ties into my feeling about Fall guy. It's like, okay, I was entertained, and. And now it's gone. And. And. But you could say the same thing. Like, I'm feeling bliss and peace, and now it's gone. It's almost like the only game in town is to get something a little bit more consistent. That's not. Let me. Let me say this. What it made me think of is one of the things I've been saying during this low time is, like, don't look to the outside world for answers or for peace or for anything, including your feelings. But I think that's one of my last. Not last, but it's one of my remaining attachments is I'm like, I. I'm trying to get to a place where I can be in the truth and also kind of feel miserable.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Meaning this whole time, one of the things I've said to you many times. I'm really afraid that my spirituality is just me worshiping my own good mood. Because, you know, think about it like a meditation retreat is very similar to a spa retreat.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

There's a lot of smells and silence and bells and quiet and walking on good sleep and all that stuff. So we get in, like, a. A good mood. And there's nothing wrong with that. I'm not. I hear Richard Rohr being saying, like, and God wouldn't begrudge you that. Like, he wants you to have that. But, like, I'm trying to bring this into the next phase, which is, like, be resting in my being while Pete is having a bad time. I think. I think there's something written in one of my notebooks. It was like, enjoy yourself even when you're not. That's a huge one for me. I wrote it down. I think it was the Eckhart Tolle retreat. Enjoy yourself even when you're not. But this is me having a real breakthrough on the air, by the way, because I realize I've been like, if I'm not feeling incredible, so I would say to you, I'm depressed right now. And I'm peaceful. So the peace is there. I feel peaceful. There's even bliss. There's even moments of just like. Like, yeah, complete non circumstantial. And I feel like. But like I'm trying to go like, okay.

[Valerie]

And by the way, you. You actually have been doing that this whole time. Like, there's. Every morning I go, how are you feeling? And some of the answers I've gotten were, I feel wonderful. I mean, I'm still depressed, but. Or like, you're like, I'm. I'm good. I'm depressed, but, you know, so, like, you. You are holding that.

[Pete Holmes]

I appreciate that. I don't want to fluff my own feathers, but there was a Zen master who was do. And his student said, how are you? And he said, I'm wonderful. My body's having a hard time, though.

[Valerie]

That's great. I love that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

I think that there is something to just inviting the Ewok into the room, which you are doing, and just, like, letting it be in the room. Think of that book. We have a really great book for Leela, the sad guy. The sad. Yeah, it's like.

[Pete Holmes]

It's called When Sadness Comes or something.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Or When Sadness is at the Door or something. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

When Sadness comes on the door.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Comes on the door. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. That was the joke.

[Valerie]

Well, then I got it.

[Pete Holmes]

No, I just want you to know that I know that that was gross. That's. Yeah, that's the gross.

[Valerie]

And it is just like this blue bubble that's sort of like following around and it's like. Yeah, you just let it be there. Hug it. Let it very inside out, follow you around. Yeah. Let it be in the room. Give it a seat at the table.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And like, it won't. It won't stay. It's like the guest house thing, and.

[Pete Holmes]

It is like the space thing. It's like it's appearing in my space. But this room, if there was a festering skull with human flesh burning on it and just sitting in the. Or shit on it, and it's sitting in the middle of the room, the space of the room would be completely unaffected by that.

[Valerie]

Yeah. And if I were you, I would just, like, get in conversation with it. Just cradle it and then say, are you here to tell me something? Is there something you need to tell.

[Pete Holmes]

Me why are there so many horror stories? Remember Nightmare on Elm Street? And the secret is you have to turn and face Freddie.

[Valerie]

Yes. Because this is our truth about everything. It's like you. That's. It takes all of its power away.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. Which, by the way, is the Tantric approach, is to turn and go towards it.

[Valerie]

That's right.

[Pete Holmes]

And Rupert says, not just towards it, like, close to it.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

He goes, you have to go so close. And I've been doing this into the feeling. He goes, not just close. You have to eat it.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

He goes, you have to become it.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

If you're looking at it, you're still separate from it. Go so into it that there is no you and it. It's just it.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And he goes in. It'll be intense. I can't do a Rupert impression.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

No. He says, no. So interesting. But. Yeah, but. But it's. It's facing Freddy Krueger.

[Valerie]

It'll be intense. And then on the other side is. Is so. It's so much better than joy. It's like.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

Because it's all encompassing. It. There's a space for that, too. Joy is sort of like. You always know if you're, like, having. Or I should say, like, happiness. If you're, like, really happy. There's, like, a part of you that always knows that you're only getting part of the story or the human experience. But the times that I have been able to go so deeply into a dark or scary feeling that I've merged with it, and then all of a sudden, joy is swirled into there. It feels like I'm having the entirety of the human experience in one moment. And that is the best feeling.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like how perfumes always have a. A bad smell in them. And we like it. And it also reminds me of the movie the Time Traveler, where there's the utopian village, but every once in a while, these beings from underground come and take one of the people.

[Valerie]

Huh.

[Pete Holmes]

And it's like. Because we get it. It's like, it's not supposed to be perfect all the time.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

It's also like the Matrix, where they say, we used it, we made a utopia, but people wouldn't accept it.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And we lost whole batches of people because they just rejected it.

[Valerie]

That's right.

[Pete Holmes]

It's very interesting. It reminds me of the joke I've been working on, which is like, I think it's funny that people think the world is too sad and confusing and strange and lonely and broken for there to be A God. And then I go, but what does the plot of a movie have to do with whether or not something made the movie? Like, you'd never say, this movie is too sad, lonely, confusing, strange and chaotic and painful. Therefore, no one made it. Like, yeah, so. And then I really. I'm trying to work this out. I'm like, so if the movie was just a chocolate bidet and orgasms all day, then you'd be like, something made it. What does it have? What does one have to do with the other?

[Valerie]

It's not.

[Pete Holmes]

It's not how you would make it.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So if it's really. I'm flattered myself. Like, it's real philosophy, but I'm like, so it's not. What you would make. Therefore it wasn't made is like, a very absurd.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

This isn't. This doesn't make sense to me. So the universe has to make sense to you for there to have been some sort of design to it.

[Valerie]

Well, that's the brain. That is being totally identified with thinking brain and the intellect. That's the story of your thinking. Mind is like, if it doesn't check these boxes and make sense to me, the king of reality, then, like, there's no place for it.

[Pete Holmes]

Right. Which is a crazy ego trip. This doesn't make sense to me.

[Valerie]

And it's lonely, and it's arguably the source of all suffering.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that Rupert would agree with you. He goes, separation. What is that worldview? It's incredibly separated. And he goes, that leads to despair on the inside and conflict on the outside.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And he goes, in recognizing the space in a room analogy is like, you're in a room over there, I'm in a room over here. But it's the same space. It's the same space. And it's like, but I can't see what's in your room because of the walls. And you can't see what's in my room. Different building or whatever. But he's like, there's no separation. He goes, and when you take down that separation, that leads to peace on the inside and love on the outside.

[Valerie]

Yeah. And Mike's experience is that the body and the heart and your soul all know this. They live in that. They absolutely know that. So it's just. And it's often like, the body, I think, gets blamed for the brain's interpretation, misinterpretation of what the body's going through. So it's like. Well, the body is always, like, freaking out about things that aren't real. And it's like, that's the brain's interpretation of what's happening. The body is having a sensation that it would let go of probably in 90 seconds. Then that's like a scientific study that emotions last 90 seconds if your brain doesn't grab onto them and then perpetuate it. So, anyway, I didn't mean to get on that, but I'm just saying, like, our bodies, our heart, space, our souls are all wonderful portals to getting into that closer than close oneness.

[Pete Holmes]

It's funny that you say portal, because Rupert's been saying that it's like the thought I am is the portal that we can go out, relatively speaking. Like, not literally speaking, but you go out into your true nature, into that naked, peaceful awareness. And it's also the door that infinite God's infinite being goes in. Say, like. So there really is kind of like a door in the floor.

[Valerie]

A door on the floor.

[Pete Holmes]

A Door on the Floor is. It's a book that I wrote in the movie, man. I forgot what it's called. It's. Hey, man, this is pretty philosophical. I didn't know. I thought this was a comedy podcast. It's getting worse.

[Valerie]

Oh, my God.

[Pete Holmes]

My brother Bo.

[Valerie]

My brother Bo.

[Pete Holmes]

I was just talking to my brother, boy.

[Valerie]

I have this thing that I wrote that's exactly what we're talking about.

[Pete Holmes]

I love to hear it, man. Seabiscuit's been out for 25 years, man. Somebody just told me that. See, Biscuit's been out for 25 years, man.

[Valerie]

Oh, my God.

[Bill (Pete's brother)]

Wow.

[Valerie]

That was fantastic. Oh. The point that I was making about Martin Short, and that made me think of it, because that's, like, a perfect joke, is that at the end of that, the Smartless podcast, sweet baby Sean Hayes, who's so tender and lovely. Just like, they're riffing. I mean, they're like. They've got a momentum this whole time, and he. He, in my opinion, sort of miscalculates and has, like, a very real sentimental moment where he. He says, like, you two are the. The two people that are responsible for me getting into this business. And, like, tear chokes up. Like, he, like, starts crying.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And is like, these two men. It feel. My interpretation of it was like, these two men did not know what to do with that.

[Pete Holmes]

Stephen Martin.

[Valerie]

They did not know. Yeah, Steven Martin.

[Pete Holmes]

Steve Martin short.

[Valerie]

Yeah. They talk about that on the podcast, actually. And they're like. And at one point, Steve Martin goes, I think you're serious.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God.

[Valerie]

And then they're like, oh, thank you so much.

[Pete Holmes]

And and then you've ruined it.

[Valerie]

And it really is like. It was so. It was such a left turn at the very end. And you can feel like they don't exist in that world. They're not comfortable with that. And at the very end, he says, like, sorry for getting choked up there or whatever. And Martin Short just goes, but that's. This is why we love you. It's not funny. He's like, this is why we love you, Sean. You're just a hundred percent human.

[Pete Holmes]

And we're like, you're 100 human.

[Valerie]

Like, this is.

[Pete Holmes]

That's what we love about Sean. You're. You're completely human.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I realized you were doing a very good impression of him. Oh, wow.

[Valerie]

Thank you.

[Pete Holmes]

That was good.

[Valerie]

Yeah, it was like. That was the most vulnerability he could muster. So that's just.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, that goes back to my.

[Valerie]

That's what it is twist, which is the point that I was. That's why I started making that point.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

That they are already living that reality is. You can think of the funniest thing, but if somebody starts choking up around you, you.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it's. It's like picking the levels on a role playing video game character. It's like if your humor bar is to 10.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And the game is like, really? You don't want any empathy? It's like. No, no, no. Just sound humor. No, I'm not saying these guys don't have empathy. I'm just saying, like, it's like, we all got an allotment. We all got a hundred skill points.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And if you put a lot in comedy, you know, maybe you don't get as many in the, like. Sean, thank you.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

That's really sweet, man. Like, that would be kind of disappointing to the two funniest people in the world if they were like, thank you.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Honestly.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That made my week. Oh, can we just take a moment. Can we just take a moment and appreciate the vulnerability that Sean just displayed? Really? I'd really like to just be quiet. I know we're not all comfortable with that, but let's just be quiet. And then he rings a gong and everyone cries. Nobody wants that.

[Valerie]

Yeah, I'm looking for that.

[Pete Holmes]

I want that.

[Valerie]

And I changed my mind on the poem because it's not really the vibe anymore. But let's go to the mid rolls and then we have.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, we have a treat.

[Valerie]

A treat.

[Pete Holmes]

I think I figured out how to. How to. How you say play a Bluetooth speaker with my tape player. So we found this old tape called John And Pete's comedy do not liquidate. And I bought a tape player.

[Valerie]

This is an old tape from you and your brother.

[Pete Holmes]

Me and my brother that you guys made talking about comedy being important in my life. We used to just make comedy records, basically.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So we haven't listened to this part. We've listened to some of it. But this part will be fresh and we're gonna play some after these messages. A great and easy way to support the show is to try Living Libations who make incredible high end, powerful, effective, but natural. That's the big difference. Natural health, skin, hair, beauty, eyes, teeth, baby products. So if you have something in your life that you are putting on your skin which ends up getting into your system, a lot of the stuff that we're buying just down at the street corner pharmacy, stuff filled with toxicity levels that were never intended for humans. I was definitely doing this for years, buying face creams, moisturizer stuff that I thought were fancy because they had French names and they were expensive, to be honest. But then I made the swap to Living Libations because I want to eat food where I recognize the ingredients and I want my skin care to be the same. So I use their best skin ever moisturizer. So does Val. Every single night. I love it. And the the bottle lasts forever. I swear I've had the same bottle, it feels like for over a year. It's awesome. I use their Zen shave cream because that blue goo in a pressurized can from 711 can't be good for you. It's terrible. So I'm using stuff where you recognize every single ingredient and you can pronounce it. So this is a great way. Get something small, get something big, do what we did and do a complete overhaul of your medicine cabinet or your beauty cabinet. Living Libations has a wonderful alternative that is effective for your skin, your hair, your eyes, your teeth, even baby care sunblock. Now that we're rolling into summer, we use their love, the sun zinc based sunblock which is wonderful for kids. Great feeling to know you're putting something natural on your kids that works. It's a great way to support the show. So try it. Living Libations, I promise has a premium, natural and wonderful product to replace a random chemical nightmare you might buy at a 7 11. Give it a try. It's a great way to support the show. Support your body, support your health, support your beauty, support your skin, support everything. Go to livinglibations.com weird. You will get 15 off and you'll support the show. That's livinglibations.com weird. I'm also wearing it right here. This is my Apollo Neuro. This is a piece of wearable tech that I absolutely love. This is what the the screen looks like trying to do it. Energy, social, focus. Recover, calm, unwind. And the last one at the bottom there is sleep. What does that mean? Apollo Neuro sends these almost sub perceptual. You can turn it down real low which is I do which what I do we can turn up real high if you want to feel it. But it sends vibrations because vibrations is like the language of your nervous system and it tells you that you are basically being held. It's like a wearable hug for your nervous system that helps you recover from stress by sending those vibrations into your body, giving you the sensation of being touched. Apollo can help you as I showed you. Relax, sleep, focus, be more productive. If I'm nodding off behind the wheel, I put it on Energy Energy. The subtitle of that one is when you're seeking espresso. It's a wonderful way to boost your heart rate and get going. It's like a wearable hug for the nervous system. Using touch therapy to help you feel safe and in control. Val wears hers on her ankle, I wear mine on my wrist. Apollo Neuro is like finding the fuse box for your emotions. It's like finding it in your garage. You open it up and there it is. Energy, social, clear and focused. Rebuild. Recover, calm, unwind and fall asleep. If the only thing this did was help me fall asleep and stay asleep, I would be shouting it from the rooftops. But it does all of those things. It's not woo woo as I always say. It's not a crystal. It was developed by a neuroscientist and a board certified psychiatrist who have been studying the impacts of course chronic stress in humans for nearly 15 years. And Apollo's effects on stress, sleep, cognitive performance and recovery have been proven in multiple clinical trials and real world studies. The focus setting which I use all the time is incredible and has helped people with symptoms of add. I'm a person with symptoms of ADD and I absolutely feel a difference physically getting in from the outside in, into my body, dialing me in. Incredible. So you can get $40 off. Give it a try. Give one away. We've given them to kids, we've given them to friends, we've we swear by them for years. Give it a try. It is such a life hack for me. Apollo neuro.com weird and use promo code weird for 40 bucks off that's a P-O-L L O N E U-R-O dot com. Weird. All right, everybody, back to the show. All right, I do want to say one of the funniest things that, Val, you've ever said was I was so. I. I'm vegan again. I took, like, a little over a year break, which was nice. Nice kind of experiment, and I enjoyed it. And then I. I've said this already many times. I must be proud of myself. But one morning I just woke up and was like, I'm vegan again. I just knew it.

[Valerie]

Mm.

[Pete Holmes]

It's like the people that quit smoking, and they're just like. I just knew that was my last cigarette. I was just like, I'm done. I'm vegan. And I've really been enjoying it. It's very different. The way that Rupert explains. Rupert Spire explains veganism is he goes. It's like, you know, you have a circle around you, and you love the things that are in that circle. And he goes, and things like that are just expanding it a little bit. It doesn't. It's just a nice feeling to expand and include more things in your circle of love. That was a new way of putting it.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And that was one of the ways where I was like, yeah, I think I'd like that. Anyway, so then, as I mentioned at the top of the show, I'm going to moderate this talk with Phil Rosenthal, who I love very dearly. And Phil loves food. And Phil and I, during my year off, ate food together and ate a lot of, you know, animals together. It was delicious. And. And I was like, watching somebody feeds Phil. So two weeks ago, I became a vegan again, or whatever it was three, four weeks ago. I don't know. Was it two weeks ago?

[Valerie]

It was, yeah, let's call it two weeks.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm watching the show, and I.

[Valerie]

Said to you, this is yesterday.

[Pete Holmes]

This is yesterday. I go, you know, it's a shame because since I become a vegan, I'm having a harder time watching this show because I see all of the, you know, the animal stuff. And then you said, do you want me to say it? You go, well, try and get in touch with you from two weeks ago. And I. That's Martin Short level, I'm calling it. That's as funny as it gets. And Kyle Kanane just did the pod. It'll be out whenever it'll be out. And he was saying, like, comedy is all about pointing out how you're an unreliable narrator. And that was that moment where I was like, two weeks ago, I was honking down turkey sandwiches.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And now I'm on the couch going, like, I don't know if I'll be able to connect because he's eating a lot of lamb. He's eating so many innocent lambs. And you were like, we'll try to get back to 214 days ago that you.

[Valerie]

And in the spirit of correcting each other's jokes, I will say I did. I said five days ago.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, wow.

[Valerie]

It was.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, it was easy.

[Valerie]

Five days ago. Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah. All right. Well, that. That was the funniest thing ever. I wanted to write it down and give you your due.

[Valerie]

Thank you.

[Pete Holmes]

This is going to be a surprise for all of us. We. We told jokes that were very 1980s. This is from the 80s.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Is all I'm saying.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So.

[Valerie]

And, yeah, I'm not.

[Pete Holmes]

I don't feel too vulnerable. But this is mostly. You're going to hear my brother and a little bit of me. I'll be the giggling soft boy in the background.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

We have a keyboard and we have a boombox. And I think we're in our basement and we're. And we're just making a comedy.

[Valerie]

You're probably somewhere between 8 and 10.

[Pete Holmes]

I think I'm 8, which means my brother's 10.

[Valerie]

I love that. Or maybe you're 10 and 12.

[Pete Holmes]

Maybe. Yeah, that feels more like it. 10 and 12.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

All right, here we go. Let's see if there's anything worth talking about here.

[Bill (Pete's brother)]

And here's Bill. He's our assistant director.

[Pete Holmes]

That's my brother.

[Valerie]

Hi.

[Pete Holmes]

That's me.

[Bill (Pete's brother)]

Say hi, Bill. I. I. Bye. Bye.

[Valerie]

Oh.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, my God.

[Bill (Pete's brother)]

That was a cool dude. So I be cooling with this, like, cooling synthesizer.

[Valerie]

That's you playing that synthesizer.

[Bill (Pete's brother)]

Hey, Charlie, who's that guy who keeps playing actual f. That's. Oh, that's Fred Smith. Ah. Can you tell Fred Smith he's fired?

[Valerie]

Are you playing the drum?

[Pete Holmes]

No, there's. There's a. You hit a button.

[Valerie]

Bye, bye, Fred. All over the new keyboard.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm going to stop here. I. One of the jokes that I keep making in this wonderful series, unfortunately, it is two young boys with a keyboard. So it gets a little disruptive. Is interrupting my brother.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Just how things haven't changed. It's still funny to just be like, you know. And also, like, there's a lot of jokes, and this feels very adolescent to me that I want the audience to think I'm playing, like, the demo. And he's like, wow, you did that with the press of one key. And I'm like, don't tell them. Like, that feels very kid to me. It makes me relate to Lila. Like, Lila would hate that.

[Valerie]

Yes.

[Pete Holmes]

Like, no, it was me.

[Valerie]

Are you playing the.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm playing xlf.

[Valerie]

Yeah. And that's another bit that is running throughout, is that you won't stop playing.

[Pete Holmes]

I won't stop playing.

[Valerie]

There is, like, finding cute ways to say, like, all right, no more of that song.

[Pete Holmes]

And it's very my brother to say the name of the song. Please tell him to stop playing Axel Fox. He would make the same joke to this day.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

All right, let's hear a little bit more. Oh, no. I hit the demo.

[Valerie]

Who keeps playing our intro?

[Pete Holmes]

That's me.

[Bill (Pete's brother)]

But I think it's time for a little skits. Okay.

[Valerie]

Oh, I can't.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, God. I was hoping the keyboard was done.

[Bill (Pete's brother)]

Skits. Now it's time for skits. These skits are about a thing. This dude named Wilbur Smith. Now, Wilbur gets very mad at everything, and he kills Christmas carolers. So good movie.

[Pete Holmes]

What?

[Valerie]

You said good movie.

[Bill (Pete's brother)]

There's Wilbur Smith. Say one day I was going down the road, and I said, I was walking.

[Valerie]

This is your brother.

[Bill (Pete's brother)]

I was driving. Or I forget what I was doing, but I was driving. No, walking down a road. I was driving down a road. I saw this dude and he had one leg. And I said, oh, how sad. And how he reminded me of that doll of Aunt Polly's who lost her leg.

[Pete Holmes]

So, okay, to be clear, that's me on purpose doing the. Yeah, that's the sound I would do for, like, good joke.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm basically heckling my brother. Like, he's in the middle of the story, and I do the drum roll. I also just want to say it never occurred to us to, like, write a skit.

[Valerie]

Oh, you were just doing it.

[Pete Holmes]

This was free ball. I mean, yeah, clearly. And it also never occurred to us, obviously, listening to this from my own adult perspective is I'm like, talk. Tell me about your life. Tell me about your feelings. Tell me, like, what you do. What are you eating? What do you see?

[Valerie]

Oh, of course you would.

[Pete Holmes]

And instead, they're just like that. There was a guy named Wilbur Smith, and all kids know is, like, violence. They're like, who killed Christmas? I'm not making fun of my brother. I'm just like. And then my joke in quotes is to just disrupt him.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

But never much, much, much, much later.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So this is pre realizing comedy is something that people, like, write out and think about. And, like, oh, for sure. Rehearse and polish. Yes, I do think we've heard this part, I think maybe before. And I keep doing the drum roll, and it makes my brother angry. We'll play that and see if you guys enjoy.

[Bill (Pete's brother)]

No drum roll, please, after the punchline.

[Pete Holmes]

Okay, so he gets it.

[Bill (Pete's brother)]

Or that could be the line of punches I give you.

[Valerie]

Great. Anyway, little giggle.

[Bill (Pete's brother)]

I saw this dude, and I was driving down a country road, and as I said, he had one leg and.

[Pete Holmes]

One.

[Valerie]

One note of the keyboard.

[Bill (Pete's brother)]

So I went up to him and I pulled my car over, and I said, hey, do. And he said, hey. I said, you looking for a ride? And you know, he had one leg.

[Valerie]

So.

[Bill (Pete's brother)]

I said, well, get ready to do a drum roll.

[Valerie]

Oh, my God.

[Bill (Pete's brother)]

I said, well, no, I'm getting mighty angry.

[Valerie]

I want to hear you.

[Bill (Pete's brother)]

And it's not because of that drum set you got.

[Valerie]

I just love your laugh in that moment.

[Bill (Pete's brother)]

Playing them before I do still.

[Valerie]

Okay.

[Bill (Pete's brother)]

You know, I'm getting mighty angry. And it's not because of that drum set you got. It's because you keep playing them before I do the punchline.

[Valerie]

And. Oh, my God.

[Bill (Pete's brother)]

And now you're hitting the low key and the high keys. But anyway, I said to this guy, this hitchhiker.

[Pete Holmes]

I still remember.

[Bill (Pete's brother)]

I know how much you're knowing me. I'm trying to do my thing. I mean, I'm not even getting paid for this. I'm doing this for John and Pete and this lousy grubbery.

[Valerie]

You.

[Bill (Pete's brother)]

That's it. Hey, Bob, you got any grenades? Andy, that wasn't a joke. But anyway, I said to this guy who had one leg, I said, hop in.

[Pete Holmes]

And then you don't do the drum roll. That's key.

[Valerie]

Was that the joke?

[Bill (Pete's brother)]

Yes.

[Valerie]

Oh, my God. I can't handle your cute little giggles.

[Pete Holmes]

It sounds like Leela. There's a way that kids laugh, that only kids laugh. Laugh. I know this is obvious, but I'm like, I can't believe I made that laugh. It's the purest. I can't.

[Valerie]

How. It's like a stifled giggle.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a little church laugh.

[Valerie]

Oh, it's so cute.

[Pete Holmes]

Look, not to overanalyze, but I'm proud. My brother is quite funny.

[Valerie]

He's so funny.

[Pete Holmes]

You have a grenade handy or this line of punches? I'll be giving you great grenade handy. That's not the punchline. Yeah, like. And there are a couple pauses. You notice it Pauses and resumes. So that was probably when we were like, Pausing to, like, discuss.

[Valerie]

Oh, interesting.

[Pete Holmes]

The bit like, oh, I think that's funny. Like, so there might have been some consideration.

[Valerie]

Oh, interesting.

[Pete Holmes]

Or I was so annoying that we stopped and rewounded and picked up at another point. But I am sort of like, it was there.

[Valerie]

Yeah. You had the ingredients there.

[Pete Holmes]

The ingredients were there. And my brother is. Is still very, very funny, obviously, and obvious to me. And then just the fact that, like, I knew when he does say hop in.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Not to do the drum roll.

[Valerie]

It really is inside of you. Like, you know how. Remember when it was, like, a thing, when you would do Doug Love's movies and you were just like, the chaos agent of chaos.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Valerie]

And it really is like your, like, child, like, playfulness.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Valerie]

Comes out in that way of just being.

[Pete Holmes]

And when people would get mad at me on Doug Loves Movies, I'm like, I'm doing a thing. Like, you think I can't sit there and listen? Of course I can.

[Valerie]

Yeah. You're playing the part.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Valerie]

This is like a. Yeah, it's a wicked this. And it was the relationship that you and Doug had.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Valerie]

Where it's like, you even have that with Marc Maron a little bit like.

[Pete Holmes]

Yes.

[Valerie]

Where he's just instantly annoyed by you, so then you heighten it.

[Pete Holmes]

It's really funny that you say that, because if you listen to Marc Maron on this podcast, it's in the first year, he's probably, like, the, I don't know, 15th guest. And I'm giggling like, Like, I am in this. There's, like, a lot of, like. Like, I'm just like, I didn't even realize until this moment that Mark has a flavor of, like, an older brother.

[Valerie]

Big brother. Big brother who's annoyed. Big brother. And you are so committed to comedy that you're like, if this is the angle, then I'll. I'll play the part of this. Yes, sure.

[Pete Holmes]

Wow. What's crazy is when I'm listening to that, I can remember the keyboard, and I remember if I had that keyboard in front of me, there was a yellow button, and it was called Start Stop for the drums. And to make it go, you'd hit start, stop and immediately hit Start stop again. There wasn't, like, a rim shot button. Like, I. We figured out if you hit this twice, it kind of sounds like a rim shot. So that was a thing. And we loved hitting demo. I used to call. I do prank phone calls and play that demo.

[Valerie]

Wow.

[Pete Holmes]

And be like, you're on the air with WBZN and we have A million dollar question. Like, just. Just alone in my room. That's the 90s. That's the 90s.That's like, what isn't happening. And I'm glad because frankly, I could have used a check in. It's fine. I'm just saying it was what it was. But like, we always say this. If. If I knew Leela was calling Newberry Comics, and I always ask the same question. Was the wizard of Oz in black and white or color? That was the million dollar question. And one time I called Newberry Comics, they. They stayed on the line for the entire song. And me being like, we're so glad you're here. As annoying as this is, I'm a little bit older. Same keyboard, though.

[Valerie]

And it is a child's voice.

[Pete Holmes]

It's a. It. Understandably, people often thought I was a lady.

[Valerie]

Sure.

[Pete Holmes]

They'd say ma', am, and I'd get mad. And I called, I said, is. Is the wizard of Oz in black and white or color? And the woman goes, you, woman. She's probably 16 years old. Goes, that's a woman. But goes, both, which is the correct answer. And I was just like, that's correct. And I played the song again. She stayed on the line for the whole song. And at the end, she goes, that was really great.

[Valerie]

Oh, yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

She goes, she knew it was just a little boy in a keyboard.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Doing well. Meaning good natured prank phone calls.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And she was like, that was really great. What a great job you did.

[Valerie]

I was gonna say I would be delight if I answered the phone. And that's what I heard.

[Pete Holmes]

What are you doing?

[Valerie]

You're probably giggling the entire time.

[Pete Holmes]

And it was alone. This is why, you know, when we were talking about one or two kids, I was like, even if you have two kids, there's no guarantee.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And I'm not putting down my brother. My brother would agree with this. Like, we kind of, I think, had our own things going on.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

So it's not like people are always like, they have to have someone to play with. I'm like, yeah, but also, sometimes there's a sibling and you're just in your bedroom calling Newberry Comics.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And my brother was doing his own thing.

[Valerie]

Well, I did have a flare up of, like, two kids listening to this.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh, yeah, that's interesting. I did not.

[Valerie]

But I. I was like, she's got cousins. They'll. They'll make stuff like that. It's fine.

[Pete Holmes]

I completely agree.

[Valerie]

And friends, while on the subject of Lila, I do want to not forget to say thank you to everybody who as requested last week on the episode sent.

[Pete Holmes]

My friend Mac from friends camp, sent us a nice one.

[Valerie]

Yeah, yeah. Really, really beautiful messages of their deeply feeling kids who've, you know, either grown up a little, like, are now, you know, 10 or 12 or some sent messages saying that their kids are, you know, in their late twenties and their best friends and traveling and if anybody.

[Pete Holmes]

Just picked this as the first episode of the show you've ever listened to, well done. Congrats on your courage. But also last week we. We had big feelings, big meltdowns, and Val asked for people to reach out and so many people did and reached out to me as well, which was very sweet.

[Valerie]

Yeah, I really, really appreciated it. It was exactly what I needed to hear.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

And we feel we've had some really, really, really great days this week with Lila.

[Pete Holmes]

Oh my God.

[Valerie]

Seems to be kind of through that. That little storm.

[Pete Holmes]

There was a great joke on Bluey where Bluey's asking the mom or Bingo's asking the mom, what's it like to have kids? And then, oh, yeah, dad Bandit comes in and he's exhausted and they're, they're.

[Valerie]

Like attacking him on something and he.

[Pete Holmes]

Like shooting him with an arrow and.

[Valerie]

He trips and they're saying, still shooting him while he's down.

[Pete Holmes]

And she goes, that's what it's like to have kids.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

And it is. And look, everybody knows this isn't new ground. This isn't like this week in AI this isn't topical. This is evergreen Parenting just is the most wonderful and the mo. One wonderful and challenging.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Thing you'll ever do.

[Valerie]

Hardest, best thing, hardest job you'll ever love.

[Pete Holmes]

And yeah, that's not enough language for me. I need more.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But that's part of it. It's like evolutionarily, we just like, you know, steam clean it a little bit. That's why I'm grateful for these conversations where you can say with love sometimes it's so intense.

[Valerie]

Oh my gosh, it's so helpful. My. My friend Lori just like posted a picture that her daughter took of her. She was in the. Her backyard and it's like her other kid was sitting on her lap and she just like looks beautiful, but looks exhausted. And like it was just the realest face ever. And she was like, this captures mother. Middle aged motherhood. And I was like, I just really appreciate anything like that. Like any sort of realness. Yeah, exactly. About how hard it is because. And this is the thing that my friends who don't have kids. Have sometimes, you know, made jokes about, like, yeah, okay. You made it look real chill and appealing. And it's like, well, yeah. When we're with other parents, there's sort of, like, we don't have to just say the thing, the givens, which is like, I'm absolutely in love. I never. I would never go back in a million years and change a single thing. Like, I. There's all these things that are sort of givens. So we already know that.

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

So then, like, let's talk about the stuff that we don't get to talk about, really.

[Pete Holmes]

You know, we had a friend. And I'm not saying I felt feel this way, and that's important because I always do think if. If Leela listens to this, like, we listened to this tape or something, I. I do not feel this way. But I did get some relief just from hearing a person say, like, I don't know if I was happier after I had kids, but that. That becomes not the point.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

And that's sort of a new kind of depth. It's like. I think what she actually said was, like, I may have been happier before I had.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

Because, you know, it's just a lot of sitting by pools and drinking Arnold Palmers.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

But then there is a. It's. It's like it churns up the soil, so there's a lot of, like, excavating and churning and dirt, and sometimes a rock flies out of the excavator and maybe grazes you, maybe maims you, but, like, it does enrich the soil. And. Different. Better. I don't want to say better because I don't want to exclude anybody, but, like, different things grow that wouldn't have grown otherwise.

[Valerie]

Right.

[Pete Holmes]

But it's not as clean as, like, some of the Mommy Vlogs make it seem.

[Valerie]

Yeah. Yeah, absolutely.

[Pete Holmes]

Take that, Mommy Vlogs.

[Valerie]

Finally, someone's sticking it to the Mommy Vlogs.

[Pete Holmes]

Facts.

[Valerie]

All right.

[Pete Holmes]

This was awesome. Valerie, why don't you read a poem? Everybody would love a. A poem.

[Valerie]

Do you? Okay.

[Pete Holmes]

You don't want to.

[Valerie]

Yeah, I will.

[Pete Holmes]

We haven't read a poem in a long time, and you have your poems. I keep saying poems.

[Valerie]

Poem, poem.

[Pete Holmes]

Edgar Allen. Poem.

[Valerie]

Poins.

[Pete Holmes]

Edgar Allen. Let's have a po. Sh. So, I mean, I just typed in poem into music.

[Valerie]

Did you? Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That is so life.

[Valerie]

So, okay, I'm up. I. I'm encouraging everybody to do this. If you are, even if you're not remote, not remotely, but even if you're Just a little interested in writing. But I'm a part of this writer's group where. And we learned this. I learned this method from Mirabestar, where we get together, we read a poem, and then you pick a line from that poem, and that sort of is your prompt. You can include it in what you write, or you can just use it to inspire thoughts. And I think we had. I don't. I didn't include it in this, but this was some. It must have been some line about spring. It was, like, as mysterious as spring or something like that. So this is just what I wrote last or a couple days ago on Tuesday. So it's not a finished piece.

[Pete Holmes]

Even when I go into work, I'm working remotely. Remotely interested?

[Valerie]

What? Oh, remotely. You're not remotely interested?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah.

[Valerie]

Okay, here we go. It's first. It's about spring, so perfect. Happy Spring, everybody.

[Pete Holmes]

I'm excited.

[Valerie]

Spring always comes and catches me by surprise each time. That mysterious force that tells the white roses and pink honeysuckle to bloom all around our house. You know, that same holy voice that whispered me into existence, that turned on my daughter's light in the darkness of my belly, that sacred desire behind everything comes only after winter's icy depths have pulled me so deep that I can't even remember the feeling of warm breezes and the way they make the hairs on my arms dance and rejoice. Maybe this is all I ever write about. The joy that comes in the morning as we used to sing in church. The resurrection after the brutal death. The light shining on what was once a bottomless darkness. But what else is there? And yet when the frost starts melting and new life bursts in laugh, bursts in laughing in colors, I opened my mouth in total shock and turned my face toward the sun.

[Pete Holmes]

Well, that was a wonderful Mary Oliver masterpiece. Why don't you read the poem you wrote? That was the poem you wrote. For a moment, I was worried you thought I was saying it was too much like Mary Oliver. I was trying to say that is.

[Valerie]

I don't care.

[Pete Holmes]

That's not what I was saying. I was saying that sounds like you read a masterpiece by Mary Oliver. I loved it.

[Valerie]

Thank you, baby. That's nice.

[Pete Holmes]

Broke my heart that you kind of believed that I was roasting.

[Valerie]

No, I didn't. You. You went on that entire journey by yourself.

[Pete Holmes]

I. I blame the Ewok.

[Valerie]

I knew exactly what you meant.

[Pete Holmes]

It was incredible.

[Valerie]

As intended.

[Pete Holmes]

And this is. This is the show. This is you. This is why it's called. You made it weird. This is me. After 30 years of therapy, and I go, oh, it was me making it weird. I thought it was them.

[Valerie]

Yeah. No, it was you. You made it weird. It should be called I made it weird.

[Pete Holmes]

I made it weird.

[Valerie]

Yeah.

[Pete Holmes]

That was beautiful, Valerie. Thank you so much.

[Valerie]

Thank you.

[Pete Holmes]

What a gift. You're so good.

[Valerie]

Oh, thank you.

[Pete Holmes]

The arm here is.

[Valerie]

We actually. That is part of the practice again, if anybody wants to do writing groups where we don't really do it as much anymore, but afterwards, we would sit in silence, like, after somebody reads their piece. So we. So we use the prompt. We write for 15 minutes without stopping, and then we go around and read what we wrote. And then after a person shares what they wrote, we sort of sit in quiet, and then we all just sort of sit. Say lines that stayed with us. So it. It would be just like arm hairs dancing, you know? And it's just kind of a beautiful way to say what you. What stayed with you without being like, that was so good. I loved that, you know?

[Pete Holmes]

Yeah, I loved it, Valerie.

[Valerie]

Thank you.

[Pete Holmes]

Just black coffee in the check.

[Valerie]

Just black coffee in the check. All right, babies, Cutest little giggle. Go ahead and keep it crispy.