You Made It Weird with Pete Holmes: We Made It Weird #183
Release Date: July 5, 2024
Host(s): Pete Holmes & Valerie Chaney
Episode Overview
In this bonus “We Made It Weird” episode, Pete Holmes and his wife Valerie open up in a candid, heartfelt conversation that ranges from mental health and trauma work, to obsessions, creativity, AI anxieties, the meaning of human connection, and parenting. With their signature warmth, honesty, and playful banter, Pete and Valerie dissect the weirdness of modern life and the challenges of being present, creative, and authentic in an AI-powered, always-on culture.
Main theme: Exploring the intersection of personal vulnerability, creativity, technology’s impact on the mind, and the continual search for meaning, connection, and self-acceptance.
Key Discussion Points & Insights
1. Emotional Vulnerability, Trauma, and Creativity
- Pete reflects on doing trauma work, likening the emotional exposure to “spelunking by my own choice—just spending a lot of my time feeling like I’m gonna cry. And that is not a familiar thing. It’s not chill.” (12:01)
- Being deep in old fear, sadness, or powerlessness leads Pete into creative obsessions as a way of coping and channeling those emotions.
- Creative obsession: Pete describes past periods of fixation on comedian Chris Gethard during hard times (“I became emotionally and secretly... he didn’t know, but he was my improv teacher, and he became a presence in my mind” - 10:57).
- The healing power of comedy: Finding salvation in comedy—shows like “Nirvana The Band The Show” offer profound comfort, not just laughter. “It means a lot.” (11:58)
2. Mental Health in a Hyper-Connected, Algorithmic World
- Algorithmic brainwashing: Pete confesses being swept into doomscrolling on AI and its supposed threats, and how it enveloped his thinking and conversations:
“I was becoming a reflection of my YouTube page—if you talked to me, in five, six, seven minutes, I’d bring up AI.” (15:14)
- Resonates with advice to use technology intentionally (“Just type in what you want to see... Don’t just watch what it’s recommending.” - 13:54), yet admits failing at this.
- Taking a ‘phone-free 24’: Pete recounts experimenting with a day totally off his phone, which led to significant clarity about his own susceptibility to technological anxiety:
"The fucking thing got me." (20:43)
- Valerie spotlights: Her own struggles with targeted ads and social media “tricks” (“Instagram is a hell of a drug... I like the targeted ads because it’s telling me the things I want and need—and you’re like, do you hear yourself?” - 21:35)
3. AI, Art, and the Human Element
- Anxiety over AI replacing creative fields: Pete worries AI will “evaporate my passion... Movies and TV will be over. Podcasts will be two AIs...” (14:40)
- Valerie and Pete unpack why people are drawn to human-created art:
“A movie that’s entirely CGI is lacking a human element... we need each other.” (24:16, Valerie) “We want George Clooney to be in it. Not an AI George Clooney.” (36:58, Pete)
- Valerie raises a cultural contradiction: “If we get AI to do everything that’s hard, we lose all respect for each other and ourselves... What we love about Wes Anderson is how hard it is to make that much out of felt.” (37:46)
- The value of ‘the problem’ not the answer: "AI is the promise of answers... but we actually want the problem." (50:50, Pete)
4. Care, Craft, and the Meaning of Gifts
- Pete is “excited by excited people”—drawn to the care and effort behind art, whether film or food:
“What really captivated me... was someone cared enough to figure out what halibut and mango puree...” (45:06)
- Human beings appreciate craft: Valerie asserts, “People appreciate craft way more than we give them credit for.” (45:16)
- Defining a ‘gift’: Pete lays out four elements of a true gift (48:41):
- Something you’re good at,
- That feels good to do,
- Feels good for others to watch you do,
- Is infinitely complex (i.e. never mastered, always evolving).
5. Mental Health, Consumption, and Self-Protection
- Valerie explains how trauma work leads to dysregulation; the importance of being vigilant about what you ‘feed’ your mind. Avoiding certain media (“I couldn’t watch anything dark, because I would obsess about it”—27:59), balancing avoidance with nourishing positive input.
- Pete notes the individual variability in what soothes us—what’s triggering for one may comfort another.
6. Parenting, Acceptance, and The Loss of Innocence
- A sweet, comic exploration of parenting, from morning routines (“the child snooze” - 53:31) to awkward, sleepy noises to stave off requests from their daughter.
- Pride, diversity, and innocence: Pete and Valerie discuss the tension between teaching values and exposing children to the reality of oppression.
“By me explaining it, it’s implying that anybody would think that isn’t true... Right now, she lives in a rainbow, where all of that is, of course, true. And who wouldn’t think that?” (56:56, Valerie)
7. Memorable Quotes & Moments
- On the world’s complexity:
“The world is a litter box, but it’s also a sandbox.” (12:00, Pete)
“If anyone’s telling you it’s only one or the other, they don’t have the full story.” (13:08, Valerie) - On human connection:
“Human connection is the number one thing people want after basic needs are met—or maybe even before.” (23:37, Valerie)
- On presence and joy: When people still choose to go to a real beach over VR:
“Every time I go to the beach, this is free... People have access to TVs, phones, VR—where they could visit the beach there. We want the beach. We want nature. We want each other.” (35:31–36:08, Valerie & Pete)
- On the creative journey:
“The second you feel like, I’ve mastered this, you’re done.” (50:06, Will Arnett via Valerie)
8. Literary and Pop Culture References
- Frequent nods to movies (Glengarry Glen Ross, Wes Anderson, John Wick), comedians (Chris Gethard), and quotes (Harvey Pekar: “Ordinary life is pretty complex stuff.” - 16:46).
- The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse:
“Be honest. The truth is always interesting.” (60:38)
“What’s the bravest thing you’ve ever said?—‘Help.’” (61:02)
Notable Quotes with Timestamps
- “I’m spelunking by my own choice, you know, just spending a lot of my time feeling like I’m gonna cry. And that is not a familiar thing. And it’s not chill.” — Pete Holmes [12:01]
- “The world is a litter box, but it’s also a sandbox.” — Pete Holmes [12:52]
- “We can fart in here... we can do different things with the sand.” — Pete Holmes [13:03]
- “I was becoming a reflection of my YouTube page.” — Pete Holmes [15:14]
- “Just type in what you want to see... Don’t just watch what it’s recommending.” — Pete Holmes (on intentional use of tech) [13:54]
- “Instagram is a hell of a drug... I like the targeted ads because it’s telling me things I want and need—and you’re like, do you hear yourself?” — Pete Holmes & Valerie [21:29-21:35]
- “A movie that’s entirely CGI is lacking a human element... we need each other.” — Valerie [24:16]
- “We want George Clooney to be in it. Not an AI George Clooney.” — Pete Holmes [36:58]
- “People appreciate craft way more than we give them credit for.” — Valerie [45:16]
- “A gift is… something you’re good at, that feels good to do, feels good for others to watch you do, and you’ll never master.” — Pete Holmes [48:41]
- “AI is the promise of answers... but we actually want the problem.” — Pete Holmes [50:50]
- “Be honest. The truth is always interesting.” — The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse, quoted by Pete [60:38]
- “What’s the bravest thing you’ve ever said?—Help.” — The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse, quoted by Valerie [61:02]
Segment Timestamps
- [05:51] – Start of candid conversation; impressions, playful banter, setting the tone
- [07:18] – Pete discusses depressive state and creative obsession
- [08:50] – Chris Gethard fixation and the healing power of comedy after trauma
- [12:00] – Vulnerability, emotional states, therapy insights, “the litter box and sandbox” metaphor
- [13:54] – The perils and psychology of algorithmic brainwashing via social media/YouTube
- [18:11] – “Phone-free 24”: Digital detox and its effects
- [22:02] – Valerie’s comments on consumer algorithm manipulation and self-awareness in the digital age
- [23:55] – AI's threat to creativity, desire for human connection in art
- [29:18] – Emotional self-care, media consumption during trauma work, balancing darkness and nurturance
- [45:06] – The meaning of craft, gifts, and artistic inspiration
- [48:41] – Four essential elements of a ‘gift’
- [51:08] – The value in problems, unresolvable challenges, and creative processes
- [56:56] – Parenting, innocence, Pride, and what to teach children about love and the world
- [60:38] – The importance of honesty and asking for help
Tone and Style
- Playful, open-hearted banter (“What do we know Snoop Dogg from? Starsky and Hutch, obviously.” [07:01])
- Deeply honest about difficulties, especially around mental health, trauma, and digital life.
- Literary and pop-culture references sprinkled throughout, lending a sense of “we’re all in this weirdness together.”
- Warm, supportive marital dynamic—unafraid to be silly, weepy, or vulnerable in real time.
In a Nutshell
Pete and Valerie’s conversation is a mindfully meandering, insightful ride through the weirdness and wonder of being alive, loving, and creative in our modern era. They offer no easy answers—just vulnerability, awareness, mutual holding of their experience, and a celebration of the human (and weird) in all of us.
Closing thought:
“Be honest. The truth is always interesting.” — The Boy, the Mole, the Fox and the Horse
[61:02] Valerie: “What’s the bravest thing you’ve ever said?”
Pete: “‘Help.’"
Valerie: “Keep it crispy.”
Recommended for: Listeners looking for comfort, laughter, and validation in the messiness of modern existence—especially creatives, parents, and anyone anxious about AI.