You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes

Episode: We Made It Weird #181
Date: June 21, 2024
Hosts: Pete Holmes & Valerie (Val) Chaney Holmes

Episode Overview

This episode of "We Made It Weird" stays true to the podcast's ethos: exploring the secret weirdness inside everyone, with candid and often hilarious conversations between Pete Holmes and his wife and co-host, Val. Brimming with vulnerable self-exploration, playful sexual talk, trauma healing, and spiritual insights, this episode covers a lot of ground—from regional accents and British porn terminology to deep insights into trauma therapy and self-perception.

The mood oscillates between lighthearted riffs and profound conversations on healing childhood trauma, spirituality, and self-acceptance, underpinned by real moments of intimacy between the hosts. If you've never listened to Pete and Val, this is a quintessential "We Made It Weird" experience: vulnerable, digressive, hilarious, and occasionally raw.

Key Discussion Points & Insights

1. Accents, Regional Identity, and Hidden Weirdness

(07:01–11:16)

• The conversation opens with Pete and Val joking about boring fish and fake podcast ideas, quickly spinning into a playful exchange about regional accents.
  • Boston accents: Pete claims he does Boston "with the most confidence" but admits he never had a real accent himself despite being from near Boston.

    "I think I do Boston with the most confidence. But I—confidence, Peter! A director has to have confidence." — Pete (07:47)

• Val compares the South and Boston in terms of accent retention and identity, finding it curious that some people, including friends like Jamie Lee, don't have regional accents at all.

2. Secret Behaviors, "Naughty" Rituals, and Sexual Taboo

(11:16–15:41)

• Pete discusses the phenomenon of people in "value-laden" places enjoying taboo media, notably porn and Howard Stern, while maintaining a conservative image.
• Val shares her "secret weirdness": using an audio erotica app (Quinn) to stay awake on long drives.
  • This sparks a candid discussion on masturbation and porn, with both hosts reflecting on shifting preferences, shame, and the difference between visual and audio eroticism.
  • On Quinn app’s appeal:

    “It is a person and they’re, like, speaking... but they’re good at it. It’s not just. How do you know it’s not real? …Because you never hear the other person. You are the other person, that’s what’s great about it.” – Val (14:04)

3. Cultural Attitudes & The British Kink

(23:00–31:10)

• Val prefers British-accented audio erotica, leading to a riff on the repressed kinkiness of British culture.
• Pete jokes about British porn terminology and why British "down blouse" porn is weirdly appealing to him ("blood peoples").
• They reflect on how early experiences or accidental arousal can shape sexuality (e.g., Val’s curiosity about her kindergarten teacher’s blouse).
• Pete mentions an old show idea ("Perv") about a religious guy with odd turn-ons, suggesting kink often arises from repression.

4. Trauma, Therapy, and the Protector Self

(41:28–75:41)

• The conversation takes a dramatic turn as Pete candidly shares his recent, intensive trauma therapy:
  • He distinguishes his old “strategizing and coping” therapy from current work—actually feeling deep, buried emotions.
  • Describes increased “ups and downs,” heightened mood swings, and "trauma responses" that become disruptive in daily life.

    “I’ve been really up and down, and that’s very normal for me. I’m a mood swingy motherfucker. But what’s happened, it’s been heightened. … Now, that, brother, you got yourself a soup.” — Pete (42:49)

  • Val acts as a supportive guide, explaining trauma fragmentation and validating Pete's journey.
• They discuss Internal Family Systems (IFS) therapy and the “protector” part of the psyche—the voice that resists doing the work for fear it will “destroy” you.

  “That protector was correct in saying this will destroy you because you are a child who was not resourced and not in a safe environment. Thank you, Protector. … I’ve built an incredibly beautiful life where I have teachers and friends and people who know and love the real me.” — Val, speaking as an IFS therapist (75:49)

5. Spirituality, A Course in Miracles, and Perception

(47:46–56:06)

• Pete reads from A Course in Miracles, focusing on the section about perception and reality:
  • “Perception is a choice and not a fact. … If you feel the love of God within you, you will look out on a world of mercy and of love.” – (50:37)
• He explains how trauma work affects his spiritual sense of the world, and how positive perception can radically shift internal experience.

6. Cognitive Fusion: Not Mistaking Thoughts for Experience

(88:00–91:49)

• Pete reads from John Astin’s This Extraordinary Moment on “cognitive fusion”:
  • Warns against thinking our concepts are the same as reality:
  • “The notion that my ideas about him accurately represent the entirety of Dave is tantamount to taking a thimble full of water and imagining I’ve somehow captured the whole of the sea.” — John Astin, read by Pete (88:49)
• Suggests healing is about broadening awareness beyond tunnel vision in distress.

7. Wild Geese – Closing with Compassion

(94:27–96:26)

• Val reads “Wild Geese” by Mary Oliver, a poem about self-acceptance and belonging in the family of things.

  “You do not have to be good. … You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves.” — Mary Oliver, read by Val (94:36)

• They reflect on the comfort of seeing yourself as part of a wild, imperfect world—“divinity itself" as Pete puts it.

Notable Quotes & Memorable Moments

| Timestamp | Speaker | Quote/Highlight | |-----------|---------|-----------------| | 07:47 | Pete | “I think I do Boston with the most confidence. But I—confidence, Peter! A director has to have confidence.” | 14:04 | Val | “It is a person and they’re, like, speaking... but they’re good at it. It’s not just. How do you know it’s not real?...You are the other person, that’s what's great about it.” | 16:08 | Pete | "For all the headlines of men being visual, I actually think what's going on is men are more disembodied... So it’s not really visual stimuli. It’s an ignorance of the other stimuli." | 23:53 | Pete | "They grow them like you in Wales. I don't know what's going on. I think most women in Wales look like you." | 42:49 | Pete | "I’ve been really up and down, and that’s very normal for me... Now, that, brother, you got yourself a soup." | 50:37 | Pete (reading Course in Miracles) | "If you feel the love of God within you, you will look out on a world of mercy and of love." | 75:54 | Pete | "You're marching to defund me. ...I'm not bringing politics into this. I'm just saying, I keep you safe and you're... really, really. All right, let's see what comes through the door." | 88:49 | Pete (quoting John Astin) | "The notion that my ideas about him accurately represent the entirety of Dave is tantamount to taking a thimble full of water and imagining I’ve somehow captured the whole of the sea." | 94:36 | Val (reading Mary Oliver) | "You do not have to be good. … You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves."

Important Segment Timestamps

• Accents & Regional Identity: 07:01 – 11:16
• Secret Sexuality & Audio Erotica: 11:16 – 16:43
• British Kink & Early Sexual Awareness: 23:00 – 31:10
• Trauma & Protector Self: 41:28 – 75:41
• Spiritual Perception: 47:46 – 56:06
• IFS and Healing/Protector: 67:08 – 77:45
• Cognitive Fusion & Direct Experience: 88:00 – 91:49
• Poetry as Spiritual Comfort: 94:27 – 96:26

Tone & Style

The tone is casual, raw, and deeply honest, with signature Pete-and-Val goofiness giving way to profound self-disclosure. Both hosts oscillate seamlessly from riffing on sexual taboos and cultural quirks to wrestling gently and bravely with their emotional histories and vulnerabilities.

Summary Takeaway

This episode exemplifies what long-time listeners love: laughter, deep dives, and the unscripted messiness of being human. Pete and Val’s willingness to get real — whether about British porn, inner protectors, or crying in therapy — provides comfort, comic relief, and even practical insight into healing and self-acceptance. It’s the “spicy podcast” at its finest.

Closing Words:
"You do not have to be good. ...You only have to let the soft animal of your body love what it loves."
— Mary Oliver, as read by Val (94:36)

Pete: "Go ahead and keep it crispy." (96:36)