You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

Episode: We Made It Weird #180 (June 7, 2024)

Hosts: Pete Holmes, Valerie
Guest: Leela (appears throughout)

Episode Overview

This week’s “We Made It Weird” is a radiant, freewheeling, and deeply vulnerable conversation between Pete, his wife Valerie, and their daughter Leela. It’s packed with characteristically silly humor, musical riffs, and playful tangents—but also, the episode’s heart lies in rich discussion about creative flow, therapy revelations, the profound resonance of making things together, parenting, and the perpetual dance of honoring your true, weird self.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Embracing Silliness and the Joy of Music

• The episode begins with goofy song improv, notably “Last Dance with Mary Jane,” sparking a riff about musicians, misheard lyrics, and comedic impressions.
• Pete and Valerie play off each other, joking about Rick Rubin, Paul Reubens, and the world of improvised music in podcasting.
• Memorable Moment: Valerie impersonates a male vocalist while Pete laughs about the impossibility of not “sounding like a man.” (09:00)

Notable Quote:

“I can't sound like a man and not sound like I'm trying to sound like a man.” – Valerie (09:00)

2. Therapy Journeys: Coping, Honoring, and Internal Family Systems

• Pete shares insights from his new somatic/internal family systems therapist, contrasting with his former, “hyper-masculine, heady, coping” therapist (Dr. Gary Penn).
• Discussion about coping strategies versus honoring or surrendering to feelings:
  • Pete’s Former Approach: Powering through emotions (“I’m not your bitch, Anheuser-Busch” — Pete on quitting drinking, 15:41)
  • Now: Emphasizing surrender, honoring, and blending emotions as a path to peace.

Notable Quote:

“I realized… it became, I’m not your bitch, Anheuser-Busch.” – Pete Holmes (15:41)

• Valerie contributes thoughts on “being a power bottom” in life (“thrust your hips high in the air and take back the night” — 16:24).

3. Childhood, Creativity, and Therapy’s Impact

• Pete discusses “revisiting his childhood bedroom” in therapy, likening it to leaving a piece of himself behind—the “127 hours” arm metaphor.
• He notes the importance of talking to your inner-child—not as a mystical exercise, but as a profoundly human part of therapy.
• Pete challenges cultural stigmas, especially for men: “Therapy isn’t selfish; it’s arguably selfish not to do it.” (27:24)
• The conversation meanders into ways therapy fosters richer, more present moments—“this moment brought to you by therapy.”

4. The Flow State, Making Art, and Directing

• Valerie’s Big News: She directed her short film and describes being in “a 48-hour flow state.”
  • She highlights how total immersion in directing led to hyper-focus, presence, and, interestingly, relief from typical day-to-day anxieties.
  • Valerie reflects: leading a creative team allowed her to “control reality,” in contrast to the chaos of parenting.

Notable Quotes:

“It was the opposite of [being scattered]... the only thing that exists is, does this light look like morning, or does this frame…” – Valerie (34:17) “It felt like coming down from the best psychedelic trip.” – Valerie (46:34)

• The difference between creative control in art versus the lack of control in parenting is warmly discussed.
• Pete and Valerie observe that what she loves about directing is creating an “environment and an experience”—the same through-line found in planning weddings, hosting parties, and teaching.

5. Parenting, Imagination, and Play

• The hosts reflect on their daughter Leela’s world of pretend and the gradual “walls” children build as they get older.
• Valerie expresses her hope that Leela will retain her imagination, perhaps via theater or the arts.
• Pete observes the universality of “connection” — in art, sports, or play, the process of people working together is vitalizing:
  • “Everything good is connection.” – Pete Holmes (50:06)
• They discuss the sadness of kids losing innocence/creativity due to socialization (“Someone will make fun of her for talking to herself…” — Valerie 51:24)

6. Vulnerability, Arts, and the Gerard Carmichael Analogy

• Pete compares Valerie’s journey into directing with the public “coming out” of comedian Gerard Carmichael:
  • The analogy is about stepping into one’s power and authenticity—Val embracing her creative “outness.”
  • They briefly discuss the rawness and discomfort of Carmichael’s reality show, praising its courage and refusing to chase likability.

7. The Cyclical Nature of Creative Ruts and Solutions

• Pete talks about feeling “stuck,” and realizing, once again, the most helpful reset is to simply change routines.
  • Example: Stop smoking weed if you’re in a rut, or vice versa—breaking patterns to jolt creativity.
  • Emphasis on “honoring the child-self” and allowing playfulness to loosen up creative blocks.

Notable Quote:

“When I’m stuck, change what you’re doing… If you’re smoking weed, stop smoking. If you’re exercising, stop exercising. If you’re sleeping a lot, sleep a little, if you’re not traveling, travel…” – Pete Holmes (67:30)

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

• On Directing vs. Parenting:

  “It’s not an easy job, but it felt surprisingly easy in comparison to being a parent where you’re always trying to direct someone and they almost never do what you want them to do.” – Valerie (35:49)

• On the Nature of Creative Collaboration:

  “Human beings pointed in the same direction—there’s nothing like it.” – Pete Holmes (48:35)

• On Inner Child and Therapy:

  “I was honoring that [child-self’s] creativity; it wasn’t to change me… he just wanted me to go, like, wow.” – Pete Holmes (66:00)

• On Letting Go:

  “That part is stoned—even though I’m not stoned now—but, like, stone your critic.” – Valerie (69:18)

Timestamps By Topic

| Timestamp | Segment/Topic | | ----------- | -------------------------------------------------------- | | 06:00–10:00 | Musical improv (Tom Petty, impressions, podcasting music)| | 13:34–17:00 | Pete’s therapy journey: coping vs. honoring | | 25:45–31:00 | On “Nirvana the Band the Show” & importance of silliness | | 33:25–35:30 | Valerie’s experience directing her short film | | 40:46–42:12 | Directing, creative needs, and overcoming voice blocks | | 50:06–52:57 | The importance of connection and collaborative play | | 57:35–58:52 | “Body swap” metaphor; embracing true identity | | 60:24–62:32 | Gerard Carmichael’s reality show: cringe and vulnerability| | 67:30–69:18 | Breaking ruts: changing behavior to get unstuck |

Tone & Style

• Playful, tangential, vulnerable, and laughter-filled, with sharp self-awareness
• Honest (sometimes cringingly so), self-deprecating, and supportive between Pete and Valerie
• Open, safe exploration of creativity, family, therapy, and weirdness

Concluding Thought

The episode ultimately champions “honoring your weirdness,” the healing power of presence, and re-learning how to play—whether in art, parenthood, or just the strange, delightful scenarios of everyday life.

For full musical impressions and the emotional highs of Val’s directorial breakthrough, don’t miss (33:00–35:30), and for raw, honest wisdom on vulnerability and creativity, pay special attention to moments at (44:16, 50:06, 67:30).

(All timecodes in MM:SS format refer to approximate transcript times.)